Well it’s been just a little over two weeks now since my return to Tirana, Albania. What can I say about it? Some ups and some downs. Both equally expected. To start off I have to say it feels a lot better to be back than when I was here working. Being somewhere out of choice makes a huge difference. How long am I going to stay here this time? Who knows? 1 month? 5 years? Each day at a time.

Being with Puccino is awesome! Listening to the radio or watching music channels it strikes and chord when hearing that overplayed hit “AAAAAoooo Im tired of using technologyyyooo”. Well we were sick of it. MSN, Skype, Text messages etc etc etc. The move had to be made. We have this great little apartment that she found us very near the centre of town where all things happen. Bars, restaurants, clubs, coffee shops, etc. It’s a little more expensive than out of town but everything is so close. Walkable even in my standards. It has everything we need to live a normal life.

As much as I am acutely aware of certain issues and thus try to not react, there are just some things that annoy the crap out of me but which are just day to day annoyances like irregular power outages, lack of water between 2pm and 7pm and the deadly slow internet speeds which we are trying to get upgraded now. People are the same. Places are the same. Driving is the same. Noise is the same. Nothing new there. Tirana is not an easy place to live in but can be relatively easy to adapt to the environment. It’s difficult to get comfortable and personal change and a level of acceptance is required. Even Puccino’s dad said over lunch on the weekend that he would prefer to live somewhere else cos he does not like Tirana.

This is not an accident. This is parking Tirana style!

On a slightly separate note, there is now a new little devil eating at my soul. It’s name is Boredom! He has visited a couple of times in my past but his visits have become more frequent of late. There is not a lot to do during the day. There’s only so much of the internet to look at, only so many TV series to watch, only so much waiting for a contract to happen before you start knocking your head against the wall. I don’t get to talk much during the day and for anyone who knows me knows that is not a good thing! Even when I get  out and about on my own in town my communication is limited to ordering food, beer or coffee in English or Albanian. I had put the job hunt on hold again in the hopes of winning something up in Kosovo which should be announced in the next few weeks. Lately however I am getting that nervous edgy twitch to start looking further abroad again and that is what I am just going to have to do. Just in case I guess. Put it out there.

On the up side, I’m getting really good at Tiger Woods ‘10 on the Playstation 3 again. I had to buy a new one so as not to have the extra excess baggage carrying the old one. This meant though that I had to rebuild my profile! ARRGGGHH!!

I better get on with the dishes now while I still have water. Am I a bum or a well travelled house biiiaaattcchhh??

Der Shop hat sich wieder einmal verändert.  Er ist größer und hat einen Anbau bekommen. In diesem findet ihr nun Freebies, den Freebieavatar und auch discount styles.

Notwendig wurde dies, nachdem TomOskar Mills und ich angefangen haben Schuhe zu bauen.  Bei uns gibt es nicht viele verschiedene Farben eines Modells, sondern nur einen kopierbaren Schuh mit einem tollen Hud, so dass man nur noch eins unserer Paare benötigt und man ist für alle Gelegenheiten versorgt….

Wir haben:

- Pumps

-4 verschiedene High Heels

- Overkneeboots

-Leen Heels

- Sportstyle und Chucks

und nicht zuletzt Flip-Flops.

Die Sportstyle, Chucks und Flip-Flops für Männer und Frauen.

Und bevor ich es vergesse, neue Kleider gibt es natürlich auch

The Lucky Chair at Haute Style is filled with Christmas Goodies …

so get your cute little asses over there and make sure to get your hands on everything… cause as always Moxie´s designs are just awesome….

and here my absolut favo ………. this stunning Candy Cane Gown

posted by Shania Singh

Instead of studying for my mid-term, I just spent the last hour and a half teaching myself the stanky leg. How am I single?

So I got really drunk one night and crashed at this guys place. In the middle of the night I go to use the bathroom and when I came out I accidentally went into his mother’s bedroom and tried to cuddle with her thinking it was him. After she woke up and kicked me out I fell down the stairs, broke the banister, and put a hole in the downstairs wall with my head. How am I single?

