The SyFy Channel will be airing a total of sixteen James Bond films this Thanksgiving weekend. Below is the full schedule:

Thursday – November 26th 2009

8:00 AM -  Dr. No
10:30 AM – Licence To Kill
1:30 PM -  Live And Let Die
4:00 PM – The Spy Who Loved Me
6:30 PM – Tomorrow Never Dies
9:00 PM – Casino Royale

Friday – November 27th 2009:

12:00 AM – For Your Eyes Only
2:30 AM – The Man With The Golden Gun
08:00 AM – Thunderball
10:30 AM – From Russia With Love
1:00 PM – You Only Live Twice
3:30 PM – Diamonds Are Forever
6:00 PM – Casino Royale
9:00 PM – GoldenEye

Saturday November 28th 2009:

12:00 AM – Goldfinger
2:30 AM – Never Say Never Again

All times are EST.

A couple of months back, Felix penned a curious article listing the top ten gaming allies: those staunch supporters, wondrous wingmen and brilliant bros who never failed to watch your back, and you can find said article here. It got me thinking, however; how many times have TV screens found themselves with a controller shaped hole through their centres as the result of some serious NPC irritation? There were a couple of Felix’s fondly loved sidekicks that I couldn’t help but disagree with, and suddenly a Top Ten started forming in my mind.

More often than not, the hapless characters alongside you are just well crafted bullseyes for enemy fire, or instructors with less appeal than a sat-nav voiced by Hitler. For every Aeris there’s a Natalya; for every Dante and Nero there’s a Jak and Daxter; for every Army of Two there’s a compelling character witness to make the case for saving the world on your own. These are those most insidious of nemeses: these are the cretins who try their hardest to ruin everything….and they’re supposed to be on our side!

Want to check out the Top 10? Hit the link to read the rest at Dealspwn.com

Games that are spawned from movies nearly always suck balls. With the exception of Goldeneye, Lego Indiana Jones / Batman / Star Wars, The Godfather, Hannah Montana Sing IT and The Seventh Seal : Magical Journey RPG. Ok, those last two don’t count. I made the Seal one up, could you tell? But no, they more often than not suck. And also reek of bad graphics, poor gameplay, woeful visuals and a general air of “let’s squeeze this cash cow until her udders explode, and I can pay to hide my several illegitmate children.”

Ghostbusters The Game was announced some time ago. I was excited from the get go, as I am a huge fan of the films, tv series and even the books that accompanied the TV series. But on the other hand, I was apprehensive. It had a lot to live up to. Those fears were alleviated when I found out that Harold Ramis and Dan Aykroyd were to pen the script for the game, and all the actors were to reprise their roles within the game.

The game plays out from the persepctive of a new recruit to the Ghostbusters family. (That’s you). You get thrown in to the deep end straight away. The first mission is at the Sedgewick Hotel, where you have to recapture that pesky, but strangely endearing “spud” of ectoplasm, Slimer. Using the proton pack for the first time with the Wiimote, and then throwing a trap onto the ground gave me a giddy thrill. And the subsequent opening with the signature theme tune only further cemented the sheer joy you feel when playing this game.

All the familiar characters are here. There’s even a few clever nods to both films. A picture of Gozer lies dormant in the museum level. The script and actors are top notch. Some choice lines being Venkman’s, “No, I’m not going after the little spud. I’ve seen this one before,. I know how it ends. You go for it, rookie.” My personal favourite is a toss up between Egon’s explanation of where he gets the time to work out all the new equipment for the Busters. “I have devised a nice routine, whereby I sleep for fourteen minutes a day. Naturally, this leaves me a lot of time to work on equipment.” And my second favourite is Winston, upon entering the Confederate Southern Texas wing of the museum. “Of all the rooms in the museum, this one was not top of my list.”

Gripewise, I only have two. The length of the game is not terribly huge. If you bashed away for six hours solid, you’d complete the game. And there is no online play available. Not a huge problem for me, but the option would have been nice.

Overall, I would highly recommend the game. On the Wii, mind. I’ve seen screenshots and videos of the X Box and PS versions. They look somewhat clinical and cold, the cartoon approach on the Wii reimburses that sense of fun that is associated with The Ghostbusters. I laughed, I zapped some ghosts, I was a ghostbuster for a week, and haven’t had this much fun playing a game since I discovered the chainsaw in Scarface : The World Is Yours.

