It’s the 2009 Year Ender Episode with not two… not seven… but FOUR Komikeros at the microphones.  Listen to EJ, Alex, John, and Migs recount the year’s best and worst comic moments, single issues, moments, and of course, ongoing titles.  Enough with the preamble — this episode’s jam-packed, so get to listening!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!

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Here are 5 things that made me laugh the hardest during the past 10 years:

In no particular order:

I found the series of GI Joe videos during my 4th year of university, when Ebaumsworld was big. My friends wouldn’t stop saying “Porkchop Sandwiches” or “Help Computer” for a really long time.

While this particular clip probably isn’t one of the funniest clips of the past decade, it is representative of Anchorman as my choice for funniest movie of the past 10 years. As this also came out during my senior year of university, I had to move into the library under Schmon Tower at Brock University to get anything done. I sang “Afternoon Delight” at at least one party. In no way is that depressing.

Definitely the funniest folk parody duo of the past 10 years, the Flight of the Conchords produced some of the most smartly written singing comedy that I had ever heard. They even inspired some of my own work.

Arrested Development is my choice for funniest show of the past decade. I personally find George Michael to be the funniest character, but it’s pretty hard to choose.

And finally, love him or hate him, there was this:

Agree? Disagree?

Honourable Mention

Dwight Schrute, Dick in a Box, Robert Goulet, Superbad, Total Eclipse of the Heart, End of Ze World

*Update for 12/21/09*

Restock!

Hot Toys The Dark Knight Two-Face/Harvey Dent

Hot Toys Goemon the MOVIE:
Goemon Ishikawa
Goemon Saizo
Goemon ChaCha Asia

Hot Toys Resident Evil 5
Chris Redfield BSAA version

Sideshow G.I.JOE
Cobra Commander Cobra Officer

Sideshow Star Wars
Stormtrooper
Utapau Trooper

DID WWII
Heinz Guderian

1st comic I read in my life. Circa 1990.

Por: Johnny E. Cortés/Michael Negrón

Llega el viernes y con éste el episodio número 21 del podcast de PSNPR.com, Yo Soy PlayStation. En este episodio como siempre discutimos las noticias de la semana con el sabor criollo que nos caracteriza. Así que les invitamos a que nos escuchen, nos envíen sus preguntas y comentarios y si quieren también nos pueden decir lo basura que somos. Por favor recuerden evaluarnos en iTunes si disfrutaron de nuestras locuras y se rieron al menos una vez. A continuación los show notes de esta semana:

INTRO

• Presentación de participantes

• VGA’s
• Resultados- Killzone 2 Gamer Night
• Resultados de Encuesta de la Semana- PSN GOTY

• Feedback del episodio anterior

¿QUÉ ESTAMOS JUGANDO?

• Borderlands- S3phiroth2006
• MW2 Multiplayer, Killzone 2, Pixeljunk Shooter, Dante’s Inferno Demo- Mngavis, GI JOE Movie
• Borderlands – Skycrawler1138
• Gatonejo

RELEASES DE LA SEMANA

• PS3

• PSP

PSN

• • Final Fantasy VIII – $9.99
  • Demo de Army of Two: The 4oth Day
  • Demo de GT5
  • Rock Band DLC- Green Day 3-pack, 30 Seconds 2 Mars & All-American Rejects
  • Beatles Rock Band Rubber Sould Album DLC
  • Brutal Legend DLC- Hammer of Infinite Fate- $4.99

NOTICIAS DE LA SEMANA

• Uncharted 2 GOTY @ VGA’s
• Green Day Rock Band
• Batman: Arkham Asylum 2
• Singstar New Store directo del XMB
• Rumor: PSN ya no será gratis
• Update para Borderlans coming soon
• Borderlands vende 2 millones worldwide
• Blu-Ray 3D anunciado para 2010.
• Experimento “Salado” en Home
• PSP Comics disponible YA!
• Life w/Playstation con trailers de juegos
• LBP DLC con agua y trofeos nuevos
• Nuevo approach a los trofeos en Heavy Rain

TEMA: Final Fantasy

CIERRE

• Club Platino
• Comunidad
• Clasificados
• Artículos de la Semana
  • Encuesta
• iTunes
• Playfire
  • Clan: PlayStation Puerto Rico – PSNPR
• Twitter
  • PSN_PuertoRico
• Facebook
  • Grupo: PlayStation Network – Puerto Rico
  • Fan Page: PSN Puerto Rico

BAJAR EPISODIO (Right Click and Save As)

• Formato MP3
• Formato Ogg

SUSCRIBIRSE A NUESTRO PODCAST

This is the same post that I shared on Facebook and LinkedIn a couple of months ago, but wanted to archive it here on my blog.

