Wanting to start up a fantasy league, but can’t decide which keeper format to use? Check. Trying to decide whether a trade reeks of collusion or whether it’s actually a fair deal? Cake. Hoping to hide your considerable fantasy flops from friends and loved ones? Ermm… not exactly what we had in mind… how about position eligibility, tiebreakers, or waiver wire issues? Done, done, and done.

Fully customizable and completely official, select your preferences from each field and tUC will return a finalized league constitution.

Submit an accepted (not proposed) trade and find out whether there is more to the deal than meets the eye. Determine player eligibility and availability in a non-partisan environment. oops…forgot to cover this in the preseason and now two teams are tied for the last playoff spot? No worries. The Ultimate Commish has it covered.

It took longer than expected – much, much longer and there have been some valuable lessons learned along the way but “Last Fan” is live! It is great to turn an idea into a (good) product which has a solid business model and is enjoyable for the players/users.

Right now everybody, and I mean just about everybody is saying “really like it”, “site is great”, “good concept”. So justifiably there are feelings of both satisfaction, anticipation and hopes of greater success. But no one tells you your baby is ugly! The test comes in who plays, how often and who they invite.

The real challenge starts now – getting it “out there”! We genuinely believe there is an opportunity for an easy to play game that the 3 million player online UK football fantasy market will love.

So, all it needs now is some good “digital” marketing….and I know that is a lot easier to say then successfully accomplish. First class digital marketeers with a love of football welcomed!

And of course….here it is? www.lastfan.com

How far will you go?

Posted: November 25, 2009

I’ll take another round turkey, a heaping pile of mashed potatoes and a mound of stuffing.  I’ll go for seconds, maybe thirds, on yams and cranberry.  I’ll make room for a slice of pie or three, and then it’s on to dessert and a plate full of Sleepers for Week 12:

QUARTERBACK

Alex Smith (San Francisco) vs. Jacksonville – Projection: 21-35, 220 yards, 2 TD
Smith didn’t look great on Sunday against Green Bay, but still threw for 227 yards and 3 TD.  Jacksonville ranks 25th versus the pass, so another solid performance is a high probability.

Vince Young (Tennessee) vs. Arizona – Projection: 13-21, 155 yards, 1 TD, 5-35 rushing
Young is not an exciting fantasy option, but it’s surprising how little it takes to get double-digit fantasy points from the guy.  With just 116 passing yards in Week 11, Young was still good for 14 fantasy points thanks to 73 rushing yards and a passing TD.

RUNNING BACK

Justin Forsett (Seattle) @ St. Louis – Projection: 13-71 rushing, 5-31 receiving, 1 TD
Even if Julius Jones returns from his bruised lung, Forsett has more than proven his worth in Seattle, and will get his touches.  The Rams are 28th in the league against the run, so this will probably be the last week Forsett qualifies as a “Sleeper”.

Jamaal Charles (Kansas City) @ San Diego – Projection: 14-65 rushing, 3-11 receiving, 1 TD
Against a tough Pittsburgh D, Charles still found a way to be a viable fantasy option by catching a 2-yard touchdown pass from Matt Cassel and returning a kickoff for 6.  San Diego is 21st against the run, so Charles could have another solid day.

Danny Ware (New York Giants) @ Denver – Projection: 9-51 rushing, 3-24 receiving
When the Giants travel to Denver for a Thanksgiving night showdown with the Broncos, Ahmad Bradshaw (ankle) will not make the trip.  With Brandon Jacobs (leg) a bit hobbled, the door could swing open for the Giants’ number three back.

WIDE RECEIVER

Antonio Bryant (Tampa Bay) @ Atlanta – Projection: 5-67 receiving, 1 TD
Bryant had 1248 yards and 7 TD just one season ago.  After battling injuries for much of this year, he’s healthy and could start to build a rapport with Tampa Bay rookie gunslinger, Josh Freeman.  It doesn’t hurt that Atlanta is 29th against the pass.

Earl Bennett (Chicago) @ Minnesota – Projection: 7-84 receiving
Over the past 3 weeks, Chicago’s leading ypc receiver (12.8) has a modest 15 grabs for 177 yards.  Not exactly a trend that would suggest a big game versus Minnesota, but here we go again, putting up the bucks for a guy who always fails to deliver a TD.  This could be the week…

Pierre Garcon (Indianapolis) @ Houston – Projection: 5-72 receiving
Over the past 3 weeks, Garcon is tied with Roddy White for 13th in the NFL in WR targets (28).  Over that span, he has 14 catches, 218 yards and 1 TD, including 108 yards last week.  By the way, he has Peyton Manning throwing him the ball.

TIGHT END

Jermichael Finley (Green Bay) @ Detroit – Projection: 4-39 receiving, 1 TD
How can I not go with Finley (again)?  He’s owned in less than 20% of fantasy leagues, yet, per game, is outperforming Jason Witten, Jeremy Shockey and John Carlson, all of whom are owned in more than 75% of leagues!  Plus, here comes Detroit.

KICKER

Dan Carpenter (Miami) @ Buffalo – Projection: 2 FG, 2 PAT (1 FG 40+)
It’s time to see if Carpenter can be a cold weather kicker.  Safe bet, the Montana alum will be fine, and the Dolphins will get him into range at least twice against the Bills.  Carpenter has scored 74 (real life) points thus far in 2009, and has a big leg.

DEFENSE

Atlanta Falcons vs. Tampa Bay – Projection: 17 points allowed, 2 sacks, 1 Int, 1 fumble recovery
The Buccaneers have shown flashes of ability on offense, and there could be some again on Sunday.  That said, Atlanta is averaging 2 sacks and nearly 2 takeaways per game, and Tampa will really be no match at home.

As I stepped into Café Coffee day, that evening, I saw some of our very own desi-comics superheroes sitting at a table. At first, I thought it was an award-winning fancy dress team celebrating their triumph at CCD. But, they were rather too old to find any kind of fun in dressing as a superhero (some SPECIAL occasions excluded). And they didn’t have a bag or t-shirt with an MNC logo, so the probability of them dressing up in the name of team-building activity of a proud-to-be-techie group was very weak. Add to it the thick air, which was not a by-product of some digestive process, and I knew they were THE heroes I grew up reading about- NAGRAJ, SUPER COMMANDO DHRUV, DOGA and ANGARA. But what brought them together? At CCD?

Intrigued, I asked them what the matter was. Doga mumbled something, but then, a gas mask makes words difficult to understand and I think he was speaking the dog’s language. Anyways, Dhruv told me it was a meeting to list out the action-items to make Indian superheroes popular and that I can help them as a listener and coordinator. In exchange, I can spend some quality time with SAUDANGI (Boy! I was amazed at what all I can imagine in one inter-blink moment). Hence, I obliged. Below is the first draft of the action items we concluded, with rather difficult consensus:

1. New profession for Nagraj, Super-Commando Dhruv and Doga. They need to establish themselves as successful professionals in the society. Heroic deeds and activities are all fine but shooting out snakes and talking to eagles needs to be supported by a part-time job. Entrepreneurial ventures will be supported. Morally. Nagraj agreed to be a spa owner. For some reason he was reluctant to give up on this. Issue was not further examined. Super commando Dhruv has joined G4S Securities Group and heads the Dena Bank ATM Security force. Doga has put his resume on Naukri dot com. As for Angara, the other three agreed to financially support him for further studies. We need someone with official degrees to send a scholar face to the readers. His request for Home science honors was not honored.
2. All Superheroes need to endorse some consumer products. This will increase the fan base and will also serve as an off-season income for the superheroes. Nagraj will endorse NO-MARKS cream, as he has some issues with the snake marks all over his body. Itch Guard will be endorsed by all of them. Nagraj and Dhruv admitted that skin rashes were a primary reason to wear their underwear over their suits. DOLLAR undergarments will supply the hosiery to all superheroes. Doga was silent on this issue and said he can only endorse whatever Anurag Kashyap asks him to. Anurag is already in talks with Pedigree and Pet Clinic.
3. They need a gay figure to expand their access to all sections of the society. Angara and Doga were the only choices left. Nagraj is happy with Saudangi (obviously!) and Dhruv strongly stated that he was straight and is dating Grand Master Robo’s daughter. Angara, on the other hand, has no orientation issues as he has spent all his life in jungle and will be happy with anything. Doga, for some unknown reason, kept on growling. Later, we found that he was a big fan of Celina J and thought becoming gay was a way to show his love for the gay rights activist and, of course, an actor too. We have kept him for the animal orientation thing once the society grows up further and there are enough activists supporting the cause. This brought a smile on his face. Can’t say for sure though, but his growls definitely lowered.
4. Fantasy League for the superheroes will be created. The true nature of the league and the kind of competition is yet to be finalized. But the first, second and third prize winners will all get to spend quality time with Saudangi. The consolation prize winners will again get to spend quality time Saudangi. And as surprise winners, three more people will get to spend quality time with Saudangi.
5. The villains will be made more glamorous. Angara, now onwards, will fight a female villain. All others have agreed, now that Angara has happily consented to be the gay figure. Doga again refused to comment as his rights now lay with Anurag Kashyap.
6. All of them will appear in the “Some metro”-FASHION WEEK for Rohit Bal. Angara and, surprisingly, Doga, were really excited about it. Dhruv is cool with any design changes as long as his favourite yellow brief is left untouched. He is very attached to it.

