More Important Than Sarah Palin

“This is not a [book] to be taken lightly. It should be thrown aside with great force.”

Dorothy Parker

If Dorothy Parker were alive today, she would more likely have cited another quote of hers in relation to meta-celebrity-cum-politician, Sarah Palin: “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”

About a week or so ago, perusing one of my local independent bookstores with my camera in hand, I came upon the book Sarah Palin didn’t write sitting amidst the biographies of other important figures in history.

The book was almost ironically sitting there next to two authors; champion of manners Emily Post and “Goddess-of-the-Right” and conservative intellectual, Ayn Rand.  Both of these women wrote books. To date, we still haven’t been informed of which books Sarah Palin has read.  But Mrs. Palin assures us that she is looking forward to a long and vibrant career as a writer.  I am sure Lynn Vincent appreciates the work. . .

As I looked at the books around me, it was all-too-easy to find interesting juxtapositions which left the half-term Alaska Governor looking fairly pathetic.

Virginia Woolf wrote her own book. In A Room of One’s Own, she considered whether a woman given the same gifts for writing as a man, would have the same opportunities as a man to be heard and even listened to. Woolf did this in 1928 when the opportunities for a woman weren’t the same. Sarah Palin tried to have books banned from public libraries while serving as mayor of Wasilla, AK.  Does it make you wonder even for a second, what Virginia Woolf might have thought of a woman like Sarah Palin?

Of course being in a book store and being surrounded by many books, some of which were written by women to much acclaim and literary quality, it was easy to line up book after book which framed Palin in a rather pallid light.  Isak Dinesen, Doris Lessing, Ayn Rand, Dorothy Parker. . . Whether or not you agree with any of these writers ideas or philosophies, they are still women worthy of respect.

But Sarah Palin has never claimed to be a writer, I hear the arguments. . . On this we can agree.  But a leader. . . Past and future!  That’s where she is an inspiration!

Ah yes, Sarah Palin looks shining as a half-term Governor of Alaska and lest we forget, Mayor of Wasilla, AK. The Governor who took time out of her busy schedule to run for Vice President of the United States of America, despite her own self-proclamation months before that she wasn’t even sure “what the V.P. did”.  She looks really good when you set her alongside Frances Perkins, FDR’s Secretary of Labor who through the Social Security Act, helped establish pensions for elderly Americans, child labor laws, and the unemployment benefits you very well maybe thankful for today.  Yes, well it is true that Palin did spend $400,000 of state money to keep aerial wolf hunting legal in Alaska, and it’s true that’s good sportsman-like, you betcha!

Aw shit, and this guy, despite being held in jail for twenty-seven years in jail as a political prisoner of his own country, went on to lead his nation for five years AND write his autobiography? Hell! He’s not even American!

A Short Walk in Manolo Blahniks

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I began to think about writing this piece even as I took these photos, knowing that the ideas would eventually exist somewhere outside of my camera, my heart or my head.  I began to start thinking of the piece as a lamentation (go ahead Sarah, look it up) not simply about the quality of individuals thrust into the spotlight.  In this case as a tool by a desperate political candidate seeking to lend himself further legitimacy and gender credibility. For me personally, I saw this an attempt to understand the sort of ideal of women that exists in our modern American and even more importantly, global culture.

I do realize it in my mind that this is largely a construct of our corporate media culture, but there were two things in my mind when the idea of this essay came about: A nameless woman on television shown in a crowd at a Sarah Palin rally, and my own mother.

The woman was holding up a sign which indicated her support of Sarah Palin in some manner.  She was a middle-aged woman, in all likelihood older than Mrs. Palin herself.  She was not one of the women who you would find in the crowd that Mrs. Palin was addressing, but amongst those behind her who had been put in place as background material.  If you weren’t looking at Sarah Palin, you were supposed to look at people like her and see how Sarah Palin was an inspiration.  What I couldn’t get past was this look in her eyes, as she hung on each and every one of Mrs. Palin’s unintelligible words.   A look that I can only describe as wistful adoration. . . And that look, for this woman; all I can say is it made me sad.  Quite honestly, it’s hard not to get cynical when I think about the celebutard culture that we are fed in the world of Politics and Leadership, Culture and the Arts, and Spirituality.  I have to remind myself on a regular basis that there is more than the Sarah Palins and Lady Gagas of this world.

