The Russian literary giant, Leo Tolstoy, once wrote a story about a successful peasant farmer who was not satisfied with his lot.  He wanted more of everything.  Here is how Tolstoy tells the story:

“One day a farmer received a novel offer.  For 1000 rubles, he could buy all the land he could walk around in a day.  The only catch in the deal was that he had to be back at his starting point by sundown.  Early the next morning he started out walking at a fast pace.  By midday, he was very tired, but he kept going, covering more and more ground.

Well into the afternoon, he realized that his greed had taken him far from the starting point.  He quickened his pace and as the sun began to sink low in the sky, he began to run; knowing that if he did not make it back by sundown the opportunity to become an even bigger landholder would be lost.  As the sun began to sink below the horizon, he came within sight of the finish line.

Gasping for breath, his heart pounding, he called upon every bit of strength left in his body and staggered across the line just before the sun disappeared.  He immediately collapsed, blood streaming from his mouth.  In a few minutes, he was dead.  Afterwards, his servants dug a grave.  It was not much over six feet long and three feet wide.”

The title of Tolstoy’s story was: “How Much Land Does a Man Need?” (Adapted from Bits & Pieces, November, 1991.)  In the end, Tolstoy suggests, all a man really owns is a 6-foot by 3-foot piece of earth, so we are better off putting our confidence elsewhere.

Jesus, like Tolstoy, warns us (Matthew 6:19 – 24, 33) that we had better not put our trust in the promise of materialism.  If we do, we will be sadly disappointed.  Instead, there is something of eternal value that we can give our lives to pursue.  Anything we forfeit here on earth to gain what is in heaven will be returned to us there 100 times over (Matthew 19:29) along with eternal life!

Unfortunately, the western church in particular has drifted away from this teaching of Jesus.  Like first century Judaism, we associate material blessings with God’s favor.  Yet, very few people as well as nations have ever passed the prosperity test (Deuteronomy 8:8 – 10; 31:20; Jeremiah 5:7; Hosea 13:6).  The antidote to the poison of material envy and greed is “seek first His Kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33).

However, this is not a prescription for poverty either.  We are not more spiritual if we are poor – or act poor because we do not want people to think we have anything, which is hypocrisy.  Instead, in abundance or in want, the Lord wants us to trust him for all our needs.  He wants to use us to pour out his riches and grace upon “all nations” so that through us all people will know that He is God.  Like Abraham, he was to bless us so that we can be a blessing!

Nowhere is this more evident than in the churches of nations of the two-thirds world that are marked by material poverty but spiritual abundance in revival, signs and wonders, and miracles.  These saints do more with less for the Kingdom of God, while the American church does less with more.  While we are rich in available materials and resources, we are growing more and more Biblically illiterate and spiritually impoverished.  Thinking that we are rich and blessed, we are truly “blind, naked, and poor.”

Waitsburg Tombstone ©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2009)

While in Albania, I saw a church that was struggling with the simple resources that we take for granted everyday and every Sunday.  Can you imagine attempting to teach Sunday school or disciple without materials in your own language?  Can you imagine a church without any resources to pay for a staff of pastors and office help to keep ministry going?  Can you imagine doing Children’s ministry without any props or tools?

This is what I witnessed in Albania.  Yet, I saw a vibrant church in prayer, reaching lost souls, fellowship, and growing future leaders.  I witnessed creative people and pastors inspired by God who gathered dozens of children to teach them about Christ.  I saw the church gather for prayer and then “hit the streets” to find people to pray for and possibly be a witness to them about the love of Jesus.

My family has paid a price for my trips abroad to Albania and India.  Seeing such poverty among the world’s poorest of the poor ruins a person.  It gives one a jaundiced eye toward our western materialism and consumerism.  As such, for the past several Christmases we have not exchanged gifts.  We have not given gifts.  Plus, we have asked our friends and relatives to help us express Christmas in a new way.

Every year we pick a world poverty problem to target and give towards efforts that attempt to meet it.  We have supported homes for girls rescued from forced prostitution; bought and put together medical kits for AIDS patients; bought chickens for a impoverished family.  This year we are buying a goat to be given to a family in need.

This is a great time of year to ask ourselves:  How much stuff do we need to be successful?  How many material things do we need to feel God’s care and love?  How long do we wait until we have the earthly things we need so that we can answer God’s call to bless others?  How much of this world’s stuff are we dependent upon for our personal happiness?  How much “earth” does one need?

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2009)

I have a facebook friend that drives me crazy.  Every time I visit his page, I’m reminded that he is better at life than me.  BETTER AT LIFE.  This is no hyperbole – he truly is better in most every respect.  Intelligence, money, popularity, sports, hobbies, etc. etc.

The only way I can manage not to hate him is to ignore him.  Out of sight + out of mind = out of envy.

So here’s to him having a great life.  I just don’t need to hear about it.

Sascha Frangilli’s New release Envy is absolutely a perfect gown ! Red is my favorite color altho it comes in several great colors, with all of the options you have come to love about SAS Designs plus one more really unique one you have 2 different ways to wear the shawl , that I simply love.

This gown will be huge for the upcoming holiday parties but will continue being a fav gown long after that.

The skirt options are always amazing and these all sparkle but that translates better in worl then on a photo, the cocktail and sleek are always my 1st choice.

and I love this new shoulder option! It’s no secret that I love system skirts too.

Remember SAS is having a huge Black Friday Sale today too !

ONLY THIS BLACK FRIDAY – 50% sale on the following items – marked with a flag:

DOWNSTAIRS:

* Divantion Red
* Rumble Magenta
* Deception Autumn
* Lekker Wijf Turquoise (ballroom version)
* Bella Black
* Lolli Goppi

UPSTAIRS:

* Imogen Red
* Adoration Rose
* Starry Starry Nights
* Magnifique
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Hurry over these gowns are worth every linden.

