L’Auberge Casino part 1 — Kathy Griffin LIVE

 

Straights better grab a life vest! If you’re a Big Brother fan, then you got that joke. A hurricane came to town early and her name is Kathy Griffin. Though I’ve seen her on TV for as long as I had been alive, my first actual Team Griffin experience happened in 2004 for what I believe was her first televised special, Kathy Griffin’s “The D-List.” That exact special carried over into her award-winning series, My Life on the D-List, on the same network, Bravo. I lost track of the show between 2007 and 2009, but I came back full steam in 2010, due in part to The Real Housewives, and I’ve been following her show and televised specials ever since.

Known for her anecdotes, mocking and dirty jokes, I’ve long put a live Kathy Griffin show on my bucket list, even though I’m not dying. All it took was seeing one local ad promoting her show six weeks ago, and I got my $60 ticket that same day. Dressed in all black with grey Lugz and a crucifix chain that my mom got for me, my three-year-long dream was fulfilled. With that said, let’s dig in.

French for “the inn,” the L’Auberge property is beautiful! With “L’Auberge Casino/Resort” signs and lanterns nestled in the buses, the entry way is like a maze as you loop your way from Gardere Lane to the parking lot, but rest assured that everything is clearly marked. The show was scheduled for 8pm with doors opening at 7, but I got there probably right at 7pm. You catch the elevator inside the hotel tower, which then takes you to an overhead walkway to the main building built off the river like a barge or riverboat. With my ticket in tow, I was able to flash it to the attendants and walk through the double-doors into the Event Center. Across from the event room was a minibar, but I was driving home, so I’ll leave it at that.

My ticket was for section F, row 5, seat 3, which was nearly smack in front of the stage, but in the bleachers. The Event Center is a large convention area, so as long as you weren’t seated in the corner, you had a clear and close shot of the stage. For those less fortunate, however, there were two projections on either side of the stage. When I got there, the place was half full. Counting the minutes like a Shuttle launch on my Twitter and Facebook, everyone seemed to flock in at once! This was about thirty minutes ‘til, and like clockwork, the gays took over. There was also a text-participation feature to which I texted “Kathy’s fulfilling my bucket list.” There were a few jovial spats on-screen about red-heads, old-school lesbians joking about their mullets, people searches, Mother’s Day shout-outs, gays warning the straights about what they’re in for, people staging meet-ups at Splash and George’s—the younger folks’ gay club and the older folks’ gay bar respectively—and a lot of other pre-show banter. Then…the lights dimmed.

A shot of Kathy Griffin from my phone. I wasn’t far from the stage, but my phone doesn’t zoom.

To say that we, the crowd, lit up was un understatement because in the LGBT community, Kathy Griffin is a dignitary and a legend, and one of her shows is a papal visit. That’s exactly how we treated it as soon as we saw her flaming red hair dash across the stage after her video reel played. Even her mom, The Maggie Griffin, paid us a much-deserved pre-taped visit, yes, with a large glass of wine in tow. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be Maggie! “Baton Rouge, how the fuck are you!” We went wild! The feeling in the room from seeing the pint-sized five-foot-three ginger give herself to us is something that could never be felt through the TV.

If you’re familiar with her specials, you’ll know that her mind is like that of a marathon runner, darting amidst a hodge-podge of topics. You’ll also know that before her shows, she likes to tour the area on her way in. When she tours the South, she always stops at one of her favorite places in the world: Waffle House! I’m from New Orleans, so upon moving to Baton Rouge after Katrina, I’ve only seen Waffle Houses while on road trips. Reminiscent to Kathy Does the Bible Belt, she recalled the “string potatoes” (hash browns), Jim-Bob and Jim-Bob (local hetero partners who are also brother and sister) and teeth-optional employment. As a testament to how unaware I am, I’ve never heard of a drive-through daiquiri shop! In addition, the rule is that, as shouted by the audience, you won’t get a DUI if the lid isn’t off and the straw isn’t in. Kathy damn near fell off the stage with that one, so it definitely became one of her recurring themes.

The event center has two projections–one on either side of the stage.

Now, the first thirty minutes of her show is usually her “family segment.” That is, the first few bits are the least graphic of the show. Staying true to her fans, she definitely kept watch for a walkout because as she said, “That would mean I’m not doing my fucking job.” Did I see walkout? Not that I can recall. But then again, were we really paying attention? It’s Kathy Griffin! She told us that she came in through New Orleans airport and after seeing a man at the airport in full camouflage gear, which is a joke that writes itself, she was picked up on the L’Auberge Party bus! If only I could be a fly on the wall.

