i can not promise you a constant state of happiness
i know not the magic of eternal smiles
i’ll hurt you in my best efforts to love
so please forgive me

i am learning still the art of joy
i’d shine the light of your better days
but all i have is this small flicker of flames
so please forgive me

i’ll tell you this though for hope
i’ll stand by you through it all
as long as you want me there
so please forgive me
like i’ve forgiven you

inspiration to poem:
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34

So I said Bryant and I were done for good…but leave it to him to pop up a month after our final showdown…and after I’ve deleted him from my entire life (for the first time I actually deleted his #…instead of just pretending to, lol). Our first year of “talking”, I didn’t take him serious. The second year, I fell hard…but then I realized HE didn’t take ME seriously. The 3rd year we had our ups and downs…he started to take me seriously, but I got so tired of him screwing me over (I ran into him at Victoria’s Secret with another chic, texts meant for other girls, etc.). We took our breaks…I fell in love with Ant…but when the dust settled, he was always back in the picture. He’s always been there for me, whether it meant money for meds when my kidneys were bout to fall out, or rent when I was unemployed…or just a shoulder, ear, or set of arms. There’s some days that I’m glad we never dated…and then others where I wonder why we’re not cause I feel like an old couple when we’re around each other.

I typed all this to jump into the fact that he wrote me a long heart-felt letter last week. (Forreal…I cried…then my mascara made my eyes burn so I cried harder!) He apologized for the last fight and acknowledged the fact that he tends to have a “me against the world” way of handling his problems. He wrote that he was graduating (this past Friday…I’m so proud of him it’s ridiculous!) And that he was at a point in his life where we could finally be on the same page and be together. *gasps* Yeah…haven’t ironed that one out, but we’ll see. Part of me wants to give it a shot…the other doesn’t even believe he came to that conclusion. *shrugs* who knows. Only time will tell.

Aveti mai jos varianta chill si cea originala enjoy!

Other things in less exciting news…

Ike (one of the “Great Ones”, you know, when you think you’re in love etc) moved away to Waco. I was absolutely annoyed with him the whole week before he left and now I don’t put much thought into it. I haven’t seen him in maybe a year…and before that more than 2 years, so the move doesn’t effect anything…if we couldn’t find the time to be friends when he lived 30 min away, what’s another 2 hrs, ya know?

What else? Bryant (on again off again for the past 3 and a half years finally cut himself off forever I think. His grandma recently passed away and he tried to throw it in my face like I didn’t give a shit about him…we’re better than that…or we were…but I’m not even gonna worry about it. I offered a shoulder or an ear if he needed it, and I’m sorry to see him lose someone so important to him, but our friendship can’t be fixed at this point. I think we only held on because of the time we invested (almost 4 years) but it’s done for good this time around. There’s a reason we never dated…this is the reminder.

Speaking of deaths in the family, Jay (aka Strummable abs to Sharon) recently lost his younger cousin. It happened around the same time as Bryant’s grandma, but they seemed to handle their sitches completely differently. I saw hime the other day…all I’ll say is he hasn’t changed much. He’s not the man I wanted to marry, but he’s a good friend…one who forgives and forgets better than I ever could. His franchise seems to be doing well, and things are looking up for him despite his obstacles, but the boy’s gonna be okay.

I’m a lot closer to getting a new car…fingers crossed.

I finally got around to seeing “Slumdog Millionaire” and “He’s just not that into you”…GREAT stuff. Not that I take movies/books seriously, but…well I’ll touch on it later. Right now I’m about to get the house ready for a 4-legged guest…Luciano is about to have a female friend til February…I get the feeling they’re gonna hump. hopefully not tho. I’ll be damned if anybody’s gettin some under MY roof when I’m not.

I watched their eyes tangle with one another’s from across the room…he stood sipping his drink, undressing her with his eyes. She…sat desperately grasping at the shreds of fabric, hoping no one noticed she was standing there naked. The second he took his eyes off her, she made her way to the door, hoping to get some fresh air and gather her thoughts. He soon followed and slipped into the elevator behind her. As the doors began to slide shut, I saw him push several buttons, guaranteeing a longer trip than usual. I’m sure he pressed his body against hers, and ran his fingertips over her lips. I’m sure she couldn’t help but to push back, and return every last kiss he gave her.

