My youngest turned one the other day. Since he was born he has never slept the night on his own or without feeding from me. In Ireland which is not really a culture where either co-sleeping or extended breastfeeding are that common, I often find myself defending how I’m raising my son.

I am treated as though I am not just making life harder on myself but also getting some weird pleasure from it! Well, junior seems to have decided to begin the weaning himself. Recently he has slept from around 11pm untill 6 or 7 am without feeding. I am quite comfortable with this as it is led by him and is not a situation of me letting him ‘cry it out’ in a cot alone as I have so often been advised to do.

It is ironic though, that so often in the last few months I thought I would give anything for him to not need to disturb my sleep so much at night, now as he begins to become more independant at night, I can see that I will miss this time, so innocent, reliant time.

A new study published in the February issue of Clinical Infectious Diseases has found that breastfeeding past 18 months led to lower rates of infant mortality.

The study out of Zambia counters the previous belief that breastfeeding for only 4 months was adequate for protecting infants. Researchers found that ending breastfeeding too soon lead to higher rates of mortality and fatal infectious diseases. Long term breastfeeding was found to play a significant role in protecting children from HIV infection.

The new findings compliment the recommendations by the World Health Organization (WHO) for HIV positive mothers. The guidelines support the use of antiretrovirals along with continued breastfeeding. The WHO recommends breastfeeding for up to 2 years and beyond. This is for both HIV positive and non-HIV mothers. Extended breastfeeding has been found to offer many important health benefits for children, including stronger immune systems and decreased risks of illness.

958 HIV?infected mothers and their children were followed for 24 months during this research. Half of the mothers weaned at 4 months with increased mortality risks to their infants. Nutritional counseling helped to reduce some of the risk, yet continued breastfeeding was found to be the best benefit for the infants.

This study has been important for mothers in poverty stricken areas where rates of HIV infection are high. – Summer, Staff Writer

Related Articles:

• Taiwan Proposes Fines To Protect Breastfeeding
• Study: Work Policies Can Cause Breastfeeding Mothers To Quit Early
  
• Expert: Tragedy In The Air Not Caused From Breast Feeding

SOURCE

PHOTOCREDIT:Vladislav Gansovsky – Fotolia.com

*This is not an actual letter sent to President Obama… just an issue that I wanted to get off my chest and felt this would be a good place to do so*

Dear Mr. President Obama,

In light of our current war, the crumbled economy, and trying to reform health care I know you have little time to look into the issue of breastfeeding in our country.  Changing the way breastfeeding is handled could turn this whole country around in many ways that you may not have thought of in the past, though.

First, advertisements for formula need to be made illegal in our country. This would include, but not be limited to, television ads, magazine ads, fliers mailed to homes and, most importantly, hospitals advertising and handing out formula samples. In Norway, advertisements on formula has been made illegal and they now have the highest percentage of breastfeeding moms in the world.

Now you may be wondering why you would want our breastfeeding numbers to increase?

The average parent spends anywhere from 1,100 t0 1800 per year (depending on size cans they buy and brands) on formula! If these families switched to breastfeeding, that would give them about $1500 more  per year to spend in stores on other products that would help the economy and it would help them pay off their debt.

Another reason to want more families to breastfeed is because it is green. There is no non-biodegradable trash left over after nursing a baby. Breastmilk is all natural and does no harm to the planet. Meanwhile, those cans of formula get added to the amount of trash that is already piled up in this country and makes this world even more dangerous to us and future generations.

The third reason you should be more aware of the issue of breastfeeding is it is healthy! The amount of money families would save and the amount of money the would be saved on health care would be astronomical if even 80% of America’s children had the benefits of breast milk. Children who have been breastfed suffer significantly less from gastrointestinal problems, respiratory problems, ear infections, allergies, colds and flu, childhood leukemia, type 1 diabetes, obesity later in life, high blood pressure later in life, and it reduces the risk of SIDS. On top of that, studies have also shown that breastfeeding babies helps to boost intelligence. The benefits of breastfeeding are factual and clear. If the country could lower its percentage of how many kids suffer from allergies, asthma, ear infections and obesity problems, our country would save a lot of money that is currently going into health care. The government would have more money to spend in other places and parents would have more money to spend on consumer products and goods.

In addition to all of this, health insurance companies should all be required to pay for at least a percentage of the cost of breast pumps so working moms can still breastfeed.  Businesses should be very much encouraged, or even required, to give longer paid maternity leave and give pumping moms adequate time and a place to pump during the work day.Also, all OBGYN’s, pediatricians, and nurses who work in L&D and hospital nurseries and post partum recovery areas need to be required to take a course on breastfeeding and it’s benefits. I am nor referring to a 1 day – 5 hour course… but a semester long course that truly educates them on breast milk. Also, breastfeeding classes should be available nationwide for free for citizens and every OBGYN and hospital should highly encourage their pregnant patients to take these courses whether the patient plans to breastfeed or not.

Thank you for your time and for being a big advocate of Change. I hope that when it comes to breastfeeding you are still open to that concept.

-Another American Mom

While reading through the news today I noticed that  awards were given out to businesses that were breastfeeding friendly in one town and I just had to think: jees I wish I lived in an area like that. An area where, not only can you FIND businesses that are breastfeeding friendly but then award those businesses (and as a result, I bet a lot more business owners eyes are opened and start becoming a bit more BF friendly to their nursing mamma employees as well). Some of these businesses even provide lactation rooms for their employees to go pump milk in!

I like to imagine this country being comfortable and supportive of breastfeeding/pumping moms. Just imagine if every mall, restaurant and business provided their employees and customers with a clean, comfortable place to go and sit and nurse their baby or pump milk.  I like to think of a place where if you decided you didnt want to use that room- nobody thought anything of you stopping and nursing your baby on the center bench, right out in the open… whether that mom choice to do it discreetly or not. How lovely would it be if parents could nurse their toddler without people thinking anything was weird, perverted, or wrong with the scenario? A society where breastfeeding moms could nurse at the park while talking to the other moms (who they may or may not know) and just “whip it out” and nurse while chatting and nobody think negatively or be surprised by the action.

Unfortunately, that world is far from reality. In our reality moms criticize one another and give each other disgusting looks for their parenting differences. In our society, business get irritated with the mom who needs to hide away in the nasty work bathroom every 2-3 hours to pump milk for their baby. In our society, people are uneducated about the benefits of breast milk and the natural length of time a child nurses for.

It’s nice to see a there is a town who is starting to show support and how important it is to stand behind our breast feeding/pumping moms (Thank you,  Alexandria LA for caring about your towns moms).

to read the article: click here

This is the second post in a series. Read Part I: Three Year Old Weans himself here.

For more nights than I’d kept track of, Cavanaugh didn’t want to go to sleep. We’d get through the whole bedtime routine: nighttime diaper and pajamas, yogurt and a story, brush teeth, into bed for three stories, then milk and sleep. Where did we veer off course? At the milk part because Cavanaugh was weaning himself. So he’d drink water and then say, “One more story,” and again and again. Or he’d say, “Say, ‘Where’s Cavanaugh?’” as he ducked under the pillow or blanket or just closed his eyes. He’d bounce Pigeon, Kitty, Snoopy, or Bunny around his pillow, point at the texture bumps under the Flying Fish blue paint on the wall.

Good God, kid, go to SLEEP!!!!

What I really said was, “What time is it? It is not playing time, it’s sleeping time.” Even when he stopped fooling around, he was still wide eyed.

Anytime I tried to get up or go downstairs, he would say, “Want more cuddles” or “No go downstairs.”

These were not the only signs that something was off. I had been blaming it on Mike’s work schedule, the nanny being out of town, cold weather, everything but the lack of milk. But last night Mike wasn’t home for bedtime and when Cavanaugh got to the play portion of the evening and I said it was sleeping time, he started to sob, “No say no. No go downstairs. No sleeping.”

