So, without further ado, here’s the top 16 easiest video game bosses ever. Like, the kind of easy where if any of these have even got a single hit on you, you should feel ashamed. (Hint: Gohma is probably in this list. Shock, horror.)

Whispy Woods (Kirby’s Dreamland)

Whispy Woods is the most recurring boss of the Kirby series — even more-so than series antagonist King Dedede. Generally used as the first boss in many Kirby games, he’s always incredibly easy to defeat. Like, ‘oh my God I’ve had more difficulty fighting a real-life bonsai tree than this guy’ kind of easy. A stationary boss, all he can do is blow incredibly easy-to-avoid gusts of air at you and drop apples on your head which you can use to kill him with in a few hits.

Heck, in some of the following games you’ll even have your power-absorbing ability so can just spam an absorbed power at him and kill him even quicker. This tree should be truly ashamed of himself.

Papu Papu (Crash Bandicoot)

Papu Papu is the first boss of the original Crash Bandicoot game. The game’s fantastic, but this boss battle is less than so. Oh no, please don’t spin around with your stick at a moderately slow speed! I’m defenseless and weak and — oh yeah, I can just easily jump over that. Well, I’ll just hit you in your face a few times and be off to more genuinely interesting levels then. Call me when you get reasonably good at cart racing and maybe I’ll take you more seriously.

Topmaniac (Super Mario Galaxy)

There are so many easy-as-heck Mario bosses that we could literally fill out this whole list with just Mario bosses, but Super Mario Galaxy’s Topmaniac is definitely up there as one of the better examples. Slowly randomly spinning around the arena, Topmaniac basically poses no threat whatsoever. Beyblades would scare Mario more than this guy.

You know you’ve got a weak boss on your hands when its drones are more of a threat — just jump on the top of Topmaniac three times and hit him in to the electric fence and this overgrown spinning top is done. So easy, even a plumber can do it.

Morton Koopa Jr. (Super Mario World)

Oh wait, perhaps this is actually a better example of an easy Mario boss. The terrifying turtle that is Morton terrifyingly walks towards you at a turtle’s pace as you terrifyingly have to jump on his head three times. Perhaps the only legitimate boss in the world that can be easily defeated within twenty seconds by even the most casual gamer. I wish I had more to say but… yeah, Morton is just that easy.

GLaDOS (Portal)

And the winner of the easiest boss in a video game that somehow remains fun iiiiiis GLaDOS. Although humourous throughout, when it comes down to it this boss battle really holds no challenge whatsoever — which is a shame, considering that some of the puzzles before it could be considered as genuinely smart and complicated by some.

The boss battle basically fully consists of  a repeated ‘put this over here’ action that must be performed under six minutes. Unless your friend’s handed you the controller before playing the rest of the game, you’ll be a veteran at this game by now and figure out immediately what you have to do. The dialogue makes up for the disappointing battle, though.

Flash Man (Mega Man 2)

Fun fact: a few years back when I had my regular group of friends at my house, I bet them all £10 that, with infinite attempts, they would not be able to finish any level of Mega Man 2. I won that bet. As well as meaning I need new, less lame friends, this also taught me that they apparently haven’t heard of Google.

It’s good then that I was lucky enough for them not to choose Flash Man’s stage and they instead consistently attempted Wood Man’s, because Flash Man is comparatively easy to the rest of the game. For other Robot Masters in the game, it’s vital to battle them in a specific order so that you can use each gained ability on the next boss, but Flash Man can be easily dispensed with your basic attack before he even has the chance to do anything. You could say that this battle is… over in a flash. *puts on sunglasses*

Lucien Fairfax (Fable II)

Oh God, final boss guys, better gear up. We’ve been waiting our whole lives to exact our revenge against this guy. After a series of sweet boss battles, the game’s been teasing you for this final encounter. With your heart racing, you enter Lucien’s lair to see two levitating bodies and some threats of infinite power, you’d best be prepared for something big…

…because you’re going to have to shoot him once mid-speech, where upon you’ll watch him fall to his death. If you don’t shoot him, one of your party members will do it for you instead. You’ll half expect him to crawl back up as some God-like being for an epic battle, but nope, he’s quite dead. Yay for anti-climaxes!

