Repeat These Daily!

Healthy Body, Healthy Mind Affirmations

• I handle stress and tension appropriately and effectively.
• My mood is calm and relaxed.
• I can cope well and get on with my life during times of stress.
• I think thoughts that uplift and nurture me.
• I enjoy thinking positive thoughts that make me feel good about myself and my life.
• I deserve to feel good right now.
• I feel peaceful and calm.
• My breathing is slow and calm.
• My muscles are relaxed and comfortable.
• I feel grounded and fully present.
• I can effectively handle any situation that comes my way.
• I think through the solutions to my emotional issues slowly and peacefully.
• I am thankful for all the positive things in my life.
• My body is healthy and strong.
• I eat a well-balanced and nutritious diet.
• I enjoy eating delicious and healthful food.
• My body wants food that is easy to digest and high in vitamins and minerals.
• I do regular exercise in a relaxed and enjoyable manner.
• I enjoy my life to the fullest and choose to be happy.
• I control the thoughts I have and choose to think the thoughts that benefit me the most.
• I trust and follow my intuition.

Positive Self Esteem Affirmations

The following affirmations will help you raise your self-esteem. Raised self-esteem is one of the key pillars of anxiety relief. Like the ones above, it’s not about just saying them. Believe them, say them with your heart and soul. Repeat them as often as you need. Trust your intuition.

• I am filled with energy, vitality, and self-confidence.
• I am pleased with how I handle my emotional needs.
• I know exactly how to manage my daily schedule to promote my emotional and physical well-being.
• I listen to my body’s needs and regulate my activity level to take care of those needs.
• I love and honor my body.
• I fill my mind with positive and self-nourishing thoughts.
• I am a wonderful and worthy person.
• I deserve health, vitality, and peace of mind.
• I have total confidence in my ability to heal myself.
• I feel radiant with abundant energy and vitality.
• The world around me is full of radiant beauty and abundance.
• I am attracted only to those people and situations that support and nurture me.
• I appreciate the positive people and situations that are currently in my life.
• I love and honor myself.
• I enjoy my positive thoughts and feelings.
• I deserve to be happy and lead a long fulfilling life.
• I choose to be happy, to be open to new experiences and learn and better myself.

Source: Anxiety Help Blog

I don’t know how many of you will watch this, but I’ve been subscribed to Tessa for a few years now and she’s really come a long way.

This video is extremely thoughtful and helpful and I really hope you see it.

(Link to video she’s referring to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2js063a1Suk )

The enemy will try and hold you captive in the guilt zone every day but in order to be free, you have to know what it takes and put it to work every time you feel like the enemy is dragging you into the zone of guilt. The bible teaches us in Romans 8:1 that; There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

I would like to bring your attention to certain aspects of this scripture. Firstly, the bible says therefore now, in order words, you don’t have to wait till tomorrow for you to be free from guilt. You can be free now. This sounds like an attitude of faith. You have to have faith in the God of now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve lived in the zone of condemnation and guilt, God sent me to tell you that you can be free now. Secondly, notice that the bible says; them which are in Christ Jesus. The question I’m asking you today is are you in Christ Jesus? As long as you’re not in Christ, you’re permitted to live in the guilt zone. I am glad to let you know that you cannot be in Christ and at the same time be in the zone of guilt and condemnation. What does it mean to be in Christ? 2 Corinthians 5:17 Amp says, Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come! So, being born again empowers you to deal with guilt and condemnation.

The third thing that we notice in Romans 8:1 is that it is not just enough to be in Christ, you have to walk after the spirit and not after the flesh. You cannot walk in the Spirit and live in the zone of guilt & condemnation. What does it mean to walk in the Spirit? John 6:63 tells us that; The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you–they are full of the Spirit and life. So, basically to walk in the Spirit is to live your life by the principles of the scriptures (Word of God). David puts it this way in Psalm 119:11, I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

From this day forward, make a decision that your life is going to be governed by the Word of God. God doesn’t condemn us. The enemy is the accuser of the brethren. God wants you to come before him unashamedly. Having shared all these, if you ever make any mistake as you journey through life with God, refuse to allow the enemy to drag you into the zone of guilt, repent and confess your sins to God and plead the Blood of Jesus over your conscience. Please don’t keep sinning and expect not to live in the guilt zone. What this will do is to reduce your confidence in approaching God’s presence. God loves you with a great and intense love. God’s love for you doesn’t change, but the enemy will ensure that you live perpetually in guilt and condemnation.

Perhaps you are reading this and you’re finding it difficult to stay out of the guilt zone, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that the Holy Spirit will give you a deeper revelation of what Christ did for you on the cross so that you call walk free from a lifestyle of Sin. I also pray that the power of God’s love will transform you from one degree of glory to another in Jesus name.

Esteem designs, implements and manages IT systems to support organisations that rely on IT to grow and flourish. It works with customers across a wide range of industry sectors such a health, government, financial services and education where tight service level agreements are prevalent. With heavy reliance on IT systems, a slow response by Esteem can bring a company to a grinding halt; it is therefore imperative it has a strong, reliable and robust supply chain process in place.

Our FSLs offer full control and management of all emergency stock from field returns, parts replenishments and dispatches and can provide emergency stock holding to support four hour and eight hour service level agreements and out-of-hours coverage. The service reduces engineers’ travel time with stock being automatically replenished within a matter of hours. There is also the ability to send critical parts from the FSLs to one of our lockers, providing a cost benefit as it eliminates the need for same day or next day couriers.

