Jamar Taylor : This is Jamar Taylor, former Boise State Bronco, new Miami Dolphin, and this is ProInterviews.org!

Max Strauss : You grew up in California. What was your high school football experience like?

Taylor : It was great. I went to Helix High School. The same school as Alex Smith, Reggie Bush, Todd Watkins, Karl Dorrell who used to be the former head coach at UCLA, Chuck Cecil, the defensive backs coach of the Rams. But it was a great experience. I was coached under coach Donnie Van Hook. It was a great four years there. I had a great freshman year. We kind of ran the table a lot in San Diego, between us and Oceanside. We went back forth and at it. It was great competition; I was playing against a lot of great players. Not a lot of guys got the big scholarship because San Diego sometimes gets overlooked by Los Angeles a lot, and Orange County because they’re over there by UCLA and USC. But, it was a great experience, though.

Strauss : Growing up, when did you face the most adversity growing up? And how do you feel it made you a better person and athlete today?

Taylor : Well, I grew up in San Diego, which everybody thinks as a vacation spot wherever you live at, just like Miami. But wherever you live at there is always some type of rough area.

But I grew up in Southeast San Diego with four of my cousins. Three ended up gang-banging, and one ended up dying from a gunshot. That was probably the hardest experience for me when I was in high school. That really turned my life around. My dad stopped making me go to my grandma’s house.

He made me focus more on school and football and things like that. I actually wanted to quit football after my cousin got killed. That was definitely something I went through that was hard and that changed me because after that, my best friend Chris Peterson told me to keep playing football, so I kept playing. I met my mentor, Trey Young who had me up every morning at 4:30 to work out and at 3:30 in the evening to work out. So that’s something that changed my life, when my cousin died, I started focusing more on football and more on school and just staying out of trouble.

Strauss : Wow, that’s a lot you went through growing up. Did you have any major accomplishments from your time in high school football?

Taylor : Well, I got all-league every year, and I played varsity for three years, I was a three-year captain on Varsity, and I didn’t lose that many games. I was up for the San Diego Player of the Year Award so I had some okay accomplishments, I guess.

Strauss : You also ran track in high school too?

Taylor : My freshmen year, but then I quit and started focusing on football and that’s around the same time my cousin died and I met my mentor. He helped me focus on football and I worked out for football all-year long.

Strauss : What was the whole recruiting experience like for you?

Taylor : Well, I wasn’t really recruited a lot. A lot of schools wanted me to move to safety, at least for [at the time] the Pac-10 teams. I thought I was going to go to University of Southern California, but I pulled my hamstring at the camp.

I came up to Boise and fell in love with it. They had a coach named Marcel Yates who said he wanted to be the best defensive back coach and I told him I wanted to be the best defensive back in the nation and he said if I wanted that I needed to go here [Boise St.]. I missed out on the opportunity because my dad wanted me to wait and see what opened up. Everyone in California wants to go to a Pac-10 school, so I waited and Boise stuck it out with me. Coach Pete, Coach Kwiatkowski, the DC, and Coach Yates believed in me and really wanted me there. For those guys to show their interest in me, and to show so much faith in me, and have so much interest in me. I just told my dad I am not waiting anymore and I am committing because that’s where I wanted to go.

Strauss : That’s interesting that you took on that mindset and you also got playing time early on at Boise State. What was your transition like?

Taylor : I think my transition was good. I got kind of thrown in the fire a little bit. Our first practice we were out there doing 7 on 7’s and 1 on 1’s. At first you go up there with the veterans, and it was rough at first, but I made some plays and they made some plays and doing that helped me transition before camp. When we got into camp, Coach Yates would throw me in there with the 1st team every once in a while, and I ended up playing as a true freshman.

But, it was a crazy experience. The game was faster, the playbook was wider; there were a lot of different plays and things like that, but I picked it up well and had some great guys like Kyle Wilson and Brandon Thompson who helped me out. I think the transition went smoother than I thought it was going to go.

Strauss : You mentioned playing with the first team. That’s a lot to keep you motivated especially in the weight room. How much playing time did you get on special teams in your career and what was that like?

Taylor : Well, my freshman year, that’s really where I made most of my money (laughs). I made most of my tackles on kickoffs. I played it a lot my freshman and sophomore year and my junior year until I got hurt. It was a great experience, and I learned a lot on special teams. Even though I didn’t play on it as much my senior year, I still paid attention. Coach kept a lot of the younger guys on the field, but I still paid attention. I love special teams because it’s something that people don’t really pay attention to, but it’s somewhere where you can beat another team. It’s the ultimate team position.

Strauss : What was it like for you to step on the field for your first college start?

Taylor : I wouldn’t say I was nervous. It was against Virginia Tech. I had played my freshman year so it wasn’t really nerves. I had a little bit of the jitters, but I think it was more me being anxious to play. My first play, I had bad eyes and they ran a flea flicker and the guy ran past me and that was a horrible play. I had the jitters, that first game against Virginia Tech was crazy. I’m going to remember it for the rest of my life, but overall I had a good game. I had a great stop on third down in the fourth quarter and forced them to punt and that’s when Kellen Moore went down for the final drive. It was definitely a good game and a good experience.

Strauss : Getting a lot of playing time is always great. Was there a specific game throughout your career at Boise State that was your favorite?

Taylor : I didn’t have a favorite game at first. Originally, it was the San Jose State game where I had my first interception, but I think now it’s our bowl game last year against Washington. Because I played great in my last game and we went out with a bang. It was one of my best overall games. It came down to the final field goal, but to go out as a champion as a senior, that was really special and my most memorable game.

Strauss : Watching film on you in college, you’re not someone to shy away from contact. You actually bump receivers all the time and make plays in the backfield. How would you describe yourself as a player at Boise State?

Taylor : I guess my style of play is “chippy”. I play with attitude and, like you said, not shying away from tackles, I think that’s just going back to me growing up and playing with my cousins. Even in pop warner, if you were afraid to tackle, you weren’t going to play. Tough coaching builds you into that type of player. I’m more a chippy player. I like to press receivers, but at the same time I like playing off. I just try to do whatever my team asks of me, and make sure I do it to the best of my abilities, so I know they can count on me.

Strauss : What is it like playing on the blue field at Boise State?

Taylor : The blue is something unique. It’s really one of a kind and that’s been my home for the past five years. Our fans are amazing. The turf is one of a kind. I always tell everybody, it’s just grass, it’s just turf. When you’re a little kid you play on gravel and dirt, you just play football. I think a lot of people over-think it too much. It’s just lining up, and playing football and you either can or you can’t.

Strauss : Transitioning from junior to senior year is very crucial. It shows how much they want to improve and get better when they’re still doing it senior year. What was that offseason like for you?

Taylor : Well I got hurt four games my junior year, but I took every offseason approach the same way. I work hard at perfecting my craft, whether I was running hills, doing footwork or watching film I was always trying to get better. I think after being hurt for four games, my thing was just to get healthy and then make sure I didn’t over-train. It was watching more in the film room, and about taking care of my body and things like that. I always take every offseason seriously. I think God really blessed me this past year with my great season. It also helped having a coach like Jimmy Lake coming from Tampa Bay who installed some things in our defense that put me in good position to make plays.

Strauss : You were a team captain. Talk about that experience.

Taylor : Being the team captain, that was something put on by Coach Pete and some of the players. It was a great thing because I think it made me grow up and realize I had an eye on me at all times. I had to take a lot of people under my wing and make sure that I was always working and practicing the hardest. We always talked about how there can’t be bad days if you’re a leader. It was a great responsibility that helped me grow up as a player and as a person and taught me a lot about life. It also helped me connect with Coach Pete because we talked about everything.

Strauss : What was it like being in a pass defense and being the main focus of it? (continued question)

Taylor : Since I had been here, we always had a good defensive back unit. We kind of went downhill during my junior year when both Darrell and I got hurt. This year, we only gave up about three touchdowns. It was great being a part of a defense like that and we had a great coach in Jimmy Lake and great guys in the secondary. But it all started up front and with our great defensive coordinator. Being the leader back there was good. Darrell and I always tried to help out our younger guys and also communicate, so we could make plays.

Strauss : Do you have a favorite play that sticks out from your time over at Boise State?

Taylor : My favorite play was probably during my junior year against Fresno State when I jumped over one of my good friends from back home who we played pop-warner together, and I jumped over him and intercepted the ball on third down. That was probably my favorite play, it was just a crazy interception. I didn’t think it was going to happen, but yeah, it happened.

Strauss : What was your training experience like this offseason in Miami?

Taylor : It was good. I met some great guys and didn’t really know what to expect when I came down to Florida. I just heard Pete Bommarito was a good trainer. There were a lot of guys who were humbled and ready to work. I worked out with guys like Nick Moody [FSU], Dan Buckner [Arizona], Junior Collins [Virginia Tech], Roy Roundtree [Michigan], just a ton of guys.

It was a great experience. Pete let us get after it whether it was running or lifting. I did it because of the great weather and to get used to the eastern time zone because I knew the combine was going to be that too. It was a great experience and it wasn’t like it was a grind. It felt like it was going slow, but I look back and it went fast. From training there, to the Senior Bowl, to coming back and training hard three weeks for the combine. It was definitely a grind, but I enjoyed it. Pete definitely got me right down there.

Strauss : At the Combine, that’s a huge stage for you to show off what you got. Could you talk about the Combine? I know you were a top performer in the 40-yard dash, bench press, and in the 20 yard shuttle.

Taylor : The Combine definitely was a grind. I think my plane left at 5:30 on that Friday and got there, then you go straight to the hospital and they are picking on you doing and doing all kinds of things. Then you meet with teams and then try to make it back to your training facility and try to eat right and healthy.

The next morning, we woke up at 3:30, me and B.W. Webb [roommate] to go drug test and then we were up till 12:30. Then the next day, I was up early for media I had missed for medical reports, then we had to go bench and stuff. Then the next day was the day to run. I was kind of nervous. I called my pastor and had him pray for me as well as a lot of my teammates.

I knew I was going to run a 4.3 something, I just didn’t know if it was going to be high or low. I tripped on my first one, so I had to walk back and re-group. My second one was way faster, I prayed to God and he answered my prayers. I did good in the DB drills because that’s everyday stuff right there. Then we went to the shuttle and your legs are dead, by then from all the other drills. You just try to knock it out and finish up was fast as you can and then, you head straight to the airport. It was definitely a busy experience and it was definitely a blessing to be invited there because I know a lot of people who would die to be there.

Strauss : If someone asked you to compare your game to someone in the NFL, who would you say? Follow @ProInterviews

Taylor : I don’t know. I like to compare my game a lot to Darrelle Revis. I’m not as patient as him in my press game. I have been in the past, but I try to switch it up a lot. That’s definitely someone I watch, and try to mimic a lot. The guy is just so smart, and he’s not afraid to tackle, and he’s just so patient.

Strauss : What was your whole Draft weekend like?

Taylor : My agent thought I was going to go on Thursday. It was kind of frustrating when it ended that day, but I had great support from my family, my agent, and my girlfriend.

We woke up on Friday and said today is going to be a better day. Some teams called and said they were going to get me, and then, they passed on me. I was getting frustrated, but next thing I knew, my phone was ringing. It was a blessing from God for the Dolphins and Jeff Ireland to give me a chance to come down there. It was like I got the monkey off my back.

Strauss : You were also drafted in the third round with cornerback, Will Davis. Do you have a relationship with him at all?

