Monday Night Raw
April 22, 1996
San Bernardino, CA
Orange Pavilion

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (3/31/96)
Intercontinental Champion: Vacant (4/15/96)
World Tag Team Champions: The Bodydonnas (3/31/96)

I have the Sky Sports shortened version. To play Eric Bischoff here, I want to let all you fans know that here in the World Whining Federation, here’s what I missed: the Godwinns (Seriously? They still think hillbillies are funny or whatever?) beat up a couple of nobodies with the Slop Drop. Hello? It’s called the Scorpion Death Drop. Get with it, guys. Sunny distracts that Hillbilly Jim character (1985 called!) so that her two blonde friends can attack the other hillbillies. Snoozer! Okay, now that we have got that out of the way…

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.

• Goldust (w/Marlena) vs. Savio Vega – for the vacant WWF Intercontinental Title
  

Since Savio CHEATED TO WIN like some people of the Latin decent who will remain nameless tend to do, the IC title is held up and we will decide who the real IC champ is once and for all. Goldust doesn’t play the mind games like he did last week. He gets right to it. Unfortunately, Vega is HOT. Goldust tries to bail again, but Savio brings him back inside. He telegraphs a backdrop and Goldust makes him pay by sliding under him and connecting with an uppercut. Goldust then does something that makes the director go to a shot of the audience. Goldust misses a corner charge, but his trick knee acts up into Savio’s balls. He works the leg for a while and then sits down on a chinlock. Savio’s arm drops once, twice, but not three times. Goldust squashes him and sits back down on the chinlock as we go to a split-screen interview with the Ultimate Warrior. He spits out the usual insanity. Goldust tries to post Savio’s balls, but Vega pulls him into the ringpost instead. Wait a second, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Ted DiBiase appear in the entryway. Inside the ring, the Savio Vega comeback begins. Goldust wants to end this quick with the CURTAIN CALL, but Vega flips out and delivers the CARIBBEAN KICK! Slow cover, 1-2-NO! While Marlena is on the apron, Savio surprises Goldust with the O’Connor roll, but no count. As Goldust kicks out, Vega gets sent into Austin’s Million Dollar belt. Marlena slinks down to the floor as ref Mike Chioda turns back around and counts 1-2-3 on Vega. (10:17 shown) So Goldust regains the belt and everything goes back to the way it was last week. On the other hand, the Austin-Vega feud heats up as I believe a leather strap will enter in very soon. *½

• Vader (w/Jim Cornette) vs. Fatu
  

Here is where Vader will be making a difference in how the rest of Fatu’s night will go. Vader bullies Fatu around, but he fires back with a flying splash. Unfortunately, Vader NO-SELLS and turns him inside out with a clothesline. VADERSAULT will do it at 1:55. Vince and King talk like this is the first the WWF has seen of Vader doing a moonsault, so there ya go.

We get a series of clips of the WWF touring Germany. Meanwhile over there, Jake Roberts got into some trouble with Davey Boy Smith. They will square off this Sunday at In Your House. Thankfully, that gets changed to a tag match.

Let Us Take You Back: WrestleMania XII Free For All, the Godwinns met the Bodydonnas in the WWF Tag Team Titles Tournament final. Skip ahead to the Heavenly Bodies-style double-team leg drop gets 1-2-NO! Rocket Launcher misses to set up Henry’s hot tag to Phineas. Just as Phineas goes for the SLOP DROP, Sunny hops up on the apron and shows off her Slammy award-winning buns (which gets edited!). He can’t help but be mesmerized, as she draws him in like a fly heading right into a bug zapper as Skip rolls up Phineas for the 1-2-3. These two teams will meet again this Sunday at In Your House. All of a sudden I miss Todd Pettingell.

• Mankind vs. Aldo Montoya
  

This won’t take long. Aldo tries to stick and move. He even tries flying, but Mankind punches him right in the jock strap on the way down. Tree of Woe elbow drop leads to the Pullup Piledriver. That’s all Mankind needs to do to apply the MANDIBLE CLAW for the win at 2:26. So much weird editing going on here.

NEXT WEEK: Ultimate Warrior meets Isaac Yankem DDS! That’ll put butts in the seats.

WWF presents In Your House
LIVE on PPV
April 28, 1996
Omaha, NE
Civic Auditorium

MAIN EVENT: WWF Champion Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel: No Holds Barred
WWF Intercontinental Champion Goldust vs. The Ultimate Warrior
WWF World Tag Team Champions The Bodydonnas vs. The Godwinns
Razor Ramon vs. Vader
Jake Roberts vs. Davey Boy Smith

WWF: Raw is War
June 30, 1997
Des Moines, IA
Veterans Memorial Auditorium

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: The Undertaker (3/23/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: Owen Hart (4/28/1997)
European Champion: Davey Boy Smith (3/3/1997)
World Tag Team Champions: Vacant (6/16/1997)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler.

• Ken Shamrock vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Chyna)
  

No messing around. They go straight to a match. Shamrock shows us his fancy transitions to armbars, so HHH thumbs him in the eyes and stomps him down in the corner. Now that’s RASSLIN. High Knee and the Knee Drop gets two. Helmsley dumps Shamrock out to Chyna for a ride into the steps. Back in, Mankind walks down the ramp to distract Hunter. He turns back around into a Belly to Belly Suplex and the ANKLELOCK gets the win. (4:42) Common sense booking here. Shamrock looks strong going into the PPV main event beating the KOTR and the HHH-Mankind feud heats up a little leading up to their PPV match. ¾*

Just as he was getting a main event push, Ahmed Johnson tore some ligaments in his right knee and will be out of action – AGAIN. This is the end of him ever being a heel threat.

In one of his earliest appearances, Michael Cole interviews the Legion of Doom for one of their standard promos.

The Army Slam of the Week is Owen Hart giving Goldust a Spinning Heel Kick last week on Shotgun Saturday Night.

Somewhere Sunny is fondling a casket filled with money. It’s part of the WWF SummerSlam Million Dollar Challenge. Who says they only started giving away money to watch the show in the summer of 2008?

• The Legion of Doom vs. Faarooq & D’Lo Brown (w/Kama) – WWF Tag Team Championship Tournament Semifinals
  

Big brawl to start ending with Animal catching Faarooq coming off the second rope for a powerslam. The Godwinns watch on from the ramp. Tag to Hawk, he handles D’Lo just fine. Reverse neckbreaker gets two. It breaks down as Faarooq gets ran into the steps. DOOMSDAY DEVICE to D’Lo! Then Animal and Kama trade blows which grabs the ref’s attention. Meanwhile, Henry Godwinn blasts Hawk with the slop bucket and Faarooq jumps on top of Hawk for the 1-2-3. (3:02) Clearly not wanting to job, Hawk kicks out at three. So now we have our first finalists. ½*

Vince meets with the Nation of Domination in the ring for an interview. Faarooq is pissed that nobody else in the NOD gets to replace Ahmed in the WWF title match at the Canadian Stampede. It’s because they are black dudes. Instead, Vader is getting the title shot. Moving on. Vince brings up Crush, which brings OUT Savio Vega, who debuts Los Boricuas. They are made up of WWC stars Miguel Perez, Jose Estrada Jr., and Jesus Castillo. A big fight erupts, but then an even BIGGER fight occurs once the Disciples of Apocalypse who we saw debut last week enters the ring. GANG RULZ!

After the break, Los Boricuas shout Spanish things around Michael Cole.

To hype up WWF Raw Magazine, there’s an article (with pictures!) outing some sort of relationship between Brian Pillman and Sunny. What’s that about? Buy the mag to find out.

Elsewhere, Undertaker is freaking out.

• Brian Christopher vs. Scott Putski
  

Putski debuted on Raw about six weeks ago against Leif Cassidy to little fanfare. Here’s take #2! Putski delivers some power moves to start, but Christopher takes over with the Stroke. Vince and JR keep pestering Lawler about whether or not he’s the father of Christopher. Great Sasuke’s appearance on the PPV gets mentioned. Missile dropkick to the back of the head gets two. Putski counters a headscissors with a sitout powerbomb. Lots of clotheslines sets up the Flying Splash. Lawler feels the need to distract Putski, which leads to heel miscommunication. It looks like Lawler has been vanquished, but he trips up Putski from the floor and Christopher cradles him for the 1-2-3. (3:38) Proving most Polish jokes true, Putski attacks Christopher after the match forgetting Lawler is still around. Lawler assists in the SPIKE PILEDRIVER to leave Putski lying. Not a bad match. *½

Exclusive ECW footage of Steve Austin in the “‘Cause Stone Cold Said So’ video of Austin imitating Hulk Hogan.

Backstage, Undertaker tells his ‘creatures of the night’ to let him tell his side of the story before they make a decision on how to judge him after Paul Bearer reveals this secret to the world.

• Brian Pillman vs. Mankind
  

Still wearing the ‘Pick Me Steve’ sign, Mankind delivers an apology gift to JR for giving him the Mandible Claw in their interview. It’s a mannequin hand with a Mankind glove. Being the deranged guy who got fired from color commentary on Shotgun Saturday Night for striking a ringside fan, Pillman takes the hand and jabs Mankind in the eye. Lawler says he’s acting this way because JR got him fired. Whoa, HUGE RF Video sign there. Write that number down, folks! Back in, Mankind comes back and hits the running knee in the corner. Steve Austin appears on the split-screen and says Mankind is smart for picking the best wrestler in the world today as a tag partner, but Austin thinks he sucks so it doesn’t matter. No matter who his partner is, nobody is going to take away his tag team belt. Back to the ring, HHH and Chyna come out of the tunnel to get a closer look at this match. Commercials! When we come back, they fight to the floor where Pillman decks Mankind with the ring bell and LAUGHS about it. I love it. Pillman does more damage to the ear, which causes Mankind to trip up Pillman and post his bad knee! Mankind grabs the MANDIBLE CLAW, but has to let go just as HHH and Chyna hit the ring where Hunter then eats the Claw. From the floor, Pillman takes his boot off and nails Mankind to get him to stop. While Chyna has the ref, Hunter and Pillman have some miscommunication problems as Mankind ducks and Pillman gets clobbered with a chair. Mankind chases HHH and Chyna away as Pillman heads back inside to narrowly win via countout. (6:03 shown) Another good way to get the weaker things over going into the PPV. *½

HOUR NUMBER TWO! Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler.

Vince McMahon brings out Paul Bearer. A very good move to put this at the top of the hour. Some ‘creature of the night’ jumps the rail and pulls Bearer down onto the floor. Security escorts her out of there. Bearer tells the story of how Undertaker set his house on fire and killed his own parents. Kane was just a ‘sweet innocent kid’ who wanted to be just the Undertaker. Nevertheless, Paul Bearer calls Undertaker a murderer. Thunder begins to roll and the lights begin to dim throughout the arena, but nobody comes out. Oh, but he is surely coming.

On a lighter note, now Sable is giving that money-filled casket some ‘Price is Right’ love. Marc Mero isn’t too happy about it.

• Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith vs. The Headbangers – WWF Tag Team Championship Tournament Semifinals
  

Early on, the Headbangers double-team Owen with a flapjack. Thrasher gets stuck on the wrong side of town though. Bret Hart joins us via telephone from Calgary. Nothing new is really said here. Hourglass Suplex by DBS. Thrasher continues to get thrashed. Finally, the hot tag to Mosh comes. Bulldog trips up the STAGE DIVE finisher and Owen jackknife rolls up Mosh for the three-count. (4:08) Next thing we know, JIM CORNETTE returns and brings the Headhunters with him. I believe they are called the Arabian Butchers here. Anyways, I’m assuming this is revenge for Owen and Davey Boy getting rid of Cornette some months ago. It doesn’t really make any sense as Owen and Bulldog leave and the Headbangers end up taking moonsaults and elbow drops from the top from these behemoths. So it’s the Hart Foundation v. the NOD to find out who meets Austin and his partner. Yippee! *

Time for the Undertaker to give us his side of the story. The firefighters held him back even though his parents and Kane were inside as the funeral home burned to the ground. What terrible firefighters! He wasn’t at the funeral, but that was because Paul Bearer got him in the middle of the night to go see his dead family at another funeral home. Anyways, that experience is what made him into the Undertaker. It’s the spirit of the dead that gives him his strength and Taker feels the spirits of his family is what will strike Paul Bearer down.

• Vader (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Rockabilly (w/the Honky Tonk Man)
  

JR – “Paul Bearer can burn in hell for what he has done.” Rockabilly tries to KABONG Vader to start, but he NO-SELLS and runs Billy down. In literally no time, here comes the Undertaker for the DQ in about 20 seconds. He takes care of Vader and threatens Paul Bearer to tell the truth. Paul says that Kane told him what to say and that he is alive. Vader saves Bearer from more punches and takes Paul out of here.

• Steve Austin vs. Jim Neidhart
  

The rest of the Hart Foundation (minus Bret) are watching on from backstage. Lots of headlocks to start. Austin fights back with a Lou Thesz press. He can’t get the Sharpshooter, so he settles for an ab stretch and grabs the ropes for leverage. To the floor, Neidhart gets slammed on the rampway. Commercials! When we return, backstage Bret Hart has tricked us all and showed up in Des Moines! He is shown attacking Ken Shamrock who was just watching the match on the monitor. In the ring, the limited Neidhart keeps Austin grounded until he rallies back starting with a jawbreaker out of a chinlock. As he stomps a mudhole in Neidhart and walks it dry, Bret Hart runs in and attacks Austin for the DQ. (8:24 shown) Afterwards, Bret locks in the ringpost figure-four on his archrival. Out comes Mankind to show his necessity and loyalty as he breaks up the hold by giving Bret the MANDIBLE CLAW. The rest of the Hart Foundation head down to help Bret as the show ends. ¾*

My gosh, run-ins everywhere tonight.

WWF In Your House presents Canadian Stampede
LIVE on PPV – July 6 from Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Here is the card as it looks at the end of this show:

MAIN EVENT: The Hart Foundation vs. Steve Austin, Ken Shamrock, Goldust, and the Legion of Doom
WWF Champion The Undertaker vs. Vader
Great Sasuke vs. TAKA Michinoku
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Mankind

WWF: Raw is War
June 23, 1997
Detroit, MI
Cobo Hall

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: The Undertaker (3/23/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: Owen Hart (4/28/1997)
European Champion: Davey Boy Smith (3/3/1997)
World Tag Team Champions: Vacant (6/16/1997)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jim Ross.

R.I.P. Stan “The Man” Stasiak. 1937-1997.

The Nation of Domination heads out so Ahmed Johnson can explain his defection to the crew he’s been fighting all year long. The reason is because nobody would back him up and he doesn’t trust whitey anymore. When he has no more respect for the one man who would back him up since he’s hiding behind some blackmail, where does Ahmed have to turn? Oh yeah, and if Taker puts his hands on Ahmed, he won’t be dead enough. Well, I guess if there’s one promo from Ahmed that you would WANT to understand what he’s saying. D’Lo gets on the STICK for the first time I can recall and breaks everything down for us just to get some speaking time, which becomes a running joke as we saw in DX’s Nation parody. After Ahmed scolds Vince for ‘rolling his eyes’, Kama sings his own praises for pinning the Undertaker last week. I mean, you can’t really blame the guy after that accomplishment. As the Nation starts to leave, the Disciples of Apocalypse debuts. Crush leads the way of his motorcycle gang and he’s PISSED after the NOD let him go. This group also includes the Harris twins and Brian Lee. This leads to a HUGE brawl and what sucks about it is Ahmed gets injured – AGAIN. Nice hot start to the show though. Everyone loves a big fight.

• Ken Shamrock vs. Rockabilly (w/Honky Tonk Man)
  

NWA world champ Dan “The Beast” Severn debuts and joins us for color commentary to put over Shamrock. Without the mustache, the man could be Vince’s stunt double. Some Ken Shamrock UFC action is shown. Just so surreal when you consider how times have changed. More interesting than the match is Vince discussing with Severn defending the barbaric nature of UFC. Belly-to-belly suplex and the ANKLELOCK gives Shamrock the win. (2:36) Afterwards, Shamrock comes over and stares down Severn. Nothing come of it though other than a handshake. Alright then. ½*

Backstage, the Godwinns say they’re going to do things their way from now on. Well, they do need another tag team.

• The Legion of Doom vs. The Godwinns – WWF Tag Team Championship Tournament Quarterfinals
  

So LOD broke Henry’s neck a couple months back, which makes this tournament match more interesting, I suppose. One way to piss off the LOD is throw slop at them. The Godwinns do that and LOD clean house on them. Typical LOD match where Animal gets in trouble and Hawk receives the hot tag. Phineas stops the Doomsday Device on Henry, but Hawk still comes off the top with the flying clothesline to advance. (3:43) The Godwinns leave Hawk laying with the SLOP DROP, but Animal scares them away with a chair. In comes the Hart Foundation to beat up Animal with the chair while Bret watches on from the top of the ramp. Good stuff! ¾*

Hey look, boxing legend Tommy “The Hitman” Hearns is in attendance. Vince calls him a REAL hitman.

Elsewhere, UT snaps on Paul Bearer and goozles both Paul and Vader at the same time! When Paul reminds Undertaker of the fire, Taker lets them go. What’s he mean by that? We’ll find out later, I can assure you.

• Flash Funk vs. Sabu (w/Bill Alfonso)
  

Anybody want to take a stab at this one? Is Sabu the first guy to wrestle on ECW Hardcore TV, Nitro, and Raw? You can’t count the thing he did back in February as a match. Showing ECW clips on WWE TV now is no biggie since they own all the footage, but in 1997 I’m sure some nerds were flipping out. They show Sabu doing all his craziest stunts. Onto the match. Sabu puts Flash on the floor with a springboard leg lariat and follows up with a somersault plancha. Sabu finds a table, but this is the WWF and we don’t do that here. At least not yet. Back inside, Flash hits a flying splash for two. Sabu stops Flash up top for a headscissors and a springboard leg drop gets two. Paul E mentions Alfonso’s stint as a WWF referee and how he adopted Alfonso from the Betty Ford clinic. Ouch. Meanwhile, Funk shoves off another headscissors and crotches Sabu before giving him a clothesline onto the apron. Funk gives Sabu a Handspring Pele Kick and a pescado wipes him out. Back in the ring, a big Flying Moonsault from Flash gets the 1-2-NO! Next up, Flash misses a charge and falls out to the floor. Sabu meets him on the outside with a slingshot headscissors. Now the table gets set up by Alfonso and we’ve got a double-countout. (4:38) Sabu finds the tables harder to break in the WWF. After a few dives, the table finally just collapses. Now Sabu and Bill Alfonso leave through the crowd. Vince – “Let’s move on, ladies and gentlemen.” **

• WWF European Champion Davey Boy Smith vs. Mankind
  

Mankind comes out wearing an Austin 3:16 shirt and a sign around his neck that says ‘Pick Me Steve’. Seems like a lot of inspiration for the Rock N Sock two years later in this little relationship. Speaking of Austin, he joins us for a hilarious phone conversation with Vince and almost out of character at times. When he brings up Mankind wearing his shirt, he calls Mankind a “kind man”. He says he still will probably stick with Shawn Michaels as a partner because that’s how the powers that be want it to be. Oh yeah, the match. Mankind hits the Double-Arm DDT and instead of covering, he follows up with the Cactus Clothesline. DBS sends Mankind into the steps though and delivers a suplex onto the rampway. Back in, Mankind slips out of the RUNNING POWERSLAM and locks in the MANDIBLE CLAW from behind. Bulldog low blows out of it and whacks Mankind with a chair for the DQ. (4:10) Davey Boy continues the VIOLENCE and swings the chair at Mankind’s head two more times! Afterwards, he poses and still gets a mouthful of the MANDIBLE CLAW. ¾*

In the back, Owen Hart complains to WWF President Gorilla Monsoon that this triple threat match isn’t fair when the other two opponents have managers, so Gorilla OK’s Pillman being with Owen at ringside.

HOUR NUMBER TWO! Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jim Ross.

• WWF Intercontinental Champion Owen Hart (w/Brian Pillman) vs. Goldust (w/Marlena) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Chyna)
  

Clips are shown of Owen, HHH, and Goldust starting their first reigns as IC champ. Of course, this gives them an opportunity to show Scott Hall losing to one of their own. No one has any kind of advantage here. Everybody tries to gain quick pinfalls, but the other guy keeps breaking it up. Owen suckers HHH into working together as he Spinning Heel Kicks HHH off the PEDIGREE on Goldust and out of the ring. That allows Goldust to hit the CURTAIN CALL real quick for the 1-2-3! New champ? Nope. Owen had his foot on the bottom rope. Gorilla Monsoon and Pat Patterson come down to tell Hebner about it and the match continues after the commercial break. Hebner even gets an instant replay of it up on the TitanTron, which NEVER HAPPENS. Once the match starts, Goldust fights off both men. Owen tries to take advantage with the SHARPSHOOTER and Helmsley clotheslines him away. Good action, but hard to transcribe. Goldust and Hunter dump Owen and trade punches, but Owen flies in with a double missile dropkick! Owen and HHH go to the floor. Meanwhile, Chyna hits the CHYNACANRANA on Goldust! Back inside, Owen nails Hunter with the ENZIGURI OF CERTAIN DEATH AND DESTRUCTION. As he goes to cover Helmsley, Goldust comes off the top rope and Owen moves as Hunter gets splashed. Pillman grabs Goldust while Owen covers Helmsley for real this time and gets the 1-2-3. (8:30 shown) Good action, but nothing too special. **½

Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart head out to talk with Vince McMahon. Vince brings up the Canadian Stampede match where the Legion of Doom will be involved. Bret says that the LOD think they are the best team ever, but the REAL best team ever is in the ring right now. He thinks Ken Shamrock came to the WWF from the Ultimate “Fairy” Championship. As for Goldust and Marlena if she wants to get involved, Bret says he has four sisters at home that could knock her socks off. Oh yeah, Stone Cold Steve Austin. He’s the scum of the earth. Justice is coming and it’s called the Hart Foundation. Bret now turns his attention over to Thomas Hearns, who he claims stole the moniker of “the Hitman” from him. There’s not enough room in this town for the two of them, so Bret calls him up into the ring. Bret calls him the Chickenman. You’d think Bret just called him the “N” word as Hearns jumps the rail and goes nose to nose with Bret. Anvil stands between them and gets punched down by Hearns. Now agents and Hearns people are in the ring keeping the two Hitmen separated. JR calls this another SportsCenter highlight for Monday Night Raw.

Backstage, Savio Vega confronts the NEW Nation of Domination and gets beat up for his efforts.

• Brian Christopher (w/Jerry Lawler) vs. Scott Taylor
  

TOO COOL EXPLODES! Lawler joins Vince and JR on commentary. Thus continues the USWA v. ECW feud on WWF TV. I’m guessing this was a last ditch effort to save the USWA from its own certain demise. Christopher hits the Scorpion Death Drop out of the corner and follows that up with the HIP HOP DROP for the win. (2:54) Nothing much more than a squash. ¾*

• Vader & Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Faarooq & D’Lo Brown (w/Kama) – WWF Tag Team Championship Tournament Quarterfinals
  

Ahmed watches from backstage nursing his injury. Taker owns D’Lo to start. The Disciples of Apocalypse (which is a name Vince just cannot get used to) head down the ramp with their arms crossed. Another GANG WARZ ensue and instead of a DQ, we go to commercial. When we return, the DOA are gone and the match continues with Vader hitting the Pump Splash on D’Lo. Tag to Faarooq, he catches Vader coming off the second rope for a powerslam, which takes me back to August 92. Back to D’Lo, Vader splashes him for two. Now Vader confronts Undertaker about not really being there for the tag, so Taker punches him back into a running clothesline from Faarooq for the 1-2-3. (5:03 shown) Some CHEAP main event finishes lately. After the bell, Undertaker TOMBSTONES Vader and chases Paul Bearer out of the ring. As Taker starts to leave, Bearer announces that he will in fact reveal to the world this big secret he’s holding over Taker’s head – next week! Taker doesn’t seem to mind because when he does tell, he’s going to – I assume – finish him Mortal Kombat style. ½*

WWF In Your House presents Canadian Stampede
LIVE on PPV – July 6 from Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Here is the card as it looks at the end of this show:

MAIN EVENT: The Hart Foundation vs. Steve Austin, Ken Shamrock, Goldust, and the Legion of Doom
WWF Champion The Undertaker vs. Ahmed Johnson
Great Sasuke vs. TAKA Michinoku
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Mankind

Monday Night Raw
March 11, 1996
San Antonio, TX
Freeman Coliseum

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Bret Hart (11/19/1995)
Intercontinental Champion: Goldust (1/21/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: Vacant (2/15/1996)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler.

• Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin (w/Ted DiBiase)
  

If I’m not mistaken, this is the first time Austin has been referenced as “Stone Cold”. Sure beats being called the Ringmaster. Vince describes both men as being from the “street area”, which just makes me laugh. Headlocks and shoulderblocks to start. Savio fights back with armdrags, but Austin avoids one and Savio falls to the mat. Savio gets fired up again, but Austin drills him with a Polish hammer to the face. Suplex gets two. The World’s Strongest Man Mark Henry who is heading to compete in the 1996 Olympics is shown sitting in the audience making his WWF TV debut. There seemed to have been some kind of disturbance between he and Lawler prior to the broadcast, but Lawler tries to shut Vince up about it. Another comeback from Vega, but a splash hits knees. Commercials! When we return, Austin reverses a cross-corner whip and blast Savio from behind with a clothesline. Austin starts working the neck and whips Savio in the corner, but charges into a back kick. HERE COMES SAVIO! He hits one big SPINNING HEEL KICK in the corner and Austin goes flying over the top rope along with him down to the floor and bounces his face off the steps! They start brawling and prevent each other from getting back inside for the double-countout. (6:18 shown) The fight now continues back into the ring where Austin eats the SPINNING HEEL KICK to send him retreating to the floor. Funny how a year later, people were clamoring to see Austin’s finisher. You might not think they would, but these two always showed me a good time. **¼

They finally show what went down earlier tonight between Mark Henry and Jerry Lawler. Apparently Jerry said something derogatory to Mark Henry, so he gave Lawler a press slam. Afterwards, Isaac Yankem comes down to lick Lawler’s wounds.

Some updates are mentioned in the WWF tag team titles tournament. Last week on Superstars, Razor Ramon and Savio Vega defeated the 1-2-3 Kid and Tatanka. The final first round match will take place the following weekend on Superstars between the Body Donnas and the Bushwhackers. Interesting note: Razor Ramon gets replaced in the tournament by none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin, which you can imagine SUCKED for Savio Vega.

Get your WrestleMania 12 jean jacket for only THREE EASY PAYMENTS of $22.95.

Back in the ring, Vince McMahon conducts a showdown between Roddy Piper and Goldust. Piper gets all homophobic on us and tells the world not to pay Goldust any attention because that’s all he really wants. He also reminds us that he beat up the last transvestite to come through the WWF back in 1986 with a ball bat. What really bugs Piper is that Goldust should be a proud Intercontinental champion, instead he’s a mockery of everything the title stands for. If Goldust just wants to use Piper to move up in the rankings, Piper says he’s messing with the wrong guy, because not even Freddy Krueger comes into his nightmares. AWESOME. Now Goldust steals away the stick. He gets down on his knees and gives the kilt some weird looks as he tries to get under Piper’s skin and then underneath the kilt. That’s all Piper can stand. He takes Goldust’s hand off his kilt, so Goldust gets up in his face instead. We see some more Goldust antics and Piper shoves him back. Goldust SLAPS him across the face, so Piper SLAPS him down to the mat. The back lot fight is on. Piper promises to make a man out of him and drops the mic on his special place. Well, that was fantastic.

• The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim) vs. Jerry Meade & Alex Porteau
  

Vince reminds us that the Godwinns have advanced over the New Rockers in the WWF tag team titles tournament. Phineas goes psycho mule-kicking and such until Henry comes in and calms him down. After that’s over, Henry puts Porteau away with the SLOP DROP at 1:44.

They show the boyhood dream workout montage with Shawn Michaels and Jose Lothario. Does Lothario think Shawn can win the WWF title? No doubt about it. Nothing derogatory said about Bret there. Then we go up to Calgary, Bret doesn’t think Shawn Michaels or anyone that implements the lucha libre style is very tough like the submission mat-based style he has perfected. Some people seem to think that Shawn is better than him and that just drives Bret NUTS. While he thinks Shawn is good, Bret feels he’s the best and that Shawn never ever will be. Check these promos out on YouTube if you so wish to do so.

Karate Fighters Slam of the Week: Yokozuna sandwiching a couple scrubs with the BANZAI DROP.

• Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Vin Grier
  

Helmsley’s model of the week is named Michelle Snickler, I believe. Her name sounds made up. Vince and Lawler spend the whole time exchanging rumors about what the Ultimate Warrior has been doing the past three years. Nothing too interesting. PEDIGREE ends Grier at 1:51.

• Yokozuna & Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith (w/Jim Cornette)
  

Diesel is watching this one on the monitor from backstage as he explains he and Shawn Michaels have some tag matches lined up this week against the Undertaker and Bret Hart. He says he hopes the rumors aren’t true about Shawn Michaels, but doesn’t tell us what they are and shoves the camera away. Maybe we have to call Scheme Gene to find out more. Anywho, entrances eat up a LOT of time here. Once everything dies down, Yoko and Taker do a brief staredown until Owen and Davey Boy try and BUM RUSH THE SHOW. Well, that attempt completely fails as Yoko and Taker clean house. Meanwhile, out comes Diesel who clotheslines Paul Bearer down and walks out. Taker spots Diesel and sees Paul Bearer lying on the floor. Bearer then orders Taker to go after Big Daddy Cool and leaves Yokozuna in a handicap match, or due to his girth, an even 2-on-2 match. Commercials! When we return, Yoko starts to come back on the opposition. That is until Vader waltzes down for the DQ. (3:32 shown) Ahmed Johnson and Jake Roberts try to make the save. They get pummeled until Yokozuna rallies back on Vader, which fires up Ahmed and Roberts as well. Agents and referees try to alleviate the situation as Camp Cornette retreats backstage. No word on what happened with Diesel and Undertaker. ½*

That’s all for now!

Next Week: Bret Hart v. Tatanka is *your* main event. Plus, perhaps a Bret and HBK confrontation!

Monday Night Raw
January 29, 1996
Stockton, CA
Civic Auditorium

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Bret Hart (11/19/1995)
Intercontinental Champion: Goldust (1/21/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: The Smoking Gunns (9/25/1995)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler.

• Diesel vs. Davey Boy Smith (w/Jim Cornette)
  

Diesel shows us his entire moveset to start with knees and clotheslines. Using his head, Bulldog bails and trips up the big guy so he can post the knee. Davey Boy bars the knee on into commercial. Hey, Yokozuna joins Corny at ringside. Could we see some shenanigans and maybe even some chicanery? Perhaps. AND WE’RE BACK! Same stuff is going on. Diesel’s knee gives out and Davey Boy stomps him out to ringside so he can untie a turnbuckle pad. Back inside, Diesel blocks the exposed turnbuckle smash and sends Bulldog’s face instead. Exposed Turnbuckle Snake Eyes follows. As Diesel covers and Cornette distracts the ref, Yoko tries to break up the pin with a MASSIVE SUMO-SIZED legdrop, but Diesel moves and Bulldog takes the leg. And that winds up costing Davey Boy the match as Diesel gets the 1-2-3. (6:11 shown) Not just a bad month for Razor Ramon, but also for Camp Cornette. Four big stars that couldn’t win the Rumble, Vader gets suspended, and now this. *½

Over in his weird shrine to the WWF, Dok Hendrix hypes the upcoming In Your House PPV card. Bret Hart gets an interview chatting up his cage match with Diesel. I love that black eye for some reason. Once that’s out of the way, Hendrix responds on-air to a letter sent to the WWF by Turner Broadcasting that tells them that while the Billionaire Ted skits are funny, they really need to stop doing them or they will be ready and waiting to sue. So with that, Hendrix sets up the next clip which is of the Billionaire Ted’s Press Conference, which is supposed to provide us with the answer to the question why he’s trying to run the WWF out of business. And here it is.

• The Body Donnas (w/Sunny) vs. The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim)
  

Now that they got the Blue Blood into a hog pen match, they seemed to have nothing left to do with Henry Godwinn as a singles wrestler and brought in Dennis Knight to wrestle as Henry’s cousin Phineas I. Godwinn. Henry gets double-teamed to start, but avoids a Rocket Launcher and makes the HOT TAG TO PHINEAS. Another double-team from the Bodydonnas fails, as Phineas delivers the SLOP DROP on Skip for the win. (2:18) Well, that was surprisingly short. ½*

Highlights of Vader’s two confrontations with Gorilla Monsoon get shown. That leads to Jim Cornette and his completely honest attorney Clarence Mason to respond to Vader being suspended. Mason thinks Vader acted in self-defense and will do a whole bunch of legal stuff to make this go away. The Get Well Gorilla campaign is now under way. Send your cards and letters and to the P.O. Box number on the screen. For you kids out there, cards and letters are what people used to send instead of text messages and writing on someone’s Facebook wall.

Vince McMahon introduces the acting WWF president: Roddy Piper. He likes the idea of being considered Vince McMahon’s boss. However, he’s horribly disillusioned if actually he believes that a mere on-screen authority figure trumps over the owner of the company. The man is crazy and everything, but he promises the WWF fans that they are in good hands with Roddy Piper at the helm. Once the interview comes to a close, Piper picks up Vince and gives him an Airplane Spin. He’s CRAZY, ya’ll!

Promo for a mysterious newcomer missing part of an ear is shown. Lawler calls him “Mankind”.

• Shawn Michaels vs. Yokozuna (w/Jim Cornette)
  

I don’t understand why Vince and Lawler keep acting like this is going to be the first time Shawn Michaels ever got a WWF title shot at WrestleMania. Just because he was a heel last year and now he’s a face doesn’t mean his match with Diesel at WrestleMania 11 didn’t happen. Yoko dominates to start, but then Shawn fires back and sends Yokozuna to the floor. Out comes Owen Hart as the hopeful insurance policy. Commercials! When we come back, Shawn lays in the heavy blows with a flying double sledge and then follows up with the Moonsault Press for two. Just like that, Yoko reverses a whip and sends HBK in the corner for the crazy bump to the floor. Owen puts the boots to Shawn and backs him into the post. That eats up some time as Michaels slowly makes it back in the ring. Shawn fights out of the nerve hold, but runs into an elbow as we take another commercial break. AND WE’RE BACK! Yoko misses a legdrop and here comes HBK! Maybe not. Flying splash misses. However, Shawn comes up punching. It takes two Flying Forearms to take Yokozuna off his feet. Shawn attempts another flying double sledge, but gets caught and driven back into the corner. Now it’s time to finish him off. Cornette distracts the ref while Yoko holds Shawn for a Spinning Heel Kick from Owen. Of course, Shawn moves and Yoko gets wiped out. As Yoko stumbles around, HBK hits SWEET CHIN MUSIC for the 1-2-3. (7:57 shown) Looks like the crew is going to split, but then Davey Boy Smith and Jim Cornette cool things down. Once they realize Shawn Michaels is all by himself, they see the potential in a three-on-one attack with Cornette looking for payback. However, here comes Diesel to even things up a bit. Actually, not that bad of a match. **¼

As Camp Cornette retreats to the floor, Cornette makes the challenge to the Dudes with Attitudes to take on Yokozuna and Davey Boy Smith next week – IF THEY GOT ANY GUTS! Looks like we’ve got another double main event show coming your way.

NEXT WEEK: Bret v. Taker II! Plus, the Dudes with Attitudes v. British Bulldog & Yokozuna! Not only will you get a PPV main event rematch from a few weeks back, but also one from five months ago!

WWF: Raw is War
April 14, 1997
Muncie, IN & Johannesburg, South Africa
Worthen Arena & Johannesburg Stadium
(taped on 4/7/97 & 4/9/97)

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: The Undertaker (3/23/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: Rocky Maivia (2/13/1997)
European Champion: Davey Boy Smith (3/3/1997)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith (9/22/1996)

FINALLY! For the first time in three months, I’m able to recap some WWF 1997 again for you. Enjoy!

HOUR NUMBER ONE! Your hosts in the US are Vince McMahon and Jim Cornette while Jim Ross and the Honky Tonk Man are in South Africa. I have no idea why they thought a simulcast was a good idea.

