May I always be enough
Just as I am

May I feel the strength within me
In times of pain and sorrow

May my self worth sustain me
Through all of my days

May I always realize
The lack in others does not reflect the lack in me

May I stand proud
When I’d rather crawl

May I always have wise words
For the weary of heart

May my first reaction always be
To defend those who cannot defend themselves

May I always be worthy
Of my good name

May my arms always be strong enough
To hold those weaker than myself

May I always believe truth
Over a pretty lie

May I always believe in the light
But never fear the dark

May I always be a friend worthy of trust
Even when my friends have ceased to be

May I always hold true
To that which I feel is right inside of me

May I continue to be more than I was yesterday
But less than what I will be tomorrow

Ugh, gratitude. I was reading a coaching newsletter the other day and the word “gratitude” leapt out at me. Haven’t we heard enough about gratitude? It’s the “Have a nice day” of the new millennium, a cliché that’s lost all meaning. The word’s been so overexposed that it’s become a mindless platitude.

However, when I dig a little deeper I have to acknowledge that the concept of gratitude, overused or not, has become more important than ever. When we consider what it takes to thrive in today’s world, gratitude is one of the powerhouse concepts that provide the foundation for living a rich and rewarding life. It’s the antidote to resentment and entitlement, serving as an “enough” valve in this environment where everyone around us seems to have something we don’t.

No matter how bad off we might think we are, there’s always something to be grateful for. My friend Ginnon has suffered from Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) for the last 25 years, she was diagnosed with it when she was 30 years old. In her youth she was an avid athlete and over the years she’s had to give up the sports she loved one by one. But when she talks about her arthritis what I hear about most often is the kids she sees in her doctor’s office who were struck young with Juvenile RA, and how lucky she is to have had 30 good years to enjoy the sports she loved.

Gratitude is a choice – we choose either the pleasure of appreciating what we have or the pain of longing for what we don’t have. And no matter how over-used the word gratitude may be, it’s what enables us to find the value in what’s before us and accept it as enough. Gratitude keeps us connected to the pleasure of our lives and helps us enjoy all that we have right here, right now.

***

What about you?  What are you grateful for, right now?

Since it’s almost the new year — when people start making resolutions that they will inevitably break by Jan. 15 — I thought instead, we could focus on what we can do TODAY to start living the life we deserve.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said (and we have on the homepage here): “Do one thing every day that scares you.” It’s something I’ve really been thinking about a lot lately, and embracing as much as I can.

So here’s my question to you: Are you holding back doing something you’ve always wanted to do?

My challenge to us: Let’s make a collective effort to stop being afraid to do things simply because we feel we’re not “smart” enough, “thin” enough, “pretty” enough, “funny” enough, “brave” enough, “strong” enough …

Because you ARE enough. Exactly as you are.

Part of my recovery journey the past year and a half has been about just that: self-acceptance … flaws, challenges and all.

It’s meant taking risks, putting myself out there, and opening myself up for rejection and criticism from people I care about.

It’s meant placing myself in uncomfortable situations, and it’s meant being quite vulnerable — trying to find my footing while hundreds of readers a day watch (the overwhelming support has been indescribable).

Yet ultimately, I think that this learned fearlessness (because it’s not innate to me) has made me a better, stronger person. I’ve learned that sometimes we find strength out of necessity.

Anyway, one of my absolute favorite movies is Zach Braff’s genius brainchild, Garden State. As a native Jersey girl, I know all about the terrible stereotypes about my home state.

I also know they’re not all true — and this movie is, like bagels, the shore, malls, Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi — part of New Jersey’s pride and joy.

Anyway, one of the songs from the film that haunts me in the most delicious way is about risk-taking. You might know it — “Let Go,” by Frou Frou. (I embedded a video clip in this post for anyone interested).

Here are all the lyrics. I bolded the chorus, my favorite part. I think it speaks volumes.

“let go,” by frou frou

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
’cause it’s all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you’re writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you’ve no idea what you’re like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it’s so amazing here
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can’t you see that all that stuff’s a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we’ve no time for later now
you can’t await your own arrival
you’ve 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it’s so amazing here
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

I can’t hear that song without wanting to challenge myself to try something new; to put my fears aside and jump right in — to whatever that may be at the moment.