By using our FSL and in night distribution network, Esteem’s engineers, based across the UK, have easy access to parts when they need to fix equipment such as servers, desktops and laptops. This has led to increased productivity and enabled Esteem to keep its first time fix rate of 96%; more importantly, it has ensured customer downtime is kept to an absolute minimum. This is critical for Esteem who manages and maintains some of the most complex IT infrastructures in the UK.

Keith Headland, Group Operations Director for Esteem said, “ByBox has worked closely with us to understand our needs and come up with a complete solution which has helped streamline our supply chain. We needed a reliable, efficient and fast service and ByBox has delivered; our engineers can access parts easily with no fuss and it has led to increased productivity, quicker response and even happier customers.”

Last night, I went to one of those “jewellery parties”…you know, the ones kinda like a Tupperware party, only instead of plastic picnic-ware and handy new ways to store condiments you will never see again in the back of your fridge, there are jewels. And it’s not called a party, it’s a “Style Session”.

The company who does this is Esteem (www.esteem.co.nz) and they do a range of jewellery priced from $30-$300 in gold and silver (plated of course!). I’d taken a look on the website prior to the party and thought it looked ok (especially the sparkly stuff), but wasn’t overly enthused.

So imagine my surprise when the lovely Esteem lady started unrolling multiple velvet bundles and all this gorgeous looking, sparkling bling began to emerge.

I was excited people!

Throw in a glass of bubbly (or 2), some delightful nibbles and a room full of ladies (strangers and friends), and the atmosphere was positively convivial! I was pretty much gagging to try this stuff on.

The beauty of the evening, was that there was no “hard sell”. After showing us each piece that we might want to add to “our collection” (assuming we all have one…and of course, I do!), the Esteem lady would adorning one of the guests with these pieces (a ring, bracelet and couple of necklaces), so we could see what they looked like on. Naturally, I got the bling stuff!! And my-oh-my….was it fabulous, especially the gold bangle covered in twinkling Swarovski crystals ($299!).

The Esteem lady then stepped back and said we could try on whatever we liked. And let’s just say the bathroom mirror got quite a work out!

What fun it was swapping pieces and critiquing each other’s looks. One lady said that I was “very good at this” and should be selling for Esteem!

The only hard part of the evening was being realistic about the state of one’s finances and deciding what I could legitimately get away with buying. In the end I settled on some gorgeous bling earrings (photo above) and I plan to add the matching bling bracelet next.

What’s great about this jewellery is it is made in New Zealand and comes with a lifetime guarantee. When I think of all the money I have spent on costume jewellery that fell apart, faded, turned green, lost it’s lustre, lost it’s fake diamonds, etc etc, it’s worth paying a little more for quality stuff that you could actually get fixed/replaced.

So enthuses was I by the jewellery (or was it all the alcohol?) that I booked in for my very own “Style Session” in June.

Stay tuned for an invite ladies.

And thank you to the Manicure Maven for the constant flow of wine and cheese (oh dear!) and a really fun night.

Lizbif

Oh Friends, another day is dawning beautifully in many parts of God’s wonderful universe, and many new blessings and mercies are being made ready for distribution to God’s people down here on planet Earth! Wow! And just the thought of all that wonderful, divine, heavenly help drives God’s children to boldly declare: ‘Thank You Lord, thank You! You are so LOVING and generous to the undeserving children of men. We praise You and bless Your Holy Name, and promise to serve and worship You forever. Amen.’ Yes my people, this is indeed the day that our Lord God has made for us to enjoy, therefore let us rejoice and be exceedingly glad in it, for there’s no deity like the one we bow down to! That’s why the psalmist could confidently proclaim in our Bit: ‘Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.’ And that’s no lie Friends! The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob whom we worship, is the ONE AND ONLY TRUE GOD IN ALL THE UNIVERSE! As the first few verses of the psalm declare: ‘God is our refuge and strength, a very present (abundantly available) help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst (heart) of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.   Selah.’ (Ps,46:1-3) Oh my fellow believers in Christ, those are very strong, reassuring words, based on God’s actual help to the Israelites, not simply the unrealized hopes and dreams of a troubled, enslaved people. Therefore, they are words that we should also hold on to, write indelibly in our hearts, minds and souls to give us the strength, faith and courage to live this difficult, but oh so interesting pilgrim’s life down here on Mother Earth. And even more importantly, through the Lord’s mysterious machinations, His Holy Name will eventually be exalted amongst the unbelievers. We obviously have a major part to play in that exaltation, but without God’s help we’re basically powerless to do much of anything. For as Jesus said: ‘I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.’ (John 15:5) Words of undeniable truth my Friends! And though the heathen seems to be in control of the earth right now, there’s no doubt that in the Lord’s time, that evil and unworthy scenario will change. Listen as the psalmist continues: ‘There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles (dwelling places) of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved (shaken): God shall help her, and that right early (at the break of dawn). The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.  Selah.’ (Ps.46:4-7) And that’s the gospel truth my brethren! And it encouraged all God’s people to declare a loud and grateful; ‘Glory Hallelujah!’ Oh Friends, it’s so sad that so many of God’s human creation don’t know and don’t worship Him, for He is truly a most magnificent Deity! And the psalmist continues raving about his God: ‘Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth. He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in fire.’ (Ps.46:8-9) Yes my people, all of that is indeed possible with our God! And in His time, it will surely come to pass. As Isaiah prophesied, re the day of the Lord: ‘The lofty (proud) looks of man shall be humbled, and the haughtiness of men shall be bowed down, and the Lord alone shall be exalted in that day. For the day of the Lord of hosts shall be upon everyone that is proud and lofty, and upon every one that is lifted up; and he shall be brought low.’ (Is.2:11-12) So please don’t join the ranks of the heathen, the unbeliever, the evil enemy, for as Isaiah continues: ‘And the loftiness (pride) of man shall be bowed down, and the haughtiness of men shall be made low: and the Lord alone shall be exalted in that day. And the idols he shall utterly abolish. And they shall go into the holes of the rocks, and into the caves of the earth, for fear (from the terror) of the Lord, and for the glory of his majesty, when he ariseth to shake terribly the earth (to make the earth tremble).’ (Is.2:17-19) Oh my brethren, on that fateful day, when the Lord decides to pronounce judgement on the sinful earth, there will be no escape for the heathen! And the scholars provide an interesting note. ‘The unshakeable confidence with which the psalm leaves the believer prompted Martin Luther, (the Protestant leader) to pen one of the great hymns of all time, ‘A Mighty Fortress Is Our God.’ Ah mih breddren, that bit of info should just boost our strength, faith, hope, trust, esteem, reverence and LOVE for our most worthy God! If the psalm was powerful enough to move the fiery Martin Luther a few centuries ago, when things were much rougher than now, then it certainly ought to move us too. And we’ll end with some wise words of Cousin Sol on the subject. ‘The Lord hath made all things for himself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil (doom). Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished. By mercy and truth iniquity is purged (atonement is provided for iniquity): and by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil.’ (Prov.16:4-6) Oh Friends, those verses cover it all; from the beginning to the end, so please take serious note of them, so that in that fateful day, you will not be numbered amongst the proud, haughty, evil heathen. That’s the ultimate in wisdom! Much LOVE!…it starts with a promise from Jehovah God…that leads to hope, faith, trust and surrender…then ends in the promise being fulfilled…becoming reality…for the Lord God is faithful…

