So since im not down to pay 8,250 dollas for a fucking skateboard with nice ass louis vuitton written all over the deck in PINK and have been dreaming about one since they first came out! I told my bf about how much I want one and he insisted on just making that shit awww how nice of him (he loves to paint so don’t think he’s doing it out of the kindess of his heart.. just kidding) but I’m jumping on his proposition asap! hell why not have a knock off LV skateboard at least I’ll stand out from all the bitches with knock off LV purses.

Addict of sneakers, twenties of buddha and bitches with beepers

PICKYOURSHOES.COM babies

my little secret from me to all you sneaker addicts

XoX viva HEROine

Well, this is the first day for me of official blogging. Somehow it seems simple and complicated all at the same time. My intent is to blog every day, even if it is only for a few sentences. I hope it will replace or compliment the daily ritual of writing Morning Pages, the habit instilled in me 2 years ago when I read Julie Cameron’s “The Sound of Paper”. (BTW: I believe this is a must read for aspiring writers and artists.)

i saw a man today at the museum steps, talking to himself. Wearing rags and pacing around, he was obviously what our world calls ‘the mad man’.

insane defined by the dictionary says : “not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.”

and i think this is one of the most ironic words in the English dictionary.

how contented he must be, in his own insane world with no inhibitions, no goals, no stress and only dreams.  Its like when I was a child, and I used to play with imaginary friends, and talking aloud to myself was not ‘weird’. I don’t remember when I last spoke to myself aloud though, I know I always want to do it.

And here was this man, who could walk around with his fly open, talking to himself and nobody stopped it, nobody was bothered…oh how free he must be!

“I sleep—for a while—two or three hours—then a dream—no—a nightmare seizes me in its grip, I know full well that I am lying down and that I am asleep . . . I sense it and I know it . . . and I am also aware that somebody is coming up to me, looking at me, running his fingers over me, climbing on to my bed, kneeling on my chest, taking me by the throat and squeezing . . . squeezing . . . with all its might, trying to strangle me. I struggle, but I am tied down by that dreadful feeling of helplessness that paralyzes us in our dreams. I want to cry out—but I can’t. I want to move——I can’t do it. I try, making terrible, strenuous efforts, gasping for breath, to turn on my side, to throw off this creature who is crushing me and choking me—but I can’t! Then, suddenly, I wake up, panic-stricken, covered in sweat. I light a candle. I am alone.”

its two days to Christmas…and I am dreading the holiday. I hate to spend holidays alone.

It’s been two months since I’ve left IB and I’m still in a state of confusion. I have the dream but not the drive. This is really pissing me off since I thought everything would be okay after I quit and that I would just sing and dance and life would be happy. But it still isn’t. I know why it isn’t – it’s because I’m not deep into my faith. But the question remains, what am I going to do for the next one and a half years before I leave high school? Life seems so meaningless – everyone’s gonna die anyways at some point. Why all the effort? Why all the struggles? Why all the tears? I need to start making decisions today and act upon them, otherwise, I will get nowhere. I’ve gotten nowhere so far. Even though I can’t make all my decisions today, I can at least figure out some things.

1. I like singing.

2. I am interested in various aspects of the performing arts such as rapping and dancing.

3. I want to get straight As on my next report card.

4. I want to be fully committed to all my extracurricular activities.

5. I want to have deeper faith.

Brittany murphy died today, as you all must know. It was a sad ‘prescribed death’.

I kept this window open all day but only have finally come around to writing something. X is back in my life if u must know, i have decided not to divulge anything more, because now i am over exposed. Lets jus say, he loved my new place, thought it was rather ‘fancy’  for me to have an AC and was appalled tht i didnt own a TV.

The problem is I am having some ethical issues at work. While Juggy my dear friend was rather disappointed to realise after all the hash-tag thrashing of chetan bhagat, everyone in the train is either reading a CB or midday..and I have a serious prob of my magazine’s dependency on  Bollywood Obsessions (damn i cnt even elaborate as i might be sued for it but i swear its not jus my mag, its all fashion mags in india)

I am also going to goa in jan with little birdie n gang, tht includes G. should be fun

Watch AVatar at IMAX was worth the expensive journey. Jugs curse me secretly for not taking the train. He’s a train man.and oh yes he’s a man, dont let the nickname fool you and no, he doesnt have man boobies.

And because I do not have a TV, there are no more late nights, howling away at some emotional flick on HBO.

There is no more reason to smoke because i am not endlessly staring into late night comedy re runs.

But where it really hurts, is when I eat. When alone, it is very difficult to have dinner without having anything to watch. Dinner is a social activity, it needs to be admist talk and action.

Sigh, Christmas is near and I cnt even feel it.

sigh sigh sigh…

If MTV has only one reality show (and being pop-culturally challenged, I have no clue if it is), then the commas here would be correct:

Using commas incorrectly is an everyday occurence, especially on Yahoo! Shine. It happens nearly every day.

