Everyone knows that SEC football is unparalleled as the best conference around. With all the tradition, history and rivalry, nothing makes better for a fall Saturday than being outside the stadium at 6 a.m., roasting a pig, throwing back whiskey and cokes, having dates in sundresses and shotgunning beers. That said, the Wall Street Journal had it right when they published this article last week.

If you love everything that’s American, I promise you will enjoy it. You’re welcome.

        Note: Due to a recent spike in “Shit-I-Have-To-Do-Besides-Entertain-You” my updating has been a little slow. More stuff is coming soon, or whenever I think you deserve it. In the mean-time you can suck on my latest joy-popsicle about the cock-feels from West Lafayette:

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          There’s a lot of baggage that comes along with being an IU student. First of all we’ve been around since 1820, a period in time when “people” were men, and women were beaten for having opinions. So it’s easy to see that after a time lapse where one could do enough misdeeds to be defriended by Jesus that there are going to be some stereotypes and myths that have developed. The following are some of stereotypes and myths that are just begging to have their faces busted upon:

1820: When a request for blueberry waffles meant "blueberry-right-motherfucking-now-waffles"

           IU= Inferior Academics- This is actually true as long as you don’t count the Music School, Optometry School, School of Political Science, Sports Marketing, and Journalism Schools. Even the School for the Blind is pushing its way up the charts, as far as they’re concerned. Better yet, undergraduate tuition is also very affordable, unless you’re poor and eat Walmart food. Oh yea, you might’ve also heard of the Kelly School of Business, which is ranked 22^nd in the country. To be fair, I also found that Purdue’s business school came in at a strong “next page” in my online research.  

Where Purdue is always at the top/middle of the list.

           All We Have is Hot Girls- Some might know Indiana University as the land of milk and bitties, but it’s not all sunshine and handski’s attending a school with more dime pieces per capita than standing homes in Kosovo. Sure it’s good to go to a school where most girls’ cosmetic regimens don’t involve steel wool, malt liquor, and hope, but what about the ugly chicks? We all know some ugly chicks, the ones that spend every day skyping and collecting hummel figures in between attending office hours. What about their feelings? No one cares. I didn’t really have a point here.

Hot Chicks: You don't need a point

           We Live in Constant Fear of Vehicular Manslaughter- Like most big state schools IU has had a few issues with public safety this semester. Sure IU undergrads have been getting picked off like tomatoes on a Kid’s Meal, but the University is taking measures to change this. Some of the initiatives recently put forth by the administration include: increasing the number of police directing traffic at street lights and distributing Ding Kings and Turtlewax to drivers amongst the student body.

It even gets out those tricky face-shaped dents.

           All We Do Is Party- Before we can address this myth we have to define “partying”.  Much like paying for sex, partying gets complicated when you bring in the idea of quality versus quantity. There are many lame schools out there where kids drink way more nights a week than IU undergrads. Does that mean these perennial drunks party harder than the IU undergrads who limit most of their party and bullshitting to the 3-4 days of the weekend? No. But I don’t blame the kids who go to lame schools for drinking in their apartments 6 days a week. Anyone would drink themselves to sleep every night if their only other entertainment choices were between brick breaker and playing hot potato with a toaster in the bathtub.

This was the day my balls dropped... Again.

          IU isn’t just another big state school full of people who got differed and hot chicks getting hit by cars after parties. We like to have fun just like anyone else, and we’re not sorry for partying, because that would be dumb, and dumb people are GDI.

What better way to kick off your week than with a music video about child molestation?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4nqXL0T6GE

Eat your heart out Justin Bieber.

At the behest of some Wyoming Alpha alums, the following link includes recent photos of the WYAL chapter house at 1621 E. Fraternity Row in Laramie. The photos, which were taken this summer, can be seen by clicking here.

The ninth annual Masters of Misery Haunted House overtook the Wyoming Alpha chapter house Oct. 29-31 and raised more than $3,000 which will be divided between Albany County SAFE Project and the Children’s Miracle Network, which are Wyoming Alpha’s local and national philanthropies, respectively.

The Haunted House was started back in 2001 and has become a highly-anticipated event on campus. The house spans all three floors and is planned, funded and run entirely by WYAL. There is a family-friendly time each night with the scares being ramped up for the college crowd after that.

