Living in LA, you have to pick a "Home of the French Dip" allegiance, Team Phillipe's or Team Cole's.

Week Five.  Welcome to the dog days of the NFL season.  Maybe it’s because we’re getting into the bye weeks, maybe it’s the start of the hockey and basketball season, and maybe it’s because we’re enjoying post-season baseball (Kidding! Baseball never ends! Pitchers and catchers report in 177 days! Only 21 days after the World Series!), but for some reason I always struggle with October football.  September sets up the storylines for the season, November and Decemeber are the buildup to the playoffs.  October is the grunt work.  The foundation.  The grinding out game after game after game after exciting match-ups Cleveland-Buffalo and Philadelphia-Oakland and San Francisco-Houston and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The good news is this is time of the year when the outside of the game stories become more interesting, because they could possibly influence how players play the game.  Braylon Edwards gets into a fight outside of a Cleveland night club with a friend of Cleveland Cavaliers superstar LeBron James and is promptly traded to the Jets.  Crabtree finally ends his hold out.  Some old guy plays against his former team.  (Larry Foote.) And of course the big story percolating just under the surface, the possibility of a player lockout in 2011.

Everyone’s favorite pro Twitter Chad Ochocinco sat in a NFL Players Association meeting earlier this week, and judging by his Tweets, the union is telling its players to start saving their pennies now.  While this is not new news, his reaction caused a little bit of stir with ESPN’s Adam Schefter and New York Times’ Judy Battista.

Schefter weighed in -

Battista -

What’s my point and what the hell does this have to do with the Friday Football Foodie?

Both Battista and Schefter are complete dips.  Having worked with large staffs – both union and non-union -  for more than a decade in a few different fields, I can say with great certainty that many people have no idea what the terms of their employment are.  Does not matter if it is the janitor, the kid in the mailroom, a senior manager, or even a Vice President of Titles That Have No Weight, people do not know when their next payday is, how their extended benefits function, if they get Columbus Day off (and they will ask that question every year, even after being with a company for twelve years), how accrued time off works, how to approach their boss for a raise, and even what their current salary is.  Really.

Chad has been playing ball for the Cincinnati Bengals for going on eight years now, the only NFL team he has worked for since college.  While I am sure he has an understanding of the free agency market and player trades, it isn’t beyond reason for him to think the league would always take care of its players.  Teams – and by extension the league – act very paternalistic towards players when they’re playing.  Anyone in a long-term position can be lulled into thinking their job is always safe, and with the added camaraderie of being a part of one of the world’s most glorified sporting leagues, being locked out almost seems unthinkable.  Almost.

(Battista’s comment was especially galling to me since the newspaper world is unionized, and later in the day she Tweeted about tough days in the media world with the closure of Gourmet magazine.  By her standard for NFL players, anyone left at Conde Nast should have seen the layoffs coming years ago and left for safer ground.  I wonder if she has ever asked how much vacation time she has left in a year.  Schefter, as far as I can tell, has less of filter than Chad Ochocinco does.)

Okay, well that was a lot of words that could have been summed up as, “Hey, don’t judge.”

On to this week’s Friday Football Foodie! French Dip and Blood Orange Bourbon!

You will need…

Meat and beer? Doesn't get more football-y than that!

1 (2 pound) boneless beef roast (This is good for 4-6 people.  If have more people, you can buy a 4 lbs roast.)
1/2 cup soy sauce
1 beef bouillon cube or 1 can of beef broth.  (I prefer the low-salt broth.)
1 bay leaf
3 – 5 whole black peppercorns
1 teaspoon dried rosemary, crushed
1 teaspoon dried thyme, crushed
1 teaspoon garlic powder
Submarine sandwich style buns
1 cup dark beer (optional, but highly recommended)
Onion, or onion powder (optional)
Provolone or blue cheese (optional)

Use some sort of rump roast for French Dip. Top round or eye round. Avoid bottom round and tri-tip. I prefer eye round since it is the leanest cut of beef on the cow, and since it's going to be sitting in juices for six to eight hours, fat does not matter.

Remove any visible fat from the outside of your roast.

In a measuring cup, mix together your soy sauce, herbs, and beef stock together. Be sure to keep your bay leaf in once piece so you can remove it later.

Now, I used a slow cooker for my roast.  If you do not have a slow cooker you can also use a big stock pot, but you must must MUST keep it over the lowest heat you can on the stove top.

Meaty! I don't make beef at home very often (for the same reasons I don't let my husband buy Oreos when we go grocery shopping) so getting the roast started created quite a bit of excitement with both Bry and the dog.

Place your meat in the pot and add your marinade.

See how that bottle of beer is capped with a wine saver? Since I started the roast at 9 AM, I didn't want waste the remaining beer in the bottle. (9 AM being too early for porter, but just fine for brunch cocktails.) Surprisingly, the wine stopper worked.

Add the beer.

DO NOT LET ANYONE LIFT UP THE LID TO TAKE A SMELL. Because twenty smells later and you've lost all the heat in your pot.

Set to “low” and let cook for six to eight hours depending on the size of your roast.

Onion, in two forms. That is what I will call my MOMA exhibit.

So you can do what I did and just add a teaspoon of onion powder to your marinade.  Or if you like, you can cut up an onion and put it in the marinade.  Or you can leave out the onion, but caramelize the onion later to put on your sandwich.  (But guess what? Week Five means I am – as is everyone else – over making wildcat references this season.)

Steelers played the late game last Sunday so I had my roast in the pot by 9 AM so we could be ready to make sandwiches around 4:30 before kickoff, because I was not going to jinx the team by being late with food again. So really roast through the morning and afternoon games.  Or if you live on the east coast, it should be in the pot by Berman’s first throw to whatever sad remote feed they have Sal Paolantonio on.

Then you wait. And wait.

If you want to make a side dish, this is one of my old standbys. Cut up a bunch of new potatoes, purple and red too if you can get them. Unfortunately, the market was out so plain baby potatoes had to do.

About an hour before your meat is done, if you want an easy side (okay, not as easy as opening a bag of frozen tater tots) put in a 350 degree oven cut up new potatoes with a little bit of olive oil, whatever dried savory herbs you have on hand, and some salt and pepper.  Roast for 45 – 60 minutes.

Cheese! The bombing of the moon was not to look for water but to see if the moon was actually made of cheese!

Some people will want cheese, some will not.  Toast the cheese on a couple of buns for those who do.  You know who would want cheese?  Naked Casey Hampton.

Dinner time games! Yet again Pacific Standard Time is the much better time zone for football!

Once your meat is done, (you should be able to pull it apart easily) serve with a small bowl of the jus from your pot.   Dip dip dip dip away!

Blood Orange Bourbon

Powdered sugar people, nothing more.

I made the mistake of mentioning this cocktail on my Twitter feed (Hooray! More talk about Twitter!) last week and was talked into sharing the recipe early by several people who just could not wait.  So act like it’s new to you, TSW Twitter fans.

The original recipe for this cocktail calls for plain blood orange juice.  Since that is often difficult to find, we went for the sparkling blood orange juice they carry at my local market.

3 Tbls (Shot and a half) of blood orange juice
2 Tbls (1 shot) of bourbon
1 tsp of powdered sugar (Yes, powdered sugar. Everyone thought I had lost my mind when I didn’t say “simple syrup” here.)

