*

Circa 1973 — Kiss band members applied their own makeup for this photo shoot, which produced the shot used on the cover of their debut self-titled album in 1974. — Image by © Joel Brodsky

*

I still remember when I was first introduced to KISS. It was 1978, my buddy Joey Bello was a little more ‘progressive’ than I was, and he was all about ‘em– had the album covers tacked to his bedroom wall, could lip-synch all the songs, and wanted to be Paul Stanley somethin’ bad. So, Joey and I would hang out and he was pushin’ hard for me to be a KISS convert too, except I just wasn’t really feelin’ it.  Oh, I tried. I agreed to be Gene Simmons to his Paul Stanley, and I genuinely liked a couple songs– but I just didn’t get that into it, man.  The KISS stage lasted a couple months (if that) for me–  I thought, is this all there is? Makeup, blood, and tongue?  Yeah, they were groundbreakers and all, but something seemed to be missing.  I remember feeling inside like it was a classic case of ’style over substance’– even if I couldn’t quite articulate it at the time.

The band became merchandising geniuses overnight, plastering their likeness and logo on anything they thought would sell– another turn-off.  I have to admit, the KISS logo with the lightning bolt “SS” looked pretty rad (still does), and I’m pretty sure a lot of kids liked the street cred of people thinking they were a KISS fan, and how it looked on a t-shirt, more than how it sounded to their ears.

Kiss definitely hooked a lot of kids with the infamous, over-the-top urban legends that preteen boys ate up with a spoon.  My personal favorites–

Gene Simmons had a cow’s tongue surgically implanted.

They crushed puppies while wearing their ankle-snapping, spiked boots to psych themselves up before live shows.

They were supposedly Devil worshippers– Knights In Satan’s Service.

Classic.  It seemed like every kid in the late 70s was running around with their tongue out, flashing devil horns, wearing a KISS t-shirt and carrying a KISS lunchbox.  It kinda makes it hard to take them seriously in terms of musical integrity, but who cares?  KISS knew exactly what they were doing– they were about being loud, rowdy, pumping your fist and having fun.  If anyone’s laughing, it’s them.  Trust me– Gene Simmons sleeps like a baby at night, and why shouldn’t he? It was business, my friend.  And in all fairness, it was also art– whether you liked KISS or not.

*

Circa 1970s — Kids applied their own KISS makeup and shredded their sister’s gynastics class gear to dress-up and put on private shows in basements & family rooms across America and the world.*via

*

I’m tellin’ ya, the drummer always gets screwed– like have to be the freakin’ cat boy with a cute button nose and whiskers painted on his face…

*

Circa 1980– Fans at a KISS concert.

*

Circa 1976, Hollywood, CA — Kiss: Ace Frehley (guitar), Peter Criss (drums), Paul Stanley (rhythm guitar, vocals), and Gene Simmons (bass, vocals). — Image by © Neal Preston

*

1970s Kiss army in training– that’s what I call attitude! via

*

Eric Carr was a little too into it.  Guys, be honest– does my butt look hot in this outfit?  Creepin’ me out.

*

Circa 1970s– KISS, clearly before the days of ‘man-scaping’… surprisizing, cuz Paul stanley was such a chick.

*

I’d love to know what Gene Simmons spent just on boots over the years– serious pieces of work.

*

Gene Simmons, who didn’t do drugs, drink or smoke (except fire) was the only real badass in the band.

*

Circa 1970s– The early days of KISS, still figuring out the whole makeup & garb thing.

*

Circa 1976 — KISS performing live. — Image by © Neal Preston

*

*

Circa 1980– Kiss performing live.  Amazing the difference a few years and a few million records can have in your stage gear.  Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Ace Frehley, and Peter Criss. — Image by © Lynn Goldsmith

*

Nobody wanted to be Gene Simmons.  Probably because the preteen girls didn’t dig it.   via.

*

Circa 1970s– Kiss back when the still had a little more of the Glam Rock thang, and a little less of the blood thang.

*

1970s Kiss kids tribute.  Seems like a lot of home interiors were brown & orange & dark back then.  via

*

KISS KREEPY KIMONO KRAZINESS

*

KISS in suits, and even saddle shoes (far left), awesome!  Remember all the homemade Rock posters back then?

*

Circa 1980– Fans at a KISS concert.

*

Circa 1978– KISS concert at Madison Square Garden, NY.  Between the stage show and the tokin’-up crowd there was plenty of “smoke” for the lasers to illuminate with awesomeness.   via

*

Why does this pic of Ace Frehley on the phone crack me up?  You think she really likes KISS, or just the t-shirt?

*

Circa 1979– KISS promo

*

Will the real Gene Simmons please stand up?  Kid pic via.

*

Circa 1974– KISS promo

*

1970s family fun– Dad, check out this killer new band, KISS!  Yes, son.  OY!   Put your tongue back in your mouth before you give your mother a heart attack.  via

*

Circa 1980 — Paul Stanley and Ace Frehley of KISS — Image by © Lynn Goldsmith

*

Don’t forget to flush and was your hands, son.  And Paul Stanley– put on a shirt, man!  You look like you’ve been dipped in oil and rolled in pubic hair, bro.  please.  For the love of God, that’s just wrong.

*

Circa 1976, Los Angeles, CA — Rock Band Kiss in front of the Hollywood Wax Museum — Image by © Tony Korody

*

1970s KISS Army chicks.  Yeah, kinda creepy– this could be a deal breaker, ladies.  via

*

Circa 1973– KISS in all their Glam Rock awesomeness.

*

Review by Mike Wilson

Since one of the topics of this blog is nostalgia and I’ve been reading comics since the late Seventies, when Heidi asked me to contribute I thought I could combine the two by writing about some classic (or not-so-classic) comics from back then.   The Seventies were an interesting time for comics; the restrictions of the Comics Code were starting to loosen and socially-conscious stories were becoming more prevalent.  But the Seventies are usually looked back on as a dark time for comics, full of heavy-handed writing, silly characters (the Hypno-Hustler, Razorback, Brother Power, Prez…do I need to go on?), and covers riddled with word balloons.  All these things are true, but looking back now, we can appreciate some of the stories FOR their silliness and unrealistic plots…kind of like how “Plan 9 From Outer Space” is now considered a “classic” movie.  Well, a lot of Seventies comics could be considered classics too, for sheer wackiness…maybe none moreso than the one I’m reviewing here, Marvel Super Special #1 starring KISS.

