[I Love My Sex - Benny Benassi]

Just a really quick update to let everyone know that, despite the cold, I made my HNT reality and met LG at the station in only my coat and sexy lingerie (and to die for black Steve Madden high heels). I froze a bit, but it was so worth it. When my coat came open a little bit on the bus, exposing the lacy tops of my stockings, I merely smiled at the other passengers and closed it nonchalantly… I can’t even explain how much of a vixen it made me feel.

There will be more updates, but suffice to say, we had an amazing evening last night and did not leave my bed once. Clubbing tonight.

Mm, this man…!

After my meeting with Stephen, yesterday, I sent him a text….”BTW I can smell your cum in my underbritches.  Delicious!”

Or I thought I sent it to him.  I actually sent it to Hubby.  Oh, FUCK!  Hubby doesn’t check his phone much, but he keeps it in his pocket.  So I had to fuck him and let him cum inside of me before he checked his phone…as much as I didn’t want to, I did.  It was just to save face. 

I know.  I suck. 

Moral of the story…CHECK the name of the person that you are sending a text to BEFORE you hit “send”!

Yep.  I’m a damn doofus.

I seem to get a few hits from this porn-type stuff, searches for tags I put on like fuck, sex, manatees and so on. Even my travel blog gets the occasional “Thai girls” search engine hits. So, being close to Xmas and all, I thought I better give something to these poor fat slobby sleazy fucks that are sitting there with four cans of coke poured into a vase, three meat lover’s pizzas, potato chip crumbs in their lap, sitting at the PC in a darkened room searching for “fucking” on WordPress. Here ya go ya fat fucks:

Fuck, lick, slap, suck, kiss, bite, push, hard, soft, sherpas in sheep costumes, fanny, doodle, NURSE (that bit isn’t part of it, that was just me typing out loud in my cell, it’s happy tablet time), where was I? Oh yeah, slide, poke, sweat, dick, lick, slappy mc slap, pull hair, rubber gimp mask, rubber chickens I dunno, what are you people into?

Work with me here. No pun intended.

OK, I’ll give it a bash. There’s this chick, right? She has these boobs and shit, so you’re like, sqeezing that shit, right? And she’s all like “ooohh yeah daddy, give it to me hard” in a stupid fake voice and then does one of those Beverly Hills 90210 girly giggles. You’re like “Hell yeah, bitch” and start going crazy, tearing her clothes off left and right, I mean that shit is flying everywhere. It’s all lacy shit too, HOW FUCKING HOT IS THAT? LACY SHIT! and then you pull out your 27 inch mega-wang and dust off the Oreo crumbs from your stomach and say “OK this is Captain Penetrator calling Naval Base, preparing to dock” and she just goes apeshit, OM NOM NOM NOM. BAM, you’ve slapped her in the face and say “Bad doggy” and she wimpers then cries, then plays a gnarly air guitar, fuck this bitch is mad hot.

So then you’re getting down to business, and you have one leg on her cheek, one leg on the couch (I forgot, there’s a couch, OK?) she has one foot in your ear, and the other on the curtain rail near the window. It’s the maddest sex position in the world, and you just invented it because that’s how fucked up you are, in a fully awesome way. Then after that bit, you’re like “Can we go missionary?” and she’s like “Hell yeah bro, I’m catholic, I LOVE that shit!” BAM, you’re going hard mish style. It’s SO lame that it’s cool. You’re hell cool at fucking. Now you’re like “Yo, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna… o… oh… ooHH… OOOOHHH” and she’s like “Oh YEAH I’m so HORNY” and you’re still doing your “O” face and AAAARRRGGGHH your mum walks in and turns the light on and it’s actually your aunty.

Suck shit you stinky perverts, fuck off somewhere else.

