Cave Baby is currently teething, growing, and Wonder Weeking all at the same time. He’s currently taking the longest nap he’s taken in weeks, on my chest, in the Ergo. We’ve reached an hour and a half already! He’s been a very non-sleeping baby these days. That’s the biggest reason I’ve been a non-blogger, haha.

He’s seven months now, and it’s seriously come to my attention how much effort he takes now. Gone are the days when we would spend lazy days in bed, joined at the boob. Gone are the days of long naps (obviously) and a baby that would lay still long enough to get his diaper changed (right now, I’m so thankful for elimination communication, there’s not even words to describe it). He’s now a jabbering, jibbering, crawling, cruising, loud and busy little bundle of noise. Of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, at the moment, I’m very glad for websites and blog contributors like Dr. Momma and The Leaky Boob for providing me (and other moms, both new and experienced) with information on nursing and peaceful parenting. Especially peaceful parenting.

As Cave Baby gets older, women in our due date club talk more and more about sleep training techniques and “behavior problems”, it breaks my heart…particularly when they talk about (bum bum bum…you guessed it) “cry it out”. There are a dozen different ways to engage in the “cry it out” technique, and, if you ask me, they are all horrible. Babies were not meant to cry. If you’re a mother, you most likely would rather tear your hair out than hear your baby cry. We call that an instinct, and it should be followed. There is no evidence that crying it out works, at least not in an appropriate way. Sure, you sometimes end up with a baby that doesn’t cry for you anymore, but babies in Romanian orphanages don’t cry either. Why? Because they know that no one is coming. If I could talk to these “CIO moms” (which I don’t dare to do, in most cases, for a lot of different reasons, mostly pertaining to their own personal safety), I would ask them if that is what they wanted the cornerstone of their mother-child relationship to be. “Call me when you need me, I’ll come if it’s convenient.”

Sadly, most of these women aren’t even to blame. There are roots to this behavior (in the women, not the babies), and that is in the way our society is run, and what is expected of women. In a lot of respects, we didn’t do ourselves a lot of favors during the women’s lib movement. I know that’s not a very politically correct thing to say, but it’s true. Because now, not only are women expected to keep the house clean and keep the kids alive (two very big jobs, alone), but we are expected to be full-time worker bees, as well. Because of that, most of our husbands can’t find a job that pays enough to support a family, so we don’t get much of a choice (Yes, I’m using the term “we” rather loosely here). It’s not much a coincidence that sleep training techniques, such as BabyWise, promise to have your baby sleeping 8-12 hours by 8-12 weeks. The majority of women go back to work sometime between 6-12 weeks postpartum.

Now if anyone would like to sleep for 8-12 hours at a stretch, it’s this mama, right here. I’m exhausted. I would give nearly anything for him to take a proper nap, so I could eat some lunch by myself and make a phone call (or maybe, you know, write in my blog). But frankly, it’s unnatural. Babies are rapidly growing human beings, that get hungry and have rights of their own (the right to be fed when they’re hungry, for example). And here’s the thing…when I got pregnant, I knew that I better catch up on my sleep, because a baby was definitely going to throw a wrench in that, at least for a little while. I always knew, that, though. Doesn’t everybody? I fail to see why one would make the choice to be a mother if sleep was so important that she would let her baby “fail to thrive” in order to get it. But again, it’s way more of a society thing.

It’s a good thing this blog is mostly for ranting, because I have to go for now….but let me leave you with a thought…If any “sleep training” technique forces you to make a choice between following it, and breastfeeding (read: BabyWise), abandon it completely, even if you’re not breastfeeding. Seeing as how breastfeeding is the natural and normal way to feed a human infant, sleep “training” should embrace it, not “work around” it. Just food for thought. More later, hopefully soon.

Love and light–

Cave Mom

When I first heard about EC, I thought it was crazy hippy rubbish- a load of people who didn’t use nappies at all, and let their childs go to the toilet everywhere and anywhere.

But the theory is actually common sense. a baby is born with awareness of both bladder and bowel movements… they do not choose to use nappies, we make them. By wearing nappies they lose the connection and lose the control. EC simply allows them to remain more connected with their bladder and bowel… kind of. So, by reading a babies cues a care giver will allow a baby to eliminate more freely- they aim to catch wees and poos rather than just letting them go anywhere and everywhere- and it is a process which takes trial and error but does work- facial expressions, timing and some careful communication allow the parent to catch…

The thing that finally tempted me to try it, was the realisation it isn’t an all or nothing approach. Many parents do it part time- using nappies when out and about, when in the car, at night- whenever suits the individual.

It does with attachment parenting as it is an extension of being able to read your baby… being so in tune with them, you can read them and when they need to eliminate.

So, my plan is to have some nappy free time every day- maybe when near a nappy to ‘catch’, and build up from there- I think, when we are out and about, when ‘baby’ is sleeping and probably for most of the day it will be nappies as normal… but each and every day I shall try and have some time to work with this. Maybe I will try it during a feed- even with a nappy below but not on… if she eliminates, it will be caught and I will look and spot any signs that it was about to happ en. I will also use my own cue- a sound- so baby associates it with elimination so, in time, I can help baby know when to eliminate.

I have no idea how, if or what will happen but I’d like to see how it works for us, a fairly normal family

I had been so excited to start EC after I read a great post about it on Katesurfs, but when the baby came that all changed. There were so many new things that I needed to learn, considering that I had only held a baby three times in my life and adding another task seemed so stressing to me. I decided to first get a  hang on the breastfeeding, changing diaper, giving her a bath and remember to have something to eat once in a while! ( I probably would had starved without my BF) So I postponed EC untill I would get more comfortable with the new role as a mother. The weeks past and somehow there were always new and new things to learn. She was also starting to cry many times a day were I had no idea what was causing it. Well I was producing too much milk, having forceful letdown and she was swallowing a lot of air, so I guessed it had something to do with that. But after making solutions to all of those problems she was still having those cries in the day time where I was clueless and nothing seemed to work. When she was around seven weeks, I was standing with her crying in my arms when all of a sudden a light was turned on! I looked at her and asked do you need to poop? Then I took of her cloth diaper, put her above a bucket and off she went! A big smile came on her face saying ; I have been trying to tell you! There was  like a big burden had just been lifted off my shoulders and I catched her eliminations 3 times more in that day! I just replaced all of those times where I didn’t know what to do, with that she needed to make a pee pee or a poopy , so I already had a good idea of  when it is she needs to go. It works! After that day we have been practising 100% EC and had many dry diapers She stills has a fussy time in the evening (which now I am pretty sure is because of over stimulation from all the new things she is learning ) and then she has occasionally something going on with her stomach. But after we started EC-ing it has gotten so much better, the days runs pretty smoothly and now I have more clear view of what our little girl needs  EC for the win! I can tell you that she really does not like to make a potty in the diaper! If she has peed in the diaper and I am not fast enough to change it, she is going to give me a big cry to let me know. She can also hold it so I or Brian can manage to take her to the potty and what I think is most interesting is that after we started EC-ing she has stopped making a poopy over the night, though she is waking up every two hours to feed, she waits with it untill the morning when I take her to the bathroom.