Included in this post are pictures of the group after two of the performances.

It’s been a successful fall philanthropy-wise for WYAL. The fall pledge class organized a date auction last month that netted $1,500 in donations for SAFE. Pledge brother Zach Mills fetched the highest price tag by going for more than $200.

Prenez rendez-vous à Héma-Québec et vous passerez en priorité sans attendre….. et contrairement au vaccin, vous êtes les bienvenus!!!!!

Just wow.
In 2009, there are still chapters of frats and sorors (Divine 9 and otherwise) still resort to hazing to weed out individuals? Now, I probably shouldn’t speak on this topic, because I’ve never joined a frat or attempted to do so (the reason, of course, was that little inkling of fear that came with the idea of hazing. Well, that and the fact that I’m broke as all hell and I’ve heard that dues are a spike-lined birth canal to deal with). But, even as an outsider, when something like this happens–no matter how isolated it may (or may not, depending on who you ask)–be, it sends out new pulses to the stereotype that fraternities are nothing more than boozefests and consist of more torture than you should have to endure in a “place of higher learning.”
In the words of Ed Lover, “C’mon Son!” Even though this is an isolated case, it is not the type of thing that I, personally, would want to hear about if I were pledging any fraternity (or would want to hear about my fraternity). No disrespect is meant in my comments to the brothers of Phi Beta Sigma (or any frat/soror, for that matter), as I know that this incident is not representative of the whole Greek Life experience. However, frats, ya’ll need to step it up to prevent stuff like this from happening.
I’m just saying.

Wyoming Alpha alumnus George A. Dale (‘55) passed away Wednesday, Oct. 28 in Cheyenne. A full obituary can be found on the Wyoming Tribune Eagle’s Web site by clicking here.

          Distractions are an endemic part of life that affects everyone. They keep us from being productive and divert our course of action away from the work at hand. No matter who you are, it is only a matter of time after starting a task until your focus gets flushed down the toilet like an unwanted soul after a heavy half hour of painful self reflection and coat hangering. Distractions come in various forms and just like pedestrians, many are unavoidable. We don’t get to pick and choose when these instances occur, sometimes family emergencies and flash mob break dancing just happen. On the other end up the spectrum, are the normal time killers that keep us from walking into our class or place of work with a nail gun and start downsizing people’s lives.

Because painberries only take one hour to harvest.

          It’s natural to want to break up the monotony. I myself, waste shit-loads of time. In between readings about journalistic integrity and other tomfoolery, I’m listening to the new Jay-Z album or filling my website My Other Shirt Is A Polo (plug) with completely tasteless jokes about recent tragedies. Which is normal. What I won’t stand for is other people’s far lamer distractions becoming more than a distraction, but a way of life. These are the worst kinds, the kinds that get in the way of my ability to sidetrack and end up with me bleeding internally and seizing on the floor.

          Online Quizzes: Every time some kid takes a quiz on Facebook to find out how long he’d last in a horror movie, I have to go to Best Buy and the hospital to get my laptop and whoever was closest to me fixed.

          Youtube Comments Section:If you have ever watched a Youtube video then you may be familiar with the “comments” section below the video. If you haven’t ever actually stopped and looked at this section I highly suggest you never do. Imagine if the Ku Klux Klan showed up for a meeting in town hall and found it had been double booked by the Black Panther Party. Now imagine that the ensuing dialogue had been transcribed by a drunken teenager from the “Hooked on Phonics” mailing list. That is the closest I can get to fully describing a Youtube comments section without inciting a race riot.

          Farmville: “It’s so much fun dude!” I don’t give a fuck. I will not be your neighbor, I don’t want your chickens, and I will not rake your goddamn leaves up. I’m not from Bumfuck, so I don’t even do that shit in real life. This epidemic is getting ridiculous. I can’t check my Facebook without being notified that someone found a lonely pink cow. I’ve got news for you. Cows aren’t pink and you are taking this damn game way too seriously. People are scheduling their days around checking in on their Farmvilles. I’m designing a game right now called “Rape-and-Pillageville” where you go onto people’s Farmville’s and you go to town until every single animal and crop has been raped and/or pillaged. You can also invite other people to join your “Horde” and you can buy violent upgrades like bigger axes and dildos as you gain street cred.

          It’s going to be great.

