Before the Missus and I got Cat #1 and Cat #2, I really didn’t get cat jokes. That is, as a kid I loved reading Garfield, and I always chuckled when Cartman yelled, “No, kitty, it’s my pot pie! Bad kitty!” on South Park. But I didn’t understand the personalities of cats, all of their pecularities, that added an extra level of knowing humor to some jokes. Now, though, when I watch a Meow Mix commercial, I nod my head instead of rolling my eyes. I get it now.

I am feeling the same trigger occuring in terms of pregnancy and babies. It happened today again: I’m using pre-Thanksgiving to clean the apartment, both for my own peace of mind as well as to please the Missus. And so, when I have a lengthy physical task to do, I like to have my iPod loaded up with some brain-stimulating stuff. Therefore, I downloaded the audiobook of Randy Rausch’s The Last Lecture.

I’m a reasonable sentimental guy; I can acknowledge being touched by a story or performance. I’m also the guy who thrills in gallows humor and the classic repertoire of horrendous “dead baby” jokes. (“Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?” “To watch the expression on its face.”) There’s always been something about the macabre, about speaking the absolutely unspeakable, that’s bumped my funny bone.

Imagine my surprise, then, as I’m listening to The Last Lecture, and Rausch recounts the story of his wife, pregnant with their first child, beginning to bleed and going into shock. She has a placenta abrupta, bleeding caused by the weakly attached placenta starting to give up prematurely. The baby’s life-support system is failing, and they’re not sure about its viability given the steroids Mrs. Rausch has had to take to stimulate its tardy lung development. Worse yet, she’s in danger from both the bleeding and the C-section now made necessary by the abrupta.

I’m listening to the whole thing, panting. That is, I’m breathing rapidly. I’ve sat down — When did I sit down? I thought I was just cleaning the kitchen! I’m listening to all this and only seeing the Missus’s face when Rausch describes his wife’s lips turning blue, only seeing my hand as he describes gripping his wife tightly. It was disorienting to a degree I’ve rarely ever felt.

Something is going active in my brain — both lower-case something and upper-case Something, I suspect. And I’m not getting quite the giggle I used to from Eddie Izzard and his baby-on-a-spike routine. Hm.

Hat tip to Jack and Jill Politics.

(The Brits, like Eddie Izzard, are the first to call bullsh*t on our myth-making. Especially the true reasons why we really broke away from the Mother Country.)

Don’t buy that propaganda about the Pilgrims and Plymouth Rock. If anything, we should give thanks because Mother Earth, despite all the atrocities against her, is still giving forth her bounty so that people can live, instead of her raising her skirts and shaking us hard off this planet. We should give thanks that brother/father/uncle is back in one piece from the killing fields of Iraq or Afghanistan. We should give thanks that dad or mom still has their job, or a roof over their heads and that the family is not broken or homeless. We should give thanks that sister or cousin is off drugs for five years, or has moved to be closer to family, or that grandma or granddad is still among us in this world.

Abraham Lincoln had a good idea in the middle of the Civil War, but don’t you believe that the Pilgrims created Thanksgiving, or anything like it. Alternative historian Scott Berkun could quickly change your mind. The only thing Thanksgiving and Abe Lincoln have in common is blood, war and suffering.

The success of the Mayflower settlement depended more on smallpox than the Pilgrims. Years before the Mayflower landed, Europeans had already brought smallpox to America, killing most of the indigenous population (An event the Pilgrims called “an act of god”). This made the early settlements possible, and forced the remaining natives (most notably Squanto) to consider cooperation with settlers, teaching them many survival skills. The Pilgrims stole corn and other supplies from natives during their first year.

Half of the Pilgrims died in the first 5 months. They were untrained, unprepared, did not know how to farm or hunt in America, and chose a difficult location for their first settlement (they wandered off course crossing the Atlantic). By the time of the first thanksgiving those still alive were happy not to be dead – the fact that they had food to eat was more than worthy of celebration.

The pilgrims did not eat turkey, mashed potatoes or pecan pie. Thanksgiving was not an official U.S. holiday until the 1860s, and we are celebrating the eating habits of people from the 1860s, not the 1600s. It’s not documented what was eaten on the first Thanksgiving, though it’s pretty certain they ate their meal with their hands.

Thanksgiving is an ancient native concept, not Pilgrim or American. As you’d imagine, the folks who actually knew how to work with the land, the natives, had their own set of customs for giving thanks back to nature: some tribes had 6 festivals every year dedicated to giving thanks, only one of which we know as Thanksgiving.

The Pilgrims were not Puritans. Both groups were radicals who wanted to escape persecution in England. But the Pilgrims were more egalitarian and tolerant – they had non-believers on the Mayflower, and even more in their settlement (they came over later). The Puritans wanted reform, but wanted the Church to change to reflect their views (whereas the Pilgrims abandoned the Church entirely). The Pilgrims were on the Mayflower, but the Puritans didn’t arrive in America until several decades later.

