I spend a lot of time in coffee shops. This is mainly due to the fact that I am, as they say, “between work.” Thus I’m continually looking for employment, but writing cover letters, resumes, and the perpetual trolling of job boards can become quite tedious. So I do what many people do when bored: I surf the web. Normally this just involves reading a few news stories, and maybe clicking over to www.illwillpress.com to watch the ranting of Foamy the Squirrel. But on one of these brakes I recently came across an article in the Smithsonian Magazine about Henrietta Lacks. Then I found another article about her in The New York Times.

I had never heard of her before, and to be honest, outside of medical researchers, most of the general population has not either. But despite the fact that Henrietta fell into one of history’s cracks, her impact on the human race is on the same order of magnitude as the invention of the Internet. In a nutshell, she was a poor, black, tobacco farmer, who in 1951 had a culture of her cells taken without her knowledge. She died of cervical cancer, but her cells live on down to this day. They are responsible for assisting in finding the cure for polio; they were the first human culture shot into space, so that we could understand the effects of zero gravity on the human body; and Henrietta’s cells have been used in just about ever major medical study since they were taken from her body more than a half century ago.

I love stories like these, even though they do have their dark side. For example, according to the articles Mrs. Lacks’s family is still impoverished and can’t afford health care. This is both heartbreaking and unfair and should not be forgotten. Further, as previously mentioned, the doctor that took the sample, did not tell Henrietta what he was doing, which raises several ethical questions. But Henrietta’s story also begs the question, does anybody every really know the impact that they will have in the world?

Conversely, sometimes people get remembered for the wrong thing. Robert McNamara was never really all that popular in Washington DC, and is remembered mostly for his role as Secretary of Defense during the Vietnam Conflict. But did you know that he was also the person who put seatbelts in cars? Not by himself of course, but he had a major role in pressing Ford to place them into cars. It is a cheap solution to keeping people safe in an auto wreck which has probably saved more lives than were lost in the entire Vietnam Conflict, but nobody connects the name McNamara to automotive safety.

The known and the unknown. We crowd around one another on this rock flying though space, and most of the time, we barely feel that we are keeping up with our own lives. I worry about finding work, which is something I have in common with millions of people throughout the country and the world. Others worry about even more basic needs, like the roof over their head, or rebuilding after the earth literally tears their world apart. But as we move through our day, it must be conceded that most people truly are unaware of their individual impact on the world at large.

Enter Farris Bueller and his immortal wisdom: “Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” These two sentences not only sum up this post neatly, but they also reflect the way people move through the world: with eyes squarely fixed on a point just about two feet in front of our toes. The occasional break is helpful, because while you are “goofing off,” who knows what you will find? A thrilling story about the first use of human cells in medical research. New facts about someone or thing you felt you already had the goods on. Or if you are in a coffee shop, you might just wind up talking to the person next to you and making a new friend. In fact that happened to me last week. And while I need a new job, I also always need good friends. Making a new friend is truly good work for a day and a lifetime, and there is no telling what it will create. What paths will open up? From that one event something wonderful and lost to the cracks of history may just come about. Even more fun to think about, is that one day in the future one or both of us may be read about as someone else hunts for a job and just needs to look around.

“17/365”

This is the second of two mead batches I did on the same day.  And I brewed after I bottled a batch of metheglin, officially making the day “meady.”  Below is what I used for mead batch #18, brewed on 1/2/10.  I have wanted to make a pineapple coconut mead for a while now.  One of the best meads I have ever tasted was a pineapple mead, which won the mead/wine competition at a Wort Hogs meeting a few years ago.  There was something magical about the tartness of the pineapple and the sweetness of the honey.

12 lbs honey (Mrs. Crockett’s from Costco)
2 gallons L&A Pineapple Coconut juice (8! 1 qt jugs)
1/2 tsp Irish moss
1.5 packets Lalvin 71B-1122 dry yeast
1 tsp yeast nutrient
1/2 tsp yeast energizer

Heat honey plus 1 gallon of water at 150 F for 20 minutes.  Skim the scum & add Irish moss at 15 minutes.  Cool down and add to juice to make 5 gallons.  Aerate and then pitch yeast plus nutrient and energizer.

This had an OG of 25.7 Brix, with help from the juice’s sugars.  The Brix OG converted into 1.109 specific gravity via this calculator.  This mead, unlike most other meads I’ve made, foamed up.  As in, “filled the head space and blew out the airlock” foamed up.  I guess it is/was the coconut milk.  But really, fair warning:  if you make this one, be prepared with a blowoff tube, fermcap, or both.

There are so, so many things I wish I’d done differently when I was converting the van. Every once in a while I’ll write about one of them (hopefully once I’ve found a solution). Here’s the first one.

When I was building my bed I cut the mattress in half to make two long narrow ones, so that when it’s in bench mode one piece becomes the backrest. I was hoping that  when they’re in bed mode my fitted sheet would be tight enough to hold the two pieces snugly together, but I was wrong. They drift apart slightly and I can feel the crack… it’s not uncomfortable, just noticeable, and normally easy to avoid because it’s off centre. I think the way around this would be to make that lengthwise slice at a low angle, say 30˚, to make the two sides of the mattress overlap. That way they could drift apart a bit but there would be no space between them, just slightly less thickness of foamy.

Saturday night I had a lovely houseguest, and our shenanigans, um… widened the crack. Yes, many jokes ensued. Anyway since then I’ve realized it wasn’t a design flaw at all, it’s perfect! I sleep on my side, and if I let my hip sink into the crack my back feels better in the morning than if I avoid it entirely. And now the sensation is kind of nice, it feels like someone has their hand on my bum all night. Design flaw resolved!

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Ohh, amadas mujeres, ¿por qué preguntan eso si se siguen viendo hermosas, atractivas e increíblemente apetecibles? Disculpen las féminas si se me escurrió el cobre. Pero, ¡no insistan! ¡Ya son hermosas! Un poco más de carnes no hace peores las cosas.

¿Tengo el culo gordo? Eso se pregunta Germaine y, Foamy, la ardilla cafeinómana, le mienta la madre.

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Durante mucho tiempo varias personas han creado personajes simpaticos en internet que llegan a cautivarnos. ¿Como olvidar a Killer pollo, las aventuras de Chicho (el niño con senos) los huevocartoon cuando eran hechos de manera rudimentaria con flash, el mamut chikitito etc…?

Saben muy bien que no soy fan del humor Yankie, es mas, todo lo contrario, siempre me ha parecido vacio, ofensivo,  estupido y carente de gracia. Sin embargo desde ya hace algun tiempo un gran personaje me ha llamado la atencion, su voy, actitud, compañia y dialogo lo hace simplemente genial e irresistible, me refiero unicamente a Foamy la Ardilla:

Creo que ningun mamifero arbolicola tubo tanta razon atazcada en su hocico jamas

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Theseguysblog Challenge – Hit up Connaught place with a 100 rupee note in hand and come home with the following four DVD’s:

• Surrogates – B-Weasy acts the shit out of this movie, one of his finest films. The premise revolves around the idea that Bruce buys a bunch of robotic replicas of Bruce … meaning quadruple the Bruces.

• Land of the Lost – Most people hate Will Ferrell based on the fact that they think too many people like Will Ferrell. Those people are idiots; his shitty movies are guaranteed for 12 giggles at a minimum.
  • Life is all about giggles, if I don’t get my fix of at least 50 giggles a day I become a dangerous man.

• Year One – This movie is sure to further feed my sick sick addition with Michael Cera.
• The Hurt Locker – Arguably the only legitimate movie I was in the market for.

After filtering through hundreds of pirated American DVD’s I could only find two out of the four. My half ass attempts at lowballing these dirtbags, at a fraction of the market price, were failures forcing me to move on. Before I knew it, close to two hours had gone by and my goal was far from achieved.

My patience was running thin but after thinking of how I would feel post-Michael Cera film, I gathered the motivation to dig down deep into my energy reserves. The pickings were slim seeing as we had visited nearly all of stores, but out of nowhere this one fellow caught my attention. We made eye contact and he spewed out broken English offering me games, DVD’s and CD’s.

The merchant motioned for me to follow him to his co-workers store (all these dudes work in cahoots each managing a couple different shops). I followed the merchant to his other store but as soon as the other owner saw my face I could tell something had gone wrong. I was told to leave.

My luck had run out, with my recently shaved head and unchanged white skin, I was easily remembered as the skinheaded, sleaze-bagging low baller. I somehow managed to get blacklisted from the underground pirated movie hub. I mean that’s talent people, to out slime the skeezies shows some serious tenacity and balls, half you jokers out there couldn’t do what I did.

Through association Arvil was blacklisted but that also might have been attributed to the fact that he low bagged this one dude so badly that even me, the king of the low ballin’ scumbags was surprised by his offer.

Twelve DVD’s for 300 rupees, Arvil pulled an offensive, spinless yet ballsy move and I have to respect him for it.

Although no DVD’s were purchased Arvil did buy:

Rolex – 100 rps – originally: 250 rps.

Shantanaram (novel) – 200 rps – originally:  700 rps.

A strawberry milkshake with whipcream toppings – 80 rps.

Right before he chuggled the shake, Arvil said in a high pitched voice while limping his wrists:

“I am such a bad boy, I shouldn’t”

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India’s Zagat street side vendor winners have been announced. Once again theseguysblog.wordpress.com are the first with the results.

Best Barber: Harkirishna Gupta

When your payout is the tightest Guido fade imaginable then sometimes it’s worth being cut up by rusty unsterilized razors. Harkrishna Gupta is his name and all day long the Gupster (Goop-ster) hooks brothers up with the fade that’s ganna get you laid. I can’t even count how many times he gave me a tight ceaser dew which resulted in a morning trip to planet parenthood.

Harkrishna Gupta on the job

Guppy (Goop-ey) has been cutting hair ever since he saw Barbershop 2, staring Ice Cube … classic. The Gupster refined his skills at Blaine Beauty School in Waltham, Ma. He graduated second out of his class of 15, edged out by none other than Papa Lote (Grande Ligas – Framingham, MA).

