Here we are at #9 on the latest, thrilling-est list from The Kids Don’t Get It.

Last week we started the list off with fugged-mug #10: the ghastly countenance of Bruce Jenner.

The plan was to submit another entry sooner, but constantly Googling and pasting Jenner’s aged-Ken-doll face all over my computer screen resulted in nightmarish dreams where I was strapped to a lab chair with Kim ‘dashian applying Jenner’s face to my own using her butt.

Bittersweet.

Banger Sister Goldie Hawn

Anyway, it took several days to shake that off, so Batman only knows how the rest of this list is going to impact me.

One must suffer for art I suppose.

Worst Celebrity Faces #9: Goldie Hawn

Kathleen Turner. Mimi Rogers. Goldie Hawn. That’s what my 80’s wet dreams looked like.

Kathleen Turner.

Mimi Rogers.

Goldie Hawn.

In true testimony to the time that was the 1980’s, there’s some real questionable taste there. And probably coke.

This list remained intact until several things happened:

• Kathleen Turner’s voice only got huskier and dickly-er, eventually catching up with her physical appearance, a look that confirmed that she and Jamie Lee Curtis seemed to be drinking the same “DICK TO THE XXXXTREME” protein shakes. Seriously; nowadays she looks like Robert Downey’s older brother. This is the woman that did Romancing the Stone–yet ended-up being the World’s Hottest Voice-Over for the Who Framed Roger Rabbit? movie as Jessica Rabbit, the only cartoon character I’d consider let playing with my No. 2 pencil.
• Mimi Rogers–well, actually, nothing bad really happened to Mimi Rogers (except, well, her consistently shit-awful movie choices), but soon the world introduced me to hotter, younger, bustier brunettes like Nigella Lawson and really, who can compete with Nigella????????
  

  Kurt Russell and Lady GaGa on the red carpet.

• Goldie Hawn–oh. Oh. Oh. Goldie. I’m not quite sure what happened to GH; in movies like Private Benjamin and Wildcats she was probably the ultimate cute-hot combination. She was even still kinda cute-hot in Bird on a Wire with Mel “Screw Jews” Gibson. But then, well, she kinda disappeared from Hollywood relevancy until resurfacing with Susan Sarandon’s breasts in Banger Sisters which probably made less money than what www.bangbros.com (uh, I wouldn’t click that if I were you) makes in an hour. And then First Wives Club and–holy shit, I just Googled Hawn for some more info and just learned that she’s 64 years old.

I repeat: Goldie Hawn is 64 years old.

"Most people think we're sisters!"

But anyway–her face. Her Hollywood face.

Goldie’s face looks like it underwent a transformation that involved sitting in one of those military G-force flight simulators while being forced to watch daughter Kate Hudson’s movies.

The result? It’s like the old superstitious phrase, “step on a crack break your mother’s face”: the once-cute Private Benjamin would now have to pay someone (like say Kurt Russell) a lot of Benjamins in order to hit her private. I mean forget Banger Sisters; at this point I don’t think anyone would even bang’er face.

Maybe this is why Kate’s remained single for so long; usually a woman’s mother is a window into how the girl will look down the road.

It would appear that Kate’s window is going to remain shut for awhile.

Eu era assim…

E fiquei assim!

Walking home from work yesterday with Bethie, on our way to my place to make Goldietinis and watch Seems Like Old Times with Goldie Hawn and Chevy Chase (o, cute!!), we walked through the Thomas Jefferson Rose Garden, which I always walk though on my way home, even when there are no roses, which is actually most of the year, roses being the exclusive creatures they are.  It’s not the roses that attract me to the garden; it’s that the garden is one of those cross-through pathways in Philadelphia that makes you feel like you are walking in another century far, far away, and I love that feeling.  Beth had never been through the garden before, so I told her that there would be no roses, but low and behold, Beth found roses.  Yellow roses.  Granted, they weren’t looking exactly perky, and there were only a few surviving on one bush, which was all branch, no leaf, but they didn’t look half bad, either, especially for the end of November, which is usually pretty cold in Philadelphia, although not this year.  Must be global warming, because we had global cooling this summer, which was awesome.

So we smelled the flowers, of course, and they did smell slightly like roses, so that was nice.  And we did not pick any of them, Beth because she is nice, and I because I was scared, and absolutely convinced, that some kind of combination priest/police officer was watching and would yell at me if I picked even just one rose.  The Episcopalian Diocese is right near the garden, not to mention the much scarier Catholic churches, St. Joseph’s and St. Mary’s, which are also nearby.  If I ever got yelled at by a priest for picking a flower in a garden that was not mine, I would feel so ashamed, I’m not sure how many ‘tinis it would take to calm me.  Probably just one, but still.  We only had one bottle of vanilla vodka on us, so there was no sense in taking any chances.

Anyway, please admire the Goldietini, named, obviously, after our evening’s fab movie star, Goldie Hawn.  Seems Like Old Times is one of THE best romantic comedies ever, and they do NOT make ‘em like that anymore.  Plus, Charles Grodin AND Benson are in it, along with Goldie and Chevy.  And lots of cute dogs.  And Aurora’s Chicken Pepperoni, which I also made and which was very fuquing delicious.  Although next time, I am definitely adding hot sauce and a lot more pepperoni.  The pound of shredded mozzarella cheese was perfect, and absolutely not too much.  As if there could ever be too much mozzarella on anything.

But what’s really important is the recipe for the Goldietini.  Ok, ok.  Here it is:

For one ‘tini:

1 shot of vanilla (or regular) vodka; 1 shot of banana liqueur; 2 shots of banana juice (I get Goya banana juice in the cans; it’s awesome, tastes just like Gerber banana baby food, which I used to guiltily and happily scarf as a kid whenever I had to feed my baby sister); two or three ice cubes.  Load it all in a shaker and shake until the shaker is icy cold.  Then pour the contents, including the ice cubes, into a martini glass, and sprinkle nutmeg over the top.  Beth suggests dipping the rim of the glass in nutmeg, and I think that is a fantastic idea.

As is watching Seems Like Old Times and/or Foul Play.  It’s the weekend, people! Retro double feature and Goldietinis! There is no better way to get the weekend party started.  Ok, there is, but this is pretty good.  Sláinte!

On November 21:

164 BC Judas Maccabaeus, son of Mattathias of the Hasmonean family, restoresdthe Temple in Jerusalem. This event is commemorated each year by the festival of Hanukkah.

1694 Voltaire, French philosopher, was born.

1783 Jean-François Pilâtre de Rozier and François Laurent, Marquis d’Arlandes, make the first untethered hot air balloon flight.

1787 Samuel Cunard, Canadian-born shipping magnate, was born.

1863 Maori surrendered at Rangiriri.

1877  Thomas Edison announced his invention of the phonograph, a machine that can record and play sound

1905 Albert Einstein’s paper, Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?, was published in the journal “Annalen der Physik”. This paper reveals the relationship between energy and mass. This led to the mass–energy equivalence formula E = mc².

1920 In Dublin, 31 people were killed in what became known as “Bloody Sunday“.

1922 Rebecca Latimer Felton of Georgia took the oath of office, becoming the first female United States Senator.

1929 Marilyn French, American feminist writer, was born.

1936 Victor Chang, Australian physician, was born.

1941 Juliet Mills, British actress, was born.

1945  Goldie Hawn, American actress, was born.

1948  George Zimmer, American entrepreneur, was born.

1977 Minister of Internal Affairs Allan Highet announced that ‘the national anthems of New Zealand shall be the traditional anthem “God Save the Queen” and the poem “God Defend New Zealand“, written by Thomas Bracken, as set to music by John Joseph Woods, both being of equal status as national anthems appropriate to the occasion.

I’ve never been to Aspen. I imagine if I did visit, I’d be running into people on sidewalks while trying to spot Goldie Hawn, and wearing something like this:

[Theory poncho sweater @ theory.com]

Perfection from head to toe. With black boots and this:

[Ranjana Khan turquoise bib necklace, $1,155 @ Bergdorf Goodman.]

“Goldie, Goldie! I was just wondering… did you—w-w-was that—was the ‘Go eat your checkers’ line improvised? I love you!”

["I just... ateabug."]

Yeah, something like that.

-Carey

“Saturday Night Live’s” two most frequent guests will host the Oscars together.

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are teaming-up for jokes: dry, silly and in-between for the next Oscars, March 7. This will be Baldwin’s first time as host of the Oscars and Martin’s third.

Both Baldwin and Martin know what it’s like to be in the audience of an awards show, waiting to hear if they’ve won. Baldwin has two Emmys for “30 Rock,” plus nominations for a Tony and for an Oscar. Martin has an Emmy for writing, along with several nominations. He’s won two Grammys for comedy and another for playing the banjo on an Earl Scruggs album.

It’s unusual to have more than one person hosting the Oscars show.

But, it’s been done before.

If you go way back to the first Oscars in 1929, Douglas Fairbanks and William DeMille hosted together.

At the time, they were the president and vice president of the motion picture academy.

The last time there was more than a single host was in 1987 when Chevy Chase, Goldie Hawn and Paul Hogan worked the room together.

(pic from Reuters, text from AP)

• We are all in the gutter, but some of us look at the stars-Oscar Wilde
• They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake…Alexander Pope
• Because marriage, more than any other relationship, reflects God’s involvement with us and bears more potential to draw our hearts to heaven, it can more readily give us a taste of hell (Dan Allender & Tremper Longman III)

We all associate the image of fire with hell. And many marriages in American have gone through this fire of Hell. Whether the marriage ends or the couple stays together, marriage is seen by some as hell on earth.

The Apostle Peter was well acquainted with fire.

He denied Jesus while warming his hands over fire. Jesus questioned his love while fish were roasting over fire. In both cases he associated fire with a test. One he failed another he passed. I think that is why he wrote these verses in 1 Peter 4:12-13 (NLT):

1 Peter 4:12-13 (NLT) Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.

1 Peter 1:6-7 (NLT) So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

Fire is certainly viewed as destructive and dangerous. Fires destroy forests, but fires also lead to renewal. Fire burns away the dross surrounding certain metals and reveals the pure gold or silver. The fires of life can destroy our marriage, or, if survived, purify our marriage. The fires of our marriage can draw our hearts to heaven or leave us with the taste of hell.

In the Movie Fireproof

Captain Caleb Holt (Kirk Cameron) is a firefighter in Albany, Georgia. His seven-year marriage to Catherine is falling apart. Neither one understands the pressures the other faces, and after a heated argument in which Caleb screams in Catherine’s face, she declares she wants out of the marriage, and takes off her wedding ring.

While Caleb claims to his friends and co-workers that Catherine is over-sensitive and disrespectful, Catherine simultaneously claims to her peers that Caleb is insensitive to her needs and doesn’t listen to her. Further catalyzing Catherine’s motivation for divorce is Caleb’s addiction to Internet pornography and a large sum of money ($24,000, to be exact) he has saved up for a fishing boat he intends to buy, ignoring the fact that Catherine’s disabled mother is in need of hospital equipment that she cannot afford, and which insurance refuses to cover. Caleb tells his father John about the impending divorce, and John challenges Caleb to commit to a 40-day test called, “The Love Dare.” Caleb reluctantly agrees to do the test, but more for the sake of his father than his marriage. Catherine initially sees through Caleb’s half-hearted attempts to win back her heart, which deepens Caleb’s frustration. But with his father’s encouragement, Caleb continues with The Love Dare, and eventually makes a life-changing commitment to God, unbeknownst to Catherine.