Taylor : Will and I were at the Senior Bowl with each other where we got to know each other a little bit. He’s a great guy though, someone that definitely took over the WAC. He’s an awesome player and has an awesome heart. We were just talking about what we’re going to do for the team and how we’re going to help each other out. Hopefully, we can get through hard times as rookies and make plays for the Dolphins, so win some ball games.

Strauss : You’re expected to contribute immediately for the Dolphins. What are your expectations?

Taylor : My plan is to come in and learn and pick all the coaches brains until they get sick of me. Just try to learn as much as I can about the NFL, because it’s so much different game than college. At the same time, I just want to have fun and make plays. Sometimes, a lot of people over-think it, but I just want to come in, learn, and ball-out to help my team win.

Strauss : You’ve been to Miami before. Do you plan on going to other Miami sporting events? Are you going to do anything else down in Miami?

Taylor : When I’m down in Miami, I’m all football. Even when I was at Boise, I’m on football 99% of the time. I will definitely be studying the playbook a lot. When I’m away from football, I’ll probably be talking to my family and my girlfriend if they’re not down there with me.

I’m not really a person who likes to be in the public eye a lot. I’ll probably come out a little bit for a Heat game or something like that if my teammates want to go, but most of the time I’ll be home studying my playbook and resting my body and trying to get ready for the next football game.

Strauss : Maybe you’ll go to a Hurricanes game or something…

Taylor : Definitely. The Canes were my favorite team growing up, so I’ll check out a “U” game one day.

Strauss : If you could describe yourself as any ice cream flavor, what would you be and why?

Taylor : Haha… That’s funny. I’ll have to ask my girlfriend, that’s kind of a weird question… (asks girlfriend). I don’t know. That’s a weird question. I don’t think I can answer that question. If its my favorite flavor, it’d be strawberry.

Strauss : Why?

Taylor : I don’t know man. I don’t even have a reason right now.

Strauss : If someone wants to play in the NFL, what’s the best advice you can give them?

Taylor : People say this a lot, but never let someone tell you what you can’t do. Always work to be the best no matter what the circumstance is, no matter if someone puts you down, or if you’re tired. Work to be the best. As long as you keep faith in God and keep working hard, the sky is the limit.

Strauss : Thank you so much for your time Jamar. I really appreciate it.

Taylor : No problem.

Raw desire?  Or Spiritual Fire?

Lust and disgust?  Or love from above?

Thoughts that annoy?  Or real time joy?

Spiritual blindness?  Or lovingkindness?

What do you find flowing through your mind?

So, what’s innernet streaming in your heart?
1) Negativity, anger, worry, fear, disrespect, lust, violence, frustration?
Or 2) Hope, encouragement, love, peace, kindness, faith, goodness, joy?
What do you find flowing in your mind?
I find that #1 naturally streams in my heart and I have to work very hard at self-control to resist #1 and minimize it, because my heart easily turns to and embraces self-destructive thoughts and images.
I also find that for #2 to stream in me, I have to continually focus and refocus my heart on the good, or it will automatically turn to the bad.
The ancient prophet, Jeremiah, put it this way: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”

Several years ago, someone asked me a sincere question that seemed very, very unusual at the time- Why do you believe in God when you haven’t seen Him and cannot prove that He truly exists? Prior to that moment, I had never consciously examined why it was that I was convinced that God existed but considering the sincerity with which that person had asked me that question, I found myself for the first time, searching my heart to uncover what my answer to that question was and In less that 5 minutes, I responded by saying-

“I believe that God exists because in the years when my parents faced tremendous trails in their marriage, my mum prayed to someone and whoever that person was answered her and gave her victory over the evil forces that were threatening the  well being of every member of my immediate family. So I unconsciously told myself that whoever that person was who granted my family victory through my mother’s prayers although unseen must be God almighty.”

Suffice it to say that the words jumped from my spirit and into my mouth much in the same way one would accidentally blurt out his/her true opinions about something or someone without fully thinking about their response and though the gentleman never pressed me further for more details about my answer, I never forgot that brief conversation.

That brief encounter and the answer that I gave have become to me, a very good depiction of the vital role that my parents and especially my mum have played in sharpening my life and  my faith in God. Considering that  when our time on earth is over, the only thing that will matter is whether or not we received the gift of salvation which Christ shed His blood to obtain for every human, I am once again overjoyed and thankful to my mother’s faith in Jesus and His saving power which served as a motivator for me to pursue my own personal relationship with Christ.In addition, looking back at the victories that God has granted my immediate family these past 2 decades, i can only say that it took a praying wife, a fasting mother and a hard working, ever persistent  daughter-of-God to enforce God’s will to be done in our lives and home as it is in heaven.

So today, as I, my dad and 3 siblings celebrate my awesome mum, I ask you to join me in saying; Mrs Justina Gbemudu (aka iyawo soldier) ;0)

- for always praying- God bless you

- for never losing hope when all hope seemed lost- God preserve you

- for fasting when your family didn’t think it was important or when we your children were too young to join you- God increase you

_ for making sacrifices so that I and my siblings would have and enjoy the comforts life did not afford you- God bless you and

- for persistently knocking on heavens door until all of God’s blessings were restored to your family- God bless you.

Mummy, may you live to see your children’s children’s children, may you live to enjoy the fruits of your labor (both physical and spiritual) and may all nations rise to celebrate you! But before the nations do, always remember that I , daddy, Zubby, LadyN and Uche celebrate you!! Happy birthday mum….love you big as the sky…;0)

]]> http://sonlightdevotional.org/2013/05/24/the-dispensation-of-innocence-2/ Fri, 24 May 2013 06:00:51 +0000 Sonlight Ministries http://sonlightdevotional.org/2013/05/24/the-dispensation-of-innocence-2/ [Printable version]

Scripture reading: Genesis 5:21-24

God has separated our time into three dispensations. Let us look at the first dispensation today. We call it “The dispensation of innocence,” but it can be called any other name. During this time, Adam began to teach his children what happened to him when he walked in the garden with God Almighty. Have you ever thought of it? The privilege of walking with the Living God? Adam had this experience and he began to teach his children. He taught them hundreds of years and then, after somewhere around nine hundred years, somebody got the message. One man! The man Enoch had the capacity, the determination, and the power of faith to break through into the presence of God and to COMMAND the deliverance!

