ready to go in just TWO weeks!

It will also be available for downloading from my new website

(to be put online July 8, 2011):

www.DrNeilRand.com

Positive Thoughts is a book of

Powerful Insights and short Inspirational Readings

All designed to help you learn to

Be Positive

&

Create The Life & The Love You Truly Want!

Yes, it’s possible!

I would be happy to tell you about Positive Thoughts - and why I feel it’s my best book yet.

You can reach me at:

DrRand@comcast.net

A Green Light Experience For Your Life

#2 in The “Red Light” Series

Neil E. Rand, PhD

We all encounter red lights.  There are red lights while we are driving and red lights which occur in our lives.  Every red light is life’s way of giving you a break.  You can use this break to mindlessly stare out the windshield, or let yourself feel irritated at not moving forward or worried about being late.  Or you can use this unexpected break to something of benefit for yourself.

Make a decision that every time you stop at a red light, you will immediately take some deep relaxing breaths and focus on all the positive which has been occurring in your life – the positive currently taking place, and all the positive which has occurred in your past.  Then go on to think about all the positive you want to have in the future, as well as the positive you are already planning for the days and years to come.  As you do this, let yourself feel the positive feelings and emotions which will be generated within you as you think about all this positive in your life – past, present, and future. 

A good place to start focusing on the positive is to think about all the people who love you, all the people who truly care about you, and all the people who have ever cared about you.  You can focus on the love and caring your family and friends have been sharing with you.  Choose to feel in your Heart that love and caring and warmth which has been flowing to you from their Hearts – the love that always remains with you. 

You can also think back on all the people who have ever expressed caring toward you, or performed a caring act for your benefit, or expressed a word of kindness or compassion to you.  Someone holding the door open for you when your arms are filled with packages, and a person who is sincere when she says, “Have a great day!” are both expressions of caring. 

Or you can think about all the favors people have done for you, or all the support which has been offered to you, or the gifts of all kinds which people have given to you, or the help you received when you really needed it – the help, the favors, and the support which were all freely given to you from the Heart.  Help, favors, gifts, and support, when freely given, are magnificent expressions of love and caring and respect.  Sitting at the red light is a perfect time to acknowledge these loving and caring expressions for the wonderful gifts they truly are – and for the positive feelings and happiness each one brought into your life. 

Focusing on all the positive in your life, past as well as present, enables you to open up, relax, and enjoy the moments you spend at all the red lights on the road – and at all the red lights which occur along the pathways of your life.  These moments can also be used to set the stage for beginning to utilize all these positive thoughts from your present and your past as a foundation for building the positive you wish to have in the future. 

You may even come to the point where you are glad to see a red light when you are driving, for you appreciate the opportunity this respite along your journey is providing you for re-centering yourself on your pathway of being positive. 

Wishing you positive thoughts today and a positive life always,

Dr. Neil Rand

AskDrRand@comcast.net

Dr. Rand is Executive Director of The Healing Center of The Rocky Mountains,

A New Concept For Healing, Wellness, and Personal Growth

Info@TheHealingCenterRM.org

©Copyright 2010 by Neil E. Rand, Ph.D.

A Green Light Opportunity

Neil E. Rand, PhD

The red lights when you are driving – and the red lights in your life – both force you to stop on your way to your destination.  The red lights in your life stop you from taking an intended course of action, pursuing a particular goal, or taking a chosen direction.

Right now you may see that red light as a frustrating interference and an unwanted roadblock in your life.  But in the overall scheme of things, you will discover that red light is your friend, not your enemy. 

The red stop lights when you are driving and the red lights on the pathways of your life both force you to stop.  They give you a “time out” – a pause you can use to your advantage. 

You can use this pause for grumbling or griping or for seeing the red light as one more negative thing to be added to your mental list of all the negative events and problems in your life.

Or you can use this pause for something important.  You can say to yourself, “Life is stopping me for a reason.  Life is giving me a needed moment to stop and consider what I am doing and where I am going in my life.”  Then…. 

1. While you are stopped at the red light, try turning your attention onto the positive which has been occurring in your life and whether you have been acknowledging that positive and truly letting it in.  Or…. 

2. Focus on whether you have been using your energies to create the positive you want to have in your life.  Or…. 

3. Think about whether you have been expressing the positive within you and sharing it with others (especially your positive feelings of love and support).  Or…. 

4. Consider whether you could be using your time and energy in a more productive and more positive manner.  Or…. 

5. Focus on the positive life you want to create for yourself.  Close your eyes and imagine what it would be like and feel like if you were living that positive life right now – and let yourself feel and enjoy the positive feelings this will generate within you.  After a moment or two, think about what steps you could be taking today (and tomorrow) to move yourself forward along your pathway of creating this positive life you truly want. 

When you shift your focus to the positive you want to create, you may see that the red traffic light and the red light in your life have both changed to green. 

Wishing you positive thoughts today and a positive life always,

Dr. Neil Rand

AskDrRand@comcast.net

Dr. Rand is Executive Director of The Healing Center of The Rocky Mountains,

A New Concept For Healing, Wellness, and Personal Growth

Info@TheHealingCenterRM.org

Improving Your Relationship

Neil E. Rand, Ph.D.