My friend tried to set me up with her brother, so we met at this bar and he was really cool and good looking, then I got really drunk and fell asleep sitting up while talking to him. How am I single?

20/11/09, Veda Beaux Reves promoting her album Stars Edge

PEX PROBite push-on fittings are compatible with copper, PEX and CPVC. They are priced competitively and are fast and easy to use. Visit our website www.iplumb.tv for additional information or call 800-842-2543.

Item #88005

The Soul Train Awards are back!!!

While many are still talking about how much better the American Music Awards were, I was checking out footage from the Soul Train Awards…
href=”http://www.bet.com/video/678487″>

The following are the nominees and BOLD are the winners I think will get it.

BEST NEW ARTIST

• DRAKE (I think he’ll get it)
• Jazmine Sullivan
• Keri Hilson
• Ryan Leslie (I’d like to see him get it)
• Solange

BEST R&B/SOUL ARTIST FEMALE

• BEYONCE (As usual, they’ll give it to her)
• Chrisette Michelle (I think she deserves it)
• Jennifer Hudson
• Ledisi
• Whitney Houston

BEST MALE R&B/SOUL MALE

• Charlie Wilson
• MAXWELL (I think he’ll get it AND deserves it!!!)
• Musiq Soulchild
• Raphael Saadiq
• Robin Thicke

SONG OF THE YEAR

• “God in Me” – MARY MARY (It was big and a close second!)
• “Pretty Wings” – Maxwell (I’d like to see this late entry win)
• “Single Ladies (Put a ring on it)” – BEYONCE (She’ll win but not by much!)
• “Spotlight” – Jennifer Hudson
• “Turnin Me On” – Keri Hilson/ ft Lil Wayne

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

• Beyonce – I am… Sasha Fierce (Platinum) Sony Music
• Jamie Foxx – Intuition (Platinum) J Records
• Kanye West – 808s & Heartbreak (Platinum) Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam
• MAXWELL – Blacksummer’s Night (Gold) Sony Music
(My choice to win although Kanye’s album minus his personal drama was superb if you are just talking about music!)
• Ne-Yo – Year of the Gentleman

RECORD OF THE YEAR (SONGWRITER AWARD)

• Beyonce – “Single Ladies (Put a ring on it)”
• Drake – “Best I ever had”
• Jamie Foxx Ft/T-Pain – “Blame it”
• Keri Hilson – “Knock You Down”
• MAXWELL – “Pretty Wings” (Hands DOWN if you are talking about the QUALITY of writing)

BEST REGGAE ARTIST AWARD
• Movado (He had a fairly good year but may not stand out compared to Sean)
• SEAN PAUL (because the people who choose them always go to the guy most popular they’ll probably choose him)
• Serani
• Taurus Riley
• Ziggy Marley

CENTRIC AWARD – SOUL APPROVED/UNDERGROUND

• Corneille
• Eric Roberson
• LAURA IZABOR (I think she’ll win as the most visible, held up and I have not stopped playing this album. Great work musically though I wouldn’t say “underground.” Atlantic just didn’t promoter her)
• Maysa
• The Knux

BEST GOSPEL PERFORMANCE MALE, FEMALE OR GROUP

• BeBe and CeCe Winans – “Close To You”
• Fred Hammond f/John P Kee – “They That Wait”
• Marvin Sapp – “Praise Him in Advance”
• MARY MARY – “God In Me” (As the biggest crossover they’ll win hands down…and I happen to think it’s a great song anyway with a greater message)
• Smokie Norful – “Justified”

BEST COLLABORATION

• Keri Hilson featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo – “Knock you Down”
• Keyshia Cole featuring Monica – “Trust”
• MARIO featuring Gucci Mane and Sean Garrett – “Break up” (I choose this song although it may be too street for some tastes…but the combination of flows made for an engaging journey into downtempo Rhythm & Beats aka R&B)
• Mary Mary featuring Kierra (KiKi) Sheard – “God In Me”
• Trey Songz featuring Drake – “Successful” (People like this dude Drake right now and Trey finally got some hits out this year beyond New York and ATL…This was a good second place mention)

ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR

• Michael Jackson

Since there weren’t any choices, it goes to Michael. It goes to him not because he was the best this year but because he died this year, let’s keep it real. This music industry is so politically inclined they couldn’t just say we are giving MJ the accolades we haven’t given out of guilt…maybe if more of us were supportive and loving toward one of the greatest to ever do it then maybe the people closer to him would have done more to protect and take care of him.

Looking forward to seeing who actually wins! Maybe the industry can take notes from the AMAs by giving awards based on sales and not politics since sales mean PEOPLE chose the winners! *Pardon me Grammys* but the voters are not necessarily in tune with the music…I’ll get on their case in another blog coming soon!

*Freedom*
www.socialtravelers.net
www.facebook.com/freedom.us
djfreedomjustice@gmail.com

In Sherri L. Smith’s Flygirl, readers are introduced to the Women Airforce Service Pilots, a group of female pilots that served during World War II.  Ida Mae Jones is determined to become one of these pilots.  Only when she’s in the air does she feel truly free.  There’s one major problem, though.  WASP doesn’t accept African American pilots.  Ida Mae is determined that this will not stop her, and she decides to “pass” as a white woman in her quest to become a pilot.

Ida Mae, or Jonesy as her new friends call her, does just what she set out to do.  She becomes a pilot in the service of the U.S. Army.  She feels like she’s really doing something to help the war effort, but she is torn because she must hide her true self in order to do what she loves.  She can never tell anyone that she’s just pretending to be white.  If anyone finds out, her entire future is over, and her very life could be in jeopardy.  Will she ever get to really be herself, or will she spend the rest of her life hiding?  Can she ever be free outside of an airplane?  Read Flygirl to find out.

I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed Flygirl.  I’m not usually a fan of historical fiction, but this book captivated me from the very beginning.  (I am a feminist, so that might help to explain it.)  I didn’t know much about the female pilots during WWII, so this story enlightened me a bit.  While reading, I was mad at the injustices that Ida Mae endured, both as a woman and as an African American, just so she could do what she was born to do.  I can almost understand pretending to be someone you’re not so that you can do what you love.  Almost.  I honestly don’t know if I could give up my family or my identity for anything, but I’ve never been put in that situation, so I don’t really know what I would do. 

I think Flygirl would be excellent supplemental reading for social studies classes studying World War II.  This would be an excellent resource to introduce students to the role of women in the war effort.  Most people have heard of Rosie the Riveter, but this book may give them another glimpse of how women sacrificed and made military contributions during World War II.

I got around to finish editing a series of portraits today. This little girl was so sweet, she was all over the place. Sitting still was not on her agenda. But there was plenty of good shots, even  a few where she sitting still for a few seconds

:D

For some reason I really love this

So now I’ll edit my photo of today for my project, I’ll probably post it a little later

The Thorn’s Rose is offering 2 great freebie outfits in their stores.

Get the grey one here

and the brown one here

besides that there is dollarbie jewelery available and both locations have 2 Midnight Mania Boards

posted by Shania Singh

As if the recent release of changes in recommendations regarding breast cancer early detection were not enough, we now have hot on it’s heels a major change in recommendations for cervical cancer screening.  The irony of these two recommendations, though from differing groups and based on review of extensive data (which certainly in the case of breast cancer is open to debate) is that they suggest changes in long standing policy regarding early detection, which have clearly had an effect on reducing the incidence and mortality from these two cancers.  The cervical cancer recommendations have some thoughtful commentary regarding using these tests too early in a young woman’s life.  These concerns are valid.  However, it is also true, that among many populations and peer groups early sexual activity is a fact of life.  Having said that, the rate of HPV is rampant  and it seems, from a public health perspective a bit perplexing, that when we have initiatives to use a new vaccine to prevent HPV, we would at that same time be suggesting taking measures that makes diagnosing HPV less likely.   Not sure ACOG has thought that angle through enough. Proper testing is important and excessive testing is not helpful.  However, the individualization of recommendations we applaud from a medical perspective, but we know that this will lead to coverage issues for patients and doctors as health insurers will adjust their payment policies to reflect these new recommendations.  Below is potpourri of comments from ACOG and various news leads on this most public story . . . ben kazie md

