For the next several weeks, we’ll look at report cards from around the world.

~ Habla Español! ~

~ 7^th Stop ~ Mexico ~

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Mexico, with 111 million people, is the 11^th most populous country. While Mexico can be seen as a powerful country, with the largest GDP per capita in Latin America, issues with income disparity and drug violence continue to plague the country. With a rich and ancient history, Mexico remains a popular tourist destination (for more than the sun and lovely beaches!).

Note ~ This is an international and NOT a local school as some other countries.

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Report Card Basics

• Type of School: British International School
• Curriculum: International Baccalaureate Primary Years Programme (PYP)
• Academic Year: 2008-2009
• Year: 3

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Here’s the report card! The blue numbers highlight a few interesting aspects of the report and the numbers correspond to notes below the image.

1. The Five Parts of English

A large portion of the report card is dedicated to assessing English, illustrating the importance of the language at this school (English, rather than Spanish), as well as language acquisition. The assessment has been broken down into five core parts: speaking, listening, reading, writing and handwriting.

2. Look, Hear! ~ Units of Inquiry

Rather than set subjects or courses, this curriculum includes Units of Inquiry, which allow flexibility in teaching and learning. This differs greatly from educational systems that have concrete course expectations and teach to a national, standardized test. The Units of Inquiry this semester are “Look, Hear!” and “Exploration and Encounter.” Sounds fun to me!

3. A Big Old for Effort!

How age appropriate! Rather than assign a number or letter assessment of effort, this report card uses smiley faces, which can be understood regardless of age or culture. Colon, Capital D for a great practice!

4. A Descriptive Grading Scale

This report card has a slightly different grading scale than other assessments we’ve seen: good, very good and excellent, as well as reaching expectations. Reaching expectations seems to be given when a mark of “good” might be subjective, for instance, what is “good” use of information technology or  “excellent” in music at 9 years old?

5. Spanish and Social Studies… Get Numbers Grades

Though I’m not sure why (and I’ve scoured the internet!) Spanish and Social Studies get numbers instead of “descriptive” grades. Hm… I’m stumped. Any suggestions?

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See Report Cards from:    Staffordshire, England;    Zomba, Malawi; Sydney, Australia, week 1;     Sydney, Australia, week 2;    Dalhousie, India; Kathmandu, Nepal;     Soro, Denmark

Report card analysis to look forward to: Palestine, Canada and more!

So, you want to be an ESL teacher. Since I logged countless hours on the internet looking for information on ESL teaching -from how to get started, to benefits, to “what it’s like”- I feel compelled to provide some information here for those of you in that same spot. I am by no means an expert on the subject, but between my research and my first hand experience, I think this post will be pretty valuable.
Who can do it?:

Besides some birthright, there is little stopping anyone from teaching ESL. All you need is a college degree and to be a native speaker (Canadian, American, English, Irish, a Kiwi, an Aussie, etc.). It helps to be as white as possible in Asia and it’s a good idea to look as clean cut as possible. Tattoos, long hair, disheveled appearance? No good here.

Getting Started:

Should I get certified? What certification should I get- TEFL, TESL, DELTA, CELTA? What school/company should I get it from?
This is perhaps the hardest past of getting started as an ESL teacher. There are so many ways to obtain a certification, so many different certifications, and so many internet sights contradicting each other on the importance of certification that it leaves your head spinning. Most of the emails I get from blog readers or friends from back home is “What certification did you do? What do you recommend?” The answer is complicated and depends on what you want with ESL. Here are popular scenarios and my advice.

A) I just graduated from school and I want to travel for a while before starting real life:
If this is you, I wouldn’t waste my money on expensive programs. Consider how long it would take to remake the money. A 1 month salary in Asian countries is probably around 1,000$ USD. Thus, to spend 1,000$ (plus expenses) to work for a month without getting paid (in person programs are generally 1 month long) for a 1,000$ a month job, means you could have just taken a badass 2 month vacation for what you’ve shelled out to be stuck in boring lectures. An online program would be fine and they are often priced at 200$. Worried about not “learning” how to teach ESL? Don’t be, unless you are doing CELTA, you wont learn anything in your 1 month course as it is. When I took one, we learned valuable skills like folding a piece of paper 28 ways, how to do traditional Thai dances, how to make a walking turtle out of cardboard, and the ever brilliant refresher lesson on “boulderdash.” The little we did learn (like a basic lesson plan) is good for about the first week. There are plenty of jobs in Asia, so in most cases, they are just looking for a certificate to pass you off to the ministry of education. In Thailand for example, there are jobs everywhere. You could probably come over, buy a “certificate” for 200$ USD on Koh San road, and find a job within two weeks. If you are thinking about doing one of these programs because they guarantee a job after word, I would be hesitant. You get no say in what job you take or the stipulations. So you will probably be stuck in some shithole part of Thailand (or China, or wherever) with nothing to do on the weekends, 25 classes a week, greeting obligations, English club obligations, Christmas obligations, etc. The language gap may be a little tricky when applying for jobs. But think about it, if it’s your first ESL job, do you really want to be working for someone you can’t communicate at all with anyway?

