I also found a platform to practice publishing my writing; the social group’s blog. God willing, I will use this platform to become a better person–to keep this car going smoothly in the right direction.

I do want to remind myself that this is only a means, all these new friends and events to attend. They are ALL a means, not an ends in any sense at all. I have to remember this. I have to stay grounded and humble and not let petty emotions get in the way of things. My goal is to be around good people in order to better myself, inshaAllah.

Yes, I started the day late today. I haven’t even started. I’m waiting for my best friend to meet me on skype so we can catch up. I actually should be finishing my essay and handing it in. I could tell that my professor was a little upset that I didn’t reply her message. She said I could’ve sent her pieces of my writing for comments and suggestions. I didn’t think of that. I will do that next time, inshaAllah.

I’m so happy and I feel so blessed. Alhamdulillah.

What will I cook today? Daal and breadrolls perhaps. I also have to keep my promise to make chocolate bread for sis.

Dinner’s at 6:30, so I’ll start cooking at about 4.

Today’s schedule:

Now-4 : Work on finishing essay to hand in

4-630: make dinner

630-730: pray, rest

730-10: make sure essay is handed in, research company!, blog

I managed to get a few other things done: sweep living rooms and mop cat pee. I made sis some sunny side up eggs, which I want to watch a tutorial to learn how to do better–in addition of one teaching me how to break an egg without getting shells in the egg juice. I’m still softening the daal in the oven. It went in at around 8am, so it’s already been 6 hours.

Oh, after all the meal planning, I realized that we’re going out for mom’s and bro’s birthday dinner tonight. We’re having steamboat. Everyone’s trying their best to starve themselves to be ready for tonight, but I ate some leftovers and bread.

Revised plan:

now-330: deal with Omar’s collegeboard

330-430: rest

430-7: call Aunty, research companies, free time

7-late: dinner out, come home, prayers, bed

Let me just schedule tomorrow while I’m at it:

6-7: wake up, prayers, shower, ready, coffee, blog

7-12: dedicate time to essay

12-1:30: rest

1:30-2: get ready

2-6: event

rest of day is free

I’m thinking to make Saturday and Sunday holidays. But this has to be revisited after I finish my essay, since I’m very late with that already. I’m glad that I’m putting consistent effort into it and it looks like it’s slowly getting finished. My goodness, I seriously got myself into this because I could’ve picked an easy straightforward topic; instead, I chose to write about democracy and its problems.

Today I want to:

1. dedicate time to essay

2. call Aunty (ask her how to make daal)

3. look up tutoring centers abroad for bro

4. make lunch and dinner

5. send baba some links

6. register bro for SATs

Those are the essentials. If possible, I want to look for those companies I was asked to research.

Today’s schedule:

now-730: figure out lunch and dinner and daal, oh and look up dreams

730-1130: dedicate time to essay

1130-1: make lunch

1-2: pray, sweep living & dining rooms, look into bro’s SATs on upstairs computer

2-4: dedicate time to essay

4-6: call Aunty and start cooking dinner

–free time if finished early–

630-730: dinner

730-8: pray, rest

8-930: intellectual stimulation, company research

Today’s Lunch:

Baked fish with sauteed onions, garlic and chillies

Tomato rice (cooked with chicken broth)

Fresh cut tomatoes and parsley

Bread

Oh, I want to make chocolate bread for sis today

Dinner:

daal

white rice

bread rolls? naan?

cut tomatoes

It’s about 8am now already; I’m half hour over the time I should’ve taken.

I didn’t do my one hour night study session because we went to the market at around 8. Tomorrow has to have an early start, God willing.

I’m going to unload groceries, pray, shower, and put myself in bed.

I’m resting now. I could continue with my school work, but I want to make it a point to give myself a break so that I don’t start procrastinating to avoid burnout.

I used beef stock in my spaghetti sauce today. No one knows. I need to see reactions and take note whether it’s a yay or nay.

My old friend is coming to visit next week, which I’m excited about. She’s staying over for a large remainder of her holiday–she’s a teacher and it’s end year holidays now till January next year. I want to plan our meals during the visit. I want to cooking something special.

Oh, speaking of something special, tomorrow I want to make chocolate bread for sis, my other one. She seems to want it so bad though we’ve never made it before. I told her I’ll try it out specially for her. I need to look for chocolate bread recipes I can do in the breadmaker. It should be fairly easy.

I want to try this easy bread roll recipe I found recently. I need a muffin tray for it though. Perhaps I’ll buy one this weekend.

I need to remember that.

Well, I feel like I’m slipping because today I woke up unnecessarily late. Yes, I slept late again last night. The roast chicken (which I want to write about) was finally ready at around 9–I miscalculated the time it needed to be in the oven and I misunderstood ‘internal temperature’ to be the temperature of the oven as opposed to the chicken itself, which is what they meant, and which is what I would need a thermometer to determine, which I don’t have.

Anyway, the day ended late yesterday. By the end of our math session, it was already about midnight. I was too tired to even blog about the day though I did make a quick entry to keep with the routine of checking in twice a day.

First, I didn’t wake up for morning prayers, which is what typically happens when I sleep late. If sleeping late is to stop, it is for this reason first. I hate how it feels not to start the day on the right foot…and the right foot would be standing up for prayers at 6am. An even better foot is one that does that and then moves on with the day without getting back to bed again.

It’s 2:05pm right now. The things I need to do are:

1. blog

2. dedicate time to school work

3. cook dinner: spaghetti, sauce, yesterdays chicken and macaroni bechamel, and bread

That’s it really, all the essentials.