Age: 26

Hair: Strawberry Blonde

Height: 5′3

Method:  Diving on the Friend Gernade

Advancement: SCENE MISSING

We all know that the night before Thanksgiving is one of the high holidays of the partying drunk. Just like New Years, Cinco De Mayo, Arbor Day, and all the rest.  I’m not exactly proud of it, but I started drinking around 2 yesterday. Then happy hour hit, and then my friend and I decided to go pub crawling all night. It was pretty bad, I’m not gonna lie. For a while there I was dangerously close to sobering up, deciding to take it easy for the night.  My friend remedied that by buying me multiple rounds of shots. Only,  I was unaware of his nefarious plan. He was trying to butter me up because the girl he is interested in was joining us. There are few things I hate more than being blindsided into being a third wheel.  I pointed that out immediately. “Oh I think shes’s bringing some friends.”

Yeah, she brought a friend alright. She may just have been one of the most obnoxious girls I ever met. She was loud. She had an annoying laugh and laughed at everything. And she was entirely too drunk. Now, I was drunk too..so drunk there are a few puzzle pieces trapped in the couch of my mind, but my extreme state of inebriation had more to do with having to be forced to entertain and distract this girl.  And I’m going to be bluntly honest. I don’t remember anything after ten. And the tiny bits I do remember are hazy, cluttered. I don’t know if anything happened, or how much happened, or if I made empty promises that they would happen…or happen again.

I could ask my friend, I’m sure he’ll tell me anyway, but I don’t really want to know.  I think I hate being listed the dumb shit I do when drunk, even more than being thrid-wheeled.  I’m sitting here with my beer with a Bright Eyes album being the soundtrack to my bad decision. But it’s okay, because today is Thanksgiving and mid-day drinking is allowed…yes it’s a thin excuse, but I’ll take what I can get these days.

Sin. That’s what she wanted to be called. Her real name was Cinthia. She was one of those spoiled ass daddy’s girls, that would throw a tantrum if she didn’t get what she wanted. As for looks, she’s aight. She’s not the cutest, but not the ugliest. A little on the heavy side. Nothing wrong with that at all. She looked good for a big girl but I can’t stand spoiled ass females. She had been eyeing me since I met Porsha at the party and been pissed at me since I turned her down. I’ve kicked good convos with Sin before but when the shit started turning into some “it’s all about me” type of shit. I threw her the deuces. I finally arrived home and decided to scheme. I was gonna fuck her but she was gonna have to pay heavily. This jealous ass female put my life in danger because I didn’t fuck her first. Just as I was about to hit the shower, I saw my lease from the apartment I just moved out of. I had three weeks left on the lease and still had the keys to it. Luckily, I didn’t move everything out of if yet. Now I had the perfect place to set everything up. I decided to call her up to finalize my plans.
“Sin. What’s good with you?”
“Nothin. Who this is?”
“Jerome. You know who this is, stop playin.”
“I’ve been waitin for you to call for the longest. So what’s up with it?”
“Meet me at my apartment tomorrow at about 7. I’m gettin off early just for you.”
“Oh so you gonna give me the business now?”
“Damn right. You get the business and the building. Feel me?”
“Oh shit. I got you tomorrow baby boy and make sure you bring that good game.”
“Ok.Bet.”
We hung up. I got that ass now.

Thirty minutes later I grabbed my keys, some equipment and headed for my old apartment. I really didn’t miss this place. The neighborhood was fucked up in general although it was in the nicest part of town, the people in the leasing office were full of shit, rude as fuck. The neighbors were kind of cool. Nevertheless, I would never come back, except for this time. I grabbed my equipment, turned on the light and began to set up various hidden cameras and wireless transmitters. As I started to put everything together, my conscious began to bother me just slightly. Could I really go through with this shit? Hell yea, especially since she almost got me killed just because she wasn’t my first choice. You see, Sin had always put on a public persona of being innocent and pure but I wasn’t one of those stupid brothas that was born yesterday. She held I high position within the School Board and this would surely get to her.
Before you start to think, “How could you do something like that to her?” I want you to peep game. Before I started my own business, I was on my way to being the youngest Regional Manager at Best Buy but a little fiasco she pulled cost me my job. I was making a decent wage. I liked my job there as well. Paid travel, paid holiday, discounts, being able to interact with people were only a few of my favorite perks there. So it’s only fair that karma comes back. I was gonna quit eventually, but I wanted to do it on my time. Fuck it. I continued to set up my equipment until finished. Afterwards, I grabbed my keys and made my way home. As I was driving down I-240, my phone rang. It was Porsha hitting me up again. She said that she missed me and wanted to see me tomorrow but I politely declined. I was on a mission. I arrived home, checked my email, MySpace, Facebook, website and Twitter, then ate,worked out, showered and went to sleep.

