Ciao
oder mach es gut,
bis später oder dann
ich bin so müde von
all diesen good byes
seit irgendwann.

Anzukommen war meine Vision
keine Suche nach dem Zwischenstop
viel mehr Begehren
und noch mehr Faszination.
Die Frage nach dem Zuviel,
die stellte sich nicht
alles hatte vielmehr
sein eigenes Gewicht.
In den Stunden zwischen Nacht und Morgen
habe ich die Neutralität verloren.
Bedeutet sie auch Sicherheit
davon entfernt bin ich durch dich so weit.

Dann will ich nur noch laufen, laufen
und laufen
dem eisigen Wind entgegen
der schon immer mir unbarmherzig
ins Gesicht wehte
auf meinen Wegen.
Und ich weiß er wird mir die Gedanken
aus dem Kopf vögeln
mit eingehauchtem Sinn
bis ich wieder eine andere bin.

Don`t fear the reaper,
singt er leise für mich
und dabei denke ich
so voller Liebe an dich.
Der Phönix hat sich schon mal
den Schweif verbrannt
und ich mich in mir selbst verrannt.
Bei dir ist alles ganz anders so
frag mich bitte nie wieso.

Thoughts of tenderness
werden immer bleiben
nur Lilith ließ sich
aus dem Paradies vertreiben.
Denk jetzt nicht,
dachte ich bei deinem letzten Stoß
und rannte dann nur noch
mit Gefühl für dich los.
Und ich laufe und laufe
am laufenden Band
um endlich zu erreichen
mein eigenen Niemalsland.
Wo ich mir male geheime Zeichen
auf den Rücken
um mich selbst damit zu erdrücken.

Ich war so lange müde,
von diesem ganzen Allerlei
was mich nicht berührt hat
und doch gegenwärtig war.
Ich hasste den Stillstand
zwangsweise ausgebremst
und lief dennoch weiter
tief im Bewusstsein
es wird was kommen
das die Sehnsucht stillt.

It seems so silly to be attached to something that is so materialistic. Yesterday, my parents traded in our 1994 “dusty rose” Lexus ES300 — aka the “purple Lexus.” It’s great because this is the first time my dad has bought a new car for himself in a 20+ years. He deserves a great car. I’m just heartbroken that the Lexus is no longer in our possession. I was probably six-years-old when we first bought it. It made many trips with my parents, my brothers and myself from Coral Springs, Fla. to Orlando and the other way around. When I turned 16-years-old, it became my car. My very first car.

I drove it everywhere my junior and senior years of high school. Listening to “Don’t Stop Believin’” on repeat with my windows and sunroof open. It came with me to college, and it was so reliable. The nights of fitting seven or more people in it..probably not the safest thing, but it worked. It was THE purple Lexus, after all. I only had it for a semester in college, but it sure does carry a lot of memories from that first semester.

So, 16 years later, it’s gone. My Valdosta State University license plate is still on the front of it. Remnants from a Milton High School parking pass can still be found. Breaking the news to my friends about the end of an era was just as tough. I got many sad replies, but all because we can still hear ourselves singing (terribly, I might add) “Don’t Stop Believin’” at the top of our lungs. It’s going to take a bit of adjusting when my dad comes home and I don’t hear squeeky brakes. I’m going to miss seing the purple Lexus in the driveway.

Here’s to you, purple Lexus. Thank you for always being reliable, but most importantly…thank you for the memories. I hope your next owner will create his/her own memories.

They Talk, We Live, We see what They say
They Talk, We Did, Who cares what They say
Still they can’t’ focus on them They be talkin’ bout me
Talkin’ bout what I wear Talkin’ bout where I be

Posted with permisson from
Laren Neyland ©2009

Sorry for the long wait for the update folks. So many pictures.

Friday the 13th celebrated Olivia’s 25th birthday (again) aka End of Season, lol, and also the going away party for Nick Chaney aka Massive Clearance, as he’s moving back to New Zealand.

Olivia has WAY more amazing photos than me, her with her wicked pro camera and photography skills and all. You can view her photos here.

What a celebration it was! We started off at Hook, the basement bar beside the 711 behind Luxy. Then moved on to Dark + Light put on by A State of Sound at Luxy, featuring Burn Electric (Stefan & Dom) and Genetically Modified Beats (GMB – Eben & Matt), with DJ Hooker (Dom) playing at the end of the night.

Max, looking oh so HUGE mag man:

Marcus’ mismatched Nikes:

Audrey’s bare back, why is this girl single again? Oh right, cuz she’s that hot. Don’t be afraid to talk to her!

Olivia looking fierce in my H&M dress:

She has always been one for masks:

Lesley and I:

Jer double fisting it:

Lilian rockin her Rhianna nails, they are sharp! (Drew in the background)

Abe and Liam:

Stefan and his girlfriend… (what’s her name?? I forget, sorry I am bad with names…someone please tell me!)

Nikki in Rice Society!!

Nick Chaney, oh how we will miss you!!

Carol looking so sleek. Nice hair, girl!

Marika rocking her Rice Society chain! The hacksaw

Brian and Jessica looking fine in glasses. Sexy secretary look is working for ya!

Ben’s cool shirt – had to cut out his head.

Vicki and Lisa:

Amanda with her Rice Society earrings:

Bathroom door at Hook, this is what I felt like waiting for the 4 people to get outta the only stall:

Dom yelling again:

Sandi and Cresencio. Justin said it best about Sandi when he said, “She is so rock n’ roll tonight. Look at her in the spotlight. It’s like Nancy looking for her Sid.”

This was in Hook near the entrance. it reminds me of the movie Big where he gets his wish:

Star Wars figures in the box gets points every time:

Two rad girls who I wish were my friends. Sen Sen is the one on the right.

Jer and Max, I’m gonna miss you guys when you go on vacation!

Me on a cop scooter. Ya, I asked him. He said it was cool. I was laughing so hard:

Moved to Luxy, finally and watched the glow stick/lazer dancers. (Special thanks to Daryl who got me in )

Marcus did not go to Luxy.

Toby was having fun! He wasn’t even listening to Ween, and he was having fun!

Stefan rocking out for Burn Electric on the guitar this time. Nice surprise change to the keyboard. This man is talented in the music department.

Burn Electric:

Dom introducing GMB, Eben pictured here:

I repeat, Marcus did not come to Luxy and he did not buy Justin and I drinks either. Eben & Matt in their awesome outfits:

Timmy! (but said in the South Park kinda way, hehe) Timmay!

GMB:

Jeff, that’s a nice leather jacket. Shop more.

Shelly looking saucy. Really love the spring on the strap.

This girl followed us here from Hook. I think she may have been on her way to Fly, or maybe she was slanging some sponsered alcohol. either way, she was super happy to pose for my picture!

Dom made a mixtape. Around his neck. And now he wants to eat it. Hmmmm….

Jack and Dom:

Abe, you need to keep this tiger on a short leash! Liking that color on Tasha:

Sandi in the washroom looking all Nancy again:

Ran into Helen:

Abe and Johnnie. Abe’s obviously having fun!

Nick and Justin, the last goodbye!

Doesn’t that shirt look like Nick’s, above? DJ Hooker (Dom) rounding out the night. Lookit that chick in that background, total celeb shock – OMG it’s HOOKER!

One of the coolest parts of the night was signing Nick’s Adidas and also the Jenga blocks. I think the blocks were Rachel’s idea. Great memories! Happy Birthday to Ola and Til Next Time, Nick!

Farewell, Blueshirts!

We have struggled together side-by-side for the past few years.
We have made countless phone calls, celebrated victories, and agonized over the cycle of defeat.
We have become close friends and brothers.
We have brought glory to Christ — even when falling short of the mark.

I will miss you!

This concludes the last post to the Jeremy Shum Secret Diaries.

Formerly my Engineering Design & Innovation portfolio, I gave this production a bit of a twist, adding a few personalized blog entries!  It’s been a pleasure writing it, and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

For ease of access, I am including a series of links to what has been designated for “marks“:

• Introductory Page
• Work Diary Task 1
• Work Diary Task 2
• Work Diary Task 3
• Work Diary Task 4
• Occupation Health & Safety Training

The art of writing is an interesting one, and definetely not clientele specific to English.  There are many languages, but I think the English language well expresses what one wishes to state, and it is well versed by many individuals world wide.  Just goes to make us think how many people in this world don’t even have a good education, which hopefully makes you want to feel like changing that.

And we will.

Here were a few of my favorite posts:

• What is Optics.  And Photonics.
• Demi Shum sounds awesome.
• The kinkyest story in the Bible.
• Jesus became like Nemo.
• Why I don’t like Joe Jonas that much!
• Check me out.
• Wow, I do have a big head!
• My cheat sheet exposed.

I leave with ya’ll one last thought:

If God is on our side, who can be against us.

Romans 8:31 (NIV)

Selah.

Dancing in my thoughts lingering in my mind
Over me in hovers like a hawk waiting to dine
It taste my sweat blood and tears in the air
waiting in anticipation for the finale ….Graduation!!!!

Posted with permisson from
Laren Neyland ©2009

Happy 20th Anniversary of the Fall of the Berlin Wall! Here’s a report in German about the celebrations, including gigantic decorated dominoes lined up in Berlin to commemorate the fall of the wall.
Video of Berlin Wall celebrations
You can read an article in English about the domino wall.

I was in eighth grade at the time the wall fell, and remember watching Tom Brokaw with the news on TV. My mother was astounded at the news and couldn’t believe it. Even though I didn’t quite understand the ramifications then, I knew it was an historical event of huge import. Once I was in high school, and learned more about the Cold War, Communism and the Eastern Bloc, only then did I start to understand the significance.

Here are some stories related to the fall of the wall that I like to share with my students.

In 1993, my dear friend Janet was in Germany as an exchange student for a few weeks. During her visit, she traveled to Berlin and was able to hack off a piece of the wall. She gave it to me, and I’ve treasured this unassuming bit of grey concrete ever since. Not only do I value my bit of the wall for its historical significance, but it’s also made for a great classroom aid. The piece I have is about the size of an apple. Doing a quick search online, I could probably sell it for about $200 if I really wanted. (Not for sale!)

In June 1995, just a few years after the wall fell, I traveled to Berlin with some of my host siblings. One of my host sisters was studying medicine in Berlin. To save money, my host sister rented an apartment in East Berlin.

The apartment had originally been owned by an elderly couple. They had lived at least since the war, and possibly earlier than that. The wife had passed on in the early nineties, after her husband had died. Essentially the apartment was in its original state. It was on a Soviet-style, drab-looking street, with very little greenery. The buildings were built of red brick, and the streets and sidewalks were paved with greystone.

The apartment only had a Kachelofen or masonry heater for heat. It’s a cost effective way to provide heat, especially in a smaller space like that. My host sister didn’t have to pay rent for the first few months she lived in the apartment, provided she did renovations. She removed a chandelier from the 1950’s. Only later did she discover the exact same chandelier in one of the museums in Berlin, realizing it was a fine piece of artwork from the time period. While we were visiting, we helped my host sister pull up the front hall vinyl flooring. Underneath the flooring, we found several aluminum coins from the DDR period, and also two 20 Mark notes.

I only have some of the above coins, not a full set. Perhaps I should look into getting a full set of coins, for my own personal interest, historical interest, and for my future German classes.

I have two of the 20 Mark notes.

Here’s a picture of all the DDR Bank notes, excluding the 500 Mark note:

DDR, by the way, is the German term for East Germany. It stands for: Deutsche Demokratische Republik, or the GDR – German Democratic Republic. I am so used to referring to East Germany as the “ehmalige DDR”, I sometimes forget that a non-German speaker wouldn’t know what I mean by DDR. Ehmalig means former.

Anyway, when we discovered this old DDR money underneath the vinyl flooring, I was bewitched by it. My imagination invented wild stories as to why this couple had stashed about 45 Marks under their hallway flooring. Perhaps it was just an extra stash of money, or maybe, just maybe, they were saving up to flee the DDR! You can imagine the stories that swirled in my mind. My host sister was totally uninterested in the money, as were my other host siblings. They gladly gave it to me, partially amused by my interest in something they saw as worthless. I still have the bank notes and coins, and loved showing them off to my students. The reverse side of the 20-Mark note has a picture of school children gleefully heading to school, in order to learn about being a good citizen of the DDR.

On the same trip to Berlin, we spent a day in Potsdam. I would like to go back and see how it has changed since the reunification of Germany. At the time, a lot of construction and renovation was happening in Potsdam, to help it regain its former status as an important historical city. I was struck by the stark difference between the beautiful historic homes and the castle Schloß Sanssouci, and the Soviet-era buildings that often incorporated propagandist artwork, elevating the status of the humble worker.

When I started teaching German, most of my students were born after the fall of the wall. It’s always interesting to see their reactions. Some of the them are true history nuts and know a lot already about the Berlin wall. But most of my students never gave much thought to what life would have been like living in a divided city, or in a communist country during the Cold War. In my classroom, we could see a major road from the windows. I had my students imagine that the local government decided to erect a huge wall in the middle of that road. This worked pretty well as a tool to help students start thinking about what a divided city would be like. I then told my students that if they had friends or family on the opposite side of the wall, they would never be allowed to visit them, unless they got special permission. And, of course, they had to imagine that there was a no-man’s land, heavily guarded by the military. Once my students started thinking more and more about the difficulties such a wall posed, they began to understand what faced the citizens in Berlin and in the DDR.

There have been some excellent movies in recent years highlighting this time period. The movie Good Bye, Lenin! (or click here for the IMDB synopsis) is about a woman who is in a coma during the fall of the wall. When she reawakens, eight months later, her son attempts to hide the fact that her beloved-DDR is no more.

Another movie I’ve shown to my students is called Sonnenallee, which I don’t believe is available in English, unfortunately. It’s based on a book about Sonnenallee street, which was divided in two because of the wall. This movie takes place during the seventies, when Rock ‘N Roll was more or less forbidden in the DDR. It’s a humorous view of a teenager, his friends and his family and how they live behind the wall.

And finally, the fabulous movie The Lives of Others details what happens to a DDR Stasi officer when he becomes more and more interested in the lives of two stars he is spying on.

I am sure there are other films about this time period I am not thinking of; feel free to add your suggestions in the comments. Even though films are fiction, ultimately, I think the stories and situations helped my students understand the serious nature of the Cold War time period, and the role the DDR played in the politics of the time.

The ties that bind me to you are not strong enough,
to endure the stress that comes from this mess
Constant as the flow of life;
the demons from your roots create strife
and at this point I can not go on.
I can only mourn that which once was just you and I.
In the famous words of MIMI(from RENT) Good-bye love goodbye love (((TEARS)))

Posted with permisson from
Laren Neyland ©2009

“Snap” passed away on November 5, 2009 after a short illness and 14 years of tireless dog service.  He is survived by his Girl, a Neurotic Jack Russell Terrier, “Woody,” an oblivious, Special-Needs Border Collie, “Pogo,” and an extended family of humans of varying ages, all of whom considered Snap “a hella cool dog.”

An informal memorial will be held on Friday, November 6, 2009 by the family in the form of a nice long walk and extra dog biscuits.  A wine service is currently being considered for any who would like to attend.  In lieu of flowers, please show condolences by finding a canine in close proximity and extending a pat accompanied by the words: “Good Dog.”

Snap began life in Longbranch, WA on August 5, 1995.  He was born to “Pete” and “Molly,” the proud parents of Snap and 3 other siblings.  His Border Collie family has a long and varied history of sheep herding, a profession Snap chose to eschew in favor of lifelong advocacy to The Ball, The Frisbee and Things That Can Be Thrown for a Dog.

At age 8 weeks, Snap was purchased by a family of dubious intelligence who allowed him to live outside until he was two years old, and then in the fall of 1997 remanded him to Seattle Purebred Dog Rescue on the premise that he was “not very smart.” He disproved this statement quickly by showing that he always understood everything that was ever said to him.

It was at this time that Snap met his Girl and his former partner, the late “Tessie” (4/3/93 – 7/11/06).  Snap and Tessie’s union was never formally recognized by the state because of arcane laws concerning dogs, however they behaved as a true married couple – bickering, stealing each other’s food, and generally treating the other one with contempt.  Shortly after Tessie’s passing, Snap and his Girl took up residence with Woody and Pogo – who, while they did not replace Tessie in Snap’s affections, did provide an outlet for any untapped aggression and extra toys and food when they were not vigilant.

Throughout his life, Snap’s passion was Running to Fetch Things For Humans.  His preferred items to fetch were The Ball and The Frisbee, but ingeniously, Snap would encourage the throwing of: sticks, twigs, rocks, pinecones, balled up pieces of paper, children’s toys, shoes, makeup, wine corks, bits of plastic, leaves, gum wrappers and many other portable items that could be dropped in a lap and subsequently tossed.

Snap also enjoyed swimming, hiking, riding in cars with the windows open, begging for pizza crusts and laying his head on laps while staring into human eyes.  He was never considered a cuddler, but his knack for seeking out humans who needed to pat a Good Dog was widely recognized.  It was often noted that when you needed comfort, Snap was there, and you knew you were done needing comfort when he dropped the ball in your lap, indicating you had felt sorry for yourself long enough.

Although he was fluent in both Dog and English, he was a quiet dog, occasionally “whoowooing” in welcome or barking to alert his family to an unfamiliar human.  He did most of his talking with his dark brown eyes that were accented by laser beams if a game of fetch might be forthcoming.

Snap did work sporadically throughout his life to end the existence of Cats, whom he considered a plague on the planet.  This aversion began with “Ozzie,” an obese, unpleasant cat who taught Snap at an early age that cats are capable of eating dog food and sometimes stealing human hands that should be throwing things for dogs to fetch.  Another cat, “Bizkit,” reinforced this belief, once even engaging in a UFC-like fight with Snap in a locked bathroom, resulting in minor wounds and the last time Snap would ever tolerate a cat in his living space.  Even though Snap was unsuccessful in ridding the world of all cats, he continued to protect his food from imaginary cats until his death.

It is suspected that Snap developed an undetectable form of cancer during his last year.  Although he continued to fetch, hike, and beat the crap out of Woody and Pogo, he declined in recent months, preferring to sleep near the toilet and pretend to be deaf when he was called.  He also suffered from selective dementia, “forgetting” his name when begging at the table was prohibited or a bath was imminent.

Snap’s life was ended peacefully by the gentle hands of a veterinarian with his head in the lap of his Girl.  The day previous to his death, he had indicated that he would like to stay alive for a bit longer, giving his Girl, her male human, and their human puppies a chance to pat him for a final time and to assure all of them that he was ready to go to Dog Heaven.

The human puppies are marking Snap’s passing by creating a bright and beautiful display of hand-drawn art projects featuring rainbows and amorphous dog shapes surrounded by tears and stars.

Heartbroken for now, his  Girl will remember all the milestones in life that Snap shared with her for the past twelve years. His unconditional love, acceptance and simple joy in life will leave an empty spot in her heart.  The Girl hopes that empty spot will eventually be filled with all the things that Snap and other Good Dogs try to teach humans, best written as follows:

THINGS I LEARNED FROM MY DOG

1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
4. When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
5. Let others know when they have invaded your territory.
6. Take naps and stretch before rising.
7. Run, romp and play daily.
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
9. Be loyal.
10. Never pretend to be something you are not.
11. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close and nuzzle them gently.
13. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
14. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
15. On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shade tree.
16. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
17. No matter how often you are scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout, run right back and make friends.
18. Bond with your pack.
19. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
20. Long after you are gone, remain a memory in your master’s dreams

hide,  in 1996, started the event at Chiba Marine Stadium “hide presents MIX LEMONed JELLY” (aka: MLJ).

Finally 14 years since the MLJ, December 13 this year held the day determines hide special version featuring a birthday party! In the event there The important message in the spring of 2010.

Prior to the launch of thanks generally sold out tickets every year
Each official hide residents (members) finally start accepting tickets ahead of target.

Workshop materials now, each trying to hide the details ★ Official Site Check

************************************************** *****************
『MIX LEMONed JELLY 2009 ★ feat.hide Birthday Party!!』

Cast]
hide / DJ-INA / Silver Angle VS Golden Horn (Chirolyn & DIE) / Ra: IN / Nyurotika / WHO THE BITCH / heidi. / VJ-SHRIMP / …and more (in no particular order)

◎ Date: December 13, 2009 (Sun)
◎ VENUE: Kawasaki CLUB CITTA ‘
◎ Time: OPEN 14:00 / START 14:30
◎ Fee: Advance ￥ 5000 (tax / extra drinks during the admission ￥ 500)

[Residents (members) preceding reception limited tickets]
※ 1ID up to four per person, per sheet
※ Please understand beforehand because it may be sold out within a period
※ Please check the exchange period at each site

◎ hide-city residents (PC)
- Application period: October 14, 2009 (Wed) 15:00 – 19 (Mon) 23:59

◎ hide mobile-JETS-JETS Mates (Mobile)
- Application period: October 15, 2009 (Thu) 15:00 – 19 (Mon) 23:59

◎ hide mobile-city residents (Mobile)
- Application period: October 19, 2009 (Mon) 15:00 – 21 (Wed) 23:59

Release [General] 11 / 7 (Sat) 10:00 – on sale nationwide!
◎ PIA (P code :338-686) TEL :0570-02-9999
◎ Lawson Ticket (L code: 77408) TEL :0570-084-003
◎ eplus http://eplus.jp

“” Recent and Upcoming Events, click here!

From: hide-city

Well, today was my boss’s last day at Alex Studio.  My “immediate” boss that is, the one who trained me to retouch images and taught me the work-flow of the studio.

Liz hired me as a retoucher about 2 years ago and taught me the ropes.  In the process she became one of my very best friends.  We are alike in many ways and unalike in many others   We both have a smart-ass sense of humor, we both like to talk about fashion and shop for shoes.  Liz and I didn’t hang out outside of work a whole lot, not that we didn’t want to…. for me I think it was just the fact that we talked, gossiped and spent time together for 8 hours a day 5 days a week.

Neither of us are very good at “making plans” for hanging out with people, but if someone were to call us and say “Hey wanna go to a movie?” we’d say, “Heck yeah!”  We did hang out a few times and we’ve gone out for beers….. needless to say we got close working together in what we called “the cave”.  We work in a dark room in the back of the studio with all the over head lights turned off and only desk lamps on.

I’m not going to get into the details here on my blog, but the gist of it is that the studio hasn’t been doing quite as well with the recession and they had to cut back where they could.  Liz was good at her job and earned some pay raises along the way and they just couldn’t afford to keep her

While I’m excited for the opportunity to learn new things and take on more responsibility it has been a very bitter-sweet experience.  It totally sucks that one of my best friends got laid off.  It sucks that she’s going to have to go out and find another job, or start her own business.  I am grateful to Liz for all she taught me, all the hard work she did and for the wonderful friend she has become.

It’s not like we’re never going to see each other again.  In fact we will be “hanging out” MORE.  Doing FUN stuff!  It’s just not going to be the same at work without her there :\

I love you Liz!  Thanks for everything!

Well, I’ve been having a lot of fun with my thyroid these last few days. Isn’t that always how it is? When you find out you only have a few days left with a person, place or thyroid, you tend to really make the most of it. Or you could do the opposite, but somehow I am able to have fun and do things that make me happy.

I have started drinking soy lattes. Good stuff.

I’ve rearranged my furniture with the help of Rad. I bought a new shelving unit (he put it together) and I’m condensing all my “stuff”. It feels good.

I went on a bike ride through my favorite cemetery today. It always centers me, going there.

Now I will wrap a present and celebrate 1 year with my dear friend, Zella.

More exciting news to come.

I have been looking

at you

for so long now

that you have become perfectly invisible.

But I did not yet realize this.

Yesterday

by chance I exchanged a kiss with someone new.

And only then

I learned with wonderment

that for months

you have not been the woman for me.

Thats right there’s a brand new hide DVD coming out. It will be realized December 2, 2009.　”It contains 20 music videos and live videos from “We hide～The Best in The World～”.” it will contain also a private video.

For more details visit hide-city

The subject of saying goodbye has been the hot topic of many movies, songs and books.

There was even a movie called the “Goodbye Girl.” It is something we will all experience in a vast array of settings with audiences of all kinds.
There are goodbyes that will make us laugh.

Some that will leave us silent.

Others may make us sad.

Then there is the one that is final.

This past week I experienced something that is almost indescribable and yet something people go through all the time.
My grandmother died. She was 86 years young and lived 2 states away from me. I hadn’t seen her in 9 years.
Life sometimes gets in the way and before you know it, 9 years have passed.
My grandmother had Alzheimer’s.
She received amazing care, love and respect. I raced 537 miles to say goodbye to my grandmother. The spirit moved me and off I went.

In the end, I made it.
I was able to say goodbye.
I was able to tell her how much I loved her.
I was able to pray next to her bed and feel the warmth of God’s love and reassurance.
I basked in the glow of  her warm memories.
I reminisced with other family members. Our memories were filled with love and scents of all the “good cooking” that went on in my grandmother’s kitchen.

I have always told my children, my grandmother made the best pies

                                                                                                                                        and cobbler

                                                                                                                                                                     and chicken & noodles…the list                                                                                                                      goes on and on.

We sat in my grandmother’s room,  we talked, we laughed and we cried.

Her memories will no doubt live for many generations to come.

And then we said good-bye.

I love you grandma. Peace be with you.

I have to tell you that I will be gone for a little while. When I’ll come back, I will have a special story for you.

Have at least a little fun every day! I do!

Looking around at all the pain that was dealt.
Trying to feel what I never should have felt.
Holding back on the tears as they start to fall.
And watching my fears all grow oh so tall.
This pain feels so real.
Im only trying to deal.
But I cant go on.
Tell me what went wrong

Gripping my sides so tight.
As I try to put up a good fight.
I won one battle.
But I then began to rattle.
Making no sense at this time.
The cliff edge is simply a jagged rhyme.
I whisper goodbye to all that I will leave.
Slowly as I begin to retrieve.
Spreading my arms feeling the breeze.
This feeling will finally seize.
No more pain or war.
This world I no longer stand for.
Hitting the blue.
The feeling is true.
My tears disappear.
And I slip out of fear.
Choking for air.
No one seems to care.
My eyes close.
And thats when I rose.
Watching so silently over the clouds.
Smiling because for once I am proud.
I ever only wanted it to go away.
So I watch as you pray.
Sweet angel of mine I love you so.
Why ever did you go?