And then there’s my own mother, who raised me ably by herself with the loving support of her parents.  It wouldn’t be until after I was an adult living on my own that my mother would remarry.  Being raised by a single mother, with a strong grandmother influence and a grandfather with equal respect and honor for both of these women, I have come into the world with an indelible mark left by women.  There is no accident that I have a large tattoo of a bare-chested Goddess on my left arm, and it has to do with the influence that women have had on me my entire life.

As a reminder of the good news in the world, and my further belief in the power, influence and capability of women I want to end by saying that we don’t have to cheapen our ideals of what it means to be a man or a woman, nor should we let a warped media do it for us.  Because it is so important that we protect all women’s rights, both in this country and abroad, I suggest starting with an organization like The Girl Effect.

If you don’t know about the organization or the significance of just what “The Girl Effect” is, you can click on the image above to learn more.  In addition, you can help spread and be a part of the movement on Facebook by clicking here.

Finally, I would like to list just a few of the women that I think of when I think of important women:

• Rachel Maddow
• Lisa Gerrard
• Rep. Barbara Lee
• MeShell Ndegeocello
• Neda Agha-Soltan
• Rachel Correy
• Kimberly Peirce
• Senator Barbara Boxer
• Amy Goodman
• Natacha Atlas
• Michelle Obama
• Dr. Helen Caldicott
• Majora Carter
• Benazir Bhutto
• Alice Waters
• Cosi Fabian
• Katrina vanden Heuvel
• Nigella Lawson
• Katha Pollitt

And to the women in my life past, present and future. . .family, teachers, friends, and loves who I have known, this piece is dedicated.

As the holiday entertaining period washes over us, this little snippet from 2003 seems particularly apt…:

The November 9 issue of the Los Angeles Times magazine cover story is all about “The Role of the Guest“. With primers on RSVPing, and other social manners, it delves into a subject close to the hearts of me and my best friend, Emily Post…

For the record, I don’t agree with everything the author writes, but that’s because I’m more of a Debrett’s disciple. However, it’s still well worth the read.

The Art of the Thank You Note

In this modern-day of texting and email, the hand written note  is not often seen. Although etiquette rules have changed since the time of Emily Post, they have not altogether disappeared.  Here is what the Emily Post Institute has to say about thank you notes:

The Emily Post Thank You Note Q & A

( taken from the Emily Post Institute)

We all have to write thank-you notes. Take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone staring down your stack of cards and list of names. Before you start, remember that thanking people needs to be about just that: expressing thanks. So refocus, reorganize, and rethink the process. Get in touch with the sincerity of thanking people for thinking about you and sending you something—even if it’s a hot pink polyester sweater. Here at the Emily Post Institute, we’ve assembled some simple answers to the most commonly asked questions about the post-holiday thank-you note blues.

Who needs a note?

All gifts should be acknowledged with a note, unless the goodies were opened in front of the giver—then you have the chance to thank them in person.  An important exception: many of an older generation expect a hand-written note. Providing them with one is an appropriate gesture of respect and consideration.

Who should write the note?

The person who received the gift should write the note. Group notes are acceptable for Aunt Patty who sent the household a group present—just ask each recipient to sign. For couples, it’s perfectly fine to split up the notes for gifts you received together. For the kids, check our section entitled “Mom, Let’s Write Thank-You Notes!”

When should thank-you notes be written?

Write your notes as soon as possible, and don’t hesitate if you feel you’re late: a late note is always better than no note at all.

Can a thank-you note be creative?

Absolutely. Incorporating photos, children’s drawings—anything at all that compliments the sentiment is appropriate. Just remember to include a short written thank-you as well.

What about e-mail?

The reality of email thank-you’s, much like email itself, is a degree of emotional distance: an email to your grandmother is simply not as personal as a note written in your own hand. So if you have a casual relationship with the gift giver and you correspond via email regularly, an email thank-you may be appropriate. For most other people, the written thank-you is your best bet for an expression of warm, heartfelt thanks. The last thing you want is for someone to be disappointed when her hand-knit scarf is acknowledged with a loud, animated e-card.

In doing my research for today’s Celebrate Holiday post, I came across an article that claimed that today, October 30th was the anniversary of Emily Post’s birth. Upon further research (you didn’t think I double checked this stuff did you?) I confirmed that her birthday was actually on October 27th and so today I dedicate this post to honoring her birth belatedly.

click here to visit the Emily Post Institute's website

If you didn’t already know, Emily Post’s name is now synonymous with proper etiquette and courteous manners.   Many of Emily’s descendants continue her legacy in the 50 years since Emily’s death in 1960. They write books, magazine articles, blogs, and run the Emily Post Institute.