The movie has some various twists but the end result is Caleb and Catherine realize they need each other, and at the end they renew their vows in an outdoor ceremony, this time as a covenant with God. Their marriage becomes FIREPROOF.

Marriage is a Covenant

Did you see your marriage vows as a marriage Covenant? Did both you and your spouse get married knowing you were making a covenant before God! You did, whether you realized it or not.

Definition: a binding and solemn agreement to do or keep from doing a specified thing; compact

We know of Covenants from the Bible. God put a rainbow in the sky as a covenant that He would never destroy the world by rain. He made a Covenant with Abraham, He made a Covenant with David, He made a Covenant with all who by faith believe in Jesus Christ. That Covenant was sealed by the blood and body of Jesus.

When we get married, we enter into a covenant before God. In a Covenant, you make a binding agreement to stay with this woman or man until they die. In that Covenant we also promise to do so and so.

Most people believe “Well, my husband broke his promise to love me, or take care of me or so and so, so it’s OK for me to break my promise to him.” Or, well my wife is no longer the person I married, so my vow does not apply.

We Draw a Line in our Marriage

“I’ll keep my end of the covenant as long as you don’t cross over this line.” I’ll keep my word as long as you don’t … … … But as soon as you do, that’s it, I’m out of here!

That would be OK if marriage was merely a contract between two humans. But it isn’t. Marriage is a Covenant before God. Whether you believe in God or not, marriage was designed by God and no marriage is undertaken without His knowledge. God is in every marriage, whether you are a Christian or not. In fact, God often uses marriage to bring people to saving faith in Jesus Christ.

Your marriage vows are made to God as well as your spouse. Regardless of what specific sins you commit, you are still married before God. You have entered into a Covenant with Him, and He wants you to keep to your WORD. It is binding, there are no exception causes, right person or wrong person, you are held to your word by God. And God will use this spouse that you married to work His will in your life.

So this morning, I want you to consider not taking the Love Dare, but the God Dare.

I dare you to bring God into your marriage, and to hold Him accountable for your love for your husband or your wife. I challenge you to trust God to use whatever sin besets your marriage, your relationship, your love to work His will in your life and make you like Jesus Christ. Regardless of where you are in your marriage, each day you get up and dare God to show you how he is using your spouse to make you like Jesus.

The God Dare is to Learn to Love and Forgive your spouse the way God does, and to realize that He will use your spouse to make you like His Son!

No partner left behind – unless you are my spouse

Captain Holt was a firefighter. He lived by the fireman’s creed “Never leave your partner behind”

The Army Ranger Creed “Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country.

No man left behind, No partner left behind. These are your buddies who serve by your side, who watch your back. If they should suffer harm, you don’t run to save yourself, even t the risk of your own life you rescue them.

We make a vow, a covenant to marry this man or this woman, but as soon as they cross over the line, or fail to live up to what I expect a marriage should be, we cut the line and run?

• We are expected to save our bunk-mate but not our bed-mate?
• We are expected to do our job rather than keep our Vow to Almighty God!

We all stumble in many ways

James 3:2 (NIV) We all stumble in many ways.

Joe works hard for his family. His job requires long hours, with a long commute to boot. He leaves early gets home late. Joe complains that his wife Cheryl is always on the computer, chatting with friends. He gets home and she is on the computer. She seems to chat more with her friends than with him. Cheryl complains about how he is never home, and when he does he just flops down in front of the TV. She complains about his big expenditures and how he has run up the credit cards. He never has time for the kids.

The reality is that Joe and Cheryl have become adversaries. They still loved each other, but in reality they resented their spouses and resented their marriage. They are like Caleb and Catherine Holt, resenting each other and looking for a way out.

If we are honest, we have all experienced times when we resented our spouse. We may have even asked that question – did I marry the right one? Did I miss God’s perfect will? Or we meet someone else who seems to be our “soul-mate” and thank we are missing out on life. Marriage is the proverbial “ball and chain” and we are living as a condemned man or woman. Such questions can lead to contempt for our spouse, contempt for our life, contempt for our marriage.

If marriage is to accomplish what God intends, and that is to make us Holy, to empower us to be Victorious in Christ, then there are some fundamental decisions we must adhere to, and they center upon what God delights in! We must take the God Dare with our marriage. We must trust Him with our spouse.

We must commit to seeing our marriage as God sees it – the way to bring holiness to two stumbling sinners.

I have talked with so many men, so many wives who were totally frustrated with the behavior of their spouse. They won’t stop doing this, they won’t stop doing that. They treat me so and so. I always ask, have you told your wife or your husband how you feel. They will usually say, they don’t want to listen to me, or they will say yes, but it doesn’t do any good. They might change, but pretty soon they are right back doing so and so again.

I simply tell them to bring God into the situation. Simply tell your husband or wife that you are not expecting them to change, in fact you don’t care if they change or not. You have given them to God and are trusting Him to work in their life to make such and such like Jesus. That may scare them, or make them laugh, but that is not enough, you need to tell your spouse that you are asking God to use them to make you like Jesus.

So honey, if you mistreat me, God will use that to make us both like Him. He will teach me to forgive and to love those that persecute or hurt me, and God will open your heart to see how your actions or words are hurting Him. God will use our marriage to produce the character of Christ in our lives. He will use our marriage to prepare us both to live with Him in heaven.

How does God use Marriage to Refine stumbling sinners and Make us Like Christ?

There are certain qualities that are ever present when we are dating. These qualities are often what single out that guy or gal from the rest of the herd.

Yet these very same qualities are the ones that seem to be tested the most in our marriage, and yet will bring that sweetness of the fruit of Jesus Christ in our lives.

Those Qualities are Respect, Selflessness, and Acceptance. When you are dating, thinking they are the one, you notice how they respect you, think you are something. They listen to you, your thoughts and opinions are important. There is selflessness about them. They sacrifice what they want to do what you want. They seem to put you first. They accept you the way you are. They love that thing that you are so embarrassed about. They seem so close and loving; they accept me and love me just as I really am.

Something about marriage will test these qualities. Yet these qualities are what we need to be like Christ.

Marriage and Respect

Respect for others, respect for Life is foundational component of society. Without respect for life murder is commonplace, without respect for authority society breaks down into anarchy. Without respect for others it becomes every man for himself.

Jesus was the picture of respect. From the lame, blind, poor, tax collectors, prostitutes, people of all walks of life were treated with respect by Jesus. His respect for His Father was greater than anything, and that led Him to throw the money changers out of the Temple. That led Him to call Hypocrites those who burdened people with so many restrictions that they could not come to God.

We find it easier to respect an image, an ideal rather than actual real, flawed people.

We fall in love with this striking woman or gorgeous hunk of a man. We have this ideal in our mind – they will love me, they will treasure me, they will protect me, they will provide for me. But the closer we get the more flaws we notice. Instead of an airbrushed beauty we discover wrinkles, moles, flaws. Instead of that dashing white knight we find a guy who scratches and belches and had bad breath at times.

Our ideal mate is in reality made of flesh and blood. We discover they can be selfish, tired, non-communicative, boring. And as the ideal gives way to the reality, often times our respect and admiration turns to resentment, and even contempt.

When our respect slips into contempt, it’s because I am weak, not because my wife is failing. If I was really mature, I would have the same compassion for her weaknesses as Christ does. Respect is a spiritual discipline, an obligation I owe my wife.

• Contempt is conceived with expectations
• Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude.
• You chose what you obsess over – expectations or thanksgivings.

PERSONAL TESTIMONY

In the mid-eighties Lydia and I went through a rather difficult time in our marriage. We had six children ranging from 2 to 10, selfishly I had bought a big house that we really couldn’t afford, money was extremely tight, the economy sucked so business was bad, my dad was under a great deal of stress. My wife was under a great deal of stress. I was under a lot of stress.

Instead of focusing on God and what he wanted me to do, I focused on unfulfilled expectations. My dad wasn’t paying me enough, Lydia wasn’t paying me enough attention, she wasn’t taking care of the household duties, and she was worn out, living in ratty sweats. I began to resent my life ad even resent my family and my wife.

Then I remember watching the movie “Overboard” with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. He was a single dad with four hellishly awful boys and he finds Goldie Hawn washed ashore with amnesia. He convinces her she is Annie, his wife and he brings her home. At first it is too much for her, but she gets the house under control, the kids under control, Kurt Russell under control. Wow, she becomes super Mom and Super Wife. I wondered why Lydia couldn’t do that. Stupid expectations, stupid unrealistic expectations.

Just when my marriage was about to fall apart because I did not respect and value my wife and all she was doing for me, God brought me to the place where my wife and my children were all I had. I saw my wife in an entirely new light-her love and respect for me, even though I had failed and disrespected her. She stuck by me when my brothers kicked me out of a company I had regarded as my own, as my life, as my reason for living. God showed me that without my wife and my children, I was nothing. She stuck by me the next few years as we struggled financially, and then started a paving business. She put food on the table for six growing children when we barely had enough to feed ourselves.

I’m not saying my wife is a perfect saint, but her decision to stay with me even though I was a stumbling and resentful sinner who did not show her the respect that God desired, brought about a change and work in my life that resulted in God showing His ability to transform stumbling sinners into strong saints.

• Husbands – You Are Married To A Fallen Woman in A Broken World.
• Wives – You Are Married To A Sinful Man in A Sinful World.

Get An Eye Check Up

Jesus lays out an amazingly simple solution – check your eyesight for splinters and specks before you start complaining about the planks in your wife’s eye.

If you say “But my wife is the one who has the plank”, you are exactly the one Jesus is talking to. Jesus wants us to have humble spirits, humble hearts. We must cast off contempt and resentment and learn the spiritual discipline of respect.

Look at the people Jesus loved and offered respect-publicans, tax collectors, adulterous women, prostitutes, financial cheats, traitors, betrayers.

He washed their feet, he spent time with them, and he ate with them. Where was His contempt? There was none. He gave them His respect, He gave them His hand. We need to extend our hand of respect to our wives, our husbands, regardless of their sins.

Marriage and Selflessness

Once we have obtained that goal of marriage, most men will move on to what they are all about – Ambition and Accomplishment. Wives nowadays are about the same thing, perhaps on a smaller scale.

Marriages become preoccupied with accomplishments. We brag about our job, our money, our car, our home, our friends, our deer, our golf game. These accomplishments become a substitute for the selflessness and humility that are the foundation of intimate relationship.

The man is off making his way in the world, trying to provide for his family, while the wife is either working as well and at the same time becoming a taxi-driver and errand girl for her children. Instead of the intimacy that marriage is designed for, it becomes a series of accomplishments and errands.

Bill McCartney became famous overnight in Christian circles in the early nineties. A successful college football coach, he started Promise Keepers, which swept the nation. Yet his wife was lonely and hurting, which led to severe depression, during which she lost 80 pounds. Her busy husband didn’t even notice. She said she felt like she was getting smaller and smaller and smaller. Bill admitted his hard-driving approach to the ministry was distracting him from being a promise keeper to his wife and family.

