The Man finally got to us. Zacky’s been down for a while cause they put a bug in his machine, tonight they hit me. My internets box went wacko and won’t boot up anymore. Not sure what the deal is, but it’s not good. It’s gonna be a lot harder to get on here bring you stupid videos for the foreseeable future, hopefully this can be resolved quickly. By which I mean, Dolemite is about to be resurrected. The Man is going down.

Anyway, I fired up the ol’ Apple IIe to get this message out to you, our readers, because it’s just that important. This green cursor is hurting my eyes, though. Then again, it could be worse, I’m pretty sure Zack is running his Commodore 64.

See ya when we see ya. Hopefully very soon…

Five months of mistakes, of agony, of mishaps, of learning. Five months of hard, painful work. For what?

I’m back to square one, kids, only this time I think it’s worse. And this is for realsies.

People say that a heart can’t break. They say that it’s just an organ, that it has nothing do to with the emotion of love. Someone, however, that has felt the unbearable ache, the wash of overwhelming agony between their breasts, that person would disagree. I disagree. A heart can break. And I know, all the same, what I have to do is pick up the pieces and move on. But all I can do is sit here, tears streaming, and look around at the aftermath. There’s so many pieces and so much blood. I don’t know if I have the energy or the strength to do this again. Again.

I mean this, and you can doubt it if you want. But some of the best lessons are the most difficult to learn:

I will never love again.

what the fuck is wrong with people? I commute an HOUR to go to work and take care of people all fucking night and AN HOUR HOME. If I don’t sleep at ALL and I’ve been on three nights with a fucking shitload of overtime and I’m so tired that I am NOT safe to drive, I am not coming in. If I’m not safe to OPERATE A MOTOR VEHICLE how on EARTH am I safe to ADMINISTER MEDICATIONS? I DON’T WORK IN A FUCKING CALL CENTER YOU CUNT. I CAN’T SHOW UP TO WORK WITHOUT SLEEPING AND FUNCTION. THIS ISN’T A JOB WHERE ANY BODY WILL DO. FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL BAD. IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO WORK UP THE FUCKING COURAGE TO CALL OUT. FUCK YOU HARD. GODDAMNIT.

Ok…so…apparently…people actually read this blog. Which was something that I honestly did not expect because nobody EVER reads what I post. And to my complete embarassment, it ended up being read by perhaps maybe the last (yet first) person I wanted to end up with his eyes on my every word. Yep, that’s right, to be out there, loud and clear, Francois read my blog.

Now, not only do I feel like throwing myself into a [wo]man-eating plant to later be burnt into flames by a flame-thrower and fed to a school of baby hammerhead sharks who will eventually end up on display on a fisherman’s living room wall to later be forgotten by humanity…but I also just had to go through pretty much the most awkward moment of my entire existance, where if little kittens died for every time I said “fuck”, “shit” or “god” the cat species would be in extinction.

Yet, to my surprise (and I mean, really, the award for “surprise of the year” goes to…!), apart from all my clumsiness and uncomfortable silences and vomiting on his hand…..he actually said he felt the same way about me. (WHAT? yeah, I KNOW!) And I’m still thinking things over cause it’s really REALLY hard to believe that someone at his level of awesomeness would actually feel that way for a poor unfortunate lost soul like myself. Not to mention all the other options he has that look at him as if he were thanksgiving turkey dinner (trust me, I’ve witnessed it)…there is that little voice in the back of my mind that asks “Tricia, where the hell did you go RIGHT?”…cause whatever it is, man am I glad it worked!

So now, I write in my invisible agenda for Friday, “Francois” (perhaps maybe with a little smiley face next to it…)…and I have the whole week (when I say week, I mean 3 days) to gain that confidence that I know exists somewhere in this chick (oh come on, it couldn’t have dissolved, the last time I used it was 8 months ago, it’s gotta be in here somewhere!!!!!!!!!!)…cause this is something I don’t want to screw up. And if I screw up, that’s when I’ll know for sure that I’ll die alone with a paper sack over my head.

And that’s how life works. You’re born, you live awkward moments, you die.

I’d like to give a special thanks to Jackie…for somehow finding out about this blog and letting Francois know about it. Jackie, though I want to strangle you (lol) I think it’s safe to say that I owe you one.

Oh, and Francois, I know you’re reading this, just wanted to thank YOU for making the moment the awkwardest I’ve ever felt EVER. Thank you for laughing at my misery and being so cool about it. You’re always gonna bring this up until forever aren’t you?..yes you are. Can’t wait ’till Friday…

After using the search-engine Bing for the past few days, I came to this conclusion: it sucks. You get hardly any results with it, so what the hell is the point in using it?Fuck Bing.