My alarm rang at 9am, the time I usually got up. I wasn’t really feeling work today, so I decided to call in and let Vanessa know I wasn’t coming in and that my VP was in charge. For most of the day, I was online chilling with some of my people and surfing on YouTube. My phone rang once more. I answered.

“Jerome, I hope you’re ready baby, I’m gonna ride the shit out of you.” That was a bit unexpected for me to hear as soon as I picked up. It would have been even better if it were Vanessa or Porsha on the other end. I grinned and used my deepest voice. “Is that right? How about this? Get dressed, I mean get that bad-ass black dress and them “Fuck Me” Heels and meet me at my apartment.”
Before I could say anything else, she hung up and got ready. That was my cue to head to the apartment. I arrived shortly after 12:30 PM to get ready. I guess she wanted some real lunch. Sin knocked on my door about ten minutes later. I opened the door and was dressed how I told her. I didn’t believe she was gonna do that. I thought she would have seen through my bullshit. She wasn’t half-bad lookin. Her dressed hugged her just right. Real talk. She switched her hips as she walked in. She dropped to her knees before I could even close the door. Thank God the cameras were up and running. Sin wasted no time, sliding my dick into her warm, wet mouth. She started to suck on it hungrily as if she were starving, bobbing back and forth and sucking hard. I ain’t gonna lie. That shit felt good as hell.

“Told you I was gonna get that,” she said with a slight grin. I know she wasn’t trying to outdo me within the first five minutes. I wasn’t about to let that shit happen. I grabbed her hair and pulled it slightly. She moaned and began to suck harder. That let me know that she was slightly submissive. Perfect. I pulled out and began to slap her lips with it. She moaned even louder and started to beg for it.
“Please, please, put it back in,” she screamed out. “I need it, I want it.” I slid back in with no questions asked and began to thrust in and out of her mouth as she asked. Sin started to undress as she rolled her tongue around the head, not letting it escape her mouth. Within a few seconds her moans became louder as she pinched her right nipple. I pinched her left nipple to help her out. “Harder.” I pinched it even harder. Her breathing became even more pronounced as she increased speed. Sin was a fuckin freak. She got off on both pleasure and pain. Maybe I should have fucked her first instead of Porsha. Nah, I couldn’t. I just didn’t have a vibe with her like that but her head game was something serious. To make things more interesting, I decided to give her a command to see if she would respond willingly.

“Suck harder goddamn it,” I roared out.
“Mmmmm. Yes sir. Anything you want sir.” Oh shit, I was definitely about to have fun with her today. I grabbed her and pulled her along with me as I made my way to the couch. I sat down. Sin soon followed suit.

“Suck me! NOW!”I demanded. She wasted no time going back to work, making sure to keep me from going past the point of no return. I pulled her hair harder. She began to deep throat me, keeping me in her mouth as she massaged the head with her tongue. Damn, she was cold with it. I might have to call her up to give lessons to these other women in the city.

Little did she know that I had a surprise waiting for her in the back. See what people don’t know about Sin is,that when she’s drunk, she tends to run off at the mouth. I remember her telling me at the party where I met her and Porsha, that she always wanted to try being in a threesome. But she would be devistated if anyone knew. I secretly pulled in one of my employees that really didn’t like her but needed to release some tension, Danielle.

