After almost a month of correspondence and petition signing, Congressman Stupak finally got around to having one of his aides respond to me. In fairness, this letter is fairly well tailored based on what I actually wrote, and yet, it is ridiculously condescending, and predictably skirting of anything that I said. Thanks for that.

It should also be noted, that my Congressman hates me. Yes. Me, specifically. He hates me as a Native Woman. There is no place for people like me in his world, because my health care needs won’t matter to him. Lest he forget, also, that there is a whole bunch of Michigan yet above the Mitten. “Northern Michigan” isn’t “above Traverse City”. There is a whole Peninsula left. It’s on the quarter and everything. HA!

So, Thanks for nothing, Mr. Stupak. Thanks for mansplaining that one. I’ll be sure to include this as the intro to your new Broadway show “Fuck You!: The Musical.

Letter after the jump.

Dear [OYD]:

 

Thank you for contacting me regarding health care reform. I appreciated hearing from you on this important issue.

 

After months of negotiations, Congress has moved a step closer than ever before to passing legislation that will provide access to quality, affordable health care for all Americans. The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Affordable Health Care for America Act (H.R. 3962) by a vote of 220 to 215 on November 7, 2009. I voted in support of this critical legislation.

 

I have long advocated for health care reform. In my role as Chairman of the Energy and Commerce Committee’s Oversight and Investigations Subcommittee, I have held numerous hearings over the past three years to highlight the need to reform our nation’s health insurance industry and health care system. My hearings exposed abusive insurance industry practices like purging small business from insurance coverage by raising rates so high businesses can no longer afford insurance. The Subcommittee heard from individuals who, due to no fault of their own, had their insurance canceled after they became seriously ill, a practice known as rescission. We heard from seniors who were tricked into purchasing Medicare Advantage plans that provided less coverage than they had through traditional Medicare. And we exposed nursing homes that put profits above patient care.

 

Almost 50 million people are living in the United States without health care coverage. Approximately 82 percent of these uninsured individuals have a full or part-time job. Unfortunately, it is becoming more difficult for employers to offer affordable health insurance to their employees. Coverage is becoming more expensive and less comprehensive, with high deductibles, high co-pays and coverage limits.

 

In my travels and town hall meetings around Northern Michigan, I have witnessed the struggles our families and employers face with our health care system. In Michigan, from 2000 to 2007, employer sponsored annual health insurance premiums rose from $6,817 to $12,151, an increase of 78.2 percent. Over the same period, the median earnings of Michigan’s workers increased from $25,910 to $27,096, an increase of only 4.6 percent. Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan customers are seeing their health insurance premiums increase 22 to 40 percent this year even as inflation remains flat. Clearly these skyrocketing health care costs are unsustainable for families, businesses and our government.

 

Health care is not a privilege it is a basic right that should be afforded to all Americans. In reforming health care, Congress is building on the existing framework by making it easier for employers to provide health insurance through government-sponsored programs.

 

The health care bill went through the committee I sit on, Energy and Commerce. On July 31, 2009, I voted against the committee “mark” of the bill. Although the bill included positive reforms that would ensure health care coverage for 97 percent of Americans and would fully pay for health care reform without increasing the federal budget deficit, I still had concerns that were not addressed during committee consideration. These concerns included the bill; did not effectively control rising health care costs, did not do enough to encourage true competition in the health insurance market, and built on a system that rewards ineffectiveness instead of quality and value. I was also concerned that the bill opened the door for public funding to pay for abortion.

 

After the committee work, I continued working to improve the legislation. For the next five months, I worked as part of a small group of Members to change the way the federal government reimburses health care providers by focusing on quality health outcomes rather than the quantity of procedures performed. Because of our work, health care reimbursements will now transition from a traditional fee-for-service system that rewards health providers for the number of procedures they perform to a system based on quality health outcomes. This approach is widely seen as an effective way to lower health care costs and ensure that patients in all regions of the country are treated equally. The quality care proposal is included in H.R. 3962.

 

An agreement was also reached with the Speaker to include a provision to strip the health insurance industry of its anti-trust exemption. With anti-trust protection, the federal government is powerless to protect consumers from collusion, price fixing and other abusive practices engaged in by our nation’s health insurers. Health insurance is one of the few industries not subject to federal anti-trust laws and it is consumers who pay the price. For six years I have offered amendments to repeal the anti-trust exemption and I am pleased the Speaker included a repeal of the anti-trust exemption in H.R. 3962.

 

By working with my Pro-Life colleagues and with Speaker Pelosi, I was able to secure an up or down vote on my amendment with regards to federal funding of abortion. My amendment does one very simple thing: It applies current law (the Hyde Amendment), which bars federal funding for abortion except in the case of rape, incest or life of the mother, to the health care reform bill. The Hyde Amendment has been the law of the land on federal funding of abortion since 1977 and applies to all other federally-funded health care programs such as Medicare, Medicaid, the VA and the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program (FEHBP). My amendment is not new federal abortion policy but continues current law.

 

My amendment has no impact on those individuals with private insurance who do not receive affordability credits and in no way prohibits any individual from purchasing a supplemental abortion coverage policy. Health insurance companies can still offer policies that cover abortion; insurance companies just can’t sell those policies to individuals using affordability credits to pay for the policy. My amendment was passed by the U.S. House of Representatives by a vote of 240 to 194 on November 7, 2009 and was included in H.R. 3962. Without the votes of 41 Democratic Pro-Life supporters of my amendment, health care reform never would have passed the U.S. House of Representatives.

 

In addition to these changes, the bill already included many important provisions that benefit Northern Michigan. The health care legislation would result in key improvements to Medicare for seniors including improved prescription drug coverage beginning with an additional $500 in benefits next year and fully closing the “donut hole” in 2016. Seniors on Medicare will also, for the first time ever, have preventative care, such as check-ups, routine exams and screenings such as mammograms, prostate exams and diabetes tests, covered at 100 percent cost.

 

The Veterans Administration (VA) would be exempt from any changes under the legislation, ensuring that care is unchanged for veterans.

 

Most importantly, the health care legislation is paid for and will not add to deficit spending or the national debt. The non-partisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) agrees that the bill does not add to the federal budget deficit.

 

The bill includes three separate provisions to prohibit illegal immigrants from receiving taxpayer assistance for health care coverage. Section 347 of the bill prohibits illegal immigrants from receiving federal subsidies to purchase health insurance. Section 1786 of the bill, also known as the Space Amendment that I supported during Committee consideration, prohibits Medicaid and Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) coverage for illegal immigrants. The manager’s amendment to H.R. 3962 included additional strong requirements for verification of citizenship or proof of being lawfully in the country before receiving any benefits.

 

H.R. 3962 is supported by numerous organizations including AARP, the American Medical Association (AMA), the AFL-CIO, AFSCME, American Cancer Society, American Nurses Association, Communications Workers of America (CWA), UAW and the United Steel Workers.

 

The health care debate now moves to the U.S. Senate. The Senate proposal contains insurance regulatory reforms similar to those in H.R. 3962, such as preventing health insurance companies from discriminating against individuals on the basis of pre-existing conditions and eliminating lifetime caps on coverage.

 

One key difference between the House and Senate bills is that the Senate bill includes a state “opt-out” provision for the public option. Once the House and Senate pass their respective bills, negotiations will begin to craft one final health care bill in a conference committee.