Best Shoe-shiner: Suneet Mehta

Shining shoes aint no walk in the park, the amount of forearm strength required to buff out a pair of alligator oxfords is insurmountable.

Suneets mother was a dirty Mongol and his father was a shiesty shoe salesman who often worked long hours. Their house was constructed solely out of shoeboxes; in fact Suneets crib, as a child, was composed out of an air force one shoe box (white on whites of course).

Suneet the shiner

After watching the Karate Kid on loop for four straight years, little Suneet had perfected the wax on wax off motions. When he hit puberty Suneets forearm strength tripled … for obvious reasons.

He has beaten Mariusz Pudzianowski, Ving Rhames and Sanjays moustche in best of five arm wrestling matches.

To this date, Suneet has yet to have an unsatisfied customer.

Additional info: Suneet moonlights as the owner of a roadside Z-Job factory.

Best Sauce: Dees Ahswhol

Dees Ahswhol sucked at pretty much everything when growing up … completely inadequate at life. He was terrible at basic math, hopeless at making friends and had the tiniest penis. Fortunately he was lucky enough to land a gig clipping Julia Child’s toenails.

The best sauce

While working with Julia he stole one of her famous sauce recipes and moved back to India. Now every day Dees sells roughly 70 gallons of his sauce. He has the tastiest sauce in Delhi, his sauce is so good, the best sauce a man could wish for, you must taste his sauce. His sauce is kept extra warm in his stainless steel canister.

Is the year 1935? Did I just get time warped back to the Third Reich? This must be some sort of sick twisted dream … Today when leaving my house I noticed dozens of swastikas lining the stairs of my building. Immediately the Ann Frank in me began looking for an out and I formulated a plan to hide in the attic till shit blew over. I was later reassured that the swastikas hold a religious significance to Hinduism and are common during this seasons headlining holiday.

Today is Diwali, it’s the most visibly celebrated holiday in India, representing the victory of good over evil via an insane amounts of fireworks.

Think of it as a crossbreed between Christmas and the 4^th of July. Children are showered with presents and six year old slum children recklessly light off pitakas (fireworks). Kinda like the way overpriced Halloween stores open up every October in the states, here a million different underpriced firework stores pop up around every corner.

Back in the states it would cost you 50 bucks to buy anything that flies up 200 feet, but here I purchased 10 Kaliswari Bullets for 50 rupees (roughly a buck); for under 300 rupees you can get rockets that skyrocket hundreds of feet in the air … dirt cheap.

Tonight as the sun fades, every kid that’s far too young to be lighting off sparklers will be blowing up rockets. Chaotic awesomeness, I plan on blowing up a couple packs of stray dogs, one of Raju mamas servants (he has plenty to spare) and maybe Jeet Sodhi’s roadside banana stand.

Jeet and is nana stand

Arvil, Rithlal and I just went topside to test out a couple rockets. I thought it would be a great idea to strap some Kaliswari bullets to the rockets, increasing our chances of permanent mutilation. Luckily we did not injury ourselves but seeing as the bullets did not blow up until they hit the ground a few hundred yards away, we cannot be positive that there were no casualties.

Tonight Kaku is coming over with another friend who is bringing more explosives to add to our arsenal. We plan on increasing our assets and minimizing our liabilities by having Rithlal do the igniting.

Oh man … it has started, bad news folks. Arvil just ran into the bathroom for round 2, I am almost comatose after round 1.

Have you guys ever seen that movie Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 3D? Well what just came out of my ass was kinda like CloudyWith a Chance of Uncooked Foamy Meatballs 4D (shaking and spraying and all).

We just came from Raju Mamas house, he threw an an all night long poker and food party that lasted five hours. Throuhgout our partying we swindled rich people out of hundreds of rupees with our genius 3 card poker playing and stuffed our faces with the dozens of appetizers. Raju had around 5 servants peddling food in and out of the kitchen all night.

Following dinner, I had the sudden urge to shit myself and this almost happened. I begged Arvil to follow me upstairs so that I would have some cover. The last thing I needed was someone to walk into the room and hear the sound of death coming from my ass. After a mean session of sweating, dropping 5 lbs of what looked like Cambells minestrone soup and praying to g-d for this to stop I decided to pack up shop and see if I could hold out. Only one problem, the toilet would not flush. Later on after confessing to Anu Mama that her toilet wouldn’t flush she informed me that it has been broken for a few days. Great, what a nice way to repay someone for inviting me to their house for dinner. I felt like an asshole.

I am now laying next to Arvil consoling him after his horror story of a toilet visit. I hope that I can beat this sickness through falling asleep before I soil the bed sheets.

Some back and forth convo btwn Arvil and I describing life.

“Straight liquid out my butthole son, projectile”

“I felt like it was completly futile to wipe, because I was ganna be back so soon and I was so raw down there”

“Do work”

“You know the feeling like when you can’t tell which hole the waters coming out”

“Machine gun status man”

“Wiping however did salvage whatever human dignity I had left”

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Some  Oldies But Goodies

(NSFW)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmD_8cBqhW0&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

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