I want to write about a few things today, so I’m giving myself 20mins to half hour before starting school work.

Before that, I need to determine what time to start cooking in order to have dinner on the table by 7pm:

speghetti: takes 15 minutes to boil

tomato sauce: takes 45 minutes to prepare and boil

y’day’s chicken: about 25 minutes all in all: peel off bones and roast for about 15 minutes

add together: 1 hour 20 minutes, but spaghetti can overlap sauce prep and yday’s chicken.

My guess is that it would take about 2 hours to get it all ready. Let’s see. It’s all a learning experience. So, if dinner is to be ready at 7pm, I should start cooking at 5pm. Done.

First, I want to walk through the things I learned from yesterdays cooking experience. I tried a new roast chicken recipe, one off a pan with veggies and potatoes in a pan underneath the grill catching all the butter and chicken fat drippings. Yummy. It turned out good, but not as tender as I like chicken to be, probably because I messed up the temperature and the time.

Things to learn for roast chicken experience:

1. Calculate the time it takes to ROAST and REST in order to have it ready by meal time.

2. Try to buy a kitchen thermometer to make life easier.

3. Put potatoes with veggies below. Do not be afraid that it will become mush because it didn’t soften well yesterday.

4. BE PRECISE with TEMPERATURE and oven preheating.

5. It is better to plan roasting the day before because marinating the chicken the day before makes a difference without much added effort.

6. That gravy Jamie Oliver makes needs to be learned before anymore attempts.

7. Maybe buy something to put on the fridge to write the day’s menu, for me to remember and plan as much as for everyone to see.

8. Oh, don’t bother glazing the macaroni bechamel top with egg anymore. I don’t like the smell. If you want to do it, get creative and look up a way people get rid of egg smells in food.

9. OH, AND LEARN HOW TO CARVE A CHICKEN please! Dad usually does it but he was tried yesterday so I was doing the carving and it was terrible. I just don’t understand how people can cut a nice drumstick with that bone in the way. Watch a tutorial please!

That’s all I can think of from yesterday’s roast chicken experience.

There was another experience yesterday with Sis and Bro’s school. The president of the Honors society, which they are a part of, was being mean and rude. There was a misunderstanding between them, granted. He posted some pictures of them on his facebook that was posted on the school’s website for an assignment. They told him to take it down immediately and he was offended by it. He removed it, but ignored all messages from them and went on to delete them from whatever friend’s lists they were on.

I was offended myself. I was upset about this matter. I composed an email for sis to send to him pointing out that we are in the right because all we were doing were requesting our rights to the privacy of pictures we posted for school purposes. He had no right to take those pictures and post them in any public place.

Long story short, he (this 14 year old boy whose mother, we’re guessing, is the one doing the composing) was still offended over our (my sis’s) pointing out that this is not how we expected to be treated by the president of the national honors society. He said he removed the pictures when told, which is true, but he broke all other connections with them because of this.

Anyway, while I’m so defensive when it comes to people attacking my family, especially my younger siblings, I feel too much energy was invested by all of us into this matter. It was a misunderstanding and being teenagers, they’re less apt at good communication. In any case, I was upset and I realized I spent about 2 hours yesterday dealing with this matter. In the end, I forfeited the long email delineating each point of why we have the right to be upset and ended up composing a fairly short note giving this boy all the apologies we owe him–for calling him late at night about this matter, for my bro continuously sending him messages, for the tone we took in our previous email which he didn’t like. It was such a big misunderstanding anyway. He replied, albeit still in a dry way, also saying that he apologizes for the misunderstanding and this will not happen again because we will not communicate outside of the school’s platform.

My lesson learned: think of all the ways we were wrong before trying to defend why we were right.

I have a bigger picture in which I see myself, so I should approach these kinds of conflicts differently. If amends can be made, make it. Forgive. Don’t stop the car. Forgiveness keeps it running. And remember, the whole idea of forgiveness is to give it to people who don’t deserve it. That’s why we need to forgive. To be able to drive on in life despite the wrongs people have done us. And of course, to keep in perspective the wrongs we have done them and ask for their forgiveness. A conflict should be humbling for it to be useful to the bigger picture.

I still want to write about this Sunday’s event me and sis are going to. I’m secretly excited about it. I also want to write about the seminar I want to attend at the end of December. Later. Oh, and I want to write about what I learned from the lecture me and sis watched last night on our bed before we fell asleep.

Today’s schedule:

245-5: dedicate time to essay

5-7: dinner prep and dinner

7-730: pray, rest

730-830: dedicate time to essay

830-930: wrap up and go upstairs to shower and sleep.

I’m too tired to write. I’ll schedule tomorrow in the morning. I want to remember to write lessons about today’s cooking and other lessons I learned today.

My clock’s showing 6:49, though I realized that other clocks in this house show different times. Oh well. I did my prayers and tried to wake dad and sis up for prayers. Dad woke up. He has a big presentation today–it’s the big day. I pray it all goes perfectly.

My mission to find sis a suitable friend is still going. There is progress though; I am in touch with a girl from an association of girls. I’m waiting for her reply.

I’m thinking about roasting a whole chicken today. But I wanted to try brining the chicken for the first time, since it tends to come out dry. This needs some research.

I wrote briefly about what happened yesterday. I exerted myself a little too much in the kitchen–I was in there for 4 hours or so making dinner. Well, I made more some extra food for today as well, kept in the fridge waiting to be assembled. It was worth it though. Besides learning lessons from the whole experience, my family, including dad, loved the food. I’m so happy; nothing seems to excite me more than when people loved the food I cooked.