 

Every day I hear the stories of my constituents – the insured, the uninsured and the underinsured – about how the current health care system has left them helpless, bankrupt and disillusioned. By passing H.R. 3962, Congress has moved the first step toward ensuring that the cost of health care in America never results in our citizens having to file bankruptcy because of illness, disease or injury.

 

A great deal of confusion exists regarding the House health care reform proposal. To help clear up some of the myths surrounding the legislation, I have prepared answers to some of the most commonly asked questions about the bill. I have enclosed a copy with this letter and the document can be viewed on my web site at www.house.gov/stupak.

 

Again, thank you for contacting me. Please feel free to contact me again if my staff or I can be of any assistance.

 

Sincerely,

 

BART STUPAK

Member of Congress

You betcha, buddy. We’ll be in touch.

Only on Planet Couler (via Crooks & Liars, click over there to watch the video):

O’Reilly: But every problem wouldn’t go away. The one thing that I would like to see the federal government do is strict oversight on the insurance companies when they hose people. I mean, I don’t think they should be throwing you, Ann Coulter, off the rolls if, God forbid, you get MS or something.

Coulter: That will not happen. But Bill, that will not happen under competition. Look — [Crosstalk] — no, no, let me make this point. No it will not. The government was regulating, the SEC was closely watching Bernie Madoff. Government regulation doesn’t stop that sort of thing. What stops it is, people knowing you’re investing with this guy at your own risk, and then all these private organization develop. Competition is what enforces that.

O’Reilly: Yeah, well, I don’t believe that. I think competition can drive the prices down, but it cannot make an insurance company honest. Only a federal oversight committee that says if you don’t do it, we fine you.

Coulter: Yes it can. Yes it can. Otherwise, what about the SEC with Bernie Madoff?

O’Reilly: No, Bernie Madoff got away with it because the SEC, under a Republican, Christopher Cox, simply wouldn’t investigate him. That’s why he got away with it.

Coulter: That’s the government regulation! Why do you keep thinking a different regulator will be better? Government regulation does not solve these problems, competition does.

Because if I belonged to a health-insurance company that threw me off when I got sick, people would hear about it. There would be magazine articles. And I don’t mean to be me, I mean people –

I don’t suppose she’s heard of a Congressman named Bart Stupak?  Who deals w/ insurance companies doing this very thing to literally thousands of people every day?  She is either a moron or intentionally obtuse.

I want whatever she’s drinking.

Not that my opinion matters, me, sitting here on a low trafficked feminist minded blog, w/ my fake disease that I just need to buck up and get over (this will be explained in a mo’).

But, a while back I took Jezebel off of my blogroll.  Stopped reading them.  I stopped following links to their site b/c I couldn’t in good conscience give more traffic to their judgmental snark on shit they know nothing about.  The day I read the article where they proudly exclaimed that Fibromyalgia, and illnesses like it, were fake was the last proverbial straw for me.  That was the friendly part, too.  The comments exploded into an ableist marathon of harsh judgements and shaming.  Everything from FMS to depression were poked fun at, and anyone who spoke up or got in the way of their fun was heavily mocked.  Enough is enough.  I, and others like me, live daily w/ the actual people in our lives who are supposed to help us deal w/ our bodies and chronic conditions not believing us and not caring one rip about the quality of our lives.  We don’t need flip-floppy feminist wannabes appropriating feminist language when it’s convenient to tell us what is going on in our bodies and making us feel bad that we sometimes find comfort only in the form on a pain pill or new medication.  Our doctors do enough of that.

Then, there was the matter of the woman who, in a moment of confusion about something that happened b/t her and her partner wrote to a site, anonymously, seeking advice on dealing w/ what was a horribly poor judgement on her boyfriend at best, and incredibly painful rape at worst.  The ladies at Jezebel were quick to pick up that tidbit and run w/ it, and once again, the comments on the insensitive article ran wild, turning this woman’s experience into their own fodder, ripe w/ shaming at her refusal to call it rape and dump her boyfriend.  When the woman wrote them and asked them to print a few corrections, she was dealt w/ poorly to say the least, and her feelings on her own personal matter were quickly dismissed in the name of page hits and “sorry, we are done posting for today, so you will have to wait for your truth”.  Some of these same people also being staunch supporters of the term “gray rape”.  *shudders*

These are only a couple of examples of why I loathe the site, and only read it occasionally if insistently pointed to it and even then if there is no other link to get the same info.  Even the Red Queen warns me if she is linking to it.  They, while not claiming to be a feminist site, are back and forth, often using feminist wording to poke fun at feminist issues in a judgmental and most un-feminist way.  I can get my celebrity fluff at a better place.  They aren’t a feminist site, I get that, even though some of the bloggers self identify as such, as well as many commenters, and even though big feminist blogs link to them almost daily.

So you will understand how it pains me to defend them.  I would rather chew on glass.

But this?  This shit?  This is ridiculous.

Shaming a woman for not reporting her own rape at 17 is unforgivable.  Slut shaming, and otherwise blaming rape victims for their own rapes is equally unforgivable.  Bad form, Double X Magazine (and nice othering, BTW w/ the name.  Not every woman has double X chromosomes).  Not a great way to come out the gates.

Need we remind you that rape isn’t about sex.  It is about power.  Need we remind you that the only difference b/t a person who has been raped and person who hasn’t is the presence of a rapist.  Rape happens to women in short skirts, or women in baggy sweats.  It happens to women who have been drinking too much, and it happens to the most stone cold sober.  It happens if you are a Woman of Color, or white.  Rape happens to the cis-gendered and trans* alike.  Rape happens if you have been walking alone at night in unlit alleys, and it can happen in your own car, or your own home, by a stranger or by someone you have known for years.  The only factor they all have in common is the presence of a rapist.

So, before you go hanging neon signs over the splinters in the Jezebels’ eyes, and there are many to point out, perhaps you should take a look at the huge lumber mill in your own.  I stand alongside Jill, et al, who feel that this article was in poor taste.  I just stand in my own place, knowing that Jezebel won’t hesitate to shame others who aren’t in line w/ what they deem acceptable but also knowing that it doesn’t make them fodder for slut shaming and victim blaming.  Shaming and attacking women hurts women.  All women.

We all get enough of that from the Patriarchy, thank you very much.  We don’t need more women pissing in our own sandbox in the name of feminism.

PS: Ablism IS a feminist issue, fuck you very much.

ETA:  Somehow I managed to break the link to the Double X article when I originally published.  Oops.  My apologies for any confusion.

post on this story about United forcing fatties to buy extra seats, but I am pretty sure that Kate Harding did it much better than I could have:

If you’re so terrorized by the thought of having your thigh touch someone else’s (and don’t get me wrong — I don’t LIKE that anymore than anybody else does, I’m just realistic about why it happens, which is that THE SEATS ARE TOO SMALL FOR PRACTICALLY EVERYBODY), just buy yourself a first class ticket! Or two seats for yourself! What? You say you can’t afford that? NEITHER CAN THE FAT CHICK NEXT TO YOU. What? Being next to her means your ride is uncomfortable? SO IS HERS, and you’re not the one sitting next to a total asshole!

