“It’s the worst it’s ever been.”

I didn’t have time to worry about that, so I climbed into the front seat, shoved a board out of the way and hooked the handle of my coffee mug onto the butterfly net riding shotgun with me. I clicked on NPR and ignored the empty Powerade bottles and gym shorts with the tags still on them next to me. Before I exited the car and headed into school, I glanced into the back seat to find a halogen light, rubbermaid containers filled with rolled up strips of cardboard, a beekeeper’s veil, and a 4 x 250 ft roll of laminating plastic. I didn’t even open the trunk, but it was filled with at least two dozen coconuts.

Later in the morning I received the following text:

“After seeing my car at its worst, do you still want to be married to me?”

My husband was horrified that I’d seen his shame. It’s the same reason he gets uncomfortable if I walk on his side of the bed because it means I might trip on clothes, comic books, empty boxes, a suitcase, or general trash.

The only difference between his shame and mine is that I keep mine off the floor. I prefer to put it in a closet or on top of a dresser.

This whole anecdote got me thinking. Everyone needs a corner of shame. No matter how much we gloss up the outside to look organized and healthy, our humanness dictates that we allow ourselves a place for disgrace. A place we pray no one will accidentally discover. Because if we know they’re coming, we’re going to clean it up first.

What we present to the outside world is often not our complete truth. But we write it as if it were. The internet is full of “how to live your best life!” advice and tutorials. The mecca of these places is Pinterest. If you’re not DIY-ing your sugar-free life of quinoa recipes while doing squats on your Chevron-print rug, you’re not really living.

DIY Burlap Wreath!

#Eat Clean

#Abs

Homemade gluten-free bagels!!

How to organize your jewelry with wine corks.

DIY Toddler Adirondack chair with Anchor Decal (adult version comes with wine holders!)

DIY Mason Jar Herb Garden

I am not against any of these things separately, but when presented all together as prescriptions for living “happier and healthier,” I carve out a space to eat Cheez-its and watch Oprah in protest. Pinterest has upped stress in the lives of many, but I still find it useful for ideas I turn into reality, especially recipes and home improvement inspiration. The key is to focus on the things you want in your life, not the things other people want.

This is difficult because people present these options as all-or-nothing propositions. You’re either eating clean or eating dirty. Fit or lazy. Crafty and DIY or unskilled and materialistic. Organic parents or mainstream parents. They forget it’s possible to be both at different times. I think it’s because we try to convince ourselves by convincing others.

In my quest for the best workout routine, I’ve found the path of least resistance has been the easiest to maintain. The go hard-or-go-home approach is only sustainable for so long. For periods of time in my life, I’ve exercised and lifted weights obsessively; I’ve become a regular runner; I’ve taken three exercise classes in one day. I could not be stopped. Until I stopped completely. Which happened every time.

Now I’m at a period in my life where I feel like I’m doing the least amount of regular exercise, but I’ve been able to maintain the same weight the best this way. I take a weight and cardio class at least once a week, I started doing push-ups every day, and I cook healthy meals. I walk/bike/run to supplement but it’s in moderate amounts. We use our rare night of eating out to indulge in more high-calorie foods, and we eat dessert more than I ever have in my life. Small amounts at a time, but more frequently. My next feat is to work this kind of manageable routine into my job and my writing life.

While I understand the need to present our best selves publicly, I respect people more who aren’t afraid to show their corner of  shame. Or they’re terrified but go through with it in order to better themselves. I am working to develop this type of openness as I’m less and less interested in looking good and more interested in feeling good and actually being good at something.

When I moved out of my house in Richmond, I was horrified for people to see my “room of shame” upstairs. After two friends helped me start to clear it out, I felt more motivated to cipher through the rest of the house. By showing them my shame, it removed the stigma and I was able to move forward. Me seeing my husband’s car motivated him to clean it out and get the air-conditioning fixed just a week later.

I’ve been mulling over this post for the past couple of weeks (and not writing it), then today I watched a Creative Mornings talk author Austin Kleon gave in Austin, Texas. His talk is about showing your work online instead of waiting until the perfect finished product is unveiled. His talk is about honesty in the creative process. His talk is very similar to what I wanted to write this post about. He has an insanely bigger internet audience than I do, but I like to think my emphasis on shame over work makes this unique?

For the past few weeks, I’ve been interviewing people about their transitions in life, and by slowly understanding how people overcome obstacles, be they self-inflicted or outwardly-inflicted, I’m getting a deeper understanding of how to actually cut away what you don’t want in your life.

I believe you have to cut away to create.

You can’t create anything while hiding in your corner of shame.

The root of all of these things is the fear of man. We are constantly afraid of being rejected by others that we do everything we can to put on a show that we are actually better than what we are. We think that if we can just be ____, then they will accept us and life will be good. We are constantly trying to please others and live by THEIR standards, which are imperfect by the way, and we are constantly trying to adjust ourselves to the ever changing standards of what “good enough” is.

But what if we didn’t live for man. What if the only one we were trying to please was God? He looks at us, sees our pathetic attempts to be enough and takes it upon Himself to define our worth. He is aware of how NOT good enough we are and MAKES us enough through His redemption, mercy and grace. There is NOTHING we can do to be enough OTHER than accept the fact that He is the only one that makes us worthy of ANYTHING. If we live to please God and not man, it doesn’t matter if we are rejected in relationships, it doesn’t matter if we fail a big exam, it doesn’t matter if we aren’t fit enough or whatever, because in Christ we are MORE than enough because He will never leave us nor forsake us and His blood has made us clean, redeemed heirs to his throne. In Him we have, are and will be enough!

Isaiah 64:6, Psalm 23:5, Romans 5:8, 1 Corinthians 15:58

I stand constantly amazed at how God in His Infinite Wisdom takes all the elements of creation including every second and every single person and somehow is able to orchestrate perfection with so many variations – but He does. Today for example is one of those days. Every so many years, our second son’s birthday and Mother’s Day coincide. No big deal…maybe before but certainly not today. After almost two years of battling satan’s tool of destruction called cancer which has attacked our son’s body, we stand victoriously today – His Birthday with our son sustained by the faithfulness of Jesus Christ for 21 years. This Mother’s Day is bittersweet as more than half of my children are now adults beginning to walk out God’s Plan for their life independently so I can take a breath and look back over the years to see all the many places that God’s Hand of Provision and Protection brought us through to today. I am overwhelmed by His Glory. Raising a large family keeps you very busy. Add a job and other activities and becomes a full blown schedule just to keep everyone where they need to be and on time. When I opened my eyes today – all I could think was that I needed to build an altar. God has brought us through so much. I am a living sacrifice and should live a holy, devoted and consecrated life to God. This has not always been the case as for most of my years the Lord has remained secondary to my plan and merely surviving. It is my reasonable, rational and intelligent service as an act of spiritual worship. It has nothing to do with the time I spend in church on committees and working for charities. It is all about Jesus. As the Holy Spirit transforms my mind and is renewing every thought and ideal to prove what is God’s good, acceptable and perfect Will for my life, it is up to me to identify this holy inhabitation of my life and become a worthy dwelling place, the Temple of the Living God, complete with an altar that lives a life of sacrificial praise.

Exodus 20:24 (NLT)
“Build for me an altar made of earth, and offer your sacrifices to me—your burnt offerings and peace offerings, your sheep and goats, and your cattle. Build my altar wherever I cause my name to be remembered, and I will come to you and bless you.”

Build an altar wherever I cause my name to be remembered. Too many times we tend to only praise God when things turn out the way that we expected when we wanted them to and exactly we thought that they should. If there is any deviation from our plan, God’s Holy Hand of Intervention is ignored, the Grace of Jesus Christ trampled and the Holy Spirit silenced as clearly God was not in it. So we praise a manmade method of success including medicine or monetary support of some kind rather than waiting silently and safely in the Presence of God for His Perfect Will and Plan. Mighty Men of God like Noah, Abraham (as Abram, too), Moses, Joshua, Saul, David all built altars honoring God as they lived honoring God. All men made mistakes and were subject to sin but strived for righteousness in a foreign land (this world). Their struggles were no different than our own. The Lord promised to come to them and bless them if they would simply make a place for His Glory in their life. He did not ask for some big fancy Temple like the Solomon constructed of silver and gold, but simply take what you have and build an altar where you are. The Lord promised to come to you there and bless you right where you are.

I Chronicles 21:22-25 (NLT)
David said to Araunah, “Let me buy this threshing floor from you at its full price. Then I will build an altar to the LORD there, so that he will stop the plague.” “Take it, my lord the king, and use it as you wish,” Araunah said to David. “I will give the oxen for the burnt offerings, and the threshing boards for wood to build a fire on the altar, and the wheat for the grain offering. I will give it all to you.” But King David replied to Araunah, “No, I insist on buying it for the full price. I will not take what is yours and give it to the LORD. I will not present burnt offerings that have cost me nothing!” So David gave Araunah 600 pieces of gold in payment for the threshing floor.

In the Old Testament, there was a price to every sacrifice. Whether it required meat or wheat, there was a cost associated as these were man’s provision and prosperity of that time. There was labor as an altar had to be constructed to the Lord to offer a proper sacrifice. This posed a problem to mankind as it became evident that sin was winning and the cost of sacrifice to cover it became too high. Jesus Christ came to pay the price of the sacrifice, not to eliminate it from our life. He empowered us to be living sacrifices paying the price in full. It would be like me purchasing you movie tickets but you never went to the movies. Or perhaps, you wanted to run a marathon and someone sponsored you but you never came to the race. The Cross did not eliminate the need for sacrifice in our life. It just empowered us to offer an effective sacrifice. Now we can enter the Presence of God and benefit from all that belongs to our Lord. God wants us to offer a freewill sacrifice of praise. (Psalm 54:6) Now that our sin debt is completely covered, all that is left is to praise God from our innermost being. Is there an altar of praise that continually burns with a passionate sacrifice to God?

Hebrews 13:14-15 (AMP)
For here we have no permanent city, but we are looking for the one which is to come. Through Him, therefore, let us constantly and at all times offer up to God a sacrifice of praise, which is the fruit of lips that thankfully acknowledge and confess and glorify His name.

Jesus Christ has made a way for me to build an altar in my life and offer a sacrifice of praise at all times. The fruit of my lips is to thankfully acknowledge what He has done to confess and glorify His Name. Today, as I look back over twenty-three years of being a mother including battling the enemy to keep his filthy hands off of all of my children, I cannot help but praise the Lord despite the hard times and tearful situations. If you are in the midst of such turmoil, don’t give up but get prayed up. The Lord has made a way but you have to find His Way to be successful. If you will take the time and energy to build an altar in your life where you are with what you have, God will come and honor your sacrifice of praise in a dry and weary land. He will bless you right where you are. Where there is no altar there is no place for God’s Glory to come.

I Corinthians 3:10-12 (NLT)
Because of God’s grace to me, I have laid the foundation like an expert builder. Now others are building on it. But whoever is building on this foundation must be very careful. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ.

Building an altar in your life is not a complicated task just a committed one. First and foremost is always Jesus Christ. Without the Lord, worship is a futile effort. There is nothing truly praiseworthy outside of His Great Name. Jesus must be the Name above all other names in your life. He must be your focus and foundation. God’s Grace is sufficient and it comes through His Son, Jesus. Have you asked Jesus Christ to be your Lord and Savior?

2 Timothy 2:19 (NLT)
But God’s truth stands firm like a foundation stone with this inscription: “The LORD knows those who are his,” and “All who belong to the LORD must turn away from evil.”

God’s Word is the Truth that fortifies a foundation of faith. If you do not know what He expects, how will you ever be able to find and follow Jesus? His Word written in our heart identifies as His Own – it is the Spirit of God that turns words on a page into the Mighty Breath of God that holds us steady in every attack and through each storm. You cannot be a living sacrifice if you are not consecrated and committed to Jesus Christ. You must turn away from all forms of evil. The Lord has made it clear you are the “living sacrifice” that He desires so you can keep all the “stuff” you keep hauling to the altar. He wants you to crawl up on the altar and live there as He works diligently to transform you by His Spirit into exactly who He created you to be which will lead to the fulfillment of every heart’s desire that you have. Why? Eternity lives in your heart and you must die to sin to let it out. (Ecclesiastes 3:11) God tried writing His Word on tablets of stone (Deuteronomy 9:9-10) and surrounding His People with His Glory – it didn’t work. So Jesus came to make us righteous and holy so now God’s Glory can live inside us with His Word and His Spirit working from the inside out. He writes His Word on the human heart now. (Romans 2:12-15) The Living Spirit of God lives inside of His People now. (John 14:17) We are now the Temple of God. (I Corinthians 6:19) Every temple must have an altar. Does yours? ”The old way, with laws etched in stone, led to death, though it began with such glory that the people of Israel could not bear to look at Moses’ face. For his face shone with the glory of God, even though the brightness was already fading away. Shouldn’t we expect far greater glory under the new way, now that the Holy Spirit is giving life? If the old way, which brings condemnation, was glorious, how much more glorious is the new way, which makes us right with God!” (2 Corinthians 3:7-9)

Psalm 27:5-7 (AMP)
For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter; in the secret place of His tent will He hide me; He will set me high upon a rock. And now shall my head be lifted up above my enemies round about me; in His tent I will offer sacrifices and shouting of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord. Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; have mercy and be gracious to me and answer me!

Today you may be facing the greatest trial of your life. Maybe you feel exhausted from enduring and holding tightly – don’t give up He is almost here. What you can be sure of is this, those who make the Lord their shelter by being transformed into living sacrifices who live a life of praise as Temples of the Living God will always be safe in the secret place. He will raise you up at just the right time and His Name will be glorified. You have the power to make His Name famous by living a life of constant praise. Only those who live in the shelter of His Altar will ever know such peace and joy in the face of great opposition. There is an opposing force always pursing you. His name is satan. He wants your praise. You give it to him by complaining, grumbling and whining in fear and doubt. You slay him with praise of God’s Love and Faithfulness in the midst of great adversity. You stop him in his tracks when you begin to sing praises from the Word of God who wrapped in flesh is Jesus Christ. You kill his cause by believing that greater is He (the Holy Spirit) that is in you than he that is in the world. Be alert! Those who live at the Altar of God built by faith in Jesus Christ as a foundation for one’s life will be transformed and will be victorious for His Names Sake and Glory! “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are. In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. All power to him forever! Amen.” (I Peter 5:8-11)

Psalm 84:2-4 (NLT)
I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the LORD. With my whole being, body and soul, I will shout joyfully to the living God. Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow builds her nest and raises her young at a place near your altar, O LORD of Heaven’s Armies, my King and my God! What joy for those who can live in your house, always singing your praises.

Building an altar in one’s life is not the difficult part, but remaining there can be. Think of a swallow it is a tiny bird that will move at the slightest threat even one that is only perceived. They fly away at a hint of danger. Could it be that is why she is used in God’s Illustration? Even the strongest believer who has been saved “forever” seems to have trouble remaining near the Lord’s Altar through life. The sparrow not only placed herself under the altar but built her home there as well so that even her young would benefit from His Presence. The Lord did not build His Temple in the heart of a sparrow. He chose you! The Lord desires to be your dwelling place. Build an altar and let His Glory permeate your life today! He will take only what you offer of your own free will. He will meet you right where you are if you will call Him and prepare a place for Him to rest. You can live in the Presence of God body, mind and spirit. What are you waiting for? Build an altar…

Psalm 34:1-3 (NLT)
I will praise the LORD at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. I will boast only in the LORD; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the LORD’s greatness; let us exalt his name together.

Your lips move my soul,
Pink,
Full,
Luscious,
They distract me just by moving,
They speak to me in my dreams,
They invoke thoughts that make my loins furious with lust, passion, wanting,
Of the acts that I dare not mention, to keep both of us from blushing like a field of red roses,

Everything about the way you look at me makes me feel better,
It is the strength that gets me through hard times,
It is the thing I look forward to most,
It is the reason for the smile on my face,
It is the way I want to see myself because you see only the best in me,
I have been divinely favored to have been blessed with this look,
This look that brings joy to my life,

And it’s all because it comes from you,
I will always fight for you,
I will always give all of myself to you,
I will do it to keep this feeling,
Because I never want it to end…

I woke up this morning and looked online to see what was happening and found a link to a free concert of the Hip Hop group Far East movement and thought to myself ‘why not’ and was totally surprised by the experience

Number 1 it was free so I didn’t expect much
Number 2 the crowd was comprised of kids who were 10 years my junior

Nonetheless I was pleasantly surprised because I was reminded of 3 important distinctions

1) Find your passion and follow your dreams
2) Develop your talents through hard work
3) Persist in the face of adversity

Before the Far East Movement got on to perform the youngest member of the famous breakdancing group called the rocksteady crew got on stage to perform

This member only 13 years of age dazzled all of us with his amazing hip hop dance choreography! Myself having been a dancer with a love for the art felt like I fell in love with the art again after watching this young boy.

When I first got into dance I was about 19 and carried on the hobby into my late 20s but what amazed me was how young this kid was and how talented he was with his craft which made me think if I had found this interest and passion at his age where might I be now?

Then a feeling of bitterness mixed with slight regret began to wash over me as I watched the boy exit the stage. If all of us were able to find a passion and harness it at such a young age where would each of us be now? I suppose I can’t be bitter over lost time since we are given a life that is not good or bad, it is good or bad based on how we make it. Plus it’s not over yet and it’s never too late right!?

Once Far East Movement got on stage the lead member walked us through the story of how the band made it to their current status of success.

His primary message brought me back to reality which is that there is a lot of negativity around us so we must stay positive even during the tough times. He talked about persistence in the early days before landing a deal they interned at a major record label hoping it would help them establish connections but it got them nowhere. They realized that they needed to develop an act in order for the record labels to start taking notice of them.

Thus began the long road to making mix tapes and handing them out on the street. He said the hustle was hard because they would hand out their music to people on the street and then later on see their music on the ground but they had to swallow up their pride, pick up the music and hand it to the next person on the street.

By the end of the concert the bitter feeling became a feeling a hope, hope that we can still create our current state and results which in turn can have a positive impact on the future.

We all choose the life that we lead so keep on dreaming and pursuing your passions no matter what keep pushing and the persistence will pay off. Learn from the mistakes, live in the moment and grow into the future.

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Ghost like, dark mist cloud of evil slither unseen through sky of goodness’ light with sinister deed to ensue, malevolently executing its providence of domain to refute that which is preached to be said, its wonderment of resolve is sanctioned unto the being who sees to this truth of beginning yet not fulfillled by the challenge that doth make known too, its presence unto the seeing Being.

Cloud of goodness that envelopes each living soul being is the challenge to sustain; for within each is the whisper of evil yet contained but, wanting and piercing to be fulfilled in the full goodness of the the glory it seeks to domain.

The harmony of balance is the Soul’s journey given to sustain giving providence of the domain to the goodness of light

Ghost like, dark mist cloud of evil slither unseen through sky of goodness’ light with sinister deed to ensue, malevolently executing its providence of domain to refute that which is preached to be said, its wonderment of resolve is sanctioned unto the being who sees to this truth of beginning yet not fulfillled by the challenge that doth make known too, its presence unto the seeing Being.

Cloud of goodness that envelopes each living soul being is the challenge to sustain; for within each is the whisper of evil yet contained but, wanting and piercing to be fulfilled in the full goodness of the the glory it seeks to domain.

The harmony of balance is the Soul’s journey given to sustain giving providence of the domain to the goodness of light

Remember the first time you dove off the high dive? Lawsuits have pretty much eradicated them from existence, but in 1979 they still stood high… visible from the road like steeples, beckoning kids to take a watery leap of faith. They challenged us to leave the controlled, predictably safe “day at the pool” for thrilling danger and adventure.

The memory of my first jump, unlike most of my memories, is still electric with adrenaline. I can’t remember a lot about that day’s weather or whether or not the pool was crowded. I can’t remember who was with me, but I can see the faceless line of people waiting behind me.

Would I finally jump, or climb back down the ladder as I’d done the previous year (and probably the year before that)? My heart was knocking on my ribs like a fist. I can still see my toes clinging monkey-style to the edge of the board. I can still envision the water sparkling like a million diamonds — thousands of feet below my skinny, trembling legs.

I remember the people in line growing restless and my last thought: “I won’t die, so jumping is better than the ladder.” Then I leapt. I can’t remember if I belly-flopped or went feet first, but I can still feel the excitement that coursed through me as I plummeted. I scrambled out of the pool and got back in line. Again and again. I spent most of my summer in line at the high dive. I’d tasted something far greater than “Marco Polo,” and I didn’t return to the shallow end for twenty years, when I had children of my own (children who are sadly growing up in world stripped of real diving boards).

I’ve been thinking about the part of my brain that had to “snap” in order for me to experience the thrill and joy of jumping. A real, rational barrier had to be breached. And I’m glad I breached it. I find that the same barrier still exists in many parts of my life — blocking me from greater joy, deeper peace and genuine excitement. At the pool, I had to relinquish my control of the outcome.

In the shallow end and on the diving board, I could control what would happen next. I love excitement, joy and peace… but I also love to be in control. I am finding that those two cannot coexist in any given situation or relationship. They are always trying to choke each other to death.I cannot strive for control while sincerely yielding in trust.

Will I spend my marriage, relationships with my kids, friendships, faith in God, boldness, career… life… standing at the edge of the high dive, peering down but immobilized? I can be present, but flatly uninspired. I can be faithful to my wife, but dispassionate. I can be a nice friend, but hide what I really think. I can work diligently, but not strive for real vision. I can stand on the diving board and get used to the idea of never jumping. Or I can do the real thing. I can do the thrilling thing. I can do the terrifying, but only truly rewarding thing. I can relinquish my claim on controlling outcomes and just jump.

Faith is relinquishing control of what we can see in exchange for trusting God, who we cannot see. The Bible says that without faith, it is impossible to please God. “Without faith… impossible to please God.” So I may look like I’m living a godly life, but I’m not pleasing God if I’m fearfully holding back. The ways I cling to control actually displease God. So, in order to please God, I’ve got to release my love for controlling my own life and put myself in His hands. I am learning that I can only enjoy God or people to the degree that I entrust myself to them.

As I grow in trusting my wife with my innermost thoughts and fears, for instance, the thrill of our love has gone through metamorphosis. Forfeiting control in order to trusting God… to trusting people… these are high diving boards. But jumping is so much more exhilarating than standing at the edge, displaced and only half-alive.

Detoxification is the latest trend to live a healthy lifestyle and weight management. I will admit that I am in the midst of “detoxing” right now. Sweets are my downfall and with a house full of children it is hard not to find something lying around that my body craves. One bite and I am hooked again consuming sugars that are not good for my body in the long term. I lack self-control in this area from chocolate to gummy worms. I strive to keep my heart, mind and yes, even my body healthy and whole as I believe is what the Lord would have us to do as good stewards. “Let us strip off every weight that slows us down” plays over and over in my head trying to avoid the sin that so easily trips us up. It is not the burdens and cares that one would think nor is it the overt and obvious sin that we blame others for. You don’t have to take gun and shoot someone to commit murder, it can happen in our head and heart. We do not have to physically add twenty pounds to be weighed down by sin when worry can do it from the inside out. Following Jesus is compared to a race and it is not a lonely marathon, but one whose lanes are filled with a “huge crowd of witnesses” some who are cheering you on but even more who are not and then there are those as the blind men called to Jesus crying out for help. What is your response? Endurance sets us apart as Christians. Believers who want to make it to the end of the race of faith and found to be faith-full must release the worry weight in life even when it is hidden deep within our soul or hidden in plain sight.

Proverbs 10:29-30 (NLT)
The way of the LORD is a stronghold to those with integrity, but it destroys the wicked. The godly will never be disturbed, but the wicked will be removed from the land.

I made a startling discovery the other day at work. I try to live a good Christian life, be an example and share the Gospel in living color. I am not too proud to admit that most of the time I fail in my humanity as the cloud of witnesses may get the best of me as I give in to annoyance, worry and stress that often leads to a physical and mental disturbance called anger. The Way of the Lord is stronghold. His Presence is a refuge that allows the godly to remain undisturbed no matter what the enemy tries to use through helpless bystanders who do not know Jesus or the Power of the Cross. Like so many other days, a number of “people” problems arose causing a bit of agitation. As I picked up the agitation and began to mull it over in my mind it became annoyance. Annoyance led to conversations with another co-worker and I became angry. As I became angry it became apparent that I had lost control of my emotions, I have several scriptures on my desk and as I read one – instantly the Spirit of God convicted me. Rather than stripping off the weight that would slow me down, I was consuming it. Sin was tripping me up and I had fallen for it again.

Psalm 37:7-9 (NLT)
Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage!
Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the LORD will possess the land.

Stillness, patience and confident hope are all qualities of godliness. Godliness will always lead to prosperity which is a form of possession. Everything that you desire from the Lord is found in His Way. You will never have all that God has promised if you live unsettled, anxious, worried and angry all the time. It is a step in the wrong direction. When we met Jesus Christ, there were some weights that easily fell off our life whether stripped by the Holy Spirit or things that we just immediately let go. But that did not end the race or we would have found ourselves face-to-glorious-face with Jesus. There are many weights that must be removed hence the race that is described. Each step is important. One missed step, fall or disturbance could cost you the win. But the Lord promises that no harm comes to the godly. (Proverbs 12:21) We can finish the race of faith and receive the crown of righteousness if we just do not give up. Anger is a prime indicator that we have stopped running after Jesus and walking our own way!

Colossians 3:11-13 (NLT)
In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Nothing matters in this life as a believer accept Jesus Christ. He is the only one who should have any form of influence on your life. Maybe you are thinking well you don’t know what I have been through, you don’t know what people have done to me, and you don’t know my broken heart. My only response can be that you do not know mine as well. But Jesus does and He endured it all so that He could be our strength and hope when we encounter these problems. (Hebrews 4:15-16) The Lord is our example of how to move on. Mercy requires that we do just that! The Lord requires us to be merciful even when it means forgiving the unforgivable. (Matthew 5:7) I have precious family who lost their beloved daughter at the hands of a gruesome murderer. I have friends whose child died of cancer. The enemy is really good at trying to weigh down the hearts of godly people. He wants you to take off the covering of tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience that allows the Lord’s Mercy to be your stronghold keeping you safe and protected as you run the race of faith. Is it working? Are you annoyed? Are you angry? Are the people you cannot seem to forgive? These are all worry weights that the Lord instructs us to strip off if we want to experience His Mercy in our life. For some it is not even big things that are causing us to trip over sin, it is unfairness, envy and strife at home, in the workplace or even Wal-Mart when they do not have enough lines open to check out. “Where have you come from?” the LORD asked Satan. Satan answered the LORD, “I have been patrolling the earth, watching everything that’s going on.” Then the LORD asked Satan, “Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil. And he has maintained his integrity, even though you urged me to harm him without cause.” (Job 2:2-3) Do not be deceived. The enemy did not throw up his hands and give up when you fell into the Arms of Jesus. He declared war on your life and now he is a roaring lion seeking to devour you. You have the power to influence the “great cloud of witnesses” watching you run. He wants to take you out. Job had lost his entire family and fortune in a matter of minutes, yet still blessed the Lord. He remained blameless and maintained his integrity – what about you? What was your response when your spouse or friend let you down? What was your retort when another was found talking about you? How did you respond when you saw another fall? Yes, it all matters!

Psalm4:3-5 (NLT)
You can be sure of this: The LORD set apart the godly for himself. The LORD will answer when I call to him. Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent. Interlude Offer sacrifices in the right spirit, and trust the LORD.

Anger implies a lack of trust. It is translated as I am dissatisfied with my care and provision from the Lord and usually stems from bitter, envy and/or jealousy. Rather than keeping our eyes on the road, we begin to look at the lives of other people. Ouch! I have been set apart to be godly. Letting anger have control of me is sin. It says so right there. Remain silent. That is a tough one. I have a lot to say as an avid communicator who tends to have trouble muzzling my mouth and taming my tongue. In all things I am to trust the Lord. Anger creates opposition and not with who we think that we are battling. Anger creates a battle within. (Proverbs 29:22) Hot tempers inevitably sin. ” But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love. And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering.” (Jude 1:20-22) To remain in safe in the strong tower of God’s Amazing Love requires mercy in all situations. Mercy is not defined by anger and strife. It does not bring harm but resolution even at our own expense. This is the mercy that the Lord has shown us and we must show other people in order to release the worry weight caused by such opposition. We are all in this together! We are just trying to make it to the finish line and found faith-full. Do not let the enemy weigh you down with annoyance that becomes anger turning into fretting, stress and worry that leaks out of your mouth. The Lord has explicitly told us not to worry about everyday life and that it will not add a single moment to it! (Matthew 6:25-27) But instead it is holding you back and stealing precious moments that could hold hidden destiny and unclaimed blessings for your life.

Psalm 103:8-12 (NLT)
The LORD is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

The Lord’s compassion and mercy overwhelms my life. I cannot conceive how He loves me so or why He would be so gracious considering all I have done willfully in opposition to His Sacrifice. The sin of my life weighs heavy on my soul until His Spirit wrestles it away and tosses it into the Blood moving it as far from me as the east is from the west. I have learned to accept the Love that I do not understand but if I do not learn how to channel His Love and Mercy to others I will never fully realize it myself. All that I expect from Jesus by faith must be extended to others by His Spirit and the Power of His Love inside of me. It is not optional. To not do it weighs my life with worry and sin that keeps my from fully walking in His Way, successfully running the Race of Faith and may keep me from forever with Him. To I must put my name where it says, “The Lord” and “He” in this passage and be like Jesus. I believe Joel 2:12-14 would apply here as the Spirit of God calls us to repentance for a lack of mercy in our life. The Lord detests religion that is not based on a relationship with Him. Religion tears its clothes to put on a new façade but a relationship with Jesus will break our heart over and over until we get it right! Don’t be hard on yourself – many great believers have messed up and made it. Think of Jonah who was so angry about God’s Mercy for others that he told the Lord to kill him. (Jonah 4:1-3) Jonah was also angry that God changed His Plans, but what about Joseph. God sent him to the pit so he would make it the palace. (Genesis 50:19-21) One day Joseph would have to face those who had subjected him to such abuse and decide if he would extend mercy to them as well. He did. It is hard to do the right thing and then watch those who don’t be blessed. It is contrary to human nature. As the father reminded the son who stayed when the prodigal son returned, “all that I have has always been yours!” (Luke 15:28-31) Do not take for granted what you have to desire what someone else has. You don’t know what brought them to this place. Is it really worth throwing away the peace, joy and love to pick up worry, anxiety and despair? Jesus said, “My burden is light!”(Matthew 11:30) He invites us to cast our cares on Him even the ones that are sinful in nature. His Grace, Love and Mercy will take care of them all and you will be released from the worry weight that has been holding you back and sin will be removed so you can run the race well.

Matthew 9:12-13 (NLT)
When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.” Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

I must often remind myself that life is not all about me – what I want, how I feel, where I want to go or what I need to do. Everyone is born with a selfish nature and sin nurtures the flesh that lies within demanding its own way and immediate gratification. I have been set free. I have the power to walk in His Love, take up my cross and live for Jesus Christ. All that He has belongs to me so why should I be worried, anxious or jealous over others. I am to show mercy to them all in every situation and no matter what the sin because that is exactly what Jesus has done and is doing for me. Anger is the foothold the enemy uses to compromise the integrity of our faith. Oh to grow in righteousness to be a man or woman of Job’s character, whose faith in God was so great that he would bless His Name even in the midst of unthinkable loss? I cannot imagine his sorrow as I have only come close to that line with one child. To lose everything I love and all that I own in the twinkle of an eye yet still bless the Lord! (Job 1:20-22) In the midst of great sorrow and grief, Job worshipped God. He praised the Lord. Not once did he blame the Him. Wow! How many times in one day am I offended, envious, jealous, discontent, discouraged, dissatisfied which has all led to worry, anxiety, heaviness, and unmerciful anger? The Lord has been good to me! He is my Refuge and Strength. I have nothing to fear. I must chose to never allow the enemy to use anger as a foothold in my life. I am free to run! I am free to dance! I am free to live for Jesus! It is my choice if that is what I will do. Release the weight of worry in your life. It leads to no good thing! Let mercy make a way for you! Do not let the sun go down on anger, discord, unforgiveness, envy or jealous today! (Ephesians 4:26-27) You will run not grow weary! Release the worry weight today that has been holding you back and kick the sin out of the way that has been causing you to fall! You will find new strength! (Isaiah 40:31)

James 1:19-21 (NLT)
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

Do you have an office with the needed supplies that you feel comfortable in? Many people think it’s hard to work when they don’t have the things necessary to do the job.

Consider adding a links or banner page to your web site. You will be able to exchange for your banners with outer webmasters. This will make your website easier to find by customers because it will improve your ratings with search engines.

Seek strength in numbers by joining an online forum comprised of members that are home business owners just like you. You can get tried and true advice totally free by joining any of the many home business forums. These sites often have great communities of people full of advice and experience to share with you as you start up your business.

If you are artistic, consider a business that provides graphic designing services to other local businesses. Many times local business prefer working with independent designers instead order fulfillment company of a large company because of the flexibility and individualized service available from independents. This gives home businesses an edge over large companies.

When beginning your home business, make sure to calculate how much money you will need to pay for initial start up costs. While the costs of running a home business may be significantly less than other types of businesses, it still costs money to have a business of this nature. Determining your operating costs up front will keep you from losing money in the end.

If you plan to establish a home business, you should seek the support of family and friends. Running a home business is very time consuming, and can be both difficult and stressful. If your family isn’t on board, they will constantly interfere with your efforts to succeed.

When buying supplies you should shop online in order to take advantage of wholesale costs. There are so many options when it comes to saving money on your purchases. Use the information to create the best vendor list possible. The business license you have will give you the power to buy supplies at wholesale.

Be sure to stay positive. Although it’s good to congratulate yourself for the triumphs of yesterday, you should not live for the past. You need to look to the future, and what is going to happen then. Keeping your mind on the future will make it easier for you to know what you need to capitalize on, and what obstacles may be coming. This way you will not be surprised.

Now you should be armed with the knowledge necessary to get down to business. This information only helps those who are willing to apply it to their struggles. So do this, and success should be no problem!

I say that God fulfills me, but practically I live like it’s not true. Instead of being fully satisfied in God alone I turn to relationships and grades and success and so many other things to find fulfillment. Without these things would God be enough for me? I want to say yes, but I don’t know if I honestly can. If I really think about it, instead of living like He is enough, I usually live like I need more.

I act like I don’t know any of the things I have through Christ. I so often ignore that Ephesians 1 says God has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in Christ. That we were chosen, adopted, and given His grace. That in Christ we have redemption and forgiveness. That He reveals wisdom, understanding, and His will to us.

Even though I have these things already, I’m still constantly searching elsewhere for more. I don’t know if it’s that I don’t fully grasp all I have or if I don’t believe I have these things or if I just selfishly want more than I really need. At some point all three have probably been true.

I hate that I live this way and believe these things. I want to truly believe that God is enough, but on my own there is no way for me to do that. No matter how hard I try to make myself believe things or live a certain way I can’t. I’m prone to trying to do things in my own strength, but the only thing that comes from that is exhaustion.

When I fail to believe God is enough, instead of just trying harder to believe it, I should bring my need to God. I should pray what Paul prayed for the Ephesians in chapter 1:

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms    -  Ephesians 1:18-20

Only God can give me an understanding of his power and what I have in Him so that I can fully understand that He is enough. I pray that I will always grow in understanding of Him and that I will truly come to believe that He is enough.

Maybe I’m just being dramatic but I can say from personal experience that it definitely happens. Not always I suppose but it happened to me with photography, and it happened to me with coding. What’s that you say? It’s just a personal problem and I should suck it up? You know, I thought about that as a possibility.  Instead of going there, let’s talk about my love for photography.

I use to absolutely LOVE photography. I would go out on the weekends, on the weekdays, in the mornings, in the evenings, any time I could get out. If someone said they wanted me to take pictures for them I was like, SURE! I would LOVE  to do that! and then I started my freshman year at Pacific University as a photography major. Suddenly, I was being forced to take pictures of things that didn’t inspire me. That I didn’t like or enjoy, and that had absolutely nothing to do with where I wanted to take my photography when I graduated. On top of that these unpleasant assignments had deadlines that pushed my ability to do things and take pictures of things that I enjoyed far far away from reality. I couldn’t even do it on the weekends because I was busy writing essays on ghosts or doing Discrete Mathematics that was assigned Friday and due on Monday. And I hope I didn’t forget to mention that I was working 40 hours a week to pay my tuition bills that going into debt didn’t cover. I had no time. None whatsoever.

And so my only experiences with photography for the next two years were both rushed (because I was so busy) and they were unenjoyable (because I was photographing not what I wanted to photograph but what I was assigned to photograph.) And again, I understand if you think that’s just “How Life is.” College is super busy and you get through it. If you don’t like it then drop out. And by the way, if you drop out, you suck.

I disagree. I think that’s a terrible way to look at it. I believe that college is kind of . . . wrong. The way that it is set up now. It’s a system that encourages stress, unhealthy eating and living practices, and doesn’t focus on the things that you really love and want to do.

Anyway,I stopped studying photography, because, while I had once been making a steady income from what I was doing and loving, I began to hate what I was doing and loving. For the next two years, I pretty much only took pictures out of obligation, somebody wanted me to, somebody needed me to. Somebody knew that I was, at one point, a pretty decent photographer and wanted me to shoot something for them. And I never said no because I knew that I could do it. I just didn’t want to. And I always hated my results. I hated what I came home with on my memory card at the end of the day. It was so bad that I couldn’t give myself permission to delete bad photos because I would literally delete them all. Instead I would have to just give the files to whoever wanted them and hope they saw a few they liked.

I went to china for two weeks last October and brought my Camera. I shot over 1,000 photos and almost deleted all but 5 of them. Instead of deleting all the ones I didn’t like however I simply extra saved the ones that I like. I made them desktop backgrounds on my computer, put them in different folders, and then hid everything else in some deep subdirectory of my computer’s harddrive. 6 months later, early April of 2013, I was able to look through the images again briefly for about 15 minutes during which I pulled out another 3 images that I actually really liked and then put the rest of them back in that same subdirectory.

And then something crazy happened. I picked up my camera a few weeks ago and realized that, I actually WANTED to take pictures again. The traumatic horror of two years ago had finally begun to wear off. It was that point, when i tried to really take pictures again, that I realized my camera needed some open heart surgery and I sent it in to the doctor. And since I’ve gotten it back, I’ve been taking it out almost every other day and truly enjoying photography again. Something that I honestly never thought would happen. Which really just goes to show that it was in fact the external stimuli that was driving me away from what I enjoyed doing.

After all, how CAN you enjoy something if you never have time or the ability to do the parts of it that you find enjoyable? But isn’t that how life is? Everything is just so busy rush rush that if you have spare time to be doing something that you truly love you must be doing it wrong? No. Surely that can’t be right. It just sounds wrong. It doesn’t resonate with any bone in my body. I just can’t handle that being the truth.

And yet a very similar thing happened to me this last year when doing computer science at the University of Idaho. I enjoyed using programming languages. Nothing but symbols on my keyboard to make beautiful things happen. I truly enjoyed that. And then two semesters and 4 classes later when I hadn’t actually made a single thing because
a) I was being assigned meaningless little tasks that in no way advanced towards an end goal or outcome outside of, can you use an “ifstream” properly,

and b) taking 18 credits and working 40+ hours a week left me no time to work on personal projects that would advance towards some sort of goal or outcome. It just wasn’t happening.

And if just about the only thing that I need to feel is that I am accomplishing things and creating things and making life happen, when I don’t get any of those things, I slowly start to evaporate into a puddle of terrible feelings and sad emotions. Because I am not being fulfilled.

But isn’t it the case that most if not all people need to feel like they are working towards a goal and making things happen? Not just sinking into an ever expanding pool of quicksand? I would think so.

And if that isn’t the case then I guess I really am the problem. But if it is the case. If the vast majority of people on this planet have a deep need to feel like they are accomplishing things and working towards goals, then our education system does absolutely nothing for the vast majority of people but make them be miserable for the first 20 or so years of their life. And that’s a loooong time to be miserable.

Thankfully next year I will be both working on my senior project and be firmly entrenched in our project management class, both of which should keep me from feeling as though I am not doing anything worthwhile.

Would you like to see a couple of the pictures that I took yesterday?

Awareness.

Your strongest ally in this matter is your will. When the chips are down and the odds are full steam against you, it is not time to rely on your emotions for purposeful action.

The will is one powerful force in man that can turn the tables on any unpleasant experience in a matter of minutes. The moment a man can believe that he has delegated control over the physical realities of his life and that he can choose a preferable experience than the one he is presently having, if he will act immediately on that emotional accenting to something better, he will change his situation, even though it does not appear changed in the physical realm until a full diffusion of belief has occurred in the medium of experience.

Knowledge is the fuel of awareness. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. Knowing the truth about yourself is the most important form of education available to you in physical matters. Read materials that summon your potential, that forces out the real you into the surface of awareness and that offers you no options for mediocrity. If you must commence your career in personal achievement, you will have to live in a world apart from the one available to the rest of the masses. You will create a safe world of thinking and imagination for yourself where you can mentally escape the psychological slavery that the economy and human corruption have imposed on all.

It is in that safe haven of higher awareness (beyond the limitations of current problems) that you can have the presence of mind to have a vision that will preoccupy your mind and the courage to make the public sacrifices necessary for its fulfillment.

eBay has acquired as many as 20 companies from the time when John Donahoe was made CEO. He has been able to convince the founders of these companies to join eBay by giving them high responsibility roles and providing them growth opportunities within the company. Kind of like Rome did, he did not try to destroy their culture or humiliate them once taken over.

The step is a strategy that will allow the company to innovate and provide eBay sellers and buyers the best possible marketplace experience. The company has known to be highly innovative in the past. For example, it has approved Adship advertising that allows Adship eBay sellers to earn revenue by placing ads at all steps during the order-fulfillment process. By retaining talent, the CEO is trying to, by using his own words, “take it (the company) to the next level”. You can read more about the story here.

To be clear: I never thought, then or now, that taking care of a home and five children wasn’t demanding, worthwhile, or exhausting, and I believe that any work-life balance discussion should hinge on the fair availability of choices to both women and men, not on judgments of the relative values of such choices. So I never thought of my mom as “merely” a stay-at-home mom. We were a straight-up working class family, but the kids were all safe and well fed, and we grew up polite and respectful and more open-minded than a lot of more “privileged” people I would later meet at Harvard, and I give both my parents the credit for that. But I certainly couldn’t help noticing, especially as I grew older and met friends’ moms who were employed, that my mom was increasingly unusual, although apparently quite content, in being only a stay-at-home mom.

Mom and me

I’ve written before about my father and his career and how it affected my assumptions about work as I was growing up, and as Mothers’ Day approached I began to consider whether my mother’s career had also affected my outlook on work. As I played with the idea, it occurred to me that perhaps I was making an unwarranted assumption. Perhaps my mom wasn’t content as a stay-at-home mom. What if she had had a particular ambition as a teenager, one that she had chosen to abandon when she married my dad and then spawned us? How tragic would that be? My mom, a secretly frustrated ballerina or closet biochemist, hiding her light under a bushel for the sake of her kids. I had to find out the truth. Perhaps, even now, it wasn’t too late for her to begin anew!

So I called and asked her. When she was young, was there something she had dreamed of doing? Something she had never done because she’d been a housewife all her life?

No, she said. Not at all. In fact, she reminded me – for I had heard this part before – she and my father had started dating when they were 14 years old, and she knew then that all she wanted to do was marry him and take care of him and their home and their children.

That seemed a little anticlimactic to me. No ambition at all? No unfulfilled dreams? Where’s the drama in that? My mind played it out, anxiously starting to regret my commitment to writing a special Mothers’ Day post. Maybe a lack-of-ambition theme? Maybe if my mom had been a little less content, I might have been the one to create Facebook, except twenty years earlier, so I would also have had to create the Internet, too. Thanks to my mom’s serenity, Zuckerberg and Gore reaped all the rewards. Mom!

Meanwhile, as I pondered, my mother continued her story. She was explaining why she knew she would marry my dad. One day the comic wrapped inside her piece of Bazooka bubble gum included a fortune that read, “You will have two false starts before you get what you really want.” See, before she met my dad, she dated these two other losers –- one guy from her school who turned out to be a jerk, and another guy who went AWOL and disappeared -– and that’s how she knew that my dad was going to be the keeper.

Aha! The magic telegram! Had she told me this story when I was young, and maybe I had forgotten it? But I had remembered the message: someday Fate will deliver a mystical sign, and from then on, your life will be perfect! How many years had I wasted, waiting for the magic telegram to be delivered, rather than exploring the world and discovering myself what my perfect job would –-

Wait a minute. Did she say “AWOL”? Was my 14-year-old mom dating someone in the military?

Mom snorted. Yes, she had been, because her mother didn’t care what my mom or her brothers and sisters got up to. They could run around chasing whoever they wanted, as far as my grandmother was concerned, because that’s basically what she did all her life. And then my mother went on to remind me about some of the things she had told me about my grandmother, and to tell me a few more startling things that she’d never mentioned to me before. Oh, I had grown up knowing that my mother and her mother didn’t get along – as kids, we saw my paternal grandmother every couple of weeks, but we visited my mother’s mother maybe five times in my whole life – and when I’d reached adulthood my mom explained enough for me to understand that, while my grandmother obviously liked something about the process of conception enough to have had seventeen children, by fathers who came and went, it wasn’t the childrearing she enjoyed. She was absent from their lives often enough for the siblings to have essentially raised each other, with the support of a kind-hearted neighbor or two.

Now, on the phone, my mother was providing me with additional details about the extent of the neglect, and about the effects that it had on her brothers and sisters. Bad things happened. Some of the family – the uncles and aunts I remember visiting regularly as a child – stood up in the face of them, stood up for their younger brothers and sisters, and carved paths through the wilderness to reach safe and sane adulthood. Others, mostly the ones I never knew well, surrendered under the weight of the neglect and succumbed to various forms of dissolution, one daughter even echoing her mother’s footsteps.

I was not expecting stories like this to come out in our conversation. But then I realized: she was just answering the question I had asked. I don’t think she realized it consciously, but she was. “When she was young, was there something she had dreamed of doing?” She had said “no”, because the way I had asked the question was flawed, but the answer was obviously “yes”. She had dreamed of being a mother unlike her own mother. She had dreamed of being there for all of her children, of keeping them safe and well fed, of teaching them to be polite and respectful and open-minded, and of caring enough about what her children got up to, to let them know when it was wrong. To her, “stay-at-home” was what made her the mom she wanted to be, because her mother never did.

Happy Mothers’ Day to everyone out there whose mothers – stay-at-home or go-to-work – gave them the gifts of security, discretion, and care. Let your mothers know you are as grateful as I am to have been given the foundation of stability and self-worth that makes it possible to even have career ambitions. And to those, hopefully few, people reading this who suffered from the kind of parental neglect my mom suffered from: know that, like my mother, you can still give to someone else the gift you never received yourself.

I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus…or do I. What am I pressing God for or am I consumed with pressure, anxiety and stress? Letting everything else go can I actually forget the past and reach forward? We would all like to think so, but the truth is the baggage of our past and experience that shapes and molds our thoughts control momentum in life. Sitting on the suitcases of our past, we cry out to the Lord to move us forward. We want all that God has for us but we are not willing to stop hoarding hurt feelings, disappointments, and discouragement of our life before Jesus Christ. We know everything that He has promised, but there is comfort and security in the things that we use to excuse our weak faith and lack of confident hope. Well the Lord has a message for all of us today in an effort to motivate us to destiny! It is time to get up and getting moving…forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to that which is ahead. It is time to stop looking for the Lord to move us laterally and stare looking upward to the call of God in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 37:23-24 (NLT)
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the LORD upholds him with His hand.

EVERYONE makes mistakes! I don’t care how righteous, pious, holy or religious you are, no one is exempt from falling every now and then. Ok, maybe we fall a lot. The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord. You have the potential to be a good person and do good things all in the Name of Jesus Christ. In and of ourselves we are totally incapable of goodness. We all sin and fall short of the Glory of God…all of us. (Romans 3:23) It says so right there. We all fall. Everyone sins. Yet by His Grace, we are able to follow the steps ordered by the Lord. He delights when people live His Way, doing His Will according to His Word. Even when we stumble or fall, the Lord is holding us with His Hand if we are moving forward with Him. Goodness is a trait characteristic of God. Jesus told the rich young ruler that only God was good. We also see in I Timothy 4:4 that every creation of God is good. The thing that makes us not good is sin. To leave sin behind is to reclaim the goodness that God created inside of each person. To follow the steps ordered by the Lord will only lead to goodness as that is all that He has for us because that is who God is. We may make plan after plan but God’s Plan and Purpose for our life will prevail. (Proverbs 16:9)

Romans 5:1-5 (NLT)
Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

It would seem that if it is true that God is good. If the Word of God is certain and the steps of my life are carefully ordered by the Lord in order to walk in His Goodness then it would seem that all I must do to step into the undeserved privilege that is mine by faith. Christ brought me to this place and all I must do now is move forward deeper and deeper into His Righteousness, Goodness and Grace to experience God’s Glory for my life. What would be the point of saving me to the uttermost to strike me down in the midst of so many witnesses? Why would the Lord call me into His Presence and cause me to suffer when I was doing that all by myself? Grace and mercy are part of His Upward Call to leave the consequences and burdens behind and live in the supernatural forever found when we move forward in Christ. What do I mean move forward? We find a perfect example in Exodus 14. After many pleadings and plagues, Pharaoh released the Children of Israel and they are leaving captivity behind. When they reach the Red Sea, they realize Pharaoh has gone back on his word and now is relentlessly pursing them. Now what? The people demand answers from Moses. In turn, Moses begins to cry out to God. It would seem everyone (except the Lord) is now in a full-fledged panic. One word comes to mind here – endurance. It happens all the time. We step out in faith meet opposition and then run back to God whining and complaining with doubt and filled with fear.

Exodus 14:15-18 (NKJV)
And the LORD said to Moses, “Why do you cry to Me? Tell the children of Israel to go forward. But lift up your rod, and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it. And the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea. And I indeed will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they shall follow them. So I will gain honor over Pharaoh and over all his army, his chariots, and his horsemen. Then the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I have gained honor for Myself over Pharaoh, his chariots, and his horsemen.”

Overwhelming victory belongs to us as believers in Jesus Christ. (Romans 8:37) When will begin to live like and move forward into it. What Glory would have come to God if He had rescued the Children of Israel only to have them slaughtered by the Egyptians at the Red Sea? Where is the Glory? God said to Moses, “Why do you cry to Me? …Go forward.” He is telling us the very same thing today. We know His Word. We have believed His Promises. What did we expect to happen when we stepped out in faith? Did you really think the enemy would rejoice and step out of the way? God’s Glory is about to explode in your life but you must endure and not run for cover in the past or this world. What may bring temporary relief and momentary comfort can halt your destiny and steal your life away. We must reach forward for the Prize. We must stand in the undeserved privilege of God by faith anchoring our feet with confident hope that we will not move until the Glory of God shows up and then we will run to meet Him. It is time to move forward or die in defeat.

Isaiah 58:8-11 (NLT)
“Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the LORD will protect you from behind. Then when you call, the LORD will answer. ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply. “Remove the heavy yoke of oppression. Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors! Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon. The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.”