In this documentary series by award winning journalist Lisa Ling, American subcultures are explored giving a look to people from all walks of life who aren’t living mainstream lifestyles. In this episode, Ling profiles “Online Brides”, in which US citizens look online for love outside of their native shores for the perfect bride in exotic locales like South America. While some stories will result in true romance for a few, for many that don’t make the grade as the “perfect woman”, the experience usually ends in an oft repeated cycle of being the wall flower no one picks at the dance, with thousands of women hopelessly waiting, bridal tour after bridal tour, for their Prince to come and a chance at the Yankee version of The American Dream.

Feelings of unworthiness make us do the stupidest things to mask the pain of that feeling. We literally begin to self-destruct. Some of us accomplish this slowly over an entire lifetime, and some us hit the gas full speed, but in the end….our own feelings of unworthiness lead us to a life of ruin in some way.

Once the feeling of unworthiness settles into our bones, it begins to consume you. We believe that others can see OUR OWN FEELINGS OF SELF-LOATHING. So we start putting up a facade so that we don’t have to see or be the unworthy person we see when we look in the mirror.

Okay, so now begins stage 1 of the self-destruction we spoke of earlier. In this stage we do a bunch of silly things we think will make us feel worthy. We buy new clothes, new cars, new homes, get new haircuts, new friends, sometimes we upgrade husbands and wives. Ever seeking a feeling of value, only to find that it doesn’t cover up the feeling. So we do more, say more, buy more, and essentially lie more ( to ourselves)….and yet we find ourselves still, abysmally empty, and feeling worse than before. And in the midst of all of this, we are still looking at what others have, wondering what’s wrong with us that we can’t get it. Whatever “it” may be. We are constantly comparing.

When we can’t figure out…when we simply can not understand, why we are not living the life we want, we enter into stage 2 of our self-destruction phase: “It’s everyone else’s fault that me, or my life is falling short of my own vision”.

We begin to cease taking any responsibility or accountability for our own lives. We effortlessly hand over control of our entire beings to others….”it’s my moms fault, she didn’t love me enough”, “if you weren’t this way”, or “if only my husband/wife would have been more supportive of me”, and this is by far my favorite, “everybody’s out to get me”. We start finger pointing at everything but the thing we should be finger pointing at: ourselves. This feeling of unworthiness, coupled with non-responsibility, and non-accountability begin to produce visible signs of your self-destruction. Self love falters when we fall into the realm of addiction. Alcoholism, drug addiction, Internet addiction, and all similar addictions

Underneath the skin of any “anonymous” group, be it gamblers, alcoholics, narcotics, food-addicts, sex addicts, etc., lies a group of people with very low self-esteem and feelings of, yep you guessed it…UNWORTHINESS. Those are a sign that you’re hurting deeply but also that you don’t want to face up to the opportunities presented by working through your pain.

At this stage we have pretty much given up any hope of having a life that screams “validated”. It becomes rather easy to just give up, and not even try anymore. Why should we when we can just blame others for our supposed lack of (whatever)? Look around you, examples of those who do not feel validated are everywhere. Maybe look in the mirror and that person is looking back at you. If you are among those people….well, this is going to be a bit harsh, but it is said with all of the unconditional love one human can show another:

YOU ARE UNWORTHY! But only because you have decided that your self worth could be measured outside of your own being! YOU DECIDED THAT THE MINUTE YOU COMPARED YOUR LIFE, SITUATION ETC., TO ANOTHER’S.