Because as the song notes, “it’s all goin off without you” — whether you are sitting on the sidelines or on the field.

So you might as well get up to bat. You might not know what kind of curve-ball life will throw at you, but you have far more to lose sitting out than stepping up to the plate.

How about you? Is there something you’ve been holding back on doing, that you’ve vowed to change? Can you take that risk today, or take the first steps needed to achieve your goal?

“If we are forever yearning for ‘more,’ we are forever discounting what is offered.” Julia Cameron

“You can never get enough of what you don’t really need.” – Stewart Emery

Kelly Salasin

I remember the morning that the Christmas “train” took my son on the journey from innate graciousness to maniacal greed to absolute dissolution.  He was three.

Since becoming parents, neither my husband or I got much sleep on Christmas Eve with the anticipation of our son’s joy.   That first Christmas, he was only a few months old… so it wasn’t exactly what we’d been waiting for.

His second Christmas was much more satisfying–though fleeting.  After unwrapping a handful of presents, our one year old simply refused to look at any more.  He shook his head “No,” to each pushy request from his parents, finally exiting the room to make his point– teaching us about “too much.”

By his third Christmas, however, our two-year old had fully joined the culture of gluttony. He never left the room once until everything was opened, upon which he said very matter of factly, “I want Santa bring more.”

The turning point, from graciousness to greed, came at our son’s fourth Christmas. Like a train wreck, we watched  it unfold right before our eyes.  The morning started out sweet enough, as he played with each “present.”   But soon his pace began to quicken, and he began ripping apart paper without even looking to see from whom the gift came; and then he began opening one after another without taking notice of what was he received.

Ironically,  we had once begged our son to keep opening gifts, while now, we scolded  him to slow down.  But he couldn’t stop himself.  He just kept plowing through the present(s) until there was nothing left– at which point he collapsed into tears, completely unsatisfied with his bounty of gifts.

“We” had created a monster!

After that year, we encouraged the relatives to send less– and since that was mostly a hopeless cause– we bought much less ourselves, even re-gifting things from year to year.  That same Santa Moose showed up each Christmas along with holiday themed books, films and toys.

By 5 years old, our son had so many things that there was no need to buy more once our second son came along.   So we kept re-gifting–wrapping up forgotten treasures each Christmas.  Eventually, what was found under the tree was much more of what was needed~ new bed pillows, a ski coat, a sled to replace the broken one. The few toys that our sons did receive were treasured more and more.  Last year’s gift of digital cameras were played with for days on end.

Each year, we reigned Christmas in just a bit more–even cutting back on feasting and celebrations to create the space needed for the feelings we treasured most~ magic and grace and generosity.

But it’s still a slippery slope–for me.  I begin each holiday gently just as my son began that Christmas morning that transformed him from gracious to greedy.  As the weeks progress, I begin to need “more” and anxiety grips my stomach with both desire and fear.  Will I have enough?  How will I pay for it?  Am I missing out on the experience of abundance by not buying?

Soon the addictive aspect of consumerism kicks in and I reach the maniacal turning point of just wanting to shop and spend, spend, spend.

That’s where I found myself last night– coming out of the beverage store with a costly bottle of Baileys Irish Creme. I don’t even drink it anymore, but it was the holidays, and I used to love it, and everyone was buying fancy liquors, and it was the season, and I wanted to be fully part of it–even though I had just bemoaned that that I had just spent most of my budget for the month on fancy foods for the holidays.

I joined the throngs of shoppers at department stores in last minute shopping and filled my cart with things I wanted to give and to get.  I was rapturous with desire, craving the feeling of plenty!

And then I remembered my son.  I recalled how his rapture turned to dissillusionment –and I felt my own within it.  I restrained myself from a big covetous purchase and I returned another.

I began to soften.

I let the need for “more” go… and today, I sink into a slow pace with Christmas carols and cookies and writing about the gift of “presence” that needs—plenty of empty space— to be received.

