There are many things I like about riding the bus, but I think these are my three favorite things to do when riding the bus.

Eavesdrop

Eavesdropping is one of the greatest pleasures on the bus.  Those small snippets of conversation give you a peek into another person’s day or give you something to wonder about.

Sometimes you need to listen carefully and sometimes you cannot help but hear the conversations of strangers.

While riding the bus I’ve heard couples fighting, vacation plans being made, someone calling in “sick” to work, a woman bragging about her upcoming plastic surgeries (“I’m getting everything taken care of at once”), college students chatting excitedly about their new classes, and a price negotiation over drugs.

I shared a story here about listening to a phone conversation on the bus (turns out another rider was as well).   Admit it, you like eavesdropping too!

Giving Directions

I am not sure why, but I love being able to give people directions while on the bus, especially out-of-towners.  Anytime I see someone with a suitcase and a map I’m ready to spring into action.

I’ll never forget the time I gave a couple of business men from Texas, “just in town for a conference”, directions to Powell’s Books .  We were on the streetcar in downtown Portland, making small talk on the way to our destinations and as the streetcar entered the South Park Blocks, tall trees lining the busy Portland State University campus, they both fell silent, looking amazed at the scenery.  And I fell even more in love with Portland.

Reading  

Riding the bus means I’ve got quiet time for reading built into my day. On my way to and from work I have a half-hour or so to get lost in a novel or catch up magazine articles. I’ve read many a book on the bus, I just finished The Wishing Year and now I am reading The Outlander.

I always have something to read with me, I even have criteria for what I carry.  It has to be light weight, a paperback book or magazine do nicely, it cannot be something I’d be sad to lose should I happen to leave it behind and it should not require intense concentration.

Reading can be a good way to start a conversation.  Maybe you’ve read a common book, like I did here with someone who had read My Stroke of Insight or, if it’s a book you are curious about, a great opportunity to ask how the book is.

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Students praised the course and instructors.

“Negotiation  Exercise, Very  educational!”

“Despite  personal  reservations  about  role   playing,  this  was  very  helpful!”

“Had  to  reverse  my  opinion  on  role  playing, it  was  a   good  exercise  and  I  learned  a  lot.”

“Excellent  experience!”

“The  topics,  materials,  and  exercises  were  very  relevant  to  my  work  and  how  I  need  to  be  thinking  about  negotiation.  I  enjoyed  the   instructors’  teaching  styles  and  benefitted  from  their  experience.  I’m  going  to  go  back  and  encourage  others  in  my  organization  to   take  this  class!  Thank  you.”

Notes:

• There is no Advanced lesson avaiable.

Lesson Plans:

• Office Directions – Beginner
• Office Directions – Intermediate

Let me know if you need any help in using it.

Learn or revise all the basics for giving directions in English:

1. on the left
2. on the right
3.straight ahead
4. next to
5. opposite
6. go alone
7. turn left
8. turn right
9. walk straight on

You have some real outdoor situations and then they work on them in the studio, with subtitles and clear language, so everybody can understand.

From:> http://www.multimedia-english.com/

Learn or revise all the basics for giving directions in English:

1. on the left
2. on the right
3.straight ahead
4. next to
5. opposite
6. go alone
7. turn left
8. turn right
9. walk straight on

You have some real outdoor situations and then they work on them in the studio, with subtitles and clear language, so everybody can understand.

From:> http://www.multimedia-english.com/

A good agreement can be undermined if those who must implement it don’t appreciate its value or know what do do about it.  One of the reasons some environmental agreements we studied were not fully implemented is that those who needed to carry them out were never told the agreements had been reached!

Here are a few questions to ask yourself and the other parties when you are bringing the negotiation to a close:

1) Do I and the other parties know what concrete steps we are supposed to take to implement the agreement?

2) Have we identified the people–or parts of the organization–who will carry out the agreement?

3) Do we have a plan for explaining the agreement to the others in our organization or to our constituents?

4) Are there implementation milestones built into the agreement and do we know how those will be reported?

A plan for implementation should be part of the agreement.

Today’s blog will be different. I’d like to say that today’s extra long thoughts du jour are a result of me having spent the last month working extra hard on it*, but really I was…busy.

And so, like the creative person I am, I’ve come up with what I think is a beyond brilliant solution: post work that you stunningly beautiful blog-readers-of-mine have not seen and should appreciate…if you know what’s good for you.

.