As this discussion was getting more and more serious, we realized that in last two hours we had ordered one cappuccino and 5 straws. The waiters were staring at us and it was not just because of the rather unconventional dresses. The have been trained in humiliating people, first by staring and then by spitting on them, who come just for free internet surfing at the cost of one cappuccino. So, we wrapped it here and decided to finalize the draft, once Doga returns back after providing creative inputs to Anurag Kashyap.

K

Here are a few internet sites to get your NFL scores, stats and schedule for today. Go Seattle Seahawks!

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/scoreboard

http://www.nfl.com/scores

http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/scores

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/football/nfl/scoreboards/today/

http://nfl.fanhouse.com/scores-and-schedules

http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/scoreboard

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/scoreboard

This just in.  You’re reading it here first!  Our very own fantasy guru Jeff Hagen will be the commissioner of the first annual, official Fantasy Healthball league through Yahoo! Fantasy Sports.  We’ll soon be announcing the League ID and password.  Stay tuned to this blog for that information.  Then, it is first come, first served!  The first lucky Fantasy Healthball fans to sign up will be enrolled in our inaugural league. 

We will be playing head to head Fantasy Healthball.  Each week, your fantasy team will be matched up against another team in the league.  At the same time, you will be tracking your health points against your opponent’s fantasy team.  Your fantasy team will get a win or a loss, but you will also get a personal win or loss when it comes to your healthy choices for the week.  That’s right, you will have to be committed to your health Monday through Saturday and your result will stack up against your fantasy opponent!  It is you against the NFL pros.  

And a whole new element to trash talking begins.  Your friend always kick your butt at fantasy football?  It is time to crush him/her where it matters even more – your personal health.  Or maybe you are the dominant fantasy player?  If you can dominate with your health scores as well, you are the true ruler of the universe, er, I mean league. 

It will add a whole new element to watching the games on Sunday.  And a whole new element to your food, nutrition, and exercise efforts throughout the week.  You’ll need to work hard enough during the week to maximize your points.  Then, watch the NFL games to see if it was good enough.  You gotta work hard at it because those NFL players aren’t playing tiddlywinks.  They will be racking up the yardage and TDs.  Do you have what it takes to beat them?  Make it happen! 

Use your passion for football to create passion for great health!

Stay tuned and we will be releasing the ID and password at a random time.  Then be among the first to join our custom league called, “Fantasy Healthball.”  This year it is totally free.  Jeff and I will see you there.  — Jim Ballard

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…League. I will be joining Iain, thanks!

Join Iain and his chums.

HI KIDS! As Sassy said, shit is crazy at the moment around Errol  HQ. With goings on such as Kiki and Sassy’s health kick/new gig with the NSWRL/Ashes blogging and my own time spent organising my imminent move from Dirty QLD to my spiritual home of Sydney (yes, watch out Sydneysiders – the whole Errol gang will soon be in the same city. I wonder if we can get something like the Bat Signal organised so you guys can call and we’ll come a’runnin. Possibly wearing capes. Spangly ones. Lachie, whip out the Janome baby!), we haven’t covered our tipping and fantasy results for a couple of weeks. SOZ!

FANTASY LEAGUE

The Oh Errol Wildcats

The Wildcats are currently sitting in…wait for it…THIRD PLACE when ranked by total points. If you rank by what I assume is the Proper way, they’re 6th. Which is still pretty freakin awesome – mostly coz it means we’re beating Anton, Suchy and Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell.

The Wildcats haven’t lost a head-to-head since Round 13, so we’re currently riding on 6 wins in a row. Creepily, the Dragons also haven’t lost since Round 13. The Wildcats are modelling themselves on the Dragons! AND THAT MAKES US UNCY WAYNE! Awesome. We are awesome.

In Round 21 the Wildcats defeated Marlo’s National Rouge League aka The Team of Rangas, smashed the El Teamo’s the week before, and won against a team with…0 points. WHATEVER, a win’s a win.

This week we’re gunna try to introduce Watmough to the team. Just because we love him, but also so if a fight breaks out we’ll have him AND Robbie Farah on board. Try beating THAT shit.

For Round 22 the Wildcats are playing Visions of Umaga, who defeated the Hotties last week, but we’re pretty confident the Wildcats can step up where the Hotties couldn’t. Well they’d better, because ima be pissed if our winning streak is broken.

The Hottie McHotHots

The Hotties aren’t quite as well off as the Wildcats in terms of like, points n stuff. They’re performing pretty well but they’ve lost 2 of their last 3 games, defeated by Visions of Umaga and El Teamo. And their win was over the 0 point team. IT’S OK HOTTIES, YOU’RE STILL PRETTY!