~

“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.”~Wayne Dyer

“gold guns girls” ; metric

so lately facebook has been coming out with millions of different groups. most of them are about everyday things we do and come across.
i guess we want people to know our silly little habits and just maybe, they’ll fall in love with them.
and fall in love with us.

we wanna be good enough.

that’s all we really look for. some find it easier than others.
some people go out and work for what they want.
some people don’t. in fact, most people don’t.
because they’re too afraid of the possibilities of what could go wrong.
afraid of rejection, denial, intimidation, love and loss.
but there’s not enough time to be afraid.

—

so it’s been snowing for a solid seven hours now, since 7 pm, and i’ve been stranded in the house all day. i’ve been pleasantly unproductive, even though i feel bad about it. i feel like there’s always something i should be doing, but sometimes, i just need a day to sit back and breathe. and sometimes, that’s enough.
i’ve learned how to be content with what i have.
what i have is enough for now.

the snow is like a new sense of hope. everyone needs some of that during these long dark winter months.
and it’s also a good way to bring out the inner child in everyone.
remember when we were kids and we loved going out in the snow to play without a care in the world. the only thing that mattered was being happy. we didn’t care about being cold or getting our clothes wet or anything; we just wanted to go have fun. that was enough. i wish it could still be like that now.

maybe, if we really try, we can get back to the way we were, when we were young and happy, and everything was good enough.

Ordinarily I write one post a day in the December Plan. But today’s post on who really needs forgiveness has caused many a tear. These are good tears. These tears are little messages bobbing up from your soul saying, “Yes, oh yes. Please forgive yourself. There is so much ahead of us, so much beauty, so much potential, so much joy, but as long as you have this gaping hole in your heart, you can’t see all that good. And because you can’t see it, you probably can’t have it. So, yes, darling one, please forgive yourself. Because the truth is you are so much more beautiful than you can ever know.”

I’ve struggled mightily with this idea of not being enough. And for a very long time. I wrote this prayer, “Enough,” back in the early nineties, well before my divorce. The words still resonate today. To me, they sound like long slow deep vibrations from a bell that has been ringing for a very very long time. I am ready to stop clanging the bell of “not enough.” I’m going to say this prayer one more time today. Out loud. With vigor. I’m going to feel it in my bones and know that it is true. From this day forward, I am enough. I am more than enough.

Here. I think this prayer is for you, too.

Enough
A Prayer of Abundance (copyright Janet Conner 2009)

Dear God of the universe,
creator of all life, hear me.
This one prays.

In the mirror.
In the reflection that bounces from me to the world and back again,
there is a circle, a circle of sadness.

I am not enough.
They see “not enough.”
Therefore, I am not enough,

not good enough
not enough of something
not strong enough, perhaps

not smart enough, for sure
not handsome enough
not pretty enough

not wealthy enough, never wealthy enough
not fast enough
not clever enough

not tough enough,
but too tough sometimes and that makes me
not kind enough

something not enough
many things not enough.

Perhaps it doesn’t matter what.
The specific fault is irrelevant.
I don’t have to name it.
It’s enough just to know that I’m not enough
of whatever it is I’m not enough of.

Do You understand this, God?
Seems a bit convoluted, I know.
But circles are circles.
And everywhere I turn,
there are more of them.

If I look at my work – I’m not good enough
and, of course, they see I’m not good enough.
Therefore, I’m not.
Good enough.
And doesn’t my “success” just prove it.

If I look at my family – I’m not loving enough.
They know I could love them more.
Just look at our tensions
and You’ll see that I’m right:
I’m not loving enough.

If I look in the mirror – I’m not pretty enough.
There it is for the world to see:
blemishes, imperfections, crooked teeth, blotchy skin, ridiculous hair, flaccid muscles.
I think I’ll stop now.
But You see. Well, I see.
I’m not pretty enough.

If I look in my checkbook – I’m not rich enough.
Doesn’t take a banker to see I don’t earn enough.
Perhaps if I worked harder, smarter, faster, better…something,
I’d be better off.
But there it is: I’m not rich enough.

I could continue, but I need to move on.
There are things to do, people to see, problems to solve.
And I’m not organized enough to get it all done.

So I have to get going.
But first, I need to ask You this question. It’s important.
Why did You put me here if I’m not enough?