Yes, this is the infamous comic that had the bandmembers’ blood mixed in with the red ink before printing.  I was 5 years old when this came out and I still remember what a big stir it caused…Holy crap, there’s actual blood mixed in with the ink!  Of course, with the hype surrounding it at the time, people expected the comic to come off the shelf dripping blood all over the place; it’s a little disappointing to find out there was just a vial of blood from each bandmember and it was pretty diluted.  Oh well.  I never actually got a copy of this comic back then, so I’ve often wondered what the story was like sans the hype.  Well, I managed to find a copy (digital unfortunately, so no blood-stained hands) and read it.  Now I’ll share my thoughts on it.  There are SPOILERS AHEAD, so read at your own risk.

It starts with a few text pages talking about how the comic came about and giving a biography of Dr. Doom, who is the big bad villain of the story.  When the actual story starts, we see Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley walking down a street in Manhattan, talking about “the Man” and “toeing the line” and all those great clches about growing up.  Obviously, this story was aimed at young people, (KISS’s main audience) who always seem to  feel oppressed.  Not that the points they make about conformity and acceptance and such are wrong…but they aren’t exactly subtle.  It seems to be implied here that Paul and Gene are quite young, maybe still teenagers, but it’s explicitly stated that the setting is 1977, so the band would all be in their mid-twenties or older.  Again, probably done to appeal to the disaffected youth.

Anyway, Paul and Gene come across some freaky-looking dude (Dizzy the Hun) getting mugged by a gang of bad guys.  Dizzy (who talks like someone from the Middle Ages) throws them a box and tells them it’s their destiny.  Of course the bad guys start chasing Gene and Paul, who run to the arcade (that’s a PINBALL arcade for all you young people) where their friends Ace Frehley and Peter Criss are hanging out.  Ace’s characterization is especially interesting, since he talks like a college professor and calls everyone “Curly”.  I’m not sure how true-to-life that was back then, but I’ve read more recent interviews with Ace and he sure didn’t sound like that.  Maybe all the booze and stuff took its toll on his vocabulary.  Gene and Paul toss the box to Ace and Peter and hide in a photo booth.  But since Ace and Peter don’t know about the bad guys looking for the box, they stand there looking at it until they’re spotted.  They duck into the photo booth too, where they’re all cornered.  Ace opens the box and they find four talismans (three of which look suspiciously like KISS dolls.)  Just as the baddies are about to rush the photo booth, there is a flash of fire and they are confronted by…(you guessed it)…KISS!  Apparently the mystic talismans transformed the guys into a bad-ass band complete with face paint and leather.

The box also gave them superpowers, which they use to kick the crap out of the bad guys.  Peter has the agility of a cat, Paul can shoot an energy beam from his eye which controls people’s emotions, Gene breathes fire (of course) and Ace has a teleportation ability which is activated when he sticks out his thumb like a hitchhiker.  (For some reason, I find that last detail so cool…there are lots of people who can teleport, but only one who does it by “thumbing”!)  Anyway, they teleport away and are soon confronted by a bunch of hot gypsy women and their evil master…Dr. Doom!  He explains that the box is called the Box of  Khyscz (pronounced “kiss”…you see where this is going?)  They use their new powers to fight him and the gypsy girls (who turn out to be robots,much to Gene’s disappointment), but Doom escapes.  Ace uses his “magic thumb” to follow, but goes a liitle too far and they end up in some weird spaced-out dimension.

Back on Earth, it’s time for the superhero cameos: Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, the Avengers and the Defenders all make appearances.  (And Daredevil, who’s with the Defenders for some reason…I’m not sure why.)  Then there’s an interlude in the middle of the comic which includes an interview with the band, photos of their blood being taken and a really cool fake tourist ad for Latveria, Dr. Doom’s home country (The ad is for Air Latveria, who offer flights TO Latveria but none coming back…their slogan is: “We get you there…getting back is up to you!”)  After all that we get back to the story.  Gene and Paul are taken to “heaven” which turns out to be hell in disguise.  They fight Mephisto the demon and escape.  Meanwhile, Ace and Peter are in an interstellar disco where they meet a cat-lady and fight off some ruffians (no, seriously).  All of them wind up back on Earth, fight more of Doom’s robots, then are whisked off to an asteroid to confront Doom himself.  It isn’t much of a fight, and they win by appealing to Doom to remember his lost youth, which he’s tried to forget for so long.  It’s corny, but it works…he lets them go and they end up back in New York.  They’re now back to their normal selves and have to return the talismans to the box, but Dizzy (who started all this, remember?) says that the box of Khyscz will “make you kings of the nighttime world, but you must live the days…with the same courage to explore.”  So I guess this is the “secret origin” of the band, since they take the name of the box as their new identity (it’s pronounced “Kiss”, remember?).

So, is this comic worth reading?  Well, it’s not exactly great literature (and don’t get me wrong, I believe comics ARE literature), but then it probably wasn’t intended to be.  It was meant to be fun and despite all the weirdness (or maybe because of it) it is a fun read.  There are some good points at the beginning and again at the end about having the guts to go for your dreams and not falling into conformity just because it’s expected of you.  But don’t worry, it’s not a preachy comic; it just makes some interesting observations.  If you remember the Seventies, or if you’re just curious and want to check out a one-of-a-kind comic, get ahold of a copy and give it a look…just make sure you don’t take it all too seriously.

Thanks to 11points.com for this excellent example of 11 celebs whose “looks” blossomed later in life!

Ryan Seacrest before and after

http://www.11points.com/Music/11_Yearbook_Photos_That_Musicians_Wish_We%27d_Never_Seen

By Phil Turnbull

Tickets for rock legends Kiss’ upcoming Glasgow show sold out within ten minutes of going on sale today.