B) More rare, is the graduate who tutored, or did some ESL training in college and wants to keep going with it. I would recommend getting the CELTA. I have a friend from college who fit this bill and she decided to go with a lesser certification (Oxford Seminars) because she wasn’t sure how serious she wanted to be with ESL, just that she wanted to do it. Here’s the thing, a program that offers spaced out, long days of training can’t be very comprehensive and efficient (weekend courses like Oxford). Also, if you’re heart is in it just a little bit, you want to be good at it, and… it’s hard! So go get some good training. Besides, do the math. Even if a CELTA is 1,500-2,000$, you would already be paying 1,000$ to waste your time with this other program. Just pay the extra money and buy something of value. Worst case scenario, you decide it isn’t for you and you’re out 1K. But, if you do like it, you just saved yourself a lot of time and money by doing a program that was legit and necessary in the first place.

C) You want to do it for a summer: WHY!? Go on vacation. Even though it’s not national defense or surgery, it is a job and that means there are obligations, effort, and stress. If you are thinking of going for a summer, you are probably looking at “voluntourism” programs. Why would you pay someone to do work? And, if you are going to, pick a cooler resume builder- refugee camps, wildlife reserves in Africa, an internship with an NGO in D.C or Geneva. All much cooler possibilities. If you do find one of the few “programs” that will set you up for the summer, really look into them. I almost did one in college but thanks to a protective parent, found out they were notorious for setting you up in crazy places, offering no pay, and cutting ties, leaving you stranded, once you were there. You do not want this unless you like 20 hr plane rides of depression.

If you think I’m being ridiculous and you definitely want a 1 month, in person program, than go for it. I will save you some trouble though and tell you that which you choose doesn’t matter. Don’t keep yourself up at night trying to figure out which is the best looking certificate to an employer. There is no difference, this isn’t college. If there was a ranking, Princeton Review would publish it. Pick the one that looks best for you, be that the cheapest, the program in the best location (they are often offered in very cool places), or pick one with some in class training. My program offered 1 week of instructor evaluated teaching, it was the only valuable opportunity offered, but even it wasn’t that valuable. The students were all well behaved and I taught the same basic class (different topic) each time- this is not the reality of ESL. 1st, the students have a lot of energy and don’t want to learn. 2nd, if you are teaching conversation (a class that meets once a week), you may be able to get away with 1 basic structure. But if you teach IEP (an intensive English class) and you see these kids 5 days a week, you HAVE to start getting creative to keep them interested (and do actual, boring, pound it out, textbook learning).

D) You want to teach ESL in Eastern Europe: OK, so Asian ESL is basically babysitting. In most cases you will have young learners still struggling to learn Thai or pubescent middle/high schoolers who just don’t care and wont pay attention to you. Serious English programs, like business English, find serious teachers- this is not you. So, there are very lax standards here (thus my recommendation on a cheap, easy certificate). From what I hear, Eastern Europe demands a bit more ability. I would look into that issue before deciding to cheap out. I just don’t know enough to tell you here.

Note: TEFL, TESL, TESOL, etc. are all acronyms for the same thing- teaching English to non-native speakers. They differ because there is no global standard or name for “TEFL” certifications. “CELTA” and “DELTA” are certifications with some bearing. They are certifications of a much more serious course offered by either Cambridge University or Trinity University.

Certification handled, how do I get a job?:

Use the internet, there are plenty of websites like ESLcafe.com that have job boards. Often you can conduct interviews, fax necessary papers and contracts, and arrange the job through the computer. But, I would recommend not doing this for the same reason I would be weary of placement agencies. A plane ticket to Asia is only 500$, come over here and spend a month on your tourist visa going to schools and applying for jobs. You can take the names and addresses off the net to find them and you can even send emails or make a call to schedule the in person meeting. This way you will be able to see your working conditions, meet the staff, and most importantly, have a realistic idea of your living arrangement and transportation needs (amongst other things). Moreover, the plethora of job boards should be used as a way to check schools/companies. Run a google search, are a lot of people complaining about working for them? Heed the advice and beware! Also, generally, if the job seems too good to be true, it is. They need teachers here, bad, but they are also not about to treat your joke-ass, inexperienced self like a hot commodity. No one is going to give you super benefits and high pay for your first job.
Getting here:Mobissimo.com. Enough said.
Things to consider:

Remember that you do not get paid day 1. So, make sure you have some money saved up for living expenses, housing down payments, etc. when you get here. There are start up costs. Also, you don’t make much money, so don’t expect to save anything. You will make enough to eat and drink well, and just enough for a reward like a trip or two (depending on how you travel) during a break or after the semester.
Documentation:

What do you need to work in Asia. I am going to cover this issue from Thailand, but generally the process is the same. With paperwork proving validity of your school and a letter from them on your behalf saying that they want to hire you, you can convert your tourist visa to a non-Immigrant work visa. In Thailand thats a NIB, in China, it’s a Z. If someone is going to send you these papers to get said visa in the states, make sure you get the right one! Cengiz spent 150$ and countless hours of worry and rushing to get an NIB visa from the Chicago Consulate only to be issued a NI-ED visa- the consulate saw him as a student of our program, not a teacher (yet). This really backfired when he had to spend additional money and hassle making a visa run to Laos to get a tourist visa that could then be converted into the NIB visa (which also requires a fee). You will also need a work permit, but your school will help you file and attain this (note: another reason to be able to communicate, even just a little, with your employer). How long is the visa good for? That depends. Generally a work visa will be good for 90 days and can be extended twice if you make a “visa run” (traveling to a bordering country to then re-enter, and thus secure another stamp, allowing you to stay). In Thailand, you can avoid this hassle however, because your NIB visa will be good for as long as your contract with the school (this is a product of the work permit). You can check embassy websites to see what you need to apply for different visas; in general there is a form, a fee, proof of job, 2×2 pictures of you, proof of certification (including your degree), and potentially an official transcript. You will need your transcript and degree plenty, so have them on you, make plenty of copies of both, along with your passport, and carry plenty of pictures, they are needed for any official form you fill out. Letters of recommendation are also necessary for the ESL job search, so have several copies of 2 or 3.
Benefits:

For your first job, expect moderate pay and accommodation. Many schools will offer cafeteria food free of charge, which is nice. As you gain experience, you can look for flight reimbursement and higher pay. You get to travel to and live in exotic places (though note, it’s not vacation or Army Special Ops, just because you are coming to Thailand don’t expect to be living like Swiss Family Robinson in the jungle or some cool beach bungalow). Most likely, you will be living in a neighborhood that doesn’t see many foreigners and is not very glamorous. But you will be centrally located for easy, cheap trips to very cool and far out places. Cultural interaction: you want to learn a language or get to know what life is like in a different culture, this is the way to go. Working with kids- if you want to be a 1st grade teacher, that’s basically what you will be.
Cons:

Working with kids. If you need to achieve goals and ‘always be closing’ to find reward in your job, ESL is not for you. It kind of turns your mind to mush because tiny gains require lots of work, but not all that much thinking. Similarly, you have to be ok with small goals and hazy rewards. You will not be turning kids into fluent speakers, so you have to be happy with a couple new vocab words here and there and sometimes it is easy to forget/not notice that progress is being made. Low pay. A different standard of living (I have no plumbing or kitchen, there are no sidewalks, and throwing trash out is the same thing as littering). Loneliness: the job can get lonely as it will take effort to find/meet up with someone that speaks your language, drinks your beer, or likes your food. Communicating is tough and will often have to be done at a very basic level and you will be deprived of many of the securities you had back home (no TV, mac and cheese, Guinness, movie theatre, etc.).
ESL can be the easiest or hardest job in the world; it all depends on who you are. You have to be able to let things slide and roll off your back, here in Thailand we call it “mai bpen rai.” And, even if you do like it, I would suggest not expecting every day to smell like roses and taste like sugar. But, there certainly are rewards, like experiencing first hand and being shown off at a King’s Birthday celebration. Standing front and center to local people doing traditional dances, songs, and alms giving is that sublime moment you hoped for when signing up. That first poop, without toilet paper, in a hole, is the story that will never die. Your first taste of scorpion, cockroach, or previously uneaten organ will stay with you. And, you can be damn sure that you will gain access to things no tourist ever has: neighborhood petanq games, cock fights, bull shitting sessions, faction fights, etc. Good luck on the ESL job search, I hope this helped.