“And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years: And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him” (Genesis 5:23-24).

Adam taught Enoch, and the Bible says here that it took 365 years. The number 365 looks somewhat suspicious, doesn’t it? 365 days make one solar year. So then, in 365 years one man got the message. God translated Enoch when he was 365 years old, and thereby, by type showed us what is going to happen at the end of time when God will bring man into the fullness.

“…And Enoch walked with God….” The first man that we read of that walked with God was Adam. It says that Adam walked with God. He taught Enoch, and Enoch learned to walk with God. And Enoch’s wife said, “Enoch walked with God and is not for God took him.” For the Bible says that Enoch had sons and daughters (Genesis 5:22). That shows that the man was a natural, normal man who had a wife and children, and a home. And it says that he walked with God!

“And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.”

Now, Enoch’s wife didn’t mourn. She wasn’t crying and weeping that she lost him, because she didn’t lose him. She gained him! Enoch “walked with God,” and she said, “Enoch is not.” That means to say that, “He is no longer here. He is no longer a natural, carnal, physical man. He has ASCENDED!” And the Bible tells us that he did it by faith!

“By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God” (Hebrews 11:5).

He walked with God by faith, and it said, “And…God took him.” What would make God want a man? Can you imagine how much God must have loved that man? See him walking like the perfect NEW CREATION MAN! God had a plan to make us into a new creation man, so when Adam fell it did not bother God. For God saw this same Adam that fell ahead at the end of the day WALKING IN POWER AND GLORY! Amen!

So then, God said to Enoch, “Would you like to come with Me?” And Enoch said, “That is what I want.” Amen! “Nothing else would satisfy me. The reason I live is to worship Thee!” Amen! Yes! “The reason I live is to worship Thee, God!”

“And Enoch… was not; for God took him.”

This was absolutely amazing! I cannot imagine how it must have seemed. He just stepped from natural into supernatural. Enoch never died but is alive this very day. He just went from natural into supernatural. Amen!

(Excerpt from The Omega Message, December 2003, pg. 7-8)

Thought for today: Let the following be the confession of our mouths and hearts: “Nothing else will satisfy me, Lord, but to come away with Thee. The reason I live is to worship Thee!”

I am a Christian, and by that I meant, I am a follower of Jesus Christ. God granted His grace through which I have faith in Him.

I know that I am not a complete picture of a ‘new life’ or a ‘new person’ as depicted in God’s Word but I would picture myself as a painting in progress.

…and, Life is worth sharing only because I was given one.

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CM-5.23.13  Sir.5. 1-8  Ps. 1. 1-2, 3, 4, 6  Mk.9. 41-50

Cosmic connection”: cold overcast noisy birds

Question of the day: What can I do today to live victorious over sin?

Sirach today teaches not to rely on much except the Lord; Most poignant we are not to delay our conversion,

Always with sin to have an aversion,

For the Lord is the one whose power we rely upon that He may be adored.

The focus of the psalm is on hope.

The just person delights in the law of the Lord,

Such a person is planted like a tree near running water or a fjord.

Otherwise we are living on the slippery slope.

Jesus concentrates on whatever causes us to sin, hand eye;

We should cut it off, better to do without it than end up in Gahenna

As if we should turn and concentrate on the teaching of the Madonna,

Only on \the grace of the Lord should we rely; keeping our salt to apply.

‘Receive the Word of God,

Not as persons but as it truly is the Word of God.’

If no one believes in you, believe in yourself.  If you don’t believe in what you possess, you will never fully understand the power that you carry.  God has gifted you to stand out in a crowd.  You are not a mistake rather a treasure.

God spoke to me when I was in a pit of insecurity.  He said “E’yen I believe in you more than you believe in yourself.”

God believes in you more than you believe in yourself.  He expects more out of you than you expect out of yourself.  You can do it.  Do not worry about what people think, their opinion does not matter.  Just do it.  Don’t be afraid to express yourself.  Whatever comes out, comes out.   Do not worry about the result concern yourself with acting in the gift that you know you possess.  No one has to tell you that you are gifted you know it; now just walk in it.

Thank God that He believes in me.  8 published books and I am starting to believe in myself

Be encouraged and go after your dreams

Let me begin with international travel. I have never flown internationally before so to get here I had two international flights, the first to Amsterdam and the second to Africa. I had more food that actually tasted decent on those flights than I could of asked for. We had dinner and breakfast, snacks between them, but our meals were three course meals. I mean the flight attendants were always busy. Moving on to sleep, well on my way here that was next to impossible, so I was up for three days straight because I was thrilled to get here. I made some friends with missionaries that were doing a short trip with their church, and then later I talked with a girl traveling alone to Jinja, Uganda for two weeks for fun, but by herself. The rides were great because each seat had a screen of its own and you could watch movies, listen to music, play games, or e-mail from the plane. So I was a bit spoiled coming to Uganda. I was however in a great deal of pain as I traveled, but I assume that is from sitting in one place for so long.

My poem as we flew into Uganda and much of my prayer was this:

Outside looks abandoned

A desert to itself

Yet it looks so inviting

A place I’d put myself.

I question how I’m here

Where did my path change

How on earth am I in totally peace

I know God’s called me here.

I’ve flown for hours

I’ve been spoiled with food

Yet I too have slept very little

But I am ready, no fear.

God I look outside

And your promise bares truth

For you’ve clearly met me here.

So Lord I give you this trip

Use me as you will

I just ask you go before me

And protect me as I’m here.