When the party began to fizzle, I finished my drink and headed to the elevator. When it arrived, I let the guys from the band on first…but with their instruments, I realized I wouldn’t fit. Opting for the stairs, I bid them all goodbye, and made my way to the door that led to the stair well. I took 3 steps down but froze at the sound of whispering and soft moaning. I slowly eased closer to the rail in order to look down and see who I had almost stumbled upon. Though I was shocked at the scene, I wasn’t surprised to find the elevator love birds going at it. Quietly, I stepped back and made my way out of the stair well.

Flustered by my discovery, and not looking where I was going, I damn near ran a woman over trying to get back to the elevators. I apologized, and was even more embarrassed when I saw that it was a familiar face…

“Have you seen…” Her voice trailed off. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I’ve been looking all over for him…can’t find him anywhere…”

I knew exactly where he was…but there was no way I could tell her…

“No…but I’m sure he’s been up and down, probably looking for you…you just can’t seem to catch him…”

I tried to give a reassuring nod as I stepped onto the elevator even though I felt guilty. My cab was waiting downstairs, and the whole way home I thought about the risk, and whether or not anyone saw us sneak away.
For what it’s worth, it was worth it.

ini adalah sebuah lagu yang sangat menginspirasi dan membuat malu diri kita…………….

lagu ini memberi sindiran yang mampu menyadarkan kita…….

perhatikan, baca dan resapilah lirik di bawah ini…

Forgive me when i whine

Today, upon a bus,
I saw a girl with golden hair.
And wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she smiled.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I `d go.
With eyes to see the sunset’s glow.
With ears to hear what I’d know.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have blessed indeed, the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it `d do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
“I thank you, you’ve been so kind.
You see,” he said, “I `m blind”
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I `d go.
With eyes to see the sunset’s glow.
With ears to hear what I’d know.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have blessed indeed, the world is mine.

I saw a child with eyes of blue.
He stood and watched the others play.
He did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
“Why don’t you join the others, dear?”
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew. He couldn’t hear.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I `d go.
With eyes to see the sunset’s glow.
With ears to hear what I’d know.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have blessed indeed, the world is mine.

ya allah maafkan aku yang selalu mengeluh atas keadaan yang ada padaku padahal ini termasuk nikmat mu, aku terlalu egois selalu membandingkan keatas, sehingga q selalu merasa kurang .

bimbinglah aku yang lemah ini, berikan aku petunjuk mu…………

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The following CD Review is of a local artist who resides in my own country of Northern Ireland. Paul Irwin commenced his singing ministry at the tender age of 16,  at a Gospel Mission close to his hometown of Fivemiletown. Since then, Paul has had the opportunity to present the Gospel through song all over Northern Ireland, the Republic of Ireland and in Scotland.  Paul counts this as a tremendous privilege and blessing to be able to share the Gospel through the very accessible medium of song.

Paul’s musical influences are derived mainly from the Southern Gospel and Contemporary genres. His all time favourite vocalist would be Steve Green.  Guy Penrod, David Phelps and Marshall Hall would also be stylistic influences. In terms of groups in Southern Gospel, Paul draws upon material that the Gaither Vocal Band, Greater Vision, Ernie Haase & Signature Sound and many others have recorded. When you consider all the different influences and contrasting styles of music that each artist contributes, what Paul then translates into each project is a great mix of material, from “Because He Lives” to more modern day classics such as “Thank You for The Cross”.

“Forgive Me” is Paul Irwin’s fourth album. I feel that with each release the level of quality goes up another notch. This is in terms of the vocals, production and basically everything! The initial projects were of a high standard, but Paul is raising the bar in terms of quality, the quality of the song selection, vocals, tracks and the aesthetic appeal of the CD case and contents. The presentation, CD inlay and the photography are of a standard similar to what the Gaither Vocal Band, Ernie Haase & Signature Sound or any other “big-name” group would produce. It is the simple little things like this which often can be overlooked, yet make such a big difference in the final equation.

The song selection has something for everyone. This is not to say that it is a mishmash of genres and stylings, rather it is a carefully pieced together collection of material that anyone can comfortably listen too all the way through. Often i find myself skipping tracks on other projects just to get to the favourites, but not on this project.  One thing  i particularly like about the project as a whole was the use of new tracks. The project does not always have the same track that other artists have used. For example on “He Made A Change” the track used was not the same one that Ernie Haase & Signature Sound used on “Get Away Jordan”. It is different and this really does allow for new interpretations which gives the listener a more original experience. Another big plus for me is the clarity and diction that Paul uses in his vocals. Nothing annoys me more than an artist performing a song where you have to struggle to make out the words. You do not have this problem on a Paul Irwin project. Every word is clear and concise without being too “proper” or compromising the musicality of the song.

Track Listing

1. Favourite Song of All
2. There Is A Fountain
3. He Made A Change
4. He Could Have Called Ten Thousand Angels
5. Thank You For The Cross
6. Go Ask
7. When He Comes Again
8. Tears Are A Language
9. Jesus What A Friend
10. Forgive Me
11. Favourite Song of All (Reprise)

Standout tracks would have to be “There Is A  Fountain”, “He Made a Change”, “He Could Have Called Ten Thousand Angels”, “Go Ask” and “Jesus What A Friend”. These are my personal favourites, the entire album is very strong indeed. “Go Ask” is what i would have envisioned the Gaither Vocal Band version had Guy Penrod had the lead for example. it was also nice to hear it being sung, instead of being partly recited like ol’ Bill!! On “He Made A Change” there is a strong progressive feel and an element of  Michael English thrown in for good measure. This works very well and slots into one of my all time favourite cuts of this song.

The album is not, however, a collection of  parodies of other artists. It is original and fresh, injecting new life into older songs, and putting a new perspective on others. I would highly recommend this album to anyone who enjoys  Southern Gospel, Gospel or Contemporary Gospel music.

The album is available from www.paulirwinmusic.com.  You can also purchase Paul’s preceeding album, “Castles In The Sand”. The website also has booking details, photos and a biography. You can also listen to some samples of the latest project. Be sure to listen, purchase and let me know what you think. If you have ever wondered what Southern Gospel, Gospel or whatever you wish to label SG, sounded like from a Northern Irish perspective, you will not be disappointed.

]]> http://krisaela.wordpress.com/2009/09/01/wacom-practice-sketch/ Tue, 01 Sep 2009 08:38:07 +0000 Saela http://krisaela.wordpress.com/2009/09/01/wacom-practice-sketch/

- Sandra .

Forgive me now,
for all the Words I said,
Forgive me now,
for all the Things I made.
Forgive me now,
for all the Words I said,
Forgive me now,
I hope itÂ’s not too late,
too late.
I really only need Reaction,
tell me what rules my Mind,
tell me more of it
tell me what did you find.
Maybe itÂ’s my Imagination,
that tells me how to kill Time,
I donÂ’t have an Answer,
donÂ’t know how the Feelings strike -
to say…

Forgive me now,
for all the Words I said,
Forgive me now,
for all the Things I made.
Forgive me now,
for all the Things I made,
Believe me now,
I hope itÂ’s not too late,
too late.

Forgive me now,
for all the Words I said,
for all the Words,
for all the Words I said,
forgive me…

Forgive me now,
for all the Words I said,
Forgive me now,
for all the Things I made.
Forgive me now,
for all the Words I said,
Believe me now,
I hope itÂ’s not too late,
too late.

Too late,
forgive me,
forgive me now,
for all the Words,
for all the Words I said,
hey hey,
forgive me,
too late,
forgive me,
too late…

Forgive me now.

So, I’ve lived in my North Dallas neighborhood for nearly 3 years. Not much has changed accept there’s more cops, less violence, and I get slightly less attention than I did when I was new. I say less, because when I first moved out here, I was TERRIFIED to leave the house during the day. I’d get so much unwanted attention it was scary. Guys following me for blocks, or tryin to trap me with their vehicle in a dead end, etc. It got to the point where I’d only walk down the street after 11pm. Cause at night, in my pajamas, it’s harder to see what I look like. People are less likely to bother me cause I could be a crack-head, a hooker, a guy… Whatever. Well, out of all the guy’s cars that slowed down over the years, there’s one guy that I was always polite (though short) with. In all of our run-ins, He’s never honked at me (my pet peeve). He always rides alongside me, trying to convince me that “today’s the day…” Lol. He’s parked and walked with me a few times, and while I admired his “I’m tryin to come correct” approach, it still didn’t get him far. His name is Chase, and he strikes me as a soft-spoken, square Ryan Leslie. Yesterday, he saw me at the shopping center near my apts. He quickly parked his Hummer, and followed me into where else? The beauty supply store. Lol, he dared to go where no straight man dares to gooooo…lol. I couldn’t find what I wanted, so we went next door to another store where I did. (Cleaning gloves) he then grabbed my hand (bold, right?!) And for some reason I spared his life (anybody knows that I’m quick to pull out the mace and/or a blade). He opened up the passenger side of his truck and gave me a ride back home (2 min away). We talked, and after nearly 3 years of politely turning him down, I gave him my number. Not cause I wanna date anyone…hell, after this week, I’m so burnt out on “liking” someone, I don’t know when I’ll come back down off the shelf. It’s not like getting back up on the horse…it’s more like climbing onto a talllll giraffe…oh well. I’ve got a 3 day weekend, and my prior plans are ruined so…
But I digress. I gave him my number “because”. And because had I not, I feel like Karma woulda sent another asshole along to teach me a lesson. Heh…hope this week ends well. I really wish Ant coulda came to open mic last night. *fighting a smile* I remember him being quite the poet.