A spokesman for the SECC this morning confirmed: “Standing tickets have all sold out and the seating tickets are definitely on course to sell out within the next few days.”

The May 2010 concert at the SECC is the first time the American outfit have played in Scotland for 18 years, but it appears their popularity has not waned.

Kiss diehard fan Kenny Simpson, 22 of Polwarth, secured tickets this morning, and is eagerly anticipating the gig, saying: “I’ve seen Kiss before but never in an arena, so I’m really looking forward to it.”

The rock lords’ European arena and stadium tour, dubbed the ‘Sonic Boom Over Europe: From The Beginning To The Boom’ tour, was announced on Monday 23rd of this month by promoters Live Nation.

On the same day Kiss themselves made this announcement to fans via their website, kissonline.com;

The 27 date tour lasts for two months and takes the band from Ireland to Belgium, with Italian, German and Slovakian dates, amongst others, in-between.

Rhythm guitarist Paul Stanley is promising a performance of the band’s back catalogue, telling kissonline.com; “We’re covering the whole musical history of the band on a stage that takes KISS one giant step further in our eight inch heels. We’re stoked. You wanted the best? You GOT the best!”

Bassist and icon Gene Simmons is keen to promote the group’s latest album ‘Sonic Boom’, which hit number two in the American Billboard Top 200, and reached number 24 in the UK Album Chart.

Simmons told kissonline.com; “Now. More than ever. KISS is a four wheel drive monster truck. Our mission? To rock Planet Earth. To spread the gospel of Sonic Boom.” 

While Kiss last played a Scottish date in 1992, incidentally at the SECC in Glasgow, they have indeed rocked Edinburgh before.

The rock heroes’ brought their Crazy Nights Tour to the capital’s Playhouse Theatre for two nights back in November 1988.

Kiss have cemented their place at the top table of Rock n’ Roll by selling over 80 million albums worldwide, and on 23rd September of this year were nominated for a place in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

The Glasgow concert takes place on 9th May 2010 at the SECC, with remaining seating tickets priced at £40 plus standard booking fee.

KISS

——-
——-

“You wanted the best! You got the best! The hottest band in the world, KISS!”

More pyro than 4th of July. More face paint than Halloween. Paul Stanley flying over the crowd. Gene still spittin fire and blood. You’d never be able to tell they’re around 60 something years old. I’m still finding paper confetti in my clothes, regaining my voice from singing so loud, and I think I’m half deaf. 20 rows back from the stage. Kiss 2009 Oracle Arena. One of the best shows I’ve ever been to.

Update: I forgot to mention that the incredibly forgettable Buckcherry (who even cares/knows about them anymore?) was the opening act.

Some pics from the show (Sorry for the quality, iphone camera. No digital cameras allowed):

Extract

Extract [DVD]

Extract [Blu-ray]

Director: Mike Judge
Writer: Mike Judge

Starring: Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis, Ben Afflek

If ever there was a director who always managed to grab my attention with his work it would most certainly be Mike Judge. I find the work of Mike Judge to be very satirical of the world around us. Mike Judge who’s other work includes “Beavis & Butthead: Do America, Office Space, and Idiocracy” now brings us a comedy about an Extract factory.

Jason Bateman plays the owner of the factory which he built from the ground up. Jason’s character is very proud of what he has accomplished but along the lines trouble is brewing. Mila Kunis (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) plays a cunning little thief who wants to do what she can to rob people blind. This is where the entire plot comes in to play.

A silly mistake at the factory leaves one of the top employees seriously injured. Mila Kunis hears of the accident in the paper and immediately attempts to shack up with the man who sustained the injury, her idea is to get the man to sue the company and become rich as a result.

The lawyer that gets involved with the lawsuit is beautifully played by Gene Simmons of the band KISS. Simmons portrays a real bad ass lawyer with attitude which leads to some remarkably hilarious scenes.

Like the previous works of Mike Judge this movie fell victim to a lack of proper attention from the movie going public. I however wish to recommend that people give this comedy the opportunity it truly deserves.

While fans of Mike Judge may be quick to write this one off being that it is not quite caliber of Office Space and maybe not quite the social statement film that Idiocracy was, in my opinion this movie still holds strong and should be appreciated for the fun and the laughs that it provides.

My Rating: 70%
Over 72, 000 DVDs for $24.95/month! Check out Canada’s Leading Online Video Service

On today’s show: Another K&B Instant Request: Gene Simmons talks to Adam Lambert, your biggest screw up at work, the King of Mexico is making a New Moon shirt and more Miss Double D-cember highlights.

Also, Sean Connery has a new movie project, NBC Community’s Joel McHale stops by, the 2009 World Series of Poker Champion Joe Cada calls in and Ralph’s Showbiz Beat.

KISS – Alive 35: Live at Cobo Arena – Detroit, MI – September 25, 2009 (2009, Concert Online)

CD I
1. “Deuce” … 4:52
2. “Strutter” … 5:13
3. “Got To Choose” … 4:43
4. “Hotter Than Hell” … 4:31
5. “Nothin’ To Lose” … 4:32
6. “C’mon And Love Me” … 3:29
7. “Parasite” … 3:59
8. “She” … 11:09
9. “Watchin’ You” … 4:10
10. “100,000 Years” … 15:40
11. “Cold Gin” … 5:25

CD II
1. “Let Me Go, Rock ‘n’ Roll” … 9:49
2. “Black Diamond” … 5:39
3. “Rock And Roll All Nite” … 10:24
4. “Shout It Out Loud” … 3:07
5. “Lick It Up” … 10:37
6. “I Love It Loud” … 4:39
7. “Modern Day Delilah” … 5:32
8. “Love Gun” … 6:46
9. “Detroit Rock City” … 6:41

Band:
Paul Stanley – Rhythm Guitar, Lead Vocals, Backing Vocals
Gene Simmons – Bass, Lead Vocals, Backing Vocals
Tommy Thayer – Lead Guitar, Backing Vocals
Eric Singer – Drums, Backing Vocals, Lead Vocals

From the 9/25/09 Cobo Arena show in Detroit, Michigan, which I was lucky enough to attend live for my first ever KISS show. It was the kickoff show to the North American leg of the Alive 35 world tour. My initial thoughts can be found here in my concert review.

As I said in that review, Paul’s voice was a little rough in the early going, but he got better after the first couple of songs. His voice is a bit weaker than what it used to be, but he’s still doing a great job, so it’s not like he’s out there embarrassing himself. Gene’s voice is as strong as ever though and Eric’s got a great voice that’s a dead ringer for Peter Criss. As for actual musicianship, everyone was on all night long. These guys are true professionals.

I LOVED getting to hear “Love Gun” in person (my favorite KISS song) and “C’mon And Love Me” has become another favorite of mine over the years. It was a real thrill to hear “Modern Day Delilah” performed live as well. Too bad we didn’t get “Say Yeah” from Sonic Boom as well (they added that to the set list a few weeks later).

I had been meaning to get this album for awhile, but at $30, I kept putting it off. I really wanted it the night of the concert, but was low on cash by that point in the week. I can safely say this is the most I’ve ever paid for an album! But it’s a great memento from the show and well worth the money. It’s a real treasure and a very personal album from my collection that means a great deal to me.

I was pretty impressed with the shipping process. I got the CD within only a matter of days of my order being processed.

Highlights: “Strutter”, “C’mon And Love Me”, “Parasite”, “Black Diamond”, “I Love It Loud”, “Modern Day Delilah”, “Love Gun”, “Detroit Rock City”

www.kissonline.com
www.myspace.com/kiss

Hey…wait a minute. I thought these two liked each other?!?! Guess not! In any event, Adam Lambert had some harsh word for Gene Simmons in the latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine:

“Gene Simmons spouted something, that he thought I’d ruined my career by coming out. He’s obnoxious, and what a hypocrite – all he talks about is his sex life. He was being a dick – and he’s not the greatest singer. I guess he’s a good businessman. I’ll give him that.”

Am I the only one who’s loving Adam more and more as time goes on?? Way to tell him honey! Sexuality should NOT be the determining factor on whether your a good artist or not.

Hey…wait a minute. I thought these two liked each other?!?! Guess not! In any event, Adam Lambert had some harsh word for Gene Simmons in the latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine:

“Gene Simmons spouted something, that he thought I’d ruined my career by coming out. He’s obnoxious, and what a hypocrite – all he talks about is his sex life. He was being a dick – and he’s not the greatest singer. I guess he’s a good businessman. I’ll give him that.”

Am I the only one who’s loving Adam more and more as time goes on?? Way to tell him honey! Sexuality should NOT be the determining factor on whether your a good artist or not.

Despite being only half the band they once were, KISS is on a world tour. Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons made up the original side of the band with guitarist Tommy Thayer stepping into Ace Frehley’s platform shoes and Eric Singer on drums for Peter Criss. KISS Alive/35 played to a sold-out GM Place last night wearing Destroyer-themed costumes (which, let’s face it, the original members, now at 60, look much better covered) and the songs photographed were Deuce and Strutter. Even though it’s the band’s 35th anniversary, this tour marks the first time they played in places such as Latvia, Russia and Venezuela. Guess there’s always something new to do.

Steve Newton reviewed the show for the Straight, read it here.

When I was five years old, I distinctly remember going to the mall with my mom to see a movie. I wouldn’t stop raving about Flashdance, and was broken-hearted when she said, “No.” (Back then, I didn’t know it was a rated-R film inspired by the true story of a female welder/stripper in Toronto.)

Interestingly, I never saw Flashdance until I was a college sophomore. Wow, what a corny plot: Alex Owens (Jennifer Beals), an 18-year-old who lives alone in a converted warehouse, is a welder at a steel mill by day and a bar dancer at night. She shacks up with Nick Hurley-her boss at the steel mill (who happens to have connections at the esteemed dance academy she wants to attend)-trains with her mentor/coach (who ironically dies a couple days before her audition), nails her audition, and apparently gets accepted (though I’m not exactly sure because the ending scene just show her running out of the building, with a smile, into Nick’s loving arms). No wonder this opened to poor reviews. Yet and still, it was a box office smash and grossed $100+ million worldwide.

I also remember hearing Michael Sembello’s Grammy Award-winning song, “Maniac,” on the radio. (Back then, I didn’t know it was originally written about a serial killer and the lyrics were adjusted for the film.) But what I really love is its music video. Sure, Irene Cara’s “Flashdance…What a Feeling” won a slew of awards-including an Oscar and a Golden Globe-but nothing beats the scenes of Alex’s body double running in place during dance practice, those ridiculous closeups of the side of her butt cheek, or that glorious slowmo leap through the air.

As an adult, I can appreciate what the film accomplished but yep, it definitely wasn’t suitable for me as a young child.

Did you know:

The role of Alex was turned down by Melanie Griffith, and Beals beat out two other finalists (including Demi Moore) for the lead. Gene Simmons (yes, of KISS) rejected the role of Alex’s boss/boyfriend Nick, which was secured by Michael Nouri. Kevin Costner was the runner-up for this part.

Irene Cara penned the “Flashdance…What a Feeling” lyrics en route to the studio the day she recorded the track.

The music video for “Maniac” was a trailblazer, as it was the first to use only movie scenes.

Alex’s off-the-shoulder sweatshirt actually came about when Beals accidentally shrunk the shirt in the wash, and subsequently cut off the collar so it could fit over her head.

from March 30, 2008

Rated TV-MA
Contains violence, foul language, sexual innuendo, and repeated references to male and female genitalia.
This review is not recommended for children or adults.

You guys watch The Apprentice? That’s the show where The Donald Trump goes on an ego trip by ordering people to sell hot dogs on the street. You gotta love The Donald Trump. (That’s an order. LOVE THE DONALD TRUMP!) The guy is rich, so rich that most people think he doesn’t care how lousy his hair looks. Really, it looks like the guy used a boulder to style it. But they’re all wrong. The guy is so rich that he deliberately gets the worst possible hair cut just to rub it in our faces. “Yeah,” he says, “I’m so rich I could get the greatest hair cut in the world. But I don’t because with all my money I could look like the toad-like Bill Gates and still get laid. Good hair cuts are for guys who don’t have the money to pick up chicks.”

And he’s right. Nothing makes up for lack of style, swampy body odor, or a microscopic penis like money. And The Donald Trump is so rich that I bet that his cock could retract, turtle-style, into his abdomen when he gets horny and still he’d get more tail than every man in every job he’s outsourced to India over the years. Having a million trillion bazillion dollars is better than having a 14 inch gold studded dick. Or even two of them.

Really, if The Donald Trump (and dammit I’m sticking with that no matter what a pain in the ass it is to type) had no money, what would we have? A guy with the hair of a crash test dummy who bellows everything, even his lunch order. Can you imagine him having sex? I don’t want to and refuse to, my god, what kind of sick fuck do you think I am? But if I did it would go something like this: “IVANA, I’M GOING TO TAKE MY BLACK SOCKS OFF TONIGHT JUST TO BE KINKY.” Those aren’t motivational caps, those are The Donald Trump Bellowing Caps.

And the dude likes pink ties more than the average man. The average straight man, I mean. Back in the 1980’s I had a charcoal gray suit, a pink shirt, and a nice pink and gray stripped tie. I thought it looked great until I saw myself in the mirror, then I chucked the tie, donated the shirt to the gay homeless, and did the smart thing and put on a black shirt and I’ve never looked back. Now I am not saying that The Donald Trump is gay, not that there is anything wrong with that, (and so that The Donald Trump doesn’t sue me) but let’s face it, I mine the gay thing so often in my blogs that it would look suspicious if I didn’t call someone gay. I mean, call someone a homosexual gentleman. Thank you, PC police!

It is a given that The Donald Trump has the personality of a Ritz cracker.

Also on the show are his son and daughter. Ivanka, the daughter, is good looking and smart, things she must have gotten from her real father because neither can be found in her parents. Ever listen to her mother? Now I know that it is no longer considered funny in our society to make fun of someone’s accent, but screw that, we all do it, and Ivana has the exact same accent as an Eastern-European nobleman who is talking while his mouth is full of somebody’s balls.

Then there is his son, The Donald Trump Junior. There is no doubt that he is The Donald Trump’s son. His first season on the show he dispensed such nuggets of financial wisdom as “Yes dad” and “Right dad” in such a deep-voice that would make even Bea Arthur sound feminine. At some point between seasons he must have been tutored because by the end of his second season on the show he was talking in complete sentences, some even with clauses!

This season saw the first time that celebrities were invited on the show. As you’d expect, none of them answered his phone calls. Instead The Donald Trump was forced to get a strange mix of has-beens, never-weres, who-the-fucks? And Omarosas. Omarousassas. Whatever. Here’s a rundown of the contestants.

Big Pussy.

Yes, I’ll get the dirtiest one out of the way first. Vincent Pastore has made a career of playing gangsters in a lot of films, and he played the same role so well in The Sopranos that they killed him off in the second season, thereby aceing him out of a ton of money since that show went six seasons. Many Italian Americans were offended by the cartoony stereotypes of all the gangsters on the show, but no one should have been more offended than Vincent Pastore. He played a character named Pussy. They should have just called him Cunt and been done with it. The guy goes out in the rain, he’s a dripping wet Pussy. Messes up his hair, he’s a sloppy Pussy. Grows a beard, he’s a hairy Pussy. And the guy smokes these big Freudian cigars. A guy named Pussy putting a big phallic symbol in his mouth? Do I need to say it? He’s so overcompensating for being called Pussy that he smokes cocks. I’m extra foul-mouthed tonight.

Somebody Fallon.

I’m not sure who she is. But she was in Playboy and she’s busty so she was OK in my book. (“Busty” is the new word I’m having fun with, like “blog-slinging” was some months back. And just as an aside, my TiVo, you may recall, recorded Busty Cops because I watched the real Cops. Well now it recorded Busty Models. I’ll do you one better. I TiVo’d King Kong, both the original and new versions. I’m a big King Kong fan. I had $50 riding on him when he challenged Godzilla. Even the Vegas line had him as the underdog. So the TiVo picked up on the keyword Kong and TiVo’d Kinky Kong. (Believe it or not, it was on HBO.) Some of you will get an extra snicker or three out of that one but all I’ll say is that it looked like it was shot with a Super 8 camera from 1976 and starred a guy in a gorilla suit who wore a diaper. And the naked women were hairier than the ape and much less busty.)

Gene Simmons.

Gene Simmons the rock star is not the same as Gene Simmons the business man. Gene Simmons the business man is far more talented. He took a mediocre rock band from the seventies and merchandised it into a huge brand. Say you’re a big fan and want to show your KISS support. Buy a KISS t-shirt. Let’s say you’re a bigger fan and you want to show your support ina bigger way for all eternity. Buy a KISS coffin. Gene Simmons has found a way to market everything from KISS slippers to KISS condoms to KISS legally binding real estate contracts. Gene Simmons himself wears his hair in sort a white man’s long afro and usually wears sunglasses. When he takes them off he either appears to be squinting or trying to remember where he left his car keys. He usually has a serene half-smile on his face, the kind found in mental hospitals on the patients who need an extra shot or two of Prozac. He peppers his speech with “You are intelligent and beautiful” or similar expressions. A typical goodbye from him on The Apprentice went something like this: “It was very nice to meet you. You are handsome and women are attracted to you.” That was to the female CEO of Kodak. He was smarmy and aloof and for some reason he attracted women like a dildo on Stripper Island.

A Baldwin.