The Indians and Pilgrims did not get along very well.  Around the time of the first Thanksgiving, the Plymouth settlement was converted into a fort, hardly an act of thanks or giving. As you’d imagine, the relationship between these two groups was complex, with different skirmishes and crimes by factions on both sides. While there were times of peace, tension grew over the years and led to King Phillip’s War, the end of any pretense of peace, a few decades later.

So when some wingnut relative or friend starts off with too much beer or cocktails in their belly about how lucky we are and the freedom we enjoy, set his ass down with some facts. You may start a mini-riot between the dressing and the sweet potato pie (and it’s expected anyway–holidays and family gatherings are the season for The Stupid). However, it’s worth it to just get a modicum of silence while they’re in mid-flight trying to parse out what you just said with all the alcohol and food inside them. And shut them up entirely by thanking them for just being there.

As I lay in bed last night, supposedly on my way to sleep, things kept pushing their way my thoughts. This happens quite often.  It’s all the lying down and doing nothing. My brain demands amusement. It demands thoughts to amuse itself with. It doesn’t really care what the thoughts are as long as they are plenty. I can do some really great thinking when I’m trying to get to sleep. Ideas for blogposts, stories, bits of novel; they pop up like virilant plukes throbbing red and demanding to be harassed.  Unfortunately, thinking is not conducive to sleep.  Sometimes, to counteract the thinking I recite a mantra in my head over and over, trying to focus on that instead of everything else. It can be a quite useful technique for calming the brain down but it demands a certain dedication i.e. You gotta keep repeating that thing and not let your mind wander.

One of the things that was plaguing me last night was me imagining myself doing stand up comedy. I’ve done this before, quite literaly coming up with a routine in my head whilst i’m trying to sleep. Last night I came up with a quite ingenious way for dealing with a heckler wherein you make out that you’ve seen him (or her) before at your previous shows, creeping about outside your bedroom window, going through your rubbish bins etc., and that the heckler in question is in fact stalking you. I thought it would be quite amusing if delivered right.  I might not ever have a go at stand up but I doubt that fact would stop my brain from turning to it from time to time.

The reason I had stand up on my mind was because I’d just seen the new Eddie Izzard dvd.

Eddie Izzard is probably one of my favourite comics. His free-wheeling, surreal and erudite performance style that veers on the random but is obviously quite carefully thought out just really hits my spot. He has so many routines that just pop up in my head and make me smile. Like this one, and this one, and this one. Truely he is an amusing genius.

Eddie has been out of the standup game for a while now, It’s been 6 years since the release of Sexie, due quite probably to the awful lot of film & tv work he’s been doing. I had some inkling that he was touring this year, that a dvd would follow, and here it is;  Live from Wembly. Oh the joy!

It isn’t his best. I mean, you go back and watch dressed to kill or glorious and you think to yourself  “who is this hilarious maniac in a dress?” for Izzard is a transvestite.  In live from wembly he is wearing jeans. My guess is that with all the film work he has a certain duty now towards a more mainstream audience that might freak the fuck out if they saw a guy in a dress  so he has gently pushed his persona away from the fringes.  There are other difference from his earlier material too that can be hard to put your finger on.

6 years is a long time not to do something. If you stopped driving for 6 years the chances are you might be a bit rusty and this is something that comes across. All the ingredients are there but his timing seems slightly off. Where before he could veer from subject to subject with surreal ease things seem a little forced here. There are several points where he references gags from his previous shows which the audience laps up eagerly like crack puppies at their mothers teat. Two of the jokes seem like they’ve been lifted from Billy Connolly shows (the opera bit and the gazelle bit, although it’s giraffes here) and there is a point in the show where Eddie jokingly tells the audience “These shows are just for me, you know” and maybe this is the case. tv and film probably pay better than standup and it could be that he went on tour again because he missed doing what he used to do.

Even if it is it doesn’t really matter. He’s still really fucking funny. I probably would of found the show even funnier if I wasn’t such a fan and noticed all these things. My only hope is that he goes on tour again in 2010 and releases another dvd, to further re-sharpen the blade of his wit, so that I may worship with abandon at the altar of his very excellent comedy.

If you’ve never seen Eddie Izzard in action I recommend starting with his earlier shows. Or maybe start here and work backwards. You won’t be disappointed. Unless you just don’t like him in which case to each his own. Innit.

update: I just spend a age of monkeys looking for decent videos on youtube for the new dvd and they’re all handheld shakily audience deals with bad audio. Sorry.

I first heard Eddie Izzard on a CD during a road trip with some friends last April. It was hilarious, but after the trip I never thought about him again.

I was waiting for a boy to call me. God, I hate waiting for boys to call me. I want a when, where, and ok I’ll be there see you then. Unfortunately, I find him devilishly attractive so I put up with it.