In order for you to know the feelings of worth, and self love, you have to understand the power of your attitude toward yourself and views about yourself. How you perceive yourself, how you talk about yourself, and how you represent yourself eventually become the reality for you. You have to recognize and celebrate the fact that you are a valuable person, equal to everyone else, and that your talents and thoughts are unique and worthy. Getting to this belief can be hard if you have spent most of your life underestimating your worth……but IT IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS and to learn to VALUE YOU.

Self-esteem is useless if it’s based upon an older version of you that no longer exists. You Have to begin the process of re-building what it is you value, and how you look at yourself.

It is through honest, introspection that we can begin to see who we have been, so that we may shed that skin, and begin being who we are to become, and that my friend is totally up to you. You don’t have to be another victim of self-imposed, self destruction.

Lesson # 8:  Be Happy With and By Yourself

I say this because it is imperative for every one to be happy being by (and doing things by) herself/himself before she/he can be truly happy with another person.  Being open to true love is one thing.  Being desperate is another.  You are not desperate.  You are not seeking someone to complete you.  Rather, you are seeking someone who compliments you.

Now that we have that established, get out there and do some fishing!

Failure is nothing but a parasite feeding off low self esteem. For it’s place in the existence of life is never permanent when held to the flame of resiliency.

Make a decision.

How is your life going to be? Funny, because we all know whats really best for us. Everyone on the outside can recommend a million and 1 best ways to live your life and be ‘happy’ ..whatever that means. All of their recommendations and mental remedies may actually be effective to a more fulfilling life, but lets not fib for too long. You, no matter how mature or immature you may be, or how much wisdom and knowledge you possess know whats really best for you. The only thing stopping you at times from being the best version of yourself is just the self comfort of your old way of doing things.

Even as a teenager, I knew..I knew and understood the effects of what I was doing wrong, or even right. If I wanted to be a confident, self trusting, respectful person I could feel the way of doing it. I knew every time I felt a stabbing pain for not receiving a high number of Facebook likes on my status  was just a result of low self appreciation. Its always easier to dwell on, ‘But, but, but..” and ‘blah, blah, blah’ but who REALLY HAS TIME FOR THAT? We have a life to live, and there is just so much to appreciate in a moment its amazing how we waste away the quality of just being alive. It may pain some of you as much as it pains me to constantly live in a mindset that continues to fail you of hopes you rooted for. ‘Maybe if I’m nice enough without sounding bitchy they’ll lay off hasting me for once.’ ‘If I wear these clothes, it’ll get me enough attention to where I can feel sexy about myself again.’ Why think like that..when we know (A. Nice people are a dime a dozen. Kindness and Assertiveness reign. (B. Self confidence outdoes any outfit, get real. Unfortunately, were all fighting a different battle. Everyone deep in your hearts and minds know..not want or desire..but know whats probably really best for your life above the others. Dont ride the fence any longer between what you think is good, and what is good. My God. No one will like you any more for trying to come off as sexy, and no, no one will notice on your watch when you really want them to. No one likes limp rag dolls for people who dont express what they want with no apologies. Being nice will not make people nice in return. Dwelling on things wont make them right, and whats in the past will stay the past. Plain as a bagel. Grab your balls, yourself, and your best smile and get with the program. Make a decision. Because the things and thoughts that failed you before are going to continually fail you again.

You know what works, dont be afraid. Smile. Breathe, be okay.

I don’t like when people think I have feelings for them.  It doesn’t matter if I do like them or if I don’t like them, I get really awkward and it’s almost impossible for me to be around them, let alone be their friend.  I used to not be able to hang out with people who expressed feelings for me either.  No wonder I don’t have a boyfriend.

I thought about being a vegetarian.  I gave up meat for lent, and now that that is over, I thought maybe I would just be a pescetarian.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a vegetarian that eats fish.  But I was sitting at dinner the other night, and I realized how much I don’t like labels.  I don’t want to limit myself from occasionally eating foods that I really enjoy simply because I am trying to fit into a certain label.  And so I am an omnivore, but I just don’t eat meat that often.

Going off of my hating labels rant, I do have one label that I will keep.  I am a Christian, and that’s not a secret.  I go to Bible College and I try to have everything I do be for God.  I am where I am because He put me here and I’m good at the things I’m good at because He gifted me with those things.  However, I don’t expect everyone I talk to to see eye to eye with me on my beliefs.  I don’t believe in shoving Christianity down the throats of every sinner out there.  I don’t think we have  a right to make someone else believe what we believe, and I don’t expect those who are not Christian to live under the same guidelines that I live out, because they don’t believe what I believe.  Telling someone they shouldn’t be gay is wrong, if  your reasoning is that it’s wrong because God says it’s wrong.  You can’t tell someone that God doesn’t agree with their actions if they don’t believe in God.  That will just make them less likely to believe in God.  Are you tracking?  I think it’s better to just tell people what you believe, and maybe explain why you believe it.  If they don’t agree, oh well, you tried.  Maybe they have a better belief.  I want to be open to hearing what other people believe, while still holding strong to my salvation.