The past few weeks we’ve been without some of our biggest Hotties – Coops in Round 21, Heighno since 14, and O’Donnell since 17. What is going on boys!? I wouldn’t be surprised if they were faking injuries so they could have more time to work on their abs. Shhh, Eric Bana. Abs are for people with no friends AND the Hottie McHotHots.

Just quietly, we’ve been kind of struggling to make any trades where the  Hotties are concerned. We’re running out of replacement hot, and we’ve already had to stretch the definition of ‘hot’ to include ‘cute’ and ‘handsome’. IT’S REALLY HARD YOU GUYS.

Next week the Hotties take on the National Rouge League. That’s right, it’s HOTTIES AGAINST RANGAS! Now that is a competition.

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

The competition is heating up as we get closer to the end of the ‘09 season. We’re seeing some pretty impressive leaps into (Suchy)/out of (Neckbeard) the Top 10, so our likely comp winner is anyone’s guess. And since the prize is a night out with us, I can only imagine that’s the sole reason people will be bringing their A-game in the coming weeks, amiright?

Apparently I don’t care for hanging out with mahself, because my tips lately have been shocking. I don’t think I’ve correctly picked more than 5 since Round 17. Disgraceful! BUT I take comfort in the reminder that I may be a bit shit at tips, but at least I’m not a Sharks fan dealing with 5 losses in a row.

Also available: ‘At least I’m not a Roosters fan’ and ‘At least I’m not Freddy Fittler’

Our last 3 winners are Baz, Battis and Philo respectively and our leaderboard looks like this:

1. southsydneyrussellcrowes

2. Vitlin

3. Stendec

4. Baz

It might be hard to tell to the untrained eye, but there’s only one lady in that top 4.  C’MON GIRLS! If you have trouble picking, just take a leaf out of Karen from Mean Girls‘ book and ask your boobs which team will win. Left is home, right is away. Keep it on the down low.

It should also be known that Sassy got…wait for it…SIX correct tips this week. But we still plan to tease her about forgetting to put her tips in. IT’S JUST REALLY FUNNY.

Awesome T-Shirt design thanks to PistolClothing.com.au

NFL.com a réouvert sa fantasy league et donc a réouvert les fantasy files ans lesquels de vrais joueurs de la NFL montrent ce qu’ils savent faire.

Après Joe Flacco et Santonio Holmes, Kevin Boss nous montre qu’il a de bonnes mains.

So since this week is a heinous, hateful, EVIL bye week, you’re all getting not only this week’s footy tips and fantasy results but last week’s as well. YES WE’RE HAVING QUADRUPLETS!

Nothing says romance like 4 bbs on yo doorstep

I’d like to say this is a carefully concocted Errol plan, but I’m gunna blame it on being just too busy celebrating our fantasy team’s BEST WEEK EVER in private to do a post last week. Oh yes chickens, the Wildcats AND the Hotties are comin’ up from behind (hehe, from behind).

FANTASY LEAGUE

The Oh Errol Wildcats

Yes, Round 17 saw the Wildcats produce their best score ever – a whopping 1270 points. Not to mention that as predicted they bete Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s Special Kids (HAHAHAHA), AND they moved up to 4th in the league when ranked by total points (I choose to believe this is the more accurate way of viewing our progress as opposed to ranking by league points because we’re ninth when you do it that way), as you can see in this professionally labelled image:

How’d they do it? WELL we had some freakin unbelievable scores going on:

• Tiny Dancer Soward toe-tapped his way to 142 GOD DAMN POINTS! If he’d been our captain it would have been 284! Shit is crazy.
• Our pride and joy DanDan Mortimer, in his fifth first-grade game for the Eels and fourth for the Wildcats, gave us 97 points. YOU LITTLE BEAUTY!
• Mr Robbie Farah and Steve Price on 111 and 115 respectively

Honourable mentions go to T.Camps (91 pts), Benny Creagh (88 pts) and Hindy (77 pts). Look, we’d mention EVERY Wildcat if we could. They’re all champions.

In Round 18 the Wildcats continued to impress regardless of the bye week, hitting almost over 1000 points again at 986 – the highest score in the league this week, just above Marlo’s Poodles.

Even better than that…the Wildcats have now moved up to 2ND IN THE LEAGUE. See:

Woooooo!

The Hottie McHotHots

The Hotties followed the Wildcats’ lead and also scored over 1000 with 1170. Let me emphasise how much of a feat that is by reminding you that in their first week they scored 576 points. The Hotties have succeeded against the odds. It’s just like  Step Up 2: The Streets.

(L-R) Matt ‘Hot Bitch’ Cooper, Terry ‘T.Camps’ Campese & Jamie ‘Tiny Dancer’ Soward show off their movez

So in Round 17 we had a few Wildcat/Hotties crossover performances that I won’t mention again, BUT I can mention someone who had a hell of a week – baby Blake Ayshord and his 97 points. Look, I don’t wanna pit our boys against each other, but in the interest of Science, that’s more points than T.Camps or Hot Bitch. I’M JUST SAYING!

If this tells us anything I think it’s that our youngins are clearly thriving in the Errol fantasy environment. B.Aysh, DanDan, Kevin Gordon…we like to think their real-life NRL performances are a direct result of being introduced to our teams. No need to thank us boys, witnessing your youthful success is enough for us.

Jadewatch

Turns out we weren’t the only ones who had a tops week in Round 17. Jade and her Tiny Dancers also made it over the 1000 point hurdle:

This week the Tiny Dancers returned to their former glory rounds and pushed past 1000! Go Team! Capt Stagg performed at his usual stellar level, scoring 154. The real standout was old man Price scoring 115, with teammates Bronson Harrison and Sam Thaiday not far behind.

All in all it was an excellent round for the Dancers, as they finished on a neat 1087 points. Checking out the bench it was obvious I actually made good decisions regarding who to put on the field as there were quite a few zeros there.

I am still waiting for K.Law to play a first grade round so he can run around with the rest of the dancers… and I can chant “I can score with K.Law!”

So are we Jade, so are we.

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

There’s not really much to say about tips. The lineup hasn’t changed that much, and we only have one dirty Queenslander in the Top 4 to make jokes about. ‘Stendec’ remains firmly placed at the top of the ladder, and mystery tipping Stan Gorton has popped up in second place.

1. Stendec

2. Mystery Tipper Stan Gorton

3. southsydneyrussellcrowes

4. Spinner Howland of Jacksonville fame/resident Dirty QLDer

I would love to announce that we might see one of our names in this Top 4 sometime soon, but as we are in positions 12, 15 and 24 that ain’t gunna happen. STUPID TIPS. BOOO.

Ce n’est pas vraiment le cas puisque le bulldozer de New York comme j’aime l’appeler a déjà été drafté en 2005 au 4e tour.

Mais en ce moment plusieurs sites de sports lancent leur fantasy league au cours desquelles les participants doivent drafter les joueurs de leur équipe.

Dans une pub pour la fantasy league d’ESPN, Brandon Jacobs fait partie de la sélection du premier tour.

Une chose est sûre, on ne trouve pas de RB comme lui en NFL qui effraie autant les défenses adverses.

Round 16 already!? Really? Time flies when you’re having fun! Unless you’re a Roosters fan, in which case I imagine time goes pretty slowly when you’re watching your team make their way to the bottom of the ladder. SORRY SASSY. BUT IT’S TRUE RIGHT?

This week we’re going for the double-headed news update again, because things that come in pairs are awesome. Like boobs, or the Morris twins.

pic: Simon Alekna

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

We haven’t updated you all on our tipping leaderboard for a little while, and it appears that during the break things have actually shifted a bit. There is…wait for it…ONLY ONE DIRTY QUEENSLANDER IN THE TOP 4! Some terrible rounds have bumped Bec, Bree and Baz right outta there (I mean, sorry to hear that guys *shifty*).

Unfortunately at this stage I have no idea who our leader actually is. I think it might be Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s brother though. Just quietly I think I’d rather one of our regular QLDers to be topping the ladder.

1. Stendec

2. southsydneyrussellcrowes

3. Spinner Howland of Jacksonville Axemen fame

4. Vitlin

As far as Errol HQ tipping goes, Kizzy and I are now sitting on top of each other (tee hee) at positions 14 and 15, Sassy is almost cracking the Top 20 at 25 (and that’s a pretty good effort considering she forgot to put her tips in at least twice), and Marlo (also this week’s winner) has almost made the Top 10 at number 11.

FANTASY LEAGUE

So we still had two byes this week but our teams weren’t looking quite as dire as the week before. Yay for not having many Sea Eagles or Panthers. Speaking of…Wade Graham if you’re reading this and wondering why you aren’t in EITHER of our teams, well it’s because we just can’t fit you anywhere! I’d make a rude joke here but you’re too young. Ask me next year.

The Oh Errol Wildcats

Break out the champagne bitches! The Wildcats have had their best week ever with a whopping 1054 points. Highest score in the league as well! CHAMPIONS! We knew they had it in em.

