The late comedian, George Carlin, had a wonderful bit about driving. He would say something like, “Have you ever noticed how anyone who drives faster than you is a maniac, and anyone who drives slower than you is a moron?”

Driving really is very personal. Maybe that is why road rage is triggered so easily. An affront to one’s driving is an affront to one’s human dignity! If you don’t like the way I made that turn back there, well, you might as well just tell me my mother wears army boots!!! (Whatever that means).

These days – and this is somewhat sexist – it seems like women and teenage girls are growing ever more aggressive behind the wheel. One rational explanation is that women and girls may be more inclined to be on the phone or texting someone when they cut you off – but they also lack remorse for their driving and are as quick to gesticulate as a teamster. The soccer mom behind the wheel of her SUV texting her little darlings that she is running late is as dangerous as a teenage boy after drinking a six-pack.

But seriously folks, driving is deadly business. More than 100 people per day died last year on America’s roads – and that was considered a good year! From a spiritual or religious point of view, one can ask, is driving dangerously a sin? The answer, from my point of view, is a simple “yes.” Any of the following behaviors while driving is sinful, and this list is not exhaustive:

- speeding; texting; talking on the phone; tailgating; working on a laptop; reading; watching TV

All of the above are sinful because they place life and limb at risk. Speed limits are posted for a reason, and most speed limits are negotiable, to a point, but driving 15+ mph above the posted speed limit is entering the reckless zone.

In the reckless zone, wildlife, family pets, pedestrians, and other drivers are more likely to be maimed or killed by the speeding vehicle. Speeding greatly increases the chances of a mishap and resulting injury or death to one or many parties.

Closely related to speeding is tailgating. A tailgater puts pressure on the slower driver and distracts the slower driver, thereby increasing the possibility of a mishap. Tailgating is essentially as dangerous as speeding.

Even talking on the phone is sinful because one’s attention should be on the road at all times. Carrying on a conversation requires one’s attention, and when one’s attention is split between phone caller and the road, it makes for a dangerous situation.

Good Christian drivers should avoid any of the above-mentioned driving behaviors.

As a society becomes increasingly affluent, wants are increasingly created by the process by which they are satisfied… This higher level of production has, merely, a higher level of want creation necessitating a higher level of want satisfaction.

If the individual’s wants are to be urgent they must be original with himself.  They cannot be urgent if they must be contrived by the process of production by which they are satisfied.  For this means that the whole case for the urgency of production, based on the urgency of wants, falls to the ground.  One cannot defend production as satisfying wants if that production creates the wants.

The fact that wants can be synthesized by advertising, catalysed by salesmanship, and shaped by the discreet manipulations of the persuaders shows that they are not very urgent.  The latter are effective only with those who are so far removed from physical want that they do not already know what they want.  In this state alone men are open to persuasion.

And, by the way:

And, finally, some entertainment from George Carlin:

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these – I have a few months to catch up on. Some highlights:

Add another name to the list of brilliant entertainers who started to suck once they got sober (I’m looking at you, Trent Reznor). George Carlin: Life is Worth Losing (2005) is two hours of a crotchety old man complaining about society’s ills. It’s not even funny. 1/10.

Finally! A Jason Statham movie that’s actually pretty good! London (2005) follows the familiar formula of “Two strangers meet, sit in a room, have an intense and revealing conversation, and emerge better people at the end of the night.” It’s funny, it’s entertaining, and it’s not an action movie. 7/10, with the caveat that Statham’s normally closely-clipped scalp is covered with a douchey I-banker haircut. Bleh.

What do you get when you combine a talented cast with a script that goes nowhere? Burn After Reading (2008). It has it’s funny moments, but I felt like I wanted my two hours back at the end. J. K. Simmons  was the only bright spot. 3/10.

I’ve been hearing about Trainspotting (1996) for years and finally checked it out. I wasn’t a huge fan right away, although I thought it was better than that other popular drug movie, Requiem for a Dream. Then I realized that it was made in 1996, well before this generation’s drug movie craze. 7/10. Also, Ewan McGreggor, ftw. /dreamy sigh.

I cried watching North Country (2005). My father and his side of the family is from Minnesota’s iron range, and I remember him telling me how accurately the film portrays a lot of the attitudes that were prevalent in that area at the time. Also, who doesn’t love the idea of  a gorgeous woman getting uglied up for a role? Charlize, you’re a hero. 8/10.

I threw Sideways (2004) in the queue because of Thomas Hayden Church (hilarious in his Ned and Stacy days, not so much in this movie). After watching it, all I can think is that I really doubt that Paul Giamatti in khakis could ever score a babe like Virginia Madsen. 5/10. At least now I’m validated for not liking merlot.

The Wrestler (2008) was surprisingly good, considering its niche subject material. One friend I watched it with hated the unresolved ending (was that a spoiler? does saying that it’s unresolved ruin it?), but I thought it was well done. Incidentally, I googled Mickey Rourke after watching, and holy crap! I didn’t know he used to be so deliciously hawt! 9/10.

I am in love with Jason Segel after watching I Love You, Man (2009). The movie follows the predictable formula that I’ve come to expect from Paul Rudd’s movies, but it was hilarious and endearing, and really highlights the behavioral differences guys exhibit when around their girlfriends vs hanging with their buds. 7/10

21 Grams (2003) is one of those films with a disjointed time line involving three disparate stories that eventually crossover at the film’s climax. Sean Penn, Naomi Watts, and Benicio Del Toro are all strong actors, but the script is capital-M Meh. 3/10.

I’m always up for a film adaptation of Hamlet – Kenneth Branaugh’s is one of my fave movies. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (1990) might be one of the best, most creative re-imaginings ever (certainly better than that Ethan Hawke abomination). The film follows the forgettable title characters and the disorientingly existential conversations they have “in the wings” (outside of the scripted scenes of the play). Normally, I’m not that impressed “quirky” films, but Richard Dreyfus and Gary Oldman really bring a lot to the table. I’ve read complaints that the script should have never been adapted for film, but I still found it engaging and… fun! 9/10.

From Reuters:

The word “fail” should be banned from use in British classrooms and replaced with the phrase “deferred success” to avoid demoralizing pupils, a group of teachers has proposed.

Members of the Professional Association of Teachers (PAT) argue that telling pupils they have failed can put them off learning for life.

A spokesman for the group said it wanted to avoid labeling children. “We recognize that children do not necessarily achieve success first time,” he said.

“But I recognize that we can’t just strike a word from the dictionary,” he said.

The PAT said it would debate the proposal at a conference next week.