As it turns out, that fat chick is a human being who paid for her coach seat just like you did, which means you are entitled to precisely $0 worth of extra comfort and/or services, and precisely no guarantee that you will find the person sitting next to you delightful in all ways. You want more, pay for more. You can’t afford it, take the train; Amtrak’s coach seats are significantly wider, with loads more leg room, plus you can get up and walk around or go sit in the lounge car if you’re disgusted by your seatmate. What? You don’t have time to take the train? You’re busy? You’re important? You have places to be? SAME GOES FOR THE FAT CHICK. This, “just pay more or find another option” shit sounds terribly classist and let-them-eat-cakey, you say? IT DOES TO HER, TOO. Get it?

My big fat ass gives hers a big fat WORD.

Go fuck yourself.

Hugs and Kisses,

Me

Avid reader, and former customer.  Outraged LGBTQI ally.

For anyone who wants an alternative to Amazon fucking dot com, I recommend Indiebound (h/t BFP).  You can search Indie book stores for your title, free from hateful censoring, and they will appreciate the business of even the LGBTQI and their allies.

Check out #Amazonfail on Twitter.

A list of who and what titles are affected.

ETA:  Amazon Rank (h/t to Smart Bitches, Trashy Books)

While I read about this on the AP last night, I thought this pic by tigtog (click the photo) was a brilliant portrayal of how I feel about it.

While the Church is busy pushing its dangerous and disgusting Ab-only agenda, magically believing that somehow teaching victims of systemic rape is going to protect them from HIV/AIDS transmitted to them by their infidel husbands, people are dying.

It is indeed magical and wishful thinking, far beyond that of any “magical pregnancy movie”, that teaching Abstinence to people who are virtually helpless to stop the atrocities being inflicted upon them is going to do anything to change the situation.

Women who are being raped constantly in Africa don’t need Abstinence teaching.  Many of them are nothing but faithful to husbands to choose to sleep around, spreading this disease everywhere they turn, and bringing it home to wives, and forcing sex upon them too.  Men who have  sex aren’t simply going to stop b/c the Church tells them to.  But possibly, if we can educate them on how to protect their lives w/ contraception, they might pay attention.

Condoms, while not perfect, are an effective barrier against the spread of HIV/AIDS.  The Pope, his Church, and their ilk would do well to think about that if they were ever interested in life.

But they aren’t.

Which is obvious when they chose to and vehemently defended the decision to excommunicate the doctors and families of a nine year old girl in Brazil who was raped b/c she received a life saving abortion.  Saying that “life must always be protected”, even when it was plain that carrying the pregnancy would have killed her and the twins she was carrying.  Yeah, Pro-life my ass.

It’s obvious that only some bodies matter.

And rape victims in Africa, and a young rape victim in Brazil are not those bodies.  They aren’t filling the coffers of the Vatican.

While not all Catholics are not blind and ignorant of real life and hardly support this nightmare of a policy of pushing Abstinence on people that certainly need education on protection and barrier methods, this Pope is nothing more that a hate mongering douche nozzle.  He is so far detached from the needs of the real world that he hasn’t clue one about what affects devout Catholics world wide.

Push your precious doctrine, Pope ol’ boy, but don’t pretend that you are in any way innocent of those deaths, or that you are in any way helping.

You self righteous ass hole.

If I could make titles purple I would, b/c this is certainly worthy.

PETA’s latest fucktacular campaign has gone too far. 

Nope, your eyes are not in fact playing tricks on you.  Members of PETA actually dressed up as members of the KKK to protest the Westminster Dog Show, handing out fliers.

I have interacted w/ PETA in the past, as they are quick to assist if an animal is in danger.  They have helped me rescue dogs and cats that were trapped inside a van for full work days while their responsible party worked at the base where I was stationed.  I deeply believe in treating animals w/ dignity and respect, and that a better world does start w/ compassion.

But this spectacle of insensitivity and thoughtlessness comes no where close to the same dimensional plane as compassion, which as Ingrid Newkirk on her own blog purports is the goal of PETA.  Right on the same page where she presumes that the obstacles of animal rights are the same as those of racism.  I can not and will not support anyone who chooses to protect animals at the risk and harm of people’s well being.  They gave no thought whatsoever to how harmful or hurtful this could be to the people who would witness it.  Only to the shock value that they deem worthy of such a stunt.

As soon as I find the proper e-mail address I will be writing PETA a strongly worded letter indicating my outrage and demanding to be removed from any future emails.  I am no longer willing to merely cringe as they continue to marginalized and hurt PoC, women, and other marginalized bodies in the name of “compassion”.  They are doing it wrong.

Ingrid Newkirk and PETA can kindly go fuck themselves for this outrage.  You have lost any support you may have received from me ever.

Renee has a post up at her place, and Cara has posted on this as well.

As I was reading this NYT Op-Ed about this craze known as “The Hookup Culture”, I was worried at first, and then almost relieved, b/c Mr. Blow seemed to be handling it rather fairly, until he consulted his “expert”.  His facts from the CDCaP and the JoAR show positive  effects of “hooking up” over dating.  He could have dug a little deeper there.  He could have stopped there.  There showed a decrease in the amount of sex that teens were having, as well as no increase in diseases.  There was even some indication that self esteem was on the rise.  I am a fan of building up the self esteem of teenagers, especially teenage girls (having been one myself, once).

My Fuck You of the Day goes to Mr. Blow, and to Kathleen Bogle, a professor at LaSalle University, and author of the book Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus, for this little gem of information:

The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse.

Yeah.  Girls get tired of sex b/c they would rather be in a relationship than be able to make grown up decisions about their own lives, and guys don’t want yucky strings attached.  Girls are crazed trying to find a husband before all their eggs dry up.  We are just ticking wombs on legs.

She also adds that it used to be that we were trained our whole lives to date.  I am so sorry to disappoint her, but I wasn’t “trained” my whole life to do anything but be a grown up.  One who knows how to make decisions about what she wants from life, and then figure out how to achieve it.  I don’t know about you, Ms. Bogle, but I am so much more than my ability to find and catch a husband, and The Guy is so much more than some Prize Catch to be mounted on my wall.

BTW, Mr. Blow, it’s not sad that I wasn’t trained to date.  It’s my life.  One lived by a woman who is in charge of her sexual freedom and autonomy.

Sky Bully forbid that I enjoy sex.

BTW, I fuck on the first date if it suits me.  And it did.

I wound up w/ a pretty good life.  It’s what I wanted.  And it isn’t for Ms. Bogle nor Mr. Blow to judge.

To Digital Spy’s Cult News, more specifically, Ben Rawson-Jones, for thinking that he has the right or obligation to comment on anyone’s weight:

There was still a year left of LA-based spinoff show Angel to run after Buffy concluded in 2003, and it looked like Boreanaz couldn’t avoid juicy steaks as well as he dodged wooden stakes – for the pounds piled on. He soon regained his old trim physique and won the lead as FBI Agent Seeley Booth in forensic television drama Bones.

Emphasis mine.

Not that it is anyone’s business, but IIRC, Boreanaz had suffered a pretty bad knee injury during that time, that required a pretty major surgery and some extensive recovery time.  People put on weight for any number of reasons, you ass hole, and it is pretty fucking awesome of you to just assume that it is because they have some lack of self control or can’t fucking stop shoveling food into their mouths.  Even if they did, who the fuck are you that you get to comment on it?  Celebrities are under constant scrutiny for their looks, so if they can not be cut some slack for personal injury or whatever else they have going on in their–let’s say this together–personal lives, then there isn’t a lot of fucking hope for the rest of us mere mortals.

No body has the right to comment on anyone’s weight and pass any kind of judgement on their looks.  David Boreanaz doesn’t live his live for your fucking approval, and it isn’t your place to decide whether or not he is an acceptable weight.

I don’t think that I have to say, as a woman, how fucking ridiculous our society’s beauty standards are, especially when the already impossibly beautiful can’t seem to measure up.  We are badgered at every twist and turn and from every form of media about our appearance, and reminded constantly that our looks are always up for approval.  People are a lot more than the range of their fuckability.  When we see people who are already well w/in the range of conventional attractiveness being harshly shamed for their weight it doesn’t do much in the way of building up the rest of us struggling to love and accept the bodies we have.

If David Boreanaz put on a few pounds during his run on Angel, it is no one’s business but his own.  It sure as hell didn’t impact his acting or his show, and I am pretty sure his fan base still found him as awesome as ever.

So, Mr. Rawson-Jones, take your drive by fat shaming and go fuck yourself.

h/t to Whedonesque

(to be followed by a rant later)

“In China we have a saying, ‘Whoever causes the problem should solve the problem’. It is not China that caused the present situation.“

~Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Qin Gang, referring to the current conflict between France and China regarding Tibet, and French President Nicolas Sarkozy meeting w/ the Dalai Lama today.

I, and History, beg to differ, fuckwit.

I don’t really give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of my “orgasm face”.  The last time I checked, it is a part of how good I am feeling.  I don’t need to be fucking distracted by what someone else is thinking when I am trying to get off, thank-you very much.  It isn’t for anyone else to enjoy or ponder, and I don’t need their fucking approval.

Also, “Sexy vs Skanky”?  Stay classy, Cosmo, stay classy.

XOXO

OYD

This woman might not (sadly) know what country Budapest is in, or be smarter than a 5th grader, but Jeff Foxworthy is a complete and total douche nozzle.

And the fact that the studio audience laughed when he said “that’s just being a woman” says a lot about our supposed post feminist society.

Go fuck yourself, Jeff Foxworthy.  That is my opinion in any register of voice you choose.

(This picture is for you, California)

Election Edition!

Tip of the Hat:

To PRESIDENT ELECT Barack Obama on winning a landslide victory to become the 44th President of the United States.  While it was a difficult decision for me to come to wrought w/ intense emotion and moral conflict on my part, I feel good about my vote.  I do.  I feel the need to say for the umpteenth time that I do not believe him to be perfect nor infallible, but I do think that this is an opportunity that our country needs.

Indeed.

Also, a tip of the hat to Michigan, for allowing stem cell research, and medicinal marijuana.

To South Dakota, for trashing that dangerous abortion ban.  

To Colorado, for turning down that stupid and so-called Human Life Amendment.

I am thrilled to see people speak up and protect rights of people, namely women, to govern their own bodies w/o having to jump through hoops.  The right for a woman to control what happens to her own body is not negotiable.  Period.  The Colorado Amendment proposal also would have made certain forms of birth control questionable or even illegal.  I am beyond relieved.

Wag of the Finger:

To Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, and fucking California.

You have, at the same time as you have voted to make history, have voted to deny rights to people.  Just because your religion or your morals deem them less than worthy of rights that everyone else enjoys.  I am saddened and angered at this lack of human decency.  A person’s sexual orientation has no bearing on their ability to commit to and love a child.  A person’s marital status also should not fucking matter.  It would seem to me that we would want to make sure that children who are already in need of loving homes get them, no matter what our Sky Bullies supposedly tell us is right or wrong about their preference.  It also seems that we are OK asking these people to take care of these children until we can find “real families” for them.  A very special ice cold glass of go fuck yourself to all the bigots who think that it’s OK to deny a child love, or a couple the fundamental right to marry just b/c you think that your morals are the only morals.  If you voted to pass this bullshit, you are a hateful and sad person.  Period.

I am ticked off royally that we have also, again, deemed sex workers sub human.  Prop K would have freed up resources to allow police to go after actual criminals, ya know, like human traffickers and child pornographers.  These things are already illegal, and would have stayed illegal.  This would have made the lives of sex workers safer and easier, and allowed them to report crimes against them.  I forget that morality tells us that they must be shamed and cast off b/c of their choices.  The choices of some are not as good as the choices of the holy.

And lastly, my very special Fuck You of the Day.

Unlike these other states who merely (merely?) denied rights to people, California did something completely different, and not in a good Python kind of way.  They took rights already granted to people away from those people.  Guest Blogger Faith at Shakesville makes a great point:

 We now have three classes in California:
a. Opposite sex couples who are allowed to marry
b. Same sex couples who are married
c. Same sex couples who cannot get married.

This is utterly unconstitutional (not that it wasn’t before) and will have to go to the Supreme Court of California [...]

My hope is that this can be addressed by the SC of CA.  I am really unfamiliar w/ California law and ballot measure procedures, but it seems that given the three classes right now, it can not stand as passed, unless the state is willing to dissolve the already existing marriages of same sex couples, which I can’t fathom happening (partly to keep a shred of hope for humanity right now, and partly b/c it would be really fucked up).

This is about as ugly as fundie politics can get.  Separate is not equal, and I am pretty damned sure we already decided that a while back.  In a modern time when we can elect a black man to the POTUS, which should be a prouder time, we are simultaneously tripping back to a darker time when we believed that stripping people of their rights for being different than ourselves is the way to civilization.  FFS, as (and do I really need to say possibly NSFW?) RenEv said, ATHEISTS and AGNOSTICS can already get married, so I don’t want to hear fuck all about religion and this being god’s will.

Cara spells it out pretty well:

And I feel physically ill looking at pictures of “Yes on 8″ supporters celebrating.  HOORAY, we took away the rights of our neighbors!, they must be saying.  HOORAY, we officially got the state to recognize how morally superior our choices and biological inclinations are regarding who to fuck and who to love.  HOORAY, we’re a bunch of fucking bigots who don’t deserve the rights we would take from other people.  LOOK AT US, we’re ignorant, selfish jackasses with copious amounts of  hate in our hearts.

Please, do look at them.  Because they must tell us something about our country and ourselves.  Just as it’s important to remember that electing a Black president is not the end of racism in this country, it’s important to remember how far we have to go when a country that elects a Black president would also deny basic rights to its LGBT citizens, even in some of its most liberal pockets.

We should be wagging a finger at ourselves for this hateful bullshit.

Today I wanted to be excited, like I am when The Kid cheered b/c we “elected a President who will help me control my own body!”, I want to cry in my bed at how hateful and backwards we have become.

The champagne flowed freely last night, but the tears flow equally today.

I am mourning for our country today.  We have taken a really huge step forward, and about a nonillion tiny ones back.

Tip of the Hat:

via

To Joe Biden, for publicly and proudly proclaiming that Proposition 8 is a fucked up idea.  Well, he was a little less sailor like in his vernacular.

Biden, meanwhile, said during an appearance Monday on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” that if he lived in California he would vote against a ballot measure that seeks to ban gay marriage. DeGeneres, who is gay and newly wed to actress Portia de Rossi, has urged Californians to reject Proposition 8.

“I think it’s regressive,” the Delaware senator said. “I think it’s unfair, and so I vote ‘no.’”

Even though Biden personally is against same sex marriage, he (and Obama), is all for equal rights for same sex partner.  Thanks, Joe, b/c that is encouraging.  More than you know.

Wag of the Finger:

To Sarah Palin, for being a bigoted and hateful person hell bent on keeping equal rights out of the hands of the LGBTQI community.

In an interview with Christian Broadcasting Network, the Alaska governor said she had voted in 1998 for a state amendment banning same sex marriage and hoped to see a federal ban on such unions.

“I have voted along with the vast majority of Alaskans who had the opportunity to vote to amend our Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman. I wish on a federal level that’s where we would go. I don’t support gay marriage,” Palin said. She said she believed traditional marriage is the foundation for strong families.

Setting aside my ire at phrases such as “traditional marriage”, I call bullshit on the concept that a strong family is founded in such things.  If it is such a strong foundation, then, like Petulant said yesterday, then an equally strong foundation must certainly be divorce. 

Here’s a newsflash, Governor Palin, hate is not a family value.  Your bigotry has no place in the ballpark of “family values”.

Go fuck yourself.

h/t to Gay and Lesbian SmartBrief, in my inbox every week.

I mentioned a while ago that I have a very unfeminist guilty pleasure.  I have been watching Desperate Housewives since it’s beginning.  The series is highly problematic in many ways, and sometimes I find myself watching to pick it apart.  

Some of the behavior of each of the principle characters is meant to be ironic.  They are almost caricatures of the traits they are meant to exploit.  Gabby’s selfishness, Bree’s creepy perfectionism, Lynette’s overbearingness are all meant to be so over the top that no one could possibly think these things are OK.  There is one thing though, new to this season, that has had me cringing at the pain from the vein in my forehead.

Gabby and her husband, Carlos, have two girls.  I couldn’t tell you the younger one’s name, b/c we are always hearing about the older Solis girl, Juanita.  Juanita is fat.  Juanita being fat is such an issue that we have yet to hear much about the other child that Gabby and Carlos have.  We are meant to believe that Juanita is only four, and there have been at least two story lines now around her weight and size, and what seems to be acceptable fat shaming.  There have been very few scenes involving the young girl portraying Juanita that have had nothing to do w/ her being fat.  The first time we see her, in last season’s finale, her face is covered in chocolate.  The next time we see her, Gabby is trying to cram her into a princess dress for a party, and is asking for a larger size, only to be told that they don’t make princess dresses for girls over seven (ha ha, get it, b/c she is too fat to be four!).  Gabby becomes concerned, and begins to concoct ways to trick Juanita into exercising, like making her chase the car home.  I can count on one hand the number of scenes where I haven’t seen Juanita w/ food or drink in her hand.  We are definitely supposed to know that Juanita is fat b/c she eats all the time and b/c her mother just “can’t say no”.

Even more disturbing and triggering to me is the dialogue that is used around her.  Conversations about Juanita usually refer to her size.

There are soooo very many things that are wrong going on here, but let’s focus, please.

Remember, we are not just talking about a character here.  There is a little girl, a child, a human being, who is having to hear that the character she is playing is the butt of so many jokes.  It’s OK to shame her, you know, b/c childhood obesity is such an epidemic that we must throw out feelings.  It is OK to make the actress playing Juanita (Madison Lovato) the butt of the jokes, b/c it will be funny and make us aware of how real obesity is.  To hell w/ the fact that a little girl, who should be learning to love herself, is having her appearance put into question.  Not only that, but let’s also remember that she is a child star.  Actors are constantly being pressured to look a certain way.  This girl is in a cut throat world that tells her that her feelings don’t matter b/c she is fat.  Everyone laugh at the fatty.  You can’t be a real and worthwhile person if you are fat!

Since becoming a feminist (well, realizing that I was one), I have viewed pop culture w/ a lens of skepticism.  Things I thought were funny before (Monica on Friends, in the fat suit playing “fat Monica”), I find sad and horrific now.  I didn’t realize how routine it had become to make a profit and get ratings based on the ability to shame a whole segment of the population.  I had always been sensitive to sexism and racism where I have seen it, but fat shaming is new to me, as I struggle to deal w/ my own body acceptance, and something that I was surprised to see that I had missed.

Madison Lovato is a human being, and for the purposes of television, so is the character she plays.  They are worthy of dignity and respect, and love.  We should not let her size and body prevent us from seeing that she is a real person w/ feelings, valid just the way she is.  Juanita Solis doesn’t have to be Gabby and Carlos’ fat kid.  She could simply just be their kid.  Surely, Marc Cherry and his writers are creative enough to think up better story lines for a family that recently lost it’s riches, turned out to not be infertile (earlier seasons had a story arc where after an attack, Gabby wasn’t able to become pregnant), and had tragic circumstances, like being stricken blind.  To turn jokes over the weight and body type of a child is disgusting in a way I can’t even begin to scratch the surface of.

The importance of being Juanita Solis is that ABC and Marc Cherry had a chance here to cast someone in a role who is outside of the acceptable beauty norm.  They had an opportunity to show that a person’s size doesn’t matter, and could have cast this girl w/o making her weight an issue.  But they fucked that up.  In a television world full of lollipop headed women who appear to be starving to death sometimes a portrayal of someone real could have been welcomed.

Fuck you, ABC, and Marc Cherry, for making Juanita Solis, and Madison Lovato, the butt of your jokes b/c of her size.  You have failed big on this one.

ETA:  When I was writing a rebuttal for a troll on a later post, I discovered that the actress’ name isn’t Lovato, that she is often confused as such b/c she has a half sister of that name, but her real name is actually Madison De La Garza.  Apologies for the confusion.

Tip of the Hat:

Photo via Getty Images

To super awesome, kick ass (and super duper awesomely eye candy worthy) Australian diver Matthew Mitchem, who caused a huge upset and won a gold medal over the favored Chinese diver, Zhou Luxin.  His dive kept China from sweeping the medals in the Men’s diving events.  Also noteworthy is that Mitchem is also openly gay and feels free to just be himself.  Not only is his status as a world class athlete worthy of attention but his ability to be free and comfortable just being who he really is makes him classic role model material.  Our children need more role models who are not only exceptional at what they do but are exceptional at being themselves.  People who are comfortable in their own skin.

Wag of the Finger:

To NBC for being great big homophobes and not paying any respect whatsoever to Mitchem’s family, who included his enthusiastically supportive partner, Lachlan.  Mitchem was awarded a Johnson & Johnson Athlete Family Support grant to help pay to allow Lachlan to attend the games and support him.  But, no that is not enough for NBC to pay attention.  NBC, who has made the family and support systems of other athletes newsworthy by featuring them during their coverage.  NBC who has already pissed me off by pissing to mark their territory over the coverage of the Olympics, blacking out coverage on China’s own CCTV in the states so that no one here could get simulcast feed in Mandarin.  Now, they take a shit all over a world class athelete’s family and righteously declaring it not good enough.  Thanks a ton NBC!  Good to know you are using any shred of journalistic integrity and not exerting your morals where they don’t belong…on someone else’s family.  

h/t to Ren.

So I will just direct you to Melissa McEwan’s words on Obama’s veep selection.

I am waiting.  Waiting for those people who have blindly and staunchly supported Obama even though his “100%” NARAL rating isn’t deserved.  I am waiting for them to admit that they are just following the messianic craze, and not paying attention to the harm he is going to do us.  And I am waiting for them to stop fucking telling me that I have to vote for him to keep McCain out of the White House.  That isn’t my job.  My job is to vote for who I feel is best suited to run this country…and given choice A or B, I choose C–none of the fucks above.  McCain is going to ruin our lives as we know it, but Obama will do the same w/ his new cohort, only he will do it w/ that shit eating grin on his face telling us it’s all in the name of change and unity.

Go fuck yourself, Obama.  And take Biden and his pro “Partial Birth Abortion” ban support w/ you.

*fuckles*

For passing this along to me.*

*To all my feminist brothers and feminist ally brothers, you should already know that I do not blame every man, and that this is in no way trying to say “fuck you, men!”.  Perhaps we should all examine ourselves and try to see if we are perpetuating the problem, or standing in solidarity.

***UPDATED***

Also, sent to me by Tobes:  Women Deserve Better.

Fucking A Right we do.

An ongoing series.  Parts One, Two, and the guest post on this topic

Perhaps you have seen the shitstorm (and honestly, some good ol’ internet fun)  that has arisen over Sony’s new fanfuckingtastic game, Fat Princess.  Apparently voicing an opinion about the insensitivity and cruelty of a game is an engraved invitation to come storm onto Melissa’s blog and call her a “fat lesbo bitch”, to use the nicer ones.  I openly admit here to being a gamer, not as avid as The Guy, but I am, but these fuckwits* are making the rest of the gamer community look particularly shameful.

Part of the hubbub seems to be that Fat Princess is just a game, and we stupid fat feminists should take a chill pill and relax, b/c it is just supposed to be funny.  You see?  Being fat is funny!  It works for Jack Black, and it worked for Chris Farley, so it must be true!  

Now, I am going to put aside the argument of how it is far more acceptable to a fattie in Hollywood if you are a man.  You can read about that at Shakesville, Feministing, or Shapely Prose I am sure, and see how bloggers are talking about that double standard all the time.  You just can’t be fat in Hollywood if you are a woman.  In fact, you can’t be fat at all in Hollywood w/o it being central to who you are.

What I want to focus on is fat shaming.  While you might think this that Fat Princess is “just a game”, and not intentionally harmful, I am going to tell you that you are wrong.  Painfully, cluelessly and horribly wrong.  Any time we use a trait of a person to poke fun at them we are dehumanizing them a little.  We are tearing them down and telling them that they are less than human b/c of something about which they have no control.

And before you get into any “but you can control being fat, just eat less and exercise more”, I am going to tell you to Google “fat acceptance” and read up a little b/f you comment here, b/c being a fat shamer or a concern troll will get you banned, no second chances thanks for playing banned.

Now, why it’s not “just a game”.

We are led to believe that it is funny, first of all, to force a girl to do something against her will.  She is being force fed.  Now, while that might not seem to most horrific thing to ever occur, let’s change it to being forced to have sex w/ the “hordes” for fun.  Or to being forced to do anything that is outside of her free will, shredding her autonomy.  This is about the way that we see women, as objects needing to be rescued and to be forced to do things for the amusement of others.  We have the stereotypical helpless little princess who needs to wait to be rescued in a game that seems to be aimed at young people.  Way to send a fucking message, Sony.  Next, b/c it is amusing and might thwart the plans of those we don’t like we are going to damage her somehow, and make her less desirable to rescue (sound familiar).  Geez!  It’s so fucking funny!  I can’t believe that I find this game offensive!

Now, let’s think about those young kids who think that being fat must always make them the butt of jokes.  We take kids who are overweight for various reasons, be it genetics, disability, economic reasons, any other reason and show them that something about them is funny and to be laughed at by the rest of the “acceptable” world.  In a society that is already showing us that the only acceptable body to have is an impossibly beautiful and impossibly thin one we are othering them and showing them that they are not worthy of our love and respect.  If we can’t see bones then you are carrying too much extra baggage.  Now we are showing that they are something to be made fun of in video game format.  No wonder kids are barfing up lunches and starving themselves, or making themselves otherwise sick…to stop being the butt of your joke.

It’s not just a game b/c it makes light of serious real life things.  And before you go into the “but I am smart, I can tell the difference b/t reality and a game”, let me tell you, I am a fucking gamer too, and as Cola over at Shakesville put it in the comments, because we are gamers we need to hold it to a higher standard.

You know what? I’m not fat and I find the game offensive. I’ve also been playing games my whole life, and I love the medium. Love it. I hold it to a higher standard, though, because I also live in the real world, where these things have a real impact that I have to bear witness to. There’s a relationship between sexism and fat hating in our media and sexism and fat hating in the real world. 

 

It’s not just a game. It’s not just a movie. That’s not just a t-shirt. Just look at what people do with that shit! Look at these comments! Do these people look like they grew up in a perfect world where sexist depictions of women have not led to sexism? We don’t live in a vacuum. This shit comes from somewhere. 

 

And if you actually loved games, you’d demand better from them, too. Blind adulation to an art form isn’t a mark of virtue, it’s a mark of cowardice and stunted emotional and mental growth. Adults play video games, too. Isn’t that the defense of GTA from Jack Thompson?! They’re not for kids?! Well, stop acting like children!

We as gamers need to demand a higher standard from the producers of games we love.  We also need to be able to realize as we are enjoying a game that has questionable content that we are making a farce out of something that is real to real people.  Perhaps I am a little too close to the topic of fat shaming, and maybe it hurts me more than it should, b/c unlike people better than me I haven’t come to grips and learned to love my fat body, but that in no way invalidates my argument.

We as gamers know that the gaming world is far from friendly to women.  Even games that are “meant for girls” are so horribly offensive in content that I have to wonder WTP?  I can easily see that every little gamer girl out there wants to play Barbie fashion or take care of a virtual kitten.  The gaming industry is downright hostile to women, whether it is making slut jokes about Jade Raymond or killing hookers to get your money back or just confining them to gender boxes we are not blind to the onslaught of misogyny slung at us.  We have seen it all before and it is neither new nor interesting.  What is new is this fresh level of hate, that it is no longer just good enough to objectify the stereotypically beautiful women, but now we must make damned sure that everyone knows that anyone outside of that norm is an undesirable shit pile unworthy of affection.  Now they must also show the fatties as the burden they are on the rest of the world, and tie it up in a pretty bow of “it teaches teamwork”.

If you are not masturbation fodder then you are unworthy of respect.  If you are different from what society and marketing tells you you should be then you are unworthy.  If you don’t think that’s funny* then you must be a “fat lesbo bitch” (as if that is some kind of insult…man I am getting bored w/ the trolls these days).

This is why it is not “just a game”.  It is othering to real people, and it shows us that it is OK to just take a shit all over something that we don’t see as society approved beauty.

This game could have been done in quite a few other ways that didn’t have to have such a potentially harmful backlash.  But why do something tastefully when it can be funny?

*FTR, I traded in my sense of humor for my feminist/womanist card a long fucking time ago.

Time for another round.  See the first here.

via Shakesville:

A very heart filled Thank-you to Senators Hillary Clinton and Patty Murray for calling the Bush Administration out on their horrific proposed policy changes and sneaky broad definition of abortion, which will classify most types of birth control as abortion.

In their letter:

Secretary Michael O. Leavitt 
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 
200 Independence Avenue, S.W. 
Washington, D.C. 20201 

Dear Mr. Secretary: 

It has come to our attention that the Department of Health and Human Services may be preparing draft regulations that would create new obstacles for women seeking contraceptive services. 

One of the most troubling aspects of the proposed rules is the overly-broad definition of “abortion.” This definition would allow health-care corporations or individuals to classify many common forms of contraception – including the birth control pill, emergency contraception and IUDs – “abortions” and therefore to refuse to provide contraception to women who need it. 

As a consequence, these draft regulations could disrupt state laws securing women’s access to birth control. They could jeopardize federal programs like Medicaid and Title X that provide family-planning services to millions of women. They could even undermine state laws that ensure survivors of sexual assault and rape receive emergency contraception in hospital emergency rooms. 

We strongly urge you to reconsider these regulations before they are released. We are extremely concerned by this proposal’s potential to affect millions of women’s reproductive health. 

Thank you for your attention to this matter. 

Sincerely yours, 

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton 
Senator Patty Murray

Because that’s how it’s fucking done.  No hemming and hawing over it, not pandering to evangelicals, no statements about “acknowledging the other side” and their “moral qualms”.  Black and white this is wrong and we are not going to let it go on w/o a fight.

Rock on!

Wag of the Finger:

To Senator Barack Obama for his incredible non stance and for having the guts to stand up and say…well…nothing about this at all.

As some of the commenters at Shakesville noted, he will probably make some statement later that he respects a woman’s right to choose but can see the other side and their moral qualms and that we should probably maintain some control over our reproductive choices as long as our families and pastors say it is OK.  A real sweeping gesture there from someone who claims to want the women’s vote.

Fuck you Senator Obama.

Joss Whedon is NOT a male white supremacist.  

If you think so you do not know what the poop you are talking about.  Try seeing past your misandry and using common sense b/f you spew bile all over the interwebs.

And certainly, b/f you think to try…do not bring it here.  Slander will not be tolerated.  Just ask the guy who tried to talk about the Dalai Lama here.

Fuck You.

no, really.

i say this w/ all the love and respect a veteran can say to someone who rationalizes fighting an update to the current GI Bill.  i know what the current GI Bill provides, Senator, and i can assure you that not only is it not enough to ever encourage people to get out of the military, but it is a scary thing to think that that is all the money you will have to get your education once you get out.  it is far more beneficial to stay in and try to take classes for free while on active duty.  the high cost of tuition in many states is not even close to covered by the amount allowed per term, and as tuition rises the current benefit stays at a flat rate.  

and the current policies regarding active duty tuition assistance, explained by the high dollar of your darling Mr. Bush’s war, are limiting people more and more, making it difficult for many reasons for them to qualify for any kind of assistance at all.  troops are being told that if they want an education they should use their GI Bill while still on active duty.  i am sure i don’t have to tell you how that decreases your total benefits and essentially rips off anyone who has to use that option.

but it’s all for the good of the war, right?

and while we are talking about giving incentives for people to get out after one enlistment, i will remind you of the drive of the military branches to downsize.  that’s right, Senator, the military is downsizing and pushing people out the door faster than you can say “Aye aye, sir”.  the Navy alone is looking to trim about 20% from it’s current numbers.  so what is w/ all the fear talk about people getting out?

the Webb Bill is a first and tiny step toward thanking the people who are currently wasting their lives away in the name of your sacred war.  that you don’t think that anyone who has served one enlistment isn’t deserving of a GI Bill shows both that you really are out of touch w/ the soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines of today’s military and that you don’t give a flying fuck about them at all.

as long as it is for the good of the war, right, Senator?

hope you had a fantastic Memorial Day, Senator, shipmate.

warmest regards, 

Ouyang Dan

h/t to WKW

tip of the hat:

rock the fuck on, California!

today, California became the second state in the US to allow same sex marriage!

“In view of the substance and significance of the fundamental constitutional right to form a family relationship,” Chief Justice Ronald M. George wrote of marriage for the majority, “the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all Californians, whether gay or heterosexual, and to same-sex couples as well as to opposite-sex couples.”

California already has a strong domestic partnership law that gives gay and lesbian couples nearly all of the benefits and burdens of heterosexual marriage. The majority said that is not enough.

Given the historic, cultural, symbolic and constitutional significance of the concept of marriage, Chief Justice George wrote, the state cannot limit marriage to opposite-sex couples. The court left open the possibility that the Legislature could use another term to denote state-sanctioned unions so long as that term was used across the board for all couples.

(emphasis all fucking mine)

a standing O to Justice George, and the three other Justices who helped overturn the craptastic ban on same sex marriage for recognizing that forming a family union is a civil fucking right.

wag of the finger:

while my support is not a secret, i feel it only fair to give a great big “For Shame” to both Democratic candidates for not having the intestinal fortitude to stand up for same sex marriage.

Obama (via): 

Barack Obama has always believed that same-sex couples should enjoy equal rights under the law, and he will continue to fight for civil unions as President. He respects the decision of the California Supreme Court, and continues to believe that states should make their own decisions when it comes to the issue of marriage.

yes, well fuck you very much too.

Clinton (also via):

Hillary Clinton believes that gay and lesbian couples in committed relationships should have the same rights and responsibilities as all Americans and believes that civil unions are the best way to achieve this goal. As President, Hillary Clinton will work to ensure that same sex couples have access to these rights and responsibilities at the federal level. She has said and continues to believe that the issue of marriage should be left to the states.

What.  The.  Fuck.

hey, Dems, your fucking privilege is showing!

here’s the deal.  the right to marry whomever the hell you want is a heterosexual privilege, no matter what trolling douchebags will tell you (you know who i am fucking talking to).  i don’t fucking care that a good deal many of you out there believe that the concept of marriage is religious and why the hell would anyone want to be married anyway.  the truth is that along w/ all the rights and responsibilities associated w/ marriage there are great benefits and life problem fixers that are not available to my friends in the LGBTQ community.  many of you read my own musings on privilege where i discussed why i struggled w/ the decision to get married myself, after a long time of deciding that as an ally i would not do it until anyone who wanted to could do it.  but being that we are a military couple (myself formerly), and the Guy is up for orders soon, if we want to stay together then we best get our behinds a State Approved Piece of Paper Kissed By Jeebuz himself.  if he gets stationed overseas the only way to keep our family together is to marry.  my LGBTQ friends and family don’t have that option (i reserve the military issue for another rant on another day).  for them they would face painful separation.  green cards and health insurance are two other examples of problems that many couples face, but only hetero couples are offered a viable solution.

so, Dems, i hope you will forgive me when i say thanks a fucking lot for nothing on this.  if you want to reach out to the progressive vote i recommend rethinking your “let the States decide” bullshit argument.  it’s the same as fucking repro rights.  if you aren’t willing to belly up to the table and give citizens in this country federally protected rights then you are not worthy of my respect.

as usual, Melissa over at Shakesville has several incredible posts on why leaving these decisions to the states is a wanktacular idea (please note, it hurts hetero people too).

*Title shamelessly stolen from My Other Boyfriend.

that this post i made in an angry rant on myspace would get such positive feedback. i didn’t post it here, i figured it was kind of a “well, DUH” sort of thing…but i wanted to share.

and thanks to the people who asked if they could post it themselves, and pass it on. i received positive comments on it from some pretty unexpected places.

on 13 April, i wrote:

b/c i have to say it, and you need to hear it
Current mood: irate

if you are reading this, you are my friend, in some way, shape or form. it has become obvious to me that i need to say a few things to clear up misunderstandings b/f they happen, or happen again, and to draw my line in the sand. some of you may want to delete me from your friends files after this, so be it. some of you may think that i am pissing in my own sandbox, fine.

you all know me.

or you should, if you have been paying attention to the things that matter to me, by reading this babble that i put out pretty much daily, the things i write about, the places i link to, etc. it is no longer a secret to see that i am what i am, and who i have become.

so i have to ask,

what the fuck makes you think that it is OK to call me up and make “light” conversation and use sexist and misogynistic remarks, even after i ask you to stop. what makes you think that you can use sexist, right wing rhetoric about HRC when talking to me? i am a fucking feminist minded, progressive thinking woman, and that kind of talk, ESPECIALLY after i have asked you to refrain from it, and ESPECIALLY after i have had arguments w/ you where you REFUSE to see your privilege, will not fly w/ me. you will find yourself w/ one fewer ally if it continues. it is not OK to engage in anti woman talk, even if you think it is a joke. it is important to me, and if you consider me your friend, or care about me, you will remember that when you speak to me, or before dismissing my concerns. WORDS MEAN THINGS!

i will lay this out, so that there is no confusion any longer, about what i will and will not tolerate when you engage me in conversation.

it is not OK to make sexist jokes, about me, women in general, or certain public political figures who are smashing through glass ceilings, no matter what anyone thinks of her politics. you will not call someone a “pussy” and have it mean that they are effeminate, or try to use it as an insult to indicate that someone is weak. FYI a “pussy” happens to be one of the strongest things i can think of, just ask any woman who has given a vaginal delivery. it stretches to a nonillion times it’s original size, shoots a whole fucking human being out of it, and then returns to that original size. this does not equate weakness. i am not saying “women are superior to men”. but fucking WORDS MEAN THINGS!, so pay attention to how you use them. it is NOT OK to discredit the life’s work of a ground breaking woman, or of any woman w/ flippant remarks that discredit her on her gender alone. gender is a fucking social construct. consider the same w/ words like “bitch” and “cunt”. to not use them to degrade a woman when speaking to me, i will, from this moment on, call you out on it. think of something better. these words are meant to keep a woman in her place. i will refer to myself as such, and i may, as i possess one, and consider the other to be a fucking compliment. i would rather be a bitch or a cunt than a nice girl or a lady, b/c honestly, as Tina Fey said, bitches get stuff done. deal w/ it, but you may not use them as insults when you speak to or communicate w/ me.

you may not engage in racist behavior, deliberate or otherwise, when speaking to or w/ me. i don’t care if you think the “black woman yelled at you for being white”. that is bigoted and hateful language, and you need to be aware of such. no matter how ingrained it is in our society, no matter how casual it is for you to hear it in your “neck of the woods”. it is wrong. racist stereotypes are hurtful, whether you meant them to be or not. do not come in here and say “but but but i’m not racist!”, b/c we all are. for many of us, we have privilege, and i am officially owning mine. even though i am not technically white (i in fact consider myself a WOC, even though my skin color allows me to get by as otherwise. that is called privilege.), i recognize that i have, and still do, benefit from white privilege. i am not telling you that you need to do the same, though the world would improve a little bit for every person that does, but i will caution you when speaking to me. also, there is no such thing as reverse racism. i will not tolerate racism, even as a “joke”. hate is not funny. WORDS MEAN THINGS!

you will not engage in homophobic or otherwise queer hating behavior w/ me. the word “gay” is not an insult, though the rate of hate crimes perpetrated against people of the LGBTQ community would have you believe otherwise. you will not call someone “gay” as an insult, or try to insult a woman by calling her a “dyke” or “lesbian”. “limp wristed” is right out. you will not tote your religious infused hatred in here, and tell me that gay people are evil or disgusting or against some imaginary deity’s will. these are human fucking beings your are talking about, and they, like anyone else, deserve to be treated as such. these are people i care about and love, and people who seem to have a lot more respect for people that are different from them than a lot of straight people i have ever met. the same goes for transphobia. the fucking spell check here doesn’t even recognize it as a word, but it is real. i will repeat, gender is a fucking construct, and a transgendered person is not here to be your punching bag or punch line. you may not make jokes w/ LGBTQ people as the butt, and you may not tell me to lighten up for defending them. WORDS MEAN THINGS!

there is a laundry list of other things to add to this, but i think you get the point. if this is blindsiding anyone out there, i apologize, but it has been a long time coming, and needed to be said. some other off limit language is rape apology in any form, whiney MRA rhetoric, religious intolerance, and anti choice propaganda, b/c it is woman hating, ablism (such as using “retard” as an insult) or anything other than body accepting language.

if you are confused about any of this, i am here to answer questions.

so, thanks to all my readers. thanks for the support. and thanks for still checking in when the paying job has gotten in the way. if i could do this for a living, i would. i really, truly would write for my supper.

hurting yourself is NOT fashionable.

articles about it do not belong in the “Fashion & Style” section of a newspaper.  they belong in the “Health” section, since, ya know, it’s a HEALTH ISSUE! 

this is a huge problem.  eating disorders hit a little (read: lot) close to home w/ me.  they are dangerous, and the people suffering from them are sometimes reluctant to even admit that they have a problem.

i know.  i have seen all the movies and lifetime specials.  i have seen “The Karen Carpenter Story” and the movie w/ Tracey Gold basically playing herself.  i have seen the health class and abnormal psych films where people rupture their stomachs and bled to death.  one of my dearest friends from college nailed it on the head one night while i sat in his arms crying, “I am not going to insult your intelligence and tell you what you are doing to your body, or how it could kill you, but only tell you that you need to find whatever it is that makes you want to get better”.

the key word here is want.

most people w/ destructive disorders, be it binging and purging, cutting, hair pulling, alcoholism all know that they are hurting themselves.  you can scare them and yell at them until the cows come home, but at the end of the day they need to be able to find something  inside themselves that makes them want to get better.

i had to.

like the woman mentioned in the Times article, getting pregnant did that for me.  all the yelling at me, the fighting w/ me, the hand wringing and worry, that did nothing.  i had to find something inside myself (literally, in my case) that made me want to get better.  it was a struggle, and i remember days where i still wanted to throw up.  sometime after giving birth i was cleaning out an old purse and found a bottle of syrup of ipecac, and the temptations came flying back.  shit, i still struggle today, w/ a body that can’t work out as much as i need/want to, the thoughts of getting thin at any cost swarm my mind sometimes.

what really doesn’t help people who struggle is when we go along w/ the new trend of self destruction support.  all you have to do is a quick Google search to see the number of “ana” and “mia” websites out there, devoted to embracing eating disorders as a lifestyle.  livejournal, facebook, myspace, and who knows how many other online communities support these types of “lifestyle choices”.  the people living in this delusion call it just that, a lifestyle choice.  they don’t believe that they have a disease. 

if you go “downtown” here you can see the beautiful tourist women sporting the latest fashions, including these so called “support” bracelets.  (on feministe i linked to one on ebay, but it now leads to a non “pro anorexia” bracelet, i can’t find another ana or mia bracelet)  they are a fashion accessory showing solidarity for their life choice.

so when i call the Times’ decision to put that article in the “Fashion & Style” section completely irresponsible, it is b/c i fear for the people who are going to see it there and that it is going to reinforce this dangerous trend.  we are already plagued w/ celebrities who are wasting away and supermodels who appear to have not eaten in days.  we are barraged w/ fat shaming and told that weight is bad bad bad!!1!!  out society and media support this brainwashing!

so, NY Times, you receive my highly coveted “fuck you of the day” for your careful journalism.  thanks for supporting this deadly trend we are seeing today. 

h/t to jill at feministe