I be gone. Sorry!

Sad face spoon and what not.

So…I made it 2 weeks without it…I’m happy (for now, provided I don’t relapse) in a bittersweet kinda’ way. Kenny, Law and Don would be proud of me. (welcome back Don btw…words can’t express how much I missed your writing, and insightful advice.)

Non-committment was just the tip of the ice burg I soon found out. I had to give up my drug because over the last 2 months I found myself extremely insecure…to the point that I could no longer find any happiness (pause, lol…someone once pointed out that the word happiness has Penis in it) within myself. My “happiness” was once or twice a week alone at home with him while he played Madden or 2K…there were things bothering me, but where he was, I was home…and whatever problems I had were always placed on a back burner cause I couldn’t bare to have to face them. Everything was on my end, it was all MY fault. IIIII was insecure. IIIII grew deeper feelings. IIIII agreed to where we were headed (nowhere). IIIII let it go this long. I didn’t feel like having him remind me of that. Didn’t want him to show me how much he didn’t care, and how unwilling he was to change any dynamics. These were things I KNEW. But I couldn’t deal with having them spoken…so I stayed quiet.

The first week was HARD. I spent most days uneasy and sometimes even nausous. (Like the feeling you get when something bad is going to happen) it was like morning sickness…because like clock work, it was the first thing I’d think of when my eyes opened in the morning. I just wanted my best friend back.

This week…I’m more at ease…it helps not seeing him or his name as often. I get the urge to hit him up sometimes, but I know better. At this point I’m sure I wouldn’t be welcome either way. He’s all anti emotion and what-not. But it’s been cool…I’m starting to see more things for what they are, and not what I want them to be (like I used to) and it’s done me well. I love the kid, but I can’t have him dangled before me. *wipes brow* Rehab…I’mInThatThang

Asalamu Alaykum!

To my opinion this is a very important question. We all do things  for the pleasure of Allah swt onl and we mean well,  but in the process we do not want to be doing the opposite. Please read on….

Q: Competitions writing the beautiful names of Allaah among members of a forum?

Praise be to Allaah.

There is nothing wrong with holding this kind of competition, because it is spreading goodness, benefiting all concerned, and increasing knowledge, especially if the participant writes the meaning of the name that he mentions. But it is important to use sound books for this information, and to beware of quoting from people of misguidance and deviation.

The one who wants to adhere to the names of Allaah that are proven in the Qur’aan and Sunnah is advised to refer to al-Qawaa’id al-Muthla by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) and Sifaat Allaah ‘azza wa jall al-Waaridah fi’l-Kitaab wa’l-Sunnah by Shaykh ‘Alawi al-Saqqaaf (may Allaah preserve him).

The members should be encouraged to memorize these names and pay attention to them, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (2736) and Muslim (2677) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), according to which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has ninety-nine names, one hundred less one. Whoever memorizes them will enter Paradise.”

The memorizing mentioned in the hadeeth includes the following:

1.     Learning them by heart.

2.     Learning their meanings.

3.     Acting upon their meanings. So if a person learns that He is al-Ahad (the One), he should not associate anyone else with Him. If he learns that He is al-Razzaaq (the Provider), he should not seek provision from anyone else. If he learns that He is al-Raheem (the Most Merciful), he should not despair of His mercy, and so on.

4.     Calling upon Him by them, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And (all) the Most Beautiful Names belong to Allaah, so call on Him by them” [al-A’raaf 7:180]. That is by saying for example: Ya Rahmaan irhamni (O Most Merciful, have mercy on me), Ya Ghafoor ighfir li (O Oft Forgiving, forgive me), Ya Tawwaab tubb ‘alayya (O Accepter of repentance, accept my repentance) and so on.