George Carlin always criticized this deceptive behavior, among almost all other human behaviors. He argued that euphemisms “hide the truth,” they “conceal reality.” Euphemisms, moreover, “take the life out of life.”

In his stand-up special Parental Advisory, he explained:

We have no more deaf people in this country, hearing impaired. No ones blind anymore, partially sighted or visually impaired. We have no more stupid people. Everyone has a learning disorder…or he’s minimally exceptional. How would you like to be told that about your child? “He’s minimally exceptional.” “Oohh, thank god for that.” Psychologists actually have started calling ugly people, those with severe appearance deficits. It’s getting so bad, that any day now I expect to hear a rape victim referred to as an unwilling sperm recipient.

And we have no more old people in this country. No more old people. We shipped them all away, and we brought in these senior citizens. Isn’t that a typically American twentieth century phrase? Bloodless, lifeless, no pulse in one of them. A senior citizen. But I’ve accepted that one, I’ve come to terms with it. I know it’s to stay. We’ll never get rid of it. That’s what they’re going to be called, so I’ll relax on that, but the one I do resist. The one I keep resisting is when they look at an old guy and they’ll say, “Look at him Dan! He’s ninety years young.” Imagine the fear of aging that reveals. To not even be able to use the word “old” to describe somebody. To have to use an antonym. And fear of aging is natural. It’s universal. Isn’t it? We all have that. No one wants to get old. No one wants to die, but we do! So we bullshit ourselves. I started bullshitting myself when I got to my forties. As soon as I got into my forties I’d look in the mirror and I’d say, “well, I…I guess I’m getting…older.” Older sounds a little better than old doesn’t it? Sounds like it might even last a little longer. Bullshit, I’m getting old! And it’s okay, because thanks to our fear of death in this country, I won’t have to die…I’ll pass away. Or I’ll expire like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital, they’ll call it a terminal episode. The insurance company will refer to it as negative patient-care outcome. And if it’s the result of malpractice, they’ll say it was a therapeutic misadventure. I’m telling you, some of this language makes me want to vomit. Well, maybe not vomit. Makes me want to engage in an involuntary personal protein spill.

All comedy aside, George Carlin makes a valid point: Changing language doesn’t change reality.

(In Memory of George Carlin, Requiescat In Pace)

When George Carlin died last year, I was deeply saddened.  He was one of the Great Comedians I had listened to from my childhood onward.  Indeed, I do not recall not knowing about Carlin, in the same way I do not recall not knowing how to read.

Anyway, the many obituaries and tributes that poured in paid homage to Carlin’s considerable talents, including his genius for skewering the human condition.  And, of course, they all mentioned his legendary “Seven Dirty Words.”  For a Black Baptist growing up in rural North Carolina, hearing these words was like discovering a lewd and truncated mirror image of the Ten Commandments.  (I should point out that my extremely devout grandparents, who would have cringed at Carlin’s unabashed use of the “Seven Dirty Words,” nevertheless allowed me to listen endlessly to Redd Foxx’s incredibly raunchy comedy records–on Sunday, at that.  Perhaps it had something to do with the way Black people tell stories.  Hmmm.  Methinks I have the subject for another post….)

Anyway, for some reason I felt inspired to write a little list of my own.  I have no idea why I chose politics as my canvas.  Perhaps the ghosts of Governor Eliot Spitzer’s recent resignation or the Monica Lewinsky scandal were clanging around in my head.  Who knows?  I humbly submit my “Seven Things You Can Never Say in Politics”:

1. “I will never raise your taxes.”
2. “Go ahead and follow me.  I have nothing to hide.”
3. “S/he was just a staffer.  I never knew her/him personally.”
4. “I welcome the opportunity to take my case before the American people.”
5. “I never accepted gifts of any kind from that individual.”
6. “I pledge to serve my full term.”
7. “I am looking forward to spending more time with my family.”

Looking again at my list, I no longer find it as amusing as I did when I created over a year ago.  I guess you had to be there. 

Do not worry, Mr. Carlin, wherever you are.  I have no plans to give up my day job and try to do what you made look so easy for so many years.  You, Sir, were the Michelangelo of Mirth. 

[Expletive deleted.]

In the Bullshit Department, a businessman can’t hold a candle to a clergyman. ‘Cause I gotta tell you the truth, folks. When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you’d expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would’ve been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say “this guy”, because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he’s at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn’t give a shit. Doesn’t give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn’t give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on.

And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can’t see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I’m big on that. If I can see something, I don’t know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we’re not setting people on fire simply because they don’t agree with us.

Sun worship is fairly simple. There’s no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don’t have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I’m unworthy. Doesn’t tell me I’m a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn’t said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don’t pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn’t presume on our friendship. It’s not polite.

I’ve often thought people treat God rather rudely, don’t you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It’s not nice. And it’s no way to treat a friend.

But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you’d really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you’d have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn’t in God’s Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn’t it seem a little arrogant? It’s a Divine Plan. What’s the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?

And here’s something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren’t answered. What do you say? “Well, it’s God’s will.” “Thy Will Be Done.” Fine, but if it’s God’s will, and He’s going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn’t you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It’s all very confusing.

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don’t pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he’s a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn’t fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I’ve been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don’t. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit’s foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat’s testicles, it’s all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that’s a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I’m sure you’ll like that. Then there’s Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn’t care for, by the way.

And finally, I’ve always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.” That’s because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was. In fact, I’m gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody’s okay? All right, tell you what, I’ll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I’ve got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I’m blind. I’m blind, oh, now I’m okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!

A reminder to you, Gentle Reader.
I ramble better than I edit. This probably qualifies as a ramble.

An NPR guest had a connection with the creative end of film. Late to tune in and an early-out listener, I missed his name. Wish I could give him name credit for some amazing thoughts…like how much he loves his wife, how amazed he is that she is there when he comes home, and what incredible kids they have. Surely, that isn’t an envelope in need of a push? Sounds like a valentine to me.

Earlier he talked about how the media can push the envelope and eventually change how society sees itself. The acceptance of human differences was a specific case. By placing ‘different’ folks into normal setting, the difference can dissolve and slips right into the normal. Definitely two sides to that coin.

One anecdote focused on George Carlin and his famous Seven Words. When Mr. Carlin’s mother faced a group of elementary school nuns who had taught her son, Mrs. Carlin reacted with embarrassment to the “Words” routine. It was the Catholic nuns who gave George the thumbs-up, saying he was forcing us to face our hypocrisy. Same coin?

Facing hypocrisy isn’t easy. One’s own double standards are both wise and prudent while the doubles that differ are surely hypocritical, right? No. Not right, not even close.
Judging is perilous and always flawed…always. But it is my opinion that we are far better advised to error on the side of acceptance of our differences and celebrating our full human selves.