Entrance

Second signature sin from Michael Mangis

Envy is “constant discontent, suspicion that God is withholding. . . Greed is primarily about material possessions and envy is about one’s place in the world.  Greed wants the good things others have, envy wants to be the only one who has good things.  Antidote for envy is contentment, gratititude, joy and satisfaction.  Three forms of envy:

1. Jealousy—form of envy that guards what one already has; needs liberality, good will, kindness or abundance
2. Malice—form of envy that truly wishes ill for others and delights in observing and contributing to other’s pain.  Combated with peace, kindness or gentleness
3. Contempt—heaps scorn on others virtures or abilities. Racism, sexism, classism.  Needs love and generosity

Today was Thanksgiving and it was a very mixed day for me.

It was wonderful to be with friends – a lot of friends – from many different backgrounds and have good food and a lot of time together. It was wonderful that my incredible loving dog is doing much better. I had good conversations with people who I don’t usually talk to or necessarily have much in common with.

At the same time, I was watching people interact with their significant others and feeling that void in my life. I heard people say they were thankful for their spouse, their fiancee, their children, and their new houses. And it was harder for me to feel thankful for anything I had because it felt like God has forgotten me in what I really want. I don’t want to be that way – I want to be able to be excited for other people at the same time as I’m thankful for totally different things in my life. But I don’t feel like that’s a possibility. I just feel forgotten and empty and alone.

I don’t like the holidays.

HP’s Envy 13 is a premium notebook that features an all-metal design and innovative features. The Envy 13 starts at $1,699, which is a lot more expensive than other HP notebooks, but it’s well worth it if you put a premium on design and battery life. The Envy 13 can run for up to 18 hours on a single charge with an optional secondary battery.

The Envy 13 comes standard with a single four-cell battery. A six-cell battery slice attaches to the bottom of the Envy 13. The slice battery is nearly seamless and allows for all-day computing and then some. The slice battery design is a concept borrowed from HP’s 2710p tablet.

href=”http://onopc.wordpress.com/files/2009/11/hp-envy-13_front-open-white1.jpg”>

The ENVY 13 is equipped with a superior display which provides a richer visual experience when compared to standard notebooks. This notebook is powered by an Intel Core 2 Duo SL9400 processor and comes with 3GB of RAM. The HP ENVY 13 is equipped with ATI Mobility Radeon HD 4330 graphics. When the notebook becomes available in October, it’ll ship with Windows 7 Home Premium pre-installed.
The Envy 13 weighs just over five pounds. It’s highly portable, but far from the lightest 13″ notebook. It’s pretty thin though and most users should be able to easily tote it around all day.
At $1,699 and up it’ll be tough for most users to justify buying an Envy 13, but those lucky enough to buy one will have fun showing it off.

HP ENVY 13 Specifications :
Operating System Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
Processor Intel Core 2 Duo Processor SL9400: 1.86 GHz, 6MB L2 Cache
Memory/RAM 3GB of DDR3 System Memory
Display
13.1” Diagonal High Definition(8) LED HP Radiance Infinity Widescreen Display
(1366×768)

13.1” Diagonal High Definition LED HP Radiance Infinity Widescreen Display (1366X 768 resolution)
Graphics ATI Mobility Radeon HD 4330 Graphics M92LP
Hard Drive 250GB 5400 rpm SATA HD
Optical Drive External SuperMulti 8X DVD±R/RW with Double Layer Support
Battery 4-Cell Lithium-Ion Polymer battery and 6 Cell battery slice
Wireless Intel WiFi Link 5100AGN & Bluetooth
Audio/Visual High Definition Audio stereo speakers, combo stereo headphone/mic jack, Beats, HP Webcam with integrated digital microphone
Expansion Slots 2-in-1 integrated Digital Media Reader for SD cards
Ports 2x USB 2,0, HDMI, power connector
Weight 5.07 pounds
Warranty Standard 1-Yr Parts and Labor, 1-Year Battery<a

Friends of ours took their family to a resort over the Thanksgiving holidays and let everyone know how much fun they intended to have (and have been having since arriving) by emailing and posting photos of every part of the trip. I find there is nothing like a play-by-play account of the wanton spending of money to inspire envy in even the most enlightened individual, and so it was that I fell from the pious pinnacle of my stupa and became just human enough to adhere pejoratives such as “wanton” and “wasteful” to people whose integrity and good-heartedness I have heretofore had no reason to doubt.

I have never been to a resort over a holiday, you see; nor to Disneyworld or Disneyland or on a cruise or to a foreign country other than to adopt a child that we would then spend over $350,000 to raise, according to U.S. government statistics, while our friends all have the requisite 1.86 perfect children, none of whom came from countries that lack adequate resort facilities, much less require any sort of remedial help, orthodontia, or medical or psychological interventions.

My Facebook status that day stated that being jealous reminded me that I was human, and friends joked about how I needed to be reminded of my humanity. What I meant, though, was that I’m not much given to jealousy or covetousness, for I myself am regularly the object of other people’s projections of failure or success (as the case may be) and know that the reality of what it took to get here and what it takes to live here every day is not enviable or, on the other hand, regrettable because it’s my life: My life that I have chosen a million times and have built for myself over countless moments and which could not have been lived by anyone else.

What this means, of course, is that I chose to live this life. I’m not a victim of my own life, meaning that nobody put a gun to my head or isolated me in a cell or stretched me out for torture until I succumbed and agreed to marry my righteous but pig-headed husband, or have umpteen children, most of whom had already received life’s cruelest psychological, spiritual, and emotional wound in the first hours, weeks, months or years of life, or compelled me to do or be any of the things I regularly regret doing or being because the lives my neighbors live look so much more inviting for their novelty, ease, and ability to inspire envy in me.

It means, too, on a deeper level that when I say I am human, I mean that I’ve caught myself being human: fallen, falling short, less than godly, less than a goddess. I joked in my next Facebook status update that I am usually a goddess, but I wasn’t really joking, for, as St. Paul said, “We have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing power may be of God and not from ourselves.” People tend to focus on the surpassing power of God part without noticing that Paul wrote that we have this treasure, we have this treasure of the very power of God, the godhead, within us–the same resurrection power that created the universe with a word, impregnated a virgin, and brought Christ out of the grave after three days and three nights. That very power: in me.

Having God ride shotgun in my life means that I was disappointed about the envy I felt, for I’m used to not feeling envious due to a typical lack of attachment to things that had me telling the cleaning ladies a few weeks back not to worry if they broke anything, for it was all destined to perish anyway, and there was nothing in my house that breathes or inspires life into its inhabitants except for the inhabitants themselves, at which they looked at me agape. I had, you see, forgotten that attachment to people is an attachment, too, and projecting my “wish I could’s” onto my friends or children is no less a crime than being attached to the objects in one’s house, for people are not possessions and it is not the job of anyone else to carry my unlived life.

What my jealousy meant, in part, was that I wished I could go to a resort but I couldn’t, because I have Too Many Children and Not Enough Money. But under cross-examination, the witness admits that she could probably afford to go to a resort, go to Paris, buy her 16-year-old a brand new car, or do any manner of things other people do with their money if that were her value or desire. The problem, she further admits, is that she chooses not to value trips to resorts as much as she values the life she has chosen for herself.

The other problem is, of course, that I need someone or something onto whom or which I can project my unlived life so that I’ll continue to have a handy excuse for not living it. Alternatively, I need something to focus on that will keep me from progressing in my career as a goddess who is more attached to the things of the spiritual world than those of this temporal one.

The day I was overcome with jealously, I read this in Jung’s Psychology and the East, and it made me smile with a smile that felt like a death mask because I could see my bias toward the temporal over the eternal:

The externalization of culture may do away with a great many evils whose removal seems most desirable and beneficial, yet this step forward, as experience shows, is all too clearly paid for with a loss of spiritual culture. It is undeniably much more comfortable to live in a well-planned and hygienically equipped house, but this still does not answer the question of who is the dweller in this house and whether his soul rejoices in the same order and cleanliness as the house which ministers to his outer life. The man whose interests are all outside is never satisfied with what is necessary, but is perpetually hankering after something more and better which, true to his bias, he always seeks outside himself. He forgets completely that, for all his outward successes, he himself remains the same inwardly, and he therefore laments his poverty if he possesses only one automobile when the majority have two. Obviously the outward lives of men could do with a lot more bettering and beautifying, but these things lose their meaning when the inner man does not keep pace with them. To be satiated with “necessities” is no doubt an inestimable source of happiness, yet the inner man continues to raise his claim, and this can be satisfied by no outward possessions. And the less this voice is heard in the chase after the brilliant things of this world, the more the inner man becomes the source of inexplicable misfortune and uncomprehended unhappiness in the midst of living conditions whose outcome was expected to be entirely different. The externalization of life turns to incurable suffering, because no one can understand why he should suffer from himself. No one wonders at his insatiability, but regards it as his lawful right, never thinking that the one-sidedness of this psychic diet leads in the end to the gravest disturbances of equilibrium. That is the sickness of Western man, and he will not rest until he has infected the whole world with his own greedy restlessness (para. 962).

As Proverbs 27:20 says, “Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied; nor are the eyes of man ever satisfied.” We’re made with the quality of Never Satisfied because Never Satisfied is in our deepest beings as a sign and emblem of the depths of symbolic spiritual experience to which we can go if we will only dare. Most don’t dare, but remain stuck on a sensual, temporal level that belies a commensurately cavernous spiritual emptiness, the likes of which I recognized in myself with surprise, dread, and awe the day I envied my neighbor’s good fortune.

References

Jung, C. G. (1978). Psychology and the East. (R. F. C. Hull, Trans.), from The Collected Works of C. G. Jung, Vols. 10, 11, 13, and 18. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Thanksgiving is a huge holiday in this country. Their favorite one many of my US friends say. It was not a holiday where I grew up and as the meaning of holidays is very much tied to one’s culture and familial traditions, Thanksgiving as I saw it practiced in mainstream America meant very little to me. I love the idea of harvest festivals and of expressing gratitude, but I could not make  sense of a national turkey day and an obese nation stuffing themselves silly followed by a shopping spree on Black Friday.

I wonder if those who consciously experience and express gratitude on Thanksgiving are a miniscule group. Maybe not, but probably not as large a group as they could be. How do we understand gratitude psychologically and how does one get there? Melanie Klein introduced gratitude, together with its opposite, envy, into psychological language. There are always two sides to everything. Just as light and shadow do, gratitude and envy go together. Jung had a profound understanding of the duality of nature. He knew that the opposite is always present, but usually hidden in the invisible world he called the unconscious.

Most people who experience gratitude describe a feeling of fullness and richness that is unrelated to any material possessions. They experience a well of goodness that does not run dry. There is  enough good to go around for all. They feel as if they were plugged into a source that stills a thirst beyond the physical. Gratitude is an expression in response to an experience of being deeply cared for and held by something larger than oneself. This gratitude goes far beyond a thought of gratefulness that one’s lot is a little lighter to carry than one’s neighbor’s. Gratitude is fearless, it fosters compassion for all living beings and the ability to see life even in the so called inanimate matter.

I do not believe one can fully experience gratitude without being aware of its opposite envy. In Jungian thought gratitude and envy are archetypal forces. They exist outside of our individual lives, but we partake of them. In the case of envy, there is no escaping it.  We all are envious to some degree. The problem is that envy lives in the shadows of the unconscious. Whatever is unconscious will be projected out. Our unconscious searches for a suitable object  and we just hang our projection on this object like an old hat. Consciousness will trick us then into believing what what we see is “reality”.  (Reality becomes more slippery the more we think about it.)

We all know some of these people, may even have been one of them at times, who spew nothing but negativity. Everything needs to be criticized, ridiculed, made small or put down. Envy destroys hopes and dreams.  Envy is full of fear. There is never enough of the good. It is anti-life. It poisons the soul.

Envy is even harder to catch when it is directed against oneself. Then it manifests in that, often very rational and “adult” inner voice, that ridicules our desires and will stop us from believing that our dreams are worth pursuing. That you are too young, too old, too fat, lack education, lack money, not healthy enough or it is just plain impossible or unrealistic… I better stop, I made my point, the list could go on forever. Envy constricts and restricts and hardens, it turns the heart into an arid patch.

What to do about envy? Unfortunately there is no miracle cure or pill. But, as with everything else, awareness and acceptance are the first steps. Nothing changes without them.  Envy is archetypal. We did not create it. We are only responsible for how we express it. We need to trace our negativity. Who or what is on the receiving end of our sneer? How can we put an image to that inner  voice, that judge or saboteur that prevents us from living our life with courage and grit. As we take a stance and stand up to the poison of envy, its opposite, gratitude and trust in goodness, can be released. We don’t own goodness either, but we can take our fill from that cup that never runs empty, regardless of where and who we are in our lives. Gratitude – at last.

Happy Thanksgiving.

(ENVY VIDEO DEMO) This Video came to LIFE with the help of Allen Williams and Tony Kremer it was such a fun and great project, it’s what ever U want it to be …. hope you enjoy it.

Paris Lo

I am generally not an envious person. Comparing myself to other people is something I actually avoid as I know it does not lead to anything good at all. Still  I am a human being and I am not flawless. That is not an excuse, it is just a simple explanation of all human beings.

Officially I have probably been blogging for about five years now, under different blogs and domains; which is why I have hopefully settled with this domain and name, as my articles and writing style can be rather random. Still I am not earning one cent from doing this. I started out doing it just for fun and to explore something new. I think I actually started blogging when it was more  or less new to most people in Europe. Again, I still do not earn a cent from it.
This is somewhat annoying, but somewhat my own fault too; or is it?

I have enough visitors to my blog to make me proud and feel that I have accomplished something. Still I can not help ask why I do not have more readers, and followers on Twitter. I am at least trying to avoid all the wrong things you can do with a blog and a Twitter account; so in the end I am actually clueless to what I am not doing enough.

The main thing that might be an issue is consistency; but that I have tried to cover with the name of the blog, .random[oid]. When I write and what I write about is usually very random and I tend to be all over the place. One day I write about Linux; next day I write about being an introvert or what I did earlier that day.
This is a common model most magazines and newspapers follow. They have a certain theme to what they publish and how it is written; but in the end it can be very varied. Just take Wired as an example; I love the magazine, but I don’t read all the articles in it, still I do pay for it.

I think the main type of bloggers who annoy me the most; or that I envy the most, are those who just suddenly start blogging about something completely shallow and start earning shit-loads of money. Just because they please the self-indulgent decadent mainstream.
Maybe being an introvert and who I am is what holds me back from being successful in the blogosphere and twitterverse; I am not promoting myself enough and forcing people to like me. I have never had the desire or urge to be liked by anyone. I always have and will live by my own rule; that this is who I am, it is up to you to like me or not. One of my favourite quotes in regard to this is:

I rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Another thing that might set me back is that I just blog for the fun of it. I do not lock myself in a room six to eight hours a day to write articles. I actually do it on a whim to entertain myself, and in hope to entertain others.
Just do not get me started on spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. I have not been diagnosed with it, but I do suspect I have a light version of dyslexia. Several times I have read a word or a sentence as it was intended, but later on discovering my error; or misread other people’s articles. I can also add that if I got a dollar for each spelling mistake or grammatical error I find in newspapers, books or other text-based media I would be rich. I actually own a few books with spelling errors, but you know what? I still understood the message from the writer.

Of course, the amount of blogs and Twitter accounts online is insane, so the competition is massive. Still I can not help being annoyed that some people get paid to publish garbage online. At least I am doing it for free; but I wish I could do it full-time with pay of course.
If I knew I would one day base my income on my writing, be it writing a blog or even novels and short stories, I would rather study that than biomedical science; but I don’t know and I am too afraid to take that risk.

Note: This article was written from A to B without any kind of editing. I have only checked it for spelling mistakes. In other words, take and read it as it is. It is free, so why should I bother?

7 Deadly Sins – Envy, originally uploaded by Valerie Morrison.

062/365

“Envy (also called invidiousness) may be defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it."

Envy can also derive from a sense of low self-esteem that results from an upward social comparison threatening a person’s self image: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have.” – Wikipedia

Important? I just want what’s rightfully mine. I don’t know if I’m envious or if I’m trying to figure out how my body got on the cover of Ebony with Janet Jackson’s head. See there, in the photo, I’m gesturing why with my right hand. Truth be told, Janet stole my abs and left me with this bag of flour.

Over the sem break I was able to nourish my mind and read a book. Wicked by Gregory Maguire is one book I have always wanted to read but haven’t really had the time to do so.

The spinoff of L. Frank Baum’s Wizard of Oz story is a riveting tale of forgiveness and the search for the true source of evil by the Wicked Witch of the West, Elphaba (named after L.Frank Baum’s initials).

I was actually expecting a deep story of hate and retribution, but was disappointed to read about the mundane search of a lost girl for forgiveness for an act that isn’t really that big a deal. Elphaba’s search for forgiveness is nothing more than a futile attempt to stitch together her failures as an individual and her longing for her father’s love and society’s acceptance.

Quite different from the Broadway musical, Wicked the book is a longer account of how the Wicked Witch of the West came to be. Unfortunately the book’s rendition of her encounter with Dorothy was a failure of diabolical proportions. Don’t even get me started on how she died. It was so anticlimactic.

For the person looking for a deep introspective read that will guide you towards the attainment of temporary Zen, do not read Wicked. But if you want to have a good laugh every now and then, make up theories of infusing religion to the world of Oz ala C.S. Lewis in Narnia, then go ahead and read Wicked. You might even catch temporary childhood memories and contemplate on why being an adult is so shitty.