A student today said, “I was cut my hair.” This is a common mistake. Another one is ” I cut my hair.” This isn’t technically wrong, but there is a better way to say that you had your hair done:

I had my hair cut.

注意:「 He had his hair cut」は「（無理やり）髪を切られた」の意にもなる

I got my hair cut.

I got a haircut.

You can also say:

I went to the hair salon.

I went to the beauty salon.

I went to the barber’s.

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common mistake: よくある間違え

technically: 厳密に言えば

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Speak! English Salon/スピーク英会話サロン
http://web.me.com/josephcamcinnis
福岡市中央区大名１－１２－３６

I recently learned that the Ira A. Murphy Elementary School has been chosen by Salt River Project (SRP) to receive photovoltaic systems for their rooftops from the SRP Solar for Schools program. The program funds the installation and maintenance of 10-kilowatt roof-mounted solar photovoltaic systems. SRP will also provide Ira A. Murphy with materials and training to educate students about solar energy.

Participants in the workshop, Adaptation: Life in the Ocean at New England Aquarium will learn content and activities about the unique structures and behaviors that allow animals such as penguins, sharks and whales to survive in marine habitats around the world. In addition, participants will  learn how to use the Teacher Resource Center resources, such as kits and books, and Aquarium exhibits as teaching tools in the classroom.

Appropriate for teachers of grades K-5; teachers of other grades are welcome to attend.
Saturday, January 9, 8:30 a.m. to 3 p.m.
New England Aquarium Teacher Resource Center
Cost: $50
A certificate of participation is available to all participants. Ten  PDPs are available for participants completing an additional project with students in the classroom.
Advance registration is required. Please call 617-973-6590, or email the Teacher Resource Center at trc@neaq.org.

What’s the difference in meaning of the following?

In a moment.

For a moment.

At the moment.

So, my first blog. Iteresting to say the least isn’t it? I dunno, I mean I should be doing a crap-load of homework, but if you actually think about it, teachers don’t care if you do it that well really. It’s not like they’re going to stick it on the board or wall if you did really well- not like they used to in elementary. I really thought about this and then (I just remembered that I have a science page in my backpack that needs the internet. Sucks…) I think about all the times when I rushed to do my best in that last hour. Haha, I remember having a project due the same day I brought the huge page of construction paper and a glue stick. I planned to print my paper out in the morning, but I made my old English teacher do it during passing period. Feel sorry for the guy.

Wow, it’s weird. My English teachers are awesome -both of them came from my elementary- and I think my current one is more normal than any of the teachers I have had. Huh. 

…okay, so i’m going to try and do this: write some poetry at the end of each blog. Just because I want to. ^^ and because I have no life, haha. 

<^> From these promises you made, I see you in a light. You’re very kind. You’re very fun. You’re very exciting. You care. You know me so well. You have everything I want. You’re the best. As I sit here on the front porch waiting with my suitcase, I think, my face toward the empty street, ”You must have forgot.”

Remember back in elementary school when your school or class would have a fundraiser for something? You would sometimes be given a block of raffle tickets that you needed to sell.

Sometimes there would be a type of incentive to get you to sell a certain amount of tickets. I was always good at those contests, especially when it was during a time when ALL of the family was getting together.

Well I was grocery shopping back in October and some elementary school children were selling raffle tickets. So I bought three and continued on my way.

I guess today was the big draw and I got a phone call. To me surprise I had one a $200 gift card for Costco. Now isn’t that a nice surprise?

Normally if I win anything from those types of contests it is something that I cannot even make use of! So this would be a first for me. It also now gives me a reason to get a Costco membership!

The sad part is I can’t really remember what they were fundraising for, but I hope that they sold enough tickets to get whatever it was! And thank you to the elementary school for my Costco gift card.

On the off chance that you have recently won a prize, congrats to you too! Smiles. : )

J-Lo and Kim Kardashian beware…when the butt begins to fall, just let nature take its course. The seemingly harmless elective surgeries that man has created to firm up, or expand on what nature did not naturally provide to a woman,has once again proven to be fatal.

