It’s officially the last weekend of 2009 to be spent at Duquesne!  My last week as a first semester freshman…

I have mixed feelings but mostly it’s just kind of surreal. I’m so happy that this is the place where I had my first college experiences. With everything from D’U Ride? Orientation, to learning community projects and friendships, to finals week; I definitely feel a part of the true “college experience” and consider myself a real college student.

Finals week was quite an experience. I thought the stories about spending hours upon end in the library and drinking twelve cups of coffee were all exaggerated, but it turns out they’re all true…mostly. Finals were, in fact, super challenging and required a lot of my time, but after handing in the many papers and finishing my exams, I think the effort was well worth it. Once I finally beat the struggle to find a table at Gumberg, I was able to go into the tests feeling confident and came out the same way. Even after spending an approximate 20 hours in the library over the past few days, I’m happy I stayed focused and worked through it. Hopefully when grades are posted , I will still feel the same way.

While of course I’m excited to get a break from all the work, I have to admit I’m a little sad to leave my college “family”. We will all go our separate ways for almost a month, but when we get back we will be starting all new classes and getting right back into the crazy times. Seeing my family and friends for Christmas will make up for it, too. Of course, I’ll have to continue our family traditions of baking lots of cookies and spending a weekend at Seven Springs Ski Lodge. And even though I suppose I’m becoming an adult, I’m still hoping Santa will leave some presents for me!

So keep your happy holiday thoughts and memories in mind while you’re winding up these last couple days of testing and be proud of yourself—you’ve made it through an entire semester!!

Happy Holidays everyone!! Stay warm!!

More to come in January!

-Erica

said waaaay too fast and waay too loud by a girl to her friend, both wearing ugg boots and leggings:

“soooo___________, the guy of my dreams, just asked me out last night (which is aaaaaaahhhhmazing), but I was thinking, and I noticed that he always gets whatever girl he wants. Do you think I should say ‘no’? I mean, I do really like him, and our friendship would probably be awkward if I said no, but he always gets what he wants”

Theophilus London gives me that..that Drake itch–you know, that superstar itch. Seeing him live a few months ago really sealed the deal, and I’ve been a loyalist ever since.
Needless to say I’ve been on my Theo  something heavy lately, and the Clipse.. well, enough said.

“Late Night Operation” – Theophilus London

“Always Love You” – Theophilus London

“Counseling” feat. Nicole Hurst – Clipse

“I’m Good” feat. Pharrell – Clipse

Theophilus London

Today I had an hour long phone conversation (Yes, that’s a big deal for me. I got a message from AT&T the other day saying that I have 3,999 rollover minutes.) with Winger about… everything. It started out with me telling him stories about what happened during and after lunch today, since I don’t see him after break on A Days. I swear, he turns invisible or something. No one knows where he goes between classes. Anyways, my stories.

This is Our Future????

Today there was a French club meeting. It consisted of me, Best Friend, and two other juniors. All the others were freshmen (2 year olds) or Madame. We have a freshman at our school who turned 12 this September. No joke. She’s the one they toss around in cheerleading.

Anyways, we did a terrible job selling cheese dip and People en Espagnol so we need to organize another fundraiser. The brilliant baby business people came up with the best ideas ever. One of them included a yard sale.

Yes, earning two quarters and a piece of lint will really help the club out. Thank you, small geniuses.

It was so ridiculous that we left early. Also, me and Best Friend wanted to make sure we had time to pee before lunch was over.

Observation: Strange People Frequent the Bathroom

In the bathroom, we got to listen to an amazing conversation.

Girl: Yeah, ever since Thanksgiving I can’t smoke anymore. When I try to smoke I just start coughing. It’s so weird. Normally I don’t cough when I smoke out of a pipe but now I can’t stop coughing and I feel nauseous.

What were you doing in that bathroom? That’s the good, clean bathroom that always has soap and toilet paper. Of course, one time I also went there and found a collection of cherry tomatoes in the pad & tampon trashcan in one of the stalls. Just when I start to think that maybe my school is a little normal…

At the end of the day when I was walking to my locker there were random hooligans running around and being freaks. Some girl screamed at another girl “Greasy tits!”

I am so ready to leave for college.

