Guardians 4 on ilmoittanut neljännestä singlestään! Single on nimetty Going On!iksi ja sen b – raita on Shugo Chara Egg!sujen uusi kappale, Arigatou ~Ookiku Kansha~. Kappale on (luultavasti) ensimmäinen, jolla laulaa uusi Shugo Chara Egg!su, Tanabe Nanami.

Single julkaistaan 27.1. ja single V 3.2.

“Does my telephone call to New York strengthen my conviction that the earth exists?”
-Wittgenstein

Living in New York (for now), this question puts me under a lot of pressure. To convince people calling me that the earth exists. If they called in a panic? To be an example of groundedness, and so testify to ground, earth, soil… To be so important to them that I make it exist? A source of support, and supported. (Wittgenstein’s point is that there are certain things we take for granted, and he stresses that, even lacking explicit guarantees, we manage to “go on”).
I used to think how insane cellphones were, the possibility of having a conversation while walking. Same with conversations in cars: there’s a movement to a conversation that seems so complicated to maintain if you’re moving through a real landscape too. (What relationship, if any, does this bear to the frustration of talking on a sofa, facing forward like driving? And for another time: Calle’s red phone on the bed (bed art! Rauschenberg etc…) cutting out the middleman between the jangle of the receiver and the lid of the heart when he calls. Also the dream of calling a phone in an abandoned cabin, being able to set the receiver down and have the rings parse out time indefinitely, to listen and have the rings be like sonar to know the shape of the room).
Recently I’ve been thinking about phonecalls on trains; I’m on them (trains) so often lately. It seems important that we consider lengthy cell conversations so rude but don’t mind if friends are traveling together, talking. Why, though? Because we’re curious and want to hear the whole thing? Does the halfness aggravate us like a chord that we want resolved? (Against this, Marshall Mcluhan’s claim that one need only ever read one of two facing pages, that we’re able to deal with blindspots.) Or the unsettlement that s/he – the telephonist – gets to confirm for someone that the earth exists; the unsought voyeurism?

“Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

- Harriet Beecher Stowe, Writer

So tired.

The idea of writing right now was so lucrative, so tempting. My willpower is practically nonexistant. So here I am.

With everything going on, I can’t pretend to feel one way when I really believe an entirely different thing.

I wish I could talk to someone about it, thought. Someone I could fully trust.
Who’d understand. I might try God, except I’m not sure I’m up for the ways He might decide to reply.

He knows it all, anyway. He knows everything, right?

My thoughts here and in my mind just aren’t connected at all. (As one might be able to tell.)

There are so many things racing through my head.

The flood. School and the changes that will occur. Drama Camp. A friend. Singing. Helping out. A boy. Walking. Feeling like shit. Worse situations than mine. Smoking drugs drinking and how I thought long and hard about it and crossed them all off as bad decisions for me right now. Controversy. Grandma. Stress, sickness. The grief rushing as thick and fast through this community as the Cattaraugus did. My current dizzy queasiness.

And so much more. Like how I want to trust everyone but I can’t.

It’s no wonder my head is spinning.

It’s almost time for me to start walking to the school for the last day of Drama Camp with Mrs. Ripley. It’s maybe the last time I’ll see Emma, Hannah, and Kiener before they go to college.
I don’t know how I feel about that, either. I just want to go to bed. And I just caught myself thinking “maybe I need a lobotomy.”

Yep, I must be nuts.

Do you ever have those moments when you just want to give up? When there are so many things on the plate that nothing would be better, than just to throw it? I mean, what exactly drives man to keep going?

I have had a pretty hard road and given that it is, just my say, it is my experience so far. There are hundreds if not millions of stories of similar struggles and each of us bear our own yoke.

The energy that goes into hardship revitalizes the body and there is something about struggle that keeps a man’s heart alive. It gives it purpose. It gives it hope. It gives it a goal.

It is for these reasons that give men the reason and will to keep going. Somehow the opposition always makes others strive to new heights. It is probably one of the funniest things that are a part of humans.

Struggle is a moment of intense adversity. It is something that changes us at such a level that it is sometimes never felt, until later. The fact is that the opposition is what molds us and chisels us into a finer person. In some ways, it makes us become even greater than what we once were.

The event of that exact moment of struggle is what makes us what we are, or breaks us. That is why it is so important to the human species. That is why struggle is actually pivotal in anyone’s life. That is why we, as humans keep going.

What you ask? Well, it feels like 8 million things. Let me in on what’s going on in my life.

* I just started sewing bags to sell via Etsy. I have not sewed in about 10 years besides fixing up the occasional hole in clothing type sewing. Sewing is actually proving to be less stressful than I remember. There is something quite calming about it and after almost finishing one bag so far it feels good to sew again.

*I’m going to Chicago this weekend for the Pitchfork Music Festival. I’ve been really busy the past week so I have a lot to do tonight since I have hardly been home as is.  I need to gather thing while I’m at work today that I still need for the trip and I need a roll of quarters. The laundry needs to be done, packing must occur, cleaning up a bit, shaving the legs and making sure I’m organized before I sleep.

*I’ve decided as of last night that I’m not smoking anymore. I was just cheating every so often. One here, one there. Then all of a sudden I’m a chimney again. I smoked far too much last night and I feel shitty for letting this happen. So as of today I’m a non smoker again. I know I’ve said that before but it’s true this time. I’m not getting anything out of it but the pure pleasure of feeling good about myself again. I think that’s worth it rather than making deals with myself.

* I’m definitely starting school in the Fall. That in itself causes a huge head ache. Paperwork on top of paperwork people. I am assuming next week when I get rolling it will get easier. Right now though it’s very intimidating and stressful.

*I’m battling this depression that has hit me the past couple of weeks. I’m getting better and I finally talked about it outside of this blog. My boy and I talked for a while about a lot of things last night. This was one of them. I’m happy that I trust him enough to talk about this stuff. He’s the only one I’ve felt comfortable talking to about it.

So yeah there’s more than that but these are the main struggles I have right now. I’ve decided also to smush the two blogs together and just add pictures on here every so often. I’m not good at maintaining to blogs or picking up batteries for my camera. I need rechargeable, I know.  I’ll ramble a bit later in the day because I can already tell work is going to be slow. It’s been like this all week! Blah……………

I like how Gnarls Barkley used Jamaican dancehall dancers in their video, even though their music isn’t in this genre. Also, the story line is really fun and interesting.

To watch the full video version, go to

going on – gnarls barkley

Ann- Marie, representative from Global Challenge Expeditions (Jeffery’s Bay) shared some of her experiences she had with some of the young people she mentored in their expeditions all over the world. You can visit the web on Global Challenge Expeditions at www.gcexpeditions.org All about embarking on the journey of a lifetime! Exploring the planet, sharing your faith, serving the poor and impact the nations. Discover God’s heart and enter into the life He has for you. A life like no other… An ultimate journey if you’re 18 years and older!

She mentioned so many things that touched my heart… She started off by asking: “What will keep you going?”

The only thing that would keep us going, is if we learn to live from our hearts and not from our heads. God already authorised the work we’re doing, but we need more intimacy with Him. The most important is to know that there is no specific recipe in living our lives, but for sure principles we have to follow.

I choose not to have an ordinary life. We will be amazed how God will use us in the midst of our trials. He is looking for the modern Daniels, Josephs and Paul’s.

She gave a few tips regarding missions. She told us that she has three friends, named Fish, Justy and Preserve. They have one surname in common, although the surname is used as a name for these three friends. They are called Self-Fish, Self-Justy and Self-Preserve. These three will intensify when we go on an outreach. This is the difficult place where we will find ourselves, searching for security and belonging. These are weapons Satan will use to try and take us out. We need to bring these three friends of ours to the altar and lay them down, every day… or we won’t survive!

The lesson: Life that happens will GROW us! God grows our capacity through life challenges and shape our character in the process. We need to trust God in our journey.

The words of a song Clara and Anna-Marie shared with us this morning as follows:

Open up the sky

Our beloved Father please come down and meet us
We are waiting for Your touch
Open up the heavens shower down Your presence
We respond to Your great love
We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won’t be satisfied at all
Open up the sky fall down like rain
We don’t want blessings we want You
Open up the sky fall down life fire
We don’t want anything but You
Our beloved Jesus we just want to see You
in the Glory of Your light
Earthly things don’t matter they just fade and shatter
When we’re touched by Love Divine
Here we go lets go to the Throne
The place where we belong
Right into His arms.

If you would like to live a life out of the ordinary, make a change, challenge yourself in the possible in your circumstances and trust God for the impossible, even in the small things!

If you can get pass the BAD lip syncing, this song is dedicated to you Lex!! With Love!!!
And to the rest you.