So, things learned from cooking experience yesterday:

1. meat needs to be in cubes and fairly stiff from being frozen in order to mince in food processor. Tendons need to be removed for meat that is easy to chew.

(Just remembered, I’m supposed to look up how to make the daal)

2. When baking or roasting something that needs to brown throughout, DO NOT put on the convection setting because it heats most where the two heat bars are. Put on the setting without air flow.

3. Bechamel with ghee tastes better than bechamel with butter, to me at least.

4. Broth can be added to the bechamel to make it a tinsy bit less thick for the pouring on the TOP of the pie.

5. The timer for the breadmaker totally works and is really useful. Yesterday, I threw the ingredients in the breadmaker and set the timer to have a loaf ready in 4 hours and voila, nice hot loaf ready exactly at dinnertime.

6. OH, there ARE nuts in nutmeg. I can’t believe I actually shredded the shell thinking that was the nut itself! Sis was helping me shred grumblingly because it was so difficult when one broke and there it was: a nut!

7. The taste of nutmeg is overpowering. I put a little more in the second batch of bechamel to test its effect…and I don’t like it.

8. Cooking something with many steps like macaroni bechamel needs to be planned the night before. When without a meal plan, cook something easier to save time and energy.

I think that’s it. I’ll quickly jot down anything on my scrap word document if I think of anything.

First, I want to make an ignore list for the first time:

Ignore List:

1. Sweep and mop floors

2. Clean downstairs bathroom floor

3. Plant newly grown vegetable in soil

4. Clean back garden

I may add to this list to help me focus.

Today’s Schedule:

Now-8am: Plan what to cook today, look up how to make daal (decide if I’m going to make a loaf of bread for lunch and/or dinner)

8-10am dedicate time and attention to essay

10-1030am: rest, start looking for companies

1030-1 dedicate time and attention to essay

1-130: pray, rest (pay attention to whether a nap is needed here to see how to better schedule other days)

130-4 – dedicate time and attention to essay

4-6: prepare dinner

6-630: rest

630-730 dinner

730-830 pray, rest

830-930 do company research, other research that needs to be done, plan tomorrow

I’ve been standing in the kitchen from 130-around 6, mincing meat, boiling milk, making roux, re-mincing fried minced meat because it wasn’t minced enough, and a whole lot of other things it seems. I shouldn’t do that–although I seemed to enjoy it. I generally enjoy whipping up dinner.

I’m going to pray and get ready for bed. I need to think about ways to plan meals so that they don’t tire me out like this. I need an early start tomorrow. All these days of waking up late after I’ve planned my day to start early has taught me a big lesson: it does affect my productivity–quality and quantity.

I’m going to watch a Khan vid or two for intellectual stimulation before I go pray and shower for bed. Tomorrow’s schedule will be up tomorrow.

I need to renew our library books today.

I’m still making the meal I planned, only I’ll start at12. I do still need to go to the shop to buy the things. Here’s the revised schedule:

6-7am wake up, shower, dress, prayers, coffee, blog

7-8am draw tracing boxes for stencil, dedicate time to research

8-9am go to shop to buy things, call and register for SATs

9-10am dedicate time to research

10-12pm cook macaroni bechamel call and register for SATs, go to shop to buy things, follow up about teen friends, renew library books

12-1pm do mom’s hair cook macaroni bechamel

1-145pm prayers, rest, follow up about teen friends (free slot)

145-430 dedicate time to essay

430-5 prayers, rest

if I have to cook, then 5-630pm prepare dinner

if not, then 5-630 dedicate time to essay

630-730 dinnertime

730-8 clean up, prayers

8-930 dedicate time to essay

930-11 prayers, rest, do company research, unwind, maybe watch statistics video, oh and blog.

From 1:30 – 3:30 today my time was taken from whatever it is I planned to do. I had lunch after prayers, and the mom asked if I could trim her hair more. I said I’d do it at 2pm. Since she wanted it a lot shorter, I had to look up some how-to vids to make sure I don’t totally screw it up. That took about half an hour. The cutting took about 45 minutes. By then it was 3pm. I sat and rested for a few minutes, watch a school related video to warm up, and by then it was 3:30. I continued my day as planned after that. I stopped to cook at around 5pm. I was in the kitchen whipping dinner till 6:30. Dad got home around 6:40 and we immediately ate dinner. It was all over by 8, the clearing the table, the I don’t know what. I found myself really tired to continue studying, but I made myself do it. I couldn’t read anymore so I just wrote and left the careful citations and quotes for tomorrow.

Study time was over at 9:30, which I was glad about tonight. I prayed and was going to continue with the last items on my to do list, that is, to look up chalets for our 1 night, 2 day holiday and to research some stuff to do with business for dad. I didn’t manage to get to the latter and the former was frustrating and futile. I’m going to call 2 places tomorrow (which I began with anyway) and go from there. I totally understand why people need travel agents. I thought it was one of those not so important services for rich people, but it’s not.

I found something interesting today: a marriage course for single people for two days at the end of December. I want to go. I’ll blog next time about the whys and how this has any relation to my life.

I have things to do tomorrow:

i. go to shop and buy milk and toast bread, oh and black cardboard paper

ii. work on assignment, of course–polish body and rough draft another body

iii. cook macaroni bechamel

iv. call to register bro for SATs

v. follow up on guy I called about teen friend for sis & call girl about this too

vi. watch a statistic vid

vii. draw out stencil on small draft

viii. trim & henna mama’s hair (yes, again)

ix. research companies

Okay, some of these would probably have to be moved to an ignore-list.