Beavers, Backdoors, and Ponies

Now, for more on the actual Winger-Moi conversation. Winger and I are creepy perverts together. We scare people on a regular basis. Only today, he really won the creeper prize.

Somehow during study hall we started talking about beds. And that got to Winger telling us (the rest of the group minus him being female) that he slept in the nude once. Which caused a lot of twitching and faces frozen with looks of horror upon them. He also had to mention feeling the breeze.

During our epic phone conversation, we somehow started talking about beavers. I wanted to know if they made noises. While reading about beavers on Wikipedia, I discovered this:

“Both beaver testicles and castoreum, a bitter-tasting secretion with a slightly fetid odor contained in the castor sacs of male or female beaver, have been articles of trade for use in traditional medicine.”

and

“Claudius Aelianus comically described beavers chewing off their testicles to preserve themselves from hunters, which is not possible because the male beaver’s testicles are inside its body.”

We also started talking about horses when I mentioned finding my pony on a stick. You know:

I was wondering what all the different names for different ages and genders of horses were, so I looked that up too. After reading the definition of a gelding (castrated male horse), Winger called himself one.

He also read me the lyrics to “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” and tried to convince me to give my dog Rogain.

This is the company I keep.

If you are having trouble reading the print, the bottle reads: “Massage Oil”. Hopefully no one is partaking of “Business Time” on the Blue Route, or any route for that matter.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I thought about my freshman year of college.

I blame the blog CKTK for this, being that over there they are talking a great deal about Great Music and often in their posts the name ‘Sufjan Stevens’ comes up.  I have heard of Stevens, but never listened, and I finally decided to give him a go.

It was the sort of sound that takes you back to a very specific time, with its own colors and scents, and all of a sudden you can feel the position your body was in, and everything around you just vanishes in a haze of nostalgia.  As soon as the first refrain of Sufjan Stevens’ Chicago came over my headphones, I was back in my dorm room at Syracuse University, hiding behind my desk with my knees bundled under me and my bed behind me, trolling through webcomics on my computer while my roommate prepared to go Out Somewhere.

At that time of my life, I was listening to a lot of indie music.  It was mostly a means to distract myself, to have something to focus on, and now whenever I hear that familiar sort of cadence, I think of those moments in that little room in New York.

I’ve never talked much about my freshman year of college.

It wasn’t a great time.

I think everyone has a junction in their life, some moment when they need to confront what they want to be with what they are.  When I graduated high school, I wanted to be someone who could adapt.  I wanted to be somebody adventurous, with Style! and Grace! and Wisdom! and the magnetic ability to flourish without a single friend in the room.  In an effort to train myself into this, I threw myself toward the other side of the country and landed in exactly the sort of situation I had hoped for.  I was in art school.  I had new paintbrushes and everywhere there were people making bad decisions and losing themselves in the thrill of growing up.  I really wanted to be able to participate in that dizzy sort of self-discovery, but the fact was, I just wasn’t very good at it.  That wasn’t to say I didn’t discover anything.

I discovered that I’m shyer than I thought I was.  I made very few friends, only one of which I still speak to (hi, Michael, hi!) and spent most of my time alone.  I discovered that I’m not a very good artist, and that sometimes trying hard just isn’t enough.  I discovered the difference between the ‘thrill of growing up’ and the genuine pang of being lonely and pissed off for no good reason at all.  Most of all, I discovered the ability to change my situation.

Around March, I made the decision to transfer schools.

It was one of the toughest decisions I ever made.  I was going back to Linfield, a school that I had fought going to for years.  It felt like failing, to change the path I was on.  It felt a lot like quitting, but it had to be done.  In Syracuse I was spinning my wheels and sinking deeper into the mud, and staying would mean drowning.  Still, there was the constant feeling that if I just tried harder, if I just acted a little differently, if I was a bit bigger, a bit better, a bit taller, things would be okay.

Things wouldn’t have been okay, and it took me a year to convince myself of that and get out.

I could write volumes about Linfield, and really, I already have.  If you want to see how the whole Linfield experiment went, I would direct you to this post, or this post, or even this one. For the first time in a long time, I was able to be me without having to remind myself that it was acceptable.  I was one of the leaders of a sorority.  I had a ‘wolf pack’ that I was rather codependent with (and still am) and a safety net that I fell into more than once.

In that Sufjan Stevens song, he says, “I made a lot of mistakes,” and I have.  I promised Taylor, again and again, that I would stay with him in Syracuse, and I left.  I decided I had to be somebody different to be happy, which is a mistake I make about every other Tuesday.  I convinced myself that the world isn’t any tougher than it needs to be.

I felt like I had to endure some sort of trial by fire to be interesting, or whole.  Ultimately, I just got burned.

I’m not sure what that period in my life means.  I mentioned the things that I learned, but were they worth knowing?  Are the memories I have worth having?  Would I be the same person without them?  Would the years I spent at college be as meaningful without the shit that preceded it?

I’ve made a lot of mistakes.

I’m still not sure whether these mistakes spell ‘failure’ or not, and I’m not sure how this conversation ends.

Questions to ask in quiet moments, I guess.

13. By 2012 we will build a stronger coalition between the University of Minnesota Morris and the region to increase enrollment to 2,100 of which 1,800 will be on-campus students.

Now that I’m at home for Thanksgiving break, it really feels like the holidays are here. I was kind of sad for all of my school friends to separate and go home, but I felt better when I started seeing my family members and high school friends. It’s very comforting and relaxing to be in my own bed and to have my mommy cook for me.

There are a lot of things I’m excited to do with my vacation time like helping cook for Thursday, eating a huge Thanksgiving dinner, shopping on Black Friday, visiting with friends and family, and of course, sleeping in. Already so far, I’ve seen a lot of old friends and gone to pick one of my best friends up from California University of PA. We were so excited to see our other best friend who has been at school in Lancaster since August. The reunion was a little emotional, but we got right back into our old, crazy friendship. I’m happy to know we can be apart for long periods of time and still be the best of friends when we’re back together.

Unfortunately I still have a lot of work to get done over break and I need to spend as much time as possible studying for finals. Fortunately, I have quite a few days to get this done and still have time to relax. It’s almost impossible to think that  we only have a couple weeks of class left before the semester is over. Although it feels nice to have a lot of work behind me, it’s strange to think my first semester of college is coming to an end.

Soon it will be time to get finals over with and start shopping for Christmas! This year is definitely flying by, so enjoy it while you can and try to at least get a little work done.

Have a great holiday season!

-Erica

On Thursday, as part of my learning community project, I visited a senior center in the Southside. As a freshman, the learning community I belong to is Narratio, which based upon the concept of narration. For our community project we are publishing a book for the elderly of Pittsburgh. Although we had already been assigned our articles, my fellow writers and I wanted to get a better feel for our audience.

With Dr. Sora’s approval, instead of going to class, we set out for the Southside at 9 A.M. After a quick 15-minute walk, we arrived and quickly learned that Thursdays are Bingo days. Unfortunately, because of this, not many people wanted to speak with us. Many were busy buying bingo cards, getting stampers ready, and whatever other preparation Bingo involves. We approached several tables with our note pads, looking like real reporters, and explained our mission, but we were turned away by about half of the senior citizens. Although we got some information, the resistance of the people certainly spoke loud enough. The trip informed us that many older people are uninterested in the society of today. This information will help us tweak the outlook of our articles.

Eventually, an aerobics instructor suggested we go see what was going on in the back room. Upon entering, we found a line dancing class was in session! This type of dancing, although pretty easy, still is a great workout featured at the senior center. As we stood by watching, they encouraged us to join, and finally Erica and I gave in. We stayed and learned about four dances before becoming tired out. Yet, it was a really cool intergenerational experience. The senior center is a great resource for elderly people who still want to feel jovial and agile.

Alyssa

Some months ago, I began looking for college prep information. My oldest is now 15 and I know that the high school years will soon pass. Since she is schooled at home, my husband and I know that the task of preparing her for college falls squarely on our shoulders. I came across CollegeBoard.com and quickly made use of some of their free services, including their The Official SAT Question of the Day email subscription. For now, the daily emails go straight into the College Prep folder. But, they’ll be there when we’re ready to use them.  I also subscribed to the email newsletters called ACT Parents and For Parents of Freshmen and Sophomores.  There’s much more to explore, so check it out!

http://www.collegeboard.com/

[Updates: Adonis filled in a few details. 11/15]

Our second year was a big year. No more classes in the APEX – we had our own building. No more just one grade – we had freshmen and sophomores. Sixty-odd kids? Now 150. No more teensy staff of 6½ teachers and 5 others. Now just a tiny staff of 12 teachers and 7 others. Classes dropped to under an hour, but met four times instead of three times each week. And we started doing some big things with just one grade at a time… We were much closer to being an actual school.