9 / 10

Another autumn day in Chicago, enjoying not only a fabulous Indian summer, but also some Pinot Noir.  Pinot Days occurred on the lakefront, in Navy Pier, an awesome venue for any event.  With such great weather in the city, people were strolling down the pier, fishing, shopping, and sitting while admiring the view of our lake and skyline.  I enjoyed the view as well, like I always do, while strolling to try Pinot Noir from over 50 different producers.

So Pinot Noir has quickly become one of the world’s favorite varietals, and there is much to like about the grape.  It produces wines that can be easy drinking, with light and vibrant red berry fruit, bright acidity (which helps with many food pairings), and can also have many spice components, and earthy/mushroom qualities, though mostly (but not only!) found in European versions.  The color can go from translucent and light ruby to light deep purple, and the tannins as well can vary from light to grippy and firm.  These wines can also age, and show many more complexities with maturity.

The producers at this event were here to impress.  I started off by visiting Tim Olsen of Olsen Ogden Wines in Sonoma’s Russian River Valley.  I’ve met Tim before, and not only is he a great guy, but he makes outstanding wine.  He introduced me to two of his Pinots, which demonstrated extremely different styles.  His 2007 Sonoma Coast Pinot Noir has deeper color, more tannins and weight.  It also has dark fruit flavor and spice.  On the other hand, his 2007 Russian River Valley Pinot Noir is lighter, full of red fruit and bright acid, and has more earthy complexity.  These wines illustrate two basic styles of Pinot Noir.  I was also lucky to try both a Syrah/Grenache blend, and the Unti Vineyard Syrah.  Love the body and peppery spice with those wines.

Next I was on to Inman Family Wines, a small winery in Sonoma, with some great wines, especially their estate organically grown Olivet Grange Vineyard Pinot Noir.  This wine exhibits much depth and flavor, and will age well.  The tannic structure is much more intense than many other Pinots, and I guarantee you will enjoy it.  They also feature a few other Pinot Noirs made with fruit from other vineyards, and a Pinot Gris.

I also found another one of my favorite Sonoma Pinot Noirs, the Keller Estate Precioso.  This is made from the estate’s best select barrels, and aged 15 months in oak.  This wine is not only full of rich fruits like raspberry and pomegranate, but also exotic spice, and depth.

A few other California wineries I enjoyed:

• Demetria.  Family owned winery making biodynamically grown grapes, and a great Pinot in the Santa Rita Hills appellation of Santa Barbara.
• Belle Glos.  A Sonoma producer with three single vineyard Pinots: Taylor Lane, Clark and Telephone, and Las Alturas.  This family has a long history with California wines, so watch out for these wines!
• Goldeneye.  This label was created by the Duckhorn family, with a vision to create world class Pinot Noir in Anderson Valley.  They now make excellent Pinots from four different estate’s fruit.
• Papapietro.  A family owned Sonoma winery not only making great Pinot Noir, but also Zinfandels.

There was also some Pinot Noir from Oregon, my favorite state for the varietal:

• Domaine Serene.  A historically acclaimed producer, making world class Pinot Noir from three estate vineyards in Dundee Hills, north Willamette Valley.
• Le Cadeau.  A Willamette Valley producer making excellent Pinot from a volcanic microclimate.
• Stoller.  Not only making world class wines, but also the nation’s first LEED Certified winery, a mark of not only true sustainability, but also a commitment to being “Green”.

There were also some German Pinot Noir, also known as Spatburgunder, represented.  The style is traditionally lighter in body, tannins, and color, though bigger versions are being produced in seasons offering longer summers and more intense sunlight.

All things considered, this was a great tasting event, with not only some extremely enjoyable wines, but also some nice food and olive oils.  Looking forward to Pinot Days 2010!

I saw this on Ffffound (I’m still looking for an invite code to that site!) the other day and thought it was strange but cute. Is that Peter Pan or Robin Hood in the front? What are the deer and the ostriches doing there? This brings up so many questions, but it’s whimsical anyway.

♥ This must be a plumber’s worst nightmare, but I laughed so hard reading it!

♥ I forgot how I came across this, but this chart detailing how women decide to buy a pair of shoes is so true. I especially like the spot that says “This store obviously sucks. Drive for 10 minutes in any direction.” Color me guilty! To compare, there’s also a chart for men.

♥ My friend sent me this video of Pearl Jam performing Devo’s “Whip It” in Devo costumes:

I think they did an awesome job!

♥ Via Nubby Twiglet: 50 Beautiful and Creative Blog Designs from Smashing Magazine offers plenty of inspiration for those interested some of the most creative web design for blogs, business, and personal sites. My favorite is the first one, the site of musician Jason Gray (click & see why!).

♥ Eric Testroete’s Papercraft self-portrait and Halloween costume is amazing! It reminds me of playing Goldeneye on Nintendo 64 in “big head” mode. Genius!

I’m looking forward to cooler weather, changing leaves, and shopping for gifts for my friends and family! The holidays are fast approaching. What are your plans?

♥,

K

This man’s Halloween costume/project: Great or greatest?

Source:
http://testroete.com/index.php?location=head

It’s not unheard of; Maud Adams played both Andrea Anders and Octopussy in the Roger Moore era of Bond flicks, and for good reason. I don’t think Eon Productions should abandon this concept, as there were a handful of Bond girls from previous Bond films who could still fill the role of a credible Bond girl today.

The Top 5 Girls Who Should Return

1. Sophie Marceau (Elektra King, The World Is Not Enough, 1999)
What a waste of talent. In my opinion, The World Is Not Enough was trash, despite being one of Brosnan’s better Bond flicks.  It’s a shame that Sophie Marceau’s wonderful acting abilities were wasted in this film. Though she played the part of Elektra King extremely well, I’d love to see her come back to the series in the form of a better-written, and more primary character. Perhaps the main Bond girl, instead of being over-shadowed by the bad acting and bouncing jugs of Denise Richards.

2. Izabella Scorupco (Natalya Simonova, GoldenEye, 1995)
Though her talent wasn’t quite as wasted as Marceau’s in Brosnan’s debut film, GoldenEye, I’d still like to see her return in a stronger role. GoldenEye worked pretty well as a post-Cold War, 90’s action thriller, and so did the character of Natalya; if you’ll recall, she was basically a computer technician caught in the middle of all of the action. I wouldn’t mind seeing her return as a primary Bond girl who is more involved with the film’s plot, rather than just being a pretty face on the side. Scorupco’s a good actress, and it’d be nice to see her get a role that she deserves — seems like she’s been signing onto a lot of trash lately.

3. Rosamund Pike (Miranda Frost, Die Another Day, 2002)
As many will agree, Die Another Day was an absolute atrocity of a Bond film. Rosamund Pike seems like she had lots of potential in Brosnan’s final Bond outing, but it seems like the dynamic duo, Purvis and Wade, seemed to under-write the character. To me, there wasn’t much to Miranda Frost. Yeah, she betrays Bond … just like the Bond girl in the film before Die Another Day. And she sleeps with the villain … just like the Bond girl in the film before Die Another Day, also. That’s about all there is to her. Plus, her death allows Halle Berry to mutter the brilliant line, “Bitch.”

4. Jane Seymour (Solitaire, Live and Let Die, 1973)
Not much to say here, other than she’s a great actress, and she’s looking as good as ever.
I guarantee that this wouldn’t disappoint fans at all.

5.  Olga Kurylenko (Camille, Quantum of Solace, 2008)
Quantum of Solace was given some mixed reviews after its release. Whichever side of the fence you’re on, I’m sure you can say that Olga Kurylenko’s performance was neither outstanding or horrific. Certainly, she did much better than some of the more recent, past Bond girls. The only problem was that it seemed she wasn’t written very well — a recurring theme with Purvis and Wade… hmm. Anyhow, I’d like to see her play a character with more depth. She’s certainly got the looks, also.

Is a revitalised GoldenEye coming to the Nintendo Wii?

According to the CV of one Craig Peck, animator at Eurocom Entertainment Software, a new GoldenEye game is in development for the Nintendo Wii. Activision had leaked their plans to release a new Bond game earlier in the year, with 2010 as its intended release date. Peck’s CV is the first indication that it might be another GoldenEye video game entry.