The adventure has only just begun and I never knew how easy it would get. Sure it takes some extra trips to the toilet over the day but it is so totally worth it when you receive all those smiles afterwards.

Isabella super excited after mommy took her to the toilet.

Untill next, peace.
-Linda

Joshi asleep in his comfy training pants

When Joshi was 8 months old it suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t need to put a nappy on him at night. (The fact that it took a few months for me to realise this probably has something to do with the sleep deprivation that comes with mammahood).  I realised that for the past few months I’d been waking up, removing his dry cloth nappy, taking him to the potty, putting his dry nappy back on and going back to sleep.  So why am I wasting my time putting this nappy on him?  From then on it was the end of night-time nappies.

Since then, from the time he falls asleep for the night until he wakes up in the morning to play, he’s either naked (coz it’s cooking hot) or in these cute little cloth training pants. The training pants are for toddlers, so they’re a bit big for him, but they’re much lighter and more comfortable than the cloth nappies he’s been wearing.  They look like undies but they have a tiny bit of absorbancy (I did say a tiny bit) and cost about $2 a pair.

Although we’ve been practicing EC (elimination communication) with him since he was 10 days old, it was mostly daytime time EC’ing we did, hardly any at night, at least for the first 6 months.  My back was really knackered after the pregnancy and birth and took about 5 months to feel strong again.  Not only had my abdominal muscles split apart (as they often do in mammas-to-be), my internal organs had done a huge shuffle.  Both of these really affected my back, so I prioritized resting it completely at night by not getting up to lift Joshi onto the potty.  In those days, whenever he woke, I’d just roll over in a daze, feed him lying down and then fall asleep again.  Joshi’s always slept between us, so this was all very easy.  Looking back, he was probably often waking to go to the potty.  In fact, knowing what I know now, I’d say he definitely was, but I’d just feed him and then we’d pass out.

Another reason why I didn’t EC him at night for those first few months was because I honestly thought it would be massively hard.  I was so wrong.  “That’s for the die-hard EC’ers,” I thought.  Ironically it turned out to be heaps easier than day-time EC’ing for us.  (Although I have heard of parents who find night-time EC’ing harder than day-time).

Anyway, as soon as I started taking him to the potty through the night (from 6 months onwards), he’s had a dry nappy right way through (except once when he was unwell).   Since then the night-time routine has been really effortless.  When he wakes he’s always dry.   I then sit him on the potty straight away and feed him – yes, simultaneously.  This all happens really calmly.  There’s no sound, except for the sound of me going “pssshhhh” and the sound of him feeding, and his eyes are closed throughout.   There’s no fuss and no struggle.   And when he’s finished I slide his training pants back up, lie him back down on the bed between us and it’s back to sleep for us both.   This whole night-time potty/feeding thing takes 5 to 10 minutes and happens anywhere between 2 and 6 times a night.

I used to think that babies wake in the night because they’re uncomfortable from weeing in their nappy and need changing, but now I realise I was wrong.  Joshi wakes because he either needs to feed, or wee, or both.  And I don’t think he’s clever or extraordinary or because of it.  Babies really aren’t so different from adults in this respect.  Like us, they often wake because their bladder’s full and it needs emptying.  Have you ever tried sleeping when your bladder’s full?  Not possible! Of course, if a baby’s not responded to when they need to go then they’re eventually going to have to do it in their nappy if their bladder’s very full.

With Joshi, we’ve noticed that when he wakes up, whether during the night or day, he holds it until one of us sits him on the potty. And then, ahhhhhh … it’s sweet relief.

I’m not even really sure what else I could possibly add here, other than muse on the view and subsequent thoughts of passers-by and the neighbours. And to gush over the thigh and tushie fat rolls, which are just GORGEOUS.

I suppose I should mention that she climbs up there herself, she loves climbing. She uses the pink stool thing next to the chair. She sits there watching the world ogle by, blissfully unaware of her 'state of Eve.' She likes to bang on the window, sit with her toes on the warm radiator, and terrorise any cats who dare a few minutes on the sill in the sun.

Ahhh, the giggles an EC toddler brings!

At The Beach With Joshi

We had our first car-boot-potty-experience last week!  It was such fun! I was taking Joshi to the beach and as soon as I’d parked the car I looked back at him and clocked that “I really need a number 2 mum” look on his face! I did a little dance in a my head, similar to the live one I do at home when I need to come up with a spontaneous plan of action, fast. I didn’t want to take him in the bush right next to where we were parked because the other side of the bush was the very busy playground and I don’t think the other parents and kids would’ve been too charmed. And I couldn’t let him do it on the road by the car like I do with wee’s, because some innocent, unsuspecting person might step in it! Oooo. Then I remembered I had a potty in the boot! Yay! (I’ve not used it before when we’ve been out because there’s been no need to. You don’t need a potty for wees. Well, you might, but we haven’t. And number 2′s pretty much always happen first thing in the morning on the potty at home. But today there’d been a slight elimination delay).

