Some people need a microscope to see Brian Deal. Like many drummers, he seemingly has no clue what a shirt is. But, he’s the Ewok to my Chewbacca. In polka terms, he’s Blitz and I’m D.D. I will call him Mini-Me. On the real, Polterchrist are an awesome death metal band from Pennsylvania. Their album “Engulfed By The Swarm” is pretty fucking supreme. Their last demo was badass as well. Now, they are hard at work sifting through the carnage of their minds writing a new album called “Wickett Meets The Serpent Wolf”, or something to that effect… Here’s my convo with Mista Deal…

Universe Number Five: How many love letters do you still get from 19 year old girls who say that your “Engulfed By The Swarm” album forever changed their life and gave them purpose?

Brian Deal: No more 19 year olds. We’ve developed more of a pre-school following. Polterchrist has been hitting the Birthday party scene; ya know… Chuck E. Cheese, water parks, backyard BBQ’s, we usually go on after the clowns.

UNF: How many Ewoks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Brian: Zero. Since we are smarter than Wookies; we’ll usually dangle a piece of bantha fodder next to the light, and once he’s up there, we have him change the bulb.

UNF: What’s it gonna take to get you to wear a shirt, man?

Brian: Ewoks don’t wear shirts.

UNF: You have a hidden appreciation for polka music, how did that express itself in the song “Lies…Pain…Hate”?

Brian:  Lies… Pain… Hate is actually about my time spent touring 3rd world countries with my side band, the mighty PolkaSurge. We’d lie to the promoters and tell them we were goony goo goo music, Pain is what we were in due to eating fried spiders, cricket droppings and dirty leaves. Hate is what I felt for the co-founding PolkaSurge band member after he sold my electric tuba for opium.

(UNF: It WAS good opium though… I still feel awful about this)

UNF: What are we to expect from the eventually forthcoming Polterchrist album? Have the rest of the band talked you out of using the tuba in a song yet?

Brian:  The new Polterchrist album is due out 12-22-2012. We plan on releasing it the day after the world ends. As far as the tuba, see above; i now have a tuba phobia

UNF: Seriously… what the fuck is a serpent wolf? Was unicorn elf already overused?

Brian: The serpent wolf was a 10th grade experiment I did in biology class. We’ll just say the poor lil guy didn’t have a long fulfilling life…

(Brian sheds a tear)

UNF: Which Overkill song best describes your drive home from work today?

Brian: Thanx For Nuthin’

UNF: Do women show up topless to your gigs because they wouldn’t be caught dead in a Polterchrist shirt?

Brian: Women don’t show up at all. But it’s requisite for men to show up topless. All who do get a free Polter-cockring.

UNF: What scenario would have to play out before my Buccaneers could beat your Steelers?

Brian:  The Bucs will beat the Steelers the day the new Polterchrist album comes out

UNF: What are five albums everyone should own?

Brian:  I’ll limit this to metal albums: Mercyful Fate – Melissa, Absu – Tara, Satyricon – Nemisis Divina, Dissection – Lights Bane, Immolation – Close to a World Below. Mr. Von Deathmetal, I appreciate you taking time out of your busy life of picking brussel sprouts, figs and okra. I know it’s a demanding job and I appreciate your time. Remember kids, new Polterchrist comes out 12-22-12, “Realm of the Serpent Wolf”. 8 brands new songs of rainbows, bunnies, strawberries and a pot of gold at the end.