Why didn’t You make me pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough?
You could have, You know.
Even now, You could do it in a single breath:

Ask and poof, I am beautiful
Ask and poof, I am wealthy
Ask and I’m smart

Ask and I’m wanted
Ask and I’m wise
Ask and I’m…

What?
What do I want?
What do I really want?

Want beyond wanting?
Need beyond needing?
What is the hole that must be filled?

Love…I guess. Yes, Love. That’s it, isn’t it?
If I had Love – enough Love – I would be blessed.
If I had Love – the right Love – I would be joyous.
If I had perfect Love, pure Love – Your Love – I would be healed.

That’s what I ask for, dear God.
That’s what I want.
Love is what I need.
Starting here. With me. Just me.

Fill me with the Love of the angels.
Build a bridge of Love across my doubts and fears.
Pour Love all around me
in my eyes, my mouth, my heart and my mind.

It feels good, this Love,
warm and calm and easy.
It has no ambition, but it won’t stay still.
It needs nothing, yet it sets my heart in motion.

This Love is peaceful, yet yearns to spread.
It oozes out of me and fills the room.
It swims out of the room and fills the house.
It radiates out of the house and seeks the world.

I guess it is enough, isn’t it!
Enough for me.
Enough for now.
Enough for always and ever.

Enough.

Amen.

(Don’t want to miss anything in the December Plan? Subscribe to this blog at the top of the right hand column. You can also subscribe to the Writing Down Your Soul newsletter on the tab at the top of the blog.)

Hilary Duff, the former Lizzie McGuire actress was in New York City in May 2009, filming her guest appearance on long-running crime drama Law & Order: SVU. Also on hand for the taping were Law & Order: SVU stars Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay—the latter of whom has just returned to work following her ongoing lung-related illnesses.

Crime-related roles seem to be Duff’s plan for moving on from her tweener roots. The 22-year-old is slated to star in an upcoming movie about 1930s bank robbers Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker, which is due to begin filming in 2010.

Image : http://www.flickr.com

Children need vitamin D. dass We know that it is a bit 'more difficult.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAD) has concluded that children need more than previously thought. Have raised the minimum daily recommendation of 200 IU 400 IU One IU is a unit "international". This is just a standard unit of measurement, such as the use of grams of protein or milligrams of calcium.

But why the increase?

Investigators reviewed recent studies on the subject and decided toFirst, we would certainly recommend increase. Secondly, rickets (softening of bones, that is) of malformations still there. The new dosing regimen is not only better prevent, but treat this disease, if necessary. Finally, scientists have found that adequate levels of vitamin D are essential for health in adults, are already beginning to think in children can be beneficial throughout life unknown.

A cup of fortified milk has 100 IU, and breast milk has nothing, so you can see the problem. It isdifficult if not impossible, to get enough from diet alone.

DAA recommends a supplement of 400 IU of vitamin D daily for:

breastfed (recommended) or only partially breastfed infants beginning within a few days after birth.
not breast-fed infants who drink less than a liter of milk enriched with vitamin D daily.
Adolescents who do not obtain 400 IU in their daily diet. I suspect this is a major part of them.

Children who are at increased risk of vitamin DDeficits, such as the use of certain medications, or need more than 400 employees.

AAD also recommends that pregnant women make sure to get sufficient quantities. Please talk with your health care provider for each specific recommendation for you and your child.

Copyright 2008, Hubbard Publishing LLC, all rights reserved. You can reprint for free under the terms of service eZine.

Some Things like to be found with a vengeance. Seeking Some Things is best Some Thing Finds you. When you are seeking Some Thing that is not a Thing it is tough to Know what kind of Thing it is.

I prefer fullness with the Necessity of Time. Toward Half Empty thanks. This Works great with Routine. When I am outside of Time I have my own form clear and still. Give and Take. Contemplation of Heaven. Discovering the changes in Time.

Strength that endures suffering hides Things that are not Things. These shine with Deep Seeing Techniques. Not hard science. More fact of Emotional Intelligence.

In Absolute Twisted Zero causality gets a lot of leeway. I prefer inductively sound statements. Everybody Else tries talking deductively like Sherlock. It’s embarrassing. Offer me pragmatism. I’ll wait for peace of mind.