I first heard Eddie Izzard on a CD during a road trip with some friends last April. It was hilarious, but after the trip I never thought about him again.

I was waiting for a boy to call me. God, I hate waiting for boys to call me. I want a when, where, and ok I’ll be there see you then. Unfortunately, I find him devilishly attractive so I put up with it.

To lift my spirits, I decided to peruse Netflix and find something to watch. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Eddie Izzard popped into my head. I ended up watching four Izzard specials: Definite Article, Glorious, Dressed To Kill, and Circle. (If you’re doing the math you’ll figure out that watching all of those specials adds up to around ten hours of comedy. I wasn’t waiting around for this guy for ten hours. I watched the rest over the next few days, and over again throughout the next week.)

Now, I haven’t seen a ton of stand up comedy… Immediately Richard Pryor, Dane Cook, George Carlin, and Jeff Foxworthy come to mind from specials on TV. Premium Blend on Comedy Central never has me in stitches. I saw Dustin Diamond at a comedy club in Michigan when I was 15 (funny, but really raunchy. Screech fell right into the gutter)… so maybe there’s an even truer genius beyond Eddie Izzard, but for now all I know is that Izzard is a good thing that I will never have too much of.

Eddie Izzard is super intelligent, educated, informed. Unless he’s just watched a ton of historical documentaries, which he admits he has. A lot of his comedy involves episodes throughout history, from creation to the dinosaurs to the Renaissance to World War Two to the Clinton era. He references people and places from all over the world, and many times while performing he switches between the many languages he knows fluently (English, French, German, and some Latin). I don’t know French, German, or Latin, but it is never a problem because Izzard is also a master of physicality. He mimes, impersonates, makes sound effects, and sings. Izzard acts out entire scenes and it’s as if you’re watching a movie. He will stand on one side facing one way and act out, say, Darth Vader on a lunch line, covering his microphone with his hand to make the voice: “I’ll have the penne al la arrabiata”. Then he will step to the other side, face the other way, and act out the food handler: “You’ll need a tray”. And hilarity ensues. (See link under ‘YouTube is glorious’)

What’s wonderful about Eddie Izzard is that you never know what he’s going to bring up next, and it seems as if he can go on forever. His comedy is straight from the heart, brain, gut, and on the fly. He may stop in the middle of a bit to comment on a random thought that will lead down a hilarious dead end, and then jump back and continue the original bit. If a joke fails, he comments about it and laughs it off with the audience. Characters from earlier bits can pop up suddenly in later bits. Izzard has us in the Trojan horse with a group of eager Greeks, and suddenly, Prince Phillip of England is there. Izzard may also reuse favorite impressions. The story of Noah’s Arc stars Sean Connery as Noah. God is usually played by James Mason. God: “Noah, stop what you’re doing and build me an arc” Noah: “Yeah I’m working on a speedboat at the moment. I think it’s much more exciting, bigger engine in a speed boat, and it can shoot across the water like that…” Noah explains that a speedboat would be better suited for bible pictures… “We can get all the animals with long ears to sit along the side, It’ll look fuckin’ excellent”.

The end of Izzard’s shows are always abrupt. There’s not a sound in the world I agree with more than the “Awwwwwww” of disappointment from the audience at the end of Glorious (before the encore of course). You don’t want Izzard to stop, and he knows it, but he must. Can you imagine how much energy it takes to act out hundreds of characters and make hundreds of noises nonstop for nearly two hours—in high heels!? Izzard must stop at some point, so he simply ends his set and politely excuses himself from the stage. Usually there is some special effect grand finale with music and lighting to dramatize his entrance and exit. To open Definite Article, Izzard appears from the pages of an enormous book, sitting in an oversized chair positioned atop a gigantic pile of books (a profound metaphorical image). At the end of Circle, Izzard makes his bows, puts on an intense face, and stealthily disappears among the forest-like set pieces.

A well-designed set is deeply satisfying. One of my favorite sets was for a Lewis Black show on Comedy Central that was just a stack of big block letters that said, “THE END”. Most appropriate for Mr. Black. Stereotypically a comedian is in front of a brick wall with a stool and a mic on a stand. But once a comedian hits the big time and gets a television special, a set designer may be brought in to build a million dollar set complete with custom murals and lighting effects. Every angle must be aesthetically pleasing for the viewers at home- and that means texture, color, depth! Have you noticed that in the last few decades sets have become most important for television shows that otherwise do not need sets? Eddie Izzard would still be hilarious if he were in front of a white wall. The news would be just as noteworthy and biased if the anchors were sitting in front of a green chalkboard. But then, millions of brilliant set designers would be out of a job.

If you’re looking for a way to relax, soak in a sweet smelling bubble bath and smoke a personal joint while listening to Eddie Izzard. It’s a fantastic experience. Although I viewed Izzard on screen for the majority of my experiences, listening to him solo audio from a warm bubble bath is just as pleasant and hilarious- perhaps even more so. Although Izzard is thrilling to watch, give your imagination some playtime and just listen to him for a while. You’ll find that you can imagine the scenarios and get the joke just as well by picturing the scene in your good ol’ fashioned mind’s eye. There’s a reason comedy sets are available on iTunes.

Should I comment about the fact that Eddie Izzard is a transvestite? It doesn’t even matter. If anything, the makeup he wears enhances his facial physicality, especially in Dress to Kill because that director really loves extreme close ups. Vaudevillian actors and early silent film actors wore heavy makeup to enhance their facial expressions, and the trick still works. In Dress to Kill, Izzard’s light blue eye shadow and red red lipstick compliments his bright blue eyes and wide set mouth, especially when he smiles goofily after calling Hitler a “mass murdering fuckhead”. I’ve watched a few clips of more contemporary Izzard, and maybe it’s just because I’m used to his fantastic highlights and shiny black heeled boots, but he looks too normal now. He kind of looks like a tool. But maybe it’s just the goatee. I’m not a huge fan of facial hair. Sideburns I can cope with. I’d sleep with Eddie Izzard.

What do I conclude about Eddie Izzard? I felt so compelled to write about him, about his genius, about his hilarity… mostly because I want everyone to know about him too and gain happiness from his comedy. I wish this piece was a bit more profound. Honestly, I watched him again for the first time almost three weeks ago and I’ve been watching him nonstop ever since, trying to form some profound thesis… about the brilliance of mime, about comedy when it is a purely aural experience, about education being imperative to comedy… has it all been written about? I have faith that if I keep thinking, at some point the inspiration fairy will knock me over the head.

Mostly I wanted to write this to clear my writing palate before I went to see Men Who Stare at Goats tonight.