When an argument starts, you have two choices: 

1. Follow the same script as you and your spouse (or you and your boyfriend/girlfriend or significant other) have followed so many times in the past, and end up with the same unwanted, unsatisfying, and painful results.  

– OR –

2. You can choose to do something different in order to create a positive outcome which leads to a satisfying “win-win” situation for both of you. 

Arguments occur and don’t get resolved because there are underlying issues which are not being recognized, or expressed, or dealt with.  These issues usually are about feelings – feeling you are not being listened to, feeling you are not being considered or understood, not feeling loved or cared about, and feeling you are not being acknowledged for who you truly are.  These issues can lead to painful feelings of rejection, hurt, sadness, loss, and feeling alone. 

Arguments don’t get resolved because these underlying issues, and the painful emotions they generate within you, are not being addressed or worked out – leaving both of you with hurt feelings.  Regardless of who appears to have “won” the argument, you have both lost – because you both walk away feeling hurt, angry, dissatisfied, and other painful emotions. 

You can change this pattern by following these 7 helpful steps for resolving any argument:

1. Call for a “time out.”  Put up your hands in a letter “T” signaling for a time out and say, “Let’s stop this argument right now because it isn’t working for either of us – and I really don’t want to argue with you any more.” 

2. Express the emotions you are feeling.  Say to your spouse (or significant other), “What I am feeling right now is hurt, unhappy, and unloved (or whatever painful feelings you are feeling) – and I don’t want to feel this way.”  Don’t explain why you are feeling this way or start blaming your spouse for these feelings, for this will simply reignite the argument.  Stick to expressing what you are feeling in one or two sentences, and conclude with “And I don’t want to feel this way.” 

3. Find out what your spouse is feeling.  Without pausing, ask your spouse, “What are you feeling right now?”  Then listen without interrupting to your spouse’s expression of what he or she is feeling. 

4. Express what you want to feel instead.  In a clear and concise fashion, tell your spouse what you really want to be feeling and experiencing at this moment.  Say, “What I really want right now is to feel love and caring and peace (or whatever positive feelings you want to feel).” 

5. Ask your spouse what he or she wants to be feeling.  Without pausing, ask your spouse, “What do you want to feel right now?”  Then listen once again without interrupting. 

6. Invite your spouse (or significant other) to join you in creating what you both want.  Say, “Let’s talk about how we can create what we both really want – and let’s start right now.” 

7. Give your spouse a hug or a kiss, or express some other form of affection to reconnect with him or her.  Then begin talking about ways you can together create the love, caring, support, and peace you both want to have in your relationship. 

One you have performed these 7 steps, you can choose to shift your focus onto resolving the issue that led to the argument.  Practice listening to one another, and searching for solutions together, rather than making each other wrong. 

After doing these 7 simple steps, you will find it much easier to arrive at solutions which will work for both of you – for you have taken care of the underlying issues which were blocking you and keeping the argument going.  You may even find that the issue which seemed so important before now seems minor – because the real underlying issues of love, caring, and support have been resolved to your satisfaction. 

Enjoy the peace, the caring, and the love you are learning to create together in this new way!

© Copyright 2009  Neil E. Rand, Ph.D.

DrRand@comcast.net

Neil E Rand, Ph.D.

Five great ways to quickly reduce your stress are:

1. Deep breathing.  Long, slow, deep, relaxing breaths in and out will act to ease your mind at the same time it relaxes your body.  Three minutes of deep breathing with eyes closed and with your attention focused on each breath is all most people need to reach a very calm place. 

2. Emotional release.  Focus on the painful negative emotions which are the primary constituents of your stress, and then use an effective method or technique for ridding yourself of these toxic emotions (Don’t delay.  Do it right away!).  You will notice an immediate change within you – to feeling calmer, more peaceful, and much more relaxed. 

3. Exercise.  Strenuous exertion has been shown time and again to be an effective way for letting go of the stress which builds up in your physical body.  Doing deep breathing and emotional release at the same time you do heavy exercise or work out will magnify the benefits you receive for your mind, your emotions, and your spirit – as well as for your body. 

4. Shift your focus.  Make the choice to stop focusing on all the negative thoughts, judgments, self-criticisms, and self-limiting beliefs you have been generating and holding onto.  Then choose to focus on and relive a great day you had, a wonderful event which occurred, or a very happy time in your life (even if it was just for an hour or two).  Let yourself feel the positive feelings and emotions which are created within you simply by choosing to shift your focus onto the positive in your life. 

5. Open your Heart to love.  Express the love you have in your Heart in satisfying and fulfilling ways.  Do something nice for someone, or call someone and say something positive, or take some action which shows you care, or spontaneously give your spouse a big hug and a kiss.  You can’t feel angry or fearful or lonely or stressed when you are feeling and experiencing love and when you are expressing caring.  One of the best parts of expressing love and caring is the love and caring you receive in return. 

