After the crushing experience that was our very brief and fleeting success with Elizabeth Pantley’s No Cry Sleep Solution, I decided that it was impossible to make a long-term change to Luca’s sleep patterns without professional help. I also spoke to several people whose babies had just gone from waking repeatedly throughout the night, to sleeping through, thanks solely to a short stay at sleep school.

Interestingly one of the recommendations came from the same person who, months ago, enthusiastically recommended I read the book Save Our Sleep. It seems Tizzie Hall’s routines were no match for a teething baby. And it also seems the book was no match for a can of petrol and a cigarette lighter. I’m keeping mine for old times sake.

So after finally coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t able to ‘fix’ Luca myself, I spent the next month desperately hoping I would get accepted.

Here are my tips for getting into sleep school;

1. Apply to get in straight after the doctor says ‘It’s a boy!’ or ‘It’s a girl’ or in our case, ‘So, what have you got there?’

I left it way too late and by the time I really needed it (and I mean REALLY needed it) it was quite devastating to find out that might be months before I got a place, if at all.

2. Be creative with your application; embellish, expand and exaggerate the truth.

The majority of sleep schools are publicly run and covered by medicare, which makes them free, and this means everyone wants to get in. To make sure the most desperate cases get seen first they employ a priority system, which means unless you are a heroin addict, alcoholic or just seriously messed up, you go straight to the back of the queue – and what a queue that is!

3. Resist the urge to reach down the phone and strangle the über cheery receptionist with the high lilting voice who tells you it will be at least another week before anyone even rings you back.

These people are obviously employed to reduce the number of people applying for admission. They do this by attempting to sap your will to live and your determination to get to the front of the queue. At first I simply thought they were unsympathetic imbeciles, but apparently this is not so.

4. Say yes to everything and don’t ask any questions.

The bookings person will eventually phone you, and when they do, don’t say anything that might make them rethink the place they are about to offer you. Don’t question their methods, or the facilities, or even their name if you didn’t happen to catch it the first time around. Just write down that date and thank them profusely.

Then hang up the phone, go to the calendar, and start marking off the days…for me, this is only 2 more! It’s almost like waiting for Christmas.

Our success with Elizabeth Pantley’s No Cry Sleep Solution lasted for exactly four days, or nights to be more precise. And then everything went to the shits. Back to the shits really. We had turned full circle. Although I had no idea until a few days later, the cause it seemed were two more pearly whites, making a total of six. Seriously, how many teeth does one baby need? It’s not like I’m feeding him steak and chips. And anyway, he could suck the chips.

One of the teeth took a while to come through so I shelved any hardcore attempts to get things back on track. To be honest I think this last failure (can I call it that?) hit hard. It knocked the wind out of my proverbial sails. I started taking the easy option; feeding him to sleep because it was too draining trying to get him to do it on his own, feeding him overnight again just to get him back to sleep quickly, bringing him into bed with me in the morning in the hope that I could get an extra hour of sleep.

None of this helped him sleep through the night and now we are back to him waking up ten or more times a night. I’ll just repeat that. Ten or more! This is not fun. I’m starting to have fantasies about putting a crying Luca in his cot, filling up the kettle with cold water, waiting for it to boil, and making myself and Tizzie Hall a cup of tea.

Lucky I’m a coffee drinker.

The bane of my existence - the teeth, not the baby

Along with many other things in my life, this blog has been sadly neglected due to large upheavals and a total, unflinching lack of sleep. So here’s a little back story…

A few months ago I read about a book called The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Given my previous efforts had all turned out to be the Much-Cry We Will Taunt You With the Long Distant Memory of  What Sleep Was, I decided to buy the book. Actually reading the book ended up being harder than buying it (I still have not finished the novel I started in the weeks before I had Luca and that was almost eight months ago).

Pantley’s book claims to be a midway point between the two major sleep theories – Control Crying or Cry It Out and the absolute opposite, hardcore Attachment Parenting (responding to your baby each and every time they make a peep). This seemed perfect for me as I had tried both and had success with neither.

When I did finally get around to reading the book (after a truly hellish period of non-sleeping) I found that many of the suggestions were similar to those I had read before; create a bedtime routine, keep things calm in the hour leading up to sleep,  good daytime naps equal better nighttime sleeps ect. Where this theory differs is how it brings the ideas of the two opposing schools of thought to work together. Pantley advocates responding promptly, using whatever means necessary (patting, rocking, feeding, taking them into bed with you) to calm your baby down so that they can go back to sleep. She tells you to do this each and every time your baby cries and cannot go back to sleep on its own. In our case this was anywhere from eight to twelve times a night, every night. Once your baby is sleepy (but not asleep) you put them back into their cot. If they cry (which Luca did) you repeat the process again and again until they fall asleep without your aid.

This is not an easy solution. It’s work. Hard work. You don’t get to put your baby into their bed and go make a cup of tea while they cry themselves to sleep. You get up and you do whatever you need to do for however long it takes.

For fifteen days straight I followed Pantley’s advice to the letter and for fourteen nights straight Luca woke his usual eight to twelve times a night. During the day his naps became longer, they doubled and sometimes tripled in length, and it became easier to get him to go to sleep. He was happier and better rested but at night absolutely nothing changed. Nothing!

This was crushing. It felt endless. Sleep in forty five minute snatches is not really sleep, it’s torture. You get to taste sleep but you don’t get to have it. It’s dangled in front of you, waved in your face, suggested as a definite possibility only to be yanked away from you just as you are reaching out to grab it.

That was until last night. Last night I grabbed it with both hands and embraced it fully. I had forgotten what it felt like. I had dreams, crazy dreams. Dream after dream after dream until, I heard a noise, a familiar noise, but it wasn’t the noise I was expecting. It was my mobile. A message from my cousin on holidays in India. Shit! What was the time? Why hadn’t I heard from Luca? Was he tangled in his blanket? Stuck in the bars of his cot? Face down and not breathing? Or, was it just possible he was sleeping? I lasted about twenty minutes before creeping into his room and listening for breathing. And I heard it, soft and steady, and just a little croaky. Definitely breathing. But I felt his chest just in case. A steady rise and fall. Very definitely breathing. Very definitely sleeping.

Now this may have been a total fluke, a once off never again to be repeated, but I am hopeful. I figure if he has done it once he can and hopefully will do it again. It may not be tonight but I’m hoping it’s soon. Was it the book? Was he just ready? Who really knows? But here is hopefully where my investigation ends. Thank you Elizabeth Pantley! Unless of course I post again, in which case, does anyone have the number of a good sleep school? Or maybe I’ll just go back to feeding him whisky before bedtime…

Elizabeth Pantley’s No-Cry Nap Solution, like her original No-Cry Sleep Solution is packed full of ideas for worn out parents. Pantley is not one to give up on a problem and nor is she is one to go on endlessly about `her philosophy’ – Pantley is about practical, creative ideas which can be adapted to your own instincts as a mother. She is the reassuring maternal figure you’re searching for as a bewildered new parent, the one who won’t undermine your confidence and won’t make you think your baby is some kind of failure. Pantley’s books are as patient in their problem-solving as the sleepless night is long.

The No-Cry Nap Solution covers all the usual infant and toddler sleep pattern information and then moves on to tackling some thorny napping problems – catnaps, nap resistance, shifting schedules, changing from in-arms sleep to in-bed sleep, changing car naps to bed naps, making the transition from motion sleep to stationary sleep, and falling asleep without the nipple/bottle/dummy. The book has really hit the mark with its smorgasbord of nap problems and I’d be surprised if you’re experiencing a nap problem that isn’t covered here. Apart from raising four kids herself, all that research Pantley has done with parents around the world has paid off!

I read this book free of the fog of sleep deprivation, and there was a point I reached where I found myself thinking lighten up mothers, let it go, it all eventually turns out ok, you don’t need to be so damn obsessive about your baby’s sleep. And you know what, this thought could only ever be entertained by someone who is getting enough sleep in her life and you know what else? Pantley even has this covered – there is a section in her book with advice for those of you who decide to lighten up and let go with your motherhood routines.

But be warned, the book probably won’t deliver instant miracles. There are no sleep miracles with babies. The truth is babies don’t sleep or nap in a way that fits neatly into the modern parent’s lifestyle. Unless you’re exceptionally lucky there are going to be some problems (and they will involve a little crying). But the good news is they won’t last forever. If you want to gently manoeuvre your way through them then the No-Cry series is the one for you. And just as The No-Cry Sleep Solution was desperately needed by sleep-deprived parents, I suspect The No-Cry Nap Solution will be just as desperately needed by energy-deprived parents. Because I still remember how precious nap time was – how your child’s nap was the only time in a day where you got the opportunity to re-charge.It is something very much worth striving for. Go for it, buy the book.

Product Description
“Easy naptime solutions that really work–without any tears.”
Kathy Lynn, President,Parenting Today

“Naps: Children need them. Parents want them. Here are the tools to make them happen.”
Maureen A. Doolan Boyle, Executive Director,MOST (Mothers of Supertwins), Inc.

Does your child:

• nap only in your arms, a sling, a swing, or the car?
• require elaborate rituals before sleeping?
• get fussy, act cranky, or have tantrums due to lack of sleep?
• take very short naps–or none at all?

Naps are important to a child’s mood, well-being, and development. The No-Cry Nap Solution offers you a proven formula to allow your baby, toddler, or preschooler to get daily restorative rest. You’ll learn gentle, loving, tear-free techniques, developed by world-renowned parenting expert Elizabeth Pantley and tested by hundreds of families around the world, guaranteed to help you:

• Convince any child to nap every day
• Effortlessly settle your child for naptime in his or her own bed
• Turn short, fitful naps into long, peaceful ones
• Establish a nap schedule that works for you and your child
• Easily adapt nap routines to your child’s developing needs
• Confidently deal with sudden changes, nap strikes, and travel

About the Author

Elizabeth Pantleyis the president of Better Beginnings, Inc., a parent education company, and is a regular radio show and internet show guest and featured expert. Her newsletters and articles are distributed worldwide.She has been quoted in such magazines as Parents, Parenting, Woman’s Day, Mother & Baby, Today’s Parent, and GoodHousekeeping.Elizabeth is the mother of four. Visit her website at pantley.com/elizabeth.

Click Here to see more reviews about: The No-Cry Nap Solution: Guaranteed Gentle Ways to Solve All Your Naptime Problems (Pantley) (Paperback)

According to developmental theory that I learned in school (turns out the degree came in handy) she is waking and realizing that we are two different people and that I am not there and so she gets scared. Separation anxiety commonly occurs when babies become mobile on their own- which she now is, the crawling little monkey! We are so proud of her!!! (see the vide0). And if sleepless nights aren’t enough separation anxiety has also brought the only mom will do phase. Gone are the days when she can be soothed by her dad or someone else. At the worst of it I couldn’t even leave the room without her wailing, fortunately these frenzied outbursts seem to be on the decline. I am doing what I am supposed to and saying bye-bye I’ll be right back and then coming back to teach her that I continue to exist even though she can’t see me, silly baby. Some days she thinks this is funny and laughs when I reappear, other days she screams until she can see me again, I guess it’s a learning process!

One of my biggest fears about becoming a mom was how I was going to deal with this only mom will do phase. I am a person who enjoys some time to herself sometimes and I like a small amount of personal space. I wouldn’t say that I have a bubble, but sometimes I like to have no one touching me, that’s not too much to ask is it? If you ask my daughter this question she will say yes, that is too much to ask. I totally understand the motivation behind her behaviour and it’s very touching that she loves me so much and wants to be around me ALL THE TIME, but sometimes I need a break. I know that some mommys thrive on this stage and love the feeling of being needed, I would have to admit that I am not one of those mommys! I want my daughter to be easily settled by both her father and I because quite frankly I get a bit overwhelmed by it all. It is very exhausting to have someone need you so much. I wasn’t expecting this, no where in the “what to expect” book did I find this highlighted as something to expect!