This competition does not come under the heading of communal dhikr which is an innovation, because that is recited in unison, which is not the case here.

And Allaah knows best.

I’m typing this miles up in the sky…on my connector flight from Charlotte (spent 3 days in Cleveland) back to Dallas. My birthday is in a few hours. I’m gonna press my words now, and then forget about them for tomorrow. A beautiful woman is growing more beautiful, wise and mature by the day, and tomorrow we’re gonna celebrate that.
But, simply put, I deserve soooooo much more…and this whole lop-sided deal where I ACT like I don’t know my worth ends now. I’m tired of acting like Rose in the Joy Luck Club…putting someone else’s love on a pedestal, like it’s worth more than mine…when nothing could be further from the truth. My love is patient and understanding. I’m fully aware that where I’m at right now is completely my own fault. I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt, and even more than that, I got comfortable. I put on my “Noh” smile, hid feelings, and took what I was given without questioning it. But that’s done. I’m going home and getting my house in order. I’m dolling myself up for ME, going out on dates, cooking and getting appreciated. I wanna go out, I wanna stay in…I wanna not feel tied down to nothingness. Trust me, this isn’t an entry to bash him…he’s a brilliant person…one of my favorite in the whole world. But I can’t make excuses for my actions anymore…

So now…selecting sweaters for fall and winter. If I’m lucky I’ll just find one perfect coat that goes with everything. been window-shoppin my ass off lately!!!
*waves @ Kenny and Law* Thanks for the ears and lectures. I’m good!

Happy Birthday to who? Meeeeee!!!

Forgive me, Robert Pattinson, for I have sinned….

ROFLMAO!

OMG, I am about to wave my FanGirl flag super high today and I will probably loose a bunch of a zillion cool points with some of you gals, but oh well.  What can I do?  I can’t please everyone.  Regardless, I think this is hilarious.

OK, so I got into work a couple of Fridays ago, got things going sleepishly (TGIF!) and my co-workers (we’ll call her… umm… “Lucy”, yeah, that’s it..) tells me, “I need to have a talk with you.”  Umm.. well, crap!  That never sounds good, right?!  Well, of course my curiousity caught the best of me & I needed to know what it was right away. 

Lucy delayed at first but then she took me to my desk and pointed out The Museum de Robert Pattinson & said that it was time the museum got a little freshing up.  And as she sighed, she said “if I’m going to have to look at it, I might as well have a say in what goes up, right?”

The Museum de Robert Pattinson

I immediately burst out in laughter as Lucy finally admitted that he wasn’t “all that bad to look at,” that he was a “good looking fellow“.  But– there’s always a but – she had a bone to pick with me regarding one picture in particular that she ordered to come down.  EXCUSE ME?! EXSQUEEZE ME?!

So, she lead me over to The Museum of Robert Pattinson and pointed out this lovely photo [see photo]:

When I saw which picture she spoke of, I gasped, “You’ve got to be kidding me?!“  She just laughed and shook her head at me, “No!  Look at his head!  And his hands, he looks all deformed or something.  Big head, little body!“  (That’s what she said!) Sorry, couldn’t resist it…

I just stood there in shock.  She couldn’t be serious!

“I’m serious.”  Lucy said.  Crap.

I’m like, “Well, good ’cause I just printed a whole lot more and if you’re going to be difficult with me like this, then you have to help me pick the next ones that go up!” I laughed evilly. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re going down, woman! I laugh at you, Lucy! HA!

So, I proceeded to show Lucy the following new pictures… or the candidates of her choosing, I guess you could say.  I thought I would share her commentary with you all:

Wow… how did my conversation become a novel?  I hope you enjoyed this.  Let me know what you think!

Honestly?  It made me laugh, if anything.  I do have to admit, I was quite peeved at first, but it’s cool now.  How dare she say those things about my boyfriend, I mean.. Robert Pattinson?!

OMG… LOL

Show me some love, give this blog a rating and/or leave some comment lovin’…

You know Rob would want you to.  OK, maybe not really, but I would like you to, how’s that instead? 

Oh, yeah— TGIF!!! *

* And, yes I know this is totally LTR/LTT-worthy of it’s teasing and I’m just putting it out there.  I know, I know.. I’m asking for it.  I’m a Rob fan and darn proud of it!  Can ya tell?  Duh.  I doubt it’d ever get that far, but let’s just keep a friendly smile on our faces and remember I’m a fan of those sites… *ahem, ahem*  So, let’s all be nice, ladies!