I am a writer.  In fact, I am in love with writing.  I write because I’m good at it; I write because it keeps me sane; I write because I have to.  If you go back a couple months in my blogs, you’ll see a definite change in who I am and the way I write.  I think Christ has definitely influence that.
As a writer, I am a lover of words.  Which is why I don’t understand why some words are “bad” or “off limits” for certain people to say.  That’s right, I don’t care if people cuss.  I don’t often curse, but I have been known to let shit spill out of my mouth on a regular basis.  Cursing makes me laugh.  I think that if someone is swearing as a habit, or as a filler word, that might not be okay, but filler words are kind of stupid anyway.  And I’m not going to swear around the people who might be offended by it, but I honestly don’t see any reason to avoid saying certain words simply because someone has slapped me with the label of Jesus freak.  I’m not sure that I’m making sense right now.

I am manic depressive and I’m not on drugs.  I usually have it under control though.  I used to get anxiety attacks a lot, but until recently, I thought that I was passed that phase of my life.  I have come to realize that I might always have them occasionally, but maybe it is just something that I will have to deal with.  Depression is the thorn in my side, but is something that I have learned a lot through.  I had an anxiety attack on Tuesday and I couldn’t go to work.  It’s still a little bit hard for me to breathe lately.  But I think I’m getting better; I’m going to be okay.

I want to travel when I graduate.  I want to tour and do spoken word.  I don’t know if that’s possible, but that’s what I want to do.  I want to help lost people to be found, and show young people that it does get better, that they should keep holding on.

I have so many stories in my head, and I hope to someday write them down.  It’d be great if I could publish a novel, or maybe a collection of short stories.  I think a lot.

I don’t have a lot of friends, but I have a lot of friends.  No, you didn’t read that wrong.  A lot of people know me, or know who I am, and consider me a friend.  However, there are very few people who I am comfortable enough with to ask them to hang out, or to tell them anything about me.  In fact, it’s really hard for me to talk about myself.  But 2013 was supposed to be a year of vulnerability for me.  I don’t really know how to be vulnerable, and I don’t know what I can do to make myself more vulnerable.  If you’ve gotten all the way to the end of this list of nonsense, maybe you should shoot me some ideas of things I can do to allow myself to be more vulnerable.  That is if you have any ideas.  Maybe you’re like me, and you have no ideas at all.  Maybe you don’t know how to be vulnerable either.  What can we do?

—

Socrates : “ὁ δὲ ἀνεξέταστος βίος οὐ βιωτὸς ἀνθρώπῳ”
Aber unüberprüftes Leben ist lebenswert nicht für einen Menschen.
But an unexamined life is worth be lived not by a human.

not examined its life a human lives a life of a thing, made through the way of copy, colportage, propaganda, wishful thinking, belief, trust, faith, loyalty, hope …

how to cope from within with outer factors as a human being ?
1. by taking upon oneself the responsibility for both
2. by arranging the priority of responsibility concentric, the nearer materially & actually to the center the more important, the farther from the center the less important – addition : things occuring within the near range stemming from far away have to be counted as of a near concern, they influence indirectly but decisively
the tryout to care for things far away of no direct concern to the direct oneself has at least 2 drawbacks :
1. it complicates the existence of the thing far away
2. it diminishes the action space for the things nearby

humans have the tendency to live from a distance not from the here & now
why is this so ?
i suppose because of shunning the responsibility
humans sense that their responsibility is smaller if they act from a distance
besides the danger of being made responsible by someone else is smaller that way
& one often sees things not in gory details then but blurred, unclear, just the parts most prominent to oneself are being seen, the rest can be imagined & can be imagined better than it maybe actually is
one fears that the rest may be bad & then to act at all would made no sense
is reality overburdening to a regular human of today ? maybe …

a life not ordered concentric tends towards confusion

& i think to shun responsibility is fueled by the lack of ability to cope successfully with being punished, sensing guilt, being accused
& all that is based in the root of low self esteem
people with a high self esteem define themselves & do not need the definition by others to feel alive, existent & living correct

I wonder which lads were the inspiration for the Ken Doll. Those who undergo massive cosmetic surgery do not count!  Sometimes chiseled abs in real life look scary.

Very rarely do I see anybody with striking chiseled features-those that fit the ideals of a mass produced doll. These dolls continue to perpetuate our standards of what real beauty is. As somebody who had no chance of growing above 5’2″, I was always wishing in vain to be at least 5’6″ or taller. With the overwhelming amount of fashion magazines I would read as a teenager, I led myself to believe that I would eventually adapt to having ‘desirable features’- it seemed like the more I altered my look (whether it be hair color, makeup, etc), the closer I would get to the ideal. Would it even be acceptable for Mattel to produce dolls of real looking people? The mannequins, the runway models, the dolls.. they all remind of something synthetic, cold and lifeless.

Who the hell are we, really? What if I was taught at a young age about inner beauty and the ongoing struggle for women all over the country in adhering to an unattainable ideal? What if I didn’t have the freedom to watch what was on tv, or look at the magazines or anything else represented in mass media.

Seems to me that there is a whole lot of re-wiring going on in our heads nowadays as to how we should perceive beauty. I know it’s normal for teenagers and young adults to go through whatever the hell it is they go through- but when you start wishing you were somebody else, it is incredibly tough to live with yourself.

It is funny, because even in my own culture, I do not fit the ideal standards of beauty due to the color of my skin. Hmmm, doesn’t everything need to have a good, solid foundation before working on anything else? It wouldn’t make sense to work on the exterior of a building without really doing some work within, right?