To lift my spirits, I decided to peruse Netflix and find something to watch. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Eddie Izzard popped into my head. I ended up watching four Izzard specials: Definite Article, Glorious, Dressed To Kill, and Circle. (If you’re doing the math you’ll figure out that watching all of those specials adds up to around ten hours of comedy. I wasn’t waiting around for this guy for ten hours. I watched the rest over the next few days, and over again throughout the next week.)

Now, I haven’t seen a ton of stand up comedy… Immediately Richard Pryor, Dane Cook, George Carlin, and Jeff Foxworthy come to mind from specials on TV. Premium Blend on Comedy Central never has me in stitches. I saw Dustin Diamond at a comedy club in Michigan when I was 15 (funny, but really raunchy. Screech fell right into the gutter)… so maybe there’s an even truer genius beyond Eddie Izzard, but for now all I know is that Izzard is a good thing that I will never have too much of.

Eddie Izzard is super intelligent, educated, informed. Unless he’s just watched a ton of historical documentaries, which he admits he has. A lot of his comedy involves episodes throughout history, from creation to the dinosaurs to the Renaissance to World War Two to the Clinton era. He references people and places from all over the world, and many times while performing he switches between the many languages he knows fluently (English, French, German, and some Latin). I don’t know French, German, or Latin, but it is never a problem because Izzard is also a master of physicality. He mimes, impersonates, makes sound effects, and sings. Izzard acts out entire scenes and it’s as if you’re watching a movie. He will stand on one side facing one way and act out, say, Darth Vader on a lunch line, covering his microphone with his hand to make the voice: “I’ll have the penne al la arrabiata”. Then he will step to the other side, face the other way, and act out the food handler: “You’ll need a tray”. And hilarity ensues. (See link under ‘YouTube is glorious’)

What’s wonderful about Eddie Izzard is that you never know what he’s going to bring up next, and it seems as if he can go on forever. His comedy is straight from the heart, brain, gut, and on the fly. He may stop in the middle of a bit to comment on a random thought that will lead down a hilarious dead end, and then jump back and continue the original bit. If a joke fails, he comments about it and laughs it off with the audience. Characters from earlier bits can pop up suddenly in later bits. Izzard has us in the Trojan horse with a group of eager Greeks, and suddenly, Prince Phillip of England is there. Izzard may also reuse favorite impressions. The story of Noah’s Arc stars Sean Connery as Noah. God is usually played by James Mason. God: “Noah, stop what you’re doing and build me an arc” Noah: “Yeah I’m working on a speedboat at the moment. I think it’s much more exciting, bigger engine in a speed boat, and it can shoot across the water like that…” Noah explains that a speedboat would be better suited for bible pictures… “We can get all the animals with long ears to sit along the side, It’ll look fuckin’ excellent”.

The end of Izzard’s shows are always abrupt. There’s not a sound in the world I agree with more than the “Awwwwwww” of disappointment from the audience at the end of Glorious (before the encore of course). You don’t want Izzard to stop, and he knows it, but he must. Can you imagine how much energy it takes to act out hundreds of characters and make hundreds of noises nonstop for nearly two hours—in high heels!? Izzard must stop at some point, so he simply ends his set and politely excuses himself from the stage. Usually there is some special effect grand finale with music and lighting to dramatize his entrance and exit. To open Definite Article, Izzard appears from the pages of an enormous book, sitting in an oversized chair positioned atop a gigantic pile of books (a profound metaphorical image). At the end of Circle, Izzard makes his bows, puts on an intense face, and stealthily disappears among the forest-like set pieces.

A well-designed set is deeply satisfying. One of my favorite sets was for a Lewis Black show on Comedy Central that was just a stack of big block letters that said, “THE END”. Most appropriate for Mr. Black. Stereotypically a comedian is in front of a brick wall with a stool and a mic on a stand. But once a comedian hits the big time and gets a television special, a set designer may be brought in to build a million dollar set complete with custom murals and lighting effects. Every angle must be aesthetically pleasing for the viewers at home- and that means texture, color, depth! Have you noticed that in the last few decades sets have become most important for television shows that otherwise do not need sets? Eddie Izzard would still be hilarious if he were in front of a white wall. The news would be just as noteworthy and biased if the anchors were sitting in front of a green chalkboard. But then, millions of brilliant set designers would be out of a job.

If you’re looking for a way to relax, soak in a sweet smelling bubble bath and smoke a personal joint while listening to Eddie Izzard. It’s a fantastic experience. Although I viewed Izzard on screen for the majority of my experiences, listening to him solo audio from a warm bubble bath is just as pleasant and hilarious- perhaps even more so. Although Izzard is thrilling to watch, give your imagination some playtime and just listen to him for a while. You’ll find that you can imagine the scenarios and get the joke just as well by picturing the scene in your good ol’ fashioned mind’s eye. There’s a reason comedy sets are available on iTunes.