He’d been needing a lot more cuddling during the days and when I went out with my friend the other night, Cavanaugh said, “No make me miss you Mama” along with “The answer is no,” and “You don’t have to go.” I hadn’t figured out the clinginess.

So often in parenting, taking care of our selves and taking care of our kids is the same thing. I wanted Cavanaugh to be asleep and he wanted me to help him go to sleep. And neither of us wanted it to be a struggle. But something seemed wrong.

Maybe Mike’s absence was what finally made me get it. Maybe it was the sobbing, which hadn’t happened on any of the other nights. Whatever the catalyst for my enlightenment was, something clicked. “Cavanaugh, are you having a hard time falling asleep because you don’t drink milk anymore?”

“Ye-eh-essss!” More sobs.

“But you haven’t had any milk before sleep for a lot of nights.”

“Because I’m bigger.”

“Yes. You’re bigger and you don’t need milk any more. But we’re used to having milk be part of going to sleep, so it’s feeling a little strange to go to sleep without it.”

“Yessss.”

“Do you want to have milk one more time to say goodbye to it?”

This is the point where his little face scrunched up, nose wrinkled, and tears squeezed from the corners of his eyes to roll down his nose. “Nooo.”

“You don’t want to say goodbye to the milk?”

“Nooo.”

“Do you just want to have some milk before sleep?”

“No because I’m bigger.”

“You are bigger. But no matter how big you get, do you know what? I’m still going to be your mama. I’ll be your mama even when you’re a grown up like me. Even if you don’t drink milk, I can still read you stories, and give you water and cuddles. Just because the milk is going away doesn’t mean I’m going away.”

He really curled in here, climbed into my arms and on top of me to get a hug. Now I was crying. I attempted to just let the tears flow, but they got into my voice and he knew I was upset too.

“I’m crying happy tears and sad tears. This is new for me too. Did you know I didn’t have any milk before you were born? It came here just for you and it will go away now that you don’t drink it anymore. But you don’t really need it now. It used to be that you only had milk. You didn’t eat or drink anything else.

I showed him the sign for mimilk, which looks like milking a cow. “You would ask for milk before you could even talk. But now you can ask for pizza or pancakes or yogurt. When you are thirsty you drink water. And it used to be that when you got hurt or scared, you just wanted milk. But now you ask me to give you a kiss or tell me that a book or a video is scary so we can change it. You don’t need milk for that anymore either, because you’re bigger.”

He and I took turns crying, sometimes cried in chorus. I squeezed him in my arms and we looked each other in the eyes. We were trying to take care of each other. Cavanaugh petted my arm like a cat. I kissed his wet cheeks. It was the most intense talk we’ve ever had, seconded by the talk about how our cat was never coming back because he got sick and died. That one lasted about two minutes. This one went on for twenty.

‘You know some people have a celebration when they’re not going to have milk any more, like a birthday party for getting so big you don’t need milk. Do you want to have a celebration?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, later we’ll figure out what kind of celebration we should have. Right now, do you want some water and then sleep?”

He sat up, drank some water, turned over with his little back pushed against me, and he fell asleep. I came down and did some sobbing myself.

Cavanaugh is simultaneously so big and so little. He totally knew what was happening in our conversation and he was consciously marking this milestone in his life. Being able to have this kind of talk with a three year old just blows my mind.

How about you? What are some of the crazy and big talks you’ve had with your kids?

We were delighted to see our own Marilee and her twin daughters, Katrina and Camryn, featured in the latest issue of New Beginnings.  So delighted that we had to share with everyone here!  Marilee comments on her experience writing her family’s story:

I love New Beginnings magazine!  I especially love the mothers’ stories, so I jumped on the opportunity to submit my story.  A couple of thoughts after seeing it in print:  The editing of my writing changed the flow of the story, and in some instances altered or de-emphasized my meaning.  It bothers me quite a bit that I wrote that nursing twins came easily to me.   It wasn’t easy.  Sure, I didn’t have to pump like lots of moms of twins do (that’s what I meant by “easily”), but it was hard work that took a lot of dedication; it was emotionally and physically draining those first few months.  But so worth the effort!  I also want to point out that I did supplement my twins with formula in several instances, when I was away from them and didn’t have expressed milk, or when I was having a bad night and didn’t know what else to try.  I’m glad I am more in touch with our local La Leche League Leaders now than I was during those first few months.  A call to an understanding Leader would have done a world of good!

Enjoy this real-life tale of motherhood in the LLLI New Beginnings Iissue 5-6 2009, beginning on page 25.

Thanks, Marilee!

This post highlights an excerpt from LLLI’s online magazine, New Beginnings.  To check out past articles of interest, visit the online archives.  For the latest issue, visit us on the blog, or join our email announcement list — drop a line to: breastfeedingslc@gmail.com

Expectant and nursing mothers of twins may find support through LLL of Salt Lake City and through Salt Lake Mothers of Twins.  Look for more resources on our HELP page, scroll down to Multiples.

I used to think nursing tops were not necessary, just another way for someone to make some money. Then Judy from A Mother’s Boutique asked if I would try Larrivo’s Emily nursing tunic, so I agreed. The first night I used this as sleepwear, I totally got the whole nursing top thing. It was soooo much easier than wrestling with an oversized t-shirt while half-awake at 3am as my son was desperately trying to latch on.

Showing drop cup access in Madison

Now I want to know if this baby comes in long sleeved versions as it’s getting right cold outside, and is there such a thing as a nursing robe for those cold nights, or is that taking things a bit too far?

I now wish I would have invested in a couple nursing tops and dresses that I could have worn to church, weddings and other family events that I have attended during my nursing career. The investment would have paid for itself. Yes, I’m kicking myself. After all, this is my 2nd child and my first nursed for more than 2 years. I admit I am a little slow to adapt.

The tunic has a built-in bra, so you don’t have to lift your shirt (and expose that post-baby belly), or dig down the neck opening to unsnap the cup when you are trying to discreetly nurse in public, or battle a hungry baby. It also features easy-to-use and drop down cups that snap open and closed easily with one hand (very important).

I have the tunic in Skye. Alone it looks like sleepwear, but when you pair it with some cute leggings and a jacket, you are ready for a day (or night) out on the town. Or for a business look, I think the Skye cami would look really cute under a sand-colored suit. Also, the empire waist style is forgiving – it’s slightly ‘flowy’ helping to disguise that lingering baby belly. Or can even be worn throughout pregnancy.

Comfort is also important, and the Emily nursing tunic delivers. It’s very soft and offers good bra support as well. It’s definitely comfortable to sleep in, so you know it will be comfortable for any event.

The Larrivo Emily nursing wear is a winner in my book!

You can buy Larrivo nursing tops at A Mother’s Boutique or enter to win one here! Winner will receive their choice of the tunic or dress style in either the Skye or Madison Garden print.

To be entered into this contest please leave a comment on this post which tells us which is your favorite type of nursing access – drop cup or empire – In addition, please tell us if you think you would wear these pieces for sleepwear or daywear – This is MANDATORY in order to be considered for a prize.

Get bonus entries!! You can enter for extra chances to win one of these great tunics or dresses by doing any of the activities below. Just be sure to come back here and leave us a comment for each one – letting us know which ones you completed.

1) Sign up to be a fan of Larrivo on facebook.

2) Spread the word! Tweet about this post and link back to it – be sure to include @greenparenting in your tweet and a link back to this page, and leave a comment here with a link to your tweet (you can do this once per day during the contest).

3) Spread the word some more! Post about this contest on facebook and tell all of your friends about it! (you can do this once per day during the contest)

4) Don’t have a blog, not on facebook or twitter? No problem, we want you to have extra chances to win too – so go ahead and send an email to any of your pregnant or nursing friends. Be sure to cc: us on your email (bhamgreenparent@gmail.com) and leave a comment here too! We promise not to add anyone to any mailing lists unless they specifically request to be added.

5) Purchase any item from Larrivo in A Mother’s Boutique Store – and leave a comment here with the last 4-digits of your order number. You will get 4 extra chances to win for every purchase!

That’s it! Lots of ways to win a tunics or chemise dress from Larrivo!! This contest ends 12/29/09 at 11:59pm EST. All entrants will be verified and must complete the mandatory entry before completing the ‘extra’ entries. Invalid entries will be disqualified. This contest is open to people with US-based delivery addresses ONLY. Winner must respond to email within 48 hours or we reserve the right to choose another winner.

Disclosure:
This product was received free of charge from Larrivo and A Mother’s Boutique. No compensation was received for writing this review. The opinions expressed here are my own fully, honest opinions and in no way was influenced by receiving this product.

Related Articles
Benefits of Extended Breastfeeding
Breastmilk contains stem cells
Breastmilk cures
Importance of Breastfeeding

While we often think of weaning as the closing of the nursing relationship, there is nothing simple about the experience.  Far from the closing of a door, weaning is a complex passage in the relationship of mother and child.  Weaning begins early in the breastfeeding relationship — when babies find comfort and food away from the breast, when mothers and babies are separated — and continues for months and sometimes years as mothers and babies grow and change together.

Recently at our Extended Nursing Meeting, the subject came up of a product to encourage weaning.  We usually think of products that protect and sustain, not only our milk, but our breastfeeding and mothering relationships.  The introduction of a product to interrupt breastfeeding is at odds with what many mothers recognize as the core of LLL philosophy.  After all, nursing is a relationship.  Weaning may be child-led or mother-led, but hopefully it is not product-led.  As mothers we celebrate our earliest moments of communication and trust with our children at the breast.  We hope that trust will continue.  We hope the last moments we welcome a child to nurse will be worthy of memory.

La Leche League philosophy is based on 10 concepts.  The sixth concept addresses weaning:  Ideally the breastfeeding relationship will continue until the baby outgrows the need. But when will your child outgrow his need?  What if you are being pulled in a different direction?  Is it normal to have ambivalent feelings about nursing?

The LLLI website offers articles that answer some questions and raise others as you explore your own mothering path.  For topics addressing a range of issues from nursing strikes to tandem nursing, visit the wide variety of  LLL articles on weaning. Common questions are addressed in “Weaning as a Natural Process” and “Weaning and Mothers’ Feelings”

You may notice a continuing thread of philosophy.   Mothers know their children.  Children thrive on trust and respect. La Leche League is here to reflect mothers’ experience, report research of interest, and moderate forums for conversation.  But no one knows what is best for your child, or for you, but you.

We hope you will join us at our next meeting, and throughout your nursing season.  Mother in good company!  Our conversation will be richer for your voice.

– Susan

…I laid in the near-dark, feeding E2 down for the night, her little body curled into mine, and me drifting in and out of semi-sleep as she fed…   I pulled the covers a little tighter over the two of us, and allowed myself to drift back into sleep for a while longer…

Yada yada yada.  Thanksgiving was on Thursday and, let me tell you, I love me some Brussels sprouts.  Love ‘em.  Ate tonnes of them.  A-a-and they’re still working their way through my system.

So, tonight,  as we lay on the bed, I curled my sleeping daughter into me and gently drifted off… once again, that most perfect, peaceful moment…

And then I trumpeted so loudly that I scared myself bolt upright.

Thinktank DEMOS got quite a lot of publicity yesterday for it’s new report entitled ‘Building Character written by Jen Lexmond and Richard Reeves.

Building Character was funded by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) and included such names as Penelope Leach and Penny Mansfield on the advisory board.  The EHRC commissioned DEMOS to undertake research into the development of character capabilities contributing to ‘life chances’ and factors influencing the development.

The methodology looks pretty robust.  They reviewed up-to-date literature, carried out a new statistical analysis of the Millenium Cohort Study and analysed policy initiatives.  The statistical analysis looked at information given by over 15,000 families.

The report first of all defines ‘important character capabilities’ which include empath, agency (locus of control), responsibility and self-regulation.  The authors state that these should be considered ‘hard skills’ if the definition of hard and soft skills is actually useful, which they doubt.

They go on to divide parents up into 4 groups:

1. Tough love.  Parents are attached, warm and loving and ‘high control’ more rules, consistently enforced..
2. Laissez-Faire.  Parents are attached, warm and loving and ‘low control’ have fewer rules/more variably enforced.
3. Authoritarian.  Parents are not attached, have ‘low warmth’ and ‘high control’.
4. Disengaged.  Parents are ‘low warmth’ and ‘low control’.

They then also look at parents capabilities, self esteem and so on.  They look at how children’s character develops in relation to the above style of parenting.  They also compare all the usual ‘risk’ factors such as low income, family make-up, employment, ethnicity and so on.

I think the findings are remarkable.  In virtually all cases, allowing for the capabilities of the parents the ‘risk factors’ become negligible.  The style of parenting is the most important factor in how children develop these ‘hard’ life skills.  Children of ‘tough love’ and ‘Laissez Faire’ parents develop character far better when all factors are taken into account than authoritarian and disengaged.  Children of Tough Love parents do significantly better and children of Disengaged parents do worse of all.

This is probably hardly surprising but it does bring about some interesting thoughts.  All the money being poored into providing childcare, welfare-to -work, reducing teenage pregnancies and so on is seemingly wasted.  In actual fact having working or young parents makes no difference to outcomes for children.  It is the style of parenting that is all important.

Demos make a very convincing case for refocussing public spending and energy on providing parenting skills and support to impact on the style of parenting.

There is really far too much information in this report to summarise in a blog post, but I’ve hopefully whetted your appetite enough to go and read for yourself.  If not, here are some quotes from the report which might convince you!  Check out the Breastfeeding one – one of my favourites

An analysis undertaken by Kiernan of the MCS found that family status was only very weakly associated with children’s development, once other factors – like poverty, maternal depression and so on – were controlled for.

When we control for other characteristics – namely parental style and parental confidence – the relationship between family structure and child outcomes disappears almost entirely.

Crucially, the outcomes for children of lone parents and step-parents are explained by the differences in other family characteristics such as parental confidence and self esteem; being a lone parent or a step-parent does not adversely affect child outcomes in itself.

There is a strong association between children’s development of character capabilities and breast-feeding to six months. This effect remains even after controlling for all other variables in the model, including primary carer attachment

There is no connection between paid employment on the part of either the main carer, or the second parent, and the development of character capabilities in children.

Parental disability and parental ethnic background are associated with significantly different outcomes for children at age five, but all differences are outweighed when parental ability was taken into account.

Now, I’m off to peruse the rest of the DEMOS website as this report is pretty good in my opinion.  Just wonder… is anyone going to listen?

Check out this article written about one mum’s experience of Breastfeeding in ‘the land of Genghis Khan’.

Food for thought!

Infant growth charts can be a massive source of anxiety for new parents. Your baby is measured and weighed and compared to standardized curves that tell you how big your baby should be. Actually, that’s not what they do, but that’s how it often feels for a parent, and if your baby falls into the lower percentiles, it’s so easy to panic, even if your baby is totally normal for his/her age.

A nursing mom’s milk supply can also be a huge source of anxiety. A lot of women only breastfeed a few weeks, and there’s definitely a lack of readily available information about how your milk and your breasts change if you continue to nurse for 3, 6, 12 months, never mind if you nurse for years. The information is out there, but you have to look for it.

That’s what this post is about: infant growth charts and milk supply.

