Today I had a cool conspiracy-theory-esque idea about Android’s subversive emoticon branding. It was spurred by my friend Lee saying how the nosed Android emoticons made her feel as though she was “born before 1980.”

I think The sentiment of Android seeming “behind-the-times” due to this particular configuration of emoticon is valid, despite how trivial it may seem to compare the aesthetic of nose-vs.-non-nose emoticons. Why, though? Is it dated because it strays from the norm? Is it dated because it calls for more characters than average amidst our present spirit of brevity? If you think about it, the nose does nothing to convey emotion in this particular formula of emoticon – it is consistently a hyphen (whereas, for example the mouth can be either side of the bracket, an S, a D, a P, or an O). If any set of Android emoticons are to derive a lowest common denominator, the nose is to be eliminated, invariably.

So why the nose, then? The thought that crossed my mind is that in text-based conversation, the nose immediately distinguishes Android users. This form of distinction is novel to me because I’ve never encountered or considered textual formation as an extension of a company’s brand. For anyone who wants to counter me with “typography,” I say no, it’s not the same. Typography is different because of its mutability – very often typography becomes skewed, replaced, transformed, if not entirely encrypted, as it is passed between cites and programs. The emoticon, being a series of universal symbols, is a much more resilient form of textual aesthetic.

So, my original reaction was to think that Android had coded its system of emoticons to intentionally “mark” its users and perpetuate a sense of Android-presence. Now I’m feeling like this notion may be slightly far-fetched. But regardless of intent, the potential for brand dissemination is totally here. I like the idea of code as brand. I like the idea of a brand manifesting itself through an unspoken, non-physical undercurrent. I like the idea of a quietly powerful emoticon nose bringing the medium by which it has been shared instantly to our minds.

For those interested in reading more about emoticons:

Tom McCormack’s Emoticon, Emoji, Text: Pt. 1, I Second that Emoticon

Jussi Parikka’s Emoticon, 1881 

If you have to put a “:)” at the end of your sentence, there’s a decent chance you might do better to say it in person. And if you don’t have the courage to say it in person, maybe it shouldn’t be said at all… you idiot.

- My name is Jon Friesch, and I believe that being honest with a person and confronting them head on usually yields positive results.

Thank You for Your Time, Keep Visiting for More. Until Next Time.

The first emoticon shown is the Rainbow Puffle emoticon. The second emoticon we see is the food that we feed puffles themselves. The third emoticon isn’t shown and is still left to be a surprise!

I can’t wait to see what the Puffle Party has in store for us! Are you penguins excited for the new party?

*On conveying emotion in textual messages: techcrunch.com/2013/02/28/the-science-of-why-the-white-house-should-write-emails-like-a-pre-teen

*Myself circa 2006 would have been disappointed with Yahoo: techcrunch.com/2013/03/01/yahoo-goes-spring-cleaning/

*Have you ever wondered what happened to Mapquest? Well it is alive and kicking.

*** From Wikipedia:

"In July 2006, MapQuest created a beta version of a new feature in which users could now "Build Your Route" by adding additional stops, reorder one’s route (and the stops along the way), to avoid any turns or roads en route. Now you can write your address and the map will start with your address.

In April 2007, MapQuest announced a partnership with General Motors‘ OnStar that will allow OnStar subscribers to plan their driving routes on MapQuest.com and send their destination right to OnStar’s turn-by-turn navigation service. The OnStar Web Destination Entry pilot program began in the summer of 2007 with a select group of OnStar subscribers.

In July 2010, MapQuest announced[4][5] plans to become the first major mapping site to embrace open-source mapping, launching a new site[6] entirely using data from the OpenStreetMap project."

*Do as this advice implores: http://gizmodo.com/5986273/is-it-okayyyyyy-to-say-heyyyyyyyyyy
***Have a little discipline. Cut yourself off after a few extra vowels, a handful of Ys or Is. You don’t need to think about every message you send—what a nightmare—but if you catch yourself doing the touchpad equivalent of standing with your mouth open, drool spilling down the side, start tightening up. There’s no point in trading automaton for tween."