Mix well in glass with ice. Drink. This is a nice cocktail for either a brunch game or an evening game aperitif.

French Dip adapted from All Recipes.com

Blood Orange Bourbon from the Better Homes and Garden’s Cookbook, Bridal Edition

Possibly one of my favorite Friday Football Foodies yet. Ham and Cheese Pretzel Bites with Jalapeño Honey Mustard.

Anyone who has followed the Friday Football Foodie over the last couple of years knows that I’m superstitious about having all our snacks and drinks ready to go for kickoff.  Something about my chi not being focused entirely on the game effecting the team chi (Steelers special teams can obviously be distracted by an undercooked pizza roll out there in the universe) and therefore increasing the odds of a loss.

Michael Tunison addresses this type of mental illness in his book, The Football Fan’s Manifesto.  (Which you should immediately run out and buy if you haven’t already done so.)  Tunison states:

“Once you discover your winning formula of OCD-esque ticks to perform before each game, you must never deviate from it.  Everything you do is part of a karmic and behavioral pattern that determines who wins on Sunday.  It’s your duty to your team to obsessively re-create the conditions of whatever happened during your team’s last win.  And not just on game day. It extends for the full week prior to game day.”

And thus explains why I wasn’t entirely happy with my pre-wedding weight-loss regime last fall.  Last season’s Hot Pizza Dip turned into the “lucky” game day food.  Bry would insist upon it almost every week, and despite its approximately 1500 calories per serving, I was powerless to resist it.  (Thank you mom for buying me a custom made wedding dress to accommodate me and the dip!)  After the wedding and going into the playoffs, we developed a “lucky” weekend routine. Friday, either the Bowery or Magnolia for burgers – depending on which had room at the bar, figuring the mojo was in the burger selection – and then racing into a movie at the Arclight, and Saturday night housemade sausages, Belgian fries and beers at Wurstküche.

By the Super Bowl, we could have been renamed Big Snack II and Big Snack III with our Casey Hampton-sized physiques.

Why do I bring this up?  Steelers have dropped two in a row.  Last week against the Bengals, the pretzel bites we’re still in the oven at kickoff.  (I woke up late, which DOES NOT WORK when you need to let dough rise multiple times.)  First strike.  The Football Fan’s Manifesto also states,

“The best solution is to just label other people in your personal life as bad luck.”

Our football-loving friend and house guest Jeremy was on the phone with our non-football loving friend Damon when the Bengals intercepted Roethlisberger and returned the ball for a touchdown.   Second strike, since Damon has been known to jinx sporting events before.   Third strike?  Just as the final seconds of the game ticked down and the Bengals were looking like they were not going to make the end zone – PLEASE HOLD ON FOR THE WIN! – Damon walked in our front door, sending my dog into a frenzy (Missy and Damon do not get along), and next thing I know I go to pull her away and WHAT??!? Wait?  Touchdown Cincinnati?!?  I DIDN’T EVEN SEE IT I WAS DISTRACTED BY DAMON, THE DOG AND MY CHI WAS ELSEWHERE WHAT HAVE WE DONE.  DISTRACTED AND DAMON?!?!? THAT’S LIKE SEVEN STRIKES AGAINST MY TEAM.

Or perhaps Limas Sweed should have not dropped the ball in the goddamn end zone.

This weeks Friday Football Foodie: Ham and Cheese Pretzel Bites with Beer Floats! You will need…

I really do need to work on my Photoshop and iPhoto "enhance photo" skills. The cheddar really is not that orange. No cheddar should ever be that orange.

1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast
2 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon packed light brown sugar, divided
1/4 cup warm water (110–115ºF)
1 cup warm milk (110–115ºF)
2 1/2 to 3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup finely chopped country ham (I just asked my local deli to cut me a 1/3 lb piece of Black Forrest ham.)
1/3 cup finely chopped sharp Cheddar
4 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 cup Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons finely chopped seeded fresh jalapeños
1 tablespoon mild honey
1/2 stick butter, melted (Preferably unsalted, but salted is fine. Who can keep two types of butter around other than cookie making season anyway?)
1 to 2 tablespoons pretzel salt or coarse salt

3/4 of large jalapeño chopped is about two tablespoons. Close enough. Use the rest for garnish.

Generally I am not a fan of jalapeños or mustard, but something about the honey makes this side for dipping irresistible.

If you want the mustard to stand up to the jalapeño, look for a Dijon with whole mustard seeds.

Combine the honey, jalapeños and mustard together.  Make the night before if you like.  (Hell, keep a batch around any time you have hard pretzels in the house for dipping.)

Mostly because I am a big dork, whenever I mix together sugar and yeast for bread, I like to yell, "SCIENCE" once the yeast starts eating the sugar and farting out gas bubbles.

Mix together yeast, 1 tsp brown sugar, and warm water in a large bowl and let stand until active. (About 5 to 8 minutes.)  In a second bowl, stir remaining 2 Tbsp brown sugar into warm milk until dissolved.

Small ball of dough. Wait for the magic.

Combine together the yeast mixture, the sugar milk, and 2 1/2 cups of flour with a spoon or a spatula.  If still too moist to form into a ball, add a little more flour (no more than a 1/2 of cup) into your dough.  (I ended up using a full 1/2 cup.)  Lightly  flour your hands and work into a small ball.  Place in a large, clean bowl and cover with plastic wrap.  Let sit for two hours to let the dough rise.

Yes this is more than 1/2 cup of ham and 1/3 cup of cheese. Since I always worry about having enough, there was plenty leftover ham and cheese to make a quiche with the next day.

While the dough is rising, finely chop the cheddar cheese and the ham.  Put in the fridge for use later.

Magic! More yeast farting has more than doubled our ball of dough!

Lightly flour your hands and work the dough into a ball.

If this was the current AFC North standings, the Steelers would be the sad looking small portion in the top right corner.

Divide your ball of dough into four pieces.

Some websites have sexy cheerleaders, sexy pole vaulters, sexy men in eye black. This picture is about as pornorific as it gets around Black and Gold Tchotchkes.

Stretch out the four pieces of dough into 12 inch rolls.

And this is where the porn ends. Unless you are some sort of pervert or Lars Von Trier.

Roll flat, so each piece is about 3 or 4 inches deep.

Ham and cheese and ham and cheese and ham and cheese and ham and cheese.

Leaving enough room to fold over the dough, divide the ham and cheese across each piece of dough.  Pinch together edges tightly to form a dough rope.

Looking at these now, I realize it wouldn't be that much work to make your own pizza rolls.

Cut each rope into 12 – 14 pieces.  If you cut it just right, you probably do not have to seal the ends of each piece.  Since I did not want to waste even a single molecule of cheddar, I sealed each bite by hand.  This is probably where I blew my clock management skills causing me to not finish the snacks until 10 minutes into the game.  Adjust your prep time accordingly.

Let the pretzels rest for about 30 minutes uncovered.  (They will rise even more during this time.)

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

In a large stock pot, boil about six cups of water and add your baking soda.  Reduce heat to a simmer, and cook the dough bites in the water for about 10-15 seconds a side.  (Until they puff up.)

Puffy! Good for pretzel dough, not good for vests.

Drain on a slotted spoon or a wok basket and place on a baking sheet.