We said hello and goodbye to some students. Annie went to Lehman. Melissa to JFK. But we added Fariza, and Blessan, and Debra, and Taquana.

In Social Studies Mr. Mansdorf and Ms. Rice were joined by Mr. Elinson. In math I was joined by Mr. Sacchini – and this was the first year I taught fewer classes (3½) to allow time for scheduling. I had two algebra classes, and one Precalc. Mr. Rodriguez joined Ms. Villani in foreign language. This was the last year that we taught Italian. Mr. Evangelista became our first Chemistry teacher. And Ms. Cochin joined Mr. Murphy in English. I think Mr. Schulman became full-time that year, and he may have begun deaning as well.

The new office was fuller. Ms Girolamo was the Assistant Principal, and Ms. Wellington worked alongside Ms. Garcia. The back office was a new thing for us. Mr. Schulman, Ms. Fiore and our new counselor, Ms. Gilman shared the space. The first room on the right, where Ms. Harris works, was empty.

The teachers were rattling around the building as well. We all had our own, unshared rooms. Mansdorf, Rice and Elinson in 117, 119, and 104 respectively. Me and Sacchini in 133 and 127. Murphy and Cochin in 134 and 125. Villani in 128, Rodriguez in 124. Only the science teachers had to share at all. I think Evangelista and Fiorello were 90% of the time in 120, but one class may have had to meet in 126(?) a couple of times a week.  106 and 108 were probably completely unused.

The new class was much bigger than the old class – about 90 versus 60. They were still mostly Bronx kids, with a huge number (14??) from one school:  Pace Academy (MS118). I think 141 was number 2.

My group at Sturbridge included Scott Miller, I remember that. It was a really nice day. On the Boston trip in the Spring, we put electrical tape on the doors. I stayed up for the first half of the night, Elinson took the early AM shift. And I kept catching Roger and TJ and who else? Sean? trying to sneak out. So I went to bed, and there was a half hour gap before Elinson. And when Elinson got up, all the electric tape had been removed from the student doors, and was on mine… TJ sat next to me in the front of the bus on the way home. Elinson had similar company on the other bus.  I didn’t go on the sophomore trips to Philly and DC (and in fact, have never been on a trip to either one), and nothing was so exciting that I heard about it… I seem to recall that we did the overnights on the same Thursday/Friday, so we essentially shut the school for the trips.

Some parts of the schedule would seem strange today. Music was afterschool, with Jonathan something or other (not me). The extra class during the day for sophomores was a second year of research. There was still only one lunch for everybody. Some freshmen had Global with Elinson – and US with Elinson too!  Seminar, I’m pretty sure it was on Tuesdays that year. I want to say that PE was separated by grades.  We introduced AP and non-AP Global 3 that year, that was a new thing.

We lost students after our second year. Maybe I’ve got the years mixed up… Talisa didn’t make it through her first year. She was on campus this year, working at the bookstore, in school. It was nice to see her after such a long time. Little Courtney transferred somewhere in Queens, and Mandy retook the test and went to Stuyvesant. Weird Esther moved to New Jersey. Matt Stein transferred somewhere in Queens, and Sachet went to Truman. I wonder if I’ve missed anyone?  From the sophomores, Phil Choy moved to Jersey, and Tahirah went to Georgia, and Danielle Jones went south and Elizabeth Adams went to California, but maybe that was the following year?

I think our first dance was that year, and I’ve never been to one of our dances, and probably don’t want to ever go, but I know what happened at that first dance, but I’m not telling, not here. We did an International Night for the first time, too (I think?), lots of fun, even if there was less to talk about.

The school newspaper, Common Sense, started that year. I was the first advisor. Tiarra was the one who wanted it, and we said ok. It was nothing like what we have now, but it did come out, and students did write it, and it had the same title.

I think basketball started that year, too, [Adonis says yes, with Coach Van Voorhis for the boys. His mom's a professor at Lehman. Neither one of us remembers who coached the girls.] but I’m not so good with sports details.