*Hacking through New York’s rat problem: http://gothamist.com/2013/03/03/can_birth_control_bait_stop_nycs_ra.php

Gautam Kandlikar

If that doesn’t sound nearly as dangerous as some of the previously mentioned issues, consider the fact that, unlike most adults who have already acquired a good writing foundation before they start texting or using e-mails, teenagers are still learning the fundamentals of how to write properly.

The problem starts with a whole new language called “techspeak” that’s been created using a variety of abbreviations, acronyms and emoticons in place of traditional words and phrases. That’s all fine within the context of e-mails, text messages and social media, but now it’s starting to spread to students’ essays and exams, a troublesome sign that the barrier between our actual language and techspeak is already starting to disappear.

In the new language, entire words are turned into letters, numbers or combinations of both (e.g., “are” becomes ‘r”, “to” turns into “2” and “great” morphs into “gr8”). On top of that, a dictionary’s worth of abbreviations have been created, including the popular “LOL” (laughing out loud), “TMI” (too much information) and “OMG” (oh my god). Hyper-savvy kids have hundreds of these at their fingertips, including ones like “POS” (parents over shoulder), which alerts teens who are sending messages about the presence of adults lurking near the recipients.

The problem is especially critical among teenagers, an age group where students are in the midst of learning proper grammar use and starting to compose more formal papers and write more involved exams. In a recent study, noted by onlinecollege.org, it was discovered that students who use techspeak frequently have difficulty switching to proper grammar when it’s needed. That’s very troublesome.

Not only are 13-17 year olds more than twice as likely to send text messages than any other age group, they’re also inclined to respond in the same way their friends send them messages. In the study, 64% of teens admitted to using techspeak in their writing assignments and 38% say they’ve used abbreviations like “LOL” in their papers.

The study concluded, “A decline in grammatical skills is attributed to the use of techspeak in most daily communications.” In particular, teens are more prone to making punctuation errors, using sentence fragments, inserting emoticons (such as <3 for heart), misusing apostrophes and using inappropriate abbreviations.

Still, you may be asking yourself, what does it all matter? Does anyone care if students can’t spell or write properly or compose complete sentences? Yes, they do, especially post-secondary institutions that frequently ask students to submit written material as part of their entrance requirements. An article in The Globe and Mail said recently that texting is actually killing students’ grammar skills, not just harming them. Students themselves realize there’s an issue, with 86% saying that proper writing skills are essential for success in life.

But, how can you solve a problem that’s so widespread? Kids aren’t going to give up sending texts and they’re certainly not going to stop using techspeak and risk looking uncool to their friends. On top of that, e-mails and text messages have an inherent problem, in that they often don’t communicate someone’s mood or tone, something that is often solved by using “LOL” or a similar interjection. Without these abbreviations, a “conversation” can run seriously off-track and lead to major complications – friends breaking up, couples splitting, etc. – all because someone got the wrong impression from a text message.

In the end, parents and teachers have to make students aware that there are two languages and that the real one, not its techspeak counterpart, should always be the default when it comes to doing schoolwork, applying for a job or completing any other task that operates outside the realm of cyberspace or text messaging amongst their peers.

Years and years ago, the common belief was that proper spelling and grammar would gradually become a thing of the past. Although language has continued to evolve over the last two thousand years, that prediction has never become a reality. You can LOL all you want, but proper writing is here to stay.

I am lazy. I should work on that. I think laziness is the most dangerous vice because it often goes hand in hand with irresponsibility.

I do the most scatterbrained things… I ask dumb questions, I lose things… My ineptitude burdens other people.

Sometimes, I am not very nice.

I am not as awesome as I say I am.

“This isn’t Barney. But I hear that guy’s awesome.”

I used that line once (with my own name, of course). It was a How I Met Your Mother reference, but still.

Sadly, I might also be…

I am a pretty flawed person. Sorry.

1) A professed love of cuddling. I’ve seen this a lot. I like cuddling a normal amount. And it would be nice if my future guy enjoyed it as well. But when a guy goes so far as to publicly declare cuddling as one of his favorite things to do or something that he’s good at, I become wary. It’s a weird thing to put in a profile. Either he’s saying it because he thinks it’s what women want to hear, or he really does LOVE cuddling. The reason the former is a red flag is obvious. The latter is a red flag because I do not like a ton of physical contact (like texting, I prefer this in moderation). And it’s cool if he does, it’s pretty much the only thing on this list that doesn’t make me think any less of him. I’m instantly more attracted to a man wearing Carhartt – everyone has their thing. But for someone who doesn’t really like to be touched all that much (I guess maybe I actually don’t like cuddling a normal amount?), I wouldn’t mesh well with someone who loves to cuddle.