Finally I now have time again to face the computer and type away for this blog. First in the agenda would be my semestral assessment of the first semester of my senior year.

Now I know a lot of you guys enjoyed my themed assessment last year, so now I’ll be doing everyone a favor by combining supposedly two blog topics into one: my semestral assessment and my latest couch potato addiction—Glee.

Anthro 170 (Anthropology of Language) – boring and dragging, this subject is just like Take A Bow by Lea Michele. It sound nice in the beginning, but after some time of listening to it, you get bored and just wish the subject finally takes a bow. But when you do get the grade, you realize: it wasn’t so bad after all. Makes you even want to listen to it again.

Anthro 187 (Sex and Culture) – this subject has got to be the craziest subject I have ever taken! Rehab by Vocal Adrenaline suits this subject well. Why? I dare you to name any other subject which ended as early as September, where all you talk about is sex in all its glory, and where being horny is justified and promoted. Not to mention a fabulous party for the last meeting where everyone let loose big time.

Socio 132 (Sociology of Deviance) – now it may sound boring, but this class is actually my favorite. The only class where I consciously made an effort to meet all the requirements due to the combination of having interesting topics like death, murder, and autism and having a pretty professor. This has got to be the mash up of It’s My Life and Confessions by the Glee boys. Take them separately and they are passé, combine the two and you get pure bliss. Plus the grade I got wasn’t bad either! Take that grade-conscious Socio majors!!

PI 100 (Philippine Icon: Rizal) – whenever I remember how my PI class went, I just want to sing Bust Your Windows by Amber Riley. The class has got to be the suckiest required subject I have ever taken in my miserable college life. I tried to be a good student by meeting all the requirements, attending classes regularly and I still got a fuckfest of a grade. No thanks to the prof’s promise of an easy grade as long as I attended classes. Imma bust her for that!

Comm Research 125 (Computer Learning) – easiest uno I got in my entire life. Short, sweet, and satisfyingly easy. Just like Diana Agron’s Say A Little Prayer. You just sit in class once a week to do mundane activities in Word, Excel, and Powerpoint. Easy as pie. Need I say more?

Journalism 195 (Lifestyle Reporting) – you would think that this subject is all about interviewing fashion designers, tasting great food, meeting artists and writing about their works and watching the Devil Wears Prada on your first meeting. Well, you’re right. But just like Chris Colfer’s gay rendition of Defying Gravity, it ain’t all that. I was barely able to keep things afloat in this class especially for the final requirement: a mini thesis on a societal subject concerned with either religion or media. But just like Elphie and Kurt, I was able to defy gravity and get a good enough grade. Reached that high F after all.

Journalism 199 (Thesis Writing) – set me free, why don’t you baby? Yes, this is Dianna Agron’s You Keep Me Hangin’ On. Definitely my most stressful subject this semester, and the worst part is, I have to continue working on my thesis until I graduate. Well, I do hope for my sake that I will be able to hang on long enough for me to finish it.

So that was how my first semester went. And that is how Sue, C’s it.

Gratitude and greed occupy the same space in the psychic apparatus.  If the container is filled with greed or envy there is no room for gratitude.  If the container is filled with gratitude there is no room for greed or envy…It is that simple.  It is a law of physics.  Two piece of matter can not occupy the same space and by extension it appears that two pieces of information can not occupy the same psychic space.  The Greek word  ”Psyche” is our word “Soul”.   Contrary to what many think, Freud dedicated his life to the study of Man’s soul.  In this later part of my life, as I begin to have time to open my self to newer 21st century models of mental conditions, I find that the earlier wisdom acquired in the study & practice of modern psychoanalysis have bearing, if not direct implications on these principles.

Our souls are the most important part of us while we are alive and living in form. The soul of man gives us our humanity at the only place where it touches our divinity.  Through religion we have learned to associate the term soul with that part of us that will transcend life and perhaps attains a life everlasting.  But for my purpose in this essay I will use the more generic aspect of the word.  I mean by the soul of man, the very essence of man.  I mean to refer to the totality of the experience of man. My soul is my experience of me at exactly the psychic location where it touches my connection with the cosmic.

Our experience known as the soul is often not experienced directly.  Rather it points to as a location or a phenomenon that is concerned with as Bruno Bettelheim say, ” not just man’s body — but most of all with the dark world of the unconscious which forms such a large part of living man — or, to put it in classical terms, with the unknown netherworld in which, according to ancient myths the souls of men [and women] dwell.”

As human beings we experience ourselves first and foremost by identifying with the part of the psychic apparatus know as the “ego.”  The ego of the human mind  is not directly connected to the soul.  The ego is detached from the field of consciousness that is our more profound existence or experience of being.  The ego, although not discoverable in time and space as a physical entity is a construct that we use to explain a host of primary  and secondary functions of the brain.  We can not open the brain and locate the ego.  The ego, like the soul does not exist in form.

The ego ought not have a bad wrap.  It is a cluster of functions which contribute to our essential humanness.  For example, language is thought to be the highest function of the ego.  The ego is responsible for our being able to develop language. The ego is also responsible for other functions such as perception and motility.  It is a cluster of brain functions rather than a specific location.  And as such remains an important aspect of our ability to function in civilization and society.  Some say it is actually the aspect of man directly responsible for his ability to build civilization and culture.  But again, it is important that we see it for what it is, not a location in the brain as much as the name given to a cluster of functions.

In my ramblings about psychoanalysis and man’s soul, i seem to find myself always contending with a duality.  As much as I acknowledge the oneness of the mind/body matrix, it seems that in experience I am always struggling with a concept that can only be explained by forming comparisons of by juxtaposing one experience against another.

