I rushed down immediately with baby and called senior along. i saw uncle, he don’t look good. perhaps its the painkiller that makes him so drowsy that he hardly opened his eyes.
My cousins was by his side instructing and reminding him to breathe. He was on 15L oxygen and the oxymeter was  unable to pick up his oxygen staturation… his blood pressure
was so low and sluggish  that the automatic blood pressure machine also failed to pick up the oscillation of his  artery.  He is leaving us soon for another world..

My cousins even suggested to him a holiday trip. And all that they wanted from him., was that he recovers.

I  pray for miracles to happen tonight…a chance for my cousins to pay tributes to their father for the upbringing and for his love. a chance for the children to show filial piety. a better  words to describe will be 尽孝道. This  three chinese words best describe the whole culture and values that Asian Chinese are rooted on to…

I write this as I lie in bed, too stressed to sleep. You think tonight I’d be feeling good. After more months then I’d like to admit to, I’ve finally got an interview on the books for one of the many jobs I’ve been applying for – one that I really want too.

There is, however, something of a problem that’s stressing me out.

The job is interstate. Which of its own is not a huge deal. I have family there who I like and get on with who will help me out and are enthusiastic at the possibility of me being closer by.

My mother is not one of them. She lives here. Not too close by – a blessing since we don’t get on fantastically – but close enough. And as yet she doesn’t know about the potential move. She won’t react to it well and since she doesn’t believe in keeping feelings held in I don’t plan on telling her bupkis until its a done deal.

I know how she’ll react. She’ll feel abandoned and that I’m choosing those other relatives (who she hates) over her. And considering the dramas I dealt with from her when I visited them earlier this year, news about me moving lock and stock will sound the deaths knolls on an already rocky relationship.

I guess my question is what to do and how to do it. As a long time mummy’s girl who has already weathered the souring of what used to be the single most important relationship in her life, I’m finding the looming end of it a bit hard to handle.

Yours sleeplessly,

Stressed out.

Dear Stressed Out:

It is so awesome that you got an interview for a job you want! That is great news! You are fantastic! I am sure that you will rock it, and I sincerely hope that you get an offer!

Look in the mirror: You look great!

Look at your resume: You are intelligent, experienced, and good at spelling!

Look at the town you’ll be moving to if you get the job: You have family there and it will make your transition so much easier! They will be so excited to have you nearby and you will be able to be closer with them!

That is how someone who is rooting for you will treat this prospect and how they will treat the news that you got the job. Sorry that you can’t count on your mom in the “rooting for you” department.

It would be natural and understandable for your mom to feel pangs and worry about missing you if you move away. My mom is sad that I live far away from her, and frequently expresses a wish that I’d live closer, but the difference is that she doesn’t shit on my dreams in the process. It would be great if a full-time film & video production faculty job opened up in New England (Know of any? SRSLY) and greater still if I got the job, but she doesn’t sabotage me or make me feel crappy and afraid in order to try to get me to stay closer. Because those are her feelings to manage, not mine to build my entire life around. If something great came my way and it brought me closer to my dreams she would say “Go get it” no matter where it was located.

However, you don’t have the job yet, so all of this anxiety is of the free-floating kind. Your imaginary Future Mean Mom (who is realistically based on Current Known Mom) is in your brain being a jerk to you. You can tell her to go away if you want to.

Banishment Exercise:

1. Draw a picture of her. Label it “Future Mean Mom.” You can make the picture very unflattering if you want to. No one will see it but you.

2. Look at the picture and say “Shut up, I’m trying to sleep.” Put the picture in a drawer or a box and then put the box on a high shelf or in the garage or basement.

3. Say “Self, if I get the job and have to make a choice about this, those will be good problems.”

4. Make some chamomile tea or other hot soothing beverage of choice.

5. Lay out your clothes for your interview. Shine your shoes, employ your lint brush, etc.

6. Between now and the interview and receiving the offer, talk only to nice people who will root for you. You are smart to present this to your mom as a fait accompli rather than inviting Future Mean Mom to come live with you in the here and now.

7.  Go the f*** to sleep.

That should get you through tonight and the next few days, right?

Next steps:

1. ROCK your interview.

2. Hopefully get awesome job offer.*

3. Negotiate awesome salary, benefits & relocation package.

4. Sign papers and accept job.

5. Keep talking only to nice people who root for you.

7. When you’ve accepted an offer, tell your mom, “Great news, I got a job! I will be a (job title) at (company). I start on (date)!“

Okay, so here’s the real advice:

When talking to your mom about this, do not acknowledge any of the rocky history with relatives or that you expect this will have a bad affect on her or the relationship. Treat her as if she is a normal mom who will do the normal thing and be happy and proud for you. Treat it like something worth celebrating because it is. In fact, you can say “Can I take you to lunch later this week and we can celebrate? I’d love to see you!“

If she’s going to be nasty about it, let her do ALL the work. You are enthusiasm personified and she cannot bring you down.Let her moan and groan and ignore it as much as possible to stay focused on the positive.

And then be ready for her with some short rehearsed responses:

• “Well, I’m really happy and excited about this.”
• “We’ll work out the logistics later. Right now I just want to celebrate and spend some time with you!”
• “Wow.” (It really is all-purpose)
• “Well, this is my day to be happy. Let’s save discussions about that for another time.**”
• “Jeez, Ma, I didn’t get a new job AT you.”
• “I haven’t really thought about that.*** Can I think about that and get back to you?”"
• “I know you don’t like them, but if I have to move away for work, I’d really like to be close to at least some family. Can you try to see it my way?”
• “Well, I’m sorry to hear that you are disappointed. My mind is made up, so I hope you will find a way to be happy for me.”
• She may try to make an issue of when you told her – After the fact, versus when it was happening. That’s a derail whether you were telling her something sad or something happy. It’s making your good news about her and looking for a reason to be angry about it. It’s making when you tell her things a relationship test. You can answer this very simply: “I didn’t tell you until it was certain – I didn’t want to everyone’s hopes up if it wasn’t going to happen.”

After that lunch or weird phone call where you break the news, I think you are going to be really busy with your move, so “I can’t talk right now, can we talk about this later?” will be your friend. Present any details of your move as “Great news!” as in “Great news, I found a place!” If she wants to see it as not great news, let her. You don’t have to do your feelings and her feelings. If it’s great news to you, it’s great news.

8. Move to awesome new place, be happy. Talk to or visit your mom periodically  and show her that you care about her and that moving hasn’t made you stop. When she gets sour and mean change the subject or get off the phone or out of the room. Teach her that if she wants a relationship with you, she has to be a basic level of nice.

9. When you get some time, consider seeing a therapist about Mom Stuff. That’s a big scary box of Mom Stuff you have there. Time to unpack some?

A short Difficult People review:

• I think your mom would find a way to be disappointed or sour about whatever happens next in your life. Now it’s worrying you – What if I tell her and then she’s sour and horrible?  - but if you treat it as an inevitability it is (perversely) very freeing. If she’ll be upset no matter what you do, then why not do what you want and what you think is best for you?
• Meet good behavior with kindness and encouragement and bad behavior with less contact. You can live with her ill feelings and disappointment, but not with her being mean to you and treating you badly. If she makes every interaction a negative, soulsucking experience where she berates you and tries to pull you into family drama, you’ll simply interact less. If she is nice, she will get your attention.
• If you take on the threat of an emotional outburst or their eventual disappointment as your own and let it dictate how you live your life, you do all their work for them and they win. Let them do that hard work of worrying and being mean and sucky.

Please don’t let your worry about this sabotage a great opportunity for you. Your relationship with your mom might get better with time and distance as you’re allowed to set boundaries and choose more when and how you interact. For now, treat your mom as if you expect her to react normally and let her feelings and reactions be what they are. You can deal with them. Banish Future Mean Mom to the dustbin or the closet and get some sleep, ok?

Notes:

*If for some reason you do not get awesome job offer, apply cake/liquor/time with hilarious & encouraging friends as needed and then repeat process of applying for awesome jobs.

**Another time can = never.

***You have thought about it, probably, but this is a very useful thing that allows you to stall for time in the hopes that the mean person will forget what they were asking.

What I can think that will be useful is for government especially the housing board to come up with a plan that help home owners in older housing estate and those with older type of toilet structure to have renovation that will prepare for the aging age…. Such as having wider doors to accommodate wheelchair, metal handle support, levelling the curb between toilets and kitchen etc. These would indeed help make the house more aged proof.

Aging is indeed gonna be one of the more challenging issues to any society. There will be more people aging and less young people to help around.

Even now, my generation are having difficulty performing their filial piety so what more of the next and much younger generation to come?

Today’s issue seems to evolve on how taking care of the aged seems burdensome to some.

I don’t have to look far, seeing how my hubby and his siblings handle their parents situation give much lessons and revelation on how in future it will be more difficult and complex.

Yesterday, one of the brother suggested their father who has a swollen leg thus has difficulty to walk and an arm that can’t move much, who now spent almost his time lying in bed to stop going for therapy. Obvious reasons was that no sons was able to spare the time to send due to their work.