I continue to explore the many ideals and theories on beauty. Beauty is intangible. When I am in the presence of beautiful people, it always stems from their intellect, or discussion of their passions in life. Beauty is this wonderful ability to connect and contribute to the environment. I don’t know.. I’ve been unfortunate in knowing many people who strongly think otherwise. But I’ve been on the other side though. At the end of the day, you grow tired of the facade. This seemingly tough exterior but a hollow and cold interior, longing for vibrancy.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but all of this could not be explored and written without having experience of being on the other side. Those opposing forces that seem to overpower you and everything you stand for. Well, it’s because people decide who you are for you. They decide your self worth. Haha, how ironic; ever since I got all of my wisdom teeth removed last year, I’ve had these wonderful revelations resonate within.

Long story short, it is incredibly difficult to live life in plastic. You are almost certain to melt away.

Past Experiences: This can play a part in the development of trust, a bad experience trusting others of similar nature or even that same person. A past experience of your trust being violated or betrayed, can easily lead to you keeping problems to yourself and not confiding/trusting anybody with them. When a person has also not taken the trust layed onto them seriously, this can in turn, cause a bad experience of trust, and can also cause low self esteem on the person who was not taken seriously. We can all think of a time when our trust has been betrayed, violated or not taken seriously, however intentional by the person. in some cases this can lead to a knock on effect of not taking their own issues seriously, therefore finding it difficult to seek out the motivation to trust a person enough to help them or listen or give advice, whatever.

The Bonding Process: this refers to the time in which 2 people develop an understanding of each other and in this post, i am referring to the bonding process of two adults. SOme people we bond with easily and others we find it more difficult to bond with. This can be attributed to interests, likes, dislikes, hobbies, culture or religion. If someone was  trying to bond with a person who loves nights on the town, rugby and watching the football, and the other loves cycling, camping and books, the bonding process of these two individuals is going to go through some barriers. On the other hand, two people attempting to bond who dont like team sports, love the theatre and/or both have a passion for politics, these people are going to bond pretty easily! Therefore, the bonding process is a part of trust building that is highly important, meaning that if the bonding process was successful, the issue of trusting each other should come more naturally.

Popularity: if a person has a lot of friends, who like them, and appears to hold traits such as agreeableness, assertiveness, sociable and honest, this can lead to the thought that ‘this person is trustworthy’. in my opinion, quite illusive, but, this can happen.

Career Choice: if you have an issue to do with their career or field, you might trust them more with it than another. Similarly, if you have a personal problem you may trust a doctor, counsellor, lawyer, community worker,(seeing these persons as friends rather than the professional context) more than, say your friend who works at the supermarket or local shop.

Persons Life Experience: if the person has been through the certain issue or problem you wish to trust them with you may be more willing to accept and trust their advice or confidentiality, rather than a person who has not experienced it.

These 5 factors contribute to the amount of trust we have in other people in our lives. But the development of trust begins with our first relationships, our parents/gaurdians. Trust versus mistrust(0-1yr) is the first stage of Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development. So it would be accurate to say, that if a child goes through this stage concluding that people are not be trusted, he/she is gonna have a few issues trusting people as they grow older. This can also lead to the person not accepting the trust that others put on them, as they may not have learned the importance of trust.

I know that in my lifetime, I would have overestimated the trust of some, and it has led to unwanted circumstances. But through trial and error, I know the people in my life who I can count on when I really need them. An interesting question a friend brought up recently is ‘who would you call at 4am and trust they would answer and help you with whatever?’ I think we all need that person in our lives, that 4ammer. I know who mine is, and I know that he would not only answer and listen to whatever had me call him in the first place, but he would actually want to help also. But, I only know that he would, because of past experience, he has been by my side when most would run a mile. I think it is important that we all sit down and think not only who would we call at 4am, but who would call us? Although this post has focused on our trust with others, we must also think about our own trustworthiness. More importantly, how much do we trust ourselves? I know there was a time in my life I did not trust myself, and I know others didn’t either. Part of this I believe is to do with knowing ourselves, going back to the second factor of trust which is Bonding. We also need to bond with ourselves, if we dont know ourselves, how can we trust ourselves. Knowing the self can be a long process and everyday we are discovering more about ourselves. But, it is important to take risks, try new things, put yourself out there, as it is the only way you are going to know yourself, therefore trusting yourself, and ultimately having the confidence that you are a person worthy of trust and therefore boosting your self esteem!

If you take anything from this post make it this

Trusting is knowing, so to trust you must know, and the self is where you should begin!,

To expand on yesterday’s thoughts: I’ve finally recognized an important flaw in my character – I tend to believe that I am much better than my actions show. In all areas of life, really, but the obvious one is in my job.

I do get a lot of positive feedback from students and I can be very good at times but – and this is the essence of it – I often don’t have the expertise that I need so I skim over things. And I do this in my head as well. An example from recent times is teaching poetry. In truth, I have very little understanding of how poetry works, both in the technical and aesthetic terms. Yet, I’m an English teacher and the level I’m teaching at demands greater depth than I have. In my head I somehow skirt around this deficiency and believe I can bluster my way through it. Like a man who refuses to ask directions and gets hopelessly lost. It’s odd, really. I enjoy learning and I like to be smart so why do I – in so many areas of my professional life – pretend that I already know something when I don’t?

The answer is contradictory. I don’t want to appear unintelligent or unknowing so I use self-deception rather than learn about it.