We at Tiny Prints, and especially for Wedding Paper Divas, take etiquette for our stationery very seriously. Many of Emily Post’s and her family’s books are regularly referenced in our pursuit to ensure perfection for our customer’s invitations and announcements.

As a mother to two young boys and a former preschool teacher, I truly believe that good manners are a gift we must give to our children.

Knowing common courtesy helps people feel comfortable moving and working in the world with others.

So much of our stress and awkwardness  in our lives comes from not knowing what to do or how to act in daily situations- manners and courtesy can relieve that tension.

So here’s to a lifetime of working towards good manners for all and a legacy of great courtesy. Thank you, Emily.

On October 27:

1466 Desiderius Erasmus Roterdamus, Dutch humanist and theologian, was born.

Desiderius Erasmus in 1523 as depicted by Hans Holbein the Younger

1728 James Cook, British naval captain and explorer, was born.

1795  The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of Madrid, which establishes the boundaries between Spanish colonies and the U.S.

1811 Isaac Singer, American inventor, was born.

1854 Sir William Smith, Scottish founder of the Boys’ Brigade, was born.

1858 Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States, was born.

1873 Emily Post, American etiquette author, was born.

1914 Dylan Thomas, Welsh poet, was born.

1932 Sylvia Plath, American poet, was born.

1939 John Cleese, British actor and writer, was born.

1943  New Zealand troops made their first opposed land since Gallipoli when soldiers from 8 Brigade, New Zealand 3rd Division, helped their American allies clear Mono Island of its Japanese defenders.

1945 Luis Inácio Lula da Silva, President of Brazil.

1950 Fran Lebowitz, American writer, was born.

1958 Simon Le Bon, English singer (Duran Duran), was born.

1970 Alama Ieremia, Samoan born All Black, was born.

1986 The British government suddenly deregulated financial markets, leading to a total restructuring of the way in which they operated in the country, in an event now referred to as Big Bang.

Sourced from NZ History Online and Wikipedia.

“Manners are your passport to the world,” the Gilded Age writer of American etiquette Emily Post once opined. The mid-century sage also said etiquette isn’t a strict code of socially correct behavior we need to memorize — it’s simply how our lives touch other people. Respect.

Although more a proponent of Miss Manner’s sharp-humored good sense, I’m intrigued by the premise if we behave thoughtfully, politely, discreetly we might float around the globe in a delicate cloud of social grace, doors opening everywhere.

Yet, are manners culture blind? Can the deportment of one society truly transcend the culture of another? Just like etiquette isn’t a code, what passes for propriety in one place may not have the same meaning in another. We need a non-formulaic equation for the cultural layer in these global times.

A recent tip by Cindy King about not appearing too self-centered in international situations caught my eye.

Isn’t “self-centered” culturally relative? For a person like me born under the sign of the ruler in both the Western and Chinese zodiacs and raised in “the Me Decade” of California, it can sometimes seem like the definition — and curse — of life itself. If one aspect of my demeanor is going to doom me worldwide, it’s this one.

King, a cross-cultural communications coach, presents a series on the role of respect in building trust. “Self-centeredness can be perceived as a lack of respect to others,” King writes. Her advice: become more curious about the other person’s perspective. Individualistic Americans will have to work over-time.

Which manners travel best for you? Where in your disposition, and on the planet, do you need to improve?

I’m guilty of accidental airing of dirty laundry.

I share an office with a few others at work, so I take my phone calls outside. I forget, though, about the open window or the strong acoustics in the hallway. I go on and on about what she said or he did: first names and last names and details, details, details. Until, suddenly, I catch the eye of a passerby and realize I’ve said too much. Out loud. In public. The heat rises up my chest and neck and I whisper, amid nervous laughter, “well, I should really get back to work.” My covert conversation just hit the ears of about 10 or 20 people, some friends, some strangers.

Emily Post had her sight on the future when she wrote Chapter Five, On the Street and In Public, in her book of Etiquette:

All people in the streets, or anywhere in public, should be careful not to talk too loud. They should especially avoid pronouncing people’s names, or making personal remarks that may attract passing attention or give a clue to themselves (p. 28).

Woops. She, of course, never imagined cell phones. But, her words still hold true in warning us of possible embarrassment. I’ve overheard plenty about late night escapades, who wore slippers to the grocery store, couples on the verge of a break-up. Even in one-sided conversations, a lot of details fall on uninvited ears.

Once in a while, though, I hear something much more touching:

I’ve got the ring…Yea…I’m gonna ask her tonight…I know, dude, I’m so excited.

Still, more times than not, cell phones give a false sense of privacy. Either I’m dishing out too much, or he’s giving away trade secrets, or she’s looking possessed – waving her hands around words of a manifesto flying out of her mouth and past the mouthpiece of a blue tooth that I can’t see.

several times yesterday, I was in the middle of speaking to someone(s) or a group of people, when in the middle of my sentence I was interrupted by someone else. rude damnit.

not only do i absolutely hate this, because it make me feel about .00001″ high and unimportant. . .i am of the formality that believes  it is bad manners.

its extreme enough when i’m discussing something-an event/topic/reality tv and or work, and the person im talking to abruptly without warning and in my mid sentence changes subjects or even ruder, which is about 15% common in my office, just walks away from me. as in “I have something better to do than listen to you talk after i just talked AT  you for 30 minutes about my camper and affair and house full of kids/dogs/strangers and i didn’t really want to hear anything from you.”

it is not polite to talk to me for 30 minutes about your self inflicted, self deflating pathetic life of what i care 0% about and then walk away. you WILL listen to how much i loved Rachel Zoe last night, and about my new pair of shoes.

so listen 21st century adults and teenagers whom are ill educated regarding manners, . . .it is rude to interrupt. period. Emily Post twittered so.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’ve started thinking about the print aspect of my sister’s wedding. In order to keep costs down it’s best to print everything at once. Meaning within the next month or so we should try to have most of the printed pieces ready to go… My sister’s tastes are still all over the map, but she has mentioned vintage and cream a number of times. So when I saw this (mainly the card at the bottom right of the shot) I thought of her.

The colors are amazing—completely wrong for her wedding—but seriously amazing. And I doubt anyone who’s not a designer could understand how trying doing type this way is. Getting multiple faces together looking cohessive, and remaining elegant, is nothing shot of genius.

The map is really beautiful too, and (bonus!) perforates away from the RSVP card.

Affixed in a small envelope to the letterpressed card-stock was a digitally printed red invitation. Whether for timing, pricing or just to add a little extra surprise, this invite manages take a classic design and add a little punch—It’s Emily Post wearing a knuckle duster, and offering you whiskey (in a delectable punch form perhaps, I mean, this is Emily Post after-all. Plus, again, look at those colors!)

Letterpress by Studio on Fire. Design by Erin Jang.

I stopped by a couple of thrift stores on my way home from work today.  While browsing through books, I came across a few that were published in the ’50s and ’60s.  The images are wonderful and will make great notecard embellishments.

I hate the idea of cutting up a book, but at the same time, pulling out the images to highlight in handmade notecards will allow more people to enjoy them.  I may not be able to bring myself to cut up the Emily Post Book of Etiquette for Young People, published in 1967…it’s just too funny!

The other books include two volumes of “The Book of Popular Science” from the ’60s, a dictionary from 1957 with tiny illustrations accompanying some of the entries, and a 1954 “Architectural Graphic Standards” with layouts of everything from brickwork to chairs to vending machine diagrams.  Look for new items in my Etsy shop soon!

Invitations should be ordered well in advance so you can send them out eight weeks before the day (you can send save-the-date cards six months in advance). They should be in the name of the bride’s parents or whoever is hosting the wedding. The exact wording of them depends on who that is.

• If the bride’s parents are acting as hosts: Mr. and Mrs .John Sinclair request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter, Caroline Ashley Sinclair, to Mr. David Smith at Saint Paul’s Church, on Saturday, the fifteen of September 2005 at 3 o’clock in the afternoon.
  
• If you and the groom-to-be are hosting the wedding yourselves: Courtney Ann Jones and Samuel Wayne request the pleasure of your company at their wedding….
• Remember that nothing is abbreviated on a wedding invitation.

There are a lot of options for the wording on your invitations.  Your wedding planner is experienced in these details and will be able to help you with each of the invitation wording options that are possible. Don’t be embarrassed by poor etiquette. Study the wording and do it right.  For even more etiquette pointers for your wedding planning, we recommend Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette.

Note: Today’s post on Mad Men absolutely contains spoilers. In order to set up the particular scene that will take focus, I had to contextualize other key developments in a character’s life at this point in the series. If you’re not there yet, perhaps you’ll get to it. Keep this post in mind when you do.