The Wildcats lineup was so good we didn’t even have to bring in any new recruits this week. Our best performer was Nathan ‘Hindy’ Hindmarsh who gave us a massive 114 points. 114!! It’s a shame we didn’t make him captain and score double, but actual Wildcats captain Benny Creagh did pretty well himself with 78. ALL THE WAY WITH BENNY CREAGH!

But our real shining star is DanDan Mortimer who once again had a stellar week in first-grade AND for the Wildcats. 67 points yaaaay! He really was worth our outrage at his non-inclusion in the fantasy player selection/Sassy’s trip down to the Tele.

pic: Steve Christo

The Hottie McHotHots

Not a great week for the Hotties. 751 points. WHAT WENT WRONG BOYS? We were only missing one player, Matt Ballin – well two players if you count his arse as it’s own person, which I think we should – and all our usual greats such as Tiny Dancer Soward, Hot Bitch Coops and T.Camps were there. Yet not even over 800 points? I am baffled. BAFFLED.

In happier news, Round 14 addition Kevin Gordon is clearly settling in nicely with the Hotties with 64 points, which was also the second highest score in the team. GO KEVVY GO! Personally I think the Tele should change the points system to include an extra 5 every time Kevin smiles. I should email them.

pic: The Sunday Mail

But aside from their less than perfect score, we’re pretty god damn proud of the Hotties. As predicted last week, our gorgeous boys DID beat their opponents The Special Kids. SUCK IT PETE *forks*

And I’m sure next week we’ll be saying the same thing next round when the Wildcats beat him. LET’S MAKE IT TWO IN A ROW BOYS!

Rep footy is messing with our fantasy teams like you would not believe. Even after I’d shuffled things around to try and accomodate those playing Origin, both the Hotties and the Wildcats were down like 8+ players this week due to all the byes. Shit is ridic. Of course, if we were more inclined to recruit players from the entire NRL and not just a few of our fave teams (sup Dragons!), we might be better off. Whatever. Equality is for losers.

Speaking of Origin, I’d like to talk about my cat for a bit. On Tuesday night my dad bought a carton of XXXX (gross, I know) and it came with a little maroons footy. I wanted to see what my born and bred QLDer cat would do with it, which I guessed wouldn’t be much since her favourite toy is a rolled up piece of tinfoil and this was bigger than her head, so I put it in front of her and she BIT ME. EVEN MY CAT HATES QLD! And everyone knows you can’t argue with cats.

Lawyer Cat has it on good authority that QLD are hateful

pic: Stefanie Craig

THE WILDCATS

Poor Wildcats. 407 points. With the Dragons not playing we were missing Big Dell, Hot Bitch, B.Moz, Hornbag, Tiny Dancer, Benny Creagh and Dean Young. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Those who actually ended up scoring for the Wildcats include Love Shack, baby Blake Ayshford, T.Camps, Jamal Idris, Daine Laurie, Rhys Hanbury, and new Wildcats recruits Ben ‘The Pom’ Pomeroy and Sir Alan Tongue.

Just to clarify – that’s EIGHT scoring players. Eight! I shake my fist at bye weeks, and I shake it good.

THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

The Hotties were slightly better off than the Wildcats with 11 players actually, you know, playing. Unforch we were down some of our hottest best scorers – Hot Bitch AGAIN, J.Poore, Luke O’Donnell, Heighno…I would go on but my pants can’t handle it. Pants = sad. We is sadvag.

Thanks to some bright young stars, such as Blake Ayshford and Trevor ‘Sex Machine’ Thurling, the Hotties ended up with 571 points. And this just happened to be the 4th highest score in the league. GO HOTTIES GO!

This week the Hotties are playing Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s team the Special Kids. This makes us laugh because Pete thinks the Errol girls are ‘not funny and not hot’. You know who IS hot (and probably funny since they are footy players)? THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS, BITCH.

JADEWATCH

I was gunna let it slip under the radar, but we didn’t do a fantasy post last week. SOZ. So since this is a bit of a nothing week in terms of fantasy, I’m just gunna post Jade’s Tiny Dancer rundown from LAST week. God we’re professional.

This week the Tiny Dancers managed to get up past the 900 mark once again… finally! Captain David Stagg scored a wonderful 144, followed by Hot Bitch on 95 and Nathan Friend on 94. Good work team! Darren Lockyer was auto-emerged and scored 18. OF COURSE YOU DID LOCKYER. Why is he so shit most of the time? If only Goodwin was put in instead, his 81 would have been must more beneficial. The Tiny Dancers finished on a comfortable 924 points, and will hopefully break the 1000 mark next round.

Here’s to all of us breaking 1000 this week.