Also, Elizabeth Pantley and I are on the outs. I am not sure if it’s poor timing with the separation anxiety or not, but since we have started the no cry sleep solution Everly’s sleep has gone from so-so to not so great at all. Through reading so much on sleep I have really started to see what a strong association Everly has developed between sucking and sleep. And I am having this feeling that reoccurs in my gut; it tells me the Pantley method will work for us. Giving her what she wants, every time she wants it whilst slowly weaning her from what she wants is turning out to be an exhausting endeavor. We are one week in, she recommeds doing the method for at least 10 days and then doing a follow up log to compare to your original log from day one. 3 more days, we will see where that takes us.

Around the same time I started reading the Pantley book I also started The Baby Whisperer. The Baby Whisperer was recommended to me to help get us on a routine, I don’t do too well with a lack of structure and have often wondered if Everly might do better herself if we nailed down a regular routine. I don’t mean to stick to a strict schedule, I don’t think that helps anyone as you just stress about sticking to the schedule, but I like the sound of a loose routine. Now that Everly is no longer feeding on demand, I don’t see why we can’t move towards more structure than the orders of her little belly The one thing I am not sure about the Baby Whisperer routine is that E for Eat occurs at the beginning of the EASY routine and S for Sleep is not right after. I have always fed Everly right before she sleeps, so switching will throw her for a bit of a loop, but will it help to break the suck to sleep association… hmmmmm?

Oh and to end on a positive note here (seemed to be a lot of complaining in this post- he he), I want to repeat myself and say that Everly is doing a 4 point cross crawl now!!! I am so proud of her I had to say it again. To see her little booty scooting behind me is so adorable. Often when she has completed a longer length she will turn her face up to look at me and she looks so proud. I applaud her and tell her how wonderful she is and she smiles and then we continue on to repeat the process, right now this is the highlight of my day. I didn’t read this in the ‘what to expect’ book either, this one was a good surprise that I didn’t even know was coming

Er…on the putting to bed part.

It’s the staying asleep part we’re still working on.  After reading part of Pantley’s book, I’ve started my own sleep log, and tonight, put Quinn to bed a full hour earlier than normal. As much as I would love for him to be up with me until 9 pm (and he does this with little fuss), he’s really quite tired much earlier. I kept thinking that the later he stayed up, the better the odds were that he’d sleep through the night. Or at least the dreaded 5:00 marathon nursing session.  But! After reading parts of the book, I realized that keeping kids up past their natural bedtime (as early as 6:30 – yikes!) could actually be detrimental.

So, with that in mind, we’re going for earlier. I’m also not going to talk if he wakes up, just ‘shhh’ and nurse. Maybe that will prevent him from fully waking up and moving back to the first of the five sleep stages. This was an interesting part of the book. (I’ll add a quote later, when I don’t have a sleeping cat on my back, and the book at my fingertips).

In spite of the earlier hour, Quinn went down easily by 8:10. We shall see how long he stays asleep!

Check it out over here and if you enter don’t forget to let her know you heard about it from me please…

Let me start off by asking, “WTF?” (and when you’re older, in case someone tells you that WTF is an acronym with a bad word in it, they’re lying. It means “What the flapjack?”) So, anyway. Monkey, WTF!?? Up until last week, you were so well behaved, had such a sunny disposition, and were so much fun to be around. Okay, so I may have my rose-colored glasses on; I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re a freakin’ handful too, but overall, happy! And well behaved! And lovely! And then? Then? Last Friday, you got back from your nana’s house and I asked if I could take your jacket off, and you were all shrill screaming, and arm-flinging, and your interpretation of foot stomping (although neither foot actually makes it off the ground and it sometimes results in you falling down), and fake tears like I have seen no other! And I was all, “Ummm, okay. If you really want to keep your jacket on, I mean, I guess that’s fine. And by the way, it’s nice to see you too.” And the evening continued in this way. Until we put you to bed and looked at each other and shrugged, and said, “It must be teething.” And then the next day. More of this. Like when you wanted some yogurt and I readily agreed and got out the container of yogurt you had started at breakfast. But you didn’t want THAT yogurt. You wanted the OTHER yogurt. The yogurt in the DRAWER. THAT HADN’T BEEN OPENED YET, AND THEREFORE WAS UNTAINTED BY YOUR GERMS. And I kept saying, “Monkey, I have your yogurt, it’s right here.” But you did not listen to reason. YOU WANTED THE OTHER YOGURT. And. you. did it. again. The arm flinging, and the shrill screaming, and the fake tears, and this time you actually did fall down. And your father and I had to turn away because we were laughing so hard and we don’t want you to think that we’re encouraging this type of unruly, inappropriate behavior. But let me just tell you, it is dang funny to watch your still mostly uncoordinated body try to throw the most massive fit that you possibly can muster. The screaming on the other hand. Not so funny.

Then, that night at dinner, a family dinner no less, at a restaurant, with your nana and grandpa and your uncles and your aunt, you refused to eat. I mean RE-FUSED. And you used to be such a FANTASTIC eater. You eat cucumbers and cherry tomatoes and other foods that kids older than you would NEVER eat. And we were offering you some of your FAVORITE foods. Like, chicken! And rice! And suddenly you were contorting your face, and throwing your head back, and slamming your mouth shut, and scrunching up your eyes, as if I was trying to force you to eat a live insect! I mean, where did you even learn to do that?? You didn’t even agree to eat after I let you use the adult-sized utensils, which honestly are just weapons at this point. Usually this works. But not that night. So fine. Don’t eat then.

It’s not like I didn’t expect this. I just didn’t see it coming. Overnight. Like a light switch. I mean, I did expect it because your pediatrician recommended a book about it at your 12-MONTH CHECK-UP. That should have been my first clue. Apparently, she, being far more experienced in these matters, could see that you already were exhibiting certain characteristics that some may say are “spirited.” That’s why I went out and got three books — THREE BOOKS — that would help me navigate this entry into the terribleness. In fact, the books, (“Making the Terrible Twos Terrific,” “The No-Cry Discipline Solution,” and “The Happiest Toddler on the Block,”) all three of which I have modestly started, warned me about it. While they all said that this could happen around 18 months, THEY DID NOT SAY that this would happen OVERNIGHT. WITH NO WARNING. WTF!!???