Women should have their first cervical cancer screening at age 21 and can be rescreened less frequently than previously recommended, according to newly revised evidence-based guidelines issued today by The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) and published in the December issue of Obstetrics & Gynecology. Most women younger than 30 should undergo cervical screening once every two years instead of annually, and those age 30 and older can be rescreened once every three years.  Cervical cancer rates have fallen more than 50% in the past 30 years in the US due to the widespread use of the Pap test. The incidence of cervical cancer fell from 14.8 per 100,000 women in 1975 to 6.5 per 100,000 women in 2006. The American Cancer Society estimates that there will be 11,270 new cases of cervical cancer and 4,070 deaths from it in the US in 2009. The majority of deaths from cervical cancer in the US are among women who are screened infrequently or not at all. Cervical cancer is a slow growing cancer caused by certain strains of the human papillomavirus (HPV), an extremely common sexually transmitted disease among women and men. HPV also causes genital and anal warts, as well as oral and anal cancer…..

First Cervical Cancer Screening Delayed Until Age 21 Less Frequent Pap Tests Recommended – http://www.acog.org/from_home/publications/press_releases/nr11-20-09.cfm

New guidelines for cervical cancer screening say women should delay their first Pap test until age 21, and be screened less often than recommended in the past. The advice, from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, is meant to decrease unnecessary testing and potentially harmful treatment, particularly in teenagers and young women. The group’s previous guidelines had recommended yearly testing for young women, starting within three years of their first sexual intercourse, but no later than age 21. Arriving on the heels of hotly disputed guidelines calling for less use of mammography, the new recommendations might seem like part of a larger plan to slash cancer screening for women. But the timing was coincidental, said Dr. Cheryl B. Iglesia, the chairwoman of a panel in the obstetricians’ group that developed the Pap smear guidelines. The group updates its advice regularly based on new medical information, and Dr. Iglesia said the latest recommendations had been in the works for several years, “long before the Obama health plan came into existence.”  She called the timing crazy, uncanny and “an unfortunate perfect storm,” adding, “There’s no political agenda with regard to these recommendations.”…..

Guidelines Push Back Age for Cervical Cancer Tests – http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/20/health/20pap.html?_r=4

The cervical cancer screening advice follows another panel’s controversial mammogram report, but experts say it’s a much different situation. Still, Paps are the only reason some women see a doctor. Only days after a federal panel scaled back on breast cancer screening recommendations for many women, another organization — the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists — has done the same for a screening credited with drastically reducing the rates of cervical cancer in the U.S. Women of all ages should undergo Pap smears less frequently than they do now, those new guidelines say. And young women are advised not to bother until age 21. The pullback follows the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force’s dismissal of routine breast cancer screenings for women younger than 50. That move triggered a storm of protest from medical groups and individual women, with some breast cancer specialists and Republicans accusing health officials of moving toward a rationing of care and services. On Wednesday, U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius emphasized that the task force guidelines amounted to advice, not policy, and that women should continue to consult with their physicians about mammograms based on their own histories and needs…..

Group recommends less-frequent Pap tests – http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-sci-pap-smears20-2009nov20,0,5747799.story

Women can delay having their first Pap test for cervical cancer until they turn 21 and many can wait longer to go back for follow-up screenings, according to new guidelines released Friday by a major medical group. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists (ACOG) recommended the change after concluding that more frequent testing did not catch significantly more cancers and often resulted in girls and young women experiencing unnecessary stress, anxiety and sometimes harmful treatments because of suspicious growths that would not cause problems. “We really felt that the downsides of more frequent screening outweighed any benefits,” said Alan G. Waxman, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of New Mexico who led the revision of the guidelines. “More testing is not always more intelligent testing.” The change comes amid sharp controversy over new recommendations from a federal task force that women wait until age 50 before they begin having routine mammograms and that women age 50 to 74 scale back to getting the exams routinely every two years…..