Cloud N. Candy (Yoshi’s Story)

This sweet looking cloud-cotton-candy monstrosity is only about as dangerous as he looks. Unless Yoshi’s allergic to being healed, I’m pretty sure we’re going to be safe here. All you have to do is lick the guy to shrink him until he’s dead and his only retaliation is to slowly jump around the stage a bit. As if that was heart-wrenchingly difficult enough, every time you lick Cloud N. Candy, he heals you. For God’s sake, he even tells you how to kill him. I know this game’s sweet and charming and primarily aimed at kids, but come on, I was acing Silent Hill at this age and I’m pretty sure anyone can murder cotton candy.

The Leader (The Incredible Hulk, 1994)

Arch-nemesis of the Hulk, The Leader is finally within arm’s reach. Finally, this smart, evil man that you’ve spent the whole of the game hunting down stands before you and all he can be bothered to do is smugly stand there and watch you. Perhaps distracted by a daydream or your bulging green biceps, The Leader literally just stands there unprotected and does nothing. He doesn’t even attempt to do anything, but for some there’s a pick-up on the floor that heals you and makes you temporarily stronger. All you have to do is uppercut the guy once to complete the game and make the credits roll, so why the heck is that even there?

Negative Man (MOTHER 3)

Oh, now some bosses just know that they’re bad. Negative Man keeps to his namesake and spends the whole battle sobbing and whining about how there’s little point in him even trying to fight you as he knows he’ll lose. You almost feel sorta bad fighting this optional boss, but the loot he carries is worth a fair amount so you may as well just punch him in his spongey face until he dies anyway. I mean, that’s probably what he’d want anyway to be honest, right?

A bit ironic really considering the game’s predecessor is often cited as having the scariest boss battle of all-time, though I suppose generally speaking the game is pretty light-hearted so a joke boss wasn’t particularly out of place.

Golem Overlord (Chrono Trigger)

Good RPGs typically have long-winded battles with epic looking bosses that require some degree of strategy and effort. Then there’s Golem Overlord.

Very much like Negative Man, Golem Overlord refuses to attack you after realizing that he’s suffering from a paralyzing fear of heights. After a lifetime of being a floating ugly ball thing, it’s a surprise really that it’s only now that he finds this out. It’s an odd joke boss considering the area looks like it’s set for an epic boss battle and it’s not immediately apparent that the boss has no plans to fight you back. But there we go, that’s the Overlord of the Golems for you folks.

Axel (Kingdom Hearts II)

One of the more memorable characters and boss battles from Kingdom Hearts II is also strangely its easiest. Though this game and this character is definitely a secret love of mine, the battle is as simple as heck for a Kingdom Hearts boss. By this point in the game you’ll be a veteran at it, so you’ll be able to easily defeat Axel with the assistance of dual Keyblades in a matter of minutes without him even getting a hit in — and that’s even discounting Limit Breaks.

So yeah, all you kiddies out there may love your lil’ Axel, but he’s actually a bit lame. Got it memorized?

Lambent Brumak (Gears of War 2)

Serving as the final boss, prepare to test the skills you’ve gained over the course of the game and exercise that index finger of yours, because you’re in for the task of holding down the right trigger button for about thirty seconds and occasionally letting go of it.

I mean really, this guy’s as ugly as (insert humourous comparison here), but he’s really only about as threatening as (insert another humourous comparison here). That is to say that as the game’s climax, this is really a bit lame.

Parasite Queen (Metroid Prime)

A highlight of its genre, Metroid Prime truly is a mastepiece of and FPS. Beginning the game with most of the gear you spend most of the game regaining, the Parasite Queen sort of serves as a tutorial and the game even pinpoints its weak-spot for you. Even for a first-timer though, it can be beaten very easily within thirty seconds without taking any damage and its force-field it hides behind really isn’t a problem whatsoever.

It is the first boss though and is fought very early-on in the game, so it’s really not that big of a deal. On the other hand though, you suck so… so keep that in mind too.

Gohma (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

Though Link’s Awakening’s Lanmola boss also deserves a mention, who can forget this lovable boss? Although it’d prove more difficult to lose than it is to win against Gohma, for some reason it remains a very memorable boss battle for people. With its very few attacks ridiculously simple to avoid, Gohma just needs to be hit in the eye a couple of times to be beaten and even a child’s slingshot proves to be too much for this ‘parasitic armoured arachnid.’