Joan Holloway's parlor games; image courtesy of filmschoolrejects.com

Two musical moments for women in as many weeks? Oh, Mad Men. You are the gift that keeps on giving. Last week, I wrote about a scene involving Peggy Olson. Today, I will consider a key scene for office manager Joan Holloway (note: as she married Dr. Greg Harris, she’s now Joan Harris; however, I will refer to her as “Holloway”). And both involve music! Delightful.

Last Sunday, at her husband’s urging, Holloway broke out an accordian and sang  “C’est Magnifique” from Cole Porter’s Can-Can to entertain guests for a dinner party they were holding at home. This scene is in sharp juxtaposition with Holloway’s current situation which, as with everything in Mad Men, is hardly magnificent.

That this scene happens at a dinner party is crucial. Older than Olson by a few years, Holloway is in her early 30s and potentially informed by what Noel Murray might call hostess feminism, where wives define themselves as masters of the art of entertaining — cooking, entertainment, hospitality, charming conversation – in order to impress the work associates of their professional, commanding husbands. If we recall from season two, Holloway is transfixed by Jacqueline Kennedy giving a televised tour of the White House. Her preoccupation with being the great and immaculately turned-out woman behind the great man may also speak to her status as the office sex symbol and why she seems the most shaken when Marilyn Monroe dies.

Hostess feminism seems the most applicable term for Holloway in last week’s episode, wherein she holds a dinner party for her husband’s boss. In our current iteration of feminism (or, ugh, post-feminism), some may argue that playing hostess has been reclaimed as progressive, being fluent in Emily Post as a formidable skill-set, and women throw homefront soirées because they want to, not because society has ordained that they be relegated to the domestic. I get this logic, but don’t think it’s that simple here.

Of course, women opting out of the workforce to be wives and mothers is not inherently bad. Feminism is about choice (though, it must also be noted, opting out of the workforce is also about means). Mothers are key players in our society, in that they keep the species alive and, if they do a good job, contribute kind, well-adjusted, and productive people.

It just seems that being a wife and mother wouldn’t be fulfilling to a professional woman like Holloway. Even when conforming to traditional office gender politics, it’s always under the guise of professional decorum (witness how she handles the humiliating run-in with nemesis Jane, Don Draper’s twentysomething former assistant and the new Mrs. Roger Sterling, who Holloway counts as an ex). She clearly possesses more institutional knowledge of Sterling Cooper than almost anyone. We even got an all-too-brief sense for Joan’s knack for television advertising in a season two episode, a knack the boys unfortunately overlooked. They couldn’t get past the cheesecake to see the burgeoning mad woman.

So, Joan’s decision to throw all of her interests into the domestic – strongly implied by her “maturing” age and that may be running out of time – is a little disconcerting, as she herself seems to realize. It doesn’t seem like she wants this life so much as she’s internalized that this is what’s she’s supposed to want. It’s what’s expected — and if you ever need a dark mirror image of how unfulfilling these roles can be to the women who occupy but don’t connect with them, look no further than Mrs. Mommy’s Time Out herself, Betty Draper.

An additional layer to Joan’s domestic unrest is with whom she’s chosen to make her life. Her husband,  a doctor at St. Luke’s, has proven himself to be far from the great man any woman can stand behind. Last season, we witnessed him raping his intended in Don Draper’s office — an act of violence he probably dismisses as kinky rough play. In this ugly moment, we see Joan’s eye glaze over the legs of a chair as she’s ground further and further into the floor. It doesn’t get much lower on the corporate rung for this office manager than this. In addition to his brutish behavior, he may have scarce professional resources, as indicated by a botched operation he kept from his wife mentioned in passing by one of his colleagues that may result in him getting passed over her residency. In short, this horrible guy she committed her life to might be more of an albatross than she anticipated.

Which brings us to her impromptu performance of “C’est Magnifique.” Though coming from a musical written by an American, after having read Kelley Conway’s piece on the chanteuse réaliste and Phil Powrie’s piece on the role the accordian has played in French cinema in cultivating a national identity, it’s hard for me not to look for links between Holloway’s and Fréhel’s sexualized, economically marginal position. The big difference, however, is in delivery. Where Fréhel celebrates being raunchy, Holloway’s performance is professional, efficient, and unflappable.