The Baldwins are pretty much all the same nowadays. A Baldwin, by definition, is a poor actor, who is addicted to drugs, alcohol, or drugs and alcohol, and his best years are behind him. Other than Alex, or Alec, who cares, a Baldwin doesn’t need a first name as they are all pretty much the same guy. While this Baldwin was on The Celebrity Apprentice another Baldwin was on Celebrity Rehab and it was hard to tell which was which. This particular Baldwin (Antonio? Eugene?) had replaced his drug addiction with a Jesus addiction. Despite the fact that Jesus had clearly abandoned him (why else would he be on The Celebrity Apprentice?) he stuck to his religious guns. At least he did whenever it helped him. The guy was such a hypocrite that he made your typical democratic candidate seem electable.

Carol Alt.

An old supermodel. Old by supermodel standards, I mean. She wasn’t old and still very doable but models are washed up by around age fourteen. Supermodels can still model deep into their late thirties but since Carol Alt was over forty she may as well have been dead by modeling standards.

Tito Ortiz.

Some ultimate fighting guy. What is ultimate fighting? That’s where they stick two guys in a circular boxing ring and let them fight with their feet, teeth, weasels, whatever they want. Ultimate fighters are not known for their brains, which is why Tito Ortiz had as much chance of winning The Celebrity Apprentice as he had of becoming Pope. But despite losing The Celebrity Apprentice the poor guy is undaunted- he just bought himself a big Pope hat and applied to the Vatican for The Celebrity Pope.

Marilu Henner.

Remember the attractive redhead from Taxi? The one Judd Hirsh wanted to nail but was to wishy-washy to date? The same one that Danny DeVito wanted to slam upside down in his cage? Well this isn’t her. This is her maiden aunt with the same name and a craggy face. And she never stops talking. She’s like some eternally chirpy chipmunk who claims she wrote a book but no one believes her but they humor her anyway. But for my purposes, this nugget from her bio says it all for me: Henner started her professional acting career starring in the first national touring company of Grease, later appearing with the Broadway company. Can I never get away from that show? I reviewed Grease and, out of sheer sado-masochism, reviewed the sequel. Then I was forced to dredge it up again because the Curse of Grease, already hard at work on John Travolta, claimed another victim in Jeff Conaway, noted drug-abuser and former supporting character on Babylon 5, a show  so good it doesn’t deserve to be mentioned on the same internet as The Celebrity Apprentice. Now here it pops up on Marilu Henner’s bio. That does explain a lot. Like why no one has heard of her in the last decade. But to be fair, her bio also mentions that Henner’s entire life is a testimony to the power of her approach to health. So here’s to her, her craggy face, and her scrawny body.

Nadia Comanici.

She’s some foreign Olympic skater. She’s off the show so early I won’t bother making any jokes about her. The only thing more insulting than being abused by me is being beneath my notice.

Jennie Finch.

Jennie Finch is a hot blonde (and busty) softball player that The Donald Trump clearly wants to fuck. But being seated next to his kids, even The Donald Trump wouldn’t stoop so low as to drop his pants and show her his bank account, so he constantly peppered any reference to her with “you are a winner on the field,” or “you’ve always been a winner,” or “you may be the most competitive person in this contest,” or “when my kids are out of the room why don’t you show me your tits and slide under the desk?” But being an athlete didn’t help her sell t-shirts to tourists and she was out early too.

Trace Adkins.

Before this show I never heard of him. Pretty soon I’ll have forgotten him. He’s a country star, maybe one of the biggest. What that means to us in NYC is that we’ve never heard of him. New York radio is run by brain-dead chimpanzees. For example, for years and years there was a radio station called WCBS-FM. They played oldies from the 50’s to the 80’s and pretty much everyone’s father or grandfather listened to it in the car. I was one of those kids in the back of one of those cars so I can name more Four Seasons hits than hits by anyone who recorded from 1990 onward. The station made so much money that the guys in charge changed it to something called “Jack.” The theory was, apparently, if ain’t broke, let’s break it. Jack was pretty much the same fourteen songs over and over, broken up only by a pre-recorded DJ bragging about how they never played the same songs over and over. And a couple of years later WCBS was back. K-Rock was a rock (duh) station with good ratings and money coming in. So they turned it into a “hot talk” station filled with talk shows that no one heard of and fewer listened too. If Jim Jones were broadcasting on K-Rock his Kool-Aid would have stayed in the pitcher. In fact, it was rumored that K-Rock regularly broadcast Eliot Spitzer’s phone calls to his prostitute but because no one ever listened it took two more years for the scandal to break. So the rock music is back. There are a lot of stations in NYC all playing the same music but not a single one plays country. Country is one of the biggest formats in the country, yet here in NYC I can’t hear a single banjo, harmonica, or steel guitar. (Not that I want too.) I can hear The Milkshake Song on a dozen stations but anything from south of the Mason-Dixon line may as well be broadcast on FAA frequencies. But, bringing it back to Trace Adkins, he’s tall and quiet and hates to take off his cowboy hat. He must be bald.

Lennox Lewis/Evander Holyfield/Mike Tyson/Muhammed Ali.

One of those guys was on The Celebrity Apprentice but I can’t remember which. Boxing is a sport whose ethics make the WWE look wise and profound. No one is quite sure who the champion is since there are three different champions for each of three different divisions and each has their own set of rules. Whenever one guy puts a belt on the line a sit-down has to take place between the crews who run each belt. Eventually some tribute is kicked upstairs and a new champion is picked. Then a lot of people bet a lot of money in Las Vegas and some guys in New Jersey buy new gold chains. Lennox/Evander/Mike/Muhammed is just the latest guy to hold a belt so it really doesn’t matter what his name is. Besides, all he ever did was pose for pictures.

There was also a woman named Nely but she was so annoying and so stupid that it would be crueler to make fun of her. And I won’t dignify Omarosa (real name Butterfly McQueen) by mentioning what a total bitch she is. Oh, Hell, why not- she’s a total fucking bitch and the sooner she gets hit by a car the sooner I’ll smile. The happiest day of her life came in 1998, when doctors finally cut off her second penis.

Piers Morgan.

