Recently I went to a gun show to see if there was anything that I could not live without. The first day that I went, which was a friday, the entire gun show was a madhouse. Everybody was pushing and shoving as if there was a run on the last pair of Gucci shoes.  I took my mother to the gun show because she was in need of a handgun and we thought we could get a good price…more on that in another post. We, my mother and I, decided to give it a try and see what there was to see. No sooner had we gotten our hands stamped than some 6′4” 260lb lumberjack wanna be came barreling in the door with his, (looked like she just got out of High School)   girlfriend,  all 95 lbs of her. This “gentleman” using the term very loosely, pushed his way between me and Moms, dragging his girlfriend to pay for the 3 day stamp. My mother and I hung back so that they could get their stamp and be totally out of our way. As LUMBERJACK turned to walk away he more or less pushed me aside with his bulk. On the way past his girlfriend mouthed the words, ‘I’m sorry about him.’   Her saying/not saying that was the closest thing to courtesy I saw that day. Over 300 people in 1 hour and that was the closest thing that I saw to common courtesy to myself or by watching the interactions of others.

For the life of me I can’t figure out what is wrong with people these days, gone are the days of putting others first, of holding doors, of stepping to the side to let someone walk past. Gone are the days of common courtesy I guess.

Today was a cold day here in Bozone and i was out and about doing some shopping. I saw the “regular” homeless and out of gas people that are standing outside wal-mart everyday. I dismissed them without a thought, some may think that i am a compassionless person because i ignore them but, how has a guy not gotten enough money to put fuel in his car in the last 3 years. Any way i did my shopping and went to kmart across the street. i saw a man standing with a sign “Hungry anything helps. God Bless” i had never seen this man before and he looked ligit so i detoured out of my way and went to arby’s. I bought five or six sandwiches a drink and an apple something or other for dessert for this man. I pulled in and rolled down my window to talk to the man. I told him that nobody should be standing out in that cold with no food in their stomach. I held the bag of arby’s out to him and said that i just bought it and it should still be warm and i hope this will help you out a little bit.

The man looked at me with a straight face and said he didn’t want the food, that’s not what i’m standing out here for. he pushed the bag back into my truck and told me to get out of there so that he could make some money. he also told me that he could get better food at some shelter.

I was honestly appalled that a person asking for food would turn it down. i droppeds the bag out of the window on the ground and told him happy holidays.

WHATS UP WITH THAT!!!!

The idea of “bingo” cards is because so often people come out with insults or ignorant comments that they think are new, or insightful, but in fact have been said so many times before they’re almost boring.

A long while ago, I made a “breastfeeding bingo” card. It was originally intended simply as a handout at a breastfeeding support group I was jointly running at the time, but it became quite popular and even got turned into a postcard by Lisa at Lactivist.

Lauredhel at Hoyden about Town designed an excellent bingo card for conversations about breastfeeding in public.

But neither of these cards really covered the area of full-term breastfeeding. Or, child-led weaning, or normal-term breastfeeding. (Please, not “extended” breastfeeding; this implies there is a “right” cut off point and that nursing beyond this is somehow unnatural; “extending” what is normal. For more on “cut off points” see here.) Although this bingo card applies mainly to conversations around full-term breastfeeding, if you nurse longer than what is considered the cultural norm where you are, you’ll probably hear quite a few of these anyway.

[Please also note I am not, in designing this bingo card, getting at you in any way if you didn't breastfeed full-term, or if you didn't breastfeed at all.]

So, without further ado, I present full-term breastfeeding bingo. Can you get a full house?

On REPEAT:
“Tenderness” by General Public

Here’s me and Dave Wakeling (of The English Beat and General Public) from the event last night at the Hotel 1000.

The show was so good. Wakeling and a saxophonist played a great set. All the classics: “Save It For Later,” “Tenderness,” “Mirror In The Bathroom,” “Tears of a Clown.” There were some serious super fans in the crowd; shouting out requests, singing along, clapping and making the show really special.

Definitely a treat for all, including yours truly!

Have a fantastic weekend.

My child is two and a half now, and although I’ve been getting this question since he was about one, it’s gotten more frequent, the older he gets:

“Any plans for number two yet?” or worse still “When’s number two then?”

Firstly, let me explain why I think this is a feminist issue, rather than just a “you’re being bloody rude” issue.

—

I think part of it has to do with women’s bodies being considered “public property” and another part is to do with child care and child rearing seen as purely a woman’s role, and whether or not to have children is seen as something the woman in a het relationship decides.