The background: last week, one of my best friends wrote me an email. Her first child is roughly 4 1/2 months old, and at her last well-baby check-up, registered in the 20th percentile for weight. My friend was concerned, wondered whether her milk supply might be dwindling, and she asked me for my thoughts. I sat down and wrote her a loooooong email (I had a lot of thoughts on the subject!), and I thought I’d share it with you, too. Of course I’ve taken out personal details regarding my friend and her baby.

Spend 2-3 days in bed with baby and just sleep, eat and nurse, nurse, nurse!

Here were my first 2 pieces of advice:

1. First of all, Don’t Panic! Your milk supply hasn’t disappeared. If it has diminished, there are plenty of ways to increase it. And most important of all: 20th percentile is still normal. It just means that 20% of normal babies are at about that weight. And baby’s being at the 20th percentile for weight at her age doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with your milk supply.

2. An extension of Don’t Panic! is that this is not a reason to supplement with formula. Don’t do it. Your milk supply really would drop if you did.

Okay, that said, there are really 2 separate issues here: baby’s height/weight and your milk supply.

Let’s start with baby’s growth.

1. Do you know which growth chart your doctor uses? If not, find out. Check any paperwork for sources. Call the office. Basically, what you want to know is whether they’re using the CDC’s infant growth chart from 2000 or the WHO’s revised growth charts, which became available in the US in 2006. Why do you need to know? Because the CDC’s charts are based largely on formula-fed infants, who grow at different rates during different stages of development. This means that while breastfed babies are likely to be in the upper percentiles from birth to 3 months, they are likely to drop, percentile-wise, in the months thereafter. If your doctor uses the CDC charts, this drop could be considered totally normal and appropriate for an exclusively breast-fed baby (and you might as well consider baby exclusively breast-fed since she’s not eating significant amounts of solids). Here’s a graphic that shows where breast-fed babies tend to score on the CDC chart.

And here’s what Kellymom herself says on the subject:

I have heard of many breastfed babies (including my own) whose doctor was disturbed at some point because the baby wasn’t gaining weight quickly enough, even though the baby was well within the above parameters for weight gain. The problem is that many doctors are not familiar with the normal weight gain patterns of breastfed babies, and rely too much upon standard growth charts.

And the parameters for weight gain are the percentile charts we’re talking about. Unless a baby really drops off the charts, the chart alone is no reason to get worried. You can download the WHO’s charts from their website.  (Scroll down to “indicators” and see “length/height for age” and “weight for age.”)  Just keep in mind that weight is indicated in kilos, so you have to convert (1 kilo = 2.2 U.S. pounds). See where baby falls on this chart. If you do this comparison yourself, you can probably save yourself the trouble of calling your doctor’s office for the information.

2. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of growth charts, I can tell you that at Marie’s last check-up, she was in the 1st percentile for height. Our doctor didn’t even try to be nice about it. She just said, “Hmm, she really just falls off the chart.” And I must say she said it in a rather accusatory tone of voice. It turned out, though, that they measured Marie wrong. Marie wouldn’t stand still at the measuring stick, and so they missed 1 1/2 cm, which made all the difference. Suddenly, she was in the 10th percentile – short, but not alarmingly so. So keep in mind that doctors can be exceptionally good at destroying a parent’s confidence, even good ones.

3. Lastly, have you asked your mom whether you and your siblings tended to be bigger or smaller than average? What about the father’s mom? Genetics could be a factor here.

4. There are other questions to ask yourself when considering whether baby is growing appropriately, namely:

• Is she still gaining weight, even if she’s gaining more slowly that she used to? Gaining more slowly and not gaining at all are two entirely different situations.
• Is she meeting developmental milestones within the appropriate age range?
• Is she alert? Happy? Active?

Okay, now let’s move on to baby’s milk intake:

1. You can’t measure her milk intake, but there are certain signs of adequate milk intake for infants (beyond the newborn stage), and the state of your breasts is only one of those signs.

• Is she thoroughly wetting 4-5 or more diapers a day? If you’re using disposables, do this test to see what a “wet” diaper feels like: pour 6 tablespoons of water into a clean diaper. Use that as a guideline. If you’re using cloth diapers, it’s pretty obvious what “wet” means.
• It’s hard to rely on how much a baby poops, since every baby is different, and stooling patterns tend to change over time for all babies. If baby’s poop is still soft and easy to pass, then that would be a positive sign (since breastmilk has a laxative effect).
• Again, is she meeting milestones?
• Is she alert and active?
• And finally, do your breasts feel soft after a feeding?

2. If you can answer yes to these questions, and if you aren’t giving her any liquids other that breastmilk (like juice, tea or water), then chances are, she’s getting enough, even if you feel like your breasts just aren’t as full.

And finally, on to your milk supply:

1. It’s normal to have too much milk in the beginning and for your supply to then slowly adjust to your baby’s needs. This first adjustment happens some time between 6 weeks and 3 months. You no longer feel “full” most of the time and now get used to that feeling of your breasts feeling full and taught when your baby hasn’t nursed for a few hours and them feeling soft and squishy after a good nursing session. When the transition is complete, you should rarely feel full at all.

The feeling of fullness (sometimes even engorgement) that nursing mothers notice during the early weeks of breastfeeding is really not the norm at all, but means that mom’s breasts haven’t yet adjusted to the amount of milk that baby needs. At some point, typically around 6-12 weeks (if a mom has oversupply it may take longer), your milk supply will begin to regulate and your breasts will begin to feel less full, soft, or even empty. You may stop leaking, you may stop feeling let-down (or feel it less), and if you pump you may notice that you’re not getting as much milk. This doesn’t mean that milk supply has dropped, but that your body has figured out how much milk is being removed from the breast and is no longer making too much. This change may come about gradually or seem rather sudden. Many people are not aware that these breast changes are normal because so many mothers stop breastfeeding early on and never see this change (or mistakenly interpret this change as a sign that milk supply has dried up and wean because of this change). (kellymom)

Do you really have a milk supply issue?

In my case, I had the initial adjustment, but I didn’t totally “lose” that feeling of fullness until Marie was about 7 months old, shortly after we started solids (at 6 months). Until then, my breasts were still fairly taught when Marie hadn’t nursed for a few hours. For a short time around 8/9/10 months, we supplemented a little with formula so I could do more translation work without taking so many nursing and/or pumping breaks. It was then that I got my period again, which probably would have happened much later if I hadn’t started giving Marie formula once a day. That’s when I really noticed a drop in supply; the week before I got my period, I could hardly get anything out with the pump, and Marie seemed finicky at the breast. Then I got my period and everything was normal again. This happened every month from there on.

2. Not only will your breasts start to feel softer, but they will probably also get smaller over time, as you continue to nurse. I was a C/D-cup before pregnancy, a D/E-cup during pregnancy, and an F-cup in the early days of nursing. By the time I weaned Marie, at 22 months, I was a B-cup, and it’s taken a while for my breasts to grow again, even though I’m pregnant again. So the size of your breasts is not a reliable indicator of anything!

3. Keep in mind also that babies have growth spurts, and they tend to start nursing more frequently, get fussier at the breast and often seem to never want to let go of the breast.

Common times for growth spurts are during the first few days at home and around 7-10 days, 2-3 weeks, 4-6 weeks, 3 months, 4 months, 6 months and 9 months (more or less). Babies don’t read calendars, however, so your baby may do things differently. (kellymom)

4. If you’re worried because baby is nursing less frequently or her nursing sessions are getting shorter, then it’s probably an indication that she’s just gotten much more efficient at pulling milk down. This is normal, too.

So, at this point, I may have given you enough reasons to reassure you that you have enough milk. But then you might say, “Steph, that’s great that you’ve given me all this information, but I still think I don’t have enough, and even if I do, I still want to know what I can do to boost my supply.” And if that’s what you’re thinking, I’m right there with you. When I noticed the soft breasts and then the low pumping output, I pretty much Freaked. The. Eff. Out. and started looking for all the ways I could combat a low supply. So, here are my best tips for giving your boobs the support they need:

1. First, eliminate possible reasons for a low supply. Kellymom has a comprehensive list, but here are the ones that I think could potentially apply in your case:

• Supplementing with liquids: if you’re giving baby water, juice, tea or formula, then Stop. Right. Now. Unless it’s 120 degrees outside, your milk can totally quench her thirst. Really.
• Supplementing with solids: baby isn’t even 6 months old yet, so there’s no reason to push solids. Until 6 months (and some think even beyond), your breastmilk provides all the nutrients she needs. Supplementing won’t make her sleep through the night any faster, and it could be interfering (a little) with your supply. So don’t make solids a big priority right now.
• Scheduled feedings: are you trying to stretch the time between feedings? If so, it could be contributing to a low supply. Go back to feeding on demand round the clock and see if it makes a difference after a week or two.
• Sleep “training”: as much as it pains me to say it, getting a baby to sleep through the night at an early age can contribute to a supply problem. If you’re going many hours without nursing, your body isn’t getting the message to make more milk. Trying to make night nursings as comfortable and uneventful as possible, and just go with the flow until baby’s at least 6 months old.
• Ending feedings prematurely: even though it seems like some feedings would go on forever, you should let your baby decide when she’s done. Make sure you offer both breasts at every feeding, and don’t cut it off until you can really tell that she’s not actively nursing anymore.
• Diet: there’s no special nursing diet, but make sure you’re eating enough overall. Try to eat something healthy at least once every 3 hours. Make sure you’re getting enough proteins and fats, not just carbs, and try to eat at least one hot meal a day. It doesn’t matter whether it’s breakfast, dinner, or a before-bed “snack.” Hot food nourishes us while also calming us. If you’re eating bagels and sandwiches and salads all day, you need to add a hot meal in there somewhere. Seriously, some women see pregnancy as a license to eat, but if there was ever a time to indulge, breastfeeding is it (unless you’re overweight or you have other medical reasons to restrict your diet). Don’t spend the day eating doughnuts, but there’s no reason to deny yourself a cheeseburger, as long as you’re getting enough fresh fruits and veggies as well.
• Stress: this was a huge factor for me. Making milk is hard work. It uses up far more calories than being pregnant does. If you’re stressing out about your work, your family, housework and whatever else is on your plate, it can affect your overall health, which can affect your supply. At the moment, I’m living through the effects of immense stress on my pregnant body, effects larger than I had imagined possible. And it’s pretty damn humbling. I tend to let myself be practically crippled by stress, and my body certainly suffer. If you have big projects and goals that seem overwhelming, or you wonder when you’ll ever get to your goal, maybe it’s a sign that you should rethink those goals. There’s nothing wrong with modifying, postponing or completely changing your priorities. If you decide to do that, make sure you really accept your decision so you can allow yourself to enjoy the time with baby now. Or, if that option freaks you out too much, try setting small, manageable goals each day. Try using Simple Mom’s pocket docket. Sit down every night and figure out your 3 most important tasks for the next day. Write it down so you’re not fretting about it while you’re trying to sleep. I could imagine a day’s 3 goals looking like this: 1. Take shower, 2. Take baby for a walk, 3. Get X amount of work done on project Y. Taking a shower is an accomplishment for busy moms, so instead of saying, “but I can barely manage to take a shower every other day,” tell yourself, “I’m proud of myself for fitting in a shower today.”
• Herbal teas: most herbal teas are great, but there are a few that are known to diminish supply: lemon balm (Melissa officinalis), peppermint, spearmint, thyme, and yarrow are the milk-decreasing herbs most likely to show up in teas.

2. If you’ve covered that list, and you want to take some positive steps to increase your supply, here are some ideas:

• Go back to nursing basics: review all the stuff you learned in the early days about latch, positioning, supporting baby, supporting mom’s back, etc. Basically, you want to make sure that baby is nursing efficiently. A lot of veteran moms have found that they’ve gotten lazy with these techniques, and revisiting them has helped. The more milk baby removes from your breast, the more milk you’ll make.
• Nurse on demand: nurse as often as baby wants, for as long as she wants. If you have a sling, use it to take her outside when you can’t stand your own four walls anymore. Leave the stroller at home (or use it to schlep groceries!). When things get back to normal, you can reintroduce some restrictions, but be aware that any restrictions could lead to a lower supply.
• Switch sides: instead of offering each breast only once during a feeding, switch back and forth several times, each time baby falls asleep or loses interest. The “fresh” flow of milk could recapture her interest in nursing and help her remove more milk.
• Take a few days off: set aside 2 or 3 days where you will focus on nursing. If baby isn’t 6 months old yet, she might still be young enough that this is feasible. Basically, take her to bed and just nurse, sleep and eat all day. This might give you and your milk supply a boost.
• Drink a good nursing tea: I think teas are better than supplements simply because the act of brewing and drinking tea can become a calming ritual not offered by swallowing a pill. I found a wonderful nursing tea here in Germany that really seemed to help. Unfortunately, you really have to read labels, because some nursing teas include herbs that actually interfere with milk production. Sadly, Traditional Medicinals’ Mother’s Milk is guilty of this.  Sooooooo annoying! If you have trouble finding one, try mixing your own. Buy the following herbs in bulk at a health food store: Verbena officinalis (NOT the same as lemon verbena), Fennel seeds, Fenugreek seeds, Anise and Caraway seeds. Mix them in roughly equal amounts and use one heaping teaspoon to make one cup of tea (steep for 10 minutes). When you find a tea, drink 3 cups a day.
• And of course, if you feel the need for more help in any of these areas, contact a lactation consultant! Visit La Leche League’s website or use this search engine.

In my experience, minimizing stress, eating well and frequently, and drinking a good nursing tea made up my recipe for boosting my supply. I actually suspect that you don’t have a supply problem, but if you think you do or you just want to be on the safe side, these tips for boosting your supply are all safe, gentle and effective. Above all, repeat the following mantra daily: “What’s good for me is good for my baby.” If you’re doing well, baby will do well. It’s not that uncommon for babies to do well while mom is barely coping, but the best recipe for success (under normal conditions) is healthy mom = healthy baby. I know that some of us moms (myself included) are not that great at taking care of ourselves, but it’s something we should keeping working on, anyway. It’s definitely a worthy goal.

For more information, see:

Kellymom’s info on infant growth

How does milk production work?

If you suspect you have a low milk supply, see this page to learn more.

Review the WHO’s growth charts, which are more realistic for exclusively breastfed babies! Remember to convert from kilos to pounds!

La Leche League explains why the WHO charts are better.

A collection of articles on milk supply from La Leche League.

Check out this list of foods to boost your milk supply.

Need to review baby’s latch? There’s a great video to help you help your baby nurse more efficiently.

Want to look for a lactation consultant? Here’s an international search engine to help you find one.

I was contacted recently by a television producer from LA who was looking for people to take part in a documentary she is making about extended breastfeeding.  I was excited, flattered, and… a little wary.  Depending how it’s handled, the women on the programme could end up looking like amazing mothers or absolute freaks.  I answered the producer’s questions and then added a couple of my own… But really, I knew I wouldn’t get picked.

Television producers are out to make eye-catching television shows — no doubt this producer was looking for extended-breastfeeders who were militant, activist, perhaps shaking an angry fist.  They’re not looking for women like me — I’m still breastfeeding E2 as she nears her third birthday partly because of a medical need (to supplement her severely restricted diet) but mostly… well… just because we’ve never stopped.  It’s really nothing more exciting than that.  I still changing her nappies every day, which I’ve been doing since the day she was born.  I still dress her and bathe her and lift her in and out of her cot (crib), as I’ve done since the day she was born.  And, two or three times a day, we breastfeed, just as we’ve done since she was born.  It doesn’t feel weird and it doesn’t feel radical…  it feels perfectly normal.  It’s just what we do, same as we’ve always done.  And that’s probably pretty boring television.

But if that television producer focuses on only the freaky of extended breastfeeding, she’s going to miss out something much, much better.  It’s quiet and subtle — so soft I hardly noticed it at all — but it is really worth noticing.  The best thing about extended breastfeeding — the real surprise of it — is that it is wonderful, and wonderful because it is the kind of bonding time that mothers of newborns always hope for, but never quite get.  When my daughters were newborns, breastfeeding them was (cue script) amazing, of course, but it had a certain… a certain one-sidedness to it.  Sometimes it felt that the love — much like the milk — was flowing only one way.  I fed and I loved, I cuddled and I stroked, and my baby noticed nothing more than the breast.  There were days when I felt like a milk-machine: the baby demanded, I produced, the baby demanded, I produced, endlessly, endlessly  …and I wanted something more.  I wanted something more from my baby.

It came — eventually — in dribs and drabs: a little eye-contact, and then deep, meaningful gazes — a connection at last!  And then, one day, smiles, and then giggles during feedings, and cuddles that went both ways.  That feeling of being nothing more than a walking milky-bar began to slowly fade.  And it’s just at this point — just as it’s all about to get so much better — that so many mothers are told it’s time they weaned their babies.

Feeding a toddler is completely different from feeding a baby.  For a start, all that panicked frenzy for milk is gone and, in its place, we’re in a nice, easy routine that we both understand.  We feed at home, at the same times every day, and it’s rare for E2 to ask for her milk otherwise (indeed, on those rare occasions when she does, it’s a sure sign that she’s coming down with something).  And she’s really good at feeding now — where she used to take an hour to get the milk she needed, she can now do the same job in 15 minutes.  Breastfeeding a toddler is just so much easier than feeding a baby — like night and day.

But the real change is something far more significant than those purely practical considerations.  The real change is quiet joy.  A toddler, by her nature, rarely stops moving — if her mother gets a kiss, it’s fleeting; a hug is a violent bodyblow before the whirling dervish whirls off again.  Life with a toddler is constant movement, never-ending noise — it is exhausting.  Quiet does not exist… except when we’re breastfeeding.  It’s only then that all the chaos and the wild energy stops, when my daughter crawls up into my arms, and snuggles against me, rests her head on my arm, and we spend that little time just being together.

I sing to her while she feeds.  She smiles — skilled enough now to smile without dribbling.  We hold hands, walk our fingertips together, and trace shapes on each others’ palms.  I momentarily forget the lyrics and she pulls off, corrects me sternly, and then latches back on.  Sometimes she stops feeding and sings to me — a whole song from beginning to end — before returning to her milk.  I ask her questions while she feeds, and she tries to answer them, still feeding and mouth full and sounding ridiculously indecipherable.  It makes me smile…  The whole thing makes me smile.  Breastfeeding has become a time we truly share, a few short windows of quiet and togetherness that punctuate our chaotic days.  She loves to be held,  I love to feel her body-weight on mine, to stroke the soft fullness of her cheeks, to smell her hair.  When she falls asleep, I look at her face — so relaxed, eyes closed, rosebud mouth open, her breath slow and rhythmic, her smell so sweet…  and for a moment, she is a newborn again.

This is nothing freaky.  It’s a mother and a daughter doing what they’ve always done, and finding that’s it changed and become better as time has gone on.  You could never capture that change on film — and, even if you did, it probably wouldn’t interesting television, and so that producer won’t be emailing me back.  But I wish she could capture it, I wish people could understand what it is.

Because the extended breastfeeding story that I’ve got… it’s nothing short of beautiful.

Not so long ago, breastfeeding a child beyond 6 months was referred to as “extended nursing” — and in some circles that thinking continues.  What words do you use to describe your own nursing relationship?  For those of us who continue to nurse, are we “extended” nursing?  Or something else?!

Mothers and children are all exploring the normal course of breastfeeding, even as we take our different paths.  A question that comes up again and again is the language we use when we talk about nursing our children beyond the first year.  On November 12th, our “Extended Nursing” meeting will focus on the influence of language on the practice of breastfeeding –  from birth through the ripening of the relationship and its thoughtful close.

We expect to change our own thinking and begin the new year with a fresh start — a fresh title for our Enrichment Meeting the second Thursday of the month.  What are your thoughts?  If you are nursing a child “of a certain age,” how do you think of this time?  Some of the popular terms include sustained nursing,  full-term nursing, and simply nursing.  What do you suggest we call our meeting?  How do you describe your breastfeeding experience to your closest friends — and to one another?  Bring your thoughts to our November meeting … and feel free to start the conversation here!

– Susan

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Visit the Australian Breastfeeding Association to find the poster featured here and to discover more ways to support nursing families.

oh my god, I’m in bits! I didn’t expect to be this bad but I wasn’t prepared for my angel to be heading off to playschool yet and she starts tomorrow! I was planning to keep her at home again this year as she has just turned three but she keeps talking about having friends to play with and going to school, i think she really needs the companionship but I’m going to miss her so much! I don’t think we have been apart for 24 hours in the three years since she was born, she only weaned a year ago. We went for a walk yesterday, picking blackberries as we often do and she talked again about school and having friends so i went down to inquire today and she can go three mornings a week. I’ts the same playschool my eldest went to 8 years ago and it hasn’t changed a bit which doesnt help as I was able to vividly remember myself rusing through that yard with my eyes filled with tears back then and I expect that’s how I’ll be tomorrow too. At least my sister is off tomorrow so I can meet up with her and have a good sob!

Eliza at 3 months

Can you believe it..really can you?…

Those who know me in what is commonly referred to as “real life” know that I am a like a cow, I am a lactating machine and I fed my 1st baby for 2 years and 3 months, this means I breastfed her during pregnancy a place I never want to ever go again, it was horrible, no actually make that horrific, I hated it with a passion, but I did it, because I am weak in that, my baby liked it so I let her. Jeremiah is also a bit of a booby boy. He has just turned 15 months and shows little signs of giving up, but mostly he’s still very happily feeding. Once again I am at a point where I actually don’t like it, don’t enjoy it. But my being weak hasn’t changed and he likes it so I continue to feed him. I better go to heaven.

I have been so lucky with breastfeeding I never had any issues despite the myth behind c/sections and breastfeeding. I got a couple of blocked ducts first and 2nd time around due to enormous supply. But never anything to worry about, until Sunday night that is…..

I woke up trembling with fever, I was unable to keep still I painfully made myself get up and take panadol I then waited a agonizing 15 minutes and the shaking stopped, my boob was on FIRE… The pain was so bad, I knew this was more than a blocked duct, I woke Jeremiah up and put him on to feed, he was totally not up for it and screamed and cried and demanded the other one, I refused and he finally latched on and it was the worst breastfeeding of my 3.5 years of feeding.

I know I have mastitis, my entire body hurts, my wrists ache, My head is heavy, my boob is on fire, it has a reddish, black area on it, very attractive. I am hoping and praying it goes. I really don’t want to go to the DR, I’m not registered yet, I would have to take my 2 kids with me into a dr’s waiting room, I won’t get an appointment for another 2 weeks anyway as firstly I’m not registered and then they never have any appts left. I’ll be better by then or dead.

Honestly why now……..?

yours in burninghotboobsville

When I read about night weaning, my main fears were that the weaning itself would be traumatic, that we’d have to move Cavanaugh out of the family bed or he’d never stop nursing at night, or that once partially weaned, Cavanaugh would wean completely. The books and websites introduced more fears I hadn’t even thought of yet. As usually happens, when I started talking to my mama buddies, they told me a lot the books had neglected to mention and they reminded me that different kids have different personalities thus the process will not be the same for everyone, no matter what the books say.

So to compile this list, I asked the mamas what they wish they’d known, both positive and negative, when they were considering night weaning:

General advice:

• Some kids just won’t night wean themselves and the goal of child-led weaning just makes for an exhausted family and a resentful mama.
• “Listen to the little mama voice in your head saying, ‘It’s time.’  Often you will hear it before you actually do it.  Don’t wait too long.  Make the change before you desperately need the change.” Rhonda
• Make sure your child is not hungry in the night. Though s/he doesn’t need food in the sense that his/her stomach is big enough to hold enough for a full night’s nourishment, s/he is used to snacking every couple of hours or so. To help with the transition, big bowls of oatmeal, yogurt, an English muffin with nut butter or some other before-bed snack can help.
• The advice to wait until all of a child’s teeth come in assumes the child wakes a lot because of teething or that all of their teeth will come in on schedule. Many toddlers don’t even notice their two year molars coming in and delaying weaning until after they arrive may means months of interrupted sleep for no good reason.
• You can make up your own rules for night weaning. My friend Emily decided she just wasn’t nursing between bedtime and 4 a.m. A few months after that, they dropped the before bed nursing, then they dropped the 4 a.m. nursing.
• Without nursing, you will need to develop other sleep associations so your child can fall back to sleep without milk. You’ll also need other tools to comfort your child when s/he’s sad, scared, or sick in the night.
• Come up with a plan for what you will do instead of nursing your child back to sleep. Suggestions from Jaimee include holding, rocking, singing, wearing tight fitting clothing, walking, offering snack/water, offering book/movie, partner helping, driving, baby carrier, sleeping in another room, etc..

Exceptions to the Rule

• Some kids are all or nothing folks. They may not understand getting to nurse in the day but not at night. It is possible to completely wean a child in order to stop the night nursing and then at some later point reintroduce milk only at certain times of day as my friend Rhonda did. “starting at 18 months we tried everything to nightwean and ended up completely weaning at two years because uma wasn’t able to incorporate the idea of only nursing during the day.  ~two months later (26 months) we started nursing again in the morning and after nap.  she self weaned two weeks ago (2.8 years.)”
• Some kids just wake up more if someone is next to them. If you want to limit night nursing, you may be able to do so just by moving the child to her own bed rather than having to fully night wean. As my friend Lisa explained,  “Our night weaning occurred as a side effect of moving Lexi out of our bed and into her room at around 12 months.  She was nursing every 45 minutes, all night long, and I couldn’t see how it would be possible to night wean, or even to decrease it, while co-sleeping.  I wasn’t actually planning to night wean.  I was just not getting any sleep at all with the non-stop nursing at night.  After the crib transition, we went very quickly from nursing once in the middle of the night, to going a 5 hour stretch and then 7 and then to all night.  This happened over the course of a week or two.  We didn’t really actively, intentionally night wean.  If she woke, I went in and nursed her and put her back down to sleep.”

Pros of Night-Weaning:

• Once the toddler knows there’s no more milk in the night, they will actually cuddle with you instead of wanting to suck from your body.
• The night wakings stop. Your child will (almost) immediately begin to sleep for long blocks, if not the whole night.
• You and your child will sleep more deeply and will actually begin to have dreams again.
• The night-weaning process is a very short period of time in a long nursing relationship and the relief and rest you feel on the other side are so worth it!
• Once a child is night-weaned, co-sleeping is not a problem for most kids. They know the milk isn’t available and they don’t ask.

Cons:

• Most likely, “There will be tears for a few nights – yours and theirs. ” Rhonda
• Sleep might get worse before it gets better.
• The length of time spent in bed is likely to shorten. When kids are getting more  and deeper sleep because there are no longer night wakings, they don’t sleep as long. Many of my friends noticed a one – two hour shortening of sleep. Essentially, that 6 a.m. nursing that bought you one more sleep cycle is likely to turn into a 6 a.m. wake up.
• Depending on the temperament of your child and how established night weaning is, you may have to night wean all over again if you need to make exceptions for illness, vacations, or other temporary setbacks.

If there’s something you wish you’d been told about night weaning, help another mama out. Tell her here.

I am still nursing my almost 17 month old. He generally nurses twice a day, sometimes only once  and sometimes three times but average twice. He HAS to have his morning nursing to start his day. It’s his morning coffee. During the day he may ask to nurse once or twice more depending on how busy we are and he if he thinks about it or not. He sleeps through the night and hasn’t had a night feeding since he turned one with the exception of a few nights where he was teething or not feeling well. I have no intention of weaning him until he is at least two and hope that he doesn’t self wean before then as he has a lactose sensitivity and I have no intention of giving him cows milk, especially while we are in Korea because the organic kind isn’t always available and I refuse to use the other kind plus I generally believe cow’s milk was intended for calves and not my toddler.  If he chooses to drink a little milk here and there later on (if he outgrows the lactose sensitivity), I won’t mind, but I certainly am not going to get into this whole idea of requiring or forcing him to drink a preset number of ounces of it daily. I feel confident in our very veggie heavy, very low processed food diet that he will get the proper nutrition and healthy fats without supplementing with cow’s milk.

People are often times surprised to learn that I am still nursing. The response ranges from ‘oh wow’ (as in ‘that’s cool!’) to ‘ooooh wow’ (as in ‘you freak!’). I have learned that the more shocked one is the less likely it is that they ever breastfed or they breastfed only a few short months. I am surrounded by mostly mainstream moms so it is not surprising to me and I actually enjoy telling them  because I hope that I am planting seeds in their minds for their own babies.  That said, I do enjoy sharing the information with them on the benefits of breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding.

Because my toddler nurses about 2 times a day off both sides for a total of about 15 minutes, I am estimating that he gets about 12-15 ounces of milk. I am not really sure as my breasts do not leak or get engorged and haven’t in months. I haven’t pumped in over a year so I probably couldn’t use that as a reliable way to tell what kind of supply I have either, I am pretty sure that I wouldn’t get much out if I tried. But just based off every thing I know about breastfeeding, I think I have a pretty fair estimate.  Below is a breakdown of what the nutritional value is of that amount of milk.

• In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL (15 ounces) of breastmilk provides:
  • 29% of energy requirements (calories)
  • 43% of protein requirements
  • 36% of calcium requirements
  • 75% of vitamin A requirements
  • 76% of folate requirements
  • 94% of vitamin B₁₂ requirements
  • 60% of vitamin C requirements

  — Dewey KG. (2001) Nutrition, Growth and Complementary Feeding of the Breast-fed infant. Pediatric Clinic of North America

These are amazing numbers, especially considering how tough it can be to get a toddler to eat sometimes! This is also way better than an artificially made vitamin as the vitamins from the breast milk are better assimilated by the body and the mother would never have to worry about vitamin toxicity. It’s perfectly made and balanced.

In addition to dietary benefits, there are many other health benefits.  Nursing toddlers have fewer allergies and  are sick less often.

• The American Academy of Family Physicians notes that children weaned before two years of age are at increased risk of illness (AAFP 2001).

• Nursing toddlers between the ages of 16 and 30 months have been found to have fewer illnesses and illnesses of shorter duration than their non-nursing peers (Gulick 1986).

• “Antibodies are abundant in human milk throughout lactation” (Nutrition During Lactation 1991; p. 134). In fact, some of the immune factors in breastmilk increase in concentration during the second year and also during the weaning process. (Goldman 1983, Goldman & Goldblum 1983, Institute of Medicine 1991).

Some people think that nursing a toddler will create a clingy child. I completely disagree. My little guy is so independent that it drive me insane sometimes (like in the parking lot when he won’t hold my hand!). La Leche League’s statement for this is:

Breastfeeding a toddler helps with the child’s ability to mature. Although some experts say a toddler who is not weaned will have difficulty becoming independent, it’s usually the fearful, clingy children that have been pushed into situations requiring too much independence too soon. A breastfeeding toddler is having his dependency needs met. The closeness and availability of the mother through breastfeeding is one of the best ways to help toddlers grow emotionally.

Breastfeeding can help a toddler understand discipline as well. Discipline is teaching a child about what is right and good, not punishment for normal toddler behavior. To help a toddler with discipline, he needs to feel good about himself and his world. Breastfeeding helps a toddler feel good about himself, because his needs are being met.

The research is out there and the data proves it true: extended breastfeeding is healthy and beneficial. The American Academy of Pediatrics currently recommends that “Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child..”  The World Health Organization and UNICEF recommend that babies be breastfed for at least two years.

I think it’s important to have maternal instinct validated at times. I would nurse to at least two or beyond anyway but it is nice to know that the facts and data are on my side.

When people ask me what my favorite part of being a mother is, I don’t have to think twice how to answer. (Not that people have asked me, I just imagine people want to.) Hands down, breastfeeding, I’d say. Sure, the first few weeks were awkward, painful and just plain sore. But the past 13 months have been mostly all love, tenderness, a certain calm and peace, and affirmation of the nurturing nature of this thing we call mothering. Ok, I admit there are moments here and there when I was just silly bored and hoping she would just hurry up and nurse quicker already. But those moments were lesser than I would have imagine, and looking back to this first magical year, breastfeeding has definitely made it more…magical.  

I don’t need to have fancy tricks up my sleeve. When my daughter has had a rough day, a shorter nap, or perhaps just feeling the pangs of growing pains, we both know where to go for refuge. She tugs on my shirt and I offer her  my breast without hesitation. I am able to offer comfort anywhere, anytime and in any mood she or I am in. When I’ve had a hectic day and I know I haven’t given her all the attention she needed, we just carve out that extra special “mimi” time and it seems to make up for whatever we have lost. When she is nursing, I am drawn to just stare at her beauty, innocence, and the fullness of life that is my daughter. 

And these are just a few of the relational and emotional benefits. If I was creative and knowledgeable enough to come up with 101 reasons to breastfeed my baby, and an older one, I would. But Leslie Burby at Promom has already done that. It’s just the perfect nourishment for our baby. Why else would you give them anything less? I was talking to my husband the other day, and I told him that if we were to have a second baby, and if I were to be unfortunate and die in labor, that I want him to find another willing mom to nurse my baby (of course she needs to be checked and all that stuff, but there are wet nurses, that is what they are called, still out there and it’s a shame that we seldom go this route should the mother be completely unable to nurse her own child. This would be another post for another day but I’m so glad there is some resurgence in the practice of wet nursing here in the US.)

I surmise that God has put this wonderful naturally occurring mothering tool in our hands because (1) he loves all the little children and wants to give them an excellent headstart physically, mentally and emotionally and (2) he loves all the big mothers in the world and wants to give the a glimpse of what it is like to be God, who is the best Mother, if you can try to picture Him that way. (No, I’m not saying God is female, but God is also not male. I’m saying that God is the best nurturer of us all: able to perfectly nourish us in ways we need.) And when we opt out of this Design, we miss out. 

And so this is why I breastfeed my older baby, with her feet extending past my arms now when I’m cradling her to nurse. She sometimes nurses standing up, sometimes she is hunched over with knees bent a little, sometimes she likes to crawl over like a little dog  and nurse on her knees. I will take advantage of this Gift until one of us decides it’s time to move on. And I kinda hope that it won’t be anytime soon.

Of course there are challenges to breastfeeding an older toddler. And most of it has to do with the availability factor. Yes, often times when I feel “tied down” I nostalgically think back to my glorious days of freedom. Meaning the ability to go to the bathroom at any given time. But as she gets older, she nurses less so the sacrifice really is only temporary (and most breastfeeding mothers know that, and for nursing older babies, it just means a little bit of a longer temporary). And there’s always the pump, though my baby never took to the bottle so no breaks for me. And then there’s the issue of weaning. Will she be harder to wean? And my answer to that is, not really, if the child has any say in it. Plus, have you seen an eight year old still nursing? Oh wait, I have. 

Now my thoughts for this will be for another post, as today’s is entitled Breastfeeding Beyond One and for most people, it doesn’t quite mean Breastfeeding until Eight. But let me tell you a secret: I am not at all utterly opposed to the idea. Don’t tell my hubby.

Nighttime is when our kids get fevers, have nightmares, or otherwise need our help–even though we are sleeping and wish they were too. The key to night weaning is that once you stop offering milk as a panacea for night waking, you need to have some other tools for getting your child to sleep. I held Cavanaugh and sang to him. I bounced, rocked, and walked him. I reminded him that he knew how to sleep through the night, that I was still right there, that if he needed food or water he could have it. He didn’t want anything but breastmilk.

But I could not keep night nursing. I’d gotten to a point where I felt claustrophobic and wanted him off my body almost the moment when he was latched on. I would find myself nursing with my fist clenched (though he couldn’t see it). I wanted to move, to scream, to throw something–including him. I didn’t do any of those things, but my growing distress made me know I had to stop.

I had to psych myself up so much that I spent about fifty hours preparing to lead a meeting on weaning for our local AP chapter. (See the handout here.) Doing all of the research was my way of trying to understand the myriad ways weaning could happen in our household. For a long time, if I even thought about Cavanaugh being weaned I would tear up. I was afraid that if I night weaned him, he might wean himself completely–as some of my friends’  kids did after various forms of partial weaning.  I was attempting to make peace with the possibility that if I ended night nursing, it wouldn’t be long before he wasn’t nursing at all. I had gotten to the point where night nursing was so uncomfortable for me that even if it meant the end of our breastfeeding relationship, I had to stop it.

Reading about weaning helped me understand that the attachment parenting principle of feeding with love and respect didn’t include feeding with resentment and impatience. I was giving Cavanaugh a mixed message by offering him something that I didn’t really want to give. Martyring myself is not an example I want to set for my son, nor do I want him to ever feel guilty for taking something I am giving him–especially breastmilk. And I couldn’t just reframe the situation or change my expectations. I did not want him to nurse during the night and the thought that our beautiful nursing relationship of two years would turn into something negative made me determined to make a change.

I had originally resisted the Jay Gordon method because he explains that your child may not like being night weaned and might cry, scream, and otherwise protest the process. Luckily, he also explains the difference between crying-it-out and having a crying child. Nevertheless, it was painful to feel Cavanaugh’s desire and not meet it, to feel his sadness and not offer what he was asking for. The idea of “crying-it-out” was getting in the way of my letting Cavananugh cry. He had every right to be sad and to express his feelings of loss around night nursing.

If I had just tried the Gordon method initially and dealt with all of these tears, I could not have continued, but since I had originally said “no more milk” one night out of desperation and he had been night weaned so easily before all of the exceptions, I knew this was not a need he was expressing, it was a want. I didn’t just want to stop night nursing. I needed to. So there were tears at our house, negotiations. Cavanaugh tried asking “for just a little bit” of milk, or saying “milk not sleeping.” Some nights included an hour awake at 4 a.m. while he cried, fell asleep on my shoulder, woke up and cried some more. Other nights, he nursed to sleep and slept through the rest of the night. Though Gordon tells parents that after a child is night weaned you can nurse if circumstances call for it and then spend a night or two getting back on track, that wasn’t the case at our house.

We night weaned. Cavanaugh cried some. So did Mike and I. But we didn’t stop being nighttime parents and Cavanaugh knew that even though I was saying “no” to him about breastmilk, he could still trust me to be there and to meet his needs. I explained to him through nights and tears that we both needed to sleep through the night, that this was a big change, but we could both do it. And we are doing it. And it was so worth it!

Next up, last in the night weaning series Part V: Everything No One Told You About Night Weaning