The fact that he suggested stopping the therapy and the others agree is one thing …. But none try to understand or suggest alternative ways to help the old man to replace not going for the therapy.

Yes, I was told they said he could exercise on his own but no one could commit to make sure everyday there will be someone to assist and encourage him. To depend on my MIL alone is not possible seeing she herself is not well. To depend on the youngest BIL also not possible cause he himself not proactive in looking after the old man.

I find it sad… even as the eldest my husband was not able to do more or be more assertive with his brothers to come up with plans that can help the parents more.

It is as the old proverb says…A parent can single handedly look after many children but many children can’t look after one parent..

I think more empathy and more reflections on how we, the younger ones will be in their shoes one day could help somehow to propel more kindness and efforts in looking after the aged. How we will fare I really don’t know cos those younger generations from us may just treat us in much lesser kindness and attention than what we give now. Astaghfirullah!

Unfortunately Trey was sick on my actual birthday so he made it up to my by taking me on a tour of the Suwon fortress. Suwon is this grimy ass city about 30 km south of Seoul that’s got a real Greensboro grit-feel to it so I really enjoyed it. 

Except Suwon has a fortress, Greensboro just has a statue of Nathaniel Greene, a ton of abandoned buildings, and some bros. So Trey, James, Caitie and I piled into a bus from Jukjeon and caught bus 660 towards Suwon, which coincidentally drove straight through the fortress. This was mighty convenient because the bus system in Korea can be really convoluted if you’re unfamiliar with the lay of the land since all route maps and announcements are in Hangul/Korean.

Trey also super planned ahead and packed a picnic for us consisting of CHEESE!!!!! Fancy cheese at that, wine, and pistachios. I seconded that notion and brought Korea’s version of Ritz crackers and moon pies (what a time to be alive). Then we walked about half the fortress, to me that was a huge feat considering the whole thing is 5.7 km long and it’s all hilly terrain. The hike was well worth it though considering what’s at the top:

The view of Suwon from the top of the fortress

Yes, absolutely amazing. Even though it’s of Suwon city, still a fantastic view and you can see all the Korean mountains in the background.
Also, I don’t know who was paying attention during the olympics, but Koreans are badasses when it comes to archery. At the beginning of the fortress where you buy your tickets, there is a gigantic archery field where you can watch a demonstration and try it on your own. These five dudes were total OG’s about it, this dude in specific:
He was nailing targets on the opposite end of the field almost every single time. And considering Trey and James were singing that Shania Twain song all day, it actually did impress me much. Then this man who worked there proceeded to teach about 30 Korean teenagers how to shoot arrows, hand motions and technique all while standing directly in front of them. It was the ballsiest thing I’ve seen anyone ever do. At least I thought it was ballsy until I saw them all shoot their first arrow and none went past 15 feet (not that I probably could do much better, I’m no Katniss Everdeen).

Side Note: I bought my new plane ticket to Cebu, Philippines today. I will be leaving South Korea on October 24th. There was also another typhoon today causing me to not have to go to work, what a perfect metaphor for my bittersweet feelings.

Drone. Drone.

Discern barely a notion
of some eminent and pointless emotion.
Is my lament really as vast as this ocean?

Devotion. Devotion.

A groping of death at my shoulder
with each second growing colder.
Lying under the weight of this boulder.

Smolder. Smolder.

I finally listened to the speech Michelle Obama’s gave at the DNC this morning.  

My husband and I have been largely hiding behind a rock this election season, avoiding politics talk, genuinely overwhelmed by the spars, the divisions, and the pettiness when just a month ago we were living in a nation with five times as many people as this one, and where poverty, human rights, and children’s lives hang in the balance.

But, perhaps predictably, (and don’t worry, I’m not about to really get political here), the First Lady’s speech did strike a chord with me today.  Ironically, the narrative of sacrifice and commitment that she and President Obama expressed in regards to their parents reminded me of some of the culture of filial piety, once so vibrant and pervasive, that is beginning to erode in China today.

But her words about gratitude and sacrifice and humility, about learning from their parents that “so many people had a hand in our success, from the teachers who inspired us, to the janitors who kept our school clean” also reminded me of my own family.

My Grandfather and I this past November.

The story she told about her father struggling to walk with MS and shifting uncomfortably out of bed each morning reminded me of my grandfather who prayed everyday on his knees despite the paralysis in his own legs.  My mother has MS, so she not only knew what it was like to watch her father struggle with his paralysis, but I know what it is like to know and be inspired by someone who does not let her physical disabilities hold her back from serving others.

The sacrifice Mrs. Obama mentioned that her parents made to send her to college reminds me of my own father’s years of getting up before the sun came up and coming home after it went down, all so my sisters and I didn’t have to struggle to pay for school.  It, this gift of education, was my parents’ ultimate gift to their children and only later in life do I relish what a sacrifice it meant and what devotion it took.

My parents on Thanksgiving, 2011.

Mrs. Obama’s stories remind me of the way my dad’s parents’ scraped together during the Great Depression, their determination to live and make do with what they had, and the money my maternal grandparents left to me as they passed on, despite the fact that they always lived with so little themselves.

As Mrs. Obama spoke I realized why these stories are so powerful: they bind us to one another.  They express the gratitude to those who came before us for the lives we live today.  They recognize that the strength of humanity, not just Americans, but of all people, is this willingness to submit that perhaps their dreams won’t come true in their lifetime, but they can come true in the lives of others.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, Gramma and Grandpa, Grandma and Grandad, for loving me so unconditionally, for giving me a life full of possibility and joy, despite what your own lives may have lacked.  Your love inspires me everyday, and I hope when people compliment me on my successes, I remember the people, you, who made them possible.

Who inspires you today?  Who do you thank for your successes?  Who taught you about gratitude, and humility, and sacrifice?

While the parables are even more familiar to most Chinese than Grimms’ Fairy Tales are to Americans — the text remains a mainstay of educational curriculum here — they have understandably lost much of their motivational punch.

But when the government, in an effort to address the book’s glaring obsolescence, issued an updated version last month in the hope that the book would encourage more Chinese to turn away from their increasingly self-centered ways and perhaps phone home once in a while, it wasn’t quite prepared for the backlash.

Compared with its predecessor, the new book brims with down-to-earth suggestions for keeping parents happy in their golden years. Readers are urged to teach them how to surf the Internet, take Mom to a classic film and buy health insurance for retired parents.

“Family is the nucleus of society,” intoned Cui Shuhui, the director of the All-China Women’s Federation, which, along with the China National Committee on Aging, published the new guidelines after two years of interviews with older Chinese. “We need family in order to advance Chinese society and improve our economic situation.”

So far, those good intentions appear to have prompted mostly ridicule. But they have also unintentionally kicked up a debate on whether the government, not overextended children, should be looking after China’s ballooning population of retirees.

In a fast-aging nation where hundreds of millions of people have left their former homes in the countryside in search of jobs, “The New 24 Paragons of Filial Piety” strikes many as nearly as out of touch with the problems of modern China as the old parables.”

via Beijing Updates Parables, ‘The 24 Paragons of Filial Piety’ – NYTimes.com.

See also: China’s aging population

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To get a better feel or try to catch a few of those zen moments – click on these photo links to see more: here and a lot more here too

Forest Hermitage sangha commenced their annual three-month retreat in June and completed it on the full moon day of August this year. In the immediate Sunday that followed, on 2nd September, 2012, the Hermitage marked the completion of the retreat by celebrating it with the practice of alms giving to the monastics in the traditional way (pindapata) and teaching of Dhamma with ‘Filial Piety’ as the theme.

Early on that fine Sunday morning, more than a thousand Malaysian, Thai, Sri Lankan, Myanmar and European devotees and visitors thronged the grounds of the Hermitage, bringing up offerings and lining up on both sides of the pindapata path waiting eagerly for the more than thirty monks and nuns to begin their alms-round. Great smiles, arising from inner joy of each devotee, child or adult, brightened and lightened up the morning. Young and mature families of two or three generations made up this merry crowd. It was a day of celebration, a day of celebrating with the monks and nuns the completion of their months of contemplation; another opportunity of thanking their teacher monks and nuns for bringing Dhamma into their lives; a family day for re-union and renewal, a family day of teaching the young by example, a family day of acknowledging the parent’s great sacrifice and love, and a family day of showing love and gratitude to ageing parents; a day of the strong supporting the less strong; a day of selfless service and selfless sharing; a day when everybody just experienced a healthy joyous mind. Old friends were happy for the opportunity to renew and update on their latest happenings, and new friends were made that day.

Of the sangha that went on alms round that morning, twenty-six were forest monks from Thailand, two monks from the Tibetan tradition, and two monks and four nuns were resident Hermitage sangha. The devotees participated joyously in alms-giving and receiving teachings from the local and foreign (Thai) monks on filial piety, and blessings from all the Buddhist traditions, Theravada, Chinese and Tibetan Mahayana. They then proceeded to dedicate and transfer the merits they acquired to their parents and elders in a libation ceremony.

On this day, the energy of wholesome minds radiated and permeated through the air, awakening the basic human goodness in everyone (witness the smiles and camaraderie, amiable speech and deeds), bringing tranquility and peace to all beings in the vicinity. A ‘kusala mind’ (‘healthy mind’) is so infectious and its good energy field can be so extensive and powerful.

There were many beautiful sights and touching moments of zen that day as the pictures taken recorded. An infant, in her mother’s arm, quietly watched as her parents respectfully with deep faith placed their offerings in the alms bowl of each monk and nun, one after another, the whole pindapata. The infant looked up, and each time she was greeted with kindly smiles and appreciative joy of every monk and nun. One could not have asked for better moments in life to grow up in, to be so nurtured in metta and karuna so pure. Those moments of wondrously powerful radiation of metta and karuna in that pure energy field were simply awesome. Then of course, many adults, upon hearing the Dhamma talks on filial piety from the most senior foreign mahathera present, and from our Venerable Kaiyin, the abbot of the Hermitage, and watching the short video clip on ‘kneeling lamb’, there was tremendous welling up of long hidden gratitude within for their parents, teachers and elders. They recollected the kindness, patience and sacrifice their parents and elders made for the sake of their welfare, and perhaps moments they missed in expressing their gratitude and repaying their kindness.

Venerable Jotipala reminded that there are moments one should not miss, particularly these two moments, ‘moment of doing good when the opportunity arises’, and ‘moment of repaying kindness to parents’. They were encouraged to visualise and make an offering to Buddha on behalf of their parents and elders in the presence of the sangha and the congregation, and participated in the libation ceremony that symbolised their sharing and flowing of the merits to their departed loved ones. Many older adults took the opportunity to perform the ceremony, these moments certainly tugged at the heart-strings of their children and grandchildren present. These were moments of learning and appreciation of the culture and importance of filial piety, best expressed when we are all alive. In the crowd today, there were many adults who brought along their elderly parents to participate in this Dhamma gathering and learning.

There was a wide spread of foods and drinks, a tremendous quantity and variety to feed the close to a thousand-strong crowd present. These were all donated and prepared by the devotees. After the alms round, the monks and nuns, assisted by their attendants collected the alms food for their day’s lunch. Then the disciples keeping the eight precepts filled their bowls. Then the crowd followed. All took from the same spread of foods, the same menu, the same orderliness, the same silence, the same appreciation – monks or nuns, child or adult, lay or monastic.  Such sameness, seemingly ordinary, yet extraordinary.

Santavana Forest Hermitage sangha lives, teaches and leads by Dhamma and Vinaya. As always in the Hermitage, crowd or no crowd, noise or no noise, busy or free,there was this air of tranquility that permeated everywhere. There was this orderliness in the conduct of its affairs, daily chores, big or small Dhamma events. Reliable crews, under able leadership with proper guidance in Dhamma, successfully organised each event to the satisfaction of all.

Santavana Forest Hermitage is a special place where Dhamma is experienced everywhere, out in the open and in one’s heart. Where there is Dhamma, there is Truth; where there is Truth, there is Peace. Thank you Santavana Forest Hermitage sangha, management and crews of volunteers and Dhamma workers, you made this day a memorable one for a thousand or so hearts in their connecting and experience with Dhamma.

May all sentient beings are relieved from suffering! Learn the spirit of Great compassion and liberation from Bodhisattva Ksitigarbharaja.

According to the Chinese traditional believe, the seventh lunar  month in the traditional calendar, it’s a “Ghost” month where all ghost will be coming out from hell to have a “Vacation” for a month.

Some of you, might see the burning of paper make “House”, “Luxury car”, “Smart phone”, “TV”, “Money”, “Clothes” whatever you name it you can see it.

Have you ever wonder whether these items are created based on “our needs” or what our “Ancestors” need? And further, would all our Ancestors ended up in the “ghost” realm?

Is it Environmentally friendly? How many trees we need to chop down? How about air pollution?

I am not sure why since my childhood time, I am very much against on the “Burning of paper materials” for ancestor. I do my best to convince my  family to stop this practice as this is not environment friendly and why should we spend money on all this. It is better to donate money for others.

My mum is a traditional Chinese lady, she also requested us to give her all this “paper material” when she pass away later. However, after year of  convincing, finally she agreed that “No more burning of paper material”.

The best way to Filial piety to parent is to bring them to the path of spiritual, to give them “wisdom” which is not only for this life but many life to come.

Today, my sister & I went for the (地藏法會), Bodhisattva Ksitigarbharaja Puja.It took about 4 hours.

I am not aware on the timing as I am very much focus on the sutra chanting with the hope that this will beneficial to all sentient beings.

“If the hell is not empty of sentient beings, I vow not to attain Buddhahood.” was the great vow made by Bodhisattva Ksitigarbharaja for delivering sentient beings. The “Sutra of Bodhisattva Ksitigarbharaja’s vow” has been a well-known sutra of obedience to parents.

By joining the Puja, we prayed for our parent to have “Longevity” and “wisdom”. This is the best way to express our Filial piety. Besides, we also wish all sentient beings especially in Hell and Hungry ghost Realm to be relieved from suffering. 

The most important is to learn from the spirit of Bodhisattva Ksitigarbharaja’s great compassion and liberation.

Be diligent in the path until we’ve attained enlightenment.

The problem with this is that I can’t talk back. It is rude to do so. And yes, you got it, it’s a parent. We don’t talk back, shout back, or scream at a parent. It is very rude to do so. And yes, you got it again, it’s an Asian thing. Filial piety is inbred in our bones.

If we screwed up, the society will scream back at us to be filial. Most of us are very filial. And we don’t have to go through moral education for that. However, when it comes to dealing with others outside the immediate family, we become very unruly, very uncouth and very rude. Yes?

Back to me, myself & I. I want to just scream at my parent. Why can’t I do the way you do? Why must I do this and you can do that? Must I always defer to you just because you said so? Even if it makes me go all wonky?

Should I walk the talk you give? Or there is a guideline that I should follow? These are some of the situations that I find myself in.

A) You said you don’t want to celebrate your birthday. I took it at your face value, no celebrating means no cakes, no parties, no cards, no presents. That is not the case. You turned around and said, why I didn’t give a card or a present at all? So? What is it going to be? And then you tell me you are disappointed with me. Me? When I followed to the “T”. Sigh! Would you please make up your mind at all?

B) The house is like a motel. You go out early in the morning. Back maybe early, maybe late. The weekends, I hardly see you. I love laying in during the weekends as weekdays, there just isn’t enough time to rest or reflect on the inner me. Then you said, why aren’t you around when I need you? Hello!? I am just the other side of the door. Why did you say such a thing and I am just away by the knock of the door? I must stand in front of you so you can see me? (@_@)

C) You said that I must tell you what I feel. Hello? With your stern outlook, would I even dare to tell you what I feel? I feel like I was an extra. I feel that I should be grateful that I am here that I should not impinge myself on you too much. That is what I am feeling from you. I was just being tolerate. I should not intrude. I should not … etc.

I find myself filled with anger. Not at everyone. Not at my parents. Just at myself. That in itself is just so telling.

Anger is just a base feeling. It can make a person’s heart clench hard. Like a lump in the heart region. Heaviness. Depression. Like I am worthless.

Several hard truths came about. And I look at myself in the harsh light. I did not behold my parents in a good light. I consistently play down how good they are. And get this, I constantly mocked them. Me! How dare me do that?

It does look like myself and all of those around me do this on a daily basis. We don’t appreciate things or people until they are gone. Which is really a horrible practice. We should be humble. I should be humble. Forget the pronoun “WE”, I should use the word “ME”. After all, this is my blog. I am writing about myself. I don’t profess to know what other people thinks. Or why they think so.

As parents grow older, they tend to forget things, or needed things repeated to them again and again. And of course, the lovely ears had fallen to its slow death, one must talk louder or shout. And the eyesights failing slowly, one should read to them. And bone density would be brittle, one should also be on hand to guide them.

There are times I become very impatient as I want to be on my way at once, or on my own. That is not the case.  I stay with my parents. And there are no idea how long that would be. Every day, I should say a prayer, “Please let there be another more day with my parents” and yet at the daily routine, I find myself getting upset with their antics. For they are old and yet they are not. There are still things to learn from parents.

I shall always have mixed feelings about this every day for the times God gives me to stay with my parents. I should be grateful. I should be happy. Am I?

My name is “Little White”…. or “Kucing- Cat in Malay language” or…

Tomorrow, it marked the 1st anniversary of Little White- our cat with us.

We assume tomorrow is his first birthday with us as we are unsure when is his birth date.

Throughout  a year, my gratitude for Little White to come to our life.

We believed that we’ve “Relationship” in past life with our family members.

Our home fill with laughter, happiness, joyful moment with him around.

My parent treat him like their son- a little baby boy. Mum is giving him an ang pau. (Red Packet)- Chinese Custom. So lovely!

I learn from him:

1. To be more compassionate in life.

2. To take care and continues to give Love to all people.

3. He demonstrated to us on life transformation, he initially killed lizard, dragon dry and rat. Now, he no longer kill any living creatures.He took wet food (Fish) for a while, he loved it but suddenly he refused to take. I believed he doesn’t want to trouble my mum to take care of his diet. Now, he only take dry cat food.

A cat can change his habit, how about us, intelligent beings?

I am a good boy, I accompany my papa to do gardening. I know about “Filial piety”.. How about you?

4. Sometimes, LW will spend his time in garden and accompany my father in evening. He waited for him until my father completed gardening job. How amazing!

LW is actually demonstrated on Filial Piety, love, determination,…..

I am a loyal cat….. I’ll wait for my sisters to come back from work….

I am so happy when all my family members come home…..

5. He’ll wait for us almost every night at the entrance pillar ….. My heart is blossom when I see him.

What a faithful cat!

6.He can communicated with us through his “Meow” tone… superb short, short, long, non stop…

We learn to be more mindfulness when we are with him….

7. He is so blessed as he can listen to mantra, Dharma song at home and we talk to him on dharma too.

We’ll listen to dharma too.

Our greatest gratitude to little White for sharing his life with us.

Our great love to him, Happy Birthday to our little brother!

May he be Happy and well! Not to reborn in 3 lower realm. We Love you!

I love you all too…. May everybody be Happy and Well! with metta from LW

I am so sleepy… Please don’t wake me up… How blessed if the leaf can be bigger, give me some shade.” Hehe! “Little white”- our lovely cat

“There is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night’s sleep” By Edgar Watson Howe

Do you have a good night’s sleep?

Do you ever experience how fresh you can be if you sleep well?

How do you feel if you need to wake up more than 5 times a night?

Are you tired?

Do you have energy?

Think about our mother when she needs to wake up many times a night to take care of us when we are baby or sick?

Is she complain about this?

Of course, NO. Mother love their children more than herself.

What a great sacrifice!

Remember how our mother take care of us since young, Always think of “YOU are not you are today.” without your parent.

Be Gratitude and Filial piety is a MUST in life.

“In the home, the young should behave with filial piety, and out in the word, with brotherly love. They should be prudent and trustworthy. They should love all people and be close to the benevolent.” By Confucius

If we treat all beings like our mother, we are going to  be “More LOVE Less Hatred”, “More Gratitude less complain”, “More kindness and compassion”, “More happiness” less sorrow……

Let’s practice together and transform our world to be pure land.

Last night I had the honor of joining your family and a few close friends as you celebrated your birthday. What was it? Your 60th? 70th? It didn’t matter, did it? Before a stroke took away your physical strength just a little over five years ago you were putting 20 and 30 year olds to shame with your work ethic. Don’t think I didn’t notice those times where you, and not those 20 and 3o year olds, would report to work on your days off when an emergency came up in the office. They needed “their time” to unwind and relax? I may be young, but I’m sure as hell not stupid.

I’ve learned a lot from our conversations together (even if they were mostly about how basketball and how it brightened our days whenever the Los Angeles Lakers would lose), but I’ve learned even more just by observing you. In the office, you were a bullheaded (some say almost unnecessarily) no-nonsense businessman. You took calculated, fearless risks, the vast majority of which paid off. That’s to be expected when someone’s as smart as you are (yes, I remember you were second in the CPA exams when you took it). However, in your zeal to solve all the company’s problems by yourself, you never really did get to give the next guys in line a shot at solving those problems. “They weren’t ready”, you’d always say, but I know that wasn’t a statement borne out of contempt; it was simply that you wanted everyone around you to not have to worry about so heavy a load. That was how you were wired.

At home, however, you were the total opposite. You were (and still are) a doting father/grandfather/brother/uncle who always made sure that everyone who visited was well-fed and made to feel at home. You’d lend relatives money without so much as a second thought as to when they’d pay you back.

And your grandkids. Like any other grandparent, you would have given them the world on a silver platter had they asked hard enough. They didn’t, so you settled for spoiling them silly with toys, clothes and Sunday dinners. You made sure that life was good, was great, for them. Because you made sure that they were well-provided for, they may never get to realized that life had been hard for you, but it was there when you learned the lessons that made you successful:

What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger

Sometimes, it’s the dog that fights the hardest, and not the biggest, strongest dog that comes out the winner

Success doesn’t come overnight. Excellence rewards the one who goes the extra mile, who puts in the overtime hours, just to be better in his craft.

There is no substitute for the discipline of the little things. It’s the care with which a person gives to the menial duties that determines the level of care he gives to his larger responsibilities.

I know, Charlie, you’re uncomfortable with the idea of me addressing my Angkong (grandfather) like that, since only your closest friends call you that. Humor me a bit on this one. Let your grandson address you like a man in this letter, and not as a ten-year old who wants a new toy. I hope you understand, I’m writing this a day late since my schedule’s not as flexible as before when I wasn’t working. I’m not complaining by the way, you had to work while attending night school, which makes what I’m doing a walk in the park by comparison.

Belated happy birthday Angkong. I love you, and here’s hoping I do you proud. Cheers.

]]> http://ptl2010.com/2012/07/13/faith-child-what-legacy/ Thu, 12 Jul 2012 16:27:12 +0000 ptl2010 http://ptl2010.com/2012/07/13/faith-child-what-legacy/ http://voyagesontheleft.wordpress.com/2012/07/11/search-for-meaning/ Wed, 11 Jul 2012 01:41:27 +0000 voyagesontheleft http://voyagesontheleft.wordpress.com/2012/07/11/search-for-meaning/ http://yoshidashoin.wordpress.com/2012/07/07/if-you-dont-obey-your-parents/ Fri, 06 Jul 2012 22:11:24 +0000 tenmen http://yoshidashoin.wordpress.com/2012/07/07/if-you-dont-obey-your-parents/ If one does not obey one’s parents, then no matter what nice things there are under Heaven, everything else is insufficient.
The Fourth Year of Ansei, the 24th of November. “To Matsuura Mukyuu”

7日父母に順ならざれば
父母に順ならざれば、天下の快ありと雖も、亦何ぞ言ふに足らんや。
安政四年十一月四日「松浦無窮に与ふ」

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Yet despite this, people still choose otherwise. At the end of the day, I believe your parents want you to be happy and what they THINK is best for you.

Parents are also human. They have certain expectations of the lives their children should or hope they will lead. As much as this seems like the least we can do for them for bringing us up and sacrificing for us, I don’t think it is. Living life to see your parents happy, thats great.

But when our parents are gone and everybody in our life who have had expectations of us etc etc are gone too, who then are you living for? Whose happiness is it? Who are you going to disappoint?

Yes, if you don’t live the way your parents want you will be disappointing them. But sometimes you know better as to what you want.

Denial and avoidance. Is it what you really want or is it want society wants? Are you just taking the easy way out with moderate happiness and denying yourself of true total happiness but is the hard choice?

And what is the point in saying things when nothing is going to come from it? To a certain extent, it depends on the situation. In most cases, we regret the things we didn’t do rather than the ones we did. Same goes with things said like: you mean the world to me, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, thank you, I’m sorry, I love you and my heart is yours.

Recently, he is changing his behavior.

I don't want to trouble my "mama" to take care of me…. I'll only take "Dry food". I want to be a "Good SON."

Stop eating “Can food with real fish”

We feed him “Can food with real fish” after he got dengue in Jan’12.

He loved it so much. 

Since last week, he refused to take any can food and only take the “Dry food”.

We suspect he doesn’t want to trouble my mum to unfrozen the food for him daily. 

Little White also showing us on “Filial Piety”.

How about us, Human? Are we doing enough for our parent?

He treat my mum like his “Mama” too, the way he call my mum is so difference; with another tone.

Previously, little white loved to chase insects. Now, he is only playing with "stick".

So happy! My mama say: "No Killing". I must be a good boy!

I am SO HAPPY! Mama said: I am a good boy!

I am playing "Hide & Seek" with "Lemongrass."

2. No killing

Previously, Little White loved to “Chase, Catch & KILL” insects in our home, e.g. Dragonfly, Lizard & others.

Until one time, our home has no lizard at all. They moved out from our home after a few being killed by Little White.

Recently, he live harmonize with the insects and lizards. I can see that lizards are back in our home again.

“All Living beings have the Buddha Nature and can become Buddha” BUDDHA

A cat also showing to us that he can change his behavior from bad to good now.

Little White took refuge to 3 Jewels, “Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.”

At home, We are only playing Buddhist song, Buddhist sutra song and Dharma music.

We also talk to him everyday on dharma especially, “No killing”.

We believed he “Understand” what we are actually sharing with him.

We are unable to feed him “Vegetarian food” as Veterinarian advised that Cat is carnivore and not suitable for vegetarian diet.

I make a change in my life. When is your turn? "No killing", please.

A cat can change, we as a human with intelligence.

What are we waiting for?

Take action now! No Killing!