Even in the concept of greed vs gratitude it seems that the experience of one is felt to be one thing and the experience of the other quite another thing.  However, if I were only concerned about the comparisons of two things it would seem logical, (they are different because they are different).  But, what  I am trying to understand  is if the experience of one comes from a different place than the experience of the other.

I have rambled or, if you wish, free associated, to this notion of duality in our experience of ourselves in many of my writings through the years.  I keep doing so because i have experience in me what I would like to call, an exit from narcissism. In my years of practicing my own brand of dynamic psychoanalysis, I have run up against classical conditions in this science that seem to take over the definition and attempt to make it fit the science rather than pursue what appears to me the more logical approach which is to follow the experience into a phenomena that is no longer science, but is nevertheless a direct outgrowth of the science and may point to a newer model or theory of human existence.  And although not science, nonetheless an important dimension of humanness that can only be arrived at with subjective conclusions. The scientific “objective” can only go so far in helping us to understand our humanity.  Poetry, music, & our relation to nature and to animals, for example,  point to a subjective awareness that provides a profound acquaintance with the subjective that can not be quantified objectively.

As I ponder gratitude, I am aware that the very experience of gratitude fills my consciousness with a sense of expansion, with a feeling that is both grand and humbling at the same time.  Gratitude is connected not only with me experiencing myself but with me experiencing a wider sense of connectedness that includes a feeling of well-being and a feeling of inter being with all of creation.  To put it more simply gratitude is a sensation that consequenses a feeling of totality and oneness and well being all laced with that kind of giddiness that one feels as a joyful child.  By comparison greed feels very intra- psychic. I shrink to greed, not expand to it.  Greed is small minded.  Greed worms it way through me and settles into a corner of my life and i experience it as an undigested piece of toxic lead.  I think about it and i can experience the thought as mental, as a calculation, perhaps even as a manipulation of truth.

But, the profound difference is not in the verbal attributes that i can ascribe to the difference between gratitude and greed, but rather in the felt location from which each experience comes.  I want to give one more example of the experience of the objective vs the experience of the subjective:

Charlotte, my youngest granddaughter,  is falling asleep in my arms… That is an objective statement of a experience I might be having in a given moment.

However, the experience of having my beautiful, angelic, sweet and loving granddaughter in my arms being so comfortable that she is soothing herself to sleep, is a subjective experience that comes from an entirely different location in my experience.  And no amount of objective verbal data or description can convey the experience.  In other words my human experience in that moment can not be objectified.  It is as if my soul, the aspect of me that is closest to the divine is activated and a flood of emotions and sensations converge on me and provide me with a feeling not representable through the ego.

As I write my free associations, I am conscious of my intention.  I am hopeful to find a verbal way of describing the long, slow and at times painful way for an adult to emerge from the condition of narcissism.  Having spent the bulk of my career specializing in the treatment of narcissistic disorders, I am interested in the specific manner in which one can successfully emerge from this human condition.

As I begin to write more seriously about this topic, I keep on returning to Freud’s works and specifically to his treatment of the psyche in his writings.  Of great concern is the notion that Freud meant for the entire backdrop of his science to be understood as an ego growing in a field of consciousness that he understood to be the soul of man.  But when his translations to english took on a more generic term than “soul” Freud did little to challenge this mistranslation.

As a result we have been seeing the ego as a mental construct that was to have some kind of physical, brain-like antecedent. When we attempt to locate the ego in the brain, of course, there is no such organ.  But if instead we were to consider the ego as an outgrowth of the soul, then the entire apparatus of the ego could be worked with as a metaphor for a seed found in a large, wild, field of cosmic consciousness that every human being has access to.  This line of thinking has many possible ramifications including its intersection with eastern philosophy.

The title is how I feel often. I have a tendency of always being right, and thats not an arrogance speaking. Its just I dont say things unless I know they are right first. I am opinionated, and stand up for my beliefs, both are good things. Yet to the world I am “self-righteous”. Lets have a look at the word “self-righteous”

From sedona.com…

“People who are self-righteous may defend their need to instill their beliefs on others as simply standing up for what they believe in. However, self-righteousness veers off from expressing your beliefs in a few key ways, namely that self-righteous people believe they are always right, superior and more knowledgeable than those around them.”

See? How biased. Its just used by doormats to justify being a doormat. Any wise person will be right often – not because they are never wrong, but because they make sure they know what they are saying before they say it. Its that simple.

And a lot of the time some people are more knowledgable than others. Its common sense. Some people I know are very wise in the ways of the world, and others they are very naive.

Yet being “self-righteous” is still seen as a bad thing. Standing up for your beliefs, being knowledgable and being right about things are all bad. It makes sense why the media would want us to think that. No wonder politicians walk all over us.

It leads me to wonder why people dont like “self-righteous” people. And then I worked it out. Theres only one thing that makes sense and that is jealousy. Doormats that have no strength of character, and who are afraid to not be a sheep, are often jealous of people who are and do.

This is because they are doing what they cannot and being who they arent, and so “self-righteous” is penned as a derogatory word for these sorts of people. If anyone calls me it I will take it as a compliment. I’m self-righteous and proud of it too! As all strong-minded people should be.

I always feel enlightened when I blog. I am so glad I am sharing this knowledge with the world right now. Few will read it, but the truth must come out! The truth exists merely to be told. That previous sentence is a great thing to put in quotation marks!

So thats all for today. I was going to write something else, but I can’t remember what it was. But if I do It will be straight onto here.
Peace. xyz

The Seven Deadly Sins
by Chris Price

Two of my favorites.

via 20LTD

So there I was, late at night, drinking a beer and redecorating my room…..on YoVille. Yeah, I need a life. Ya think?

My virtual apartment is coming along. I managed to purchase a fabulous canopy bed for just under $700 (in YoCoins), and you should see the tiger print rug I got for under $300 YoCoins! It’s gorgeous!!

As I was decorating and budgeting, trying to work in a new couch that fit my budget, it dawned on me that I have completely gone mad. It also dawned on me that I think I know the reason these virtual games are so much fun. It’s because it allows us to live a lifestyle we wouldn’t normally have if we’re broke (like me) and scrambling to find gas money.