2) Repeated mentions of a stuffed animal rodent that you named after a destructive piece of machinery and regularly “converse” with. There is a 98% chance that you sir are, or will one day become, a serial killer. My desire not to be your first victim is what prompted me to describe your overly philosophical “best friend” in vague terms here, because I’m afraid that if I were to state his name and species you would somehow find me and it would end very, very badly.  Probably with the use of your little buddy’s namesake.

3) Listing “copious lubrication” as 1 of the 6 things you can’t live without. I can’t even explain how uncomfortable reading that made me (though if you know me, you probably can imagine).

4) Starting a profile with a 12 paragraph poem about love. This does not make you seem smart or artistic or sensitive or whatever it is that you were going for. Unless what you were going for was Pretentious Asshole, in which case you nailed it.

5) Responding positively to the question “Would you role play a rape fantasy if your partner asked?” I feel no need to expand further on this, other than to say that I am disgusted that this is even a question, and horrified that guys answer “yes” far more frequently than I thought they would.

6) Mentioning that you’re married and looking for friends, and might be interested in sex, but I would have to meet your wife first. Either you’re in an open relationship, or you’re looking for a threesome. Whatever floats your boat dude, what you do behind closed doors is your business. But that’s not my cup of tea, so I’m going to move along.

7) Advertising your side-job as a male-prostitute, and that “Girls usually describe me as the cute guy next door. My big dick is usually a total surprise.” I’m not really sure what the correlation between those 2 things is, is that combination a rare phenomenon? (Don’t answer that). I am sure that you’re blocked from ever contacting me.

8) Using emoticons. One smiley face might be ok. But mostly, using any emoticon, especially winky faces or the one where you’re sticking your tongue out, just leads me to believe you’re a 13 year old girl.

9) Stating that you like to hang out at the mall. I’m sorry, What?  This is not Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Mallrats. It’s time to grow up. Since you seem to be stuck in high school, here’s an SAT themed hint: malls :: teenagers as bars :: adults. Try it!

10) A profile that is blank, except for 1 photo of you. This isn’t actually so much a red flag. It’s just totally useless to me.

Dating seems even more daunting when faced with the reality that these people are what’s out there…

-D

P.S. Speaking of Mallrats, here’s a little Fun Fact about me: whilst at a video store (so oldschool!) with my boyfriend senior year of high school, he insisted we rent Mallrats because it was his favorite movie and he thought I should give it another chance. As I hated Mallrats, I insisted we also rent Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True, which had just been released straight to video. He good-naturedly agreed, and then I fell asleep while we were watching my selection because I didn’t actually care about it. I think this anecdote sums both of us up perfectly: he was a good boyfriend, I was am an antagonistic lunatic. Crazy that I’m still single right?

A determined group of Emoticons fulfill their digital destiny.

Earth to Meekus, the times are a-changing. Duh, okay?

Clearly we have come a long way since the AOL dial up days, where we would impatiently sit there waiting for that fucking modem to finish making that stupid “song” we all memorized. BA-DUNG BA-DUNG PSHHHHHHHHHHHHH….then we were FINALLY so excited to get online, look at our buddy lists and see if our middle school crush was online so we could just sit there waiting for an hour IN CASE he IMed us. (Sidenote: all of these SAID crushes definitely peaked in the 8th grade. When I have children, I can’t wait to tell them to go for the uglies who will eventually one day turn into the hotties). 

If you were a profesh stalker at a young age, like me…then you definitely had a “secret screen name” that you used to sign on initially, and if your crush was online, you would then go on to your normal screen name. This was clearly so you were NEVER online first and looked like you were doing something really important…like “not” watching paradise hotel and eating Ben and Jerry’s. 

If your screen name did not involve the word “SHOP” in any way shape or form, we probably wouldn’t have been friends in middle school.

Then we had chat rooms, where me and my biffs would huddle around a shitty computer and lie about our age and appearance in order to talk to high school dudes who were all probably 45 and are now getting ass raped in jail. It was basically the virtually anonymous version of Michael Jackson skipping around Neverland Ranch (too soon? don’t care). 

Then we had AIM, where away messages were SO important…like “At school! Be back later!” But all the people who you wanted to see this, were ALSO at school? We weren’t the smartest teens.

I had a brief stint with the drunk dial, the drunk voicemail and the drunk let me throw my phone against the fucking wall because the asshole I’m in love with who probably has gonnherea is out banging some greasy whore of a chick (this is so 2002 Jaclyn, which I will one day blog about – for now, let’s just say I was pretty much Stassi). Then we fast forward, to when texting became a thing, just before facebook became well known. I would say, sophomore-junior year of college.

Why is texting so much more exhilarating than a phone call? Is that just me? 

Well, texting started a revolution. A revolution of LOL, and smilies, and is he flirting with me right now or being a total dick? CAN’T TELL. There is such a fine line with texting, and girls read into them SO HARD. Dudes don’t give a faaak.

One time, it took me 45 minutes to come up with a text that read: “Nice…we should’ve done that.” I will never forget it a) because it took me a light year to come up with and b) oh because it’s absolutely ludacris!

Then it got me thinking…about things I can’t stand (surprise!) and I could not for the life of me determine whether or not I thought guys using smiley faces and wink faces was a toolbag move. There have been instances where a wink face has given me the “oh, thank god hes flirting” hint, but then there has been other times where the little faces in a text made me cringe.

Bottom line is, if you need a dude to put a wink face in a text to determine if hes flirting, hes a loser anyway and effing sucks at flirting.

BUT NOW…we have the iPhone era, where, emoticons (or emojis — can someone friggin explain the diff!?) have become cool and cute. Like there are definitely ones that are male appropriate, but then there are the ones that aren’t.

If a guy sends me that little fireball with the shit emoticon, I’ll think that’s a pretty creative way of telling me I’m hot shit. Plus 5. But, if he uses a bashful face to say I’m sorry? Minus 25 gazillion fucking points.

This got my mind racing even more. What are my dealbreakers? And I don’t mean the universal dealbreakers like “a guy with no job,” or “a guy with back hair.” Like effing duh. No one wants that garbage. I mean the ones that are more unique and personal to you. So…without further ado, here is my running list of dealbreakers.

1) Guys who overuse emoticons. And by overuse I mean use the girly emotional faces. Spaghetti, beer cheers, sports, syringe, pill, gun, cig and bomb emoticon? I’m cool with that.

2) Guys who wear cargo shorts…and for extra cringe factor, cargo shorts paired with running shoes. 

3) Guys who wear any jewelry BUT a watch. One time my friend went out on a date with a guy who wore his class ring…and we still make fun of her (guilt by association) 3 years later.

4) Guys who don’t like dogs. Grow up.

5) Guys who are scared of flying. Pussy to the Nth power.

6) Guys with weird friends. If his friends are weird, chances are your dude is too, dummy! 

7) Guys who are mean to their Moms. NO NO NO. 

8) Guys who don’t like sports should be pretty universal…but if a dude doesn’t know how to operate a fantasy team he may as well have a vagina.

9) Guys who use LOL. Like seriously? I am pretty quick on my wit, and if you don’t have a rebuttal for me and use LOL as a cop out, you are aufed.

10) Guys who wear Oakley sunglasses. Liiiiiiike, unless we are at sleepaway camp or a creepy uncle convention, these are inappropriate.

11) Guys who drink alcoholic beverages out of a straw. 

12) Guys who are picky/non-adventurous eaters. If a guy orders grilled chicken, no marinade, with steamed veggies, SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG. You know what they say: Once a fat kid, always a fat kid. When it comes to food I will try ANYTHING. If he doesn’t? Take a hike.

13) If you are in acid wash jeans? I will pour acid on your face. SEE YA.

14) Guys who over-post and/or post oddly long short stories (if you will) on Facebook. Chances are they are a narcissistic attention whore. The girl should fulfill that role.

15) Guys who are sober. I’m tooootally proud of you, for realsies, but, we ain’t gonna work out. NEXT!

16) Guys who don’t admit they love pop music. Dance party sold separately. But step 1, you know you love Brit Brit, RiRi, 1D & Kelly…so stop trying to hide it.

17) My body. My Choice. I ser can’t handle a teen mom situation (I am 28, but you catch my drift).

18) Guys who over-shape/wax their eyebrows. Hey Captain Obvious, EVERYONE CAN TELL!

19) Guys who like birds. Or anyone who likes birds. You are a straight up freak of nature.

20) Guys who take selfies.

21) If there was a category worse than a red flag: Guys who take selfies of their abs in a mirror or in any other location on earth. You’re a huge tool, and we are all laughing at you.

22) Guys who wear Tevas. 

23) Is Phish still cool? Don’t think so.

24) I really hope you are not 30+ with a roommate.

25) Guys who wear pastel polo tees in the winter. It also does not help when their clothes are a size(s) too big.

OKAY. Well, I am going to stop here before I literally scare off every man who will ever read this. Well actually, the guys who are scared by this, I wouldn’t want to date anyway. I realize that these are pretty shallow, but that’s how the cookie crumbles. 

Within the next 7 days, I will probably think of another 25 more. Get used to it.

XX

Jac

Lets see how many you can guess.

Keep Smiling people! And make other people smile!

So the day I discovered Emoticons on my phone might have been the greatest day of my life.  (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I am supposed to say the day I got married actually was followed closely by the birth of my son. Whatevs. Back to the emoticons.) The day my son discovered Emoticons on my phone was the second best day of my life.

I know I am late to the Emoticon party as everyone has had them on their phones for years already. But they still delight me so. And oh, do they delight my kid.  They occupy him for hours on end. And they are free. When he found the one that looks like a little fart, I had never heard such an excited (and demonic) giggle.  I mean, he is a 7 year old little boy.  He now gets to text exactly 3 people from my phone – my husband, my sister, and my brother-in-law – and I get to be a cool mom that lets him text nonsensical things like:

Did I mention this occupies him for HOURS? Yes indeed, emoticons are the bomb.

I returned home to an excellent breakfast, and took my 7-year old friend on what she optimistically termed a ‘hike’- as we were away for less than 30 minutes, and at no point lost sight of the house, an English person would describe it as a ‘quick moment outside to check the weather’. This kid will acclimatise to America perfectly.

So far, so good. Until I checked my phone: I love you. <3. Mum.

My Mother has learnt how to send emoticons. Please excuse me- I'm just going outside. I may be some time.

*Not a euphemism*

I don’t do “high five”s.

Well, every now and then, if I can’t avoid it, I do.

If some event causes a hand to be in the air, facing me, waiting for me to smack it with the palm of my hand, I do. I always wince. It never feels authentic.

I never, ever initiate a “high five”.

I was never comfortable with “groovy”.

I was a child of the sixties; I knew the language. I could say “cool” with exactly the right amount of nonchalance to convey the fact that whatever I was responding to was fantastic…but that I was way too cool to let it show. “Far out” was reserved for those occurrences that deserved a bit more enthusiasm. “Bummer” was appropriate for times and happenings that were sad, unfortunate or boring. I still use these words and phrases, though it causes my baby sister to smile at the quaint, “old-fashioned” sound of them.

“Groovy”, though, always seemed contrived. I felt it would be the right word if I were ever on the verge of a drug-induced trance, but since I didn’t do drugs, it never felt right.

A friend asked, a while ago, why I couldn’t just respond with a “You GO, Woman!” to a bit of good news she’d told me. Two other female friends had given her that exact response, I was told.

I said things like “Great!” and “Oh, that’s wonderful!”. I may even have thrown in a “Far Out!”.

Evidently, “You GO, Woman!” is not something I’m comfortable with, either.

Finally, I don’t do emoticons.

I don’t do the little bobble-head ones that grin or wink.

I don’t do the mixture of punctuation marks to create smiles or frowns, winks or hugs.

I knew a man who would push and push: sarcasm and insults and under-handed comments, until I finally called him on it. Then he’d say, “Well, hey, I was only joking around!”

Sometimes those little smiley faces seem to be doing the same thing.

As if a colon combined with a half-parenthesis will take away the sting of a hurtful comment.

I suppose they come in handy.

There have been a few times when the meaning of my words on the page were misconstrued. It’s hard to sort out. What words made it seem that I was unhappy? What did I write that gave the idea that I was angry?

It’s hard to convey the subtleties of human language with the written word. Was that humor? Sarcasm? Was it done in friendliness or was it mean-spirited?

I think smiley faces were invented to solve those problems of miscommunication.

I just can’t do it.

It’s kind of like the exclamation point. After a while, it seems like every single sentence needs one. If not an exclamation point at the end of this statement, then why does that other statement deserve one? Is one sentence less deserving of enthusiasm?

If I were to start using emoticons to let readers know how I’m feeling, I would need them everywhere.

“Yes, that last sentence sounded a little bland – no exclamation point, even – but no, look here, I’m still smiling!”

Nope, I won’t.

]]> http://joyandwoe.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/im-giving-up-emoticons-for-lent/ Wed, 13 Feb 2013 20:14:05 +0000 Jeni http://joyandwoe.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/im-giving-up-emoticons-for-lent/

“I’m giving up emoticons for Lent. So if you have any difficulties picking up on sarcasm, you might want to give me up for Lent.”

Source: Me, yesterday, on Twitter.

I did it last year — without an announcement — and it was hard enough, and I’m sufficiently annoyed with myself for my chronic reliance on those little yellow moodmen, that I think it merits a repeat.  So from now through the end of March, no emoticons for me.

Lent is not an especially meaningful celebration, what with it being fully Catholic and me being barely Catholic.  As in, the Church says we’re good, and I say, “Dude, we’re really very not.”

Whatever my feelings about this particular religious event, it’s a solid 40-day stretch and I love stretching.  I just passed that mark with my 365 project and it finally feels cemented as a daily practice.  40 days free from smilies and frownies and animated poop should be a snap, right?

Well, like I said, it’s hard.  I almost never use emoticons in my professional emails, which is strange, because I often end up with writing assignments from people I’ve never met in person, and they’re the folks who would benefit most from clear direction on when I am joking (pretty much always) and when I am not (anytime anything I write has the potential to go on the record, which is also pretty much always, THANK YOU INTERNET).

So if I don’t use them much professionally, who am I saving them for — friends and family?  Yeah.  But shouldn’t they have a decent understanding of when I’m being serious and when the Sass Factory is in full production mode?  Yeah.  Do I only use them because I’m too lazy to be more clear in my writing, or because I feel the constant need to offer an opinion when we all might be better served by my silence?  Yeah, and yeah.

The net result is that for the next 40 days, no emoticons for me.   That includes using them here — not on my blog, but in comments and responses to comments.  That is going to be especially tricky because anyone who reads this is probably somewhere in between best friend and total stranger, that is, aware that I’m a bit of blowhard but not entirely sure how hard I’m blowing.  Or sucking.

Here is the part of the post where I would bet you that I’ll get all kinds of new readers based on the fact that this post contains the words “poop” and “friends” and “blowing/sucking”  And then I’d include a smilie so that you knew I was just kidding.

Not kidding.  *waves at the friendly pervs*

Full story over at PSFK.

Jones is currently studying facial expressions for his work on an upcoming Pixar movie which takes place in the mind of a young girl. The movie, not yet titled, is set to release in June of 2015.

“Facebook was canny enough to realize that traditional emoticons are quite bland,” says Jones. “At Pixar we consider emotional states every day with every drawing we make. Our work is informed by the years of study we do, constantly studying people’s gestures and expressions in real life.”

Pixar has always had the ability to bring life to any object. Using a Pixar designer is absolute brilliant thinking on their part. I can only imagine how much love the new emoticons will receive in the Facebook community.

The true challenge to creating these emoticons is that they would be used by every Facebook user all around the world. The expressions would need to be able to be understood by every culture.

“If we can crack a universal language, that will be true success,” says Jones. “What we need to aim at is instant readability, just like what we do in cartoons.”

Another issue is with the use of color. As Facebook has been known to use a blue, and other websites stick with yellow, Jones would like to experiment with adding new colors to the mix without causing any trouble.

“But you don’t want to offend anyone. Colors will be a racial issue.”

I’m excited to see what Jones is able to create, and if his artistic abilities will be able to be captured in just a few small pixels.

What do you think of these new emoticons?