Should I comment about the fact that Eddie Izzard is a transvestite? It doesn’t even matter. If anything, the makeup he wears enhances his facial physicality, especially in Dress to Kill because that director really loves extreme close ups. Vaudevillian actors and early silent film actors wore heavy makeup to enhance their facial expressions, and the trick still works. In Dress to Kill, Izzard’s light blue eye shadow and red red lipstick compliments his bright blue eyes and wide set mouth, especially when he smiles goofily after calling Hitler a “mass murdering fuckhead”. I’ve watched a few clips of more contemporary Izzard, and maybe it’s just because I’m used to his fantastic highlights and shiny black heeled boots, but he looks too normal now. He kind of looks like a tool. But maybe it’s just the goatee. I’m not a huge fan of facial hair. Sideburns I can cope with. I’d sleep with Eddie Izzard.

What do I conclude about Eddie Izzard? I felt so compelled to write about him, about his genius, about his hilarity… mostly because I want everyone to know about him too and gain happiness from his comedy. I wish this piece was a bit more profound. Honestly, I watched him again for the first time almost three weeks ago and I’ve been watching him nonstop ever since, trying to form some profound thesis… about the brilliance of mime, about comedy when it is a purely aural experience, about education being imperative to comedy… has it all been written about? I have faith that if I keep thinking, at some point the inspiration fairy will knock me over the head.

Mostly I wanted to write this to clear my writing palate before I went to see Men Who Stare at Goats tonight.

Look at the Izzard links. Let yourself fall in love.

Nu är det mindre än en månad kvar, biljettarna köptes 090513 Jag ser riktigt mycket fram emot det hoppas det blir lika roligt som jag tror att det blir.

Suitably inspired by JayJay’s post about facts, one of which referred to Eddie Izzard’s theories of jam, I set off to find out what he was on about.

Although I’ve seen Izzard on the box, I’d never actually seen much of his stand up stuff, but after I’d stopped giggling like a big (alright…alright…) kid I decided to post this clip, which features several jam references.

Apologies if it isn’t to your taste, but I have a weird and (at times) wonderful sense of humour, and I’d forgotten how funny  the bloke could be.

Here you go…..

Josh is going to see Eddie Izzard tonight. He keeps going on about it. He’s so happy. I’m not. Why would he want to go to a different country, (A country he makes clear he hates) to see someone. It got me thinking. Maybe if I was funny people might like me. Even going from a different weird country to come and see me. So, I thought i’d write some jokes, see what you think of them:

Why did the shark cross the reef?

To get to the other tide!

Why did the shark eat his dentist?

Because he could.

A shark walks into a bar.

Ouch.

What do you call a suicidal shark?

Philip.

If a shark held three apples in one hand, and two apples in the other, what would he have?

Some weird disorder, sharks don’t have hands!

Okay. Some observasional humour now:

What if a shark couldn’t swim?

Would quiet sharks be called shhhharks?

What would you call a loud shark?

Philip

x

I really shouldn’t have stayed up till half past two. On a Monday night. With the whole week of work still ahead. I was running all morning on kopi gao, and still half not there.

But it was Eddie Izzard.

And then this.

It might be because it was past 2am. It might be because my colleague and I were just earlier on Monday speaking, no, attempting to speak, Spanish and such, babbling incoherently for five minutes. “Dove è la biblioteca?” “Où est la bibliothèque?” ”Donde esta la biblioteca?” “No, gracias. Soy alérgico a los crustáceos.” Useful to know if you happen to be in Rome/Paris/Barcelona or almost anywhere in South America. Not so useful if you’d like directions to the Coloseum/Champs-Élysées/Machu Picchu, and not the public library. (Was ist das? Nein Deutsche sprache? – Apparently so. No sprechen sie Deutsche.)

If you’ve ever taken a foreign language class. If you’ve ever travelled in a country that doesn’t speak English. You may not understand every word said, but you might still find it funny. Me, I laughed so hard I couldn’t stop crying and by the end of it couldn’t breathe and had started wheezing. Heh.

We went to see Eddie Izzard perform his Stripped show in Amsterdam on Friday. Hilarious as always! His take on the Bayeux Tapestries was brilliant: front-line journalism! In one of his past shows, he did a joke (for a US audience) about being from Europe, “where all the history comes from.” Living here in Utrecht, I feel like I’m constantly reminded of that line and I appreciate it very much. I love living in a city with centuries of history to be explored.

For example, the earliest dates of Utrecht date back to around 40 AD, when the Romans built a fortress here, after finally gaining some inroads into this region. The site of their fortress is where the Dom tower and cathedral now stand. There are remains — now underground — of the walls that surrounded the fort. To signify those, iron plates, inscribed with various Roman walls and boundaries have been placed along the outlines of where the fortress walls stood. Special LED lights have also been placed (as you can see in the photo above) to add a bit of atmospherics, especially in low light. Occasional puffs of mist are also released at various times of day. Above is the one on Servetstraat just in front of the Domtoren. There’s another one on Domstraat. This link will perhaps give a better feel for how they’re laid out.