Wow this year has flown by like a super jet! I cant believe it’s Christmas in a few days. Where does the time go? It makes you wonder what you have been doing for a whole year! I feel like I didn’t get nearly enough done that I planned on getting done this year! I’m going to have to write more down, so I can get it done! I am excited to bake cookies this week. I am waiting for my friend from work to help me with the baking. We’ve been working together for 3 months and she is moving back home to Erie PA. If the weather permits, I will be assisting her in her journey home this week! Her kids are going to be so excited to see her! The holidays give you that special feeling inside. I want to feel like that all the time! I guess that could be a goal of mine for the upcoming year. I hope to have health insurance sometime next year too! I will be posting some pictures of our baking and some holiday festivities soon. The week after Christmas my little sisters (10 &13 yrs old) might be visiting us. It will be a ton of fun if they do. We plan on going to 7springs or Hidden Valley to do some skiing and snowboarding! More to come.

Tell me about your holiday, or anything special and exciting that you do for the holidays!

Most of those who are close to me knows that I have dealt with, and still am dealing with depression.
No, I’m not saying this because I’m jumping on a bandwagon and want attention. I hate attention, unless it’s good attention. But then again, is any attention good?

Lately, I’ve been doing a whole lot better – but I’m still unhappy. I’ve been trying to go out more and meet new people lately, and that’s an important source of my progress. I’m still nervous, I’m still awkward, and I’m still very quiet. I don’t like jumping up and down, running around screaming and waving my arms and be generally happy. I used to like it, and I used to do it. However, that was when I was happy, and content with life. Now, I’m just trying to figure out ways for me to become better.

I owe my friends a lot, for dealing with who I am everyday. I’m rude, selfish and moody. I complain about everything and I’m horribly prejudice. I try not to be, but I’m glad you endure it still. I won’t go into complete teenager mode here; but my friends are the reason I’m not worse than what I already am.

I’ll get better and blogging, I promise.
I’ve even started to bring my camera around…

I‘m alright, I’m coming home.

Would I miss TV? I asked myself. back in bandra, S was always in control of the remote, changing channels endlessly from one k serial to another. I would wait for her to leave so that I could

watch some of my own channels. most of the time, nothing would interest me anyway. when i go home or at my aunt’ place, i never watch TV but I am guessing I shouldnt compare it to that. TV is important only when you have no one else to speak to.  And even if you bring in a TV it suddenly overpowers everything else…the laptop, your music, even the silent smoke in a cool room.

its been two days and i consciously dont miss the TV. sub-consciously maybe i do.

I think i should just hit the DVD store.

why do we always miss something because its gone?

i refuse to belive tht line of you only miss it when its gone…NO NOT WHEN…BECAUSE!!

we miss things because its not in front of us anymore. if it comes back to us, we will again go back to ignoring it because frankly we really dont need it tht much…

yes..this goes out to both the tv n the man…

I’m at my girls house and you know we’re being girls drinking some fat tires gossiping, shit talking, hating, masturbating hahaha ok but really we came across this chicks myspace and i had to post this ish with the quickness.. like really like omg no way like i’m so mature and not stupid you guys! WOW

Who I’d like to meet:

The Good Love.

Let me tell you I would rock these bad boys with those fishnets on that bike… everyday

fuck yes.

Dear Lil Kim,

What ever happened to your tits out leather chap lil baby clothes wearing blang blang not giving a fuck crazy ass self? Ummm noone likes a quitter. Were all here for you when everyone else is talking shit about the starfish pasties you wear. Come back we love you.

P.S. your wigs havent been forgotten either

XoX   Heroine.

When a guy says you’re ” fucking crazy” that’s a compliment. Not only does it mean you’re not boring, it actually means you’re probably pretty hot and good in bed too (psychos are passionate people). A drink in the face, public outburst, and being burned by cigarettes are all just some of the many perks of dating a crazy broad. Not to mention, the checking of e-mails and the deletion of voice mails from the opposite sex (including mothers) is just our way of saying we care. Think of it as having a personal secretary. We’re organizing your life, to better our future. Now show some gratitude , and let me smell yo dick! Just kidding… kinda.

I tried doing the whole painting my nails myself and having to retouch them every other day when the paint chipped off from pumping my gas or being to impatient to let them dry for the day that it takes.. so let me tell you FUCK THAT!

I’m going back to getting my nails did because hey it looks better anyways so sue me RECESSION!

Anyways I was browsing through nail designs and i came across all these bad boys which i’m not gonna get but i am gonna get some ideas. I currently am rocking the fabulous zebra print nothing too outrageous but enough to say “that bitch has got some bomb nails” and then they go on to pick up my hand look at my nails ask where i got them done and so on well here you go bitches.

ENJOY LADIES<3

Crazy Bitch

Stupid ass Bitch

Old punk ass bitch

Old dumbass bitch

A bitch’s bitch

Just a bitch

The lov’R and I were in the car singing just the last two minutes of this song after we left ihop this morning and driving down the 101 later that night.. I kept playing that part over and over lol

I’ve never had so much fun singing this ish

STUPID ASS BITCH! HAHA

I hope heaven is as excting as the days spent with him

& then I surprised him and put this song on hahahha

Gotta keep that cat on his toes<3