A shameless plug for my interview with the BRAND SHOW’s podcast (Oct 2009):

http://www.thebrandshow.com/2009/10/us-army-makes-hollywood-brand-ally.html

When Reese’s Pieces lured a shy little alien from the bushes in the 1982 blockbuster E.T., sales for the bite-size candy shot through the roof. Fast forward to the summer of 2009: the aliens are much, much bigger and so is the opportunity for brands that appear in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Like other brands featured in the film, The United States Army takes its screen time seriously. Lieutenant Colonel Gregory Bishop , Branded Entertainment Liaison for the U.S. Army, joins The Brand Show to offer his perspective on the value of entertainment as a branding vehicle. The seasoned officer discusses his organization’s role in film and television projects including G.I. Joe and Army Wives.

Listen as Lt. Col. Bishop talks with our hosts from Two West about:

• The process of choosing projects that fit a brand’s strategic objectives.
• How the U.S. Army measures the effectiveness of branded entertainment.
• The delicate balance between creative storytelling and authentic messaging.

http://www.thebrandshow.com/2009/10/us-army-makes-hollywood-brand-ally.html

GI Joe, Transformers 2 and a few others have a more severe DVD protection system than others. This protection system (Made by Sony, called ARCCOSS) usually creates fake tracks (up to 99) on the DVD, and in some cases scrambles the scene order to trick DVD conversion tools such as DVD Catalyst. These DVDs also have issues on some stand-alone DVD players as well.
Installing the (free) DVD Catalyst Boosterpack can make some of these DVDs work, but the best way is to install a trial version of AnyDVD or to rip the problematic DVD to your harddisk with dvdfab

Only a very small percentage of DVDs have these issues.

Troops, Crew, Tanks, Bumblebee - Copyright 2009 - Paramount Pictures/Dreamworks Studios

The conversation usually goes something like this…

“So Greg, what do you do?”
“I’m in the Army,” I reply.
“Really? Huh…in the Army…what are you doing here in Los Angeles? I didn’t know they had any Army in LA.”
“Well, I have one of the coolest jobs in the Army…I work in the Army Entertainment Office.”

…and then it comes…”You do WHAT for the Army?” ….if I only had a nickle…

Yes, the Army is in Hollywood…and we have been for about 60 years. But before you think, “well, that makes sense…war movies, right?” We’re actually much more than war movies.

The United States Army is arguably one of the oldest brands in the country, and one of the most recognized brands (for better or worse) around the world. While most people know the Army has Public Affairs personnel, the folks who interact with the news media, few people are aware of the Army’s entertainment office…even though most of you have seen our work.

Our mission statement includes “…educate the American people and global audiences on the U.S. Army’s mission, capabilities and values through entertainment media.”

We are the gateway between the entertainment industry and the U.S. Army. We’re located in Los Angeles (same building and just a few floors below Showtime) and we work on entertainment projects ranging from the “Armed Forces Week” on The Price is Right to major motion pictures like this year’s “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” and “GI Joe: Rise of Cobra.” We coordinate most of the military programming you see on Discovery Channel, Nat Geo, Military Channel, and any of the other scores of cable stations. We also work very closely with Lifetime TV’s hit show “Army Wives” and Electronic Arts‘ upcoming video game “Medal of Honor” that’s due out fall 2010. We’ve even supported cooking and baking shows highlighting Army cooks, style makeover shows for female Soldiers, home makeover shows for needy Soldiers and their families, and science and technology shows demonstrating existing and future Army technologies. So you can see, we cover a broad spectrum of entertainment media.

Bishop & Bay - Copyright 2009 Paramount Pictures / Dreamworks Studios

Support typically includes script reviews, location support, technical support, dialogue coaching, uniform/costume review, tactical consulting, equipment support, and generally doing what we can to help filmmakers and producers create entertainment projects that realistically or plausibly portray the Army and its Soldiers. We also work closely with the Army’s Accessions Command to develop “transmedia” opportunities that assist in their recruiting efforts, when possible.

Our office is very small, but an extremely effective asset in the Army’s communication strategy, reaching millions of people in our key audience segments…and it’s a blast!

ARMY STRONG!!!!

In the day, the Sear’s Wish Book was all my sister, brothers, and I needed to make our list of things we thought Santa should bring us. Like most every other kids in the world, it was more of a receive holiday than a give one. 