Cervical cancer screening can wait till 21, group says – http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/19/AR2009111904743.html

Women in the United States should start cervical cancer screening at age 21 and most do not need an annual Pap smear, according to new guidelines issued on Friday that aim to reduce the risk of unnecessary treatment. The guidelines from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists or ACOG now say women younger than 30 should undergo cervical cancer screening once every two years instead of an annual exam. And those aged 30 and older can be screened once every three years. The recommendations are based on scientific evidence that suggests more frequent testing leads to overtreatment, which can harm a young woman’s chances of carrying a child full term. “Overtreatment of minor abnormal pap tests in young women and adolescents can lead to consequences such as preterm labor in some cases. It increases the risk,” said Dr. Thomas Herzog of Columbia University in New York, who is chairman of an ACOG subcommittee on gynecologic cancers. “Preterm delivery has become a huge problem in the United States that has potential serious consequences for the unborn fetus,” said Dr. Jennifer Milosavijevic, a specialist in obstetrics and gynecology at Henry Ford Health System in Detroit, who supports the guideline changes…..

New guidelines: Pap smears should start at age 21 – http://in.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idINIndia-44108820091120

The revised guidelines released today by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists also recommend that women 30 and older get screened with a so-called Pap test once every three years, instead of every two to three years. The American Cancer Society’s gynecologic cancer director said the society agreed with the advice of the doctors’ organization that additional screenings may lead to unnecessary treatment. The ob-gyn organization is the second medical group this week to recommend less-frequent cancer screenings, citing scientific data. A U.S.-backed panel said Nov. 16 that most women in their 40s shouldn’t get annual mammograms to prevent breast cancer, setting off protests from women, physicians and health advocacy groups such as the cancer society. “The data is very good that a Pap test every two years is as good as a Pap test every year,” said Alan Waxman, the lead author of the new guidelines and a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque, in a telephone interview. The additional tests are inconvenient and costly, and research shows “it doesn’t make a difference in terms of lives saved,” he said…..

Screening for Cervical Cancer Should Start at 21 – http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=newsarchive&sid=aLDLltBDBErU

For the second time this week, a major U.S. medical panel has revised recommendations for a key test that millions of American women use to detect cancer. On Monday, it was mammograms. Today, it’s Pap tests. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says that women no longer need annual cervical cancer screenings. It also says women can now wait until they’re 21 to get their first Pap test, instead of getting one after they’ve become sexually active. “The tradition of doing a Pap test every year has not been supported by recent scientific evidence,” said Dr. Alan G. Waxman of the University of New Mexico, who headed the American College’s guideline revision…..

Annual Pap tests no longer needed, panel says – http://www.tampabay.com/news/health/annual-pap-tests-no-longer-needed-panel-says/1052944

Most women in their 20s can have a Pap smear every two years instead of annually, say new guidelines that conclude that’s enough to catch slow-growing cervical cancer. The change by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists comes amid a completely separate debate over when regular mammograms to detect breast cancer should begin. The timing of the Pap guidelines is coincidence, said ACOG, which began reviewing its recommendations in late 2007 and published the update Friday in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology.  The guidelines also say: -Routine Paps should start at age 21. Previously, ACOG had urged a first Pap either within three years of first sexual intercourse or at age 21. -Women 30 and older should wait three years between Paps once they’ve had three consecutive clear tests. Other national guidelines have long recommended the three-year interval; ACOG had previously backed a two- to three-year wait. -Women with HIV, other immune-weakening conditions or previous cervical abnormalities may need more frequent screening…..