Godliness or God-like-ness will move you forward. God is progressive. He is motivated and transforming. You cannot enter the Presence and Power of God and expect to remain the same. But look at all the wonderful things He has planned in your salvation. He doesn’t expect you to do anything other than move forward into healing, His Glory, finding His Answers, His Presence, release and an end to captivity. You can stop looking at everyone else and worrying about you! Now all you have to do is share the Good News with others by loving them like the Lord loves you demonstrated in grace, forgiveness, blessing, giving and helping. As the Lord guides you and you follow, you will be fully restored lacking no good thing. Religion will not do it. But a relationship with Jesus Christ will…He asking you to walk through life with Him but you must decide to take the first step into forever. ”Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. For the glory of your name, O LORD, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.” (Psalm 143:10-11)

Luke 6:8-11 (NLT)
But Jesus knew their thoughts. He said to the man with the deformed hand, “Come and stand in front of everyone.” So the man came forward. Then Jesus said to his critics, “I have a question for you. Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?” He looked around at them one by one and then said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” So the man held out his hand, and it was restored! At this, the enemies of Jesus were wild with rage and began to discuss what to do with him.

What if the Lord asks you to step out of your comfort zone? Will you do it? Imagine the man with the withered hand. Jesus was in the middle of a confrontation with the Pharisees and Jesus said to him, “Come and stand in front of everyone.” Faith made the man come forward and step out of religion into a relationship with Jesus Christ. He was out there now. There would be no going back as the religious leaders were furious with Jesus. After the Lord healed the man, the enemies of Jesus Christ were in a “wild rage” and began plotting against Him. The enemy is not happy when you move from victory to victory in life. (I Corinthians 15:67) Jesus overcame the world so you can walk in victory and glory every single day which ticks the devil off and now he really wants you stopped. You are messing everything up for him and pointing out that he is a liar, so what did you expect? ”As the boy came forward, the demon knocked him to the ground and threw him into a violent convulsion. But Jesus rebuked the evil spirit and healed the boy. Then he gave him back to his father.” (Luke 9:42) This is exactly what the devil keeps doing to you. Walking with the Lord always brings Him glory as we experience victory in every circumstance and victory in life, no wonder the enemy is doing everything in his power to hinder your walk. It is time to rebuke him in the Name of Jesus Christ and be healed. Don’t stop now. The best is yet to come. Return to the Father today and He will be your Shelter, Strong Tower and Deliver. Jesus is making everything new in your life. God is making sure that every detail bears the mark of His Goodness. Don’t give up – move forward! Those who are desperate for God’s Glory to hit their life won’t care what man says or even religion. All that matters is Jesus to those who choose to be set free!

Romans 8:24-26 (NLT)
We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.) And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.

Jesus knew His Followers would need assistance in this world so He did not abandon us but filled us with His Spirit as a guarantee of every promise that He ever made. (2 Corinthians 1:22) It is okay when you are at a loss for words, His Spirit knows just what you need to find the courage and strength to step out into destiny. He knows the Way. But it is up to you to get moving – “So let us go out to him, outside the camp, and bear the disgrace he bore. For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come. Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to his name. And don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God.” (Hebrews 13:13-16) I can assure you that living a righteous, holy and Godly life to the Glory of God will most definitely take you out of your comfort zone. Embrace the opportunity to go with God. His Glory and Goodness will overtake you as His Peace fills your heart. Worry and anxiety will fall off as all you see is Jesus. He will steady your steps and wildly beating heart! Stepping out in the Name of Jesus Christ as His Follower puts the Lord’s Name on the line. He must be faithful to be worthy of Glory so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! What are you waiting for? Leave the past behind and step into forever. It begins with moving forward just one step at a time until His Glory overtakes you and you will miss nothing left behind!

2 Timothy 4:7-8 (NLT)
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. 8 And now the prize awaits me—the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing.

obsessed with You,

maddened by the thought of You.

Make me think of nothing but You.

What else could possibly be fulfilling.

I say none of the above. Our life is the hand we’re dealt; our destiny depends on how we play that hand.

Our destiny, that is, that which is happening in our life now or will happen in the future, depends first and foremost on us. While the course of our life has definitely been influenced by the circumstances into which we were born, and by our early childhood experiences, these do not necessarily determine how our life unfolds. We were destined to live at this time and to create our life within the framework of some actualities, but ultimately, our destiny is in our hands.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves,” wrote William Shakespeare. He meant that our destiny is not a prescribed course assigned to us by some cosmic force. Rather, it is our journey, by whatever path we choose to take, toward the fulfillment of our truest nature. Our destiny is not something for which we strive, but rather something we realize and fulfill. It is not as much the point to which we’re headed or at which we will arrive, as it is the way in which we live our life. Every breath and every step we take we do so in congruence with the purpose for which we are destined.

We recognize our destined path not by the intensity of our desires, but by the sense of it being the “right fit” for us. Like in the story of Goldilocks and the three bears, we may at first get burned and we may be disappointed, but eventually we find what is “just right” for us. It seems that when we are fulfilling our destiny the whole universe supports us, especially when the path is difficult to traverse.

We are held back from fulfilling our destiny by the belief that we are stuck in an unchangeable situation and are powerless to do anything about it. We are held back from fulfilling our destiny by our selfish focus on what is good for us, even at the expense of others. On the other hand, we are moved toward the fulfillment of our destiny by the belief that we have the power to change things for the better, and the courage to confront and overcome even formidable obstacles. And we are moved toward the fulfillment of our destiny by our single-hearted focus on the divine presence within us and the will to promote the welfare of all beings. Thomas Merton believed that, “Love is our true destiny.”

Even when the circumstances and conditions of our life limit our options and inhibit our progress, they neither define us nor determine our destiny. Regardless of the detours and impediments that we encounter, it is our resolution to move ahead to the best of our ability that matters most. It is our spirit that leads us to our destiny. A good example of this is Helen Keller, the American author, activist, and lecturer, who was deaf and blind since the age of two. She embraced her limitations and incorporated them into her destiny. “I thank God for my handicaps,” she wrote, “for, through them, I have found myself, my work, and my God.” She believed that, “Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” She became a well educated, highly accomplished, and widely celebrated woman.

What a tremendous responsibility it is to be the author of our own life story. Some take this obligation seriously and see it through. Others are content to follow someone else’s script. Some know their heart’s desire and pursue it; others abandon the quest for their cherished dream at the first challenge, and then claim their unfulfilled life as their destiny.

Our destiny, then, is a delicate interweaving of grace and enterprise. Grace gifts us with opportunity, while enterprise impresses opportunity into the service of destiny. But it is important that we be clear about what we believe and what we value because our beliefs and our values are the reference points by which we chart our course.

This is my destiny: I am destined to welcome the divine presence into my soul; to love and serve all beings, using the gifts and opportunities I have been given; and to be fully alive until I die.

What is your destiny?

We are not permitted to choose the frame

of our destiny. But what we put in it is ours.

                             Dag Hammarskjold

I could sit for hours and draw. I drew fashion drawings of women in exquisite dresses (I thought.) I drew horses and cats and taught myself how to shade a ball to make it look round, or how to show a shadow on the side of a box from the sun’s light.

As I got older, I experimented with different creative outlets. My mother made me take piano lessons, which I later realized I was so happy about. I begged for art books, coloring books, even paint by numbers canvases. I sang in the church choir, and I wrote poems and stories.

When I decided it was time to choose a career, I chose pharmacy. It promised a good salary and the possibility of great benefits and, something I always needed–security, While I practiced pharmacy, I explored oil and acrylic painting and some other less common outlets such as SCUBA diving, backpacking, roller skating and snow skiing.  But eventually, I decided that what my favorite creative endeavor was, was writing.

Why was it my favorite? Because nothing I had ever done was as satisfying, as fulfilling, as exciting as creating characters and stories. It was the only thing that was remotely as interesting to me as reading. And in fact, it was more interesting. Was and is. I am passionate about writing. I need to write, to create stories that people want to read. I feel so lucky that I can do what I love and get paid a little bit to do it.