The guy is so bad-ass that he deliberately misspells his name just to piss everyone off. “It’s PIERCE, not PIERS” I’d yell at the screen every week, and every week my upstairs neighbor would complain to the cops about the noise. But I digress. Pierce was bad guy and eventual winner of the show. Imagine if Star Wars ended with the Death Star blowing up the rebel base and Darth Vader decapitating Luke and sodomizing Leia and you may get the idea of how evil he was. Plus he’s a low-down, tea-drinking, crumpet crumping,  dirty, Queen-loving Brit.

A typical episode of The Celebrity Apprentice featured Pierce using whoever the boxer was to pose for an ad. Then he’d say something vaguely insulting and probably British about Omouriisa, Bomarosa, whatever, and she’d say “you’re a stupid idiot.” At the end of the day Pierce would call one of his celebrity rich British friends and they’d buy the competition. One week they were selling hot dogs and he called Gordon Ramsey, who spent $1000 on a single hot dog (with relish.) The next week they were selling art and he called Simon Cowell, who bought a single picture for $100,000. One week they were selling theater tickets and Pierce called Sir Richard Branson, who jetted over in his flying moon-car and bought the theater.

Pierce once read the book How to Make Friends and Influence People. Then he chucked it in the Thames and realized that being A- rich and B- the editor of a big London newspaper meant that he could be as nasty as he wanted to be. But truth be told (and I do that sometimes in these blogs) all he ever did was tell the truth, albeit in such a way as to seem like an insult. He called Whoever Baldwin a loser because, this being a money-making contest, he brought in no money. He called Lennox/Tyson/take your pick sleepy because he slept in a meeting. He called Big Pussy a pussy and frankly that was too easy. I would have called him “Clam.” “Furry Taco” is a good euphemism if you are ever in Mexico.

Every week The Donald Trump would call both teams into the boardroom. Once in a while his son was busy and couldn’t be on the show and The Donald Trump would bring in a celebrity to fill in for him. One week it was Vince McMahon. Another week it was Jim Cramer. Yet another week they replaced The Donald Trump Junior with an ice sculpture and no one noticed until it melted all over Carol Alt.

One by one The Donald Trump fired people based on A- whoever brought in the least money, B- whoever was stupidest in the ballroom, and C- whoever he didn’t want to sleep with. This is why Nadia Comanichi bowed out early and the equally inept Jennie Finch stayed so long. If Nadia were young and hot The Donald Trump would have kept here around longer. This also explains why Carol Alt made it to the final four and Marilu Henner did not. Trypical tasks included coming up with an ad for shoe recycling, puppy adoption, or selling ink. All real-world tasks that we all encounter in everyday life. Seriously, who hasn’t stopped off to by printer ink while on the way to adopt a puppy as you wore your recycled shoes?

Along the way Big Pussy lived up to his name and quit.

The finale, to the shock of no one, saw Pierce Morgan crowned as the first Celebrity Apprentice. He brought in more money than all the other contestants combined, turned Whichever Baldwin to Satan, ripped the left lung out of Ommboparosa, and drank Trace Adkins’ milkshake. Literally. He beat Trace in a milkshake competition.

 Among his new duties are counting The Donald Trump’s loose change, laying down in puddles so that Ivanka doesn’t get her shoes wet, and being British. On alternate Thursday’s he has to go to Martha Stewart’s house and t-p her trees. On the first full moon of each month he has to shave The Donald Trump’s back since The Donald is half-werewolf on his mother’s side. (The other half? Marble-mouthed.)

Celebrities are already lining up to be away from the office when The Donald Trump calls for the next season of The Celebrity Apprentice. However, a few names of the next crop of competitors have already leaked out. They include Chef Boyardee, Roger Clemen’s steroid dealer, Ronald McDonald, and Al Roker. Fatty Arbuckle, despite being dead since the 1950’s has also expressed interest. New tasks include selling cigars on 49^th Street and competing to see which team can build the tallest Jenga pyramid.

The new season The Celebrity Apprentice will begin in January of 2009. The other networks have already decided to counter-program with shows that are actually watchable. 

When I was five years old, I distinctly remember going to the mall with my mom to see a movie.  I wouldn’t stop raving about Flashdance, and was broken-hearted when she said, “No.”  (Back then, I didn’t know it was a rated-R film inspired by the true story of a female welder/stripper in Toronto.)

Interestingly, I never saw Flashdance until I was a college sophomore.  Wow, what a corny plot: Alex Owens (Jennifer Beals), an 18-year-old who lives alone in a converted warehouse, is a welder at a steel mill by day and a bar dancer at night.  She shacks up with Nick Hurley-her boss at the steel mill (who happens to have connections at the esteemed dance academy she wants to attend)-trains with her mentor/coach (who ironically dies a couple days before her audition), nails her audition, and apparently gets accepted (though I’m not exactly sure because the ending scene just show her running out of the building, with a smile, into Nick’s loving arms).  No wonder this opened to poor reviews.  Yet and still, it was a box office smash and grossed $100+ million worldwide.

I also remember hearing Michael Sembello’s Grammy Award-winning song, “Maniac,” on the radio.  (Back then, I didn’t know it was originally written about a serial killer and the lyrics were adjusted for the film.)  But what I really love is its music video.  Sure, Irene Cara’s “Flashdance…What a Feeling” won a slew of awards-including an Oscar and a Golden Globe-but nothing beats the scenes of Alex’s body double running in place during dance practice, those ridiculous closeups of the side of her butt cheek, or that glorious slowmo leap through the air.

As an adult, I can appreciate what the film accomplished but yep, it definitely wasn’t suitable for me as a young child.

“Maniac” music video

Did you know:

The role of Alex was turned down by Melanie Griffith, and Beals beat out two other finalists (including Demi Moore) for the lead.  Gene Simmons (yes, of KISS) rejected the role of Alex’s boss/boyfriend Nick, which was secured by Michael Nouri.  Kevin Costner was the runner-up for this part.

Irene Cara penned the “Flashdance…What a Feeling” lyrics en route to the studio the day she recorded the track.

The music video for “Maniac” was a trailblazer, as it was the first to use only movie scenes.