Hot tubbin’ on the late night-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDgKLeeEDEI

The first and only time a Warrior's basketball game will sound sexy.

I think we all know that something needs to be done-

           This golden age of technology has blessed us with many innovations to help make our brief time in this cold and hostile world a little more bearable. With the development of iPhone applications alone moving forward somewhere around the speed of a heat seeking moisture missile it’s easy to see where this is all going. Before we know it we’re going to have kids, and those kids are going to have hoverboards and shit. My son is going to be out in his Audi R20 on autopilot, getting a roadie from a Jennifer Garner hologram after a long night of pressing the “Drunk” button with his friends. 

My black son and his Audi R20. (not pictured: Jennifer Garner hologram)

          On Friday nights I’ll treat the wife to a fancy dinner and a movie, and then head out to the edge of town so we can make fun of the poor people getting eaten by zombies outside the “Safe Zone”. I won’t have a daughter because you’ll be able to choose by then, but if I did she’d be at home with a Soft Scrub sponge and a big soapy bucket of “never talking to guys”. By the way if you just mentioned the fact that you can already choose what sex your child is through vitro fertilization, you deserve to be water-boarded with whole milk. Anyways-

          It will be a prosperous time, one of progress and unity in our nation. A time where the “Easy” button can be applied to women and making a vampire spin off movie is punishable by law. Karma Chameleon by the Culture Club would the national anthem and baseball won’t exist. After downing an ice cold John Daly from the lemonade stand on the corner, kids will head out to their neighborhood Slamball courts, provided they aren’t eaten by the zombies or mugged by Hombre Salsa and the rest of the intergalactic gang bangers. There’s going to be shit-tons of crime and zombies in the future by the way.

          Our 18^th consecutive minority President will have just been elected (white people have long since lost the trust of the general public) and his (the future isn’t that progressive) first order of business is pushing the Rocket Powered Zipline To Africa Initiative through Congress. Mount Rushmore will remain mostly untouched outside of the new Dave and Buster’s inside the Lebron James bust. On a separate note you can forget wildlife because pretty much every animal will be either house pets, endangered, or on the menu. You like pandas? Fucking Gone. Pandas never did shit for anyone.

          The future is going to be a crazy place full of growth and uncertainty. Some of us are going to be winners and some of us are going to be losers. Some people get the Millenium Falcon and others get their junk eaten by the Rancor. Needles to say I think we all can’t wait to press the “Drunk” in zero gravity. But until this happens we’re going to have to be content with Slap Chops and Pandora Internet Radio.

Kings, according to Wikipedia, is “common among college students in the United States.” For once, Wikipedia isn’t being a lying sack of crap; Kings really is popular with the drinking kind. And if you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about, please, go sit in the corner while I marvel at your blasphemy.

In Kings, cards are shuffled and arranged in a circle, usually around a can of beer. Players take turns choosing a card at random. Depending on what is drawn, different mini games are played. For example, if a 6 is pulled, all the “chicks” drink. If a 9 is chosen, the player says a word, then the players go round in a circle saying words that rhyme with that word. Anyone unable to come up with an original rhyme, drinks. One full set of rules can be found here. But, like the best games, Kings comes with variations. Everyone plays it a little differently; different cards mean different things to different dorms, frats, or entire campuses. Make up your own rules- and get drinking!

         On September 13, 2009- The day the world stood still. 19 people died and over 80 went missing after a ferry sunk crossing the Congo River in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Kim Clijsters of Belgium defeated Caroline Wozniacki of Denmark to win the US Open Women’s Singles. Police arrested over 550 people in suspicion of inciting riots in the Kampala, the capital of Uganda. And nobody gave a hot, gay, shit. Why? Fucking Kanye “Double-park that motherfucker sideways”  West.

Kanye West cares about frat people.

          If you haven’t heard about this incident you are either a moron or you were on that ferry in Africa. This past September, Rapper/Hip-Hop-Star/Messiah/BAMF of the Year Kanye West was sitting in the Radio City Music Hall, eating Sour Straws and minding his own damn business when tragedy struck: A country music singer won an award. And not just any country music singer-Taylor “I Chose the Wrong Day to Reap the Rewards For My Lost Childhood” Swift.  Flabbergasted as to why someone who isn’t dating the guy in charge of the music industry was winning an award, Kanye West did what any man would instinctually do when democracy and the American way are jeopardized. He stood up for his beliefs, voiced his opinion upon the biased voting of the MTV bourgeoisie, and made that shit more awkward than sitting next to Chris Brown in Women’s Studies.  