I leapt out the car, opened the boot, got Joshi out the car seat and there we sat, in the boot of the car, while he did the needful (an expression I picked up in India). It felt like a real triumph, catching that one. Even though it’s been a few months since we missing catching a number 2, it still brings a sense of triumph every time we do. I guess that triumph is partly because I’ve managed to respond to his need in that moment and partly because it means I don’t have to clean a pooey cloth nappy! Because we catch them all, I’ve got very used to not having to clean pooey cloth nappies. And I’m very grateful for that. Very. I think my attitude to cloth nappies would be quite different if we weren’t practicing elimination communication (EC). I’d not be too pleased with having to scrape and soak. I think scraping and soaking is easier and less unpleasant when they’re only on breast milk, but as the intake of solids increases so does the output. Not forgetting too, that the consistency of what comes out is directly proportionate to the consistency of what goes in. Also, when babies are solely breastfed their poo is rather sweet-smelling and pretty much non offensive. (Honestly). But when they start eating solids, hmmm, well … that smell is not as sweet.

I then put Joshi in the ergo baby carrier and we walked to the toilets to empty the potty. It’s not often you see mammas with a baby and a potty walking around in public. (I do know of one on the Gold Coast though, who inspired us to giving ECing a go). It felt a little strange and quite conspicuous, I must admit, but immensely satisfying. Thanks Kate.

We have gotten into a good routine of going potty after every meal and every nap, and that is working very well. We still have a lot of wet diapers, but poo almost always ends up in the toilet unless I am not paying attention. Interestingly, on the day of our flight from Germany to the US, I woke her up extra early (at 4am) to take the taxi, then train and finally the plane, and with all of the rushing I didn’t get the chance to take her potty until four hours later. Would you believe it that when I finally got into that tiny airplane bathroom, her diaper was still DRY???? She did the biggest pee I had ever seen, and then we went happily back to our seats. From that point on we continued to have dry diapers about 70% of the time for the entire trip.

Our rate has gone back down since then (she almost always does somthing in the toilet when I take her, but she usually has a wet diaper too) but that’s only because we have a lot going on and I don’t take her as often as I should. Nevertheless, I am still really happy with the way things are going – it feels like second nature now to the point where I have a hard time NOT offering her the potty after changing her diaper. Even if we are in a parking lot or in the middle of a touristy park and there is no potty available, I will put the dirty diaper on the ground and hold her up over it to do her business. I know she expects the chance to relieve herself, and I simply couldn’t live with myself putting her into the carseat when I know she has to go to the bathroom.

Even though we aren’t doing “all out” diaper free, I am really happy with EC and how it’s working for us. I used to be worried that I wasn’t doing “enough”, or that it wouldn’t “work” as well if I put less effort into, but now I’m seeing that it really doesn’t matter all that much. Sure, we could probably be completely out of diapers by now if I put in the effort to take her once an hour. In fact, if I got rid of the diaper she would probably start to hold it longer than an hour, since I know she has the capacity to do it. But I’m happy with how things are going, and I know that anything I do is better than nothing, and Olivia seems to be fine with it too.

Sooooooooo, ok, we got these pretty girlie foamy lock-together squares for the floor because
1. They are pretty, girlie, and foamy.
And
2. Because they help Evolet get grip on an otherwise slippery floor.

Seeing as I am a domestic slave/goddess, I occasionally change up the configuration of the squares after vacuuming. Keeps me entertained and it sort of feels like we bought something new.

Yep, it’s the small things, folks!

Anyway, I am used to Evolet turning random things into gourmet fare–the kitchen sink sponge, the tube of cat hairball remover, toilet paper, and even once Skyla’s recently clipped nails. Def had a good gag reflex going discovering that last one. Probably because Skyla is our DOG.

So I guess I wasn’t TOO surprised when I heard an odd squeaky-squeaky-squeak! coming from Evolet’s direction. Lo and behold, there she was, ass over tits, getting a good ol’ munch on the delicious foamy thing! I think mostly she just likes the sound, because she does the same thing to the rubber ring that seals the door to the washing machine.

What I particularly love about this photo is Bombeii in the top left looking at little Evers like ‘WTF?! Ok, that is WEIRD!’ and the splayed out effect of Evolet’s toes. Classic!

Evolet is also modelling one of her holiday gifts from her Uncle Cary and Auntie Melissa, a lovely fashion print onesie. As she is an EC baby, I just tie up the feet in a rubber-band to make for easy weeing. Thank you Cary and Melissa!

She also dons my sweater that Dean shrunk in the wash and so now is Evolet’s.

The trolley is a holiday gift from Grandma and Grampa. She loves it! Thanks Grandma and Grampa!

The ragin’ bedhead and cute tush is model’s own.

When I talked about my wish to breastfeed, then came the comments! Oh, but you don´t know if you are going to be able to breastfeed, you should be careful of this and that, don’t get your hopes up! Even those claiming to be supporting me, were mostly just talking about all the things that can go wrong, without any solution to it.  The comments went into one ear and out of the other, cause the one thing I was/am sure of, is that I will do everything I can to keep the breastfeeding going! And I was definitely not going to start on breastfeeding, full of fear. There were also some but very  few that did give some good advises with the same focus  as me, making it work! Now that I like!  

As hoped my little girl did latch on shortly after she was born. Searching first and working her way to the nipple, so adorable. I realized right away that she knows how this all works better than me ! I didn’t even know how to hold a baby and definitely nothing about possible positions while breastfeeding. So the first time that she took a sip, she was laying on her side and I was resting on my elbow. Not the most comfortable position for me, but I did not care at all, cause I was marveling the most beautiful vision I had ever seen. . There was a lot of complications to begin with, having over active letdown and too much milk. She was choking on the milk, swallowing a lot of air,  having spit ups and explosive poopies. So changes had to be made gradually, by trying out different positions and finally finding a method which worked the best for us both. I feed her by laying down or leaning backwards and having her laying on top of me, so she can control better the speed that the milk comes out and she also swallows less air. Then I feed her two times on one boob before switching. It actually helped, now I am pretty much only producing as much as she needs and can just go after instinct on which boob to feed her and so on.

