Omg that’s like the sweetest message! I am so glad to be the bringer of life. Now bow down and worship me as your new god.  

So sorry to sound suuuper teenager-ish, but I really like this one boy.  It’s crazy.  I told myself that I wasn’t going to worry about all this silly stuff, but here I go again.  I don’t know what to do.  For one, this boy happens to be the same one that a friend of mine has had a major crush on for years.  For two, he practically doesn’t even know I exist.  The one exchange of words we have had consisted of “You know we’re gonna kill you if you’re wrong” and me saying “okay” when he was on the same team as me for the current events game in Econ class.  Pretty lame, right?  I just get a little crazy when I’ve got a crush on someone.  I feel like I always catch him staring at me (but then again, it could just be that I stare at him too much and he’s actually catching me in the act, instead of the other way around).  I know that it’s not even a remote possibility, as usual.

I’ve gotten in the habit of counting myself out early in situations like this.  I honestly can’t compete with a fifth of the girls in my class.  What have I honestly got to offer?  My wit in person isn’t nearly as sharp as it may appear to be here, and what guy looks for personality as the major factor in a girl’s level of attractive-ness.  I’ve asked myself the very question that happens to be the title of this post all to many times.  I figure, after being single this long, and the lack I have for relationships in general, that there must be something wrong in me that is right in other people.  I mean, I hate to sound snobbish and self-centered, but, there are some girls I see that are a lot more successful than me when it comes to those sorts of things, and I can figure out the piece of the equation that I’m missing.  Whatever today’s male species is looking for, my species has evolved out of (or hasn’t yet evolved into).  I guess I just don’t understand.  If somebody who knew me would just tell me what I’m doing wrong straight to my face (no matter how harsh of a reality check it may be for me), I’d honestly appreciate the feedback.  Because I’m definitely drawing a big blank.

In more positive news, I think the bag-boy at Festival Foods was totally flirting with me.  And even if he wasn’t, he still majorly boosted my ego, for what it’s worth.  I know, I’m so shallow.  You can’t deny that being flirted with is a total ego boost, I don’t care who you are.

Oh, I didn’t go for a run today.  I know.  I really wanted to though.  Time tends to slip away from me lately.  Maybe tomorrow.  Hopefully tomorrow.  No more procrastination!

So what am I considered an expert on? Illinois and Boston! Oh hey, that’s probably because this blog talks about my experiences in Illinois and Boston, my twin homes. Obviously, this “achievement” is all due to you, readers. So thanks for reading! I appreciate your support and encouragement.

I think people can take it too seriously. I was reminded of this while going through my Inbox this morning, and seeing this gem I got three years ago…

“so it’s like that? you’re just gonna delete me as a friend? whatever problem that you had with me at least you could’ve been up front about it. if it was the comment that i made about you maybe not liking herbert, i think you misunderstood what i said or took it the wrong way because it was never my intention to make you upset. but whatever, i guess it doesnt matter anymore, i just didnt think that it’d have to resort to you deleting me as a facebook friend. just thought i’d get that out.”

I mean…she was kind of a bitch. She added me on Facebook and then I deleted her a couple months later on the account that she was a bitch. I didn’t want somebody to have access to my profile that I personally didn’t like.

It just makes me think though…that she was feelin’ the kid pretty hord. Sorry honey.

“Do you feel a need for affirmation? Does your self-esteem need attention? You don’t need to drop names or show off. You need only pause at the base of the cross and be reminded of this: The maker of the stars would rather die for you than live without you. And that is a fact. So if you need to brag, brag about that.”

Lucado echoes the apostle Paul in Galatians 6:14 where he says “But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world.”

To be honest, such boasting is totally and completely unthinkable! How dare I boast that the God who made the stars should love me so very much? That’s akin to saying that Bill Gates is my best friend or that the king of Spain chats with me online every day. Yes, the Bible makes it very very clear that God’s love really is that big, but it’s really not something I can believe easily, especially since human love can’t and won’t and doesn’t fill every need.

It seems audacious to boast of God loving me so much He didn’t want to live without me. So much He would give up His very life for me. It really seems much more humble to boast about my own petty accomplishments. Deep in my heart, I realize they’re petty. In fact, that’s part of why we boast, isn’t it: to raise ourselves off of the dirt floor where the superiority of others has cast us? And so we boast, feeling that others view us as inferior, trying to give ourselves an “ego boost” (sounds like an add-in at a smoothie shop: “I’ll take an immunity boost, an energy boost, and an ego boost in mine, please.”).

Reading Lucado’s words, I realize that I’ve never really understood Paul’s ability to boast in the cross before. What kind of boasting is that? Doesn’t it sound a bit heartless to the rest of the world to tell about something that they don’t have and might never be able to obtain–a love like that? And if they could obtain it, wouldn’t it make my possession of such love less significant? I’ve wondered about how in the world the apostle John could have the presumption to call himself “the disciple Jesus loved”–didn’t that cheapen the relationship the others had with Jesus? Wasn’t that a slap in the face to them and their relationships with Him? And if I were to boast in such love, I would be sure to find out very quickly that someone else has more of His love to boast about.

And so I boast about everything else but the one true possession I have that gives value to my little life, the thing that God has reiterated over and over that no one will ever be able to take from me, the thing that He has promised is mine forever, the one thing that He has given me permission to boast about. Why don’t I boast about it?

I have to believe it first.