Tomorrow schedule:

6-7am wake up, shower, dress, prayers, coffee, blog

7-8am draw tracing boxes for stencil, dedicate time to research

8-9am go to shop to buy things, call and register for SATs

9-10am dedicate time to research

10-12pm cook macaroni bechamel

12-1pm do mom’s hair

1-145pm prayers, rest, follow up about teen friends

145-430 dedicate time to essay

430-5 prayers, rest

if I have to cook, then 5-630pm prepare dinner

if not, then 5-630 dedicate time to essay

630-730 dinnertime

730-8 clean up, prayers

8-930 dedicate time to essay

930-11 prayers, rest, do company research, unwind, maybe watch statistics video, oh and blog.

Then, we did this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fay0XnGkiIU&feature=related

and this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1pKgxBw238&feature=related

Don’t ask why it’s all videos of him. I don’t know. One aspect we liked was that his vids are long enough for us to get really tired without having to keep changing 2-minute videos. By the last one, we were just doing freestyle all over the place like drunk people.

It was fun…but no one fell asleep after. Instead sis (and even I) was more energized than ever. As she ate her meal on the bedroom floor, I lied on the bed with the laptop looking up more ways to fall asleep without medication. I got to a site speaking quite lengthily about insomnia and how to avoid it. And there it was:

(well, I tried looking for the site to cut and paste it but I can’t find it)

anyway, we learned that:

1. AVOID heavy physical activity 1-2 hours before sleep, and

2. AVOID large meals (or food, I think) before sleep (something to this effect).

So there it went. Now we couldn’t even mentally convince ourselves that we were tired. Don’t ask me why we believed any of these sites to begin with.

So turned off the lights and sis continued looking up videos on how to knock someone out (physically). It didn’t look real to me–which I’m going to continue believing.

Then, we watched a ten minute video claiming to be able to hynotize us to sleep. It was interesting–and I did feel sleepy after, though I’m not sure if it was because of the video. Sis didn’t feel sleepy at all.

We watched some nail polish how-to videos and magazine wallet tutorials. I was sleepy by this time. I was actually thinking how I’m betraying tomorrow’s schedule. But, sis would’ve stayed up alone all night and she hates that. This was worth it. Yesterday’s lesson also taught me what flexibility means: dealing with unexpected situations. Unexpected situations don’t happen every day. When they do, they’re expected–and therefore, they should be planned.

I didn’t cook today. Meat’s on the slow boil. I’m still thinking about what to make for dinner that everyone will want to eat. I’m thinking curry or rice-lentil dish. I’ll return to this.

Sis expressed how bored she is being cooped up at home. I want to find some way she can connect with others her age. That’s to do today. I also want to plan a one night vacation for our family somewhere not too far away, and not too near. That’s to do today as well.

Last but not least, my assignment. I need to finish at least one body component of it by today.

Oh, and dad’s research task.

Core things to do today (not in order of importance):

i: assignment body

ii: teen get togethers

iii: dad research project

iv: cook dinner

v: chalets for holiday

Today’s revised schedule:

12:45-1: decide what to cook for dinner, do some research on ii

1-1:30: prayers, watch warm up vid

1:30-4:30: dedicate time to i

4:30-5: prayers, rest

5-6:30: get dinner ready

6:30-7:30: dinner

7:30-8: prayers, rest

8-9:30: dedicate time to i

9:30-11: prayers, unwind, dedicate time to v and iii, night entry

435-6pm: make macaroni béchamel
1. Try to mince meat
2. Go to shop to buy milk: 3 bottles
3. Boil milk
4. Boil pasta
5. Fry mince meat
6. Make roux
7. Drain pasta
8. Add egg to meat
9. add milk to roux
10. add eggs to béchamel
11. assemble (or wait until 1 hour before dinner)

Somehow, I stopped and thought about this, though I was excited about cooking something new I learned to cook. I stopped after finishing the list and thought “I can’t just betray my plan for the day like this.” It wasn’t a necessary change of plans. This isn’t flexibility, it’s more foolishness and instant gratification. So I backed out. I thereby learned something valuable today, through this experience, which I have not learned my life–and the lack of this lesson has been taking a toll on my days. The lesson: Plans should be stuck with unless it is necessary to change it. In other words, honor your plans–especially if you took precious time out of your life to make them. Commit. Flexibility isn’t the opposite if sticking to plans; rather, flexibility is the opposite of refusing to deal with uncertainties and surprises–the unexpected. So, stick to plans and face the unexpected. Sounds simple, but I’ve never stuck with a principle like this, being the rebel against unnecessary rules, like “authentic recipes” that people claim need to be followed (which I never do, but with this too, I’m learning that sometimes what is tried and true just works better). Lesson learned. Next comes application.

Wordcount-wise, I’m about halfway done with my essay. Content-wise, I think there’s a lot to cut down because I haven’t even got to the crux of things. This has been a long process, although I have learned a lot about democracy, which really means that I have been enlightened on how ignorant I am about the subject. Someone prominent, I’m not sure who, did say something like “the more one knows, the more one is aware of one’s ignorance.” I want to make a list of things I’ve learned, not about the subject, but about this process of research and essay writing, which I can use to improve in other assignments throughout my programme.

A few things I want to etch here to remember to work on my off day…and other notes:

1. I want to figure out how to have lunch ready for dad so that he can come home and eat in the middle of the day, at around 12:30.

2. I want to freeze dinnertime so that it’s easy for me to figure when to get food on the table without calling out and asking if food should be ready now or later. I’m thinking 6:30pm.