Monkey, I’m not ready! You didn’t give me enough time! I thought I would have more time! You’re only 17 months! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! I haven’t finished any of the books!! You’re not old enough to reason with! And the situation is compounded by your limited ability to communicate. While I am unbelievably impressed with the 30 or so words that you can say, THAT LEAVES A LOT OF WORDS, MONKEY! And it seems that you’re most frustrated by my inability to understand what your dramatic pointing and stomping means. Have I mentioned that I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!??

Monkey, I should tell you that you totally redeem yourself when you kiss my knees and ask to kiss the baby belly. And one of the things I have picked up from the books is that when you’re having one of these colossal meltdowns you’re often frightened by your own reaction, and that I should hug you a lot. So, I’m giving you a lot of hugs, but I think I need to arm myself with more knowledge than that, because as great as hugs are, I don’t think hugs alone are going to get us through the next, oh 12 months.

(Sigh). I have a lot of reading to get done. Like right now.

As a mom of three, including a very high needs infant and then twins, I know sleep deprivation!As a Childbirth Educator and Doula, I have a fairly extensive knowledge of typical infant sleep cycles and behavior.But as any sleep deprived parent can attest, you can be so overwhelmed, exhausted, and desperate for sleep that you are tempted to try anything and need some support and guidance.The two most common suggestions parents are given are to let the baby “cry it out” or to “just deal with it and know this too will eventually pass”, neither of which validates the feelings of these desperate parents or gives them practical ideas for trying to meet both their needs and those of their baby, and often, makes them feel worse either because they can’t stand to let their baby cry nor feel they can continue to go on being exhausted and sleep deprived, they want and need help NOW.

This book is that help.I bought the No-Cry Sleep Solution when my twin son and daughter were about 9 months old.I was exclusively breastfeeding them and attachment parenting them and did not want to stop that parenting style, but was desperate for sleep.Elizabeth’s book was informative, easy to read, easy to follow, and most importantly comprehensive.She does not advocate for any one method of helping babies and parents to sleep, but rather gives weary, exhausted, and overwhelmed parents useful information about what reasonable expectations for sleep are, emphasizes safety, and then gives them easy to use tools they can use to identify sleep issues and many techniques they can choose from to try to bring more sleep to everyone, regardless of sleep arrangements or feeding style!I especially like her sleep logs and analysis tools.Within a few weeks of reading her book we were all sleeping better and I was less stressed as I was able to understand the reasons behind the waking and address them without tears for me or my babies!And yes, we are now all sleeping all night!
I highly recommend this book if you are looking for ways to gently and lovingly help your baby (and yourself) learn to sleep better!

Product Description
A breakthrough approach for a good night’s sleep–with no tears

There are two schools of thought for encouraging babies to sleep through the night: the hotly debated Ferber technique of letting the baby “cry it out,” or the grin-and-bear-it solution of getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary. If you don’t believe in letting your baby cry it out, but desperately want to sleep, there is now a third option, presented in Elizabeth Pantley’s sanity-saving book The No-Cry Sleep Solution.

Pantley’s successful solution has been tested and proven effective by scores of mothers and their babies from across the United States, Canada, and Europe. Based on her research, Pantley’s guide provides you with effective strategies to overcoming naptime and nighttime problems. The No-Cry Sleep Solution offers clearly explained, step-by-step ideas that steer your little ones toward a good night’s sleep–all with no crying.

Tips from The No-Cry Sleep Solution:

• Uncover the stumbling blocks that prevent baby from sleeping through the night
• Determine–and work with–baby’s biological sleep rhythms
• Create a customized, step-by-step plan to get baby to sleep through the night
• Use the Persistent Gentle Removal System to teach baby to fall asleep without breast-feeding, bottlefeeding, or using a pacifier

From the Back Cover
“At long last, I’ve found a book that I can hand to weary parents with the confidence that they can learn to help their baby sleep through the night–without the baby crying it out.”
–William Sears, M.D., Author of The Baby Book

“When I followed the steps in this book, it only took a few nights to see a HUGE improvement. Now every night I’m getting more sleep than I’ve gotten in years! The best part is, there has been NO crying!”
–Becky, mother of 13-month-old Melissa

A breakthrough approach that offers hope to exhausted parents looking for gentle ways to help their baby sleep without the heart-wrenching tears

Are you suffering through sleepless nights and having to fend off a barrage of heartless advice about letting your baby “cry it out”? The No-Cry Sleep Solution will show you how it is entirely possible and within your grasp to help your baby fall asleep peacefully–and stay asleep all night long.

Until now the only two ways to deal with sleepless nights were to let your baby cry herself to sleep or to become a sleep-deprived martyr and tough it out from dusk until dawn. At last, there is a practical and effective third way, thanks to Elizabeth Pantley, a parent educator and mother of four. Pantley is like a best friend who’s been there and is full of caring advice to help you and your baby get a good night’s sleep. Her ten-step will lead you through the process one day at a time by:

• Shedding new light on your baby’s sleep patterns and helping you set realistic goals
• Showing you how to analyze, assess, and improve your baby’s sleep patterns using sleep logs
• Offering a variety of sleep solutions that fit every parenting style, whether you cosleep with your baby or she sleeps in a crib or whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed
• Creating a tear-free customized sleep plan that works for both you and your baby

Don’t let sleep deprivation keep you from enjoying your baby. The No-Cry Sleep Solution is full of reassuring advice and words of wisdom from other parents who have had success with the program. It will give you the tools you need to effectively and gently reach your goal–a good night’s sleep for everyone.

Click Here to see more reviews about: The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night (Paperback)

her books include…

The No-Cry Nap Solution  *NEW*
    The No-Cry Sleep Solution (for babies)
    The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers
    The No-Cry Discipline Solution
    The No-Cry Potty Training Solution
The New Cry Separation Anxiety Solution (to be released in March.)

says elizabeth…

The Biology of Newborn Sleep

During the early months of your baby’s life, he sleeps when he is tired — it’s that simple. You can do little to force a new baby to sleep when he doesn’t want to sleep, and you can do little to wake him up when he is sleeping soundly.

Newborn babies have tiny tummies. They grow rapidly, and their liquid diet digests quickly. While it would be nice to lay your little bundle down at bedtime and not hear from him until morning, this is not a realistic goal for a new baby. Newborns need to be fed every two to four hours — and sometimes more.

Sleeping “through the night”

You may believe that babies should start “sleeping through the night” soon after birth. For a new baby, a five-hour stretch is a full night. This may be a far cry from what you may have thought “sleeping through the night” meant!

What’s more, some sleep-through-the-nighters will suddenly begin waking more frequently, and it’s often a full year or more until your baby will settle into an all-night, every night sleep pattern.

Falling Asleep at the Breast or Bottle

It is natural for a newborn to fall asleep while sucking at the breast, a bottle, or a pacifier. When a baby always falls asleep this way, he learns to associate sucking with falling asleep; over time, he cannot fall asleep any other way. This is the most natural sleep association a baby can have. However, many parents who are struggling with older babies who cannot fall asleep, or stay asleep, are fighting this powerful association.

Therefore, if you want your baby to be able to fall asleep without your help, it is essential that you often let your newborn baby suck until he is sleepy, but not totally asleep. When you can, remove the breast, bottle, or pacifier from his mouth, and let him finish falling asleep without it. If you do this often enough, he will learn how to fall asleep without sucking.

Waking for Night Feedings

Many professionals recommend that a newborn shouldn’t sleep longer than four hours without feeding, and most babies wake more frequently than that. The key is to learn when you should pick her up for a feeding and when you can let her go back to sleep on her own.

Here’s a tip: Babies make many sleeping sounds, from grunts to whimpers to cries, and these noises don’t always signal awakening. These are sleeping noises, and your baby is not awake during these episodes.

Learn to differentiate between sleeping sounds and awake sounds. If she is awake and hungry, you’ll want to feed her so she’ll go back to sleep easily. But if she’s asleep – let her sleep!

Help Your Baby Distinguish Day from Night

A newborn sleeps 16 to 18 hours per day, and this sleep is distributed evenly over 6 to 7 sleep periods. You can help your baby distinguish between night sleep and day sleep, and thus help him sleep longer periods at night.

Have your baby take his daytime naps in a lit room where he can hear the noises of the day. Make nighttime sleep dark and quiet, except for white noise (a background hum). You can also help your baby differentiate day from night by using a bath and a change into pajamas to signal the difference between the two.

Watch for Signs of Tiredness

Get familiar with your baby’s sleepy signals and put her down to sleep as soon as she seems tired. A baby who is encouraged to stay awake when her body is craving sleep is an unhappy baby. Over time, this pattern develops into sleep deprivation, which complicates developing sleep maturity.

Learn to read your baby’s sleepy signs — such as quieting down, losing interest in people and toys, and fussing — and put her to bed when that window of opportunity presents itself.

Make Yourself Comfortable

It’s a fact that your baby will be waking you up, so you may as well make yourself as comfortable as possible. Relax about night wakings right now. The situation will improve day by day; and before you know it, your newborn won’t be so little anymore — she’ll be walking and talking and getting into everything in sight…during the day, and sleeping peacefully all night long.

 Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Sleep Solution (McGraw-Hill 2002

My sleep deprivation started only when I moved my co-sleeping toddler to a crib. My toddler slept very well when she co-slept and we thoroughly enjoyed it. Why did we stop it, if we enjoyed co-sleeping? I hated it trust me! My husband still wants to co-sleep with my daughter for all the cozy cuddly moments. Lets face it nothing like cuddling a baby or a toddler.  Parents practicing ‘Attachment Parenting’ know what I am talking about.  Okay so the true reason is space! We all need our space, the space to sleep! That was true for my hubby, my daughter and myself.  We have a standard queen sized bed and a growing, very active toddler who loved swimming through the bed over our butts and landing her cute but full diaper bottom on our faces and being fast asleep. Sounds cute but either my hubby or me were on the edge of the bed and on couple of occasions it was my daughter who unknowingly fell off the bed on some pillows on the floor which I had kept as a precaution. I guess you see there were pretty obvious reasons why we decided to move out of co-sleeping, but that was the most practical thing to do to help the three of us sleep better.  But this is where attached parents true sleep problems begin!

I am a first time parent and this is my first ever blogging initiative, which I am finally  getting started with after many years of procrastination .  I intend to touch upon many topics slowly and eventually as I face it as a parent.  I am hoping that my parent experiences will help you just as other parents blogs and videos have helped me understand that I am not the only one facing the problem!

I am starting this series with SLEEP, because that’s my challenge at the moment!  I am impressed and kind of obssessed now with Elizabeth Pantley’s book : The No-cry sleep solution: Gentle ways to soothe your baby.  First of all I can’t believe I didn’t find this book earlier.  Now that I have.  I intend to share my experiences and sleep logs with you so you know how it worked for me and that will be the best practical review for this book!!

If you are a parent who has already practiced this and would like to share your experiences please feel free to leave in a comment.

I’ll see you soon!

We’re actually kind of fanatical about her sleeping habits because she wasn’t a great napper when she was first born — like I could set an oven timer for 22 minutes and she would be up — when she was two weeks old! I was going out of my mind with exhaustion. The kid just NEVER wanted to sleep (unless of course I was holding her). I was determined to amend this situation and whole-heartedly gave myself over to The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, which has tips for napping and nighttime sleep. My cousin recommended the book after having great success with it. By the time Monkey was four months old, her napping and nighttime sleep had gotten into really good rhythms. And by the time she was seven months, old she was sleeping 10 hours straight!

I feel somewhat validated by my strict adherence to sleep policies given an article this week from CNN that talks about how enforcing bedtimes, especially early ones, improves kids’ health. It also reiterates my two key take aways from The No Cry Sleep Solution – toddlers between the ages of 1 and 3 needs 12-14 hours of sleep (that’s A LOT!), and well-meaning parents mistakenly believe that keeping their babies/toddlers up later will help them sleep later and/or better, when actually it backfires and overtired kids take longer to fall asleep and wake more frequently at night. A lot of my friends make fun of me for putting Monkey to bed between 7 and 7:30 p.m., but she sleeps until 7 a.m.! And she still takes one two-hour nap a day!