As Sin continued to suck, I snapped my fingers and Danielle came out butt naked. She wasn’t the best lookin but her shape was killer. I laid back on the couch as Sin continued to suck. I commanded Danielle to sit on my face. As I started to tongue her clit slowly, Sin suddenly stopped and reached up to fondle one of Dani’s breasts.

She stopped. “Bitch he ain’t say you could touch me. Keep your hands off.” I looked down. ” I didn’t tell you to stop suckin either.” Sin went back down. She began to tongue my balls slowly looking up at Dani as if she were trying to tease her.

“Rome why does this girl keep lookin at me like she hungry?”
“I don’t know. See if she is,” I grinned as I pat her on the ass. Dani got off my face and switched places with Sin. She immediately started to suck on my head. “Let me show you how a pro do it.” Dani had skills too. They could both go head up. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as she continued to suck. Sin started to look a little disheartened watching us. “Gone ahead and eat that pussy. She needs a release.” Wasting no time, Sin burried her face in her pussy licking rapidly. Danielle threw it back to her as I continued to slide in and out of her warm,wet mouth. She moaned out in pleasure as two of her holes were getting worked on. Her body began to shake as she neared her first orgasm. She began to suck faster and harder each time Sin’s tongue flicked across her clit. Looking at that shit made me hungry as hell. I wanted more. I slid out of Danielle’s mouth. “Keep it my mouth baby, I want to taste you.”
“Aight, then.” I wasted no time sliding back into her mouth fuckin it faster. Dani’s eyes began to roll to the back of her head as her body shook. “Fuck…..I’m gonna cum” she screamed out as she squirted in Sin’s face. I was slick jealous. Ok, I’m lying. There have been many occasions I’ve made her squirt in the office. Dani got hers and I was gettin mine. Now was the time to put part of the plan into action.

Sin was about to serve us both facing the camera. We both sat back on the couch. Dani spread her still drippin pussy as I began to ub her clit. I looked over at Sin. “So is this what you wanted?”

“Yes daddy.”
“Now what would you do if anyone found out?”
“No one is goin to because I’m gonna put y’all to sleep.”
“How is that?”
“With this fiya ass tongue and wet ass pussy.”

Without hesitation Sin engulfed my dick into her mouth and started to suck. Damn it felt good but I really had to go through with my plan before I forgot. I pulled her head up.

“Say that you’re a slut. That you love dick and pussy. It’ll turn her on.” Danielle licked her full lips to entice her.

Sin looked up at us. “I, Cinthia Latrice am a slut, your personal slut. I love dick AND pussy,” she said excitedly. “I love it.” That was all I needed to blackmail her but I decided I was going to get mine. Besides, she almost got me killed. She owed me. I pulled Sin to me. “Suck it then.” She wasted no time sliding my hardness into her mouth and began to suck feverishly. While Sin continued to give me head, Dani disappared into another room and came back with a strap-on three minutes later. She spread Sin’s pussy and slid inside her. She moaned out loudly as Dani started to fuck her deeply. This mad her suck me even faster. Shit it felt like she lost control of her body. Each moan vibrated through my dick as Dani fucked her faster. “Mmmmmm…….damn,”she moaned out as we both dominated her mouth and pussy. Nearing her orgasm,she began to suck and jerk my meat. She brought me close to orgasm as well. I came two minutes later flooding her throat as Dani continued to work her juicebox. That shit was sexy ass hell. I looked on at the action as I laid back to recover. She continued to work her over, Sin came numerous times as Dani continue to work out her frustration. Fifteen minutes had passed and I became hard once more. I moved Dani out of the way and laid Sin onto the floor. “Let me get a piece of that real quick.” She wasted no time spreading her wet pussy. I slid my member deep inside her and started to thrust hard and slow.

“Damn daddy give me that dick,” Sin moaned. She really did want the dick. She was wet as hell. I could see and feel her pussy try to grip it each time it escaped. “She’s a noisy as hell. I got somethin to shut that ass up,” Dani said as she sat her pussy on Sin’s face. She devoured her as Dani rode her face. My thrusts soon became pounding. She cried out in pleasure as I penetrated her deeply. Her body began to shake as came. Dani followed soon behind, flooding her mouth with delicious pussy juice.

“Bend the fuck over,” I roared. “Let me hit it from the back. I grabbed her hair and pulled her into me. She let out a slight gasp as she trembled. I put her into position as I slide my hardness back into her pussy. I grabbed her hips, pounding and thrusting into her deeply. Danielle quietly slipped away into my room to control the camera angles. That was my cue to get her to talk.

“So you say you’re a slut?” I asked ramming harder into her. “Fuck yes I’m a slut. This shit turns me on. Keep talkin dirty to me,” she squealed. I continued to fuck her deeply until she came. I started to cum again soon after. I pulled out. “Kneel and swallow it. NOW! She kneeled and opened her mouth. I slid into it and released down her throat. She swallowed as I commanded. Damn that felt good as fuck. Too bad tomorrow her secret may be out. That’s what she gets for trying to have me killed. Over a woman that came to me willingly. I dismissed her and went to my room to edit the footage to submit to a local news source.

Age: 27

Hair: Curly Dark Brunette

Height: 5′4

Method: Catchin Up

Advancement: Vodka Cranberry

I met B while I was at bartending school a few years ago. We bonded over a 40 hour week of making Malibu Baybreezes, Alabama Slammers, and Incredible Hulks.  She was my hipster fantasy, leggings under a cute dress, a penchant for indie rock, and quirky as all hell. But I had a girlfriend. This was even in decline of the relationship. But, despite my best temptations, I didn’t cheat or end the relationship over her. I just pined.

And then I got single, and she got relationshipped. Rinse and repeat this pattern for a few years, but we kept in touch. We finally hung out yesterday for the first time in a few years. We reminisced over our teacher yelling at us, over her busting my balls, over the weird kids in class. It was a fun time. Unfortunately, nothing really came of it. I think the window on that one is a little closed, but she was/is a cool girl and an always enjoyable person to spend the night drinking with, or even just making drinks with.

Warning: This Video may contain strong language. There are also scenes of violence, people’s genitals being ripped off and their toe nails being pulled out in slow motion. Then there’s a scene where you can see EVERYTHING – and even more! Be aware, be alert, be careful.

I know this isn’t exactly gender exclusive but I’m pretty sure women started it, and have perfected it throughout history.

Example 1: Eve

Whilst bickering with Adam over her eating of the apple and damning all man kind, God “just happens” to show up and banish her from Eden. C’mon he just decided that was a good time to commence the banishment. They were in cahoots, God was just trying to get her out of that jam.

Example 2: Harriet Tubman

Do you really expect me to believe this was just about slavery. She was using songs, telegraphs, and the like to get the heck out of there. Escaping the south? More like escaping all the lame southern dudes.

Example 3: Jackie O

Oh yeah, I’m saying it. Jackie O was behind the whole thing. Jack Ruby? Lee Harvey Oswald? C’mon conspiracy theorists…aim a little higher. Jackie O was the mastermind behind that one. And why shouldn’t she be? Her husband was a hot shot playboy AND president to boot. He could have Marilyn or any other lady he wanted…does this a good husband make? And we’ve all learned how tough and frowned upon divorce was back in those days (thank you Mad Men).  Sure, she’s a national treasure, but part of that is her bravery and spirit in the face of her husband’s death. That was the ultimate excuse for her to get any situation, all she had to do is act choked up, she didn’t even have to say, “Oh I’m sorry, my husband was shot…” Because everybody already knew where they were when this happened and she had all of our sympathies.