Posted via email from HikiCulture – A Forum For Reclusive People (and Hikikomori)

I don’t get it why being potty mouthed is so looked down upon. As I’ve read somewhere, you must have a friend who uses the F word as an everyday noun, verb, adjective AND adverb in the same phrase. If you don’t, you don’t have many friends. And in my case, when I hear him talking and he curiously omits one of these expressions, I add it myself because it just feels wrong to not hear said friend speak in such a manner.

In Romania we have another expression, generally referring to a man’s genital. Thing is, most people use this word or refer to this word as punctuation. That itself is usually making my day, as it’s just as funny to listen to them and predict what they are going to say as trying to understand a guy with a heavy accent – heavy laughing occurs.

While this may be a bug of known severity, it shall not be fixed until it’s high priority, that’s what they always say, on a totally unrelated note.

If you may be wondering why the sudden change in my writing ethics, I suggest you look at some videos of Yahtzee Croshaw reviewing games. He always makes me speak and write… differently. See Zero Punctuation here: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation

25 septembrie

Fuck i hate being in love. Si ce pot sa fac?? Nimic. A se observa ca nu scriu decat foarte putin adica aproape nimic despre Iulia aici. Nu vreau sa las impresia ca sunt o jigodie de sentimentalist. Castelul a inceput sa decada pe la colturi. Se si vad cariile din spatele copacilor.
Radio Erevan: Poate sa ramana o femeie gravida vorbind la celular?
Raspunsul nostru este Da, insa depinde pe ce sta.

26 septembrie

Vesti rele din centrala de la o gasca cu care mai sprijineam peretii odata la universitate. Ma suna Andreea: Oana nu mai e cu alex ca:vezi stii suntem
diferiti,tu esti mereu in sex pistols iar eu…La faza asta alex o intreaba care e
baiatul ideal pt. ea.Si ea raspunde sa fie Loaded Cu BANI.Alex s-a ofticat
si a decis cu mihai ca ziua ce urmeaza sa se imbete.Viata continua alaturi
de Andreea si Adina, pe care le-am mai vazut de trei ori dupa faza asta (care s-a petrecut acuma trei saptamani). Ce aflu peste o ora de la Alina ca de fapt Oana n-a mai vrutsa fie cu alex ca ii place de mine si ca s-a codit s-a nu stiu ce daca sa vorbeasca cu mine, si ca pana la urma a trimis-o pe Alina de iscoada .M-a durut undeva si i-am zis Alinei asta, si Alina imi zice atunci o faza de la ziua lui Tepusa. Corbul aflase tot de la Andreea, care-i cea mai buna amica a lu’ verisoara-sa, o vede pe Oana ca e invitata so scoate un teanc de monezi de 100si zice uite Oana sunt loaded.”haha ha”
E viata continua,pana-n ziua de azi cand Mihai imi spune ca Adina a acceptat sa fie cu el.Tralalalala.Eu le dau maxim 5 zile azi e 26 pana pe 1.
E si cam asta e.

27 septembrie

” Raresu’ e o treime bani gata, o treime garcons de garcons si o treime prosti”. Dixit Prunacvariu, ca sa nu uit. Si inca una buna: “Suntem o generatie fara optiuni, deci alegem totul”. Asta, mai dura si mai filozofica, vine de la Spadasinu’, eminenta cenusie a gastii de rockeri greu infiripata printre lungile vizite ale lui Mihai la Fundatie (80,000 lei/gram) si CD-uri pocite cu Sx Pstols (cum zicea Corbul).
Am innebunit dupa Fenomental, nici nu ma mir e povestea vietii mele garnisite cu cacat impropriu numit in multe feluri:
Si nu mai suport* vreau sa se termine odata*
si sa scap viu*, cu mintea curatata*
sa nu-mi mai spuna ce sa iau*, ce sa fac si cui sa dau
simt ca innebunesc*, n-am nevoie de stapan sa-mi spuna cine sunt
si cum sa gandesc
mai vreau un pic de liniste* in atata neliniste*
vreau un pic de nimic*

si incep sa cad*, sa curg in iad*
ma adancesc* si nu ma mai opresc*
si cad in iad* si ochii imi ard*
sunt mult* si greu* si cad mereu*

*= coca.

12 septembrie

Nu prea ma lasa gandurile in pace. Si fac cum fuck si ma intorc la Catalina. E si normal: pe ea am iubit-o amandoi, si ea ne-a facut pe noi, fiindca fara ea noi n-am fi fost nimic. Ea ne-a invatat toate felurile de lumini, si sa gustam un sarut de parca toate diamantele lumii sunt reflectate in el, si nimic si nimeni nu ne-a facut sa ne simtim la fel dupa aceea. Tot ce a venit dupa aceea a fost doar o gluma… pentru el; pentru mine a fost un cutit inca o data zvarcolit in rana; dar de ce sa ma infurii pe soarta fiindca mi-a rezervat un destin atat de necrutator? Poate ca il meritam.
Ea m-a gasit pe mine, si nu eu pe ea. Eram la un bairam aiurea prin Socului, unde la 2 noaptea singurii ramasi treji eram noi si gagiul ei, un hipoderm contagios de prost. Ce cauta cu el? De dragul experimentului, probabil. M-am rasucit pe perne pana cand am fost dat afara din camera intr-un mod neceremonios. De-atunci si-a dat seama ca picioarele ei lungi, zambetul ei catifelat ce mintea continuu ma cucerisera. Din a saptea nu ma simtisem atat de o idee de fata, de o pasiune. Acuma as spune ca Catalina a fost singura persoana de care m-am indragostit, sincer. Oana a fost o pasiune, si nimic mai mult, iar Nina dintr-a 9-a o pacaleala reciproca.
Am pastrat legatura asa, in dorul lelii, si am fost cam usor surprins – de fapt mai mult, asa, dar nu prea puteam sa-mi permit sa recunosc – sa vad ca cu o fata pot avea loc si conversatii super. Imi placea cum radea, imi placea curba gatului si fustele scurte. Imi placea cam totul la ea. Ma indragostisem rapid. Nu era egoista, si nu vorbea despre alti baieti din viata ei; dar totul era atat de usor, ca nu banuiam ca ar fi trebuit sa fac ceva. Lucrurile stateau bine cum stateau; platonic, carevasazica. Fata de modul meu obisnuit de a vorbi cu o fata, cu Catalina faceam si spuneam exact ce nu trebuia sa fac, si eram constient de asta: ii spuneam Corbului, la scoala, tot ce se intampla, iar el radea, fara sa se plictiseasca: “Te-ai prins in lat”.
Aveam si ce sa-i spun, pentru ca pe Catalina o vedeam in fiecare zi, o vorba azi, o vorba maine, ma aprindea. Stia prea bine ce facea; sau poate inca credea ca poata sa aiba un prieten barbat. Era cald deja afara, si spatele se frigea cand ma sprijineam de peretii salii de sport, sa fumez un monte-carlo. In mai, si tigarile au alt gust: sfaraie, nu ard, si cerul gurii se cocleste chiar mai mult decat iarna.
Sa-l prezint pe Corb deci, pentru ca altfel nimic nu o sa aiba sens pentru mine. Nici un om nu mi-a schimbat viata ca el… nu, banalitate; cel mai bun prieten pe care … nu, banalitate. Corbul este, pur si simplu; prostanac, delicat, iubitor, haios, ingrozitor, beat, idiot, destept, flamand, filozof, futangiu si toate la un loc din nou. Din a 9-a ne stim; nimic nu ne-a separat, prin oricate am trecut impreuna; iar respectul pe care il am pentru el n-o sa-l stie niciodata. E subtire, dar niciodata artificial; cum am avut eu nenoroc la gagici, asa a avut el noroc; eu eram cel adanc, cel meditativ, iubitor, naiv, niciodata pesimist, motiv pentru care in sufletul nici unei fete nu s-a trezit instinctul materno-St.Bernardian de a ma salva; nici la el nu s-a prea intamplat asta de fapt, pentru ca la el e altceva; e stralucirea sampaniei, a betiei si a bucuriei de viata. Ce a vrut, a avut omul asta; si nici o durere, nici o amaraciune nu i-a brazdat vreodata sufletul; si acum e la fel de inocent si phoenix-ian ca la inceput, as putea sa jur. Chiar in ciuda afacerii cu Catalina.
Am inteles eu mai tarziu cum venea treaba cu privirile alea pe care i le arunca Catalina.. dar n-am vrut. Stii cum e, nu? Ai intuitia, dar incerci sa te minti: “Eh, ca doar nu le ghicesc eu atat de bine.. oi fi paranoic/a.” Eh, de-a dracu, am nimerit-o. Nu o mai interesam… asa, dupa un timp; cu fiecare intalnire in 3 printr-un barulet prapadit – de obicei cafeneaua veselei sau la grande pizzde, cum ii zicea Corbul masmongheniei aleia de langa protv – el era mai amuzant, facand-o sa rada, stralucind, si eu mai posac, mai amarat, mai nenorocit. Modul perfect de a face complexe, iti dai seama. A fost urat, perioada aia; dusul rece – adica ei doi convocandu-ma spasiti la Iancului ca sa-mi zica ca pauza – a venit asa, ca un fel de eliberare. Ca dovada – nu i-am evitat pe nici unul din ei dupa aceea. Ma legau prea multe ate de Corb – prea multe prostii si prostioare si lucrari la care am copiat impreuna si betii la care ajungeam manga din statia de trolebuz deja si vise pierdute si vise castigate si gagici la care ne-am uitat amandoi cu jind si comentarii artistico-tehnico-tactice. Ca dovada ca pricea s-a ales: cu el vorbesc; cu ea nu – de luni bune.
Am prea multa incredere in intuitie acuma, si asta ma innebuneste. E ca, hmm, un fel de paranoia. Cred ca stiu prea multe despre oamenii din jurul meu pur si simplu dupa cum le interpretez privirile. Dar daca am dreptate? Am dreptate?

So I’ve never played Street Fighter much when I was young. I was all about either Mortal Kombat, Killer Instinct or Tekken. Today my buddy bought Street Fighter 4 for the Xbox 360 and let me tell you, it is the hardest game I have ever played. And I’ve played my fair share of games. Very Easy could easily be classified as Hard in any normal game. Try as we might, we could not get past the 3rd guy for hours. After finally beating beating him, we went on to the boss Seth. Absolutely ridiculous. Waste of my time. Not only did we spend about 2 hours on this guy, but after beating him, we didn’t get any satisfaction out of it. We had beaten it on Very Easy. Big deal. Tried it on Easy and it was retarded. As most avid gamers know, once you get angry there’s no point in going on. You won’t be able to concentrate and you’ll get even angrier. So we said fuck it and moved on. I went to my room to listen to music and cool down, and he’s doing whatever he’s doing. Seriously though, if you’d like to buy Street Fighter 4, don’t. Fucking waste of money, time and patience. Go buy CoD Modern Warfare 2. Now THAT’S a sweet game. Online is beast.

So the moral of the story is, say fuck it to Street Fighter.

Thanks for listening,

Alex

This odd mixture of emotions is getting the better of me, and sometimes it feels as though the only way to go on living with even the most minute type of normalcy is to completely ostracize myself. It’s like the only way I can do okay or be okay is to limit my interaction with the rest of the social world. Which is odd in itself, as I’m craving company. I’m stuck in a horrific conundrum, and I don’t want to play anymore.

I have so much to do, and I don’t feel like I have the time to do it. I have obligations and constraints, and there simply is not enough time in the day without my running myself completely ragged. Break cannot come soon enough. And even then, I have to try to get a lot of work done during the break as well. Huzzah.

Things have started to happen, also, that bother me. I’m not upset, I’m not mad, I’m just…irritated. I feel like I’m struggling to empty my already overflowing plate, and shit just keeps being shovelled onto it. Please, please, leave me alone! I’m not sure how much more I can handle. I feel like I’ve been doing okay lately, you know, being responsible and whatnot, and getting things taken care of, but that’s academically. Once academics and my life start raping me up the ass, I start to get a little flustered. And a little flustered can easily turn into a lot flustered.

I just want to go home. I want to be done with some of the shit I am in the middle of (fortunately, some of it will be out of the way before the week is up) and get on with it. I want to get on with it.

I found me again. It’s odd, because due to the situation, I’m not all that happy. But I am happy. I’m that girl who I used to be, but better. I’m bright. I laugh. I radiate. And it’s so much better than how I used to be. And my first thought when I realized this was that it’s too bad that He isn’t around to experience it, and isn’t interested anyway.

Because I’m the type of girl he’d fall in love with. All over again.

Mostly, I’m just checked out on the shit that doesn’t matter. The small stuff doesn’t even roll off, because I don’t let it touch me. I don’t have the time, energy or patience to freak the fuck out about things that are inconsequential or out of my control.

I’m better now. I wish the people I want and need to see that actually would.

Tips to Help You Meet the Girl of Your Dreams

We women often think all men are confident, sure of themselves and have no problems getting women. Some men are like that, but many aren’t. I’ve met a lot of shy men throughout my life and almost all of them have had no idea how to meet women, or what to say if they do meet a woman they like. So, from a woman, here are my Top 5 Tips to help shy guys meet women.

1. Don’t try to meet women in bars. The most important tip I think there is. Just like women don’t usually want to meet a potential boyfriend in a bar, I wouldn’t recommend trying to meet a potential girlfriend in one. Bars are loud, smoky and usually full of people who are quite drunk. You’re not only usually going to find more of a Party Girl in a bar, but you’re also likely to be disappointed when you meet her in the daylight. In the bar, in her drunken stupor, you may have looked like somebody she wanted to get to know better. In daylight, things and people can look very different. There’s no point setting yourself up for disappointment before you even start so – avoid the bars!