Her primary theme for her show was the slow clap. A slow clap is a sarcastic way of saying, “Congratulations, you suck. ‘A’ for effort!” This award to was granted to many people and situations, but especially to the following:

Alexis Bellino: an ultra-religious Orange County Housewife who once stated that Costa Rica is a city in Mexico.

Lindsay Lohan: Kathy then proceeded to imitate all eight mug shots in chronological order as we counted them off. She said she practiced them in the mirror. I’m not much of a follower of celebrity news.

Justin Bieber: her favorite “wigga,” a White person from the suburbs acting as if they’re urban.

Li’l Wayne: offset from the Bieber jokes, “With all the money, skateboards and tattoos in the world, how great is it to be addicted to Codeine cough medicine, a.k.a ‘Purple Drank,’ that—wait for it—puts you to sleep?” Insert slow clap here…

Then the piece de résistance…

Maggie Griffin: I was sad to learn that Bravo pulled Kathy’s risqué eponymous talk show after two seasons. Her mother, while tipsy, went on to compare Kathy to Angela Lansbury! I mean, it only makes sense! For the sake of their livelihoods, the crew of Murder She Wrote was able to convince Angela Lansbury to continue the show for two more years! But then Kathy had to re-explain that she and her talk show were canned, not the other way around. “Well g*d-dammit, Kathleen…”

Insert slow clap and standing ovation!

In retrospect, much of her show was based on things and places she visited on the way into Baton Rouge, or Baton Rouge-adjacent as she calls it. She fell in love with Boots, Etc. in Gonzales. “I’ve never heard of a back-order on blue boots!” Even one of Kim Kardashian’s maternity dresses, which Kathy said looked like a skinned sofa, came from the store, hence the “etc.”

Those were some of the show’s highlights and that probably wasn’t even half. I compare Kathy Griffin’s shows to a cram session because there is always so much covered in such a short period of time! Basically, I had an idea of what I was getting myself into, but I didn’t think it would be this surreal. The celebrity gossip, the Real Housewives stories, the Seafood Hut—Seafood Hut was a place she learned about which ended up literally being an RV with a sign “Seafood Hut” written on paper in the window in red marker. Slow clap! “They could have at least had a tiki theme!” Comparing it to the grading system of California’s health department, she rated it a double “Y,” adding that in California, “You’d better not eat anywhere that’s less than a ‘C.’” However, their saving grace seemed to be that the food was good.

Kathy’s target demographic are the soccer moms and even more so, the LGBTQIA—well, the LGBTQIA-2S. It means “Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual/advocates,” and the 2-S meant “two-spirit,’” an androgynous Native American societal role similar to transgenderism. This further proves how Kathy’s shows never fail to educate!

I could go on forever with this blog as she tends to cover so many topics in her shows, but that would require several more hours to recall. Kathy Griffin’s show lived up to what one would expect from her and more, even down to the black H&M leggings and iconic “Team Griffin” t-shirt. We were taken for a ninety-minute ride on her bright red rollercoaster as she stood there sipping water from the L’Auberge cup atop a wooden barrel, but this was a thrill ride that I didn’t want to end. As she gave her parting howls and dashed across the stage for her curtain call, we rose to our feet with yet another unforgettable memory. After three years, I’ve finally seen a Kathy Griffin show. Trust—this won’t be my last.

That’s all for my second entry of this new blog series and I hope that you’ll continue to follow me and my work here, as well as on Twitter, YouTube and Soundcloud. Toodaloo!

–Javan H.

“Twat” Kathy Griffin @kathygriffin.

Images found through internet searches.

International Astronomy Day at Highland Road Park Observatory

The HRPO main building.

The Overview

This is an observatory in Highland Road Park in the Southern part of Baton Rouge near the East Baton Rouge and Ascension Parish line. Established by The Recreation and Park Commission for the Parish of East Baton Rouge (BREC), LSU’s Department of Physics and Astronomy and the Baton Rouge Astronomical Society (BRAS) in 1997, the Highland Road Park Observatory, or HRPO, is home to two telescopes and an open field nestled within the trees across Highland Road from the main park. The site is home to local volunteers and consultants lending their expertise and studies in the field of astronomy to those who visit. The volunteers and visitors also conduct research on asteroids, having discovered dozens. One was even named after the city of Baton Rouge!

HRPO hosts free weekly events including the Friday Night Lecture series, a seminar sharing new and developing finds in astronomy, and the Evening Sky Viewing, which lets guests observe the planets, stars and other celestial objects through the stationary 20- and 16-inch telescopes, weather permitting, as well as smaller telescopes placed around the perimeter of the main building. HRPO also has a large sundial in concrete on the back of the main building. Home to the large 20-inch telescope upstairs, the indoor area is decked out with astronomy-related equipment, facts about spacecraft, planets, satellites and more, as well as space-related merchandise at the front desk. Many volunteers are on hand and if you’re a space geek like I am, it won’t be hard to strike up lengthy conversations with them, speaking of Orion as if he’s Johnny Depp. In addition to seminars and children’s camps, HRPO hosts gatherings around certain astronomical events as well, including the 2012 transit of Venus across the Sun. But my personal staple at the research venue is the yearly International Astronomy Day.

The Experience

I’ve been deeply interested in astronomy and a devout follower of the defunct Space Shuttle program ever since I was a little kid in the mid-1990s. With that in mind, an ad for the International Astronomy Day, or IAD, last year at my job brought my attention here. IAD is an evening-long event beginning around 3:00pm locally with food, music, cake, and locally- and space-related games, rides and activities for kids who are also in attendance. Scheduled viewings from the stationary telescopes allow visitors to observe the craters of the moon in a way that no high-resolution picture can depict. Looking through the telescopes, I felt like I was literally hovering in front of the moon because the sharp shadows of the lunar terrain rivaled those of the Grand Canyon! Smaller, lower-powered telescopes, some belonging to the BRAS members themselves, are also laid out and are strategically placed and manipulated over time to give you the best views of nearby planets as possible. I got the chance to see both Jupiter (between inside the horns of Taurus) and Saturn (near Virgo‘s legs) in mind-blowing clarity.

The largest of the outer “gas giants,” as well as our solar system of eight planets in general, Jupiter appeared as a bright white dot and you were able to see those famous rust-colored bands that wrap around Zeus’ planet. I was also able to see some of the many moons that surround it, all of which looked like pixie dust from the Disney movies. Having viewed it twice, I had a feast when it came to Saturn. Though you can’t expect the same saturation of color that you get with the NASA photos, even those don’t do the planet justice. The least dense of our planets, Saturn also appeared completely white due to the Sun shining on it, but to be able to see those thick and massive rings of which the planet is known for was absolutely stunning.

I arrived there at 9:00 so that I can do a little bit of stargazing. With an astronomy book in tow, I wanted to map out the many large and dim constellations that own the night between the Winter and Spring. After over a year, I was able to make out all of Ursa Major, the big polar bear that houses the asterism “The Big Dipper,” as well as the top half the very massive and dim virgin, Virgo, as she scoured Baton Rouge for wheat. The emcee of the night sky at this time of year is Leo, the lion, which I used as a key to locate many other constellations, both familiar and unfamiliar. I was also able to see nearly all of the almost invisible constellation of Cancer the Crab, of which my zodiac sign is named after. After my neck got tired from all of the stargazing, I began to float around in the main building and among the three available telescopes outside. It was at this particular time that I met Mr. Boeker, a volunteer.

Initially using his telescope to view Jupiter, he and a visitor repositioned the equipment to view Saturn, which was on the eastern side of the field, just above the treeline. He allowed me to carefully hold his viewfinders as he swapped them out for higher magnifications. Like with anything, the higher the magnification, the more noticeable the vibrations, but all of us who saw through his lenses saw something that was more than just a Kodak moment, so I want to give a massive amount of gratitude to Mr. Boeker for his time and resources.

Though the schedule is subject to change, you can also look forward to broadcasts of NASA TV inside, as with the Transit of Venus, and also a short stargazing lecture on the sundial. For IAD 2012, the theme was “2012 Science, 1812 Sky” in light of Louisiana’s bicentennial and the amount of city light that pollutes the air. Erin, another volunteer, hosted “The Light of Leo,” an event in which she purposely gave a ten- or fifteen-minute lecture so that the visitors’ eyes would get acclimated to the sky. As the time passed, more and more stars became visible and she proceeded with the tour of the sky, showing us the fast-moving International Space Station and another satellite, as well as Mars beneath Leo, and Saturn, then still in Virgo. She also taught us the star-hunting device “follow the arc [of the Big Dipper] to Arcturus [the bright foot of Bootes the farmer] and speed to Spica [vivid the bundle of wheat in Virgo's left hand].” But then Erin followed it up with “see Saturn” as the planet and the star were very close to each other.

All in all, I’ve always left the Highland Road Park Observatory with a lot of knowledge, feeling great about the time I spent there. Whether you want to enroll your kids in an astronomy camp, or of you’re thinking of joining BRAS and gettin’ your astronomy ‘thang’ on, one visit will leave you, your guests, your brain, your eyes and even your soul happy. The HRPO website is http://www.bro.lsu.edu/ and it gives you detailed information on the history of the facility, a schedule of events, news, directions and a bevy of other important things. Go once, and you won’t regret it.

That’s all for my first entry of this new blog series and I hope that you’ll continue to follow me and my work here, as well as on Twitter, YouTube and Soundcloud. Toodaloo!

–Javan H.

Title image source: http://www.waymarking.com/waymarks/WM4TDQ_BREC_LSU_BRAS_Highland_Road_Park_Observatory_Baton_Rouge_LA

• $100 million in approved disaster assistance;
• 10,000 visits to Disaster Recovery Centers;
• And approaching 100,000 housing inspections;

“Disaster assistance is getting where it is needed, to the individuals, families and communities affected by Hurricane Isaac,” said Federal Coordinating Officer Mike Hall of FEMA. “The rebuilding effort is happening, and FEMA is continuing to support our local, state and federal partners as they recover.”

In the 16 days since the major disaster declaration, $100,961,288 in disaster assistance has been approved for Louisiana. That total includes $69,790,187 in Individual Assistance grants and $272,000 in U.S. Small Business Administration (SBA) low-interest disaster loans for qualified homeowners, renters and business owners.

Public Assistance funds have reached $30,899,351 for eligible state agencies, local governments and certain private nonprofit organizations in designated parishes that provide critical and essential services to the general public.

Meanwhile, Disaster Recovery Centers have logged 10,067 visits. Recovery centers are readily accessible facilities where applicants may go for information about FEMA, the SBA or other disaster assistance programs, or with questions related to their cases. Twenty centers are open in 15 parishes.

FEMA housing inspectors have completed 98,702 inspections during which they document damage but do not determine the applicant’s eligibility. They check for damage to the structure and building systems, to major appliances and septic systems and wells, and report the information to FEMA. This speeds up the process of providing assistance.

To date, more than 171,000 individuals and families have registered for assistance at http://www.disasterassistance.gov, via web-enabled phone at m.fema.gov or by calling 1-800-621-3362 or TTY 1-800-462-7585. Those who use 711-Relay or Video Relay Services may call 1-800-621-3362. The toll-free telephone numbers are operating from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. seven days a week.

The Individual Assistance grants are going to individuals and families in 21 designated parishes: Ascension, Assumption, East Baton Rouge, East Feliciana, Iberville, Jefferson, Lafourche, Livingston, Orleans, Plaquemines, St. Bernard, St. Charles, St. Helena, St. James, St. John, St. Mary, St. Tammany, Tangipahoa, Terrebonne, Washington and West Feliciana. The grants may help pay for temporary housing and emergency home repairs to make a home habitable or for serious disaster-related expenses not covered by insurance.

LCS Corrections Services is America’s largest privately-held prison company and, with six prisons in four parishes, currently incarcerates around 2,600 people. At the same time, LCS donated at least $100,000 to Louisiana political candidates including eight sheriff candidates. In East Baton Rouge, LCS donated over $10,000 to the winning sheriff, prosecutor, and judge; not coincidently, LCS’ largest contract is with East Baton Rouge Parish.

According to deputies with the East Baton Rouge Parish Sheriff’s Office, Donald Bordelon, 61, forced an 18-year old mentally handicapped woman to have oral sex with him on the school bus.

It’s thought to have happened about ten times.

According to a criminal report the filthy racist rapist known as Bordelon would stand above the victim while she sat on the first seat of the bus.

Deputies say Bordelon gave the victim a cell phone and candy.

Now Bordelon is behind bars in East Baton Rouge Parish Prison.

Even though the “white” media doesn’t say a word about the racial classification of the victim I strongly suspect the victim is a non-white classified as “black”.

DSNews.com is reporting Case-Shiller Records 3.7% Annual Drop in Home Prices for the Case-Shiller Home Price National Index. The link to this news is here: http://www.dsnews.com/articles/case-shiller-records-continuing-declines-in-home-prices-2012-01-31.

Thinking about taking advantage of the tax credit before it expires on April 30, 2010?

This Sunday, April 11, 2010  C.J. Brown Realtors is hosting 101 Open Houses.

Various homes in Ascension, East Baton Rouge and Livingston Parishes will be open from 2:00-5:00 pm. Check the Sunday Real Estate section of the Advocate  for the list of homes.

The weather is going to be beautiful!  This is a perfect opportunity for you to see what’s available in the various areas of town if you are thinking about taking the homeownership plunge. 

P.S.  I will be hosting an open at 41031 Villa Court South in Gonzales, LA.  Come by and see me!