We stayed the first night in Kampala at a guest house and then we had a day of travel, but by the time we got to Mbale it was too late to go into the village so we stayed at Mission Moving Mountains for the night. The roads here suck, like for my friends and family in Minnesota, or the states in general, you should not complain about our potholes, I could easily lay down in a pothole here with a group of people and fill them, and when it rains it is an enjoyable ride because you can’t tell where the potholes are or how bad they are.They are horrible here, but that too is because their roads are over thirty years old.

My first few days in the village: May 9, 2013 till May 12, 2013. I was strictly a guest, except they allowed me to wash my clothes once because I begged them to teach me, but they wouldn’t let me dig, they wouldn’t let me help cook, wash dishes, move my own chair, or anything. They always made me meals different than theirs and for a while it made me feel weird, but I figure now it is out of respect. I got to my host home fairly late and greeted my family. My mayi (mom) is Florence who is 54, I have a yaya (brother) Ivan who is 19, and a yaya (sister) who is 16, and then my mayi watches one of her grandsons who is 18 months old named Edrine.

My first night I was in bed by 8:30pm because that was normal for my family and I woke up at 1am wide awake, a little nervous and scared, and I really had to pee, but here in Uganda they don’t normally go out at night because of safety, so I could have used my basin that I bathe in and wash clothes in, or a ziplock bag. Let’s say I have grown a lot in unexpected ways while being here. Anyways I couldn’t fall asleep then so I prayed for a while and since then have not had problems sleeping.

Some new experiences for me was using a squatty potty (latrine) and bathing out of a bucket, along with brushing my teeth with bottled water, and doing my laundry by hand, but all in all it hasn’t been bad at all. My latrine is a throne of them all, I mean this has to be freshly dug because I haven’t had any weird bugs crawl out of it while I’ve used it. On May 10^th I wrote in my journal this: This place is home even if I do not know the language and clearly look out of place. I feel at home. I also physically feel great. NO PAIN, NO SWELLING. Praise God!

For those back home who heard my sermon you knew God answered my financial needs, he too has been with me every step of the way, and now I can say that after two weeks here I am healed from the pain I have had since 2009 in my joints, and all this out of my simple obedience to “go” as I was called.

On May 11, 2013 all the kids from around my home came and sang and danced for me, I too taught them duck, duck, goose. I enjoyed being with them a lot, even if I couldn’t communicate with them because I do not know their language. I wrote in my journal on this day John 14:27, “Peace I leave you; my peace I give you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubles, neither let them be afraid.” This verse spoke to me because I had constantly be surrounded by Ivan who is my host brother and language helper, but at times, due  to my past, I would be fearful and think of all that could possible happen. This verse brought comfort to me and that was the last time I felt afraid around Ivan.

On May 12^th I went to a catholic church and it was great, but I expected something more I suppose. The service was long and I didn’t know what was being said except the verses, but the worship was my favorite. Later that evening I got back with my group from school and we shared all our stories. It was good to be with people who speak English and know me personally. On this morning as well my devotions were on how to relate to others through God’s love and I am experiencing that in full motion as I do not know their language enough, but just being with them and among them, and being here to serve is showing God’s love to these people.

On May 13^th I wrote in my journal this: Something I have learned personally is God’s faithfulness in our obedience… I can’t understand my doubt in him (God) and his promises when he continues to do such incredible work in my life. I went on about how I doubted I’d ever be healed from pain after four plus years, and how I still hold onto ehh am I healed or is this just chance and it hit me that I doubt in God far too often. Look at the incredible things he has done in my life, why do I doubt? I came to the conclusion that it is an earthly habit, but I still hate that I do it.

May 14^th was my day from the pit. I woke up feeling like something was not right, my devotions were all about how things may not go as planned and I may have troubles but to trust in the Lord, and then during group devotions I got overwhelmed and just wanted to cry. We had some down time before going back into the village and I sat alone outside and wrote this poem while holding back a wall of tears:

So many times I want to run

I want to hide

I build up walls of selfish pride

Walls that lock me inside

My wounds, the hurt, I allow none to see

For my walls they protect me inside.

There are even tall walls

I’ve put up before God

For sometimes my wounds

They seem all too big

The bring in shame, fear, and pain

I cannot lay them at your name.

Sometimes my tears build up in my eyes

Yet never are they seen by you, hardly I

I’ve done so in protection

For as a child they caused only harm

Because when I cried no one came

The hurt continued and stayed.

In this moment the hurt has settled in deep

I have fought back tears

Yet water has splashed over the dam

Its walls being tested

Its strength proved for now

Yet each moment it grows weaker.

I wonder when I’ll break

Will healing come to my heart or mind

For I am across the world

And with none I know

Yet this hurt, the shame resist harvest

Will relationships be made?

In time, in time

Everything comes in time I know

But my time or yours

They have shown to be different

My time is now at the flip of a dime

Your time, your will no one knows.

So in fear, out of hurt

Lord, Wele Papa, I invite you in

Bring comfort, bring peace

Bring a harvest so plentiful that all may eat

Bring relationship or tears

Lord I leave my heart here.

For a while I didn’t know why I felt as I did and eventually I caved and went online to check my e-mails, but I found nothing that I feared. I lastly went onto facebook and found out one of my residents passed away, and something else going on at home and I cried. I was alone and I just balled. I curled up in bed passing a few friends and just ignored them. Later my closest friend on our team came in and asked if I was ok and I just said no and shortly later my professor came in and talked and prayed for me. I learned in this whole situation that I cannot keep things in. Even telling my professor then my team what I had learned I felt a lot of relief, but at the time I too just wanted to talk with my family. I called my mom and left her a message full of tears. That night in the village I too cried myself to sleep. When I was dropped off  I had forgot to give my professor something so she came back to my house at the end of dropping people off and I wanted to go back to the guest house with her, I didn’t want to be in a village of people I didn’t know at the emotional state I was in, but I was too scared to ask, so I stayed. I learned I need people through it all though, and was in some long processed comforted that I was not home to experience them tragedies because there was nothing I could have done anyways to stop them.

