There is only ONE blog about spec worth reading this summer and it is SPECSUCKS.   I am already feeling super smart just to not be around spec any more!

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What is vajazzling? Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Remember that toy, the Bedazzler…well, probably not if you have a scrotum. It was a device made so you could add rhinestones, glitter, glue and basically the entire store of Michael’s to your clothing so they could sparkle. Well, women have taken this trend down south…

Personally, I’m not a fan of cooters to begin with, sorry ladies. However, does adding accessories to your vagina make it prettier? I vote no. It also sounds rather painful. From what I hear, the vagina goes through enough pain as it is. Do you really want to add the possibility of getting a gem lodged in your lady parts to that? Have fun explaining that one to the gyno!

A lot of celebrities are getting on the vajazzle train, including Jennifer Love Hewitt. She recently joked about it on ‘Chelsea Lately’ stating, “There’s not much to do when you’re home alone.”

To prevent Miss Hewitt from risking injury to her lady parts, I’ve compiled a list of alternatives so that she doesn’t hurt herself:

1. Read Mindy Kaling’s book, “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me…And Other Concerns”
2. Rehearse for your show….where you play a prostitute
3. Play with your cat
4. Your animal cat, not the one you already play with
5. Disappear

All are much safer than crystallizing your kitty.

Now, boys, this begs the question. Would you pidazzle your penis?

I beg of you, PLEASE DON’T!

I don’t think anyone would think a dick with googly eyes and pipe cleaner hanging from it would be sexy. Just stay away! The girls have a flat canvas to work off of if they really want to risk an injury….ours is not as easy to work with.

However, you should take proper care of that area. I’m a huge advocate for manscaping. Nothing is grosser than a jungle of public hair. A person’s first thought when they pull down your pants shouldn’t be, “Did I roll a 5 or an 8 in Jumanji?”

I personally go with the shaved look. It’s easy to keep up with and an all around nice look. I shave every two days using a Gillette Fusion Razor. Shave in the opposite direction of hair growth and remember to use moisturizer. A nicely groomed “area” is always best…trust me, my boyfriend’s is in immaculate condition and I’m very happy with it.

Well, not that you all know my boyfriend and I shave our balls and my thoughts on butterfly bedazzled boxes, I think my work here is done for this week.

So keep it tidy down there, no one likes a mess

Written By: Jake Verterano

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- The Texas Rangers and the San Francisco Giants both advanced to the MLB World Series, beating the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies, two of my least favorite teams. I just want to give a classy shout-out to the guys in New York and Philly for their hard-fought efforts this season. So here goes… NANA NANA BOO BOO!!!! YOU LOST, LOSERS!!

- I almost never stay up late enough to watch it live, but I seriously love Jimmy Fallon’s iteration of Late Night on NBC**. It’s like watching an enthusiastic little kid sometimes.

- Back to the Yankees losing***… How awesome was it to see the Rangers players celebrate their victory in the ALCS with ginger ale, instead of champagne and beer, out of respect for Josh Hamilton’s battle against alcoholism?! Seriously, once the Braves were eliminated, I was pulling for them anyways, but that just totally sealed the deal.

* This post is not sponsored by Gillette. But Gillette, if you’re reading this, and you’d like to send me some money, I will hawk your products fervently.

** This post is also not sponsored by Jimmy Fallon or NBC, but, again, if you’re reading this, and you’d like to send me some money, I promise to mention you in every post for a year.

*** This post is also not sponsored by the New York Yankees. However Yankees, if you’re reading this, and you’d like to send me a check, I’ll post a video to YouTube of me burning the check****, and then write about you losing again.

**** This will happen after I deposit the check.

As I was collecting things for my trip to California and New Jersey, I noticed that I was out of razor blades. But, as you know, these aren’t just ANY razor blades. These are the Gillette Fusion Power blades. When I hold that new pack of cartridges in my hand, I can just FEEL the power pulsing through me. These blades are so special, that you need assistance getting them off the rack (OK, it’s for theft purposes, but just indulge me).

To the right of my blades sat the dainty lady razors. They have such pretty names. Then, like a siren call, the Gillette Venus Embrace appeared. There was a halo of light that surrounded it. It even cast its loving glow on a can of Gillette SatinCare for Sensitive Skin. Some kind of drug store angels sang and the Walgreen’s lady who has an accent I can’t quite place said, “are you getting that for you?” (I know I have long hair but COME ON) After a decidedly awkward pause, she corrected herself and asked, “your wife?” I nodded in relief and then went to the counter to pay with pride. As I walked out the door, I took a deep breath and smiled because I knew that I would no longer have to endure the torture that is my wife using my razor.

I lovingly placed these gifts on the counter of our bathroom, then went to my car to drive to the airport. I’m not sure what her reaction was upon seeing this bounty. But, rest assured, there is no way that I’m ever using her very girly razor — not even if I had to shave with it in an emergency.

I’d rather have a goofy looking beard.

I love my Gillette Fusion Power razor. It is easily the best shave I have ever had. Tiger Woods uses it. Roger Federer uses it. Theirry Henry uses it. I fancy myself athletic and it makes me feel good to know that I am in the same company as these greats. I can see one of these guys happily getting the closest shave because it truly is “The Best A Man Can Get.” What I can’t see is Elin Woods or Mirka Federer grabbing this wonderful implement for men and using it on their legs.

There are plenty of lady products out there. They HAVE their own, special, dainty razors that are meant for them. In fact, the good people at Gillette created Gillette Venus. The close Fusion Power equivalent is the Venus Vibrance: 3-blades, Moisture-Glide Strip and battery-powered for the smoothest shave around. It is a delight.

So, why on earth did Sweetie think it was OK to use my wonderful razor on her legs this morning?

As I was bumbling about, I heard a buzz from the shower. I had no idea what it was until I walked in and saw my Fusion Power razor floating around the shower like a wind-up toy. At first, I thought I had left it on. But, I hadn’t showered yet. I walked into the nursery and just stood there. Wifey looked at me with those delightful “who me?” eyes. I asked, “did you use my razor on your legs?”

After a brief pause, and a sheepish grin, she admitted to this egregious faux-pas. Her first line of defense was, “well, I didn’t use it on my bikini.” Ew. That doesn’t help.

Then, she proceeded to tell me that it was the best shave she’d ever had and encouraged me to feel her smooth legs. I was still in shock as I held my razor and said simply, “this is the best a MAN can get. Nowhere does it say ‘The Best A Woman Can Get’.” Granted, I was very pleased that Gillette was able to give my wife a delightful shave. But, I am going to treat her to the Venus Vibrance so she can see the folly of her way.

Suffice to say, I changed the cartridge.