As we grow older, we tend to discover the true meaning of the holiday; that is, getting much more satisfaction from what we give — whether that be a gift or our time — than from what we receive. There are plenty of ways to show that true spirit. The Second Harvest Food Bank or any food bank (see food story above) always needs food and volunteers. And many organizations are still accepting toys for children who may not otherwise find much under the tree this year.

 

Nonetheless, if I were a kid today, I am sure my list would include some of the top selling toys of the season, according to Amazon and eBay.  Oddly enough, some of the things on those lists are the same toys we asked for when we were young: GI Joe, Barbie, and the Easy Bake Oven. Of course these days, I would also be looking for DJ Hero and the Roboni-i Programmable Gaming Robot under the tree for me. And my sister Sandy, adorably pictured above with me in the Picture of the Week, would no doubt want that Barbie to be the new Twilight Barbie.

 

But no matter what you end up giving and receiving this season, we want to wish you the happiest of holidays, and a wonderful new year!

My final wish — may there be peace on Earth.

10 Days or 242 Hours or 14,467 Minutes or 868,070 Seconds as of Monday (12/14/09) at 6:05am EST

Yes that is the Christmas countdown clock.  Retailers have just 10 short days to squeeze as much revenue out of the public as possible.  I am a big fan of spending time with my family for christmas and my 6-year-old was just telling me this past weekend that Christmas is about presents.

By the way there are only several buckets of presents you can fit into as a child today:

1. Video Gaming
2. Action Figures (Transformers, GI Joe, Batman, Cars, etc)
3. Legos (holy crap have you seen how many different types there are?)
4. Sports Stuff (Bicycle, Hockey, Basketball, Tiger killed Golf)
5. Misc. – Red Rider BB Gun and a NRA membership

The marketing around these toys is amazing.  Think of the transition of introducing the concept of an action figure from a comic book to a movie, then to a DVD, Then to a toy, and then to a collectable toy.  My son wanted the Batman Two Face LEGO Character for Christmas, well they do not make it any more, so the set is now $315 OR you can buy the small, little, tiny, will get lost in the vacuum figure for $50…are you serious?  What an amazing job creating so much demand that the supply can rival the price of fine jewelry.

Most toys being made these days start as comic book heros or Pixar Studio Ideas and then make their way to the production line.  Think about the movie Cars!

In its opening weekend, Cars grossed $75.1 million, lower than previous Pixar films such as The Incredibles and Finding Nemo. In the United States, the film held onto the number 1 spot for two weeks before being surpassed by Click and then by Superman Returns the following weekend. It went on to gross $461 Million worldwide (ranking number 6 in 2006 films) and $244,082,982 in the United States . It was the highest-grossing animated film of 2006 in the United States.

Estimates from the New York Daily News indicate that sales of Cars merchandise two weeks out from the release of the film amounted to US$600 Million. Estimates put out in November by the Walt Disney Company peg total sales for the brand at around $1 Billion…And Growing!

The Merchandising of the movie made double the amount of revenue than the movie and it continues to grow.  There is also another Cars movie being made with new characters, which means new merchandise.

So what controls movie creation these days?  Story or Merchandising?

G.I.JOE ROLLING THUNDER

People would definitely get the hell out of your way if you were cruising this beast to work! Think of the night you and your boys would have with a night on the town driving this monstrosity! Boy would i love to take this thing for a spin on public roads, the police would be shitting bricks…

OK- it’s been months- literally, but I’ll try to post a bit more as the days leading up to the new year pass along. For now, let me tell you a tale, about a mother. One that is very proud, but very silly, concerning her youngest boy. This boy tells his mom about a charity auction that he’s doing art work for. One that is selling signed drawings by various artists to raise money for Breast Cancer research. (Can you tell where this is going?) He sends her a link so she can coo over the fact, but really so she can see the drawing he’s done for that charity auction. Think of it as an internet version of the fridge door, but no magnets necessary. She says to him- “How do I bid on that?”, to which he replies “You don’t. You’re my mom. You don’t need to buy my art, ’cause I can draw you whatever you want.”

She didn’t listen- sigh. How embarrassing is this? Her justification? Because I never sign anything I give her- but this was guaranteed to have a signature. Argh.

Mom strikes again

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkJQ3seomLo[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2q_OQvnTQ1M[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1GAT7xq4h4[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JINouZY95pg[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npHoQWyohxw[/youtube]

Sideshow just posted the 360 degree view of their upcoming 1:6 scale figure from the G.I. Joe line, Firefly. This is a great looking figure, and i’ll most likely be adding it to my 1:6 collection. What do you think about it? Check out the link below the screen cap for the Quicktime file, where you can view the figure in 360 degrees of awesomeness.

http://www.sideshowtoy.com/mas_assets/mov_qtvr/2616-QTVR.mov

The Exclusive version is on Wait List only; however, you can still order the regular version.

As the end of year draws ever closer its time to look back on what the world of cinema has given us (well, more namely me since I’m only really going to look at the films I actually bothered to go and see) in 2009. Its had its ups and downs, but was 2009 overall a hot year for movie goers or a complete dud? Well there’s only one way to find out…

January gave us a good start to the year with Taken starring Liam Neeson. The story of a former Central Intelligence Agency paramilitary operative who sets about tracking down his teenage daughter after she is kidnapped by slave traders in Europe had a pretty sucessful box office run and showed us that Liam Neeson can be pretty badass when he wants to. Then in February we had the stop motion adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s novel “Coraline”, which was an enjoyable film but nothing groundbreaking in terms of stop motion or 3D film effects. However the clear winner of the year’s first quarter is the film adaptation of epic apocalyptic comic book Watchmen. Although not as well received, this film is on par, if not better than 2007’s The Dark Knight, doing justice to a book that was long considered “unfilmable”.

In the April-June period we got the critically panned (and yet I somewhat enjoyed it anyhow) Dragonball Evolution, based on the Dragonball manga franchise, along with X-Men Origins: Wolverine. My feelings are kind of mixed on this, because on one hand its a fairly decent popcorn flick for those who have very little knowledge of or interest in the comics, but since I am not one of those people I couldn’t get past its flaws (some of which should only be defined in the legendary fanboy nerd rage words of “raping my childhood”). We also got JJ Abram’s reinvention of the Star Trek franchise, which breathed new life into a series most non-geeks would previously have never touched with a ten foot pole. Perhaps one of the biggest releases of 2009 came in June in the form of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, sequel to the 2007 film which branded the toyline for a whole new generation of children worldwide. Despite being one of the highest grossing movies of the year, the film suffered average to extremely low critical reviews and was criticised by both movie goers and hardcore Transformers fans alike. I personally really enjoyed the film, but my longtime stance as a hardcore Transformers fan MIGHT make me just a little bit biased.

In June-September Sacha Baron Cohen returned to shock audiences and insult Americans once again with Bruno, and Harry Potter returned once again to take us into the wizarding world with The Half Blood Prince. In my opinion the weakest of the book series, the film did a pretty good job of covering the main story (unlike Order of the Phoenix which skipped half of it). Pity that story was over almost 2 hours of filler and then an extremely rushed ending. Hasbro (the toy company responsible for Transformers) gave us another slice of a reimagined toylines with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, which again proved to be excellent for mindless action and alot of explosions. Yes, I’m easily pleased. August gave us District 9, the story of an alien concentration camp which became an unexpected and the action packed if what somewhat historically innaccurate Inglourious Basterds, Quinton Tarrantio’s latest outing.

October-December so far has given us the zombie comedy Zombieland, the first real contender to the genre since Shaun of the Dead, more horror/torture porn with the what is most likely unnecessery SAW VI, Michael Jackson tribute This Is It and (terrible ) teen-girl vampire romance with The Twilight Saga: New Moon. We even got a Pixar double bill in the form of Up and a 3D re-release of the original Toy Story, which looked more beautiful than ever. But the big question is will the crowning moment of 2009 in film come next week with the hotly anticipated Avatar, the brainchild of acclaimed director James Cameron which has been over 10 years in the making.

Cinemas’ are preparing themselves for the 3D IMAX epic which will apparently change the way we visualise films forever. Cardiff Bay’s own Odeon cinema in the Red Dragon Centre is even getting its own IMAX screen in preparation for the film’s release. The film isn’t even out yet and it already has its critics, at which I point you towards an interesting article concerning whether CGI is ruining cinema. In the opinion of this writer, I don’t think Avatar is going to win any awards for story telling (Cameron himself has admitted the plot is basically “Dances with Wolves” in space, an issue that was humously addressed in South Park a few weeks ago), but from watching trailers alone it should prove to be a visual experience like no other. Hopefully that will entertain me, because as long as I’m entertained…the film makers’ are doing their job. And I think 2009  has done a pretty adequate job of that so far.

For the last release of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Special Edition and Blu-ray Edition DVD, use your DVD as a special trigger for Augmented Reality Combat Experience. This exclusive AR Experience is first time used as part of a bonus in a DVD.

I’m finally back with some cosplaying photos and this time it’s done by Alodia Gosiengfiao from the Philippines. This is one of the rare moments that make me a tad ‘bit’ proud of being a pinoy. Nevertheless, do enjoy the Cobra Baroness from GI Joe!

I admit it. When I was a kid I had bears. Not many but I had a few and even though I pride myself on being a “Tom Sawyer” type of kid who built tree houses, played “guns” in the woods and pledge allegiance to GI Joe and the defenders of freedom, I could not brave the night without a bear in the bed. Their non-blinking black eyes stood watch against C.H.U.D., Freddy and Jason who I knew lived across the hall in the guest bedroom. A skinny boy can rest easy knowing that furry warriors will stay up all night. You know they sleep when I was at school.

There was particular bear, however, that made question the comforts of the snuggly softness and cute demeanor. That was Axlon’s AG Bear; the bear who talked to you in robotic bear talk. If you know what I am talking about, consider yourself the minority because I have met no one who has a clue what I am talking about.

AG (Almost Grown) Bear is the brain child from the makers of Atari and the animatronics geniuses that made Chuck E. Cheese shows come to life. You would think that no matter what, this would be a hit with any kid. But no, kids were smarter than that. They new “WTF” when they saw it. Check it out below!

The only way I can describe AG Bear is by taking Anthony Daniels, putting him back into C3PO’s suit, bashing him in the head to the point of brain damage, cupping his robot mouth and making him repeat the ABC’s. Then we might be able to recreate AG’s voice.

The technology behind AG is a three-second delayed recording and playback so when you say something, AG merely repeats what you say but in a bear voice. It sounds cute in theory but in reality, it sounds as if Aunt Beatrix’s tracheotomy mic is low on batteries. Also, when you sleep and role over, expect to get a “WRAA RAA RA WAAA” so a kid has to sleep in the position of attention.

Here is an actual conversation from my first week back to school after the Winter break. AG bear was a new toy and I relied on him as an interactive friend. That’s what it said on the box!

ME- Hey AG!

AG- MRAA RA RA

ME- How are you today?

AG- WRA RA ROO RORAY?

ME- Ha! Ha! Glad to hear it.

AG- RA! RA! WROA OO RWAA AR

ME- I had a rough day, AG.

AG- WA RA WROUW RA

ME- Well, it all started when this kid who is in the fifth grade said I had a funny fa-

AG- WRA, A RAA RARAOW WROO ARROOO RA WRAAA ROO WROOAAAR WROA RAA

ME- Excuse me AG, I was in the middle of te-

AG- RAROOO RA RARA WO WRA ROOOROA RWRAOW

ME- WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU STUPI-

AG- WRAAA RAA RWWOOO RA WROOAR WRO RWAOAR ROO

ME- Not only are you rude but are you mocking me?

AG -RA RAAO ROOOROO RA ROAWR WRA ROO RARA?

ME- I AM GOING TO SHOOT YOU IN THE TEETH WITH MY FRICK-

AG- WRA A ROAWRA AO ROOOROOO RWAOR WO WRA RAORW RAOA

ME- YOU’RE GOING TO DIE BEAR!

AG- MWROA RAHA!#$%**%!  rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrweeeeeeeeeee

ME- (out of breath and rocking) hmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmm

AT least I didn’t have a My Buddy.

What? When did this happen? I am not going to say that I don’t like it, but what happened to, well, the year? I suppose there is no use in being upset by a year that when from zero to “Ba-Zing” so…let’s start the holiday off with a bang!

If the above image is confusing to you, then I guess you don’t have X-Entertainment.com in your life, and I am sad for you. Like a broken record, every year at the same time, I shout from the mountain tops to check out Matt’s famous site of all things great. So this year is no different. Make a point to click the link and take a fun trip, whether it is the blog or the wacky antics in the advent calender, I promise you’ll feel colors. Red and Green colors.

For the first official day of the 2009 Christmas season, I believe I will discuss the greatest memories I have and that is the countless hours spent browsing the Sears catalog, making a “wish list” and checking twice. Or three hundred times. Ok, five hundred. Whatever. Combing my memory, here are some great toys that even today, I wouldn’t mind having.