Puffy! (Yes, I know I said that the last picture. Sometimes the Friday Football Foodie runs out of things to say but cannot edit out pictures for whatever reason. Maybe you do not know what puffed dough looks like?)

Bake in your 400 degree oven for 15-20 minutes, until golden.  While they bake, melt 2-4 tablespoons of butter.

Nail polish of the week for the hand stalker? "Call My Agent-A" from OPI.

Brush pretzel bites with melted butter.

Sprinkle with salt and serve!

According the recipe, once cooled you can freeze the pretzel bites for later use.  Impossible.  The entire batch didn’t last until halftime.

Beer floats!

Over the summer, we went to the LA Beer Float Showdown at the Blue Palms down the hill from us.  (Rumor has it that the Blue Palms turns into a Steelers bar on Sundays, but since we already spend about $2300 on the NFL Sunday Ticket, I tend to prefer staying at home to watch the games.)

Since it was 92 degrees in Hollywood last weekend, I figured a beer float showdown of our own was in order.  One of my favorite floats from showdown was the St. Bernardus Abt 12 with a toffee ice cream.  I wondered how a chocolate toffee would taste with dark beers, so I set out to make my own mix of ice cream for one of the selections the night before.  (Since apparently chocolate toffee ice cream only exists in my imagination.)

Like you've never taken a meat tenderizer to a frozen Heath bar and then mixed into with a pint of ice cream.

Since ours was a simple throw down, we pitted chocolate toffee ice cream against vanilla toffee ice cream, Guinness against  Stone Brewery Smoked Porter.

No losers here, only winners.

Hands down favorite with the crowd?  Ben and Jerry’s Vanilla Toffee Ice Cream with the Smoked Porter, which possibly was the only thing that got us through three quarters of a boring Colts-Cardinals Sunday night blowout before Curb Your Enthusiasm came on.

As for the lucky routine?  Well, Bry and I went to Magnolia last Friday night for dinner before a movie at the Arclight.  Last time we go for the steak sandwich instead of the burger.

Country Ham and Cheddar Pretzel Bites with Jalapeño Mustard – October 2009 Gourmet Magazine, Chef Edward Lee

Options are good, but having too many choices often leads to confusion, overindulgence and playing in fantasy leagues with three active quarterbacks.

I don’t understand people who play in leagues with multiple active defenses, quarterbacks, four kickers and just for shits-and-giggles eight receivers.  Whenever I talk to fantasy players who have these kinds of – let’s face it – stupid leagues, I cannot help but picture two defenses on the field at the same time.  Say the obviously weaker Seattle defense as the first line, but then the Ravens D anchoring the rear.  Chaos would rule the field and soon a hole would open up (one would hope so with eight receivers, four running backs and three tight ends on offensive) for the somewhere, resulting in a game that would resemble the Italian Peninsula during World War II.

Crostini is the same way.  It’s too easy to decide you want to have five or six different types of crostini at your party, but next thing you know the kitchen is covered in toasted bread, you’ve run out of platters, why did you decide to have three heated variations for Christ’s sake the game starts in five minutes, and how much more chopping needs to happen?!?

Stick with a simple game plan.  One crostini that needs baked.  One that you can make the night before.   One that just involves chopping.  One with only two ingredients besides the bread.  And stick with a traditional fantasy football league.

You will need:

So many items, so many options.

Crostini: (The bread part)
One (or two) loafs of a nice crusty baguette. (Avoid sourdough if possible.)
Clove of garlic.
Extra virgin olive oil.

It is incredibly important to have a sound base.  A solid running game (THAT CAN PICK UP TWO YARDS ON THIRD DOWN MISTER-BRUCE-THROW-TO-THE-END-ZONE-ARIANS), some money stashed away in savings just in case you quit your day job, and bread that has been properly toasted.

Preheat your oven to 325 degrees.

Slice the bread no more than a quarter inch thick.

I wish just for once, I could cut something on the FFF and not think of a Peyton Manning commercial.

Rub each slice of bread with a clove of cut garlic.

Still no word from nail polish fan this season, but just so they know, it just looks black in the picture.  It’s actually a very deep red with black.

Brush with olive oil.

Toast in the oven until golden.  About four to six minutes.

One baguette will yield about 50-60 slices of crostini. You can toast the bread ahead of time if you store the crostini in an airtight container.

Sage, Mozzarella, and Prosciutto:
Bunch of fresh sage.
Fresh mozzarella.
About 1/4 – 1/3 pound of prosciutto.
1 – 2 tablespoons of butter.

Slice your fresh mozzarella to be toast size.

Preheat your oven to 325 degrees. (Or just keep the oven on if you just made your crostini.)

Place a slice of mozzarella and a small piece of prosciutto on each crostini. Put in the oven until the cheese has melted and the prosciutto is baked. Say about four to six minutes, depending on how hot your oven is.

Some people love prosciutto wrapped around cantaloupe.  Now I love cured meats and I love cantaloupe, but football foodie rules clearly state all melons served in conjunction with football watching  must be properly soaked with Popov first.  Hopefully you are not combining a handle of anything with your food that costs less than the prosciutto.

While the topped crostini are in the oven, melt two tablespoons of butter in a pan over medium heat. Once it begins to brown, throw in your chopped sage leaves and remove from heat to fry the leaves.

Remove the baked crostini from the oven and cover with the fried sage leaves.

This took me a few times to get right. I tried to bake the sage leaves under the cheese, over the prosciutto, between the meat and cheese. Unfortunately for kicker Jeff Reed, there was not a third attempt in last week's loss to the Bears.

Artichoke, Olives, and Capers
1 14-15 oz can of chopped artichoke hearts.
1 cup of ripe green olives. (Not the salty jars of green olives stuffed with pimentos.)
1 tablespoon of capers.
1 clove of garlic.
1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil.

Stick everything in the blender or mini-chopper. Hit the "Chop" button.

Look! You’re done!

Yes, I know it looks like a pile of "green" stuff. But as a wise man once said, "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts."

If you have leftovers from the artichoke, olives, and capers spread, mix it with a cup of cooked orzo for a nice side dish later in the week.

Yes, I am calling this bruschetta even though bruschetta is supposed to be on long toasts. Some people put in cheese, some do not. Since I already had the mozzarella for the other crostini, I decided to make my bruschetta bastard more caprese, capisce?

Bruschetta
Three or four good, meaty tomatoes. You can even cheat a couple of hot house tomatoes if you sneak in one heirloom tomato. (Beef steak tomatoes should be avoided as they are mostly water.)
Fresh mozzarella.
A bunch of fresh basil.
2 – 3 cloves of crushed garlic.
Extra virgin olive oil. (If you have extra light, extra virgin olive oil on hand now is the time to use it.)
Ground pepper, salt.

Chop up tomatoes, mozzarella and basil into small cubes.  Add garlic, a tablespoon or two of olive oil. Season with salt and pepper.

If you cannot figure this one out you may as well go heat up a box of plain cheese pizza rolls.

Salami and Ricotta
See above.  Two ingredients.

A smart quarterback is always counting the number of defensive players on the field. A smart crostini lover has already done the math on how many pieces of sage, mozzarella, prosciutto crostini each person gets as soon as they hit the table.

BALAIKA!

Go ahead and yell it.   This is a fun drink to say.  BALAIKA!  When we went to Vegas in the spring to meet up with some awesome college football bloggers, this was a drink that I enjoyed teaching everyone about. (That is, before we busted into the Sweet Tea Vodka by Firefly.)  Since it is still hot as balls in LA, this is great cooling alternative to a margarita.

No shaker, no worries. Just mix in the glass.

Equal parts vodka, Cointreau, and lemon juice.  Serve over crushed ice.  Pray for the end of 100 degree days, if only because hockey is already in the preseason.

Artichoke-Olive crostini adapted from Smitten Kitten, who adapted it from from Mario Batali.

It's a shame the bottle of Stone (one of their speciality brews) did not come out. Steelers-Bears, Browns-Broncos.

For more photo notes, you can go here.

Mexican Fondue, a nice variation of spinach artichoke dip. Consider it the wildcat formation of hot dips. Seen here with its buddy guacamole, aka Shotgun Dip.

Thank god for the first game of the season.

And not for the usual “WOOOOO FOOTBALL” reasons, although football might be the one topic you can debate where “WOOOOO” is a legitimate talking point.  (Let’s test this theory out.  Ahem.  “I believe health care reform is of great importance to small business owners, because in my experience even a basic managed care plan can be one the largest expenses – just behind payroll – for a company over the course of a year. WOOOOOOOOOO!”)

Two years ago when I posted the first Friday Football Foodie recipe for Pizza Loaf, I said this:

The pre-season. Supposedly “meaningless” games are spent trying to impress the coaches, shaking the rust off of the joints, and players doing their goddamn best not to get hurt.

Well do you think you, the football fan, are any different? Are you ready for at least one – if not two – days spent entirely on your sofa? After a summer’s harvest of nothing but the freshest fruits and vegetables are you ready to settle in and allow yourself the unhealthy snack foods that are best enjoyed with copious amounts of booze and yelling? Can you whip-up something besides the number for Domino’s, (GOD HELP ME DO NOT TELL ME YOU ORDER DOMINO’S), that will feed you and your crew?

Fast forward to my Twitter update earlier this week: (No Mom, you cannot have access to my Twitter feed.  Now please stop writing on my Facebook wall and go watch this nice video from The Onion about parents and social networking instead.)

What I learned this weekend: I thought I was ready for some football. Turns out, I was not ready for four days of football.

I was not ready.  Oh sure, I knew I could put together a game plan with little effort, but without practice my timing the food to be ready for kickoff was almost off.  Taking all the appropriate pictures for the FFF went completely out the window.  Having all ingredients ready beforehand?  Child please.  Not.  Ready.

Still, a win is a win.   The Steelers needed overtime to avoid a Super Bowl letdown.  The Pats and the Chargers needed until the final minutes of the game to overtake the Bills and Raiders.  I needed Week 1 to kick my ass to remind me that preparing football food takes planning.

This week – Mexican Fondue, Five Points cocktails, and POPCORN, YOU ARE POPCORN. DO NOT FORGET IT Bars.

You will need –

If you have a chafing dish or fondue pot, use it to keep the dip warm for the whole game. If not, you can bake it in a casserole dish much like any other hot dip. Or on the stove top, but then you're really risking it cooling down too fast. Small crock pot would also work.

Remember when I said I was not ready?  When I looked around the internet for different Mexican fondue recipes, I found one in particular I liked and knew I could change up pretty easily.  Hit print, went the store. Guess what?  The ingredient list was for if you were making the cheese dip AND a guacamole to go along with it.  Oops.  Lesson?  Make sure to study the play book.  So this is for both, but if you want to make your own style of guac that’s cool with me because once I realized my mistake, I made my style of guacamole.

Fondue: This fondue is basically a change-up on spinach artichoke dip, which we have made before here at the FFF.

3-4 cups of mixed cheeses, shredded.  (I used Monterrey Jack, sharp cheddar, and mozzarella.)
One large bag of fresh spinach, stems removed and torn into smaller pieces, or one frozen box of spinach.  (Same yield, but fresh has less salt and tastes better.)
1 large can of artichoke hearts.
1 cup of warm beer.  (NOT Light beer.  It needs to have some taste.)
1 cup of salsa.
Paprika, cumin, and garlic powder to taste.
Lime juice.
Flour.

Guacamole:

3 or 4 ripe avocados.
1 or 2 tomatoes.
1 large can of green chiles
Paprika, cumin, garlic powder, onion powder (or you can be one of those nuts who puts in a chopped red onion) to taste.
Lemon or lime juice, preferably lime.

If you use fresh spinach, all you have to do is throw it into a hot pan and stir it around until it wilts. If you use frozen spinach, you have to thaw it, and squeeze out all the water in either a colander and hope half your spinach doesn't go down the drain. Or thaw it and wring out the excess water in approximately 50 paper towels, thus negating any savings you might have had using frozen instead of fresh. You also probably thought giving Jake Delhomme an extra $20 million this summer was a good idea.

Every time I make a dish with shredded cheese, I think of Rob Ircane once making fun of all my recipes starting with bowls of cheese coated with some flour. Well Mr. Walk Off Walk, it is not my fault cheese goes better with football than baseball. Baseball gives you peanuts and sunflower seeds. Don't act like either of those things are the height of health.

Make sure you coat your cheese with a couple of tablespoons of flour, like you would in a quiche.  Helps keep the cheese from becoming one oily mess, and helps it react with the other liquid ingredients.

I wonder what happened to the reader who always used to talk about my hands and what color nail polish I would wear each week. (Impluse buy at Urban Outfitters if you must know. Bought it because it looks like Vegas Gold, the secondary color of the Pittsburgh Penguins.)

Drain and chop the artichoke hearts.

Remember when I said I wasn’t ready for all the pictures?  This is true.  I missed taking a bunch photos for the remaining steps.  I also didn’t like the way the one picture of melting cheese looked.   So the remaining steps are:

Melt cheese in fondue pot over medium low heat, stirring all the while so it does not stick to the bottom of the pot.  Add 3/4 cup of warm beer.

Mix in your artichoke hearts, the 1 cup of salsa, and the spinach.   Add garlic powder, cumin, and paprika to taste.  (A rounded teaspoon of each should do you.)  Keep stirring until completely incorporated.  Let it cook down some, and then add the remaining 1/4 cup of beer to get the consistency you prefer.   Keep warm over low heat.

Serve with chips and guacamole.

How do you make the guacamole? Take all the above guac elements, chop and mash in a bowl.  You should have learned to make a decent guacamole in Pop Warner league, and if you haven’t learned it by now GET THE HELL OUT OF MY KITCHEN.

Five Points Cocktails

Just like grandma said, bourbon, lemon and honey for anything that ails you. Okay, my grandmothers never said that but I've heard other people say their grandmothers did.

Gastropubs have taken over Los Angeles, and not a minute too soon for my tastes.  Cocktails, craft beers AND we get to eat garlic fries with pastrami sandwiches with house-made pastrami? Yes please!  (Hyphenating “house-made” for now, as per this foodie/grammar discussion.)

One of my new favorites is Essex Public House in Hollywood.  On their menu is a cocktail called Five Points, which is a mix of Woodford Reserve Bourbon, lemon juice, and honey simple syrup.  Since we only ever keep one or two types of bourbon in our home bar, Maker’s Mark it is!

Last season we went over how to make simple syrup for mint juleps, so making honey syrup should be easy enough.   Same concept, but instead of a one-to-one ratio of sugar to water, boil two parts honey for each one part of water.  Let cool in the fridge before serving. (As you can tell, with the rush of game time approached, I didn’t have much honey syrup left from the last batch.  Stupid rookie mistake.)

I am not entirely certain how Essex makes their cocktail, I have found that 2 ounces each of bourbon and honey syrup, and 1.5 ounce of lemon juice stirred together over ice is just perfect.

At Essex’s sister outpost, Boho, they make the same cocktail substituting gin for the bourbon called the Bee’s Knees.  While summer heat still has not given way to the cool evenings of fall, it makes for great afternoon refresher while tailgating.

POPCORN, YOU ARE POPCORN. DO NOT FORGET IT Bars.

Oh, the mistake of having a bag of marshmallows and popcorn on hand.

Earlier in the week I asked some people if they would be interesting in trying out popcorn bars that are basically Rice Krispie Treats, but made with popcorn.  I had all the ingredients on hand, so why not?

I’ll save you the mess it was to make them, and the even bigger mess of cutting them.  And the taste? No where near as good as either traditional popcorn balls or Rice Krispie Treats.   So I am naming them after my favorite football Tweet from last weekend’s games, sent when Bronco’s wide receiver Brandon Stokley caught a deflected pass and ran it for an 87-yard touchdown in the final moments of was about to be a Cincinnati victory.

HAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE THE BENGALS, BENGALS. DO NOT FORGET IT. – Pete Gaines

Mexican Fondue adapted from the Food Network.   Popcorn Bars from a magazine we’ll call Never Real, Never Simple.

It’s hard to believe, but this is the last weekend that you can have a NFL brunch this season.  Next weekend, even if you live on the West Coast, 12pm is too late for brunch.  You’ll need something heavier,  greasier, and… Well.  Lunch-ier.

I love the Sunday football brunch and I am sad to see it leave us until next September.  Name another sport that allows you to wake up and start drinking and eating at 10AM? (Premiere League does not count, because who the fuck is going to wake up and cook at 4am for a 6am game. Exactly.  Footie is for going out and drinking at 6am and letting someone else put beans on toast and spots on dicks.)

So for the last Friday Football Foodie of the year – a Limited Edition year at that! – let’s go for one last breakfast.

Maple Bacon Biscuits and Ham, Cheese, Pepper, and Onion Biscuits.

From the LA Times Maple Bacon Biscuits*,  you will need -

1 pound bacon, cut into 1/2 -inch pieces
3 1/2 cups flour
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 pound (2 sticks) butter, cut into 1/2 -inch cubes
3/4 cup – divided 1/2 cup and 1/4 cup
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons buttermilk
1 egg yolk
1 egg
1 tablespoon heavy cream
Fleur de sel (Or ground sea salt)

1. In a medium frying pan, cook the bacon over medium heat until cooked but not crispy, 10 to 12 minutes, stirring frequently. Drain off fat.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

3. Using a pastry cutter or fork, cut in the diced butter, until it resembles small peas. Stir in the bacon, 1/2 cup of maple syrup and the buttermilk until the dough just comes together (it will still be clumpy). Be careful not to overwork the dough.

4. On a lightly floured surface, gently press or roll the dough to 1-inch thickness. Cut the biscuits using a 2-inch round cutter; you should have 24 biscuits. (The recipe lies. You will have about 28-30.) Place biscuits on two parchment-lined baking sheets, spaced 2 inches apart. Freeze the trays just until the biscuits are chilled, about 10 minutes.

5. Heat the oven to 350 degrees. While the biscuits are chilling, prepare the egg wash: In a small bowl, whisk together the egg yolk, egg and cream. Brush the chilled biscuits with egg wash and top each with a pinch of ground sea salt.

6. Bake the biscuits until they just begin to brown, about 25 minutes (you should easily be able to pick the biscuits up off the tray). Remove the tray from the oven. Quickly drizzle 1 teaspoon of the remaining maple syrup over each biscuit, then place the tray back in the oven for 3 minutes more. Serve while still warm.

Want to be naughty? Leon Lett/Casey Hampton style naughty? Serve with softened butter! (So, so, good.)

Biscuits store nicely in the fridge for reheating.  (Perfect for watching highlights the rest of the week.)

Ham, Cheese, Pepper, and Onions Muffins

I actually cannot remember the recipe for these.

So, make the muffin recipe from the Biscuit box, but make these changes -

Add one cup cubed cooked ham

Add one cup sharp cheddar cheese

Add 1/2 cup red or green bell peppers

Add 1/2 cup green onions.  (Or regular onions.)

Add 1 tsp cayenne pepper.  (Or more. Or less.  Or use ground mustard.)

Use buttermilk anywhere it says “milk” in the Bisquick recipe.

Serve with Franks Hot Sauce.  (Yes, really.)

And it is not a breakfast brunch without…

… eh fuck it.  If you don’t know how to put Baileys in your coffee or champagne in your OJ by now, I really cannot help you.

Happy Best Football Weekend of the Year!

*You will note what I put here varies just a bit from the LATimes post, because their measurements for the maple syrup are off.

So, here we are going into the final week of regular season NFL play, smack between Christmas and New Year’s. I thought that perhaps a nice Italian drink and appetizers would suffice. Something different and easy. Fix this trio of Bruschetta with Gorgonzola Cheese and Honey, Capreze Salad Bites, and Prosecco Digestif. Sit back, relax, de-stress and get ready for Sunday … and 2009.

I’ll start with the drink, as I usually do when fixing food. It’s good to enjoy one while you’re preparing everything else.

Prosecco Digestif

1 bottle of Prosecco (or more, depending on the size of your party or your mood)

Fresh fruit (here we used blackberries, but raspberries or peaches also work well)

Place a few (2-3) pieces of fruit into a champagne flute. Top with Prosecco and serve. Repeat as often as needed.

Bruschetta with Gorgonzola Cheese and Honey

One loaf of French bagquette bread, sliced approximately 1/2 inch thick.

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

8 oz. Gorgonzola cheese

3 tablespoons honey

Place sliced bread on cookie sheet, brush with olive oil, and bake in a 400 degree oven about 10 minutes until golden and crisp.

Arrange the cheese on the toasts and bake until melted, approximately 3 minutes.

Drizzle with honey and serve.

Capreze Salad Bites

Grape tomatoes

8 oz. fresh mozzarella cheese, cubed

Basil

Use a toothpick to skewer one tomato, one cube of mozzarella cheese and one basil leaf.

Arrange on a plate and serve.

Here’s toasting you all, wishing you a Happy New Year, and hoping your teams win on Sunday – unless you root for the Giants or the Bears, as it would negatively impact my Vikes!

Wouldn't you rather stay indoors and have some chocolate?

Ingredients

• 1 cup flour
• 3/4 cup sugar
• cocoa (you will need 2 tbsp for the batter and 1/4 cup for the brown sugar mixture)
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup milk
• 2 tablespoons shortening, melted
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup of cocoa
• 1 3/4 cup hot water

Heat the oven to 350 (F).
Mix the brown sugar and the 1/4 cup of cocoa together and set aside.