The first part, the “public property” thing, is particularly noticeable in pregnancy with the bump groping. I am one of the few women I know who didn’t mind people touching my bump (although only if they asked first, and sometimes they didn’t) when I was pregnant; but I was also in a relationship without much physical affection at the time, so I was “taking it where I could get it”. But on the whole, most of my Mum friends have told me how they didn’t enjoy it, and that they only said “yes” (if they were asked) because of a feeling of obligation.

I think the part of “when’s number two?” that stems from that is the feeling that it isn’t your body any more; if you’ve had a baby, there’s almost a part of you that’s seen as an incubation chamber, and it’s everyone else’s business what that body’s going to do next.

Don’t get me wrong, I am personally incredibly proud of being a mother and I think I do a damn good job of it. For me, personally, it is my main job and the biggest part of me. But that involves a hell of a lot more than “getting pregnant and giving birth”. That’s just the very first stage. Even if we’re just talking about what my body does when it comes to being a mother; it nurses my child, it picks him up, it carries him around, it plays with him, it gets down on the floor and lets him ride on its back… and more. For me personally (but not for every mother) I’ve given over a lot of my body to childcare, the majority, even. But that’s a lot more than pregnancy, and I resent being thought of as a vessel to carry babies. Because, even though that’s part of it, it’s a very small part. And it’s not public property; it’s my property, and who I use it for, and how, is none of your business.

And if that’s me, whose identity is primarily tied up with being a mother, how much more would someone who’d given birth to a child, but whose identity was more tied up in things outside of “mothering” feel?

The other thing, the “women=destined to have children” starts before the second child, of course. I remember when I got married to my (now ex) husband; people asked me when I was going to have children. Notice they asked me, not him.

It continues through employers asking “are you planning to have children” in job interviews, even though they’re not allowed to. I also think this attitude is partly responsible for some of the child-hate within the feminist and child-free movements (and oh yes, it does exist). A bit like, “if I go on about how much I hate children, my employer will never mistake me for being one of those people who ‘goes off and has a kid and doesn’t come back after mat leave’ and therefore I will get promoted”, and so on. Or just wanting to disassociate with the whole “woman=carer of children” meme by trying to prove how much that isn’t them because they hate children.

But when people ask about number two, they already have something to go on. Obviously, you don’t hate children, because after all, you had one. And because you like children, you must want more than one, surely? And if you do, why aren’t you doing your womanly duty and “getting yourself pregnant” again?

So yeah, feminist issue. (And, yes, it is also a “bloody rude” issue, too!)

—

And there are so many reasons why it’s wrong to ask. And why, sometimes, it really, really hurts.

See, for me, personally, it stings to be asked that, especially at the moment. Because I would love to have more children. I always wanted to have three or four children, actually. But when I had my first, and currently only child, it was hard. Things between me and my then-husband turned sour as soon as my bump appeared and didn’t get any better. But even then, right up until I left him, I still planned to have a second child with him.

Some of you might think that was foolish, that plan; but if anything, it was less foolish than having my first child with him. I knew what he was like, and I knew I’d get little to no support from him, and a lot of grief.  I planned to do things differently; I would create my own support network from friends and on the internet. I wouldn’t have the heartbreak of turning to him in my time of need and being pushed away, because I’d know not to turn to him in the first place.

And if we’d stayed together, it would have been now that we would have been trying. If we’d stayed together, I might be typing a very different post now, one about early pregnancy.

But we didn’t. And much as I don’t miss our relationship, and I am better off emotionally without him, I still grieve that second child that I won’t have, certainly not for a long time, if at all. I try not to think about it too much, but asking that question forces me to think about it, and it hurts.

I’m in a long distance relationship with a woman now; she can’t move over here for at least two years, and even when she does, we’ll not be able to think about having a baby for a while, for reasons of money, studying, career and so on. And when we finally can, it’s a more complicated thing for two woman to have a baby together. Plus I’ll be older, and less fertile (and that’s assuming I’m even fertile now; I could well have secondary infertility and not be aware of it); who knows if I’ll even have another? I want to, and my fiancée wants it too, but wanting isn’t always enough.

And it’s worth it; my fiancée is an amazing woman and I don’t regret leaving my husband for her for a minute. I wouldn’t swap her for a brood of children. But that doesn’t mean I don’t grieve the situation regarding a second child.

So also, by asking that question, you’re asking me to come out to you as queer/bi; you also ask me to justify my decision to leave my husband, even to explain some of the emotionally upsetting things that happened in our relationship.

And that’s just me. There are many, many other reasons why someone who gave birth once, might not either want, or be able to have, another child. It’s incredibly personal, and can be incredibly hurtful.

—

And it’s none of your business. It’s my body, it’s my life, and it’s my choice, limited by circumstances though that choice is.

And if you really must ask that question? At least, take “it’s complicated,” or “I’d rather not discuss it” for an answer!

වික්ටර් අයිවන්ට අනුව, ප්‍රභාකරන් තම ජීවිතයේ කරගත් ලොකුම ගොන්කම් තුනෙන් එකක් නම් රටේ පොදු ජනතාවට එරෙහිව යුද්ධ ප්‍රකාශ කිරීමය. මධ්‍යම රාත්‍රියේ මායිම් ගම්මාන වලට පැන අත දරුවන්ද නොඅතහැර, නිරායුධ අහිංසක ජනතාව කැතිගාන විට, බස් රථයන්හි බෝම්බ තියා අහඹු ලෙස සිවිල් වැසියන් මරා දමන විට සමස්ත ජනතාව ‘පොදු සතුරාට’ එරෙහිව පෙළ ගැසෙනු නොවැළැක්විය හැක්කේය.

ප්‍රභාකරන් කරගත් මේ ගොන්කමම දැන් ජනතා විමුක්ති පෙරමුණද නැවත වාරයක් කරගනිමින් සිටී. ‘නැවත වාරයක්’ කියන්නේ ජවිපෙ මේ ගොන්කම කළ පළමු වතාව නොවන නිසාය. 1989දී මේ වරද කළවුන් වැඩි හරියක් කෙළවර වූයේ ටයර්වලය. නමුත් අප දන්නා පරිදි ජෙප්පන් යනු යමක් ඉගෙන ගන්නා කොටහක් නොවේ. (චන්ද්‍රිකා කුමාරතුංග ගෙන්ද, මහින්ද රාජපක්ෂගෙන්ද ඉල්ලාගෙන කෑමෙන් අනතුරුව දැන් රනිල් වික්‍රමසිංහගෙන්ද, සරත් ෆොන්සේකාගෙන්ද ඉල්ලාගෙන කෑමට සැරසෙන මොවුන්ට අත්දැකීම්වලින් ඉගෙන ගැනීම පිළිබඳව බරපතළ ගැටළු තිබෙන බව පැහැදිළිය.)

තම ආධිපත්‍යය ඇති වෘත්තීය සංගම් කිහිපයක් හරහා රටේ ඉන්ධන සැපයුම අඩාල කරන විට ජවිපෙ නායකයින් සිතනු ඇත්තේ රිදෙන්නේ මහ රජාණන්ට බවය. මහ රජාණන්ට රිදේ නම් ලේඛකයාද සතුටුය. නමුත් මේ අබග්ගය මදුරුවකු කෑ තරමටවත් රජතුමාට දැන්නේ නැත. එයින් රිදෙන්නේ වෙන කාටවත් නොව පොදු ජනතාවටය. ඒද ධනපතියන්ට නොව පුංචි මිනිසුන්ටය.

ඉන්ධන හිඟයෙන් ඉතාම දැඩිලෙස පීඩා විඳින ජන කොට්ඨාශයක් නම් තෙසක් සැරි රියැදුරන්ය. අනෙකුන්ට ඒ සුළු අපහසුවක් පමණක් විය හැකිවුව මොවුනට තම එදාවේල අහිමි වීමකි. ජවිපෙට එය ගැටළුවක් නොවේ. ඔවුනට අනුව තෙසක් සැරි රියැදුරන් යනු ධනපතියන්ය. අනෙක් අතට විජේවීර සහෝදරයා 1989දී කීවේ විප්ලවය සඳහා රටේ පොදු ජනතාව ‘ටිකක් දුක් වින්දාට කමක් නැති’ බවය. ‘ටිකක් දුක් විඳීමට’ කැමති නොවූ ජනතාව හුජ්ජා කිරීමේ නිදහස උදෙසා හමුදාවන්ට ‘ටිප් එක’ දුන්නෝය. ගෝනි බිල්ලන්ට ඇන්දෝය. (එහිදී නම් සිංහල ජනතාව දෙමළුන්ට වඩා බෙහෙවින් ඥාණවන්තව කටයුතු කළහ. දෙමළ ජනතාවද එසේ ඥාණාන්විතව කටයුතු කළේ නම් LTTE ව්‍යසනය මීට බොහෝ කාලයකට ඉහත කම්මුතු කිරීමට ඉඩ තිබිණි.)