The USS FLAGG was the greatest toy a boy could have. It was like a toy for your toys. That didn’t make any sense, I know, but go with me here. It was so massive it required a permanent portion of a room. I had fantasies about this thing. I dreamed of being the kid that truly had the best gift every kid wanted and the massive amounts superficial friends I would acquire because of it. I dreamed of eating cheeseburgers on the deck while watching Thundercats. I dreamed of reenacting the opening scene of  Top Gun while humming the theme song. A kid can dream, can’t he? But sadly enough, it was a dream. Never had the damn thing.

Holy shit did I have a few of these. I think this was the present that all my relatives bought for me when I was six. It was as if everyone got a memo for that Christmas stating my aspirations to build a fleet for the Rebel Alliance. What ever the case, if you needed a Kenner X-Wing; I was your guy. The one thing I hated about this toy was the laser sound. It made a noise that would turn a cat inside out and explode. What ever that noise was, it was not a laser sound. Watch this below and see what I am talking about. “REEEEE”

Speaking of lasers, remember this awesomeness of awesome? The Hasbro Lazer Tag set was one of my most treasured Christmas gifts and even though I never found a kid in the neighborhood who had a set to compete with, I did enjoy shooting myself with the help of the bathroom mirror. The only thing I didn’t like about this was the noisy heartbeat sounds on the monitor. Made sneaking around pretty much impossible.

When I was searching for the perfect Transformer picture to rant and rave for the “must have” toy of the mid to late 80’s, I came upon this. Megatron. In an instant I was whisked off the couch back to 1987, sitting in my PJ’s on the blue carpeted den in Marietta, Georgia on Christmas morning. On my lap was this glorious purple box. When I took it out of the static clinging styrofoam I immediately began to “transform” the Rugger pistol into the nemesis of Optimus Prime, ignoring the pleads of my father not to force it. But before I knew it, I forced it, and hyper-extended it. I broke off the leg of Megatron. Though the disappointment was apparent, I still managed to enjoy it for what it was. God, I can still smell the pine, scotch tape and new plastic. Some nostalgia can rival any of Einstein’s greatest theories.

Pow Pow Power Wheels! Much like the dream of owning the USS Flagg, another pipe dream of mine was owning a set of Power Wheels. I had plenty of first grade daydreams of driving my Power Wheel Jeep to the store for my Mom or picking up my pal Toby and cruising to Showbiz Pizza and catching a Rock-A-Fire Explosion animatronic show. But it was not in the stars. But the next year I did car jack the neighbors daughter and take her Barbie Jeep around the block. That is until Mom found out and a foot chase issued. Turns out Power Wheels were a lot faster in my dreams. I was escorted by the elbow to a cell without dinner.

The WWF Wrestling Buddies were a big item for my friends and me. What toy could be better than an Ultimate Warrior a 75 pound kid can body slam? In fact, this pillow character above is directly responsible for a dislocated shoulder. I will just say the couch is not a platform for a pile driver. It’s embarrassing to admit losing a match to a half pound pillow. Even if it was this dude:

Yeah, would you mess with this guy? I didn’t think so.

Perhaps it was for a lack of siblings but I really wanted a bear that could read me bedtime stories and have conversations about Star Wars. This was the one time it was sociably acceptable to have a teddy bear as a boy. We all knew Christopher Robin was a pansy. But going through my old photos from my time home for Thanksgiving I found a troubling picture.

Ah shit. No wonder. I will leave it at that. No wonder.

Nothing will fuck a vacuum up like a Lite Brite peg. I know this from experience. But really, I have received this a couple of different times during Christmas and even though I understood the concept, I never made anything more than an illuminated Jackson Pullock. Seriously, if Lite Brite was an intelligence test, I would have scored somewhere between “cat with paintbrush in mouth” and “chimp with paint on it’s ass”. Meh, this was a shit gift.

No, I have never owned a Strawberry Shortcake doll but I have tried to eat one. Like you haven’t at least thought about it. But I can attest, it just tastes like plastic.

I believe this is a good way to wrap up this old Christmas-want article. The one, the only Castle Greyskull. Even my Grandmother knows what Castle Greyskull is. This magnificent play set was a Masters of the Universe staple in every snotty kid’s room. I was shit, I admit. I even had Skeletor’s Castle. In fact, there are fond memories of saying “boner” over the Doom microphone. I suppose you have to be eight to see the humor. I still cackle when I hear “boner”.

I hope some of my memories have brought up a few of yours. I know I can’t be alone in my head toy chest. Tis the season to be happy and these memories make me smile no matter where or when. Let’s kick off the X-Mas fun starting….right…….NOW!