Report: 20-somethings can go 2 years between Paps – http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/20/AR2009112000089.html

www.blogsurfer.us

www.bloglines.com     www.blogburst.com     www.blogcatalog.com     www.clusty.com

www.reddit.com     www.digg.com     www.wikio.com     www.propeller.com

www.mashable.com     www.bing.com

]]> http://hamperium.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/429/ Mon, 23 Nov 2009 09:14:04 +0000 hamperium http://hamperium.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/429/

Boring day Today in Amsterdam the weather is horrible. Lots of rain and wind. Yesterday we’ve got the same weather in the morning. But later on the sun was shining and it became a nice afternoon. I had to do some shopping in the city center. After that is took some shots.

The fist one is a tourist taking a picture of her family. I was impressed by her boots. They are great don’t you think.

The second one I took at one of the canals. I saw some colourful tourist on orange bikes. But when I wanted to take the picture this couple passed them. Well I was happy with it.

The last one is typical Amsterdam I think. All tourists come to Holland for the Red light district, drugs and the canals.

see also on my pictures on FlickR

I’m currently reading Camera Lucida*,  a kind of meditation on the meaning of photography by the French philosopher Roland Barthes. It’s rather a mixed experience: one minute i’m thrilled, the next exasperated. Let’s leave that aside however; what i’d really like to talk about is a passage on page 10 where he writes:

… once i feel myself to be observed by the lens, everything changes: i constitute myself in the act of “posing”, i instantaneously make another body for myself, i transform myself in advance into an image. This transformation is an active one: i feel that the Photograph creates my body or mortifies it, according to its caprice…

Do you recognise what he’s talking about? Maybe it made you smile? Well, for me, reading those lines was like being struck by lightning.

Instantly, i remembered how in the years before i transitioned, i would smile as brightly and as widely as possible whenever i was photographed. This was truer than ever during the years of my marriage. I beam like a sun in practically every picture taken of me in that period; i gleam ecstatically. Yet that was the beginning of the long, slow unravelling that brought me to the point where i finally understood that i had to transition. It was a time when turmoil, pain and confusion reigned inside my mind.

So why the smile? The reason is simple: i believed that if all the pictures of my life showed me to be happy, then i would have been happy – not simply seemed to have been happy, but actually been happy. It was one of those beliefs that possessed me so deeply that i wasn’t aware of its existence.

Now it shocks me: not just the power i ascribed to photography, but the thrall that i was in to images in general. It’s as though i thought that they were realer than reality itself. My life at that time was a constant parade of impersonations of the female sex: i was ‘earth mother’, ‘sophisticated lady’, ‘out and out tart’ – sometimes all in the space of an afternoon! Even after my marriage broke down i didn’t abandon the attempt. It was only after i’d exhausted every version of ‘female’ i could think of that i gave in and bowed to the inevitable.

My naive belief in appearances reflected my own inability to understand why i couldn’t be a woman. I didn’t – couldn’t – recognise that gender identity has to have its roots inside a person. I thought it could be planted on the outside and cultivated till it flowered within. It also showed how deeply ashamed i was of my own unhappiness, the misery i didn’t understand and couldn’t name. What better way to hide a big, big sorrow than with a big, big smile?

Now i smile when i’m happy – although not always and never like i did back then. I don’t do impersonations anymore.

* Camera Lucida (ISBN 978-0-099-22541-6; publisher: Vintage Classics)

City lights and Railway Sleepers

“Even art doesn’t know what art’s about”
- Helen Perkins

Helen Perkins, a very close friend of mine, is a young artist who paints very beautiful paintings, and I think it’s time to write a post on her work before she’s too famous to talk to me.

Her paintings are flickering moments, quietly observed. A pretty young woman caught close up, with an impenetrable expression that seems to shift as you look into it, seems to stand alone in the night-time glare of the City. Another beautiful girl lies alone, seeming to radiate light in the gloom of a railway carriage. It’s Hopper, only more tender; less analytical, more involved, more lovely. And yet, somehow darker. Stare at these paintings long enough and you’ll find anxiety worming in your stomach.