May 15^th I got to dig in the garden, it was a lot of work, but fun. Then the north team got together and went up Mt. Elgon to the market. That was an experience. Let’s just say only three of us brought water and it was hot, so eventually we all almost passed out and they transportation was, well, different as 40 plus people stood in the back of a truck hold on for life. The entire experience improved our prayer life that is for certain. I was certain I would meet Jesus that day coming down the mountain as the truck with 40 plus people and all their stuff went off the road into sharp ditches to pass others going slower. We also had an opportunity to pray with a man who had injured his leg a year ago and he accepted Christ that day too through us. It was a good day and great to see God work through us students.

May 16^th we walked up the mountain again to go to a stream. It was so hot and exhausting to say the least, but again it was good to be with the North Central students and not just alone in a village that hardly speaks English. On this day John 16:12 was in my reading saying, “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.” This verse silenced my questions I so often ask God about my past and I was just at peace with where I was at. I was at complete peace knowing I am here in Uganda at this moment for a reason and as we were at the stream at the top of the mountain I turned around and could see so far and was just reminded of God’s constant presence in our lives.

The 17^th was a relaxing day. One in which I used a lot of my time to prepare to give my sermon for the 19^th. I also got together again with my fellow students and we just played games and I brought them to my host home.

The 18^th I woke up sick in the morning, but after using the bathroom I felt better. I slept a lot saying I was preparing for my sermon, but just needed some quiet time. And then the 19^th I woke up at 2 in the morning very sick. I threw up and broke out is some weird blistery rash all over, and when I got up at 6:30 for church I felt horrible and finally had the courage to tell my host family I couldn’t give my sermon, let alone do anything. My Mayi (host mom) got home from church and was worried out of her mind. She made me drink hot tea, which was the last thing I wanted as I believe I had a fever and was sitting in a pool of sweat already, she too tried and tried to get me to eat, but I couldn’t. I knew we were being picked up Monday morning, but I couldn’t wait and around 2pm I asked if we could call my professor so I could go back to the guest house. I did get to come back, and still till today I am not feeling 100%, but I don’t have a fever or rash, I just can’t keep food down. Yet in my sickness I am comforted and not in fear as I know God is a healer and provider.

One last thing I missed was during my devotions one morning I was reading in John 18 and 19 where Jesus is before Pilate and Pilate said something along the lines of I have the authority to release you and Jesus said something along the lines of you have no authority unless given to you from above, but the bigger thing that hit me in this that I want to share is how Jesus didn’t take the easy out from Pilate. He could have been released by Pilate, but he knew God had a bigger plan for him. This hit me and as I shared before how I wanted to not go back into the village after hearing my resident back home died and things were going on at home I persevered and in that I grew. I knew being in the village God had something more for me and I knew that is where I needed to be. Taking the easy out is not God’s wills for our lives, we go through struggles and tough circumstances to grow and be taught by the Lord. So I encourage you to stay close to God, lean on God, and be assured he never gives you more than you can handle.

So this is where I end. I hope you enjoy my stories and lessons I have shared and I hope they are encouragement to you. I wish I could share this experience personally with all of you as this place is wonderful, but I too know that we are all not called to go.

Blessings to you all back home, to my friends and family, to my blog followers may you be blessed.

Scripture reading: Hebrew 11:6

I trust you remember that “virgins” in the Bible mean “Christians.” The “foolish virgins” in Matthew 25 are those who half-believe and half-don’t believe. In other words, they believe, but with a doubt. If you believe God, then why don’t you just believe Him? If you believe that God is God, why don’t you serve Him? Serving God is not running up and down the streets, telling people about Jesus and handing out tracts. To some people, that is serving God. In reality, even though it is part of it, it is the least of it. The greater part of serving God is to ALLOW the power of God to come into you (into God’s temple) to where you are a sanctified temple! When you allow God in, then God can do what He wants to do. You do not have to go all around telling everybody about Jesus. You do not have to go “doing” something.

For example, you went to minister the gospel in China. The day is going to come when we will walk through China, saying nothing at all. Not a word! Yet, breaking down the power of hell! Amen! Because the POWER of God will be coming through you! Hallelujah!

You have read of Charles Finney and men like him. I am not talking about those who you know, but I am talking about what you have heard about. Charles Finney went to a factory. As he walked through it, people fell from their seats and accepted Jesus without him saying a word.

Some people may say, “Well, we hear Brother duCille talk about God, but we have not known Him for ourselves.” But then, if you believe God, He will manifest Himself to you also.

(Excerpt from The Omega Message, December 2003, pg. 3-4)

Thought for today: Are you one of those who half-believe and half-don’t? Remember: if you believe God, He will manifest Himself to you!

I am utterly spent and crushed; I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

My heart throbs, my strength fails me; and the light of my eyes — it also has gone from me.

But for thee, O LORD, do I wait; it is thou, O LORD my God, who wilt answer.

Do not forsake me, O LORD! O my God, be not far from me!

Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!

Psalms 38:6, 8, 10, 15, 21-22

As a hart longs for flowing streams, so longs my soul for thee, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When shall I come and behold the face of God?

My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me continually, “Where is your God?”

These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I went with the throng, and led them in procession to the house of God, with glad shouts and songs of thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.

My soul is cast down within me, therefore I remember thee from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep at the thunder of thy cataracts; all thy waves and thy billows have gone over me.

By day the LORD commands his steadfast love; and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God, my rock: “Why hast thou forgotten me? Why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”

As with a deadly wound in my body, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me continually, “Where is your God?” Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.

Psalms 42:1-11

First General Bond:
“A Spirit-filled Army tells the gospel story faithfully and trustingly, believing that there is power in the name of Jesus, power in this life-giving message, the power that the Holy Spirit exerts to bring about transformation.” “The Army was raised up by God to connect people to Jesus . . . This world needs to see that the people of God make holiness believable. It needs to see authentic, deep Christians who live out the life of Jesus and do not just talk about it.”