I got to patent Spiritual Dynamite. I will establish the International Absolute Twisted Zero Award for Best Theory of the Universe. Everybody Else wins. I don’t feel so bad about all those Spiritual Heart Attacks from my Spiritual Dynamite patent.

This is probably unlikely in my lifetime. It could happen. Denali would be behind Door Number One. I’ve got my eye on Rainier. It is Unnecessary Trouble to look on the Face of God in the Course in Miracles. My eyes are on the outlines in that neurosensory phenomena.

I am Alive. Maybe I could prove a unified field theory in Absolute Twisted Zero then Everybody Else could always Find Everything Else they were Seeking. It is painted on the Warriors’ Shields. These Prayers Connect us with Everything Else. This is more than enough.

In Silence I Hear you perfectly. This is not Forever. It is permanent. This is more than enough.

I imagine that some time ago, the Treasury and the Federal Reserve will start and thank you notes from New York City Agent: The falling dollar has apartments in New York, an incredible value for those who have their wages earned in currencies other than the fact the U.S. Dollar. The Canadian dollar is worth more than the U.S. dollar in those days – and when one considers how loonie "by his countrymen dollar is worth more than the good old ', you know, thingschanged.

But it is cheaper to buy dollars, the cheapest apartments in New York for those who earn money in yen, euro and British pound. The lower the price, the greater the demand. Yes, because New York broker, if a little amount polite to send a thank-you cards for quantities of those responsible for the dollar sinks.

All this, however, in the public eye for some time. The assumption is that New York City, among other importantAmerican cities, an increase in demand. What is not clear until now is that New York City taken over by foreign demand than any other American city has received.

Perhaps because they are largely sheltered from the subprime crisis, or perhaps because of its international appeal, it seems that broker've foreigners killed in New York City. The Association of Foreign Investors in Real Estate (AFIRE) has recently published a study of its membersNew York has won first place in the city for foreign investment real estate in the world.

Washington DC is the second highest-ranking city of London, Paris and Shanghai.

Not surprisingly, given the recent turmoil in credit markets and housing, the survey, the United States' position as "the most stable and secure" country for real estate investments. This may be due in part to the higher level of transparency for companies in the United States and markets, foreign investorsoften refreshing and reassuring.

These two figures mean that around the world, brokers will be directed by foreign buyers in New York, homes in greater numbers than in years past, more than any other American city.

Demand from abroad only if the dollar continues to fall. In addition, estimated that about millions of families in 2008 because of the subprime mortgage foreclose foreclose from grounds, much of the city of New York – Manhattan in particular – isLook relatively safer. This solution should focus on foreign demand for the property market in the United States market in New York real estate.

You only live once but, if you live right, once is enough.

Anonymous

I watched as the children grabbed at things they wanted…books, toys, cookies.  The objects they grabbed at might not have been the right the things for them, the books too easy or hard, the toys ones with too many pieces that would only frustrate the little hands.  But they wanted them and fought and cried for them.

Isn’t that the way it is with us as we walk the malls searching for the perfect Christmas gift to go under the tree?  We see something that we want, that we believe we just have to possess.  We fuss because we cannot buy it.  Or maybe we do buy it and take it home.  Why are we humans that way?  Always wanting more; always wanting something else.  In the terms of human desire, there never seems to be “enough”.  We always want for more.

I am trying to learn to be content with what I have and what I do not possess.  Often the things I think that I want come only with more responsiblity–a larger place to live means more space to clean, more clothes means finding a place to put them in my already overstuffed closets and probably more things to take to the dry cleaner.  You get the picture…do you want to and can you care for the things you believe that you must have?

I am trying to get what I need in life but leave myself with the time, money and energy to make the best of every moment of this life.

Hi. Welcome to the attic. It’s nice and warm and cozy up here. It’s a great place to chat by the fire. Come on in and warm yourself. I have a pot of my favorite tea, decaf chai, on the counter. Please help yourself. If there is anyone reading this who knows how to photoshop, can you turn this bare attic into a really cozy place to talk? We’ll call this the “before” attic.

I want to share some thoughts with you that I’ve read several times. They are worth passing along.

A father and daughter were saying good-bye at the airport. Before they parted, they each said to the other, “I wish you enough”. When the man was asked what he meant by that, he said that saying had been handed down in his family for a long time.
I find the philosophy of wishing “enough” to be much more realistic than wishing someone “all”. I’ve heard people say, “I wish you all the luck in the world”. Obviously, that is an impossible wish. No one needs more than “enough” in this life time. Having “all” sometimes results in sad endings when we don’t know how to handle the excess.  The following is the wish list that was published for wishing “enough” for someone. What would you add to that list if you had someone important to you in your life?

“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough ‘Hello’s’ to get you through the final ‘Good-bye.’”

Without knowing pain, we can’t fully appreciate pleasure. Without sadness, we can’t feel boundless joy.

I have found that my travel along my life’s path has been a mixed bag. Looking back over the last sixty years I realize I truly have had “enough”. Yes, there were times of sadness but there have also been times of joy.

I lost my mother at an early age, but I gained other women in my life who looked after me and taught me things I needed to know. I just was too dumb to appreciate them at the time. I concentrated on my loss rather than acknowledging my gain.

I have always had an adversarial relationship with my sister. I’ve always wanted a closeness with her that, for whatever reason, we have never achieved. While that makes me sad, I have discovered more “sisters” over the years, including cousins, who have willingly accepted that role and my closeness with them has more than compensated for the lack of closeness with my sister. I always hope that some day what I have to offer my sister will be enough.

My marriage to my ex was a sad mistake. I married for all the wrong reasons. I had more than “enough” grief during those ten years. However, having a son who has turned out to be a fine man, with what appears to be a strong moral compass, is a joy. Yes, we have had our share of spats, and yes, he has chosen to live on the other side of the world, but he gives me “enough’ to make me feel a person of value. I lacked that feeling when I was married to his father. I now have “enough” to last me the rest of this life.

I felt sorrow when I had to drop out of the nursing program in college. Yet, the thirty years I spent in the elementary classroom was very satisfying instead. It gave me “enough” feelings that I was still in a position of service and I was needed to do what I was doing. The joy I feel when I reconnect with former students and hear of their successes is “enough’ to make me feel this life was not ill spent.

How does one measure “enough”? I guess at the end of the day when I can climb into a warm bed, knowing in the morning I’ll still have heat and light and food to eat, is enough. Knowing I am living in such a manner that I, within reason, can do anything I wish to do, without being in debt is enough. I’m glad my wishes are simple.

Knowing that my latest set of lab tests has come back looking better than they have in years, is enough to ensure me that I have more time on this planet to continue to enjoy what I have. Although I still have many improvements to make before I am perfectly healthy, I am making “enough” progress to make both myself and my doctor pleased.

I have learned if I want more I have to give more. That has been a tough lesson to learn for someone growing up thinking she had nothing of value that anyone else would want. I give anyway.

There’s a woman at church going through marital problems. It’s difficult because both she and her husband continue to participate in activities. I don’t know her too well, but I know her well enough to tell her I was glad to see her after she had been absent for a couple of weeks. Last week she told me how she felt when I made that comment to her. She was very comforted by it. That was “enough’ to make me realize I can make a difference in someone’s day. I told her “I’ve been there. I’m always available to listen.” That was “enough” for her to know that someone did care.

I have been blessed with not being very materialistic. I never appreciated the fact that so many people had to wear clothing with someone else’s name plastered across their chests or their butts. I am smart enough to know that what’s on the outside is nothing compared to what is on the inside. To me clothes are coverings, shoes protect, cars get you from point a to b, jewelry is nice but I can’t tell the difference between costume and the real thing. To me, that is “enough”. There are so many people in the US who are slaves to fashion and to “keeping up with the Joneses”. I wish them “enough” to make them satisfied, whatever that level of satisfaction may be. Hopefully that will quiet the longings in their heart for compensation for what is lacking in their lives.

I have been blogging since July. I never thought something I wrote would be read by over 17,500 people in 130 countries before the end of the year. I am experiencing that joy. To know that some people are enjoying what I have to say is “enough” to make me very happy. I now have fifteen subscribers. I hope those fifteen continue to feel my blogs are “enough”.

I am overflowing with the feelings of “enough”. It is my wish for you for the New Year, that you find “enough” in your life too. Namaste. Attic Annie

Proverbs 30: 7-9

My relationship just ended.  It’s heart breaking and it hurts sooooo bad.  My heart feels so heavy and shattering that I take deep breaths to feel okay, but it always go back to that achy feeling. 