3. If I am to cut anyone’s hair again (I half of mom’s off today, as she requested, which turned out looking good), I need to watch a video or two on how to cut hair properly. God knows I don’t want to mess up anyone’s life for the months it will take to grow back.

4. Important: talking too much (out loud) does not make me feel good. I don’t know why, but it’s very apparent and I seem to be neglecting this fact a lot. Remember: talking a lot does NOT make you feel good so do NOT talk unless: it’s something kind that would make someone feel happy, it’s something that needs to be said at a certain time, it’s chat or discussion out of politeness (when silence would be rude). Otherwise, you know you’re happier when you haven’t talked too much.

5. Figure out origami gift for Omar, bc his bday passed and I didn’t get him anything. This means I should also think of a gift for Mimi. Actually, it doesn’t have to be for a birthday. I wanted to start a ‘gift schedule’ anyway, so that I can plan my own gift giving times.

6. I want to make a list of all Egyptian dishes: those I know how to cook and those I don’t. I want to put myself on a course of study on egyptian dishes, so that I’m able to cook food dad likes. I’m tired of innovating and serving food he doesn’t like.

7. I want to figure out how and what type of foods can be frozen in order to make my day easier.

8. I want to figure out how to cut fresh salad daily using the food processor.

Tomorrow’s schedule:

6am: wake up, shower, dress, prayers, coffee, blog, short walk if I’m up to it

7am: warm up with prepared video (Khan).

7:30-9 am: dedicate time to research essay

9-10:30am: cook macaroni bechamel

10:30-11am: shower/wash up, rest

11-1pm: dedicate time to essay

1-3pm: prayers, rest

3-4pm: dedicate time to research essay

4-430pm: pray, rest

4:30-630pm: dedicate time to research essay

6:30-7:30pm: dinner, prayers

7:30-9pm: dedicate time to essay

9-10pm: prayers, wrap up, unwind, blog, shower, sleep

Night.

Bro came home from his 10 day vacation last night. He had a good time. I’m glad. Our family never gets to go on vacation because of a member’s problem with new people and crowds. He vacationed with a family of 5 boys at the beach. I heard they went diving and did all kinds of other jumping off things—which you couldn’t force me to do at gunpoint. He had fun and I’m glad. He bought me 2 bookmark souvenirs.

Meat’s in the slow cooker. It’s only about 10 so there’s plenty of time for it to tender before dinnertime. Dad just left for work—first day out of his week-long holiday. I’ll just add the newly tendered meat to the meat and onions I made yesterday. That can be eaten with rice tonight. The macaroni béchamel pie is almost gone. I’m glad.

I’m going to follow the schedule I already made for today, except I will not take my afternoon rest from 1-2:30 pm, rather only from 1-1:30pm since I got enough rest already. Rest is important for productivity. I find myself being a lot less efficient and productive when I haven’t gotten enough…which isn’t anything new.

Alright.

Tomorrow’s schedule

6am: up, shower, change, coffee, prayers, blog

7am: warm up mind

7: 15-10: dedicate time to compiling research

10-10:30: eat, rest

10:30-1pm: dedicate time to essay

1-2:30pm: prayers, rest

2:30-4: dedicate time to essay

4-4:30: pray, rest

4:30-6: dedicate time to essay

6-7pm: dinner

7-730: pray, rest

7:30-9pm: dedicate time to essay

9-10: unwind, blog, schedule tomorrow.

Anyway, so I wanted to do something for mom. She mentioned wanting to eat Egyptian macaroni béchamel pie. So I set out to attempt it again today, at around 11am. Had to run to the store to buy milk and some nutmeg. I followed the recipe to the bone…no innovation today. Thankfully, it came out perfect! They commented that it tastes better than our old Egyptian housekeeper’s and that it tastes really Egyptian—which is what I was going for. Thank God. I’m so happy about this.

The meat tendered perfectly last night in the slow cooker—really nice and juicy. I think it’s because it was on low and the water was very hot but never came to a boil. Nice, gentle simmer for about 12 hours—what meat wouldn’t tenderize perfectly?

Anyway, I used the meat to make a nice meat dish—we just call it “meat and onions.” Well it called for 7 onions which I finely chopped (using the gourmet method I learned from a video—no, didn’t cut my hand this time). The onions were sautéed with 3 cloves and 1 chopped carrot until nice and caramelized. Then in went the meat (which I’ll put at the end next time because they didn’t need any more heat), and 2 potatoes. Turned out lovely, I think. That’s for dad—we’ll see what he says. (added next day during rest time: dad didn’t come home for dinner, so he’s going to eat it the next day (tonight))

Here’s how I planned the cooking session. I’m glad I did, because although I was way over the expected time, it did structure my time in the kitchen so that I wasn’t moving around aimlessly or doing one thing while another is burning. Included are some notes after cooking, for learning purposes.

Now, I have the rest of the day to use. Let’s see:

3:15pm-4:30pm: dedicate time to essay

4:30-5pm: prayers, rest

5pm-7pm: dedicate time to essay

7pm-8pm: take walk with sis, prayers

8pm-9:30pm: dedicate time to essay

9:30-10:30pm: wrap up study, unwind, last blog & scheduling.

Side things:

Find cat pee and mop

Call guest to say hi

Mom cooked today, and it upset me so that someone in the family wasn’t polite and grateful enough to just eat the food and thank her for slaving over the stove and cleaning the kitchen. Instead, she was criticized because the meat in the curry hadn’t tenderized to the fullest. What’s more, after the meal, this person (without politely hiding—or trying to) goes to the kitchen and cooks a meal for their self. Mom said she’s just laughing it off. I was so upset for her. ANYONE who slaves over the stove for someone should be honored, no matter how the food looks or tastes. It’s effort. I don’t understand how very intelligent people don’t get this. Honor people based on their efforts. That’s what we do as reasonable, understanding humans. ~sigh. Well, that’s why the above prayer came out of me. I was studying and trying hard not to get distracted by how upset I was feeling about this.

