I told him about Iboga and the research I had conducted into it resetting the brain and ridding addictions. He thought my skin picking was an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Maybe it is, maybe it is an addiction, maybe it is caused through feelings of unworthiness, but it has manifested from somewhere. No one want to do this to themselves purposefully.  He mentioned that I could go on Prozac. I immediately shook my head. He told me that it was non-addictive, and has a great track record against obsessive compulsive disorder. This may be the case, but it isn’t getting down to the nitty gritty of why I self-harm. Masking it would be fucking stupid, since I notice how I am being  so open and honest about my problem after hiding it for 10+ years from people, even my family. I have lived with this shame for so long. I do not take kindly to drugs, but Iboga has such positive track record of ridding addictions of any kind, and it also known to help depression and can leave an after glow for up to six months. I can’t even imagine how it would feel to write without the brain fogginess I feel almost every day. The underlying anxiety of something going wrong. This video is exceptional and a true testimonial of Iboga’s potency.

The doctor asked me why I would trust an untested drug against Prozac and I replied that it has the ability to cure heroin addiction without withdrawal. I also told him that there are issues I want to heal and drugs merely mask the problem. I have been raped and these memories are a devil in disguise sitting on my shoulder every day. So would taking Prozac cure my hurt? Fuck no. It would just slide it into my subconscious and then I could put on a mask of happiness. He soon shut his mouth after I mentioned my demons. And that is what is wrong with the world. There is always a drug to mask the problem whether it’s tobacco, alcohol, or anti-depressants. My drug is skin picking. It feels calming throughout my anxiety, but it makes me feel like shit when I see the damage afterward. Why is there never the urge for GPs to heal a patient from the inside? Why are drugs often the answer. Pisses me off! I wondered why I had spent a wasted hour in the stupid surgery just to be persuaded to buy into the profitable pharmaceutical industry. I want to find genuine happiness in myself and the journey is painful but worthwhile. I am so grateful that Iboga has come into my life. The journey starts tomorrow night.