funny-joke-of-the-day « WordPress.com Tag Feed

...egg on face

monkey electric — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 00:38:30 +0000

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...squirt

monkey electric — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 00:36:59 +0000

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...designated driver

monkey electric — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 00:34:37 +0000

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...don't worry left the lights on

monkey electric — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 02:11:32 +0000

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...wait let me move my car

monkey electric — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 02:09:34 +0000

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...diet piece of cake

monkey electric — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 02:08:01 +0000

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...sharks love stupid lifeguards

monkey electric — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 01:08:24 +0000

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...mom never cross the road anymore

monkey electric — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 01:06:58 +0000

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...watching television without insulting intelligence

monkey electric — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 01:05:12 +0000

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...home for the holidays

monkey electric — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 01:02:07 +0000

...woking the dog

monkey electric — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:12:10 +0000

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...catbox

monkey electric — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:10:52 +0000

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...what makes you think you're invisible?

monkey electric — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:07:49 +0000

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...chicken holiday parties

monkey electric — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:05:17 +0000

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Throwing Out the Baby with the Bath Water

monkey electric — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 00:08:16 +0000

Sometimes you do have to throw out the baby with the bath water.

When you start out it may be possible that the kid is so dirty

that you have no idea what you are looking at as far as a baby.

It’s may be the case that after intense scrubbing with

semi-diluted bleach you still end up with an ugly kid.

You just couldn’t tell before because he was too dirty.

In such a case I don’t think anyone could fault you

for throwing out the baby with the bath water.

So, I guess my advice to parents here is to keep your kids

at least clean enough that you can monitor how ugly they are becoming.

You might be able to do something before it’s too late.

And we’re all green now-a-days, so nobody wants our precious landfills

filling up with your ugly kids.

Superman

monkey electric — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 00:07:31 +0000

A man was hit by a bus while crossing the street and lay there slowly bleeding to death.

Fortunately, Clark Kent was passing by and ducked into a nearby phone booth to change into Superman.

Oh, great he somehow managed to get his tie caught in his pants zipper.

Then he realized he had been carrying around the same superman underpants

in his gym bag for 2 weeks.

Son-of-a-bitch, when he had done colored laundry with his wife Wonder Woman

over the weekend he had ended up with her frilly cape.

Finally, an angry crowd pulled him out of the phone booth half naked

and called 911.

Cowering behind a minivan he could hear the police chief talking to reporter

from the Daily Planet.

Police Chief: “If we had been able to call an ambulance sooner we could

have saved the guy, but some nut was changing in the phone booth.”

Lois Lane to self: “I wish sure Clark was here.”

“He would love that frilly cape.”

“And those superman underpants.”

...Nasa job interview

monkey electric — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 00:06:04 +0000

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Pogo Stick Parade

monkey electric — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 00:03:54 +0000

I guess the best thing about living in a free country is you can pay a fee

and get permit for just about anything.

But do we really need a naked overweight people on pogo sticks parade?

One contingent after another.

Green pogo sticks.

Red pogo sticks.

Blue pogo sticks,

Sky blue pogo sticks.

Navy blue pogo sticks.

Naked overweight people on pogo sticks as far as the eye could see.

That’s a lot of bouncing.

Bouncing that I didn’t need to necessarily see.

But I guess they made their point.

Society needs to be more compassionate to people

who choose to gouge their own eyes out.

...forgot dogs can't read

monkey electric — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 00:07:57 +0000

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Christmas Mass

monkey electric — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 00:04:52 +0000

Eeeek! Eeeek! Eeeek! Eeeek! Eeeek!

How embarrassing.

Now I know why they discourage you

from bringing your monkey to Mass.

Frankenstein Christmas

monkey electric — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 00:03:06 +0000

First the cavemen built a snowman out of rocks.

They stacked 3 rocks of decreasing size on top of each other

and then used 2 rocks for eyes and a rock for his nose.

These rocks dropped to the ground.

Then the cavemen dragged a large rock into their cave

and made a Christmas tree out of it.

They decorated it with rocks as ornaments

and put a rock on top as a star.

These rocks dropped to the ground.

Finally, the 3 wise men arrived at their cave.

The guy bringing frankincense was Frankenstein.

Over the years Christmas traditions and practices

were further refined.

Frankenstein’s role was reduced.

Snake Psychiatrist

monkey electric — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 00:01:58 +0000

Snake patient on couch:

“You may think this is crazy, but I’m afraid of snakes.”

Snake psychiatrist:

“Not at all, I have the same fear.”

“Oh my god, how did you get in here?!”

Nurse snake:

“Your next patient is here.”

Snake psychiatrist:

“Great.”

“Oh my god, how did you get in here?!”

“Is the next patient a snake?”

Nurse snake:

“Of course.”

Snake psychiatrist:

“Oh my god, how did he get in here?!”

Snake patient on couch:

“So, is that it for us today?”

Snake psychiatrist:

“Yes.”

“Oh my god, how did you get in here?!”

“Nurse, please call building maintenance and let them know

we’re having problems again today with snakes.”

...Fred realizes he's dead

monkey electric — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 00:46:52 +0000

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...pet projects

monkey electric — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 00:44:36 +0000

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...caveman graffiti

monkey electric — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 00:40:49 +0000

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