Today was more successful than yesterday, relative to my new schedule. I managed to dedicate my attention to my essay during all the designated slots. After the last study session, I unwinded (I thought this was a word, turns out 2 spell checkers have rejected it–I’m using it anyway) with a few Khan Academy videos on Geometry. Laugh if you want, it was really relaxing. I remember having trouble with this back in 7^th grade. It’s actually really interesting, fun stuff.

One thing I came across today, which was surprisingly useful given that I found it on Yahoo front page, is a way to have a ‘better’ day, or perhaps more efficient is what they mean. Well, this thing to do is making an ‘ignore list’. All I know of is making to-do lists, so perhaps I’ll try making a list of things I will make it a point to ignore for the day. Maybe that’ll contribute to building better focus, which is my current goal in every task.

A last thing I want to talk about before scheduling tomorrow is my new mental analogy, or practical philosophy of life, if you will. I don’t know how this popped up, but I’ve been using this the past 2 days or so to get past little daily conflicts. It’s the simple analogy of life as a continuous drive. I haven’t worked out all the details just yet, but I have worked out the place of some important things to fit within this analogy. One would be kind acts toward others, appreciated or not. That would be oil for the parts of my car. Oh, and in this analogy, everyone’s car looks the same. The only difference lies inside the car–how smoothly the parts are working together to move the car, those things. And each person is on their way somewhere. And, each person drives alone, although people sure can go the journey together, side by side, helping to keep each other’s parts nice and oiled for the journey. Patience, which, as someone told me, really means persevering in dealing with what’s bad and persevering in continuing to do what’s good without blowing up and of course, without giving up. This patience—constancy—is the oil, the electric, water…whatever the car runs on. Which is why, when I was so upset about the food earlier today, I kept saying “don’t get out of the car, don’t get out of the car.” Actually, what I meant to myself was “don’t get angry” because this is how anger fits into the analogy: one has to stop the car and get out when one is angry, which means one is not moving, the journey is stopped. It is only upon forgiveness that one can “drive on.”

So, I picture myself this way: driving in this car through a journey we call life. To get through it, I need to make sure I never lose humility and kindness to others. Maybe having a mentally ill family member should teach me this as oppose to exasperate me as much as it does. To keep moving toward my destination, which is not a place but a state of peace and tranquility, I need to make sure I consistently forgive, for being unforgiving would keep me stagnant, too worldly for my own good.

Where does ambition fit in all this, I wonder. I had thought today about competition and how nasty it can become. I imagine it as someone speeding past my car and looking back at me with a self-satisfied look, maybe even flipping me off. But the fact is, we’re both still on our journeys. I’m just a little behind in the physical sense. Moving itself is not the point, though it is a prerequisite to everything else. The destination is not a place, it is a state of being. But one cannot be stagnant to get there, nor can one get there immorally–well, depending on where one is going.

So the question in all this is “where are you going?” We’re all driving somewhere. This is where our ethical beliefs come in. For me, it’s all a means, not an ends. My ambitions should help my car keep moving smoothly on the road, and by being healthy in that sense, I can contribute to helping others travelling with me keep their rides smooth going. I’d be healthier, so I’d be more forgiving, kinder, humbler, and I’d make people happier, more comfortable, and more forgiving of me themselves—and therefore they ride more smoothly with me.

I like this analogy. I’m sticking with it. Perhaps it’ll become more sophisticated, but I think it has the main ingredients important to me.

Night.

Oh wait. Tomorrow’s schedule:

6am: Wake up, Shower, Get ready, Morning Prayer, Coffee, Blog?

7am-7:30: warm up mind

7:30am-10am: dedicate time to essay

10am: eat something, rest

10:30am-1pm: dedicate time to essay

1pm-3pm: Pray, rest

3pm-4:30pm: dedicate time to essay

4:30-5pm: pray, rest

5pm-7pm: dedicate time to essay

7-7:30pm: pray, rest

7:30-8:30: dedicate time to essay & wrap up

8:30: pray, unwind, blog

K, Night.

I prayed the Morning Prayer at around 6am. I could’ve started my day then because I wasn’t even that sleepy by then. But I made myself lie down, and I fell asleep till 1pm. I hate that half the day was lost, but I needed that sleep come to think of it. Tonight, me and sis are planning on taking half a tranquilizer to get back to a normal sleeping pattern.

I’m showered and out of my pajamas. I took an antihistamine to relieve the allergies. I’m still on the antibiotic course–2nd day. Mom so helpfully took over cooking today so I don’t have to worry about it at all. She said she wants to get back to her cooking routine slowly. I really don’t mind doing the cooking; it’s my own inefficiency that I need to deal with.

Okay, new and revised schedule:

2pm – 2:30pm: clean cat pee, warm up mind with something and prepare for essay writing,

2:30-4:30pm: dedication to writing research essay

4:30-5pm: pray, rest

5-7pm: dedication to writing research essay

7-7:30pm: pray, rest

7:30-8:30: dedication to writing research essay

8:30-9:00: pray, rest

9:00-10:00: blog, plan for next day

10:00-11:00: ready for bed, sleep

Everyone just ate dinner. I just called bro to wish him a happy birthday.

Like I said, I’m tired.

Sis was helped with a plan I devised:

1. Start khan academy course:
1. Log in
2. Start at 1^st video for geometry
3. I will track your progress by signing in
4. You will watch 2.5 hours of videos per day (that’s 10 videos) for 12 days to finish the entire course
5. After each video, go to the practice area and do the suggested practice tests.
2. We will complete this plan for the next 12 days. If you don’t understand something, I will try to explain it/learn it in order to explain it in a clear way.
3. If this plan does not work, I will look into getting you a tutor OR I will spend time on this subject in order to be your tutor (no, I don’t believe anyone needs to be a mathematician to master math). Whichever is easier, since tutors here may not speak proper English and the American curriculum is different.

Getting the plan done with research and everything took about an hour and a half. Then, I started getting dinner ready, which wasn’t efficient in the least—I think it took at least another hour (keep in mind I already took an hour earlier in the day preparing the meal). I burned myself with steam. I was nervous about the meat not tenderizing as I expected it to. People were hungry. But, I managed to get it done: cook Egyptian rice and thicken my stew with a roux. In the process of straining my stew for thickening, I lost more than 2/3rds of it drained in the sink because something fell and tipped the bowl over. But it turned out better than I thought—only 2 people, one of which I am especially trying to please, did not like my stew. I was hurt and upset to tell the truth…but much less than all the other times my food has been rejected. So, it’s getting better. I’m getting tougher, God willing.

So let’s list what went wrong today in order to learn and improve:

1. Cooking and cleaning up took way too long and used up way too much of my energy that I have almost none stored for my assignment.
2. I’m not happy with the fact that I didn’t do anything today to enrich my mind, like reading a bit of something or watching something intellectually enriching. I want to add this as a routine somewhere in my day.
3. I’ve done everything on my list that has to do with others, but nothing fully to do with my education or intellectual endeavors.
4. One thing that went right was getting out of my pajamas: it does make a difference. I feel more “ready to go.”

Let’s see what I can do to improve tomorrow:

1. Plan what to make the night before. Perhaps have a list of foods to choose from? Perhaps throw things in slow cooker in the morning and leave on low?
2. Since I just reunited with the Khan Academy site, why not watch one video a day to finish one topic of interest in a period of time?
3. Start the day early tomorrow, and start with working on my assignment first.
4. Shower before bed and ready clothes for tomorrow morning. Sleep by 11pm.

Tomorrow’s schedule:

5am: wake up, shower, get ready, Morning Prayer, coffee

(wow, it has taken me forever to think about what to do next. Should I start cooking for lunch? Or dinner? (a lot of times nobody even eats lunch) Should I watch/read something intellectually stimulating next?)

Okay, I’ll bake fish which can be eaten with today’s rice and stew. The fish needs to be defrosted. I’ll cut some potatoes for baked fries (needs to bake for 1 hour). Belacan to the side?

6am:  write a short blog to start off day, watch some Khan Academy

6:45am: sit and focus on assignment

7am: continue

8am: continue

9am: continue

10am: eat something, make belachan, sauté onions, garlic and chilli for fish stuffing.

10:30am: relax, do something intellectually stimulating.

11am: start back on assignment

12pm: continue

1pm: zuhr, rest, nap if I want

3pm: start back on assignment

4pm: continue

4:30pm: asr

4:45: peel fries, put in oven

5pm: do something intellectually stimulating

6pm: put fish in oven

7pm: dinner, clean up, Prayer

8pm: rest, look through work, plan for next day.

Was today successful relative to what was planned?

Answer: No, but I noticed being less overwhelmed and more motivated than other days. Perhaps because I’m starting to have direction. Three out of four priorities were fulfilled, only the one that wasn’t was a very big one. I will spend the chunk of tomorrow on that big one.

What is my purpose?

To cultivate habits that give me the life I want: a life that is disciplined and flexible to make myself successful and help others be as well. Success is managing to stay grounded, kind, humble, while accomplishing goals daily that sum up to something worthwhile. All that is worthwhile becomes the essence of one’s character.

Why am I doing this?

To enable myself to become more efficient in accomplishing daily goals.

What are my short term goals?

To finish my assignment

To understand a new topic

To make a weekly meal schedule

What are my long term goals?

To earn my bachelor’s degree

To be a cook that satisfies every member of my family.

Now, one important thing I need to deal with is the voice in my head telling me to do a bunch of other things while I’m focused on one thing. I want to start the habit of writing these things down, as many people recommend.

While cooking dinner, the following popped up in my mind:

• call bro to wish him happy b’day
• look up “meat brining” to figure out if it’s feasible to brine our lamb shoulder and tenderloin before roasting for our dinner guests on Sat/Sun. Things to consider: time, materials,  approval
• look up a good mashed potato recipe for guest night to go with the roast beef.
• call friend to wish a really belated Eid (feelings of guilt attached)
• remember to cook rice
• we need milk
• think about making bechamel sauce and freezing it
• remember to make stock with meat and/or chicken bones

Okay, I hope I got it all down. Now, what do I do with this list? I’ll come back to it when I’m finished with my priority list. No, I’ll come back to it during my breaks to see if there’s anything I can fit in within that time.

1. Write a blog

2. Look for math help sites for sister

a. Look through her math syllabus to find appropriate help

b. Make decision on what type of help is best

c. Discuss with sister and/or father about opinion

3. Write my essay on democracy

a. Compile all my research on Zotero (notes are ready)

b. Write introduction

c. Discuss thesis 1

d. Discuss thesis 2

e. Discuss thesis 3

f. Write conclusion

4. Cook dinner: braised meat

a. Sear meat chunks

b. Drop in slow cooker on high

Okay, so this is a start. I’m already sort of overwhelmed. I think I’m starting to realize why the whole to-do list thing hasn’t worked well for me: it’s because I list too many things to do in one day, only to be disappointed with myself at the end of the day for not doing it all.

Now, let’s see how much time I expect each to take. It is 2:50pm now. I’ve started my day this late because:

1. I promised to watch a movie with sis, which ended at around 2am.

2. After the movie, I couldn’t sleep due to my nonstop sneezing and nose blowing—allergies. I fell asleep after Morning Prayer at around 7am. Woke up with a terrible headache at 11am and had to lie down until about 1:30pm. Took an antihistamine and started an antibiotic course today.

Today’s plan, timing:

1. Write blog, which I’m doing now ~ about 30 minutes.

2. Sister’s math help ~ about 1 hour

3. My essay ~ about 6 hours 4. Dinner ~ about 1 hour I’ll keep time on all those tasks to see if I was right or even close.

Today’s plan, in order:

1. Write blog

2. Cook dinner

3. Sister’s math help

4. My essay

I have to cook dinner now so that it’ll be ready by dinnertime. Then, I have to help my sister as I said I would, since my essay would have to take my undivided attention for a big chunk of time.

My professor wrote me asking about my rough draft. I’m 8 days late from the day I said I would have it in. It is a self paced online programme (bachelor’s of English writing), but the professors work closely with students to the end of each course, so there are implicit due dates. I haven’t replied her email because looking at it overwhelms me. What should I say?

Dear Prof. K,

Thanks for checking in. I’m very sorry about my lateness. Some procrastinating happened due to household duties but I’m getting on track with my rough draft. It will be in (latest) by Tuesday, the 14th, I promise.

Jane

p/s: I’ve been listening to The Secret Life of Bees audiobook so things can move more swiftly when that time comes.

Okay, so that’s in drafts. I haven’t hit the send button because I’m afraid I can’t finish it by Tuesday. We’re having guests on Saturday and/or Sunday, and that’ll require a lot of my energy and attention, especially with cleaning after. Oh well. I need to stick to this plan—it’s the only one I’ve got. So far, this blog writing has taken around 40 minutes—10 minutes over. I’m going to go cook dinner.

I’ve finally noticed that I’ve been living an extremely unbalanced life in terms of how I use my time. For example, I read a lot but can’t get myself to sit down and do an assignment that would go toward earning a university degree. With the latter, I procrastinate; with the former, days can go by with me being engrossed in this or that book or topic. The whole “just sit down and do it” thing doesn’t work with me. I just won’t. I also can’t seem to balance hobbies with…other hobbies. And I overwork myself in the house and kitchen that I have no more energy for anything else, which I think is the way my subconscious is trying to make me feel better (by making me feel I’ve accomplished something big at the end of the day). Sometimes I just get overwhelmed, cave into my mind and just think about things extensively without any practical application of those thoughts. In short, I need to balance and organize my time. I need to hold myself accountable for what I do with it. Perhaps, what I also need is for others to hold me accountable.

You see, even while writing this I failed to devote all my attention to this task. I got up a few times, talked to this or that family member (and got irritated in the process), moved my slow cooker to the stove because it was cooking too slowly and dinner needs to be ready within half hour, tried out the new water boiler, and came back here (and not in that order). So this is my life in a nutshell. Lack of focus. I feel (I know) I can achieve so much more if I just crack the code of this focusing business. I have to do this.

Now, I need a plan. I mean, this blog has to have a stated goal. First, I’ll start with what it is I want; what do I want, exactly, my life to be like?

Answer: I want to feel justified for taking up space on this earth (okay, that totally came from deep within my subconscious). Try again: I want to feel like there are slots of time actually dedicated to individual things, not everything that pops up. I want to live a meaningful, yet disciplined life, heavily seasoned with spontaneity and flexibility.

I need to get more specific, I know. Let me try:

I want to free myself from these knots of guilt in my chest that stem from me believing that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing with my time. I should be studying, I should be helping to clean the house, I should be cooking, I should be reading, I should be doing something kind, I should be calling this or that person to wish them something, I should be starting a nonprofit, I should be married, I should be, I should be.

It’s such irony; I feel like I constantly should be doing everything, yet this is the reason I have no constancy in my life, no inner and outer stability. I tend not to follow through with learning new skills, I tend not to finish books before going on to new ones, I tend never to finish assignments. This needs to change. Today is a start–a new one.

The pickup yesterday was lots of fun.  We always enjoying talking to our breeder and it was great to catch up with her and hear all about Hobbes. After we took pictures with him outside, it was time to head back to Chicago.  Unfortunately, everyone in Illinois and Wisconsin was also trying to get to Chicago, so the traffic was awful. Hobbes got a little (a lot) carsick on the way home and threw up all over me.  So that was great – I’m pretty sure Kris was thrilled that he volunteered to drive.  Hobbes is also about twice as big as Juli was at 8 weeks (almost 20 lbs) and holding him for 2 1/2 hours was less than comfortable.

But it was all worth it when Juli and Hobbes met:

It’s fun seeing all the differences between Hobbes as a puppy and Juli as a puppy.  Hobbes is definitely much more people-oriented and he already loves to chase things.  I think Kris is finally going to have his dog to play fetch with.  He especially loves one of Juli’s toys, and we were surprised that he’s already strong enough to pick it up:

Juli’s still not quite sure what to make of him, but I think she’ll change her mind when he gets little more mobile and stops running around like a drunken sailor.

And now for lots of pictures: