A gun rack? A gun rack. Shyaa, right. Why would you buy me a gun rack? I don’t even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I going to do with a gun rack?

For all you Staceys out there, problem solved. Sorta.

Just FYI, The Back Up calls this “the smartest money you will ever spend”.

I love D Generation X merchandise, I’ve bought a Triple H Sean Michaels DX shirt for Harry for Christmas.

shhhhh don’t tell him, I’ve got it hidden where he’ll never look for it.

Usually he sneaks around in the closets looking for gifts.

I told him I can’t afford to buy him anything this year, so far he’s believing me. LOL

Seriously. Or else.

Sometimes, commercials can be just as great as the TV shows they interrupt. I find this low-budget masterpiece, which advertises Brooklyn’s Grand Prospect Hall (“We make your dreams come true!”), almost as entertaining as an eight-hour marathon of “Top Model” on VH1.

But today I discovered what might be my new favorite commercial: this 90-second ad for a new jar opener called—wait for it—the Handjob.

It’s hard to decide which moment I love the most: the weird, ‘80s-esque strobe flashing at the beginning? The way the wife waits a beat, then perkily says, “Okay!” when her hubby asks for a hand job? The part where the guy with the yard equipment screams, “Faaaaaa!” until the camera cuts away? The not-so-subtle shot of an old lady getting sprayed in the face with liquid? It’s all gold.

Yeah, I didn’t think it was real either, but I checked the website (INeedaHandjob.com, obviously) and it looks pretty legit. (Note: after verifying, I quickly deleted my browsing history.) Turns out, despite what we’ve always thought, the hand job is indeed the answer to all of our problems.

If you are wondering if you should have a second child, watch this:

It’s hard to imagine being scarred for life by bubbles, but not after this vid.

i hate my cubicle

Haha Fulltilt adverts are always funny

Get a Fulltilt Poker Bonus

This really looks so wrong. The look on their faces even made it look more disturbing. Go hook up!LOL.

Appliance Stores Orange County – Wow Dryer

Lee: Appliance Direct!

Sam: Do you know how the manufacturer tells a good quality dryer from a poor quality dryer? Time and air! A good quality dryer will dry your clothes in the same amount of time as you can wash them. It uses more air and less heat. Wow! That’s why they have a big filter on the top and not a small filter inside! It uses less power and is easier on your clothes.

Lee: Appliance Direct!

Lee: Appliance Direct!

Sam: At Appliance Direct, you won’t see a fancy retail display. But what you will see is factory pieces that retail stores can’t carry. Power bill too high? Maybe it’s your range. Poor quality range make you cook longer and use more power. How do manufacturers tell a good quality range from the poor quality range? The fan. The good quality range will have a convection fan in it so your food cooks faster and doesn’t dry out. Drying out will shrink your food. Drying out means less flavor, less vitamins, less food. Manufacturers know that, but manufacturers don’t think like retailers do. The manufacturers tell the retailers, but the retailers don’t tell anybody. Let’s cook some chickens and come back later.

Lee: Did you want that brand spanking new convection range that Sam was talking about delivered today? Then come see the world’s largest factory showroom and don’t pay retail.

Lee: Appliance Direct!

Sam: Food not perfect? Maybe it’s your range. How do manufacturers tell a good quality range from the poor quality range? Chicken and a fan! Good quality convection range will make your regular chicken bigger, moister, and more nutritious. If your range makes a small chicken, it’s a piece of junk. Appliance Direct has the only convection ranges with a sunken elements and a convection conversion. They make convection easy.

Lee: Appliance Direct!

http:www.appliancedirect.com

Lee: Appliance Direct!

Sam: Welcome to Appliance Direct! I love appliances! Here we have three of the best-selling dishwashers in Florida. One, two, three. Plus a European model for good measure! We’re gonna test them right here, right now. How they clean, how loud they are, and how much energy they use. How do we test? Simple. Put a cake in it. We’re putting fresh red velvet cake in each dishwasher, hitting the start button, and letting them work it out. Why this test? Number one complaint for Science Appliance off the web is about food left in the dishwasher after the cycle is done and dishes are supposed to be clean.

Lee: Science Appliance is where customers learn how appliances work from a kid’s perspective.

Sam: Let’s be very fair. Every one of these dishwashers puts out a clean dish if you wash them first. That’s an old appliance joke, folks. Get it? They do a great job if you pre-wash? That’s how retailers sell junk for more money. Get you to pre-wash. Do you wash your car before you took it to the detail? Would the car wash be worth less if you did? Real dishwashers really wash. Manufacturers tell the retailers, but the retailers don’t tell anybody. Let’s see what Florida’s favorites can do with a big job.

Lee: Let’s open them up. This European one took the longest and left the most cake. The cheapy has a lot of the cake left. In this one, all of the cake is gone, but everything is still wet. Perfectly clean, perfectly dry, and not one crumb. Sam, what do you think?

Sam: Nothing left but clean and sanitized. If you want the champ, go to any Appliance Direct and ask for Sam’s special for a long-life, high-quality dishwasher. Don’t pay retail. Does it sanitize? Yes. No more passing on colds. No more passing on the flu. One load does a hole house. Thanks for taking extra time ad effort to not pay retail and get more value for your family. Thank you for visiting the world’s largest appliance showroom. Appliance Direct. I love appliances.

Lee: Appliance Direct!

http:www.appliancedirect.com

Lee: Appliance Direct!

Sam: Did you know appliances come in 14 grades of stainless steel? How to tell if it’s real stainless steel from fake stuff? Easy. A magnet. If it’s real stainless steel, nothing will stick to it.

That’s not stainless steel! That’s just paint! Paint rusts. Good stainless steel won’t. Where can  you find out about all kinds of stainless steel? Appliance Direct! I love appliances!

Lee: Appliance Direct!

http:www.appliancedirect.com

If this doesn’t make you run to the pharmacy and stock up on those rubbers, I do not know what will. This hilarious French condom commercial was voted Best In Europe. Enjoy!

To borrow from Steven Colbert’s “Tip of The Hat, Wag of My Finger” segment …A tip of my hat to Fatherhood.org for their advertising campaign. This particular commercial is not new, but has not been shown in my market segment. While visiting Tampa I had the pleasure of viewing it – I like the humor combined with the simple message. According to the Ad Council website “The new television PSAs emphasize to fathers that “the smallest moments can have the biggest impact on a child’s life.” The PSAs conclude with the tagline, “It takes a man to be a dad” and direct fathers to visit www.fatherhood.org or call 1-800-790-DADS to learn how to become better dads. Actor Tom Selleck lends his voice to the PSAs.

Good job and happy 10th anniversary to Fatherhood.org! This campaign is very funny and gets the point across without jamming it down your throat. I like it so much, here’s another commercial in that series: