Hace un año por estas fechas recibí un correo tan inesperado como gratificante por el remitente que lo enviaba y el continente de la botella. Dicho mensaje lo escribí yo mismo una año antes (o sea, hace dos años) y me interrogaba por un montón de incertidumbres y sueños, inquietudes que a día de hoy (dos años después) siguen latentes.

Ayer recibí la respuesta a ese mensaje, un papel arrugado lanzado hacia el futuro un año en el espacio-tiempo para que lo recibiese el Rafa actual. Todo esto lo hago a través de una página (Futureme) que llamó mucho mi atención el día que la descubrí y que me sirve principalmente para recordar al Rafa de dentro de un año, que un año antes tenía unos sueños que nunca ha de perder, ya que por mucho oasis que encontremos en el camino, hay que alcanzar nuestra meta, nuestro destino.

El tiempo pasa muy rápido y dentro del ajetreado ritmo diario viene bien un paréntesis para reflexionar sobre nuestro estado de ánimo y si nos hemos alejado demasiado del sendero a seguir. Soy feliz y eso es lo más importante. Creo que llevo el rumbo correcto. Sopla el viento a favor… ¡soltemos las velas!

“Hola Rafa, tal y como ocurrió hace un año cuando recibiste tu primer correo de futureme, hoy vuelves a recibir otro de tu yo del pasado en el que te respondo a algunas preguntas y planteo algunas nuevas. Para empezar ya no vives en casa, hace meses que estás viviendo en un piso con unos amigos y te va bastante bien, sigues con el proyecto aunque hay que mejorar la metodología de trabajo para que esto comience a dar sus frutos. Las finales en concursos y los premios han llegado tio, e incluso has terminado el DEA, pero no te conformas y sabes que quierés cumplir unos objetivos, unas metas que estos días perfilas tras el descubrimiento “del Secreto”. Por lo pronto espero que cuando leas este mail tu empresa esté formada, y en caso contrario sea porque alguno de tus otros sueños se ha hecho realidad y has pospuesto el de la creación de la empresa, aunque creo que esa debería ser una prioridad. En cuanto a Elena… me dejó en Junio y aún estás recuperándote. así que espero que cuando
leas esto estés no sólo recuperado, sino emocionalmente fortalecido y manteniendo alguna relación. Sí tio, te deseo de todo corazón que hayas sido capaz de enamorarte y encontrar a tu chica. así que siguiendo con la tradición instaurada el año pasado comienzo a lanzarte nuevas preguntas que sólo tú podrás responder: ¿sigues en Cáceres?¿Has montado la empresa?¿trabajas?¿sigues con el voleibol?¿sigues en forma?(te recuerdo que hace un año estabas hecho una mala bestia, y espero que sigas igual)¿has viajado mucho este año?¿sigues con el blog?¿qué tal te va?¿algún proyecto nuevo e interesante?¿tienes coche?¿moto?… ¿novia?.
Tío mucho ánimo y de verdad que deseo que al menos sigas tan positivo como siempre, siendo feliz, agradeciendo todos los días las cosas buenas que tienes, eres y te rodean, y visualizando lo que quieres conseguir en esta vida para que se haga realidad.”

[Sometimes I like to send myself emails using FutureMe. I get them a year later and instantly remember what it was like to be me a year ago.]

Dear FutureMe,

Yesterday it happened just like in the dream I kept having over the summer.

I was motionless on the sideline, in front of a wall of music that was staring me in the face. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t run out there and be with them, and I couldn’t turn back time and change my decision, and I couldn’t cry and risk everyone seeing.

Three small miracles changed it from the dream version, though. It was daytime and not night, I wasn’t alone, and I didn’t feel the overwhelming sadness.

But this isn’t going to be the picture-perfect ending. To turn it into that would do the whole story a terrible injustice. If anyone – and by anyone I mean me – is to learn anything from this, I’ll have to see it exactly as it is. So sure, I didn’t collapse into hysterics right on the sideline bench like a freak. I have more self-control than that. But it wasn’t this brilliant moment of clarity when I realize that everything I did turned out for the better, and that I’m happy even without marching band in my life, and blahblah.