It’s also what might be called pointedly empty. Part of this can be attributed to Holloway’s disembodied vocal performance. While it sounds like the voice pushing through actress Christina Hendricks’s mouth is her own, she is also clearly dubbed, her vocal take recorded in some unseen studio some time ago. Thus, there’s a clear break between singer and actor, even if the speaking voice and singing voice seem to match up.

This disembodiedness has an edge to it. Holloway recognizes the cruel irony of the seemingly lovely-dovey lyrics. She may also see a bit of herself in La Môme Pistache, Can-Can’s protagonist. Both women now just how tragic love can be when it turns out to be a lie. My hope is that the character who is working through these issues on AMC this season is proactive in trying to find a viable solution. I’d hate for her to become as hollow as her maiden name implies.

After I wrote about my iPhone addiction, several readers begged me to address the obnoxious use of text messages. I understood their frustration—it is positively maddening to carry a conversation with someone who won’t stop sending texts to others—but I wasn’t sure if the topic were worth addressing. Then I was almost involved in two wrecks because the stupid drivers were preoccupied with messages instead of looking at the road, and I jumped onto the text-message-etiquette wagon; after all, text etiquette is indisputably related to safety.

I first turned to the purveyor of all etiquette knowledge, Emily Post. She herself is dead, and I suppose she’s correcting the angels on how to hold a fork. Her great-great granddaughter Lizzie now presides over the ivory towers of place-setting and pageantry, and has provided text message tips for the unwashed masses. None of the rules involves raising one’s pinky; in fact, the official take on text messaging leaves much unanswered. Lizzie focuses on texting as communication, emphasizing that a text message does not replace a phone call for important conversations. That’s a useful tip, but it hardly addresses teenagers who text their friends while driving twenty miles over the speed limit.

We really need an etiquette primer by Mr. T: “Look at the road, fool, so you don’t get your lousy brains smashed all over the asphalt.” Since such a book does not yet exist, I wrote my own list of text message courtesy. Pinky raising is purely optional.

• Text Face-Offs are rude. For those of you unfamiliar with the genius that is Seinfeld, a Phone Face-Off occurs when your call waiting service beeps in the middle of a conversation. Do you ignore the new caller or put the current one on hold? Who is more important? Those are the same questions involved in a Text Face-Off, which begins when someone sends text messages despite being part of a face-to-face conversation. The action suggests the typing offender would rather be anywhere other than this lousy conversation. If the text message is legitimately important, the recipient should excuse himself and quickly reply.

• Texting from a movie theater, and thereby flashing a bright screen in a dark room, tells others you’re either a jerk or afraid of the dark. If you’re a jerk, leave the theater; if you think monsters are going to come out and eat you, bring a teddy bear.

• Why would you send a text message from a toilet? Do you know how easily your phone might drop into the bowl? Are you aware of the millions of bacteria that shoot into the air every time you flush? Unless you like the idea of wiping fecal matter onto your face every time you use your cell phone, keep the device in your pocket when you’re dropping deuces.

• Texting + Driving = Bad. I don’t need to remind you how many deaths and serious injuries have occurred because people think they’re the only ones who can send text messages and still pay attention to road conditions. I suggest we use this idiotic notion as a true Darwinian survival contest. We’ll close a major interstate to all except big-rig trucks and text-happy drivers, and let them duke it out at eighty miles-per-hour for highway supremacy. Winners will be admired; losers will receive free tombstones.

It’s not necessary for me to continue; you get the idea. There’s nothing wrong with text messages, but people must be aware of their surroundings and social circumstances when they type. Relentless texting makes one look like a small-minded fool (you do realize there’s a world apart from your phone screen, right?); and nobody should die because he couldn’t resist typing “LOL” while cruising down the freeway. Thus ends my etiquette lesson for the day. Feel free to resume your tea and crumpets.

©2009 Timothy Samaha

Also Published in PoV Magazine

I believe that the dread of writing thank you notes is universal. Hence, I’m sharing a fun idea that you might want to try for your next large party– it’s as simple as “a,b,c”! Write some fun copy that relates to the event and the guest of honor and use fill-in-the-blanks and multiple-choice answers! The attached piece was used for “60 the new 40!” birthday event. The guests loved the surprise notes and the copy reflected the birthday boy.

When we are learning the rules of etiquette from Emily Post or Janette Dillerstone – make sure we follow examples of ladies to admire, for example Hilary Clinton. See this video and you decide who has behaved in a more ladylike manner, Hilary Clinton or Monica Lewinsky. Mrs. Clinton as a representative of our country, please try to not be so crass, ill tempered and irrate. It doesnt suit you well. And Mr. Clinton what a tremendous humanitarian job you did in bringing back our citizens from North Korea. The university student in Kinshasa, Congo who asked the question, we as citizens from the United States apologize for the rude and unladylike behavior from our former first lady, not president and unfortunately secretary of state.

Most of us will never be fortunate to have a meal or an adult beverage at the White House. This week, four people got together  for some brews(one a resident) and last month  4 top business people had what I guess we should call a working lunch in the  President’s private dining room . The “Beer Summit”  as a brilliant commenter wrote on my humble blog, has been well covered so we shall address it second. However, one  does wonder why there was  a fourth person at the table, a surprise attendee, if you will. Guess Mr Biden  had some free time.

Anyway, last month there were 4  business people (we will  presume them to be somewhat important in their fields) had a meeting with the President. I don’t really care what they talked about. What intrigues me is that their credit card numbers were obtained and they were billed for their meal. Who woulda thunk it? We will further presume that  these people were invited to the White House, making them guests. Wonder why they were billed and of course  how much? Were they charged for the ambiance, was a  tip automatically added to their bill and oh yes.They better check that  credit card statement next month to be certain no unusual charges were added. Apparently, this event was part of an ongoing dialogue with corporate chieftains. It was   s pearheaded by Valerie Jarrett, an FOO( Friend of Obama ) from Chicago. She and other Whie House officials seemed  unconcerned about the billing process. No doubt, Emily Post would turn over in her grave at this breach of protocol. Of the 4 CEO’S present  only the    Cola-Cola representative had no comment. Smart  guy, is he  not, cannot say anything nice, say nothing at all.

Now, back to the Beer Summit. Wonder  if it perhaps could be a trend setting event? Wonder if the  brews served will be able to use this fact in their advertising? (Bud Light, Blue Moon, Sam Adams Light and  a  nonalcoholic  beer for Biden; Buckler)

Arms summits, peace summits and now   beer summits – maybe there could be a botox summit and invite Pelosi and Kerry. Only kidding, a little.

Beautiful bride Lindsay - enjoying the moment with her 2 lovely bridesmaids

I recently purchased a copy of Emily Post’s great-great-granddaughter’s book, “do I have to wear white?“ Anna Post addresses etiquette questions for the modern couple. I will share some answers of a few of the most commonly asked questions I receive from couples.

Etiquette and tradition always play a major role in the planning of a wedding. There are unlimited resources available to couples interested in “planning by the rules” but I always stress that a wedding is about the joining of family, the act of marriage, the symbol of love and celebration. You spend ample time, effort and emotion during the planning. You owe it to yourself to venture beyond the expected and make your event a moment to be cherished, enjoyed and remembered.

]]> http://princessbouzie.wordpress.com/2009/07/28/youre-late-youre-late-for-a-very-important-date/ Tue, 28 Jul 2009 20:53:16 +0000 princessbouzie http://princessbouzie.wordpress.com/2009/07/28/youre-late-youre-late-for-a-very-important-date/

My Granny used to tell me that according to Emily Post there is a cardinal rule to never be late.   Now I find myself with a good friend, lets call her Sarah, who can’t tell time or doesn’t care to tell time. She is frequently late and uses traffic as her excuse all the time. Traffic in my opinion causes you to be late up to 20 minutes or so in Southern California — not hours! (Unless there is a Sigalert and that is NOT an every day occurrence.)

After the 3rd week of giving her the benefit of the doubt, I have had enough. Yesterday, Sarah and I had plans to meet at 2:30pm at South Coast Plaza’s Crate and Barrel.  I was about to leave at 3:30 after running my errands when low and behold…guess who decides to appear? Sarah… a whole hour late!  I realized that Sarah is like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland and is always chasing the clock; however, I am about to push her rear end down the rabbit hole and call it a day.  As I will no longer be waiting or even asking her to do anything anymore — until she can get some time management help.

Here are few resources I hope Sarah finds helpful:
1.  Franklin Covey they offer great courses and products to help with time management and they might be able to help you PLAN to be on time!
2.  Timex — get a watch!

While in Boise at the beginning of this month, Edie and I were invited to R’s house for an impromptu tea. As with anything R does, the table setting, food and beverage selection was impeccable.