Once he realized what was happening, he took the drastic step of retiring from coaching and stepped away from Promise Keepers to devote his life to his marriage. The McCartney’s are together and thriving in their marriage relationship today because of his decision.

Too often spouses struggle because one is making the other look smaller, while promoting them self. In marriage, being Godly is being selfless. I am no longer free to pursue whatever I want. I am no longer single; I am part of a team.

Marriage is about reining in your ambitions to what God wants. And God wants your marriage to be alive and thrive. But we must experience the cross daily. Jesus Christ set aside His ambitions and powers to become a selfless servant. He went all the way to the Cross, dying for you and me. God says we must be willing to die for the benefit of our marriage, our spouse. Paul said he died daily. Husbands, wives need to discover that selflessness that attracted them in the first place. That selflessness is a daily bowing before the Cross and dying to what each other wants and living to what God wants.

If I was the type of husband who expected my wife to cook for me, have sex with me whenever I wanted, keep a perfect and quiet home for my enjoyment. I would be the type of Pastor who would “browbeat you to fall in line regardless of your particular gifts and talents.”

Likewise if a wife abandons her family to ambitiously serve God, she will likely display the same lack of compassion and empathy for others as she does for her own family.

Our ministry and service to and for God is based on selflessness, and that is an integral part of marriage. God wants us to have the mind and heart attitude of Jesus Christ:

Philippians 2:5-8 (NIV) Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death– even death on a cross!

Marriage is about selflessness, about putting the needs of your spouse first. Those ambitions and accomplishments mean nothing if you lose your wife or your husband.

PRAYERS - If you fail to practice selflessness in your marriage, it can hinder your prayers.

1 Peter 3:7 (Phillips NT) “similarly, you husbands should try to understand the wives you live with, honoring them as physically weaker yet equally heirs with you of the grace of eternal life. If you don’t do this, you will find it impossible to pray properly. (Hindered)

Word is ekkoptō, to cut off. Without this quality men, you will keep getting dropped calls when you are praying. Your prayer life is inextricably tied in with your relationship with your wife. Why should God care about your prayer rquests when you don’t consider your wife’s needs?

Marriage and ACCEPTANCE

When most of you that are dating, I imagine you had your spats. There may have been that fight followed by a long phone call and hopefully then that makeup kiss. The acceptance was there, the reconciliation was quick, complete, without damage to the intimacy of your relationship. In fact, often the misunderstanding brought a renewed and deeper intimacy.

Marriage is acceptance to the extreme. We are constantly confronted with things that we don’t like about our spouse. We either accept them and move on, or we argue, get hurt, stop talking, and stop having relations.

Marriage forces us into the intense act of reconciliation and acceptance. It’s easy to get along with people if you never get close to them.

Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV) “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

If there is no acceptance in the marriage, things get really icy!

Marriage dissatisfaction reveals unrepented sin. Couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance. Sin, wrong attitudes, personal failures that are not dealt with slowly erodes the relationship.

We all enter marriage with sinful attitudes. When these attitudes surface, the temptation will be to hide them so they are not so well known, or flaunt them out of ignorance or pride.

Dating is like a dance where you try to put your best feet forward, look your best, act your best. But spouses need to admit their sin and not run or hide from it, but use the revelation of your sin as a means to grow in the foundational Christian virtue of humility, leading to confession and renouncement and acceptance.

Then grow further by adopting the positive quality that corresponds to the sin you are renouncing.

• If you’ve used women in the past, practice serving your wife.
• If you’ve been quick to ridicule your husband, practice giving him encouragement and praise.

View marriage as an entryway into sanctification-as a relationship that will reveal your sinful behaviors and attitudes and give you an opportunity to address them before the Lord.

Here is what happens in a selfish marriage. Our partner does something she or he know ticks us off. It could be anything, but let’s give an example like, he goes out with the guys or hunting or something when you had something else planned.

Ephesians 4:26 (NIV) “In your anger do not sin… and do not give the devil a foothold.

When we get angry or upset or feel neglected, we usually have a fall-back sin that we excuse and resort to. Kind of like, “we’ll I’ll get you back”. Anger and or feelings of contempt give room for the devil to maneuver in our lives. That old temptation rises, but this time we are powerless to resist. Or we resort to a learned bad behavior.

When the marriage is actually designed by God to be a mirror so we can we can our sin and weaknesses, confess and clean up, sometimes we throw the mirror down and break it.

We are accepted in the beloved (Eph 1:6) Husbands and wives must realize that each has ugly sins that will surface from time to time. But they must be committed to accepting the ugliness and working through it to producing that peaceable fruit of righteousness.

Marriage is a Spiritual Discipline. And disciple is painful:

Hebrews 12:11 (ESV) for the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Marriage is Seasoning for heaven

Mark 9:49 “For everyone will be salted with fire.”

Stress-free, comfortable marriages are an indirect desire to remain an “unseasoned”, immature Christian.

God has ordained that our refining process takes place as we go through difficulties, not around them.

We must go through the Red Sea, into the fiery furnace, through the River Jordan, to the Cross. God gives victory through our problems. Jesus said: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23)

Like climbing a difficult mountain, we need to step back and say “this is tough, how do I keep loving this person in the face of this challenge?”

Would I rather live a life of ease and comfort and remain immature in Christ, or am I willing to be seasoned with suffering if by doing so I am conformed to the image of Christ?

If it was so easy to love someone till death do you part, why would we need to promise to love each other “till death do us part?” It is precisely because our society knows such a promise will be sorely tried and tested.

WE DON’T PROMISE TO EAT OR TO BUY CLOTHES.

Every marriage comes to a time when the “RUB” goes the wrong way. It is for those times such promises are made.

The Seasoning “Rub” of Marriage is for Eternal Glory

Paul wrote in 2 Cor 4:17 “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

Any Sports Team-football, baseball, soccer, can go undefeated if they play weak teams. We love teams that have given it their all and have championed against the powerhouse team. We love an underdog that has vanquished a mightier foe. There is something about a struggle that brings out the best in our teams. We know when they’ve given it their all.

Young couples need to hear that: “A good marriage, a lasting marriage, an overcoming marriage is not something you find; it is something you work for! There will be struggles, there will be trials and tribulations, sometimes from without and sometimes within. You must learn to crucify your selfishness. There must be times of confrontation, and there must be times of confession. Eventually through the refining fire of this relationship will emerge a relationship of beauty, trust and mutual support.”

Working through problems is taxing. It is much easier to go shopping or dancing with the gals or go out with the guys or a sports game than to deal with intimacy issues or rejection issues or a relationship that is cold and going nowhere. It’s easier to look elsewhere for emotional satisfaction.

When you see marriage in the light of God’s design, then you realize there are spiritual benefits to working on this relationship, and therefore there are eternal benefits.

Otto Piper: “If marriage…is a disillusioning experience for many people, the reason is to be found in their passivity of their faith. People dislike that the blessings of God may only be found and enjoyed when they are persistently sought (matt 7:7; Luke 11:9) Marriage therefore is both a gift and a task to be accomplished.”

Don’t run from the struggles of marriage. Embrace them. Grow in them. Draw nearer to God because of them. Through the struggles of marriage you will reflect more of the spirit of Jesus. And thank God He has placed you in a marriage where your spirit can be perfected.

John Wesley married a widow at the age of 48:

A greater source of trouble was his marriage to Mrs. Vazeille, February, 1751. Having come to the conclusion that “in my present circumstances I might be more useful in a married state,” he speedily consummated his design. Unfortunately, he could scarcely have hit upon a more unsuitable woman. Of a bitter and angry spirit — indeed, almost if not quite insane — she became the torment of his life. A number of times she left him, and again returned. She defamed him in private, and seized his letters and put them in the hands of those she knew were his enemies, interpolating so as to make them bear a bad construction. In one or two instances she published them. At times she was outrageously violent toward him, and there was always little else in their intercourse than constant connubial storms.

Wesley was almost worn away. February, 1756, he writes: “Your last letter was seasonable indeed. The being continually watched over for evil ; the having every word I spoke, every action I did —small and great — watched with no friendly eye; the hearing a thousand little tart, unkind reflections in return for the kindest words I could devise, ‘Like drops of eating water on the marble, At length have worn my sinking spirits down.’

Yet I could not say ‘ Take thy plague away from me,’ but only ‘ let me be purified, not consumed.’ “Wesley patiently endeavored to win her to a better mind, but all was in vain. His domestic wretchedness was protracted through thirty years, until she died October 8, 1781.

His love letters to her make tender reading. “My dear love, I know not how to stay a day at any place without writing a few lines,” he wrote to Molly on April 2, 1751. “I wonder at myself. How is it that absence does not lessen but increase my affection? I feel you every day nearer to my heart. O that God may continue his unspeakable gift! That we may both daily increase in faith, in zeal, in meekness, and in tender love to each other!”

But after only three months into their marriage, Wesley seems to have been troubled by the increasingly jealous disposition of his wife. “My wife, upon all supposition that I did not love her, and that I trusted others more than her, had often fretted herself almost to death,” he wrote. Wesley talked with her about it and “by the blessing of God the cloud vanished away, and we were united as at the beginning.”

Sometimes Mrs. Wesley drove a hundred miles to see who was with her husband in his carriage. John Hampson, one of Wesley’s preachers, witnessed her in one of her fits of fury, and said, “More than once she laid violent hands upon him, and tore those venerable locks which had suffered sufficiently from the ravages of time.” She often left him, but returned again in answer to his entreaties. In 1771 he writes: “For what cause I know not, my wife set out for Newcastle, purposing ‘never to return.’ Non eam reliqui ; non dimisi; non revocabo.” (I did not forsake her; I did not dismiss her; I shall not recall her.)

Charles and Anne Lindberg

Charles and Anne Lindberg had their 18 month old baby kidnapped. A ransom was paid, but the boy never returned. The boy was found 10 weeks later, dead, in the woods near their home. His body had been ravaged by wild animals. Reporters snuck into the morgue and took pictures of the badly decomposing body and put them on the front page.

She started writing, something that her husband’s fame had prevented. She wrote: “One can perhaps say that sorrow also played its part in setting me free” She expounds, “What I’m saying is not the old Puritan truism that ‘suffering teaches.’ I do not believe that all suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable”

A difficult marriage, in and of itself, may not cause us to grow, to become holy. We must respond with understanding, love, patience, and a pursuit of virtue within that difficult marriage.

There is no room for victims in a difficult marriage. To become holy we must commit to virtue in the midst of difficulties. We can’t control how our spouse will act or how the world will act, but we can control how we will act and how we will respond. Seeking after holiness, virtue in the midst of hardship, abuse, neglect puts you in the driver seat. There are no victims in God’s marriage design.

Virtue means strength of character. It is power to do right, make the right choice, power to overcome the weakness of sin, bad choices

Anne Lindbergh wrote that “Undoubtedly the long road of suffering, insight, healing, or rebirth is illustrated in the Christian religion by the suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.”

There is not a marriage represented in this sanctuary that has not experienced sorrow, not experienced trials. There isn’t a shared bedroom in Cass County where tension doesn’t occasionally or even frequently lift its snarling head.