Dressed for the afternoon.  A turtleneck, black jeans, boots, and a little somethin’ – somethin’ underneath…just for my baby.  I don’t usually tell Hubby stories about where I’m going…especially, when it comes to Stephen.  But I did today. Why?  Not sure…but I did.  So I hid my lingerie under my street clothes.

Long, black, wool, winter coat  – it was chilly today – covering the clothes I was wearing.  Before I showed up at Stephen’s office, I went to a local grocery store and pulled my jeans and turtleneck off and left my nightie and underbritches on with my naughty boots…wrapped myself up in my coat and off I went.  I got out of the car (after waiting for my chronically, delightfully tardy lover) and walked into the office, dropped my things on the filing cabinet and propped my happy ass up on the desk, with legs crossed and coat still on. 

“Hello, baby,” he said as he kissed me sweetly.  I promptly unbuttoned my coat and slowly slipped it off and dropped it back on the desk.   “I have to get my camera and capture  you right there.”  I sat still and looked into the camera as if I was looking at him – wait…I was and was looking at him like I always do – with great affection.  He took lots of pictures of my tits, my back, my smile…and the two of us kissing.

We moved to the futon…and he made a video of us kissing and touching…”I think it’s important to take video of us kissing…it shows us how sexy it can be.”  I couldn’t agree more.  I loved watching us connecting.

I rolled over onto my tummy and he started at the top of my boots and licked to the back of my knees.  It is amazing how this man can find the one place, at any given moment, that can send me into a tailspin.  He, orally, made love to the backs of my knees.  I could hardly contain myself.  I had to look back to watch him doing it.  He caught my gaze and our eyes locked.  Connection, indeed.

This man, made sure that I knew that he is my boy…he licked and fucked me like a champ.  “You make me feel like no one else has…,” I said.  “I’m glad to hear that,” he said.    He slid my legs together, closely and slid his cock into me from behind…he held my hands and kissed me deeply.  (I secretly started to cry…I didn’t want him to see.) 

As he came, he gripped my shoulders hard and groaned as he blew deep inside of me.  I live for that shit.  I live for his shit.  I turned my head and realized that he saw my tears.  He wiped them away as I said, “I didn’t want you to see that.  It was just a rush of emotion.  I’m sorry.”  “Never worry about that, baby,” Stephen said. 

Dammit.  Every time we fuck, he kicks my ass.  I’m smitten.

So I fucked a dude last night.  I will call him Mr. Long island because he’s originally from… yep.. wait for it… LONG ISLAND.  Why the fuck did I do this?  I went back to my old behavior because I was feeling vulnerable, hurt, mad, rejected and worthless.  This has never worked for me in the past yet like I said in my e/mail to MM “you go with what you know” so I went with it.  I was not attracted to him and I didn’t really like him.  He was loud and talked about himself nonstop.  I knew as soon as I sat down where the night would go.  I had a spanish coffee followed by 3 beers, I hadn’t eaten so I was drunk pretty quickly.  An hour into the date I even e/mailed MM telling him I was on a date but thinking of him.. Mother God Damn Fucker !! We left the bar under the pretense of going to another bar. We ended up at his condo, which was friggin gorgeous, and after about an hour of talking and another drink we fucked.   Meh.  While he was eating my pussy, fingering me and saying all the stupid things dude’s say when they are fucking you for the first time I literally was laying there going I can’t believe I am here and doing this.  We fucked, he lasted about 2 minutes and thought he did something good. He didn’t.  I didn’t.  He asked me to “kiss his dick” to which I say uh.. NO!  Sucking dick is way more intimate to me than fucking and I can only do it when I feel a connection and it’s in conjunction with sex.   I didn’t ask him to eat my pussy so I felt no obligation to suck his dick.  I never feel an obligation to suck a guys dick, seriously. I fell asleep after the 2 minutes of intense pleasure and woke up a couple hours later and went home.  Long Island was surprised I was leaving and wanted to do it again.  Why? I left.  Came home, went to bed feeling like shit over what I did.