Sexy Solange Magnano

This weekend, another natural beauty has succumbed to the pressures of maintaining a youthful appearance, rather than to grow old gracefully.  A former Miss Argentina died Sunday after complications arising from plastic surgery on her buttocks, in an attempt to firm up butt,that in her own opinion,had begun to sag.

The AP is reporting…Solange Magnano,38, a mother of twins who won the crown in 1994, died of a pulmonary embolism Sunday after three days in critical condition following a gluteoplasty in Buenos Aires.

Close friend Roberto Piazza said the procedure involved injections and the liquid “went to her lungs and brain.”

“A woman who had everything lost her life to have a slightly firmer behind,” he said.”She lived the life of a goddess, she was the envy of everybody.”

The model Magnano died undergoing a Gluteoplasty – a procedure to either lift the buttocks, or to enlarge the posterior by inserting synthetic implants. It has long been rumored to be the surgery that Kim Kardashian may quite possibly have had to give her ample butt a lift,but it has never been substantiated.

Gluteoplasty

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buttock_augmentation

It is an operation favoured by women who want fuller and firmer buttocks, hoping to look like stars such as Jennifer Lopez or Beyoncé Knowles. Dr. Gonzalo Cortes y Tristan said she arrived at his hospital with an acute respiratory deficiency. Her condition deteriorated until she suffered the embolism.

Ms Magnano was buried in her hometown of San Francisco, in the province of Cordoba, in front of 300 people yesterday.

Magnano’s burial Monday was shown on Argentine television.

Ms Magnano was a very succesful fashion model working the runway around the world, and it is reported that in Paris, she was highly sought after to wear top designers clothes because she offered a little different body type. She was different, not a Barbie-like beauty.

Unfortunetly, lately Ms Magnano had given in to her obsession to maintain her youthful appearance, even after giving birth to twins.

The Sun is reporting that…her death has sparked a huge debate in Argentina about the rights and wrongs of cosmetic surgery. Around 50,000 cosmetic operations were carried out in the country last year, up more than 60 per cent in five years.

Increasing numbers of foreigners are travelling to the South America country, as surgery there is relatively cheap.

Tragically, what is left here is the fact that a beautiful,healthy, young mother has died unnecessarily,and her two twins are now left behind to grow up with no mother.

I send out my condolences to Ms Magnano and her family.

Read more on this sad story from the sources listed below:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2753415/Model-dies-after-bum-firmingop.html#ixzz0YSP2jW3l

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jEtDi3wTgLJGg2dItM7nBWzNZ16QD9CA76RO0

Steven greeted me with a puzzle when I entered the office today. I got it after thinking a bit, though I definitely have seen this a long time ago:

Given 51 numbers between 1 and 100, show that you can find two of them that are relatively prime

Proof:

By pigeonhole, we must get at least two numbers of the form {x, x+1}, where x is odd. These two are relatively prime.

Steven then gave me a strictly harder followup. This took me a bit longer, and afterwards I was very happy to have come up with an unorthodox solution, and hence a new post:

Given 51 numbers between 1 and 100, show that you can find two of them such that one divides the other.

Proof and analysis:

Start by putting every number between 1 and 100 into a bucket. Now, starting with 100 and moving down to 2, move *all* the numbers in the bin of every even number of the form into the bucket where is. Each time we do this, a bucket becomes empty. So at the end we have 50 buckets. By pigeonhole, we must get at least two numbers in the same bucket. The quotient of those two numbers is a power of two, so we’re done.

Note I could have just said something like: “for every odd number , put all numbers of the form into the same equivalence class” and then counted equivalence classes. However, it seems that in this language, counting equivalence classes requires at least a couple of steps of thought. For some unknown reason, by using this handwavy “bucket” talk, the number of equivalence classes is obviously 50, whereas by using the more rigorous language above, I don’t see an immediate way to get the answer at quite the same speed.

People used to competitions would probably recognize the first problem as an old chestnut; this is actually a puzzle Uncle Erdos used to test mathematical ability in young kids (‘epsilons’). I don’t know where the second problem comes from.

Happy Thanksgiving,
-Yan

By 2010 an Intergovernmental Council will ratify a Statement of Interdependence that will guide us toward greater efficiencies among our public institutions and services.

My netbook has been bitching at me for the past two weeks. Wouldn’t detect the hard drive. I finally learned how to open up the thing and reseat the drive. Put it back together, still doesn’t work. Put in a USB drive, boots right up and hasn’t had a problem since, other than the random shutdowns it has suffered from before.