Obviously here at Errol we really love our fantasy league. Personally though, I can never just like something a lot – I have to be a kind of obsessed with it. TV shows (Arrested Development, Friday Night Lights), celebs (Taylor Hanson, Will Arnett), food (I still can’t eat Nacho Cheese Doritos after being addicted to them in Year 9)…

…and right now I’m obsessed with fantasy league.

Might as well face it…

How do I know? Two things:

a) on Saturday morning I was dreaming that new Wildcats recruit DanDan Mortimer scored really really well, and I’m fairly sure I woke myself up because I was so excited I was talking in my sleep. I remember sitting up and talking to myself in bed about DanDan’s score. I WOKE MYSELF UP TALKING ABOUT FANTASY LEAGUE. Why am I single?

b) on Sunday night I came home at 1am after watching an Islander cover band do such classics as Kiss by Prince and Will Smith’s heartfelt classic Gettin Jiggy Wit It, drunk dialled Suchy and whipped out Kiki’s compy to check our fantasy scorez.

Oh, me.

THE WILDCATS

The Wildcats scored over 1000 again!! In fact their score this week is the second highest in the comp with 1030. Unfortunately they didn’t beat their opponents, The Johnny Rapers, but we’re super proud of them anyway.

On a slightly freaky sidenote, the  High School Musical 3 opening number ‘Now or Never’ just came on my mp3 player. It has cheerleaders going “WILDCATS…we’re the champions…gunna win!”. YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT! Writing about our Wildcats while listening to A SONG about Wildcats. CREEPY. And yes you are correct, my life is awesome.

Turns out my dream was right. DAN MORTIMER REALLY DID SCORE WELL! 67 points. I am pretty much The Fantasy League Whisperer. I might get that on a tshirt.

Other notes: Robbie Farah has apparently come to terms with Wildcat leadership with 176 points, Hornbag is clearly beside himself with joy at being re-introduced to the team and scored 70 points, and Dean Young produced his best fantasy score to date with 81. Even when the Dragons lose it pays off having so many in the team. THANKS BABIES!

THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

This week the Hotties were up against The Poodles, coached by Marlo. AN INTERNAL ERROL RIVALRY. I’m glad I decided against adding my own personal fantasy team, The Hedgehogs (now defunct), to the Tele comp. There’s no way I could go up against the Hotties OR the Wildcats.

Anyway the Hotties beat the Poodles 878 to 696. YAAY HOTTIES! Not their best score ever, but quite respectable.

This round’s standout star is most definitely our beloved Intern John John who scored a magnificent 90 POINTS! Unfortunately the same can’t be said for his brother Davey, who scored a try (props to Sunday Roast and WIN news for that shot of the full moon btw. GET IT, COZ HE’S THE WOLFMAN) and still only brought in 30. Tries are 15 points, so basically he did shit all for the rest of the game.

James McManus…welcome to the Hotties. AND THANKS FOR NOT PLAYING THIS WEEK. God dammit. I had to ditch Robbo to make room for him too.

BUT I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GUYS?! I’m wearing shorty shorts and everything!

pic: simon dean

JADEWATCH

Let’s see how the Tiny Dancers are doing. Hopefully better than Jamie ‘Tiny Dancer’ Soward, who we were very worried about when he was knocked out on Monday night.

Not a great week for the Tiny Dancers, must’ve been the swine flu in the air. My excellent coaching skillz meant not only did I have a captain who wasn’t playing, but no vice either. I am awesome. I probably should’ve taken Dell off the bench, then his 72 points would’ve contributed, instead I had Joel Moon’s zinc nipples score 11. All in all it was my not-so-supercoach efforts that led the boys to a measly 627. Better luck next week.

So…not much better off than Sowie then. Boo.

Because I’m lazy very busy and important, you’re not only getting the tips and fantasy results on Wednesday but also squished into the one post together. AN ERROL COMBO. Like this awesome ‘meal’ we got at Krystal in Jacksonville – 6 tiny tiny burgers plus chips and a coke – for about 10 bucks:

We encourage ringing Errol HQ and ordering the Errol Combo. We would very much enjoy making jokes about buns and asking if you want a footlong.

ERROLTIPS

Most people have been saying what a shit round they had. Personally I was pretty pleased with my 3/5. If it weren’t for tipping the Rabbitohs and Bulldogs it would’ve  been perfect and I would have a free whopper voucher. As it happens, I am a vegetarian (ok so I ate the burgers in the above pic, but there’s no way that was actually meat so it doesn’t count). I think the Universe knows this and will never let me get a perfect round. God dammit.

Our weekly winner that’s NOT me, grumble grumble, is Suchy’s mate Neckbeard. Suchy is thrilled:

Apparently he is very excited about being featured on Errol btw. HI ALEX AKA NECKBEARD! YOU IS FAMOUS!

