What does God require of Fathers? I will give you some of the basics. Availability. God wants you there, involved. God is pleased when you show up for the recitals, soccer games, spelling b’s and school plays. Making yourself available is not always convenient. But I never met a Dad who regretted taking the time for his children’s activities. Yet there are many Fathers who later in life truly regretted not putting aside their own needs for the “little things” their kids were involved in. Be there. 

Affection. For most men showing physical affection to their sons and daughters doesn’t come naturally. But neither do a lot of things in life and we still do them because it’s what is good and right. Your children desperately need your physical affection.  If they don’t get it from you they will be thrust out into the world to get it somewhere – whether this person is good or bad, gay or straight – they will find the affection they so long for because we are all created for a Mommy and Daddy love. Don’t let a day go by that you don’t give your kids a big hug upon waking and a hug and a kiss before they go to sleep. No matter how old your kids are always kiss them goodnight. Throughout the day find a moment here and there to kiss them on the head, hold their hand and sit them on your lap. Too uncomfortable for you? Ask the Lord to teach you how to be more affectionate with your kids and to help you to not feel uncomfortable with it.

Listen. This means that your eyes are fixed on theirs, your phone and the TV are off. This tells your son or daughter –  at this moment you are the most important person in the world to me. This lets them know that no matter how insignificant a thing is that  they are saying - you care.  A son or daughter finds much of  their self-worth from their father. When a Father listens attentively it shows that their son or daughter is valuable. Your son of daughter will find their self-worth somewhere – for God has created us to be loved and valued. If they don’t get their self-worth from their Father they will often find it in sex, drinking, drugs, cults and addictions. Ask for forgiveness each time your mind or eyes begin to wander. Just say “Would you please forgive me? I’ve had a lot on my mind today. Could you repeat that? I am interested.” If you don’t take the time to listen – there is someone out there who will – and it may not be the person you would choose for your child.

Watch your tone of voice.  Fathers can be very intimidating. This is often why most men have never had a loving Father to emulate – their Fathers didn’t understand how to communicate appropriately.  Yelling, screaming, swearing and harshness breaks a child’s spirit. You can use a firm voice  and get your point across just as well without having to yell and intimidate your children. The loudness of your voice will only scare a child – not make him or her respect you. “A soft answer turns away wrath.” Prov. 15:1 When you are upset and your child is upset your loud voice only escalates the whole situation. Ask God to show you when you are raising your voice. Ask Him to give you the self-control to change the tone of your voice. Break the habit of yelling. It will only drive your children further away.

Ask. If your child is 4 or 40, it doesn’t matter they still want to be loved. Take the time to regularly ask your Heavenly Father to teach you how to be a loving, sensitive Father. Ask Him to Father you. If you have regrets about messing up as a Dad you need to know that all parents do. I read where Billy Graham once said that he regretted not being there more often for his children. We’ve all messed up.

“Dear Lord, I have messed up being a Father. I have made a lot of mistakes. I never had a good role model. Please forgive me for all the pain I have caused my children. Today is a new day. I ask you that you help me to be the Father that my children need. Please redeem all my mistakes of the past. Turn my ugly past into something wonderful.” In Jesus name we pray. amen