          By metaphorically raw-dogging pop culture, without consent, Kanye West has once again drawn some definite lines in the sand. Our country hasn’t polarized this radically since the Jim Crow laws. There are two groups in this conflict: The first is the Kanye haters, aka the women of the world who have jumped out of their Ivory Towers and only to land onto the Team Taylor disco stick. If you are a man and you support Taylor Swift you are not a man. You are a shell.

          The Mouseketeers of Team Taylor loves to harp on West’s arrogance and selfishness. When they’re not writing canning for whale nurseries or writing Hallmark Cards, they’re talking about what a jerk this man is. They love to point out how he’s “changed” as an artist and his mom wouldn’t approve of his recent behavior in the limelight. These are the same people(read: women)who were cocking their wrists and quickstepping in unison around fraternities across campus every time they smelled someone playing “Single Lady”. Ironic isn’t it?

          Moving on we have the second group- Everybody else. These people still have their arms in elbow casts from the amount of high fiving that ensued after Kanye’s recent antics, and can’t sleep on their stomachs anymore because they might think about the 2009 VMA’s. I know I can’t.             

          Was Kanye West right in doing what he did? Could he have handled himself in a better way? Was metaphorically shitting on a teenager girl’s birthday cake while yelling “GOO-GONE!” the best way to go about getting his point across? The answers are yes, no, and “does the Pope shit in the woods?” 

          Fuckin’-A right he does.

Active Andrew Wilson, left, pledge Nick Turner, in shopping cart, and active Ted Doty proudly carry on Wyoming Alpha’s annual kilt-wearing tradition for the homecoming parade.

SAE and Delta Delta Delta’s pirate ship float joined four other groups for honorable mention honors in the float-building contest.

Photo courtesy of the Laramie Boomerang’s Web site.

Wyoming Alpha junior Sean Valentine was one of three students recognized by the University of Wyoming athletics department with the Admiral Land Award on Saturday. The Admiral Land Award has been presented to UW students and student-athletes who have exhibited excellence in promoting UW athletics.

This year’s student athlete winners were football player Ward Dobbs (2005-08) and soccer player Amanda Lathrop (2005-08).

The quoted text is from a UW sports information department release about the award.

A tireless worker in the marketing and promotions wing of the athletics department, Sean Valentine has spent countless hors working for UW athletics. As an intern, he was put in charge of promoting women’s basketball, which involved writing public address scripts, as well as developing and coordinating promotions.

He is also very involved with all other home events, including home football games, helping set up Tailgate Park and putting up sideline signs in the early morning hours. He never fails to maintain a positive attitude even after working long hours.

 

A marketing major, he is responsible for the music at home events and helps with the sound equipment for the football and basketball coaches radio shows. A native of Rock Springs, Wyo., Sean is the son of Marci and Fritz Valentine.

Wyoming Alpha’s J. Scott Schindelar is one of 11 finalists for University of Wyoming Gold, which replaces traditional homecoming royalty. Unlike previous years, instead of six finalists, there will be two winners and four runners-up.

The winners will be announced during Iron Skull’s Homecoming Sing tonight. The winners will ride in the homecoming parade and be introduced at halftime of the UW-New Mexico football game Saturday.

Students are nominated on the basis of continued success in academic studies, community service and leadership. The tradition is a way for leading students to be recognized by their peers, the university and the state. UW Gold is sponsored by Cardinal Key, the junior class honor society.

Schindelar hails from Centennial, Colo., and is an environment and natural resources and geography junior. He currently heads Wyoming Alpha’s recruitment efforts.

Quoted text and photo courtesy of UW News Service.

Ken Cook (‘42), a retired railroad executive, will be the grand marshal for the 2009 University of Wyoming homecoming parade Saturday.

He will lead the procession of floats, bands and other units through downtown Laramie, beginning at 9:30 a.m. The parade starts at 9th and Ivinson streets, goes west to 2nd Street, south on 2nd Street to Grand Avenue, then east on Grand to 12th Street.

Cook’s daughter, Kim Seif, will join him in the lead vehicle.

Cook was raised on an irrigated farm near Riverton and graduated from Riverton High in 1938. He majored in animal husbandry at UW. He received an ROTC commission and served in the South Pacific during World War II. Cook held many positions during his career that began as a county agent in Montana in 1946 and ended as executive representative for Burlington Northern in 1982.

He has made many contributions to UW over the years, including service on the UW College of Agriculture Advisory Council and 4-H Foundation Board of Directors; 29 years with the Cowboy Joe Club, including a term as president; and UW Alumni Association president.

Cook was presented a Cowboy Joe Club White Hat Award, received the UW Medallion of Service Award in 1987, served on the Hall of Fame Committee and was inducted into the UW Athletics Hall of Fame in 2001. He is a board member of the Wyoming chapter of the National Football Foundation Hall of Fame, and in 2005 he received the foundation’s annual award at “The Greatest University of Wyoming Football Fan.”

More than 70 units will participate in the parade, including SAE. The Sig Alphs won last year’s most outstanding float.

The WYAL brothers were more than happy to have Cook in attendance at their recent fall pledging ceremony. His induction into the Wyoming Athletics Hall of Fame is listed by the group as a special achievement for his years of dedicated services to the athletics department.

Tip of the week… How to combat loneliness: body pillows.

——-

On the way to Ellen’s house last weekend, I heard someone across the street say, “Someone just invited me to a party at my own house and I had no idea who they were.”

I live in a college town.

——-

At the checkout counter, a middle-school-aged kid started helping the old woman in front of him in line get her things out of the cart onto the conveyor belt. She smiled and said thank you. She had hearing aids bigger than her ears.

The middle-schooler’s friend said to him, “Well aren’t you nice.”

He responded, “I always help out wrinkly old bitches cuz it was a wrinkly old bitch dat brought me into dis world.”

URL : http://www.flashgame-girl.com/Adventure/Frat-Boy-Blind-Date-Horror.html

Game description :

Unfortunately for Austin, his love life hasn’t been going too well lately. His fraternity brothers pitch in to try to help him, but much to Austin’s dismay it seems every girl they set him up with turns out to be an absolute horror!

At each date, Austin must evade his blind date but still accomplish certain task. Help him accomplish his task without letting his bad date catch up to him. You will only be caught if she gets to you, but beware that she moves a little faster once you are in her line of sight.

Game controls :

Use arrow keys to move.
Follow on screen instructions.

murs

It’s two weeks since school has started, and I’m sure, much longer since I’ve updated this.

School is amazing!

Okay, not really, but it’s a great change of pace, and I’m starting to feel productive again, and that’s what’s important here. Not much has really happened in terms of major mindblowing events, but there were some really spectacular times these past two weeks:

-Great time at BroncoFusion with the local kids, making fun of terrible workshops, leaving events early, and free-roaming the school looking for classes, and wrapping the day up with an amazing MURS concert (free of course!)

-Paramore concert (don’t judge me, it was still a great show, minus the screaming 12 year olds and creepy 50 year olds that were there) with a good friend (if you fall upon this, thanks for the invite!)

-Rushing Zeta Phi Rho, had some great times, especially with the “special guest speaker.” Getting into trouble has never been so worth it.

-Actually receiving my bid from Zeta Phi Rho, which caught me completely off guard considering I only went to one of the events

Speaking of getting accepted into the fraternity, I still can’t bring myself to decide whether or not it’s something that I want to be a part of. The brothers were all really cool, and so are the people that are going to be my potential line bros, but is it something that I really need at the moment? Expensive fraternity dues will have to be paid, time will have to be sacrificed doing pledge missions and initiation jobs, and for the first couple of months at least, all of the potential friends that I can make are going to be shallow, fake, and just not TRUE friends. Looking at it closely, checking out a fraternity is alot like checking out a group of cheerleaders. There’s the “Cheerleader Effect” to worry about, where a group of girls always makes each one of them look amazing, but when inspected individually, you usually find that the girls look extremely mediocre or even downright ugly. Same thing applies with the fraternity I suppose, as a group the guys are all pretty kicked back and cool, but when looked at one by one, can the same really be said? Once again, time will tell.

Mr. Time, you’re still the bane of my existence.