This is Servetstraat, the street where I took my picture. The display is so unintrusive that you really can’t see it unless you’re right up on it. It runs the width of the street, just behind the group of girls with their bicycles.

In other words, BEST. THING. EVER.

(By-the-by, did you know that Walken was in the original cast of The Lion in Winter? I just found that out recently. I mention this because it is the next in line for Richmond Shakespeare’s staged reading series, and I am stage managing it. To totally do a little self-promotion there. More on that later. The reading, not the self-promotion. Okay, probably the self-promotion.)

I enjoyed this movie and may be one of the few that was not annoyed by the idea of Tom Cruise in this role.  As I’m sure, most people know this movie is about the failed assassination attempt of Adolf Hitler. Of course it failed but despite the inevitable conclusion the film maintains itself throughout.

The acting was very good in most respects. I actually enjoyed Tom Cruise’s performance but he did not take the lead as strongly as he should have. He did what had to be done but he could have elevated this movie like he has done to others in the past. His role needed that maverick type attitude like he provided in Born On the Fourth of July. His non-German accent was not an issue, rather it was the strength that he displayed in his performance that was disappointing to many. This movie was certainly a chance for him to build his career back up to a more serious level but he clearly did not impress too many with his role as Stauffenburg to do that. Still, he was enjoyable in some extent to watch, at least to me.

The supporting cast though was great. Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy and Tom Wilkinson were all pivotal in the success of this movie and they certainly filled in perfectly. All around they were great performances but who I especially liked was Christian Berkel whom also appeared in Downfall as well as Jamie Parker.

The directing of Bryan Singer was sublime. He provided an amazing amount of suspense to a movie that (hopefully) everyone knew the ending to. For a good half hour I was totally frozen watching as the plot unfolded. I also thought the movie was paced very well and he brought the best out of the supporting cast. Of course it was shot very well with a great production throughout. The movie was written very nicely but as many people have said, it would have been great if there was more emotional depth added to the characters to make the audience feel more attached them.

This movie certainly had a lot of potential but it stayed within the realm of mostly a suspense action movie. It’s carried through by its well picked supporting cast. Valkryie reminded me of a WWII movie from the 50s and 60s with its style and pacing. It’s very interesting to think about what ifs’ and it’s a bit fascinating in at least the context of the movie to think they almost pulled off the impossible without killing Hitler. Valkryie perfectly illustrates how the smallest of things can have the biggest impact.

Hej hej på er.

Min senaste skräck: “Mardrömen”-klottraren. Det är så sjukt läskigt så att det finns inte. Det började med att jag och en kompis såg en ful men samtidigt obehaglig teckning på en röklucka eller något sådant, som föreställde en streckgubbe-ritad kvinna med långt hår och horn. Hennes ena arm var jättelång och hade slagit knorr på sig själv, som en knut, och över den barnsligt ritade bilden (tänk dig att en högerhänt har ritat med vänster hand) så stod det med ännu barnsligare handstil: “Mardrömen:”. 

Och sedan dess så har “Mardrömentecknarens” bilder dykit upp över hela Södermalm. På busshållsplatser, papperskorgar, P-automater. Och alla föreställer streckgubbar med horn, hemska miner eller fula motiv. Och ofta arga eller obehagliga ord som “Jävla skit huset” eller “fel helvete”. Och det ser verkligen ut som om ett argt, panikslaget litet barn hittat storebrorsans tuschpennor och förblindad av vrede sprungit runt hela Söder och klottrat ner alla fula ord han eller hon kan. Överallt. Och jag tycker det är jätteobehagligt. Betyder bilderna något? Eller är det en tuff typ som busigt värre ritat slarviga gubbar överallt och som aldrig lärt sig stava ordentligt? Från och med nu skall jag ta kort på varje Mardrömenbild så ska ni få se. 

Annars då? Jo, idag har jag fikat med Ponni på Wayne’s Coffee, pratat om mästerpraktikanten Mårten (hörrudu, jag ändrade liksom loggan till “Mårten…”) tittat på en hackig version av “I huvudet på John Malkovich” och skrattat åt “skaka-på-huvudet-medan-någon-annan-tar-kort-på-en-med-blixt-och-där-ens-överläpp-pekar-mot-Norge”-bilder. Som jag kallar det. Riktigt snygga bilder faktiskt. Tyvärr är dom så pass … absurda så inte ens på min kära blogg skulle jag kunna lägga upp dom. Då slår Klara (och jag själv) ihjäl mig. 

Vet ni vad jag gör nu? Jag tittar på gamla Eddie Izzard-avsnitt. Det är helt sjukt roligt. Kolla på det! Nu! Ett annat tips (som jag bara kom på): Har du ett gammalt linne, gärna tajt, som antingen är för litet eller inte använder längre? Och du är väldigt sugen på att ha en kjol? Bra! Använd linnet som en kjol, då. Du har det på dig liksom halvt, alltså inte över axlarna, att du bara har nederdelen som kjol och överdelen lite snyggt invikt, och en tröja över förstås. Det funkar jättebra, tro mig. 

I morgon kommer: Bilder, reportage från en Salvador Dalí-utställning och lite “Mårtens memoarer”-citat. Puss!

Today’s breakdown invokes a choice between science and religion.

Rats giggle and now my fears of rats nibbling on my toes have an added component: they’re secretly laughing at me. Our world is becoming more like Narnia, which in all honesty, is awesome:

Inspired by the voice of the above rodent, Reepicheep:

Which brings me to another comedian’s take on Religion and Desserts:

Believing in science combines fear of nibbling rats and ridicule, but religion is an arbitrary choice between desserts that could result in death. Since I enjoy most desserts, I’m going to go with religion on this one. Damn, I’ve enjoyed being an atheist.

-Kate Holloway

I’ve been on Twitter since April, and in that time I’ve slowly found my groove with it, I think, or at least I hope. No matter what people might tell you, the majority join Twitter to follow their favorite celebrities. It’s human nature for us to want to peek into their daily life. That’s why reality shows about celebrities are such big hits. But, I’m here to tell you – not all celebrities are worth following. Everyone’s list will be different, but here’s my list of celebrities I follow and why:

1. Martina McBride – @martinamcbride – I’m a huge country-music fan. If Twitter (and me) had been around way back when, I would have followed Hank Williams, Johnny Cash and Loretta Lynn – can you imagine the conversations that would have gone on?!? Surprisingly (sorry Martina!), Martina is smart, witty, and just plain hilarious. She got off to a slow start (I suspect her first tweets were written by an assistant), but now it seems like you’re really getting to see a different side of her. The girl likes her wine! Sample tweets:

Oprah was fun. Glad they didn’t show the “crack house” where I used to live! Not literally a crack house..but it kinda looked like one!6:30 PM Nov 3rd from web

Clarification:The aforementioned “crack” house did NOT mean the house I grew up in!Was talking bout the house I lived in when 1st on my own!8:23 PM Nov 3rd from web

2. Rob Thomas – @ThisIsRobThomas – Another musician, Rob Thomas, the frontman for Matchbox 20 loves to debate. He likes respectful discourse, though some of his Twitter followers can get a bit out of hand. Seeing him chastise them and try to get them under control is worth it alone.  Sample tweet:

Had lunch at the HOTEL CONGRESS. It’s where dillinger was captured. It’s so bad ass. Great food and great vibe.6:10 PM Oct 25th from UberTwitter

3. Michael Ian Black – @michaelianblack – A comedian best-known for his dry take on the 80s, 90s and every other “I Love…” decade covered by VH1, Black lets the quips fly all day long. When he’s taping his current show Michael and Michael Have Issues, his twitter page is really just a promo tool, but other times, it’s like getting constant jokes sent to you. A sample tweet:

Can we change the word “addiction” to “enthusiasm?” As in: “I have an alcohol enthusiasm?” It just sounds nicer.6:08 PM Nov 6th from web

4. Maksim Chmerkovskiy – @MaksimC – The Bad Boy of the Ballroom, Maks tweets pictures of what he’s doing on an almost daily basis. One of the best things about his Twitter stream is that he tweets his new TVGuide blog posts, which are a hoot to read. Sample tweet:

Mya’s 30 should be a 40!!! AMAZING! And Carrianne is crazy to deduct a point from Joanna!!!!!!about 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

5. Eddie Izzard – @eddieizzard – England’s #1 crossdresser, Izzard has become a running machine. I started following him this summer when he was trying to break some crazy running record to raise money for Comic Relief. Reading his Tweets and looking at the pictures he posts, it’s like vicariously touring the UK. A sample tweet:

Did a 20 miler and would have done the full 26.2 but ran out of time. But the weather was wonderful until suddenly the heavens were peeing12:13 PM Nov 4th from Tweetie

6. Nathan Fillion – @NathanFillion – If you’re a Browncoat, I don’t need to tell you who Nathan Fillion is. He’s also making a name for himself on his current hit show, Castle. His tweets are sarcastic, witty and self-deprecating. Sample tweet:

Goodbye, London. You are a bitch for making me miss you. But a Lady for how I love you. But a bitch, too.3:48 AM Nov 8th from Tweetie

7. Wil Wheaton – @wilw – I grew up with Wil as Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. And of course, who could forget him as Gordie in Stand by Me? Wil the real person is an actor, writer and avid Hockey fan. He has little patience for idiots, or mean people (“Don’t be a dick”, anyone?) A Sample tweet:

I am just thrilled that DirecTV and Versus haven’t resolved their dick-measuring contest, so I can’t watch The Kings and Blackhawks.about 14 hours ago from web

While watching some Eddie Izzard DVDs yesterday with friends, we watched a part when he mentioned something that I thought was really quite good, and a rule that can probably be applied to most things. It was that 80% of people don’t mind what you are or what you do, they’re either too busy or they feel it’s none of their business. 10% of people are really happy, understanding and fantastic with things. The final 10% are the people that have a problem with something, or make it their duty to say there’s something work with; your gender, sexuality, type of music you listen to, etc etc etc.

