Baby, if they made you in Java, you’d be the object of my desire.

Girl, you overclock my processor.

“Your mouth says, ‘Shields up!’, but your eyes say, ‘A hull breach is imminent’.”

I want to go down on you faster than a Blizzard server.

Scientists do it periodically on the table.

I’ve been told I have the cool sexual prowess of a Romulan.

I know my chemistry, and you’ve got one significant figure.

I could see you reading my T-shirt from the other side of the LAN party.

If I was an operating system, your process would have top priority.

So evidently I need to put the sunscreen bottle up out of reach after slathering up the kiddos.

lulz-time:

karenguo:

fat baby catbus!

When I found the book, Amazon’s mindless purchase-pattern-matching engine also recommended “Final Exit : The Practicalities of Self-Deliverance and Assisted Suicide for the Dying” by Derek Humphry.

The site no longer recommends those two books together, it was probably not so good for building an ongoing relationship with the customer…..

An awesome new video, and the first in its series, who took my lizard! Loving seeing such creativity in Kuwait! Can’t wait to know more about the story behind it! support, follow them @whotookmylizard and stay updated.

1. NSA targets everybody. (New!)  The President’s explanation that the concept of domestic is critical for national security makes the assumption that America looks at him the way they looked at his predecessor in 2003.  Claiming that broad oversight powers are necessary doesn’t sound so good after the public has spent weeks of hearing about flouting First Amendment rights, picking on political opponents with the IRS, and inconsistent stories about the attack in Benghazi.  Further, the wording of the President’s response – that there must be a choice between rights and safety – won’t help allay the public’s fears.
2. IRS targets the Tea Party.  (Last week: 4)  The good news for the IRS?  The expensive and idiotic videos, coupled with news about the opulent conferences, give credence to the Administration’s claim that the IRS is not malicious, just incompetent.
3. DOJ targets the Press.  (Last week: 1)  Senator Joe Manchin suggested that Eric Holder ought to think about resigning.  That someone in his own party would even bring this up demonstrates the bipartisan misgivings about seizing phone records from reporters.
4. State Department targets the truth about Benghazi.  (Last week: 3)  Hillary Clinton’s approval ratings are sinking.  What difference, at this point, does that make?  It’s evidence that the American public is highly skeptical of the Administration.
5. Obamacare targets American wallets.  (Last week: 2)  Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi said this week that the Obamacare-induced hikes in insurance rates actually represent reductions in cost.  Yes, she did actually say that.

Wild Card: GOP targets Facebook.  The hiring of new CTO Andy Barkett from Facebook means the RNC may actually have the tools to start organizing around some of these scandals.

Well, I feel like I've gained 100 pounds!!!!!

I was gone a total of three days, which is equivalent to 72 hours, or 4,320 minutes.

After eating a full days worth of calories, on the Monday of my departure, I still felt like I still needed protein, fats, and sugar to get me through the long 1 hour and 45 minute flight to Texas… So….I ate about three servings of a bag of nuts and chocolate, which I assume is all “good fats”.

Once arriving at my dads house (at 10 p.m), I was naturally famished, due to jet lag. So….I ate a full sandwich, with some chips, and a little cherry cobbler, then swallowed it down with about a half a bottle of red wine. I slept like a champion!!!

The next day we ate a full course breakfast feast, and a couple hours later I ate a sandwich….and some chips. In between that time, I noshed on chocolates, of all varieties, that they had bought for the radiology staff! After radiology, I ate another sandwich…and some chips, then a couple hours after that, I ate a full course meal of steaks, corn on the cob, baked potatoes, and more red wine. Before going to bed, I ate another sandwich and a few more chips.

The next day, Patty was up at three a.m., so she made a trip to the store to find me a bag of trail mix, with no raisins, and then proceeded to make about 4 dozen homemade chocolate chip cookies. Naturally, I ate this concoction, when I woke up….. I didn't want to be rude. So…. I “essentially” skipped breakfast, and moved onto a sandwich, with chips for lunch, then had another cookie (or three), for dessert. That evening, in celebration of the last radiation treatment, we all stuffed ourselves with sushi and hibachi, that was enough to feed a family of eight. Again, out of habit, I ate more chocolate chip cookies, when we got home…. Then a sandwich and chips, swallowed down by red wine, before bed.

My final day, yesterday, I was so sick that I only ate about 5 cookies when I woke up, followed by a delicious and nutritious banana. I still ate a sandwich and chips for lunch, followed by a few more cookies, trail mix without raisins, and swallowed it down with a beer or two, but couldn't dream of eating dinner. When I got home however…..You guessed it!… Another sandwich, BUT with goldfish……because I don't buy chips at home….. due to…well…I eat them all!!!!!

Today, I woke up early for work. I just knew I was going to change my eating habits TODAY! Instead, I ate two breakfasts, had a sandwich and chips for lunch, and went down later, for the choclietest, fanciest coffee, with whip cream and syrup, that I could afford!!! I HAVE….TO…BREAK…THIS…CYCLE!!!

So… Tonight….. I'm going to rest… I'm going to cut a small slit on both sides of my sweatshorts…..I'm going to cut my wife beater into a half shirt, and I'm going to feel no tightness of clothes around my body, to prove to myself, I haven't gained a pound.

Then, I'm going to sleep soundly and dream of my new exercise regime……….AND……SANDWICHES!!!!!!

I LOVE SANDWICHES:)…. SIGH!

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By Rupert Fawcett
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Yeah. I know. It’s tacky. But, it’s funny.