Look at the Izzard links. Let yourself fall in love.

SAT Word of the Day:  Astounding – adverb meaning to amaze or bewilder.

There is an astounding amount of self help literature, websites, blogs, services, and seminars.  The self improvement global market is enormous.  Type “self help” into Google and you’ll get almost 38 million hits.  Add the word “program” to the search and Google trims it down to a mere 141,000 results.  I read somewhere that the personal self help industry was a $9 billion market and growing. 

George Carlin said that “There’s no such thing as “self-help.”  If you read a book written by someone else it is not self help.  It’s just “help.”  Self help would be if you improved in some way all by yourself with no outside influence. 

Maybe it should just be called “Personal Improvement.”  Or just “PI.” Or just “π.” 

George Carlin also recommended that anyone caught reading a “π” book should be killed.  He said that life is just not that complicated.  You get up, go to work, eat three meals, have one good bowel movement then go back to bed.  What’s the f***ing mystery? 

But what George didn’t understand was that not everyone has the courage to stand up in front of a group of strangers.  Not everyone has the motivation to practice their stand-up comedy routine.  Not everyone can freely tap into their own creativity and write jokes for their performance. 

There are those of us who need some kind of assistance to harvest as much “life” out of “Life” as possible.  Every one of us is born with everything we need to be an extraordinary person.  William Wordsworth said “… trailing clouds of glory do we come from God, who is our home.”  But, as we grow older we “perceive it die away, and fade into the light of common day.”  

When we were children we dreamed big, envisioned ourselves in those dreams and used our creativity to make it happen; even if it was only make believe.  And we only lived in the present.  We rarely fretting about the past and we didn’t worry about the future.  We knew we were going to be rock stars, NBA players, pilots, international spies, Olympic heroes, etc… 

But something happened.  Life got busy.  Life got faster.  Time grew shorter.  We “perceived” our dreams “die away and fade.” 

And so many of us struggle with life and find it unsatisfactory.  The dreams, motivation, creativity and courage are somehow missing.  Or, at the very least, we don’t feel them.

So we buy books, and tapes and CDs and DVDs searching for what we lost.   We can’t find what we lost amongst 38 million places.  Those 141,000 programs usually don’t help either.  It is truly astounding.

Take one smidge of Kathy Griffin, add a dollop of Robin Williams, then a sprinkling of George Carlin. What do you get? A personal mix of madness, and a loopy laugh track based on… what?

I find each of these comedians to be funny, or have, at different points in time. But my sons’ humor? One loves quirky parables and wordplay. The other finds cartoons and mimicry hilarious. How did that happen? What do kids find funny and why?

The arm bone’s connected to the… funny bone…

How to explain the differences in my sons’ humor – that one loves comic strips and physical comedy, while the other goes for more intellectual fare – brain teasers and smart sarcasm? It’s been that way since they were little, yet they were raised in the same household, are close in age, and the same gender. 

I used to think humor was purely learned and cultural, but having my own kids has shown me otherwise. Is humor genetic? Is it nature or nurture? Or utterly inexplicable?

Icons of sixties and seventies sitcoms

Thinking back to my childhood, I recall my dad listening to Mel Brooks and Bill Cosby on LPs (yes, vinyl) and I remember a great deal of affectionate teasing at family gatherings. Humor was part of the household, with heavy emphasis on puns and double-entendres, with more than a bit of bawdier fare by adolescence.

While some of my friends enjoyed the Stooges, I couldn’t stomach them and still can’t. But Mary Tyler Moore, Dick Van Dyke, a curmudgeonly Carl Reiner or Ed Asner – for me, irresistible. I also remember George Carlin, and the late 70s antics of John Belushi, Gilda Radner,  Dan Akroyd and other talents with lines ingrained in my memory. (Landshark!) Then there are a handful of deadpan (word-oriented) French comics who leave me laughing breathlessly.

Where does humor come from?

But I still wonder, where does sense of humor come from?

Cultural influences – family, friends, books, films, schooling – all contribute to our perspectives in everything. And knocking them, mocking them, turning them inside out and highlighting their peculiarities – those form our humor hot spots, and become our humor heritage.

But how do you explain siblings from the same household with dramatically different styles of humor? One who likes slapstick and another who manipulates words? The prankster and the mimic? Is the proverbial funny bone as individual and mysterious as one child’s talent for math and another’s gift for art? Are we  in some way predisposed to find certain things amusing?

Laugh until you cry

In tough times, humor keeps us afloat. All hands on deck, all bodies on board, and there are plenty of styles to choose from. For some of us, our romantic choices are more influenced by funny than money; shared laughter is essential.

Good thing, too. On a bad day, a wacky blog post, great stand-up, or a clever commercial can be just what the doctor ordered, without having to file an insurance claim! As for the funny bone actually being a humor gene? Why not?

Currently unable to pursue this area of research (tipsy or otherwise), I’ll just settle for enjoying those times when my children and their friends fill the house with laughter, whatever the reason, even adult humor – precocious devils that they are. And, um… the fact that I allowed my kids to watch South Park when they were quite young surely has nothing to do with their advanced forays into humoristic realms. Hey – those spunky little characters are equal opportunity offenders… 

So where do kids get their sense of humor?

• Do you have funny kids?
• Do you have funny pets?
• Are they funny with you or with others?
• Can you tell where they get their humor from?
• What fills your home with laughter?

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

We must no longer tolerate the phrase “at the end of the day.” First, it is used too much and too automatically. Second, it does not refer to a 24-hour period or to daylight. Third, it adds an air of inevitability to an argument, and usually to an argument that is bereft of evidence. I watched Barry Levinson’s okay enervated documentary on celebrity and politics, and at on point he “argued” that, at the end of the day, television was a terrible development because it blurred politics and entertainment. He didn’t elaborate on the argument, but “at the end of the day” added a whiff of authority and inevitability to his weary opinion. Moreover, the episodes of “The Honeymooners” alone (not to mention other crucial classics) are well worth the decline of American politics, which were bound to decline anyway. –As if politics needed the assistance of TV to disintegrate! Please.

I suggest a replacement phrase, chiefly to reawaken napping speakers and listeners: “At the beginning of the night.” “At the beginning of the night, Congress may experience increasing darkness,” and now we must tip the cap in the direction of George Carlin’s spirit and of Carlin’s embodiment of an absurdist weatherperson. The Hippie-Dippy weatherman.

In the meantime, any time you hear anyone on TV or the radio utter the phrase “at the end of the day,” turn off the broadcasting instrument for a minimum of 60 seconds.

In my previous article, The Intelligentsia and Punk Rock, I talked about the way that bands write music. I used the bands Crass and Bad Religion as examples of how lyrics can both inform and incite people.

I’d like to take a moment to talk about the Federal Communications Commission, otherwise known as the FCC. The FCC was established by the Communications Act of 1934 and they are charged with regulating  interstate and international communications by radio, television, wire, satellite and cable. The FCC’s jurisdiction covers all 50 states. The FCC is broken up by several different bureaus with the Media Bureau exercising control over radio.

Why, in a free country, would there be a need for the FCC? I think it’s fair to say that there are people in this country that feel that we are a nation that is moving away from what they claim are “Christian” values and they feel that the majority of Americans must be “protected” by obscene broadcasts and ideas that I feel would challenge most Americans to think outside of the box.

Personal opinion aside, there are several cases involving the FCC and radio that I will examine briefly.

On May 17, 2001, the FCC issued a $7,000 fine to KBOO out of Portland, Oregon. The FCC charged that the song “Your Revolution” by Sarah Jones violated the decency standards set by the commission because it challenged the sexualization of rap music. The irony of this decision is that it ignores a message that is sorely needed in favor of using the phrase, “Your revolution will not happen between these thighs” as the basis for such a fine.

The same year, the FCC issued a fine of $7,000 to KKMG in Colorado Springs, CO. The reason for that fine has to do with the airing of an edited version of “The Real Slim Shady” by Eminem. Despite the fact that the song was an edited version, the FCC still charged that violated its’ obscenity standards.

Another example of how the FCC polices radio has to do with Howard Stern. In 2004, Stern’s show was dumped by 6 Clear Channel stations after Clear Channel was fined $495,000 for a show in which Stern talked about oral sex. However, it was an interview with Rick Solomon (Paris Hilton’s ex) that prompted the fine. Clear Channel, owner of thousands of radio stations throughout the country, has their own set of decency standards. Stern has since moved his show to satellite radio.

These cases underscore a need for clarification on what is indecent and what is obscene. Despite the fact that the FCC mandates what is called a safe harbor between the hours of 10pm and 6am, it is not clear what kind of programming they can actually prohibit under the U.S Constitution.

Currently, the FCC defines obscene material as material that

a. depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct specifically defined by applicable law;

b. Material, taken as a whole, that lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value.

This definition is inherently flawed because society is complex to a point where one group takes offense to something and another group doesn’t. Some people have liberal viewpoints on life and others have conservative viewpoints on life. How can we determine that society as a whole, considers certain material to be of low value?

The FCC defines indecency as

a. language or material that in context, depicts or describes sexual or excretory organs or activities

Again, the FCC is vague in their definition of both terms and they take advantage of this vagueness to prey upon radio stations, especially those who do not have the big budgets like that of Clear Channel.

The courts have ruled in the past that indecent material is protected by the First Amendment. However, they mandate that it can be restricted as to limit exposure to children (hence the Safe Harbor).

I believe that as a citizen of the United States of America, that the first amendment takes precedence over any regulatory agency that attempts to restrict it. Parents and not the government, are responsible for regulating the type of content that their children are exposed to.

However, the FCC must move to clarify their definitions of the two terms mentioned above (obscene and indecent) because it allows them to go after stations with limited budgets. It can be argued that the movement of DJs such as Howard Stern over to Satellite radio, signals that changes must be made to the FCC.  I personally believe that the FCC should be abolished altogether.

If the definition of the Safe Harbor is correct, then one should be able to play music with profanities (regulated much the same way as indecent speech) between 10pm-6am.

It still remains to be seen whether or not this is a good idea. Regardless, it’s important to educate yourself on laws and regulations.

And for those who may have wondered what words George Carlin listed in his skit?

Seven Dirty Words You Can’t Say On TV

Sources:

http://www.fcc.gov/aboutus.html
http://www.fair.org/index.php?page=1683
http://www.legalzoom.com/legal-articles/Howard-Stern-Free-speech-vs.html
http://www.broadcastlawblog.com/tags/seven-words-that-you-can-never/
http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/consumerfacts/obscene.html

Oops, Tim is at it again.  Yep, that’s right.  I apparently have been naughty.

According to this website, there are exactly ten things, analogous to George Carlin’s seven dirty words, that  are not worthy of discussion on the Internet:

10. The Middle East

9. Homosexuality

8. Jesus Christ

7. Race Relations

6. Abortion

5. Gun Control

4. The Holocaust

3. Politics

2. Origins of Man

1. Religion

I thought only a few of these issues had been covered here, but key searches of my blog for specific words brought up something about each and every one of them.

Damnit, I just can’t win.  I’m always the center of some controversy.

by Nishat Hasan

Age goes by... picture credit: http://natdatnl.deviantart.com/art/Time-31016730

George Carlin once said, “I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.” I sort of have to agree with George Carlin on this statement.

Have you ever realized the fact that the only time in our lives

when we like to get old is when we were kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never say thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key…

And then once you become a teenager, you think you can conquer the whole world. You feel nothing in the world can hold you back now. So what do you do? You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. “How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you feel like milk has turned sour! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime and it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I Was JUST 92.”

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”

Now I understand why they say you are like a child when get older. Hopefully, you didn’t loose your appetite on your pizza over the realization of getting into the vicious cycle of aging.

part of an ongoing series of columns I’ve written, reprinted from the TU Rambler.

March, 2009.
This week, I want to talk about electricity.  [March 28] from 8:30 to 9:30 was the second annual “Earth Hour”—60 minutes when people around the world turned off their lights to raise awareness for climate change and energy consumption—so I figure it’s as good a time as any.

To begin, let’s start with lightbulbs. The incandescent bulbs that many people still use work by pumping electricity (itself produced by burning coal or other fossil fuels) through a loop of tungsten, which heats up until it glows white-hot and produces the light that you read by. The main problem with incandescent bulbs (besides the dirty fuel we burn to power them) is their energy efficiency (or lack thereof). You see, when that loop of tungsten lights up, it throws off an awful lot of heat, and most of that heat just floats away, never to be seen again. However, thanks to modern science, there is an alternative: the CFL (compact florescent lightbulb). These twisty-looking bulbs are way more energy-efficient than incandescents, which means that they last longer (so you don’t have to buy them as often) and produce the same amount of light for much less energy (which means less coal to burn). And no, they don’t make that sickly green color or annoying buzz that regular florescent tubes do.* So that’s another plus.

So with all these benefits, you may be asking ‘what’s the catch?’ Normally, the catch would be the price; a CFL often costs three times as much as an incandescent bulb. However, the energy savings mean that they quickly pay for themselves. Like other energy-saving devices, CFLs are a sound investment.

Lightbulbs aren’t the only source of energy waste, though. It seems that every gadget we buy—iPods, cell phones, CrackBerrys, laptop computers—has its own charger. The problem is that many of these chargers continue to draw “phantom power” when we leave them plugged in (this, apparently, is due to the capacitors, transformers, and other gizmos inside them, which I don’t pretend to understand). In fact, as much as 10% of home electricity is wasted by turned-off-but-still-plugged-in electronic devices. The solution? Show those machines who’s boss and stop the waste at the source! Plug all your gadgets into a powerstrip, and then, when you’re not using them, use one switch to turn them all off at once!

*(Aside from their longer life, why anyone would want to use regular florescent lights anyway is totally beyond me. That greenish glow isn’t flattering to anybody. Like the late, great George Carlin said, “Didya ever notice how awful your face looks in a mirror in a restroom that has florescent lights? Every cut, scrape, scratch, scar, scab, bruise, boil, bump, pimple, zit, wart, welt and abscess you’ve had since birth all seem to come back at the same time! And all you can think is: “I gotta get the fuck outta here!””)

Martin Marcantonio Luciano Scorsese (born November 17, 1942) is an American film director, screenwriter, producer, actor, and film historian. He is the founder of the World Cinema Foundation, a recipient of the AFI Life Achievement Award for his contributions to the cinema and has won awards from the Oscars, Golden Globe, BAFTA, and Directors Guild of America. Scorsese is president of the Film Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to film preservation and the prevention of the decaying of motion picture film stock.

Scorsese’s body of work addresses such themes as Italian American identity, Roman Catholic concepts of guilt and redemption, machismo, and violence. Scorsese is widely considered to be one of the most significant and influential American filmmakers of his era, directing landmark films such as Taxi Driver, Raging Bull and Goodfellas; all of which he collaborated on with actor Robert De Niro. He won the Academy Award for Best Director for The Departed and earned an MFA in film directing from the New York University Tisch School of the Arts.

Trivia:

Listed as one of 50 people barred from entering Tibet. Disney clashed with Chinese officials over the film Kundun (1997), which Scorsese directed. [19 December 1996]

Awarded third annual John Huston Award for Artists Rights by the Artists Rights Foundation. [1995]

Presented with a special tribute at the 1976 Telluride Film Festival. It was presented by Michael Powell. [1976]

He is a longtime friend and was once a housemate of The Band’s Robbie Robertson. He directed The Last Waltz (1978), the documentary of their supposedly last gig which Robertson produced. Robertson later produced the soundtrack for Scorsese’s The Color of Money (1986).

Good friends with editor Thelma Schoonmaker & cinematographer Michael Ballhaus. Scorsese introduced Thelma to her husband Michael Powell and he often quotes Powell as an influence.

His name is pronounced “Scor-sez-see”.

He directed Michael Jackson’s Bad (1987) (V) music video. The full length video runs 16 minutes and is in both black & white and color. It is usually shortened down to just the color segment for television.

He appears as attached to his pet white Bichon Frise Zoe as he was to his beloved parents – except Zoe is right beside Marty every day in the office.

Daughter Francesca Scorsese born. [16 November 1999]

John Woo dedicated his action film Dip huet seung hung (1989) (“The Killer”) to Scorsese on a commentary he did for the movie’s DVD.

Daughter Domenica Cameron-Scorsese with Julia Cameron.

Taught both Oliver Stone and Spike Lee at NYU.

Was at one point going to make a movie about the life of comedian Richard Pryor.

He was an altar boy at Old St. Patrick’s Cathedral, which was used in his early films I Call First (1967) and Mean Streets (1973). Old St. Patrick’s is also where the baptism scene in The Godfather (1972) took place.

Was at one point slated to direct Clockers (1995), but for reasons that are not entirely clear, handed the directing chores to his onetime NYU student Spike Lee, while staying on as producer. He was also at one point going to direct Little Shop of Horrors (1986) for David Geffen, with Steven Spielberg as the executive producer. He was ultimately uninvolved, but claims that he wanted to shoot the movie in 3-D. It no doubt would have been a loving homage to Roger Corman, for whom he directed Boxcar Bertha (1972).

He took a cameo in his film Taxi Driver (1976) (as a man about to kill his wife) only because the actor who was supposed to play the role was sick on the day the scene was to be shot. Says he is generally uncomfortable in front of the camera.

Has a dog named Silas.

Is the subject of the song “Martin Scorsese” by alternative band King Missile.

Father of actress Cathy Scorsese from his first marriage.

Is of Italian-Sicilian descent.

Has asthma.

Of the three films he’s been trying to make since the mid-1970s, he has done two: The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) and Gangs of New York (2002). The third film, a biopic of Dean Martin called “Dino”, has been on hiatus at Warner Brothers since the late 1990s. Scorsese has a very specific all A-list cast in mind, probably why it has yet to be produced. He wants Tom Hanks to star as Martin, Jim Carrey to play Jerry Lewis, John Travolta to play Frank Sinatra, Hugh Grant to play Peter Lawford, and Adam Sandler to play Joey Bishop.

Was voted the 4th greatest director of all time by Entertainment Weekly, making him the only living person in the top 5 and the only working film director in the top 10 (Ingmar Bergman being retired as a filmmaker).

Appeared on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (2000) as a shrill version of himself who comes to regret his decision to cast Larry David as a violent gangster in a movie after David repeatedly ruins the suit he needs to wear as the character.

Several characters in his films refer to the legendary (noir) actor John Garfield, star of the original The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946), which is also mentioned.

He was one of three major directors to have been offered the opportunity to direct Schindler’s List (1993) by producer Steven Spielberg, the other two being Roman Polanski and Billy Wilder. Scorsese thought a Jewish filmmaker should direct it; Polanski wasn’t yet ready to deal with the painful subject (having lost his mother in the Holocaust); and Wilder (who was retired and who lost his mother and grandmother in the Holocaust) finally told Spielberg that he should do it himself.

Because so many of his actors win or are nominated for awards, actors are dying to work with him. The film With Friends Like These… (1998) pokes fun at this very real desire.

Both The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) and Gangs of New York (2002) were personal passions of his that he had wanted to make since the 1970s. When he first starting considering them, Robert De Niro was in his mind to play the lead characters in both (Jesus Christ in “Temptation” and Bill Cutting in “Gangs”). De Niro ultimately turned down the part in “Temptation” and it was decided he was too old to play Cutting by the time that “Gangs” finally went into production.

He has famously collaborated with Robert De Niro in 8 films. Scorsese has said that his creative collaboration with De Niro is very deep and that they can often understand each other without even talking. Their collaboration has had many dry spells (including recently), but Scorsese says he shows almost every script he writes or considers directing to De Niro to see what the actor’s thoughts on them are even when De Niro ultimately has no involvement the film.

Appeared in an “American Express” ad where he goes to pick up photos of his nephew’s birthday party at a drug store, and then proceeds to nervously pick through what’s wrong with each picture while trying to get the clueless photo-lab clerk’s opinion on them. He proceeds to buy more film with an American Express card and calls the people on the pictures saying they need to reshoot. Scorsese says this funny ad is probably the closest he’s come to accurately “playing” himself.

Apart from his legendary work as a filmmaker, he has been a vocal supporter of film preservation for almost three decades. His efforts to create a strong public awareness for the work of film archives include The Film Foundation, a non-profit organisation which he started together with other filmmakers. The Film Foundation regularly partners with the American film archives on the restoration of “lost” or endangered films. With this background he has agreed to serve as Honorary President of the Austrian Film Museum in Vienna.

Personally spurns the notion of the “director’s cut” feeling that once a film has been completed, it should not be further altered in any way.

He lost three best director – and best picture – Oscars to leading-man actors turned directors: Robert Redford, Kevin Costner, and Clint Eastwood (Raging Bull (1980) lost to Redford’s Ordinary People (1980); Goodfellas (1990) to Costner’s Dances with Wolves (1990); The Aviator (2004) to Eastwood’s Million Dollar Baby (2004)). On the only two occasions when he was Oscar-nominated as Best Director in years ending in zero, he was beaten by actors making their directorial debuts (Redford and Costner).

In 1975, he accepted the Oscar for “Best Actress in a Leading Role” on behalf of Ellen Burstyn, who wasn’t present at the awards ceremony. She won for her performance in Scorsese’s Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974)

President of jury at the Cannes Film Festival in 1998.

Has mentioned that he thought Robert De Niro’s best performance under his direction was as Rupert Pupkin in The King of Comedy (1982).

Ranked #3 in Empire (UK) magazine’s “The Greatest directors ever!” [2005]

His favorite films include: Citizen Kane (1941), The Red Shoes (1948) and Il gattopardo (1963) (“The Leopard”).

Was friend, protégé, and employee of actor-director John Cassavetes.

When asked where audiences would find the next Martin Scorsese, he said to look to Wes Anderson, the young director of Rushmore (1998).

Has directed, as of 2008, 6 biopics: Raging Bull (1980), The Last Temptation of Christ (1988), Goodfellas (1990), Casino (1995), Kundun (1997) and The Aviator (2004).

He received a Degree ad honorem in “Cinema, TV and Multimedia Production” from the University of Bologna on 26 November 2005.

Served as mentor to Georgia Lee and invited her to apprentice for Gangs of New York (2002) in Europe.

The 1912 American Mutoscope & Biograph Company short The Musketeers of Pig Alley (1912) heavily influenced Scorsese in the making of his own gangster films Goodfellas (1990), and Gangs of New York (2002). The film was picked by Scorcese for his 2005 tribute at Beaubourg, centre d’art et de culture Georges Pompidou (1977) in Paris, France. Biograph is the oldest movie company in America and in existence today, headed by producer/director Thomas R. Bond II.

Scorsese and Taxi Driver (1976) are, among others, named as inspiration for the Massive Attack debut “Blue Lines”.

He signed a four-year, first-look deal to develop projects with studio executives of Paramount. [November 2006]

The Departed (2006) is the highest-grossing movie of his 40-year career ($132,373,442 (USA)).

The Aviator (2004) was his first movie to gross over $100 million in the U.S.

He has worked with big names of music business: Elvis Presley, Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, The Rolling Stones, ‘Michael Jackson (I)’ and David Bowie.

Directed 17 different actors in Oscar nominated performances: Jodie Foster, Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci, Leonardo DiCaprio, Daniel Day-Lewis , Cate Blanchett, Winona Ryder, Ellen Burstyn, Sharon Stone, Diane Ladd,Cathy Moriarty, Juliette Lewis, Lorraine Bracco, Paul Newman, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Alan Alda and Mark Wahlberg. (Burstyn, De Niro, Newman, Pesci and Blanchett won Oscars for their roles in one of Scorsese’s movies).

When he won his Best Director Oscar for The Departed (2006), he received the award from legendary directors, George Lucas, Francis Ford Coppola, and Steven Spielberg. The four were part of the “New Hollywood” movement of the 1970s and combined have 9 Academy Awards and 38 Nominations.

As a teenager in the Bronx, Scorsese frequently rented Michael Powell’s The Tales of Hoffmann (1951) from a store that only had one copy of the reels. When it wasn’t available the owner told him, “that Romero kid has it,” referring to George A. Romero who was also a big fan of the film. Today, both directors cite the film as a major influence.

Says he was happy with the fact that it took so long for him to win Best Director, because if he had won it earlier, it would have affected his directing and films.

Recipient of the 2007 Kennedy Center Honors. Other recipients that year were Leon Fleisher, Steve Martin, Diana Ross, and Brian Wilson.

Says the only thing he regrets in his career is that he was only able to make The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) on a small budget although he imagined it to be a grand version.

Was originally going to direct The Honeymoon Killers (1969), but was replaced after a week of shooting.

Served as a guest critic on “Siskel & Ebert & the Movies” (1986) following the death of ‘Gene Siskel’. The episode was “The Best Films of the 90s” in which Roger Ebert cited Scorsese’s Goodfellas (1990) as one of the best films of the 90s (#3). Scorsese’s full list of his favorite films of the 1990s: 10.) Tie: Malcolm X (1992) and Heat (1995), 9.) Fargo (1996), 8.) Crash (1996), 7.) Bottle Rocket (1994), 6.) Breaking the Waves (1996), 5.) Bad Lieutenant (1992), 4.) Eyes Wide Shut (1999), 3.) Duo sang (1994) (“A Borrowed Life”), 2.) The Thin Red Line (1998), 1.) Dao ma zei (1986) (“Horse Thief”).

He was made a Fellow of the British Film Institute in recognition of his outstanding contribution to film culture.

Resides in New York City. His production offices are located on W. 57th Street in Manhattan.

Attended Cardinal Hayes high school in the Bronx as a young man. Fellow alumni included George Carlin, George Dzundza, Regis Philbin and Jamal Mashburn.

Is a fan of the British Hammer Films series.

A huge fan of Fawlty Towers (1975). He describes the episode “The Germans” as “so tasteless, its hilarious.”.

In the 5th edition of 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die (edited by Steven Jay Schneider), 7 of Scorsese’s films are listed: Mean Streets (1973), Taxi Driver (1976), Raging Bull (1980), The King of Comedy (1982), Goodfellas (1990), Casino (1995) and The Departed (2006).

Haig Manoogian was Scorsese’s mentor at NYU. He eventually produced Scorsese’s first film (I Call First (1967)) and when he died in 1980, Scorsese dedicated Raging Bull (1980) to Manoogian.

Roger Ebert is a great admirer of Scorsese’s work. 14 of Scorsese’s films were given four stars by Ebert (Mean Streets (1973), Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974), Taxi Driver (1976), Raging Bull (1980), After Hours (1985), The Last Temptation of Christ (1988), Goodfellas (1990), The Age of Innocence (1993), Casino (1995), Kundun (1997), Bringing Out the Dead (1999), The Aviator (2004), The Departed (2006), Shine a Light (2008)), seven of his films are in Ebert’s Great Movies list (“Mean Streets”, “Taxi Driver”, “Raging Bull”, “After Hours”, “The Last Temptation Of Christ”, “Goodfellas”, and “The Age of Innocence”), and Ebert has written an entire book of his reviews, interviews and essays on Scorsese’s work simply titled “Scorsese By Ebert”.

As of November 10th 2009, five of his films are on the IMDb’s Top 250 Films list: Goodfellas (1990), Taxi Driver (1976), Raging Bull (1980), The Departed (2006), and Casino (1995).

Amazon Specials!

I love to laugh.  OK, everybody loves to laugh.  Right?  Well, maybe not this guy.  And certainly not today.

But I digress. 

Somehow, I missed an entire decade’s worth of comedy.  Seriously.  There’s no good reason for it, but looking at the list of the best comedy albums of the decade, I have somehow missed all but two of these. 

And considering that these are the favorites of the über-funny folks at The Onion and its corresponding A.V. Club, I think I have some catching up to do.

At least two of the comedians on this list (George Carlin and Mitch Hedberg) are no longer with us, making the ’10s inherently less funny.

George Carlin: Hilarious in any decade

Thankfully, the best comedy is timeless.  And based on the writeups and corresponding audio samples with the article, the ’00s are worth revisiting in a big way.  Even if they didn’t seem quite so funny the first time around.

Last week a friend and I took advantage of a beautiful fall morning to walk to a local coffee shop for a bit of breakfast.  Whatever I was talking about as we walked in the door has long since been erased from my mind.  But whatever it was, I just happened to swear.  And no sooner did that vile, disgusting word come from my mouth then I looked down to see a child next to his mother looking up at me.   Then she looked at me.  She was not impressed.

I didn’t apologize.  I probably should have.  Instead, I did what many people do in situations like that – I tried to ignore what happened completely.  But that lady’s glare is forever burned into my mind.

Of course, as soon as I sat down, I couldn’t help but notice that the people around me were all swearing.  I felt like I had been pulled over by a cop for doing 20 over the limit, only to see a Corvette zoom past me going 50 over.  Of course they lady and her poor kid had since left, just like the cop always fails to notice the obscene speeder.

Swearing and I have a long history together.  I remember the first time I ever said the word ‘fuck’ in front of my dad.  Bees.  It was the bees’ fault.  I’m terrified of bees.  And some bees showed up.  So I said ‘fuck’ to the bees.  ‘Never say that word again’, he commanded.  He never commanded.

Well to be sure, it wasn’t the first time.  You can say something without actually saying it (‘I’m sorry’ comes to mind pretty quickly).  I don’t remember the context exactly, but I remember there was some space-Lego involved.  I said a word that I shouldn’t have said.  My dad sternly asked ‘what did you say?’ and I said ‘nothing’.   You can say something without actually saying it.

I used to have a lot of parties in high school at my Dad’s house.  He never seemed to mind the underage drinking, the drugs and the sex, but he hated the swearing.

Of course the irony is that whenever I swear in front of him now, he giggles like a schoolgirl.  TV’s Patrick Duffy once summarized growing up as first being told that you can’t swear in front of your dad, then eventually moving to the point where you swear with him.  Right again, TV’s Patrick Duffy!

Once I was suspended from high school for saying ‘fuck’ to a teacher.  Of course she also said ‘fuck’, and wasn’t punished.  Zero tolerance is a funny fucking concept.  As a joke, during that suspension a friend gave me a copy of George Carlin’s ‘Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television’.

Years later, you still can’t say these words on television, and apparently not in a coffee shop either.  But why?

For some, it’s the word itself that is offensive.  This has always perplexed me, because I have never been able to understand how someone could be offended by the word ‘shit’, but not offended by the word ‘poop’.  Obviously they have different euphonic characteristics.  But we can’t reduce swearing to euphonics or level of euphemism.

Similarly, as a child, my best friend’s baby brother would entertain an always increasing number of people by improperly yet hilariously saying “fox”.   He never said ‘fuck’, but it sure sounded like it!

For others, it’s not the word, but the thing that is offensive.  And the thing must be the profane, the taboo.  In European languages, it’s holy or sacred language that represents the taboo.  Over here it is sex and pooping.  With this in mind, it’s easy to see how a French George Carlin might not have been as funny.

Maybe I’ve been in grad school for too long, but I can’t help but put a patriarchal spin on this issue.  When swearing using terms that otherwise refer to genitalia, the woman’s is much more offensive than the man’s is.  Calling someone a ‘dick’ doesn’t really mean anything anymore.  Same goes with ‘asshole’. Although I haven’t seen the show in decades, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve both made it into the regular rotation on Sesame Street.

• ‘Hey Bob, you’re a dick!’: doesn’t really offend anyone.
• ‘Hey Bob, you’re a cunt!’: now that’s practically grounds for a jail sentence.

Something tells me though that if we had a different name for women’s rear ends, then there would be a word much more offensive than plain-Jane ‘asshole’.

The thing is, people swear.  And like so many other things, it’s not the practice but the prohibition which constitutes the problem.  Of all of the things we have at our disposal to censor – hate speech quickly comes to mind – swearing ought to be the least of our concerns.  One of the most refreshing things that could have ever happened in my life was to meet relatives outside of the typical family settings – the Christmases, the Easters – and learn that they swear like normal people.

To conclude, I wish I could let the lady at the coffee shop know that I don’t particularly enjoy swearing in front of children.  I certainly do not plan to make a habit of it anytime soon.  But you have to admit, being against swearing is pretty fucking stupid.

This man and many like him are actually politically commentators. The political and religious establishment permit them because. as with pop singers, they consider them to be disposable and quickly forgotten.

Sadly we lost George a little while ago, but I do encourage you to listen and learn.

Think between the lines