Helen tells me that she has one reoccurring dream, a dream in which she finds herself suddenly alone in the late night City, walking an endless street under lamp-light. I notice that this is the self-portrait she has painted: the girl with the ambiguous expression is Helen herself, looking not at us, but past us, into the nothingness of the endless night.

I ask Helen if she is an anxious person. “Sometimes. At the moment”, she says. Asking why, she tells me a story that must surely be familiar to all artists, particularly the young: “I don’t know sometimes how to continue balancing finding time to be an artist against paying the bills. It’s a hard time to be an artist. I have a reoccurring day-mare: one day I’ll have to give this up and get an office job. In actual fact, I do work an office job! My fears have been realised.”

Despite this, Helen still finds time to paint commissioned pieces, and recently held her second exhibition in Derby, alongside fellow artist Emily Garces. “I get by, just about”. Looking through her sketch books, I see that she still finds time to draw, too. “That’s just practice”, she tells me, of a series of very fine pencil portraits. One stands out particularly: an Indian lady, eyes closed and slightly swollen.

“Is she dead?!” I ask. “No! Just meditating”, Helen assures me.

I ask a couple of final questions: who do you admire?

“Lucian Freud, of course, Benjamin Sullivan, Stuart Pearson-Wright – who I recently met, actually – and… all the new portrait painters who actually look at people; art that isn’t alienating”, she replies.

“What do you mean by that?”, I ask.

“Modern art often seems to me not to be, as the critical consensus maintains, inviting the viewer to engage, and create their own interpretations. To most people it just means what the gallery blurb says, and you have to go with that or else you’re left with a piece of art that you can’t go anywhere with. I don’t mean to diss anyone’s art… It’s not that I think it’s elitist, I just don’t think some of it’s really very interesting”.

“I like art with people in it. There’s always room for interpretation in that dynamic between the viewer and the painted subject. You don’t need the artist to explain that.”

—-Wit x

Take a look at more of Helen’s work:

Helen’s Website
Helen’s Gallery

Ich bette mich in Novembernebel
samtweiß, watteweich, grau

Haucht er mir frische Worte ins Ohr
mit der Weisheit eines goldenen Herbstes
atemrein klar und bleich

Sanft, so sanft umhüllt er
die grellen Lichter dieser Stadt
verschluckt Blitzlichtgewitter

deckt mich ein
mit Sanftmut

I’m going to keep this short and to the point.

Friday was Transgender Day of Remembrance and I attended the vigil in my area.  I had such an intense Thursday night, and got very little sleep going into Friday.  During the day on Friday, I had meeting after meeting and seriously didn’t now if I was even going to be able to muster up the energy to go to the event that evening.  I knew I would be something powerful, and since it was my first TDOR I figured I really did have to go.  I went home and grabbed my camera and went to meet up with some friends before heading over to the church.

I’m not sure if I purposefully distanced myself, but I went into complete photographer mode.  I didn’t really let myself process what was going on in front of me.  The service at the church was nice.  Completely non denominational, just a time for some community members to get up and speak.  After that, we lit candles and walked through Rita Hester’s neighborhood.  It was eerie making that walk with all those people and all those candles.  It’s a walk I have made so many times, and I never thought about Rita or her death in combination with those streets.  We all gathered at an open square to stand in solidarity while community members read the name and a short description of each victim that passed away this year  at the hand of someone else, due to discrimination and hatred.

I stood there, and listened, and took pictures.  After all of the names, far too many names, were read we walked back to the church.  At the church there was a reception with hot apple cider and cookies and treats.  Once we got back to the church, I pulled away and sat by myself for a while.  I tried to make small talk with some people, but I just felt numb.

Pretty soon after, a friend of mine gave me a ride home.  That night was really tough for me.  I sat, and finally processed all of the emotion that I wasn’t able to process at the event.  I think a lot of my emotional release had to do with my own identity, and the fact that I can’t hide from myself any more. 

I spent all day developing and scanning the negatives I took on Friday.  So far, it looks like I have about 40 frames that I am happy with.  A bit more tweaking and editing and I should be able to get them up online and share them with the community.

Love.

Goddess Lacey