Anyway, last night after Monkey had been in bed, asleep for about an hour, we heard a loud clunk. My husband turned to me and said “I think she just hit her head.” Loud crying ensued. The crying where you know it’s for real and not just a fake attempt to get attention. We both ran in there and she was sitting up, crying, in a somewhat daze. I crouched down next to her crib and whispered, “Are you okay?” and smiled at her. She stopped crying and smiled back. Then I giggled. Probably because we don’t normally interact with her when we have to go in her room after bedtime. Then she giggled. It was one of those slaphappy, half-awake giggles. And it was so funny! So I started giggling more because of the way she giggled back. Before you knew it, we were both consumed in a full-on giggle attack! And her laughter made me laugh harder. Pretty soon my husband was laughing too. We all just sat there in the glow of her fish tank soother, LAUGHING. I was laughing so hard I was crying. Then she really got revved up and started jumping up and down in her bed laughing. And then she got the hiccups. From all of the laughing. I finally composed myself, managed to squeak out a “night night,” and left the room. Only to break out into the giggles again. I probably had a smile on my face for three hours afterward. Why? Because it reminded me of some of my favorite moments with my two best girl friends. The ones where whatever it was that was funny in the first place, isn’t even why you’re laughing anymore. You’re laughing because the other person is laughing. Until you’re all laughing so hard that you can’t even breathe, or see, and you have throbbing “laughing” pains in your head from the force of all your laughter. I think this goes down as one of my favorite simple moments with Monkey. I am so looking forward to more silly moments with my daughter.

On her website, Elizabeth Pantley writes:

Nighttime Fears

It’s normal for a child to imagine monsters or other things that generate a fear of the dark. Even if you explain, and even if you assure him that he’s safe, he may still be scared. You may reduce his fears when you:

♦      Teach your child the difference between real and fantasy through discussion and book-reading.

♦      Find ways to help your child confront and overcome his fears. If dark shadows are creating suspicious shapes, give your child a flashlight to keep at his bedside.

♦       Leave soothing lullabies playing, or white noise sounds running to fill the quiet.

♦        Give your child one, two, or a zoo of stuffed animals to sleep with.

♦        Put a small pet, like a lizard, turtle, or fish, in your child’s room for company.

♦        Take a stargazing walk, build a campfire, or have a candlelight dinner to make the dark more friendly.

♦         Ask your child what will make him feel better.

Preventing Sleep Disrupters

Some things have been found to reduce the number or severity of sleep-disturbing episodes. Since they are all based on good sleep practices, they are worth a try:

♦             Follow a calm and peaceful routine the hour before bedtime.

♦             Maintain a consistent bed time seven days a week.

♦             Avoid books and movies that disturb or frighten your child.

♦             Have your child take a daily nap.

♦             Provide your child with a light snack an hour or two before bedtime, and avoid a heavy meal, spicy food, sugar or caffeine during that time.

♦             Remember to have your child use the potty just before she gets in to bed.

On her website, Elizabeth Pantley writes:

Nighttime Fears

It’s normal for a child to imagine monsters or other things that generate a fear of the dark. Even if you explain, and even if you assure him that he’s safe, he may still be scared. You may reduce his fears when you:

♦      Teach your child the difference between real and fantasy through discussion and book-reading.

♦      Find ways to help your child confront and overcome his fears. If dark shadows are creating suspicious shapes, give your child a flashlight to keep at his bedside.

♦       Leave soothing lullabies playing, or white noise sounds running to fill the quiet.

♦        Give your child one, two, or a zoo of stuffed animals to sleep with.

♦        Put a small pet, like a lizard, turtle, or fish, in your child’s room for company.

♦        Take a stargazing walk, build a campfire, or have a candlelight dinner to make the dark more friendly.

♦         Ask your child what will make him feel better.

Preventing Sleep Disrupters

Some things have been found to reduce the number or severity of sleep-disturbing episodes. Since they are all based on good sleep practices, they are worth a try:

♦             Follow a calm and peaceful routine the hour before bedtime.

♦             Maintain a consistent bed time seven days a week.

♦             Avoid books and movies that disturb or frighten your child.

♦             Have your child take a daily nap.

♦             Provide your child with a light snack an hour or two before bedtime, and avoid a heavy meal, spicy food, sugar or caffeine during that time.

♦             Remember to have your child use the potty just before she gets in to bed.

But for my case, little A needed actually to cry a bit before she finally goes to bed and the more I stay in the room, the more she wanted to play. I finally realised that the baby could fell asleep without me if you follow a bedtime routine where it does not involve any exciting activities.

In the no-cry sleep solution, she recommends to log all your activities for the end of the day so that you can see yourself if you actually help baby to wind down or not.

I like the style she uses in the book, it is not patronizing and gives you a gentle approach on how to make baby sleep.

Buy the book here and check the reviews from users that bought the book.

We figured out at some point shortly after my last post, that Reid cannot stand to have a wet diaper. The good news is that we can now sooth him much more easily than we could before. The bad news is that we’re changing diapers (or taking him to pee) like maniacs. He pees in the sink/potty pretty often, and he poos there most of the time. EC is much easier the second time around–probably due to the fact that I started earlier and that I have much more confidence.

This morning, however, Reid pood his pants big time. The night before, he was very grumpy and couldn’t stay asleep for long without getting angry. I knew he had to poo because he always has to poo at night, and because he was gassy, gassy, gassy. But I held him over the sink and the potty numerous times–all to no avail. But just after he nursed first thing in the morning, he blasted it out. He pood so much! I realized with that poo how little he actually poos in his diaper. It took a lot of cleanup to get his little bottom area clean and it was a foreign experience. He’s pood in his diaper before, no doubt, but not usually a full poo. Usually, it’s just a bit, and I can get him to the potty before the major blast comes. Being an EC mom, it’s tough for me to imagine having to clean up poopy diapers every single day! Even when Reid poos in the little potty, all I have to do is spray it with the diaper sprayer and empty it in the toilet. But cleaning poo from all over his thighs and genitals, while keeping it from getting on the bed or myself (both of which I was unsuccessful at doing this morning) is much dirtier work.

Reid is very free with his smiles these days. He’s also been doing some pre-laughing. Several times now with Grampy, and a couple times with me, he’s squealed a little while we coo’d and ooh’d and aah’d with him. I’m really looking forward to Reid’s belly laughs. I don’t remember when that typically happens, but it has to be in the next month or so, I imagine.