When you use these five simple methods, you will quickly and easily rid yourself of stress.  Keep using these methods, and you will prevent the stress monster from invading your life ever again.  It really is your choice.  You can choose the negativity, painful emotions, and misery of your stress, or enjoy being relaxed, calm, and loving.  Choose to be positive and stress-free today! 

For More Information:  DrRand@comcast.net

Website:  http://DrRand.home.comcast.net

Dealing with Stress

The goal in dealing with stress should not be coping with stress, or even stress management. These approaches still have you holding onto your stress, although at what you feel is a lower, less painful, and “acceptable” level. But it’s not really acceptable – because it’s still painful.  Holding onto your stress, and “managing it” or “coping with it,” is declaring you are powerless to deal with it and clear it out of your system and your life.  It is giving up. 

The truth is you can be totally free of stress if you choose it – and if you make a solid commitment to make living a stress-free life a reality for yourself. 

Being free of stress begins with ridding yourself of the real causes for your stress – your negative beliefs, judgments, painful emotional reactions, and fear. Then you may proceed on to healing your physical body, your relationships, and the rest of your life of all the negative effects your stress has caused.

In regard to your stress, the healthiest, most productive, and most fulfilling goal is stress elimination.  Eliminating stress from your life is a more realistic, more readily attainable, and more rewarding goal than “coping.” Stress reduction methods form the first step toward eliminating stress. Stress elimination leads to peace, to being positive, and to creating the life you truly want.

 Wishing you positive thoughts today and a positive life always,

Neil Rand

Coming up next:  Tips for Rapidly Reducing Your Stress

The Symptoms of Stress

There are numerous physical symptoms caused by stress, many of which are widely recognized – such as headaches, muscle tension, neck pain, tics, ulcers, and teeth grinding.  There are also many mental, emotional, psychological, and behavioral  symptoms of stress – symptoms which people often don’t realize are related to stress.

Your view of life, your perceptions of your life and of the nature of your personal world, your view of others, and your perspective on relationships may all change for the worse and be negatively tainted by your ongoing experience of stress.

Stress can act like a dark filter over your eyes coloring everything you see and negatively influencing how you will react to all the events and occurrences in your life – the positive events as well as the negative ones.

For Example:  A man is at a football game on Saturday. He is highly stressed about giving a major presentation at work on Monday, a presentation which may greatly affect his career and his future. He will most likely not be engaged in the game and enjoying it in the same way he would have if he were relaxed. In fact, he may not be able to keep his mind on the game or enjoy it at all. Or his stress may lead him to be irritable or short with family and friends – or be withdrawn from them. His stress is negatively influencing his actions, his behaviors, his relationships, and his life.

 Wishing you positive thoughts today and a positive life always,

Neil Rand

The Underlying Causes for Stress

Question:  Why do we react negatively to certain events – and then feel the painful reactions, emotions, and effects of stress? 

Answer:  The events we judge as negative act to trigger our negative self-limiting beliefs about ourselves and our lives. (e.g. “I’m not good enough.” “Love hurts.” “Life is hard.” “Nobody really cares.” “No one really understands me.” “I’m all alone.”)

These negative beliefs then lead us to feel painful negative feelings and emotions – such as hurt, guilt, regret, humiliation, despair, sadness, rejection, hopelessness, and grief.

We then feel anger and fear in response to the negative beliefs about ourselves, and as a reaction to the painful feelings we are experiencing.

If we hold onto the fear, anger, painful emotions, and negative self-limiting beliefs about ourselves, or try to stuff it all down inside of us where we think we won’t feel it and won’t have to deal with it, then we feel what we call stress.

Check back here for Part 3…
Wishing you positive thoughts now and a positive life always,

Neil Rand

Website:  DrRand.home.comcast.net

When you understand the true nature of stress, then you can begin to effectively deal with it – and over time eliminate it from your life.

Stressors

Stressors are simply events, situations, and occurrences we don’t like and judge to be negative, harmful, threatening, or painful – or all of these.

Stressors do not cause stress.  Our reactions to these stressors cause our stress.

Many people often mistakenly define stress by citing a list of their stressors.

What Stress is

Stress starts with a negative judgment about the situation you find yourself in, a judgment that this situation is harmful to you and painful to be in.  There is also the threat or danger or expectation that some even worse and even more negative outcome is about to take place which will be even more painful.  Stress is most often ongoing and long-term, rather than your initial reaction to events. 

The primary components of stress are:

1. Fear of very painful negative consequences and the very painful negative emotions you expect to experience in the near future – painful emotions which are unavoidable and which you will carry around within you for a very long time

2. Anger over being in this awful situation – anger at yourself, other people, life, an uncaring world, and/or God

3. Sadness or despair about being in this terrible situation, with no perceived way out

4. Feeling alone and unsupported by others just when you need them most, as well as not cared about while you endure this awful situation

5. Feeling powerless or helpless because you don’t see a way out of this situation you really don’t want to be in – and you don’t perceive any way to avoid the even worse outcome which you expect to occur.  It’s feeling stuck in your situation. 

6. Anxiety about the present – and about what is to come in the future.

 To be continued…

Wishing you positive thoughts today and a positive, stress-free life always,

Neil Rand