What I have learned so far with breastfeeding is that there is no recipe on how to breastfeed. It is all about working with your baby on figuring out what works for both of you. Comfortable position is a must, cause you don´t know how long it´s going to take. A glass of water next to you is great, at least I get really thirsty.  And that breastfeeding your baby creates a really special connection, so enjoy it while it lasts.
I feed on demand,which means that I have trust in that Isabella knows what she needs.  After all, it is her that is experiencing that tiny body, so she should know better than me what she is experiencing, right? So when she gives a sign that she is hungry, I offer her the boob. I think it´s great that my little girl knows how to communicate what she would like. She learned that all by her self and by being with her constant I was able to figure out what the signs means. Now I know when she is hungry, tired, needs comfort, needs to burp and she even tells me when she needs to go potty! (yep we are EC-ing here  ) Isn´t that awesome! It makes the whole progress a lot easier knowing what she needs. There of course comes times where I have no idea what is bothering her (I am not 100% a baby whisperer ) and I have figured out that being relaxed about it helps both of us. I just try different things and be patient in that what ever is bothering her (usually the stomach) is going to clear up. All I know is that I will be there for her.

For all the new breastfeeding moms out there, the best advice I can give you is to be relaxed and have fun with your newborn. It gets easier each day as you learn more things and start to understand what your baby is expressing. If you ever feel like it is too much, what helped me is to say to myself that I´ll give it another day, it is definitely worth it!

If you have any questions I am all yours!
Untill next, peace.
-Linda

Elimination Communication (Photo credit: lkonstanski)

Okay Every Nanny and Parent need to be aware of the perfect time to potty train their Little Man or Lady!

If your child does any to multiple of the following its a pretty good bet to start potty training:

If your child :

• Has an interest in the potty
• Coordinated to walk or run steadily
• is dry after  naps for at least a couple hours
• Dislikes wet or soiled diapers
• Gives a physical or verbal sign when he’s having a bowel movement such as grunting, squatting, or telling you.
• Has word for urine and poo.

Now there is  a whole community built around potty training babies and there is this whole controversy over making babies grow up too fast.  Now personally I don’t see what the big deal is. If there are parents who want to potty train their children–let them. Its a personal choice and I think sometimes in America we tend to keep our children babies rather than other cultures where they are built around preparing children for adulthood as soon as they are able.

There is nothing wrong with starting to prepare your child early for potty training in fact there are quite a few benefits to it.

Benefits to Elimination Communication:

1. To effectively use this technique the parent or caregiver has to learn the cue that the baby will give before eliminating its waste so this encourages baby-parent bonds to the child and that is never a bad things it is also close to  Attachment Methods.
2. Elimination Communication is a process based of the child’s needs. No parent is learning to force their baby to Potty this process is about allowing your child to learn his routines and eventually pick up on his own signals to be able to recognize his/ her ability or need to use the restroom.
3. Elimination Communication is taught in Infancy not to new born babies so lets get that stigma out of the debate here.
4. Reduces fussiness due to diaper rash, irritation, and urinal infection.
5. It can help empower special needs children by helping them feel great that they can effectively get rid of their waste independently.
6. and lastly lets not forget how it can save your family money, diapers are very expensive and using this method can save you hundreds of dollars.

To me Elimination Communication really allows us to see that child development is subject to culture. Facts are not necessarily facts.  Think about it.

Do you think children in third world countries or children who live(d) in places or times where disposable diapers are/were not readily at hand or accessible do when they have to use the restroom? How were they potty trained?

Standing up to potty..I dont think you explained it well..

Well that’s all for now.

Ill write again soon My next Topic:

Single Moms Raising Boys: Potty train them to stand up–Pros, cons and how to’s!

Buh Bye!!!!

Aren’t you wondering how EC is going now that Jenn left?  I wasn’t sure myself if I would continue.  First, I talked to my mom and heard myself saying that EC is a tremendous help in terms of communicating with Santiago, I am infinitely more in touch with him during the EC hours, which usually coincide with waking up and breastfeeding.  I don’t have to mourn my multi-tasking anymore because you really can’t multi-task and EC, the punishment is real.  

I would say I beat Santi today 3 to 2.  I caught three chi chis and he got me twice–once majorly.  Lactation consultants call kids born in the 37th week, the great pretenders, because they pretend to breastfeed but really are just using the boob as a pacifier.  He scored a point today when he was happily feeding at my trough and without pulling off, or falling off, or making a face, or anything he just covered me in his liquid glory.  It reminded me of a friend’s comment on Jenn’s blog, “That with all this talk of pee, I am starting to feel affectionate towards it.”  I mostly am too–which is pretty important because he gets me a lot.

Since Jenn left we had a 6-4, 2-2, rain day, 2-0, and 4-0 day.  I hold to my growing conviction that an hour a day is enough–more than enough.  I have been advocating for a decade that a minute matters, if you want to shape your attention.  If you sit, pause, and focus on seven singular inhales and exhales every single day–your life will change dramatically for the better–you will start showing up for more of it.  I have seen what writing for just ten minutes a day can do when you do it every single day for two years–writing improves, books get written, one’s attention transforms.  I have every reason to believe that giving Santi my undivided attention for one hour a day will change everything.  Stay tuned to find out how!

7AM It is our last day. I ask Lilia to wake-up Jenn and hope to take advantage of the morning hours. Like its second hand, I EC Santi in a potty on my bed before Jenn gets up. Lilia is on board, she proposes to place a gold medallion catching towel on the bed around the King’s throne.  She brings the potty, and sings the first line of La Cucaracha with me.  We are becoming home default ECers. She takes away the pot to clean it and I make two mental notes: first I need to tell her, again, to not leave Santi unattended in the lamb chair sleeping, covered in a blanket, wedged in with a mini pillow and with a non breathable burp cloth over his head which could easily cover his mouth—I am my mother’s daughter.  I also need to remind her that we converted to a cloth diaper family last night which means she uses them as well.  (Note to self, neither Lilia nor I know how to wash cloth diapers.  If I don’t tell her otherwise she will wash them with Santi’s regular clothes.  A voice inside says this is a bad idea).

10AM.  We have hiked beyond the slab, past the stump, and have miraculously made it to the mini-waterfall in my sacred forest.  Despite Jenn’s aversion to hiking, I think she is glad to see this.  Green vines, leaves, branches, bushes, and water (okay, not the water), envelop us.  We lean on my fallen meditation tree and take 10 pictures of us on the i-phone.  I am mostly present, but feel driven to get in and out of the forest reserve before the military police lock the fence-made door and we are locked in until tomorrow—it would be impossible to jump the fence with Santi in my wrap.  