The N64 game GoldenEye 007, developed by Rare in 1997, is regarded as a classic (proxy mines on bunker anyone?), revered by critics and fans alike. The 2006 game GoldenEye: Rogue Agent, developed by EA, was not so well received, to say the least.

Pecks CV reads:

“Eurocom Entertainment Software, Derby, United Kingdom: July 09 – Sept 09 Animator – GoldenEye 2010 (Wii) – Animator on Activision’s James Bond series for the Nintendo Wii.”

Bizarre is confirmed to be developing the next Bond game, with Treyarch taking a break from the franchise. Although unlikely (how many rumours like this have circulated in recent memory?) it’s still possible that Activision has called on Eurocom to work on the Wii game, as they did with Quantum of Solace.

First round, pistols only, no Oddjobs!

Dré

• Pictures: 25 retro-fied movie posters.
• Pants specifically made for oral sex can be found in Lindsay Lohan’s new line of clothing. Where are the pants made specifically for snorting cocaine?
• Use classic movie fonts. An essay just sounds more irresistible and debonair in Goldeneye type-face.
• Hand art. Kind of like the face paint man, just without the nightmares.
• Watch: Cello Cover of LCD Soundsystem. Exactly what it sounds like.
• Immigrant allowed to stay because of pet cat. Cats are the answer to everything!

Nah, it’s not quite the end of the world yet; something far more important than that…

In an uncontainable spontaneous excitement, it was suddenly essential to at least give arguably one of the greatest first person shooters ever made some coverage. No, this impulse post has nothing to do with Doom, Quake or even Halo, yet it has a weighty link to Goldeneye but isn’t actually the Bond-infested classic itself. Nope, I’m talking Perfect Dark; the 2000-unleashed Nintendo 64 trend-sketcher!

No really, the multiplayer was like Goldeneye on speed. Bots everywhere, cruelly unbalanced weapons, utter carnage and, most significantly, with four human players, truly unlimited possibilities that re-set the tone for every FPS that followed.

Ahead of its time in terms of providing the N64’s processor with a constant migrane and sore muscles, it produced some wonderfully atmospheric locations (until the rubbish alien bit. Sigh) and painted stimulating images of the future. So Perfect Dark, as you may well be aware what with its announcement back in June, is getting a much deserved rehash. With only a few images currently available from the water-tight Twycross HQ that infamous developers Rare reside, obsessives of the nine-year old original version have an early Christmas present inbound, what with its touted “winter ‘09″ release. With Rare (well, 4J Studios in this case) now secured on Microsoft’s leash, it’s likely we won’t see the year-long delays that Nintendo allowed the first time around. And so it’s time to get excited!

What we can expect:
- High definition running at a constant 60fps (no matter how many N-Bombs are showered upon opponents, right?)
- A revamped single player
- Xbox 360 exclusive content
- ONLINE multiplayer (up to four players)
- The return of a dodgy Scottish accent!

Sharper textures, solid framerate and the chance to play through Perfect Dark again? Ta muchly!

Before reaching ultra-euphoria stages I must at least remind myself of the negatives, as there always are some:

Eins: No doubt it’s gameplay has aged significantly in the last nine years and, unlike a maturing French red wine, it’s unlikely to appeal to many newcomers, who nowadays expect the hectic and complex nature of shooters such as the Call Of Duty series.

Zwei: Modern Warfare 2. The so-highly-anticipated-shooter-that-you’ll-get-a-nosebleed contemporary-set sequel to the unrealisticly popular Call of Duty 4 will no doubt, to put in no uncertain terms, piss on its parade, thus rendering Perfect Dark XBLA’s online multiplayer feature pretty much redundant. As excellently gripping as MW2’s online gameplay is shaping up to be, from a diehard fan of the original PD’s perspective, it’s deflating to admit that the new online feature is going to receive as much attention as independent “thriller” Zyzzyx Road.*

Drei: Please, for the love of God, may this update not tarnish the rosey memories of the yesteryear. Even now I remember blocking out the blazing summer sun in 2000 for some multiplayer action with my best friend of that time. And a couple of years later myself and three different friends ran the game ragged once more, ducking into dark corners and blasting each other with fly-by-wire rocket launchers while seeking each other out with futuristic weaponary akin to those depicted in Eraser. However, it’s now 2009, and gaming has grown and developed at such a rate that it’ll be a sad sight if it can no longer hack the pace.

On a side note, it remains to be seen whether the bonus ‘classic’ weapons from Goldeneye will make an appearance. After the Bond-’em-up remake’s cancellation due to Nintendo Big Cheese Satoru Iwata’s disagreement with seeing it on a rival format, it seems unlikely we’ll be wielding any PP9i’s or KF7 Specials any time soon. Thanks again, Iwata-san.

Anyway, I’ve downloaded and put up the free Marketplace Perfect Dark theme on my 360; have you?

She's been looking at me all pissed off for some reason since June...

*Nope, I’ve never heard of it either. Its $30 US gross is impressive, though!

————————–

UPDATE: By jove, no more than five days after posting my excitement, Rare go and release a new screenshot complete with a corresponding N64 image to compare it with! Having had no further information there’s not much to say, other than look at the detail on the FarSight! It looks as if the XBLA update is going to reveal how the game was originally intended to look all those years ago, had the N64 been fully capable of coping with Rare’s ambition. Have a gander at the differences for yourself:

N64 original (although a little sharper, running through an emulator)

The softer, easier on the eye, XBLA remake

Aah, it’s like 2000 all over again, except in HD! Say an emotional goodbye to jagged edges, terrible framerates and outdated control systems! The anticipation keeps building… I can almost hear enemies’ whimpers and cries right now: “I was only doing my job…” Bless. BANG! Heh, good times.

Train from GoldenEye Totally Looks Like Sam Eagle

» Think you can do better? Make your own!

Pictures by: dunno source, greavesy01 Look-alike by: dunno source via Totally Looks Like Builder

My guest writer Kirsty Watkinson returns this week with her take on the top five FPS’s. Enjoy!

Ever since the first games-minded electronics whiz decided to stick a few buttons on a box and call it a console, one of the most popular genres to rise through the gaming world has been the first person shooter.

Hours of intense gameplay whittled away in a small room with low lights, only broken by the odd bathroom break and short breaks for sleep, soon turned the most avid gamers into sun-starved hermits, fuelled by take-aways and caffeine. But before-long even the most dedicated of console-addicts can feel a little bit lonely, which is why the art of multiplayer gaming was developed, keeping those reclusive gamers connected to the outside world.

There have been many games developments to intensify the experience of multiplayer gaming. Such classic arcade titles as Time Crisis and House of the Dead are now accessible in the home, as wireless technology pioneered by the Wii, coupled with games such as Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles recreates the experience in your living room.

While the Wii has this technological advantage, the PS3 and Xbox more than make up for it with their high-quality internet access, making multiplayer console action a seamlessly enjoyable experience that was previously only available on the PC.

With all the improvements, first-person shooters are in many ways better than they have ever been, but out of this vast genre some games do stand out as being a superior combination of multiplayer action and blazing gunfire.

Here’s a look at some of the best.

5- GoldenEye 007

Despite being over a decade old, there is something timeless about the N64 classic which still remains a heart-felt favourite for many fans of the first person shooter.
Following the film closely, the game encourages the combination of stealth and cunning with generic gunfighting techniques in a sophisticated adaptation. With enticingly realistic graphics for its time, GoldenEye remains a nostalgic gem, setting the precedent for future multiplayer development.

4- Counter Strike: Source

One of the most intimidating multiplayer experiences for first time gamers has to be Counter Strike. The moment a new player steps into the fray, they are often set upon by a horde of seasoned Counter Strike veterans like a lame gazelle in a lion’s den. However, once you surpass this baptism of fire (literally, since you’ll be under fire
for some time), the engaging graphics and stunning teamplay action are more than worth the initial onslaught.

With realistic battle details, such a lower accuracy during motion shooting, and unpredictable recoil with repetitive fire, Counter Strike: Source is a brilliant remake of the original Counter-Strike, combining classic team-based objective action with extensive community customisation to produce a unique, personalised gaming experience.