Stir the flour, sugar, the 2 tablespoons of cocoa, baking powder, and salt together in the bowl.  Blend in the milk and shortening (nuke the shortening for 30 -40 seconds to melt it).

Pour the batter into an ungreased pan, preferably glass and square (9×9 or 8×8). I don’t have a good square pan so I used an 8 x 12 pan — it just makes the cake a little thinner. Cover the batter completely with the brown sugar/cocoa mixture.

Next, take the hot water (I usually microwave it for about 3 minutes) and pour it directly over the entire pan.

Put the pan immediately into the oven and bake for 45 minutes.  You will wind up with a dish that is cake on top and chocolate pudding on the bottom.  It’s best served hot, but you may want to let it cool a few minutes after taking it out of the oven so the pudding can set a little.  I prefer mine topped with whipped cream or vanilla ice cream.

Okay, this should have been up on Friday. But I figured who wants to eat much the day after Thanksgiving? Instead, I’m here to show you today how to make a patty melt and vanilla ice cream shake. Warning – you will need an ice cream maker for this … but you still have time to ask for one for Christmas, right? If you’re like me, and not feeling very well because you’re still recovering from the first winter cold of the season, you’ll get your sweetie to make these dishes. And be patient when you click to view on – the pics take a bit of time to load, but are well worth it.

Patty Melt

Start with a high quality, sharp knife. This is my choice. A Bob Kramer Shun 7″ Santoku knife.

Gather your ingredients: one pound of 80/20 ground beef, one-half onion, garlic, red pepper, salt, pepper, olive oil, Meat Magic, Old Bay seasoning, basil, parsley, oregano, Worcestershire sauce, egg, bread crumbs, parmesean cheese, American cheese slices, aged cheddar cheese, butter, sour cream, cilantro.

Slice onion and garlic, drizzle with extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper. Cook over low to medium heat until they sweat. Remove garlic and throw away.

Cut pepper after removing all seeds and ribs. Saute with onions and then remove and discard. Place onions into side bowl.

Combine ground beef, seasonings, egg and bread crumbs. Form into two one-half pound patties. Cook in skillet where onions were how you like it done. I prefer mine rare.

In a clean pan, place two slices of a hearty bread, each buttered and sprinkled with parmesean cheese, butter-side down until a golden crust forms. Add cheddar and American cheese on each side, insert beef patty and fried onions. Combine to a sandwich and let rest a few minutes.

Cut in triangles and plate. Garnish with sour cream and cilantro. Enjoy!

Vanilla Bean Shake

For the recipe, see here. What follows are the photos to illustrate the steps. Unfortunately, we don’t have smell-o-vision. The vanilla bean absolutely makes the ice cream!

Now, go! Make your shake and enjoy the Sunday games before Monday morning, work and the real world come crashing back in.

Some weeks, you know it isn’t right.

You can feel it in your bones.  The mojo is off.  Saturn is in retrograde. The O-line folds like Chris Moneymaker’s professional poker playing career. Yep. It’s not a gonna be an easy Sunday.

And naturally, what do you do? How do you hide the nagging voice in your head telling you Bruce Arians has no idea what he’s doing with an offense? Well, you can bang your head on the wall continuously (as my boyfriend does), or you lose yourself in the food (like I do). Drown in the comfort of warm, cheese-infused, dip-friendly goodness. Ah. That’s more like it. What’s that you say? Nine sacks, intentional grounding, four QB runs? It’s all good when you’ve got a friend like–

This week – HOT PIZZA DIP

You will need…1 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened
Oregano
Parsley
Basil
1 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
1 1/2 cups  grated Parmesan cheese
1 cup pizza sauce
Green bell pepper, pepperoni sausage, olives, mushrooms, pineapple, ham, whatever you like on pizza

Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees, watch Ben get sacked.

Chop up a small bunch of parsley, basil, and oregano, combine with a couple of dashes of garlic powder (preferrable to fresh garlic in this recipe) with the cream cheese.  Watch Ben get sacked.

Spread evenly in a pie pan, or a 8 x 8 pan.  Watch Ben get sacked.

Put half of the mozzarella and Parmesan cheese on the cream cheese-herb mix.  Cover the cheese layer with pizza sauce. Watch Ben get sacked.  Look for the vodka in the freezer.

Cube the pepperoni, and chop the rest of your pizza toppings.  Watch Ben not have time to throw the ball away and get sacked.

Throw on top of the sauce.  Watch Ben get sacked.

Cover with the rest of the cheese.  Watch as the Eagles bring their very surprising 130th blitz of the game, and Ben get sacked.

Bake for 20-25 minutes, until the cheese is completely melted and edges are bubbling.  Serve with sliced French bread and garlic Bagel Chips.

And sacks.

Eat half of the dip before the third quarter, trying to mask the pain that is a tense 10-6 game.

Watch Ben get sacked.

No cocktail this week, as we drank straight from the bottle after the Steelers gave up a safety. I hate losing to Philly.  Actively cheering for the Mets to make the wild card so they can beat Philly.  And the Cubs.  But really the Phillies.  Wish hockey started RIGHT NOW just so the Pens could go rough up the Flyers again.

Give them what they want.

For some reason people want to see Jessica Simpson in the stands cheering on Tony Romo. Others want as many shots as possible of Brady Quinn sitting on the bench.  (By my count, the networks have only cut to him once or twice all season.)  And some sick puppies don’t believe they rerun the footage of Joe Theisman breaking his leg enough.

Fans of the Friday Football Foodie apparently want more cheese. Both of these recipes are so easy that if you need second batches during your party, you will have more than enough time at the half to get these going and check your fantasy score.

This week: Parmesan Crisps, Blue Cheese Potatoes and Chris Cooleys.

Let’s just hope the last one is dairy-free.  You will need…

Parmesan Crisps

1/2 Cup all-purpose flour
4 Tablespoons butter, softened
1 Egg yolk
2/3 – 1 cup Parmesan cheese
Salt
Mustard powder

What do you mean you don’t have mustard powder? Well, I am sure paprika will work just fine.  No paprika? Well for christ sakes, do you play the game without a kicker? Do you get on the team bus and just say, “Fuck it. Scobee stays home today. We don’t need him.”  Of course not. You need depth. You need the extra help.  Now go to the store and buy some Scobee.

Cut flour and butter together until it takes on a crumbly texture.  Add a pinch of course salt, maybe a 1/4 teaspoon of mustard powder, Parmesan cheese, and the egg yolk.

Mix together and form your cheese dough into a ball.

Roll into a log on wax paper or plastic wrap and let it firm up in the fridge for 10-15 minutes.  During thist time, decide to leave Darren McFadden on the bench and thus ensuring you will missed out on 20+ points.  Again.

Once chilled, cut into 1/4 inch slices and put on a cookie sheet.

Bake about ten minutes in a 400 degree oven.  Just until crisp around the edge.

Start making second batch right away because this plate will last six people about ten minutes.

Blue Cheese Potatoes

• 1 Pound of baby potatoes
• 2-3 Tablespoons of vegetable oil
• 1-2 ounces of blue cheese
• 1/2 Cup of sour cream
• Salt
• Chives

In a 375 degree oven, roast the potatoes with the vegetable oil and salt for about 45 minutes. Until the potatoes are tender.