Reality is much deeper and grayer and more multi-faceted. Yes, I made the right decision last spring. It was the technically correct decision.

But it was like punishing a man who steals food to feed his destitute family, or like turning your own mother in to the authorities for, say, accidentally hitting a parked car and then driving off. It was THAT sort of justice. Correct, but not right.

I wasn’t happy in any way, shape, or form. No. God, no. I couldn’t see the look on my face, but it must’ve been a most paradoxical combination of misery and enjoyment, because I saw the way my friends looked at me after it was over.

Truth is, even though I made the correct choice – or even the “right” choice, depending on how you look at it (hey, everything’s right if it gets me into college) – the other choice would’ve been just as correct and/or right. I can see what would’ve happened if I’d chosen differently. It would’ve been me with the leadership position, me spending the summer writing drill and practicing my music. It would’ve been me working hard and getting blisters at band camp, me dragging my black band bag to school on the first day, me saying “Gotta go, I’ll call you after practice”. Maybe I would’ve won a game helmet and gotten the chance to call the band to attention at awards, like my friend did.

Yesterday, in the last fading sunlight of fall, I too would’ve donned a brand-new uniform and marched while my boyfriend sat on the sideline bench and tried (with success, of course) to pick out which of the flutes was me.

And today, it would’ve been me marching for the last time at State, and I would’ve cried afterwards and felt the stinging disbelief of the season’s end, and then finally wiped my tears off and gone to Marion’s with my friends and got high on sugar.

But I didn’t. In fact, I didn’t even go to State at all. Yesterday had such a golden finality to it that I didn’t want to ruin it by giving myself another chance to be sad.

I can say now with honesty that I made the most out of this fall. I grew, I absolutely thrived. But that doesn’t make me happy. All that does is give me closure, other than the biting unfulfilled feeling that I got when I came home at the end of the summer. Now I have my closure, my ten minutes in the fading light in front of the band I used to call my own.

Thinking back on it, this must be the whole reason I invented that weird religion of mine. All of the world’s faiths are based on the need to have explanations and security. I have that now. Due to my faith, I completely believe that somewhere out there, in a separate reality that not even the most determined scientists will ever find hard evidence of, I am living a life that took a different path. In that life, I never submitted the application at all.

In that life, I’ve just gotten home from marching at State Finals.

In that life, I’m happy, and not merely complacent.

Maybe I’m less mature and less accomplished, and I cry a lot more easily, but…I’m so happy right now.

M

Hi.

What’s happening? About ten minutes ago I was happy to put up a post. But then I had a frozen coke. Now I’ve got a headache and I’m not so psyched anymore. Ah well, here I am anyway.

Today I got an email from FutureMe.org. Ever heard of it? Well it’s this site where you can pick a date and write an email to your future self, and then forget about it until the day you get it. I wrote this one in April. No, 6 months younger self, we don’t have MBD anymore. Slightly younger me also said that I’d just started watching VLR. Sad thing is, we’re still quoting it about 10 times a day. That’s not even an exaggeration. I’m probably going to send some more FutureMe emails. They’re fun to get.

NaNoWriMo. Heard of it? Yeah? No? Well – NaNoWriMo stands for…uh…National Novel Writing Month. Yeah that’s it. Actually, come to think of it, why is it called National Novel Writing Month? It’s worldwide! It reminds me of how Australia’s got a YouTube…UK’s got a YouTube…but America’s is just called ‘Global’. It’s like America IS the whole world. Anyway. NaNoWriMo. Have you ever thought, ‘Wow, I’d really like to write a 50 000 word novel in one month, preferably November’? Neither,until I heard about this. I’m going to say screw you to exam revision and whatever else is on in November and dedicate my days and nights to staring at a computer screen typing frantically and avoiding plot holes.

My keyboard is so crap. When you press the button that has the backslash, it shows me a hash. #. Well, I’m glad I found that hash key, I was trying to hashtag stuff on twitter and all I was getting is £. Can you poundtag stuff? And also, when I try to do an at symbol I get ” and when I try to do talking marks I get @. My keyboard is stupid.

Ok. Done.

Love Alex.

Dear FutureMe, Me of march 17 2009

hello!!!!!!!! so, i (you) am (were) in the time of my (your) life where:

a) i (you) have already met the love of your life! except YOU (i) let him go and shite so i (you) am (were) still pretty hung up over that
b) i (you) am (were) recently officially declared dysthymic, although i (you) am (were) pretty chill as of late…
c) i (you) am (were) working on my (your) LIT PAPER! and i (you) am (were) so psyched that i (you) will ace this

let me know the developments since. i’m really looking fwd to the first item. i wonder if you’re laughing like this is insanely shtupid, you know, kind of like how i (you) was (were) laughing or whatever-ing the others now…..

i’m so anxious i’m so hoping you could write back soon as i click send, but mehhhhhhhhh

Sorry it took me a while to respond. There’s nothing worthwhile to tell you when I received this some months ago a year after you sent it. But alas, a little over a year after, it’s this:

1. On the third item: I think we were able to get that paper back. I remember specifically freaking out about how the prof said something about making them available for pick-up given our European summer. I don’t remember much anymore, didn’t really care I suppose, but the final grade’s alright so whatever.
2. On the second item: Well, said European summer proved very very very therapeutic for us. Even without the meds! — We were so “bluh” we couldn’t be bothered but not like it matters now. Few lapses throughout the remainder of 2008, particularly 1st sem. 2nd sem has been sane, maybe Polis has been good for us like that too, no? Continued to see the ladies for another few months, exactly a year with D. J and she has been sweet. Last two appointments with D. C were also interesting but these were for a completely different reason. Oooooooo. We get sad every now and then but just like any normal person. We get really, really sad too (aforementioned P plays into this) but just like any normal person. It’s no longer as heavy and daunting. For a while with D. J it was like… We were so afraid that without the security blanket of D, it’s a pretty scary world out there, remember? But I’m happy to report that if anything, it’s been refreshing. I’ve thought about that a couple of times just out of curiosity–how easy it would be to walk around moping–but the idea didn’t click for long. Especially since..!
3. On the first item: Around the time I got this letter, I just had that one consultation we’ll probably never forget EVER. Meh I should’ve written another letter since huh, just to check. Whatever. Since then though, few things have been accurate because oh I don’t know, he’s back in our life Would you believe though that in a little less than 2 weeks, some major drama already set in–but that’s just being hormonal (see Dr. C allusion). Would you believe though that despite that, dude stuck around regardless so that’s nice It’s nothing new anyway. Well, these are the slow/fast days my love. It’s pretty slow right now–currently donning Time Traveler’s–but when things are fast, they’re really fast, so fast that suddenly things are slow again. Haha. So you know, a little commitment goes a long way! (Screw that, it was a lot of commitment, and right now it’s gone a little way–wottt)

Well, that’s it for now. I’m sleepy. Toodles.

There are a lot of things to say about turning thirty so I’m going to split it into parts. Here’s part one.

When I was 24 I wrote an e-mail to myself via a website called FutureMe. Once it’s written and sent you can’t edit it and this afternoon it arrived. Reading it is slightly strange – it’s me but not me at the same time.

So here it is, unedited, and I’ll refrain from commenting (at least for now):

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Thursday, December 11, 2003, and sent via FutureMe.org
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -

Dear FutureMe, hello!
well, last week i had a moment of absolute fear as i was brushing my hair one morning that i am nearly thirty and as yet still unmarried and not participating in climbing any kind of career ladder. the moment passed when i realised that six years off is not ‘nearly’ by any stretch of the imagination, and rational johanna once more regained the control she has so capably and efficiently been exercising for the past few weeks.
however, not two days ago i was horrified to discover…

A GREY HAIR

this is not like the ‘grey hairs’ my mum delighted finding in my hair when i was 18 whilst we were in the middle of boots shopping in blackpool and shouting ‘oo look a grey hair and you’re only eighteen’ and that upon examination turned out to be blonde. oh no. this was a real grey hair.