As we bitch about every week, the leaderboard remains full of dirty Queenslanders and Pete, who might as well be a Queenslander anyway. Baz has been knocked out by Mr Spinner Howland, yet Bec and Bree stay put in position 1 & 2. SOMEONE SHAKE THIS UP PLEASE.

1. Bree

2. Bec

3. Spinner

4. Hatecushion

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FANTASY  LEAGUE

BYE WEEKS ARE SHIT. There’s no fun in a low score, even if it’s only because 5 teams played. No fun at all.

The Wildcats

Our beloved Wildcats actually did OK without Coops, Steve Price, T.Camps, Benny Creagh etc etc. 876 points! We finally brought Hornbag back in after ditching him in Round 5 (I forget why) and scored a lovely 97 points. YAY HORNBAG.

Speaking of, we all agreed he was making us happy in our pants during the game on Friday night.  I think being back in the Wildcats is giving him some extra sparkle. And not the kind that Zeffie’s drama teacher said he has.

You might recall that last week Sassy was so outraged by the lack of DanDan Mortimer that she marched down to the Tele to tell them so. Turns out there’s a reason for this, as the Tele’s Online Sports Editor Vivienne told us in an email. They also blogged about it.

UPDATE: Those looking to sign Daniel Mortimer – or any other player yet to play first grade – should be aware that new players will be added to the system once they play a game. Therefore, you cannot buy Mortimer this week, but he will be available next week.

HOW AWESOME IS THAT? Being a weirdo at work can apparently pay off.

The Hottie McHotHots

This has actually prompted me to consider whether there’s something wrong with my brain. I distinctly remember telling Sassy that ‘the Hotties are fine this week’ after checking who was/wasn’t playing. I thought we were down 2 players at the most.

Turns out we were down SEVEN. SEVEN!! It wasn’t till I checked our progressive score on Sunday that I realised how many were out. HOW DID I NOT NOTICE SEVEN PLAYERS MISSING? I am baffled and might look into getting an MRI. Doctor doctor, I needz a brain check for fantasy league!

So the Hotties scored 577 and surprisingly they came 6th in the league. I guess everyone else was even worse off than we were.

Timmy Moltzen filled in for T.Camps and Craig Wing while they were off galivanting around with the NSW team, and Shannan Mcpherson made his debut. Chris Heighington was promoted to captain, Trevor ‘Sexmachine’ Thurling finally played a game…and that’s pretty much all there is to report.

**Make sure you all buy Rugby League Week this week because WE’RE IN IT, along with the boys from FireUp! Massive thanks go out to Steve Mascord for writing it, and to all of our fanz for helping us be popular enough to write about.**

My Mom and me

This week’s episode of the Bachelorette, I’m ranked 8th out of 11 in our fantasy league.  Arrgh! Will I be able to catch up in time?  My biggest competition is MY MOM.  The original blonde of the family is currently number 1 in the league with 134 points – an enviable nine points ahead of the next team.   While tallying points with the Commissioner,* I explained the standings and my mom’s excellent gameplay with “My mom knows love.”  

Initially, I meant this as a cheeky way to crack us up and relieve the tension created by bachelor David and his Mel Gibson crazy eyes/agro tendencies.  (Jillian, no roses for dudes on the brink!)  But my mom’s expertise on love is unquestionable.  That’s why she’s always my first reader.

I went to AFI where sensitivity to critique was beaten out of us FAST and with a broom handle.  In weekly Narrative Analyses, we would sit silently in front of the whole school (and then later the members of our specified disciplines) and absorb our colleague’s feedback. All of it – the positive, the negative, the crazy.  To survive, you needed a thick skin, an open ear and the mentality of “nothing’s personal.”

That said, I wouldn’t be able to take that kind of critique on the first draft of something.  No. Way.  The stuff is so freshly sprung and still so intimately connected to me — like I’ve been having a secret romance with it.  It’d be hard to face a professional colleague, let alone an audience, at that stage of the game.  Plus, I’ll admit that I’m human and often cranky and tired after finishing the first draft.  

A zillion rewrites loom and a bathtub of notes are inevitable.  But first. In that vulnerable state.  It’s Mom’s feedback I crave.   Not because she’s an easy critic, blinded by affection for her offspring (I wish!), but because I know she can see the heart of the material and assess that.  Just like she can see my core.  

She knows me – past, present and future in only the way my mom can.  She brings that valuable perspective to the newborn material, giving it a chance that I wouldn’t dream to expect from anyone else.   Heck, I’ve only got one mom.  And, she’s kicking my ass at Bachelorette Fantasy League.

* I am Vice-Commissioner and have thus agreed to see the game through to the end should our Commissioner be rendered incapable of her duties.