11:30 AM.  We are having our third brunch of Jenn’s trip at my favorite cafe in town–Masa.  Jenn asks what to order, I tell her everything, literally everything is excellent.  We split a “canasta de pan.”  She tries the mandarine juice and then the grape juice with a slice of fried cheese.  I order the granola with yogurt.  It is homemade granola and truly the best I have ever had.  We go to the bathroom to change Santiago.  There is no changing table—who are these people?  What kind of restaurant doesn’t have a changing table?  We have started using cloth diapers.  Each layer of his outfit is wet, the cloth diaper seems to leak through and the diapers seem too big.  Jenn, ironically, doesn’t believe in cloth diapers and holds up a plastic diaper hoping to convince me to switch.  I hold my ground, suddenly becoming committed to the cloth diaper (who am I?).  We have three cloth diapers in our bag and I assume this will get us through the day.  We change him in mid-air taking turns wiping his red, redder, reddest little rump–what causes that?  I think it is too much wiping, later we will find out from the pediatrician and OBGYN that it is the use of the wipes–even the Naty unscented organic ones.  They recommend we use cold water and cotton balls.  By nightfall we will have switched.  Back at the table, Jenn reads Santiago the “Olivia” books we just bought.  They have black, red and white pictures, hilarious drawing of a pig, and good quotes.  She loves to hold Santi and I take a few minutes to write down notes from last night’s Nanny interview, which I want to be the core of a future blog post.

12:30 PM–We walk, at a meandering, lovely, present, no rush, free pace to the pediatrician’s office.  We stop to take picture with statues, to browse through the famous Colombian coffee shop Juan Valdez, and to peak in the restaurant that serves the best flan in town.  Jenn takes a picture because they have a wall of planted pots–Bogotá is full of them as the city is trying to constantly out green the next guy.

1:45  PM  The pediatrician is running late.  We go to the bathroom to change Principe.  He is soaked again, we change another cloth diaper, give him tummy time on the changing table while we wait, and just as I say–”He is about to pee.”  He pees all over me.  In the doctor’s office we learn all about why I shouldn’t drink milk, alcohol, or coffee.  We learn that his foreskin, walking reflex, and weight gain is all normal.  Santi has grown in five weeks to a proud 55 centimeters (from 49) and from 5 lbs 8 ozs to 8 lbs 3 ozs.  He remains in the normal range.  After explaining EC to the doctor, we place him on his examination table to let the doctor do his stuff.  Santi instantly pees on all of us, “Looks like you guys have some really good communication,” he jokes as we all throw our hands over his water gun to protect each of us from the line of fire.  This happens two additional times in the next 20 minutes.  

4:00 PM  I am at the OBGYN, the doctor inserts a metal vagina opener inside me and checks my c-section wound.  Jenn holds Santi and looks at my wound as well.  ”Wear a thick maxi pad on top of it to make the scar shrink,” he says.  I don’t really care about the scar, I can’t see it.  I wonder if I will try.  ”Your cervix has completely closed,” he says.  ”Can I swim then?”  ”One more week.”  What on earth takes so long for a cervix to really slam shut after only dilating to 8 CM.  The doctor agrees I can start trying to get pregnant in November, a month earlier than I thought.  This feels important to me as two close friends had miscarriages this month.  I will be 40 then–hopefully with the internal plumbing of a spry 34-year-old young woman.  We change him again, out of cloth diapers; we are dipping into our plastic stash now.

7:00 PM  Home after being out for 9 hours.  Exhausted, Jenn takes a shower.  Later, I take a bath to recover.  Santi peed fully on me one more time, as I held him after he fell off the boob and said without moving, “He is going to pee now.”  His pee was all over the recliner and me. At that moment I thought, “Damn, my mom was right, this couch should be covered with a sheet.” We have the best intentions of feeding Santi, leaving him with Lilia, and going salsa dancing for an hour or two.  I lie down at 8PM for some shuteye before we go out.  I get excited about a FB status update, “After spending the last 35 nights at home with Santiago, Amy leaves Santi with the nanny, puts on her first non-nursing bra in months, leaves the diaper bag behind and heads for the salsa bar.”  Somehow, it doesn’t happen.  I sleep straight through to 11:15.  Is Santi hungry? Is Jenn still awake?  Will I really be alone with him tomorrow, no friend, no family member to share his every move?  Can I let this just be as it is?  

Jenn picked up Santi duty a 5:30 as the nanny is lost somewhere between here and her village–something about a cow getting loose. I was glad Jenn offered and glad I took her up on it–no need for me to be superwoman!

At 8:30AM I woke to the sound of Jenn’s voice as she ran in my sleep cove. “He did it, he did it! Wanna see?” Still waking up, remembering that I am a mom, and that Jenn is in Colombia helping to train our family in EC, I come to, lean on my elbow to sit up, and saw a mustard yellow splash of glory. For Santi, the equivalent of an eighth of an ounce of Grey Poupon is a big deal.  I congratulated my co-madre and tried to get my bearings.

He hadn’t slept for nearly three hours and hadn’t eaten much since 1:10 AM. His 3 AM feeding was minimal.

Jen was fired up, motivated, thrilled as I slowly woke while putting him on the side lie feed.

We spent the morning catching as catch can pee after poo.  When we left the house for the hike we were three for three.  After taking Jenn to my beloved trail, we went for breakfast where I made the mistake of saying we were ten for ten, bating a thousand.  Jenn has always been the exaggeration police and wanted to correct my enthusiasm.  I told her it was best if we count in our own heads.  We are doing amazing and it is a lot of fun.  She is the lead and I don’t know if we will make it after she leaves.  

Although we intend to be Occasional ECers, meaning just ECing when it is convenient at home, and when we can pay full attention, we slipped into the next level, Partial ECing when we pulled out the whole show again in a restaurant.  Jenn says when ECing becomes our public default mode we enter a new category.  Just like last night at the Mariott, and without both being fully committed to it, Santi gave us the signal and we left our table and ran for the changing table.  Standing outside the women’s and men’s bathroom we sang La Cucaracha and dangled his little thighs over his opened diapers.  We were becoming defaulters.