Then Pope Francis:
“There are backseat Christians, right? Those who are well mannered and do everything well, but they don’t know how to bring others to the Church through proclamation and Apostolic zeal. Today we can ask the Holy Spirit to give us all this Apostolic fervor and to give us the grace to be annoying when things are too calm in the Church. The grace to go out to the outskirts of life. The Church needs this! Not only in distant lands, young parishes or among people who do not know Jesus, but here in the cities. Our cities need this proclamation of Jesus Christ. So let us ask the Holy Spirit for the grace of Apostolic zeal. Let’s be Christians with Apostolic zeal. And if we annoy people, Blessed be the Lord! Onwards, as the Lord says to St. Paul: show courage!”

Sit-back-and-listen-church makes people passive.  Open line, talk church makes people powerful in God as they show and tell what God has done on an open mike!

Talk church isn’t new. Here’s a quotation where John Miley described talk church in 1854 (as he wrote about Methodist class meetings):

“Should there not be regularly appointed times when those that fear God may meet together and speak to one another? Times when all may participate in the (church) meeting? The habit of speaking on the subject of religion, of giving expression to religious feelings and purposes, will increase people’s confidence in the cause of Christ. To speak of our faith is to secure its increase. To declare our decision for Christ and His cause is more fully to determine and settle that decision. To give expression to our love to God is to kindle its fires anew and to cause it to grow with fervor.

Open Line Talk Church — Sundays @ 10:45 am., 225 Berry St., Nashville, 37207 @ The Salvation Army Berry Street.

I woke up at the wonderful time of 4:30 AM to go walk laps. My body might have been awake, but my skin definitely was not. I looked pretty rough. But After finishing the laps with my awesome 24/7 team, we all went to Wednesday morning prayer that started at 6:30 AM.

At my church we have a corporate prayer session on Wednesday mornings so we get a chance to worship and pray for our community and church members alongside church staff. During this prayer time God was speaking to everyone in the room.

After we finished at 7:30, 24/7 decided to spend  more time in prayer, which was great because an hour of prayer and worship is never enough for me. But we did something special. Pastor John, one of 24/7′s leadership staff, wanted us to worship for about a half hour, and then he opened it up for anyone to come up and share what God has been revealing to them lately.

When God spoke to me during the worship portion of our 24/7 prayer, I could not contain what was revealed. And wonderfully enough, it had to do with the very thing I am dealing with this week. But when God spoke to me, he didn’t use the term “insecurity” for it has almost become super mundane to me. He used the word in inadequacy.

I struggle with feeling inadequate in many areas in my life, which leads to my insecurity. I never feel good enough, special enough, funny enough, or even beautiful enough. Not for God and not for anyone. And because I feel this way, I reach out to material things to compensate.

God brought up a scenario for me to help me understand the point he was about to make. He had me remember the time I went to the beach a couple of weeks ago. I remember clearly that I wanted to go to our local beach because it was starting to become summer and I was as pale as a ghost. So of course to I wanted to get a nice tan to make me feel prettier when I stand next to all my gorgeous friends that have perfect tans. Well, as you can imagine, I am not wanting to waste time on the beach and I wanted to take in as much sun I could that day, so I didn’t use sunscreen. I did the worse thing possible and applied tanning oil. Yes, I was asking to be fried, and that is exactly what happened. By the time I left the beach and got back home, I was a lobster. To anyone who I walked by for the next couple of days, I looked like a complete idiot.

It is all linked back to my insecurity to feel beautiful and wanting to look better.  Then God spoke to me,

“Cynthia, instead of spending time in the sun and getting marked and burned by it, why don’t you spend time with my Son and let him mark you?”

Wow. See guys, spending time with God this morning is exactly what I needed. I needed to spend time with my Father that will mark me for eternity, not with something that will burn me, and will eventually fade away.

I think back to the story of Saul. Saul was a nasty guy and killed Christians for their beliefs. But that all changed one day when Saul was heading to Damascus to continue persecuting Christians, and had a true encounter with Jesus. Jesus came to him in a bright flash of light and spoke to Saul. After this encounter, Saul became blind for three days. But after he regained his sight, he was changed forever. You can see the evidence of his change throughout the majority of the New Testament as Paul. The mark that Jesus made on him is still changing lives today! I want to be marked by Jesus because I never want to be the same ever again.

At the end of our prayer time, Pastor John got back on the mic. He said that he heard a great message from Judah Smith once when he was at a conference a few years ago and in this message, Judah said something that changed Pastor John’s walk drastically.

“When did Jesus become not enough?”

When in my life did Jesus become not enough to for me to ever overcome my battles? When did Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice not become fulfilling enough for me, that instead of seeking my self-worth in my heavenly Father, I looked to earthly things? When did that happen? Why did that ever happen? Who have I become?

My challenge to you is, don’t ever lose sight of Christ. He is the ultimate author and perfecter of our faith and he ENDURED the cross for you and for me. That alone should remove all inadequacy because even in our sinful state, God thought we were more than worth it to sacrifice his only son for us. Wow. The audacity that I have to even think that Jesus isn’t enough makes me sick to my stomach.

The truth is, Jesus is enough. He always was and always will be. Insecurity? It shouldn’t exist. The definition of insecurity is the lack of confidence or assurance. But Jesus came to give us confidence and assurance that if we have relationship with him, we will never perish, but spend eternity with the King of Kings.

Ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, let this be encouragement to get you through what ever struggle you are dealing with. Do be down on yourself for feeling insecure and inadequate, but be joyful in the fact we have a savior. We are imperfect but we know someone who loves us, who is the exact opposite from that.

“Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV 2011)

-Cynthia

It reminded me of some of David’s psalms – where he pours out his heart to God.
Why do you let the people perish?
Why do you let evil prosper?
Where are you when it hurts?
Can you hear me?
Are you even there?