Seasoning Brings Life

Anne Lindbergh wrote Second Sowing:

For whom the milk ungiven in the breast
When the child is gone?
For whom the love locked up in the heart
That is left alone?
That golden yield
Split sod once, overflowed an August field,
Threshed out in pain upon September’s floor,
Now hoarded high in barns, a sterile store.
Break down the bolted door;
Rip open, spread and pour
The grain upon the barren ground
Wherever crack in clod is found.
There is no harvest for the heart alone;
The seed of love must be
Eternally
Resown

As long as our pain and wisdom and lessons remain locked up in the heart or hoarded high in barns, they remain sterile and unfertile. Useless. To grow in the midst of difficulties, we must rip open the bags of grain and seeds and pour them out wherever we see fertile ground.

My Marriage is Worse than Most

You don’t understand what I’ve been going through!

Accept this: We often can’t choose which trials we face. Some of us have physical maladies. Unfortunately we do not get to chose whether we get cancer, kidney stones, arthritis, eyesight loss, brain aneurism, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s, diabetes. We all must face the truth that our body will degenerate as we get older. You don’t get to pick which part goes out of whack.

We need to have the same attitude with our marriage. We each experience certain things with our spouses that are difficult to accept. One may struggle with alcohol, one with smoking, one with drugs, one with addiction to pain killers, one frail health, one anger, one physical abuse, one unhealthy sexual proclivities, one with Alzheimer or dementia, one with wandering eye, one with poor communication skills.

Sometimes we “put up” with the problem because of the benefits. We’ve all seen movies or TV stories about politician’s wives who put up with certain failings because of the “benefits” of her life.

But when there is not that benefit, when the struggle or hardship is so overwhelming that it obscures everything around it, such hardships become chains, a taskmaster, a tyrant, a brutal burden.

Where do you draw the line?

I will love my wife as long as she doesn’t do this, weighs this, stays this way. If she does this, gets this disease, looks like this, I’m out of here! What kind of Honorable person does that. Not one who shows respect, not one who is selfless, not one who is accepting. Not one who is willing to be seasoned by their Covenant before God!

There is no line in God’s Marriage Book. He has no lines with us. If Christ lives in your heart, there is total acceptance. There is no longer any sin that you could commit that would put you over the line into hell. You are His.

Our marriage is a picture of God’s Love and acceptance for us and His total satisfaction for what His Son Jesus Christ did. If we are like Christ, there is no line we can draw in the dirt. This man, this woman, God wants us to stay joined to the rest of our lives. We are both stumbling sinners, we have both been loved and accepted because of Christ. God is using our marriage to conform us to Jesus Christ. We must live by the God Dare, and trust God to use our spouse to season and perfect and discipline us, and to yield that peaceable fruit of righteousness.

• TOTALLYMARRIED Christians Focus on the Eternal Benefits of the refining fires of marriage
• TOTALLYMARRIED Couples Focus on Pleasing God

You are either seasoned to death or seasoned to life!

If we are honest, we have all experienced times when we resented our spouse. We may have even asked that question – did I marry the right one? Did I miss God’s perfect will? Or we meet someone else who seems to be our “soul-mate” and thank we are missing out on life. Marriage is the proverbial “ball and chain” and we are living as a condemned man or woman. Such questions can lead to contempt for our spouse, contempt for our life, contempt for our marriage.

If marriage is to accomplish what God intends, and that is to make us Holy, to empower us to be Victorious in Christ, then there are some fundamental decisions we must adhere to, and they center upon what God delights in! We must take the God Dare with our marriage. We must trust Him with our spouse.

We must commit to seeing our marriage as God sees it – the way to bring holiness to two stumbling sinners.

• Contempt is conceived with expectations
• Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude.

You chose what you obsess over – expectations or thanksgivings.

If you say “But my wife is the one who has the speck”, you are exactly the one Jesus is talking to. Jesus wants us to have humble spirits, humble hearts. We must cast off contempt and resentment and learn the spiritual discipline of respect.

Two excerpts from “Revenge” are now uploaded.  The entire SP is also “live” on Zoetrope right now.  I’ve been working on this one for a couple of years now.

I think this SP would be absolutely fantastic with Goldie Hawn, Whoopie Goldberg, and Bette Midler.  It’s just this screenwriter’s dream!  What can I say, we all have them.

“Revenge” is written with extensive flashbacks and voice-overs.    Oh I can just hear all my fellow screenwriters groaning, right now.  But I think they work.  We’ll see.   If they are not received well, then on the next rewrite…

Now, what to work on next?  I can rewrite “Stalked” or “Motel 96″.   I have a couple of new screenplays on the backburner which I could “flesh out” a little…  In December, Moviepoet has an ”open challenge” that I have barely thought about.  Or I have 36 short screenplays to read from the “Numbers” contest on Moviepoet.

On November 20th I’ll find out if I get to proceed to the third round of the NYC Midnight Screenwriter Championship contest.   In the first round I earned 22 points (second in my group).  Those points will be added to whatever my second round entry earns.  The total will determine if I proceed to the third round.  This contest has a total of four rounds.  Anyway, if I do get to write in the third round, I’ll be busy doing that Nov 20-22.

So, what do I work on next?  Guess I’ll sign off this post and find out!

Kick in the right direction:

Transatlantic Crossing with a noble Queen

Copyright © 2009 by May Georgina DeLory

While on a six days’ westbound Transatlantic Crossing (Southampton, England to New York City), my adult daughter and I discovered we could actually enjoy each other’s company. This would be our first ocean voyage and it just happened to be on a ship with a storied pedigree: Cunard Line, Queen Mary 2.

The original Queen Mary was described by Hollywood film star Cary Grant as the eighth wonder of the world. Grant timed his sailings to coincide with the Queen Mary’s Atlantic schedule. There are no ports of call during a Transatlantic Crossing which allows for the opportunity to immerse oneself in the Golden Age of Ocean Travel as heralded by Cunard for nearly 170-years. Traditionally, Cunard’s Transatlantic Crossing is six days; but in 2010 there will now be the choice of six or seven days.  Queen Mary 2 was named by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth ll in January 2004 and entered service on January 12th the same year. Currently, QM2 has sailed the Atlantic 104 times — a journey for which she was especially built — and made calls to 115 ports in 45 countries, celebrating five years of service.

If you’re in a wheelchair you can sail the high seas in style. The Queen Mary 2 has elegant see-through elevators to whisk you from spacious deck to spacious deck. This design feature was of particular interest to me as I had twisted my knee only weeks before the sailing and found walking up and down stairs to be uncomfortable. I was so very grateful that the Queen Mary 2 didn’t offer a rocky ride. There were several Cunard guests in wheelchairs enjoying the voyage the week we were sailing.

Photo credit Cunard

It’s amazing to see how a touch of brisk sea air plumps up the metabolism and emotional spirits. So, stiff knee or no…my daughter and I made a full week of it. Each evening we looked over the activities newsletter for a listing of the next day’s events. There were a great many listings most of which were at no additional cost. We learnt how to tango with professional ballroom instructors, took acting lessons, enjoyed special spa treatments, exercise class, walked and ran the length of the QM2’s famous promenade, attended gala balls, explored a grand ship, met the captain, met interesting people at the Empire Casino, sampled cuisine we never would have had the opportunity of doing so had we not been on the QM2 (it’s like a world gastronomic tour), struck a pose at the Veuve Clicquot® Champagne Bar, took hundreds of photos (one photo in particular at midnight during a foggy evening offered lots of atmosphere) and we still didn’t do everything we wanted to do before the end of the voyage. It was exhausting stuffing so much into our transatlantic voyage but we didn’t want to miss a thing and agreed after the voyage that we would not have wanted it any other way because we were having way too much fun.

Princess Grill Suite

The beauty of sailing with the longest ship at sea, the Queen Mary 2 — an ocean liner capable of withstanding the fierce lashings of an angry Atlantic sea — is that there is very little chance of repetition in covering ground aboard ship. There is always something new and exciting to do and new people to meet. Public spaces are enormous, glamorous, and lined with valuable works of art. Acting class is available onboard with London’s Royal Academy of Dramatic Art (RADA). Begun in 1904, RADA brought many of the stage’s brightest talents, including Vivien Lee (Gone with the Wind), Charles Laughton ( The Hunchback of Notre Dame), and Sir John Gielgud (Broadway’s Hamlet). 

QM2 RADA Class

For my daughter and me it was smooth sailing for the entire voyage to New York City, except for one morning during an acting class when I had tightened my waist belt one extra notch in order to regain somewhat of my youthful teenage figure. I thought I was becoming suddenly sea sick. I’m no expert seagoing female…but I’m a quick study. I loosened my belt and continued to play at reciting Hamlet along with my daughter to pretend (at least I pretended) that we would one day set foot in the Queen Mary 2’s Royal Court Theatre a mother-daughter duo.

They say getting there is half the fun. On the Queen Mary 2 it’s more than true. Every crossing has celebrity guest speakers and programmes on tap, not to mention the opportunity to get in shape over the course of the voyage with fitness classes, and to stretch the mental faculties with science and medical lectures. Jim Horne, director of the Sleep Research Centre at Loughborough University, is one of the inaugural science lecturers for the new onboard Science and Sea programme on the Queen Mary 2 that began in April 2009. The Literature and Liners programme showcases Christopher Buckley on an Eastbound sailing November 5, 2009. QM2 has the largest library at sea with well over 8,000 books.

The Cunard Line sponsors many charitable events.

Goldie Hawn

Spring 2009 saw Cunard Line’s QM2 sponsor “Stars for a Cause”, a celebrity-designed jewellery, fashion and accessories collection auction preview aboard the Transatlantic Crossing New York City to England. Bonhams & Butterfields held the fundraiser auction in Los Angeles the 28th of May 2009. The jewellery collection is designed by a Hollywood Who’s-Who with the help of celebrity jeweler Robyn Rhodes. Goldie Hawn wore jewellery she designed. William Shatner got into the celestrial swing of design for his cufflinks and tuxedo studs. Auri Footwear Celebrity Men’s Collection was one of the sponsors with diamond-studded shoes.

QM2 Canyon Ranch SpaClub® Rundown

Canyon Ranch SpaClub Pool

One of today’s health and wellness trends is towards treatments using water. What better place to indulge in the miraculous benefits of H2O than on the Queen Mary 2 beneath a waterfall in the AquaTherapy Centre at the Canyon Ranch SpaClub® surrounded by the intense blue of the Atlantic Ocean. The AquaTherapy Centre is primed for sublime relaxation with sensory showers, reflexology basins, whirlpool, aqua therapy pool, aromatic steam room, Finnish and herbal saunas, ice fountain, and locker rooms. Try one of the airbed recliner lounges, neck fountains, or air tub and body massage jet benches before a sports, chronic pain, arthritis, first-timer or therapeutic massage. The Centre is complementary with a Spa Club Passport on the day of any Health & Wellness, Massage, Body or Skin Care treatment.

Canyon Ranch health resorts on land and at sea set the gold standard in fitness, health and wellness, and spa treatments with state-of-the-art equipment, facilities and personnel that cater to both sexes at all levels of endurance. Strut your stuff during a jog on the ship’s open-air 360-degree Promenade Deck around the longest ship ever built (3 laps = 1.1 miles). An entire fitness regime could be built around the Promenade Deck. It’s possible to engage in a whole new way to live and view life after taking advantage of what Canyon Ranch SpaClub® experts have to offer. There are classes for the golfer, runner, dancer, cyclist, swimmer, yoga and cardio enthusiast and tips for pet owners. There is a kennel on the QM2. Canyon Ranch lecturer Dr. Joseph Alpert has given talks on bypass surgery and how to stay healthy, live longer and stay out of the hospital.