2. Join a few clubs. At first, don’t even worry about trying to find a girlfriend. Just sign up for a few clubs or classes that YOU might find interesting. Walking clubs, movie nights, political organizations, dog walking groups, sports clubs, French classes, cooking classes, computer classes – they’re all places where, most importantly, you’ll probably make some new friends. They’re also places where you might meet an interesting woman and surprise surprise, when you do, she’ll probably have something in common with you.

3.When you do meet a woman you like, don’t think about her as a possible girlfriend. The secret to a great relationship is to be the best of friends. If you meet a woman you think you might like, get to know her first. Put it out of your head that she might be a potential girlfriend or wife. Instead, learn more about her, enjoy her company and have fun.

When you do this, the woman is less uncomfortable or threatened and she’ll let her guard down, and you won’t be worrying about trying to impress. That way, you’ll both be having a great time before you know it and who knows what might happen?

4. Be liked for yourself. Don’t try to be somebody you’re not. Don’t pretend you’re a bad boy, a jerk, a ladies man etc. if you’re not. Women almost always hate that but, even if she likes it, who wants someone to fall in love with somebody they’re not anyway? You can’t keep it up for the rest of your life, so why even start? Be yourself. Relax. Talk about the things you’re interested in, ask her questions about herself, find something you both have in common and discuss it. Then, even if she’s not ‘The One’, you still might have found someone you can talk to and she could turn out to be a great friend.

5. Just do it! When you meet a woman and you feel that overpowering fear coming on and you just know you’re not going to have the courage to talk to her. Just do it. Forget the fear, take a deep breath, walk right over and say “Hi”. Women usually like the confident, strong, outgoing guys. But here’s a secret – MOST GUYS ARE FAKING IT. So, you fake it too. Take a deep breath, relax your body, chin up, shoulders back and walk over there like you own the room. By the time you get there, she’ll think you do, and she’ll already be interested. This is what guys who are successful with women do. They all started by faking it and eventually they weren’t even faking it anymore. With these 5 quick tips, you too can meet some great women and can pluck up the courage to talk to any woman. There are women everywhere. Make it a point every day to talk to at least three women you don’t know, even if it’s just the woman behind the drycleaner’s counter. Before you know it, you’ll be just as relaxed as the next guy and having fun while you’re at it. Good luck!

Hey guys, I bet your wondering how I got my name “ninja5”. This story takes place a long time ago when I was in 4th grade. This was the time when I actually liked club penguin (a VERY gay game). I used to play that game sooooo much! Like… Everyday! I actually had a membership on that game for a while. Anyways……… I found glitches to that game. That was when I got a litte crazy. I started hacking in. I found a way to get 15 thousand dollars every freaking 15 seconds (not real money, money in the game). YOU GET THE POINT!!!! Back then, it said on YouTube that their was a way to be a ninja on club penguin (ofcorse there wasn’t a way). And I fucking believed that shit!!!!!! I tryed everything to be a ninja! It turned me into an insane asshole!! So I named myself ninja5 and I really regret it!! Finally I gave up club penguin and had a BIG relief! Now on club penguin you can’t hack in, you can’t do most of the glitches that you used to be able to do, only the retarted members can do most of the stuff, you practicaly couldn’t do ANYTHING fun on club penguin any Fucking more. What’s the god damn point of playing club penguin if you can’t do half the shit you could do earlier in the game!!!!!!!!!

Time to celebrate! Kisses, Kate

katemercer@live.com

I feel strange. It’s an odd mixture of emotions and I can’t seem to put my finger on one individually.

For some strange reason, the change in the weather makes the missing that much worse. It’s bothersome.

I’ve realized lately that I’m going through withdrawals. I knew it was going to happen, but it’s set it pretty violently lately. I miss watching movies. I don’t remember the last time I just cuddled up and watched one. And I want to. Badly. It’s one of the few things I really enjoy doing, and I can’t ever or don’t ever get to do it. It’s kind of breaking me down.

quarterlife was talking to me today about some problems she’s been having, and it make me consider some things that I was aware of but that hadn’t fully settled in realistically. Then they did and I felt like a douche.

I can’t wait to go home. There are so many people I want to see. Plus, maybe I’ll get to reclaim my house, and my couch, and watch a movie.

Oh, and a warning for some of you (I’m not going to name names): there will be hugs. Fierce ones.

I’m lonely.