I know, I know….I’m sure you’re all sick and tired of hearing about how broke I am. I swear it won’t be for much longer as I have a “plan” that will make me rich, or at least capable of no longer fretting over the lack of gas money and that ever important crap we call food. And, what about clothes? HA! There’s nothing wrong with Mr. T wearing pants that make him look like he’s waiting for a flood. Nothing at all wrong with that. I got teased for the same thing when I was a kid. It made me stronger, which enabled me to beat the hell out of anyone who dared mention the word “flood”. Call me sensitive. I knew every inch of my principal’s office, and the smell of her perfume is etched into my memory – Roses, blech!

The only thing missing on YoVille is a car (or a crossover like I got for reals), but I’m afraid I don’t make enough money…err….YoCoins at the sweet factory were I work that would enable me to afford such a luxury anyway. Why don’t I make enough YoCoins working at the factory, you ask? I tend to burn whatever it is I bake because, believe it or not, I do have a life outside of my computer room. Don’t laugh. I know some of you find it hard to believe, but it’s true.

The sweet factory is where I’m forced to work because that’s all the game offers. It’s like living in a kingdom where they tell you where you will work and give you, as pay, the honor of living in their kingdom and a few crude coins. The YoCoins I do manage to make, when I’m not burning my cookies to a crisp, goes right into more household items. Unfortunately, and because I tend to burn things, the YoCoins come in slowly and all I can do is lust over someone else’s things (much like real life). I hate not having what so and so has {whine whine}!

Then, a terrible thing happened! Mr. Sober, who very rarely sets foot in his virtual apartment, decided it was time to decorate his. This occurred while we were talking on the phone and text messaging each other on facebook (we do both, we’re multitaskers!). He did it in secret too. Every now and then all I heard was breathing on the phone and his replies to my texts were coming in sporadically, if at all, and sometimes those were down to one word responses. Something was awry and he wasn’t telling me. At one point, I texted “I know you’re up to no good. What are you doing?” He just giggled, and in the background I could hear his fingers clicking his mouse like a mad man. Once in awhile he would ask me a question like, “How do I move what I have in my inventory into my room?” or “How do I remove furniture from a room?” HA!!! I knew what he was doing. I asked him if he was decorating and all I got was him breathing, heavily, as if he was running the quarter mile (poor him is old and little things tucker him out, haha!).

Finally, he told me to go into his bedroom and have a look-see. Now, people, if you read my post on how I feel about going into a man’s virtual bedroom, y’all know this request would make me a wee bit uncomfortable. I didn’t know what I might find in there (lucky for me I know, because I tried, that there’s no winky winky allowed in this game…phew!) and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. I tried playing it off by telling him I was currently busy sending YoVille gifts to my neighbor’s, but he wasn’t having any of that. “Go into my bedroom!” he whined. Oh, good LORD! ALRIGHT! I’m going into your bedroom now! I entered his bedroom and, to my surprise, found it to be decorated real nice. I was impressed. It was a complete opposite of his living room, which is bare and cold looking. He even had a wall sconce candle holder above his bed! Huh. It was nice and I was green with envy. “Where did you get the candle holder?” I texted him. He didn’t reply, so I asked him on the phone. Again he stayed quiet. I asked again, and this time he said, “Ohhh, you like that, huh?” then he giggled. At this point I considered hanging up on him because he was being a turd. But, instead, I persisted because I wanted to know and I knew he would never tell me if he’d been hung up on (see sweetness, I do know you.) My futile attempts appeared to be ignored “Where did you get that candle holder?!!”

See, the thing is, because Mr. Sober so rarely plays this game, seeing that he had a wall sconce came as a big surprise to me. Suddenly, I felt as if he was living a double life, and that I wasn’t included in on his virtual one. Not only that, but his having something so cool (and not me, who deserves it more, teehee) made me jealous. I get jealous like a big baby, I admit….there are issues, but that’s not the point. The point is, he had this wall sconce and I wanted it! If he could tell me where he got it, I could go find one for myself, an even bigger one, and maybe more than one, so there!! But he wasn’t telling! Argh!!! He was so lucky he wasn’t within strangling distance from me.

Finally, after I asked him why he was being so secretive about the damn sconce and whining at the perfect pitch, and the one that grates his last nerve, he confessed. Someone gifted it to him. Well well well!! Nobody has gifted me a wall sconce! Again, I am a big baby and oh so jealous!

After that night, I decided I wanted to copy him (cause I’m a copy cat like that) and I went “shopping” for things to create a nice ambiance of my own for my virtual bedroom. That’s how I discovered the canopy bed, and the rug. I soon ran out of YoCoins, but that was okay. I made peace with myself over it. Everything’s cool. If I’m patient, like in life, I will get what I want. Right? Please humor me by agreeing.

I’ve since managed to save enough YoCoins to allow me a new fridge and possibly a big screen television. I’m still on the hunt for the wall sconce, but I’m hopeful I’ll find it. I have a secret of my own, that I am NOT sharing with Mr. Sober since he likes to be so secretive himself (hmph!), that will get me pretty much anything I want on the game. It’s not a cheat, it’s legitimate, but I can’t use this secret until I’ve saved more than I have now. What I should do with the YoCoins I’ve managed to save is hire myself a baker, since I can’t bake to save my damn life.

You know…..I should write the creators of the game and request a car and hired help. I’d never leave the freaking house if I had those conveniences all tucked into my computer. Heck, why not suggest they connect to a real supermarket so’s I can order my groceries while playing the game? Dang! What a fantastic idea!!! I’m brilliant!

Goodness, I need a life!