Reid seems to sleep a lot–more than I remember Daniel sleeping. The problem is that during the day, his stretches of sleep are fairly short and sporadic–and he has a hard time being put down. This is changing, though. When I was dealing with sleep issues with Daniel, I read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and lamented that I hadn’t read it sooner in his life. Now with Reid, I’ve been applying some of the principles from the book already–specifically putting the baby down when he sleeps. I usually kept Daniel in-arms because I was exhausted and couldn’t imagine him waking after getting him to sleep, and because I just loved holding him. Now that Reid is learning to stay asleep when I put him down, I find myself feeling kind of sad and guilty that I’m not holding him as much as I’d like to. But because I need the time without him to focus on Daniel, or to pop a load into the washer, I don’t really have much of a choice.

We have been trying to continue going for walks at least once or twice/week. But the heat is beginning to be prohibitive–especially because Reid usually goes in the sling while Daniel rides his tricycle. Even on days that are simply warm, Reid and I end up covered with sweat. The heat is only supposed to intensify over the next couple months, so unless we decide to start waking much earlier, I think we may go on a summer hiatus from our walks.

I’m getting into the swing of life with two. More accurately, I’m getting into the swing of life with a newborn again. I am actually much more productive with two than I was with one. And I’m not feeling as lazy. Maybe it’s due to my unapologetically drinking a bit of coffee or tea every day. But mostly, I think it’s because there’s more to do. There’s just not as much time for sitting around, so I don’t even get to start. And typically, it’s the starting of sitting around that causes the prolonged sitting around.

In the last couple weeks, I’ve gotten a fair amount of laundry done (the pile is actually shrinking!), I’ve managed to keep the kitchen mostly clean, I’ve assembled a new kitchen cabinet, we’ve had a dinner guest, and I’ve gotten out of the house at least once/day. While I didn’t create a full weekly schedule, I did start making a weekly to-do list. Some of which include cleaning the toilets on Fridays, doing at least 5 loads of laundry/week (not including diapers), and going grocery shopping on Mondays. I think I’ll start adding activities once these few become second nature. So far, these are easy. And just because I’m in the mindset of keeping things cleaner than I ever have before, I’ve been better at putting things away as I use them rather than just putting them down wherever it’s most convenient. I think the next items on my weekly to-do list will be vacuuming/mopping. I do these two things so rarely, they really need to be on the schedule if I ever want them to get done.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow–Friday. Aside from cleaning the toilets (which really only takes a few minutes), I don’t have anything I have to do. I plan to spend some extra time focusing on Daniel. He’s gotten the short end of the stick this week.

For most of us, we find these responses annoying.  They obviously don’t understand how tired we really are. 

Flash-forward nine months and now we are holding our new loved ones in our arms.  They look so peaceful.  We are in awe, in love with the tiny creature in our hands.  Then we leave the hospital and reality sets in.  That quote that we heard so often in pregnancy begins ringing in our ears like the ghost of Christmas past.  Between two hour feedings, diapers, visitors, and adjusting to our new normals, life shows us a new type of exhaustion.

But there is hope…

We have that friend who told us about a friend’s sister’s niece’s best friend’s little girl who began sleeping through the night are one month.  We cling to that day.  That precious evening when we will lay our little one down and won’t awake until morning (or at least 5 hours later).  One month passes and then we hear, make it to 3 months, then things will get better.  So again we wait…

The truth is, some babies do fall to sleep with ease.  They begin sleeping through the night at 12 weeks.  They don’t require a swaddle or hours of rocking, nursing, and singing.  But, many babies do not.  For those parents, night time becomes stressful.  As the bedtime hour approaches, blood pressure rises over how long it will take for the little one to go to sleep and how often you will be up in the middle of night to put him back down.

Mauldin happens to be such a baby.  Currently we are sleeping in two and half to three hour stretches (although the other night it was every hour and half).  Naps are also becoming more difficult.  With all this in mind, Mauldin and I set out to Books-A-Million to find a solution.

That is where I found the book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley.  In this book, Pantley gives sleep-deprived readers a plan, not a solution, to putting their precious babies to sleep without letting them “cry it out.”  I say that she gives a plan, not a solution, because her ideas are not meant to be a miracle one day cure.  Instead, she gives you ideas of try and keep track of over time to see success.  She also explains the mechanics of sleep in babies which differs from adult sleep patterns. 

For an analytical person, like myself, Pantley offers logs to fill out, to keep track of your success.  She also gives several suggestions of things to try with your little one.  There is no expectation to do them all, just to choose the ones you feel will work best and go from there.

So…as a sleep deprived Mommy, I plan to try this out.  I will be filling out the sleep logs and nap logs this weekend and developing a bedtime plan with Eric to begin next week.  I will also periodically post how we are doing and hopefully share our success with you.  If you are a new parent, or a sleep deprived one, I encourage you to check this book out.  It has definitely given me a glimmer of bedtime hope.

If you are a parent of small children, like myself, you will know that:

a good nap = a good day

a bad nap = a bad day

But getting those good naps can be an elusive, how-do-I-do-it?, FRUSTRATING experience.

A SCIENTIFIC APPROACH

Well, along came Elizabeth Pantley. And she has a gift. Her gift is the ability to conduct sound, thorough research and present it in a format that is easy to read, inspiring and truly transforming.

Most parents do not have the time, desire or motivation to pour through all the literature and scientific studies that have been conducted on naps, deduce theories from it, and then set it to trial to revise and refine with a group of 209 Test Parents. Thankfully, we don’t have to. Elizabeth Pantley did it for us.

When I was conducting my own qualitative research for my master’s thesis, I wanted to do research with a group of 20 people and was advised that it was an unmanageable number – 5 or 6 would be better (I settled at 14). So the fact that Elizabeth Pantley conducted a qualitative research study with 209 people is in and of itself amazing.