But one thing you often find in these psalms is… a ‘but’ or ‘yet’. I’m paraphrasing again but you often read…

Things are crap, but I will praise you.
My world is falling apart, yet I will trust you.

This is missing from the blog post. It ended with no answers, just more questions.

I can safely say that I’ve spent the bulk of my Christian life totally confused about what God is up to. I don’t have a crisis of faith, in the sense that I have no doubt that He is there – and I believe the Bible and the glowing character reference it gives God. But like me, the writer of that blog post feels as if, verses that say things like, ‘your ways are not our ways and your thoughts are not our thoughts’ are just not enough.

I was going to challenge the guy though and suggest that he should do a bit more trusting and a bit less complaining. But I didn’t and I’m glad I didn’t. At that moment I remembered an email I’d send to a Christian a while ago, I mentioned I was struggling with some stuff and asked for prayer. The reply came that I should stop complaining and rejoice in the victory that God has given me.
I will probably never ask that person for prayer again and or share a struggle with them. Even if they are right and I’m wrong – the response did nothing to warm my cold heart that day.

It’s very easy to thump someone on the shoulder and tell them to rejoice in their sufferings. Sometimes too easy. A valley usually only looks pretty when you’re viewing it from the top.  When you’re down deep in it, the view is never as good.

These verses in Habakkuk 3 always come to mind when I’m pondering stuff like this.  And I’m sure I’ve shared them before…

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Even though it looks like I have nothing to thank you for, I’m going to thank you anyway. I actually do believe that because of who He is, God is worthy of our praise regardless of my state of mind or heart.
But my state of mind and heart sometimes makes it harder to praise him.

I suppose I was affected by the blog post cos of the empty questioning that sounded like it would never be answered. I was hoping for the ‘but’ and ‘yet’ at the end of the post and it never came.
That doesn’t meant that I can’t add it tho… 

I really do thank God for His unconditional love!
If I was in charge I’d have given up on me a long time ago!

Recently we put together family home evening kits on the First Vision, helping to pass off teaching a family home evening on the first vision in the Gospel Living Section of their Faith in God booklets. It took a lot of looking and doing, but I found some blogs and lds.org pictures to use for these kits.

Each girl received a gallon sized bag with the FHE outline, a printed and laminated sacred grove and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and Joseph talking to a preacher. Also in the gallon bag were pictures of Joseph Smith, a girl praying, and The Book of Mormon that needed cut out and colored. Also in the bag, a colored marker they were to use on the back of their images, each girl had a different color, that way we could keep each girl’s pictures straight while cutting, laminating and putting them in the kits.

The pdf includes directions and black and white illustrations for the girls to color. I did a mix of illustrated and coloring images because of 2 reasons: 1- time, and 2- reverencing heavenly figures. We a have a couple girls who just throw color on images and I wanted Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to remain heavenly.

FHE Outline and coloring pictures: FIG First Vision FHE Packet with coloring pictures and instructions. The instructions I got from this blog post, I did however change them slightly.

Colored pictures from lds.org:

After the girls colored and cut out the pictures I had them number the backs to correspond with the written FHE outline.

We then laminated the pictures and used some velcro dots to stick Heavenly Father and Jesus along with a praying Joseph Smith to the sacred grove.

To help complete the FHE we included two bags of popcorn as the FHE treat! The girls had a wonderful time making these bags and learning more about the restoration.

The body that she left is dead.
She could not stay with us, I know.
To heaven she has gone instead.
And though my tears are sure to flow,
I want to send a hug ahead.

None lives forever here, I know:
Unending life from Eden fled—
We live awhile, and then we go.
Great tears for losses then are shed,
As all survivors meet this woe.

Before we see our lives have fled:
It’s time to leave, and we must go.
In tears and sorrows, hearts are bled.
Our loneliness may lay us low,
While sending tears and hugs ahead.

With Jesus I must always go—
With Him Who for my sins has bled.
Security in Him I know,
While sending praise and hugs ahead
To God, Who every good bestows.

Because of Him Who for sins bled,
Security in God I know.
I’ll put my trust in Him instead
Of everything I see below,
While sending praise and tears ahead.

Security is mine to know:
God put my sins on Christ instead,
And crucified Him many years ago:
For me He grieved, and wept, and bled,
Compassion for my needs to show.

In substituting Christ instead
Of me—decided long ago—
God watched, in pain, as Jesus, dead,
Great love for all mankind did show—
And full acquittal sent ahead.

by Gwennon
August 6, 2008

I wrote this poem to honor my first mother, whom I did not fully appreciate until she had died. We had an on-again, off-again relationship, partly, I think, because we were so much alike that we zeroed in on the faults we did not like that we saw mirrored in each other. Now that my mother has been gone for over 20 years, I appreciate all her hard work and the good heart she had for my family and for God. There are times I think I miss her more as the years go by, instead of less.

All our sorrows ought to draw us up to God, if we will let our pain and discomforts do their purifying work.

This is almost a type of circular poem. Last night, I did a little research to see if this fits the parameters. Not quite sure that it does. Although, when I typed it up for my portfolio in 2008, I typed it in two offset columns, and it could have been read in a slightly different order without losing any of the meaning.

Note the repeating ABABA and BABAB rhyme scheme throughout. Also note the way the second line of each stanza forms a partial template for the first line of the next stanza.

This book will, however, point you to God and His goodness and faithfulness. And it will show you how you can express your gratitude to God for what He has done in your life up to this point. By working on expressing gratitude to God, you will learn more about Him. You will draw closer to Him, and He will get closer to you (James 4:8). Your faith will increase as a result.

With increased faith, you will be blessed in bigger and better ways, and you will have the courage and motivation to step out and do seemingly impossible tasks in the service of God. You will grow more like Christ, God’s Son, every day, and you will please the Father with your obedience.

So turn the page and let’s get started on this amazing faith-building adventure!