Canyon Ranch SpaClub

The SpaClub® is 20,000-square feet on two-decks with spectacular ocean views and a staff of over 50. There is a hairdressing salon and a full complement of beauty treatments and well-being classes offered for men and women. You can get your teeth whitened to make any mother proud, your bones manipulated during a chiropractic session, your scalp thanking you due to a Wild Lime Blossom massage treatment, your brain cells multiplying from one of the educational lectures, and just in case the ship’s four stabilizers built by Brown Brothers of Edinburgh, Scotland don’t keep an even keel – which is unlikely – a unique massage for a queasy tummy is on tap; perhaps a relaxing drink in the Golden Lion Pub will do the trick instead, or at any one of a number of cocktails lounges. Put on your best duds and step out in style alone or in a group. Everyone is made to feel special on the Queen Mary 2.

Chandrika is one of the Ayuredic therapists on the Queen Mary 2. She says there are two main kinds of Ayurveda treatments offered on the QM2: Abhyangam massage and Kizhi (herbal pouch treatment) utilizing imported authentic Ayurvedic medicated oils. “Authentic” is the operative word here to keep in mind. Cunard is known for offering guests the highest possible quality of service to make your voyage a memorable one. Chandrika uses a special massage to reduce pain, inflammation, swelling and in the case of post running issues to aid in the removal of waste body by-products such as lactic acid.

Thai Massage

Thai massage — where arms and legs are gently eased this way and that way for a long and careful stretch by the therapist– is one of the new treatments on the Queen Mary 2. The treatment makes use of pressure points on the body followed by deep strokes along body energy channels for cross-fibre friction massage. After our separate treatments, both my daughter and I agreed the Thai massage was an exhilarating experience that left us feeling taller, lighter, and full of energy to spare. The cocooning envelopment bed is another very popular relaxation treatment.

Britannia Restaurant

The SpaClub® is more than a place to get gussied up in one of more than 24 massage, body and skin care treatment rooms and ready for the numerous evening balls in the largest ballroom at sea in the Queens Room, or to be appropriately seen making an entrance down one of the sweeping staircases or in the always packed G32 disco. The SpaClub® is a refuge to discover your personal qualities at your own pace. The SpaClub® is also a place to learn the six steps to healthy eating for weight loss or weight maintenance. Canyon Ranch cuisine available in all QM2 dining rooms assists with a weight maintenance plan. The menu is extensive and exciting. I think a week on the QM2 enjoying all the benefits of the SpaClub® is an ideal way in which to get ready for a wedding…exercise, beauty treatments…it’s all available on the QM2.

Spa Cuisine

QM2 Cuisine

A personal meal plan can be organized during a Personal Analysis session to make things really easy. Issues of sweeteners, salt, carbohydrates, fibre and protein are addressed with nutritionally balanced meals. Canyon Ranch spa menu selections involve whole-wheat buttermilk pancakes with maple syrup and fresh fruit, salads using fresh herbs and quality oils and vinegars, soups such as roasted corn chowder with dill, lemongrass coconut chicken soup, soba noodles with seared scallops and cucumber salad, crab and mango salad, sushi, fish, raspberry mustard-crusted chicken breast, sautéed snapper with kumquat vinaigrette, seared beef tenderloin with truffle, and crème brulee with Grand Marnier liqueur make up just some of the sumptuous offerings.

What’s stretching got to do with it

QM2 Canyon Ranch SpaClub

Brandan, SpaClub fitness instructor, suggests for the first-timer to speak with the orientation gym instructor about appropriate classes and correct use of the equipment available to you. Brandan highly recommends a sixty minutes’ Personal Training session to make full use of the weight training, Pilates reformer work or Yoga/Pilates mat work. Brandan says often the PT sessions overlap into a custom nutrition plan for fat reduction and/or muscle gain. And for anyone taking part in a marathon, a PT session will incorporate an LSD training and interval-training schedule along with stretching and strength training exercises, nutritional advice, massage, and advice to set a personal goal that leads up to race day.

And for those persons with mobility or physical limitations the “Sit ‘n’ be Fit” exercise class done in chairs and “Totally Tubing” class will teach you how to improve balance and muscle strength when getting up from a seat or toilet or when reaching up to lift objects down from a shelf, all very important movements as we age or recover from a prolonged illness where movement has been restricted. During one such class I learnt that there was an imbalance on one side of my body. Strength training on this one side was in order. Just remember when you first board the ship not to let the elegance and grandeur overwhelm you so that you forget there is some measure of organizational skill needed to tap in to the ship’s extensive activities and spa offerings.

Spa Open House

On the first day before sailing there is an open house and tour held at the Spa. Spa services may be arranged in advance of sailing (up to 21 days) or once sailing has begun. Read the “Today’s Activities” schedule delivered to your stateroom each day for important information on the ship’s activities. This piece of information is invaluable. Keep it with you as you travel about the ship just in case you have a change of heart and find yourself wanting to use the putting and driving ranges, and golf simulator on a whim and find yourself instead near one of the many fabulous pools. In addition to the SpaClub® indoor pool, there are four outside pools one with a retractable glass roof. Healthy choices.

Eye candy for the brain

And what would a fitness/wellness plan be without exercising the mental faculties. Queen Mary 2 isn’t just a BIG BOAT that knows how to treat a lady of stature….you can add a few new brain cells while you’re sailing merrily along with  Cunard’s Cultural Insights^® programme of learning. There are lectures, debates, performances, workshops and social gatherings featuring guests on an international standing.

Griffin Dunne, filmmaker

The Tribeca Film Festival (TFF) is a new part of the exclusive award-winning enrichment programming aboard the Queen Mary 2’s November 5, 2009 to April 29, 2010 Transatlantic crossings in association with Cunard Insights^®. Cunard is the sponsor of the festival’s World Documentary Competition. So if meeting film writers, producers, directors, actors and the like is of top priority to your enjoyment, then the Queen Mary 2 “Cunard Insights^®” programme is for you. November 11^th filmmakers Griffin Dunne & Gary Winick discuss “Practical Magic” starring Nicole Kidman & Sandra Bullock. Dunne starred in the John Landis cult film “An American Werewolf in London” (1981). Dunne is the son of the late Dominick Dunne, writer and investigative journalist, and Ellen Griffin Dunne.

Gary Winick, film director

 Film director/producer Gary Winick’s illustrious credits include “Tadpole” (2002) which won the Directing Award at The Sundance Film Festival. 

Barry Brown

Barry Brown is guest lecturer December 20 – January 4, 2010 during the Caribbean Celebration voyage on QM2 and will discuss his personal memories of the Golden Age of Hollywood from Cecil B. De Mille to Gene Autry westerns and much more.

Princess Grills Accommodation

We weren’t surprised Cunard’s Grills Accommodation was awarded for 2009 by Berlitz top rankings for “Best Overall Food” & “Best Overall Service” with a five-star Berlitz rating among the Top Ten Large Cruise Ships. Additional information on Cunard is available in the 2009 Berlitz Complete Guide to Cruising & Cruise Ships http://bit.ly/yWNWW compiled by Douglas Ward a world-renowned cruise authority and president of Maritime Evaluations Group. Every moment my daughter and I spent in our Grills Accommodation felt like a lavish hotel room. We both can recall exactly how surprised and relieved we were to see multiple his/her cupboards and walk-in closet. But the walk-out private terrace with classic Cunard lounge chairs was the icing on the cake. Freedom of the seas! Cool breezes and invigorating sea air. We also weren’t surprised that Canyon Ranch SpaClub was voted one of the “Top Ten Spas” by Berlitz. It all makes for an affair to remember.

Oslo, Norway

Next trip we want to combine a Transatlantic Crossing with a short Getaway voyage to Europe. Summer 2010 will see the Queen Mary 2 sail five voyages to Northern Europe from Southampton and Hamburg, Germany. Lundeburg is a spa town in Germany associated with salt — the “White Gold of the Middle Ages”. And fall 2010 from New York the Queen explores Canada and New England. There are many connecting points at the front and/or end of a Transatlantic Crossing offering excitement and legendary adventure. We learnt Cunard sails the world, stopping at different ports of call, and does sailings into Canada’s eastern provinces for more of a sightseeing holiday than the historic Transatlantic Crossing.

So, there you have it…a fabulous way in which to get fit and see the world or any part thereof on the Queen Mary 2 Cunard ocean liner.

1-800-7-CUNARD http://www.cunard.com/

World Voyages. Many from which to choose. Cape Town to New York. Complimentary double upgrades available for 2010 on Queen Mary 2.

Blog. www.wearecunard.com  Pics/info on the building of the newest Cunarder, Queen Elizabeth.

Queen Elizabeth, Cunard’s newest Cunarder, to debut October 2010. In seeing the letters “Queen Elizabeth” welded to the ship’s exterior at the Fincantieri yard in Triestle, Italy, Peter Shanks, president of Cunard Line said: “I was overcome by the historical significance.”

Note: Queen Mary 2 conducting her first “Lap of Honour” tour around the UK, departing from the port of Southampton on October 15, 2009. This sort of journey around Britain was first made extremely popular by the now retired Cunard ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2.

I haven’t contributed anything to the site for a few weeks and wanted to weigh in on some of my recent thoughts relating to the current sports landscape.

U.S. Men’s National Team forward Charlie Davies was seriously injured in a car accident the night before the World Cup qualifying game against Costa Rica. Davies will be unavailable for the 2010 World Cup as a result of the severity of the injuries suffered during the crash which left 22 year old Ashley Roberta of Phoenix, MD dead. Davies was the one American forward who had legitimate pace and could have given elite defenders around the world a real run for their money. Davies was also developing a special chemistry with striking partner Jozy Altidore. The combination of Altidore’s size and Davies speed would have given the U.S. a real chance of making it out of the group stage at next summer’s World Cup. Without Davies (who was getting solid minutes and delivering goals for Sochaux in France’s Ligue 1) it is still possible to have success in South Africa next summer, but all U.S. futbol fans would have loved to have seen Davies put in some work for the Red, White, and Blue.

Rivals’ magazine has the Terps ranked #45 in the preseason College Basketball poll. Every other website and ratings service that I have investigated is shortchanging the Terps as well.

Fortunately, my strongest impression from Midnight Madness was that incoming freshmen James Padgett (6′9″, 225 lbs.) and Jordan Williams (6′10″, 260 lbs) definitely have the physiques to step right into ACC play for the Maryland Terrapins basketball team. They may not provide much (if any) offense this year, but they will give us some big, athletic bodies to help defend elite post players like Carolina’s Ed Davis. The Terrapins frontcourt was a real achilles heel last season and finished last in the ACC in rebounding differential. I know Padgett and Williams will help rectify the rebounding deficiencies and add much needed athleticism and depth. My only real concern for this season is the need for a steady 3 point shooter, but I am hoping Hayes can build on the end of last season and step into this role. Whatever your expectations are for the 2009 Terps you need to raise them. I am guaranteeing that the Terps finish top 4 in the ACC and make it to the Sweet 16 in the NCAA tournament. They will be a top 25 team all year. Don’t forget about the 2010 recruiting class featuring Terrence Ross, Mychal Parker, Terrell Stoglin, and a stud to be named later. The present and future is bright for Terp hoops. What do you think Duke and Carolina fans?

Winning ugly in the NFL is beautiful. It doesn’t matter what happens during the 60 minutes other than who comes away with a W. The NFL is a bottom line league and nobody cares about the woulda-coulda-shoulda come January when playoff spots are being determined. The fact that you beat a winless team by one point is frustrating in October, but nobody remembers how you won in January, only that you are 11-5.

NFL fans look at their favorite team’s schedule and truly think they can predict what is going to happen. Please stop wasting your time. Nobody has a clue, and what you feel today and think is true and absolute, will certainly change after this weekend’s games are played.

In the NFL, being dynamic on offense is overrated. The primary result of being potent on offense is that most defenses and special teams will lack urgency because they feel like they have a margin for error. Look at the teams that have won the Super Bowl in the last ten years. The majority are boring, physical, efficient teams that stop the run, win the turnover and penalty battle, and grind out close games with their defense. This message goes out to all Raven and Steeler’s fans: you have to be careful what you ask for when you want your team to stop “winning ugly”. Because the dynamic offense that you were so desperate to see will only lead to your team “losing pretty”. The NFL is the ultimate team game and you need urgency from your defense and special teams. When you know your offense is anemic (or brutally efficient), the other parts of the team play full throttle EVERY play. This urgency evaporates when players get used to the offense throwing up 30+ most games. The NFC East formula for winning is an oldy but goody…tried and true. Don’t believe me, go ask Josh McDaniels.

Alabama has one of the best defenses I have ever seen in college football. It reminds me of the 1992 Alabama team that throttled Miami 34-13 in the Sugar Bowl on the way to their first National Championship with a coach not named Bear Bryant. Nobody is going to move the ball consistently on this team. Alabama literally plays 11 guys in the box and they have the speed to take away anything over the top. Even though their offense is pedestrian, Heisman trophy candidate RB Mark Ingram and big play WR Julio Jones provide more than enough offense for the Crimson Tide. Fast forward to the National Championship game of Alabama vs. Texas. Guess who is a lock?

Think about this Thanksgiving day crew sitting around watching the Dallas/Oakland game. Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell, Kate Hudson, and A-Rod. I wonder if they will be impressed with A-Rod’s World Series ring and MVP trophy? What movie do you think they will watch after the game? Wildcats? Overboard? Used Cars? Big Trouble in Little China? Captain Ron?

Valentino Rossi has all but put away the 2009 MotoGP championship. Rossi has a 38 point lead with two races to go virtually guaranteeing “The Doctor” his 9th title. On the Nascar front, Jimmy Johnson has a 90 point lead over sentimental favorite Mark Martin with five races left in the chase for the Nextel Cup. Hendrick Motor Sports and Jimmy J are going for an unprecedented 4th consecutive points title. Fan favorite (and son of deceased Nascar legend Dale Earnhardt Sr.), Little E is the only Hendrick driver not involved in the chase for the Cup. C’mon man!

Who is going to win the scoring title in the NHL this year? Ovechkin or Malkin?

Can we please get rid of the muscle-bound wrestler guy and get more martial arts back in MMA?And does anyone think that it is inevitable that Hollywood will remake the cult classic ‘Bloodsport’ with Georges St. Pierre playing the role formerly played by Claude Van Damme?

Stay tuned for my World Series preview which should be out following a Yankee win tomorrow.

- Woodman – I will never stop sawing the wood

Woke up this morning to an email from Trigger Street.  My screenplay “Dreams are Real” is now on their ”top 10″ list.  Not sure what this means but it sounds good!  “Dreams are Real” (AKA “Lucid Dreams”) was the first screenplay I ever wrote. 

I added a bunch of “fun links” for writers to this site yesterday.  It’s just amazing what you can find when you surf the web!  I’m a fan of random generators!  Check them out if your creativity needs a kick start or if you just want to be entertained!

Right now I’m rewriting my screenplay “Revenge”.  As soon as I’ve finished this rewrite I’ll upload some excerpts.   The SP is a good venue for 50-something actresses and there are three main leads in this story.  I’d love to see Goldie Hawn, Whoopie Goldburg, and Bette Midler in this project!  (Hey, screenwriters dream, too!)

Young actress Chitrangada Singh from India is scheduled to make her next stage appearance this year in the film Aur Devdas.  Her beauty has graced the screens before and then suddenly it was as though she had disappeared.  After three years, she is ready for a comeback.  Reporters convey that she is very confident with herself and looks forward to settling back into the acting role.

However, how deep is her confidence?  Conversely, during an interview yesterday, she relayed that it takes guts and confidence in order to feel comfortable with wearing a two piece.  Chitrangada confesses that she doesn’t have the attitude that it takes to wear a bikini and will not accept a role that asks her to do this.  On the other hand, Chitrangada has made numerous photo shoots that reveal just as much as any bikini would.

Then there is Goldie Hawn who, at the age of 63, was reported as being totally confident with her body.  She, along with her husband, were located on the beaches of Hawaii. It was stated that she isn’t afraid to show off her “bikini body” although she does carry some extra weight around the waistline. 

In this situation, we have two very beautiful women with very different views of self confidence.  Does self confidence stem from cultural expectations?  We live in an image driven society.  Sexy hot bodies flood the magazines and media in order to sell a product.  Can self confidence be only skin deep?  I think not.  If women truly are self confident, nothing should prevent them from self expression.  

So, what if we have tough cultural values on one side and a domestic kind of thinking on the other?  Can both be truly self confident?  How is self confidence defined? If we feel governed over how we should act then we are not confident.  Confidence means we are secure, which is one of the very basic necessities of human nature.  Self expression is the result of feeling secure.

William Miller, Stillwater, and the Band-Aids, on the road; image courtesy of redriverautographs.wordpress.com

All right, folks. I’m home with the sniffles, so let’s roll up our sleeves for this one. I recently re-watched my VHS copy and am ready to get into it. At length. Double-album style. Watching the movie on video means I didn’t listen to any DVD commentaries to formulate my thoughts. And while I have seen the Untitled version, my opinions will mostly be generated from the theatrical release version. Keep this in mind reading on, but feel free to mix it up in the comments section. 

Now, this is a movie that pushes and pulls me like few other. As I’ve grown older, depending on how I felt when I watched it, I waft somewhere between charitable introspection and vitriolic rejection, one time even going so far as drunkenly telling a friend who likes this movie to shut up (sorry, Leigh!).

I wasn’t always this way. When it first came out during my senior year of high school, I looooooooved it. I saw it with my best friend Jamie and a boy I would later regret dating. Jamie was the editor of the school newspaper. I made my extracurricular committment to choir, but wished I had room in my class schedule to write for The Clarion. I wanted to be William Miller, the fifteen-year-old journalist protagonist who fills in for director Cameron Crowe and his own (idealized?) experiences as a writer. Figuring I could catch up in college, I set my sights on UT’s journalism school. By graduation, I assumed I’d be working as a rock critic in New York City, perhaps following bands like Stillwater, the fictitious classic rock band based on The Allman Brothers Band that breaks (then promises to make) Miller’s career.

My hope of being a rock journalist was officially dashed the second time I was not hired as a writer for The Daily Texan’s entertainment section. After this rejection, 19-year-old me reasoned that these fat cats were shills for the man with terrible taste in music. I might have even phrased it that way at the time. From here, I officially cast my lot with college radio.

It’s important to bring up music journalism, not only to burn on it out of bitter feelings of rejection. When this movie originally came out, it was a dangerous time for print publications like Rolling Stone and Spin, much like the early 70s was a dangerous time for rock music. 1973, the year this movie takes place, was a harbinger of the bloated, corporate, cool-hunting enterprise the mainstream music industry would become. By 2000, it had completely transformed into a deregulated, conglomerate behemoth, peddling a handful of marketable, palatable, and safe talent that could sell ancillary products and jack up the retail prices on those ancillary products, which the compact disc had become. Music listeners, irritated by ever-higher CD prices, began downloading illegally in earnest. Sometimes they were met with arrests and lawsuits. Sometimes those lawsuits were filed by the popular musicians they idolized. As a result of these actions, and some truly stupid strategies the music industry has used to push units, people are more incredulous of the music industry than ever.

It’s important to bring in the Internet and the ubiquity of digital technology too, as online communication affected print journalism. Throughout the 2000s, publications scrambled to keep up circulation and readership. Some were bought and sold to other conglomerates. Some turned from monthlies to quarterlies. Some drastically changed their content and marketing campaigns (the saddest one for me was Spin, a high school favorite that was Rolling Stone’s cool, younger sibling; by the time I entered graduate school, it packaged itself as the hipster version of Us and lagged behind e-zines like Pitchfork and Tiny Mix Tapes in its coverage of new music). Some shilled out to reality TV (looking at you, Rolling Stone). Some simply folded.

Along with publications, staffs shrunk due to budget cuts. Some folks survived the fall-out. Rob Sheffield came into the field from the academy and penned a touching memoir. Eric Weisbard became part of the academy, currently an American Studies professor at the University of Alabama. Some folks, like Sarah Lewitinn and Chuck Klosterman, became cults of personality. But others didn’t fare as well. Sia Michel lost her position as Spin’s editor-and-chief, though was hired on to be The New York Times‘ pop music editor. At some places, an entertainment staff was whittled down to one person, if there was a department at all.

Sarah Lewitinn, aka Ultragrrrl; image courtesy of daylife.com

With the implosion of print-based music journalism came the advent of e-zines like Pitchfork and, of course, blogs. These folks, for good or for bad, may shape what criticism will look like in this century. I, for one, do see some good to blog culture (barring, you know, my recent public involvement with it). The principle assets I have found with it are its immediacy and DIY ethic. I couldn’t get a staff position at the Texan. I wasn’t financially able to take an internship. In short, traditional modes of ascension in the field weren’t available to me or many others. But blogging allows (some) writers to continue researching, hone their craft, and figure out just why they’re so interested in their subject of analysis.

Of course, there are hazards to blogging. Our collective attention span for new sounds has diminished. Furthermore, a considerable amount of misinformation gets reported. However, while I’m tempted to attribute this to a lack of fluency with journalistic principles of investigating, reporting, and fact-checking, I don’t know if it’s that simple. I’d hasten to point out that blogging and traditional journalism are both vulnerable to errors, unfair coverage, unequal time, and other ethical issues in the wake of the 24-hour news cycle.

In short, I watch this movie and think three things: 1) I don’t know if William Miller would be a journalist today, as the publications he would want to work at might not be able to hire him, 2) I do think he’d be a blogger, as the fan-critic and musician-journalist binaries in media culture have been considerably blurred since the early 70s, and 3) while this movie seems quaint in its depiction of a just-booming American music industry, it still seems completely relevant, maybe even more so than when the movie was originally released. 

So, you would think based on all of this fodder, I’d love this movie. But it’s not so simple and the movie itself is only partly at fault. A major issue I have with the movie isn’t so much to do with its gender politics as it is with the gender politics of its fanboys. I have heard too many fanboys talk about this movie with fervor, as if God touched Cameron Crowe’s camera. They’ll regale folks with abstruse bits of commentary from the Untitled version and quiz people on what songs like Stillwater’s “Love Thing” and “Fever Dog” are really about (I think love and kicking addiction, respectively). They are often humorless, especially if you point out any similarities they might have to Vic Munoz, the movie’s Led Zeppelin devotee. Oh, and they always love Led Zeppelin. Always.

But Alyx. Smelly zealot fanboys shouldn’t keep you from liking a movie, you say. The movie has a lot of good things going for it, you add. There’s even a lot of interesting female characters walking around, being smart and human and brave, you note. You might even say they’re more interesting than altruistic protagonist William Miller, you whisper emphatically. Fair points all. So, let’s do what Mary Kearney did when I watched this movie in her gender and rock undergrad class and run through the women and girls we meet in Miller’s coming-of-age story. Note that many of them are autonomous beings, free agents on the road:

1. The Band-Aids, especially one Penny Lane (played by Kate Hudson in what many argue is her only credible screen performance). They are not groupies and consider themselves fans who are autonomous, exercise sexual agency, and are not disposable, though some musicians have trouble seeing them the way they see themselves.

1A. While Penny Lane is clearly the Band-Aid leader, I’ve always loved Sapphire (played by Fairuza Balk). Label it blonde antipathy or brunette solidarity, but it’s hard not to love this rough, mischievous, funny, and wise lady. Can you imagine the stories she could tell? She intimates with William’s mother about his travels on the road and how she should be proud of her son from a hotel phone. She’s responsible for orchestrating the orgy that takes William’s (who she calls “Opie“) virginity. She’s also the one who delivers the hard truth about Penny and William to guitarist Russell Hammond. And she’s the one who insists that younger groupies take birth control, appreciate the music, and quit eating all the steak at crafts’ services.

Sapphire is epic; image courtesy of fairuza.com

2. Alice Wisdom, a deejay whose playlist Lester Bangs rudely rejects. Now I don’t like The Doors either, Lester, but that doesn’t mean you should shout over her opinions and discredit her taste in music. Unless you’re actually discrediting the radio station’s taste in music, in which case the deejay’s role becomes even more compromised. And this woman is already compromised by having the regulatory whiskey-throated voice that all female deejays seem required to have or emulate.
3. High school girls running for gym class. Stillwater bassist Larry Fellows perks up at the view from the tour bus; Penny Lane gives them the finger, glad that she’s playing hooky. That she’s not them.
4. Fans. Some of whom are Band-Aids or groupies, most of whom are regular girls and women with jobs and parents.
5. Band wives and girlfriends. They were there before the band got signed, are not often there for the shenanigans on the road, and probably won’t be there after the break-ups and divorces. 
6. A particularly shrill feminist stereotype of a Rolling Stone journalist billed as Alison the Fact Checker. Sadly, she probably has to be in order to be heard in staff meetings. Plus, wouldn’t you be pissy if you were trying to forge a career, were all-too-cognizant of sexism and misogyny, but also loved writing about popular music? This is a question I’ve always wanted to ask Ann Powers, Dream Hampton, and Lorraine Ali.

"How do you do it, Dream Hampton?"; image courtesy of thestartingfive.net

7. A singer-songwriter jamming with another singer-songwriter who appear to be modeled after Emmylou Harris and Gram Parsons. William sees them playing in a hotel room during his first visit at the Riot House.
8. William’s big sister, Anita. She has a turbulent relationship with her mother and leaves home to become a flight attendant, leaving her kid brother a haul of amazing records, including Joni Mitchell’s Blue. She even gives him some good advice about how to listen to The Who’s Tommy that seems to have a lasting impression.
9. And, of course, William’s awesome, anti-establishment, overprotective mother Elaine, who is a college professor in San Diego. She is also the family matriarch, and probably was even before her husband died. Besides Lester, Ms. Miller is one of the few rebels. They both hold the distinction of being the only people who recognizes that rock culture, and its attendant cheap thrills and promises, is just another corporate enterprise.

Anita and Elaine Miller clashing, with young William Miller looking on; image courtesy of rlslog.net

Now, now. The dudes are interesting too, you might say. And masculinity is a discursive minefield here. So let’s walk through it. Let’s make like the movie and use William Miller to do this.
1. Miller himself is a soft-eyed, feminine boy played by then-unknown Patrick Fugit. He is hopelessly in love with Penny, a girl who may be his age but is out of his depth and hopelessly in love with someone else.

William Miller and his quest for truth; image courtesy of blog.lib.umn.edu

2. Billy Crudup’s Russell Hammond is the talented, aloof, and cowardly lead guitarist for Stillwater. He’s technically better than his bandmates, and is quick to hover it over them. He takes William under his wing because he’s a fan, only to dismiss him when Bob Dylan makes an appearance at Max’s Kansas City. He also nearly ruins William’s journalistic integrity when his own credibility is on the line. He’s also in love with Penny, but more in love with becoming a rock star. He’s not so in love with his wife, Leslie. He loves himself more than anyone, and hates himself for it.
3. Stillwater lead singer Jeff Bebe (Jason Lee) feels differently toward Leslie. He also has considerable animosity toward Hammond, whose emergent fame and skill is threatening to eclipse him and the rest of the band.
4. Bassist Larry Fellows and drummer Ed Vallencourt round out the band. Fellows (played by singer-songwriter Mark Kozelek, who I named my cat after) seems only interested in barbeque and high school girls. Vallencourt (played by John Fedevich) is silent through most of the movie, until he announces that he’s gay during a traumatic airplane ride.
5. Dick Roswell (Noah Taylor) and Dennis Hope (Jimmy Fallon) manage the band. Fellows has been with them for most of their career. Hope convinces the band to cash in and sell out, most symbolically by trading their bus for a jet. They will regret this decision.
6. Jann Wenner and Ben Fong-Torres, Rolling Stone’s respective editor-and-chief and senior editor, who serve as William’s bosses. Note the Wenner is gay, though at this time in his career, he was married to a woman named Jane. They would go on to have three children before divorcing in 1995. I haven’t read anything on Wenner, but am fascinated to learn how he negotiated all of this. Note also that Fong-Torres is Chinese American and one of the few people of color in both the movie and perhaps the emerging mainstream rock music industry. Note also the “Torres” surname, which his father adopted, dropping “Fong,” in order to pose as a Mexican in order to be granted U.S. citizenship while Chester Arthur’s Chinese Exclusion Act was still on the books. The family later kept both surnames.

Stillwater, on the cover of Rolling Stone; image courtesy of jeffdurling.com

But William doesn’t really have much in common with Stillwater. He wants to be them, but is in actual fact a music geek. Two like-minded male characters empathize, and share a relationship that is at once classically masculine in its indexical organization of rock’s ephemera and, at the same time, feminine in their romantic, homoerotic obsessive fandom.
1. Lester Bangs, William’s mentor, played by the formidable Philip Seymour Hoffman, who is one of the main reasons I’ll be seeing Pirate Radio. Reportedly, his scenes were filmed while he had the flu. Bangs hates what rock journalism has become.

Lester Bangs imparting life lessons to William Miller; image courtesy of playground.chronicleblogs.com

2. Vic Munoz, played by longtime Apatow mainstay Jay Baruchel. He’s the Zeppelin fan who follows the band everywhere, clutches a marker frontman Robert Plant once held, and wears his “Have you seen the bridge?” t-shirt at all times.

I should point out, however, that the girls index too. Penny Lane may not want William to take notes during Stillwater concerts, but that doesn’t mean that she, her peers, or William’s sister Anita, can’t rattle off band line-ups, industry players, and song lyrics.  

And lest we forget that William actually forges strong relationships with his sister, his mother, and the Band-Aids. While Sapphire, Polexia, and the gang seduce William, they also believe in him, intimate secrets with him, and provide him support, though they sometimes treat him as a minion and less as an equal.

I should also point out, since I opined that Miller doesn’t have much in common with Stillwater, that he does have an interesting relationship with Hammond nonetheless. Miller, a kid brother with an older sister, doesn’t seem to have any male friends or role models before he takes Bangs’s assignment to cover Black Sabbath for Creem, a band for whom Stillwater is opening and launches Miller’s almost-too-good-to-be-true feature assignment for Rolling Stone.

I wouldn’t necessarily categorize Hammond as a friend or role model. Perhaps he’s better suited for an older brother position. At first, Miller looks up to Hammond, calling his guitar-playing “incendiary” and trying (largely in vain) to emulate his slingin’, ’stached bravado. But, despite a Band-Aid orgy (controlled by the women who believe that “Opie must die”), Miller clearly doesn’t have that kind of swagger. He also doesn’t seem to want it, seeing Hammond’s cowardice beneath it. He also recognizes the irony of such inauthentic displays of machismo and ego in a form supposedly as authentic, romantic, and pure as rock is supposed to be, and is quickly unbecoming. Perhaps he also notices the rigid gender roles and chauvinism that inform the supposed gains of free love and the sexual revolution. This hypocrisy, along with the band’s quick rejection of real fans for industry success and the promise of rock mythology, make Miller able to put Hammond and his band mates in their place during the climactic plane scene. His honesty and integrity also earns him their trust, especially Hammond’s, who finally grants him a real interview at the end of the movie.

As an aside, if Hammond is Miller’s imperfect older brother, he steps right into the role by sassing Ms. Miller when he first talks to her on the phone, immediately snapping into a “yes ma’am, no ma’am” routine when she admonishes his behavior and values.

Miller’s character also wins the respect of Penny Lane, even when she’s ignoring the icky realities of seeing yourself as a fan but being treated as a groupie, as disposable as a real Band-Aid.

Note that it doesn’t win Lane’s affections, at least not physically. She may be too hard for or scared of Miller’s feelings (which are announced, unfortunately, in a scene where Miller kisses Lane, who just overdosed on Quaaludes). She may not be ready for rejecting her own rock star mythology in order to be truly intimate with someone (though she suggests she might when she tells Miller that she came into this world as one Lady Goodman). Maybe doing so would make her the typical teen she (and William’s mother) see little value in becoming. Maybe not consummating this relationship suggests they have no interest in typical interactions with one another.

Yet Miller’s and Lane’s relationship, which seems built on male fantasy, is an issue I have with this movie. I don’t get what the fuss is about, frankly. I understand that Lane is pretty, savvy, and well-traveled, but don’t understand why Miller has such a crush on her, primarily because I don’t understand how loving a band’s music leads you toward doing their ironing backstage while the boy you love in the band can’t be bothered to love you back. More importantly, I don’t know who she really is. Maybe the self-mythology is part of what prevents me (and certainly Miller) from getting close. Maybe the challenge of trying to find out who the real Penny Lane is warrants enough of a fascinating exercise for Miller. And maybe it isn’t any of our business who Lane really is. But I sort of wonder if she’s perfectly matched with Hammond, a man who wants desperately to be the myth he’s created for himself. Maybe this suggests that both of them have something in common with Don Draper. Here’s one scene where I think Lane, alone after a concert, drops the masquerade (note that the scene follows Stillwater’s treacherous meeting with super-manager Hope).

Admittedly, perhaps my problem resides in Kate Hudson’s performance. Perhaps I want her not to channel her mother, herself a manic pixie dream girl of this era, so much. Perhaps I’m projecting Goldie Hawn’s presence and ignoring how Hudson is making this role her own. I do think Hudson does a good job balancing Lane’s contrasts and contradictions, perhaps a better job than Kirsten Dunst (who almost got this role, but was cast in Crowe’s Elizabethtown instead) would.

And I do think I’m being unfair in my dismissal of Kate Hudson and Penny Lane. Because I think my real problem, as it usually is with Crowe’s movies, is the director’s unfortunate habit of crutching on the magic of pop music. Admittedly, this might be a hard habit for a music geek director to break, but it has kept me from enjoying his other movies (including, yes, Say Anything). And it’s probably contradictory for a music fan not to like pop music playing such a pronounced role in Crowe’s work. To me, however, Crowe’s use of pop music suggests the necessity of delicate application. Because I hate how he uses Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” in one of the movie’s big reconciliatory moments, as its obvious that he is making the case for how pop music’s universality heals all psychic wounds. When Lane tells Miller that he is home, all I can think is “fucking duh.”

While I feel like the movie’s score adds to the treacle (especially during the scene when Miller runs with Lane’s departing plane), I do admire Cameron Crowe’s ongoing collaborations with wife and Heart guitarist Nancy Wilson. We’d do well to remember Wilson’s rock legend status, score work, and Crowe’s relationship with Wilson when making sexist assumptions about Sofia Coppola’s relationship with Phoenix’s Thomas Mars, who is working on her next movie, Somewhere. We might also like to keep it in mind when thinking about Karen O’s involvement in ex-boyfriend Spike Jonze’s Where the Wild Things Are.

Going back to Crowe’s unfortunate flirtations with the obvious for my closing remarks, he does make a few other points in this movie in highlighter yellow that I love anyway. So much so that I’ve shaped my life around them. In the interest of full disclosure, I will share them now, suggesting that sometimes flirtations with the obvious are essential and humane.

1) The introductory scene between Bangs and Miller, when Bangs talks about staying up all night, writing about music. Whether or not he was high on cough syrup and speed or the tomes he devoted to The Faces or John Coltrane were dribble didn’t matter. The objective, as William knows well, is ”just to fuckin’ write.” It’s an objective I know well too. It’s a key reason why I put this blog together in the first place, and I’m certainly not alone.
2) Lane has a great line as well, one that has stayed with me as I age. I’m a firm believer in the advice she gives Miller when she drives them to the Riot House: ”if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit your friends.” The comfort I have found in record stores cannot be overstated, and I only hope that, as I get older, at least a few of them don’t get completely mowed down to make way for more lucrative businesses. I might have to stay in a city that shares kinship with Austin to assure this, but I think it’s worth it. I’d rather live in a city that appreciates the cultural and communal value of record stores over a city that only sees value in their market returns.  

After all this, I believe Almost Famous to be an interesting and challenging movie at times marred by its idealism, sentimentality, and emphasis on one very lucky boy’s experience following around a band and writing down what happened. Thus, it’s a movie I keep coming back to, even if I don’t feel the need to replace the tape.

TCM recently had a Goldie Hawn marathon, and though I missed Foul Play by two minutes (damn it!), I was thrilled that they followed it up with Butterflies are Free.

It’s the story of two neighbors in adjoining apartments living in 1970s San Francisco. Don (Edward Albert) is a young blind man living on his own and trying to break free of his overprotective mother (Eileen Heckart). Jill (Hawn) is his free-spirited hippie neighbor who refuses to fall in love in order to be “free,” and has a penchant for prancing around without pants on.

This was originally a stage play and Eileen Heckart is the only one to reprise her role. Heckart turns in a heartrending performance as Don’s overbearing mom. The scene where she decides to let Edward go? Oh God. So touching. Talk about a sobfest.

This film reminds me a bit of the film adaption of another play, Neil Simon’s Barefoot in the Park: the story of a straitlaced guy and the somewhat whacky girl, most of the film takes place in an apartment, the plot is very formulaic but fun and light. Goldie Hawn is actually really funny–she knows how to play up her goofy, screwball appeal. Edward Albert is dark, handsome and charming as Don (he doesn’t bear much to resemblance to his very talented father, Eddie Albert. A bit of trivia: Edward died only one year after his father, of lung cancer. Edward was 55, Eddie was 99.)

It’s definitely one of my favorite Goldie Hawn performances. I loved her look back then. Let’s celebrate it, shall we?

Galleries have opened and closed on the Lower East Side for quite some time, but for the last four years, the neighborhood once home to tenement housing has developed an intense gallery scene that keeps thriving. The Lower East Side, roughly the area bound to the north by Houston Street, to the west by the Bowery, to the south by Canal Street, and to the east by the East River, has become an alternative for young galleries seeking a space in Manhattan, but that are not willing to move into the overcrowded and overpriced Chelsea neighborhood.

During my last trip to New York, coinciding with the first couple of weeks of openings after a long August break, I ventured down to the Lower East Side to take a look at some of these galleries.

On the street bearing the gallery’s name, Renwick Gallery presented Talia Chetrit’s debut solo show titled Readings. Founded on 2006, the gallery’s roster of artists include José Dávila, Meredith Danluck and George Kontos. For Chetrit’s show, the gallery presented a series of photographs that lie between the experimental and the abstract, where the artist mostly plays with light and explores the medium of photography. In their apparent simplicity, Chetrit’s work is complex and flawlessly executed. The digital renderings of the photographs, like the one displayed above, cannot even begin to describe how technically good the artist really is. 

Moving on to Orchard Street, Invisible Exports presented Genesis Breyer P-Orridge: 30 Years of Being Cut Up, a retrospective of the artists’ collage work. In this exhibition you can see, Genesis P-Orridge’s Mail Art, for which he was charged by the British general post office for sending “offensive material” by mail. These were done before he teamed up with performance artist and partner Lady Jaye Breyer. The show’s title not only refers to the collage work the artist is known for, but also to the couple’s ongoing physical transformation with plastic surgery in an attempt to eliminate differences between them; a process that leads to what they call pandrogeny, a unified male and female body. Presenting images of before and after surgery,  Two into one we go documents the couples effort to become one by way of altering their bodies under the knife.

Another gallery on Orchard, Rachel Uffner presented a new series of portraits by Sara Greenberger Rafferty titled Tears. Just recently opened last year, the gallery represents artists such as Josh Blackwell and Roger White. The series consists of manually and digitally intervened photographs printed in CMYK ink on a desktop printer.  In this her most recent work, Rafferty continues to explore ideas tied to performance, comedy and popular culture through portraits of comedians, such as Bill Cosby and Vicki Lawrence, and comedic props, such as a whopee cushion and a rubber chicken. The photographs resemble television stills of the 1970’s that have been damaged with an ‘accidental’ spill.

Other Lower East Side galleries that are definitely worth checking out are Lisa Cooley, Rental, James Fuentes and Simon Preston.

-Carla Acevedo

images provided by Renwick Gallery, Invisible Exports & Rachel Uffner

It’s so obvious that Kate Hudson was loving sitting next to Shawn Carter aka Jigga Man aka Jay-z at the NYC game last night. You soo know that these two were texting each other on the down low! he he he Shoot this is not a bad sex image if these two were to knock boots. Oops naughty me!

(a previous post from the former NuPoppa blog)

Our DVR is peppered with the funny (Graham Norton Show, The Daily Show, 30 Rock, SNL, Flight of the Conchords), what I’ll call WTF (Oliver Twist, Barry Manilow concert — clearly my wife’s) and the simply awesome. The “simply awesome” consists of: Fletch, Animal House, Fletch Lives, Vacation, Caddyshack, Gung Ho! and a Barry Manilow concert (kidding).

I don’t drink (anymore), but the “simply awesome” USED to be called “hangover movies.” These are the movies that, on a lazy Saturday or Sunday (or Wednesday for some of you) you can rely on. You can watch the first 20 minutes with one eye open, then fall asleep for 30 minutes, wake up, finish it to the end and still feel satisfied. Back in the day, that would have included about 5 Advil and 2.6 gallons of water to hydrate. Drooling on pillows and couches was also usually de rigeur.

These are also movies that, sadly or simply awesome-ly, most men can quote with relative proficiency. So, it begs the question: what should be the first movie that my son and I share together when he gets older? Should it be highly quotable? Should it be educational?

Some in the running:

Fletch
Pluses: It is only one of the greatest movies written and made for the male 38-42 set. Period. This tightly-wound romp is highly-quotable. I can already imagine my boy at a party of my peers saying, “John Cock..toas…ton.” Throw a lampshade on his head and he’ll be life of the party.

Minuses: I see none.

Lessons Learned in film: Never trust Joe Don Baker. I think this is a lesson we all should learn. Kidding. He would kick my ass if he read this.

Animal House
Pluses: Filmed in Oregon. Classic dialogue. A heartwarming story about college life. Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong.

Minuses: Otis Day and the Knights have never been the same since.

Lessons learned in film: Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

Vacation
Pluses: The late, great John Hughes. Beverly DeAngelo buffin’ it up a bit. Chevy Chase at his finest. The Wagon Queen Family Truckster with the optional Rally Fun Pack. Eugene Levy calling Rusty “Rueben.”

Minuses: Not 100% realistic about what a family vacation is about. It’s more like 96% real.

Lessons learned in film: There is no way in hell we are driving a long distance anywhere. I refuse to put my boy through that.

Out of Africa
Pluses: For our purposes here, very few, though it is a fine film. The late Sydney Pollack was a genius.

Minuses: It’s “Meet Joe Black”-long. I mean, REALLY fu**ing long.

Lessons learned in film: Those rich, white bastards screwed it all up. Africa is best experienced doing humanitarian work. If the boy wants to be in the Peace Corps someday, I’m all for it.

Everyone Says I Love You
Pluses: Great cast. Alan Alda. Natalie Portman. Drew Barrymore. Julia Roberts. Woody Allen. Goldie Hawn. The list goes on.

Minuses: Edward Norton, though a FINE actor, isn’t a very good singer. And he’ll probably kick my ass if he reads this.

Lessons learned in film: If s**t goes sideways, it’s OK to sing a little. Just don’t do it in public, people might think you’re a freak or something.

Die Hard
Pluses: Bruce Willis is from South Jersey, where my family lives. And, of course, Alan Rickman. He’s SO money.

Minuses: The dude with the long blonde hair. He’s creepy.

Lessons learned in film: Kick ass first. Take names later.

Say Anything
Pluses: John and Joan Cusack. Cameron Crowe (who could write something on a cocktail napkin and I’d probably read it). Ione Skye. Piven as a younger man. Seattle. It captured the angst that we all felt when we were in college.

Minuses: “In Your Eyes.” Great song, but I have this uncontrollable urge to buy a boombox and hold it over my head. It captured the angst we all felt when we were in college.

Lessons learned in film: Don’t live in Seattle. You’ll just end up going to London on a study abroad program anyway.

Believe me, we have plenty of time to go over this, but one can never be too prepared. I’d love your thoughts on the first movie I should share with the boy. It can be on the list or one not on the list that you think is a winner.