First on today’s agenda: My first pre-blog blog via a facebook note of mine

Reading produces thoughts, if you’re lucky, and I was just so when reading a textbook as to have many thoughts, which I wish to share with all you good folks out there in FacebookLand… beeskneesB’sBlogLand…Provided below are excerpts from said textbook, along with my reactions, thoughts, etc. It has made reading for class much more entertaining and ‘debatable-y’ worthwhile than had I simply looked over the material and moved on to the next assignment sans recording my thoughts. Formatting has been provided as well for ease of reading, so no excuse not to read my short novel (of a blog).

What the Greek leader Pericles said more than 2,500 years ago is still true today: “One who forms a judgment on any point but cannot explain” it clearly “might as well never have thought at all on the subject.”

Now that’s a bitch-slap o’ truth right there, Pericles style.

“Nevertheless, the need for public speaking will almost certainly touch you sometime in your life – maybe tomorrow, maybe not for five years.”

but the question here is where will it touch you and will it have your consent…

(this is one of the situations the book presents involving public speaking’s importance in one’s life)
“One of you will get the lower-management job that just opened up…One by one your colleagues make their presentations…Their speeches are stumbling and awkward. You, however, call upon all the skills you learned in your public speaking course…You get the job.”

hahahahahahhahahahahahah, etc. Dude, that wasn’t even subtle in any respect, but I like how the main factor in getting the job is not WHAT you presented, but in fact only dependent upon HOW you presented it.
Also, riddle me this: what if any of your colleagues had “called upon all the skills [they] learned in [their] public speaking course?” what then, huh? … Mud wrestling match, to the death!

“you must have ‘the ability to stand on your feet…and make a presentation that is convincng and believable’”‘

What if you’re disabled?

“Public speaking offers you an opportunity to make a difference in something you care very much about.”

Agreed.

“How much time do you spend each day talking to other people?”

haha, a lot. Yeah, a lot. Just ask anyone who knows me…

“Suppose you were giving someone directions to get to your house. You wouldn’t do it this way : (I wouldn’t?)
When you turn off the highway, you’ll see a big diner on the left. But before that, stay on the highway to Exit 67. Usually a couple of the neighbors’ dogs are in teh street, so go slow after you turn at the blinking light. Coming from your house you get on the highway through Maple Street. If you pass the taco stand, you’ve gone too far. The house is blue.“

What’s wrong with those directions? They may be a little scatterbrained, but in conjunction with MapQuest or GoogleMaps, they’d be quite helpful, esp the part about the dogs and the bit about the house being blue.

“Tailoring your message to your audience.…Two people ask you how pearls are formed. One is your roommate; the other is your nine-year old niece.”

I can assure you that my response to the nine-year old would not have amused me as much as the one to my roommate.

(the opening to how they would answer the pearl q to the 9 yr old)
“Imagine you’re an oyster on the ocean floor.”

Now that’s just good stuff.

“it is perfectly normal—even desirable—to be nervous at the start of a speech.”

Well, that’s…
Having no fear and being comfortable speaking to others is not “undesirable”, and though it may be common (as compared to “normal”) to be nervous, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s best, as the book implies (and attempts to justify).

“Of course, the road to confidence will sometimes be bumpy.”

Yes, that happens when you have an inexperienced, yet ambitious warrior-handyman thinking he’s a Roman (enter in your knowledge of Roman road makers…”ah, I get it now”)

“…pick speech topics you truly care about—and then prepare your speeches so thoroughly that you cannot help but be successful…[you will be able] with preparation to score a triumph in speech class.”

1. I would love to be able to answer someone’s q of “How do you prepare your speeches so thoroughly?” with “So much so that I cannot help but be successful.” *cheesy goober smile of the year*
2. Only where a cheesy goober smile is concerned can one “score a triumph” as the book so eloquently put it…

“How can you help but be confident of success?”

1. I don’t know.
2. Who said I wasn’t confident of success? *skeptically shifty eyes…*

“…if you predict disaster and doom, that is almost always what you will get.”

Again with the bitch-slapping of truth…

Emo quote of the day? “…only a fraction of the turmoil you feel inside is visible on the outside.”

If that’s not emo, then you don’t know what is.

“Sometimes an error or two can actually enhance a speaker’s appeal by making her or him seem more human.”

Yes, because the robot costume and monotone voice you used threw the audience off at first…

“The best part of confidence is that it nurtures itself. After you score your first triumph, you will be that much more confident the next time”

1. Re-read this quote and this time, imagine you’re an oyster on the ocean floor while giving a cheesy goober smile of the year…wasn’t that nice? Yes, I’m sure it was.
2. tis true indeed about confidence nurturing itself –> Case in point
3. wow, the author sure does like to talk about scoring a lot…

(Speaking with Confidence Checklist, yes or no questions)
“7. Do I realize that nervousness is normal, even among experienced speakers?”

Do you still beat your wives?

“…[critical thinking] is one reason public speaking has been regarded as a vital part of education since the days of ancient Greece.”

But not before, right?

“Your goal in public speaking is to have your intended message be the message that is actually communicated.”

I couldn’t say it any better than this…

“..avoid the ethnocentric belief that your own culture or group is superior to all others.”

but if my culture or group is superior to all others…

“Speechmaking is a form of power and therefore carries with it heavy ethical responsibilities”

Aren’t you tired already of being…it rhymes with YitchFlapped…you guess it, bitchslapped with truth?

“Adolf Hitler was unquestionably a persuasive speaker. His oratory galvanized the German people, but his aims were horrifying and his tactics despicable. He remains to this day the ultimate example of why the power of the spoken word needs to be guided by a strong sense of ethical integrity.”

I’m not disagreeing with the biased second sentence, but it should be noted that his use of the spoken word was not necessarily “unguided by a strong sense of ethical integrity;” it just so happens that Hitler had his own brand of personal integrity that stooped below that of even the most despicable villain Disney ever created.

“…subtle forms of dishonesty are just as unethical. Including…innuendo and half-truths for evidence and proof.”

And this is coming from the book that speaks more of triumphantly “scoring” than most teenage boys…? All righty then.
(did you notice the very ‘subtle innuendo’ when I ‘boldly’ wrote the letter o in “coming”? yeah, I thought it was pretty smart of me too…)

“It is easy to pay lip service to the importance of ethics.”

1. why is the book talking about lips and servicing?
2. lip service is funny (take that last bit how you will…that’s what s/he said)

And so now I shall say ta ta for now or… and I sincerely apologize if anyone who loves a or is named Dan is reading this because (pay attention to the video description) “Dan rhymes with man and men are jerkoffs.” (name the movie and you get no bonus points whatsoever, just understanding, which brings you 33.3% closer to enjoying my post/me, and responding! ;-P)

<”the book” ~ Ch 1 & 2 : The Art of Public Speaking, Stephen E. Lucas>

* You think maybe it’d've been more enjoyable if I’d ve worked extra hard IN it instead? We’ll never know, but something inside me tells me yes…Yes…YES!

They didn’t share a language, but that was no problem. The man saw that the women were confused and quickly offered his help, in the form of pointing and vigorous gesticulating.

Partners have a shared, specific purpose that they are committed to and cannot achieve (as well) on their own.

Partners want to pursue a collaborative solution now, and are willing to contribute something to the effort.

Appropriate people are at the table.

Partners have an open, credible process.

The effort has a passionate champion (or champions) with credibility and clout.

Partners have trusting relationships.

In his blog on management, Tom Terez tells business leaders that they have a choice between two approaches: power over or power with.  Power over emphasizes control, while power with emphasizes creativity.  Here are some contrasts between the two approaches to leadership: Power over managers believe the world is a generally hostile place. Power with managers believe the world is generally friendly.  Power over managers rely on rules and competition.  Power with managers rely on principles and co-creation.  Power over managers fix blame and dwell on weakness, while power with managers try to fix the process and leverage strengths.  Power over managers work with fear, but power with managers work with trust.  There is more.  You can read Tom Terez’s white paper on his webpage.

In their book entitled Grandparenting with Love & Logic, Fay and Cline tell us that there are three kinds of grandparents: Helicopters, drill sergeants, and consultants. Helicopter grandparents hover and rotate their lives around their children and grandchildren.  Drill sergeants give orders and remind about failings.  Consultants listen and provide choices.  You might say that consultant grandparents co-create.

The Terez and Fay and Cline recommendations sound very similar.  Both recommend learning by experience, group decision-making, empathy, and trust.  These are good models for negotiation too.  Fay and Cline recommend that people become “expert choice-givers.”  This is an essential skill in negotiation and by slightly rephrasing their suggestions, we can apply the lesson to powering up negotiation skills:

1. Create situations in which you and your opponents must think over options.

2. Provide opportunities for you and your opponents to make mistakes and learn by consequences.  These opportunities might be in the form of pilot programs or experiments.

3. Remind yourself and help others to avoid control battles.

4. Show your opponent that you trust their thinking and empathize with their perspective.

As Terez reminds us, it is easiest to co-create in a situation where “Everyone teaches, everyone learns.”

Also, in light of yesterday’s post, I have a story from my train ride home tonight.  I got on the S-Bahn in at the main train station in Cologne and sat down across from a wood nymph with ivy in her hair, green tights, and a green, star-shaped wand sticking out of her purse.  (Karneval culminates in two weeks, and the parties are in full swing.)  The nymph asked me if the train was going to be stopping at Deutz.  “Deutz?”  I asked, uncertain if I’d heard her correctly.  She nodded.  Yes, I said.  It’s been awhile since I’ve gone this way, she said.  I nodded knowingly and thought about telling her that it was “die nexte Station” but instead just turned on my iPod.  I’m still getting used to this being helpful thing.  Maybe next time I will volunteer more information.

One final news item:  I encountered a ticket inspector for the first time ever on the very short bus ride from the Porz-Wahn train station to my apartment.  Turns out my train ticket from Aachen is good on the bus as well.  I was never sure about that.   Good to know.  Good to know.

Findings from a study of workplace gossip provide helpful hints about this situation.  You can read a summary of the study in a recent edition of The New York Times. The research about gossip in the workplace tells us something about the pitfalls of tearing down an opponent.  One thing that happens when badmouthing begins is that others are encouraged to join in.   Joining a gripe session is a very normal social response in group situations, especially when the group is a collection of friends, coworkers, or peers.  However, when members of our negotiating team start tearing down the opponent in private it (1) takes the team away from the kind of objective analysis that is necessary for a successful negotiation and (2) sets an unfortunate tone for future bargaining sessions.  The things said in private will spill over into the interactions among the parties and can unnecessarily reduce trust and narrow bargaining options.

We should recognize that a badmouthing conversation may happen during any negotiation.  But what can we do about it?  First, if you are the negotiation team leader you need to manage the conversation within your team and keep the team focused.  More than simply refusing to participate in a gripe session, the team leader should redirect the discussion to the task at hand–seeking to understand why your opponent responded as she or he did.  This focus is far more productive.  Second, if the badmouthing behavior continues, refocus the team on its own negotiation behavior.  Third, direct the team discussion toward a substantive issue. As in the case of workplace gossip, a good way to change the conversation is for the team leader to say very evenly and professionally “Let’s get back to work!”

If you are not the negotiation team leader you can still help your team steer clear of badmouthing.  When an opponent is being gratuitously criticized you can disagree, instead of joining in.  To disagree you can say that you are more interested in understanding why your opponent acted that way. This needs to be done early in the conversation.  Resist joining the gripe session.  Concentrate your contributions on discussing substantive issues that need the attention of the team.

No matter what you decide to do, the goal should be to keep the team focused on productive and constructive conversations.  Those kinds of discussions will help bring positive closure to the negotiation.

Berton Lee Lamb

Click links to download the article: Leadership article

“Back there,” I heard her say as she pointed off in the distance. “That’s where you want to be.” The guys are digesting the information. They don’t appear to have a clue where they are, whether to get back on the subway or walk to their destination.

It is possible to ask questions that are pointed and challenging.  It is also possible to ask questions that are informative and guiding.  And you can ask questions when you are attempting to learn something.  Each of these types of questions can be asked in a variety of ways.

Everyone knows about pointed, challenging questions.  These are questions such as “Why did you do thus and so?” Or “What did you mean by this or that?”  The effect of a pointed question, put as a challenge, is that the opponent senses–probably with good reason–that you are not really interested in the answer. Your opponent will know your real reason for asking is to win a debating point.  Although sometimes it is necessary to hone in on a particular issue, challenging questions usually put people on the defensive.

Informative or guiding questions might be phrased like this: “When you analyzed this situation, how did you think it would come out?” Or “Should we be considering x and y variables as part of this solution?”  Although not as directly challenging, questions like this can also evoke a defensive response.  They can be valuable, however, in ferreting out how other parties think about the dispute and its likely resolution.

Asking questions in an attempt to learn something is similar to making a medical diagnosis. The kind of question you ask makes all the difference. If you are already sure of what the problem is, you can feel comfortable in asking guiding questions. Guiding questions are aimed at the aspect of the dispute that you have decided is the most important. But if you are not sure about the scope and nature of the problem and you would like to gain some insight from the perspective of other parties, a different type of question is called for.

That different type of question is one that is open-ended; a question that encourages the other parties to tell their story. Why would you ask such a question? You ask open-ended questions to hear a comprehensive answer, spoken in their own words. You ask open-ended questions to give yourself an opportunity to rethink how you have framed the negotiation. The reason you want to hear their story is that the story itself will contain clues and cues to how the dispute can be resolved.

Even when negotiators invite story-telling through open-ended questions, they sometimes lose the benefit by cutting off the conversation. There is a tendency to want to jump right in with a rebuttal or solution rather than hear out the other party. Negotiators who are good at listening use a variety of techniques. One negotiator I know takes extensive notes while the other party is telling their story. Another interjects comments such as “ah huh,” “I am following you,” or even “Got it.” These have the effect of keeping the other party talking.

While they are talking you are learning. Answers to questions help you learn things that you otherwise have no way of knowing by pre-negotiation prep. One example of what you might learn is whether there are other problems, outside of the immediate dispute, that are of concern to the other party. Maybe you can help them solve the other problems, which in turn can help you resolve the current dispute.

Both pointed/challenging questions and informative/guiding questions are used to focus a negotiation when the main issues are known and a resolution is clear to the negotiator. However, what if you want to learn whether or not there is a way through a complex dispute? Remember to use open-ended questions, because the stories you hear will contain invaluable information for a possible resolution.

Berton Lee Lamb

1) Listen carefully and with empathy. Understanding another person requires empathy: the ability to look at the situation from the viewpoint of another person. Having empathy does not mean that you agree with that person’s viewpoint, but that you understand it. Then, you can formulate what you have to say so that your message may be heard by the other person.

2) Organize your ideas. If you present your ideas in an organized way you will, more than likely, be understood.

3) Tap into the other person interests, which you will have a handle on if you have listened carefully and with empathy.

4) Paint a picture with your words. Mental pictures encompass both logic and emotion. Pictures–even word pictures–are more memorable. For example, a word picture about negotiation might be “Your proposal is like putting the camel’s nose under the tent. Once the nose is in, the whole camel is sure to follow.”

5) Ask questions. Questions allow you to test for understanding and the answers give you more information and insight. Repeat this two-way cycle until both of you are satisfied that you have reached mutual understanding.

Being able to communicate effectively is a huge need in the world today: from personal to international relationships. Although, our focus has been on workplace communication, this five-step path is effective at all levels.

Effective communication is one of the truly critical human relations skills that is worth taking the time to master. When you listen and communicate effectively, you gain a reputation for courtesy and concern – traits that enhance your leadership and increase your negotiation success.

Russell C. Sanders

Ahora que ya has visto algunas expresiones útiles para … no morirte de hambre, en el siguiente enlace tienes un resumen.

My route took me past the scene of the mysterious pipe and bucket combo, and I can now report that there have been developments. The bucket has gone and been replaced with …

mystery (partially) solved

… a water feature.

Now you might think – given that this – rather impressive – construction is effectively in the middle of nowhere and certainly nowhere near any house or garden, that the mystery continues. But, having had to give directions around here it makes perfect sense to me. You see the landscape around us, while beautiful, consists of the same few elements – drystane dyke, church, cottage, farmhouse, barn, field, plantation forest, bridge, stand of trees, hill – repeated over and over. The roads are almost all un-named and un-numbered and the signposting tends towards the erratic. If you see a sign to where you’re going at one junction then you can be fairly certain that at the next junction, there will be no mention of your destination, and half the little roads around here get no sign posts at all. Directions tend to be of the ‘go 3.8 miles along the road until you come to a track, go up it and take the ninth left, and if you reach the sea you’ve gone too far’ kind. A couple of weeks ago, in the fog, we had to go out and rescue someone who had got so lost trying to find us that she had almost given up. And she had lived in the area for years…

So if you live down an un-named road, off another un-named road, off a third un-named road, in the land that signposts forgot, then building something like this at the end of your road makes perfect sense. Because with ‘Turn left at the big water feature’ there’s  no chance of there being another one of those around. Or at least until the idea catches on, and everyone has one.

I still don’t think it adequately explains the bucket, though.

Level: Low Intermediate

STEP 1 – Get copies of real street maps for your city or town. The number of maps will dictate how many small groups there will be. Pass out the maps, one to each group.

STEP 2 – Give them a starting point and name a destination, for example, from the school to city hall. Use exact addresses if possible.  Students must plot a course, writing down the directions as if they were driving.

STEP 3 – Compare their directions to directions provided from an online source such as Google Maps or MapQuest.com.  Ideally, the students should access these sites themselves and make the comparison. Another possibility is for you to print out copies ahead of time and pass them out at this point.

Have them repeat this exercise for a number of destinations as time allows.