මේ ලියන සෙනසුරාදා රාත්‍රිය වන විට කොළඹ ඉන්ධන අලෙවිහල් 174කින් 160ක් වැසිලාය. මහා මාර්ගයන්හි මෝටර් රථ ධාවනයේ කැපී පෙනෙන අඩුවක් ඇත්තේය. හෙට දිනය තුළ මේ ගැටළුවට විසඳුමක් නොලැබෙන්නේ නම් ලබන සඳුදා ජන ජීවිතය අඩාලවනු නොවැළක්විය හැක්කේය. ඒ මහ රජාණන්ගේ ජීවිතය නොවේ. උන් වහන්සේ මේ වන විට වියට්නාමයේ සුපිරි හෝටලයක අතුරුපස වළඳනවා හෝ සුන්දරියක අතින් ගෙන මධුවිත තොළගානවා විය හැකිය. සඳුදා පාසල් නොයනු ඇත්තේ, රෝහිත බේබි නොව මේ රටේ පොදු ජනතාවගේ දරුවන්ය. එදාවේල සරිකර ගත නොහී බඩ සයින් නින්දට යනු ඇත්තේ දිළිඳු මෑණිවරුන් පියවරුන්ය. වැලි වැටෙනු ඇත්තේ ධනපතියන්ගේ නොව පොඩි මිනිහාගේ බත් පතටය. මේ පොතේගුරු මාක්ස්වාදීන්ගේ රෝමෑන්තික වැඩ වර්ජනයක් නොවේ. පොඩි මිනිහාගේම බොටුව සිත් පිත් නැති ආකාරයෙන් මිරිකන වැඩ වර්ජනයකි.

මේ සියල්ල මෙසේ සිදුවන තුර රනිල් වික්‍රමසිංහගේ යූ. ඇන්. පියද කටේ පිට්ටු හිරකරගත් උගුඩුවකු සේ බලා ඉන්නේය. වික්‍රමසිංහගේ මේ මොහොතේ අවශ්‍යතාවයද ජවිපෙ ආත්මාර්ථකාමී පාදඩ අවශ්‍යතාවයට දෙවැනි නොවේ. එනයින් ජවිපෙ පමණක් නොව වික්‍රමසිංහද මේ රටේ ජනතාවට කොකා පෙන්නීමට පටන්ගෙන ඇත. මෙයින් අදහස් කරන්නේ වික්‍රමසිංහ මෙයකළ පළමු අවස්ථාව මේ බැව් නොවේ. මොහු සෝමවංශ අමරසිංහ තරමටම ජනතාවගේ ඕනෑ එපාකම් ගැන නිර්වින්දිත චරිතයකි. වික්‍රමසිංහට මේ මොහොතේ අවශ්‍ය වන්නේ තම සමරිසි සගයන් සමඟ සිරියහනට පැන, පොඩි සොමියක් ගැනීම හෝ මුතුහෙට්ටිගම වයින් කොට මොන්ටිසෝරි ශිෂ්‍යයකුසේ මෝඩ චූන් එකක් ගැනීම විය හැකිය. රටේ පොදු ජනතාවගේ හද ගැසීම මොවුන් කිසිවකුට දැනීමක් නොවේ.

ජවිපෙට සේම එජාපයටද තමන් කැමති ඕනෑම ආකාරයක නිරායුධ දේශපාලනයක නිරත වීමේ අයිතිය ඇත. නමුත් ඔවුන් ඒ අයිතිය පොදුජනතාවගේ නිදහසට බාධාවන ආකාරයෙන් යොදාගනු ලබන්නේ නම් ප්‍රතිඵල දරුණු විය හැකිය. මේ රටේ ජනතාවට විධායක ජනාධිපති ක්‍රමයට වඩා බරපතළ ප්‍රශ්න ඇති නිසාය. ජවිපෙ හා එජාපය තමන්ගේ කාලතුවක්කු හරවන්නේ රටේ පොදු ජනතාව වෙත නම් ෆොන්සේකා නොව ෆොන්සේකාගේ අප්පොච්චි පොදු අපේක්ෂකයා කළත් සිදුවනු ඇත්තේ ඇපත් නැතිවීම පමණකි.