While the potatoes are baking, mix blue cheese and sour cream together.  Yes this picture shows more than what the recipe calls for, mostly because knew I would need some more of this mix for the next night.  (And actually, the blue cheese opens up more with time, so if you can, make this mixture the night before.)

Take the potatoes out of the oven and slice open.

Fill with cheese mixture and top wth chives. And much like with the cheese crisps, start the second batch because these will be finished faster than Tarvaris Jackson’s career as a starter.

And finally, sweeping bars and nightclubs across the country – The Chris Cooley

Because everything is better with a little penis.

Have you ever overlooked greatness?  Or maybe you doubted your gut?  Or maybe you just wanted to take a risk for the sake of taking a risk, forgetting the fundamentals of sticking with solid talent?

Or maybe, if you’re just like me, YOU CANNOT RESIST FIDDLING WITH YOUR FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM ONE LAST TIME ON SUNDAY MORNING BECAUSE YOU WOKE UP THINKING RICKY WILLIAMS WAS GOING TO HAVE A STATEMENT “I AM BACK” GAME AND YOU STUPIDLY SIT MICHAEL TURNER BECAUSE FOR FUCK’S SAKE IT’S STILL THE FALCONS BUT THEN AGAIN WHAT MIRACLES DO THE DOLPHINS HAVE UP THEIR SLEEVES AND I SHOULD GLUE SHUT MY LAPTOP ON THE WEEKENDS.

I only  bring this up because one of the ingredients in this week’s Friday Football Foodie is a product that is easily overlooked.  Looks like some sort of gimmick.  Hot and salty? What do people from Louisiana know about soy sauce?

It is much better than one would expect.

This week: Chicken Yakitori, sparking sake, and new product review, Flat Earth Veggie chips.

As always, what you will need after the jump.

• 1 1/2 to 2 pounds of boneless, skinless chicken thighs
• 4 tablespoons Tabasco Brand Soy Sauce
• 4 tablespoons regular soy sauce

• 4 tablespoons of sake (any kind)

• 1 tablespoon of sherry or mirin
• 1 tablespoon of sugar
• 1-2 tablespoons of honey
• One bunch of green onions
• Wood skewers that have been soaked in water for at least two hours.

“But Sarah, I’m a Colts fan from Indiana and your suggestion of using
any part of the chicken that is not the whitest breast is scary to me.  Are you sure about the dark meat?” Well man up, Nancy!  While boneless, skinless (and often flavorless) chicken breasts are the most popular cut of poultry on the market, it does not make it the preferred choice when dealing with high heat.  But if you really want to use cutlets you can, but they’ll dry up faster than Marvin Harrison’s career with a struggling Manning.

In a saucepan, heat up soy sauces, sake, sugar, honey, and sherry. Bring to a boil, lower heat, and then simmer until reduced by at least half.

Set aside to cool. Reserve about 1/2 a cup of the marinade for dipping.

Cut up green onions into two inch sections and blanch.  (Blanch? Toss into boiling water for a minute and then plunge into ice water.  Like when you saw with players cooling down on Hard Knocks.)

Cut thigh meat into small cubes and thread onto skewers (You soaked the skewers, right? You’re not going to set your snack on fire are you?) along with the onions.

You can either cook these on the grill or in your broiler set to high heat.   Cook for three or four minutes (until the juices run clear) and then baste with the marinade.  Cook another four to five minutes, basting with marinate as much as possible.

Serve with the reserved marinade. The heat of the Tabasco really comes out in the dip as it develops on the palate and it is almost unexpected by the time you taste it.  Unexpectedly strong.  Unexpectedly Michael Turner.

Serve with two of my favorite sakes, Karen “Coy” light sake (served chilled), and Hou Hou Shu’s sparkling sake.  The sparkling sake is great with any grilled, spicy meats with its sweet fruity taste but slightly sour bite that comes with all sake.

Jesus Sarah, what’s with the shitty cut job from the FritoLay site? If we wanted advertising we’d go read iVillage.

Well, here’s the thing.  These chips were really good.  We cleared through a bag in less than a half.  Bought a second bag (in the Farmland Cheddar flavor) and they too were gone before anyone got to grab a third handful. Are they healthy? No, not really once you look at the sodium content, but it beats having Fat-Free Pringles when you want to munch.

Something you want to see on the FFF? Let us know!

Mmm, champagne.

You will need a bottle of champagne (use regular champagne, not pink or sparkling wine, because the drink is already sweet enough as it is), a bottle of Malibu Rum, and a cannister of pineapple juice.  Make sure all of it is chilled when you make the drink so that you can serve right away.

The bubbles are in the pitcher itself...

Fill your pitcher with the champagne, letting the foam go down.

Pink Elephants are the best decoration for barware.

Add 8 shots of Malibu Rum.  I normally make this recipe with regular Malibu, but I saw Mango Malibu in the store and tried it.  It was just as good this way.  Also, that pink elephant glass is two shots, so I put 4 in the pitcher.  Either way, it’s about half a bottle of Malibu.

This should use up about half your can of pineapple juice.

Fill with pineapple juice, stir and serve.  If you don’t serve the entire pitcher right away, put it in the fridge, but don’t forget to stir it every time you pour a glass because the pineapple juice will separate a little.  Also, you should have about half a bottle of Malibu and half a can of pineapple juice left over.  You can mix those into a drink too, they just aren’t fizzy like the Sparkler.  Also, if the drink is too strong, 7-Up or Sprite can be substituted for the champagne.  Same effect, less alcohol.  Though why you’d want less alcohol is beyond me.

Now you have a drink while you make the Cheezy Football!

Mmmm, pale ale.

You will need two packages of fat free cream cheese (the dip is full of cheese, so use fat free cream cheese), an 8 oz package of shredded sharp cheddar cheese, a 6 oz package of shredded parmesan cheese, mayonnaise, a jar of pimentos, a jar of bacon bits, green onions (they got left out of the picture on accident), garlic powder, cayenne pepper, black pepper, and crackers to eat the dip.  The beer was just for me, since I hadn’t made the Sparklers yet.

We're gonna need a bigger bowl...

In a mixing bowl, combine both packages of cream cheese, the cheddar and parmesan cheese, 1/2 cup of mayonnaise, 1/2 cup chopped green onions, and a 1/2 tsp of black pepper.  I like to slice the onions with a knife, then chop them with this handy little curved-blade device.

Our neighbors gave us this for pet-sitting. We use it ALL the time.

Mix until well-blended with your hand mixer.  At this point, you will season to taste.  What I like to do is add a teaspoon of garlic powder (it’s garlic salt in the picture, but that made the dip too salty, so I would use garlic powder) and also add a teaspoon of cayenne pepper.  That makes the dip decently spicy, though, so you might want to start with 1/2 a teaspoon, mix that in, and then taste it.  At this point, it’s all about personal preference.

It's going to look pretty mushy, but that's why we refrigerate it.

Once that is thoroughly mixed, cover the bowl with saran wrap and refrigerate over night.  (If you’re really crunched for time, 2-3 hours should suffice, but I let mine sit over night).

Be sure to scrape all the dip together before you dump it on the tray.

The next day, use a spatula to scrape the dip into a ball and dump it onto your serving platter.  Wash your hands, then use them to form it into a football shape.

Make sure you have washed your hands. Don't be gross.

