This morning I listened to the Ray D’Arcy show on Today FM.  He read an email from a listener, who responded to a comment Ray had made yesterday that we should stop trying to lay blame for the current economic crisis and instead focus on working together, pulling together and getting through it.

I don’t think the text of the email is available online, so you’ll have to go by my memory here.  This lady’s father had run his own business for 45 years.  When the crisis struck, his was one of the operations that were hit badly and he had to let his eight staff go.  Weeks later, he was diagnosed with Lymphoma (I think it was that, it was a form of cancer, in any case) and he had no choice but to stop working altogether, and close his business down.  His insurance didn’t cover all his medical costs, and the whole family helped as much as they could to pay the bills.

A month after his diagnosis, he received a tax bill resulting from the closure of his business (WFT?  Someone’s business goes down and you then screw them for yet more tax?  But let me finish the story before I start ranting).  They sold their car, their son and daughter both sold their cars as well, and with that money settled part of the bill.  With the help of both an accountant and a solicitor, he made an arrangement to repay the balance monthly.

He’d paid a few months’ instalments, on time, the agreed monthly amount in full, when one night at 11pm, the sheriff arrived, waved a warrant under the wheelchair-bound man’s nose and started taking everything that was not cemented down from the house.

The writer’s father showed the sheriff the letters from revenue agreeing to the monthly payments, he asked for 24 hours grace so that he could contact Revenue and find out what the hell was going on, but he was, to use her word, “rebuffed”.

The mother phoned her daughter (the writer of the email) at work in tears, distraught.  She went immediately to try and help, but was flatly ignored.  Neighbours tried to intervene, and the Guards (police) were called.  They warned neighbours to back off or be arrested.

These arseholes took everything, except the fridge, though they wanted to and checked to see how much food was in it.  They took the wheelchair-bound man’s buggy which he used to get around outside.  They took the small gifts the grandparents had bought for their granddaughter’s eighth birthday, which was the next day.

As soon as their office opened, the shocked family phoned Revenue to ask what the hell was going on, and how it could be fixed.  They were informed that the matter was out of Revenue’s hands now, and in the hands of the Sheriff.

Her father just gave up after that.  He managed to raise two thousand Euro more from what he had left, paid it over, and fell into decline.  He is now dead, only a short while after this ordeal: not from his cancer, but from a stress-induced heart attack.

It doesn’t end there.  Revenue still sends letters demanding their money to this day.  The outstanding amount remaining?  One thousand Euro.

Way to go, Revenue.  That money was certainly worth someone’s life.

There are so many times when people can follow the rules, go by the book, and use that to inflict despicable, inhumane, cruel treatment on fellow human beings.  I’ve said in a previous post as well that there are times when someone can do things to another which can be made to sound as if it’s not such a big deal, but if you step back and just use your brain, embrace the fact that whether or not this world is a good place to live in is up to YOU, you will realise that such behaviour is unspeakably cruel.

There were many texts and emails sent in response to the story, most expressing shock and outrage.  What was more worrying was that there were numerous people confirming that this kind of treatment is not some freak accident, some exception to the rule, terstifying that they made arrangements to pay their bills in instalments and were still handed over to the collectors.  That the agreed amount was constantly and arbitrarily changed for no discernable reason.  That collectors used intimidating tactics more in line with some Mafia operation than a government institution.

The head of the Revenue Service, whose name I can’t remember now and can’t find quickly, gave a phone interview on the show to respond to this story.  It was just outrageous to hear him trying to avoid admitting that he is ultimately responsible for what these thugs did, and still do, to those who are in financial trouble.  Like a fucking eel.

But was it outrageous?

In the purest meaning of the word – causing outrage – I suppose it was.  But in the sense of this being something out of the ordinary?  No.  So a government man (would this guy be a politician?) is a slippery, slidey arsehole who is like a quadruple-covered teflon pan is to an oiled pancake when it comes to taking responsibility for something bad.

What else is new?

And this is the question that weighs me down right now: how will this ever change?  Democracy is somehow broken.  Governments are cumbersome, creaky, inefficient, unfriendly, bloated, sick institutions the world over.  We, the people, choose who governs us, but what choices are there for us?  In my frustration I think that only people attracted to power and privilege are attracted to politics, not those who want ot make the country run better and more efficiently.  Election time seems to give us the marvellous choice: do you want arsehole A or arsehole B to call the shots?

What I find even more exasperating is that people still admire those who have screwed them over with a giant cucumber.  Charles Haughey stole MILIONS from this little country when it could ill afford leaking money from every pore.  Bertie Ahern looks in many ways to have lined his pockets as best he could.  And they are loved and admired.

In Britain, politicians across the board made use of every possible opportunity to suck every penny they could from legitimate allowances, doing the wrong thing again because hey, it was sort of possible to read the rules that way.  What about common sense and decency, for heaven’s sake? What about not just grabbing everything you possibly can because in your heart, you know it’s not right?