This little summary brings me to the big story. I decided that a new netbook was in order. I decided I would go to Best Buy and take advantage of the no interest for 18 months credit offer. I went to the store, got the netbook with all the trimmings, went to the register, and the credit application server was down. I had to abandon my things and go home. I then tried to apply for the card at home some time later. DENIED.

How sad is it to not even be accepted for store credit. STORE CREDIT! The bastard child of the sordid credit industry won’t even accept me! Guess my credit is worse than I thought: nonexistant. Maybe Fry’s will help a brotha out. Hopefully I can get a card of sometime before Obama’s CARD Act goes into effect, thus barring me from getting one ’til I’m 21. It stuns me that an American nineteen-year-old is able to smoke, own land, vote, and risk his life in defense of our country, but cannot buy a bottle of Bailey’s on a credit card. A damn shame.

Other than Black Friday, my Thanksgiving break has been fun. Dinners at relatives’ houses, sitting around in a turkey coma, and yet another dinner on Saturday at a good friend’s. My friend who is also an uncle to several nieces and nephews, who we escorted to the playground at the elementary school after their constant demands. We went to the playground I once played on in elementary school. It had been what seems like forever since I had been on the grounds of Valley View Elementary. The majority of the playground equipment I played on was no longer there, being moved either to the less used playground on the other side of campus or banished to the pathetic city park on the edge of town. It was all plastic and sterile now; nothing like the bumpy metal slide that burned your ass in the summer and countless kids fell off of, or the gargantuan (when I was little) spiral slide that also burned your ass in the summer and suffered from traffic jams when a kid would decide to block the way. There would sometimes be at least twenty of us crammed onto that slide at one time. How all of it had changed made me feel old. But it was still cool to see kids enjoy the same little schoolyard I enjoyed. It may not be the best school in the world, but you sure can’t say it’s not a memorable one.

But, life goes on, and it starts with going back to work Monday and hopefully finding credit. Hooray?

Yesterday,Nov.27,09 is a new fine day. We ate well, I read my daily thought, and work late afternoon. We attended Jengs ceremony for her girl scout activity. It was so nice going back to my former elementary school, and reminiscing moments there. It touches my heart when they start marching as the GSP song starts to play. I felt like I was wow, my mom sees me this way before and she’s proud of me too like the way we were  for Jeng. From morning and until this morning, they live in their school camp with their tents without parents and families. Their teachers guide them. I was so happy for Jeng,she has lots of stories to tell I bet.

We slept at mom’s room, since we’re three left here in the house. It was a good sleep for me though you know, I am not comfortable with that room. Mom can’t sleep because she used to hug Jeng during sleeping hours. No laughters yesterday but a quiet conversations with us three,mom,AngeL and I.We missed Jeng and it was a different day we admit.

I didn’t receive any call or text from Jon yesterday but I know he’s fine. I am confident we are better now. I wasn’t able to give Nie Jon pics and I felt bad,Nie said she’ll visit here to took bluetooth but she does not. I am worried if they got angry or what.hmmm….sorry.

Pray baby,we’ll be fine,ayabu baby a lot!mwah!

For some strange, strange reason, I woke up about … two hours ago. I’m assuming this thing doesn’t have a time stamp, so I’ll go ahead and tell you that two hours ago was 4:30.

IN THE MORNING.

I’m not sure as to why I’m currently sitting here, typing this out, instead of sleeping like a normal human does on a Saturday morning, but I am. And I hate it.

I’m sure this happens to everyone, so it’s not that big of a deal. But I really despise being awake this early because it makes me think of that gut-churning realization I got every morning from the age of 5 to 12, where I knew it was time to go to elementary school.

This feeling is the WORST feeling on earth, and despite the fact it’s been almost two years since I graduated from high school, the feeling is creeping back right now, and I’m trying not to huddle in terror in the corner of my room, clutching my Trolls lunchbox and crying.

Or something like that.

And it’s not that elementary school was bad. Because it wasn’t. It ROCKED. There was recess, stories read after lunch, tons of things to do that didn’t involve biology or algebra or any of this complicated shit they’re trying to teach me right now. It was a regular paradise. But that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach has always been there, and the only time I get it is on mornings like this one.

I’d like someone to explain this to me, because it really doesn’t make sense. Both the being awake right now thing and the fact I feel like I’m 7 again. It’s unsettling.

Ugh.