So the vast majority of people are fine with things, it’s just that small 10% of small-minded, ignorant people that, quite frankly, should be ignored. Often it’s these people that shout loudest though.

I do know lots of the good 10% people, and to be frank; they totally rock! They know who they are, and I hope they know how wonderful they are too!

   This afternoon, I had to get something out of the garage. For some reason, I happened to glance upward. What a wonderful surprise. There, circling about 100 foot above me was a Red Kite. Absolutely amazing sight. When I first saw the bird, it was into the sun, and I thought it was a Buzzard, but as soon as it turned, and I saw it’s tail feathers, I knew it was a Kite. I have seen a pair of Kites before, flying over the A64, near to the A1/A64 junction, so I assume they must be nesting in the woods at Bramham Park. It was a rare treat.

   Youngest has had a day without medication, which is unusual for a Saturday. We have had a couple of Saturdays, when he has only had two doses, but have never gone a full Saturday without any at all. We will now see if he can go though Sunday without meds too. That will be a great success. Of course, there have been a couple of moments during the day, when it has been difficult. It tended to be around the times when fireworks were going off, but even then, he has been remarkably calm.

   Talking of fireworks, it has been very quiet this year. Mrs H thought tonight would be the busiest night, but it has been no noisier than any other night this week.

   Eldest is not coming home this weekend. He is going to see Eddie Izzard at the MEN Arena tomorrow. He has been looking forward to it for months. To be honest, I did not think their tickets would arrive. But all credit to his flat mate, he had booked it okay. Enjoy son.

   Now, the big question is …… do I go for a run in the morning ????  Mrs H seems to think, that I should go every morning !! I don’t think that is a good idea, but a short run tomorrow might be a good thing. We shall see how I feel, as I would need to get out at about 7:30am, if I’m to have a go. Watch this space !!!!

finally joined Slimming World last week! Lost 3lbs at my first weigh in WHOOP! Kinda didn’t have my head in it properly & thought i’d done it half-arsed (plus I had a day out with a friend & had drinks & 2 meals out in pubs) so really wasn’t expecting to lose anything! Proper chuffed!!! Gutted that i’ve got another bad week to come – wedding reception tonight & meal out tomorrow…ah well if I can watch what I’m doing I might be able to do okay.

Paid my final payment on my Egg Loan from 5 years ago this month too That’s a loan going back to when I was with my ex and we were ridiculous with money (well he was & I stupidly went along with it *facepalm*) so it’s a huge weight off to have it gone at long last! Now if I can knuckle down & pay off my credit cards i’ll be almost debt-free *that’s right only almost coz I do have student loans but it’s so little interest & I don’t have to pay it yet that I don’t technically count it…which is wrong I know *

So I’ve got a wedding reception tonight. Not a clue what to wear…will have to get my lazy ass off the sofa & go do the obligatory wardrobe raid/panic soon! Ooh that reminds me that I need to go draw some cash out & buy a card for them (damn a trip to the shop that I don’t need!!) Wedding Reception means I’m gonna be feeling sad tonight a lovely romantic evening celebrating someone’s love & devotion to each other in a room full of couples – then there’s me *sigh* I think i’ll be joining a dating site tomorrow morning hehe I still don’t like them, but I think it’s the only way for me to meet someone – I don’t go out enough & I can’t keep stupidly believing that I’ll meet Mister Perfect at the supermarket or walking down the street

Hmm so my ‘new job’…I spoke to the MD and he offered me a new role & said they’d recruit for a replacement to do my old stuff – all seemed okay….
After conversations yesterday what seems to have happened is the following:

*Finance are recruiting a new person to be a finance assistant – this person will also take some of the invoicing work off me
*I give a bit of the affiliate work to the Affiliate Manager (as it should have been in the first place)
*I get rid of about 10-15% of my current workload to the above
*MD gets me to do new Analysis work (which is a full time role – as he was originally going to recruit for someone)
*I keep all the other current work I’m doing…all the stuff I said I hated doing and was going to leave because I was bored/annoyed/unhappy about the whole job…

Erm WTF!?!? So the MD gets his work done, finance get someone to help them & I get shafted into doing 2 jobs AGAIN!!! The reason I was so unhappy is that I was doing 2 jobs to start with When I started doing the finance side we recruited for someone to take the mobiles off me – he turned out to be rubbish & was binned off. So it came back to me…and never left. So I was Johnny 2 jobs!