Ireland and Britain, at the very least, seem infested with politicians who are parasites.  And Africa… oh, gods, let’s not even go there.

How do we change this?  For all our right to vote (well, except for us immigrants, hehe), we are powerless to fix the festering, distended monsters that are our governments.  Politicians promise whatever they have to, in order to gain the power they crave.  And then?  Then they set about enriching themselves as much as they can for as long as they can.

Okay, I’m cooling down a bit now.  I will be happy to concede that there probably are loads of people in politics who are in there not for the thrill of the power, for the adrenaline rush of getting away with murder.  I know there is at least one politician in Ireland who said no thank you to her luxury, top-of-the-range government car, reasoning that her Toyota Camry is perfectly capable of getting her from point A to point B.  I realise that possibly the view I expressed above is very much mistaken, that politicians in government might be doing a difficult job with the best of intentions.

That still doesn’t change the fact that things are not the way I’m sure most people would want them to be.  We still have several million Euro inquests into wrongdoing so sneaky and so tangled that it takes years to unravel.

And there is no prospect of alternatives that give me even the slightest hope that things might change.

WAH im damn restless and pek chek i don’t know what to do. i planned on studying but i’m too agitated. i went out with my parent and little sis for coffee and i’m still restless. kanasai.

anyways, mom brought home an IUD device just to show us -_- it’s fucking gross.

and i asked my dad, he has 100 000 odddddd points in his kris flyer and perth only takes up 40 000 odd. when he doesn’t object means it’s a yes baybeh. now i just need to slowly save up……………….
cos i can’t anyhow randomly ask what right, must wait till the right moment. middle child syndrome. hahha

and imma take the H1N1 flu shot this week -_-

Försäkringskassan har fått mycket skit i tidningar, och rent juridiskt sett. De diskriminerade gravida med foglossning och är kända för att utförsäkra folk som är jättesjuka.

Nu hade då “turen” att jävlas med dem kommit till mig.

Jag har ju som bekant gått sjukskriven ett braaaa tag nu, men det skulle kanske gå över i en havandeskapspenning.

Skickar in alla uppgifter såsom jag gjort när jag väntade Elias. Jag var beredd på ett nej, och hade då en reservplan. Jag får beslutet efter att ha ränt och stört mitt jobb fler än en gång för att få nya blanketter ifyllda osv….

“Du kommer ej få havandeskapspenning. Anledningen till detta är att vi inte fått in en blankett från dig.”

VA!? Herregud, vad arg jag blev! Egentligen kvittar det för mig, men jag fattar inte!? Jag skickade just den blanketten (ifylld och klar), i ett FÖR-ADRESSERAT kuvert som jag fått från Fk… Hur i helsike kan det ha kommit på villovägar!?

Ringer och motsäger att jag har missat detta, tanten jag pratar med är snäll förstående och skriver en notis till handläggaren i ärendet att titta på mitt fall igen, bara för att se om det blivit fel. Så här långt har jag inte mötts av någon idiot på FK. Jo en gång, men det var om en så liten grej som ordnade sig, så det var inga problem.

En vecka senare ringer just denna handläggaren. Hon är dryg och verkar direkt bara vilja ha mig ur vägen.

“Men, borde inte posten vara säker i ett för-adresserat kuvert från er? Jag menar Posten ser ju till att min ekonomi går åt helvete” säger jag.

“Vi har inte fått in någon blankett…” Muttrar hon trött.

“Men ni har väl samma blanketter ifyllda från mitt sjukärende?” Undrar jag

“Vi har inte fått in någon blankett….” säger hon ännu mer syrligt.

“Men har ni ingen kontakt mellan avdelningarna då!?” Snäser jag, hon har ingen anledning att vara dryg mot mig. Och att vara dryg mot en mamma som är sjukskriven pga foglossning och ryggvärk och är höggravid är INTE direkt världens smartaste idé enligt mig.

“Jo vi kan se det. Men vi har inte fått in någon blankett från dig. Därför har du fått avslag” Säger hon riktigt bittert. Jag blir arg, mest faktiskt för att attityden är åt helvete. Jag får känslan att hon vill att jag bara ska säga “Ja, vad bra. Tack så mycket, ha en underbar dag!” och att jag verkar vara ute efter pengar. Men jag är mer ute efter upprättelse. Något har ju gått allvarligt fel!? Posten kan ju inte stå skyldiga till att folk inte får sina ärenden hos FK godkända? Finns det ingen försäkring mot sånt också då eller?

Elias ramlar och slår sig, och med en sovande sambo på soffan som inte reagerar så får jag avsluta snabbt som fan. Högst irriterad, rabblar jag fram hur fel jag tycker det är, och att de inte verkar bry sig om människor. Men tack och hej. Och utan att vänta på svar lägger jag på och plockar upp en storgråtande Elias.

Idag går vi upp senare, Elias är fortfarande hemma från dagis pga förmodade svinkoppor på huden.

Jag tittar på min mobil och får en chock. 5 missade samtal!?

Två var från folktandvården, så jag passade på att avbeställa min tid där, eftersom jag ändå inte kommer kunna betala den och har redan utnyttjat mitt tandvårdsbidrag.

Men de andra tre är från dolt nummer. Ett meddelande ligger i röstbrevlådan också som jag lyssnar av direkt. “Hej detta är från FK, ring mig på nummer (…) Det gäller ditt beslut om havandeskapspenning.”

Hm? Nu blev jag riktigt nyfiken.

Jag ringer upp och får turligt nog tag i människan direkt. Det är inte samma drygfan som jag skällde ut pratade med igår.

“Vi får be om ursäkt, det har blivit lite fel här…” Säger hon med tunn röst. Jag bara känner hur leendet och självbelåtenheten bara växer sig enorma inom mig. Hehehe, Gud skulle straffa mig nu för lättja och alla andra synder nu, om jag nu trott på honom.

“Du hade skickat in det i tid, och någon, det kan vara jag, eller någon annan som har sorterat ner det i fel ärende.” Säger damen. Jag känner det så typiskt. Jag propsade ju på att de skulle titta på mitt sjukärende också! Och vad hade jag fått tillbaka för det?

Men nu har jag fått ett muntligt beslut om att jag ska få havandeskapspenning från 30 november till 18 januari. Tjoho! Nu kan jag söka föräldrapenning också som passar in. Så nu faller bitarna äntligen på plats. Typ. Vi ska inte ropa hej förrän jag fått alla beslut klara.

Two down, one more to go.

Men nu kom FK alltså krälande med svansen mellan benen och ursäktade sig. Jag beslöt mig för att inte vara överlägsen, utan tackade och blev bara glad. För vad vinner jag på att vara dryg mot den som bara jobbar inom samma instans? Jag reagerade ju mer på den andra personens attityd, och har nog mer mot henne mer personligen. Så att jag spyr galla över den här äldre damen, det hjälper inte mig någonstans. Jag vet att jag fick rätt, och sånt känns ju alltid jättebra. Speciellt då det handlar om så stora instanser som FK.

Men jag ska fortfarande på mitt sjukskrivningsmöte imorgon, jag kommer ha ett glapp på 3 dagar, och när jag får några hundra per dag så blir ju det nästan en tusenlapp mindre om jag inte får dem. Så jag ska få skrivet ett sjukintyg på tre dagar:) Sen får jag havandeskapspenning, och sen fp.

Nu ser det ut att fungera?

I am bored. And I definitely need another job. But where the hell are the jobs? Either the agencies call, ask for my resume, and then evaporate into oblivion or I e-mail my resume to e-mail addresses, wait for weeks, and then let my hope evaporate into oblivion.

Oh I am a good employee. I don’t mind boasting about that. And I do my work with sincerity that I find lacking in my colleagues.

Yet, with such a respectable reputation, I cannot land up with a new job! It’s so annoying – not to mention humiliating too.

Well, I am overreacting – I know. But tell me, who wouldn’t if they were fed up to the teeth with what they are into right now?!

dogs are supposed to be mans best friend, our companions, guardians, and just a pet to love and play with.

then why are mine so stubborn? i began to trust kintaro, the japanese chin, in living outside the kennel when i’m not home. he did a great job twice in a row and i began to think more highly of him. but sadly they both disappointed me… TWICE!

the first time is when i was gone for a good hour. i went to target to see what their black friday specials were going to be then i headed to the pet store to pick up their pet food. i pick the brand called blue buffalo. it is the bet dog good you can get because it doesn’t have anything bad in it for them and it is high in standards. but do they appreciate it? nope, they rather have something unhealthy, full of salt and sugar for flavor then a controled diet. it is like 16-17 dollars per small bag!!!

when i came home they decided, once again to chew on the cleaning sponge, and to chew on the handle of my bathroom scrubber. what goes through their head when they see stuff that i don’t give them personally as a toy. do they do it out of expression? i don’t know… i was gone in school for 5 hours and nothing bad happened. i leave for an hour and they chew my things. they’ve done this before to and it pisses me off! i had to yell, scream, shove their nose in what they did wrong, hit them in the head. all negative reenforcement should bring upon fear of what they do not want to associate with. it does bring fear but they still fuck up. its like they forget or something. i know thats not the case because if they can hide when they know i am pissed, then they can remember not to do wrong!

so i put them in the kennel for 2 hours. thats reasonable enough. usually it would have been all night with no potty break. i gave them their potty break and even decided to give them their toy i bought them. a long soft and squeaky snake. they like the toys they can chew and that make noise. but was that enough? of course not, they had to go through the trash and smell out old food and eat it. there had 2/3 a subway m&m cookie they consumed and it’s always a duo deal. i dont’ care or who knows who starts it, mainly its kintaro, i barely had problems with lil bit as a solo dog, but it doesn’t matter they know not to dig in the trash, i beat their ass before and they know it. lil bit whines and goes into super submissive i will try and bite you mode if you try and grab me though i am wrong i don’t like to be hit attitude. kintaro just hides under the table, ignores me when i call, which is a no-no since it makes me more pissed when they don’t come.

so i yelled at them. through their heads in the garbage bag, which is soft and the only hard thing is the cardboard box, then i showed them the cookie they ate and rubbed their face it in. then off to the kennel they went.

they shall receive one bathroom break in the morning, no meal or water till i get back home. if they want to eat garbage, they can eat their own shit! i want them to be starving to eat their normal food and appreciate the fact that it is good for them and expensive. they should know better, especially lil bit.

ugh! this post was supposed to be a lively one, not one of frustration and me getting pissed. oh well…. maybe next post

A few weeks ago I had a dream that turned lucid in the middle of it, as they often do with me. I was walking around a medical school campus on my interview day, and thought, “I should really remember this school, because I’m going to go here.” The only problem is that I cannot remember the name of the school. I do remember a bright, sunny day, and this beautiful grassy quad, with crisscrossing concrete walkways. That scene does not help me much because many of my top choices have similar scenes. Ohio State has a quad similar to that, and the campus is beautiful. UCSF has one, albeit much smaller due to the urban setting. UCSD, my home campus, has a couple like that, and I looked at pictures from it again tonight, because I didn’t think it could be it as first. The angle of the picture was very similar to my dream though, so now I’m thinking that I really might end up at UCSD. I should really don the attitude my brother has about my possibility of attending UCSD SOM. Statistically, I have a better chance of gaining admission there than even the other UC’s. At least I do not have to go through that stressful, arduous process for another year. In a way, I’m almost glad that I am going over by one quarter, so that I can have some more time to gather better LOR’s and prepare for the MCAT and just get everything in order a little bit more. It will also give me some time to relax, something I don’t ever really have right now, and surely won’t once medical school begins.

There are days where I look at the path I have chosen and wonder if it is really worth it personally. I am working so hard right now, and I am barely on my way to becoming a doctor. How far will I have to push myself on this journey? Will I be forced to find my breaking point, or just bend until I almost break? Is pushing myself to the brink of insanity worth the lives that I might save? There are simply too many questions to be answered as of yet. There is still so much I do not know, medically and worldly alike.

I hope that I will be able to attend UCSD SOM. It would help me to keep my debt down enormously because a) it is a California school, and I am a California resident, and b) I would be able to continue to live at home and not have to worry about rent and bills, plus, I am a sucker for my mom’s cooking.  The only down fall is that I would still a 45minute commute- one way on a good day- each day. It is hard now, but I don’t know if I can handle that during the arduous process that is medical school. I hope I can. My family is a very big support system for me, and they have helped me through some of my toughest times. Yes, they have also been the cause of some, but they have been there when I need them nonetheless. I don’t know what I would do if I could not cry on my mother’s shoulder or be hugged by my brother when I come home from some really hard cases. I need them more than they need me I think.

The Christmas season is one of my favorite times of the year, and today we put up our tree and got the house partly decorated. For now, I will not worry about my impending MCAT’s, nor med school apps, nor the finals that are only two weeks away. No, I will enjoy this beautiful season and the warmth that it always brings me. I will read, enjoy, see friends and family, eat food that we only get a few times a year, and make music. I will be happy and relaxed, if only for this short time before the madness that comprises my life begins again.

Jag läste först om Tea hos Mymlan … följde länken till tidningen och drabbades av sorg och förtvivlan . Inte personlig sorg (jag kände inte Tea ens i bloggvärlden)  men sorg över livets bräcklighet och orättvisa. Jag drabbades av den där tanken om att döden när som helst kan “svänga om hörnet” och  …

Min väninna Margith dog för ett och ett halvt år sedan. Jag skrev om henne på min blogg … hon ville det, hon bad mig skriva om hennes sjukdom och död.

För mig var det ett “reningsbad”, en tröst att skriva.

Det ääär svårt att skriva om döden som man ju inte ens pratar om, inte ens när en av ens närmaste dött. Utan undviker. Gör över gatan för att slippa höra om. Byter ämne.

Margith har lärt mig mycket om döden. Om sorgen och saknaden. Om vreden. Hon har lärt mig att döden alltid kan finnas i närheten, finns i närheten, bakom knuten. Och att det gäller att försöka leva med döden som ständig  “följeslagare” .

Men den försoningstanken kommer inte så lätt och på en gång … det tar tid … ibland tar det kanske ett helt liv att försonas med döden … med tanken på att döden kommer vi inte undan,  skall vi alla möta en gång.  Att den kan vara orättvis. Att den är  oförutsebar och oundviklig.

Döden tog mamman och systern och lämnade brodern kvar.  Döden drabbade dom alla.  Alla tre.
Jag tänker på dom, Tea och hennes barn, syskonen,  och  tänder ljus för dom . Och tänker på dom.

Unity in division is still division. Unity against a common enemy is still division. Fractured by our wants, and by our beliefs, we can never know a love so pure. Fractured by our hate and disdain for our fellow man, we can never know ourselves. So often man condemns his brother and sister without knowing he is truly condemning himself. What mans hates in others, he hates of himself. And in hating of himself, he feeds of the Tree of Deception.
Man proclaims himself a Christian, or a Muslim or a Jew, and yet he calls his brother enemy. He justifies his hate with the hate of another man, and then wonders why his heart is in pain. He calls his neighbor a liar and a thief, and then wonders why his heart feels empty. He strikes out in anger and frustration and then wonders why his tears are bitter. There is no unity in division, and yet that is the way he wants it.
Serve your master or serve your heart. I have no master, for you are all my brothers and sisters.

OMG, I have no idea what to do. I like killed a friendship with this guy, had horrible timing and am failing miserably. ALL I WANT IS HIM. >.< It seems to be one of those rare occasions when I legitimately have feelings for a guy. hmmm, what to do, what to do, what to do….. >.<

I want to go vegetarian and it has also been a reoccurring thought in my mind however I am unsure of why. What difference does it make (if anything significant)?

like a dog
that won’t come

a bird
that refuses
to sing

or a cat
that won’t hunt

what if
I just sat here
all damn day

listening to Nina

the sound
of all that pain
washing over me
like rain

(D. James)

Like two weeks ago, I received a call from a guy that I hate, [PP]. We went to the same under-grad school, and he was my ex’s roommate. They lived in the same building as me, but below me. This guy really sucks. He is what I have deemed an insecure badass. He always acted like he was awesome and a lot of people liked him, but this was not the case.  He seems to thrive off of drama, and loves to stir shit up just to  be the center of attention. I also had the pleasure of working with him. He didn’t bathe often enough and smelled really badly, our boss at work actually ended up saying something to him about it.Well, things between the ex and I were pretty toxic, and [PP] would tell everyone at work and school about my life’s drama and mess. I don’t really talk about personal stuff at work, it is work, and I don’t think it is appropriate. But he would say stuff about my life when I wasn’t at work, and people would tell me later what he said and discuss my issues with me. I am not okay with this at all. I prefer to keep my personal shit to myself. But [PP] had a big mouth. So I called him out on it, and we got in a huge fight. I basically told him that I would pretend like he didn’t exist and he better do the same with me. He did a few other douche bag things, and after that last conversation we never spoke again.

So like I said, he called and I was pretty confused as to why this douche would try to call me after years of not speaking. Well, I found out why yesterday. I  went to eat lunch with a friend of mine that works with [PP]. Turns out that he is now trying to apply to the school that I am currently going to, and was just wanting to “patch things up.” AKA wanting me to put in a good word for him. When my friend mentioned that she was seeing me, [PP]made some snide comment about me, so obviously he still doesn’t like me, but isn’t against using me. Funny, you are complete and total bastard, but when you want something, you’re willing to call me out of the blue, well [PP], don’t worry. I have plenty of stuff that I can tell the students on the admission panel about you, stupid fucking gobshit! In fact, I would be more than happy to tell them what I think of you, so don’t worry, I have more than a few words saved up to describe you. And don’t worry, I will. I have asked my friend to inform me if he is given an interview at my school just so I can be sure to vouch for his character And yesI am spiteful, just to prove it check this out, I am that spiteful!

she has hit it…she wants to crawl SO BADLY…and climb up on things to stand…yet she does not know how to. poor thing gets so mad and whiny when she can not do something. i have no idea how to teach her. she is so good with her upper body, its the bum and the legs she can not figure out.  we put her in the position…tucking her legs under…only to have her shoot them right back out.

now when i say whiny…i mean whiny. chris and i can not stand it when kids are whiny…and we are hoping this is not a sign of what is to come.  so needless to say…even though you will all tell me not to rush…you don’t want her mobile yet…umm yes i do…because the less she has to be whiny about the less likely she will make it a habit. right?

AAARGH!!! I hate her. Hate – hate – hate… hate, hate – hate.

Hi.  I am a list maker.

Sounds like the opening of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

I find lists help me to organize and prioritize all sorts of things.  I make shopping lists.  I make lists of tasks at the office.  I make gift lists.  I have my kids make lists: of their holiday gift wishes, their friends’ names and phone numbers.

Lists help me remember.  Lists allow me to go along through life without feeling that I have to memorize every spare detail.  If I write things down, I don’t have to memorize them.  I used to think I had a good memory.

One aside is that my nickname at home is the “Find-inator,” like the Terminator, but for locating lost or misplaced objects.  Part of that is based on an ability to remember visual details; the other part is more about what the Cat in the Hat called “Calculatus Eliminatus”—the process of finding something by finding “where it’s not.”

In retrospect, I realize that my memory is nothing special — I was just good at keeping track of my lists.  Let me be clear: I forget a lot of things.  Things that don’t resonate or strike me as important don’t go into the brain’s hard drive. Like many guys, I find it hard to recall what someone wore to a particular occasion.  I don’t remember the food unless it was something extra-special.

I wouldn’t characterize my list-making as obsessive.  A few years ago, I worked with a young woman who was.  She was a local girl from upstate New York with aspirations of being a Rock singer.  I never heard her sing, but she dressed the part: pale skin, blond hair, black roots, dark eye-shadow with a thick Longuh Eyeland accent.  We sat near each other, and between phone calls, she worked on her legal pads.  A yellow page would be covered margin-to-margin, every line with words.  So many words.  Pages and pages of words.  It looked serious…very serious. What did it all mean? Was it a treatise on modern office life?  A book manuscript?

After a few weeks, my curiosity could no longer be ignored, and I asked about the notes.  The answer was very simple: “It’s just my tuh doose.  See, I write down all of my projects and all the related phone numbers and activities, and then as I go through my day, I mark them out with a line.  Then the next day I recopy what is left.”

I was incredulous: “So you rewrite the pages every day?”

“Yeah, how else could I keep up with what I have to do?”

That’s different strokes for different folks, but it seemed to me that her day was 50 percent activity and 50 percent rewriting her notes to herself.  She was always busy, but imagine what she could have accomplished during all those hours of meticulous notes?

Exercising Your Priorities

Lists can be overwhelming.  Simply compiling a decent, comprehensive list is can chore in itself, but one worth completing.

To do lists need priorities.  Here’s an exercise.  Take some time and write out a bulleted list of things you need to do.  Make a complete list.  Place completion dates by each task.

Don’t worry if your list reaches a full page or longer.

Now number each task.  Look at the list and work through the priorities.  Which are the most important tasks?

Think about chronology.  What has to be done before others can happen?  Is one task contingent upon completion of another?  Assign new numbers accordingly.

Look at the list again.  Place the tasks in order of importance and/or by chronology.

Now — if the list is a page or longer, tear it in half. You heard me…tear the list in half. Just do it.

Now tear the half in half.  The remaining list should be no more than 4 or 5 tasks.  This is what you can reasonably expect to accomplish in a day or two.

On another page make another list of things that you want to do.  Prioritize and order them as well.

Pick one thing you want to do but haven’t, and add that to your new and improved (smaller) to do list.

Try this for two weeks.  For me, it was a revelation.  I got things done, knew that I was tackling the important things first or at least enabling future (more important) goals by knocking off minor ones along the way.  When I finished something on the list, I felt good.

If you accept this challenge, I’d love to hear how it went for you…

I should have been happy with the completion of my first module, means i’m left with 7 more before obtaining that highly-coveted, absolutely necessary degree status.

However after seeing the next module’s structure and i can’t help feeling a lil’ irritated/cheesed… *sighz* And well this led to a chain of negativity…

Taking my degree only now, at 25, almost 6 years late, means alot to me. Well at least i’m just more competitive, more appreciative, more serious of the entire process.

The recent scary thing that i learnt, while i’m trying to understand how the media industry has evolved, how social media is the new kid on the block, how to utilize all the various new platforms such as facebook and twitter, for news and information, the polytechnic students are also learning about it, so how “advanced” am i supposed to be, how far is my degree supposed to take me again?

So here i am, struggling to keep up with school, work, news & developments pertaining to my area of studies and work…

Studies: Communication. Areas to keep up with: Media Industry, Technological advancements (‘cuz this affects the progress of the technological infrastructure to support the ever-growing/developing/blooming World Wide Web and “social media” & its tools that utilizes this media platform), Business news (who’s buying who, who’s taking over who, to observe trends and developments, to understand and predict the future of the industry and its potential growth), Political news (a personal fav. plus this affects <well as i believe> how things works)

Work: Aviation. Areas to keep up with: Aviation Industry, Business/Stock Market News, Political news.

I simply have no time to babysit (unless you are my passengers, i’ll oblige, since u are my paymaster…). Be it at school (fellow lecture mates) or at work (colleagues). I have been meeting my fair share of incompetent people lately and i’m just surprised how they suddenly appear all together, all at once.

We are all adults, so please do not make me bear the responsibility of having to pull you by the hand to have to guide you through things that you ought to know, or i believe you wouldn’t have difficulties knowing, judging from the fact that we either have similar backgrounds/knowledge, we “belong” to the same generation. It’s a complete waste of my time and i’m simply too tired to do so.

By me having to babysit you, it’ll also mean that i have to empathize and sympathize with you, sparing a thought for your limited capabilities… Well people, this is the real world, wake up and please get moving ‘cuz no one’s gonna wait for you. I’m perfectly alright with explaining stuff, breaking down the details for you, HOWEVER, i can’t be doing that all the time…. *convulsing in pure frustration*

Generally, i respect everyone and anyone. I make it a point to greet and acknowledge all service personnel, even the bus drivers, cleaning ladies. It’s a good habit that i’m proud to say i picked up along the way. And i have never looked down on anyone before. Except for a particular colleague this time. My usual reaction to stoopid & bitchy people is to ignore them. This is the only time i felt like not talking to this colleague ‘cuz of her behavior, attitude. It was like beneath my status to have to even look at her. I’m in fact amazed by such extremity from myself.

Maybe it’s because she’s much older, have more years of experience and even has a degree, which to me are all factors that should aid in one’s though process, behavior, handling of situations. Alas, she was such a disappointment, simply put off by her actions that i just didn’t even want to speak to her. *super irritated*

Oh well my thoughts, feelings just everywhere, being affected by sooo many things. I personally find it difficult to keep up with everything and such distractions just not necessary. I don’t even have enough time to catch up with my friends, haven’t watch a single movie in months, am glad that Mr Snorez’ out of town, it gives me more time for everything else…

*sighz*

The next module’s not very encouraging, looks damn challenging. Approaches to Communication Research. Reminds me of the MMR (Mass Media Research) module i took back during my poly days. Dry… (though i still enjoyed it ‘cuz of 1 of my fav. lecturers – Ping)

The thing i’m cheesed about’s the fact that it’s a 100% Group effort needed module. 40% for group presentation and 60% for the actual research proposal. I would have preferred if it was individual, it’s just too tough a module to have to bear grouping with possible incompetent people… I really had enough….

The only certain thing to my job is uncertainty.

I feel like I jinxed myself telling people I was going to be doing a 3-week data recovery at Fort Hood. Less than 24 hours later, my boss comes in and tells me that the plans have changed. Now, I’ll only be going to Fort Hood for the first week. Then, back out to East Texas for another pipeline survey.

Just when there was a glimmer of hope at work, it’s snatched away from me. As I’ve said a lot recently, I do love my job, but I’ve hated the work I’ve been doing for a while now. I’m happy to have a job doing what I went to school for, and I work for a really good company. But the endless surveys and report writing are really wearing on me. It’s even harder when you know there’s a cool project going on, and you’re not a part of it.

I’ve always said that I’ll go where they tell me to go and do what they ask me to do. I’m being sent on the survey because they need a solid, experienced person to help out the field director, so getting sent is a positive commentary on my work and the way my bosses feel about me. But still, I’m disappointed, and I’m going to have to try really hard not to let that show while I’m out on the survey.

At least I’m done with the massive report, and drinking a beer in an airport bar as I travel to visit my family for Thankgsiving.

All emotions have their roots in instincts,specifically Survival instinct.Emotions are natural expressions of the organism to protect itself.Bottling them up will result in physical problems,for instance when in anger or in a fighting mood more adrenalin is released and if it is not released it shall affect health.
Express your feelings and emotions.To avoid unpleasantness in life, express them in a way that is socially acceptable and at the same time give vent to your feelings.This needs training and practice. Channelize emotions, not suppress them.One simple way to give vent to your anger and frustration is to punch a soft pillow till your feeling subsides or jump in private with out clothes.Especially the second one seems to be funny, try it, you shall know.
Story:
SINGAPORE (Reuters Life!) – Men who bottle up their anger at being unfairly treated at work are up to five times more likely to suffer a heart attack, or even die from one, than those who let their frustration show, a Swedish study has found.

The study by the Stress Research Institute of Stockholm University followed 2,755 employed men who had not suffered any heart attacks from 1992 to 2003.

At the end of the study, 47 participants had either suffered an attack, or died from heart disease, and many of those had been found to be “covertly coping” with unfair treatment at work.

“After adjustment for age, socioeconomic factors, risk behaviors, job strain and biological risk factors at baseline, there was a close-response relationship between covert coping and the risk of incident myocardial infarction or cardiac death,” the study’s authors wrote.

Covert coping was listed as “letting thing pass without saying anything” and “going away” despite feelings of being hard done by colleagues or bosses.

Men who often used these coping techniques had a two to fivefold higher risk of developing heart disease than those who were more confrontational at work, the study showed.

The researchers said they could not answer the question of what might be a particularly healthy coping strategy at work, but listed open coping behavior when experiencing unfair treatment or facing a conflict as “protesting directly,” “talking to the person right away,” “yelling at the person right away” or “speaking to the person later when things have calmed down.”

The study was published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.
http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSTRE5AN0J820091124

“The Universe will never give you anything that you can’t handle.”  –

Well, I am feeling ungrateful today, so here are the things I would like to give back to the Universe.

1. Romantic Comedies – I hate these with a passion.  Probably end more so because when I tell people that I don’t like them they always say something like “But you are a girl!”  I know I am a girl.  I still hate these kinds of movies.

2. Rush Hour Traffic – It is always infuriating.  People always get cut off, horns are honked and people are just generally mean and rude.

3. Fat Free Cheese-Its -  I will take all of the fat, thank you.  And the flavor that goes along with it!

4. Sinus Infections -  I have had enough of these lately to last me the rest of my life!  I need a break from them.

5. The Disney Channel – Every child actor on that channel is depicted as a gigantic brat that listens to no one and treats all adults like the scum of the earth.

Jag vill börja med att varna för att det här kommer bli ett relativt kontroversiellt inlägg. Men jag vill dela en tanke som snurrat några dagar. Sverigedemokraterna (detta parti vars namnändelse jag ganska starkt ifrågasätter utifrån den kunskap jag inhämtat ur min senast lästa bok, Robert Dahls “Demokratin och dess antagonister”) kritiseras allt som oftast för att vara ett enfrågeparti såtillvida att de framförallt har en fråga de driver. Onekligen, som den tama och osäkra miljöpartist jag ändå kallar mig, så ser jag tydliga paraleller till det parti jag väljer att bekänna mig till. Nu är det, och det vill jag verkligen, verkligen framhålla, milsvid skillnad på främlingsfientlighet och miljöengagemang. Men ändå. Jag känner mig splittrad, känner att jag saknar så mycket i det parti jag så gärna vill ge mitt stöd.

Och det är här jag saknar Thorbjörn Fälldin. Det är här jag saknar den politik som format Sverige till det land jag ömsom hyllar ömsom spottar på. En politik som rörde hela Sverige och som inte segregerade på samma sätt som jag upplever att politik så ofta lyckas göra idag. Klasskamp och diskriminering är mer aktuella ämnen idag är för tio år sen. Klyftorna i samhället ökar och Sverige känns så kallt, inte bara årstidsmässigt. Jag är visst mer värdekonservativ än jag vill erkänna men var det inte bättre förr? Om inte annat var politiken till viss mån det. Sen att feministen i mig gör rabiat motstånd till mina ord, att det ändå någorlunda jämställda och rättssäkra samhälle vi har idag är resultatet av en mångårig kamp och sönderstångade huvuden men på något vis tror jag att de värden som fanns i Sverige då skapade ett, ja bättre samhälle.

Jag kan egentligen för lite för att uttala mig mer i ämnet men jag tror vi som kyrkor har en viktig roll att spela. Indirekt var det kyrkan, nykterhetsförbunden, föreningslivet och fackföreningsrörelserna som fick ett nersupet Sverige på fötter igen. Engagemanget fick Sverige på fötter igen! Och jag blir så frustrerad för var finns engagemanget idag?  På modebloggar och i fotbollslagens firmor? Det är inte konstigt att främlingsfientligheten ökar, för det tydligaste engagemang jag kommer på är bland våra nysvenskar och klart det skrämmer en del. För engagemang ger resultat, engagemang leder till förändring. Och det är återigen här jag blir så frustrerad! Vi, och nu menar jag kristna, inte för att exkludera någon som inte delar min trosuppfattning utan för att jag mer och mer inser att det är där mitt eget engagemang finns och det är där jag vill förändra, vi har enligt vår bekännelse en uppgift. Att älska vår nästa, att kämpa för en bättre värld där kärleken får råda. Att skapa Guds rike på jorden tills dess han kommer åter i hela sin härlighet AMEN. Det är iallafall så jag ser det.

i miss my chinatown manager and the tellers there they’re like super awesome and friendly. the current place is so huge and everybody is so cold and there’s disintegration in the whole system, but the csm is quite nice.

***
the queue was very long so this was what happened -
an indian guy came over to my mentor’s counter and i saw $52 and dep slips in his hand
thought: kanasai $50 cannot deposit at the machine meh? dep so little waste time
and then after giving the slip, i think my mentor gave him the err, where’s the rest of the money look, he took out 800k from his bag
HHAHHAHAHHHAAHA

another indian guy came over, and beside the counter was another indian guy. they weren’t talking and didn’t acknowledge each other. so when the money was counted, the indian guy at my teller’s counter gave 91 pcs of 1k notes instead of 100 pcs. doesn’t tally with slip.
the other indian guy: you need 9k? can i can lend you no problem.
other teller: wah you two friend friend ah can anyhow lend.
: huh.. er store near each other la.

DAMN FUNNY LA OK these money changers

***

you know the never leave you song by tinchy stryder? the part ” i’m still loving youuuu like it was the first time”. it’s damn funny when guys sing it omgxzxzxzx. i heard it the first time when it was playing on the radio in the car when H was driving me to Dempsey and he was singing it, it’s really damn funny ok.