I mean, come on Gohma, even I can hold up better against a slingshot. Twenty pounds bets I can crawl on the ceiling and get hit by a slingshot without falling off. Gohma’s appearance in WindWaker was equally entertaining but almost as easy.

Mysterio (Spider-Man 2)

Last but certainly not least is the Mysterio boss battle from the surprisingly more-than-decent Spider-Man 2 movie tie-in game. Humorously robbing a small convenience store in a B-movie-esque costume with a similarly themed voice and music playing in the background, Mysterio gives Spider-Man a little speech. You immediately expect the ensuing battle to be pretty simple, but then Mysterio’s health bar racks up with three full bars of health. Suddenly things feel a little more serious.

That is, right until you throw your first punch and the nerd’s fishbowl head is knocked right off of him, causing him to grovel at your Spider-Feet begging not to be hit again. That’s right nerd, grovel at those Spider-Feet! (It’s okay though because his boss battle in the PS1 Spider-Man games was totally kick-ass.)

These are just the tip of the iceberg, so be sure to let us know if you feel we’ve left anything out. Unless it’s Bob the Goldfish, then just don’t.

With many Pokémon games still coming out on a yearly basis, the world is almost as Pokémon-crazy as it’s ever been. And who’s honestly surprised by this? It’s a great, child-orientated game franchise that appeals to millions of people worldwide.

Oh I’m sorry, did I say child-orientated? Ahaha, ahaha, aha – no. As anyone who’s spent five minutes in the creepy-music town of Lavender can tell you, Pokémon certainly has its dark side. Even from the get-go, if you consider the base material is about enslaving living creatures, keeping them in small, claustrophobic cages and forcing them to fight each other, you’ll realize either the developers really are blissfully unaware of the games’ creepy factor or they’re simply sick fucks. Given the following top thirteen disturbing Pokémon, my bet goes on the latter…

And by the way: none of these are personal interpretation. These are all based solely on their Pokédex entries.

Number 13: Cubone

Perhaps the most famous of the disturbing Pokémon is Cubone and it’s the only reason it’s listed as the least disturbing, so let’s cover this one briefly.

Wears the skull of its deceased mother. Its cries echo inside the skull and come out as a sad melody.

Cubone mysteriously resembles Charmander, wears the tear-stained skull of its dead mother and has said skull fused with its head when it evolves. Children’s game, folks! *thumbs-up*

Number 12: Alakazam

Alakazam is intelligent, elegant and an all-round cool dude. The most disturbing thing about him is that he could bend and destroy your prized cutlery, right?

Its brain cells multiply continually until it dies. As a result, it remembers everything.

Huh. So, Alakazam’s brain cells multiply until, in effect, he’s got so many that it kills him. And he remembers the pain this no-doubt causes him in the weeks before this happens. I like to think his head explodes at the end, but then I am a terrible person.

Number 11: Spoink

Spoink! What on Earth could be disturbing about this cute ‘lil bouncing ball of fun, I hear you ask? Look no further than its Pokémon Ruby Pokédex entry:

Spoink bounces around on its tail. The shock of its bouncing makes its heart pump. As a result, this Pokémon cannot afford to stop bouncing – if it stops, its heart will stop.

Oh… Oh, what? Oh, Jesus! You mean to say that Spoink needs to bounce to survive and if he stops he dies? This is like a Pokémon version of the movie ‘Speed’! I’m sure some excited 10-year-old Pokémon Trainer has, at one point or another, grabbed a Sponk to give it a cuddle. A cuddled Spoink means a not-bouncing Spoink. A permanently not-bouncing Spoink.

Number 10: Lampent

A Pokémon that’s a lamp. We’re safe with a lamp Pokémon by our sides… Right? Wrong. Here’s its joined entries for Black and White.

This ominous Pokémon is feared. Through cities it wanders, searching for the spirits of the fallen. It arrives near the moment of death and steals spirits from the body.

You’d at least expect to feel safe around a lamp, but Nintendo aren’t happy until you’re shit-scared of every object in your home in case it’s in fact a sentient being that wants to steal your soul. That’s fine, I didn’t wanna sleep anyway.

Number 9: Muk

Muk’s a mess and he should take a long, hard look at himself. It goes without saying that, for a kid’s game character, he’s also moderately disturbing.

A toxic fluid seeps from its body. The fluid instantly kills plants and trees on contact. Touching it accidentally will cause a fever that requires bed rest.

Not satisfied with destroying plants, trees and crops (that we need to, y’know, eat) Muk will also make you sick if you decide you want to touch him. And my God is that a sexy Muk, so I do want to touch him.
For an added bonus, consider this: Bellsprout and all those other plant Pokémon? Yeeeeah, they’re probably all dead.

Number 8: Drowzee

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Drowzee’s a bit of a nutter and I already know he eats dreams, but is he really all that disturbing? Take one more look at this flailing crazy and tell me you’d feel safe passing it in the street.

It remembers every dream it eats. It rarely eats the dreams of adults because children’s are much tastier.

That’s right, kids – if you take any lesson away from Pokémon, let it be that your dreams are tastier than adult’s. I wouldn’t let Drowzee babysit my children, that’s all I’m sayin’.

Number 7: Gengar

He’s that famous ghost guy that we’ve all grown up with, so perhaps you might like to be reminded why you should really fear and hate it with these Pokédex entries from Ruby/Sapphire and Silver:

Sometimes, on a dark night, your shadow thrown by a streetlight will suddenly and startlingly overtake you. It is actually a Gengar running past you, pretending to be your shadow. To steal the life of its target, it slips into the prey’s shadow and silently waits for an opportunity.

In short, Gengar stalks people at night, pretends to be their shadow and then silently kills them. This overgrown ball-of-gas should be sent to prison. Officer Jenny – you’ve got your work cut out for you, love.

Number 6: Pinsir

You wouldn’t know it, but this lovable bug is perhaps the most violent Pokémon that ever was. Here’s his Diamond/Pearl Pokédex entry.

It grips prey with its pincers until the prey is torn in half. What it can’t tear, it tosses far.

Whereas most Pokémon use magic attacks that make other Pokémon faint, Pinsir decides that’s not enough for his bloodthirsty needs and just tears his opponents literally in half. Not even 40 Nurse Joy’s could resolve that issue.

Number 5: Duskull

Duskull’s another ghost Pokémon so it may surprise you that he’s a creepy fella’, but I think we’ve all considered him to be generally harmless. Here’s a combination of his Generation IV Pokédex entries to break that misconception.

It doggedly pursues its prey wherever it goes. If it finds bad children who won’t listen to their parents, it will spirit them away–or so it’s said. It loves the crying of children. It startles bad kids by passing through walls and making them cry.

Duskull’s a real one-eyed monster, huh? Not a pocket monster, just… Just a damned monster. He finds naughty children and ‘spirits them away’. To where? And why does he love the crying of children? If I was a child Pokémon Trainer, I’d vow to catch as many as I could and throw the Pokéballs down a well. A well of lava.

Number 4: Drifloon

Drifloon, the balloon Pokémon. Nothing’s more child-friendly or less disturbing than a balloon. Surely there’s no possible way they could make this creepy?

It is whispered that any child who mistakes Drifloon for a balloon and holds on to it could wind up missing. It tugs on the hands of children to steal them away.

Why would you do this me, Nintendo? I get ghost-looking Pokémon like Gengar being somewhat creepy, but… Jeez, this is a balloon that steals children away when they grab on to it. Pokémon sure do seem to have a grudge against children. Couldn’t imagine why. *coughyearsofbeingforcedtofightbykidscough*

Number 3: Shedinja

Shedinja is a simple empty bug shell that can’t even move. If it wasn’t for all the other crazy stuff going on, I’d forgive you for not expecting something horrible.

Shedinja’s hard body doesn’t move – not even a twitch. In fact, its body appears to be merely a hollow shell. It is believed that this Pokémon will steal the spirit of anyone peering into its hollow body from its back.

Oh. Oh, good. If you happen to have a Nincada that evolves in to this monstrosity and accidentally stare at the hole in its back one lovely morning, prepare to have your soul sucked out of your face and given to a bug.

Number 2: Banette

Banette, on appearance alone, is probably the least surprising entry on this list. Sometimes we really should judge books by their covers, and here’s why:

Banette generates energy for laying strong curses by sticking pins into its own body. An abandoned plush doll became this Pokémon. They are said to live in garbage dumps and wander about in search of the children that threw them away.

Banette lives the pleasant existence of a doll-come-to-life that habitually self-harms whilst hunting down the child whom once threw it away. If catching ‘em all means dealing with that then I’m playing Digimon instead.

Number 1: Yamask

And so, the most disturbing Pokémon that keeps me up at night crying in to my Poliwhirl teddy is Yamask. He’s reasonably cute and it certainly can’t be more disturbing than a balloon that kidnaps kids, creatures that kidnap kids’ soul and monsters that kill kids (seriously, what’s with the child hatred), can it?

Each of them carries a mask that used to be its face when it was human. Sometimes they look at it and cry.

Oh dear holy God, what? You mean to say that you’re able to catch a ghost that was genuinely once a human? And that the mask it carries is its old face? This is something that I’d expect to be a creepy boss in Silent Hill, not a cuddly collectable creature in Pokémon. Cubone cries over its dead mother, but somehow this is… worse. Yamask stares at its human face, sadly reminiscing about its days as a human when he wasn’t forced to fight the creatures he once considered pets.
So there we have it, thirteen disturbing Pokémon for a ‘child-orientated’ game series. Even worse perhaps is that I’ve just hand-picked these Pokémon – there’s a bunch of others that are equally as disturbing. I now understand and support why people enslave and fight with these abominations.

Re-post of Final Boss Fight article.

Nothing is to be regarded higher than a game’s gameplay in most people’s book, but for me, this may not be the case. Oddly, I’ve come to realise that I may view charm either on par with or more important than a game’s gameplay. A colourful, bright or interesting looking game is something that instantly appeals to me; it’s likely half the reason that Rayman Origins was my favourite game of 2011.

The water levels of Rayman Origins is the perfect combination of beauty and charm to me.

Now, I’ve always been pretty vocal about how many modern games just don’t do it for me. I’m not just talking about the likes of Call of Duty – which despite getting a lot of stick for being pretty dull (which they are to me, don’t get me wrong) are very well-made games still – but also of other popular franchises that people unanimously agree are brilliant. Assassin’s Creed? Never played one. BioShock? Never played them. Batman Arkham games? Can’t get into them. They’re all legitimately great games and from a critical viewpoint I can recognise that, but I simply just can’t get into them, however much I try.

It even goes so far as to annoy people how ratty I can be about modern retail games. I’m unsure why I’ve got like this – perhaps because I find modern photo-realistic graphics to be rather dull, perhaps because getting into indie games in recent years has spoiled my perspective on gaming as a whole.

I own very few retail disc-based games on my PS3. I own the obvious ones like Grand Theft Auto IV and Red Dead Redemption, but other than that I don’t have that many and not due to a lack of money either, but to lack of interest. Watching E3 and other gaming events, it’s peculiar not being able to get excited about many of the titles that virtually the whole of the gaming community unanimously rave about.

The PSN store though? That’s a whole other story; I’ve spent a God-awful amount of money on the PlayStation Store as there are a great deal of interesting, beautiful, creative games there. I can totally be bought over on charm of a game alone and this is apparent more-so with the PSN Store (and freeware PC indie titles) than anything else. For example, though the gameplay itself is nothing unique or remarkably interesting, I rushed to buy Arkedo Studio‘s (creators of ‘Hell Yeah!‘) games PIXEL! and JUMP! when I saw them on the store. They’re gorgeous, bright, colourful looking games that are almost literally bursting with charm and are totally what HD TV’s were made for. Seriously, check out Arkedo’s PIXEL! game on the store if you own a PS3; at under £2 it’s a feast for your eyes and a wonderfully charming game, even if the gameplay is nothing hugely unique. I’d happily own these games over the likes of Skyrim any day.

‘Arkedo Series 03 – PIXEL!’ is a feast for the eyes and makes owning a HD TV feel worthwhile.

That’s not to say charm can’t go hand-in-hand with great, unique gameplay – in fact, it very often does. Just look at Double Fine‘s ‘Stacking‘, for example; a gorgeous-looking, charming and wonderfully original game and totally worth anyone’s time and money.

And charm to me isn’t always necessarily at all graphic related – a game can have charm in other aspects (such as a concept, soundtrack, message or story, so long as it’s not overly arty or pretentious), but the game generally needs to presentable in whatever graphical style it uses. And I’d much rather play a charming, interesting 10-minute long game than a dull-looking 10-hour long game. Indie title ‘Hero’s Adventure‘ (from VVVVVV‘s Terry Cavanagh) is a reasonable example of this; a very short but interesting game with very little gameplay. Even with its incredible length and virtually non-existent replayability, were it to be available for PSN, I’d likely be willing to pay a small fee for it.

Hero’s Adventure is a very short and mildly disturbing game.

Perhaps I’m just being pretentious, arrogant and picky, perhaps I’ll feel stupid about this in a week and perhaps playing thousands of indie games has changed my view on the gaming industry as a whole, but you’ll always find me getting more excited over games like The Puppeteer coming out than something like a new Uncharted game.

The hotel we’re staying in is Hotel Pod and it’s looks pretty damn awesome. It’s also a four minute walk away from Times Square! I have to admit, everything it getting all rather exciting right now. This is going to be the first time I’ve been abroad…properly. The last time was when I went to Disneyland Paris many year ago, probably back in 2003. This time though, I’m going to have a good time in the USA and hopefully not do too much filming as I want to experience New York rather than do college work…on my college trip. Hah! Also, I plan on doing a lazyvlog every day whilst I’m there as I have free wi-fi in the hotel! If that works then, yes!

Everything is looking up suddenly! Whereas a few weeks ago things were feeling generally terrible and it felt like nothing was happening or was going to happen. But now I have a good feeling.
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Until next time,
Into oblivion!

Sonic Generations plays in two ways, an old-school 2D Side Scroller (Sonic, Sonic 2, etc) and a 3D (360degree) modernized platformer (Sonic Adventure, Sonic Heroes etc).  Act I is the old-school version, and Act II is the modernized version of a level.  It’s pretty cool to be able to play some of the 2D levels in an opened up 3D world, but I think the 3D levels remade into 2D are much more amazing.  City Escape really stood out to me as a 2D recreation that deserves to be shown off. Besides the 9 Zones/Levels with 2 Acts each, their are also Boss fights and 90 Different Challenges, so there is a lot to the game.

I thought Sonic Generations was good half of the time, and mediocre the other half.  The 2D Levels were a lot of fun, and exactly what you should want out of a Sonic game, almost perfect. The 3D levels however, were the typical loose control, crappy platform jumping that has been in Sonic since it went 3D.  The 3D stages weren’t horrible and are improved over previous attempts.  At times the game required too much precision jumping, which fits more in a Mario game than a Sonic game.

The ultimate kick in the balls from the game was the final boss fight.  That final boss fight in Sonic Generations is one of the worst final boss fights I have ever encountered.  *Spoiler Alert – Skip this Paragraph if you care about the Final Boss* You play as both Modern & Classic Golden Sonic and are flying towards a robot called “Time Eater”.   You are required to boost towards the Time Eater while avoiding getting hit, if you get hit you get knocked further back.  Meanwhile your ring count starts at 50 and is constantly draining down as you fly after the Time Eater.  Rings are hard to come by and when you hit 0, you die.  Flying through the air, the rings blend in with the background and it feels like random luck if you happen to pick some up.  After multiple attempts I somehow got lucky enough to grab about 170 rings and was able to defeat the boss.  But not after jamming the boost button over and over again as Sonic seemed to be just a foot away from hitting this dickhead called the Time Eater.  The boss fight probably took me close to 30minutes to beat, and it overall soured my experience with the game.  Skip to the 5minute mark if you want to see this boss fight.

As you could tell by me saying I beat the final boss, I did finish the game.  I cleared Act I & Act II of all the stages, collected all the Chaos Emeralds and beat all of the bosses.  What I didn’t do however, is complete all of the challenges.  I only completed about 20 of the 90, but what like to give the rest a shot later on.  Thankfully I didn’t spend the $50 on this game, it feels more worthy of a $25 price tag.  Since I rented it first and completed most of the game, I’m going to wait until this game drops to $10 or so before I purchase it.