The relationship was a bliss in the beginning.  Thought he’s the one, i’m not gon lie.  We thought about that in the beginning.  Every relationship has its ups and down…and the down really did put us down.  Here I was trying to get through all the obstacles we went through.  With high hopes,faith, and love for him and our relationship.  But it wasn’t enough to save us.  I gave all that I can for us to survive, while he was too busy and concern about him.  Meaning, what irritated him, what he wants, what annoyed him….and I…i thought about what I want and need, who I love and important, what he wanted, what he desired I tried to fulfill as much as I could.  It wasn’t enough. 

I may sound naive, stupid, or crazy but I was willing to give my all.  I put him, his feelings, and desires before me.  That’s when you know you’re in love.  I sacrificed and took risks for our relationship but it wasn’t enough.  From the last penny I had to the amount of love I had, I gave it all.  but it wasn’t enough.  I treated him, how I wanted to be treated.  Desires and love given but it wasn’t enough.

I attempt with high hopes that he’ll get close to what i’m doing and sees how much love I had, but it wasn’t enough.  I kept my faith high because that’s what happen when you’re in love.  You wish for the best even though you’re the taking the punches.  I took as much hits, scrap the shit outta of relationship, to let him know i’m here, and not going anywhere, but it wasn’t enough.  Along the way I realize that i’m doing everything myself, and his in the background watching me hurt.  Not phased by the fact that, damn this chick is here for me, down for me, damn she really loves me. NO that wasn’t the case.  Instead, he knew he had good ass woman in front of him, but he couldn’t take. I was too much and over-bearing.  I guess I was, and pardon me, I was just trying to love you, I said.

After everything is said and done, I realized I wasn’t enough even though I had a lot or given so much.  I told myself that if he won’t take the love I got to give, then somebody else would be gladly too.  We didn’t want to waste each others time anymore, so there goes the end of the relationship.  In his heart, I was no longer there.  It’s hard to take, i’m damaged, i’m heart-broken, i’m sad, but I know i’ll be okay.  We remain as friends in the end, but it still hurts.  On my mind…all i can say is…”YOU’LL BE OKAY.” and i will be.  I’m all cried out.  Been crying for too long.  I wish I could’ve been something more than I was to him, but that wasn’t the case and i gotta get over it.  It’s hard and it’ll take time, but it is what it is.

What I learned in this relationship, is that you can’t force anybody for there feelings.  You can only love and show somebody that, and if they don’t see it you just gotta let it go.  I learn to work together and be unselfish.  I’m a very impatient person, but I was patient waiting for his love.  But you can’t wait too long, you can only hurt so much, and soon enough you can’t take the pain anymore.  In a relationship, you gotta be prepared to work with one another.  You gotta be willing to make adjustments for each other to show desires that you want to be with one another.  It can’t be a one way street, a relationship is always a two way street.  Lastly, as much as you love the person, being in love alone will never work.

I mean, logically I know I don’t have a whole lot to do. By most people’s standards I actually spend a lot of my time laying around!
But even still I feel like there is never enough time to get everything done!

Take a shower, enter contests, delete dozens of junk emails, maybe write poetry, maybe post on blog, work on Zazzle products, play many hours of Dragon Age…..

AAAGGH!

Who’s bright idea was it to have only 24 hours in a day? And SLEEP???? WTH!

~grumble~

Imma invent a machine that instantly puts me into (and takes me out of) a state of deep R.E.M. sleep so that I can just turn that on for like 3-4 hours and wake back up again completely refreshed. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
Anyone got any idea how that might work? Anybody?

• “Joy to the World” (arr. by Bill Horn)
• “Happy Day” (Tim Hughes)
• “Blessed Be Your Name” (Matt and Beth Redman)
• “You Never Let Go” (Matt Redman)
• “Glory to God Forever” (Steve Fee and Vicki Beeching)
• “Enough” (Chris Tomlin)
• “O Come, O Come Emmanuel” (arr. by Bill Horn)

I really enjoyed the combination of “Joy to the World” with “Happy Day.” In a way, they bracket the life of Christ and His redemptive work for us. One takes a perspective from before Christ was born, and the other looks from the present backward to all that He accomplished.

“Blessed Be Your Name” is an older but beloved song for the church, and I love how it expresses such confidence in our God despite the circumstances. “You Never Let Go” shares these sentiments. I don’t think anyone captures these ideas better than Matt and Beth Redman.

“Glory to God Forever” is a simple but excellent expression of eternal concepts. Essentially, this is what we should all be about: the glory of God, expressed in everything we say and do.

“Enough” worked really well as the invitation for Jay’s message this week. God is our supply and He is all that we need. He has been so generous to us with His love and grace and mercy, and we ought to do the same for the people around us.

“”O Come, O Come Emmanuel” is quickly becoming one of my new favorite Christmas tunes. I’m pretty happy with this arrangement of it, and I think it has a really cool vibe as an acoustic song. We’ll be doing this a few more times this Advent season.

We are just about at the end of the year and it feels like everyone has gone away, including God. Nothing, absolutely nothing seems to be happening by way of a breakthrough. I am at such a low point and feeel that I have to put on such a brave face so that I can keep those around me strong. I have actually had enough and am finding it hard to believe that life can be so crap. I dont know which way to turn, I see my wife crumbling around me and I have to keep up a brave face to try and encourage her that tomorrow is going to be better. Some friends arrived on Saturday with groceries, that just about killed me. I am not ungrateful just cant believe that my life is at that stage. Saturday was also my wedding anniversary and it probably was the worst I have ever had. You dont want to be over a male over 50 married with 4 kids and be in the financial s**t that I am in. I kinda feel that I would sell my body but then realise that noone buys goods that are past their sell by date. I guess I really hate my life at the moment which I know is not a good place for someone who loves God, but that where I’m at. I dont even like answering the phone at the moment because it will just be someone else looking for money. When you feel like this it is very difficult to pick yourself up and to keep going, to find the strength to keep looking, you dont even want to speak to friends because you dont want them to know what a looser you are. For some obscure reason I looked at the stats page on this blog which was even more depressing as the two people who were reading it have given up as well and now the only reader is me. I look forward to the end of today.

Will our glasses ever be full? Picture by apesara.

One of the strongest statements I came across while making my doc, Beyond The Drive, was that “Ambition is a state of feeling perpetually flawed”. It struck a chord so deep inside me, that it stuck instantly. It’s a constant struggle, isn’t it? The never-ending strife for more. More money. More recognition. More rewards.

When CD Baby founder Derek Silvers decided to give his company away to charity, it sparked a whole wave of questions. Why did he do it?

So with this enlightening explanation, he introduced a whole new perspective to the issue.

Two friends were at a party held at the mansion of a billionaire. One said, “Wow! Look at this place! This guy has everything!” The other said, “Yes, but I have something he’ll never have: enough.”

Not only did he open my eyes to the brilliant idea of putting money into a Charitable Trust, he’s also taught me to question myself from time to time… Do I have enough?

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For each Federal and Postal employee, there is a “right” time to file for Federal Disability Retirement benefits under FERS & CSRS.  By “right time”, I do not mean as to the proper timing in the actual filing of a Federal Disability Retirement case — i.e., whether it should be before or after separation from service, whether at the end of the year, the beginning of the year, etc.  No, by “right” time, I refer to the time when a Federal or Postal employee — that person who has put in all of those many years of loyal service, managed through pain, discomfort, overwhelming stresses, anxieties, fears, chronic and intractable pain, etc. — comes to the conclusion that he or she cannot continue in this mode of existence anymore.  Whether or not a Federal Disability Retirement case is filed with an agency or at the Office of Personnel Management in one month as opposed to another, is ultimately not of great importance; whether a person who is suffering from a medical condition for months, or years, and has been adept at hiding the daily pain and suffering — whether that person has come to a decision that it is now the “right time” to file for disability retirement, makes all the difference.  Each person must find that right time.  “How” and “when” are the two questions which must be answered, and only the Federal or Postal employee who is contemplating filing for Federal Disability Retirement benefits under FERS or CSRS can answer such questions.

Sincerely,

Robert R. McGill, Esquire