And I’m probably missing tons and tons more, but this is what I recall, off the top of my head. Go on and fill in details, make corrections, tell stories, whatever. Make the comments interesting, but not too interesting, ok?

Today (11/13/09)

In school was walking the HALLS.

And this FRESHMAN, asked…

“Aye bro where did you get your shirt?”

All I did was shake my head.

And then he said…

“Oh so your not going to tell me?”

ME: “Nahh brahh, keep it moving”

Like come on bro WHY on EARTH.

Would you think that i’m going to tell you where I get my clothes from.

NAAAAAHHHHHHH BUDDY!

Got me twisted lol.

So we both could have on the same shit?

Nahh i’m cooo.

I have begun working with a program called Gwen’s Girls. I actually found this program on A Walk at the Freshmen Volunteer Fair back in the first week of school. There, my friend Danielle and I met Alison, a bubbly woman encouraging us to become involved with the program. Gwen’s Girls is a program for girls ages 8 – 18, because Gwendolyn (“Gwen”) J. Elliott, the founder and retired Commander of the Pittsburgh Police Department “witnessed the plight of young girls and women who came to the attention of law enforcement officials. [She] recognized there was a lack of understanding for the complexity of the needs of at-risk girls, and that existing services fell short of meeting these gender-specific needs,” (http://www.gwensgirls.org/our_approach.html). Danielle and I were both enthralled with the program, which focuses on the “whole” girl, pinpointing 10 areas that are crucial to becoming a successful woman: Education, Family Life, Leadership Development, Female Awareness, Cultural Enrichment, Health and Wellness, Life Skills, Recreation, Community Service and Spirituality.

After I had committed to this program, and Allison, Danielle and I decided that we would be team mentoring one young girl in the program. The next step in the process was to attend a mentoring training session on “Super Saturday” at the Mentoring Partnership of Southwestern Pennsylvania. I was not quite sure what this meant, or what this building would be, especially when I was wondering around the streets of the Strip District at 8 A.M., however when I entered the building, the first room was decorated with pink and black balloons; what was Strong Women, Strong Girls doing there? Confused, I said that I was looking for Gwen’s Girls. A woman there asked my name then directed me to a big conference room. There, it was explained to me that this building was a central location for the training of mentors for many programs.

Danielle and I attended two sessions. We began with Mentoring 101, which was largely populated with volunteers of the Be A Sixth Grade Mentor Program. (From what I understand, the city of Pittsburgh was finding a loss of interest in education in children from the sixth to seventh grade. They enacted this program, which partners an older person with an accomplished career or education about the business world with a sixth grade mentee.) Unfortunately, most of these people were much older than me, and I felt this session was very age bias, and the mentors lamented that kids “these days” wear flip flops, slippers, and pajama pants out, and it is not only inappropriate but also repulsing. Danielle and I looked down and were both “guilty” of this apparent felony. That put a small damper on the session, yet the second session was much smaller and was more age appropriate for me. It focused on the common mental illnesses in teens, mostly depression. The instructor was great, and shared very valuable information.

From what I understand, these programs are mostly free and are include a binder of information on mentoring ideas, policies and guidelines. There was even a complementary lunch! I was very impressed with the organization and their mission, which can be found here: http://www.mentoringpittsburgh.org/about-mpswpa.aspx.

Alyssa

There are many college students in college that doesn’t know their desires after college. Many freshmen students enter college not even having a degree chosen out for them. It is a nerve racking thing for most people, not knowing what path to choose. Where do you even begin?

Read more…

This is where all the posts by freshmen contributors go.

Here’s some info about an opportunity for college students to get some hands-on experience in the health field before it’s too late to turn around. Joking… somewhat.

To help lessen health disparities by encouraging more state students to consider medical and dental fields, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation is sponsoring the Summer Medical and Dental Education. College freshmen and sophomores have until March 1, 2010, to apply for the free, six-week program. Those accepted into SMDEP will have a basic science curriculum, career-development activities, one-on-one time with doctors and financial planning workshops. Tuition, meals and housing are provided. The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation is devoted to health and health care, both nationally and in medically under-served states. Applications are at www.smdep.org .

I’m preparing for a workshop with our English 102 instructors. Part of the workshop will be a brief, live demonstration of the new group approach that we’ve been doing in the classroom and the other part will be a presentation by my colleague Raina Bloom, who piloted this approach. I’ll also give a brief talk on the importance of engaging our students in the classroom through active learning.

Active learning is not a new theory or concept. It is more widely discussed in elementary education. Recently I’ve noticed that it keeps popping up in my professional readings as faculty and librarians seek to engage their students- students who have grown up with the social web.

In this post I’d like to collect research that I’ll refer to during this workshop.

“…I’ve become increasingly dissatisfied with simply delivering a traditional lecture in the classroom. I’m beginning to debate whether or not it’s effective, whether or not it works, whether or not it’s a useful tool or a useful way to engage and create a kind of learning space or a learning environment. They’re active learners, as opposed to passive learners. That one-way flow of content — I don’t know how effective that is anymore.” S. Craig Watkins, http://chronicle.com/blogPost/How-Students-Professors-and/7787/

*Students retain only 25% of new knowledge taught in a class.
*It is twice as hard to dispel prior knowledge as compared to learning new knowledge.
*Active learning translates to Responsibility in Learning. Doug Duncan, Clickers and Peer Instruction, http://net.educause.edu/content.asp?SECTION_ID=468&bhcp=1

“…most teaching experts in higher education would recommend: Minimize lecturing in order to emphasize active learning strategies…” James M. Lang, http://chronicle.com/article/The-Myth-of-First-Year/45945

“Learning becomes situated in action; it becomes as much social as cognitive, it is concrete rather than abstract, and it becomes intertwined with judgment and exploration.” Brown, J. (2000). GROWING UP DIGITAL. Change, 32(2).

copyright JSB & SEH

This semester I’ve been showing a YouTube video prior to the start of every class. A Vision of Students Today provides some context to why active learning addresses a piece of the disconnect between lectures, tests, and readings. The video is part of the Digital Ethnography Project at Kansas State University.

In the Old Capital Mall, girl on cell phone:

“Yeah, I applied to that job, but they want at least one year of experience. I have had a couple of jobs, but I haven’t been working for a year yet.”

I did not have a years’ experience of work at this time of my freshman year of college. My parents didn’t want me to work during high school so that I could focus on school, music, sports, etc. I did not, however, have “a couple jobs” in less than a year. That’s not so positive…..

Yesterday on the Red Route from Music West to the Pentacrest I witnessed a pair of girls that were the epitome of why I created this site. It seemed that the two were riding the Cambus to scout for apartments. They would take note of pretty much every building that we passed and made commentary on it. There were some gems in there.

#1: Directed at the apartments across the street from Music West/Art Museum. These apartments were flooded in the June 2008 flood, were fully renovated, and are now for lease.
Girl #1: “What about those apartments?”
Girl #2: Gets close to the window and squints eyes, “It doesn’t look like there is any interior paint. I can’t live there.”

My thoughts: Wow! Great vision! You can analyze the interior paint job from across the street, through tinted windows, on a dark, gloomy day. Impressive!

#2: Passing Levitt Center:
Girl #1: “What is that huge thing in the window?!”
Girl #2: “I don’t know, but it looks really cool! Too bad we can’t live there.”

My thoughts: You two are genii. That’s modern art. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

#3: On Dubuque Street. I don’t remember any specific phrases, but the two made commentary on each and every fraternity and sorority house as if they were apartments and which ones they would prefer to live in and how do you apply to live there, etc.

My thoughts: This is getting good…

#4. On the corner of Clinton and Market Street. There is an apartment complex called Clin-Mar Apartments. We were stopped at the light there.
Girl #1: “Kline-Mare? Whatever that means? Why is it called Kline-Mare?”
Girl #2: “It doesn’t look like they have a pool or anything.”
Girl #1: “It’s close to campus though, so I am going to write this one down anyways.”

My thoughts: Does it make me seem more stupid that I go to the same university as these two? Do these two individuals discredit my degree?!

#5. Pentacrest – Across the street from Iowa Book (a one of a kind bookstore….).
Girl #1: “Whoa! That store is so huge! I totally want to go there sometime, but not tonight.”
Girl #2: “Yeah, I heard there is ever a basement there!”
Girl #1: “Really?!!?”