NAPS ARE CRUCIAL

Elizabeth Pantley very clearly illustrates not only the benefits, but the crucial nature of naps. Based on age, a child may require 0-4 naps. This sleep has various stages, each with its own benefit, such as:

• releasing stress and stabilizing moods
• releasing the growth hormone
• repairing and healing the body and strengthening the immune system
• regulating the appetite
• ensuring proper brain connections and development, including memory and new learning
• improving motor, visual and perceptual skills

THE VOLCANO EFFECT

On top of this, we are all (adults included) subject to something called homeostatic sleep pressure or what she terms “The Volcano Effect.” Based on our age, we can only be awake for a given amount of time before we literally explode – and we all know what that means – temper tantrums, melt downs, screaming and crying.

By keeping an eye on the clock as well as an eye on our child’s sleepy signs, we can greatly reduce The Volcano Effect. One of the great things I learned from this book was that if I put my children down for a nap when they are sleepy, and not overtired, then they fall asleep quickly and easily.

In fact, I was surprised to learn that presleep, where the child is relaxed and tired, is actually the first stage in sleep, whose purpose is to prepare the body for sleep. But if ignored it will lead to a second wind and eventually an increase in feeling overtired.

A CHILD NEEDS TO FALL ASLEEP ON THEIR OWN

The thing I love about Elizabeth Pantley is her gentle, caring approach to parenting and that everything stems from a place of deep consideration for the child and the parent. She offers a plethora of suggestions on how to get your child to nap, but she always leaves a back door open to keep things the way they are if what we’re doing already is working for us, we’re feeling stressed or the child is sick, teething, learning a new skill or any other number of things that can disturb sleep.

But, if you do want your children to take good naps, more than just the 40 minute “One-Cycle Sleep Syndrome” (a baby’s sleep cycle lasts 40-60 minutes), then this book is for you.

By far, the most important thing that I have learned from reading the No Cry Nap Solution (and its parent book, The No Cry Sleep Solution which focuses more on night time sleep), is the importance of teaching a child to fall asleep on their own.

There is a brief awakening at the end of each sleep cycle. In order for a child to make it from one sleep cycle to the next, unaided by the parent, the child has to fall asleep on their own. If the child fell asleep breastfeeding (or being rocked, bounced, held or bottlefed) then they will awaken, become disturbed that things are not as they were when they fell asleep, and want to breastfeed again. If, however, they fell asleep on their own, then they will briefly awaken, see that everything is still the same and go right back to sleep.

She uses the analogy of us falling asleep in our warm, cozy bed and then waking up on the hard, cold kitchen floor. Of course we wouldn’t go back to sleep! We’d be alarmed and distressed.

NOW, HOW DO I GET MY CHILD TO NAP?

Well, this is why you need to buy the book. She literally has a solution for probably every single nap challenge, such as:

1. Catnaps: Making short naps longer
2. The nap resister: When your child needs a nap but won’t take one
3. Shifting schedules: Changing from two naps to one nap
4. Shifting schedules: Time to give up naps?
5. Changing from in-arms sleep to in-bed sleep
6. Naptime nursling: Falling asleep without the breast, bottle or pacifier
7. Swinging, bouncing, vibrating or gliding: Making the transition from motion sleep to stationary sleep
8. Helping your newborn tummy sleeper go “Back to sleep”
9. How to use swaddling for naptime
10. Changing car naps to bed naps
11. Colic care: Helping your baby get comfort and relief from naps
12. Could it be a sleep disorder? When to call a doctor

Just when you think you have the naps all figured out, they get a little older and everything changes. The No Cry Nap Solution is a book that I will definitely keep going back to, for each new naptime stage.

YOUR CHILD WON’T CRY, BUT YOU MIGHT

All of the approaches in this book are gentle and respectful of the child. They are not quick fix solutions, but require a tremendous amount of consistency and self-discipline on the part of the parent. And lets face it, it’s hard.

Changing a habit is slow. It takes time and patience. But it’s so well worth it in the end, particularly when you think about the stress and anxiety that too much crying can cause on the child AND the parent.

The No Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
Synopsis:
A breakthrough approach for a good night’s sleep – with no tears.There are two schools of thought for encouraging babies to sleep through the night: the hotly debated Ferber technique of letting the baby “cry it out,” or the grin-and-bear-it solution of getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary. If you don’t believe in letting your baby cry it out, but desperately want to sleep, there is now a third option, presented in Elizabeth Pantley’s sanity-saving book The No-Cry Sleep Solution.

Pantley’s successful solution has been tested and proven effective by scores of mothers and their babies from across the United States, Canada, and Europe. Based on her research, Pantley’s guide provides you with effective strategies to overcoming naptime and nighttime problems. The No-Cry Sleep Solution offers clearly explained, step-by-step ideas that steer your little ones toward a good night’s sleep – all with no crying.

Tips from The No-Cry Sleep Solution:
- Uncover the stumbling blocks that prevent baby from sleeping through the night
- Determine – and work with – baby’s biological sleep rhythms
- Create a customized, step-by-step plan to get baby to sleep through the night
- Use the Persistent Gentle Removal System to teach baby to fall asleep without breastfeeding, bottlefeeding, or using a pacifier

Review:
There are some really nice ideas in this book, but I can’t help wishing that my own baby could read the book himself, understand it, and act upon it, because I have to say, it didn’t work for me.

As it turned out, we had already tried / were already trying many of the ideas in this book and to no avail. The only thing we hadn’t already done was keeping a sleep log, which, in the end, served only one purpose – to frustrate and stress me out, which I did not need!

I’ve now been following the book since the beginning of the year and two and a half months in there is little to no improvement. Some nights our baby sleeps in three-and-a-half-hour stints, which is all good and well, but more often than not, he still wakes every one-and-a-half to two hours on average. We’ve come to the conclusion that he’s a very light sleeper (not unlike his Mum!).

I’m sure these techniques will work for some families, unfortunately it didn’t work for us and I’m now left feeling that I’ve wasted time and energy stressing over completing sleep logs and trying various techniques when I should just be enjoying my baby and letting him get on with sleeping how he wants – he’ll eventually sleep through the night in his own time – all babies are different.

The book is well enough written, with a friendly tone, but the chatty little anecdotes from Mums extolling the virtues of the Pantley method that are supposed to encourage and reassure Mums have the opposite effect when the system isn’t working for you and your little one.

Rating: 5/10

Reviewed by Kell Smurthwaite