Now I’m fricking Johnny 3 jobs Seriously, do I have mug stamped on my head??? All I wanted was a fresh start – a new job, doing new things and a challenge. This is not what I signed up for damnit! Time to have words when I get in on Tuesday *after I’ve had the Monday off to look for new jobs…again*

EDDIEIZZARDEDDIEIZZARDEDDIEIZZARDEDDIEIZZARDEDDIEIZZARDEDDIEIZZARD

That’s right it’s tomorrow Very excited!!! *obvious statement*
Bit gutted that I was also planning on seeing my old (soon to be divorced friend) in the day before it – was hoping for a little window shopping & coffee & cake outing, but she’s too busy so just meeting for food before the gig. Ah well it’ll still be fun!

Can’t remember if I mentioned that a guy had asked for my number??? Well he did (well he asked a friend of a friend anyways) but I haven’t heard anything from him I have mentioned it offhand to my friend, but I don’t want to push the issue for fear of looking desperate! Argh men!

Oh yeah a friend at work had a little bitch about me the other day which was amusing I was supposed to go out last weekend, but with all my gigs and the wedding I had to cancel – lack of funds! A night round town would have cost about £40. So on Thursday after work I went for one in the local pub (cost £3), I was then told that on the way out the ‘friend’ had been overheard saying ‘oh right she’s going the pub now is she, couldn’t afford to go out on the weekend with me thou! Charming, is she skint or what?’
LMFAO what business is it to her what I do with my money – I could have come into money since last weekend, been given a free drink off a friend (as usually happens, as we all owe each other drinks at some point in our office) or I was just spending £3 as opposed to £40!!!! The cheek of it!

*I did actually end up staying out quite late drinking cocktails in the Hilton Hotel hehe which will no doubt have angered her even more – but I didn’t pay a penny so now I owe someone a free night out to repay him*

Okay I really need to go get ready…lots to do

Eddie Izzard – sexiest comedian on the planet!

For my birthday back at the end of September, my lovely husband presented me with my second-best-ever birthday present* – two tickets to see Eddie Izzard LIVE at the AECC on 4th November. I was so excited I almost pee’d my pants! This is because I think Eddie Izzard is the sexiest comedian on the planet, and possibly in the universe (as well as being the very funniest!).

So, last night I got togged up to the nines and we headed out to the AECC, where the search lights we had been able to see from our flat were lighting up the heavily overcast sky. By the time we arrived, the butterflies in my stomach were pretty much getting out of control and the anticipation was overwhelming – after all, I’ve waited six years for another tour and have longed since the early 90s to see Eddie in the flesh, rather than having to plump for DVDs of his performances. This was literally a dream come true for me (the only way it could possibly have been better is if I’d met him after the show and he’d promptly declared that he could not live without me – I wouldn’t actually have run off with him or anything, but I might have had a quick snog and thought about it – LOL!).

We had excellent seats – row K to stage right, seats 13 and 14 (I got seat 13 – my lucky number!) and we had a terrific view of the stage. There were three large screens – one in the centre at the back, and one on either side of the stage. The two side screens were used pre-show to beam pictures of people in the audience up for all to see (at one point, they caught a guy giving his sweetie a quick kiss and everyone went “Awwwww!”. Then he realised they were on the screens and he took off his glasses, which made everyone laugh!). Over the pictures was a live Twitter feed which was filled with messages from fans all around the world as well as all around the arena, and some of them were hilarious, so we were all laughing before Eddie even graced the stage. And I have to say that Mr Izzard has excellent taste in music – we had a real treat for the ears while we were waiting and there wasn’t a bad tune played the whole time.

And then he was there! It was almost a case of me sitting in a puddle of my own making when he stepped through the door at the back of the stage – I was finally getting to see Eddie Izzard! I was actually getting to be in the same room and breath the same air as Him!

He was hilarious from the off. His now-famous rambling style makes it feel very personal when you’re actually there, like he’s talking directly to you and just letting his mind go off at tangents. And he was GORGEOUS too! He wasn’t in a dress or skirt this time round, and the only make-up I could spot was a touch of eye-liner, but I love, love, LOVE the jacket he was wearing (a red-lined black tail coat – very dashing!), and boy does he suit the goatee!

Eddie filled his show with new ramblings and nods to old favourites (no Mrs Badcrumble this time, but Pavlov got a mention). I will never again be able to look at a dog without imagining it kneading bread…

Funny as he was in the first half, he was even better in the second half, if you can believe it!

Dale and I both had an awesome time and I hope Mr Izzard will come back to Aberdeen for future shows because I certainly won’t be missing them!

* The best ever was Xander, who arrived two days before my 32nd birthday!