Cover the dip football with bacon bits (see how it looks like a football?)

Eat a handful of bacon bits. You know you want to.

Then lay the pimentos across the top as laces (LACES OUT!).  I think if you had one of those cake decorating sleeves, you could also do this with a little bit of mayonnaise and it would look better, but I don’t have one of those sleeves, so I stuck with pimentos.

Voila! Cheezy football!

Add crackers all around the football and serve.  Now, I realize that this is kind of a sad-looking football.  I really think the white laces would help in appearance and the pimentos don’t add to the taste at all.  But the dip is really good, so even if you didn’t want to serve it in football form, you could just put it out in a nice dish and sprinkle bacon bits on top.  Enjoy!

Oh football, my football, you’re finally back.  It’s been a cruel, cruel summer full of heartbreak and despair.

Who can eat (or even breathe) during the third overtime of a Game Five in the Stanley Cup Finals? Who can plan a whole day around watching a baseball team that is 25 games back? (Jumpin’ Jesus Christ  Jehoshaphat Buccos! The Pirates finished 17 out last season and managed to get worse! Fuck you baseball, you promised you would be better after the trade deadline!  Change the banner to “In the Canyon 16 years ” now and be done with it!)  Who feasts before a WBNA game? Who plans parties around the Olympics besides hausfraus and Chester the Molester?

No one.

Which is why football is the a heart of American sports.

Every weekend means alumni and fanatics traveling around the country to watch just one game. Every weekend means a day spent with friends, family, and fellow fans.  Every weekend between September 1 and February 1 is Thanksgiving.

And just like both football and Thanksgiving, you cannot go into the weekend without a game plan. Not unless you’re Jim Zorn and you enjoy frozen turkey.

We here at the Original Friday Football Foodie are here to help you map out your own X’s and O’s, because I truly live in horror of the scenario I described at the beginning of last season , “Can you whip-up something besides the number for Domino’s, (GOD HELP ME
DO NOT TELL ME YOU ORDER DOMINO’S), that will feed you and your crew?”

You and football deserve better.

This week : Tostada Cups, Mint Juleps, and new product review: Michelob ULTRA Pomegranate Raspberry.

Pretty much whatever you have handy that you would love to have on a tostada.  It’s still early in the season so you have plenty of time for experimenting with new formations.

For 24 servings, I recommend two or three cans of black beans, ground beef  or chicken if you like, (although I think meat make the cups soggy and heavy), onions, salsa, olives, cheese, various peppers, cumin, and sour cream.  Anything you think either Nate Newton or Casey Hampton would put on their tostada. The only three must-haves are shortening, fajita sized tortillas, and muffin pans.

Chop onions, roasted red peppers, and olives.  If you prefer a spicer kick, also chop up a couple of chipotle peppers packed in adobo sauce. (Do not go overboard with the chipotle as they are roasted jalapeño peppers with a fancy name. Like Ed Hochuli and Mike Carey calling the same game, it is too much heat!)

Oil up your muffin pan and fold the tortillas into little cups that line the pan. Don’t worry if they stick up like little Michigan Stadiums up out of the bowls.

Fill cups with a couple tablespoons of beans, and toss in onions and spices. Ingrediants that need to cook longer should be in the bottom of your cups.

Peppers and onions, living together in perfect harmony like their red and black teammates Matt Leinart and Kurt Warner.

Salsa! (Something that currently is the subject of the Madden ’08 forums.)

Sarah: 1 1/2 cups will be more than enough, but since packages of
shredded cheese come in 2 cup sizes, I will not judge if you use the
whole bag.

Keith: Yinz can take the girl out of Pittsburgh…

Bake at 375 degrees for about 30-40 minutes.

Serve with sour cream or guacamole. (Or as seen here, with a South American gaucamole recipe my corner market makes with sour cream in the quac. The deli guy watches a fair amount of Futbol, so his magical gaucamole is always welcome at my parties.)

For the same reasons Mint Juleps are the perfect Derby refreshment, they make a great football beverage. A drink you sip slowly, letting the ice slowly melt and stretch your cocktail even further.  (It also provides a nice lasting buzz that will continue past the Sunday Night Game with Olbermann and Patrick and right into Entourage.)  Everyone has a mint julep recipe they prefer, but I like this one since it cuts down on the little leaves that might get stuck in your teeth.

You will need a good quality bourbon (the second bottle is in case Texas Gal shows up), sugar, mint, and crushed ice.  To make this style of julep, prepare a a mint-infused simple syrup.

Boil one cup of water with four or five sprigs of mint leaves.  Tear and crush the leaves beforehand so they will release more oil. (Don’t abuse them too badly though, or Sarah Palin will lead chants of “Drill baby, drill!” in your kitchen.)

For each cup of water you boil, add two cups of sugar.

Stir until the sugar is dissolved and let cool.  Keep this mix in a squeeze bottle or jar so you can sweeten tea during the week.

Pour a generous shot (or two) over your crushed ice.  Unfortunately I do not have julep cups, but any sort of rocks glass will do.

Sweeten to taste with your mint simple syrup using a cocktail strainer to keep out the leaves.

You might want to start cheering for SEC football and or find yourself subscribing to Garden and Gun magazine. It’s okay to give into these urges while under the spell of bourbon, but try to avoid having too many as to avoid an ill-advised Gator tattoos.

And finally, a review of Michelob ULTRA Pomegranate Raspberry beer.

Do you miss New York Seltzers?  Yeah, me too.  Fortunately Michelob has produced a beer as light, crisp, and packing the punch of your favorite childhood “grown up” drink!  I bet the Clearly Canadian version (known by the small maple leaf on its label) has twice as much alcohol.

Have a suggestion or request for a future Friday Football Foodie? Please let us know!

I don’t know about you guys, but I am really looking forward to vacation this summer. I mean checking and re-checking my airline seat assignments excited! Except for the fact that I’m going somewhere warm, with a waterpark, and I’m going to have to wear a swimsuit. Now, I truly do want to work out; I just wish I had the dedication. Or even just someone with a cattle prod to move me along. But I don’t. I’ve had memberships to gyms I’ve never used. I have an expensive machine in the spare room that is covered with dust. Dusting it might be the most exercise I’ve had in months. I’ve even had times I’ve planned to walk with a friend where I’ve begged off – feigning illness. I’m one of those women, ashamedly, who thinks having kids is workout enough. I need some motivation to get fit. And I think I’ve found it. Follow me to find out how to “get fit by summer,” after the jump.

I’ve developed a list of good exercises and training methods to get ready for bikini season. I’ve taken my all my cues from Men’s Fitness magazine, which is clearly not just for men. Here they are:

Surfing.

Healthy eating.

Push-ups.

Lunges.

Swimming.

Kick-boxing.

Squats.

Cycling.

Stretching.

Sit-ups.

Ice skating.

Boxing … while rapping.

Yes, these guys could get me working out. I’d like any of them to be my personal trainer. I might make these photos into poster-size reminders of what I should be aspiring to. Except I’m not as pretty.

However, I must say I don’t think I could go as far as Carl Edwards, with his no smoking, no drinking, no junk food, and obsessive twice a day workouts lifestyle. But he sure looks good for it.

Instead, I think I’ll adopt Jerry O’Connell’s “beer drinker’s guide to fitness.”