In other “Given-Up” news, I have bee looking for a very particular cellphone charm for a while, almost a month to be honest.  NO ONE had it, at all.  I could see stores that were sold out and other people that quite literally “made their own” version of the same item.  I was tired and eventually figured that something made over two years ago was just not up for sale anymore.  So, a few days later, while looking at wallpapers for the show, I was stunned.  It was there, I had found one, it was much more expensive than the other version but, I figured I could save myself from buying it all together.  That’s right, I asked for it for Valentines Day.  The lucky buyer of the charm ended up being none-other-than Cardi herself.

It’s good to give up, sometimes getting sad about something not only shows that you care but, also that when it does happen it’s just that much better.

Don’t forget to “Give Up” every once and a while,

-Veronica

I posted late last year about my “need” to get promoted, and be the best I can at work, at all times.  I told you how I’d applied for a job and the recruiter has taken over a month to offer interviews or not.  The job application closed at the start of October. It’s now January and it’s still not gone to interview. I gave up on that job early December. This post isn’t about that job as such. More any job.

Before maternity leave I was in a few talent programmes at work. My managers had always supported and challenged me with projects and tasks. For the past 7 years, since moving on from my first post in the company I have never done my job, I’ve always acted in the position above or been on projects for senior management. I thrived on the challenge and being the best I could be.  My last post before maternity leave was working with level 2, 3 and 4 managers and treated as an equal. I was influential in resourcing decisions and was the subject matter expect on our forecasted demand. This was my favourite job to date. I worked from home and was basically left to it. So long as the work got done, so long as I attended and chaired the conference calls as needed, I worked whatever hours I liked. Granted I was contracted to do 36 hours a week not including lunch, and sometimes I’d do 50 hours, others 30. It worked for me, it worked for my boss, it worked for our customers.

When I went on maternity leave, I dispersed my tasks across the management team. Each one, taking on a small part of it. This of course, in a company and industry driven by cost, meant I was a headcount reduction. My role no longer existed.  When I came back after less than 6 months leave, I was placed, without choice, in a new role. A technical level job, Configuring and deconfiguring circuits on systems.  I’m now a “desk monkey” clicking, copying, pasting all day. Following set processes. Working through queues of jobs.

This is a desk monkey job. This is not me.  It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to do, I can do it. Easily. I excel at it. This job sits better on my CV 5 years ago. I’ve taken huge steps backwards in my career because I took 5.5 months out to start a family.

I had a good bitch to a couple of senior managers about it. There’s nothing they can do.  I’m needed where I am, and without a job coming up, me getting and passing an interview, being offered and accepting a job… there’s no way out.  This is in a company that’s constantly challenging its headcount, and where managers cost way more than team members, so they’re reducing the number of managers.

Here I am, a no-body for the first time in years, a desk monkey, working 8.30-5 every day, on queues, hoping for a promotion. Who am I kidding? Well, not me, not anymore.  I’ve given up. I’ve applied for four promotions since October. I’ve had two  No’s before interview “more experienced candidates were interviewed” and I’m still waiting to hear if I have an interview for the other two.

Maybe I should concentrate on being a mother outside of work. Maybe I should appreciate the fact that for the first time in years, when it hits 5pm I can walk out of the office and go and get my girl. Appreciate the fact no one expects me to go above and beyond. Accept the Generally Satisfactory scoring on my quarterly reviews instead of outstanding or excellent. After all, this is what they expect of me. My “priorities should have changed” they said, and they have, I put my daughter in fulltime nursery at 4 months old and my GOD I wanted to make that worthwhile. Do her proud.  It seems now isn’t the time though. I should do my 8.30-5 job, plodding along, accepting the vanilla blandness that is my working life.

Nothing special here. No ambition. No drive. Just a desk monkey.

I started all this around 20th July, so that’s two months.

If I’d given up smoking, drinking or drugs for two months I’d be ecstatic, but I think I may have de-porn’d this long before, so no cause for celebration yet.

Having said that, my therapist was very complimentary to me

And I am determined in the same way as giving up smoking. I occasionally (and it’s far less frequent than it was) get the desire for some and here’s what i do:
1. Get a desire for porn (or is it a desire to masturbate)?
2. Recognise and think about it for a second
3. Determine that I have done well and do not want to fall back into it
4. Feel really disappointed that I can’t indulge (just like I did when quitting smoking)
5. Determine, I will wait one hour and see how I feel then
6. Fill the immediate time with some productive activity
7. Almost every time many hours go by before I remember what I’d decided at [5], by which time the desire has passed

I’m lucky, in that I have permissible erotic material I can enjoy. This is footage of myself and my lover. I have video footage of a number of scenes and she has now become my fantasy outlet exclusively

(Should i post some clips here?)

OK. Two months is pretty good

But, I’ll start smiling when it gets to 6 months and I’ll seriously believe I can do this on 21 July 2012

Are you looking in your mirror,
suddenly remembering me?
I’m on my second coffee by now,
eating the little bits of sugar in my cup.
Haven’t you even set out yet?
I decide I don’t want to see you after all.
I don’t really like you.
Id rather be on my own.
I know it is all over between us,
but I go on sitting here,
reading a newspaper,
not understanding a word.
If you came now, I wouldn’t recognise you.
Don’t come anywhere near me
until I have gone slightly mad for love of you.

If you had to guess from any musical act in the world that you thought would choose to cover this song live, few, if any would have picked Linkin Park but its hard to believe if there is any other musical act in the world that could have done a better job.

Coming from the singer who has sung the lyrics ‘Shut up when I’m talking to you’, ‘You try to take the best of me, go away’ and ‘Put me out of my F****** misery’ you would half expect a mellow and emotionally driven song like ‘Rolling In The Deep’ to loose its meaning behind such a Rock ‘n’ Roll singer like Chester Bennington but the passion in his voice gets more and more evident the longer you listen and there’s no denying how well the vocals connect with Mike Shinoda’s piano backing.

Below is Chester’s performance of ‘Rolling In The Deep’ live at the iTunes Festival, London on July 4th 2011. And below it is the original song, written by Adele.

Thank you Adele and THANK YOU Chester.

Old time Linkin Park rockers looking for the screaming, nu metal riffs and rap interchanging lyrical sounds that made Hybrid Theory and Meteora the genre busting must have albums of the new Melina read no further.. The crushing guitars, powerful vocals and unique scratching that made Linkin Park the popularly rebellious rock band at the start of the decade are long gone.

The dust has settled and now from the slightly tamer sound that was ‘Minutes to Midnight’ has emerged – A Thousand Suns.

Raging synths, haunting piano riffs and electronically enhanced vocals are all apparent on this album; this is like nothing you’ve ever heard before. The first two ‘songs’ open up the gateway almost as if the beginning of a journey through this new genre of sound and musical direction. This is where we hear the vocal’s familiar to us from The Catalyst that introduce us to ‘A Thousand Suns’

When we get to ‘When they come for me’ the mellow vocals that begin the album get twisted around and we get the recognizable sound of Mike Shinoda’s rapping, as always the lyrics are clever and deliver a message to the critics – ‘Everybody wants the next thing to be just like the last’ indicating that this is a new direction they are taking and any fans hopes of them producing music like there nu metal past are not going to happen. There is a hint however of some of that raging energy from the past in the song ‘Blackout’ where we hear Chester screaming/raping some explicit lyrics, this is somewhat an energy boost to the journey of A Thousand Suns and when we get to ‘Wretches and Kings’ there is clearly something different yet familiar about the way Mike and Chester interchange lyrics over the thumping baseline and scratching of Joe Hahn.

The Catalyst is played near the end of the album and is clearly the most commercially friendly track of them all, after this, the last song ‘The Messenger’ feels a little bit lost; an acoustic guitar riff sung over by Chester is warming to the ear but doesn’t find a musical connection to everything we have just heard. A disappointing ending to their fourth record but perhaps instead of an ending, it’s a sign of things to come?

This album has received criticism because there are no more than nine what you would call ‘full length songs’ but from the start Mike Shinoda stated that this was a concept album, the idea behind A Thousand Suns was creating a unique genre of music, mixing the energy of previous albums with a completely re-generated and un-heard of sound, leaving behind the past and taking a new direction. It’s clear to say that in most parts they have achieved this, with the exception of a few tracks that appear to be a carry on from Minutes to Midnight; this is like nothing you would have heard of before on a record. Linkin Park have become a sound in their own right, a band not satisfied with what they are used to but a band that has stepped into the unknown and perhaps opened up a new avenue of music for the future.

By Matthew Trevett

Music or Art?

Is there a miracle? I think not. Because God had given it when it is, but I wasted it. Again.

Well, the day will come to me. So, could i pass the ‘TEST’? or i just thrown away my project and become a loser? hmm don’t know yet the answer.

i’m waiting on a cloud

i see a door

.

i move closer

one becomes three

.

i begin to wonder

which one to open

,

now another row’s behind them

.

.

.

one, has me mesmerized

it looks wise, worn wood

in my gaze, the word HABIT appears

it opens, ajar

.

i begin to move into it

before i realize this is where i am,

i freeze

standing, thinking, excitement prevails

in

an

instant i am anxious, afraid

fearful as to what comes next

.

.

i’m in my bedroom

all i see are the piles

clothes, enveopes to file, envelopes

to PAY NOW that had been left, always

on the top, so i’ll pay…

but now,

all i see is old,

yellowing,

how tired they look, they have given up

on me

i didn’t care enough to

hang up the dress jacket,

or stick the card i bought from MOMA

in a frame

.

.

i tire.

i need to sit.

i need to release the tension from my room.

.

i look around me, i see

the depression glass emeral green vanity tray,

the noritake candy dish that holds the pink ostrich

feather that gathers dust, two sterling button hooks,

pyramid shaped rocks, and the porcelain japanese hat-pin holder

all sitting ‘Just So’

this is a comfortable place

a memory of a time, a place, a circumstance

when i was last happy

with myself

.

.

a back door falls off it’s hinges

PROCRASTINATE begins to disappear

but now a wall appears

the arched opening commands attention

a cloud sign reads SURROUND YOURSELF WITH BEAUTY

.

to my right, a mausoleum

as i walk through it’s hallway,

i notice little doors, drawers really

they are lettered; pay, return form, cancel, throw away,

make appointment, call, send

.

this is my wall of procrastination and guilt

none of the door’s sit on the floor off it’s hinges

.

i will look again, tomorrow, it is getting late

.

as i leave, i see one larger door,

it reads

FEAR

it looks like a mood ring changing colours

as my emotions change

.

.

i tire.

i need to sit.

i need to release the tensions from that resting place.

.

as i walk away

i remember the lace that graced my dressing table

and the tablature, my shrine, is remembered

.

i smile.

i smile for holding that memory,

i smile for the one i’ve yet to create

.

.

three cherub muses encircle me

to tell me when a door has fallen,

these muses are named INITIATE, DISCIPLINE and

STRIVE

.

.

i have much to learn,

but it’s good to know that i have chrub muses

to guide me through these doors and other things to open

.

.

-dld o2.o2.11-

___________________________

the muse is in, prompt # 109

Two-time independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader hammered President Obama on Tuesday for his “remarkable political, moral and strategic weakness” in brokering a tax deal with Republicans.

“It has become a widely-noticed habit of yours [Obama's] to concede or to adopt both the Republican terms of policymaking and Republican policies and programs,” Nader wrote in a letter to the president. “For many of your 2008 voters, this [deal] will indeed be the last straw for any active support they might have considered providing you … [and] will signal even greater capitulations to the Republicans during the next two years.”

The details are not the issue anymore. Nor is the GOP agenda, or the components of the latest deal. The people chose a leader in ’08 – that proved inept.

More.

How I can sleep on a lack of something I don’t know.

To be honest with you, I just want a cookie and a cup of tea. Which means I need milk, and a kettle, and no fear of having the milk stolen. Then a clean cup and spoon, and sugar. And a cookie.

Now I feel like giving up.

Its the same old story
and you’ve heard it all before
If I tell you one more time
you will only start to snore

Do you ever listen?
I doubt you have good ears
I may be blind, but I am not deaf
I’ve heard too much throughout the years

There’s no point in my complaining
I’m fed up listening to my own voice
If you haven’t got the message yet?
Shutting ups my only choice!

If I should keep my silence
Perhaps you’ll hear then what I say?
Because shouting from the roof tops
Only blew my words away!

I have gone beyond frustration
concussed my head of the brick wall
There is only so much a guy can take
before the writings on the Wall!

Rod Macfarlane