My thoughts: Get off the Cambus and just go into the store. I promise that your mind will be un-blown.

I see him every day. I am his Facebook friend. We even say hello occasionally. But I can’t ask him if he’s okay from his absences last week, or comment on his pictures. I asked him if he was going to a club meeting but that was it. 

I saw him today when I was walking to third period. I recognized that jacket of his. And I was maybe four feet away from him, and he almost looked my way but he didn’t, and I didn’t want to take chances in a crowd, so I tried to look uninterested. I saw him flip his hair. I saw him talk with his friends. I was four feet away but didn’t want to jeopardize anything so I kept my mouth shut and looked away.

There is a Block between seniors and freshmen, a great, brick wall. It makes me frustrated and awkward and when I see him with his friends I wonder if I can dare to wave. We meet eyes but return to our Separate Worlds. That is that until fifth period.

But today, on Facebook, I see that he’s online. I feel a rush in my gut as I ask him if he’s planning to be at a club meeting tomorrow. It takes him a minute to respond. He says maybe. Probably, but it will take him a while. I say it’s fine if he can’t. And then I get nervous and my hands start shaking so I tell him I’ll see him tomorrow. He says the same with a smiley face and I wish I could have said something more. But my fingers stop. I keep the window open but make no effort to jump through. I wrack my brain for something but nothing emerges that wouldn’t sound flirtatious. I can’t risk that.

You spoke to him once today, Minerva. That’s more than enough.

Since my last boyfriend, the one who obsessed, I have learned to limit myself. I had once only hoped for eye contact. Now we are friends and speak sometimes. That is enough, should be enough, to last me. 

Still it bothers me when he doesn’t take notice of me in a crowd or in the hallways. I would say hi to him but I don’t want to be alone in that so I usually just stare and look away when he notices me. For someone who wants something, I’m sure not reciprocating. But I still hold onto it. Those looks, those glances. Those smirks, those faces, that glare. Something I can never touch but will admire.

For now.

It was a Red Route on a clear friday night, and everybody on board was headed downtown. As soon as the bus pulled away from Mayflower, those in the back who pregamed a little too hard started the bar chants: “SUMMIT, SUMMIT, SUMMIT…SCUMMIT SCUMMIT SCUMMIT” when all of a sudden a small man almost hidden in …the mass amount of people shouted “Everybody lean to the left! Let’s flip this bitch!!” Random voice heard from the front of the bus: “Free tuition for everybody”. Greatest day ever. Best ride ever, even though we emerged smelling like alcohol before even consuming any.

Song of the moment: Twilight Serenade Jason Myles Goss

In life, you can choose to get upset over the lies people spread about you, or you can just laugh them off. The rumormill keeps on cranking stories out, but they die quickly if you don’t give them a foundation.

I discovered today that there’s a rumor buzzing around the freshmen circles that Stauff and I are fuckbuddies. Of course, the sheer ridiculosity (yep, that’s a word now) caused me to laugh out loud when I first heard it. It’s far from the truth. Still, I calmly did some subtle damage control and took care of the problem, because I knew it would bother Stauff if it got big. Of course, then I told him about it, because it was still fucking hilarious. He didn’t laugh as much as I did, but I talked and teased until he seemed to realize it wasn’t that big a deal.

Personally, I’m flattered the freshmen think I could net an attractive man like Chris, but that’s just my own vanity acting up and DEAR GOD I DID IT AGAIN. For the last week, I find myself interchanging “Chris” for “Stauff” nearly 40% of the time. This is unsettling. He’s never been Chris to me.

I blame the Ginger.

But yeah… the reason I found out about the rumor was actually as a sidenote to the main tale, wherein one of the freshmen girls has a crush on Stauff. I’m discouraging her, because seriously, she doesn’t stand a chance. She’s currently managing to drive poor, calm, usually collected Chris up the fucking wall. I feel bad for the guy.

Besides, we all know I’m an expert at destroying people’s relationship hopes. Look at earlier this week. I’m on a fucking roll, baby!

Oh, and I finally figured out my Halloween costume(s) for this weekend. My zombie outfit is ready to go, but I also have a spare costume, in case I end up at a party. One never knows, right?

Bonus link of the day: A comic about being self-centered seems fitting, since this blog is just narcissistic masturbation.