so mild panic began to rise, especially as i recently spoke to simon the ex who is having a personal crisis about being thirty in 16 days time, and how he is not where he thought he would be now when he was 20. and i began to wonder about what i expected my life to be like when i am thirty and whether this is realistic or predictable. obviously it isn’t the second. in my mind i thought, i’d like to be married to someone christian and intelligent who appreciates the arts and maybe have one child and another in mind. i would like to have pursued the beginnings of an interesting career that i could take up again once my children are at school in a few years time. and i’d like to not be living in fleetwood still. maybe not realistic either. the panic mounts as i realise that six years isn’t very long at all to ‘achieve’ all of these things.

and bear in mind that all the time my house is getting more and more in need of cleaning and tidying and i’m never at home because i’m out virtually evey evening spending my time talking to moody, smelly and wierd teenagers. if i can’t organise my life so that my house is in order, how will i organise myself a husband, kid and career in the next 6 years!!!

so i decided to find a box to empty some drawers to make more room for my socks, and this involved clearing out the cupboard under the stairs (it’s amazing how things pile up on you in 12 months) which made me feel much better – having grappled with something monstrous and messy and overcoming it – and helped me find a box. what was in the now new sock drawers were bags and boxes of random bits and pieces that i have kept for years – letters, cinema tickets, teenage diaries, little notes from flatmates – nice things. i had a nice time sorting them all out and found a list i had made right at the end of university.

you may remember because you were there, sitting in the crags and talking about what you would like to do with the rest of our lives – our ambitions and hopes, and alison walker was talking about how it would ‘never be the same again – we’d never be together again – ever…’. anyway i wrote my list (and so did she i think) and this was the list i found – my list of life ambitions. some things are ridiculous e.g. ‘live on orkney for a year’ ‘contribute something meaningful and memorable to society’, ‘write a novel’ etc. but i ws very surprised to see that i have already fulfilled three of the things listed on ‘My Great List of Lifetime Ambitions’ – i have this year (very luckily, I feel) ‘visited the Louvre’, ‘been to New York in the autumn’ and ’stood on top of the Empire State Building’.

it cheered me up. if i can tick off three things on my lifetime ambition list as fulfilled in 18 months then maybe i can expect to be vaguely happy in six years time.

anyway, firmly back on planet earth and no longer having a premature mid-life crisis, i was fully equiped (ish) to break up a teenage girl cat fight last night at the dreamscheme and get a lift home in a police car. oh yes. very exciting.

i hope you’re feeling happy today – life’s not worth panicking about is it? really? think about all the love and friendship you’ve experienced and thank God!

or maybe you need a laugh now – in which case visit the world beard championship website. i always said i liked a man with a beard but this is really a bit much…
www.worldbeardchampionships.com

love you lots
your slightly psycho 24 year old self

Hoje recebi um e-mail de um amigo dando uma dica inusitada, que para mim fez sentido total.

Ele indicou o site FutureMe para quem quiser enviar um e-mail para si mesmo com data para ser entregue no futuro.

Na hora pensei…”que legal, gente, olha aí, eu não sou um ET”!

Desde menina eu costumo escrever o que me passa pela cabeça e, principalmente, pelo coração. Só que registros destes insights (de uma ariana com ascendente em gêmeos) raramente vão para gavetas, arquivos, etc…

Mas alguns sobrevivem em lugares mais remotos…Aqueles onde a gente vai procurar uma coisa e acha outra, das antigas…

Com essa história do site FutureMe, me dei conta que tenho mania de mandar e-mails para “euzinha da silva”. Coisas que li, comento, penso, me inspiram e acho que posso “refletir sobre em algum dia no futuro…

E, de vez em quando, saco de buscas virtuais ou “escavações” no”fundo do baú” verdadeiras relíquias…E “tchanan”…Releio o que escrevi há dias, meses anos, para não dizer décadas.

E é um exercício bem legal reler o que escrevemos há tempos!

Muitas vezes, a gente se orgulha e até se espanta…”nossa, fui eu que escrevi isso?”