Attached to this is the notion of a half-arsed job. I rarely finish something to a high standard. I get most of the way through it and then fudge the finish, or leave it incomplete. There are countless examples in my life from unfinished novels to unfinished gardens to lazy teaching to finishing courses.

Poor job leads to criticism from others leads to anxiety leads to depression leads to poor job…  there it is in a nutshell.

The answer to this is being more honest with myself and recognizing deficiencies. I’m not sure why I don’t but it’s probably something about not wanting to be seen as hopeless. For someone who is self-obsessed I place enormous importance on what others think of me.

So. What to do? Two things. Be honest in my assessment of abilities and actions. Become really good at something and make that the norm for learning things in future. Like poetry. All future posts will be written in iambic pentametre with some trochaic variations and caesuras to enliven the rhythm and enhance the meaning. Maybe.

Try hard. Focus on effort and honesty. For my own satisfaction and happiness, be good.

I have to re-calibrate my life and, especially, my work. My job exhausts me to the point where I can do little else in life. On the weekends I sleep during the day two or three times. During hard times I go to the clinic at school where I will sleep away a couple of hours. Holidays are for proper recovery, not for travel – that’s tiring.

There are two causes. Sleep apnoea. That’s the lesser of two evils. Depression/anxiety is the tough one to deal with. Every day, even though I enjoy my job, I feel enervated and struggle to keep focused. Except during classtime, mostly. In fact, concentration at any time is difficult to sustain.

This is how it works. Or not. My brain processes things relatively slowly. I need time to think and teaching doesn’t give you that – except during the holidays when you don’t need it apart from recovery.

Hmm. Something’s not right here. In the last few years my need for sleep and recovery time has increased. This job, despite being more intense and demanding, is more enjoyable and rewarding than the previous one that was pushing me to a breakdown – yet it tires me out more. Being actually busier should not be the cause of much greater tiredness – the anxiety and the depression do that. I’ll have to keep writing to see if I can circle into an answer. My brain is going okay, but it can’t push through any logical conclusions it seems.

The immediate problem is what to do about the job and the tiredness. An obvious answer is to do less. The two difficulties with that is the high-pressure school that I work in that demands more and more effort and my own willingness to take on new things because I’m interested. For next year I will have an easier timetable – because of the error I made recently – and I need to try and share around the debate with another teacher or two. If I can do that life should be somewhat less hectic.

The main change that I need to make is my own perception of the limitations I have. I have to remain aware of what I can and can’t do. This is a massive shift – to say to myself that, for whatever reason, I can’t do something is an affront to my ludicrously conflicted self-image.

And there’s the essence of the problem – being wrong about my own capabilities in most situations. I am not as clever as I have always thought I was. In fact, in many ways I’m pretty thick. My personal history is littered with social blunders and intellectual struggles. Up till now this has been a cause of pain, anxiety and leads to depression. I have always tried, I believe, to do well. And when I haven’t the causes have been depression etc – and my own limited abilities. These blunders, mistakes and shortfalls have caused me massive amounts of misery. After each recovery I go and put myself in a situation that leads to the same thing again and again. I need to re-think it. I’m getting too old to keep banging my head against the wall.

In my work I need to accept that I have limited energy. I also need to recognize, not so much limitations in knowledge and intellect, but a lack of expertise in certain areas. This needs a post in itself, but something that I do constantly is skim over subject areas that I need to know in depth.

Alright. In recognition of my limitations that’s all I’m doing today. Time to go and watch telly.

Hey!!! Welcome back and forgive the hiatus!!!

After this brief confession and epiphany please enter a GREAT CONTEST GIVEAWAY, hosted by me, and brought to you by my friends at Slimkicker!!! Stay tuned at the end of this post…

It doesn’t even taste all that gre… Wow do you REMEMBER Oh Henry! bars? Where can I get one of those?

I’M CONFESSIN’ THAT I’M EATIN’…

I’m here to tell you that when it comes to diet plans, the third time is definitely not a charm for me. Even though my terrific and supportive nurse reset me, and in the beginning of that reset I did so well, the problem is and always has been my inability to control stressors and triggers which get in the way of progress… and lead me back to my fat.

I took an incredibly stressful period of time and thought, well, I’ll need to make sure I’m on a routine, and when I’m on a routine, I’m able to control my diet much better, so I’ll go ahead and do the HCG one more time.  Guess what?  This routine the last four months ended up being anything BUT routine.  The amount of illness, car trouble and unexpected dental visits were record-breaking, and there always seemed to be some sort of wrench thrown into the plan. School and work took precedence over me, once again, and this round of HCG was unfortunately placed.

I have lost a total of 12 pounds and a couple of inches. So, it isn’t all lost – not in the least.  But I’ve totally been unkind about it to myself, which as we all know is never, ever helpful.  For me that just leads to more stressors, which are triggers, and then I find depression fat. And I know that is a pretty universal reaction for people who tend to have food issues.  I’ve now gotten myself back to the point where, if it weren’t for the fact that my clothes fit, I would be able to convince myself just by looking in the mirror that I weigh exactly the same as I did seven years ago, when I was 100 pounds overweight.  In real life that isn’t true. The numbers tell me so. In the mirror, I look huge.

We all do this to an extent. Nothing is ever “right”.