3- Halo 3

Battling alien races is all in a day’s work for enhanced supersoldier Master Chief as he defends 26th Century humanity in this eagerly awaited ending to the Halo trilogy. The backdrop of a space-aged war against alien collective, the Covenant, with the aid of human Marines and allied alien race the Elites, creates a diverse scope of weaponry, settings and enemies to toy around with. Team this up with stunning visual graphics and numerous multiplayer missions and you’re easily looking at one of the most popular online shooters on the market.

2- Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

From outlandish to realism, Call of Duty’s approach to combat is far more identifiable for the modern day. Set in the not-too-distant future in the midst of a fictional war, the player completes overlapping missions and objectives to give various perspectives of the story. Multiplayer performance is tracked with experience points, unlocking weapons and upgrades and giving the player customisability over their character for a challenging scope of individuality throughout the levels.

1- Left 4 Dead

Unlike the majority of first-person shooters on the market, Left 4 Dead was made for multiplayer. Navigating your way through levels with a group of four very different characters, the aim of the game- survival- is complicated by hordes of infected, as well as a number of specially evolved creatures which need specific tactics to surpass them.
The tactical element is highly encouraged in this game, as is the co-operation of the 4 players. If one person leaves the group they seldom last long, and it’s generally taken to be quite bad manners. The interspred crescendo events also give the opportunity for planning, such as contacting the rescue vehicle at the end and holding your defensive positions until it arrives.
Left 4 Dead has taken multiplayer first-person action to a higher standard and, with an eagerly awaited sequel on the way, expectations for the genre are climbing ever higher.

Since the dawn of video gaming developers have been making movie tie-in games, and for a long time (but moreso recently) movies have been made of video games. Whilst there very, very rarely is a decent game based on a movie, I can confidently say there has never been a good video game based movie.

You can guarantee that with every Pixar movie there’ll be a video game to coincide with it, with every Michael Bay piece of crap there’s a game for parents to buy their kids when they leave the cinema and visit Toys R Us, it’s a given that pretty much every box office hit will generally have a poorly produced game that’s been churned out for the sake of cashing in on a franchising. Simply put; movie based video games are the lowest common denominator.

As I said previously, there are rare exceptions to when movie based games turn out well, like Goldeneye on the Nintendo 64, or The Chronicles of Riddick on the original Xbox. There may be more but those are two stand out titles that come to mind right now. Being a lover of cinema as well as the world of gaming (yes, I truly am a catch, ladies…), I can be pretty picky about what I pay £7 to sit in a crowded room and endure 50 minutes of adverts, some god awful trailers (another Katherine Heigl rom-com anyone? No? Didn’t think so…) and then watch a movie I may or may not like. It’s understandable since there are movies like Transformers out there, which in all honesty made me physically want to vomit. Seriously, it’s unbelievably bad. But a video game based movie and a Michael Bay directed movie do have something in common. I don’t want to see either of them because I know they’ll be garbage.

Michael Bay: You leather jacketed prick, how I hate thee...

It may just be me, I have friends who like video game based movies, and box office figures show that others do too (critics would agree with me but no-one listens to them these days), so I’m not going to question the tastes of other people, for me to do so would be obnoxious, and I’d be no better than… Michael Bay.

The question I offer to you is, why is it necessary to even make video game based movies?

Since the 32-bit console era, video games themself have grown into an experience of their own, one that combines the element of cinema with the interactivity offered from games, creating a world which you participate in and a story which unfolds around you. One of the first games to offer the ultimate cinematic experience was Metal Gear Solid for the Playstation. The game was a seamless blend of cutscenes containing well written dialogue, colourful characters and an epic and often moving storyline to rival that of a big budget Hollywood blockbuster. Not only did it have the story, but it had excellent gameplay mechanics that kept you gripped and made you want to improve yourself to progress; it was a true evolution in gaming, and everyone started to recognise how much more games could be. The influence of Metal Gear Solid is still visible today, maybe the stories aren’t as good (as a matter of fact some are god-awful, for example, the Ninja Gaiden games).

So what’s the point in condensing an epic and engrossing experience into 90 minutes or more of celluloid fodder? The target market for video game based movies will of course be the people who’ve played the game in the first place, I wouldn’t want to see the experience skewed to a point where characters are altered and storylines are diluted, and the fact is, a lot of games these days are celebrated more for their gameplay as opposed to their story, and that’s all you get with screen adaptions; a story.

Halo ODST Live Action trailer: Halo: Great game, shitty storyline, so why make a movie?

There’s a simple answer to why these movies are made; YOU! Yes, you there! You disgust me! Aaaaand a couple of times… me, but I disgust myself anyway.

People actually see these movies because of the fond experience they had with the game, they want to see their favourite characters brought to life in action-packed sequences, injected with millions of dollars. It’s all nostalgia, just like the remake fad in Hollywood where old franchises and movies have been given a high price treatment, but like a game into a movie it doesn’t make it better. I defy anyone to tell me of a decent remake.

The good thing is, game remakes can turn out well because of improvements in gameplay, but that’s what makes it a game. I’m sure I’m one of thousands out there who’d love to see a Final Fantasy VII remake, if only graphically, but this is because it was great to play and had a beauty to it which could be realised further thanks to next-gen graphics. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children was a nice fan service movie, but it felt a little detached from the original experience, but it’s hard to remake a game that has almost 100 hours of gameplay.

Don’t Hollywood make enough shitty movies without messing up our games? Video game movies in the pipeline right now include Bioshock, Prince of Persia and inFamous. You can’t help but feel a bit cynical about these because not only are they great games, and they all have reasonable storylines, but if you want anything you once loved, admired and held dear defaced and turned into something unrecognisable, send it to Hollywood (this applies to relatives and loved ones too).

Sean Bean as traitorous villain Alec Trevelyan, aka 006, aka Janus, with Pierce Brosnan as James “007″ Bond in 1995’s BAFTA nominated GoldenEye.

One more? Okay!

And, as a final thought, there is nothing like the whitehot, wild and wonderful sexy magic you feel when you hook it up with someone as batshit insane in the sack as yourself, am I right? Touching shit right here, I mean it. I think they are a sweet couple.

About a million years ago I played Halo on the PC. It was one of the hugest pieces of shit of all time. It was repetitive, boring, had lame guns, had an idiotic story, and was about as generic as FPS games can get. I hated it so much that I refused to play Halo 2 or 3, despite the fact that fanboys around the world heralded them as the best things since sliced bread. Which is really saying a lot, since sliced bread is the best thing since sliced bread.

A few months back, three other friends and I got together and it was decided that we should play Halo 3 online. My friend has an Xbox 360 and a huge HD TV, and I was drunk, so I figured, “Sure, why the fuck not?” We played, and it was incredible. It was one of the most fun multiplayer experiences of my videogaming life. Don’t get me wrong, it was no Goldeneye 64, but it was a pretty solid experience nonetheless.

So, after months of playing Halo 3 online with my friends, I decided I would go back in time and play through the single player campaign of Halo 2, with the intent of then moving on to part three. After all, online play was so much fun that the developers must have fixed their mistakes from the previous games, right?

That was a huge mistake.

I found myself right back where I was a million years ago when I played through the first Halo. It royally sucked ass, and here are the reasons why:

1. I played as a nameless, faceless, super strong and skilled space marine (a la Doom). The typical Halo fanboy says, “Ohhh, Master Chief is so unique and awesome, he is uber leet!!!” *cums in pants* Unfortunately, anyone who thinks Master Chief is anything but a generic genre trope is a fucking idiot.
2. I was fighting hordes of generic, not to mention comically bad, aliens. I mean, are they supposed to be funny? Shouldn’t the villains make you a little bit nervous/excited/whatever? No, apparantely not. And don’t get me started on The Flood either. They are just as boring.
3. The guns are weak and terrible. All the alien guns are huge pieces of shit. For example, the Brute Shot is this grenade launcher weapon that usually takes about six shots to kill something. Six grenades to kill something?! Are you fucking kidding me? I might as well throw diarrhea at the enemies, that would be just as powerful.
4. The story was ZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZ *wakes up* “Huh? What? Oh, that’s the same thing as the first game.” ZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZ
5. The levels are so fucking long. I mean Jesus Fucking TapDancing AssRaping Christ, they go on and on and on and on and on and on and on. I think the first level alone takes over an hour to play.
6. It’s repetitive as fuck. Just like the problem with The Dark Knight, the developers thought that the old saying “less is more” doesn’t apply to them. By making all the levels as long and repetitive as possible, they would be sure to have a hit game on their hands. And, well, they were right. It is a hit game. Their strategy worked, just like it did for The Dark Knight. The only problem here is that people are idiots, and they like shit that is terrible. Which is why both Halo and The Dark Knight got such great reviews. Really, this is the thing I hate most about the single player version of all the Halo games. It is just hallway after gray concrete hallway of enemies standing around for you to kill them. It goes on forever with little to no variation. Sure, you get to drive a car once in  a while, but those moments come to few and far between to make this game worthwhile.

In a perfect world where people like things that are actually good, Halo would be remembered as nothing more than a footnote amongst all the other vapid, generic first person shooters. Unfortunately, this is not a perfect world. The world we live in is the same world where Twin Peaks got canceled, Paris Hilton is famous, people argue about whether Macs or PCs are better, and shitty video games are incredibly popular.

I suppose that multiplayer is the reason for Halo’s longevity. Because there is no fucking way that it is due to the single player. The developers must spend all their time making the online version fun (which is a hell of a lot of fun – just as long as you don’t get the fucking Brute Shot or any of those piece of shit guns that you have to charge up, or you aren’t playing One Bomb), and then the single player is just a stinky, bloody, disgusting afterbirth. That’s the only possible explanation for why it is so fucking bad.

This has nothing to do with Halo, that's why it rules.

Before you start flaming me about the content of this post, you really need to ask yourself, “Does the Halo single-player game have any redeeming qualities whatsoever?” If your answer is “yes,” then you should probably kill yourself. Or if you aren’t willing to do that, at least go play something good, like checkers or Scrabble. Those are games that will really give you an adrenaline rush, man.

Verdicts:

Doom: Awesome

Goldeneye 64: Awesome

Evil Dead Ash/Jesus: Awesome

Halo: Shitty

After a long period of speculation and probably more wishful thinking than anything, developer Rare put to rest the rumor of Nintendo’s 64-bit smash hit Goldeneye 007 making its way to Xbox Live. From a quote on Rare’s website it seemed as if there may have been a small window of opportunity long ago, but there are no plans to port the game at this time, if ever.

“That was some time ago, my friend,” it said. “Fate was against us that day. Destiny conspired to raise the hurdles even as we attempted to clear them, resulting in unpleasant groinal injury. I suspect we’re long past the stage where an agreement was on the cards, but you never know. Stranger things have happened… somewhere… probably.”

Mike: Would Goldeneye’s rebirth be anything past nostalgia? It’s hard to say, but with the Halo’s and Call of Duty’s of the world ruling the FPS market it might just be that, nostalgia. You can’t argue against more games on Xbox Live Arcade though, so I’m hoping as many games like Goldeneye make their way over as possible.

The chances of Rare striking a deal with Nintendo to bring the classic Goldeneye to the Wii Virtual Console is looking extremely slim.

“That was some time ago, my friend.”

“Fate was against us that day. Destiny conspired to raise the hurdles even as we attempted to clear them, resulting in unpleasant groinal injury.”

“I suspect we’re long past the stage where an agreement was on the cards, but you never know. Stranger things have happened… somewhere… probably,”

- Rare Developer

Source

PHOTOS BY ALEKSANDRA WYSOCKA: http://jpgmag.com/people/sullastrada

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Equipment from Neil Vessey (Storage Tanks) Ltd was used in the James Bond film, ‘Goldeneye’.

Much of the filming was done in Hertfordshire and the large capacity cylindrical storage tanks used to simulate a Russian nerve gas plant in the story were supplied by Neil Vessey.

The James Bond order came after the art director of the film production company saw one of the North Lincolnshire Company’s national advertisements and contacted it about the tanks. Neil Vessey subsequently supplied six 20,000 gallon capacity storage tanks.

Mr Vessey, himself a film fan, said this was the most unusual use that had ever been made of his tanks. He said “If the film is around as long as the old James Bond films our storage tanks will be on view for the next 30 years or so”.

If you are interested in storage tank hire for any purpose, please visit our associate company website.