• The Legion of Doom vs. The Godwinns
  

IN THE GOOD OL’ USA: LOD got slopped last week and you better believe there’ll be HELL TO PAY! They have no trouble with the Godwinns until Hawk runs his shoulder into the post. The Godwinns work that over until there’s a double-KO to set up the HOT TAG TO ANIMAL! The action breaks loose as Owen Hart and the British Bulldog head out with the belts in-hand. While Owen distracts the ref, Bulldog bashes Animal with the title to give the Godwinns the upset victory! (6:39) Not good, but did you really think it would be? ¾*

Let Us Take You Back to Two Weeks Ago: Jesse James refused the Honky Tonk Man’s advances at becoming his protégé and smashed his GEETAR.

• Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Chyna) vs. Jesse James
  

OVER IN SOUTH AFRICA: Honky Tonk will just not shut up about himself in this commentary. I get it. He’s feuding with Jesse James, but c’mon. Feeling out process to start. I can already tell this one is going to take a while. This match is so interesting, our four esteemed commentators start talking about what’s going on in the NEWS. After the commercial break, HHH hits the suplex and the Knee Drop, then hooks on a chinlock. High Knee connects for two. Back to the chinlock. JJ fights out and BOOGIE WOOGIES all over HHH. Honky Tonk has enough of JJ’s comeback and punches him into the PEDIGREE for the 1-2-3. (12:25 shown) JJ and HTM have a standoff, but Honky cowers back to the announce table before any tailkicking can ensue. Total snoozer by the way. ½*

• WWF Intercontinental Champion Rocky Maivia vs. Savio Vega (w/the NOD)
  

STILL IN SOUTH AFRICA: Not sure why this is being televised since it’s also going to be a PPV match. It’s all headlocks and headscissors to start. Nevertheless, it’s non-title. On the split-screen, Ahmed Johnson says some things that I don’t understand. Rocky grabs the armbars until Savio catches him charging in the corner with a heel kick. As Vega grinds on the nerve hold, we see an injured Faarooq come down to ringside as we go to commercial. When we come back, Savio is still sticking with the nerve hold. It picks up as Rocky breaks loose. Vega tries a crossbody out the corner, but then Rocky trips him up for a catapult. Back suplex and the fisherman’s suplex gets two. ROCK BOTTOM for 1-2-NO! He follows up with the Flying Bodypress, but Savio escapes the SHOULDERBREAKER and rolls up Rocky with a handful of tights for the 1-2-3. (14:34 shown) Pretty boring for the most part, but picked up pretty well for the home stretch. The Nation do a number on Rocky until Ahmed Johnson runs out with his 2×4 for the save. *½

TIME TO ENTER THE WARZONE! Your hosts don’t change.

IN THE GOOD OL’ USA: Stone Cold Steve Austin meets Vince McMahon out in the ring for an interview. He tells Vince that the WWF is finally giving him what he wants – another rematch with Bret Hart. Everybody has been holding him down in the WWF, but no more because it’s his time. Bret Hart’s time has come and gone. Come Sunday, he will leave Bret in a bloody heap and that’s the bottom line.

• The Sultan (w/the Iron Sheik) vs. Goldust
  

BACK IN SOUTH AFRICA: Goldust is looking like Peter Criss right now. VKM wonders if he’s contracted E. coli somehow, but I don’t think the symptoms for having the virus include your face paint looking like a cat. Anywho, Marlena is still back at home licking her wounds from when Chyna shook her like a rag doll at WrestleMania. Goldust beats on Sultan until he has to bail, but then he gets pulled out and whipped into the stairs. Back in, Sultan delivers a piledriver and grabs a chinlock. Once Goldust fights out and hits the Bulldog, Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Chyna run down for the DQ. (3:06 shown) They do a number on Goldust including a spike piledriver and an Iranian flagpole broke over his back. Wild stuff! ½*

OVER IN KUWAIT: Bret Hart lambastes the American fans and gives them a tongue lashing for cheering for people like Stone Cold Steve Austin and Shawn Michaels.

• The Headbangers vs. Mankind & Vader (w/Paul Bearer)
  

BACK OVER IN THE GOOD OL’ USA: The Headbangers have to double-team Vader to get him off his feet to start. When its one-on-one, they have no chance. They show us flashbacks of Mankind throwing the fire ball in the Undertaker’s face from two weeks ago. The match breaks down out on the floor for a while. Back in, JR mentions something about the WWF Magazine talking about Shawn Michaels having a nervous breakdown. Nobody really comments on that. Finally, Mankind gets a tag and running knees Mosh in the corner. Cactus Clothesline puts Mosh on the floor where he drinks something from under the apron and then spews whatever it was in Mankind’s face for the DQ. (5:32) While Mankind is blinded, he puts the MANDIBLE CLAW on Vader. Paul Bearer puts a stop to that as quickly as possible. Another bleh match. *

OVER IN SOUTH AFRICA: While JR and Honky Tonk Man are discussing Vader and Mankind’s volatile relationship, the lights start to flicker as the Undertaker’s voice and BONGS come over the PA system. This Sunday night, Mankind will not rest in peace, but he might burn in hell. SNAP!

We get a light jazz montage showing off the earliest of the WWF Divas at the Slammy Awards. The best part of it all has to be Todd Pettengill’s SUPER awkward looks as the ladies parade around him.

BACK TO SOUTH AFRICA: The Commandant from the Truth Commission comes out to tell us that he will show us the error of our ways. Whatever, guy.

• Ahmed Johnson vs. Crush (w/the NOD)
  

MORE FROM SOUTH AFRICA: JR tells us beforehand that this match will not pretty. In fact JR, it’s going to downright suck. They start with a double-KO, which seems awfully odd. Ahmed bicycle kicks Crush to the floor. Back in, Crush yanks Ahmed to the floor to get a stomping in the kidneys from D’Lo Brown. The suplex back in followed by a TRIFECTA of legdrops gets two. Out comes Savio Vega who did not come out at the beginning of the match. Commercials! When we return, Ahmed fights out of a nerve hold and hits an ugly Scissors Kick, then some miscommunication makes a missed elbow drop spot look terrible. Crush gives Ahmed a piledriver for two. Sleeper puts Ahmed down on the mat. When he starts to fight up, Faarooq tosses Crush a leather strap to choke out Ahmed FOR REALZ while Savio and D’Lo distract the ref. Once Crush disguises the choke like a sleeper, he still fights out, but runs into a knee. HEART PUNCH? Nope. Ahmed breaks free and hits a spinning heel kick. Another knee strike from Crush is countered into a rollup for the 1-2-3. (8:19 shown) Faarooq issues a challenge to Ahmed that if he can beat the entire Nation of Domination, the group will disband. Ahmed just looks at Faarooq all serious-like, but doesn’t say yes! WHAT A WUSS! ½*

This was quite the throwaway program with no flow whatsoever. They needn’t have bothered. It does start to get better though beginning with next week’s show.

WWF In Your House presents: Revenge of the ‘Taker
LIVE on PPV – April 20 from Rochester, New York
Here is the card as it looks at the end of this show:

MAIN EVENT: WWF World Champion The Undertaker vs. Mankind
WWF Intercontinental Champion Rocky Maivia vs. Savio Vega
WWF World Tag Team Champions Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith vs. The Legion of Doom
Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin
Jesse James vs. Honky Tonk Man’s MYSTERY protege

It looked like Shamrock v. Vader was going to happen too, but then Vader had to go and protect the biz on live TV over on “Good Morning Kuwait” on April 11. He was then detained in Kuwait for the next ten days.

WWF Raw is War
April 7, 1997
Muncie, IN
Worthen Arena
(Taped on 4/6/97)

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: The Undertaker (3/23/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: Rocky Maivia (2/13/1997)
European Champion: Davey Boy Smith (3/3/1997)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith (9/22/1996)

Oh my gosh! Mankind threw a fire ball in the Undertaker’s face! Oh wait, that happened last week. The Raw theme song changes again. It’s less “Beautiful People” and more “Thorn In Your Eye”. Also, the ring ropes are no longer American colors (red and black for now) and the ring apron has changed with the rest of the classic Raw is War set.

HOUR NUMBER ONE! Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and the Honky Tonk Man. HTM has the gee-tar with him in a plastic bag that Jesse James smashed last week.

• WWF Tag Team Champions Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith vs. The Godwinns

Before the match, Owen thanks Bret for bringing their family back together last week. He also warns Shawn Michaels that he better not say anything bad about Bret tonight because Owen and the Bulldog will come down and DESTROY him. The Godwinns bring some little girl down with them that’s ugly as sin carrying an FFA sign. Hey, that’s cool since you’re in Indiana and all. But this isn’t a house show, so why would the rest of the world care about some local FFA chapter? Owen and Henry start the match. Henry slams Owen around and then slams Phineas on top of him. Owen does his fancy wristlock escape and tags Davey Boy. While Bulldog jaws with the crowd, we go to the split screen with Shawn Michaels backstage. Shawn says he plans to upset not just Owen and the Bulldog, but also a lot of other people. It is LIVE TV, after all! Back to the match, Phineas cleans house and has a retard fit until Henry calms him down. Blind tag to Owen sets up Phineas for the Spinning Heel Kick. He becomes your Redneck in Peril as we go to commercial. When we come back, Phineas is STILL caught on the wrong side of town. Henry tries to save, but that just means more double-teaming on Phineas. He finally drops Owen and Bulldog with a double clothesline and makes the HOT TAG TO HENRY! Wheelbarrow faceslam to Davey Boy gets two. Hey, now the Legion of Doom are on the split-screen. They get the tag champs at In Your House on April 20! While they make threats to Owen and Davey Boy Smith, Henry hits the SLOP DROP on Bulldog! As the ref is taking care of Phineas, Owen lowers the boom on Henry and covers for the 1-2-3. (7:11 shown) As the tag champs walk up the aisle, the Legion of Doom are there to meet them at the tunnel! Owen and Bulldog cower back, but the Godwinns are waiting behind them with a slop bucket. They duck and the LOD get SLOPPED~! Well, this is bad news bears for the Godwinns. Davey Boy and Owen get the heck out of there while LOD and the Godwinns brawl at ringside until a team of referees pull them apart. **

In the back, we get a reaction from Bulldog and Owen. Davey says LOD getting slopped was the funniest thing he’s EVER seen. Really? Funnier than the Shockmaster debut? They watch it happen again and again. WHOA! Suddenly, Stone Cold Steve Austin is shown nearby and he starts barking at Owen and Davey Boy. Stuff like that certainly gives this show a *live* feel.

• Steve Austin vs. Billy Gunn (w/the Honky Tonk Man)

What’s this about? Gunn looks confident to start, but that’s before he ever gets near Austin. The crowd cheers on every move Austin makes. Back to the split-screen, we get MORE Owen and Davey Boy Smith. They didn’t like Austin cutting in on their interview time. Owen says Austin can forget about Bret, Austin can have he and the Bulldog to worry about if he wants it that way. In the ring, Austin is working the arm as JR plugs Sunday Night Heat back when it wasn’t another WWF show but the USA Network’s Sunday night lineup. Gunn catches Austin telegraphing a backdrop and delivers a swinging neckbreaker. Austin’s trick knee acts up all over Billy’s balls. The ref Tim White gives Austin a pretty good tongue lashing, so he gives White the double bird when he turns his back to him. And the crowd approves! The times they are a-changing. Before you know it, there’s the STONE COLD STUNNER for the win to a huge pop. (6:09) Seems odd that they would feed Billy Gunn to Austin so quickly after joining him up with the Honky Tonk Man after all that ‘searching for a protégé’ talk. ¾*

Afterwards, Honky Tonk Man tries to assure Billy Gunn that even after last week when he tried to bring Jesse James under his wing and he refused, Billy was always his number one choice for a protégé. When it comes to shaking hands, Billy punches HTM in the face. Poor Honky! Nobody wants him around.

Dok Hendrix plays a little Don West and tries to sell you an Undertaker door banner. Sheesh, looks like something the Columbine kids had in their rooms. Hey, it’s only 30 BUCKS~! What a deal!

A strange looking man who would be known as the Commandant of the Truth Commission steps out onto the rampway to hype not only next week’s Raw is War from Johannesburg, South Africa but also that his troop of commandoes have come to America to study the effects of democracy over some serious sounding B-film music. Imagine the WCW Wargames music played while Tony Schiavone gives you the rules of the match. He calls us “sissy, liberal Americans”. Hey now, my dad voted for Bob Dole! Who is the one who speaks the truth to this man? Why, it’s Bret Hart of course! People love Bret in South Africa. They show a pre-taped interview with Bret that sounds like it was done in an old bathroom, so its kind of hard to hear him very clearly. He insults Steve Austin and threatens Psycho Sid since they are scheduled to face each other at In Your House. Shawn watches the interview from his locker room. Bret carries with him the REAL red, white, and blue flag to the ring to a huge ovation –of course its the South African flag.

Bret Hart and Bart Simpson make the cover of the WWF magazine. Bret appears on season eight episode 21, which is also the same night as the In Your House PPV. Shawn reminds Bret that everything Bart does – its just a cartoon, Bret. It’s not REAL~!

Right before the 10PM hour, out comes Shawn Michaels to talk about things and stuff! Last time we saw Shawn two weeks ago, Bret had him in the ringpost figure-four. Shawn explains how Bret’s real motives behind his return, in addition to his obsession with the WWF Title, have been money. Everything bad that’s happened to the Hart clan has been because Bret has allowed it to happen for the right price. It was Bret who has constantly involved his family in everything. He relates how the two have been jockeying for position at the top of the WWF for the last six years. Shawn hints that he gladly let Hart get all the build up back then, and when it came to Shawn’s turn, Hart only did so “kicking and screaming!” He calls Bret’s claims that he “had to” come back “horses#!t!”. Shawn reveals that Bret used a “rival organization” to get more money out his comeback, presumably threatening to go to this other organization if Vince didn’t pony up enough money. (The assertion here is that Bret never had any intention of going elsewhere, but he used that threat to satiate his own personal gain). Shawn goes on to say that Bret’s “time off” was him merely watching to see if the WWF with Shawn Michaels at the helm would fall flat on it’s face. Shawn says they didn’t and, to the contrary, the WWF did better business than they have in years. “You run the company. Isn’t that correct?” Vince nods in agreement. The segment ends with Shawn saying that, though it would anger Bret, Shawn was going to do a little dance and take off his clothes because this is America and you can do whatever the heck you want to here. Umm, no thanks Shawn. Owen and Bulldog have had enough and head to the ring to attack, but Shawn guards himself with a chair so they decide to fight another day. Come on guys. There’s TWO of you and ONE of him. It’s not a chair that shoots poison darts or anything.

TIME TO ENTER THE WAR ZONE! Your hosts are still Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and the Honky Tonk Man.

• The Headbangers vs. Freddie Joe Floyd & Barry Horowitz

Horowitz tries to control Thrasher with a headlock, but then Mosh gets a blind tag and flies in with a clothesline. Ken Shamrock’s first opponent in the WWF will be Vernon White. They meet each other later in the program. He’s supposed to be one of Shamrock’s students at the Lion’s Den. Horowitz gets worked over some more before tagging in Freddie Joe Floyd better known as Tracy Smothers. Mosh counters a bulldog with a side slam. There’s the STAGE DIVE and it’s all over. (4:32) Just a quick little squash to put over the announced ‘bangers win streak. ½*

• Ken Shamrock vs. Vernon White

Before this “exhibition”, Vince hypes UFC 13! He specifically names the main event: Vitor Belfort and Tank Abbott. This appears to be a worked shoot fight similar to Takada’s UWF in Japan. I really enjoy that type of wrestling though. Vernon White gets away from Shamrock and kicks him real good. That just makes Shamrock angry as he pounces on White and punches away (some definite worked punches if you know what I mean) until White taps out. (2:00) JR gets a word with Shamrock afterwards. He admits he lost his temper there a little bit, but that’s how it goes. Vader and Paul Bearer interrupt. He wants to fight this Shamrock dude and I have to say – that sounds like a good idea to me. No rating.

• Vader (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Frank Staletto

That last interaction gets Vader all JAZZED up. He drops Staletto with a release German suplex and then goes crazy on him in the corner. Mankind joins us on the split-screen and tells us he has a presentation to make tonight. Hopefully, Undertaker likes it. Back to the ring, Vader delivers a couple pump splashes and hits the POWERBOMB for the 1-2-3. (2:20) This was VINTAGE Vader. ½*

So come to find out, Psycho Sid has not made it to the building for tonight’s main event against Mankind. WWF President Gorilla Monsoon changes the main event to Austin v. Mankind. Austin comes by and tells Gorilla that ain’t happening because he’s already wrestled tonight. He’s not going to do it because he doesn’t want to be told what to do. However, Austin plays hard ball and tells Monsoon that he’ll wrestle tonight as long as he gets Bret Hart at In Your House – in a manner of speaking. Gorilla makes the deal.

After Mankind makes his entrance, JR asks him why he threw a fire ball in the Undertaker’s face. He just wanted to make the Undertaker feel like he does. That’s all! If you can’t believe somebody would actually marry Mankind, then he actually wants you to change the channel and watch another wrestling program while he’s on the screen because reality is what he’s dealing with here. I can’t wait for the Dude Love character to appear. This guy is a total downer! So what does Mankind have to present to the Undertaker? It’s another Mankind mask. Once Mankind wins the WWF title, they can be twins! The lights begin to flicker and the Undertaker’s Titan Tron video appears on the screen. There’s just a voice over though as he says Undertaker things – mostly vowing revenge on Mankind and Paul Bearer. Meanwhile, Mankind is covering his ears rocking back and forth on the mat.

• Steve Austin vs. Mankind (w/Paul Bearer)

So obviously Sid never showed up. Word on the street is, Sid was supposed to put over Mankind here and decided to have an injury instead. That’s also why Bret’s match at In Your House is changed to Bret v. Austin III. These two brawl on the rampway to start with Mankind taking some back bumps. Dang, ANOTHER Owen and Davey Boy split-screen interview. They are pissed that Bret’s match was changed at the drop of a hat when he’s not even at the show to defend himself. Back to the match, Mankind fails to use a chair and Austin drops him on the guardrail. Vince wonders if Mankind will set Austin’s face on fire tonight. After Austin stomps the balls, he grabs a chinlock as we see Owen and Davey Boy watching on up in the crowd with their arms crossed. As Austin spots them, we go to commercials. When we return, Mankind is holding a chair and Austin is down on the floor. Back in, Austin fights out of a chinlock with a jawbreaker, but misses an elbow drop. Now Mankind tosses Austin onto some bare concrete and delivers the elbow drop from the apron. He takes Austin over to the rampway for a piledriver, but Austin shoves him off the rampway down onto the guardrail! OUCH. Back inside, Mankind goes low to avoid a superplex as Owen and the Bulldog come a little closer to ringside. Austin nails Mankind as he comes off the top. As Bulldog and Owen jump the rail, out comes the Legion of Doom. They chase the tag champs around ringside while Austin stomps a mudhole in Mankind inside the ring. Vader ZOOMS past everyone and as he goes to attack Austin, he nails Mankind instead. (11:12 shown) Fun little brawl as these two always had good chemistry together. Of course, Sid v. Mankind would have served a much better purpose business-wise for the upcoming PPV even though it would not have been as good as this was. **½

While Austin and LOD chase the Hart Foundation out of here, Mankind and Vader trade blows until Paul Bearer gets in between them. Could we see a split? Nope. They hug it out.

WWF In Your House presents: Revenge of the ‘Taker
LIVE on PPV – April 20 from Rochester, New York
Here is the card as it looks at the end of this show:

MAIN EVENT: WWF World Champion The Undertaker vs. Mankind
WWF World Tag Team Champions Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith vs. The Legion of Doom
Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

It looked like Shamrock v. Vader was going to happen too, but then Vader had to go and protect the biz on live TV over on “Good Morning Kuwait” on April 11. He was then detained in Kuwait for the next ten days.

Summerslam 1997
Live from East Rutherford New Jersey
Announcers: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry “The King” Lawler

Opening Match:  Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/ Chyna vs. Mankind – Cage Match.

Triple H is still doing the snob gimmick with Chyna as his MANager. HHH was still very green here, but I loved his gimmick and his entrance music. They both were very heel-ish.  Mankind was in the process of transforming into Dude Love, which was Foley trying to be his boyhood dream wrestler HBK.  These two hated each other ever since King of the Ring finals match where Hunter defeated Mankind where he rudely used the crown to beat the hell out Mankind. Not very classy at all.  Sweet! WWF was still using the blue cage.I wonder if this the last one. Quick, someone look that up for me. What? I don’t make enough money to do research too. Pshh.  Hunter tried to quickly escape, but Mankind says no sir and drags him back into the cage. It would be cool – even if cheap – if a match ended like that. It would break one of the many cliches in wrestling. Mankind takes it to HHH for a while. Running knee into HHH’s face followed by a piledriver. Mankind goes to escape, but Chyna doesn’t allow him to. Mankind puts in the maniable claw, but Chyna pulls  Mankind’s hair through the cage, allowing HHH to get some offense in. That is until Mankind hits a clothesline and then tries to escape. Chyna has other ideas as she gives Mankind a low-blow. HHH suplexes Mankind off the cage! Trips tries to escape, but rather punish Mankind instead. He throws him into the cage three times, making the cage look like its about to break. Trips tries to leave the cage, but Mankind drags him back into the cage. Chyna punches Mankind through the cage. Well, Mankind deserved that since he put his head out of the cage. Mankind finds through until Trips hits hit vintage knee drop. Trips goes for a suplex, but Mankind reverses it with a tree of woe from the cage. He follows with an elbow drop. Cool spot. Mankind throws Trips into the cage again and again. Triple H backdrops Mankind right into the cage. Another cool spot. Both fight on the top ropes trading off punches.  Trips falls and his leg gets caught. Mankind is about to leave…..until Chyna throws the cage door into Mankind. The referee is pissed at her, thus she kicks his ass. She throws a chair into the ring. HHH goes for a pedigree, but Mankind reverses it by taking Trips’ legs out and then throwing Trips into her, as she stands there like “derr, what’s happening?”.  Mankind is about to win the match, but decides to do the spot that got him into the wrestling business, Jimmy Snuka GOING SUPERFLY on Muraco!!!!! He climbs out as Chyna tries to pull HHH out, but Mankind still beats the race @ 16:00. WWF tried to make the finish dramatic, making Mankind look kind of a moron that almost costed himself the match. It still translated in a great moment if you knew what inspired Foley into the business. Trips’ offense was tedious and he didn’t really know how to cunningly dictate the pace as a heel yet, but Foley took his hand and carried him through it. Trips took some sick bumps to his credit. Chyna was ahead of her time as a manager, but had bad timing and was in the wrong spot a lot. Let’s call it  *** 1/4.

Loser Wears Dress: Brian Pillman vs. Goldust.

I’m going to be honest with you, this match is a total blah and nothing happens, other than some half-hearted brawling and basic 101 wrestling. The finish comes with Pillman throwing Goldust outside the ring and Goldust doing one of the worst sunset flips ever with Pillman trying to cover the botch up. Marlena hits Pilman with the purse, allowing Goldust to finally get the pin. It sounds like bad pbp on my behalf, but it’s hard to call such a screwed up finish. Of course, Brian Pillman had to wear the dress the next night since Russo doesn’t believe people who order to see the match should see the stipulation of the match done on the show. Bad match. 1/4*

The Godwinns vs. The Leigon of Doom

The Godwinns were a team who I assume Vince McMahon wanted to use to remember his epic failure of a year 1995. They didn’t fit into the evolution of the business, as they same off as very stereotypical rednecks, which is saying a lot because stereotypes are wrestling’s middle name. The LOD had no motivation whatsoever at this point.  In fact, they never showed any real motivation in WWF ever. It seemed like they didn’t want to be here and were using them for a paycheck. Generic tag team formula wrestling for most of the match. Good because it’s hard to mess up. Bad because it’s dull.  After being in peril, Hawk makes the hot-tag to Animal, who takes on both Godwinns with clotheslines and then a piledriver to end it @ 9:51. By-the-books match that could have been better given less time. * 3/4

European Title Match: British Bulldog vs. Ken Shamrock – If Bulldog loses, he must eat dog food.

It wouldn’t be a Russo show if someone didn’t have to eat  dog food. Shamrock was still green in the ring and Bulldog wasn’t one to carry people. The finish comes where Shamrock cannot take it anymore and just snaps. Bulldog is scared for his life, thus hits the referee resulting in a DQ at 7:50.  Shamrock chokes Bulldog and the officials come out to get him off of him. Shamrock then attacks them, getting a huge pop. The match was dull, but it showed how over Shamrock was becoming if anything. * 1/2

Los Boricuas vs. The Disciples of the Apocalypse

I had to do some research to understand this feud and I am still not entirely sure if it makes sense. Me trying to explain will do us no justice. Let’s just call it what it is:  a very nonsensical Vince Russo angle.   They do some brawling….and then some more brawling…..and then some more brawling…..and then some more brawling….and then right when you think they’re done….they do more brawling.  Oh, and trust me, it’s that half-hearted brawling, not the heated kind. Ahmad hits the plunge on Chainz, but sends him in only for the Hispanic team to steal the victory@ 9:06. Oh, Russo and your racial stereotypes. Everyone keeps brawling. This entire thing gets a big DUD.

IC Title: Owen Hart vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin- If Austin loses, he has to kick Hart’s ass

At Candian Stampede, Owen Hart pinned Stone Cold and he allows everyone to know about it, which, of course, pisses Stone Cold off.  Hart works on Austin’s knee before Austin had a chance. Austin comes right back with a Thez Press. Austin throws Hart right into the turnbuckle, making Hart fall viciously to the ground. Austin goes to work on Owen’s arm, trying to break it.  Outside, Austin tries to put in the figure-four with the ringpost, but Owen pulls Austin in right into the turnbuckle. Back in, Hart tries breaking Austin’s fingers and goes to the point of biting his middle finger. Owen goes for a ‘rana but Austin reverses into a powerbomb. Owen Hart drives to leave, but Austin drags him back into the ring. Owen hits a belly-to-belly suplex followed by a vicious neckbreaker as Jim Ross called it. Hart works on Austin’s neck. Austin gets a hope-spot in, but Owen remains on offense. The crowd tries to get Austin back into the match. Austin goes for a suplex, but Owen nails a german suplex. ONE-TWO-THRE-NO! Hart puts in the camel clutch, while we get Shiek’s comments on it: “That no good piece of shit.”  Owen has the sleeper in, but Austin counters with a jawbreaker. Austin comes off the top, but Owen reverses with a punch in the midsection. Hart puts back in the sleeper hold. Thus far, this has had great storytelling with Austin trying to itch his way back into the match, but Owen having a counter for Austin’s counter every time. Plus, it means more because the crowd wants Austin to comeback so bad.  Owen fights with the ref, which allows Austin to pick Hart up for the piledriver. Owen counters into one of his own, breaking Austin’s neck.  Instead of pinning him, Hart panders around he talks to the crowd not knowing what to do. Austin fights his way to Owen Hart and rolls him up with the worst roll up in history @ 15.00. How to rate this one because it seemed like they had way more to offer before Austin broke his neck. This was a sad moment because Austin never became as good as he was in the ring after this. On the other hand, he became the second biggest drawing wrestler ever. You win one, you lose one. The match had great storytelling with Owen constantly getting heat on Austin, but Austin – being the tough SOB he is – kept trying to crawl his way back into the match. But Hart still had the brains to counter Austin’s counters. If the story finished at its original destination, this just well might have been a 5 star match. *** 1/2

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Undertaker 

HBK is the special guest referee, but he promises he’ll call it straight down the middle. If HBK touches Bret Hart, he’ll never be able to wrestle in the US again, and if Bret Hart touches HBK, he’ll never be able to wrestle in Canada again. Also, Bret Hart said if he loses, he’ll never wrestle in the WWF again. Just so many stipulations  in this match.  Hart  nails Taker with the belt from behind. Taker isn’t affected in runs Hart into the ringpost. Back in, Taker hits a backbreaker followed by a  stretch across the knee. Taker hits Hart with a big boot, but he misses a second. Hart works over Takers leg and puts in a  figure four. Paul Bearer comes down to say Kane is coming. OH YESS!!!!!!. Taker counters the figure-four, but Hart makes it to tho the ropes. Taker then works on Hart’s leg until he goes after Bearer, which allows Hart to take out Taker’s knee from behind. HBK kicks  Bearer out. OH NOOO!!!!!!!  Meanwhile, Bret sinks in the ring-post figure-four. HBK breaks it up, thus Hart gets in his face.  Owen Hart and Brian Pillman come out. Back in,  Bret works over Taker’s leg, but Taker fights back and then goes after Owen Hart and Pillman.  HBK also ejects them and Bret walks into a choke slam. Taker is going to win,  but Shawn is  too busy making  in ejecting both Owen and Pillman. Taker isn’t happy on it so he has some words for HBK, allowing Bret to roll him up. ONE-TWO-THR-NO!  Bret gets 4 out of 4 of his 5 moves of doom in, but Taker grabs him by the throat while Hart goes for the sharpshooter. Taker goes for a chokeslam, but Hart kicks his knee. Taker fights back and delivers a chokeslams. ONE-TWO-THRE-NO!. Taker goes old school, but Bret counters and hits a  superplex. Bret puts in the sharpshooter, but Taker powers out of it, which tosses Bret to the floor. Hart sells the frustration of someone being able to kick out of his finisher. Back in, HBK takes a bump so  Bret gets a chair and nails the Undertaker with it. HBK – not knowing what’s going on – counts ONE-TWO-THRE-NO! Shawn sees the chair and gets in Bret’s face. Hart spits on HBK, causing HBK to reach his breaking-point as he swings the chair but Bret ducks and HBK nails the Undertaker. Bret covers Taker, forcing HBK no other choice than to count. A long staredown happens between the two during the count. ONE-TWO-THREE, Bret Hart wins the title @ 28:00.  Hart and Undertaker  would go on and one-up this match later on at One Night Stand.  HBK and Undertaker’s heat went on all the way to their famous HITC match where Kane finally debuted. The match had tedious and slow parts, but the drama and all of the added elements boosted the matches’ rating.  *** 1/2

Final Thoughts:  Man, I forgot how awful the midcard matches were on this show. They were really, really bad, and made this PPV at one time feel like it was heading towards King of the Ring 1995 territory. Of course, that is until the main guys, much like always in 1997, delivered and saved it.

WWF really hit their hot-point around this time as they put on some of the most entertaining and well-booked feuds in the history of wrestling (aside from the the Russo convoluted stuff in the midcard of course). However, long booked feuds that accumulate over a span of time didn’t exactly intrigue the usual viewer of this generation, who were instead watching WCW and their ADHD program. In 1998, WWF fired Jim Cornette from the booking team and hired Ed Ferreria to help Vince Russo write the show. They both were heavy fans of  shock-tv that had a lot off cussing, sex-references, puppies, and gimmicks like Val Venis and the Godfather.

Albeit most of their programming was stupid and convoluted, the core audience never remembered most of it because they were so focused in on Stone Cold Steve Austin (who could take a shit in the ring and still get a huge pop) and plus the fact that the car-crash style made people easily forget what was even going on. Despite the long-term impact on the business it had, it became a huge success and allowed WWF to overcome the odds against WCW, which was practically the only thing that mattered at that point.

Mild Thumbs Up For Summerslam 1997

WWF WrestleMania 13
March 23, 1997
Chicago, IL
Rosemont Horizon

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: Psycho Sid (2/17/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: Rocky Maivia (2/13/1997)
European Champion: Davey Boy Smith (3/3/1997)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith (9/22/1996)

INTRO VIDEO: No one is smiling this year – specifically not Shawn Michaels.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler.

• The New Blackjacks vs. The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim) vs. The Headbangers vs. Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon – Four Corners Match

Winner gets a tag titles shot the next night on Raw. And here come the Godwinns! This is certainly not the strongest way to start off a WrestleMania. Poor Phil LaFon and Doug Furnas get ZERO reaction from the crowd. Vince takes a look back to August 1975 when the original Blackjacks (Mulligan and Lanza) were the tag team champions. WILL HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF TOMORROW NIGHT? Apparently they are favored to win since they are the only team that gets any interview time. Big eight man brawl to start until everyone finds a corner to stand in except Bradshaw and Henry Godwinn. To push the rules, Henry tags in Thrasher. He eats a boot and takes a pumphandle slam from Bradshaw. Tag to Phineas, who then gets walloped by Bradshaw. He backdrops Thrasher and tags in Mosh? Lawler pokes holes in the logic of this match where even tag team partners can be tagged in to face each other. Vince plays it off like the cruel carny that he is. The Headbangers do a little dance, but however fail to make a little love. LaFon gets tagged and receives a flapjack. From there, LaFon proceeds to make everyone else in this match look terrible by comparison with his VINTAGE kicks and suplexes. Furnas tags in and HURRACANRANAS Windham! That gets two. He tries another and Windham catches him for a slam. Back to Bradshaw, he brings Furnas over the top rope for a suplex in a nasty looking bump. This ends up becoming a two-team brawl as Furnas and Windham join in the fight. Bradshaw shoves a ref, but apparently both teams are either counted out or DQ’ed at 4:47. That leaves the Headbangers against the Godwinns. Back in the ring, Henry slams Phineas onto Thrasher for two. The Godwinns stay on Thrasher for a good while. After all that, all it takes is an eye rake to allow Mosh to receive a tag. Henry and Mosh take a clothesline bump to the floor. Back in, Mosh necksnaps Henry and delivers the springboard clothesline to Henry on the apron. With Henry on the floor, Thrasher heads up top for the Rocket Launcher! Awesome. Back inside, that gets two. Thrasher tries a Moonsault and completely misses. HOT TAG TO PHINEAS! He calls for the SLOP DROP on Mosh, but Thrasher saves with a clothesline. The match breaks down and during the chaos, Thrasher hits Phineas with the Whoopie Cushion for the 1-2-3. (10:40) Don’t ask me because I don’t know what he calls that move. Sadly, this was the best choice for the opener. Tomorrow night on Raw, the Headbangers gets the winners of tonight’s tag team championship match. **

• WWF Intercontinental Champion Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan (w/Bob Backlund & Iron Sheik)

The Honky Tonk Man does his thing before joining our commentary threesome at the table. Three’s a crowd, but these four together are just incredibly ridiculous. Hall of Famers Arnold Skaaland Capt. Lou Albano, and Tony Atlas are shown sitting in the front row. How many 1980s has-beens who are still trying to hang onto some former glory can we show for this match? Wow, and I call myself a WCW fan. Where did THAT reaction come from? Anyways, the Sultan is one of the shorter lived gimmicks of the man we know best as Rikishi. He wears a Hannibal Lecter mask and Iron Sheik boots. Rocky layeth the Smackethdown early on Sultan, but then misses a clothesline up against the ringpost. Sultan grabs a nerve hold and then delivers a Flying Headbutt. However, there’s only a super delayed cover that gets two. Time to hit the chinlock. There’s loads of “Rocky sucks” and “boring” chants although this match. Rocky fights out into a double-KO. He reaches over and with an arm on Sultan gets a nearfall. Here comes the Rocky Johnson/Peter Maivia comeback. Belly to belly suplex by Rocky gets two. Now the Hurricane DDT sets up the FLYING BODYPRESS, but Iron Sheik has the ref’s attention. Rocky looks to get rid of Sheik, but then turns around into a Thrust Kick. Cover, 1-2-NO! Piledriver gets two. Sultan goes for a slam, but Rock slips out and a schoolboy gets the win. (9:47) What’s with the fluke win? Afterwards, Backlund and Sheik join Sultan in a three-man beatdown until Rocky Johnson shows up for the save. Well, not exactly. As they beat the heck out of Rocky Johnson, that fires up Rocky Maivia as he clears the heels out of the ring. He and his daddy take turns slamming the Iron Sheik and then embrace in a seemingly forced sympathetic moment. Knowing now how much Rock’s character would change, it’s so weird seeing him showing any kind of affection towards another human being. *

In the back, Todd Pettingell interviews Ken Shamrock backstage. Shamrock says what he has said all along – he will not be intimidated by either Bret Hart or Steve Austin.

We see a quick recap of the Slammy Awards that aired the previous Friday night. Sable wears one of the skimpiest bikinis I’ve ever seen and cleans up with a bunch of awards. Owen steals another award. Bret and Shawn share an awkward moment winning the ‘match of the year’ award. Did I mention how Sable left little to the imagination at this award show? Todd Pettingell is looking all kinds of embarrassed and must be thinking – BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS, VINCE? WHY DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT THE KIDS ANYMORE? GEEZ.

• Goldust (w/Marlena) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Chyna)

This feud was already boring me back in January, but now HHH has brought Chyna into the mix and things just got real. So what if you couldn’t get Marlena, did you have to give up on women all together? Goldust squats down to start. He’s just staring at Helmsley. Then he pops up and clotheslines him down. He beats the heck out of HHH in and out of the ring, smashes his head on the top of the ringpost, and snaps off a quick powerslam. HHH tries to deliver a superplex, but ends up dumping Goldust face down to the apron below. Back inside, Hunter stomps a mudhole and walks it dry. A couple hard whips into the corner leads to a swinging neckbreaker for two. HHH cheats with an ab stretch Mike Rotunda style, but the ref kicks his arm and that allows Goldust to hiptoss him over. Nevertheless, HHH hits the High Knee for two. Helmsley does the Arn Anderson spot where he tries to hold the knuckles down on the mat. He tries to splash, but hits knees – just like Arn Anderson. Even so, a suplex sets up the knee drop for two. Goldust calls for the crowd to fire him up, but HHH cuts him off with a DDT. Backslide by Goldust gets two. He tries a slam, but he collapses as HHH falls on top for two. Crossbody gets two for Goldust. And now a double-KO. Helmsley comes off the top, but Goldust jumps back and gives HHH a flying butthole. Goldust mounts a comeback and hits the Bulldog for 1-2-NO! If this were 1992, it would be ALL over. Chyna starts to make her way over to Marlena. Meanwhile in the ring, both guys trade finisher attempts. Goldust catapults out of the PEDIGREE and when he sets up for the CURTAIN CALL, he spots Chyna getting up in Marlena’s face. He heads over and lifts Marlena up onto the apron. Here comes HHH with the High Knee to knock Goldust into Marlena who falls off the apron and into the arms of Chyna. She swings her around just like a rag doll, says JR. Back in the ring, HHH delivers the PEDIGREE for the win. (14:29) More interesting than they had at the Royal Rumble, but still not all that fun to watch. Since HHH got the win and Chyna left Marlena laying, they head out leaving Goldust to carry the remains of his beautiful wife. My gosh she was hot. Nevertheless, there’s a NEW leading male-female duo in town and it’s now HHH and Chyna. *½

• WWF World Tag Team Champions Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith vs. Vader & Mankind (w/Paul Bearer)

JR meets Owen and Bulldog in the aisle to stir the pot, but they won’t have any of it tonight. Owen plays right into Vader’s plan to start as he gets cornered. He fights back with a Spinning Heel Kick, but then fails with a crossbody block. Owen tries a rana like a retard and falls victim to a POWERBOMB. Instead of going for the pin, Vader wants a VADERBOMB. Davey Boy walks over and puts a stop to that. Mankind comes into save his partner, but the tag champs prevail. DBS gives a Stalling Suplex to Mankind, then Vader just to show off. Mankind escapes a chinlock while Vader pulls down the top rope to let Bulldog tumble to the floor. Mankind attacks with the urn, but Bulldog prevents the urn smash with a drop toe hold. Vader makes sure the urn leaves a mark on Davey Boy’s cranium though. Back in, Vader delivers a nice suplex for two. More of the corner mugging from Vader. Second-rope splash gets two. Tag to Mankind, he hits the running knee in the corner. Vader tries something off the second rope and gets slammed in mid-air. You knew it was coming. HOT TAG TO OWEN! Missile Dropkick to Vader and we see the kip up! Flying crossbody gets two, but then Vader runs him down. To the floor, Vader and Mankind deliver the Demolition Decapitation. More ringside violence occurs right in front of Stu and Helen Hart. Back inside, Owen slips out of a reverse neckbreaker and hits a DDT. Nevertheless, a splash off the ropes hits knees. They collide in the corner and then Owen catches Mankind with a Spinning Heel Kick for two. Vader grizzly bears Owen some more in the corner. Here comes Owen with a receipt as he nails Vader with another Spinning Heel Kick. Back over to Mankind, he dumps out Owen and runs around ringside, but Owen catches him for a Belly to Belly Suplex on the floor. Back in, an Enziguri knocks Mankind silly long enough for Owen to make a tag to DBS. He goes clothesline crazy and delivers a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! Off comes the Vader mask! Davey Boy goes for the RUNNING POWERSLAM on Mankind, but he slips out into the MANDIBLE CLAW. Owen comes into the match to save the Bulldog, but Vader stops him with a Body Attack that knocks Owen into Mankind and DBS, which sends them tumbling through the ropes. Since Mankind will not let up on the claw, that costs himself and Vader the tag team titles as both teams lose by countout. (15:51) I’ve heard Vader and Mankind were supposed to get the belts here, but Vince was talked into having them retain as they were building up to the reformation of the Hart Foundation. Match was okay, but it’s just two heel teams and who do you root for there? **

• Bret Hart vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin – Submission Match (Special Referee: Ken Shamrock)

Oh, I’ve been waiting to review this match for a long time. Just think – if Shawn had not lost his smile, this match might have never happened. It might have taken Steve Austin another year before he got his big break on this type of stage (granted, it’s one of the lower attended and lowest buy-rate for a WM to date) to finally become the *man* in all of wrestling. Right out of the gate, this match turns into a fight that spills into the crowd for a couple minutes. It’s intense and feels real just like you knew it would. Back to ringside, Bret takes a nasty spill into the steps. Five minutes in, they meet back in the ring. Bret catches Austin with a swinging neckbreaker to stun him long enough to keep Austin on his back as he goes for the legs. You KNOW exactly why: the Sharpshooter. Austin stops him temporarily with a STONE COLD STUNNER and the crowd explodes. However, Austin can’t capitalize as Bret kicks him in the leg to knock him down to debut the Ringpost Figure-Four. Bret finds the ring bell, but then decides on a steel chair instead. He looks to PILLMANIZE the leg as he heads up top, but Austin recovers and decks Bret with the chair. Austin delivers one sick chairshot to the back and starts whipping Bret from corner to corner to continue weakening the back. Suplex sets up the Vertical Flying Elbow as the crowd is just going nuts. Austin gives Bret a Russian legsweep into the KOJI CLUTCH. SAY WHAAAAAT? When Bret starts to wiggle out, Austin changes over to a Boston crab. Bret makes the ropes, so Austin goes for the SHARPSHOOTER! Bret rakes the eyes to put a stop to it. He fires back, but Austin dumps him to the floor. Bret reverses a whip on the floor that sends Austin over the timekeeper’s table and cuts his forehead open as he eats the guardrail. Austin starts to bleed everywhere as Bret smashes his face off everything around ringside. Back inside, Bret delivers the backbreaker and the Vertical Elbow Drop before grabbing the chair and working over Austin’s knee. Austin blocks the Sharpshooter and kicks Bret in the nuts. He comes back and stomps a mudhole in Bret. Austin hits a superplex and grabs an extension cord from ringside. He tries to hang Bret on the apron, but Bret knocks Austin away with the ring bell he grabbed earlier. Time for the SHARPSHOOTER! Austin writhes in pain as we get some great looks with the blood running down his face. Finally, Austin MANS UP and breaks the SHARPSHOOTER for what JR and Vince call the first time that had ever happened. However, Bret sits back down on the hold as Austin passes out from the pain. Ken Shamrock calls the match and raises Bret’s arm as the winner. (22:05) Boy, that match is intense. By itself, you probably think that it’s a great match and you would be right in thinking so. There would be nothing wrong with just leaving it at that. But then I think this match goes a little deeper than being just a great match. I can’t think of one single match (not even Hogan-Andre) that had more impact on the world of wrestling than this one. This match was a changing of the guard if I ever saw one and Austin didn’t even beat Bret, which proves how little wins and losses matter in wrestling when its booked correctly. When you were watching Austin fighting the chance to give up when he clearly could have, you weren’t watching Bret anymore or even paying him any attention. Like you might have six months earlier, you didn’t want to see Bret make Austin submit anymore. You wanted to see Austin prevail by escaping this hold and winning this match. Think of how many matches over the years people had cheered Bret Hart to overcome odds and how many matches over the years people had booed Steve Austin to get his tail beaten by someone. In just a short time, Bret goes from the classic hero to being the complete opposite in many people’s eyes and vice versa. Just history-making booking that comes sometimes only once in a generation. *****

After the match, Bret takes a couple more kicks at Austin’s knee and Ken Shamrock has to interject himself and throws Bret away to trigger a stand off. The crowd goes insane. Bret punks out and walks away before anything else can happen. An actual ref comes down to help Austin and takes a STONE COLD STUNNER for his troubles. That’ll teach you to do your job. A bloody Stone Cold Steve Austin limps back to the locker room on his own power with the entire building chanting his name.

• The Legion of Doom & Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq, Crush & Savio Vega (w/the NOD)

The Nation of Domination bring out most of the toys used for this match, so Hawk brings with him the kitchen sink. Now I’ve seen EVERYTHING! Ahmed is wearing the shoulder pads too. He looks pretty awesome with them on too. LOD and Ahmed clean house with press slams to start. That’s how it should always be done. It’s just a crazy ECW hardcore-style match using trash cans and 2x4s. Animal and Faarooq screw up a piledriver on the French announce team table spot. Ugh, this really is ECW. Just so the table goes to waste, Ahmed slams Faarooq through the table. Somebody shoots off a fire extinguisher. Inside the ring, Savio Vega tries to hang Ahmed with a noose rope. LOD tries to save as Ahmed and Savio end up in the front row, but then Hawk gets caught with the rope around his neck. Faarooq climbs to the top turnbuckle with the rope in his hand, which means he gets pulled down to the floor. Faarooq gets the rope put around his neck, but PG-13 and Crush make sure Faarooq doesn’t get choked out. Hawk shoos PG-13 away with the fire extinguisher. Meanwhile, Ahmed hits the Spinebuster and calls for the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE. The Nation of Domination and D’Lo Brown (who is called “that guy” by JR) starts pummeling on Ahmed. Oh wait, Crush takes the DOOMSDAY DEVICE. While Hawk and Ahmed hold up a 2×4, Animal whips Crush into the 2×4 for the win. (10:46) Afterwards, D’Lo takes the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE. Then Ahmed and Animal hold up PG-13 for the DOOMSDAY DEVICE! Awesome. A mess of a match though that’s probably more fun if you were there to see it live, kind of like most every ECW match in my opinion. *½

Shawn Michaels makes his WrestleMania appearance and joins us for commentary. He sure embraces a lot of fans with the Kliq hand sign, which was then used as the Wolfpac sign. After Undertaker and Sid make their entrances and go nose-to-nose, Bret Hart emerges and grabs a mic. He tells Shawn to take his little pussy foot injury and go find his smile. Whatever he does, just don’t interfere in this match. Since Undertaker slammed the cage door on him the previous week on Raw to cost Bret the WWF title in the cage match with Sid, they are no longer friends. As for Sid, everybody knows that the WWF championship belongs to Bret because Sid’s a fraud and simply because Bret is the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Bret says that everybody in the WORLD knows it, almost as if he’s trying to convince himself. Sid has enough of Bret and POWERBOMBS him to get rid of him.

• WWF World Champion Psycho Sid vs. The Undertaker – No DQ Match
  

Okay, time for the main event. Undertaker is wearing the same gear he wore against Jimmy Snuka in his first WrestleMania match back in 1991. UT controls early and hits Old School. He tries what appears to be a Stinger Splash and gets caught in a bearhug for a few minutes. He finally escapes, but takes a Big Boot and a clothesline that sends him to the floor. He grabs Sid by his boots, but gets kicked back across the Spanish announce table. There’s some guardrail stuff and then Sid slams UT on the table to turn it over. Sid runs Taker into the ringpost and covers him inside for 1-2-NO! Sid works on a camel clutch and then delivers a flying double sledge to keep UT down. Powerslam gets two. Legdrop scores another nearfall. Taker fights back with a Flying Lariat and now we’re back on the floor for a little brawling here and there. UT slams Sid’s face off the steps as they head back inside. Jumping elbow drop misses and Sid grabs a chinlock. UT fights out and powerslams Slam before grabbing a nerve hold. Sid punches out, but goes down to a clothesline. Cover gets two. They wind up catching each other with a Big Boot. Sid covers for two. He catches UT with a few moves off the second-rope. Taker nails him in the gut on the third attempt. A FOURTH try and UT slams him down. Flying Lariat by UT gets 1-2-NO! Taker calls for the TOMBSTONE, but Sid reverses into one of his own. Cover, 1-2-NO! To the floor we go again, Bret comes by and takes Sid out with a couple chair shots. Back in, UT delivers a Chokeslam for 1-2-NO! As Taker misses a Jumping Lariat, Sid goes for the POWERBOMB. But wait, Bret breaks loose from the refs and agents and he’s interfering again. Sid lets go of UT and gets a hold of Bret. He beats Bret on the apron, but then Bret neck snaps him on the top rope back into the arms of the Undertaker for the TOMBSTONE! Cover, 1-2-3! (21:22) So Undertaker wins his second WWF title. While I do believe Sid takes half of the honor for worst WrestleMania main event ever, it’s not for this match. It’s the other one – you know, with the Hulkster, that ends on a DQ, because of Harvey FN Wippleman. I actually like Bret’s constant interference. It just makes sense because of the way his character developed. However the match itself where Sid and Taker are trying to wrestle, it isn’t worth your while unless you’re a huge Undertaker fan and a mark for his WrestleMania win streak. *½

Final Thoughts: If not for Bret-Austin, this would be the WORST WrestleMania from top to bottom. In this day and age, you can watch that match on another much-heralded WWE DVD release: the Bret Hart DVD, so that pretty much makes this show obsolete since that DVD set is such a must-have for any fan. Even so, factoring that match into the show, I would give it a thumbs in the middle because you must see that match and I think big-time wrestling fans will appreciate its context. But if you already have that match on a DVD, I’ll easily go with a thumbs down. Just don’t bother with WrestleMania 13.

Monday Night Raw
February 24, 1997
New York City
Manhattan Center
LIVE!

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: Psycho Sid (2/17/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: Rocky Maivia (2/13/1997)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith (9/22/1996)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry “The King” Lawler. JR has some time off to be with his family after his father passed away.

With the majority of the WWF superstars are gone to Germany, it finally gives ECW a chance to get some national exposure to promote their upcoming PPV. Is he looking for future talent to bring into the fold? Is he just trying something different to hopefully pop a bigger rating with the help of the faithful ECW audience? Why bring relative unknowns onto his flagship show? These are all very good questions.

• The New Blackjacks vs. The Godwinns

Once Barry Windham got older, the more he REALLY looks like his father with dark hair. This is the New Blackjacks RAW debut. In case you’re unfamiliar, the New Blackjacks are Blackjack Windham and Blackjack Bradshaw. I think Bradshaw really thinks he’s Stan Hansen here. No explanation necessary. Big brawl to start. Meanwhile, Lawler reminds us that those morons from ECW are in the building. Henry Godwinn gets outsmarted to become face-in-peril. Hey look, Ken Shamrock is in the audience! Lawler says he and Ken go way back. HOT TAG TO PHINEAS! He grabs a sleeper on Windham, but he hits the mat leaving Phineas wide open for the RUNNING LARIAT by Bradshaw. Cover, 1-2-3. (5:49) Phineas had his foot on the bottom rope, but the pinfall decision stands, so ref Mike Chioda gets slopped. ¾*

Just as Vince plugs the legendary Sugar Ray Leonard’s final comeback boxing match against Hector ‘Macho’ Camacho LIVE on PPV on March 1, the ECW world tag team champs the Eliminators appear in the ring and deliver TOTAL ELIMINATION to a ring crew member. In comes Paul E Dangerously to tell the world that he and ECW accept the challenge and that they are indeed in the house.

• Little Guido vs. Stevie Richards (w/the bWo)

When we return, Paul E introduces Little Guido (complete with the ECW graphics and everything!) and calls for the bWo theme music. Dangerously joins Vince and King at the announce table while Da Blue Guy, Big Stevie Cool, Hollywood Nova, and 7-11 (Rob Feinstein’s great imitation of Syxx) mock the new World order in the ring. Oh what a difference a year makes in the world of wrestling. Finally, Guido has enough and clears the ring. By the way, ECW ref John Finnegan is the official ref for all the ECW matches. As the match progresses, Richards attacks Guido with Kevin Nash’s side slam. Lawler calls the bWo a huge rip off. Paul E doesn’t know what King is talking about. Johnny Polo’s back! Man, he looks a lot more depressed since the last time we saw him though. Oh wait, that’s the ECW world champ Raven. He’s out here to get a closer look and distract Stevie Richards. We get Goldust on the split-screen. What does he think of the ECW action? Everyone are just B-movies compared to Goldust. Okay. Paul E says he would go home with Goldust as long as Marlena comes along with the deal. Tonight, Marlena faces Sunny in an arm wrestling match. What is her condition? Her ribs are taped up, but she’s still going to compete. He assures us that he will make sure that “IT” (referring to Chyna) doesn’t interfere. Moving on. STEVIE BOMB sets up the STEVIE KICK for the win. (3:41) Vince makes sure to mention that the bWo isn’t to be confused with the clothing line: nWo. SNAP! *

Honky Tonk Man heads out to officiate the scantily clad arm wrestling match between Sunny and Marlena. Sunny cuts the classic Rick Rude promo on the crowd before the match. AWESOME. Once Marlena comes out, Sunny gives Marlena a chance to lose by forfeit. Marlena says that we’re all glad that Sunny stopped working 42^nd street long enough to come and be with us tonight. No way is Marlena going to forfeit. HTM feels the need to explain the rules to an arm wrestling match. Sunny stalls a whole bunch just to screw with everybody. They do finally lock up and just as Sunny is about to lose, Marlena throws salt in her eyes. Is Sunny turning Japanese? I didn’t think so. Goldust’s opponent for tonight – Savio Vega – heads out to apparently take care of Marlena. That brings out Goldust and our next match is under way.

• Goldust vs. Savio Vega (w/the NOD & Sunny)

Goldust bashes Savio’s head off the arm wrestling table before we go to commercial. When we come back, we find out that Puerto Rican star Miguel Perez Jr (Of course, there are no juniors in the WWF! That’s demeaning!) has joined Vince and the King for an update on what Puerto Rico now thinks of Savio Vega since he has turned into a terrible human being. Meanwhile, Savio is in total control as he dumps Goldust out for a Piledriver from Crush. Back inside, Vega steps up his game with a nerve hold. Sunny is really warming up to the Nation of Domination around ringside. Goldust fights out and hits a DDT. Splash from Vega hits knees. Savio telegraphs a backdrop and takes an uppercut. Now lariats are everywhere! Goldust stops a superplex and prevents himself from jumping down onto a boot, but gets tripped up from the outside by Crush. Goldust goes out after Crush and walks back inside into a SPINNING HEEL KICK. He didn’t catch him flush though. In comes Crush to attack for the DQ. (8:34 shown) Of course there’s a post-match beatdown, but Miguel Perez saves the day. No Ahmed? *½

Next Monday, Raw will be coming to you from Berlin Germany as a brand new European champion will be crowned.

Flashback to Monday Night Raw back when they were all mostly taped in the Manhattan Center. This one comes from July 19 1993 where Jerry Lawler made fun of the ukulele guy Tiny Tim. Perhaps they showed this in memory of him even though he died three months before?

Jerry Lawler goes over to interview Ken Shamrock. Lawler acts like he knows Shamrock and taught him all he knows. Ken calls him a liar and that’s all there is to that.

Look out for the 1997 Slammy Awards – brought to you by WWF Full Metal: The Album! It airs Friday March 21 at 11PM on the USA Network. The Finisher of the Year nominees are HBK’s Sweet Chin Music, Marc Mero’s Wild Thing, Psycho Sid’s Powerbomb, Stone Cold’s Stunner, and Bret Hart’s Sharpshooter.

• Taz (w/Bill Alfonso & Team Taz) vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Lawler and Paul E have a great back and forth both arguing and pointing out the absurdity of the other. While Taz is destroying Whipwreck, Faarooq and the Nation of Domination appear in the split-screen. Notice how there’s constant split-screen interviews with WWF wrestlers during the ECW segments of the show. Anyways, Faarooq threatens the Undertaker and doesn’t forget about Ahmed Johnson either. Suddenly, Sabu is shown standing ON TOP OF THE ‘R’ of the RAW set. He then dives down on top of Team Taz. Sabu comes down to ringside and grabs hold of Bill Alfonso, so Taz tries to overhead suplex Whipwreck over the top rope onto Sabu. It doesn’t work like it was supposed to because the ropes are much tighter than in ECW, which makes it much harder for somebody short like Taz to flip Whipwreck over the top rope. Back inside, Taz delivers the Head and Arm Suplex and puts Whipwreck away with the TAZZMISSION. (2:33) This was a pretty cool moment for fans of the Sabu-Taz feud. ¾*

• The Legion of Doom vs. The Headbangers

Vince has a surprise for us! It’s the return and the RAW debut of the Legion of Doom. The tag team that’s like an old comfortable shoe. This is the first we have seen of them on nationwide TV since last May, but the first we have seen of them in the WWF since 1992. Naturally, the Road Warriors control to start. Animal delivers a NASTY powerbomb to Mosh for two. Lawler mentions the Butthole Surfers as one of the bands that the Headbangers listen to. That raises an eyebrow on Vince. Chants of “Bischoff sucks!” and “Nitro sucks!” take turns during this match. Hawk runs shoulder first into the ringpost to turn the tide of this match and keep it from being a total squash. Commercials! Z105! AND WE’RE BACK! Hot tag to Animal, this match spills out on the floor to trigger a double countout. (7:44 shown) Well dang, they could have at least given LOD the win. Afterwards, Mosh takes the DOOMSDAY DEVICE anyway. *

The “Tell Me A Lie” music video gets updated with more recent clips since the last time Shawn became injured and had to step away.

• Tommy Dreamer (w/Beulah) vs. D-Von Dudley (w/Sign Guy Dudley)

Once again, Paul E introduces the wrestlers and then joins Jerry Lawler for more lively banter while plugging his upcoming ECW PPV on April 13. Dreamer wears the classic EC F’N W t-shirt on this TV-PG show. They brawl to the floor where D-Von takes a pan to the head. Another fan hands Tommy a cane. VINTAGE ECW! After tossing D-Von into the steps, Dreamer sets half of the stairs on the apron and then baseball slides the steps into D-Von. Back inside, the steps come into play again, but used against Tommy Dreamer. Sign Guy hands D-Von a chair to bash Tommy over the head. More chair stuff follows. D-Von misses a flying headbutt on the chair and takes a Piledriver. Now Tommy has the chair, but Sign Guy grabs him by the ankle, allowing D-Von to bash the chair back in his face. Beulah gets pulled into the ring, but she kicks D-Von in the balls to set up the DREAMER DDT on the chair. (4:28) Undertaker gets a quick split-screen interview. The only thing that stands between him and Psycho Sid at WrestleMania – is time. Meanwhile in the ring, Bubba Ray Dudley joins his brother to deliver the 3D to Tommy Dreamer. The Sandman makes the save and cleans house. Over by the announce table as Dangerously and Lawler continue to argue, Vince McMahon is forced to stand between Jerry Lawler and the majority of the ECW roster! The man certainly has balls! ¾*

After the break, Jerry Lawler sends out ANOTHER personal invitation to Paul E. Dangerously and the ECW roster. If they show up here again, Lawler says he’ll stick his fist down Paul E’s throat. I didn’t know he was into that sort of thing.

A recap is shown of last week’s epic Bret-Austin-Sid saga, which ended with Sid leaving Raw as the WWF champ. Of course, not without Undertaker letting him know what’s ahead at WrestleMania 13.

Over to Todd Pettingell, he grabs UFC star Ken Shamrock for a REAL interview. After he introduces his wife and his father, Todd asks him who he thinks will win at WrestleMania between the Undertaker and Sid. He goes with the Undertaker. What about Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bret Hart in the submission match? He can’t pick a winner in that one. Shut up Todd, time for the Nation of Domination. Faarooq comes over and acknowledges Shamrock. He calls where Shamrock used to work the UFC-A-T? He calls it cat fighting. HA! Faarooq tells Shamrock that if think he’s a real man, he needs to get in the ring. Shamrock says Faarooq doesn’t know how to fight anybody one-on-one. With that said, he would be more than glad to take on Faarooq if Vince will let him.

• The Undertaker vs. Faarooq (w/the NOD)

UT has to chase Faarooq into the ring to get this started. He hits Old School and Faarooq bails again. Back inside, UT telegraphs a backdrop and gets his head slammed back on the mat. Faarooq dumps him out for a D’Lo stomping. Commercials! When we return, Faarooq is still in control. He posts the leg, but misses a corner charge. Faarooq gets some leverage with a little help from his friends using the ropes. UT catches Faarooq in mid-air for a powerslam. As he comes off the ropes, D’Lo Brown pulls the ropes down to flip UT out. Of course he lands on his feet. Meanwhile, Faarooq tries to attack with the top half of the ring steps, but Taker boots them back down on top of Faarooq. Back in, UT ducks low off a whip and gets caught with a piledriver, but he NO-SELLS. In come the Nation of Domination for the DQ. (11:28 shown) And what do you know, the Legion of Doom were looking for a fight and now they got one as they run in and make the save to close out the show. Not bad, but not all that great either. ¾*

And that’ll do it for tonight.

Monday Night Raw
February 17, 1997
Nashville, TN
Nashville Arena
LIVE!

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: Bret Hart (2/16/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: Rocky Maivia (2/13/1997)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith (9/22/1996)

Your hosts are Good Ol’ JR and Jerry “The King” Lawler.

• WWF World Champion Bret Hart vs. Psycho Sid

This show is starting off SERIOUS. Sid gets the awesome SID fireworks sign and everything. Just as the match is getting underway, Stone Cold Steve Austin runs out and starts beating on Bret Hart. Once the refs and stooges separate the two, Psycho Sid gets his hands on Austin for trying to ruin his WWF title match because of his obsession with Bret Hart. As Sid gets pulled away, Austin dives on the back of Sid’s knee and catches him pretty good. Once Austin is escorted to the back, Sid limps back into the ring and the match will be postponed for later in the evening to give Sid some time to regroup so he can have a fair shot at regaining the gold.

They replay for the millionth time in four days of HBK’s “Lost My Smile” speech.

Stills are shown from last night’s Final Four match.

In the back, Kevin Kelly is talking with Psycho Sid. Nothing will stop him from reaching his destiny of becoming the WWF champion again. Not a broken leg, sleet, snow, HELL WATER (whatever that is), or even Stone Cold Steve Austin will stand in his way. That’s because he’s the man, the master, and the ruler of the world, ya’ll.

• Marc Mero (w/Sable) vs. Savio Vega (w/the NOD)

This marks Mero’s last match as the Wildman. Keep in mind that Sable has been getting involved in matches here lately, which could prove the difference between a win or Sable getting handled by the Nation of Domination. Faarooq and some other Muslims in suits are hanging out in the upper deck because the white man in charge won’t let them sit in the front row. With that logic, Rosa Parks > Faarooq. Crush, D’Lo Brown, and PG-13 watch on from ringside. It’s armdrags all over the place on Savio to start. He bails to the floor to seek some solitude with his pal Crush, but Mero stops all of that with a somersault plancha. DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! Back in, Vega takes over by beating Mero in the corner. Mero fights back, but gets dumped face-first on the top turnbuckle during a ten-count corner punch. Mero gets thrown out to PG-13, but Sable comes over and kicks JC Ice away while D’Lo just stands there and lets it happen. Back inside, Mero looks to put Vega away, but the NOD boys chase Sable into the ring for the DQ. (4:16) Just as the NOD corner Mero and Sable, Ahmed Johnson chases them out with a 2×4. Decent enough. *½

Let Us Take You Back To Moments Ago: Ahmed Johnson shows up with another 2×4 to scare away the Nation of Domination.

JR interviews the WWF champ Bret Hart in the back. Bret says that Sid is just another contender to get past. Lawler thinks Bret is overlooking Sid, but Bret’s just looking out for himself. He’s the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. The WWF title sitting over his shoulder proves that statement for the fourth time. JR mentions the Undertaker as Bret’s next possible opponent at WrestleMania. Bret’s not afraid of the Undertaker and he proved that last night by eliminating him. Lawler suggests that Bret is glad that Austin injured Sid’s knee tonight so he doesn’t have to face a “fresh” Psycho Sid. Bret simply tells Lawler to shut up. Good one, Bret! Lawler considers going to the back and massaging Sid’s knee or something. But Jerry, he’s not a fourteen year old girl. Ahem.

• WWF Intercontinental Champion Rocky Maivia vs. Leif Cassidy

They show a replay of Rocky upsetting Helmsley to win the IC belt just four days ago on Thursday Raw Thursday. Sunny comes out to be the guest time keeper for this match. This gives JR a chance to plug her upcoming appearance on Entertainment Tonight as she will be crowned the Queen of Cyberspace for being the most downloaded celebrity in the history of America Online. On her way to the timekeeper’s table, she teases Rocky with her big white boa wearing just about the sluttiest dress I’ve ever seen. I’m assuming this is non-title considering Cassidy lost to Marc Mero the previous night. Rock punches and clotheslines Cassidy to the floor, but he floats back in and pounds on Maivia. Crossbody by Rocky gets two. Time for an armbar! We get HHH up on the split-screen for an interview. Naturally, he’s out to regain his IC title. JR seems to think Hunter would want to get some revenge on Goldust after he got the best of him last night at In Your House. No mention is made of Chyna since she’s “just a fan” as far as we know. However, if HHH finds him in the building, he’s going to get what’s coming to him. Back to the match, Cassidy kicks Maivia around and then works the arm. Rocky tries a couple surprise nearfalls, but Cassidy stops him with an armbreaker DDT. More damage done to the arm sets up a double sledge by Cassidy for two. He heads up again, but gets slammed down. HERE COMES ROCKY! Flying Bodypress connects, but the SHOULDERBREAKER puts Cassidy away for the win. (9:34) Sunny seems pretty pleased, but she’s more interested in holding up a ‘Sunny for President’ sign. **

Over to the announce table, Jerry Lawler grabs an “ECW RULES” sign from a kid in the front row. He’s had just about all he wants to see of signs like these. Lawler points out that probably 99% of the world has no idea what ECW is. He compares ECW to the premise of the film “Escape From New York” in that it’s a place where a bunch of misfit and has-been wrestlers meet. He brings up WCW taking away Jerry Lawler signs when they came to Memphis and apparently cries bringing up freedom of speech, but then says that ECW signs shouldn’t be allowed at WWF events. HUH? Since he’s so sick of seeing these signs on WWF television, he sends out an open challenge to ECW to settle this once and for all to show up at the Manhattan Center in New York City next week for Monday Night Raw.

Last Tuesday, Jesse James, the Godwinns, and Hillbilly Jim showed up on Prime Time Country on TNN! Earlier in the show, host of the show Gary Chapman sang the national anthem.

Kevin Kelly brings Goldust and Marlena out for an interview. Stills are shown of Goldust distracting HHH last night at the In Your House PPV. JR calls Goldust and Marlena the WWF’s version of the husband-wife duo of Gary Chapman and Amy Grant. Umm, WHAT? Goldust says HHH’s indecent proposal of trying to get Marlena has crossed the line. Now it’s personal. What does Marlena think of all this? She creates more questions than answers. As for Goldust’s masculinity, she assures us that Goldust is ALL MAN and definitely more of a man than Hunter Hearst Helmsley will ever be. Well, that brings out HHH to distract Goldust. Hunter throws some water in his face and proceeds to stomp the crap out of Goldust before giving him a PEDIGREE. Marlena turns HHH around for a slap, which brings the unnamed Chyna in the ring to grab Marlena from behind and shake her around like a rag doll. Security runs in to escort her off to “jail” for the second time in 24 hours while everyone is left wondering who this woman is and what she is doing here. Goldust carries his director to the back to get some medical assistance.

• The Headbangers vs. The Hardy Boys

Apparently success came to this tag team when they changed the ‘s’ to a ‘z’. Headbangers attack to start. As Mosh catches Matt with a powerslam, we go to the Nation of Domination for an interview. JR doesn’t think that crew can finish what they started with Ahmed Johnson. Faarooq calls Ahmed a liar that says he knows what its like living on the streets, yet Ahmed’s got himself a three-bedroom penthouse apartment where he lives in Houston and drives around in two different cars. Not at the same time, I hope. Faarooq makes a point to refer to himself as the Devil and that his Nation of Domination are his demons. Holy crap. Faarooq goes on to change his match with Ahmed Johnson at WrestleMania 13 a Chicago street fight so that he can show everybody in the world what the streets are *really* like. Is there also going to be the homeless sleeping in refrigerator boxes, strung out junkies, and raging alcoholics who happen to be Vietnam vets in this match? Because living in the country suburbs like I do, that’s what I think the streets are *really* like. Oh wait, there’s a match going on. Matt is still getting whooped. JR on the Headbangers favorite type of music – “What’s that lady’s name? Marilyn Manson?” Just how out of touch are we, WWF? Jeff gets the hot tag, but lands on his head after a clothesline from Mosh. That sets him up quite nicely for the STAGE DIVE to finish him off. (4:02) JR says they are going to try to have the WWF title match again after the break as we see Sid getting PSYCHED in the back. ¾*

Psycho Sid makes his entrance, but Stone Cold Steve Austin attacks Bret Hart backstage to ruin the second attempt at this WWF title match. Sid heads to the back to get his hands on both men until everyone is pulled apart as we take another break.

When we return, Kevin Kelly meets with WWF President Gorilla Monsoon to get a word on the Stone Cold Steve Austin interruptions. Regardless of Austin constantly getting involved in this WWF title match, Monsoon promises that unlike other people (*cough* WCW! *cough*) they will still deliver the WWF title match TONIGHT.

• Owen Hart (w/Clarence Mason) vs. Flash Funk

Flash, you are SOOOOO funky. Did I ever mention how much I love Owen Hart’s theme music? I just love it. Once again, they show us how Owen eliminated fellow tag team partner and brother-in-law Davey Boy Smith in the Royal Rumble. Also last night at In Your House, those two got into a shoving match. Moving on. Fancy kip ups and wristlocks to start. Owen jabs Funk in the gut and flips off Flash’s head only to come back around with a clothesline. Both try dropkicks unsuccessfully, so Owen turns his back and celebrates. Meanwhile, JR says Jerry Lawler has a phone call. It’s Paul Heyman – the head fellow of ECW! He answers Lawler’s challenge on behalf of his misfit crew who will appear in the Manhattan Center next week LIVE on Monday Night Raw. Lawler is not intimidated at all as he sarcastically mentions ECW stars who might show up: the Blue Meanie, the Sandman, or Sabu. All people that Lawler says nobody has ever heard of – except for him. Paul Heyman says if security will let his ECW stars into the Manhattan Center, they will indeed be there. Lawler gets the last word after apparently Heyman has hung up saying that ECW can show up if they can recognize the Manhattan Center from the usual bingo hall they are used to wrestling in. HA! Back to the match, Clarence Mason is calling Owen over to the corner when he’s trying to apply the SHARPSHOOTER. That momentary distraction nearly costs Owen the match as Funk cradles him up for 1-2-NO! That causes Owen to head out to yell at Mason, which causes Owen to be miss Flash Funk diving down on top of him. Out comes Davey Boy to send Clarence Mason to the back. Commercials! We return to see Funk winning a backslide battle for 1-2-NO! Out of nowhere, Owen blocks a whip and delivers a bridging German suplex for 1-2-NO! Another interruption comes as we go to the split-screen to hear from Stone Cold Steve Austin. JR asks him if he’s lost his mind. Austin thinks he should be the WWF champion because he won the Royal Rumble and Shawn quit because he’s got a hurt knee. It’s a conspiracy, folks! And that’s the bottom line, ’cause Stone Cold said so. Back to live action, Owen delivers a gutwrench suplex for two. Owen misses a corner charge for the Bobby Eaton crotch bump. Funk hits a flying bodypress for 1-2-NO! Moonsault gets 1-2-NO! Owen reverses a whip and drops to the mat. As Funk starts to come off the ropes, Bulldog bashes him in the back of the head with Owen’s Slammy award, which staggers Flash into a Spinning Heel Kick. Davey Boy holds Flash’s foot down on the mat as Owen covers for the 1-2-3. (8:37 shown) Cheat to win! Owen and Bulldog argue over who knows what on their way backstage. It probably was a great match, but there was too many distractions to be able to pay attention to everything. **¾

• Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Bart Gunn

Stills are shown of the still unnamed Chyna choking out Marlena last night at the In Your House PPV. Plus, they replay Chyna attacking Marlena tonight and shaking her around like a rag doll. Marlena’s been sent to the hospital coughing up blood! Honky Tonk Man joins JR and the King on commentary for this match. JR gets up before the match and asks Helmsley what the deal is with this beastly woman who keeps showing up and coming after Marlena. He denies any and all association with her. JR isn’t convinced. Pretty much an armbar match until Goldust runs out and chases Helmsley through the crowd to give Bart the countout victory. (4:35) Like you never saw *that* coming. ½*

We check in with esteemed orthopedic surgeon Dr. James Andrews down in Birmingham for a word on the condition of Shawn Michaels and his problematic knee. He tells us that no surgery is needed, but rehab is a must and can be done at HBK’s house. He does believe that Shawn will be able to resume his wrestling career. What a shock.

• WWF World Champion Bret Hart vs. Psycho Sid

Third time will be the charm. Plus, there’s only twenty minutes left in this program. Bret tries to kick at the knee, but Sid fires back and whips Bret hard into the corner. Russian Legsweep stuns Sid, but once again the power of Sid prevails as he knocks Bret on his back with a clothesline. Bret drops Sid with a backbreaker and headbutts the groin before going for the flying vertical elbow drop. Sid gets a shot in and hits Bret with a backbreaker of his own for two. He uses the bottom ropes as a springboard to stomp Bret in the chest a few times. That gets two. Once he’s standing, Bret kicks back on the knee and takes Sid to school. He even debuts the ringpost figure-four! That takes into commercial. When we come back, Sid fights out of the corner and levels Bret with a clothesline. The crowd erupts! In NYC or Philadelphia, sure. But in Nashville? He hits the legdrop for 1-2-NO! Sid slams Bret for an ugly second rope legdrop for two. Bret rakes out of the CHOKESLAM and goes to splash Sid who is wrapped up in the ropes, but Sid moves and Bret crotches himself. As Sid walks over to Bret, he dumps Sid over the top rope to the floor. Wait a minute, here comes Stone Cold again to disrupt this match. Sid teaches him a lesson with a right hand to the face! Sid tries a sunset flip (really?) back inside, but Bret rolls through into the SHARPSHOOTER! Perfect ring placement! However, even a punch from Sid wasn’t enough to stop Stone Cold. While the ref is checking on Sid, Austin appears on the apron with a chair in hand and nails Bret in the back of the head! That frees up Sid as Bret is basically out on his feet. And it’s academic from there. POWERBOMB! Cover, 1-2-3. (11:54 shown) So Sid regains the WWF title. What a sad day for Bret fans. This had a few psychology issues with Sid not really selling five minutes of knee work, but what do you expect with Sid in the ring. Other than that, a fun and somewhat forgotten storytelling match. ***

Afterward Sid celebrates completing his destiny, BONG! The lights go out and here comes the Undertaker. Sid lays the WWF title belt down across the mat, but Undertaker completely ignores that and stands nose-to-nose with the new champ. There’s your so-called WrestleMania 13 main event, everyone.

AND WE OUT! Next week, ECW in NYC!

I just want to mention how brilliantly booked this episode of Raw was regardless of how you feel about Psycho Sid. While with WCW, you pretty much know that the main event scene isn’t usually going to be doing anything interesting until about the last twenty minutes of the show. Well, this episode of Raw got you hooked right from the start with the main attraction of the night, managed to stay hot through two attempts at trying to get the match going, and STILL managed to remain logical and realistic inside the confines of the awesome Bret-Austin feud, and then they were STILL able to deliver exactly what they said would happen. Everything made perfect sense and left me wanting to come back next week. That’s just Booking 101 right there.

And yet somehow, WCW still managed to win the night with their go-home show leading into Superbrawl VII. This is where the players do tend to impact the rating regardless of how well the show was put together. In this case, I’m talking about Psycho Sid, who no one seems to particularly care about outside of the northeast.

Thursday Raw Thursday
February 13, 1997
Lowell, MA
Memorial Auditorium
LIVE!

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (1/19/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (10/21/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith (9/22/1996)

Since the dog show interrupted Monday Night Raw’s regular timeslot and left WCW’s flagship program completely unopposed considering I highly doubt too many wrestling fans wanted to see which person’s dog took home the gold or whatever happens on those things, the WWF and the USA network fought back with a stacked card just three days before the next In Your House PPV with their own completely unopposed one-night-only wrestling program – THURSDAY RAW THURSDAY!

And they start us off with a bomb shell… “Tonight, the World Wrestling Federation Title will be declared vacant. Thus, this Sunday’s ‘Final Four’ winner will become the new World Wrestling Federation Champion. Tonight…live…Shawn Michaels will forfeit the World Wrestling Federation Championship.”

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Good Ol’ JR, and Jerry “The King” Lawler.

• WWF Intercontinental Champion Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Rocky Maivia
  

According to Vince, HHH’s bodyguard Curtis Hughes is ‘conspicuous by his absence’. Of course he is. Not sure how this comes off on recent DVDs, but the live crowd is extremely loud in their disapproval of Rocky Maivia. Basic headscissors and headlocks to start. HHH pulls a page out of Razor Ramon’s playbook and paintbrushes Rocky around. Rock throws a weird dropkick, by the way. He needs to stop doing that. Hunter grabs a chinlock, but Maivia escapes and dropkicks Helmsley to the floor. Rocky follows him out, but misses a clothesline up against the ringpost. Back inside, Hunter feasts on the arm like he’s a long lost cousin of the Anderson family. Of course, he’s got too good of a head of hair for that to be true. Commercials! When we come back, Hunter is still in control and the Honky Tonk Man has come to join Vince, JR, and the King. Suplex and the Knee Drop gets 1-2-NO! High Knee connects for another nearfall. HTM says that every man he’s looked at to be his successor or whatever it is he’s looking to do has let him down. They trade off on a sleeper, but HHH gets the better of that exchange as he runs Rocky into the top turnbuckle. Rocky wins a slugfest with the Johnson Shuffle. Backdrop sets HHH up for the Flying Bodypress and he ROLLS THROUGH for 1-2-NO! Facebuster by HHH leads to a reverse neckbreaker for two. Piledriver gets 1-2-NO! That riles Helmsley up as he gets in Hebner’s face. Now HHH delivers a superplex for 1-2-NO! Vince has pretty much given up on the Rock. HHH grabs a limp Maivia for the PEDIGREE, but he outsmarts the IC champ and surprises him with an inside cradle for the 1-2-3! (14:22 shown) Similar to Prince Iaukea, they might have just got him over for one night only. As we all know, it’s going to take a DRASTIC character change for the Rock. ***

• The Headbangers vs. Aldo Montoya & Bob “Spark Plugg” Holly
  

Just for fun and because we haven’t seen her in a while, Sunny does the ring introductions for this match. They show us a clip of the Godwinns, Hillbilly Jim, and Jesse James from a show called Prime Time Country on TNN. Of course, the host of the show gets into a wrestling match and WINS? Anyways, this is the RAW debut of the Headbangers who recently dropped the Flying Nuns gimmick. Holly really takes it to Mosh to start with a nice headscissors takedown. Our esteemed commentators spend the whole match reminiscing HBK’s 1996. Meanwhile, Holly plays face in peril while the Headbangers deliver some of their double teams. Thrasher misses a moonsault and makes the HOT TAG TO MONTOYA! He catches Mosh with a flying bodypress, but Thrasher blind tags and the Headbangers give Aldo the STAGE DIVE for the 1-2-3. (5:44) Fun little squash to get the Headbangers over. *

Time for the controversial “Lost My Smile” speech.

First of all, let’s just be honest here and remind everyone that NO ONE really knows for sure whether Shawn had a knee injury except the ones involved. Bret says in his book that HBK didn’t want to job to him at WrestleMania 13 even though he felt he owed him the job, HBK sticks with his story in his book and says he really did need to have reconstructive knee surgery and that his unwillingness to job is unjustified, and then Sid will say that Shawn just didn’t want to job to him on free TV if that was in fact supposed to happen. Either way, you don’t know. I don’t know. Only those involved REALLY know the truth – whether they want to speak the truth is another story.

• The Undertaker vs. Savio Vega (w/the NOD)

Didn’t I just review Undertaker/Kwang from RAW ’94? DÉJÀ VU! Taker turnbuckle smashes Vega in all four corners and connects with a jumping legdrop. Old Skool is dished out, but then Savio’s leg winds up in the balls of the Undertaker. He makes Savio pay with a clothesline. Out of nowhere, Vega hits a Hook Kick and the SPINNING HEEL KICK gets 1-2-NO! From here, Vega puts the boots to the Deadman while PG-13 gets their hands on him every now and then. After some chinlocks and nerve holds, a swinging neckbreaker scores for two. Zombie sit up! UT tries a Famouser and completely overcompensates. Whoops. CHOKESLAM gets 1-2-3. (8:49 shown) PG-13 and D’Lo Brown attack after the bell. When they can’t get it done, in comes Faarooq and Crush. Ahmed Johnson runs in for the save, but the numbers game overwhelms him as well. UT gives PG-13 a DOUBLE CHOKESLAM! D’Lo Brown gets punched away. Eventually, the NOD decide to retreat as Ahmed tosses Crush over the top to the floor. Match was what you expect, but I enjoyed the hot post-match stuff. *

Dok Hendrix interviews the WWF President Gorilla Monsoon. What would be fair to everyone concerning the future of the WWF title is that the winner of the Final Four match will be the new WWF champion. As for Psycho Sid who deserves a title rematch, he’ll face the winner of the Final Four match on next week’s RAW.

• Psycho Sid vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin

Sid gets his signature fireworks sign that was probably intended for the title match, but decided to use anyway. They trade blows to start with Sid going for the Chokeslam early, but Austin kicks him in the nuts instead and celebrates in the corner! AWESOME. To the floor they go, the crowd is solidly behind Austin. Sid eats the ringpost before they head back inside. A weak ab stretch (because Sid is SO BIG) goes nowhere. Sid grabs a chinlock, but Austin drops down for a jawbreaker for two. Sid misses a legdrop as Austin attempts the Sharpshooter, but Sid kicks him away. Sid scores with a Big Boot and in comes Bret Hart to attack Austin for trying his hold for the DQ. (3:42) Actually not as bad as you might think. Of course we always think that way about Sid. Bret and Sid get into a neat pull apart brawl, which builds some unexpected tension for their match next week. ¾*

In the back, Vader brags about defeating Undertaker, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and soon-to-be-defeated Bret Hart over the past six weeks. He thinks his chances in the Final Four match are pretty good.

When we return from a commercial break, they replay moments of Shawn forfeiting the WWF title. Vince and JR spin the speech as a classy and character revealing moment in HBK’s life.

• WWF World Tag Team Champions Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith vs. Faarooq & Crush

Despite their problems, Owen and Davey Boy pal it up in the aisleway. This would appear to be a complete conflict of interest for Clarence Mason, but no mention of that is made. Crush throws Owen around to start, which brings in Davey Boy. After some commercials, we return to see DBS telegraph a backdrop to take a nasty piledriver. Crush dumps Davey Boy out to the NOD while Owen distracts the ref to cause MORE double-teaming. On the split-screen, we go to Bret Hart watching on in the back to get his reaction to Shawn forfeiting the WWF title. Long story short, he has a score to settle with Shawn Michaels, so he hopes Shawn gets his knee fixed. Back to the match with Davey Boy playing face in peril, Faarooq tries a splash off the ropes and hits knees. Still no tag as Crush grabs a body scissors. False tag spot ensues, which allows Crush and Faarooq to do more damage to Davey Boy. Finally, Owen gets the tag. Missile dropkick to Crush gets 1-2-NO! As the action breaks down, Owen gets dumped and tweaks his knee – just like he did last week in the Skydome – to lose the match via countout. (9:22 shown) Afterwards, Davey Boy receives a DOMINATOR while Owen limps around on the floor. Knowing from what people have said about Owen, this makes me wonder if this is all just a funny nod to Shawn’s controversial knee injury. Formula tag if it ever was. **

• Bret Hart vs. Vader (w/Paul Bearer)

Undertaker interrupts before the bell and reminds Bret, Vader, and Austin will all have to look into the eyes of the reaper come this Sunday. REST IN PEACE! Enough talk, Vader attacks at the bell and throws Bret out to set up a commercial break. During the break, Stone Cold Steve Austin came out and stomped a mudhole in Bret Hart. Vader heads up top, but he’s slammed down. Bret hits the Russian Legsweep and slams Vader for a try at the SHARPSHOOTER, but Vader kicks him off. Back suplex by Bret sets up the Flying Vertical Elbow Drop. Vader misses an avalanche and gets stuck in the SHARPSHOOTER this time, but reaches the ropes. Stone Cold shows up in the balcony (reminds me of Jerry Lawler when Bret faced Bigelow on RAW in ’93!) barking at Bret to cause another huge distraction, which Vader capitalizes on. VADERSAULT? No sir. Bret jumps on Vader for the 1-2-3. (4:55 shown) If there was ever any proof that Vader was getting de-pushed, this was it. **¼

Bret dares Austin to come on down and get him some. Austin starts to CRAWL DOWN FROM THE BALCONY, but yeah that’s just not going to happen. AND WE OUT!

Monday Night Raw
January 27, 1997
Beaumont, TX
Montagne Center
(Taped on 1/20/97)

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (1/19/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (10/21/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith (9/22/1996)

Recap of last week is shown. All four individuals are here this week as well. That means it might get CRAZY!

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.

• Ahmed Johnson vs. Crush (w/Nation of Domination)
  

Oh geez. In MSG on Saturday afternoon, Savio Vega TURNED on Ahmed Johnson to join up with the Nation of Domination. On Shotgun Saturday Night the following evening, Psycho Sid went psycho and cleared the ring of the Nation of Domination with a chair. I wonder what that means. Anyways, Savio and Faarooq are nowhere to be seen as Crush pearl harbors Ahmed to start. Ahmed catches Crush with a powerslam and delivers an ugly scissor kick. Is it because he’s black and so is Booker T? Is that why he has to do that move? More stomping and stuff from Ahmed. Now he’s dishing out a hook kick. It doesn’t even come near Crush’s face like when Booker T. Enough of that, Crush takes over and starts grinding on the kidneys. Commercials! Much like at the Royal Rumble, Ahmed stands up out of a chinlock and falls back on Crush. He maintains control with a backbreaker, but then Ahmed dropkicks him as he comes off the middle rope. They head to the floor where Faarooq attacks and whips Ahmed into the steps. Back inside, Crush delivers the HEART PUNCH and picks up the win. (5:44 shown) Just a word of advice, lay off the Booker T offense. It just makes him look WORSE. ½*

Thursday Raw Thursday! February 13! It’s going to be LIVE and two-hours long only on USA Network! Sounds like a stacked card planned: Bret Hart/Vader and HBK/Sid in a rematch for the WWF title!

Here comes the WWF champ Shawn Michaels for an interview with Vince McMahon. By hook or by crook, he WILL defeat Psycho Sid and hold onto the WWF title when it’s all said and done at Thursday Raw Thursday. When Vince asks him about the four competitors (Bret, Austin, Vader, Taker) involved in the elimination match, Shawn puts them all over and reminds them that the WWF title is what it is all about. The WWF title is where it’s at and it’s where he wants to stay. Really, Shawn? Vince brings out all four men that have a shot at Shawn’s WWF title – the first being Bret Hart. He’s looking forward to winning the Final Four match and beating Shawn for the WWF title at WrestleMania 13. Vince reminds Bret to not overlook Sid. It doesn’t really matter to Bret because he just wants the gold, but he REALLY wants a piece of Shawn. Next up, the Undertaker. UT tells Bret that while he might have been screwed at the Royal Rumble, no one has been screwed more times at that show than him. That’s actually very true. Over to Shawn, Taker instructs him to give his butt to the Lord, because his body, soul, and the WWF title belongs to him. Years later, Shawn would do that very thing! Next up, it’s Stone Cold Steve Austin. JR follows him out with a mic in hand because Austin isn’t about to get into the ring right now. Of course he says he would, but he doesn’t. Vader and Paul Bearer are standing behind Austin in the aisleway. He teases to make a run at Bret, Taker, and HBK in the ring, but thinks better of it and walks past Vader talking crap the whole time. Commercial break time. I guess Vader doesn’t get to speak.

Faarooq whipping Ahmed Johnson into the stairs from earlier in the night is your Western Union Rewind of the Week!

• Davey Boy Smith (w/Owen Hart & Clarence Mason) vs. Doug Furnas (w/Phil LaFon)
  

Furnas delivers his signature dropkick to start and runs into Bulldog in the corner for two. Nice suplex gets two. Furnas fails at another corner charge and lands right in front of Owen and Mason. Davey Boy follows him out and slams his head into the ringpost. He even ups the violence by dropping the top half of the steps on Furnas! Yeah, let’s take a commercial break. During the break, Ahmed Johnson (with 2×4 in hand) kicked down the Nation of Domination’s locker room door, but there was nobody home. In the ring, Furnas fights out of a chinlock into a kitchen sink. Bulldog wants a piledriver it seems, but Furnas backdrops out. It doesn’t amount to much as Davey Boy Smith levels him with a snap suplex instead. Next up, Furnas flips out of a suplex and hits another dropkick. Overhead suplex by Furnas is followed by a powerslam for 1-2-NO! Furnas wants a rana, but Bulldog sees it coming and counters with a powerbomb. Cover, 1-2-NO! Now Owen is on the apron with the Slammy Award. While Phil LaFon gets up on the apron to talk to the ref about it, Furnas reverses a whip and sends Davey Boy into the Slammy Award. OOPS! Furnas easily school boys Bulldog up for the 1-2-3. (7:36 shown) I think this might have done a little more to get the All Japan boys over than the tag match did. Solid work here. **½

They replay Savio Vega turning on Ahmed Johnson in MSG on the previous Saturday and then his official jump to the Nation of Domination on Shotgun Saturday Night when the group attacked Rocky Maivia.

Earlier today, the legendary Tiger Jeet Singh announced his son Tiger Ali Singh has signed with the WWF.

• The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim) vs. Vader & Mankind (w/Paul Bearer)
  

This is the first TV pairing of Mankind and Vader together. Their *thing* is that they definitely don’t care for each other. The Godwinns do alright against Mankind as he refuses to tag out when he’s trouble or otherwise. Finally, Vader tags himself in and corners Phineas with those grizzly jabs. Tag to Mankind, he locks in the MANDIBLE CLAW on Phineas. Here comes Henry to dump them BOTH out to break the hold. That’s reasonable. On the apron, Vader takes hold of Mankind to prevent a suplex back into the ring. Once he gives up on the suplex, Mankind and Vader flip Phineas over the top rope to the floor. Hank comes over and causes a big melee as we go to commercial. When we return, there’s a HOT TAG TO HENRY! He manages to SLAM Vader, but misses an elbow drop and takes a big huge elbow right to the lower abdomen. Body Attack wipes Henry out to the floor. Meanwhile, Mankind grabs a chair and while Phineas complains to the ref about it, Mankind misses a chairshot meant for Henry and nails Vader – even though he clearly had enough time to stop the swing, but let it go anyways. All a sudden, the match ends and the Godwinns pick up the victory via countout. (7:14 shown) If nothing else, this puts over Vader and Mankind’s unpredictability. Although I don’t see how putting Vader in a tag team helps his chances in the Final Four match. *½

In the back, Ahmed Johnson goes after the Nation of Domination out in the parking lot as they are trying to leave. He swings his 2×4 at PG-13 and MISSES! Looks like JC Ice gets put in the trunk. As the car drives away and Wolfie D barely makes his escape into the vehicle, Ahmed takes another swing with the 2×4 and misses again! Gosh, I’ve never seen someone so ineffective with a 2×4.

Next Monday night starting an hour before Raw at 7:57PM EST, you can watch the entire Royal Rumble match – for free! I mean, they have to try and get ahead of that pesky Monday Nitro program, ya know. What’s MORE important if you’re a TRUE WWF fan is that Raw has the possibility of winning one in the ratings, not that you felt you got your money’s worth. That’s just LUDICROUS.

WWF Survivor Series 1996
November 17, 1996
New York City, NY
Madison Square Garden

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (3/31/1996)
Intercontinental Champion: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (10/21/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith (9/22/1996)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jim Ross.

• Phil LaFon, Doug Furnas, and the Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim) vs. The New Rockers, Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith (w/Clarence Mason)
  

Furnas and LaFon are making their WWF debuts after being awesome in All-Japan for the last five years or so. Jannetty and LaFon start us off. Jannetty flips off the ropes out of a wristlock, but LaFon lands on his feet to counter a monkey flip and runs Jannetty down with a clothesline. Tag to Cassidy, he leg whips LaFon over to Phineas for a tag. Cassidy gets him all riled up, which causes him to make a mistake and become the face in peril for a while as everybody gets in their licks on him. Jannetty misses a flying elbow, allowing Phineas to tag in Henry. SLOP DROP to Jannetty sends him to the showers at 8:13. Owen runs in with the Spinning Heel Kick out of nowhere and pins Henry at 8:19. BEAUTIFUL! That evens the sides. Phineas cleans house on Owen and Cassidy, but stumbles into a RUNNING POWERSLAM from Davey Boy for the 1-2-3 at 9:04. Furnas comes in for the first time in the match and lands funny after a dropkick. Sambo Suplex from Cassidy gets two. Tag to Bulldog, he blind-tags Owen to catch Furnas with a missile dropkick. Awesome. Davey Boy tags back in for the Stalling Suplex. Once Cassidy misses a corner charge, LaFon gets the tag and gives Cassidy a REVERSE SUPERPLEX! WHAT. That puts Cassidy away at 13:43. We’re down to the tag champs versus Furnas and LaFon. Hook Kick to Bulldog, but then LaFon gets launched. Tag to Owen, he nails him with the Belly to Belly Suplex for two. Flying elbow gets two. Uh oh, ENZIGURI! Cover, 1-2-NO! Bulldog tags in and kicks LaFon in the balls. DQ, ref? Off a front headlock, Owen releases and knocks Furnas to the floor. Owen and Bulldog try a double-clothesline, but Furnas trips up Owen while LaFon surprises Bulldog with a crucifix into a sunset flip for the 1-2-3 at 17:24. The crowd is POPPING for Furnas and LaFon. Before Bulldog leaves, he clips LaFon good from behind. Naturally, Owen goes to work on the knee leading up to the Indian deathlock. SHARPSHOOTER! Furnas breaks it up as LaFon comes back with a spinning mule kick. Tag to Furnas, he nails Owen with a cool dropkick for two. Overhead suplex doesn’t get the three count, but a DANGEROUSSSSSSS German Suplex will. (20:42) Survivors: Phil LaFon and Doug Furnas. Those two boys came in and made quite the impact on the tag champs. ***¼

• The Undertaker vs. Mankind (w/Paul Bearer)
  

Paul Bearer gets placed in the misbehaving manager cage for this one. If Taker wins, he gets Bearer for five minutes. Taker descends from the ceiling with bat wings? He also has no gloves! Aww, he’s got the teardrop on his cheek too. Are you sad because you got buried alive, Undertaker? Big brawl to start and then Taker busts out a drop toehold! He goes after Mankind’s claw hand and bends back on his fingers during a cross armbreaker. Mankind avoids an elbow drop and Cactus Clotheslines Taker out, but he lands on his feet and chases Mankind through the crowd. Back to the ring, Mankind low blows Taker to make him stop smashing his hand on the turnbuckle connectors. With Taker on the floor, Mankind gives him the CANNONBALLLLLL. In the ring, Mankind hits the running knee in the corner. Taker ducks low off a whip and takes the Pull Up Piledriver! They trade finisher attempts and head back to the floor. Eww, Mankind gets kicked back down to the bottom of the guardrail. He gets his head slammed on the steps and they head back in for Old Skool. VINTAGE UNDERTAKER~! Mankind comes off the top, but flies down into a GOOZLE. Whoops, MANDIBLE CLAW! His arms drops once, twice, but not three times! Taker fights up and Chokeslams Mankind, but he misses a charge and flies to the floor. Mankind misses a CANNONBALLLLLL this time. Back inside, Mankind pulls out his Abdullah spike and has some fun with that. DQ, ref? As Mankind climbs up on Taker’s back in the corner, Taker maneuvers him around in position for the TOMBSTONE! Cover, 1-2-3. (14:53) Another good match from their ’96 series. Once UT gets his chance to put his hands on Paul Bearer, the Executioner (Terry Gordy) runs in for the distraction while Paul Bearer waddles away. Next time, Paul Bearer. NEXT TIME! ***

• Rocky Maivia, Jake Roberts, Barry Windham & Marc Mero (w/Sable) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Jerry Lawler, Crush & Goldust (w/Marlena)
  

Sunny joins Vince and JR for commentary. Since JR thinks she missed all her trips to the woodshed, they argue back and forth the whole match. Jake Roberts is the surprise partner subbing for Mark Henry who is somehow injured. Oh yeah, this match is best well-known for being the WWF debut for the Rock. He’s just a kid here. Helmsley doesn’t want none of Mero, so he tags in Goldust. Mero armdrags him around and tags in Windham for a lariat. In comes Maivia. It looks like he’s going to be stuck in the wrong corner, but Lawler brings him out for a shoulderblock. Rocky NO-SELLS and leapfrogs all over Lawler to put him out on the floor. Tag to Hunter, he gets all aggressive with him. He’s already mad that Rock turns out to be a bigger star than him! Okay, now Rocky becomes the face in peril for a few minutes. He backdrops Helmsley and makes the tag to Jake. He cleans house and goes for the DDT on Hunter, but he gets backed into the corner. Lawler comes in and punches Jake silly. He’s all wobbly-legged, so King makes fun of his drinking habits. That gets him DDT’d just like that at 10:01. After Goldust wears Roberts down with a chinlock, he tags out to Windham. Goldust fights off a SUPERPLEX attempt, but flies down into a gutshot. Crush punches Windham into the CURTAIN CALL to put him away at 12:44. Now it’s Mero who gets worked over for a while. Pretty standard stuff. He comes back with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors on HHH, but then he goes to the eyes and gets tossed to the floor. Jake tries to get him some of Hunter, but meanwhile Mero ascends to the top for the Merosault on Helmsley to pin the IC champ at 19:20. Crush takes a dropkick to the floor, but Goldust pulls him away from a pescado by Mero. Crash and burn! Back in, Crush pins Mero after the HEART PUNCH at 20:33. Jake tries to set up Crush for the DDT, but Crush catches him with the HEART PUNCH to send Jake to the back at 20:54. Oh boy, now Rocky Maivia is all alone against Crush and Goldust. Dang, and MSG is already chanting “Rocky!”. Crush suckers him into a test of strength, but Rocky counters a suplex with an inside cradle for two. Goldust comes in for the failed double team, but the low blow certainly works. He holds Rocky for the HEART PUNCH, but Rocky moves and Goldust gets nailed. Crossbody to Crush gets the 1-2-3 at 23:12! Shoulderbreaker to Goldust gets Rocky the win. (23:44) Survivor: Rocky Maivia. Since Rock’s offense had no sizzle, the fans turned on him instantly, and he wouldn’t get over legitimately until he turned heel. *½

• Bret Hart vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin
  

After months of bashing Bret, these two finally meet in Bret’s quest for respect from the man who respects no one. Since the birth of Austin 3:16 at King of the Ring, Stone Cold has REALLY came into his own as a worker on the mic. He was never bad on the mic, but now he’s become great and it shows in his pre-match interview. As for Bret, this is his first match back on TV since WrestleMania XII. The winner of this dream match gets the next WWF title shot. Austin shoots him the double-bird and runs his mouth to start. Bret wants him on the mat and gets Austin there with a hammerlock. Great bit of psychology as Bret makes Austin think he’s on a roll when he escapes and hits him with a series of elbows, but then he takes Austin right back down into the armbar. Austin finally knocks the wind out of Bret with a Stungun and chokes him in the ropes. He grounds Bret with a chinlock for a while. Bret comes back with an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline. Rollup gets two. Russian legsweep connects, but Austin shoves off the bulldog into the corner. Bret avoids a superplex and hits the Flying Elbow for two. Austin claws out of the backbreaker and dumps Bret out for a ride spine-first into the ringpost. That fires him up as Bret backs Austin into the guardrail and breaks it loose while he’s punching on Austin! He tries to separate himself from Bret, but he’s just setting him up for a catapult onto the Spanish announcers table! JR – “It always happens to the Spanish guys.” Austin adds the exclamation point by dropping an elbow onto Bret’s chest from the apron. Back in, Austin drives another flying elbow onto Bret for two. Austin’s getting desperate! Bret takes a hard ride into the corner and receives the Bossman straddle for 1-2-NO! Austin goes all Mike Rotunda on him with an ab stretch near the ropes for some added leverage. Bret wins a slugfest and hits a Stungun of his own. Oklahoma roll gets 1-2-NO! Desperation piledriver gets Bret another two. He gets the backbreaker this time, but Austin stops him up top and beats him senseless so he can hit the top-rope superplex this time – a page out of Bret’s playbook. A funky double pin situation occurs. I’m glad that didn’t wind up being the finish. As Bret walks over to Austin with his back turned, he takes a STONE COLD STUNNER! Austin pulls him away from the ropes for the cover, 1-2-NO! Austin tries and tries, but he just can’t get the three-count. He grabs a Texas Cloverleaf (!!), but Bret makes the ropes. Bret takes his signature sliding bump into the ringpost and that earns Austin another nearfall. Austin locks in the bow and arrow, but Bret squirms out for the SHARPSHOO-no! Austin gets away into the ropes. Bret hooks on a sleeper and Austin tries backing him into the corner. Bret won’t break the hold, so Austin instead drops to the mat for a jawbreaker to break the hold. Austin applies the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM, but then Bret walks up the turnbuckles and drops back on top of Austin for the 1-2-3! (28:34) Just a great story with fantastic psychology that made Austin into a bonafide main event guy. I’m so glad to see Bret back on these PPVs again. ****¾

• Flash Funk, Savio Vega, Yokozuna & Jimmy Snuka vs. Diesel II, Razor Ramon II, Vader & Faarooq (w/Clarence Mason)
  

Cornette joins us for commentary. This is Flash Funk’s WWF debut. You may know him best as Too Cold Scorpio. Just inducted in the WWF Hall of Fame class of ’96, Jimmy Snuka is *your* special surprise partner. Cornette seems mildly concerned from the announce table. Interesting tidbit: Ron Simmons introduced Too Cold Scorpio to the WCW audience at a Clash of the Champions show in November 1992 and now he’s wrestling Scorpio in November 1996 in his debut in the WWF. Flash Funk gives Vader a spinning heel kick and sends him to the floor for a MOONSAULT PRESS! Awesome. Back in, Vader blocks a rana with a powerbomb. Yokozuna comes in illegally to save with a terrible Sambo suplex. The man just can barely perform anymore. Pretty sad to know his best years of his career were over at the age of only 30 years old. Of course, he died in 2000, so it’s not like he got a lot older. Still though. Savio nails Faarooq (no longer wearing the blue gladiator gear in favor his new Nation of Domination look) with the SPINNING HEEL KICK, but he goes to the eyes and tags in Razor Ramon II. Gosh that guy was terrible in the ring. He hits the Fallaway Slam and everybody boos. In comes Diesel II – better known as KANE. He was at least somewhat better than the new Razor Ramon. Flash Funk leapfrogs into a SICK Spinebuster from Faarooq. Savio beats Vader back into his corner and out comes Diesel II as Vega tags Snuka. He gets a great reaction from his favorite crowd. He hits the Jumping Headbutt on Vader and slams him. Back to Savio, he nails Diesel II with the SPINNING HEEL KICK, but crashes out to the floor thanks to Vader pulling the top rope down. On the outside, Faarooq slams Vega’s kidneys into the ringpost a bunch. Back inside, Diesel II delivers the JACKKNIFE POWERBOMB to him for the 1-2-3 at 8:33. Snuka quickly puts Razor Ramon II away with the SUPERFLY SPLASH at 9:29. Then out of nowhere, Diesel II WHACKS Snuka in the back with a chair. That triggers a huge brawl and the ref completely throws the match out. (9:45) Boy that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast. Match was lame, but it showcased Flash Funk well as a threat who can boogie Plus the crowd got their nostalgia fix from seeing Snuka land the splash one more time in MSG. *

• WWF World Champion Shawn Michaels (w/Jose Lothario) vs. Psycho Sid
  

Sid won a match against Vader to earn this title shot at the last In Your House PPV, but since then some misunderstandings have led to contempt amongst these two friends! We’re in MSG where the crowd is extremely pro-Sid and anti-Shawn. They run up a headscissors-kip up sequence and then Sid goes for the POWERBOMB, but HBK escapes to the floor before any harm can come to him. Back inside, Shawn attacks the knee and hooks on a Figure-Four. Sid rolls into the ropes and blocks a second attempt at the hold by kicking Shawn off into the ringpost. Sid misses a corner charge and jams his knee in the corner. As Shawn goes after the leg again, Sid kicks him out to skin-the-cat, but Sid clotheslines him to the floor instead. Down on the floor, Sid whips Shawn into the ring apron and then drops him on the guardrail. Back in the ring, Sid slowly covers for two. Shawn does the Ray Stevens flip out to the apron and hotshots Sid, but flies down into a backbreaker for two. Shawn tries to rope-a-dope with Sid and winds up slamming the big guy. Too bad he immediately flies down into a boot to the face. Sid grabs a cobra clutch (!) and nearly puts Shawn away. Shawn thumbs Sid in the eye to block the Chokeslam and goes for the SWEET CHIN MUSIC, but Sid catches the kick and spins Shawn around for the Chokeslam! Instead of covering the man, Sid basks in the praise and approval of his MSG fans. Thanks to his distracting fans, Shawn counters a powerbomb attempt with an inside cradle for two. Shawn hits the Flying Forearm, but kips up into a clothesline. While Sid stands alone in a corner waiting for Shawn to get to his feet, he grabs one of the huge WWF video cameras off the cameraman and teases blasting Shawn with it, but then he knocks Jose Lothario off the apron with it. When Sid drops the camera, he turns around into SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Now Shawn’s not covering when he has the man won and heads out to check on Lothario. It appears the man is having a heart attack! He’s crying for help, but then Sid rolls Shawn back into the ring. Shawn goes for a crossbody out of the corner off a whip, but Sid ducks and ref Earl Hebner gets wiped out. Looks like they screwed up something there. As Shawn heads back outside to check on Lothario, Sid walks over and slams that camera down across Shawn’s shoulders and gives him a hearty FCK YOU!! Wow. Back inside, Sid works the crowd into a frenzy and puts HBK away with the POWERBOMB to win his first WWF world title. (20:00) Shawn lets Sid have his title and his celebratory moment because now all he cares about is the condition of his mentor Jose Lothario. Hands down, Sid’s best singles match ever. ***½

Final Thoughts: Funny how the entire Survivor Series concept where good guys form teams to take on bad guys who form teams is all but an afterthought on this show. While those matches are booked and quite well I thought for the talent involved, the most important matches on the card were definitely your standard singles matches. Survivor Series 1996 is a great PPV for not only some very memorable matches, but for the historical aspect as you can see where guys like Shawn and Bret are losing their star power to make way for the future main event stars like Austin, Taker, and even Mankind. Survivor Series 1996 is an easy thumbs up and it’s widely agreed upon as the best PPV of the year for the WWF.

WWF SummerSlam
August 18, 1996
Cleveland, OH
Gund Arena

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (3/31/1996)
Intercontinental Champion: vacant since 8/12/1996
World Tag Team Champions: The Smokin’ Gunns (5/26/1996)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Mr. Perfect.

• Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega
  

Since Owen and Davey Boy aren’t involved in title matches, Cornette leaves them both alone to stay with Vader and get him ready. Owen was supposed to face Ahmed for the IC title here instead, but Ahmed’s kidney injury ended all that. Speaking of injuries, Owen’s still wearing the cast on his arm. Why is he still wearing it after all these months? Perfect thinks it’s because he’s still competing and hasn’t taken any time off to let the initial injury heal. Hey, that makes sense! Just as I say that, Owen tries to pearl harbor Savio by nailing him from behind with the cast, but ref Tim White stands in his way. I don’t think it’s any surprise that Savio goes after the arm to start – slamming the cast onto the turnbuckles and such. Savio tries to keep Owen stuck in an armbar, but Owen kicks off an O’Connor roll and sends Vega shoulder-first into the ringpost. Now it’s Owen with an armbar. During this segment, Clarence Mason comes down to ringside to get a better look at the match. Since we’ve last seen him, he’s become a wrestling manager and took on Crush as his first client. He’s got his eyes set on Owen here. Meanwhile, Owen whiffs on a dropkick, but then both men whiff on Spinning Heel Kicks. Crossbody from Savio gets two, but then Owen nails Vega with an enziguri for two. Ric Flair corner pin gets 1-2-NO! As Owen argues with the ref, Vega schoolboys him for 1-2-NO! Enough of that, Owen connects with the Spinning Heel Kick. Cover, 1-2-NO! Savio catches Owen with a spinning back kick out of the corner. HERE COMES SAVIO! Owen cuts off his comeback with a reverse neckbreaker. Missile Dropkick connects for 1-2-NO! Savio crotches Owen up top and brings him down with a Back Superplex. Oh, but Savio’s head fell on Owen’s cast! Owen’s playing ‘possum and once Savio comes to, he takes off the cast and CLEANS SAVIO’S CLOCK! The ref completely missed everything. Even though Savio is already out of it, Owen applies the SHARPSHOOTER for fun and gets the win via knockout. (13:25) Kind of dull for an opener as a whole, but it picked up a little in the end. Clarence Mason celebrates with Owen in the ring. **

After the celebration, Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw and Zebekiah come down and yell something at Vince. On Savio’s way to the dressing room, Bradshaw runs him down. Ever the professional, JR blames the attack on a tag team loss on Superstars where Savio Vega & Freddy Joe Floyd (Tracy Smothers) defeated Bradshaw & Uncle Zeb.

Todd Pettingell is hanging out in the boiler room. It is totally freaky, says Todd. He stumbles upon Mankind who is just chilling (HA!) on the floor. “There’s no place like home!” Mick Foley is SO into this character right now.

• WWF World Tag Team Champions The Smokin’ Gunns (w/Sunny) vs. The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim) vs. The Body Donnas vs. The New Rockers
  

Only in the ’96 WWF could you put your entire tag team division into one match. This is elimination rules, so when your team loses, you go to the dressing room. The New Rockers are Leif Cassidy (goatee-less Al Snow) and Marty Jannetty. Skip has a neck injury, but he shows up anyway wearing the collar. He’ll just be standing on the ring apron the whole time. Henry and Billy start us off. Proves to be quite an easy contest for Henry, as he levels Billy with a big hiptoss and a wheelbarrow suplex. Now we get Zip and Phineas. During a criss-cross, they decide to tag in both the Smokin’ Gunns, which MAKES NO SENSE. After the tag, Zip and Phineas do the Fargo strut across the ring and embrace. WHAT. The Gunns hotshot over to the Godwinns, but they drop to the floor. Finally, Zip tags in and faces Billy. Even if you had both teammates in the ring, if Billy was to quickly small package Bart for a three-count, the Gunns would STILL WIN. But even so, that STILL MAKES NO SENSE. Anyways, Jannetty trips up Zip for the three-count to send the Body Donnas to the locker room at 4:01. In the ring, Cassidy knees Henry off a whip and gets tagged into the match. Henry plays face in peril between the Gunns and the New Rockers for a while. That is until Cassidy accidentally clotheslines Billy from the apron. The Godwinns take advantage of the miscue as Henry hits the SLOP DROP on Jannetty for 1-2-3 at 7:19. Now it’s just a 2-on-2 tag match. Henry turns Bart inside out with a clothesline out of the corner. Bart still manages to cut off the tag to Phineas and tags in Billy. He tries a Stinger Splash, but Henry catches him in mid air for a powerslam. HOT TAG TO PHINEAS! He hits the SLOP DROP on Billy, but the ref is busy trying to keep Hillbilly Jim from pouring the slop bucket on Sunny. Meanwhile, Bart lowers the boom on Phineas while he’s got the pin on Billy. He drapes Billy’s arm over Phineas as the ref turns around and counts the 1-2-3. (12:18) Champs retain. Another dull contest as it’s pretty much the same stuff you’ve been seeing for the last four months from these four teams. After the match, Sunny has a HUGE photo of herself dropped from the rafters for everybody to see. *½

• Sycho Sid vs. Davey Boy Smith
  

Another huge ovation for Sid. They get into a shoulderblock battle to start, but Sid wins that with a clothesline. Big slam takes Davey Boy to the floor. Back in, Sid grabs a headlock. They go to the mat where Davey Boy escapes with a headscissors, but then Sid does his kip-up into a powerslam spot. Can’t do it as good as he used to. Here comes Clarence Mason to cheer on Davey Boy. Meanwhile, DBS comes back with an hourglass suplex. Sid elbows out of a chinlock, but takes a clothesline to the floor. Looks like DBS will bring him back in with a suplex, but instead he drops Sid onto the top rope. RUNNING POWERSLAM connects, but Jim Cornette is out to see what the crap Clarence Mason thinks he’s doing trying to steal Corny’s wrestlers. When Davey Boy sees there’s nothing he can do, he goes back over to give Sid another RUNNING POWERSLAM. Sid slips out and hits the Chokeslam. POWERBOMB! Cover, 1-2-3. (6:25) Thanks a lot, Clarence. *

• Marc Mero (w/Sable) vs. Goldust (w/Marlena)
  

We all know Goldust likes men, but apparently he likes maneaters too as he’s now going after Sable. Last weekend on Superstars, Mankind ran out during Marc Mero’s match with Steve Austin and started stalking Sable and calling her “mommy”. It appears the relationship between Goldust and Mankind is not over. At least on paper, they might have made an interesting tag team. Goldust freaks Mero out with his usual “theatrics”, so Mero threatens him with his Left Hook punch. After that’s over, Mero works the arm. Goldust elbows out of a hammerlock and catches Mero ducking low off a whip. Mero charges Goldust up against the ropes, but he takes a backdrop to the floor. When Mero makes it back to the apron, Goldust bumps him off the apron onto the guardrail. Back in, Goldust hits a clothesline for two. Here comes Mankind out of the boiler room to freak out Sable. Meanwhile, Goldust has a chinlock on Mero. Finally some refs come down and send Mankind to the back. Mero retaliates by springing out of the corner off a whip with a back bump to Goldust. Mero makes his comeback – culminating with the Knee Lift. They tumble out to the floor where Mero hits him with the somersault plancha. Back in, Mero delivers the Slingshot Legdrop for 1-2-NO! From here, Mero heads up top and debuts the WILD THING (Shooting Star Press) on Goldust! Too bad Marlena has the ref distracted or it would have been over. Late count gets two. Goldust reverses a corner whip on Mero and delivers the CURTAIN CALL for the 1-2-3. (11:02) After the match, Goldust tries to seduce Sable as only he can while Marlena just stands back and lets it happen. She don’t care. When Goldust goes to kiss her, Mero jumps up and drills him with a right hook. Just to teach Goldust a lesson, Mero drops Goldust crotch first on the top rope and dropkicks to the floor. Oh well, you’ll get her one day, Goldust! **¼

Recap of the Ahmed Johnson injury and the stripping of the IC title. Love the red bathrobe, Ahmed! Who will get the title shot on Championship Raw Friday now that Ahmed is gone? The final four men in the ring will square off (Austin, Goldust, Savio, Sid) and the winner gets Ahmed’s WWF title shot.

Here comes Faarooq Asad with his manager Sunny. Yeah, this is why Faarooq needs to wear long tights and not briefs. Since WWF President Gorilla Monsoon didn’t want the criminal (Faarooq) to benefit from the crime (injuring the IC champ Ahmed Johnson), he made the title vacant. I don’t know why Faarooq thinks that taking out a champion makes you a champion. Faarooq is still pissed about the decision, but if Ahmed is the best the WWF has to offer, then he sees a lot of Sunny days ahead. Sunny tells Gorilla to bring on the tournament, because regardless Faarooq Asad will be the next WWF Intercontinental champion. What Sunny wants, Sunny gets and she wants the gold. Well if you win and then lose it, she’ll just dump you for the other guy.

• Jake Roberts vs. Jerry Lawler
  

Lawler started making fun of Roberts for being a supposed recovering alcoholic. When he’s on commentary, Lawler is always cracking cheap jokes and tempting Jake with Jim Bean and Jack Daniels. That’s what was happening on camera, but in real life Jake was still being the same old Jake even though he was going around to churches for special speaking engagements and telling congregations all around America his life story and how he had changed. Yes, Jake is a very sad story. Olympian Mark Henry joins us for commentary. Lawler brings a snake sack with him to the ring. Off comes the ring jacket to reveal a Baltimore Ravens jersey. NFL fans will get the joke, but I’ll explain. The Cleveland Browns were relocated to Baltimore in 1996 thanks to owner Art Modell, who became the most hated man in Cleveland there for a while. Anyways, Lawler continues to make jokes about Jake and his drinking habits. Jake is ready to pull his snake out of the bag, but Lawler says he’ll show you what goodies he has in his bag if Jake will keep his bag closed. Fair enough. Lawler reaches down into his sack and pulls out a comedic-sized bottle of wine. Jake finds no humor in it and wraps Lawler up in the yellow python. Down on the floor, Jake beats Lawler up by sending him into the ringpost and the steps. Lawler throws a drink in Jake’s face to take over. As Jake gets tied up in the ropes, Lawler threatens him with a bottle of Jim Bean, but Jake kicks him back. DDT? No, Lawler backdrops out. Jake comes back with the short-arm clothesline and calls for the DDT, but Lawler grabs hold of the ref. As Roberts goes over to talk to the ref, Lawler grabs his bottle of Jim Bean and jabs him in the throat with it. WHAT. Cover, 1-2-3. (4:10) Who wants to see two forty year old men working a lame Memphis-style match? Lawler pours some Jim Bean into Jake’s mouth until Mark Henry hops up and scares Lawler off. ½*

Bob Backlund is seen campaigning for President in the audience! The man is a machine.

• The Undertaker vs. Mankind – Boiler Room Brawl
  

Yes, the infamous boiler room brawl. You either like it or you don’t. I happen to like it. The only way to win is to escape the boiler room and head to the ring where Paul Bearer is waiting with the urn. The first man to retrieve the urn will be the winner. I love the little sign on the boiler room door. It says: Boiler Room – DANGER! Now that may be standard procedure, but it’s very fitting right now. UT has to find Mankind in this dark boiler room. Apparently he gets distracted by a power supply and Mankind attacks from behind with tubing. Pretty much a back and forth brawl for a while as they beat each other with boiler room supplies. This boiler room fight was done a day earlier because if they did it live like Bill O’Reilly would prefer, there might actually be some flubs in this brawl. When they have to do edits, the screen goes fuzzy like they’re having some “transmission problems” – like backstage is so far away. In one spot, Mankind turns on one of the exhausts and steam is released into Taker’s face. Reminds me of the old Smackdown games. Mankind low blows Taker with a pipe and then running knees his head up against industrial garage door. With Taker pretty much KO’ed, Mankind elbows drops him off a ladder. Looks like they botched another ladder spot and had to redo it. Mankind climbs up a wall ladder, so Taker sits up and tips the ladder backwards as Mankind falls onto what appears to be a cardboard landing. As they fight over to the door, Taker tries to stop Mankind by shooting him with the fire extinguisher, but Mankind still manages to make it out the door first. Instead of just running to the ring to win the match, Mankind places a bunch of trashcans in front of the door to try and stop Taker from coming. Well that didn’t work at all. Taker powers through the door as they brawl towards the ring. Right before they make it to the tunnel, Mankind picks up a coffee pot and throws it at the Undertaker! OH GEEZ. Taker NO-SELLS the coffee (probably decaf) and runs Mankind down outside the tunnel. From there, he finds a 2×4 and cracks it over Mankind’s head! Taker punches Mankind towards the ring, but Mankind pulls him off the apron and sends him into the steps. That slows UT down enough for Mankind to peel back the ringside mats and give him a Pull-Up Piledriver on the concrete! Taker NO-SELLS that as well and beats Mankind on the apron. Looks like it’s time for the Nestea Plunge (back-first bump onto concrete). YES IT IS. Nastyyyyy. Taker goes into the ring and drops to one knee as he asks for the urn, but Paul Bearer refuses and turns away. Mankind jumps back inside and applies the MANDIBLE CLAW! Once Taker seems down and out, Mankind goes over and drops to one knee in front of Paul Bearer. Taker SITS UP, so Mankind reapplies the hold. Okay, now he’s out. Mankind holds Taker while Bearer slams down the urn and slaps away on the Undertaker. Taker still decides he wants the urn and starts to crawl towards Bearer. Once he reaches Bearer, he gets the urn slammed on the top of his head to knock him out. And the urn goes to Mankind. (26:20) And the six year relationship between the Undertaker and Paul Bearer has ended. UT’s theme music is cut off as the Druids theme music hits as they come out to carry out the Undertaker. These two just wrote the book on the backstage brawls and WWF-style hardcore matches to come. Not a MOTYC or anything, but definitely an important match in the history of the WWF. ***¼

• WWF World Champion Shawn Michaels (w/Jose Lothario) vs. Vader (w/Jim Cornette)
  

Can Shawn beat the MONSTER? Vader OWNS Shawn to start, but then HBK catches a big boot and trips Vader up onto his backside. Shawn unloads on Vader, but once Vader is back on his feet, there’s not too much he can do to the big guy. Vader goes to dump Shawn, but he ducks down and the momentum sends Vader to the floor. With Vader on the outside, Shawn baseball slides him back and levels him with a plancha, which becomes part of the WWE highlight reel for years to come. Back in, HBK continues with the offense by nailing Vader with a hurracanrana. Shawn gets up on Vader’s shoulders and flips him out to the floor, then skins-the-cat back inside. Excellent. Shawn tries a slingshot rana, but Vader blocks and POWERBOMBS Shawn on the floor. Vader carries Shawn over his shoulder into the ring and then tosses him back into the ring. Uh oh, Vader has Shawn in the corner. From there, Vader whips Shawn across for the Ray Stevens corner bump to the floor. Back in, Shawn refuses a back suplex, but gets drilled with a clothesline. Shawn flips out of a suplex and nearly gets dumped out, but he skins-the-cat and hooks Vader’s head with his legs. Instead of flipping Vader out to the floor, Shawn gets pulled back inside and dumped down on his face! Cover, 1-2-NO! Shawn punches out of a standing crossface and comes off the ropes to trip up Vader into a sunset flip, but Vader steps on Shawn’s chest and goes to sit down on him, but Shawn brings up the knees. Looks like Shawn thought Vader was supposed to counter him coming off the top rope with a boot, but there’s no way Vader could lift his foot up that way. He was too far away to block it. Anyways, Shawn stomps him on the head instead and gives him the bad mouth for “screwing up”. Crossbody from Shawn flips both men out to the floor. On the outside, Vader reverses a whip on Shawn and sends him into the apron. He presses Shawn and drops him throat-first on the guardrail and then he returns to the ring to win via countout at 13:50. Cornette isn’t pleased with winning the match like this because he wants the title. Get back in the ring Shawn, if you have any guts. Match continues and Vader continues to decimate Shawn. POWERBOMB? No! Shawn punches out, hits the Flying Forearm, and nails the Flying Elbow Drop. He sets up for SWEET CHIN MUSIC, but Jim Cornette grabs his leg. Jimmy gets pulled up onto the apron and punched down, but the tennis racket falls into the ring. Shawn boots Vader away, picks up the racket, and starts wailing away on Vader for the DQ at 17:49. Once again, Cornette doesn’t want to win like that. He wants the title! Get back in the ring and face Vader if you have any guts, Shawn! Match is restarted a second time. Shawn avoids a butt splash when he tries a sunset flip and he repeats the same finishing sequence over again. Flying Forearm, Flying Elbow Drop, SWEET CHIN MUSIC for 1-2-NO! Crowd can’t believe it. Ref gets bumped out to the floor as Vader hits the POWERBOMB. Another ref runs out and counts the late 1-2-NO! Vader sets Shawn up for the VADERBOMB, but no he’s going for the VADERSAULT. Shawn moves out of the way and hits Vader with his Moonsault Press for the 1-2-3. (22:19) Not too much Cornette can say after the three-count. It’s a good main event, but I think it’s a tad overrated considering Vader’s injuries and Shawn playing politics by not wanting to drop the belt to Vader. ***¾

Final Thoughts: This card is well-known for the talent having too many injuries to make it anything above average, which made the show quite vulnerable in that it had a lot of empty time to fill. The problem with that is – the empty time was filled with terrible. The worst had to be the Lawler-Roberts stuff that went on WAY too long. Right now was just not a good time for the WWF to be having a big PPV like this, so it left only the two main events as anything worth watching. I hate to give it a complete thumbs down because of the last two matches, so I’ll go with a slight thumbs in the middle for SummerSlam 1996. Got two words for you: fast forward.

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (3/31/1996)
Intercontinental Champion: Goldust (4/22/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: The Smokin’ Gunns (5/26/1996)

• The New Rockers vs. The Body Donnas (w/Cloudy) – Free For All Match
  

This looked to be a decent match and I wish they had shown it in full here. From the back, Sunny watches on and makes some derogatory comments about Cloudy (Vince sure does seem to love men in drag) that would make a real woman develop an eating disorder. It’s a MAN, Sunny! Don’t worry who it is, it’s nobody important. The New Rockers are of course “Rock rock ’til he drops, rock rock never stops” Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy better known as my friend and yours, Al Snow. The New Rockers take Skip to the floor with a double suplex from the apron! Just when that seems to be bad enough, Cassidy runs down the apron and connects with a dropkick on Skip. Back in, the New Rockers do an illegal switch on Skip during a chinlock while Vince and JR talk to Todd Pettingell on the phone. Oh, that man is such a comedian! Skip fights out and gets one torso rollup, but Cassidy blocks the second one into a Dragon Suplex! Northern Lights suplex from Skip gets two, but then he runs into a leg lariat. Jannetty tags and hits the Rocker Dropper, but gets crotched up top. Skip goes for a superplex, but Jannetty counters with a SUPER POWERBOMB! Zip and Cassidy tag. Zip cleans house on the New Rockers and backdrops Skip on top of Jannetty. In the ring, Zip delivers a Doctorbomb to Cassidy. Tag to Skip, they go for a Rocket Launcher on Cassidy, but he gets out of harm’s way. Skip and Jannetty fight out to the floor while in the ring, Cassidy hits a sitout spinebuster. In comes Cloudy, the she-male grabs Cassidy for a big smooch. Now Cassidy is reeling, allowing Zip to roll him up for the 1-2-3. (6:03 shown) The usual cool spots mixed in with some “comedy”. I wonder how many times Vince has seen Tootsie? **½

Dok Hendrix catches up with Brian Pillman as he makes his way into the arena. He’s pissed nobody cares that he joined up with the WWF. In any event, the Human Time Bomb is here and he will make his presence known tonight!

JR tries to get a word with Ahmed Johnson who is still embarrassed/pissed off at receiving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Goldust. He saved your life, Ahmed! Now you want to beat him up?

Now Dok Hendrix is standing by with Jerry Lawler. His hands are all taped up because some idiot at a drive-thru spilled hot coffee all over his hands. Clarence Mason is going to be all over that fast-food establishment. Oh yeah, and tonight will prove to be the ultimate end of the Ultimate Warrior.

After Vince reminds Owen Hart that he can’t interfere in any of the matches tonight, Dok Hendrix brings out Mr. Perfect who will be the special referee in the main event. In regards to whether or not he’s a little jealous of Shawn Michaels and his success, Perfect makes the classic line “Hey, hasn’t everybody beaten up Shawn Michaels?” Haha exactly, what is there to be jealous of in that case? He vows to call the match right down the middle.

And now onto the PPV.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and the Slammy award-winning Owen Hart.

• Steve Austin vs. Marc Mero (w/Sable) – KOTR Semifinals

Austin put Bob Holly to sleep with the Million Dollar Dream and debuted the Stone Cold Stunner to beat Savio Vega to reach this semifinals matchup. Mero put Skip away with the super Frankensteiner and rolled up Owen Hart to continue on to meet Austin here at the KOTR. By the way, Owen is wearing a cast on his left arm as he is suffering from Bob Orton syndrome. Feeling out process to start. Mero snaps off a tilt-a-whirl headscissors to put Austin on the floor. He wants a plancha, but Austin gets out of the way before anything can happen. Back in, Austin fights out of a headlock and tries a Thesz Press! Ahh, somebody overcompensated there and Austin makes Mero pay for that by stomping a mudhole in him. Mero kicks out of a knucklelock before Austin cheapshots him and gets dumped for it. On the floor, Austin peels back the ringside mats and guerrilla press slams Mero to the concrete! Back in, Austin hits a suplex and begins to work on the neck and back. Austin delivers the diving vertical elbow drop off the second rope right to the throat and then grabs a Boston crab. Mero manages to slip out and twist Austin off him. Back to the crab, Mero powers Austin off him and sits on top for 1-2-NO! Austin hooks the legs and Mero rolls through into another rollup of his own for two. Mero flips out of a back suplex and rolling clutch pin gets 1-2-NO! Austin has enough of that and cold cocks Mero! Austin gets caught in a sleeper, but escapes with a jawbreaker. I believe this is where Austin bit his tongue real bad. Mero gets whipped into the corner and leaps off the second rope back on Austin with a body attack. Mero unloads on Austin in the corner and then whips him into the ropes for a backdrop. Flying double sledge gets two. Austin catches Mero with a boot in the corner and tries to throw Mero out, but Mero puts on the brakes and sends Austin out instead. Here comes Mero with a somersault plancha on Austin! Boy is Austin’s mouth bloody. Mero heads back in and catches Austin on the run with a suicide dive! In the ring, a missile dropkick gets 1-2-NO! Super Frankensteiner connects! Cover, 1-2-NO! Austin goes low and lifts Mero up for a powerbomb only to drop him backwards for a hotshot. Austin covers 1-2-NO! STONE COLD STUNNER! That gets the three-count. (16:50) These two always seemed to work well together once Mero got really good around 1994 and this was no different. Possibly the last great match of Mero’s career. ***¾

• Jake Roberts vs. Vader (w/Jim Cornette) – KOTR Semifinals
  

This match is like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino when he went off to face that Korean gang at the end of the movie. He’s too old to possibly have a chance at defeating them all, but he shows up anyway. Owen helped Vader get past Ahmed Johnson with the Bob Orton Special. With the Warrior/Goldust KOTR tournament match ending in a double-countout thanks to Lawler, Vader shot right up to the semifinals. Jake unloaded DDTs on Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Bradshaw to meet Vader here tonight. Kind of interesting if you had known the future. Vader plays around with Jake to start. A body attack and a splash gets two. Jake brings up a boot to block a charge and hits a Knee Lift. Vader backs Jake into the corner to prevent the DDT, which is exactly where Roberts doesn’t want to be. Jake ducks a short-arm clothesline and delivers one of his own. Vader still won’t go down though and catches Jake with a body attack as he comes off the ropes. Vader misses a corner charge and takes a DDT. On the way down, Vader tosses the ref away and gets DQ’ed for it. (3:29) They could have done this so many different ways for a better finish. Jake grabs after the snake in the corner and gets squashed by Vader. VADER BOMB to Jake! Every referee in the WWF storms the ring to get Vader to KNAUCK IT AUF as Earl Hebner might say. Can Jake make it to the finals?! *

• WWF World Tag Team Champions The Smokin’ Gunns (w/Sunny) vs. The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim)
  

Well, Sunny goes where the titles go. Ever since the Gunns got with Sunny, they’re some pretty bad dudes. Billy distracts Phineas by telling him he’ll never be able to make Sunny feel the way Billy can. Maybe Phineas is a premature ejaculator? Bart attacks from behind, allowing the Gunns to have the upperhand to start. Phineas catches Billy ducking low off a whip and has one of them crazy spells as Billy runs for cover. In the back, Cloudy is standing by with a comment. Yeaaaaaah. Meanwhile, the Godwinns are working over Bart’s arm. Billy catches Henry coming off the ropes with a kick from the apron. Now the Gunns work over Henry’s back. Nothing really all that interesting happening. After Billy misses a Stinger Splash, Bart draws in Phineas to prevent the hot tag. Flying legdrop from Bart misses, and Phineas gets the tag. Off a Gunns double-whip out of the corner, the Godwinns do-si-do and blast the Gunns with clotheslines. While the ref tries to get Henry out of the ring, Bart pulls off his boot and nails Phineas for the 1-2-3. (10:11) Pretty uninspired formula tag. *½

During the Camp Cornette interview, we find Mr. Perfect hanging out in their dressing room.

• Ultimate Warrior vs. Jerry Lawler
  

On Lawler’s way to the ring, he walks over to the KOTR throne and brings the scepter with him. Not to mention making fun of Milwaukee. “It’s girls like you that turn men into Goldust.” That would NEVER happen in 2009. After Warrior makes his entrance, Lawler pearl harbors him with the scepter. Lawler does every cheap heel trick in the book to set up the PILEDRIVER. Warrior NO-SELLS, WARRIORS UP, and hits a series of clotheslines. Jumping shoulderblock gets the 1-2-3. (3:51) Even though the next PPV had the Warrior in the main event, he would start no-showing events and was quickly released. Even though Warrior has his own DVD produced by the WWE, this would prove to be his last WWE PPV to date. Because I mean, you can never say never in wrestling until you have met your demise. CRAP

In the locker room, Jake’s ribs are getting taped up for the KOTR finals. WWF President Gorilla Monsoon decides to let him fight because he’s an old man, and old men don’t get too many more chances in life. Funny how Jake is younger here than Shawn Michaels is now, yet nobody calls him an old man. Wrestling is indeed a WACKY world!

• The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Mankind
  

Mankind has been OWNING the Undertaker lately, which sets up their match. During Taker’s entrance, the lights come on and Taker is shown perched up on the top rope ready to deliver a flying clothesline to Mankind! Following that, UT beats the crap out of Mankind. He hits Old School, but catches an elbow out of the corner. Taker sits up after a slam, but Mankind takes him down with a sliding clothesline. Mankind drives a knee into Taker down in the corner. We head out to the floor where Mankind hits the elbow drop off the apron. Mankind finds a chair and gets that kicked back in his face. After a whip into the apron, he walks right into a backdrop from Taker onto the chair! Sort of. Back in the ring while Paul Bearer talks with the ref, Taker nails Mankind across the back with the chair. Big boot sets up a possible Tombstone, but Mankind slips out and hits a swinging neckbreaker. Mankind checks to make sure Taker is KO’ed and then starts squealing. Taker blocks the MANDIBLE CLAW, but gets kicked back down. Mankind grabs some sort of nerve hold until Taker escapes with rapid-fire punches. Back on the floor, Mankind elbows Taker down up against the steel steps and drives his knee into Taker’s head! OH SNAP! He slams Taker on the concrete over by the chair and goes for another flying elbow off the apron, but Taker brings up the chair to block. Taker delivers an unprotected chairshot right to the head! In the ring, Mankind ties himself up in the ropes fearing defeat. Taker hits the Jumping Lariat, but telegraphs a backdrop and receives the Pull Up Piledriver. Cover, 1-2-NO! On the other side of the ring, Mankind throws a tantrum and yanks out his own hair. Mankind grabs the urn and goes to whack Taker, but Bearer grabs it away from him. Mankind turns around and applies the MANDIBLE CLAW on Taker. Now Bearer decides to whack Mankind with the urn, but Mankind pulls Taker in to take the shot instead. In the center of the ring, Mankind reapplies the MANDIBLE CLAW until Taker passes out. (18:18) Would that be a TKO or what? I don’t know. He didn’t give up or get pinned, so whatever. People who say these two didn’t really have much chemistry in their 1996 meetings are incorrect in my view. Not a MOTYC or anything, but a good match with Taker really giving Mankind the rub. ***

• WWF Intercontinental Champion Goldust (w/Marlena) vs. Ahmed Johnson
  

As expected, Ahmed beats the crap out of Goldust. Once he’s on the floor, Ahmed no hands planchas out on top of Goldust and CONTINUES to beat on him. Ahmed even tries to throw the top part of the steps at Goldust, but he gets out of the way of that. Ahmed misses a Stinger Splash and falls out to the floor so that Goldust can gain a breather. Goldust follows him out and drops the top half of the steps on Ahmed’s back! Back in, lariat gets two. Once Ahmed fights out of a chinlock, Goldust starts rubbing all over him. At one point, Goldie goes in for the cover and rubs himself all over Ahmed. I’m skipping ahead to the finish. Goldust puts Ahmed out with a sleeper, but doesn’t go for the pin. He wants to give him CPR again, but NOBODY GIVES AHMED CPR! Ahmed wakes up, hits the Spinebuster, and then the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE for the victory. (15:33) Ahmed makes history by becoming the first African-American IC champ. **

Brian Pillman, crutches and all, makes his way to ringside to talk to JR. He cusses a little bit to stress what his attitude is all about and challenges any of these WWF superstars to stop him from being such a loose cannon.

• Steve Austin vs. Jake Roberts – KOTR Finals
  

This is much like the first match except now Jake’s ribs are all banged up. WWF President Gorilla Monsoon steps in to see if Jake wants to stop, but that gives Roberts enough time to temporarily regroup and give Austin a little bit of a fight. He goes for the DDT, but Austin backs him up in the corner to further damage the ribs. STONE COLD STUNNER! Austin is *your* 1996 King of the Ring. (4:38) So much for Jake’s Cinderella story. ½*

Now it’s time for the King of the Ring coronation. Austin heads over to the throne area for a word with Dok Hendrix. And right before our eyes, we see the historic Austin 3:16 speech.

• WWF World Champion Shawn Michaels (w/Jose Lothario) vs. Davey Boy Smith (w/Jim Cornette & Diana Smith) – Special Referee: Mr. Perfect
  

Owen standing up on top of the announce table and cheering for Davey Boy Smith during his entrance with his Slammy award in-hand is pro. Before the match begins, WWF President Gorilla Monsoon changes the rules and makes Earl Hebner the referee inside the ring leaving Mr. Perfect to be the ref outside of the ring. The whole point of Perfect being the ref was because Hebner got tossed aside last time these two met, but because Perfect was found in the Cornette dressing room, Monsoon had to change the rules to make the fight fair. Makes sense. Shawn controls with a headlock to start. Davey Boy fights out and tosses Shawn, but he skins-the-cat and brings DBS out to the floor with a headscissors. From there, HBK jumps off the apron and hurracanranas Davey Boy down. Cornette tries to attack him with his racket, but Shawn grabs it away from him and gives him a spanking. Back in, now Smith controls with a headlock. Shawn slips out of a press slam and grabs an armbar. Davey Boy Smith stands up out of the armbar and grabs the ropes to get the leverage needed to pin HBK for 1-2-NO! Perfect takes his time, but makes it over to Davey Boy to knock his hand off the ropes. Davey Boy steps on HBK’s face to break the hold. Shawn tries to flip over DBS out of the corner, but he sees it coming. Shawn ducks a clothesline and goes right back to an armbar. Davey Boy reverses into a hammerlock. Shawn flips out of a back suplex and grabs a sleeper. Davey Boy whips HBK into the corner a few times and grabs a chinlock. Shawn fights out and nails DBS with an Armbreaker DDT. Davey Boy comes back and presses Shawn up only to back into the ropes and dump Shawn all the way to the floor. Incredible. Lothario complains to Perfect what just happen while Davey Boy delivers an hourglass suplex on the floor. Bulldog presses HBK over his head and tosses him back inside for 1-2-NO! DBS grabs a chinlock. HBK escapes, but Davey Boy reverses a corner whip to send him in for the Ray Stevens bump, causing Shawn to stagger back around into a clothesline. From there, Smith applies a surfboard! Shawn won’t give up, so Davey Boy drops his shoulders down to the mat for 1-2-NO! Bulldog reapplies the chinlock. Shawn fights out and hits a crossbody block for two. He jumps up right into another clothesline. More of the chinlock. Shawn gets two off a crucifix. They trade running powerslam attempts. When Shawn shoves off Davey’s powerslam, he goes for Sweet Chin Music. DBS grabs hold of the ropes to avoid the superkick and then blasts Shawn with another clothesline! Piledriver sets up a flying headbutt, but Shawn moves out of the way. Shawn gets crotched up top for a superplex, earning DBS another nearfall. HBK falls back on Davey Boy during a back superplex for 1-2-NO! Double-KO ensues from there. Shawn tries another rana, but Smith counters into a sitout powerbomb for 1-2-NO! Shawn reverses a corner whip to send Davey Boy flipping into the corner. He follows up with the Flying Forearm, kips up, and hits the Flying Elbow Drop. SWEET CHIN MUSIC connects! Perfect stops the ref before he counts and then counts with him for 1-2-3! Well, Owen jumps up from the announce table and pulls Perfect out at the count of two, but nobody cares because Hebner counted three. (26:23) Afterwards, a two-on-one attack occurs. Ahmed saves HBK, Vader runs down to help and destroy them both, then Warrior comes out and destroys the entire Camp Cornette to set up the next PPV main event. These two appeared to have all the necessary tools for a ****+ match, but could never pull it off for me. Maybe I’m just not as big of a fan of Davey Boy Smith’s singles work as other people seem to be. ***½

Final Thoughts: Historically relevant PPV with Stone Cold Steve Austin making his presence felt throughout the whole show by breaking down the door of the WWF and letting everybody know he means business to catapult him into super stardom. That’s a big deal if you ask me. Thumbs up for King of the Ring 1996 due to its level of importance and some really solid matches. Such a huge step up from last year’s debacle.

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (3/31/1996)
Intercontinental Champion: Goldust (4/22/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: The Godwinns (5/19/1996)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler.

• WWF World Tag Team Champions The Godwinns (w/Sunny & Hillbilly Jim) vs. The Smokin’ Gunns – Free For All Match
  

With her good looks and charm, Sunny has manipulated her way thanks to Phineas into becoming the co-manager of the Godwinns because now they have the tag titles instead of her Body Donnas. What a tag team title whore. Oh well, she looks good in cowboy boots so I’m down with it. The Smokin’ Gunns are a few weeks back after Billy’s neck injury from earlier in the year. The Gunns gain a few quick nearfalls on the champs to start. They work over Henry’s arm a bit. He tries the SLOP DROP early, but Bart slips out and eats a clothesline instead for two. More arm twisting from both sides. During an armbar, Sunny gets up on the apron and walks over to Billy. He pulls her in for a smooch. The love struck Phineas sees what’s happening, so Bart takes advantage with a bridging back suplex for the 1-2-3. (4:57) As the general consensus seems to be, the Body Donnas and the Godwinns were just keeping the belts warm until the Gunns came back anyway. Sunny seems pretty blown away by the kiss – almost to the point where she has no clue where she is at right now. Even though we ARE in the future, I think it’s safe to say where this is heading. *

Dok Hendrix interviews the new tag champs. Billy does all the talking. What about the kiss? He just gave her what she wanted, bro.

They show a few video recaps of the HBK/DBS and UT/Goldust feuds.

Dok Hendrix brings out the IC Champ Goldust and Marlena. Goldie calls out the Undertaker and the arena goes dark just as the Free For All show ends. Pretty smart way to get people to buy the PPV at the last second thinking something big was about to happen. Doubt it was too successful though.

And now the PPV begins.

• Marc Mero (w/Sable) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/some brunette)
  

This feud is all about Sable rejecting HHH to be with Marc Mero. H baits Mero around the ring and back inside to drop a knee on him to take control, but Mero changes that real quick and knocks Hunter with the Kiss That Don’t Miss. He follows Hunter out with a plancha and brings him back in for a slingshot legdrop for two. Hunter blocks another Kiss That Don’t Miss with a thumb to the eye – or the facial area if your Vince McMahon. Mero reverses a cross corner whip to set up Hunter for the Ray Stevens bump into the Kiss That Don’t Miss for two. H avoids a corner charge, sending Mero shoulder first into the ringpost. To do more damage on the shoulder, Hunter grabs Mero and throws him again into the ringpost. H delivers an armbreaker DDT and then abuses Mero in the corner. High Knee gets two. Hunter begins to dismantle Mero’s arm and shoulder by slamming it into the ringpost. He runs Mero’s shoulder into the corner and goes for a cross armbreaker, but Mero makes the ropes. HHH follows up with a knee drop on the injured arm and keeps putting the pressure on the arm. Mero gets a big hope spot as he flips out of a back suplex into a rolling clutch pin on HHH for 1-2-NO! H puts him back down with a running clothesline for two. Back to the arm, Hunter yanks down on Mero’s arm across the top rope and then comes off the top rope with a double sledge to the arm! Hunter applies the Ole Anderson stepover armbar and uses the ropes for leverage. The ref never catches him though. Hammerlock slam connects, but then Mero crotches H up top. A hurracanrana brings Hunter down. Mero’s too hurt to capitalize with a cover though. Mero hits a tilt-a-whirl headscissors and follows up with a knee lift. Mero does a great job selling the arm here and working with the one good arm. Flying sunset flip gets 1-2-NO! Dropkick puts Hunter on the floor for the somersault plancha, but Hunter gets out of the way just in time, thus jamming Mero’s knee on the impact. Back inside, Hunter says something to Sable that makes her run away before setting up for the PEDIGREE! Sable doesn’t want to watch, so Hunter lets Mero go and heads outside to grab Sable. He yells at her to watch and heads back inside, but Mero counters the PEDIGREE this time with a catapult into the top of the ringpost! Mero covers for 1-2-3! (16:24) Mero gets a lot of praise for this match, but I think they both did a great job. Hunter did just about everything possible to the arm for a good long match while Mero showed off some of his best spots. ***½

In the back with the Cornette Camp, James E. announces that Owen Hart has earned a one-day managerial license from the South Carolina athletic commission to legally be at ringside for the British Bulldog’s match tonight instead of Cornette since he’s got his hands full with Vader.

So as Savio Vega was heading to the ring for his strap match with Austin, the power goes out in the arena for close to an hour. Since no one watching on PPV could see what was happening, most cable companies aired a tape of Vince apologizing for the inconvenience. The matches were still going on for the live crowd and in typical WWF order when tragedy strikes, all the babyfaces went over. Finally, the power came back on in time for the main event. Funny how that worked out.

• WWF World Champion Shawn Michaels (w/Jose Lothario) vs. Davey Boy Smith (w/Diana Smith & Owen Hart)
  

On his way to the ring, Shawn bumps into Mr. Perfect in the hallway who was doing the non-Hendrix interviews tonight. That becomes important later. After Shawn’s entrance, evil lawyer Clarence Mason serves a subpoena to Shawn Michaels. The charge – Attempted Alienation of Affection. You see, Davey Boy thinks Shawn is trying to get him some of Diana, which his coo-coo talk. Shawn rips up the subpoena and gets nailed from behind by the Bulldog. Lots of moving around to start from Shawn. SWEET CHIN MUSIC? No. Davey Boy puts on the brakes and heads to the floor. Shawn follows him out with a pescado. Back inside, HBK’s all about the headlock. Davey Boy catches Shawn off a leapfrog, but he thumbs his way out and rolls up Davey Boy for 1-2-NO! Enziguri gets two. Shawn grabs an armbar and floats over into the short-arm scissors, which sets up the Bulldog’s counter by lifting Shawn up and slamming him down. DBS takes over with a backdrop and grabs a chinlock. Shawn tries escaping, so Davey Boy hoists Shawn up in a Canadian backbreaker. Shawn actually powers out, but Bulldog counters his crucifix by falling backwards. Running legdrop gets two. Back to the chinlock. Shawn fights out and as they’re both running off the ropes, he falls out to the floor. Not sure how that happened. DBS smashes HBK’s face on the guardrail before heading back into the ring. Shawn buries DBS with shoulders and snaps his neck on the top rope. Shawn flies into the ring with Air Pillman! Double-KO ensues. Shawn hits the Flying Forearm and kips up for the flying double ax handle for two. Ref Earl Hebner gets bumped and I mean he takes a SERIOUS fall through the ropes to the floor. Flying Elbow connects. Shawn sets up for SWEET CHIN MUSIC. In comes Owen, who eats a superkick. Another ref comes in as Bulldog nails Shawn from behind. Shawn shoves off the RUNNING POWERSLAM into the corner and delivers a bridging German suplex for 1-2-3. (17:22) While you think Shawn just successfully defended his title, they consider the finish to be a double-pin situation as Bulldog lifted his shoulder up at two where HBK Shawn did not. Diana delivers the belt to her husband as Cornette and Owen come in to celebrate. Hebner wakes up and raises Shawn’s hand in victory even though he never even saw the finish. Diana tries to leave with the belt, but WWF President Gorilla Monsoon comes up from behind and grabs the belt away from her. He’s the DECIDER! Howard Finkel says since both men shoulders were down for the three-count, Monsoon declares the bout a draw. This sets up their rematch for the King of the Ring. ***

In Your House: Beware of Dog 2
May 28, 1996
North Charleston, SC
North Charleston Coliseum

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (3/31/1996)
Intercontinental Champion: Goldust (4/22/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: The Smokin’ Gunns (5/26/1996)

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Mr. Perfect.

Just so that you didn’t miss Raw, Vince decided to air the previous two matches for the replay and included the other three matches live that we missed on the original broadcast from Sunday night.

• Steve Austin (w/Ted DiBiase) vs. Savio Vega – Caribbean Strap Match
  

On the previous night’s Raw, DiBiase declared he would leave the WWF if Austin didn’t win this match. If Austin wins, Vega becomes DiBiase’s chauffeur. So what Austin have to gain other than pride here? Anyways, JR and Perfect sell the strap match they already had two nights earlier – meaning neither man could be 100%. Like in most strap matches, nobody wants to take that first lashing. Austin strikes first on Vega and beats him down to the mat. Austin bails after taking a backdrop, but he can’t go too far. Savio yanks him into the apron a bunch. DiBiase, being the great manager he is, tells Austin to slide back into the ring when he feels the tug. He does just that, but slides out again. Vega follows him out and pulls him into a big chop. Back in the ring, Savio begins to whip the crap out of Austin. He knocks Austin down with a spin kick and taps two corners before Austin pulls the strap between Vega’s legs to send him for a loop. Austin starts whipping Vega like a dog, but that just gets his Latin temper going. Out on the floor, Austin backs Savio into the apron and then hotshots him on the guardrail. Back over on the apron, Austin hangs him by the strap real good. Suplex brings Vega back in to start up some turnbuckle tapping for Austin. As Austin goes to reach for his third buckle, he gives up too much slack to allow Vega to spin him around the ring into a corner to stop the turnbuckle counting. Savio continues with the strap violence until Austin backdrops him over the top rope to the floor. Seems like it would be a break for Austin, but he comes flying out over the top with him. Vega counters a suplex on the floor. Austin tries to come back with a flying double sledge off the steps, but he gets caught on the way down. Back inside, Vega drags Austin around to three corners. As he starts for the fourth corner, Austin trips him up. In between lashes, Vega counters a suplex and puts Austin up top. They fight over a superplex and Savio does deliver. That’s pretty ballsy with the long strap and all. So much can go wrong. Vega taps three corners, but Austin stands in his way of the fourth corner and spikes Savio to the mat. Even though he couldn’t reach the other side of the ring, Austin delivers the Bossman straddle. More whipping action from Austin. He reaches two corners and then walks over to Vega instead of slapping the third corner only to take a thumb to the eye. Oh, but Austin answers back with a low blow. They get into a tombstone reversal sequence ending with Austin backing up to the ring ropes to dump Vega out to the floor. Austin chokes on Vega and then heads to the top rope only to be yanked down to the floor into the guardrail! Awesome. From there, Austin gets pulled into the ringpost. Back in the ring, Vega carries Austin around on his shoulders and starts tapping turnbuckles! After two turnbuckles, Austin slips away and tries to prevent a third turnbuckle. No good. Vega nails Austin and taps the turnbuckle. On his way to the fourth corner, Austin gives the strap one big hard pull to wallop Vega. Austin gets a piledriver and it looks to be over, but DiBiase wants another one. But that never works out, Ted! Savio backdrops out, but then gets caught in the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM! With Austin on his back, Vega carries Austin around and taps two turnbuckles. The problem is he begins to wear out and can’t reach anymore. Savio kicks off the third turnbuckle and falls back on Austin to break the hold. With Vega in bad shape, Austin STUNGUNS him on the top of the corner post. Austin wraps the strap around Savio’s neck and drags Vega around to each corner. What Austin doesn’t realize is that Savio is tapping every corner after Austin. Once they get to the fourth corner, they get into a struggle where Austin pulls Vega into the corner to give him the win. (21:24) DiBiase is now history and Austin doesn’t seem to mind. I had forgotten how GOOD this match was. Not only was there constant action, but all the neat elements of ring psychology with the strap was there that made an old gimmick match feel fresh. Definitely one of Austin’s better matches in the WWE and certainly Savio Vega’s best match of his career. Savio encourages the crowd to sing the “Nah Nah Hey Hey Goodbye” song to Ted DiBiase. I’m guessing this is where the tradition begins? ****¼

• Vader (w/Jim Cornette) vs. Yokozuna
  

Two months earlier, Vader broke Yokozuna’s leg with a couple pump splashes. Now he’s back for REVENGE~! Supposedly, Yoko needed to lose some serious weight. Unfortunately for him, he only lost like 30-35 pounds – which for Yoko at this point is like skipping a meal. Once. Yoko wants a sumo match with Vader, but Vader chickens out. They finally collide and Yokozuna takes Vader right off his feet. Vader fires back with a TON of head shots. Yokozuna trips him up and elbow drops the knee. Vader sells that REAL well and crawls out to the floor. Vader’s knee brace has been broken! Back in, Yoko does the same again on Vader’s knee. Vader unloads again and goes for a slam, but Yokozuna is just too fat. Uranage by Yoko! He follows up with an Avalanche and a Samoan Drop. Cornette interrupts a possible BANZAI DROP and gets flipped into the ring. Corny lays the tennis racket down and wants to play nice, so Yokozuna just gives him a headbutt. He wants to give Cornette a BANZAI DROP, but Vader pulls his manager out of the way just in time. Vader elbow drops the knee and gives him a good Pump Splash for the 1-2-3. (8:54) Actually not a bad big man match. I liked the idea of Yoko going after Vader’s knee because it MAKES SENSE. *½

• WWF Intercontinental Champion Goldust (w/Marlena) vs. The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) – Casket Match
  

Last night on Raw, Goldust gave Ahmed Johnson ‘mouth to mouth’ to resuscitate him after Owen Hart nailed Ahmed with his cast. Of course, it got all gay with Goldust and Ahmed became ENRAGED. That should tell you this feud is ending tonight. UT shows up in the ring behind Goldust when the lights come back on. Taker whips Goldie around and tosses him near the casket, so Goldust freaks out and runs away. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Down on the floor, UT bashes Goldust’s head onto the steps and then onto the casket. Back in, Taker slams Goldust for a jumping legdrop. OLD SKOOL! Goldust catches UT charging at him with an elbow. He slams Taker, but the man sits up. Back to work. Goldust tries to slide underneath UT with an uppercut, but they blow that one. Goldust delivers a tombstone piledriver instead. ZOMBIE SIT UP~! He tries putting UT in the casket after a sliding clothesline, but Taker punches out. He hits a big boot, but Goldust backdrops him over the top to the floor. Now it’s Goldust smashing UT’s head on the steps. He even chokes the dead man down with some ringside cables. Back inside, Taker fights back. He gets caught with a sleeper though. Once Taker is down, Goldust drags him into the casket. He’s got an arm sticking out though! Goldust hops on the lid, but Taker pushes the lid open and breaks the lid! In the ring, Taker hits the jumping lariat. They tumble back out on the floor where Goldie kicks a chair back in Taker’s face. In the ring, Goldust delivers a powerslam and comes off the top with a flying clothesline. He covers, but DUHH. That doesn’t work here, you freak. Goldust walks the ropes himself, but Taker flips him down to the mat. TOMBSTONE to Goldust! As Taker opens the lid, out pops Mankind! He applies the MANDIBLE CLAW on Taker and places him down into the casket! Taker is completely out of it as the lid closes to give Goldust the win. (12:36) And just like that, this feud transitions over to Mankind’s first and arguably most famous feud during his time with the WWF with the Undertaker. After Mankind, Goldust and Marlena head to the back, Paul Bearer opens the casket to see that it’s EMPTY! Where is Taker?! **¼

Final Thoughts: Another great PPV for the WWF. Three matches over *** make for an easy recommendation if you can even find this show. Since the commercial VHS copy wouldn’t be called “Beware of Dog”, I believe the tape is called Wrestlefest 1996. Anyways, everything felt important here and they managed to make me want to see what happens next with each and every match and feud, so you can’t go wrong with a philosophy like that. Thumbs up for IYH: Beware of Dog.

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (3/31/1996)
Intercontinental Champion: Goldust (4/22/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: The Body Donnas (3/31/1996)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler.

• Marc Mero (w/Sable) vs. 1-2-3 Kid (w/Ted DiBiase) – Free For All Match
  

Looks like Kid is trying to grow a semblance of a goatee. Our little kid is finally turning into a man…with a goatee. Mero controls to start with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. They botch a headscissors out of the corner, but Kid falls outside anyway. Mero wants to do his somersault plancha, but Kid walks away over to DiBiase. In a show of excellent timing, Kid turns around right at the very last second to take a suicide dive from Mero! Back in, the slingshot legdrop gets two. Mero gets crotched, but throws off a superplex attempt. Here comes Hunter Hearst Helmsley to stalk Sable. Looks like Mero was going for his flying sunset flip and Kid gets out of the way of that completely. Kid unloads on Mero in the corner with kicks. Big jumping heel kick gets two. Mero avoids a dropkick in the corner as Kid crashes and burns. Now he sees the H man at ringside getting ever so close to his Sable. He jumps down to the floor and gets in Hunter’s face only for the Kid to knock him over with a baseball slide. Can anybody explain what this means? Another ref comes out and sends Hunter to the back. In the ring, Kid misses a flying splash. That signals Mero’s comeback as he hits a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. He looks like he wants to do the Kiss That Don’t Miss, but then remembers he’s not in WCW anymore. Hunter runs back down and attacks Mero for the DQ. (7:21) H leaves Mero laying with a PEDIGREE and then bows at Sable before heading to the back with the 1-2-3 Kid and DiBiase. Hunter throws up the sign again. Pretty good match as expected. **¾

During Dok Hendrix’s interview with the Ultimate Warrior, Goldust and Marlena interrupt to blow smoke and glitter in Warrior’s face. Warrior’s like “AHH GAYS!” and makes sure to beat his chest to show that they have certainly angered him and then goes to get some revenge.

Alright, onto the PPV!

• Davey Boy Smith (w/Jim Cornette, Clarence Mason, & Owen Hart) vs. Jake Roberts (w/Damien the SNAKE~!)
  

Over in Germany on a recent European tour, Jake Roberts found out Davey Boy Smith is afraid of snakes. You know, anyone in their right mind would be afraid of a HUGE nine foot long snake wrapped around you. I don’t see how that confirms some big deep dark fear of snakes that Davey Boy has, but whatever. In this match, the greatest lawyer EVAR in Clarence Mason has a legal document stating that no reptiles are allowed at ringside for this match. Jake brings the snake with him anyway, rips up the document, and throws the snake on Cornette to cause him to faint. Of course, Mason got the F out of there before anything bad could happen to him. Mason helps Cornette to the back because he’s as white than a sheet (more than usual), leaving his tennis racket at ringside which becomes important later. And just when you wondered what became of Roberts, he returns to the ring with Ahmed Johnson – the man who has his thumb broken by Davey Boy Smith. The crowd goes insane as the match gets changed to a tag match just like that.

• Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith vs. Jake Roberts & Ahmed Johnson
  

Early on, Davey Boy Smith doesn’t want him none of Ahmed and avoids him at all costs. Even so, Owen doesn’t want any of Ahmed either, but Davey Boy does his best to encourage him. We see Davey’s wife Diana in the audience, which becomes important later. Ahmed throws Owen around and tags Jake, who goes for the DDT and gets SO close to hitting it. Owen gets away from a second DDT attempt and rakes Jake in the face to take control. Davey Boy tags and misses an elbow drop, so Jake tags Ahmed. Davey Boy makes the tag to Owen and goes to the floor to sell the elbow that was injured in the arm wrestling contest a few Raws before this show. Lots of common sense psychology here. Is Jake booking this? Owen wants a test of strength with Ahmed, which proves unwise. Ahmed nails Owen with an ugly clothesline and then stomps a mudhole in the corner. Bulldog saves with a cheap shot from behind and then wants a tag once Ahmed is down. Ahmed NO-SELLS a slam and chokes Davey Boy back into his own corner. Dumb move. Tag to Owen, he can’t slam Ahmed. Ahmed press slams Owen and tags Jake. Owen cools down the crowd by catching Jake with a knee in the corner and a missile dropkick. Now here’s where the cheating comes into play as Davey Boy draws the ref away from his corner so Owen can choke Jake since he is YOUR face in peril. Jake elbows out of a chinlock and kicks away the SHARPSHOOTER, but still gets his tag cut off. Jake elbows out of Bulldog’s chinlock, but Owen catches him coming off the ropes with a knee and chokes him in the ropes. Classic Hart stuff. Tag to Owen, a sleeper gets countered with a jawbreaker as Roberts makes the HOT TAG TO AHMED! He pounds Davey Boy with his hand that has a broken thumb. That’s kind of a downer. Spinebuster to Bulldog! He tags Jake in hopes of a DDT, but Owen tries to save and takes a backdrop. Ahmed decks Davey Boy to the floor, leaving Owen alone for a double clothesline. After the faces celebrate, Owen pulls Ahmed to the floor while Jake looks to suplex Bulldog from the apron into the ring. Oh, but Bulldog has Cornette’s racket. He WHACKS Jake in the knee a couple times and locks in a kneebar for the submission. (13:47) Weird finish, but otherwise this was well-booked in spite of Jake and Ahmed’s limitations and had lots of solid heat from the crowd. I don’t know why people down this match so much. I was never bored here. ***¼

• WWF Intercontinental Champion Goldust (w/Marlena & an Italian Mafia bodyguard guy) vs. Ultimate Warrior
  

The unnamed bodyguard is the wrestler formerly known as Mantaur. Goldust is suffering a knee injury, but apparently this injury happened since the match was booked and advertised and they couldn’t have had someone sub for him. Anyways, Goldust stalls forever until Warrior chases him back towards the house. Warrior grabs Marlena’s cigar and sits in her chair in the ring. Goldust gets on the mic and threatens to kiss everybody in the audience if they don’t shut up. Eventually, Warrior hands Marlena her cigar back and helps put on Goldust’s robe for him. Goldust sits in the director’s chair and has his hand kissed by Marlena. He wants Warrior to do the same, so he takes Marlena’s cigar back and sticks the cigar on Goldust’s hand. He clotheslines Goldust out of the chair to send Goldust and Marlena running to the back for the countout. (7:43) After the bell, Mantaur gets ripped out of his suit and slammed by the WARYAH! Who could you really get to sub for Goldust though? I guess Vince just wanted to promise what was advertised, so they were certainly in a jam here with Goldust’s injury. Better luck next time though. CRAP

In the back, we see Davey Boy Smith standing outside Shawn Michaels dressing room shouting to get inside. Tony Garea and Dave Hebner try to calm him down.

• Vader (w/Jim Cornette) vs. Razor Ramon
  

Vader has some fun mauling Razor to start. Ramon fires back and goes for a RAZORS EDGE, but Vader backdrops him over the top rope to the floor. Razor is TOO FIRED UP to sell that and hops right back in the ring to beat Vader down into the corner ala Dustin Rhodes. Vader takes a clothesline out to the floor and takes advantage of the count for a while. It’s all a set up as Cornette distracts Razor. Vader tries to sneak into the ring, but that guy can’t sneak anywhere. Ramon turns around and blasts Vader, but gets caught with an avalanche. Vader wants to elbow drop Ramon between the legs, but Razor thinks otherwise. Ramon manages a quick back suplex, but it does little good as Vader regains control with a series of jabs. Pump Splash gets two. Vader levels Razor with a back suplex and unloads in the corner. He tries a suplex, but Razor counters with a suplex of his own for two. Vader comes off the second rope and gets caught with a powerslam for 1-2-NO! Razor catches Vader with a boot in the corner and hits the flying bulldog for two. Oh, but Vader shuts Ramon down with a body attack off the ropes. Cornette gives a sigh of relief. Vader wants another Pump Splash, but Razor gets up and tries to give him the RAZORS EDGE out of the corner. No good as Ramon’s ribs give out. Vader goes up again for the VADERSAULT, but Razor stands up again and brings Vader down with an electric chair drop! Razor calls for the RAZOR’S EDGE again, but Vader backdrops out and sits on Ramon for the 1-2-3. (14:50) Even though he’s part of the Kliq, it’s not too surprising Vader wins clean considering all the trouble Razor Ramon was in back then with Vince over drugs and the red hot button issue being that Ramon was leaving for WCW in a few weeks. Good psychology here, but not the most exciting match in the world. The WWF had never had a man like Vader that was both big and skillful, so it would make sense that Razor wouldn’t quite know what to do with him. After the match, Dok Hendrix grabs Cornette and Vader to inform them that WWF President Gorilla Monsoon has said that Yokozuna would be returning at the next In Your House PPV to wrestle Vader. Of course, they are less than pleased with the news. So am I. ***

MARLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENA!

• WWF World Tag Team Champions The Body Donnas (w/Sunny) vs. The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim)
  

Before the match on the Free For All, Sunny bared it all to Phineas. Naturally, a rematch from WrestleMania 12 where Sunny resorted to showing off her Slammy-award winning buns to Phineas to give her Body Donnas the easy victory and the tag titles. Henry Godwinn fights off a double-team to start and brings Zip over to his corner to threaten him with the slop bucket. Skip tags in and gets nailed with a wheelbarrow suplex. Get it? Because they’re hillbillies and hillbillies have wheelbarrows. The Donnas try a twin switch, but the ref catches them so they have to tag out all legal like. Skip pulls the top rope down to send Phineas flying out to the floor. Back in, Zip covers for two. Double-team slingshot suplex gets two. Phineas escapes a chinlock, but gets nailed with a hurracanrana from Skip for two. As Phineas fights out of the corner, Sunny leaves and returns to ringside with a picture of herself. Tag to Henry, he cleans house on the Donnas while Sunny distracts Phineas from the apron with the picture. Hillbilly Jim threatens her with the slop as the ref watches what’s happening on the floor instead of paying attention to the match. Henry hits the SLOP DROP on Skip. When Henry goes over to grab the ref, Zip switches with Skip and gets a small package on Henry for the 1-2-3. (7:18) The Godwinns would go on to win the tag belts at the infamous MSG show in May before quickly returning them to the Smokin’ Gunns a week later at the IYH: Beware of Dog PPV. *½

• WWF World Champion Shawn Michaels (w/Jose Lothario) vs. Diesel – No Holds Barred
  

This is the swan song for Diesel as he’s leaving for WCW along with Ramon, so he’s looking to leave on an absolute high note. Diesel tosses Vince his leather vest as a goodbye present, I’m assuming. Mad Dog Vachon is in the front row. That becomes important later. Shawn has to clear the ring of Diesel in order to take off his chaps. HBK levels Diesel with a baseball slide and follows him out with a moonsault press off the top to the floor! Ha, Shawn takes a boot off one of the SAT guys and comes down on Diesel with it from the top rope for two. Diesel reverses a whip for the Flair Corner Flip and knocks Shawn off the apron onto the guardrail. Back inside, Diesel punishes Shawn with the usual stuff. He hits the Side Slam and unties his wrist tape to CHOKE OUT THE REF! WHAT. With ref Earl Hebner choked down, Diesel loosens Hebner’s belt to whip Shawn. Now that is cool. Diesel goes as far as to wrap the belt around Shawn’s throat and pulls back while he’s got his foot in Shawn’s back. Like you would in a strap match, Diesel flips him over the top rope and ties him to the middle rope to go get a chair. While the ref tries to get Shawn loose, Diesel kills him with a chair shot. In the ring, we see another chair shot to Shawn. He begs off into the ropes and ducks another chair shot as the chair bounces off the top rope back into Diesel’s face! Now Shawn has the chair, but Diesel low-blows him real good. Big backdrop from Diesel gets two. Shawn fights out of a neck wrench, but Diesel knocks him out to the floor. With Shawn out on the floor, Diesel slowly comes down and POWERBOMBS SHAWN THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE. Not the SAT either – Vince and King’s table. Such an insane bump at the time because a spot like that had never been done before in the WWF quite like that. Diesel has the belt in the ring and puts it around his waist while Shawn regroups. As he crawls over to the ring, Shawn pulls out a fire extinguisher from under the ring and shoots it off in Diesel’s face to push him back! With Diesel blinded, Shawn hits the Flying Forearm. Now Shawn brings the chair back into the ring and KO’s Diesel. Oh, but just when Shawn looks like he’s in control, he ducks low off a whip and takes a Big Boot to the face. Here comes the JACKKNIFE! No! Shawn punches out and hits the Flying Elbow Drop! Diesel catches Shawn’s foot during SWEET CHIN MUSIC and spins Shawn around for a clothesline. Back on the floor, Diesel hotshots Shawn on the guardrail. After he tosses Shawn back in the ring, Diesel goes over and pulls Mad Dog Vachon from the front row and pulls off his prosthetic leg! Back inside, Diesel looks to bash the artificial leg on Shawn’s head, but Shawn answers back with a low-blow. Shawn winds up with Vachon’s leg and blasts Diesel. He tosses the leg back to Mad Dog and finishes off Diesel for good with SWEET CHIN MUSIC. (17:54) You have to love Shawn’s big time emotional celebration afterwards. Not only had he never beaten Diesel, but the win gives him the confidence to know that his title reign is FOR REALZ now in his first big title defense. Well, at least in terms of the ‘boyhood dream’ storyline. Innovative stuff here for the WWF and one of my all-time favorite matches as both guys just absolutely tore the house down. ****¾

Final Thoughts: By the looks of a lot of reviews of this show on the interwebs, people will think I’m crazy that I actually enjoyed it. Of course the main event is the deal maker as they totally blew away everything that happened before. Even so, there’s nothing on it that just plain sucks outside of the Warrior/Goldust match. The tag titles match was nothing special, but was kept short and managed to be entertaining thanks to Sunny. Plus, there’s two other ***+ matches and you can’t go wrong with that in a 2-hour show. If nothing else interests you here, at least see the main event. It’s on the first Shawn Michaels DVD, so you can’t miss it. Overall, In Your House: Good Friends, Better Enemies gets a thumbs up from me. How many does that make for 1996 now? FOUR STRAIGHT! Awesome.

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Bret Hart (11/19/1995)
Intercontinental Champion: Goldust (1/21/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: Vacant (2/15/1996)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler.

• The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim) vs. The Body Donnas (w/Sunny) – WWF Tag Team Championship Tournament Finals
  

This wasn’t on the PPV, but made it to the Free For All pre-game show. I’m doing this more to further complete my title history page more so than because it’s a good match. The Body Donnas defeated the Bushwhackers and Savio Vega & Steve Austin (sub. for Razor Ramon) while the Godwinns beat the New Rockers and Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith to reach the finals of the tournament. Henry press slams the Donnas to start. Crazy Phineas fights out of the Donnas corner and goes nuts to send the Donnas out to Sunny. Henry calms Phineas down and takes over of his team. After knocking Zip off the apron, Henry catapults Skip out on top of Zip. A double-team slingshot suplex helps the Donnas gain the advantage. Some awkward exchanges from there between Henry and Skip. Heavenly Bodies-style double-team leg drop gets 1-2-NO! Rocket Launcher misses to set up Henry’s hot tag to Phineas. Just as Phineas goes for the SLOP DROP, Sunny hops up on the apron and shows off her Slammy award-winning buns to him. He can’t help but be mesmerized, as she draws him in like a fly heading right into a bug zapper as Skip rolls up Phineas for 1-2-3. (5:23) Even with the Body Donnas who I really enjoy, this was just a quick way to put the belts on them and not much else. *½

For partial reasons and because it’s MY review, I’m not going to do a recap of Huckster vs. Nacho Man.

Onto the PPV.

• Vader, Owen Hart, & Davey Boy Smith (w/Jim Cornette) vs. Jake Roberts, Ahmed Johnson, & Yokozuna (w/Mr. Fuji)
  

If Yoko’s team wins, he gets five minutes with Cornette. This is SUCH a better idea than Yokozuna/Vader for a WrestleMania match considering how immobile Yoko was at this point. Think what you will of the rest of Yoko’s team. It’s a real ROMP ‘EM STOMP ‘EM brawl to start. Yoko’s team cleans house, setting up Yokozuna to launch Ahmed into a plancha on Vader. Now everybody heads to their corners. Yoko gets cornered on the wrong side of town, allowing Vader to tag in Owen. Yoko NO-SELLS Owen’s dropkicks and catches him with a chop. Davey Boy pulls Owen out of the way of an Avalanche, as Owen and Davey stomp Yoko to the mat. Tag to Vader, he draws Ahmed in while Owen rakes and chokes Yokozuna. Vader then proceeds to box Yoko down to the mat. Yoko comes back with a Uranage and tags Ahmed. He goes nuts on Owen and Davey and once Owen clears out, gives Davey Boy a powerslam. Vader runs in and nails Ahmed from behind. No tag whatsoever, but Vader stays in the match while Davey Boy stands around in the ring. Ahmed avoids a butt splash off a sunset flip and levels Vader with a jumping shoulderblock. And just like that, Bulldog takes back over with Ahmed. What is going on? Ahmed goes for the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE, but Corny jumps up on the apron as Owen breaks that up with a missile dropkick. Now Owen becomes the legal man all of a sudden and hits the ENZIGURI KICK HEARD ‘ROUND THE WORLD! Here comes Vader for a splash or two. Ahmed catches Owen with a clothesline and makes the hot tag to Jake! A series of left jabs follow a big right hand. Short-Arm Clothesline to Owen! DDT? Nope. Owen grabs the top rope and eats a knee lift instead. Jake runs into a knee in the corner and gets stuck on the Cornette side of the ring. Vader gives Roberts a short-arm clothesline, followed by an avalanche and a clothesline. Vader tags Owen for a flying elbow drop that gets two. Bulldog hits the RUNNING POWERSLAM for 1-2-NO! Vader delivers a splash to Jake and still only gets two. That’s it, Roberts must be high. Tag to Davey Boy, he misses a legdrop to set up the hot tag to Yoko. He takes his turn pummeling Vader down into the corner. He gets the Avalanche after all and takes out both the Bulldog and Owen Hart. Samoan Drop to Bulldog! Jake tags in and goes for another DDT on Owen, but Davey Boy breaks it up. Everybody clears out but Jake and Owen, as Jake finally hits that DDT the crowd has been wanting the whole match. Cornette comes in to whack Roberts with his racket, but gets nailed and almost takes a DDT until Vader comes in and saves his hide. Pump Splash to Jake! Cover, 1-2-3. (13:10) One of the rare moments when it’s a possibility that the heel manager could get beaten up that it doesn’t happen. Good formula tag match that was booked well enough to keep Yoko and Jake’s actions down to a minimum, yet still giving the crowd what they wanted to see from them. ***

Hollywood Backlot Brawl: Roddy Piper relinquishes his position as the acting WWF president to beat up Goldust. Razor Ramon was supposed to get a shot at the IC title here, but got suspended and sent to rehab for smoking weed. I believe this part of the brawl was taped the day before. Piper awaits Goldust as he’s wielding a “rubber” baseball bat. Goldust drives up to meet him in his gold Cadillac. It’s like Goldust is a classic comic book villain or something. Piper grabs a hose and sprays Goldust’s car down. Before Goldust can get out of the car, Piper is already beating his windows with the baseball bat. Goldust makes it out of the car by getting out on the other side only to get beaten up a bunch by Piper. They take out a catering table and then Piper throws Goldust into the side of a dumpster. Either its ketchup from the catering table, or it looks like Goldust is bleeding. Piper proceeds to beat up Goldust on his Cadillac before finally Goldust low-blows Piper and throws him into the dumpster. That gives Goldust enough time to get a breather and leave the scene in his car. Once Piper gets back to his feet, he jumps in his Ford Bronco and drives after him. For you ’90s kids out there, you probably already know what they’re going to do with that Ford Bronco. Back to the arena!

• Steve Austin (w/Ted DiBiase) vs. Savio Vega
  

Austin’s got the Million Dollar belt with him. He looks sort of silly with it though. Big brawl to start, as they take it from the inside out to the floor. Back inside, Austin throws Vega shoulder-first into the ringpost. Following that, Austin winds up and nails Vega with a Polish hammer. Austin works the arm a bit, but then Vega FLIPS OUT of a hammerlock and catches Austin with a reverse kick. Meanwhile, Vince and Lawler talk to Roddy Piper sporadically on his cellular phone. Austin gives Vega’s arm a Polish hammer and sends Vega into the post again. Vega tries coming back with a clothesline, but he uses his bad arm! Vega tries to flip out of the hammerlock again, but Austin knows it’s coming and slams Vega back down on his arm. Flying Vertical Elbow Drop connects for two. Austin gets a Thesz Press to set up a rollup sequence. Vega can’t backslide Austin because of his arm! We take a look and see some OJ Simpson-esque footage of some cops following behind Piper’s Bronco. Looks like Vega hits the SPINNING HEEL KICK, but not good enough as he hits knees off a splash. Austin takes his time getting to the top rope and flies down right into a boot. Vega finally realizes he has another arm and fires away on Austin. He makes his comeback and delivers the SPINNING HEEL KICK, but Austin ducks and Vega wipes out the ref. DiBiase puts the Million Dollar belt on the apron for Austin to grab. Instead, Vega stops a Million Dollar Dream attempt with a big boot. DiBiase gets up on the apron and distracts Vega while Austin grabs the belt and KO’s Vega with it. He even drapes Vega on the apron and drives the belt down on his head! Back in, DiBiase wakes up the ref with a cold drink. While Austin has the chinlock applied (supposed to be the Million Dollar Dream, but he doesn’t have it locked in right), ref Tim White lifts Vega’s arm up once, twice, and three times gives Austin the win. (10:09) It’s a good solid match, but I think it’s a tad overrated by many. **½

Mr. Perfect gets a word with Big “D” in the back. Does he look like a man who gets affected by the Undertaker’s mind games? Nah, he’s much too cool for that. By the way, Diesel must REALLY love the Beatles. GOO GOO GA JOOB!

Meanwhile, Roddy Piper is heading to the Arrowhead Pond.

• Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Sable)
  

This is Sable’s WWF debut as her hubby formerly known as Johnny B. Badd just signed with the WWF. Lawler tells us that his “sources” say that Ultimate Warrior has ballooned up to 400 pounds since we last saw him in 1992. HHH hits the PEDIGREE early on Warrior, which he NO-SELLS and WARRIORS UP! Clotheslines and shoulderblocks ensue. Guerrilla Press Slam is followed by the WARRIOR SPLASH to completely squash Helmsley. (1:39) On WWE’s Warrior DVD, Triple H called the Ultimate Warrior the most unprofessional man he’s ever been in the ring with. How he could tell that from wrestling him for 99 seconds, I’ll never know. ¼*

In the back, Todd Pettingell introduces “Wildman” Marc Mero as the newest WWF superstar. HHH comes by and walks into Mero to trigger an altercation until Patterson and Brisco break it up.

• The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Diesel
  

Certainly a popular dream match back in the day. Neither man will give an inch to start. They go the floor where Diesel gets his face slammed onto the steps. Back in, Diesel slips out of the TOMBSTONE and takes a crossbody (!) for two. Taker hits Old Skool, but misses a jumping lariat. Back on the floor, Taker backs Diesel into the ringpost and swings a chair at Diesel, but misses and hits the post. Big D whips Taker into the guardrail and then posts him a couple times for good measure. Back in, Diesel wipes out Taker with a Big Boot. Diesel continues to hammer Taker down on the mat and then gives him a Side Slam for two. Snake Eyes connects, followed by the Bossman straddle. Big D unloads with knees in the corner, but then runs into an elbow. Both men proceed to Big Boot each other at the same time. Back up, Diesel grabs a bearhug. Taker escapes with a back suplex and hits a flying clothesline for two. Taker telegraphs a backdrop and gets nailed with a JACKKNIFE POWERBOMB! Big D is just too cool to cover him though. Taker sits up and receives another JACKKNIFE POWERBOMB! Again, Diesel is entirely too cool for school. When he does finally decide to cover him, Taker GOOZLES Diesel. Once they’re both up to their feet, Diesel knocks away the choke and levels Taker with a back suplex of his own. Taker sits up again, which freaks out Diesel. Taker hits the jumping lariat he missed earlier. He follows up with a Chokeslam and hits the TOMBSTONE for the 1-2-3. (16:46) Taker continues to improve with a good match with Diesel. ***

Roddy Piper and Goldust have made it to the arena. The fight continues out to the ring where Goldust starts to kick at Piper’s bad hip. Goldust starts beating on Roddy’s “bagpipes” and begins to molest him in the ring while he’s punching him. Piper manages to crotch Goldust up top and applies the testicular claw on him. He continues to embarrass Goldust as he rips off his ring attire to leave Goldust standing in his lingerie. One last knee drop to the balls and Marlena helps Goldust to the locker room while Piper celebrates in the ring feeling as though he has just defeated homosexuality.

• WWF World Champion Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels (w/Jose Lothario) – 60-Minute Ironman Match
  

Before the match, Howard Finkel announces Gorilla Monsoon as the official WWF President. After that, Shawn Michaels makes his most memorable entrance by zip-lining from the top of the Arrowhead Pond down into the crowd in easily the coolest entrance up until that time. Bret does his usual walk to the ring and gives his shades to his son Blade. Ref Earl Hebner explains the rules to give this more of a big match feel, which I think is pretty cool. You all know the rules. The one with the most falls in 60 minutes wins. Oh, by the way, Jose Lothario was the man who trained Shawn Michaels, which explains why he’s here in Shawn’s corner. Bret outwrestles Shawn to start until Shawn starts escaping from headlocks. Bret sticks with the headlock, but this time keeps Shawn grounded so he can’t escape. Instead of escaping by shoving Bret off, Shawn counters the headlock into an overhead wristlock. Shawn plans to work an armbar. The camera pans over to show Stu Hart and Freddie Blassie watching the match from the front row. Bret drop toeholds Shawn to grab the headlock again, but Shawn slips out and into a hammerlock. Bret backs Shawn into the corner and forearms him just when Shawn thinks he’s getting a clean break. Shawn fires back on Bret and headscissors him out of the corner to send Bret to the floor. Ten minutes gone by now.

Back in, Shawn returns to the armbar. Bret tries throwing Shawn over the top rope to the floor, but Shawn skins-the-cat and drives Bret down into the armbar. Bret shoots Shawn off into the ropes and hits a kitchen sink. He follows up with a headbutt to the groin and hits a legdrop. That weakens Shawn for a chinlock. Shawn hits a jawbreaker and returns to the arm with a Fujiwara armbar. Bret rolls away from the pressure and nips up. Shawn begins to leapfrog Bret as he comes off the ropes, but gets caught one time for a spinebuster into a possible SHARPSHOOTER, but Shawn slips away. With Shawn’s back turned, Bret comes up behind him and clotheslines Shawn to the floor. On the floor, Shawn shoves Bret into the ringpost. Bret sits down on the timekeeper’s lap, but then hops up when Shawn attempts SWEET CHIN MUSIC causing the timekeeper or whoever that was to get wiped out. Oops. Back inside, Bret reapplies the chinlock. Meanwhile, the guy who ate the superkick gets carried out by WWF people. After several minutes of that, Shawn finally escapes. Bret blocks an O’Connor Roll, but then turns around into a dropkick. Shawn starts working the arm again with the usual stuff at the twenty minute mark.

Bret backs Shawn into the corner and elbows him in the face. Shawn then reverses a corner whip with a knee and throws Bret shoulder-first into the ringpost. Shoulderbreaker by Shawn connects, as does a flying double-sledge to the shoulder. Hammerlock slam is followed by a few hammerlock shoves by Shawn into the corner. Bret slugs at Shawn with his good arm, but then telegraphs a backdrop and takes an armbreaker DDT. Nice. Bret stomps Shawn in the face to break up a cross armbreaker. Shawn stops Bret from capitalizing by sticking with the arm. Bret nails Shawn while he’s in an armbar and then hotshots Shawn on the middle rope! He follows up with a catapult as Shawn cracks his head on the top of the ringpost! Bret sells his arm though and takes too long to cover. Shawn fights back with turnbuckle smashes, but then Bret avoids a corner splash. Inverted atomic drop sets up a clothesline for two. Bulldog connects. Bret nearly gets slammed off the top, but pounds on Shawn and attempts Dick Murdoch’s knee drop bulldog. They don’t pull it off too well though as Hebner gets in the way. That’s 30 minutes gone without a fall.

Shawn gets two off a powerslam while Bret delivers a piledriver for a nearfall. Shawn slams Bret off the top and hits a hurracanrana which leads into some punches. Bret avoids SWEET CHIN MUSIC, but then takes a backbreaker for two. A back elbow stuns Bret, but he still manages to avoid SWEET CHIN MUSIC and rolls to the floor. As Bret walks around ringside, Shawn delivers a HUGE dive on Bret. Back inside, Bret rolls through a flying bodypress for 1-2-NO! Shawn flips out of a backslide into a small package of his own for two. Fisherman suplex by Shawn gets 1-2-NO! Well, we all know Shawn’s not perfect. Shawn grabs a sleeper and nearly puts Bret out. Shawn charges at Bret in the corner and takes a backdrop from inside the ring and backflips CLEAR down to the floor. Holy crap that’s insane. While it seems all Bret needs to do after that is roll Shawn into the ring and pin him, he picks Shawn up and drives his back into the ringpost before tossing Shawn back inside. Bret hammers on the back and whips Shawn hard into the corner. As Shawn tries to get to his feet, Bret drops a flying vertical elbow to Shawn’s lower back as forty minutes have elapsed.

With Shawn slumped down in the corner, Bret puts the boots to him and even delivers a pump splash to Shawn’s lower back. Shawn does his flip up onto the top turnbuckle as Bret follows him up and delivers a back superplex! Excellent. Cover, 1-2-NO! Bret works a rear chinlock for a while. Shawn punches away a superplex and leaps at Bret, but gets caught in the gut. Russian Legsweep gets two. Bret whips Shawn into the corner for a Harley Race corner bump when Shawn flies out and catches Lothario with his feet to take him out. Bret heads to the floor and whips Shawn into the steps where Lothario happens to be also to knock him down AGAIN. Bret says something to Jose and gets back in the ring with Shawn. Belly to belly suplex gets two for Bret. They trade blows, but Bret gains the advantage by nailing Shawn in the lower back. Shawn comes back with an O’Connor roll for 1-2-NO! Bret shoots Shawn out to the floor, setting him up a suicide dive from Bret after 49 MINUTES. Back in, Shawn counters a suplex on the apron, but then Bret *counters* Shawn and hits a bridging German suplex for 1-2-NO! Bret pounds Shawn down again and grabs another rear chinlock as we come to the 50 minute mark without a single fall.

Shawn elbows out into a double-KO spot. Back up to their feet, Bret gives Shawn a superplex. It could be time for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Shawn kicks him off. Bret still has a hold on one of Shawn’s legs and applies a half crab instead. Oh, but Shawn makes the ropes. Backbreaker sets up the Flying Vertical Elbow Drop, which Bret misses as Shawn brings up both feet to block. Shawn dropkicks Bret back and whips him in the corner for the sternum-first bump. Shawn follows up with the Flying Forearm and the nip-up. Jumping back elbow connects right before Shawn hits a flying double sledge. Suplex sets up the Flying Elbow Drop for 1-2-NO! Doctorbomb (!!) connects for 1-2-NO! Moonsault Press by Shawn gets 1-2-NO! Shawn delivers a hurracanrana off the second rope for 1-2-NO! Shawn slams Bret and starts to go to the top rope again when his back nearly gives out on him. That slows him down a bit, but he still makes it to the top rope with only a minute to go. With Bret to his feet, Shawn flies down only to get slammed down and stuck in the SHARPSHOOTER! If you don’t think that is just amazingly dramatic the first time you had seen it, I just don’t know what to say to you. After 59 minutes and 25 seconds of avoiding the Sharpshooter, you get stuck in it with only 35 seconds left in the match is awesome to me. Anyways, Shawn fights it all the way to the end. (60:00) Bret starts to leave with the belt, but WWF President Gorilla Monsoon orders the ref to continue the match until somebody earns a fall. Back to the ring and Bret looks pissed. He works on Shawn’s back some more, but gets caught with SWEET CHIN MUSIC out of nowhere. He didn’t catch Bret good enough though. Shawn slides over to a corner and taps his feet to hit SWEET CHIN MUSIC for real this time for 1-2-3. Shawn Michaels wins his first WWF world title. He tells everybody to get the F out of the ring as he makes love to his newly won prize he worked 14 years to achieve. Despite all the attitude problems at the time, this was such an excellent story told by these two men. ****¾

Final Thoughts: As a pretty entertaining show, it made for an above average WrestleMania. Another thing you might notice about this WrestleMania compared to the prior shows is that there are NO celebrities. Instead of the glitz and glamour of b-list and/or has-been celebrities, this WrestleMania was all about the wrestling and I can appreciate that. Also, if you’ve never seen the Ironman match, watch it at least once in your life. It’s totally worth it. I also forgot to mention in the review how hot this crowd was. They never showed signs of winding down at any point in the show. It’s like the crowd was just as conditioned as Bret and Shawn. Dang. At any rate, considering that the Ironman match isn’t for everybody as it’s obviously 60+ minutes long and a good bulk of the show, I’m going to go with merely a mild thumbs up recommendation for WrestleMania 12. By the way, I’m really digging WWF ’96. Well, so far anyway.

Footnotes:
^[1]: This is a tournament final.
^[2]: In June 1975, Victor Rivera announced he was giving up his half of the tag titles; Dominic DeNucci was allowed to choose a new partner, and chose “Irish” Pat Barrett.
^[3]: The Executioners were stripped of the titles as the result of a match against Chief Jay Strongbow & Billy White Wolf that was televised on October 26, 1976, during which a third masked Executioner interfered.
^[4]: Chief Jay Strongbow & Billy White Wolf won a three-team tournament, defeating the Executioners and Tor Kamata & Nikolai Volkoff.
^[5]: This was a tournament final. Shortly after Chief Jay Strongbow & Billy White Wolf won the tag belts, Billy White Wolf suffered a neck injury during a match against Ken Patera; he and Strongbow had to give up the belts.
^[6]: Bob Backlund & Pedro Morales won the tag titles in a 2/3 falls match. Backlund and Morales had to relinguish the belts since Backlund was the WWF world champion at the time.
^[7]: This was a tournament final.
^[8]: At Survivor Series, Diesel and Shawn Michaels were forced to abandon the tag titles when they could no longer function as a team.
^[9]: This was a tournament final.
^[10]: Davey Boy Smith subbed for Owen Hart the night before at the In Your House PPV. Because Owen ran down to the ring to interfere and was pinned by Diesel, the belts were returned to Owen Hart and Yokozuna.
^[11]: The titles became vacant when Billy Gunn suffered a neck injury.
^[12]: This was a tournament final.
^[13]: This was a tournament final to fill the vacancy created when Shawn Michaels walked out of the WWF for a brief period. After Austin’s neck injury at SummerSlam, the tag titles became once again vacant.
^[14]: This match also included the Legion of Doom and the Godwinns.
^[15]: This was a four-team match which also included The Rock & D’Lo Brown and the New Age Outlaws.
^[16]: Mankind chose to defend the tag titles on his own when Kane refused to team with him.
^[17]: This was a three-on-two handicap match also involving the Hardys’ manager, Michael PS Hayes. Bradshaw & Faarooq won when Bradshaw pinned Hayes.
^[18]: This was a “Dark Side Rules” match in which Viscera, Big Show, and Mideon were the actual opponents for the Rock & Mankind.
^[19]: Because he was not getting along with the Rock at the time this match was held, Mankind refused to participate and instead sat outside the ring with his back to the action.
^[20]: This was a triangle ladder match which also included the Hardy Boyz.
^[21]: This was a four-way elimination match which also included the Hardy Boyz and Test & Albert.
^[22]: Since Edge & Christian were banned from wrestling the Hardy Boyz for the tag titles, they dressed up as Los Conquistadores.
^[23]: This was a four-way elimination match which also included the Dudley Boyz and Road Dogg & K-Kwik.
^[24]: Kurt Angle was the special guest referee.
^[25]: This was a TLC match which also included the Hardy Boyz.
^[26]: This was a cage match to unify the WWF and WCW world tag titles.
^[27]: This was a four-way elimination match which also involved the Dudley Boyz and William Regal & Lance Storm.
^[28]: When William Regal became injured, Chief Morley took Regal’s place as half of the tag team champions. This match also included the Dudley Boyz.
^[29]: This was a handicap tables match, in which Rob Conway teamed with La Resistance.
^[30]: This was a three-way elimination match which also involved Rhyno & Tajiri.
^[31]: Jonathan Coachman replaced Eugene in this match due to an injury.
^[32]: This was a ten-team battle royal that the Hardy Boyz won to regain the tag titles.
^[33]: Cody Rhodes was revealed as Ted DiBiase’s mystery partner and turned on Hardcore Holly, resulting in a handicap match.

Credit goes to: PWI Almanac, wrestling-titles.com, and ProWrestlingHistory.com

The current WCW & NWA Champs were as follows:
WCW World Champion: Big Van Vader (3/17/1993)
WCW International World Champion: Rick Rude (9/19/1993)
WCW U.S. Champion: Dustin Rhodes (8/30/1993)
WCW World Tag Team Champions: The Nasty Boys (10/24/1993)
WCW World Television Champion: Lord Steven Regal (9/19/1993)

They start the show with a video package featuring famous Ric Flair clips set to a piano song until it turns EVIL with Vader interrupting with clips of him stiffing people in the corner and breaking people’s backs!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura.

Vader came early to the arena to work out. Pfft, he drives a Pontiac Booneville. Sorry, that is just not what a world champion would drive. As for Flair, he hung out with Mean Gene at this house as he said goodbye to his family. They try to give this a Rocky IV-type feel when Rocky fights Drago – the Russian who punches REALLY hard! He might not come back alive! Speaking of hard, it’s hard to imagine little Reid here would grow up and be such a cool guy with his bowl cut. It’s also hard to imagine looking at David here, that he could possibly get any women with the words “fitness model” included on her resume. Woo!

• Pretty Wonderful (w/The Assassin) vs. Too Cold Scorpio & Marcus Alexander Bagwell (w/Teddy Long)
  

Pretty Wonderful storm the ring to start, but Scorpio and Bagwell put them out on the floor. Scorpio and Bagwell control with armbars until Bagwell tries for a sleeper hold on Orndorff. Uh oh, Roma draws Scorpio in and lowers the boom off the top to break the hold. Roma hits a pair of backbreakers and connects with a jumping elbow drop for two. Orndorff tags and delivers a back suplex for two. Back to Roma, double-arm suplex gets two. Roma tries a FLYING SPLASH, but Bagwell moves and hot tags Scorpio. He looks to put Orndorff away, as the Assassin gets up the apron, loads up his mask with some international object, and headbutts Scorpio during a headscissors. Orndorff covers for 1-2-3. (11:46) Nick Patrick, your daddy is SUCH a cheater. Pretty much your standard tag match. *½

• The Shockmaster vs. King Kong (w/Awesome Kong)

Noooooooo. Shockmaster is double-teamed to begin the match, but Kong runs into a boot and takes a slam for the 1-2-3. (1:34) Oh that lovable oaf Uncle Fred. Everybody loves an idiot in wrestling. At least for a little while. CRAP

• WCW World Television Champion Lord Steven Regal (w/Sir William) vs. Ricky Steamboat
  

Neat start as Regal uses his foot to go behind Steamboat’s knee to ground him to the mat during a tie-up. The director apparently would rather look at Sir William instead of Regal doing something to Steamboat’s arm that would dictate the next several minutes of the match. Regal applies a wristlock and Steamboat escapes by flipping Regal around. They fight over a hiptoss, leading to a double heel trip and a rollup from Steamboat for two. Steamboat gets the hiptoss for another two. Criss-cross ensues and Regal falls back into another rollup for two. Regal goes from the arm to the leg now as he twists the ankle, but Steamboat enziguris him away. Steamboat hits the Flying Judo Chop for 1-2-NO! Steamboat works an armbar and then goes to a flip-over hammerlock. Regal bridges out of a headscissors and delivers some European forearms with three minutes left in the time-limit. Steamboat chops back and they go to the floor where Sir Williams baits Steamboat around into a Regal dropkick. Back in, Steamboat armdrags Regal around and reverses a butterfly suplex into one of his own for 1-2-NO! One minute left! Back to the floor they go where Regal and Sir William receive a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! In the ring, Steamboat whiffs on the FLYING BODYPRESS! Ahh, there’s only ten seconds left. Steamboats hits a bridging German suplex, but the time-limit has expired. (15:00) Actually it was more like 13:10 in real time, but WCW time is always a little fast. There was some nice wrestling in this one as you would expect. Nothing that blow me away though. **¾

• Cactus Jack & Maxx Payne vs. Shanghai Pierce & Tex Slazenger
  

Sad to see Cactus going from main-eventing a PPV to wrestling the Godwinns in the mid-card in all of two months. But hey, that’s WCW during the Bischoff era. Payne and Pierce start the match. Slams abound! Jack and Slazenger tag in and all I can think of is Naked Mideon and Commissioner Foley hijinks. They brawl a little bit and then Jack drops an armbreaker DDT. Payne misses a splash in the corner and Pierce gets a tag. Pier-six brawl erupts and the Texicans get dumped. To follow that up, Payne whips Cactus into the ropes and backdrops Cactus over the top onto Slazenger. Meanwhile, Pierce gets caught coming off the top onto Payne to set up the PAYNE KILLER. Slazenger breaks it up, but Payne comes back with a double-clothesline and hot tags Cactus. Some heel miscommunication leads to a Cactus DOUBLE-ARM DDT on Pierce for 1-2-3. (7:50) Just a match to establish the new Cactus/Payne team. **

NASCAR driver Kyle Petty makes an appearance and compares his dad Richard Petty to Flair. Two guys who didn’t know when to retire.

• WCW U.S. Heavyweight Champion Dustin Rhodes vs. Steve Austin (w/Col. Robert Parker) – 2/3 Falls

THE MEGATEXANS EXPLODE! Austin gets caught in a headscissors to start and a Bionic Elbow puts him on the floor. Back in, Dustin applies a headlock. They fight over a backslide, which Rhodes wins as Austin takes another walk out to the floor. Back in again, Austin trips up Rhodes and drops an elbow across the throat on the apron. Rhodes reverses a whip that sends Austin over the guardrail and clear into the third row! Nice! They head back in the ring where Dustin grabs another headlock. Austin cheapshots Rhodes in the corner to escape and face slams him for two. They slug it out and Austin hits a back elbow for two. Rhodes gets thrown out, but comes back in with a sunset flip for two. Rhodes turns his back on Austin when he goes after Parker and pays for it with a blow to the back of the head. Austin hits a back suplex for two. Double-KO follows. Austin misses the flying elbow and that cues Dustin’s comeback. Uh oh, not the Flip Flop Fly! Rhodes hits the Lariat for 1-2-NO! Parker’s up on the apron, so Rhodes throws Austin into Parker which inadvertently sends Austin flying over the top rope in the process. That’s a DQ, sir! (13:28 Austin – 1 Rhodes – 0) Rhodes is PISSED! Instead of just chillin’ for the 30-second rest period, he heads to the floor and posts Austin to draw some blood. After the 30 seconds are up, the lights go dim and we have to watch the match by spotlights. Could be incompetence, and could be because of some blood. Even though it’s PPV. Rhodes is in total control with a suplex and a ten-count corner punch rallies up the crowd. Out of nowhere though, Austin trips him up out of the corner and desperately pulls the tights for the 1-2-3. Austin finally wins the US title! (16:18 Austin – 2 Rhodes – 0) Both guys were deemed as the future of WCW throughout the ’90s. Funny, because they’ll both be gone in 18 months. Rhodes would never win another championship in WCW regardless of the fact that his daddy is still booking, and Austin would be fired via FedEx regardless of the fact that he was one of the most over heels in WCW for the last several years. *½

• WCW International World Champion Rick Rude vs. The Boss
  

This was supposed to be Rick Rude vs. Davey Boy Smith, but WCW received word that Davey Boy Smith had beat up a guy in a Calgary bar to the point of brain damage. You can’t have one of your biggest babyfaces doing that. Plus, he had been no-showing some dates, so WCW made an example out of him by giving him his release. Yeah, they killed two birds with one stone there. Anyways, the (Big) Boss (Man) comes in and makes a surprise debut when Rude got on the mic a couple weeks back on Saturday Night and said that he had beaten everybody in WCW. Apparently he forgot about *this* guy. Rude talked junk about Bossman’s mama in the WWF back in ’90, and the feud was never blown off due to Rude leaving the company. Now they have a chance, but they’re not going to bring all that nonsense back up. Oh no, not WCW. On that night, the Boss pinned Rude in a non-title match and now the Boss gets his title shot. Lots of talking to start. Boss hawks up a NASTY loogie and spits it at Rude. I mean, you could weigh that thing in POUNDS, people. Gross. Boss gives Rude a huge backdrop and a big boot. Rude gets stuck in a tree of woe on the apron, allowing the Boss to get in some free shots to the ribs. Back in the ring, Boss grabs a bearhug. Hey, that’s Rude’s move! Rude bites out, but gets caught coming off the top. Rude avoids a Bossman straddle and sunset flips back in for 1-2-3. (9:08) If this was the kind of match they were looking for in ’90-’91, then I would’ve been really disappointed. When somebody talks about my mama, I just want to brawl like a crazy lunatic. Tables, chairs and barbed-wire bats! Yeah! It’s all necessary! ½*

• WCW World Tag Team Champions The Nasty Boys (w/Missy Hyatt) vs. Sting & Road Warrior Hawk
  

Missy is wearing a peek-a-boo dress tonight and carries a whip to ringside. By the end of the night, she’ll be fired. Hahaha. Yes. So much stalling and “working the crowd” to begin things. Finally, Sting and Knobbs square off. He clears the ring so that Hawk can press Sting out on top of the Nasties. Now we get Sags and Hawk. SummerSlam 1991, this is not. Hawk double-clotheslines the champs and hits Sags with an enziguri. Sting and Hawk go to work on Knobbs’ arm. That is until Hawk misses a charge in the corner and runs into the ringpost. Missy gets in a HUGE slap on Hawk. Back in, Knobbs applies a Fujiwara armbar, followed by a code red armbar by Sags. Hawk clotheslines out with his bad arm and collapses to the mat. False tag to Sting, Hawk boots the Nasties away and actually gets the tag to Sting. He goes DROPKICK CRAZY and covers Knobbs after a clothesline, but Sags elbow drops Knobbs by accident for the break. He caught Sting a little bit too there. The Nasties take their belts and try to go home, but they’re brought back to the ring. Sting tries a flying splash on Knobbs, but it hits knees. Knobbs looked like he was going to miss something off the middle rope, but Sting didn’t move in time and gets nailed anyway. Ouch. Sting gets sent over the top rope, in plain sight of the referee, and everybody acts like it didn’t happen. Missy uses her whip on Sting, which wakes him up, so Sags drops him with a clothesline. Back in, Knobbs delivers a suplex for two. The Nasties trade off on ab stretches. Sags hits the Pumphandle Slam and hurts his back as he tags in Knobbs to sit down on a chinlock. Hawk finally breaks it up with a stomp. Back to the ab stretch. Knobbs hits one splash off the middle rope, which was obviously not supposed to happen. He tries again and Sting gets the boot up to block. Hawk gets decked off the apron as the Nasties splash Sting in the corner. Knobbs wants the NASTY ELBOW DROP, but Hawk clotheslines out to the rampway and crotches Sags. Hot tag to Hawk, shoulderblocks abound. Sags and Hawk go to the floor as Sting hits the Stinger Splash inside the ring. Missy’s up on the apron. She gets a kiss from Sting. DOOMSDAY DEVICE to Knobbs! Sting covers as Missy hops in the ring and tries to pull Sting off of Knobbs for the DQ – popping out of her top in the process. Don’t be alarmed or interested, you can’t see anything. (28:50) Everyone is confused. This is one of the worst tag team title matches I’ve ever seen on PPV. There were multiple screwed-up spots, a dreadfully boring middle, and a horrible finish where nobody walks away looking good. Especially not Missy, but that’s a given. By the way, who keeps thinking that 30-minute long Nasty Boys matches are a GOOD thing? They are just not the kind of tag team who can do a solid 30 minutes. You get them in, you let them do their thing, and get them out. Otherwise, everybody suffers. I mean, who is Missy banging so that she can be out in front of a camera for that long? CRAP

• WCW World Heavyweight Champion Big Van Vader (w/Harley Race) vs. Ric Flair
  

If Flair loses, he vows to retire. Oh, but the ‘Flair for the Gold’ segments will still go on. Vader tells Jesse to get comfortable, because he’s going to hurt Flair slowly. Naturally, some HUGE love from the crowd going out to Flair during this match. You can see Flair is holding back the tears as he waits for Buffer to say his name. Such a mark! For Flair fans, the “big match feel” is at its peak. Vader shoves off the tie-ups to start. Flair runs around the ring to screw with Vader’s head. Vader grabs a knucklelock and headbutts Flair down. Flair tries to turn it around in the corner with some chops, but Vader is not impressed and shoves Flair away. Flair takes a breather and comes back in only to get stuck in the corner, which is where you don’t want to be with Vader. He beats him down in the corner and press slams Flair in the middle of the ring. Flair heads to the floor and Vader follows him out to drop him throat-first on the guardrail. Vader misses an avalanche up against the guardrail and Flair starts chopping. From there, Flair sends Vader into the ringpost. Just when Flair gets an opportunity to gain the advantage over Vader, Harley Race nails Flair from behind. Vader gives Flair a pair of suplexes. Vader pounds away some more in the corner. Flair tries to chop back, but Vader standing powerslams him instead for two. Vader comes off the middle rope with a clothesline and then tries a splash, but nobody’s home. Flair connects with THREE flying fist drops to put Vader down. He hits the Rolling Knee Drop, but Vader’s back up with a clothesline. Vader follows up with a superplex and then drops an elbow between the legs. Flair sells it like DEATH. Vader connects with a Vaderbomb and tosses Flair out to Harley Race for some stomping. Back in again, Flair chops away like a madman. Vader slows him down with an avalanche. Vader brings Flair out of the corner and Flair starts firing back. He punches Vader down to his knees and then all the way down until he falls flat on his back. Flair posts the leg and while Race is arguing with the ref, Flair beats Vader’s knee with a chair! Flair continues to pound away on Vader’s face. Harley Race continues to bark at the ref, so Flair grabs the chair again and hits Vader in the head. Back in they go, Flair keeps on pounding and actually resorts to biting the champ! Flair drops down on the knee and tries for the FIGURE-FOUR, but Vader kicks him off. He tries a Pump Splash, but Flair moves and applies the FIGURE-FOUR! He’s got Vader in the middle of the ring. Harley Race is going insane on the apron. He’s begging Vader to get the ropes, and he does. Flair runs into a boot in the corner and takes another elbow drop in between the legs. Vader heads up top for the MOONSAULT, but Flair moves again. Flair covers, but Vader presses him off as Harley Race comes off the top with a Diving Headbutt. Not the Benoit kind, he just falls down and lands on you with his head. Ref Randy Anderson shoves Race out of the ring. Flair hits a running forearm and chops some more, but then comes off the ropes into another Vaderbomb. Vader turns away to regroup, but Flair grabs a leg and trips Vader up. He gets enough of a rollup for the 1-2-3! (21:08) And the Independence Arena no longer has a roof. At the time, this was really satisfying to finally see SOMEBODY beat Vader for the belt. The match delivered in spades by telling a great story and it kept you in total suspense the entire time. They finally gave the WCW fans what they wanted and that was another Flair title run. It proved to be the right direction to go as we get set for Hogan to enter WCW in about six months and change all of that. ****½

Ricky Steamboat, Sting and Flair’s family all meet him backstage to celebrate, even though Ric can barely speak due to the brutal beating he just received.

Final Thoughts: Starrcade 1993 is obviously a one match show and in this day and age of the streaming video on the internet, there’s really no reason to buy/rent/download this show. Everything outside of Flair/Vader was either poorly performed rematches or matches that range anywhere from decent to downright awful. Thumbs down for Starrcade 1993.

The current WCW & NWA Champs were as follows:
WCW World Champion: Big Van Vader (3/17/1993)
WCW International World Champion: Rick Rude (9/19/1993)
WCW U.S. Champion: Dustin Rhodes (8/30/1993)
WCW World Tag Team Champions: The Nasty Boys (10/24/1993)
WCW World Television Champion: Lord Steven Regal (9/19/1993)

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura. Mean Gene and Fifi draw out the participants when they’re not “necking”. Seriously, I think they were Eskimo kissing with their necks most of the time. That dirty old Okerlund.

• Cactus Jack & Big Van Vader (w/Harley Race) vs. Kane & Charlie Norris
  

Gene called out Kole’s (Booker T) name, but Kane (Stevie Ray) comes out instead. Apparently, even they forgot who was Kole and who was Kane. Tony Schiavone being ridiculous – “Ohh it doesn’t matter as long as we’ve got one of the Harlem Heat.” All black people look alike to you, don’t they Tony? Vader attacks Cactus to begin the match and Stevie Ray joins in. Harley Race gets Vader to finally stop beating up his partner because if they lose, he can’t go to Battlebowl. What a killjoy! Stevie Ray gets dumped out by Cactus so Vader can pound on him. Alright, they’re a team now. Vader tags and STIFFS Norris around before he gives him a pump splash. Out on the floor, Vader holds Norris as Cactus cannonballs off the apron. The crowd is so into these two and could really not careless about Charlie Norris. Back in, Cactus tags and plays face-in-peril. Norris running kicks Cactus out to the floor, which is actually his finisher. Back in again, Vader clotheslines Norris away to break up a chinlock. Stevie Ray tags and receives a DOUBLE-ARM DDT from Jack. Vader and Norris tag in, leading to a pair of splashes from Vader and a botched-looked POWERBOMB gives him the win. (7:36) Interesting to see Vader and Cactus co-exist, but that’s about it. *½

• Paul Roma & Erik Watts vs. Johnny B. Badd & Brian Knobbs (w/Missy Hyatt)
  

Of course, Badd and Knobbs can’t get along. Basic start here with Badd working headlocks and armbars on Watts and Roma. Knobbs can’t handle the dropkick out to the floor from Watts, so he tags out to Badd. More armlockage from Watts and Roma. Knobbs tags back in and starts CLUBBERIN on Watts. Roma slams Badd, but Missy distracts ref Nick Patrick. When Knobbs cheats by tripping up Roma, Johnny’s too much of a good guy to capitalize. Knobbs tags in and kicks Roma out to the floor. Back in, Roma gets caught in an ab stretch. Knobbs reaches out for a helping hand from Badd, but he won’t do it. Knobbs tries a splash off the middle rope, but Roma gets his feet up RIGHT in the chest to block! Watts gets the hot tag and hits a crossbody block on Knobbs, but he rolls through and hooks the tights for the 1-2-3. Knobbs and Badd advance to Battlebowl. (12:57) Oh my gosh, way too long and boring. Badd’s pretty pissed about the finish, but nobody pays him to think. ½*

• The Shockmaster & Paul Orndorff vs. Ricky Steamboat & Lord Steven Regal (w/Sir William)
  

So Orndorff’s pissed over who his partner is, just like Regal. Steamboat and Orndorff start off the match, which is a good thing. Nice quick sequence ends with Steamboat skinning-the-cat and giving Orndorff a headscissors out to the floor. Orndorff punches him back into the ring, but gets caught in the gut coming off the top. Orndorff bridges out of a headlock and rabbit punches Steamboat in the corner. Steamboat flips out of the corner off a whip, but atomic drops Orndorff into the corner, causing Orndorff to bounce back and a double-KO to ensue. Regal and Shockmaster tag in. Regal tries to wrestle, which is not exactly Shockmaster’s forte. After Shockmaster slams Regal around, he tags Orndorff and starts up a “Paula” chant. What’s your problem, Shockmaster? Besides the 200 extra pounds? Orndorff and Regal shake hands and have a nice little wrestling match. Steamboat is NOT happy. See, he’s pissed because neither guy is seriously trying to win the match. Steamboat tags back in and tells Regal to get out of the ring because he’s here to win. Orndorff hotshots Steamboat and tags Shockmaster. He misses an elbow drop and now we’re back to Regal vs. Shockmaster. Shockmaster misses a corner charge and Regal gets two as Orndorff comes in to break up the pin. While the ref is with Orndorff, Regal grabs Sir William’s umbrella and looks to nail Shockmaster, but Steamboat pulls it away and hits Regal with it instead! Steamboat goes after Sir William as Shockmaster splashes Regal for the 1-2-3. (12:26) Yep, Steamboat’s the greatest babyface ever. Even when he costs himself the match, he will stop at nothing to make sure that his team doesn’t cheat to win. I liked this one. **¾

They go to a clip where Mean Gene makes an announcement that Charlotte NC will be host to Starrcade this year. They did the same thing ten years ago with Flair/Race. Gene says all the big cities were fighting over this show: Chicago wanted it, New York wanted it, Los Angeles wanted it, but forget about the major cities because WCW chooses Charlotte! What a bunch of hoopla.

• Awesome Kong & The Equalizer vs. King Kong & Dustin Rhodes
  

Rhodes and Equalizer go to the mat, so Jesse and Tony make it interesting by talking about Flair vs. Vader at Starrcade. Next up, they tease the BATTLE OF THE KONGS! Dustin gets tagged back in though, as does Equalizer. King Kong tags and both guys clothesline each other a bunch. I mean, what else can they do really? The Colossal Kongs are SO fat! Rhodes tags back in and sunset flips Awesome Kong for two. It turns into a pier-six brawl and during the chaos, the Kongs collide, leading to a BULLDOG from Dustin. Cover, 1-2-3. (5:56) Ugh, what a mess. CRAP

• Sting & Jerry Sags (w/Missy Hyatt) vs. Ron Simmons & Keith Cole
  

What a difference a year makes for Ron Simmons. The guy has one shoulder injury after being the world champion and he’s immediately demoted to the mid-card where he would remain for the rest of his career. He’s actually spent the last couple months teaming up with the younger guys like Ice Train for example. Now he has one of the Cole Twins on his team and they’ve only beat jobbers over the past year. Simmons has been having those “shades of grey” problems lately too. He’s not a heel just yet, but you can tell he’s heading that way. Simmons softens Sags up and tags Cole in to see if he’ll go for the win, but he doesn’t have that “killer instinct” to take the match to the next level. He spends the whole match twisting the arm whenever he’s handed over the reins of the match by Simmons. Sags breaks free and the crowd wants Sting, but Sags refuses to tag for cheap heat. When Simmons tags, Sags finds a reason to tag out to the Stinger. Sting shoulderblocks Simmons down a few times and Cole gets a tag. They admire each other’s flat tops to begin things, which is kind of weird. Back to Sting vs. Simmons. Ron cheapshots Sting after a clean break and starts choking Sting. Simmons gives him a Powerslam and tags in Cole to finish him off, but the guy goes back to wrenching the arm twelve minutes into the match! Simmons wants back in and catapults Sting’s throat into the bottom rope. Cole gets another shot at putting Sting, but Sting comes back and hits the Stinger Splash. Sags gets a blind tag and hits the Flying Elbow Drop for the 1-2-3. (13:15) Not a bad story told there. Afterwards, Simmons gives Cole a SPINEBUSTER and solidifies his heel turn. **¼

• Ric Flair & Steve Austin (w/Col. Robert Parker) vs. Maxx Payne & Too Cold Scorpio
  

Now this should be good. Flair and Austin have their problems that are still basically unsettled ever since Flair returned to WCW in February. Austin’s still wearing his “Hollywood Blondes” jacket to the ring, by the way. Payne and Scorpio are both babyfaces, so they’ll be fine. Payne tends to be too much for Austin to handle to start with. Austin wants to tag out, but Flair just WOOS at him and slowly struts down the apron. Payne continues to dominate with shoulderblocks and choke-lifts before he tags in Scorpio. He flips out of an Austin suplex and armdrags Austin around until he retreats to his corner down on his knees and tags in Flair. Now we get Scorpio vs. Flair. Nice! Scorpio immediately goes through a backslide sequence, which gets him a nearfall on Flair. Payne tags in and slams Flair off the top. Austin tags and takes a backdrop from Payne. He takes a walk out to the floor for a word from his good buddy Col. Parker. Back in, we get Scorpio vs. Flair again. Scorpio splashes Flair in the corner and then follows up with a standing moonsault for 1-2-NO! Scorpio gets a rollup on Flair for two, but gets chopped down. Austin tags and gets rolled up for two. Scorpio lands a superkick and heads up top, but Austin crotches him and brings him down with a superplex. Cover, 1-2-NO! Flair tags and hits the Rolling Knee Drop for two. Austin’s back in and he grabs the ropes during an ab stretch, but Flair yanks his hand off the ropes and tags Austin. He takes a swing at Flair, so Flair comes in and chases Austin back into a corner. Flair hits a stalling suplex on Scorpio for another two-count. Austin tags and hits a flying elbow on Scorpio after Flair set him up with a backbreaker. Teamwork! That gets two. Scorpio elbows out of a chinlock and delivers a desperation spin kick. Tag to Payne, who NO-SELLS Flair’s chops. He slams Flair off the top again, but runs his knee into the corner. That sets up the FIGURE-FOUR and gets Flair the win to advance to Battlebowl. (14:32) This was weird seeing Flair work babyface and heel in the same match, but overall a great match as far as Lethal Lottery matches go where there’s no real emotional involvement in the team. ***¼

• Rick Rude & Shanghai Pierce vs. Marcus Alexander Bagwell & Tex Slazenger
  

In case you don’t know, Pierce and Slazenger are the future Godwinns of the WWF. That’s why this match is filled with shenanigans – it’s team mate vs. team mate. It’s all armbars to start. Bagwell does most of the work for his team while Slazenger (later known as Mideon) shouts orders from the apron. He becomes face-in-peril for a while and looks to make a comeback until Rude pulls the top rope down as he tries to come off the ropes and falls out to the floor. Back in the ring, Rude and Pierce work on Bagwell’s abs. Rude grabs a bearhug, which leads to a false-tag spot. Bagwell escapes a chinlock from Pierce, but runs into a boot and receives a gutwrench powerbomb. Nice! Cover, 1-2-NO! Slazenger breaks up the pin and gets a tag! Slazenger and Pierce get into a shoving match, leading into fisticuffs! The crowd goes nuts for this. Blind tag to Rude, as he catches Slazenger off guard as Pierce tries a sunset flip with a RUDE AWAKENING! That gets three. (14:49) It had its moments. Still kind of a boring match though. The Texicans make up afterwards by beating up Bagwell. *

• Road Warrior Hawk & Rip Rogers vs. Davey Boy Smith & Kole
  

Legendary jobber Rip Rogers gets a little too excited to be part of Battlebowl, so Hawk decks him on the rampway. Hawk’s pretty much saying, “It’s just Battlebowl, stupid! Nobody’s watching this!” Davey Boy Smith and Kole (or Booker T) both stomp Rogers on their way to the ring. Rip Rogers will be our Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker of the night. If you remember (or don’t remember, it doesn’t really matter because its needless info) from the first Battlebowl at Starrcade ’91, Buddy Lee Parker was beaten down by Abdullah the Butcher in the dressing room when Parker was picked as Cactus Jack’s partner. Back then, Abdullah and Cactus were partners in crime. Anyways, Buddy Lee Parker supposedly crawled from the dressing room all the way to the ring only to be quickly pinned by Ricky Steamboat. In this match, Rip Rogers only has a 20-foot long rampway to crawl down and sells the punch and the two stomps like he’s just been shot. Hawk obviously wrestles the match by himself here. Clean breaks abound between Hawk and DBS in the corner. They do a test of strength that nobody wins. Booker T spends most of the time yelling things from the apron, so Davey Boy tags him. Booker T starts CLUBBERIN and when Hawk powers out of a headlock and slams Booker, we get to see a SPINAROONIE that just baffles Tony. Now that I think about it, Tony always seemed baffled by the Spinaroonie. Booker T continues to work over Hawk with double ax-handles and chinlocks. He hits a backbreaker and comes off the middle rope for an elbow drop, but Hawk moves out of the way. Rip Rogers is finally on the apron, so Hawk grabs him and presses him onto Booker T for the surprise 1-2-3! (7:55) Wow, nobody can say Booker never paid his dues. On his first three PPVs, he’s jobbed to Shockmaster twice and now Rip FN Rogers. Amazing how the guy later went on to become the five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time WCW world champion. ½*

• The Battlebowl
  

The winners of the tag matches advance: Cactus Jack, Big Van Vader, Johnny B. Badd, Brian Knobbs, Paul Orndorff, The Shockmaster, Dustin Rhodes, King Kong, Sting, Jerry Sags, Ric Flair, Steve Austin, Rick Rude, Shanghai Pierce, Road Warrior Hawk and Rip Rogers. It’s a 16-man battle royal to start. As Ventura says, “Not a lot to call here, you just watch ‘em fight.” So yeah, I’m not going to do in-depth PBP for this one. Rip Rogers is the first guy eliminated by Johnny B. Badd. Shanghai Pierce goes next after Cactus ducked a charge. Flair and Austin go through the ropes and fight on the floor for a bit. Badd gets thrown over the top onto the rampway, which doesn’t count as an elimination, so he comes back in and takes a backdrop out to the floor from the same guy who tossed him out – Paul Orndorff. Cactus tries to SUPERPLEX Vader in a battle royal! Haha. It doesn’t happen though. Vader gets rid of Cactus, as Rhodes eliminates Orndorff. Right after that, Shockmaster clotheslines Kong to the floor. Then the Nasty Boys come right up behind the Shockmaster and toss him out. Vader walks through the people as he press slams Sting out onto the rampway in a pretty cool spot. Flair can’t be liking what he sees. Lots of brawling follows without any eliminations for a while. Austin sends Rhodes through the ropes and posts him to cause a bladejob. The guy seems to have to blade on at least every other PPV – almost as if its in his contract. Back in, Rhodes backdrops Knobbs and dumps out Sags as Austin comes up behind and tosses him out too. Meanwhile on the other side of the ring, Hawk backdrops Rude out to the floor. Next, Vader comes up behind Hawk to dump him out.

Final Four: Vader, Sting, Ric Flair and Steve Austin. While Sting and Austin have a little wrestling match, Flair avoids a corner splash from Vader. Harley Race pulls Flair out to the rampway for a suplex, but of course its reversed. Right after the suplex, Vader runs over and drops an elbow in between Flair’s legs. Inside the ring, Austin and Sting are clotheslining one another. Sting thinks about a SCORPION DEATHLOCK on Austin, but instead goes over and starts beating the crap out of Vader. Austin makes the save and starts choking Sting as Vader drops another elbow on Flair. Some trainers and referees are out to take Flair to the back on a stretcher because he is hurting bad. Harley kicks away at Flair as he heads to the dressing room because Harley Race is OLD SKOOL like that. Back in the ring, Austin eats a boot as he comes off the top and Vader gets slammed as he comes off the top by the Stinger. The crowd freakin erupts as Sting starts punching the crap out of these two until he’s cornered and whipped into a Vaderbomb. Nice. Sting gets punched around and splashed by Vader, but he sits up on a second attempt and beats the fire out of Austin. Austin tries to toss out Sting when he turns around to punch at Vader. He can’t get him over, so he sets up Sting for a pump splash from Vader instead. Vader actually sells a back injury he suffered earlier in his tag match during the nasty botched finish. Could be legit though, I guess. Stupid Chuck Norris. Austin comes off the top and misses a splash. The numbers game catches up with Sting again, but he avoids an avalanche and Austin gets nailed instead. Sting tosses Austin out onto the rampway, but his momentum sends him falling down to the floor so it counts as an elimination. Now it’s just Sting vs. Vader. Sting places Vader up in the corner and tries to kick him out. When that doesn’t work, he charges in with a Stinger Splash. Uh oh, Vader moves out of the way and Sting flies out to the floor to give Vader the win. (25:35) You could definitely make the argument here that Flair or Sting could’ve used the win. Flair eliminating Vader from Battlebowl would’ve worked perfectly here. Not really sure why they went with the stretcher job unless Vader demanded he win this match or something. Not sure. The final four all the way to the finish was phenomenal. ***

Final Thoughts: This was really hit-or-miss, but this actually turned out better than I thought it would. I’m going to go with a very mild thumbs in the middle because there was some great combinations like Cactus/Vader, Steamboat/Regal and Flair/Austin. Plus, the actual Battlebowl match was great, but I’m still sticking with the ’91 match as the overall best due to more star power. As everyone would probably agree, the long term effects of this show is non-existent unless you count the weak Ron Simmons heel turn. This show is watchable, but it’s not really recommended.

The current WCW & NWA Champs were as follows:
WCW World Champion: Big Van Vader (3/17/1993)
NWA World Champion: Barry Windham (2/21/1993)
WCW U.S. Champion: vacant (5/15/1993)
WCW/NWA World Tag Team Champions: The Hollywood Blondes (3/2/1993)
WCW World Television Champion: Paul Orndorff (3/2/1993)

Matches that aren’t included on the tape:
WCW World TV Champion Paul Orndorff defeated Ron Simmons (11:15) by DQ.
Too Cold Scorpio & Marcus Bagwell beat Tex Slazenger & Shanghai Pierce (12:48) after Scorpio pinned Pierce.
Lord Steven Regal (w/Sir William) pinned Erik Watts (7:31).

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Jesse Ventura.

- Johnny B. Badd vs. Maxx Payne

We saw at the last Clash where Maxx Payne was going to return the Badd Blaster to Johnny. Of course, a crazy guy like Maxx Payne isn’t going to just hand over a confetti gun because that’s no fun at all. Johnny gets shot in the face with confetti and now he has to wear a flower-patterned mask to cover up the scars on his beautiful and homosexual face. Apparently he was still pretty disappointed with how his face looked fourteen years later so he got his face loaded up with botox before appearing on the 24-hour news channels denouncing drugs in wrestling and the like. Oh hush, Matt! Badd pounds away on Payne before missing a corner charge and takes a SICK fall to the floor. Back in, Payne slams him around and splashes him in the corner to show he’s a big guy. Payne grabs an armbar and then delivers a backbreaker for two. Uh oh, PAYNE KILLER! It’s a Fujiwara armbar that comes out of nowhere. Johnny makes the ropes and takes a suplex. He gets a sunset flip on Payne and then thinks, “Okay, maybe then I can get him over with a crossbody.” Not gonna happen. Payne slams him down, but misses an elbow drop. Badd hits a dropkick that looked like it didn’t even connect, so Payne naturally falls all the way out to the floor. Badd lands what might’ve been a pescado a little too early (the camera missed it) and lands on Payne’s shoulder. Payne shoves off a headlock into the ringpost and then tries to headbutt Badd up against the ringpost. He obviously hasn’t seen Hogan/Andre at WrestleMania 3, because that didn’t work even for Andre so it definitely won’t work for this scrub. Payne’s head smacks the ringpost and we’re back in the ring. Badd hits an awful looking flying bodypress off the middle rope for 1-2-3. (4:52) So a guy shoots you in the face, and that’s all you want to do to him? A crossbody block? I’m sorry but I would’ve done a little more than that. *

- WCW/NWA World Tag Team Champions The Hollywood Blondes vs. Arn Anderson & Paul Roma

The Blondes stall around by messing with the crowd at ringside. Finally, Austin and Roma hook up. Austin talks some smack to Roma in the corner and gets popped in the face to put him on the floor. Pillman tags in and claims Roma has something in his hand to draw him and the ref away so he can go digging in his tights. He doesn’t find anything he can use in there apparently. Arn tags and scares the Blondes away. Ha, Pillman delivers a hiptoss and gets all cocky about it. He goes low on AA and tags Austin. AA puts Austin out on the rampway and Austin comes back in and asks for a handshake on one knee. Arn obliges and kicks Austin in the gut. Tag to Roma, and the boring starts to set in. He works a wristlock and from there, he delivers a sunset flip and a backslide for a pair of nearfalls. Roma misses a crossbody, allowing Austin to tag Pillman. He chops Roma in the corner, but runs into a choke lift. Roma sets Pillman in the corner. Pillman jumps over Roma and turns around into a clothesline for two. Arn tags in and catches Pillman trying to flip over him in the corner for a hotshot. He then catapults Pillman into a Roma right hand. Pillman starts faking a knee injury and uses that to trick AA and dump him on the floor. Pillman tries to launch onto Arn from the apron, but Arn moves and Pillman does his chest-first guardrail bump. Back in, Arn wants the GOURDBUSTER, but Pillman puts on the brakes. Roma gets a blind tag and shoots in for a flying sunset flip for 1-2-NO! Pillman kicks Roma out to Austin so he can drop him throat-first on the guardrail. Austin tags in and goes to work on Roma for our first face-in-peril segment. Arn gets drawn in to allow some double-team choking. You know, he ought to know better. He’s Arn FN Anderson – the greatest tag team wrestler ever. The hot tag to AA comes after Pillman blocks a missile dropkick from Roma with a dropkick of his own. Arn hits a DDT on Pillman, but Austin lowers the boom to break up the cover. Pillman covers for 1-2-NO! Now Arn is our face-in-peril. He takes some stomps, kicks, punches and such. Austin tries to give him a piledriver on the floor, but we know that never works. Back in, more stomping. Austin goes for the STUNGUN, but AA punches out and nails Austin with a STUNGUN of his own. Tag to Pillman, he draws Roma in just as AA cradles him up, but the ref is with Roma. Double-knockdown spot occurs, but Austin cuts off the tag with a back suplex. Austin tries a suplex from the apron and AA counters by giving Austin a suplex to the floor. Arn gets within inches of Roma and Pillman stops him just at the last second. Pillman snaps off a headscissors (!), but AA catches him in the gut as he comes off the middle-rope. HOT TAG TO ROMA! It breaks down and once Pillman gets dumped, AA hits the SPINEBUSTER on Austin. Roma’s legal so he covers for 1-2-NO! Pillman just barely makes the save. Roma rolls up Austin and while the ref is with AA, Pillman BLASTS Roma with a clothesline. Austin rolls through and grabs a handful of tights for the 1-2-3. (26:16) The Worldwide tapings at Universal Studios taped shows months in advance showing Anderson and Roma as the next tag champs and screwed up everybody’s prediction for this one. Of course, the only people who knew that at the time were those at the tapings and the Usenet people, but I guess that’s the price you pay for being an internet mark. Touché on the swerve, Mr. Bischoff, touché indeed. This was a good, old school-style match. On the other hand, you’ve got Roma who is just way too bland and ordinary, causing the match to lack that extra something that Tully could’ve probably provided had he just took the money given to him for the Horsemen reunion. Still a good match though – thanks to the Blondes and the personality they bring to the table. ***¼

- Dustin Rhodes vs. Rick Rude – 30-Minute Ironman Challenge for the vacant WCW US Title

This feud just bugged the bejezus out of me. First of all, the title becomes vacant after a controversial finish. You can check the recap of it because its on my blog. No problem really there. It’s not like that’s never happened before, so it’s not too frustrating just yet. So they have some rematches and guess what – still no champion crowned. The US title is a belt that I always loved. As a kid, I thought it better to be US champ five times than be world champ only one time because it meant you were #2 longer than you were #1. Granted, I didn’t win a whole lot of gold medals and first place prizes when I was a kid, so what did I know. Anyways, the belt was continued to be cheapened because it wasn’t being defended or put on anybody for over three months. It’s like WCW was dangling the belt over these two guys and neither man could ever jump high enough to reach it. By the time somebody finally won, you don’t even care. It didn’t make any sense to me and frankly I don’t think the belt ever recovered. Just when you thought it was getting important again, Jim Duggan gets the belt. Just when you think it’s beginning to matter again, One Man Gang wins the belt. Just when it looks like it might have a chance at making a comeback, Steve McMichael wins the belt. Do I really need to continue after mentioning Steve McMichael? Alright, that’s enough of that.

Rude does a lot of talking directed at Rhodes to start. Rhodes works the back early and sits on Rude during a chinlock. He even does some hip-swiveling. *shudders* Yes, Terri Boatright aka Terri Runnels married that a week after this show as a matter of fact. Rude kicks Dustin away and drills him with a clothesline for the 360 degree sell. He catches Rhodes coming off the top right in the face and tries to do a little bump ‘n grind, but his back is hurting too bad. Now Rude works the back and grabs a bearhug. Dustin tries to elbow out so Rude takes care of that with a belly-to-belly suplex. Rude sits down on the chinlock for a while. Rhodes electric chair drops his way out, which is the standard counter for that hold in almost every Rick Rude match. Rhodes goes after the knee now. Rude escapes a legbar with a rake to the eyes. Rhodes telegraphs a backdrop and pays for it with a kick to the face. Rude follows up with a neckbreaker across the knee and executes the RUDE AWAKENING! Rude gets the three-count and now he’s up by a fall. (14:00 Rude – 1 Rhodes – 0) Rude catches Rhodes with a flying clothesline and tries to get ahead 2-0, but Rhodes kicks out at two. Rhodes rolls out to the rampway and takes a count. Back in, Rhodes elbows out of a chinlock, but runs into a knee in the corner. They go through the tombstone reversals, which of course Rhodes wins. Cover, 1-2-NO! Rhodes charges, but Rude goes to the mat and Rhodes flies out to the floor. Back in again, Rude gives Rhodes a pair of suplexes for a near-fall. Rude goes for a third suplex, but Rhodes counters with one of his own. Ten minutes remain. Rude nails Rhodes in the face with a flying fist. He starts trash-talking, which Jesse advises against since Rude is only up by one fall right now with plenty of time left. Rhodes goes down in a sleeper hold. He nearly passes out as his hand touched the mat on the third drop, but bounced right up. Jesse calls foul play on the part of the ref. Rhodes jawbreakers out, but Rude pounds him back down. Rude even spits on the guy! Rhodes returns the favor with four minutes left. Rude rakes the eyes good this time – causing Rhodes to stumble and fall over the top rope to the floor. Back in, Rude ducks a right hand and then out of nowhere, Rhodes comes up behind him with a BULLDOG! Cover, 1-2-3. (26:56 Rude – 1 Rhodes – 1) Rhodes follows up with a flying elbow and a piledriver for two. Such a Dusty-esque piledriver too. Rhodes hits a big elbow drop just like daddy for 1-2-NO! One minute left! Rhodes hits the Lariat for two. He grabs the sleeper on Rude, but a jawbreaker allows an escape. Rude misses a double-ax off the top and turns around into a DDT, but he’s run out of time. (30:00 Draw – Rude – 1 Rhodes – 1) It told a good story, yet the problem anyone with a brain would have with this is that nothing was settled at all. Instead, the title change was finally decided at the end of August at an Omni house show where it was later announced that Rhodes had defeated Rude. This is not Steamboat/Rude from Beach Blast ’92 by any means, but still a decent match in my eyes. **½

- NWA World Heavyweight Champion Barry Windham vs. Ric Flair

Windham and Flair have been beating each other up for weeks now and its time to settle this once and for all. These two had some of the best matches of the ‘80s together, but Windham’s not the same man here that he was in 1987. For starters, he’s not as quick considering he’s thirty pounds heavier. Plus he’s working through a really bad knee injury similar to the one Sting suffered in 1990. You know, I didn’t notice it in his other matches in 1993, but Windham STILL has that hand taped from when Larry Zbyszko slammed his hand in a car door at Halloween Havoc 1991. Windham catches Flair with a Lariat early on, but Flair chops back. Windham shoots Flair into the corner and a Flair Flip lands him on the floor. Windham runs around the ring and levels Flair with another Lariat. He gives Flair a suplex back in from the apron. Flair starts to chop back and hits the sleeper, but Windham sends Flair into the buckle to break the hold. Fireman’s carry slam and a Powerslam by Windham gets two. Windham connects with another Lariat for two. Flair comes back with a forearm and a jackknife cover gets two. Well, that was certainly something different coming from Flair. Kind of like The Rock putting HHH in the La Majistral cradle in the ironman match. Next up, they do the crossbody block spot where both guys fall out to the floor. Except this time, only Windham falls out. Flair gets pulled out for a slam. Back in, Windham takes Flair to the corner for the ten-count corner punch action, but Flair brings him out with an atomic drop. The Rolling Knee Drop connects. Windham counters a suplex though and places Flair in the corner and delivers the SUPERPLEX! Windham doesn’t cover once he’s to his feet and then misses a flying elbow drop. He still covers Flair for two. Flair runs down the apron after a second Flair Flip and comes off the top (because he’s working face!) and lands a crossbody, but Windham rolls through for 1-2-NO! Double-KO spot occurs. Flair delivers a back suplex to Windham and starts going for the FIGURE-FOUR. Windham kicks him off a few times, but all it takes is a kick to the knee to make it FIGURE-FOUR time. Windham reaches for the ropes and doesn’t realize his shoulders are down as the ref counts 1-2-3. (11:27) Ahh, that’s such a stupid finish. Am I supposed to really believe that Barry Windham who is a second generation veteran and one of the greatest performers ever let something like that happen to him to cause him to lose the most important title of his career? Please. Definitely my least favorite Flair/Windham match of all-time. Nevertheless, Flair wins his 10th world title. Two months later, the NWA would separate itself from WCW when Bischoff decided to put the belt on Rude against the NWA’s wishes. Therefore, the International World title was born, which is about the worst name for a belt there could be. As for Windham, this was his last match in WCW for the next ten months when he returned to once again take on the Nature Boy. **

- Sting & Davey Boy Smith vs. Big Van Vader & Sid Vicious (w/Harley Race & Col. Robert Parker)

It’s the Super Powers vs. The Masters of the Powerbomb! Do I really need to mention the mini-movie that went along with this? I guess I probably should. The only version of it I could find on YouTube or DailyMotion was pretty poor quality, so I’ll just try and explain it. If you still want to watch it, be my guest. Okay, so Sid makes his return at Slamboree with his new manager Colonel Robert Parker and joins forces with Vader based solely on the fact that both guys have the same finishing move. Their first order of business is to get rid of Sting and Davey Boy Smith – the biggest threats to them completely dominating WCW. Col. Parker and Harley Race gave Sting and Davey Boy Smith an ultimatum – retire or deal with Vader and Sid. Sting and Davey Boy Smith ignored everything they had to say and headed to the beach for a friendly game of volleyball with a bunch of kids. The Masters of the Powerbomb find the Super Powers enjoying themselves and that REALLY pisses them off. Sid and Vader both want to handle these two right then and there on the beach, but Col. Parker has a better idea. He calls Cheatum the Evil Midget to disguise himself as a shark and plant a bomb on Sting and Davey Boy Smith’s speedboat. Sid, Vader, Race and Parker give Sting and Davey Boy Smith one last chance to take some plane tickets “to the retirement home of their choice” or suffer the consequences. Sting talks it over with Davey Boy Smith and possibly considers taking the tickets…NOT! See, its 1993. It was still okay to say that. Race holds everybody back and spouts off his usual, “You just signed your death warrant!” line. Parker hints that Sting and Davey Boy might be stuck on this island for a really long time and laughs it up. Davey Boy wonders what he could’ve meant by that, but doesn’t think too much about it and starts playing volleyball again. Anyways, some little girls tip off to Sting that a midget or a “funny guy” as they called him has been hanging around his speedboat. When Sting runs over to his boat, those same little girls tell Davey Boy that the boat was going “click click click”. Uh oh! Davey Boy puts two and two together and immediately thinks “A BOMB!” He runs over and saves Sting by knocking him off the boat just in time as the bomb goes off and explodes! The people on the beach start to look moderately concerned until Sting and Davey Boy Smith come up out of the water with their hands raised in the air. I guess the fact that they’re now stuck on an island with no way of escaping hasn’t sunk in yet. Forget about all the legal charges that should’ve been filed against the Masters of the Powerbomb like attempted murder and destruction of property to name a few, this is just completely “over the top” on every level. For it to be settled in a wrestling match is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

Sting starts off with Sid and face slams him all over the place. Sid quickly has enough of that and nails Sting with a Chokeslam. Davey Boy and Sting get dumped so they can come back with STEREO FLYING CLOTHESLINES to rid the ring of the heels. Davey Boy and Vader tag in now. Vader pounds Davey Boy down into the corner. DBS still manages to flip out of a suplex for one of his own. He covers for two, but then charges right into Vader. Sid tags and sits down on Davey Boy during a chinlock. Vader tags and gets in Sting’s face to draw him in the ring. Davey Boy tries a desperation sunset flip and Vader tries to splash him instead, but DBS moves out of the way. Vader cuts off the tag with an elbow drop. Sid tags and hits a double-sledge off the middle rope. Break a leg, Sid! Sid grabs a nerve hold. The crowd gets behind Davey Boy as he elbows out, but Sid cuts off another tag. Vader tags and tries to splash Davey Boy up against the ropes while Race holds him, but Davey Boy moves and Vader hits Race. That sets up the HOT TAG TO STING! He punches everything in sight and even avoids a Vader avalanche in the corner, but then Sting staggers back into a clothesline from Sid and then a clothesline from Vader. The MOTP have everything in control for a while there. When Vader goes for a superplex, Sting bites Vader’s face and ear-claps him to put him down on the canvas. Sting starts to crawl over to Davey Boy, but Vader drops an elbow on him. Sid tags and misses an elbow drop, allowing Sting to make the tag to Davey Boy Smith. Sid goes low and tags Vader in who gives Davey Boy the Pump Splash. He covers for 1-2-NO! Sting makes the save. Sid takes Sting to the rampway. Meanwhile, Vader delivers a VADERSAULT to Davey Boy Smith! Sting punches Sid away and does a running dive over the top rope onto Vader to break up the pinfall! With Sting and Sid at their respective corners and both men in the ring up to their feet, Davey Boy Smith comes off the ropes with a crucifix on Vader for 1-2-3. (16:43) I think I would’ve rather seen a Running Powerslam finish if the faces were going to win, but whatever. Everything Vader did in 1993 was pretty friggin’ awesome, but Sid brought this down quite a bit by not really doing much of anything when he was in the ring. Still a fun match and that’s really all there was to it. ***

Final Thoughts: Another WCW PPV where I could see no conceivable reason to look into unless you’re a Flair completist and you want to have all of his world title wins. Other than that, a completely forgettable show. It’s really sad to see because the Clash shows you can watch for free during this time period were very well done and entertaining shows. But I have go with thumbs down for Beach Blast 1993 for the second PPV in a row. That hasn’t happened since the Great American Bash-Halloween Havoc combo in 1991.

The current WCW & NWA Champs were as follows:
WCW World Champion: Big Van Vader (3/17/1993)
NWA World Champion: Barry Windham (2/21/1993)
WCW U.S. Champion: Dustin Rhodes (1/11/1993)
WCW/NWA World Tag Team Champions: The Hollywood Blondes (3/2/1993)
WCW World Television Champion: Paul Orndorff (3/2/1993)

Last week, Arn Anderson and Barry Windham got in a fight! Maybe they will this week too!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura.

• Ron Simmons & Van Hammer vs. Tex Slazenger & Shanghai Pierce
  

This is either a huge de-push for Simmons since his return from the shoulder surgery or a massive push for Hammer. Sadly, the rest of Simmons’ WCW career would point to the former. Pierce and Slazenger are the Godwinns disguised as mean Texans who carry bullropes around. You know, cutting edge stuff. Slazenger a.k.a. Mideon ‘rassles a little bit with Hammer to start. Hammer then cleans house on the heels so he can do the “clap-clap-stomp” routine to get the crowd going. Hammer works the arm of Pierce for a bit, then tags Simmons. He powerslams Pierce and tags Hammer. Evidently, he’s still not 100%. Slazenger pulls the top rope down to bring Hammer out hard on the floor. He becomes our face in peril for a while. False tag spot ensues. While ref Randy Anderson tries to get Simmons out of the ring , the Texicans double-clothesline Hammer with their bullrope. Whoops, Randy Anderson saw the heels cheat for once. DQ! (7:59) Too long for my tastes. Simmons clotheslines the Texicans out after the match, which makes Hammer look STOOPID. ½*

• Johnny B. Badd vs. Todd Zane
  

Badd’s a cowboy tonight, which has to appear quite gay to anyone above the point where they have lost their innocence. Zane gets in some jobber offense, but an atomic drop and the TUTTI FRUITI PUNCH puts Zane down for the three-count. (2:54) Badd puts the lips sticker on Zane to further the humiliation.

• Scott Norton vs. Scott McKeever
  

This would be the WCW debut of Scott Norton. Naturally, Norton is going to flatten this poor kid. McKeever tries a sunset flip, but Norton blocks and choke lifts him up for a slam. Polish Hammer gets the win. (1:08) He covers people by putting his hand on their face! Awesome squash and it’s a shame he didn’t stick around longer than he did at this point in his career.

• Arn Anderson vs. Chick Donovan
  

With Flair still stuck under his no-compete clause, the next best thing in Arn Anderson becomes Windham’s opponent of the month until Flair can, well, compete. Donovan tries to be all cool by working on a leg just like an Anderson might, and pays for it by getting his arm destroyed around the ringpost. Arn applies that stepover armbar that Ole used to do and then the SPINEBUSTER finishes off Donovan. (4:25) I made it sound like it was nothing, but it was a pretty good little squash match for AA.

Ric Flair joins Arn Anderson for some interview time. The Four Horsemen will return with or without Barry Windham. Now it’s time for Arn Anderson to step out of the shadows and become the NWA world champion. Great interview, but it’s just sad the return of Tully Blanchard never really materialized and we got stuck with freakin’ Paul Roma instead.

• WCW World Television Champion Paul Orndorff vs. Gunner
  

Since Orndorff’s heel, the “Paula” chants are in full effect. Gunner is just Gunner. Not sure who he is exactly. Lots of headlocks in this one. Gunner escapes into a backslide for two. He escapes an armbar and levels Orndorff with dropkicks, but gets caught with a knee-lift. PILEDRIVER! (4:37) Good little squash for the TV champ.

• Steve Regal vs. Bobby Baker
  

Regal’s a Chris Adams-esque British babyface at this point, which just seems weird when you think about how great a pompous heel he became later on in the year. He’s 24 years old and looks like such a virgin here. Regal completely outwrestles Baker and finishes him off quickly with a DOUBLE-ARM SUPLEX. (2:56) Regal looks good in the ring, but nobody will pay much attention to him until he turns heel.

Interview with Dustin Rhodes. He talks about a shoulder injury that has had him sidelined for a couple weeks, but he’s still keeping an eye on Rick Rude. Regal comes by and gives Vader a message from his good British friend Davey Boy Smith that’s he’s coming for you!

• WCW/NWA World Tag Team Champions The Hollywood Blondes vs. The Italian Stallion & Chris Sullivan
  

Austin’s starting to do the old-timey camera motion as much as possible now, because that’s what people from Hollywood do. Sullivan gets PWNT until Austin misses an elbow off the middle-rope and Stallion gets a tag. Austin begs off, then goes to the eyes and hits a suplex. Pillman tags and dumps Stallion out so he can get choked down with a towel by Austin. Back in, Stallion catches Pillman coming off the top, but he gets dumped again and choked with the towel some more. Austin tries to suplex Stallion back in, but he flips out and rolls Austin up for 1-2-NO! Pillman tags and takes an atomic drop. Sullivan tags back in and he’s decimated with a double-clothesline. Austin lifts Sullivan up in the body vice as Pillman gives him a dropkick for 1-2-3. (6:58) Turned into quite the neat little squash with the jobbers getting a tad more offense than normal. *½

• Keith & Kent Cole vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker & Bob Cook
  

Oh snap, it’s the Cole Twins! Jobbers who suddenly get a push based only on the fact that they are twin brothers. They are identical in every way – same colored tights, knee pads, boots. Plus, they both have blonde flat tops/mullets. They are both equally tanned exactly the same shade. Scorpio and Bagwell look on from the aisleway. The Cole Twins work the arm of both Parker and Cook for seemingly forever. One of the twins get stuck as the face-in-peril for a bit. Then the other twin makes the hot tag and Parker gets dumped out. Cook takes a shoulder-charge to the gut off a whip, as the other twin comes off the ropes with a crossbody block. Jackknife cover gets 1-2-3. (7:03) Okay, so the finish was kind of cool. Afterwards, Scorpio and Bagwell dance with the Cole Twins. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little bump ‘n grind, ehh Bagwell?

Dusty Rhodes tells us what legends will be at Slamboree for the first-ever legends reunion show. “On the night before, we gon’ have some food. Of course I’m going to be there personally for dis thing.” Legends include: Don Muraco, Johnny Valentine, Dusty Rhodes, Harley Race, Lou Thesz, At least that’s what it sounded like?

• NWA World Champion Barry Windham vs. Tommy Angel
  

Windham spends much of the match just trying to break Angel’s arm. Angel makes a jobber comeback, but Windham cuts him off with the IMPLANT DDT. (4:52) In the pre-match interview, Windham calls Anderson a never-was when he was a Horseman. He says he did a lot of the dirty work because Arn wasn’t capable. Jesse asks Barry what he thinks of Flair when it relates to the pecking order in the Horsemen, and he just walks away.

• WCW World Champion Big Van Vader (w/Harley Race) vs. Cactus Jack
  

Cactus FINALLY gets a title shot! Jack pounds Vader down in the corner and then Vader returns the favor with STIFF forearm shots across the nose and jaw. “Where’s the shovel, punk?” Vader splashes Jack in the corner and then punches directly on the nose a couple more times. Vader wants another corner splash, but Jack catches him and slams him down! Jack hits a legdrop and comes off the top with a clothesline. They go to the floor where Cactus tries for the Cactus Clothesline over a guardrail, but it just collapses instead. SICK! Race takes a clothesline from Jack as well. BANG BANG! Commercial break. After the break, Vader falls back on Cactus to counter a sleeper. Vader keeps up the stiffness with more straight shots and hooks in the corner. While Vader steps back after the four count, Race chokes Jack in the ropes. Vader then grabs Cactus and gives him a fireman’s carry slam to set up the VADER BOMB, and it connects. They go to the floor again where Race gets nailed due to some heel miscommunication. They go back in and then they go back out. Vader tries to splash Cactus up against that same guardrail, but Cactus moves and Vader hurts his ribs. Once Vader gets to his feet, Cactus CANNONBALLS into Vader! He heads back in the ring while Vader lays there in pain to give Cactus the countout win over the champ. (10:50 shown) Due to the raw physicality of the match, Foley suffered a broken nose, a dislocated jaw and needed 27 stitches after this match. The most remarkable thing is, he didn’t miss a date because of any of those injuries. Nowadays, a guy would be out for at least a month. After the match, Vader is obviously pissed off for losing to Cactus. He slaps both Race and Schiavone (!!) and makes a challenge to Cactus Jack for next week. Not even a match really, he just wants to FIGHT him whether WCW sanctions it or not. I don’t think I could add anything else to this match. Saying something like it’s a brutal match is like telling you the sky is blue. ***¾

Final Thoughts: Makes you wonder how much better Slamboree could’ve been had they just built the show towards these two in the main event. But Foley had a have a child and all that bologna (I’m just kidding. I don’t hate children.), and the final blowoff was sidelined until Halloween Havoc. Kind of an interesting time because it’s almost like a WCW Bizarro World. Regal’s a face, Austin has hair, Windham’s a world champion, and Cactus wins a match.