This is my pattern.  This is what I know.  This is what I do when I am feeling bad about myself, my life and like no one will ever love me.  This is one of the reasons I go to therapy.  I think there was a good reason I was so fat for so long, I would’ve gotten laid a lot more over the years if I looked like I look now.  Funny thing is since I’ve lost 110 lbs I really haven’t fucked very man men.

When I went to work Bumble Bee knew something was up, bitch, and we ended up talking about what I did.  If anyone can understand my self-destructive behavior and lack of self-worth she can!   I cried and had a 5 minute pity party for myself then pulled myself together to go wax some pussy. 

I exchanged many e/mails with MM today, that’s a different post.   So tonight I find myself home watching the BL, eating homemade split pea and ham soup, curled up on the couch and trying to give myself some self-love.

I started this blog less than 2 months ago and by the time I get home it will be over 1000 hits.

1000 Hits – 12:20pm

1. Happy 1000 Hit Birthday AntiNerd

2. Google and SEO doesn’t mean shit in terms of personal blogs. Professional websites, etc I can tell you first hand SEO works, and very well. But personal blogs? Get fucked. The only hits I get from Tags are “fuck” and “sex” etc.

3. People read blogs like they watch Big Brother, because humans and the human condition are interesting. Some can express it well, some can’t.

4. If your blog looks like an Ad, it’s boring. There’s ads all over the internet. Get a personality and then start blogging.

5. Be interesting, write well, and keep it raw, that’s what a blog is for.

Peace,

xxx

Scott Assassin

Like some people, I’m a pretty big fan of Twitter. Like a far greater number of people, I’m not a very big fan of doing laundry.

Let me share a story that manages to connect the two.

When I started college, one of the many new things I had to get used to was doing laundry. I’ve since gotten over it really being any sort of a hassle, but somewhere along the line, I managed to draw a new personal tradition out of it. For whatever reason, every time I’ve done laundry, I tweeted something about it that included the word “fucking.” Now, granted, this is not a very nice word. Most people should not say this word or should at least take some care in using it because a) most people don’t find it particularly amusing, and b) that pesky roughly age 13-17 demographic finds it entirely too amusing. But I felt like the daunting task of having to do laundry did something to deserve it. Sorting colors, waiting for a dryer to open up, swiping your ID or procuring an obscene amount of quarters. Not pleasant stuff. Of course, now it’s just funny. Especially in how a few of my friends have adopted this habit as well. I can earnestly say that nothing warms my heart in quite the same way as seeing someone else tweet something along the lines of “Time to do some fucking laundry! #fuckinglaundry”

Yes, that’s right. It even has its own hashtag now. It’s perfectly acceptable either to throw it in at the end, or to just incorporate it into your tweet, like one of my friends did rather expertly with “What time is it? #fuckinglaundry time!” Those are the rules. Either syntax is perfectly acceptable! Why would I tell you that they’re the rules? Because this is obviously a thing that needs to catch on on a larger scale! True, my blog doesn’t really get enough traffic (at least outside of you know what) to start a social revolution (Twitter revolution?), but it’s as good a place as any to get the word out! Or, worst case scenario, to share an amusing anecdote to serve as a filler post.

Now go. You know what you must do. Unless you don’t have twitter, then you should maybe click on a bunch more of my posts and bump up my stats a little bit to make me feel better.

Bella always had an unique relationship wit her daughter. They were more friends than mother and daughter.  So it was really no surprise when she received the most unusual wedding gift–porn.

Bella shook her head and almost fell into hysterics about seeing the vintage Lust of Blackula porn.  She didn’t know whether to toss the DVD in the garbage or continue in her fits of laughter.  But she knew Maria was going to ask if she watched the porn at some point.  Wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes, Bella figured she might as well keep the god-forsaken gift. It could’ve been worse.

Little did Maria know the DVD created an unforgettable evening with Bella and her new husband. There was nothing hotter than fucking doggystyle on the kitchen counter…