The funny part of all of this is this blog.  I started it to remain accountable and because I know I’m not alone in weight struggles and the like. I started it because I saw that being transparent about my own issues created a dialogue for others, and the feedback I received was all of the cheer-leading I needed to keep going. The writing was keeping it relevant and exciting and do-able.  As I’ve lost the time to write consistently, I’ve lost sight of how much it meant for me to share it.

It’s a great lesson, actually, and an important one for me. Writing at certain times in my life has been a “safe haven”. The one place for reflection – whether I had ever chosen to share it or not. So today I’ve decided that it isn’t only about the diet anymore. It isn’t about my self-image or my self-esteem.  It isn’t about just these things.  It’s actually about what I have to say about it, and what my readers have to say about it, how it makes us feel, how it makes us look at this part of our lives or that part of our routine, or that issue we’ve been struggling with for years, or this decision that has been weighing on us, waiting for us to jump.  All of these things that make up our lives and our days and our beings, that’s what I really want to write about.  Acknowledging this community with whom I know I share so much. And the way to do it was through this massive struggle I’ve faced all of my life.

What I’m trying to get to is this: My blog, my unashamed journal experience, there are reasons I decided to make it so, and in letting in the stress, I not only screwed up the diet plan, but I also monkeyed with the writing. And I didn’t realize how upsetting that would be – obviously, I forgot who I was for a while.

Throughout this past semester, I ended up developing a creative writing program for people living with MS. Since developing it and finalizing the paper and project that goes along with it, I’ve been trying to flex my own writing muscle a bit more. I’m going to try to continue flexing that muscle as much as possible while I’m flexing the physical ones – trying to get myself back to a comfortable-for-me physique.  I created my “Fiction-ista” page around my birthday last year.  So perhaps I can start posting some “re-flex-ions” there … Hello? … Hello?

Okay, okay.  Just stay with me.  You’ve really been priceless to me.

*********

AND NOW… I present to you… A CONTEST WITH A

By entering, you can win THIS OZERI FOOD SCALE (in elegant black). Easy to use and a helpful tool to aid you in living a healthy lifestyle. Even if you aren’t on a structured plan like WW or HCG where weighing your food is recommended, it is always helpful to be informed about your food portions for overall health!

FIRST OF ALL: SlimKicker is a fitness/diet app that takes all your diet + fitness goals and turns them into a level-up game. You upload an image of something you’ll reward yourself such as a new handbag, tickets to a concert, or a day of pampering. You enter 7 to 30 day challenges, such as “Squats during commercial breaks”, or “20 push ups every day for two weeks” and win points for meeting these challenges. When you reach a certain number of points, we’ll remind you to reward yourself with that. SlimKicker also has lots of promo codes such as deals for Oxy Powder

TO ENTER: At the end of this post in the comments section (not in a Facebook comment, but here on the WordPress post) create a challenge idea, like the examples above, for the folks over at Slimkicker. THAT’S IT!

YOU ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK! After a week they’ll pick the best one and let me know, and I’ll announce it in the next post.  If you’re the winner, I’ll get your email address and put Slimkicker in touch with you so they can ship you your prize.

For this giveaway, though I know I have readers in AU and UK, they’ve asked for cost purposes to keep within the US. BUT have guaranteed me that this will not be a standing rule.  As they grow, they will be able to make that caveat disappear.

I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE CHALLENGES YOU CREATE! And if a bunch of folks do it, I’ll be able to host MORE giveaways!

And please read a little more information about Slimkicker.com.  It’s a fantastic tool that makes reaching many of your health goals into a competition, a challenge, or a game to boost your own interests and keep you motivated!

Here’s how SLIMKICKER can help

• Stay motivated and excited

  Get points by tracking healthy calories with our online calorie counter, tracking your workouts/exercises, and completing challenges like quitting soda for a week!

• Share Support or Compete
  

  Stay accountable

  Enter 7 to 30 day diet and fitness challenges with others, and “check-in” daily to tell us how you’re doing. Challenges start out easy, and gradually get harder.

• Reward System
  

  Win prizes or reward yourself!

  As you level up, you get to participate in giveaway challenges where we give away special prizes. Or you can upload an image or something you’ll reward yourself with as you reach milestones.

• Personalized, Actionable Advice

  Get personalized reminders from our virtual coach based on your activity.

Check them out on Facebook!!

-

The bottom layer of this pyramid is the most fundamental and basic level of needs. As you go up the pyramid, your needs are more satisfied about the layer below. Therefore someone who is dealing is achievement problems should be fairly secure about their relationships and safety.

The four bottom layers are ‘deficiency needs’ and will cause anxiousness in a person if they are not fulfilled.

-

As I go through this project, I keep on thinking that I am addressing more of the basic problems in my life early on; to be awake during the day, to be able to live tidily, to be doing things during the day (which I’d need to be on time for) and to eat more healthily.

Now, I’m able to focus on my ability to do my course.

None of the things that I am changing regard issues with physiological and safety needs. I am not in danger of dying or any severe problems. I am definitely focusing on the top three tiers to become more like my ideal self.

Being awake during the day isn’t a physiological need for me but an efficiency, esteem and social one. I also feel that my body will benefit from being in daylight more as sometimes I will have very little.  5 Fruit and Veg a day isn’t because my body is breaking down but more because I feel that it would be healthier and I would benefit from this in the long run.

-

Eventually I’d expect that this project will lead to not only satisfying problems in my life but confront how I relate to the world. Perhaps it will go beyond focusing on myself and look at other problems. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.