Sweets, savories, fresh fruit and Edie

I could have died and gone to heaven while eating the pear and Brie finger sandwiches. Edie was thrilled with the cherries. More than thrilled!  The conversation ranged from MH’s recent return from a Parisian student exchange, J’s basketball camp, the fact that both MS and Grandma P were planning weddings for their children that fall, and “can etiquette sources on the internet REALLY be trusted over Emily Post?”  And I drank it all in (along with my strong English Breakfast tea). These are the moments I most enjoy. Yes there may be beautiful china, delectable morsels, rich cuppas, and all the proper accessories… but the real magic of any tea moment is the company with whom you share it. And this was a good one. Here was Edie, sitting on my lap, watching and listening to her Grandma, Aunts and Cousins – something we don’t get to do every day – and while she may be too little to remember, it’s still a tea moment that lives on here, and especially, in my heart.

More cherries please

I see more cherries over there, mom

It’s been a bad few days for etiquette. First it was Congressman Joe Wilson yelling “You lie!” at President Obama during the president’s address to a joint session of Congress. Next Serena Williams came unglued on the court at the US Open and told a line judge “I feel like taking this f-ing ball and shoving it down your f-ing throat.” Then Kanye West walked on stage during Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the VMAs, grabbed the microphone out of her hand and told the audience Beyonce really deserved the award more. These three events in close succession have led me (and a lot of other folks) to think about what is happening to good old-fashioned manners and basic civility in this country. They also remind me of that saying we used to have when I was in grade school: “Rude, crude and socially unacceptable.”

Let’s start with rude. When you examine all three incidents, Kanye West’s was really the least offensive. The MTV Video Music Awards are not exactly an exercise in decorum. (Actually it’s turned into more of freak show if you ask me — yes, my age is showing. I mean, what WAS that thing Lady Gaga was wearing on her head anyway?) No, the VMAs are mostly about celebrities and wannabes trying to grab the limelight in anyway they can – whether it’s their outfits, their over-the-top performances or literally grabbing the microphone out of someone else’s hand as Kanye did.

The tennis courts at the US Open, however, are something different. Unlike the VMAs, there are actually rules of etiquette in tennis. Sure, John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors had their outbursts, but I don’t remember either of them threatening to shove a ball down someone’s throat. I’d call that Crude (and more than a little bit frightening).

Though Serena and Kanye were a close second and third, I save my top “Acting the Fool” award for House Representative Joe Wilson from (alas) South Carolina because he did not yell out at the VMAs or even on the tennis court, but the House floor of the Congress of the United States – a place where the rules go so far as to require members to address each other in the third person (that’s why they always refer to each other as “the gentleman from North Carolina” or “the gentlewoman from Maine”). If civility is not upheld there, where will it be upheld? If it is acceptable for an elected member of the United States Congress to behave this way, then why shouldn’t everyone else get down in the gutter too?
Joe Wilson earns the Socially Unacceptable award and as a result he will forever be known as “the guy who yelled at Obama during the speech.” How’s that for a legacy? Maybe that’s what we should all be taking away from this week – that there is a price to pay for bad behavior. Lizzie Post, great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post, says the public was “not impressed” by any of the actions of these three. Serena lost her match, was fined and blasted online for her behavior. Kanye’s fellow music stars condemned him on Twitter and all over the Internet. Seventy percent of people polled disapproved of Joe Wilson’s behavior. And while he’s raised a pile of money since his outburst, it’s also elevated his opponent, Rob Miller, from virtual obscurity and put over a $1 million in his coffers to run for Wilson’s seat in the next election.
It’s really Joe Wilson that bothers me about this week. A musician and a tennis player behaving badly is one thing, but seeing the incivility seep into the halls of Congress made me worry. Are we Americans becoming rapidly less civilized in this world of talk-over-each-other cable tv news and berate-those-you-don’t agree-with talk radio? Is this coarseness the product of too many families not sitting down to eat dinner together, our children watching too many kid actors rolling their eyes and mouthing off to their parents on television, and idolizing celebrities who insult others in the name of “keeping it real”? Or is what I am feeling as a parent now no different than my parents worrying the world was going to hell in a hand basket when I listened to Prince’s 1999 album or watched the movie Porky’s? What do you think? Are we losing our sense of civility and good manners, or should we just try to forget the past few days and be thankful we at least have Beyonce?

Sara Ellington is the author of The Mommy Chronicles (Hay House, 2005) and The Must-Have Mom Manual (Ballantine/Random House, April 2009)
www.saraandstephanie.com