Alex’s off-the-shoulder sweatshirt actually came about when Beals accidentally shrunk the shirt in the wash, and subsequently cut off the collar so it could fit over her head.

Have you read the interviews I did with a number of interesting people?
They’re on the “Interviews” page of my main website (Click here to visit it).

Well, I just added an interview that I did with Victor Stabin to that page.

Do you know who Victor Stabin is?

He’s the artist who designed the album cover for KISS’s 1980 release titled “Unmasked“.

His artwork is very fascinating.

I have not listened to KISS “Unmasked” since Jesus was in diapers.

Victor Stabin

Victor Stabin’s interview with me is very interesting…Check it out.

My “Interviews” page: Click here
My interview with Victor Stabin: Click here.

He’s a Whore Report:

Click here to go to HAW to check Ace Frehley covering Sweet “Fox On The Run”…plus some Cheap Trick “Lookin’ Out For Number One (One On One demo)” , Robert Hazard “Escalator of Life”

A veces los grandes estrellas del rock son captados en momentos que no precisamente son de gloria y donde después de ver la foto, uno puede llegar a pensar varias cosas de ellos, aquí en Inquisidor71 ponemos algunos ejemplos con nuestro respectivo comentario.

Esta imagen la captó un fan en Mexicali, donde podemos pensar dos cosas de Gustavo Cerati, que las copas se le pasaron o que estaba totalmente cansado después de una intensa presentación.

Gustavo Cerati con unos fans posando un poco indispuesto

En esta otra imagen, el cantante Robert Plant  al parecer se le olvidaron los pantalones cortos para jugar fútbol, y prefirió usar un traje de baño para darle al balón. 

Robert Plant haciendo deporte

Antes de los tables dances, la punketa Wendy O’ Williams, quien tristemente se suicidara, ya mostraba un lado más que erótico en sus conciertos.

Cantar sin sostén lo deberían hacer más seguido

Ahora una sección de besos y claro que empezamos por Kiss, lo cual me hace dudar de sus tan publicitadas conquistas heterosexuales.

Aquí Ace Frehley dándose “calor” con un señor maduro.

Ace Frehley realmente excitó a este tipo

Frehley también se vio cariñoso con Paul Stanley, antes de provocar la histeria en su audiencia.

El Spaceman y el Starchild en los buenos tiempos

Gene Simmons se olvidó un rato de sus miles de mujeres y se dio un lenguetazo con un fan, que seguramente tenía sueños eróticos con él.

Gene Simmons pasando saliva con este rubio muchacho

Y ya que estamos en los besos, tambien los miembros de The Cure han tenido momentos románticos, como Robert Smith y Simon Gallup.

Este beso habrá inspirado el álbum "Kiss me, kiss me"

Y cómo ven este momento “sublime” entre David Bowie y Lou Reed, rock-stars de primer nivel a punto de un picorete, mientras Mick Jagger estuvo de cerca en este momento, aunque es tapado por ambos artistas.

El talento también se une con un beso

Y volviendo a Kiss, una imagen de la sesión de fotos del álbum “Hotter than hell”, donde las modelos se quitaron un poco la ropa,  aunque esto no apareció en el arte del disco.

Peter Criss tratando de salir bien en la foto

KISS – Killers (1997, Mercury Records – German Import)
Original Release: 1982, Phonogram Records

1. “I’m A Legend Tonight” … 4:00
2. “Down On Your Knees” … 3:31
3. “Cold Gin” … 4:20
4. “Love Gun” … 3:17
5. “Shout It Out Loud” … 2:39
6. “Sure Know Something” … 4:01
7. “Nowhere To Run” … 4:33
8. “Partners In Crime” … 3:48
9. “Detroit Rock City” … 3:56
10. “God Of Thunder” … 4:11
11. “I Was Made For Loving You” … 4:20
12. “Rock and Roll All Night (live)” … 3:59

Band:
Paul Stanley – Lead Vocals, Rhythm Guitar
Gene Simmons – Lead Vocals, Bass
Ace Frehley – Lead Guitar, Backing Vocals
Eric Carr – Drums
Peter Criss – Drums

Additional Musicians:
Bob Kulick – Lead Guitar (Tracks 1, 2, 7, 8; uncredited)

Producer: Michael James Jackson (Tracks 1, 2, 7, 8 )

I don’t care for compilations these days. Sure, I own tons of them, but I only bought them as an introduction to a band, I didn’t and don’t buy them in order to have a complete collection from an artist. Even if there was a band I was curious about, I wouldn’t dare go for the compilation in this day and age, I would just start with the album that is generally considered as their best and proceed from there.

Even the now standard trick of “let’s record one or two new songs to get longtime fans to buy it” doesn’t work on me, but for this 1982 KISS compilation, I have been willing to make an exception ever since I heard to four new songs that were written for it. After the great, but poorly received and poorly timed “fantasy rock” of Music From “The Elder”, the international side of KISS’ label wanted a compilation package to reaffirm to the world that they were indeed a hard rock act. Forgetting about the four new tracks, this is a great listing for a KISS compilation.

It was only by chance that I found it while rummaging through a used record store across from the Michigan State University, but for $10, it was money well spent on this German import (notice the KISS logo). It was decided that 1976’s The Originals and 1978’s Double Platinum were already more than enough compiled KISS for America to handle, so that is why this album was only released in Japan and Europe. Which is a shame, but it still doesn’t explain why Japan got it on CD in ‘93, Germany in ‘97 and the U.S. still hasn’t gotten a proper release! Also, could someone explain why this type of “let’s not flood the market with compilations” thinking has fallen to the wayside post-’96 reunion?

To my knowledge, none of the four new songs have ever been performed live and only “Nowhere To Run” has shown up elsewhere (2001’s box set).

www.kissonline.com
www.myspace.com/kiss

Miss Cleo sucks at giving clues, Spencer the Motivational Dispenser, Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew highlights, Afro Line, Gene Simmons is now selling basses, Getting into fights at the movie theater, TMZ’s Harvey Levin, The Showbiz Beat and ESPN Sports Guy Bill Simmons.