Well, Dave, no surprises here. After careful review of the entirety of the lyrics, it does indeed seem to be about a guy with a wandering eye.  To think that all these years, while identifying and savoring the simple beauty of specific lines (for example, “rings but none on that finger” and “words like conviction can turn into a sentence”) that capture concrete sentiments, I had never once put everything together into this narrative of frustrated infidelity. It figures, though.  Along with Pete Shelley, I think the Roger and Wakeling team have always had a knack for combining swell melodies with polished yet unassuming words that unearth rich emotional truths (e.g. “I’m in love again. This time’s true I’m sure.“). And somehow, I was always under the impression that Tenderness was just a variation on the theme of the self-deprecating and timorous romantic so aptly described in Too Nice to Talk To.

While, earlier in the day, I may have disagreed with you about whether or not Tenderness (from 1984) is the greatest single in history — I would have offered up this or that as evidence to the contrary — I think the fact that it has been stuck in my mind since it first came out clearly persuades me to align with your opinion.  And that is without even mentioning the hard and fast English Beat rule:  Everything anybody from the English Beat was ever involved in is flawless.

Although… what’s with Dave Wakeling touring as the English Beat these days?

As for your concern about the lyrics from Tenderness on your Facebook profile, I think there’s a good argument for great lyrics to be taken on their own without having to assume their context… Just to prove the point, I have now revised my Facebook profile to include lyrics from The English Beat’s “auto-erotic” song Hit It:

And, frankly, I don’t find it embarrassing at all.

Speaking of embarrassing, what’s up with Andy Capp becoming a beer snob all of a sudden?!?

First off, props to “cheezburger” for the subtle yet heady commentary.  Keep ‘em coming, buddy.

Now, for today’s questions.  I’d like to try something a little different.  For the first part of our assignment, we will watch a short video.

OK, got that, everyone?  Now, I think we can all agree that this is the single greatest pop single of the 80’s — and possibly of all time.  Today’s questions have to do with the song’s content.

I don’t know when to start or when to stop
My luck’s like a button
I can’t stop pushing it
My head feels light
But I’m still in the dark
Seems like without tenderness there’s something missing
Tenderness
Where is the
Tenderness
Where is it?

I don’t know where I am but I know I don’t like it
I open my mouth and out pops something spiteful
Words are so cheap, but they can turn out expensive
Words like conviction can turn into a sentence

I held your hands
Rings but none on that finger
We danced and danced
But I was scared to go much further with it
Just half a chance
Make sure that one night you’re here,
But next night you’re not
It always leaves me searching for a little

Tenderness
Where is the
Tenderness
Where is the
Tenderness?

Whistling in the graveyard
Calling up your girlfriend
Just trying to make her understand
You’re squeezing the telephone like it was her hand
No question (so many questions)
She’s going to catch you out boy
It all seems so underhand
Now she’s the only thing that ever made you feel like a man, man
Madman, madman

Tenderness
Where is the
Tenderness
Tenderness
Tenderness
Where is it?

I held your hands
Rings but none on that finger
We danced and danced
But I was scared to go much further with it
Just half a chance
Make sure that one night you’re here,
But next night you’re not
It always leaves me searching for a little

Tenderness
Where is the
Tenderness?

I’m just sick to death of second best, pet
Why should the morning always find you unimpressed?
Is your love like a button?
You can’t stop pushing it?
Oh this all night longing can be such a long time

What is this song about?  Is this a guy who’s thinking about cheating on his lady friend?  Let me know.  Because if that’s what we think it’s about, I should probably change my Facebook profile, right?

...In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

…art will be taught in grade school again.

…life will imitate art.

…artists won’t be depicted in the movies as drunks, druggies and weirdo’s.

…artists living in America will be able to support themselves with their art only and will not need a “day job”.

…the general public will buy real, handmade and original artist created art and not big store or “mall” art.

…artists will not be starving.

…art schools will be grounded in reality.

…the “art world” will drop its self destructive, snobby-ness ways.

…artists will discover there are other colors of clothing to wear besides black.

…an artist won’t have to be dead to be famous.

…the idea of the reclusive artist will become the myth it is.

…an artist will be president.

…art gallery employees will acknowledge visitors when they walk in the door.

…artists will have more influence than politicians.

…there will be unique, artist made works of art in your home.

…painting will stop being labeled as ‘dead’.

…art critics will be required to be licensed and bonded.

Someday… is a list of musings, thoughts, dreams, comments and observations that are at times intended to be humorous and at other times serious.  Many of these made their first appearance as tweets on my Twitter page.  This list will expand…someday.