Mas o mais curioso é comparar idéias que expressamos no passado com o que fazemos no presente e, hoje, aspiramos para o futuro…

Dá para identificar o que realmente nos importa na vida, características que permanecem, coisas com as quais a gente sonhava e agora a gente já tem, conquistas que ainda estão por vir porque as desejamos desde os primórdios, e também o que é passageiro…Pensamentos que se fossem objetos poderiam ser aquelas “megas ombreiras” que só quem é mulher ou traveco teve que usar de livre e espontanea obrigação nos anos 80…Coisa ultrapassada…

E o tempo sempre me intrigou…Daí o nome do blog…Amanhã é outro dia!

E a Scarlett que disse e diria isso hoje, talvez repetisse no futuro (se pudesse) está eternizada no clássico “E o vento levou”…

Tudo que o vento leva vai parar em algum lugar e um dia pode ser encontrado, nem tão por acaso.

Se você tem algo a escrever hoje para ler no futuro, se atreva…

Escreva!

http://www.futureme.org

P.S. Estou chegando ao fim do livro “El Amor en Los Tiempos Del Cólera”
e é tão bom que estou lendo mais devagarinho só para prolongar mais um pouquinho o deleite que Gabriel García Márquez nos proporciona com esta leitura por meio da história incrível que escreveu
Ele declarou que este é o livro da sua vida apesar de “Cién años de soldedad” ser a obra que o consagrou mundo afora…
Florentino Ariza, o personagem de Gabriel, poderia ter escrito suas juras de amor quase platônico a bela Fermina Daza no “FutureMe” para serem lidas depois de meio século de fiel e abnegado amor…Em um futuro breve terminarei de ler este emocionante livro e quem sabe escrevo o que mais o final da obra me provocar por aqui ou no FutureMe.

I already knew Wolfram|Alpha could do some cool astronomy calculations, like comparing the escape velocities of the Galilean moons.  A recent W|A blog post also pointed out that you can calculate the next lunar eclipse.  So I tried to see when the next solar eclipse would be for my area and it came up with a partial solar eclipse in 2014.  Skip that and go to the next and it turns out there’s going to be a decent one in 2017.  As a reminder, I sent an email to myself via FutureMe.  It’ll be interesting to see if a) I’m still using gmail in 8 years, b) if FutureMe is still around sending emails, and c) if we can still see the sun.  Man, I love W|A.

Total solar eclipse in 2017

O site FutureMe.org permite que as pessoas agendem o envio de um e-mail para qualquer data futura!

Não é o máximo?

O site é bem simples!!
Você coloca o e-mail, o assunto, a mensagem, a data que quer agendar (dia, mês e ano) e pronto!!!

Você pode mandar para você mesmo ou para outras pessoas!
Mas tome cuidado para não arrepender do que disse depois de ter enviado!!

Acho que deve ser bom pra agendar e-mails de “Parabéns”, porque assim a gente nunca esquece!!
Ou então escrever como anda a vida hoje e agendar para daqui uns 5 anos! Deve ser bem legal!!

O FutureMe.org é um site que permite que você receba um email do passado, ou melhor que no seu presente você envie um email para você mesmo no futuro. Complicado? Não, na verdade é bem simples, basta entrar no site escrever o quanto quiser e programar o email para ser recebido no dia, mês, ano e hora que você quiser. A dica é não falar sobre coisas que almejamos, pois pode rolar uma frustração ao saber que não realizamos tudo o que queríamos, por isso fale apenas como está sendo sua vida naquele momento. Eu fiz um teste em 2005 e me mandei um email que recebi neste ano (até por isso lembrei do site) e a experiência foi bem interessante. Vale a pena fazer um teste!

Dúvida – Augusto comendo frango no almoço. Pai, posso guardar esse osso? Não, filho, a gente não guarda osso. Por quê? Porque osso tem gordura, fica com cheiro ruim, atrai bichos. E quando as pessoas morrem, porque a gente guarda os ossos lá no cemitério? Ops…

FutureMe – Minha colega Gabriela Werner, que sempre descobre coisas legais (entre elas o livro Let my peopleo go surfing, do fundador da Patagonia!), acabou de dar outra dica: o site FutureMe. A ideia é colocar uma mensagem para vc mesmo no futuro. Acabei de mandar uma para mim daqui a um ano. Só para reforçar o pensamento positivo de coisas que estão para acontecer! Já estou curioso para ler!

One of my favorite blogs is written by Alece, who I wish I knew in person. Today she suggested writing an e-mail to your future self. Why not take a few minutes and reflect on where you’re coming from in 2008 and where you’re going in 2009? Maybe record your hopes and prayers for yourself in the coming year. And what a nice surprise you’ll find in your Inbox on 12/31/09.

Send an e-mail to your future self!

Mande um email pra você mesmo e receba daqui a exatos 365 dias, sim um ano. Mas porque? Você pode escrever projetos e conferir se eles foram realizados e documentar ali, coisas que estão rolando agora e comparar com a data que o email chegar. Passa lá: http://www.futureme.org/

Ayer 24 de Noviembre del 2008, recibí un email que me emocionó de tal manera que no puedo más que compartirlo con vosotros, y es que el remitente de dicho mail era… yo mismo hace un año!!. Sí señores, quién me lo iba a decir a mí. Pues bien os explico, existe una página llamada FUTUREME que te permite escribir un mail y enviárselo al destinatario que desees en la fecha y año que desees. En cuanto la descubrí hice la prueba y por supuesto me escribí una carta que como comento recibí ayer. Ante la emoción de la conversación entre mi yo del pasado, mi yo del presente y mi yo del futuro, no he podido evitar escribirme una nueva carta respondiendo algunas preguntas y planteando otras nuevas, pero eso ya será otra historia, que quizás conozcáis dentro de un año. Por el momento el contenido de la recién recibida es el siguiente:

Querido futuro Rafa (24-11-2007), TE ESCRIBES TÚ MISMO DESDE EL PASADO…(Mensaje en una botella)

Querido Rafita, No sé si sabrás que eres tú mismo el que te escribes y que ya sabes de antemano lo que te pones en este mail que recibirás en un futuro (hoy presente) no muy lejano. Es sábado, estás en casa fresco como una lechuga porque no saliste anoche, y tienes una novia que por 3ª vez te ha mandado a la mierda. Las inseguridades y decepciones cubren una relación que podría ser maravillosa, si ambos dejásemos esos miedos a un lado y nos demostrásemos abiertamente y sin tapujos lo mucho que nos queremos y nos podemos demostrar el uno al otro. Sí una pena. Aún así sé que esto no es un adios y sí un toque de atención, uno más de tantos que espero que nos sirva de algo.
A veces una mirada cómplice, un gesto o una sonrisa a lo largo de una noche en la que no nos hemos hecho mucho caso, vale más que todos los besos y abrazos del mundo, porque el otro día sé que no le pude hacer mucho caso, pero no fue una situación fácil para ninguno. Era mi despedida del trabajo (INSA) y tenía que ser el centro de atención de todos mis compañeros a los cuales no quería dejar de lado esa noche. Pero además se presenta mi novia en cáceres a la que hace 10 días que no veo y  junto las dos situaciones. Resultado: Elena 3 – Rafa 0, y con tanteo de voley me encuentro un viernes más de empalmada en el curro, enfermo, triste por mi marcha y por los compañeros que uno deja atrás, triste por mis desavenencias con Elenita… en fín, día sin lugar a dudas para olvidar.

Espero que este sábado que apunta ya al mediodía mejore con creces mi jornada de ayer.

Bueno Rafa. hace un año estabas así: viviendo en casa de tus padres, con 29 años, comenzando poco a poco a entrenar a voleibol para ponerte en forma, dejando tu trabajo y embarcándote en un nuevo y apasionante proyecto en el que querías montar una empresa. A partir de aquí, cualquier cosa podría ocurrir… ¿Qué ocurrió rafa? ¿sigues en casa de tus padres?¿Estás trabajando?¿en tu propia empresa? ¿en otra? ¿en cáceres? ¿sigues con Elena?¿otra novia?¿crápula?¿te encuentras agusto con tu vida?…

Estés como estés este es un mensaje de tu Rafa del pasado que espero nos dé energías a los dos para luchar en el futuro.

“A los que amamos podemos odiarlos. Los demás nos son indiferentes”. Jorge Luis Borges