Tonight, we are home on the couch, both dead tired and tempted to type all jjjjjjjjjjs for our daily blog posts.  She just handed me a diaperless Santi to feed while I type this sentence with one finger and he sucks and flicks my nipple with his tongue.

“I smell poo,” she moans.  “Nooooo,” I say, because I do too.

“Well we are going to need to do something about that,” Jenn says without looking up from the screen.

The night ends with a yellow mustard stain on the couch.

EC Day Four–I got home and went into full Karin mode.  I repacked the diaper bag for our next outing , laid out his clothes for bed, set both cribs up with his sleeping wraps, put away all the new bathroom props, folded the clothes in the dryer, and got ready to EC him when he woke up and we were on!

We were relaxed and confident and had a brilliant 90 minute session that was perfection.  When I de-Mobied him we put him in the position, the back to chest chair hold, held him over his new throne and sang our song.  Vavavoom it all came out.  We took a picture and Jenn and I both felt very proud.  

Then, while breast feeding, I knew when he was getting ready–wiggle wiggle.  We tried the advanced senior varsity move of holding him over the potty while simultaneously breastfeeding, this left us in an awkward position before he finally delatched.  His mouth on my left boob, his mid-section twisting over the potty, his family jewels all basically heading the right direction, and legs contorted over the sides of the potty.  We were all screwed up.  I released him into Jen who  had the better angle for the hold, we aimed his wonker down and boom we were two for two during focused EC time.  High-five! Then no joke, take three, when Jenn was in the other room, he delatched again and I knew what it was and caught his prize in the potty on my own.  

I think this is a breeze under a few conditions.  First, you have a commited co-madre to share the task, to sing and make it fun.  Second, we are happily just occasionally EC-ers, not trying to push ourselves and over do it with no intention of becoming full-timers.  Three, it really works that when he delatches, if the default is to assume he will eliminate something and act accordingly.  If he doesn’t and resists with the arched back, then we burp him.  I also got two burps out of the little man more easily.  I think what I am learning is a lot of the time when he is fussy, and I think he needs to burp it is in fact digestion.  So by going to digestion first, and then backing into burp as a second option we got five out five signals right tonight:) 

Feeling connected, which is the only point these days.

Post-script

Jenn and I gear up for a perfect night out with Santi–I had had a nap, we had fed, burped, ECed and put Santi in his PJs, finally put on jeans ourselves, picked up the pre-packed diaper bag and headed out for dessert, never intending to be traveling ECers, which is another level that we don’t aspire to reach this week.  We sat in the outdoor garden of  the JW Mariott, Santi happily sleeping in the Moby as we ate tiramisu and a chocolate mouse with sipping herbal tea in an outdoor garden filled with fountains–all falling water that descends with an arch reminds me of Santi.  

Jenn implored, “Whatever happens he can’t pee on the couch.” We had no intention of travel ECing, so I was’t worried.  But he got hungry, I started feeding him, and he gave us the look, we knew what was happening and just went into action.  We held the little guy, my boob still dangling in the open air, over a diaper and sang the songs.  He frowned and furrowed but no luck. We had given up, weren’t paying attention, and you know what the little angel did? –He left his mark for all the later guests who might come to sit calmly, by the fountains and enjoy an easy conversation on a chilly night in Bogotá.  I wonder if they will see the stain.

While Jenn is still madly searching through the web on her Ipad for instructions on how to do it, I start.   We don’t even know what we are doing, but I have learned how to hold him–his back to my chest, my fingers under his mini quads, which are so thin and breakable while being quite strong for a 7 pound one monther.  She is scrolling through a web page to find out what songs we are supposed to sing.  The rules are a) ask him if it is okay to do this with him, b) have cues, so pick a song or find a song to accompany when he does chi chi or po po, c) note if he is resisting by arching his back or crying, and if so, free him from the position.   

We settled on the song La Cucaracha, La Cucaracha, chi chi chi chi chi chi chi for when he does chi chi and a version of “If you are happy and you know it clap your hands” when he does po po.  No one is counting, but I think we had four successes, “catches” in EC parlance, yesterday and just as many today.

This morning, we tried it for a few more hours and I was so into it that I took him to yoga in the ashram without a diaper and it was a disaster.  It looked like this.  Diana and I were doing sun salutations, Santi was in his lamb chair, the newest addition to my altar, and playing the role of Drishti in just an unpinned cloth diaper with a blanket under him.  I was moving through sun salutations and I saw it–the wiggle, the look, the groan.  I had the blue pot next to him and I didn’t move.  I didn’t stop my practice and hold him over the blue pale.  Why not?  What stopped me?  I sort of lost the EC battle here.  There he was, little Saint Santi, now sitting in his Grey Poupon, which apparently isn’t the worst thing in the world because that is what we do with diapers, right.  I did consider immediately going to clean him up, but I didn’t.  I waited till he woke up.  It was a mini EC disaster. I found my growth edge. 

Later, Diana, Jenn, and I were sitting on my bed.  Jenn and I explained the EC program to her, she is an artist and a mom and open.  All of a sudden, we were late for a lunch and like a football, I tossed Santi to Diana and asked her to change him and get him ready for the lunch while I jumped in the shower—our ride was waiting downstairs.  Even though Diana is in the ashram every day, I had never placed Santi in her complete care. The miracle was that without asking her to do it, when Diana thought Santi was going to chi chi, she held him over the pot like we had showed her, she was immediately on the team.

I will interview new nannies next week, I will look for someone who is ready, willing and excited to be my partner in this.  I am not committing for life.  I am in while Jenn is here and it looks like 3 hours a day is about all we can do.  Which is amazing.  I am totally focused on him during this time, no Facebooking, no Blog commenting, no Skyping, just watching his eyebrows furrow, listening carefully to the sound of his cry and juggling between the breast, the burp and the butt.

Jenn and I are on our third day of having a little bit of diaper free time each day–usually around three hours a day broken into two sessions.  During these sessions we are all hands on deck, both of us giving him our all.  When we don’t pay attention, anything can happen.   You can only EC when he is awake and when he is awake he is sort of fussy.  Jenn keeps telling me what a good baby he is and how I won the lottery but he does get upset from time to time.  In fact, just today, when I said I had never seen a tear come out of his eye when he cries a second later I saw the first one, a real tear.  It was in the corner of his left eye, and the moisture leaked out a bit.  Tear number one, January 7th, 2012.  Can you imagine knowing the date of your first tear?  We didn’t take a picture.

Today was really a super moms day.  First we gave him a bath, Jenn got to hear him howl.  As we were calming and drying him there was a moment when she held him in his adorable yellow “quack quack” bath towel and I held him too, “shhhshing” in his ear, I recognized the love, the intimacy, the feeling of family engendered in this scene immediately and enjoyed the moment–that feeling of togetherness, being a threesome again in Santiville.  I cherished these moments with my mom, I cherish them with Jenn as well and imagine we will have a few more when Marlie comes to fill this space on Friday.  

Jenn has a lot of energy for Santicare, maybe a little more than me.  Maybe the person coming in from outside will always have more energy because breast-feeding takes energy, waking up depletes any mother, and even when someone else is helping out so very much, the mom in me never turns off.  After we bathed him, and cleaned him thoroughly behind his super sized ears, and adorable little butt we decided to tackle his boogers.  Is there a cooler word for that?

Sweet Julianna gave me a special machine, maybe called something like Nose Frida to suck the goobers out of his nose.  I think my high school friends also gave me a little Red Cross snot sucker as well.  We decided to work on both nostrils, one after another, trying out both machines.  Jenn’s perseverance and good ideas resulted in Santi having clean, clear, mucus-free nostrils.  The trick was not emptying the Red cross ball inside his nostril and only using its extracting capacity to vacuum out the gooeyness in one swift motion.  It was only 10:30AM and we had had a swimmingly victorious morning on the bathing and snot front.

We were less successful with EC, I think primarily because we didn’t really devote time to it.  The four key tips of EC are 1) Timing (which I take to mean both Santi’s and ours.  Only do it when we can focus, relax, and have fun).  2) Cueing him up with our top two songs “La Cucaracha” and “If there is poopy in your booty let it out – poo poo”  (Remember this is to the tune of “If you are happy and you know it clap your hands.”  3) Watching his signals (I feel like a rock star at this, and this for me is the main point of the training) and 4) Intuition (Trust your gut—you know you know!)

The morning included a few catches, but our timing was off and so the catches weren’t in the can, rather on my shirt.  There was a moment, when I was half trying to skype with my mom, half trying to EC with Jenn and half trying to breastfeed Santi.  You see, too many halves to go around. Jenn was shuffling all the props and helping to juggle him when he peed on my shirt.  He pees on me a lot which I have almost come to enjoy.  Both Jenn and I were holding him at different points today when he let his little watery yellow po po mark our hands.  You sort of grow to be one with the whole thing–boob flailing in the wind, his long drippy scrotum swinging in the breeze, pee shooting through the air.  Later in the day, Jenn was offering me sliced apples that she was sharing while I breastfeed and said, “I better use my non poop hand.”  I thanked her for that.

There is a Pema Chodron quote that Tara likes to use about how not living in the present, not being aware, in tune, and able to listen is like standing in front of a flowering tree full of birds with ear plugs in and a bag over your head.  You miss it, blind and deaf to the beauty around you.  I wonder if this is how I was towards children, especially babies, before I had one.  I didn’t see them, I didn’t talk about them, they were all around me, but their presence, and the conversations that go with them never reached me.  

All that has changed.  My ears are wide open and my eyes listen for ideas, guides, mentors and cues from the little man himself.

All month I have been meditating, listening to tons of Tara talks, and repeatedly setting my intention for the day.  It has always been the same– to bond with Santiago.  I feel vulnerable to not attaching, leaving him feeling unimportant because as a natural leader, boss, challenger, maverick (the Enneagram eight) this happens. Plenty of other people in my life have felt this way as I run around, busily building the ashram, writing a book, and strengthening Colombia’s response mechanism to five million victims of the armed conflict.  Similarly, my capacity to maintain intimate relationships with many dear friends can leave individuals feeling like I don’t need them in particular.  God forbid tender Santiago ever feel this way. 

Because I am sensitive to this narrative, I am a prime candidate for EC.  Breastfeeding is the most direct, solid, amazing, mind grabbing, connecting activity that Santiago and I have.  There is nothing that gives us even three percent of what breastfeeding does.  EC is another clear channel for me to connect and communicate with Principe.

I am 24 hours into the EC experiment and it is going very well.  Largely because Santi is an easy baby.  I don’t know how long this will last and I don’t know how easy he really is, but after reading a dear friend’s birth and breastfeeding story—mastitis, two years of depression, MRSA, I have a sense of what difficult might look like, so I am letting his easiness sink in and being grateful for it while it is here.

So when Jenn sat in the recliner in my room trying to convince me to give EC a try.  It wasn’t the cost savings or the environmental impact that hooked me.  It was the increased connection and bonding and communication with Saint Santi that I liked as well as the hope that this would help him be more embodied, cleaner, more in touch with his sexuality and cultivate stronger self esteem. 

We are never going to be full time ECers, but when we are home with the right amount of energy we can put in a few hours, we are game.  We did three hours yesterday and three hours today. It counts.  

Wonder twin powers activate–form of a mother-son connection.

For 39 years of my life, I never thought about being a mom.  In fact, I didn’t even consider the mothering part of motherhood while I was shipping sperm to Colombia to impregnate myself last March.  I had decided I wanted to try to get pregnant, but hadn’t considered what kind of mom I wanted to be.  That all changed on December 6^th at 5:32 PM. Once Santiago joined us, I began to discover what kind of mom I am.  The first clue came during his first night in the hospital.  His blood sugar was relatively low as was his weight, but not too low, and the hospital Smurfs wanted to fill him with formula.  I don’t know why, but I fought it.  At 3 AM, I asked to speak to the pediatrician, I asked for the range of what is considered normal blood sugar levels, and wanted Santi retested before they pumped a foreign substance into his precious, pure, perfect, little 5 pound 8 ounce body.  Despite not having any babysitting nor newborn care experience, I was born a “crunchy” mother.  At 5:32 PM I pivoted into motherhood and found that I line up quite closely with the typical behaviors of crunchy types.  What does that even mean?  What would make your top five list?

1. Attempting a homebirth

2. No Circumcision

3. Breastfeeding in public (especially flagrantly)

4. Baby-wearing

5. ?????????????

I bet you’re thinking that cloth diapers should be number five.  Actually, the crunchier option to deal with baby poop is Elimination Communication, or EC for short!

Like you, I had never heard of EC, or going diaper-free before my best friend from college came to usher me into my second chapter of motherhood last week.  When Jenn arrived, she quickly took the role of rapid-fire diaper changer.  She abhorred the thought of him suffering through a dirty diaper for even a moment and had the energy to change him repeatedly day and night.  This suited me just fine. The thought of him sitting in his own Grey Poupon glory, or laying around in a wet onesie after a tinkle was enough to convince me that her fast hands were a blessing.  A month into this new job I was losing my edge. One night recently when I changed him in the middle of the night, I accidentally put the diaper on backwards.  When I realized the stickers were on the front instead of the back, I thought, “Oh well, what difference does it make anyway?”  In the morning we found out.  He had sprayed all up and out of that diaper and had slept wetter than ever.  I felt so sad for little Principe and promised myself to only tape diapers on the front from now on!

One afternoon when Jenn was here, I was dying for a nap, I kept saying, I am going to go lay

down, but somehow we just kept talking moving from the sofa, to the recliners, to the kitchen table, to having more tea all while I breastfeed Santi and she rocked him. Five or six hours into this, we found ourselves in my bedroom talking when she asked, “Do you want to know what elimination communication is.” I am a new mother, and totally new to all the debates that exist around each mothering choice, so I accepted.  Jenn began a long, drawn out explanation that included visits to Wikipedia, specialty websites, and a summary of her 20-year history of trying to get someone to try EC. “THIS IS NOT INFANT POTTY TRAINING” she warned.  She described a practice in which I could learn to recognize and respond to a Santi’s bodily needs to do chi chi and po po while enhancing our attachment and communication.

Jenn continued to read to me the list of all 75 benefits.  I didn’t need the list, I heard one thing and I was sold.   Similar to breastfeeding, EC improves the parent child bond by teaching the child that you respond to its needs.  This is my main concern in parenting, doing whatever I can to strengthen the Santi-Amy bond.  Breastfeeding is fabulous for this, it is my favorite part of mothering, and it is where I can feel the tangible give and take of love.  Apparently EC serves the same purpose, plus it helps the child improve its body image, cleanliness and sexuality.  These are priorities for me especially considering my latent fears about keeping him clean as an uncircumcised kid.

Jenn went on and on reading the benefits aloud.  ”Jenn, I don’t need to be convinced.  If you will do it with me while I am here, I will give it a try.”  She kept reading the benefits.  ”Jenn, I got it, I am convinced, just skip to the how to do it part.” She kept reading about how you save on the cost of diapers and reduce your environmental footprint and by then, I was doing just what I should have been as a preemie EC-er.  Intently reading Saint Santi’s face and I told her, “The time is now.  Right now. I know his looks; I watched the Baby Talk Oprah video.  Let’s go!”  Santi’s two clearest expressions are his bird mouth, boob searching, squeal and his pooping face.  She suggested we wait for the next chance.  But I am an enneagram eight.  I do.  I act.  I immediately took him in the bathroom, opened him up, and tried to hold him over the toilet like the photos show in a chair position—his back against my chest, my fingers holding up his little hamstrings.  He peed all over the room. Jenn was thrilled.

For those of us living in colder regions, now is the time that many homes feel a little chilly, and many parents fret that they simply can’t let the child go about with nothing on the bottom. Don’t let this become an excuse to slack off on potty routines. If you’re waiting to start because it’s cold, and that’s really the only good reason you can think of… don’t wait!

Here are some tips for keeping up with your child’s potty practice:

Buy baby leggings (if you don’t already have some). They will keep your little one’s legs warm while leaving the business end free. They continue to fit many children until well past 2 yrs. (If your baby/toddler has particularly pudgy legs (mine did) you can resort to making your own by cutting sleeves off old shirts of sweaters, or look in the girls section at Target or any store selling inexpensive clothing, you can buy them in children’s sizes and trim or scrunch to fit. Add a pair of training pants or regular undies and your child is all set.

Cut a slit in old pants or leggings (if you don’t have stretchy knit pants or leggings go pick up a few pairs at Old Navy or Target, you should be able to get 3-4 pairs for $20 and it’s well worth it.) The idea is that the slit stays mostly closed when your child is moving around, but will open up when they squat over the potty, the pants shouldn’t be too tight or too baggy. (If you use leggings that fit tightly the opening will stay stretched open all the time, not very functional or appropriate.) You may need to try the pants on and keep adjusting the opening a few times to get it right, but it’s not like these are pants for leaving the house, just a strategy for staying warm and toilet ready. The whole point of this method is to leave out the underpants so the child can use the potty without having to remove the pants.

Get a Potty Cozy… I never used these with my kids, but if your home is particularly chilly, or you child seems to recoil when you sit her/him on the potty, this may be a lifesaver. You can get one custom made to your potty here:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/86820874/custom-potty-cozy

or here:

http://continuum-family.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=124

or if you’re crafty, make your own.

Put the potty in a warm place. This may sound obvious, but with less sleep than we’d like and small children about, not to mention work and normal life balancing, it’s easy not to notice you’ve placed the potty on the opposite side of the room from the heater. This is of course the easiest things you can do, and it’s worth it even if you have to temporarily shift some furniture to make spaces for your child’s potties near the radiators or heat registers.

Relax. Even if you employ only one of the above strategies, you will have made sure your baby/toddler will be comfortable for even those long stints on the potty where reading and singing is involved. Remember, unless you are toileting a very very new baby, young children have a reasonable ability to regulate their body temperature, so what we’re addressing here is really about comfort. If you’re thinking you don’t want to buy “potty training clothing” think about how much money you’re spending on diapers. I guarantee you the small amount of money spent on potty training clothes will be a tiny fraction of what you will spend on diapers if you put it off.

Remember, baby steps are better than no steps at all. As I’ve said before, you don’t have to do this all day, or stay in the house because of toilet training. Even if you just start by going diaper free on the weekends for a few hours at a time, it’s an important start. Work your way up to spending some time diaper free every day, even in winter. Before you know it you’ll be saying goodbye to the diapers.