Medina for Texas

“Governor Medina”

Music by Tone Loc Funky Cold Medina

The truth is coming out and were breaking it down for the people:

Verse 1
I was lookin round Texas for political solution
A candidate that would understand the U.S. Constitution
I wanted me a leader who will nullify and veto
The insane laws in Austin that take freedom from the people
I wanted me a governor that would listen and take action
Roll back taxes for economic satisfaction
A lady who was willing to fight corporate obscena
A sharp mind and a steely spine Governor Medina

Verse 2
Rick Perry wants to stay there hes a slicked up politician
He talks the line and looks so fine has a highly paid beautician
His hair looks great but in his head hes lacking so much more
He thinks NAFTAs great wants to build a corridor
He abuses executive power, just ask a Mormon mama
Pushing Ghardasil means that hes pimpin for big Pharma
He used to be a democrat a chairman for Al Gore
Worked on his race in 88, need I say any more?

Look around Texans Ricks not working for you:

Verse 3
Kay Bailout wants to run and be the womans vote excitement
What they dont know is back in ninety fo, she had 3 indictments
Misuse of funds, like Attila the Hun, she voted for the war
She wants the United Nations to call the global score
Ole Kays been in the Senate, and things have not gone well
Shes voted with GW, our dollar went to hell!
So now you see for the GOP theres a candidate much keena
Rule of law, liberty for all its Governor Medina

We are calling the UN puppets out tonight:
We are taking the fight to the top and this is a battle we can win!

Drum solo
Breathers – Governor Medina
Break it down for you:

Verse 4
If you happy with the government than vote the same of game
But career politicians are driving me insane
Im doing something different gonna vote the real solution
Gonna rock the state of TX standing for the Constitution
Were gonna take it back and make the govt much leana
Gonna fight the Revolution with Governor Medina
Were gonna take it back and make this govt much leana
Its a Texas Revolution with Governor Medina

Theres a new game in town.
Were gonna say NO to the corporate corrupt FED!
We are calling you out tonight!

With Governor Medina.

Thanks to Penny Langford Freeman for her wit and courage!

You were awesome!

Nerd’s the word/he’s ahead of the herd/because if he dropped these rhymes/in 2009/he’d get thrown in the crapper/for being a hipster rapper.

the answer was, “yes”. i did, well, i very much did, want to get into the hot tub. rain or not, it was simply a marvellous idea. in fact, i think the rain made it even more enticing because it meant having to build a sweet ass “rain fort”.

so we ran outside on the deck and jumped into the tub. we tilted the cover just so as to turn it into a makeshift awning. on the opposing side we raised the hot tub umbrella to keep the other side of the tub from the rain and the lightning (because we’re genius’ who go in water during lightning storms).

nick and i... just multiply by 2 and take a few shades off the skin complexion

anyhow, the standard time limit one is recommended to stay in a hot tub is no longer than 30-60 minutes. nick and i went in for 60+180 minutes. while this is very obviously a poor choice in terms of our health, we also talked about lots of good things– but mainly potatoes. and here is where the title of the trilogy comes to be.

while we sat in the hot tub, in the mists of a monsoon, we talked about many ridiculous things. but the most standout-ish of all topics was potatoes. our main focus was, “if i were a potato, what kind of potato would i be?” it started off like this…

“ugh, i’m hot. i’m a hot potato”
“more like a steamed potato.”
“well, no. in a sauna i’d be steamed. here i’m pretty much a boiled potato.”
“aaa. that makes sense.”

from there the conversation only got weirder. and then the aforementioned question about properly qualifying our own potato identity came to be. “what kind of potato am i?”

well, nick got out of the hot tub and laid face down on the deck– mind y0u the rain is still coming down. he said, “i think right now i’m a cool potato.” i said, “no, i think you’re more of a chilled potato. a cool potato would be a potato  listening to funky cold medina with sunglasses and a zima.” he agreed.

finally, we talked about what a wonderful life it would be if sitting in the hot tub (and naming “that” potato) was our job. the company would be called boiled potato inc. and it’s employees would sit in a hot tub for an entire day and talk about life (and potatoes). and they would even have a fax machine and a company blackberry (with brick breaker!).

anyway, after a looong hard day at work, we got tired of the hot tub and the rain began to slow down and then stopped. nick had the idea to move this party into the bay. he grabbed us each a floaty raft and we walked onto the dock.

“dare we to become soggy potatoes?”

find out next time. same bat-place. same bat-channel.

Rapper/Actor Tone Loc collapsed Friday due to overheating while performing at Capt’n Fun Beach Club, a bar which had a naming contest that apparently nobody won.  I checked out IMDB to reacquaint myself with his oeuvre.  His entry lists the classics—The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, They Crawl—but omits some of his lesser-known works and current projects:

Maximum Loc-age (1991) …. Slice:  Tone plays Slice, a government secret agent infiltrating a Basque separatist group that is attempting to release a deadly shrimp virus.  With most of the world’s shrimp dead and the price of live ones skyrocketing, the group will use crustaceans from its underground shrimp farms to cash in.  When a radical Paellist in the State Dept blows Slice’s cover, the Loc-age begins.

The Loc-ing of the Three (1992) .… Schmelwick:  Tone’s first foray into fantasy, as Schmelwick the Conjurer.  Schmelwick must find the exiled Triplets who are prophesied to release the Kingdom of Medina from a decades-old curse which keeps Medinians from reproducing.  When the Triplets appear, Schmelwick concocts a mysterious libation that makes the townfolk rut like minxes, freeing them from their shamanic bondage.

Return to Loc-ington Manor (BBC 3-part miniseries:  Travels to Tonejin, Lord and Lady Loc, When LocBerry Fields Lay Fallow) (1995) .… Lord Loc-ington:  A desperate Lord Loc-ington returns from the Orient with no cure for the Dover Blight ravaging his family’s centuries-old LocBerry plantation.  A touching but harsh dramatization of a pre-Sunglasses agricultural aristocracy crumbling in the face of advancing industrialization and Rap.

“Judge Tone Loc” (in production) …. Himself: “You can’t run from the Tone arm of the Loc.”  Judge Loc issues no-nonsense rulings on cases ranging from unpaid rent to unpaid bills for borrowed cell phones.

Can’t wait to see what’s next, Tone.  Dancing With The Stars, maybe?  Get well soon.

Note: All right, so I’m back. I took a week off to take care of some personal stuff and work on my other writing projects and in doing so I realized something: I can’t do this blog every weekday in the way that I was and still have time to pursue other goals. Now, don’t worry, there will still be daily content on here every Monday through Friday. It’ll just be a little different. Since the “Standpoint” section seems to be the one you all like the most, I’m separating it from each daily post. It will appear by itself and only three days a week. It was getting a little difficult to write five “Standpoints” per week and maintain the quality. This way, I’ll be able to write about more of the issues you really want to read about. Stay tuned and thanks for reading.

Word: pithy [pith-ee] adj. 1. brief, forceful, and meaningful in expression; full of vigor, substance, or meaning; terse; forcible: a pithy observation 2. of, like, or abounding in pith

Birthday: Jacques Marquette (1637), Brigham Young (1801), William S. Knowles (1917), Nelson Riddle (1921), Andy Griffith (1926), Marilyn Monroe (1926), Charles Wilson (1933), Pat Boone (1934), Morgan Freeman (1937), René Auberjonois (1940), Ronnie Wood (1947), David Berkowitz (1953), Teri Polo (1969), Alexi Lalas (1970), Heidi Klum (1973), Alanis Morissette (1974), Brandi Carlile (1980)

Quotation: Live your life so when the times comes for the funeral the preacher won’t have to bullshit the peoples. - Babatunde Olatunji

Tune: I watched Zack and Miri Make a Porno last weekend. (It was better than people told me it’d be.) Anyway, during the scene where Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks first…ahem…actively participate in relations with one another, a song came on that was unmistakably by the band Live. After 1994’s Throwing Copper, I stopped listening to Live. (Except “Simple Creed.” I love that song.) They stopped making good music. Turns out that the song in the movie was “Hold Me Up,” a b-side from the Throwing Copper album. I liked the song a lot. And I’m OK with that because, even though I’d never heard it before, it was from an era when I thought Live was still kind of worthwhile. Plus, a good song is a good song no matter who’s performing it. All right, that’s not true. I don’t really believe that. Still, good stuff. I don’t think Live released the song anywhere. It’s not on the Zack and Miri Make a Porno soundtrack. But, as I’m known to, I was able to find a site where you can download ”Hold Me Up” for free.

Gallimaufry: Despite disliking the movie Titanic on an almost undescribable level, I’ve always been kind of fascinated by the real-life story. Sadly, the last survivor of the tragedy, Millvina Deans, died yesterday. Dean was only 2 months old when the Titanic sank. ∞ Tone-Lôc, the rapper behind such megahit classics like “Funky Cold Medina,” “Wild Thing,” and, well, I guess just those two, collapsed during a concert in Florida on Friday. He reportedly suffered a seizure due to “flight delays and heat.” He’s expected to make a full recovery.  ∞ Lastly, I’m pleased to announce that the Detroit Red Wings are up 2-0 on the Pittsburgh Penguins in the Stanley Cup Finals. As usual, Pittsburgh captain Sidney Crosby is proving to everyone what a douchebag he can be. Crosby aside, the Red Wings deserve the Cup again. Simply the better team.  

Incoming: Tomorrow – I’ll discuss the 2009 MTV Movie Awards.

To Liz…the whitest person I know.

I am a musician and a singer, but rarely these days, do I have time to sit down and play any of my instruments or sing a song without hearing “Mommy!” or “No – MY Music (ie anything with Herry Monster)”.  SO, I was overjoyed when the kiddies fell asleep early the other night and I had the opportunity to jump in the car and go to the store alone.  I was hoping to hear a song to which I could vocalize.  But, really anything good would have done.  If you have every had the pleasure of seeing my CD/music collection, you would know that it has everything from Ozzy to Beethoven to Britney Spears.  So when I say anything good would have done, that leaves a lot of room.  Sadly, after repeatedly flipping channels, the best thing on the radio was “Funky Cold Medina” by Tone Loc.  Despite not finding anything that met my standards that night, I took my 80’s flashback and I “broke it down”.

Ein Liedchen, dass sich mit schöner Regelmäßigkeit bei Temperaturen über 30°C in meinem Hirn festsetzt… aus einer Zeit, als sekundärgebildete Rapper nicht wichtig alle Welt erschießen wollten und rotzaffige Hip Hopper noch einen Arsch in der Hose hatten, an dem auch mal ‘ne Hose hängenblieb. Es war nicht mal nötig, die gesamte Verwandschaft zu beleidigen, um gute Mukke zu machen.

20 lange Jahre…

Word to your Mother…

Qué puedo decir de Anthony Terrell Smith? pues que me hizo bailar el rap como una loca y yo que pensé cuando escuche las primeras que salieron que jamás lo iba a hacer!! Pero claro, la moda era la moda y se nos quedó para siempre porque es algo que aún perdura..

Tone Loc es el apodo que le dieron sus amigos (Antonio Loco) es multifacético ya que ha incursionado en la actuación, música y baloncesto..increíble pero dicen que este año vuelve al ataque en el ámbito musical y muchos estamos esperándole.

Sus dos grandes éxitos en el 89 (yo tenía apenas 20 añitos) fueron y serán siempre: Wild Thing y Funky Cold Medina, así que les dejo este par para que vuelvan a hacer memoria unos casi 20 años atrás.. joder que joven era y apenas en la universidad dejando mis ojos entres lápices, cartones, pinceles, pinturas y demás.. y un profesor y director de carrera que me caía en las pelotas!

Escucha Funky Cold Medina

cold cooling at a ball
looking for some action
but like Mick Jagger said
I can’t get no satisfaction
the girls are all around
but none of them wanna get with me
my threads are fresh and I’m looking def
yo, wassup with the l-o-c
the girls are all jocking
at the other end of the bar
having drinks with some no-name chump
when they know that I’m the star
so I got up and strolled over
to the other side of the cantina
I asked the guy, “why you so fly?”
he said “funky cold medina