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I dreamt I was at my Mom’s house, it was summer and my aunt J. and her kids were there swimming in the pool, which was on the left of our house. I was spying on them through the window and I wanted to go in so badly, but I kept stopping myself because P. was there and a girl named Billy with straight blonde hair and a white bikini. I had never met this girl before (made her up) and she was P.’s new girlfriend. I think she was the main reason I didn’t want to go outside, because I felt intimidated by her and jealous that he had the nerve to bring her to my house. 

I stood outside in front of the house amid the cedar trees trying to hide from everyone’s view. Someone had hidden a huge metal structure in the biggest tree and I was trying to take it down. I kept asking my Mom when she got a pool. I couldn’t understand why all of a sudden we had a pool. These questions were the leitmotif of the entire dream: 

O: Mom, when did you get a pool?

O: Mom, how come I’ve never seen it there before?

O: I never swam in it. I come I’ve never been in the pool, Mom? 

Over and over again, that’s all I could say or think about. It was such a strange feeling and in the dream it was like I was aware of all these contradictions. The fact that the pool was much too big for the area where it was installed, I wondered why our crazy neighbors didn’t complain or the sides of the pool could be so malleable. It didn’t make sense that I hadn’t taken a swim, since I love water. It didn’t make sense that P. was there with another girl, because every dream I’ve ever had about him was about him being in love with me. I felt like he was aware of these contradictions as well and was just as perplexed about them as I was. 

I want everyone to remember that bad friends are not always frenemies. They are also not always bad people as well, they just don’t have humanistic qualities to be true to you as a whole.

Everyone has good friends and everyone has bad friends. Sometimes, we get this nagging feeling ( that is often ignored) about the validity of a friendship given extenuating circumstances that makes us question it’s importance in our lives.

If you are muddled into thinking you have great friends but there’s something not right, then this list is for you:

• They are never there for you when you are in trouble.
• They are the ones who are not completely honest with you.
• They talk about you behind your back.
• They try to change you and don’t accept you for who you are.
• They are overly critical in you and judge you for everything you say and do.
• They are jealous of your accomplishments and they are definitely not your personal cheerleaders. They are very happy of your failures and  especially when you are feeling down.
• They indirectly sabotage good things for you.
• They are the ones who put us down
• They do not listen to our problems, if they did they tell us to get over it fast and to pretend to be happy for their sake.
• When you talk to them, they always think you are attacking them and never give you a chance to defend your side.
• They try to steal your significant other or sabotage the relationship.
• They make you feel like you are less than they are.
• They use you and they do not reciprocate equally.
• They never make you smile.
• They expect you to act a certain way around them and condemn you for being yourself with nasty glances and disgusting words.
• They get jealous of you having a life and your other friendships
• They try to spend too much time with you.
• They invalidate your feelings and emotions.
• The friendship doesn’t allow you to speak your mind honestly
• They make you feel emotionally depleted, angry, depressed and exhausted.
• They are extremely passive aggressive and don’t tell you the truth to your face.
• They break promises all the time.
• They are extremely clingy.
• They purposefully say nasty comments to you.
• They smile to your face but when other people are around, they put you down.
• You should respect each others opinions without worrying that you are offending them.
• They try too hard to please you and everyone else and that makes it hard for them to be completely honest with you or be open. True honesty is tossed out the window.

I’m very fortunate in my life not to have that.  Immediately after I graduated college, I dropped the bad friends and still keep in touch with friends who are good friends( Facebook, phone, in person, etc).  So, I only have good friends now in my life and I am incredibly blessed by that. I was very lucky to have more good friends than bad friends but not everyone is that fortunate.

What you need to do if there is a friendship you question is to assess it using the list above and think if pursuing that friendship will help you in the future or thwart you as a human being?

Our views of wealth are becoming even more distorted. We begin to blame others for our lack instead of appreciating what we have and using it to enterprise. Just some thoughts of mine. Your comments are appreciated.

A Perception of Poverty

I was happy until they told me

What I had was not enough

They told me what I needed was

More of that commercial stuff

You know the stuff I don’t see
Since I don’t watch a lot of T.V.

The stuff that drives lust

And grows voracious greed

You know the stuff that stuff

It plants and abominable seed

Doubt, Fear, discontent,

envy, gluttony and

unnatural concupiscence,

I was happy, not because as they say, I’m ignorant

I was happy despite their misguided arrogance

They perceive my abundance as poverty

They disdain my content, my self sufficiency

To them, the stuff I don’t have matters more than me

They scoff at my garden

They laugh at my beans

They mock my dear children

And the values I teach

They have devalued all of life’s genuine treasures

For inflated currency and faulty measures

Who are they to say that I am poor

Who are they to say that I need more

Who are they to say that I’m not wealthy

Who are they to say I need a shot to be healthy

Are they still trying to tell me my abundance ain’t

Are they trying to trying to tell me my resources cain’t

Are they trying to tell me I must have this amenity?

Are they trying to tell me this is an “essential” luxury?

They think I’m crazy, I’m a dunce or just dense,

But I know what plenty enough is.

I have no need to want and no want to need

I’ve no insatiable desire that I must feed

I enterprise today, but I will not Beg or borrow

Become indebted mortgaging my tomorrow

Money is merely a means of exchange

With my merchandise and services I can do the same

I’m part of an interdependent economy

With entrepreneurs who think like me

Those who appreciate collaboration, friendship and progeny

Those who won’t believe the hyper publicity

Those who want to live free

Those who seek out truth and verity

I am happy again for now I remember

Worldly good can be burned to embers

But the riches I posess are riches untold

Money enough and bonds of fidelity that hold

Bonds that endure beyond the waves of recession

Bonds that embrace through bouts of mental depression

Bonds that mature through the turbulence of the stock exchange

Bonds that are sure through losses and gains

Bonds that evolve even as progress retreats

To social deviants and the social elite

I am sad for they for them and for those

As for me I have none of their woes

I am Happy

I am Happy to be

I enjoy my life

I enjoy my liberty

I enjoy abundance

I enjoy prosperity

I am happy in this… They’ll be happy to know

That their perception of poverty I do not behold.